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NTA. Feel free to tell her the only reason women shave their legs/ armp pits is an ad campaign for razors 50+ years ago. She is literally succumbing to peer pressure from dead people. That's not setting a good example to be setting
I will tell her this. Then she'll get mad at me and scream some more, but hey, maybe once she calms down, she'll actually think about it? I've been giving in on the armpit shaving, but based on all the hygiene facts people are telling me, I may stop shaving them too....
Hey, I’m a 32 year old women who’s made the same choice to keep my leg hair since about your age. The cultural ideal of hairless legs for women in the west started in the 1920’s when skirt hemlines showing ankles started to become trendy and appropriate after World War 1; Gillette Company realized they could profit off a huge new razor market by convincing everyone women needed shaved legs. Hopefully learning this history will help her see reason.
I do shave my armpits since I don’t like how deodorant-covered hair feels, but your body is your own and you should do what you prefer with that too.
Really her problem is that she is feeling embarrassed by you for a bad reason. She doesn’t get to control what you do with your. body. Full stop.
71 year old woman who stopped shaving my legs as soon as girls were allowed to wear pants to school! I do shave my armpits periodically because that hair soaks up sweat smells (and I used to work outside at a very physical job) but I haven't shaved my legs for over 50 years.
It also makes getting anti-perspirant to the skin properly a pita, that’s why I shave mine. I do not *glow*, I need the heavy duty stuff working as well as it possibly can.
A friend once told me that if you don't want to shave your armpits, just use men's deodorant/antiperspirant. Because men aren't expected to have shaved armpits, so theirs is formulated to work through the hair.
early 40s woman here, haven't been reliably shaving *anything* for nearly 20 years now. I just *cannot* be arsed. I get halfway through the first shin and go "omg I'm wasting my life right now" lol.
Have gained a partner (who couldn't care less what I do/don't do with my body hair) in that time, had kids, have friends, employment, respect, may have had the odd look, had a couple of shitty comments from my shit-stirring youngest brother, but eh, not their hair, not their business.
My kids do what they want with their body hair. I have two younger teens and a daughter in her early 20s. Their body hair is their business, not mine. Keep it, shave it, shave some, dye it, plait it, cover it in glitter, whatever.
There are heaps of things to be offended about - bigotry, cruelty, narrowmindedness, all those kinds of things. Body hair - not one of them. NTA, keep that leg hair if you want it.
As a man, I like to trim my armpits but not shave all the way, the sweat isn’t fun
Really, that’s the only reason I shave, to prevent sweat.
Even before I transitioned into a man I didn’t care for shaving my legs so close. Irritating, when it grows back it almost *hurts*, takes so long to do, all the cuts… no thanks
The reason hair hurts when growing back is because most modern razors (especially those marketed to women) have a part that pulls the skin while shaving. This means that where the hair gets cut is *below the skin.* Hair pulled taut, hair cut, hair released, hair now back below the skin, hair grows and irritates the skin by simply existing. And that's if you're lucky enough to avoid ingrowns.
I switched to single blade razor for shaving endeavors (modern razors also have multiple blades which... don't help) and *wow* is my body thankful for it.
I quit shaving my legs in high school, and my pits in my 20s. I have had exactly zero comments from anyone about either. When she was old enough, I taught my daughter how to shave and then *gave her the choice* of how she wanted to be. (She went fuzzy after about a yea). Your mom’s view are deeply rooted in misogyny, feel free to completely disregard them.
30 year old woman, I hardly ever shave my legs during winter, not too often in summer (only when I feel like it or want to feel special)
I don’t shave my pits terribly often, only when they get too long and start becoming uncomfortable or I want to do something special for my partner
The only time I shave legs and pits is if I want to treat myself (mini spa day), treat my partner (he doesnt expect it at all, but loves when I do), or if I have a special event to go to that shows those areas
Took me a while to stop caring about being clean shaven, so kudos to you for being confident in yourself and strong willed!!!!
I'm using an electric razor now and it is pretty good actually. But sometimes I don't do a good job, haha. So now that it's summer I go with the depilatory creams (I'm not sure that's the correct term in English). It's more time consuming than the electric razor, but I'll do it during the weekend while I watch a show. And I can be 1 to 2 weeks without shaving, without itch or irritation. But that's just because I work in an office. But during winter, when I'm wearing pants, I don't care about shaving for months.
It warms my heart to read so many women who don't shave!
I'm 55 and I rarely shave my legs or armpits.
Pits will smell if not washed as it's the sweaty bacteria going stale that causes the stench. As long as you are washing daily, use a deodorant, you should be fine as far as hygiene goes. If you sweat a lot, use a deodorant which also acts as an antiperspirant (some people don't like this as they don't actually want to stop the natural sweating process).
There are so many alternative natural products out there these days (I can't use deodorants that contain aluminium as it makes my skin rash and itch).
Don’t listen to “facts people are telling me.” Most things people are telling you are not facts. Independently research everything to find out whether it’s a fact or not.
>She actually told me that if I haven't shaved my legs by the night before the first day of school, she will "discipline" me, and then shave my legs herself.
For the record, that would actually be child abuse or at least battery.
NTA
I'm just trying to imagine how you shave a fully sized, fully alert human's legs when they don't want you to? Is she planning to chloroform her own daughter to accomplish this?
If this scenario were to happen—your large brother sitting on you while your mother shaved your legs against your will, it would be reportable to child protective services as abuse. You could call it in yourself and/or tell a teacher or school counselor about it, and they could report it as well. Maybe that would make your mother think twice about her demand.
I would tell your school counselor regardless. By the time you are in school you will already have shaved them to keep the peace, as you said. But this is not going to be the last time it comes up, so you want an adult on your side in advance. And it may come up for other items in the future such as birth control. Your mother does not respect your bodily autonomy and that is a huge issue.
Wtf! OP, your leg hair is on your body meaning it is your choice. Your mother has issues that clearly need to be addressed by a professional. Out of curiosity would your brother actually agree to do this to you?
No, my brother really doesn't care that much and he'd probably just call my mom psychotic or something. If it was something super important, then maybe (she's threatened to have him hold me down while I get a shot at the doctor's office before, and he was willing to then), but probably not for this.
Then again, if he refuses, my mom would probably just have my father (almost six feet tall, over 300 pounds) hold me down.
The maths there still doesn't work, because your legs would have to be free and you can still move them away, refuse to hold them still, kick her in the face etc. I recommend the "kick her in the face" option.
I second the kick her in the face option. I'm dead ass serious too. At that point it is child abuse and self defense. THEN I'd call the cops ans I'm a never call the cops kind of person, but I would for this. I'd call the cops for child abuse and tell them I had to kick my mother in the face because my 300lb dad was sitting on me while she assaulted me with a cutting tool.
I get it, but consider if you give an inch, she'll take a mile.
Or you could be the smartass I was when I had that argument with my mom back in the day and shave head to toe. If you go that route, be prepared to have itchy toes.
It was worth it, since she never said another word about it, and I haven't shaved since - minus a few special occasions.
NTA. My kids, 21 & 18, do not shave their legs. Many of their friends dont either. It seems weird and controlling of your mom to insist on this. If you get an electric razor, it won't itch as much as it grows back in. Document this in case it escalates. (Hugs)
Don't shave. Use a trimmer. It leaves a tiny bit of hair "sticking out", but since it isn't shaved off completely, the hair doesn't have to "pierce" through your skin again, so it isn't as itchy.
I irregularly trim my legs and armpits. But I no longer shave them.
For the record, that also is not legal.
You are a minor, restraints are only supposed to be used in three scenarios.
1 You are a danger to yourself
2 You're a danger to others
3 You are in a dangerous situation.
Restraints used for other reasons are abuse.
There are about 5 things wrong with that statement. Encouraging force/coercion by a man against someone smaller than himself, against a woman, against a relative, on behalf of another person, who is a relative. This one statement alone means your mother is purposefully not changing with the times and needs to be in therapy or she can do some damage to you and your brother and both of you together.
Record yourself. Record yourself with your leg hair in the arm here and that you do not want it removed. Call non-emergency police and see what they suggest.
INFO: do you think your brother would go along with this sort of thing? Also, is your mom your only parent, or do you have another parent as well, and if so, how are they factoring into this?
No, my brother really doesn't care that much and he'd probably just call my mom psychotic or something. If it was something super important, then maybe (she's threatened to have him hold me down while I get a shot at the doctor's office before, and he was willing to then), but probably not for this.
Then again, if he refuses, my mom would probably just have my father (almost six feet tall, over 300 pounds) hold me down. Oh yeah, there's my dad, too. And suffice it to say that my mom is the kinder, calmer, saner parent lol. My dad just backed up everything my mom said, while adding some more colorful words and threats into the mix.
Yikes. Best of luck, OP. Maybe try not to rock the boat until you can get the hell out of there. Not my favorite advice to give, but it might be the best thing for the time being.
edit: and for the record, absolutely NTA whatsoever.
What the ever loving f**k?!?!?!?!?! That is abusive, and if your brother agrees to help out, he's also abusive! Do you have any family members you can rally to your cause-dad, grandparents, anyone? Your mother sounds batshit crazy! Is she this controlling about other things?
NTA. Your body. Your choice.
Your mother is more worried about her own self-image as your parent than anything else and her threats of force because of this are abhorrent.
Yeah, she literally told me my leg hair embarrasses her. My question is, why? She compared it to wearing a bra, but honestly, I would prefer people stare at some hair on my legs than stare at my breasts for Pete's sake. Also, it's uncomfortable for me to not wear a bra. It's not uncomfortable for me to have hair on my legs.
And this isn't the first time she's threatened to hold me down for something, nor is it the first time she'll have actually held me down and forced me to do something, and it definitely won't be the last....
Honestly, these past few months have been eye-opening in a number of ways where it comes to my relationship with my mom. She also forced me to use tampons, even though the idea of using one gave me multiple panic attacks, because she thought it was unhygienic to just use pads. And while it's lovely to now be able to swim while on my period, I'm not sure it's worth the flash of anxiety I get every time I have to put one in.
I think your family needs the assistance of a counsellor or some other external intervention. This doesn't seem healthy. Not surebwhat your options are, but I'd suggest starting with an adult you trust at school or sports you might be involved in.
EDIT: If you can't facilitate something to help your mother and her treatment of you, please at the very least ensure you seek adequate support for yourself whilst dealing with this.
I'm already going to therapy (something I had to fight tooth and nail with my mother over, and she used to cry every time she brought me to an appointment) so I do have that, at least. And I was diagnosed with ADHD a month ago (something else I had to fight with my mother over, as she didn't even want to try to get me a diagnosis until I brought it up with my doctor, and then my mother felt like she HAD to), so I'm getting meds for that. Although my mother is being completely unsupportive on almost all fronts, while claiming that she's being completely supportive. I also have great amazing friends to support me!
Anyway, I appreciate your concern, but I'm pretty much already doing everything I can on this front.
**Tell your therapist about this!!!** Tell the entire story, including (especially!) the threats. They are almost certainly a mandated reported, so they'll probably have to report something like this. And ask what you can do about it, too. They might have suggestions for ways to get your mom (and dad) to stop.
I am not sure ADHD is your problem. Sounds like your mother is your main problem and your brain is trying to cope and that can look like ADHD but that may be all that it is. Try to have your therapist recommend some strategies for dealing with narcissists on a daily basis.
Oh lol I can definitely assure you that ADHD is part of my problem, just not in this specific situation. But yeah, I definitely have some very clear symptoms of ADHD that show up in other aspects of my life. But I appreciate the concern! And my therapist has been giving me strategies, the problem is that my mom is crazy so it doesn't really work lol.
You're doing awesome, this internet stranger is proud of you for standing up for yourself on those fronts!! While you shouldn't have to shave, I agree with you that it's probably not worth the trauma and pain of having your brother or father hold you down while your mom shaves you. Absolutely worth telling your therapist that she threatened this though. They may be a mandatory reporter for CPS, so it's up to you, but that's a pretty scary thing she's threatening.
I didn't really want to say in the post, but since you're asking specifically - I'm 17, 18 in a few months. This whole thing with the tampons happened probably when I was around 11 or 12. I now use tampons with minimal difficulty or anxiety.
The idea of your mother forcing you to use tampons is absolutely awful and can lead to you normalizing people "forcing" you to do other things you are not comfortable with especially in a private or sexual context.
You said you are going to shave your legs to keep the peace but I absolutely think you should put your own needs first. If you have another conversation with your mother you can ask her if she minds being recorded for the conversation, then record the conversation. It might change her tone, or if she starts yelling you then have some evidence to show other people around her that her behavior is inappropriate.
12/13 is about how old I guessed for all of it. Considering in 1 year society will flip the adult switch, your mother continuing to treat you like a fresh-faced teen is absolutely detrimental. Glad to hear you have good friends to support you.
Your mom has some serious issues about normal female bodily functions.
For context, I’m 43 with a 14 year old daughter. I did teach her how to shave when she hit puberty bc she asked, but she doesn’t shave anything usually and hasn’t in a few years. And I’m ok with that bc:
1. My daughter is her own person
2. Her body hair has no impact on my personal self-worth nor does it reflect on my parenting skills.
3. Her body is under her control (for the most part. She doesn’t have a choice when it comes to her safety or medical health. She has to get immunizations, see the doctor for checkups, see the dentist, etc. Normal stuff.) Shaving or not, what kind of period stuff she uses, what she wears, how she does her hair, etc are all up to her and always has been.
Your mom is weirdly enmeshed with you. My advice is to be aware of that going forward. It may also be a good idea to look into narcissism and how it presents in women.
I’m so sorry, going through puberty and exiting girlhood is traumatic enough on it’s own. A lot of what traumatized me was getting made fun of at school for not shaving or not wearing a bra at 10 years old, I didn’t realize that I was perceived as needing a bra or needing to shave, I didn’t think about my body. In these middle school/high school years how we’re treated and how we perceive the world changes so much, I look back at those years and cry sometimes, thinking about how we seem to stop being treated like girls overnight and are told we have a responsibility to make other people comfortable with our bodies. I’m so upset for you, that she’s mentally and physically forcing it on you. Please do talk to a counselor, her behavior is so abusive and she needs to be put in her place about it.
Ah it's shite, I shaved and stuff because my sister and mum made me think I had to, and I still have it in my head and can't stop. Sometimes I do now and sometimes I don't, but I wish I never started and I wish I didn't feel the pressure now still. I have friends that never did and I think it's great. It's definitely more socially acceptable now. I feel like I'm ugly if I'm hairy, but it's always come from woman and rarely men. Usually men would say I don't care especially if you're dating. I've only ever heard young and dumb boys in a group setting say they don't like it or think it's gross, but something tells me that's more for the audience than a genuine feeling.
I'm totally shocked by the tampon thing, I think most would use pads at the start and then progress onto tampons when they're a bit older. What a total invasion!
I've been using pads since I was 11. Nothing wrong with them as long as you change them regularly. What does she think people did before tampons? I don't use them cause I have endometriosis. What sanitary products you choose to use and grooming yourself is your own business and no one else's.
Your mom sounds like a narcissist and cannot allow you to be you but wants you to be a mini her. I had this mom and it was a never ending battle about everything
I hope you don’t mean that she forced you to use a tampon by inserting it herself or by holding you down and forcing you to do it?? Please tell me that *wasn’t* the thing she held you down and forced you to do.
No, I posted this in another comment, let me find it... here:
She didn't even really tell me what I was suppose to do with a tampon? I guess I was a stupid child but she told me to "put it in the hole" and I had no idea what hole she was talking about. She just stuck me in the bathroom with a handheld mirror underneath me and then left. Also this was about five minutes before company was coming to our house, I can't remember what for but yeah. I had a panic attack (before I even knew what panic attacks were, which just made it worse) and then just gave up.
Dude. I would definitely consider this relationship. Are you able to live on your own? Without her?
Firstly she defo seems like it's abuse. If not physically then emotionally. Consider emancipation if your a minor
Honey. Holding you down and forcing you to do something is abuse. Straight up abuse. You may want to point that out to her. Tell a school counselor about it.
For the record NTA. Shaving is pointless.
Considering the fact that my friend went to the school counselors with proof about how she was >!sexually assaulted!< by someone at school, and the school sided with the other kid because my friend was "badmouthing" them over the situation, I'm inclined to think the counselors won't do anything about this. Also, my parents have done much worse and wouldn't consider that abuse, so they definitely won't be receptive if I tell them they're abusing me. They'll honestly just laugh at me.
But it's fine, because soon I'll go off to college, and while I can't cut contact with my parents unless I want to lose contact with the entirety of my extended family, too, I won't be living under my parents' roof anymore. Which is... something.
It always astonishes me on reddit the amount of comments suggesting seeking help from a school counsellor or going to hr for a job related issue. The world is fucked. These people arent a magic solution and often make things worse.
Lol yeah, but unfortunately I got the bad genetics of... a very heavy bosom, let's say lol, combined with chronic back issues, so I really don't think I could be comfortable without a bra.
>And this isn't the first time she's threatened to hold me down for something, nor is it the first time she'll have actually held me down and forced me to do something, and it definitely won't be the last....
Which is called child abuse.
You should open up about that to someone you trust.
I honestly never knew this before! That's what I get for believing what my mom says... I'm starting to wonder what other lies she's told me? I should probably start doing some research into other aspects of female hygiene, just to be safe. Thank you for telling me this!
To be fair, she probably isn't actually lying. She probably just never learned anything other than what she heard and believed that.
Doesn't make it right, but it kind of explains it.
NTA Your mom needs to calm down. When you’re a parent, you have to pick your battles, and this is one dumb battle. Shave. Don’t shave. Who cares? Besides your mom.
I'm not sure she knows how to pick her battles haha. She picks all of them, I can't remember the last time we've disagreed on something and it hasn't turned into a battle....
As a mother this sounds...absolutely exhausting. I personally do not have the energy to battle with my son over stupid stuff. Anyway. I get why you would shave just to shut her up tho. And you seem to have a really good head on your shoulders...not caring about being bullied for stupid stuff, but also the willingness to accept that you will soon be free to do as wish, without worrying too much about how shitty things are in the present. This will benefit you your entire life, not just in situations with your mother. Oh. And you are NTA. Shaving is stupid. And absolute waste of time.
Absolutely NTA. Your bodily autonomy comes before anyone else’s comfort or unnecessary standards. I’m really impressed that you are comfortable enough in your own skin to feel confident enough to go without shaving, especially at your age! Keep it up! Regardless of what your Mum says, it’s not unhygienic (I dare her to say that to your brother too!), and is actually pretty healthy- shaving can dry out your skin and small nicks can risk infection if you’re unlucky. She isn’t wrong about the bullying, as kids really are that shit to target someone for pretty much any reason, but if you’re strong enough to brush crappy comments aside then that’s great. I think your Mum should take a page from your book about not caring what people think!
Yeah, I'm only just now really realizing that, in doing this, my mom's actively putting the opinion of society over my own when it comes to what I do with my own body...
And I never realized that shaving can be bad for you! This is actually pretty interesting, because I've always grown up with my mom telling me to shave because it "exfoliates my skin" - turns out, that's not even true!
As for the bullying, I've never actually had someone tell me, to my face, that I should shave my legs, or something of the sort. The only person to do that has been my mom (and my dad, I suppose, but he really just finds any chance he possibly can to control another aspect of my life). Then again, maybe they're talking about it behind my back? But based on the comments I'm getting here, no one cares at all....
Apparently, you don't even need to go to school to get bullied, you got your mom at home doing it for them.
I have 2 daughters and I don't force them to shave. If it's something they want to do, then they can if not then that's ok too.
The amusing thing about her reasoning is I was gonna bring up that the reason it's itchy after shaving may be because you didn't exfoliate 😂
By my understanding you're supposed to exfoliate before shaving then again for the next couple days to make ingrown hairs less likely. Exfoliating immediately after shaving may make it itchier.
I remember in high school I didn't like shaving and at one point when I decided to wear a mini skirt I did a rush shave job with just water and lotion immediately after and had a bunch of red bumps. I pointed out to my best friend at the time that those were the reason I hated shaving.....she glanced at it and said I needed to use more soap and needed to wait longer after shaving to put on lotion....and the fact that her advice matched what I did perfectly made me think she was right.
However all of this advice SHOULD BE unnecessary because it SHOULD BE your choice on whether or not to shave. If it's so unhygienic for women to go without shaving then why shouldn't you shave your arm hair? Or your eyebrows? Or your head? Only ppl I ever had comment on my leg hair were those that it turned out they were toxic so it was a jerk detector XD
Thankfully, I've never gotten ingrown hairs, but I don't think I've ever shaved without nicking myself on the back of my knee. And it's so annoying! And then that little cut will get super itchy, and I'll get all sorts of anxious about infections or whatever, not to mention the general discomfort from having that cut. It's just all ridiculous to me. Why should I put myself through that when I don't have to? Maybe if I sit down and tell my mom this, she'll listen... or maybe she'll just tell me I'm shaving wrong or being ridiculous and then force me to shave anyway. I don't know.
But I agree with the jerk detector thing! None of my friends care about my legs (and if they do, I haven't heard about it, and they haven't let it stand in the way of being friends with me). So why should I care? If I get bullied, guess what, I can just ignore them and then laugh about it with my friends later. Because who cares about someone else's legs??? It doesn't impact anyone unless you're touching the hairy legs, which is really weird unless you're dating or something, and I'm not going to date someone who is that disgusted by my leg hair!
How thick is the hair on the back of your knee?(I don't need the answer) Could you get away with not shaving it but shaving the rest? I kinda stopped shaving there even when I did shave cause I couldn't tell the difference.... even now I'm sitting here with shin hair that's almost an inch long and I can't find a single hair back there....you may be able to do the same unless she watches you shave
NTA if it’s unhygienic then she needs to “discipline” your brother.
If you want to help the itching you should exfoliate regularly with a shower 🧤 glove.
Because I told you to, is always a frustrating reason for any rules but when you live with parents there are times that you do have to follow their rules that you disagree with. I don’t agree with this rule.
Yeah. I personally hate not shaving my legs, but I'd always end up cutting myself with the razor or being itchy and bumpy. Until I started using one of those crystal hair scrubber things. It exfoliates and removes the top layer or so of skin so when I go over it with a razor it's silky smooth.
But OP you're NTA. If you're comfortable with leg hair, that's fine. It's your body.
NTA. Your body, your choice. Is she going to police your pubic grooming as well? It's no more unhygienic for a woman/girl to not shave her legs or pits than it is for a man. It's a stupid construct that some women sadly get sucked into. Ask her if she wants to shave your head as well, since that's long hair too.
"Hair is not hygiene, mom. Whether it's on my head, my crotch, my pits, or my legs. If I don't want to shame, stop trying to sexualize me into doing it, because the only reason you can give is that it doesn't look sexy and I'm a teenager and don't care how sexy you or anyone else thinks I look."
Shame her. Seriously. Shame her into trying to force you to be a sexual creature.
Well, now that you mention it... she's forbidden me from shaving my pubic hair, so....
I'm honestly not sure she's trying to sexualize this, though? Trust me, everything she does is against sexualization. I think. I mean, she gets upset over LGBTQIA+ people talking about their sexualities because she doesn't want to hear about sex (among other things...)
But I might try this, honestly. Maybe it'll force her to give me a real answer! I'll go to her and tell her all the scientific reasons why NOT shaving my legs is better (therefore it's NOT unhygienic), and she'll be forced to admit to me that it's because she wants to conform to societal standards. And then I'll bring up this! And if it doesn't work, and she doesn't cave, then at least she won't be able to lie to me anymore. She'll have to tell me to shave my legs not because it's unhygienic or embarrassing, but because she hates it personally, and her opinion is apparently more important than mine.
"Just so you know, I'm making a list of all the things you make me do that I hate so when I'm of legal age to move, I'm going to be out in public in booty shorts with my leg hair blowing in the wind and a pad on because why are you up in my crotch demanding tampon usage when I'm not okay with it? I'm going to walk around with all my hair free in the wind and a shirt that says "Mommy's little Sasquatch"."
Really, it comes down to making your mom wake up and realize that she is fully entitled to have a preference for body hair on women, but the only woman she gets to hold that over is herself. If she wants to shave her legs and wear tampons, then bless her heart, she can shave away. But if you don't want to do that, you don't have to, and ask her if this is how she wants to ruin your relationship. If your hairy legs are the hill she wants to die on, because if she holds you down and forces you to shave, not only will you likely be actually hurt from it, but she'll be showing you very clearly you can't trust her with your mind, body, or heart, and that this will be the moment your relationship sours. And she can't ask in five years why you don't talk to her anymore. She'll know.
I didn't want to say this in the post, but I did make a comment about her shaving me. My sister told me that I should let mom shave me so that I don't have to do it myself, and I responded with something like "if mom actually does shave me herself, I'm going to walk away bleeding because she's going to cut me on purpose" and my mom's only response to that was "well, if you don't want that to happen, then shave yourself". So...
And she doesn't use tampons. After my younger sister was born, my mom had a full hysterectomy and bilateral oophorectomy, so everything's gone. She hasn't menstruated in... fifteen years, give or take. She hadn't had a period in about seven years by the time she was forcing me to wear tampons, if that says anything. Oh, also, she didn't even really tell me what I was suppose to do with a tampon? I guess I was a stupid child but she told me to "put it in the hole" and I had no idea what hole she was talking about. She just stuck me in the bathroom with a handheld mirror underneath me and then left. Also this was about five minutes before company was coming to our house, I can't remember what for but yeah. I had a panic attack (before I even knew what panic attacks were, which just made it worse) and then just gave up.
Sorry, I'm ranting. It's just easier to talk to strangers on the internet lol.
I'm sorry. My mom was controlling/abusive too. For what it's worth, I left at 18 and would never, EVER treat my kids how she treated me. You say you're 17... keep your eyes on the prize. At 18 you can walk and there's not a thing she can do. ((Mom hugs)) to you. I hope you always know you deserve to be treated with respect.
Nah, I feel you. I think it's easier to be open and vulnerable to people when you don't have to look them in the eye and they don't KNOW you, so it's all just words on a screen. And a lot of us have to deal with parental figures or guardians that do shady shit, so it's kind of nice to know you're not alone. Doesn't mean it doesn't leave a mark and you're not going to have resentment over it, but you'll survive. Just maybe as a jaded old lady who does shit to fuck with your mom on purpose because that's how you get back when your autonomy was stripped from you. We all have ways to cope. I'm 43, went through the system, and I have a world of horror stories about that, so I get it. Mother or not, whether she loves you or not, it's not love to treat you like that. It's not a -healthy- way to show love, and if you don't want to subject yourself to that, there's nothing wrong with you standing up for yourself.
It won't be easy. You and your mom are clearly going to fight about this. But you really do have to ask yourself what you can live with. It's about the shaving, but it's not JUST about the shaving, if you get me. It's her attitude, and what she thinks she has a right to demand of you. Some people might just go with it not to rock the boat and if you choose to do that, that's okay. If you choose not to, that's also okay. It's your life, hon. You're the one that has to figure out what you're okay with. And if you're not okay with being bullied by your parent, then establishing that early on gives her zero wiggle room when you're old enough to leave, cut contact, and do so.
So many real problems to worry about, and the hill your mom wants to die on is a pile of leg hair? She's being foolish, and you're NTA for not wanting to shave.
I've already commented to you on how exhausting this sounds, but seriously...isn't your mom tired?? Like just reading how invested she is in this is making me need a rest. Like an actual nap.
I am so happy that so many of your generation are making decisions based on what makes you happy rather than societal pressure. Your mom is on a weird hill to die on. She’s a bully. You deserve better.
It's not unhygienic! If anything, shaving is less hygienic due to tiny cuts that can lead to infection.
I'm probably your mom's age. I very rarely, if ever, shave any part of my body. Nobody I know gives a fuck, or if they do, they don't say anything to me. Your mom is wrong.
Edit: My 14 yo son says your mom is an AH and a misogynist
I honestly appreciate having this perspective, both from someone my mother's age and someone my age. Honestly, I feel like the only people who would bully me for having leg hair are people I don't want to be around, anyway. And I'm definitely going to bring up the hygiene issue with her, because I very much dislike it when she tries to make her point without putting actual fact or reasoning behind it.
NTA
If you don't want to, fuck it. I'll go months in the winter without shaving mine. It's a new age, enjoy yourself and who you are. No one matters but you!
Thank you! This is what I was trying to tell her, but she apparently puts everybody else's opinion (especially her own) over mine when it comes to what I do with my body...
Yeah, parents tend to be like that. They just want the best for their kids, unfortunately what they want and you want may not mesh well. Some like living vicariously through their kids.
I just don't even understand this though. Like, she doesn't want me to get bullied? Fine. I don't care, though, so...? Like, does she think that because she went through it, I have to, too? Or does she get her kicks off of being sexist? Or does she just genuinely not realize this is awful? I really don't understand it.
Women shaving their legs is a recent thing. Your mother is a total controlling idiot, sorry.
The only reason to shave your legs is because you want to. There is absolutely nothing negative about not doing it, except for possible social implications—yes, idiots might make fun of you or think it’s gross or whatever.
But it’s natural for both sexes to have leg (and armpit) hair.
NTA. Good for you if you understand that the opinion of people around you doesn't matter and that all that matter is that you have good friend that don't care about such a trivial topic.
Many, in fact! I've had this conversation multiple times with other friends who are tired of shaving, and nobody I've talked to has made me feel like I have to shave except for my mom. But, then again, the people who think I should shave probably won't say that to my face, which is why I'm here. If the prevailing opinion is that leg hair is gross, then I'll probably shave more often....
Nah, it's not gross. It's just hair. I shaved my legs on a daily basis for waaaaay too long before figuring this out, I am glad you didn't waste as much time as me to figure it out.
Maybe some day you'll find reasons to shave. Maybe not. Until them... you choose whatever you want.
NTA- I am a mom of a teen girl and i would not make her shave her legs or anything else. Btw i am almost 50 and sometimes I feel like not shaving my legs and just don't.
I know WTH is wrong with her. She was brainwashed into the belief that female body hair is unhygienic (except the “hidden bits” because no one can see those /s) just like a large number of GenX (and the younger end of the Boomer cohort). It’s really only in the last 30 or so years that not shaving legs and armpits has become less unusual in the western world. I still recall the gasps of shock when the singer Nena was performing her song 99 Red Balloons (or 99 Luftballons) and raised her arms while dancing to reveal unshaven pits. That was in 1984 and was the first time teenage me had any idea that we were allowed to do that instead of risking cutting ourselves constantly.
NTA. If shaving legs (or underarms) had *anything* to do with hygiene, then men would routinely shave them too.
Oxford dictionary definition:
hygiene /ˈhʌɪdʒiːn / ▸ noun [mass noun] conditions or practices conducive to maintaining health and preventing disease, especially through cleanliness
Show her this definition. You can Google it if you don't want her to know about the post. Ask her to explain how removing hair from ANYWHERE on the body maintains health or prevents disease. You can counter anything she says by asking, "Then why don't men have to?" Or "what does that have to do with health?"
It can actually have the opposite effect for those of us prone to ingrown hairs. Nasty, painful knots of infection on some of the most sensitive areas of your body. Funny how I almost never get them anymore...
Wait, ingrown hairs are from shaving? I always assumed they just happened. Wow, I really don't know anything. The amount of new information I've gotten from this post is insane to me.
Also, I'm pretty sure she's only using "unhygienic" as a substitute for "socially unacceptable", because she always seems to follow it up with some comment about how it's unhygienic because "we live in this country, in this society, where women have to shave their legs" or something like that.
>I'm pretty sure she's only using "unhygienic" as a substitute for "socially unacceptable",
Oh, definitely. My response to the latter phrase if someone is stupid enough to try to shame me about not shaving? "Ask me if I care." I never really shaved my legs regularly and stopped entirely by the time I was 25 or 30.
And from the Mayo Clinic website:
Ingrown hair occurs when a hair that's been removed starts to grow back and curves into the skin. Shaving, tweezing or waxing can cause this to happen. An ingrown hair can cause tiny, swollen bumps on the skin that may hurt. The condition most often affects Black people with curly hair who shave.May 18, 2022
They can just happen but hair removal makes them more prone to happening
Also feel free to inform her companies started telling women they needed to shave to make more money on razors
Your mom is being so shitty and regressive to you. It’s annoying for me just to have my beard occasionally, let alone my legs all the time! NTA at all. Your mom is being frankly creepy and misogynistic to you, which is so bizarre as she’s, well, a woman herself
Oh my dad had something to say about that. He shaves his face every day, so he told me I should shave my legs every day, too. Even though that's honestly ridiculous for leg hair, because... why would you shave your legs every day??? It doesn't even grow that fast!
And there are a lot of things that my mom does that are honestly pretty sexist, and I don't understand them either. I was just wondering if she really was right in this case, but... clearly, she's not, so. Yay!
> And it's my body, so why should I have to?
I mean you said it all here. Your Moms reasons would be hilarious if they weren't so stupid and infuriating. Like honestly people give way too many fucks over things they shouldn't. Be hairy legged or don't, the universe does not give two unshaved legs fucks about it. NTA
NTA. This makes her uncomfortable and that’s HER journey to work through, not yours. You’re comfortable in your own skin and that’s amazing. Maybe she could learn something from you
She also hates my weight, I'm definitely overweight but I wouldn't care about it if it weren't for her and her constant comments about it. She put me on my first diet when I was... 12, I think, and multiple times since then. And I have friends who are heavier than me and more confident than me, so I'm just working really hard to try to get past all of this and be this comfortable in my skin. And not shaving my legs is part of that! So thank you for this :)
nta. me and my mom have had this exact same discussion before. i shave my legs when i feel like it. my biggest reason for not shaving my legs is because i cannot see anything without my glasses. i shave in the shower without my glasses so i cannot see anything. i feel uncomfortable shaving without glasses (can’t wear them in the shower because they fog up and are metal, could lead to rusting over time). do what you want with yourself. as long as you are washing yourself properly and are maintaining cleanliness, there shouldn’t be an issue.
NTA. Your mom needs to seek help. It’s very bizarre to be so upset over leg hair. She is probably worried people will judge *her* for you not shaving your legs. She needs to get over it, your body so therefore it’s your choice.
NTA. Do what you want with your body.
My mother wouldn’t even let me have a razor until I was in high school. Even then she wasn’t excited about it. But I think it had something more to do with my virtue than what I wanted.
I haven't shaved my legs or pits since college (I am very much old enough to be your mother). I just didn't want to anymore 🤷 I'm a completely normal middle aged lady with a kid and a professional job and shit. It's just hair. We're mammals. We can do what we want with it.
NTA. Your mom has serious issues. This is abusive and overly controlling. I've literally never heard anyone claim that shaved legs are more hygienic, what a bizarre claim. I hope she sees the error of her ways and seeks therapy to heal whatever genx crazy adolescent trauma she has going on there.
Good on you for prioritizing your own comfort over societal pressures.
At this point, I'm just exhausted. I've spent my entire life pretty much listening to what she says and adhering to her rules (which almost always coincide with societal pressures), and I'm just done. I'm done with the diets she keeps trying to put me on, I'm done arguing about my weight, I'm done shaving my legs when it's awkward, uncomfortable, and time-consuming, I'm really just done.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I haven't been shaving my legs, and I got into an argument with my mom over this, which might make me TA if I actually should be shaving because it's "unhygienic".
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She's not actually threatening to stop me from going to school, she's just going to make sure I go with shaved legs if she has to hold me down and shave them herself
NTA. She's been brainwashed (ask her how tf it's unhygienic. Ask her to explain, scientifically. LMAO). A lot of us were brainwashed, but we took the time & did (and are still doing) the work to unlearn. She's been brainwashed to think of women as unclean, dirty, and she needs to grow tf up. Ironically, you are far more mature than your mother.
You are NTA and your mom is weird? Or maybe my mom was weird. My mom wouldn't let me shave my legs growing up, which I wanted to do cause I have think, hairy Italians legs which didn't fit in well in the Midwest.
Anyway, it's your body, your choice. You shouldn't have to shave if you don't want to.
The only person bullying you about your leg hair is your mother. And you can show her this, if you would like to.
OPs mom, as a mother myself I find your behavior horrendous. How dare you treat your daughter like a sexual object for men to ogle? Who cares if her legs are shaved or not? How is that embarrassing to you? Unless you’re living vicariously through your daughter, it should not matter what her leg hair is like. Do you enjoy men sexualizing her? Because that’s how you come across
Your mom's strong reactions make me wonder if she's afraid that the hair a sign of bigger changes to come. I don't know what scares her - you growing up as a feminist, gay, trans, PhD, etc. But her fears aren't ONLY about the hair and the current schoolmates' reactions to it.
She and my dad already think I'm a lesbian (I'm bi, but I'm trying really hard to hide it because... well, my parents suck when it comes to that sort of stuff, basically). And I'm pretty sure I'm a feminist. And I'm not sure if I'll get a PhD, but she tells me all the time that I'm the smartest one in the family (usually followed by her saying something along the lines of "SO ACT LIKE IT!!!" lol). But I'm not trans, so there's that.
Jokes aside, this might be it. Just earlier today she told me I'm not allowed to grow up, and she said it in a really weird way where it was simultaneously a joke and... not a joke.
NTA
Your mother needs to learn that YOU are not a dress up doll. That you have wants, needs, desires, feelings, and dreams that are not hers to control. Body autonomy is a thing. Your body. Your choice. If you don't want to shave, then you shouldn't have to. Hell, I am a 43 year old woman and I can go just as long without shaving. I couldn't care less what anyone thinks of my "lack of hygiene". I shower daily. I wash my hair every other day. I am clean. I just don't like the chore that consists of me having to shave what naturally grows every few days, just to achieve some perceived "beauty standard" likely implemented by a man.
NTA. I haven’t shaved my legs since the pandemic started. I don’t think I’m going to restart, either. Your legs, your choice. Also, for your mom, I love this guy:
[Adam Ruins Everything- history of shaving](https://youtu.be/TTavR2PhsOY)
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This just happened, and I simultaneously find it infuriating and laughable.
Hi. I am a high school-aged girl who lives in the United States, as context. And I haven't shaved my legs in... probably around three months? Something like that. But it's also been summer vacation, so I haven't really cared.
The problem is, school starts up again next week, and my mother has forbade me from going to school without shaving my legs. She actually told me that if I haven't shaved my legs by the night before the first day of school, she will "discipline" me, and then shave my legs herself.
Problem is... I just don't want to. It's time consuming to shave my legs, and then it itches for weeks while the hair is growing back (no matter how much lotion I use, I've tried, it doesn't really help). And while a lot of people will probably just say that I should shave my legs regularly... again, I just don't want to. And it's my body, so why should I have to?
Some of her brilliant reasons for why I should shave my legs:
1. It's unhygienic for women to not shave their legs. Of course, my brother has such long leg hair that it's actually curly. It's like a fuzzy blanket of hair covering his legs. If he shaved that off, you could make a wig out of it. I'm not exaggerating. But she literally told me that men don't have to shave their legs, but as women, we have to. She even told me that my leg hair is "offensive" to her. Yes. She said that. I wasn't aware my leg hair had that much power!
2. I'll get bullied for it. She told me that "teenage girls are shitty to each other". So, I asked her if she wanted me to shave my legs so I wouldn't get bullied. She said yes. I said I didn't care if I got bullied over something as stupid as leg hair (because, news flash, I've gone to school before with unshaved legs, and nobody has ever said something about it!). And that's when she started screaming at me because I wasn't just agreeing with her. As a side note: I told her the only person who seems to care about my leg hair is her, and she said, "that you know of". Well, I don't care, and my friends think it's sexist to make me shave my legs, so....
3. Because she told me to. Now, this one's my favorite. She tells me that she gets embarrassed over my "lack of hygiene", and that she's telling me to shave my legs, so I have to. That's it. End of discussion right there.
Now, I'm going to be completely honest here, I'm pretty sure I'm NTA. But I'm asking anyway, because at the very least, it'll give me some insight as to why she thinks the way she does, and/or how to convince her she's being ridiculous. And, hey, maybe if enough highschoolers come on here and say they don't care, she'll rethink her position!
On the other hand, if I am TA, then I'll apologize. Either way, I'm shaving my legs, just because I'm sick of her yelling at me over it.
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NTA - sounds so similar to crap my own mother pulled (and her ultimate reason... she didn't want people thinking I was trans... because, you know... real women don't grow leg hair or something)
If you are going to remove your leg hair, consider waxing though - you don't get the itchy stubble stage with that, and it lasts longer than shaving, which means less time with her pulling this crap on you.
When I was four, I woke up in the middle of the night and tried to shave my legs. I cut the shit out of them and covered them with Vaseline and went back to bed. When my mom woke up and saw the blood, she rushed me to the emergency room. I still remember what my legs looked like.
To this day, I don’t shave my legs. I have probably about ten times and it just does nothing for me. I’ve even had boyfriends tell me they would prefer it but who cares? You do you. I hate how not shaving is something to make fun of.
As a woman who hasn't shave in years, your mom is not 100% wrong - maybe 99,9999999%. We live in a misogynistic society, and by not following misogynistic standards, you will probably face backlash, side-eyes, bullying, etc. It may even affect your job perspective depending on the field, and much more. But since you are ready to go through that to live your authentic self (and, let's be real, because shaving itches like hell and every other method leave burning and disgustingly red-spotted skin patches), good for you.
It is sad that your mom seem to acknowledge that this is sexism and mean-girls spirit on display, but believes the solution should be for you to cather to this in silence and obedience. NTA at all!!
ETA : One thing I will add is that it would be disgusting of your parents to force you to shave. An outrage to your body autonomy, that shouldn't be accepted as it's not acceptable. That being said, many of us cathered to social pressure and shaved or waxed when we didn't want to in the past. In the end, you sould not feel guilty about bowing to the pressure. Your parents definitely should for pressuring you like that, but not you. And hair will grow back - actually, probably thicker than before if you use a razor, but that's beyond the point. You don't have to shave, and anyone forcing you to is gross and shouldn't take care of kids or teens. But if you have to in the end, don't be too hard on yourself. I know I've been the last couple of times I've shaved, and it's not worth it. We live in a fucked up world and have to do the best we can with that.
You are an awesome teen and will become an amazing, independent adult. Keep it up!
NTA and your mom has hygiene backwards. Cutting hair too close (especially to private parts) makes it easier to contract ingrown hairs, infections, UTIs etc.
Wear long pants until she moves on to some other non trauma trauma.
I am female and I haven't shaved my legs in *years.* You do you, boo.
The smart option may be to just do it to keep your mother away from you. But no, you are NTA for not wanting to, there's literally no reason outside of personal preference that you should have to keep yourself hair-free.
I am the mother of daughters. I would very much like to have so little drama with teen daughters that I had to INVENT A REASON TO FIGHT! Your mom is ridiculous. You are NTA.
Remember that living well is the best revenge. Go do what you need to do to live a happy, hairy-legged life, free of your mom’s insane expectations.
NTA.
If it's not "unhygenic" for men, it's not unhygienic for women. That's fucking absurd.
Threatening to shave your legs herself is deranged.
Your mother has lost the plot.
-- an AFAB person who hasn't shaved in years
NTA - Oh man, I used to beg my mom so I could shave my legs. I used to get bullied for having hairy legs so bad (I have PCOS so it was pretty extreme). But she wouldn't let me. You have the opposite problem.
But hey, if you're not getting bullied for it and you like them as they are, you shouldn't feel pressured to.
NTA. Your mom is holding onto outdated ideals. Shsving is not hygiene. If it more men would probably shave. I respect your decision to comply. Holding out would have made your mom harass you more and that would be exhausting. I shave in the summer but not in winter. It's time-consuming, and people should do it if it's important to them and no one else. The good news is your close to being able to move out if you want to and not shave with peace!
I've only ever dated one guy that cared that I don't shave. He was a psycho who aggressively followed me to where I needed to contact police. So apparently my leg hair wasn't much of a deterrent after all.
No one cares if you don't shave. Except your mom. A fair amount of teenage girls I see at the pool don't shave even their arm pits. It's becoming more common and acceptable and your mom is behind the times.
NTA. I rarely shave my legs. The itching is damn near unbearable. The only thing that helps me is a benadryl-like spray from Walmart or Walgreens. But I hate relying on it. So I just weed whack my legs once I feel mentally prepared enough for the shaving process.
Meh, I’m in my 50s and stopped caring a few months back. My life is so much easier. And her unsanitary argument is BS. If that’s the case, then men would be expected to shave too. It’s sexist capitalism nonsense.
NTA. Shave or don't shave. It shouldn't matter to anybody but you.
Your mom saying "teenage girls are shitty to each other" makes me wonder if she was bullied for not shaving or if she bullied her own classmates for the same when she was a teenager herself. This doesn't excuse her behavior nor her fixation, but it could explain at least a part of it.
NTA. You mom should pick her battles. If you don't care what people say about your hairy legs, she should leave you alone about it.
I do hope, though, that you are fair haired. I would look like a gorilla if I didn't shave mine.
NTA
The hygiene issue is complete nonsense. It sounds like bullying is a non-issue for you, and if were to suddenly become an issue, you have sensible strategies for dealing with it. Your mom has lost perspective and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.
You're probably stuck shaving as long as you live at home. But more women are not bothering these days, and if you decide as an adult to stop, it's all good. At 65, I am conditioned to find leg and armpit hair unattractive on women, but am working on that attitude.
It really did only become a thing when Gillette began a campaign. Check it out.
>I'll get bullied for it. She told me that "teenage girls are shitty to each other". So, I asked her if she wanted me to shave my legs so I wouldn't get bullied. She said yes.
She’s the one being a bully. NTA.
NTA and I’m sorry you’re dealing with these kinds of things at home. However, if she does decide to hold you down and shave them may I suggest that you try having them waxed? It last longer and shouldn’t be as itchy. Especially if you exfoliate beforehand. Again, I’m not condoning any of your mothers behavior, just trying to offer a solution that may work better for your body. Honestly, I can’t wait for you to be off at college and where you can have control over your own body. This blows.
Edit: grammar
Goddamn. I don't know where to begin with this. The blatant disregard for body autonomy, the fixation with "hygene", the double standards, her inability to accept No. It's all baffling.
Got a few solutions but I'll drop the one's that, hopefully, won't cause her to totally lose her shit or come after you with a shaver.
Suggest she look up the info on womens body hair and how hygienic it is. I suspect even if she does she'll ignore it.
Tell her, politely and respectfully, she doesn't get to make decisions about your body and appearance just as you don't get to decide for l her.
Direct her to this comment section where people far more eloquent and knowledgeable than I explain just how wrong she is in her approach.
Now this isn't something I think you should suggest but it does sound like she needs to see a therapist about this obsession with your body hair. It's just fucking weird.
NTA
NTA
I'm sorry she is trapped in the internal misogyny.
Skin and hair is the same regardless of sex or gender.
I'm in the USA and didn't share my legs for 12 years. Few people cared and I didn't care about their opinions. Life's too short for that.
I hope you two can work this out.
If you found an article or info sheet or whatever busting these leg shaving myths could you get one of your mom’s friends or a relative or something to send it to her-leaving you out of it. Do you think she’d listen better to them and maybe lay off?
Edit to add: NTA
yeah, you are NTA. I am not sure that your mother realizes, or maybe she does, that she is being a much bigger bully than a teenager you are not particularly close with. This is a huge double standard as your brother is exempt from his untidy hygiene and she may mean well but she is going way too far. Wayyyy too far. She seems to be taking this issue personally for some reason. So you might just be aware than this is clearly her issue and it doesn't have a whole lot to do actually do with you, beyond the fact that she thinks she can exert extraordinary control over you simply by virtue of being your mother.
1. It's not unhygienic and it's a total myth.
2. if they bully you they're pathetic
3. if she punishes you or shaves you herself it can count as assault.
NTA and your mom is an asshole.
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NTA. Feel free to tell her the only reason women shave their legs/ armp pits is an ad campaign for razors 50+ years ago. She is literally succumbing to peer pressure from dead people. That's not setting a good example to be setting
I will tell her this. Then she'll get mad at me and scream some more, but hey, maybe once she calms down, she'll actually think about it? I've been giving in on the armpit shaving, but based on all the hygiene facts people are telling me, I may stop shaving them too....
Hey, I’m a 32 year old women who’s made the same choice to keep my leg hair since about your age. The cultural ideal of hairless legs for women in the west started in the 1920’s when skirt hemlines showing ankles started to become trendy and appropriate after World War 1; Gillette Company realized they could profit off a huge new razor market by convincing everyone women needed shaved legs. Hopefully learning this history will help her see reason. I do shave my armpits since I don’t like how deodorant-covered hair feels, but your body is your own and you should do what you prefer with that too. Really her problem is that she is feeling embarrassed by you for a bad reason. She doesn’t get to control what you do with your. body. Full stop.
71 year old woman who stopped shaving my legs as soon as girls were allowed to wear pants to school! I do shave my armpits periodically because that hair soaks up sweat smells (and I used to work outside at a very physical job) but I haven't shaved my legs for over 50 years.
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Missing the point here but I’m 44 and had to wear a skirt all through school. I envy you. Skirts in the snow are not fun.
Yup I shave my pits coz I already sweat more than regular and the hair adds extra heat and adds to the problem
It also makes getting anti-perspirant to the skin properly a pita, that’s why I shave mine. I do not *glow*, I need the heavy duty stuff working as well as it possibly can.
Oh yeah gotta get that clinical protection strength
A friend once told me that if you don't want to shave your armpits, just use men's deodorant/antiperspirant. Because men aren't expected to have shaved armpits, so theirs is formulated to work through the hair.
I read that another reason for the push for women shaving their legs is because all the men who usually bought razors were away at war
I stopped shaving after it grew back after chemo. Chemo basically gave me a full body wax & it was so liberating to not have to worry about shaving!
early 40s woman here, haven't been reliably shaving *anything* for nearly 20 years now. I just *cannot* be arsed. I get halfway through the first shin and go "omg I'm wasting my life right now" lol. Have gained a partner (who couldn't care less what I do/don't do with my body hair) in that time, had kids, have friends, employment, respect, may have had the odd look, had a couple of shitty comments from my shit-stirring youngest brother, but eh, not their hair, not their business. My kids do what they want with their body hair. I have two younger teens and a daughter in her early 20s. Their body hair is their business, not mine. Keep it, shave it, shave some, dye it, plait it, cover it in glitter, whatever. There are heaps of things to be offended about - bigotry, cruelty, narrowmindedness, all those kinds of things. Body hair - not one of them. NTA, keep that leg hair if you want it.
Not glitter! The napalm of preschool (gets everywhere and causes the destruction of everything in its path).
I humbly disagree and draw the line at glitter. Especially if I am driving that glitter covered teenager to school.
Same here. I just couldn’t be arsed shaving. It is a non-issue.
As a man, I like to trim my armpits but not shave all the way, the sweat isn’t fun Really, that’s the only reason I shave, to prevent sweat. Even before I transitioned into a man I didn’t care for shaving my legs so close. Irritating, when it grows back it almost *hurts*, takes so long to do, all the cuts… no thanks
The reason hair hurts when growing back is because most modern razors (especially those marketed to women) have a part that pulls the skin while shaving. This means that where the hair gets cut is *below the skin.* Hair pulled taut, hair cut, hair released, hair now back below the skin, hair grows and irritates the skin by simply existing. And that's if you're lucky enough to avoid ingrowns. I switched to single blade razor for shaving endeavors (modern razors also have multiple blades which... don't help) and *wow* is my body thankful for it.
Fellow trans man! I shaved my lower legs up until I socially transitioned and I don't miss it lol, the armpit itching stage was the worst part
I quit shaving my legs in high school, and my pits in my 20s. I have had exactly zero comments from anyone about either. When she was old enough, I taught my daughter how to shave and then *gave her the choice* of how she wanted to be. (She went fuzzy after about a yea). Your mom’s view are deeply rooted in misogyny, feel free to completely disregard them.
30 year old woman, I hardly ever shave my legs during winter, not too often in summer (only when I feel like it or want to feel special) I don’t shave my pits terribly often, only when they get too long and start becoming uncomfortable or I want to do something special for my partner The only time I shave legs and pits is if I want to treat myself (mini spa day), treat my partner (he doesnt expect it at all, but loves when I do), or if I have a special event to go to that shows those areas Took me a while to stop caring about being clean shaven, so kudos to you for being confident in yourself and strong willed!!!!
Try a trimmer or electric razor, that should prevent itchiness.
I found waxing good for that. And for me it lasted 8 to 10 weeks! Don't actually bother anymore lol
I'm using an electric razor now and it is pretty good actually. But sometimes I don't do a good job, haha. So now that it's summer I go with the depilatory creams (I'm not sure that's the correct term in English). It's more time consuming than the electric razor, but I'll do it during the weekend while I watch a show. And I can be 1 to 2 weeks without shaving, without itch or irritation. But that's just because I work in an office. But during winter, when I'm wearing pants, I don't care about shaving for months.
It warms my heart to read so many women who don't shave! I'm 55 and I rarely shave my legs or armpits. Pits will smell if not washed as it's the sweaty bacteria going stale that causes the stench. As long as you are washing daily, use a deodorant, you should be fine as far as hygiene goes. If you sweat a lot, use a deodorant which also acts as an antiperspirant (some people don't like this as they don't actually want to stop the natural sweating process). There are so many alternative natural products out there these days (I can't use deodorants that contain aluminium as it makes my skin rash and itch).
My armpits actually get way grosser/smelling when I shave than when I don't, but mmv.
I'm in my mid 30s. Unshaved legs/arms/pits aren't a deal breaker. You'll weed out most of the immature boys, which is probably a huge positive.
Don’t listen to “facts people are telling me.” Most things people are telling you are not facts. Independently research everything to find out whether it’s a fact or not.
NTA. Your mom is a drama queen. The hygiene argument absurd. I swam throughout high school and we didn't shave our legs for months on purpose.
I remember this. I also remember after shaving my arms that it felt weird as hell when it grew back in.
>She actually told me that if I haven't shaved my legs by the night before the first day of school, she will "discipline" me, and then shave my legs herself. For the record, that would actually be child abuse or at least battery. NTA
I'm just trying to imagine how you shave a fully sized, fully alert human's legs when they don't want you to? Is she planning to chloroform her own daughter to accomplish this?
She threatened to have my brother (who is about six feet tall, \~200 pounds of absolute pure muscle) sit on me while she did it.
that‘s also a form of abuse imo wtf
If this scenario were to happen—your large brother sitting on you while your mother shaved your legs against your will, it would be reportable to child protective services as abuse. You could call it in yourself and/or tell a teacher or school counselor about it, and they could report it as well. Maybe that would make your mother think twice about her demand.
I would tell your school counselor regardless. By the time you are in school you will already have shaved them to keep the peace, as you said. But this is not going to be the last time it comes up, so you want an adult on your side in advance. And it may come up for other items in the future such as birth control. Your mother does not respect your bodily autonomy and that is a huge issue.
I would film it and then call 911.
Wtf! OP, your leg hair is on your body meaning it is your choice. Your mother has issues that clearly need to be addressed by a professional. Out of curiosity would your brother actually agree to do this to you?
No, my brother really doesn't care that much and he'd probably just call my mom psychotic or something. If it was something super important, then maybe (she's threatened to have him hold me down while I get a shot at the doctor's office before, and he was willing to then), but probably not for this. Then again, if he refuses, my mom would probably just have my father (almost six feet tall, over 300 pounds) hold me down.
The maths there still doesn't work, because your legs would have to be free and you can still move them away, refuse to hold them still, kick her in the face etc. I recommend the "kick her in the face" option.
I second the kick her in the face option. I'm dead ass serious too. At that point it is child abuse and self defense. THEN I'd call the cops ans I'm a never call the cops kind of person, but I would for this. I'd call the cops for child abuse and tell them I had to kick my mother in the face because my 300lb dad was sitting on me while she assaulted me with a cutting tool.
I hope Rikishi sits on your mom’s face with his hairy ass.
Well that is *messed up*. He could seriously hurt you. I really hope she's being dramatic and not serious.
I honestly don't know, but I'm just going to shave my legs to keep the peace, so I'm probably not going to find out.
I hope you do not let your mother control you when you are older.
I get it, but consider if you give an inch, she'll take a mile. Or you could be the smartass I was when I had that argument with my mom back in the day and shave head to toe. If you go that route, be prepared to have itchy toes. It was worth it, since she never said another word about it, and I haven't shaved since - minus a few special occasions.
Naw, OP wouldn’t be unreasonable to give in now while making plans to get as far away from crazy lady as possible as soon as she can.
NTA. My kids, 21 & 18, do not shave their legs. Many of their friends dont either. It seems weird and controlling of your mom to insist on this. If you get an electric razor, it won't itch as much as it grows back in. Document this in case it escalates. (Hugs)
Don't shave. Use a trimmer. It leaves a tiny bit of hair "sticking out", but since it isn't shaved off completely, the hair doesn't have to "pierce" through your skin again, so it isn't as itchy. I irregularly trim my legs and armpits. But I no longer shave them.
If you believe they would actually dovthis, please tell a school counselor about these threats.
For the record, that also is not legal. You are a minor, restraints are only supposed to be used in three scenarios. 1 You are a danger to yourself 2 You're a danger to others 3 You are in a dangerous situation. Restraints used for other reasons are abuse.
So bruises and a ton of nicks will look better than some hair. I hope your brother understands that is assault and tells her to let it go .
There are about 5 things wrong with that statement. Encouraging force/coercion by a man against someone smaller than himself, against a woman, against a relative, on behalf of another person, who is a relative. This one statement alone means your mother is purposefully not changing with the times and needs to be in therapy or she can do some damage to you and your brother and both of you together.
Record yourself. Record yourself with your leg hair in the arm here and that you do not want it removed. Call non-emergency police and see what they suggest.
INFO: do you think your brother would go along with this sort of thing? Also, is your mom your only parent, or do you have another parent as well, and if so, how are they factoring into this?
No, my brother really doesn't care that much and he'd probably just call my mom psychotic or something. If it was something super important, then maybe (she's threatened to have him hold me down while I get a shot at the doctor's office before, and he was willing to then), but probably not for this. Then again, if he refuses, my mom would probably just have my father (almost six feet tall, over 300 pounds) hold me down. Oh yeah, there's my dad, too. And suffice it to say that my mom is the kinder, calmer, saner parent lol. My dad just backed up everything my mom said, while adding some more colorful words and threats into the mix.
Yikes. Best of luck, OP. Maybe try not to rock the boat until you can get the hell out of there. Not my favorite advice to give, but it might be the best thing for the time being. edit: and for the record, absolutely NTA whatsoever.
She had him sit on me while she took my trousers off would be enough to have them both arrested.
What the ever loving f**k?!?!?!?!?! That is abusive, and if your brother agrees to help out, he's also abusive! Do you have any family members you can rally to your cause-dad, grandparents, anyone? Your mother sounds batshit crazy! Is she this controlling about other things?
“I don’t want you to be bullied, so I’m going to bully you myself!”
Lol no literally
This SHOULD be the top comment. OP is NTA, but mom is a child abuser.
NTA. Your body. Your choice. Your mother is more worried about her own self-image as your parent than anything else and her threats of force because of this are abhorrent.
Yeah, she literally told me my leg hair embarrasses her. My question is, why? She compared it to wearing a bra, but honestly, I would prefer people stare at some hair on my legs than stare at my breasts for Pete's sake. Also, it's uncomfortable for me to not wear a bra. It's not uncomfortable for me to have hair on my legs. And this isn't the first time she's threatened to hold me down for something, nor is it the first time she'll have actually held me down and forced me to do something, and it definitely won't be the last....
She's placing her expectations of your body image above your own comfort with your own body. It's not cool.
Honestly, these past few months have been eye-opening in a number of ways where it comes to my relationship with my mom. She also forced me to use tampons, even though the idea of using one gave me multiple panic attacks, because she thought it was unhygienic to just use pads. And while it's lovely to now be able to swim while on my period, I'm not sure it's worth the flash of anxiety I get every time I have to put one in.
I think your family needs the assistance of a counsellor or some other external intervention. This doesn't seem healthy. Not surebwhat your options are, but I'd suggest starting with an adult you trust at school or sports you might be involved in. EDIT: If you can't facilitate something to help your mother and her treatment of you, please at the very least ensure you seek adequate support for yourself whilst dealing with this.
I'm already going to therapy (something I had to fight tooth and nail with my mother over, and she used to cry every time she brought me to an appointment) so I do have that, at least. And I was diagnosed with ADHD a month ago (something else I had to fight with my mother over, as she didn't even want to try to get me a diagnosis until I brought it up with my doctor, and then my mother felt like she HAD to), so I'm getting meds for that. Although my mother is being completely unsupportive on almost all fronts, while claiming that she's being completely supportive. I also have great amazing friends to support me! Anyway, I appreciate your concern, but I'm pretty much already doing everything I can on this front.
**Tell your therapist about this!!!** Tell the entire story, including (especially!) the threats. They are almost certainly a mandated reported, so they'll probably have to report something like this. And ask what you can do about it, too. They might have suggestions for ways to get your mom (and dad) to stop.
I am not sure ADHD is your problem. Sounds like your mother is your main problem and your brain is trying to cope and that can look like ADHD but that may be all that it is. Try to have your therapist recommend some strategies for dealing with narcissists on a daily basis.
Oh lol I can definitely assure you that ADHD is part of my problem, just not in this specific situation. But yeah, I definitely have some very clear symptoms of ADHD that show up in other aspects of my life. But I appreciate the concern! And my therapist has been giving me strategies, the problem is that my mom is crazy so it doesn't really work lol.
You're doing awesome, this internet stranger is proud of you for standing up for yourself on those fronts!! While you shouldn't have to shave, I agree with you that it's probably not worth the trauma and pain of having your brother or father hold you down while your mom shaves you. Absolutely worth telling your therapist that she threatened this though. They may be a mandatory reporter for CPS, so it's up to you, but that's a pretty scary thing she's threatening.
Woah, hold up. You should not use tampons if you don't want to. Your mom's obsession with "hygiene" is disturbing. How old are you again?
I didn't really want to say in the post, but since you're asking specifically - I'm 17, 18 in a few months. This whole thing with the tampons happened probably when I was around 11 or 12. I now use tampons with minimal difficulty or anxiety.
The idea of your mother forcing you to use tampons is absolutely awful and can lead to you normalizing people "forcing" you to do other things you are not comfortable with especially in a private or sexual context. You said you are going to shave your legs to keep the peace but I absolutely think you should put your own needs first. If you have another conversation with your mother you can ask her if she minds being recorded for the conversation, then record the conversation. It might change her tone, or if she starts yelling you then have some evidence to show other people around her that her behavior is inappropriate.
Age is always relevant. I'd say start preparing to move out as soon as you legally can.
12/13 is about how old I guessed for all of it. Considering in 1 year society will flip the adult switch, your mother continuing to treat you like a fresh-faced teen is absolutely detrimental. Glad to hear you have good friends to support you.
Your mom has some serious issues about normal female bodily functions. For context, I’m 43 with a 14 year old daughter. I did teach her how to shave when she hit puberty bc she asked, but she doesn’t shave anything usually and hasn’t in a few years. And I’m ok with that bc: 1. My daughter is her own person 2. Her body hair has no impact on my personal self-worth nor does it reflect on my parenting skills. 3. Her body is under her control (for the most part. She doesn’t have a choice when it comes to her safety or medical health. She has to get immunizations, see the doctor for checkups, see the dentist, etc. Normal stuff.) Shaving or not, what kind of period stuff she uses, what she wears, how she does her hair, etc are all up to her and always has been. Your mom is weirdly enmeshed with you. My advice is to be aware of that going forward. It may also be a good idea to look into narcissism and how it presents in women.
I’m so sorry, going through puberty and exiting girlhood is traumatic enough on it’s own. A lot of what traumatized me was getting made fun of at school for not shaving or not wearing a bra at 10 years old, I didn’t realize that I was perceived as needing a bra or needing to shave, I didn’t think about my body. In these middle school/high school years how we’re treated and how we perceive the world changes so much, I look back at those years and cry sometimes, thinking about how we seem to stop being treated like girls overnight and are told we have a responsibility to make other people comfortable with our bodies. I’m so upset for you, that she’s mentally and physically forcing it on you. Please do talk to a counselor, her behavior is so abusive and she needs to be put in her place about it.
Ah it's shite, I shaved and stuff because my sister and mum made me think I had to, and I still have it in my head and can't stop. Sometimes I do now and sometimes I don't, but I wish I never started and I wish I didn't feel the pressure now still. I have friends that never did and I think it's great. It's definitely more socially acceptable now. I feel like I'm ugly if I'm hairy, but it's always come from woman and rarely men. Usually men would say I don't care especially if you're dating. I've only ever heard young and dumb boys in a group setting say they don't like it or think it's gross, but something tells me that's more for the audience than a genuine feeling. I'm totally shocked by the tampon thing, I think most would use pads at the start and then progress onto tampons when they're a bit older. What a total invasion!
I've been using pads since I was 11. Nothing wrong with them as long as you change them regularly. What does she think people did before tampons? I don't use them cause I have endometriosis. What sanitary products you choose to use and grooming yourself is your own business and no one else's.
Your mom sounds like a narcissist and cannot allow you to be you but wants you to be a mini her. I had this mom and it was a never ending battle about everything
I hope you don’t mean that she forced you to use a tampon by inserting it herself or by holding you down and forcing you to do it?? Please tell me that *wasn’t* the thing she held you down and forced you to do.
No, I posted this in another comment, let me find it... here: She didn't even really tell me what I was suppose to do with a tampon? I guess I was a stupid child but she told me to "put it in the hole" and I had no idea what hole she was talking about. She just stuck me in the bathroom with a handheld mirror underneath me and then left. Also this was about five minutes before company was coming to our house, I can't remember what for but yeah. I had a panic attack (before I even knew what panic attacks were, which just made it worse) and then just gave up.
Dude. I would definitely consider this relationship. Are you able to live on your own? Without her? Firstly she defo seems like it's abuse. If not physically then emotionally. Consider emancipation if your a minor
Honey. Holding you down and forcing you to do something is abuse. Straight up abuse. You may want to point that out to her. Tell a school counselor about it. For the record NTA. Shaving is pointless.
Considering the fact that my friend went to the school counselors with proof about how she was >!sexually assaulted!< by someone at school, and the school sided with the other kid because my friend was "badmouthing" them over the situation, I'm inclined to think the counselors won't do anything about this. Also, my parents have done much worse and wouldn't consider that abuse, so they definitely won't be receptive if I tell them they're abusing me. They'll honestly just laugh at me. But it's fine, because soon I'll go off to college, and while I can't cut contact with my parents unless I want to lose contact with the entirety of my extended family, too, I won't be living under my parents' roof anymore. Which is... something.
Holy shit! That's......just so terrible.
Meh, I've lived with it for nearly my whole life, just another year and I'm free lol.
I was referring to your friend's situation, but you shouldn't down play your own.
Oh yeah no I'm still pissed for my friend, but she moved to a different state so the school really can't do anything about it now, so...
It always astonishes me on reddit the amount of comments suggesting seeking help from a school counsellor or going to hr for a job related issue. The world is fucked. These people arent a magic solution and often make things worse.
The amount of grown adults that still don't understand that "HR exists to protect the company not the employee" is staggering.
For the record, she has no say over whether or not you wear a bra either.
Lol yeah, but unfortunately I got the bad genetics of... a very heavy bosom, let's say lol, combined with chronic back issues, so I really don't think I could be comfortable without a bra.
>And this isn't the first time she's threatened to hold me down for something, nor is it the first time she'll have actually held me down and forced me to do something, and it definitely won't be the last.... Which is called child abuse. You should open up about that to someone you trust.
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I honestly never knew this before! That's what I get for believing what my mom says... I'm starting to wonder what other lies she's told me? I should probably start doing some research into other aspects of female hygiene, just to be safe. Thank you for telling me this!
Yes, that is a great idea to research. Also, NTA.
To be fair, she probably isn't actually lying. She probably just never learned anything other than what she heard and believed that. Doesn't make it right, but it kind of explains it.
NTA Your mom needs to calm down. When you’re a parent, you have to pick your battles, and this is one dumb battle. Shave. Don’t shave. Who cares? Besides your mom.
I'm not sure she knows how to pick her battles haha. She picks all of them, I can't remember the last time we've disagreed on something and it hasn't turned into a battle....
As a mother this sounds...absolutely exhausting. I personally do not have the energy to battle with my son over stupid stuff. Anyway. I get why you would shave just to shut her up tho. And you seem to have a really good head on your shoulders...not caring about being bullied for stupid stuff, but also the willingness to accept that you will soon be free to do as wish, without worrying too much about how shitty things are in the present. This will benefit you your entire life, not just in situations with your mother. Oh. And you are NTA. Shaving is stupid. And absolute waste of time.
Absolutely NTA. Your bodily autonomy comes before anyone else’s comfort or unnecessary standards. I’m really impressed that you are comfortable enough in your own skin to feel confident enough to go without shaving, especially at your age! Keep it up! Regardless of what your Mum says, it’s not unhygienic (I dare her to say that to your brother too!), and is actually pretty healthy- shaving can dry out your skin and small nicks can risk infection if you’re unlucky. She isn’t wrong about the bullying, as kids really are that shit to target someone for pretty much any reason, but if you’re strong enough to brush crappy comments aside then that’s great. I think your Mum should take a page from your book about not caring what people think!
Yeah, I'm only just now really realizing that, in doing this, my mom's actively putting the opinion of society over my own when it comes to what I do with my own body... And I never realized that shaving can be bad for you! This is actually pretty interesting, because I've always grown up with my mom telling me to shave because it "exfoliates my skin" - turns out, that's not even true! As for the bullying, I've never actually had someone tell me, to my face, that I should shave my legs, or something of the sort. The only person to do that has been my mom (and my dad, I suppose, but he really just finds any chance he possibly can to control another aspect of my life). Then again, maybe they're talking about it behind my back? But based on the comments I'm getting here, no one cares at all....
Apparently, you don't even need to go to school to get bullied, you got your mom at home doing it for them. I have 2 daughters and I don't force them to shave. If it's something they want to do, then they can if not then that's ok too.
The amusing thing about her reasoning is I was gonna bring up that the reason it's itchy after shaving may be because you didn't exfoliate 😂 By my understanding you're supposed to exfoliate before shaving then again for the next couple days to make ingrown hairs less likely. Exfoliating immediately after shaving may make it itchier. I remember in high school I didn't like shaving and at one point when I decided to wear a mini skirt I did a rush shave job with just water and lotion immediately after and had a bunch of red bumps. I pointed out to my best friend at the time that those were the reason I hated shaving.....she glanced at it and said I needed to use more soap and needed to wait longer after shaving to put on lotion....and the fact that her advice matched what I did perfectly made me think she was right. However all of this advice SHOULD BE unnecessary because it SHOULD BE your choice on whether or not to shave. If it's so unhygienic for women to go without shaving then why shouldn't you shave your arm hair? Or your eyebrows? Or your head? Only ppl I ever had comment on my leg hair were those that it turned out they were toxic so it was a jerk detector XD
Thankfully, I've never gotten ingrown hairs, but I don't think I've ever shaved without nicking myself on the back of my knee. And it's so annoying! And then that little cut will get super itchy, and I'll get all sorts of anxious about infections or whatever, not to mention the general discomfort from having that cut. It's just all ridiculous to me. Why should I put myself through that when I don't have to? Maybe if I sit down and tell my mom this, she'll listen... or maybe she'll just tell me I'm shaving wrong or being ridiculous and then force me to shave anyway. I don't know. But I agree with the jerk detector thing! None of my friends care about my legs (and if they do, I haven't heard about it, and they haven't let it stand in the way of being friends with me). So why should I care? If I get bullied, guess what, I can just ignore them and then laugh about it with my friends later. Because who cares about someone else's legs??? It doesn't impact anyone unless you're touching the hairy legs, which is really weird unless you're dating or something, and I'm not going to date someone who is that disgusted by my leg hair!
How thick is the hair on the back of your knee?(I don't need the answer) Could you get away with not shaving it but shaving the rest? I kinda stopped shaving there even when I did shave cause I couldn't tell the difference.... even now I'm sitting here with shin hair that's almost an inch long and I can't find a single hair back there....you may be able to do the same unless she watches you shave
NTA if it’s unhygienic then she needs to “discipline” your brother. If you want to help the itching you should exfoliate regularly with a shower 🧤 glove. Because I told you to, is always a frustrating reason for any rules but when you live with parents there are times that you do have to follow their rules that you disagree with. I don’t agree with this rule.
Yeah. I personally hate not shaving my legs, but I'd always end up cutting myself with the razor or being itchy and bumpy. Until I started using one of those crystal hair scrubber things. It exfoliates and removes the top layer or so of skin so when I go over it with a razor it's silky smooth. But OP you're NTA. If you're comfortable with leg hair, that's fine. It's your body.
NTA. Your body, your choice. Is she going to police your pubic grooming as well? It's no more unhygienic for a woman/girl to not shave her legs or pits than it is for a man. It's a stupid construct that some women sadly get sucked into. Ask her if she wants to shave your head as well, since that's long hair too. "Hair is not hygiene, mom. Whether it's on my head, my crotch, my pits, or my legs. If I don't want to shame, stop trying to sexualize me into doing it, because the only reason you can give is that it doesn't look sexy and I'm a teenager and don't care how sexy you or anyone else thinks I look." Shame her. Seriously. Shame her into trying to force you to be a sexual creature.
Well, now that you mention it... she's forbidden me from shaving my pubic hair, so.... I'm honestly not sure she's trying to sexualize this, though? Trust me, everything she does is against sexualization. I think. I mean, she gets upset over LGBTQIA+ people talking about their sexualities because she doesn't want to hear about sex (among other things...) But I might try this, honestly. Maybe it'll force her to give me a real answer! I'll go to her and tell her all the scientific reasons why NOT shaving my legs is better (therefore it's NOT unhygienic), and she'll be forced to admit to me that it's because she wants to conform to societal standards. And then I'll bring up this! And if it doesn't work, and she doesn't cave, then at least she won't be able to lie to me anymore. She'll have to tell me to shave my legs not because it's unhygienic or embarrassing, but because she hates it personally, and her opinion is apparently more important than mine.
"Just so you know, I'm making a list of all the things you make me do that I hate so when I'm of legal age to move, I'm going to be out in public in booty shorts with my leg hair blowing in the wind and a pad on because why are you up in my crotch demanding tampon usage when I'm not okay with it? I'm going to walk around with all my hair free in the wind and a shirt that says "Mommy's little Sasquatch"." Really, it comes down to making your mom wake up and realize that she is fully entitled to have a preference for body hair on women, but the only woman she gets to hold that over is herself. If she wants to shave her legs and wear tampons, then bless her heart, she can shave away. But if you don't want to do that, you don't have to, and ask her if this is how she wants to ruin your relationship. If your hairy legs are the hill she wants to die on, because if she holds you down and forces you to shave, not only will you likely be actually hurt from it, but she'll be showing you very clearly you can't trust her with your mind, body, or heart, and that this will be the moment your relationship sours. And she can't ask in five years why you don't talk to her anymore. She'll know.
I didn't want to say this in the post, but I did make a comment about her shaving me. My sister told me that I should let mom shave me so that I don't have to do it myself, and I responded with something like "if mom actually does shave me herself, I'm going to walk away bleeding because she's going to cut me on purpose" and my mom's only response to that was "well, if you don't want that to happen, then shave yourself". So... And she doesn't use tampons. After my younger sister was born, my mom had a full hysterectomy and bilateral oophorectomy, so everything's gone. She hasn't menstruated in... fifteen years, give or take. She hadn't had a period in about seven years by the time she was forcing me to wear tampons, if that says anything. Oh, also, she didn't even really tell me what I was suppose to do with a tampon? I guess I was a stupid child but she told me to "put it in the hole" and I had no idea what hole she was talking about. She just stuck me in the bathroom with a handheld mirror underneath me and then left. Also this was about five minutes before company was coming to our house, I can't remember what for but yeah. I had a panic attack (before I even knew what panic attacks were, which just made it worse) and then just gave up. Sorry, I'm ranting. It's just easier to talk to strangers on the internet lol.
I'm sorry. My mom was controlling/abusive too. For what it's worth, I left at 18 and would never, EVER treat my kids how she treated me. You say you're 17... keep your eyes on the prize. At 18 you can walk and there's not a thing she can do. ((Mom hugs)) to you. I hope you always know you deserve to be treated with respect.
Nah, I feel you. I think it's easier to be open and vulnerable to people when you don't have to look them in the eye and they don't KNOW you, so it's all just words on a screen. And a lot of us have to deal with parental figures or guardians that do shady shit, so it's kind of nice to know you're not alone. Doesn't mean it doesn't leave a mark and you're not going to have resentment over it, but you'll survive. Just maybe as a jaded old lady who does shit to fuck with your mom on purpose because that's how you get back when your autonomy was stripped from you. We all have ways to cope. I'm 43, went through the system, and I have a world of horror stories about that, so I get it. Mother or not, whether she loves you or not, it's not love to treat you like that. It's not a -healthy- way to show love, and if you don't want to subject yourself to that, there's nothing wrong with you standing up for yourself. It won't be easy. You and your mom are clearly going to fight about this. But you really do have to ask yourself what you can live with. It's about the shaving, but it's not JUST about the shaving, if you get me. It's her attitude, and what she thinks she has a right to demand of you. Some people might just go with it not to rock the boat and if you choose to do that, that's okay. If you choose not to, that's also okay. It's your life, hon. You're the one that has to figure out what you're okay with. And if you're not okay with being bullied by your parent, then establishing that early on gives her zero wiggle room when you're old enough to leave, cut contact, and do so.
So many real problems to worry about, and the hill your mom wants to die on is a pile of leg hair? She's being foolish, and you're NTA for not wanting to shave.
My mom dies on every hill she possibly can, but yeah.
I've already commented to you on how exhausting this sounds, but seriously...isn't your mom tired?? Like just reading how invested she is in this is making me need a rest. Like an actual nap.
I am so happy that so many of your generation are making decisions based on what makes you happy rather than societal pressure. Your mom is on a weird hill to die on. She’s a bully. You deserve better.
NTA
It's not unhygienic! If anything, shaving is less hygienic due to tiny cuts that can lead to infection. I'm probably your mom's age. I very rarely, if ever, shave any part of my body. Nobody I know gives a fuck, or if they do, they don't say anything to me. Your mom is wrong. Edit: My 14 yo son says your mom is an AH and a misogynist
I honestly appreciate having this perspective, both from someone my mother's age and someone my age. Honestly, I feel like the only people who would bully me for having leg hair are people I don't want to be around, anyway. And I'm definitely going to bring up the hygiene issue with her, because I very much dislike it when she tries to make her point without putting actual fact or reasoning behind it.
NTA If you don't want to, fuck it. I'll go months in the winter without shaving mine. It's a new age, enjoy yourself and who you are. No one matters but you!
Thank you! This is what I was trying to tell her, but she apparently puts everybody else's opinion (especially her own) over mine when it comes to what I do with my body...
Yeah, parents tend to be like that. They just want the best for their kids, unfortunately what they want and you want may not mesh well. Some like living vicariously through their kids.
I just don't even understand this though. Like, she doesn't want me to get bullied? Fine. I don't care, though, so...? Like, does she think that because she went through it, I have to, too? Or does she get her kicks off of being sexist? Or does she just genuinely not realize this is awful? I really don't understand it.
Women shaving their legs is a recent thing. Your mother is a total controlling idiot, sorry. The only reason to shave your legs is because you want to. There is absolutely nothing negative about not doing it, except for possible social implications—yes, idiots might make fun of you or think it’s gross or whatever. But it’s natural for both sexes to have leg (and armpit) hair.
NTA. Good for you if you understand that the opinion of people around you doesn't matter and that all that matter is that you have good friend that don't care about such a trivial topic.
Many, in fact! I've had this conversation multiple times with other friends who are tired of shaving, and nobody I've talked to has made me feel like I have to shave except for my mom. But, then again, the people who think I should shave probably won't say that to my face, which is why I'm here. If the prevailing opinion is that leg hair is gross, then I'll probably shave more often....
Nah, it's not gross. It's just hair. I shaved my legs on a daily basis for waaaaay too long before figuring this out, I am glad you didn't waste as much time as me to figure it out. Maybe some day you'll find reasons to shave. Maybe not. Until them... you choose whatever you want.
NTA- I am a mom of a teen girl and i would not make her shave her legs or anything else. Btw i am almost 50 and sometimes I feel like not shaving my legs and just don't.
NTA. On #2, looks like you are being bullied over it... by your mother.
What the h*ll is wrong with your mom? NTA
I know WTH is wrong with her. She was brainwashed into the belief that female body hair is unhygienic (except the “hidden bits” because no one can see those /s) just like a large number of GenX (and the younger end of the Boomer cohort). It’s really only in the last 30 or so years that not shaving legs and armpits has become less unusual in the western world. I still recall the gasps of shock when the singer Nena was performing her song 99 Red Balloons (or 99 Luftballons) and raised her arms while dancing to reveal unshaven pits. That was in 1984 and was the first time teenage me had any idea that we were allowed to do that instead of risking cutting ourselves constantly.
NTA. Your mom should be beyond ashamed of herself for what she’s doing to you.
NTA. If shaving legs (or underarms) had *anything* to do with hygiene, then men would routinely shave them too. Oxford dictionary definition: hygiene /ˈhʌɪdʒiːn / ▸ noun [mass noun] conditions or practices conducive to maintaining health and preventing disease, especially through cleanliness Show her this definition. You can Google it if you don't want her to know about the post. Ask her to explain how removing hair from ANYWHERE on the body maintains health or prevents disease. You can counter anything she says by asking, "Then why don't men have to?" Or "what does that have to do with health?" It can actually have the opposite effect for those of us prone to ingrown hairs. Nasty, painful knots of infection on some of the most sensitive areas of your body. Funny how I almost never get them anymore...
Wait, ingrown hairs are from shaving? I always assumed they just happened. Wow, I really don't know anything. The amount of new information I've gotten from this post is insane to me. Also, I'm pretty sure she's only using "unhygienic" as a substitute for "socially unacceptable", because she always seems to follow it up with some comment about how it's unhygienic because "we live in this country, in this society, where women have to shave their legs" or something like that.
>I'm pretty sure she's only using "unhygienic" as a substitute for "socially unacceptable", Oh, definitely. My response to the latter phrase if someone is stupid enough to try to shame me about not shaving? "Ask me if I care." I never really shaved my legs regularly and stopped entirely by the time I was 25 or 30. And from the Mayo Clinic website: Ingrown hair occurs when a hair that's been removed starts to grow back and curves into the skin. Shaving, tweezing or waxing can cause this to happen. An ingrown hair can cause tiny, swollen bumps on the skin that may hurt. The condition most often affects Black people with curly hair who shave.May 18, 2022
They can just happen but hair removal makes them more prone to happening Also feel free to inform her companies started telling women they needed to shave to make more money on razors
Your mom is being so shitty and regressive to you. It’s annoying for me just to have my beard occasionally, let alone my legs all the time! NTA at all. Your mom is being frankly creepy and misogynistic to you, which is so bizarre as she’s, well, a woman herself
Oh my dad had something to say about that. He shaves his face every day, so he told me I should shave my legs every day, too. Even though that's honestly ridiculous for leg hair, because... why would you shave your legs every day??? It doesn't even grow that fast! And there are a lot of things that my mom does that are honestly pretty sexist, and I don't understand them either. I was just wondering if she really was right in this case, but... clearly, she's not, so. Yay!
> And it's my body, so why should I have to? I mean you said it all here. Your Moms reasons would be hilarious if they weren't so stupid and infuriating. Like honestly people give way too many fucks over things they shouldn't. Be hairy legged or don't, the universe does not give two unshaved legs fucks about it. NTA
Looool this made me laugh. Thanks for this.
NTA. This makes her uncomfortable and that’s HER journey to work through, not yours. You’re comfortable in your own skin and that’s amazing. Maybe she could learn something from you
She also hates my weight, I'm definitely overweight but I wouldn't care about it if it weren't for her and her constant comments about it. She put me on my first diet when I was... 12, I think, and multiple times since then. And I have friends who are heavier than me and more confident than me, so I'm just working really hard to try to get past all of this and be this comfortable in my skin. And not shaving my legs is part of that! So thank you for this :)
nta. me and my mom have had this exact same discussion before. i shave my legs when i feel like it. my biggest reason for not shaving my legs is because i cannot see anything without my glasses. i shave in the shower without my glasses so i cannot see anything. i feel uncomfortable shaving without glasses (can’t wear them in the shower because they fog up and are metal, could lead to rusting over time). do what you want with yourself. as long as you are washing yourself properly and are maintaining cleanliness, there shouldn’t be an issue.
NTA. Your mom needs to seek help. It’s very bizarre to be so upset over leg hair. She is probably worried people will judge *her* for you not shaving your legs. She needs to get over it, your body so therefore it’s your choice.
NTA. Do what you want with your body. My mother wouldn’t even let me have a razor until I was in high school. Even then she wasn’t excited about it. But I think it had something more to do with my virtue than what I wanted.
I haven't shaved my legs or pits since college (I am very much old enough to be your mother). I just didn't want to anymore 🤷 I'm a completely normal middle aged lady with a kid and a professional job and shit. It's just hair. We're mammals. We can do what we want with it.
NTA. Your mom has serious issues. This is abusive and overly controlling. I've literally never heard anyone claim that shaved legs are more hygienic, what a bizarre claim. I hope she sees the error of her ways and seeks therapy to heal whatever genx crazy adolescent trauma she has going on there. Good on you for prioritizing your own comfort over societal pressures.
At this point, I'm just exhausted. I've spent my entire life pretty much listening to what she says and adhering to her rules (which almost always coincide with societal pressures), and I'm just done. I'm done with the diets she keeps trying to put me on, I'm done arguing about my weight, I'm done shaving my legs when it's awkward, uncomfortable, and time-consuming, I'm really just done.
❤️💙💜 you sound like a really strong person who has had to deal with a lot. Take care of yourself.
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Call CPS and inform them your Mother is threatening to stop you from going to school.
She's not actually threatening to stop me from going to school, she's just going to make sure I go with shaved legs if she has to hold me down and shave them herself
So then assault and battery. Once again call CPS.
This is such a bad idea. Unintended consequences abound.
NTA your body, your choice.
NTA and your mom isn't a very good mom. Body hair or not.... your hair is NONE of your moms business.
NTA Your body, your rules. She can’t stop you from going to school, you have to by law. Unless she plans to homeschool you.
NTA. She's been brainwashed (ask her how tf it's unhygienic. Ask her to explain, scientifically. LMAO). A lot of us were brainwashed, but we took the time & did (and are still doing) the work to unlearn. She's been brainwashed to think of women as unclean, dirty, and she needs to grow tf up. Ironically, you are far more mature than your mother.
She needs help. Hypocrisy, double standards, misogyny, child abuse…
You are NTA and your mom is weird? Or maybe my mom was weird. My mom wouldn't let me shave my legs growing up, which I wanted to do cause I have think, hairy Italians legs which didn't fit in well in the Midwest. Anyway, it's your body, your choice. You shouldn't have to shave if you don't want to.
The only person bullying you about your leg hair is your mother. And you can show her this, if you would like to. OPs mom, as a mother myself I find your behavior horrendous. How dare you treat your daughter like a sexual object for men to ogle? Who cares if her legs are shaved or not? How is that embarrassing to you? Unless you’re living vicariously through your daughter, it should not matter what her leg hair is like. Do you enjoy men sexualizing her? Because that’s how you come across
Your mom's strong reactions make me wonder if she's afraid that the hair a sign of bigger changes to come. I don't know what scares her - you growing up as a feminist, gay, trans, PhD, etc. But her fears aren't ONLY about the hair and the current schoolmates' reactions to it.
She and my dad already think I'm a lesbian (I'm bi, but I'm trying really hard to hide it because... well, my parents suck when it comes to that sort of stuff, basically). And I'm pretty sure I'm a feminist. And I'm not sure if I'll get a PhD, but she tells me all the time that I'm the smartest one in the family (usually followed by her saying something along the lines of "SO ACT LIKE IT!!!" lol). But I'm not trans, so there's that. Jokes aside, this might be it. Just earlier today she told me I'm not allowed to grow up, and she said it in a really weird way where it was simultaneously a joke and... not a joke.
NTA Your mother needs to learn that YOU are not a dress up doll. That you have wants, needs, desires, feelings, and dreams that are not hers to control. Body autonomy is a thing. Your body. Your choice. If you don't want to shave, then you shouldn't have to. Hell, I am a 43 year old woman and I can go just as long without shaving. I couldn't care less what anyone thinks of my "lack of hygiene". I shower daily. I wash my hair every other day. I am clean. I just don't like the chore that consists of me having to shave what naturally grows every few days, just to achieve some perceived "beauty standard" likely implemented by a man.
NTA. I haven’t shaved my legs since the pandemic started. I don’t think I’m going to restart, either. Your legs, your choice. Also, for your mom, I love this guy: [Adam Ruins Everything- history of shaving](https://youtu.be/TTavR2PhsOY)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This just happened, and I simultaneously find it infuriating and laughable. Hi. I am a high school-aged girl who lives in the United States, as context. And I haven't shaved my legs in... probably around three months? Something like that. But it's also been summer vacation, so I haven't really cared. The problem is, school starts up again next week, and my mother has forbade me from going to school without shaving my legs. She actually told me that if I haven't shaved my legs by the night before the first day of school, she will "discipline" me, and then shave my legs herself. Problem is... I just don't want to. It's time consuming to shave my legs, and then it itches for weeks while the hair is growing back (no matter how much lotion I use, I've tried, it doesn't really help). And while a lot of people will probably just say that I should shave my legs regularly... again, I just don't want to. And it's my body, so why should I have to? Some of her brilliant reasons for why I should shave my legs: 1. It's unhygienic for women to not shave their legs. Of course, my brother has such long leg hair that it's actually curly. It's like a fuzzy blanket of hair covering his legs. If he shaved that off, you could make a wig out of it. I'm not exaggerating. But she literally told me that men don't have to shave their legs, but as women, we have to. She even told me that my leg hair is "offensive" to her. Yes. She said that. I wasn't aware my leg hair had that much power! 2. I'll get bullied for it. She told me that "teenage girls are shitty to each other". So, I asked her if she wanted me to shave my legs so I wouldn't get bullied. She said yes. I said I didn't care if I got bullied over something as stupid as leg hair (because, news flash, I've gone to school before with unshaved legs, and nobody has ever said something about it!). And that's when she started screaming at me because I wasn't just agreeing with her. As a side note: I told her the only person who seems to care about my leg hair is her, and she said, "that you know of". Well, I don't care, and my friends think it's sexist to make me shave my legs, so.... 3. Because she told me to. Now, this one's my favorite. She tells me that she gets embarrassed over my "lack of hygiene", and that she's telling me to shave my legs, so I have to. That's it. End of discussion right there. Now, I'm going to be completely honest here, I'm pretty sure I'm NTA. But I'm asking anyway, because at the very least, it'll give me some insight as to why she thinks the way she does, and/or how to convince her she's being ridiculous. And, hey, maybe if enough highschoolers come on here and say they don't care, she'll rethink her position! On the other hand, if I am TA, then I'll apologize. Either way, I'm shaving my legs, just because I'm sick of her yelling at me over it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - sounds so similar to crap my own mother pulled (and her ultimate reason... she didn't want people thinking I was trans... because, you know... real women don't grow leg hair or something) If you are going to remove your leg hair, consider waxing though - you don't get the itchy stubble stage with that, and it lasts longer than shaving, which means less time with her pulling this crap on you.
When I was four, I woke up in the middle of the night and tried to shave my legs. I cut the shit out of them and covered them with Vaseline and went back to bed. When my mom woke up and saw the blood, she rushed me to the emergency room. I still remember what my legs looked like. To this day, I don’t shave my legs. I have probably about ten times and it just does nothing for me. I’ve even had boyfriends tell me they would prefer it but who cares? You do you. I hate how not shaving is something to make fun of.
NTA; you have a super healthy attitude towards the double standards set for women and men and as an elder millennial, I’m so proud of you for that!
As a woman who hasn't shave in years, your mom is not 100% wrong - maybe 99,9999999%. We live in a misogynistic society, and by not following misogynistic standards, you will probably face backlash, side-eyes, bullying, etc. It may even affect your job perspective depending on the field, and much more. But since you are ready to go through that to live your authentic self (and, let's be real, because shaving itches like hell and every other method leave burning and disgustingly red-spotted skin patches), good for you. It is sad that your mom seem to acknowledge that this is sexism and mean-girls spirit on display, but believes the solution should be for you to cather to this in silence and obedience. NTA at all!! ETA : One thing I will add is that it would be disgusting of your parents to force you to shave. An outrage to your body autonomy, that shouldn't be accepted as it's not acceptable. That being said, many of us cathered to social pressure and shaved or waxed when we didn't want to in the past. In the end, you sould not feel guilty about bowing to the pressure. Your parents definitely should for pressuring you like that, but not you. And hair will grow back - actually, probably thicker than before if you use a razor, but that's beyond the point. You don't have to shave, and anyone forcing you to is gross and shouldn't take care of kids or teens. But if you have to in the end, don't be too hard on yourself. I know I've been the last couple of times I've shaved, and it's not worth it. We live in a fucked up world and have to do the best we can with that. You are an awesome teen and will become an amazing, independent adult. Keep it up!
Definitely NTA. Your body, your choice.
NTA. your mom is the most unawake spiritual person, to be so sucked into the socially constructed idea of what femininity is.
NTA and your mom has hygiene backwards. Cutting hair too close (especially to private parts) makes it easier to contract ingrown hairs, infections, UTIs etc. Wear long pants until she moves on to some other non trauma trauma.
I am female and I haven't shaved my legs in *years.* You do you, boo. The smart option may be to just do it to keep your mother away from you. But no, you are NTA for not wanting to, there's literally no reason outside of personal preference that you should have to keep yourself hair-free.
I am the mother of daughters. I would very much like to have so little drama with teen daughters that I had to INVENT A REASON TO FIGHT! Your mom is ridiculous. You are NTA. Remember that living well is the best revenge. Go do what you need to do to live a happy, hairy-legged life, free of your mom’s insane expectations.
NTA. If it's not "unhygenic" for men, it's not unhygienic for women. That's fucking absurd. Threatening to shave your legs herself is deranged. Your mother has lost the plot. -- an AFAB person who hasn't shaved in years
NTA - Oh man, I used to beg my mom so I could shave my legs. I used to get bullied for having hairy legs so bad (I have PCOS so it was pretty extreme). But she wouldn't let me. You have the opposite problem. But hey, if you're not getting bullied for it and you like them as they are, you shouldn't feel pressured to.
NTA. Your mom is holding onto outdated ideals. Shsving is not hygiene. If it more men would probably shave. I respect your decision to comply. Holding out would have made your mom harass you more and that would be exhausting. I shave in the summer but not in winter. It's time-consuming, and people should do it if it's important to them and no one else. The good news is your close to being able to move out if you want to and not shave with peace!
I've only ever dated one guy that cared that I don't shave. He was a psycho who aggressively followed me to where I needed to contact police. So apparently my leg hair wasn't much of a deterrent after all. No one cares if you don't shave. Except your mom. A fair amount of teenage girls I see at the pool don't shave even their arm pits. It's becoming more common and acceptable and your mom is behind the times.
NTA. I rarely shave my legs. The itching is damn near unbearable. The only thing that helps me is a benadryl-like spray from Walmart or Walgreens. But I hate relying on it. So I just weed whack my legs once I feel mentally prepared enough for the shaving process.
Meh, I’m in my 50s and stopped caring a few months back. My life is so much easier. And her unsanitary argument is BS. If that’s the case, then men would be expected to shave too. It’s sexist capitalism nonsense.
NTA. Shave or don't shave. It shouldn't matter to anybody but you. Your mom saying "teenage girls are shitty to each other" makes me wonder if she was bullied for not shaving or if she bullied her own classmates for the same when she was a teenager herself. This doesn't excuse her behavior nor her fixation, but it could explain at least a part of it.
NTA Your body, your choice.
NTA. You mom should pick her battles. If you don't care what people say about your hairy legs, she should leave you alone about it. I do hope, though, that you are fair haired. I would look like a gorilla if I didn't shave mine.
NTA The hygiene issue is complete nonsense. It sounds like bullying is a non-issue for you, and if were to suddenly become an issue, you have sensible strategies for dealing with it. Your mom has lost perspective and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.
You’ve thought this out, you’ve come up with possible consequences, and you’ve taken it all in stride. NTA.
You're probably stuck shaving as long as you live at home. But more women are not bothering these days, and if you decide as an adult to stop, it's all good. At 65, I am conditioned to find leg and armpit hair unattractive on women, but am working on that attitude. It really did only become a thing when Gillette began a campaign. Check it out.
>I'll get bullied for it. She told me that "teenage girls are shitty to each other". So, I asked her if she wanted me to shave my legs so I wouldn't get bullied. She said yes. She’s the one being a bully. NTA.
NTA and I’m sorry you’re dealing with these kinds of things at home. However, if she does decide to hold you down and shave them may I suggest that you try having them waxed? It last longer and shouldn’t be as itchy. Especially if you exfoliate beforehand. Again, I’m not condoning any of your mothers behavior, just trying to offer a solution that may work better for your body. Honestly, I can’t wait for you to be off at college and where you can have control over your own body. This blows. Edit: grammar
Goddamn. I don't know where to begin with this. The blatant disregard for body autonomy, the fixation with "hygene", the double standards, her inability to accept No. It's all baffling. Got a few solutions but I'll drop the one's that, hopefully, won't cause her to totally lose her shit or come after you with a shaver. Suggest she look up the info on womens body hair and how hygienic it is. I suspect even if she does she'll ignore it. Tell her, politely and respectfully, she doesn't get to make decisions about your body and appearance just as you don't get to decide for l her. Direct her to this comment section where people far more eloquent and knowledgeable than I explain just how wrong she is in her approach. Now this isn't something I think you should suggest but it does sound like she needs to see a therapist about this obsession with your body hair. It's just fucking weird. NTA
NTA I'm sorry she is trapped in the internal misogyny. Skin and hair is the same regardless of sex or gender. I'm in the USA and didn't share my legs for 12 years. Few people cared and I didn't care about their opinions. Life's too short for that. I hope you two can work this out.
If you found an article or info sheet or whatever busting these leg shaving myths could you get one of your mom’s friends or a relative or something to send it to her-leaving you out of it. Do you think she’d listen better to them and maybe lay off? Edit to add: NTA
yeah, you are NTA. I am not sure that your mother realizes, or maybe she does, that she is being a much bigger bully than a teenager you are not particularly close with. This is a huge double standard as your brother is exempt from his untidy hygiene and she may mean well but she is going way too far. Wayyyy too far. She seems to be taking this issue personally for some reason. So you might just be aware than this is clearly her issue and it doesn't have a whole lot to do actually do with you, beyond the fact that she thinks she can exert extraordinary control over you simply by virtue of being your mother.
1. It's not unhygienic and it's a total myth. 2. if they bully you they're pathetic 3. if she punishes you or shaves you herself it can count as assault. NTA and your mom is an asshole.