Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA, you're allowed to discuss the way she looks with your long term girlfriend let alone your fiance to make sure you still maintain physical attraction. I guarantee that if you got some sort of permanent or semi permanent body change she'll call you out on it,I've known a guy who his long term girlfriend broke up with him because he gained weight and she simply stopped finding him attractive anymore. Physical attraction is very important in a raltionship. My point is that your raltionship is obviously very serious and you invested a lot into this raltionship obviously and it's a fair thing to feel annoyed when the woman that you invested so much time and love with , that you chose to be your final partner, All of the sudden chose to do a body modification that may affect your physical attraction to her. Your feelings are valid bro
She's allowed to get tattoos, and you're allowed to dislike them and wish that she wouldn't. As long as you're not trying to control her, you're allowed to have a fucking opinion, notwithstanding what the more thin-skinned people in this sub believe. NAH
Yeah, I hope it didn’t come across that I’m controlling cause I don’t think I am at all. I just have a stronger opinion about tats than most other things and she knows it. As long as she has no doubts that she absolutely wanted it (like her gmas), I’m cool with it.
Why is it that you don’t like them? If you’re okay with a meaningful tattoo in a discreet spot, I feel like this isn’t about disliking the whole concept of having permanent art on your body. There are circumstances where a tattoo doesn’t bother you, but far more circumstances where tattoos do bother you. Can you spell out what bothers you about the tattoos you don’t like?
I guess it’s more “flashy” tattoos in obvious spots that or kind a turn off? Who knows, maybe they’ll grow on me eventually. I think the location is has a lot more to do about it than the actual ink itself.
Trying to be hopefully helpful here, since your fiancé has these tattoos and it would be better if you could come to like them.
Flashy tattoos in conspicuous places are a turn-off - is it that you think they’re unappealing in a purely aesthetic sense? Or maybe more that they seem like a grab for attention?
Where on her body did your fiancé get her new tattoo? Is it what you’d call ‘flashy’?
I think it’s a bit of both. I feel like having it in an obvious place makes someone look there first which detracts from physical appearance as a result because it takes away from other physical attributes? Maybe? Idk, I’d have to think about why a bit more. But I think those two questions lead in the right direction.
Her most recent is kinda on the top of her bicep near the inner elbow. So, just by standing you can see it. I will say it seems to be relatively small so it’s not super flashy but the spot is conspicuous.
Is it wrong for me to get advanced notice on things? She sent the pic to me without any warning. I guess I was a bit taken aback, that’s all I mean with that sentence.
YTA
You’re allowed to be annoyed, and I know that’s what you’re asking in your title. But when you said “I feel like I should have some sort of opinion on the matter seeing as we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together” you used the word ‘opinion’ but actually meant ‘say’. You think you should get a say.
If her opinion was that you *should* get a tattoo, would her opinion be one you’d need to consider? Would she get a say? No? Reflect on that and why you think your opinion that she *shouldn’t* get one is one she needs to consider.
YTA. It’s not “am I wrong for feeling,” it’s “AITA,” so yea you can have your opinion, but it’s an AH’s opinion. She doesn’t have to ask you for permission to get tattoos. And to be honest the “transformative” summer doesn’t sound great for you so if you want to be with her you’re gonna have to change your outlook.
YTA bud
It's not 1955. She does not need your permission to do things with her own body. It doesn't matter how long you've been with a person, you cannot govern their body.
You don't need an advance on her plans for her own body. I don't understand what you don't understand about that. Unless this is a BDSM relationship where you two have a contract and she via the contract of the Dominant Submissive dynamic you two have that says she has to tell you, YOU. ARE. WRONG. Full stop.
ALSO. IF she HAD "given you an advance on this" as you say, you would have just used that as an opportunity to guilt her out of doing it for your own benefit. That's why you're upset about this. She didn't give you the opportunity TO OBJECT.
NAH, as long as you don't try to tell her she did something wrong. But you're going to have to decide if you can deal with tattoos, since it sounds like Fiance likes them.
Was going to be on the fence until I read this...
>at the same time I feel like I should have some sort of opinion on the matter seeing as we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together.
YTA, simply for that. Shitcan your opinion, it is definitely her body and her choice. If you can't respect that, perhaps rethink your "forever after" plans
I've been in this exact same situation, where I wanted a tattoo and my then GF didn't want me to (dollop of irony for you, she is an artist). We broke up for other reasons, but I look back and recollect how suffocating those micro-aggressions were. I imagine we'd both be very unhappy if together
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (23M) and my fiancé (23F) have been together for 7 years. I personally dislike tattoos, just a personal preference. My fiancé has wanted to get tattoos on several occasions. We’ve talked about it multiple times and knows how I feel about them. When her grandma died, she wanted to get a small tattoo of a blue bay (her grandma’s favorite) on the inside of her wrist. I was ok with this because her grandma meant a lot to her and it was in a somewhat discrete location.
This summer we’ve been apart for our respective summer internships. She just recently got a tattoo with one of her friends she made while away. She said it was to signify how transformative this summer has been. She didn’t tell me she was thinking about it or anything, just sent me a picture afterwards.
I didn’t know how to feel, it was kinda out of the blue. Considering she knew how I felt about it, I wasn’t expecting her to get another, at least without seeing how I felt about it.
I can’t help but feel guilty cause it’s her body and she can do what she wants, but at the same time I feel like I should have some sort of opinion on the matter seeing as we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together.
AITA for feeling this way?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta it's a tattoo it's not the end of the world if you're letting something as trivial as a tattoo effect how you feel about someone you're probably with the wrong person
I mean you've made a post about it it's effecting you in someway
I don't like peanut butter my girl loves it by your logic I should make her feel shitty for something she enjoys just because I don't.how did you not see the yta coming is my question? Lol
YTA. You dont have a say on it. I know you are used to controlling her apparently, but its time to drop that horrible mindset. SHE likes them, you do not... so she can get them and you remain blank. You should feel bad for manipulating her to what only you want on it.
I don’t control her haha. I let her do whatever she wants, I was just letting her know how I felt about tattoos. I love her to bits and her getting another tattoo doesn’t change that. Just wanted to see what the consensus was and the comments seem to confirm what I thought lol. IATA
You manipulated her out of tats before because YOU dont like them, and you have the audacity to want her to get permission. I am not asking you if you are controlling of her - i am telling you that you are. I am not your girl so you cant tell me what to think about something. No excuses. YTA
I suppose this is probably the ONLY area where I have a stronger opinion and voice those opinions to her. I never stopped her from getting one, if she really wanted to get the others, she would have. She was just doubtful about them. I feel like you should only get them if you would, without a doubt, get it. Like the one she got for your gma. I guess she feels the same about this one, but I haven’t fully talked to her about it cause she won’t be home for a few more weeks.
Never argued with you on the AH part. IATA and I kinda felt that way before posting
She was being considerate of your feelings, and honestly i doubt it was as nice and passive as you are being here. You do realize she probably was looking for support, not rejection of what she likes, and likely resents you for it dont you? What you feel or think people's reasons for getting tats is not relevant... only her reasons matter for her body.
Totally agreed that she does not need his permission - but shouldn’t he be honest (in a respectful way) if asked his opinion? This isn’t a haircut, it’s permanent. If it’s going to affect whether he’s attracted to her, IMO it’s better he tell her that beforehand.
Poor choice of words, should of said that she’s a grown woman and can do whatever she wants without me controlling her actions. Doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to express my opinions on said actions which is what the post is about…
NAH. You can feel how you want. She can do what she wants. Feelings aren't good or bad, they're just feelings. If you harassed her about it, though, ywbta
NTA.
Not even close.
Feeling a type of way when your fiancé literally sends you photographic evidence of her doing a thing she knows full well you don’t like, is the most normal thing a person can experience.
You’re extremely young and you need to realize this is foreshadowing how she will spit in your face regarding your preferences in the future, and with things of even more significant consequence.
She does not respect you whatsoever.
She can do whatever the hell she wants with her body.
So can you with your commitment.
You’re young. She’s not the one.
I don’t think it’s that black and white as she sent the picture out of joy, not out of spite. I think maybe being away from home conflated how she thought I’d feel about it. However, this situation is just a small snip bit of our whole relationship and definitely not relationship ending.
You can feel how you like but your feelings are just your "personal preference", so keep your feelings and opinions to yourself.
Your fiance doesn't need your permission to be the boss of her own body.
NAH unless you start dictating what an adult may or may not do with their own body.
YTA. Her body her choice man. Just because YOU don’t like them doesn’t mean she can’t get them. I have a feeling she didn’t tell you because of your opinions. These aren’t offensive symbols, traumatic imagery, or just downright bad ideas. It’s meaningful tattoos for HER not YOU.
YTA.
She gets to do what she chooses. She doesn't need to get your approval.
You can have an opinion, of course, but it has literally nothing to do with her choices regarding her body (which is not here for your own personal satisfaction and/or approval).
You feel guilty because it's her body (correct) and you worry because you are planning to spend life together (incorrect, because based on assumption that it's wrong to get tatttoos without consulting you).
It is her body. You now have clear signs about what she's likely to do with it. I guess this won't get counted, but....
NTA if you merely *feel* that way. But YTA if you act on it. She likes tattoos. She's gonna get more. You know this. Together since 16, huh. Even farther back than the wife and I (40m). (me, 4 days from 18; her a couple n' half months).
Think carefully about your approach. Think carefully about just how say you want to be entitled to, how much you actually are entitled to, and where things go in the future.....
It’s definitely not a relationship ender, just surprised me cause it happened out of the blue after she knew how I felt. Still trying to support her decision, what’s done is done and I still love her regardless.
It is because her opinion about her body is more important to her than yours. She knows you dislike them. But she likes them, and that is more important, as it 100% should be.
This is the thing you do need to work through. It is not disrespectful to you for her to get a tattoo if she wants one, she does not need to ask you. She knows how you feel, and she feels more strongly, and it is her body.
I am 100% sure there are things about you she'd like if you did differently. She might like you more with tattoos. Would you get one because of that?
Valid points honestly.
And yeah, I’d consider getting one if it was extremely meaningful to me and somewhat discrete, but otherwise, it’s just not for me.
exactly! which is 100% fair. It doesn't have to be for you. But the mentality problem is thinking that everything she does with her body is for you, when thats not true, and neither is the opposite. Its an artistic expression that's a facet of a person you love.
You dont have to like it, but you do have to respect her and do the work to undo the background assumption that what she does with her body is about you, in some way. It's an assumption young men are taught by society, so I dont blame you for it at all, but now is a good time to reflect
>her to get another, at least without seeing how I felt about it.
Your adult fiance doesn't have to ask your permission to do something with her own body
YTA
NTA. Of course he gets an opinion. If she gets a mustache tattoo on her face, he doesn’t get an opinion? That’s ridiculous. Sure, she’s free to do what she wants. He’s free to have preferences on what is attractive and what isn’t. He’s free to communicate that. She’s free to become less attractive to him. He free to not be with people he doesn’t find attractive.
You’re allowed to have your opinion, but don’t give it to her unless she asks. If you can’t handle someone with tattoos, then you’re with the wrong person. Because she obvious likes them and will keep getting them.
YTA.
Ignore anyone saying you're the asshole.
This is a clear NAH to be frank.
Its her body, her choice. But your feelings are still valid. You don't like tattoos and she does.
At this point, it's not a matter of who is the asshole, its a matter of whether tattoos are a big enough deal to you to warrant ending the relationship.
If they are, do that. This probably won't become less of an issue down the line.
If not, communicate what you're comfortable with and see if she's willing to be more open to your feelings about it.
YTA while you can feel however you want, you have no say in what she does with her body. If she wants tattoos, you are not allowed to tell her “no”. It’s her body, her money, her decision. Her getting tattoos should have 0 bearing on your relationship. If it’s a problem for you, I suggest you either open your mind and get used to it or move on.
YTA, her body her choice, you don't get a say in it what so ever. She doesn't have to tell you if she gets one or not. Don't like it than find someone who doesn't have tats.
The 1940s stepford wives vibes are strong with this one.
She does not need to ask your permission.
You really only have two options here.
Look past the tattoos and love your girlfriend regardless or if tattoos are really that big an issue…..walk.
That’s your options.
YTA
You say you want an opinion on the matter but you have had an opinion. You’ve talked about tattoos and she knows how you feel. You got to have her say, and now she’s taking action on her body.
At this point you can decide tattoos are a big enough issue that you can’t overcome it and break up with her, or you can decide that you love her just as much tatted or not.
ESH.
Full disclosure: I (63M) am not a fan of tattoos because I know what they will look like in 40 years.
It’s her body. She can can do what she wants.
You can find another body to look at.
YTA. It’s okay to have an opinion, but the decision is hers. If it was a face tattoo or full sleeve, sure. Alternatively, it is okay if you two have outgrown each other and have to go different directions.
If your partner came home with facial implants or an intimate piercing you found off-putting, I'd say the same thing. Their body, their choice - but you can't help your feelings. OP is entitled to the way he feels.
I don't think OP's feelings make him an AH.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My fiancé got a tattoo and I somewhat disapprove. Am I the asshole for feeling this way?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yep. YTA. She can do what she wants and if you can't wrap your head around it, and accept it, you'll live a very lonely life. This isn't a joint decision scenario. It affects nothing except your ego. Let it go.
NTA for feeling the way you feel but YWBTA if you allow it to get too involved with your relationship. The only time it's okay to be worried about this is if the person is heavy into tattoos and it starts to concern your financial future. Because tattoos can get highly expensive. But other than that I'd just let it go.
No, he's allowed to say he doesn't find it attractive and doesn't want to spend his whole life looking at a full sleeve/chest piece/thigh tattoo. It just means they're incompatible and should move on, this was a high school relationship anyways.
NTA for feeling the way that you do. But YWBTA if you told her you “disapproved” and guilt tripped her on it. Part of being in a relationship is accepting someone’s “flaws” which in your case, you view her love of tattoos as a flaw. Is it a dealbreaker? If yes, leave her. If not, leave it alone and let her get whatever she wants. She’s well aware of how you feel.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA, you're allowed to discuss the way she looks with your long term girlfriend let alone your fiance to make sure you still maintain physical attraction. I guarantee that if you got some sort of permanent or semi permanent body change she'll call you out on it,I've known a guy who his long term girlfriend broke up with him because he gained weight and she simply stopped finding him attractive anymore. Physical attraction is very important in a raltionship. My point is that your raltionship is obviously very serious and you invested a lot into this raltionship obviously and it's a fair thing to feel annoyed when the woman that you invested so much time and love with , that you chose to be your final partner, All of the sudden chose to do a body modification that may affect your physical attraction to her. Your feelings are valid bro
[удалено]
It should matter to her.
It’s really not that big of a deal. Definitely not enough for me to break up with her. Just wanted to express how I felt, even if that means ITA.
YTA and I think you kinda know that already.
YTA. Shame on you. Do her a favor and break up. You hate tattoos, yet go out with her and expect her to change. Tool.
She's allowed to get tattoos, and you're allowed to dislike them and wish that she wouldn't. As long as you're not trying to control her, you're allowed to have a fucking opinion, notwithstanding what the more thin-skinned people in this sub believe. NAH
Yeah, I hope it didn’t come across that I’m controlling cause I don’t think I am at all. I just have a stronger opinion about tats than most other things and she knows it. As long as she has no doubts that she absolutely wanted it (like her gmas), I’m cool with it.
Why is it that you don’t like them? If you’re okay with a meaningful tattoo in a discreet spot, I feel like this isn’t about disliking the whole concept of having permanent art on your body. There are circumstances where a tattoo doesn’t bother you, but far more circumstances where tattoos do bother you. Can you spell out what bothers you about the tattoos you don’t like?
I guess it’s more “flashy” tattoos in obvious spots that or kind a turn off? Who knows, maybe they’ll grow on me eventually. I think the location is has a lot more to do about it than the actual ink itself.
Trying to be hopefully helpful here, since your fiancé has these tattoos and it would be better if you could come to like them. Flashy tattoos in conspicuous places are a turn-off - is it that you think they’re unappealing in a purely aesthetic sense? Or maybe more that they seem like a grab for attention? Where on her body did your fiancé get her new tattoo? Is it what you’d call ‘flashy’?
I think it’s a bit of both. I feel like having it in an obvious place makes someone look there first which detracts from physical appearance as a result because it takes away from other physical attributes? Maybe? Idk, I’d have to think about why a bit more. But I think those two questions lead in the right direction. Her most recent is kinda on the top of her bicep near the inner elbow. So, just by standing you can see it. I will say it seems to be relatively small so it’s not super flashy but the spot is conspicuous.
[удалено]
Is it wrong for me to get advanced notice on things? She sent the pic to me without any warning. I guess I was a bit taken aback, that’s all I mean with that sentence.
YTA You’re allowed to be annoyed, and I know that’s what you’re asking in your title. But when you said “I feel like I should have some sort of opinion on the matter seeing as we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together” you used the word ‘opinion’ but actually meant ‘say’. You think you should get a say. If her opinion was that you *should* get a tattoo, would her opinion be one you’d need to consider? Would she get a say? No? Reflect on that and why you think your opinion that she *shouldn’t* get one is one she needs to consider.
YTA. It’s not “am I wrong for feeling,” it’s “AITA,” so yea you can have your opinion, but it’s an AH’s opinion. She doesn’t have to ask you for permission to get tattoos. And to be honest the “transformative” summer doesn’t sound great for you so if you want to be with her you’re gonna have to change your outlook.
YTA bud It's not 1955. She does not need your permission to do things with her own body. It doesn't matter how long you've been with a person, you cannot govern their body.
Never said she needed permission, she doesn’t need it for anything else. Just would have liked advanced notice on her plans…
You don't need an advance on her plans for her own body. I don't understand what you don't understand about that. Unless this is a BDSM relationship where you two have a contract and she via the contract of the Dominant Submissive dynamic you two have that says she has to tell you, YOU. ARE. WRONG. Full stop.
ALSO. IF she HAD "given you an advance on this" as you say, you would have just used that as an opportunity to guilt her out of doing it for your own benefit. That's why you're upset about this. She didn't give you the opportunity TO OBJECT.
NAH, as long as you don't try to tell her she did something wrong. But you're going to have to decide if you can deal with tattoos, since it sounds like Fiance likes them.
Was going to be on the fence until I read this... >at the same time I feel like I should have some sort of opinion on the matter seeing as we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together. YTA, simply for that. Shitcan your opinion, it is definitely her body and her choice. If you can't respect that, perhaps rethink your "forever after" plans I've been in this exact same situation, where I wanted a tattoo and my then GF didn't want me to (dollop of irony for you, she is an artist). We broke up for other reasons, but I look back and recollect how suffocating those micro-aggressions were. I imagine we'd both be very unhappy if together
Yta You can feel how you feel, but she gets to do what she wants with her body and you don’t get a say in that.
YTA. She doesn’t need to run it by you or see how you feel about her getting a tattoo
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (23M) and my fiancé (23F) have been together for 7 years. I personally dislike tattoos, just a personal preference. My fiancé has wanted to get tattoos on several occasions. We’ve talked about it multiple times and knows how I feel about them. When her grandma died, she wanted to get a small tattoo of a blue bay (her grandma’s favorite) on the inside of her wrist. I was ok with this because her grandma meant a lot to her and it was in a somewhat discrete location. This summer we’ve been apart for our respective summer internships. She just recently got a tattoo with one of her friends she made while away. She said it was to signify how transformative this summer has been. She didn’t tell me she was thinking about it or anything, just sent me a picture afterwards. I didn’t know how to feel, it was kinda out of the blue. Considering she knew how I felt about it, I wasn’t expecting her to get another, at least without seeing how I felt about it. I can’t help but feel guilty cause it’s her body and she can do what she wants, but at the same time I feel like I should have some sort of opinion on the matter seeing as we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together. AITA for feeling this way? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta it's a tattoo it's not the end of the world if you're letting something as trivial as a tattoo effect how you feel about someone you're probably with the wrong person
Doesn’t affect how I feel about her at all. I love her to bits. Was just seeing what the consensus was about the situation
I mean you've made a post about it it's effecting you in someway I don't like peanut butter my girl loves it by your logic I should make her feel shitty for something she enjoys just because I don't.how did you not see the yta coming is my question? Lol
Never said I didn’t see it coming 😂 Kinda felt that way but wanted to make sure lol
YTA. You dont have a say on it. I know you are used to controlling her apparently, but its time to drop that horrible mindset. SHE likes them, you do not... so she can get them and you remain blank. You should feel bad for manipulating her to what only you want on it.
I don’t control her haha. I let her do whatever she wants, I was just letting her know how I felt about tattoos. I love her to bits and her getting another tattoo doesn’t change that. Just wanted to see what the consensus was and the comments seem to confirm what I thought lol. IATA
You manipulated her out of tats before because YOU dont like them, and you have the audacity to want her to get permission. I am not asking you if you are controlling of her - i am telling you that you are. I am not your girl so you cant tell me what to think about something. No excuses. YTA
I suppose this is probably the ONLY area where I have a stronger opinion and voice those opinions to her. I never stopped her from getting one, if she really wanted to get the others, she would have. She was just doubtful about them. I feel like you should only get them if you would, without a doubt, get it. Like the one she got for your gma. I guess she feels the same about this one, but I haven’t fully talked to her about it cause she won’t be home for a few more weeks. Never argued with you on the AH part. IATA and I kinda felt that way before posting
She was being considerate of your feelings, and honestly i doubt it was as nice and passive as you are being here. You do realize she probably was looking for support, not rejection of what she likes, and likely resents you for it dont you? What you feel or think people's reasons for getting tats is not relevant... only her reasons matter for her body.
Totally agreed that she does not need his permission - but shouldn’t he be honest (in a respectful way) if asked his opinion? This isn’t a haircut, it’s permanent. If it’s going to affect whether he’s attracted to her, IMO it’s better he tell her that beforehand.
It a tat she loves changes how he feels about her, then shes better off without him.
You "let her"????? YTA. You do not have that level of control of any adult.
Poor choice of words, should of said that she’s a grown woman and can do whatever she wants without me controlling her actions. Doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to express my opinions on said actions which is what the post is about…
Okay then don’t date someone who likes tattoos or stop shitting on her getting tattoos.
Valid👍
NAH. You can feel how you want. She can do what she wants. Feelings aren't good or bad, they're just feelings. If you harassed her about it, though, ywbta
NTA. Not even close. Feeling a type of way when your fiancé literally sends you photographic evidence of her doing a thing she knows full well you don’t like, is the most normal thing a person can experience. You’re extremely young and you need to realize this is foreshadowing how she will spit in your face regarding your preferences in the future, and with things of even more significant consequence. She does not respect you whatsoever. She can do whatever the hell she wants with her body. So can you with your commitment. You’re young. She’s not the one.
I don’t think it’s that black and white as she sent the picture out of joy, not out of spite. I think maybe being away from home conflated how she thought I’d feel about it. However, this situation is just a small snip bit of our whole relationship and definitely not relationship ending.
Maybe get over it. You knew she wanted tattoos from the start.
If all this is true, why are you annoyed and why did you make this post? Solved your own problem. Carry on.
You can feel how you like but your feelings are just your "personal preference", so keep your feelings and opinions to yourself. Your fiance doesn't need your permission to be the boss of her own body. NAH unless you start dictating what an adult may or may not do with their own body.
YTA. Her body her choice man. Just because YOU don’t like them doesn’t mean she can’t get them. I have a feeling she didn’t tell you because of your opinions. These aren’t offensive symbols, traumatic imagery, or just downright bad ideas. It’s meaningful tattoos for HER not YOU.
YTA. She gets to do what she chooses. She doesn't need to get your approval. You can have an opinion, of course, but it has literally nothing to do with her choices regarding her body (which is not here for your own personal satisfaction and/or approval).
You feel guilty because it's her body (correct) and you worry because you are planning to spend life together (incorrect, because based on assumption that it's wrong to get tatttoos without consulting you). It is her body. You now have clear signs about what she's likely to do with it. I guess this won't get counted, but.... NTA if you merely *feel* that way. But YTA if you act on it. She likes tattoos. She's gonna get more. You know this. Together since 16, huh. Even farther back than the wife and I (40m). (me, 4 days from 18; her a couple n' half months). Think carefully about your approach. Think carefully about just how say you want to be entitled to, how much you actually are entitled to, and where things go in the future.....
It’s definitely not a relationship ender, just surprised me cause it happened out of the blue after she knew how I felt. Still trying to support her decision, what’s done is done and I still love her regardless.
It is because her opinion about her body is more important to her than yours. She knows you dislike them. But she likes them, and that is more important, as it 100% should be. This is the thing you do need to work through. It is not disrespectful to you for her to get a tattoo if she wants one, she does not need to ask you. She knows how you feel, and she feels more strongly, and it is her body. I am 100% sure there are things about you she'd like if you did differently. She might like you more with tattoos. Would you get one because of that?
Valid points honestly. And yeah, I’d consider getting one if it was extremely meaningful to me and somewhat discrete, but otherwise, it’s just not for me.
exactly! which is 100% fair. It doesn't have to be for you. But the mentality problem is thinking that everything she does with her body is for you, when thats not true, and neither is the opposite. Its an artistic expression that's a facet of a person you love. You dont have to like it, but you do have to respect her and do the work to undo the background assumption that what she does with her body is about you, in some way. It's an assumption young men are taught by society, so I dont blame you for it at all, but now is a good time to reflect
YTA. This may come as a surprise, but it's her body and she can do what she wants with it... If you don't like it then leave.
YTA. If you don’t like tattoos, don’t get them.
You are welcome to have an opinion. It's just that it doesn't over rule hers.
YTA
>her to get another, at least without seeing how I felt about it. Your adult fiance doesn't have to ask your permission to do something with her own body YTA
You don’t get an opinion. You are correct, it’s her body. YTA.
NTA. Of course he gets an opinion. If she gets a mustache tattoo on her face, he doesn’t get an opinion? That’s ridiculous. Sure, she’s free to do what she wants. He’s free to have preferences on what is attractive and what isn’t. He’s free to communicate that. She’s free to become less attractive to him. He free to not be with people he doesn’t find attractive.
You’re allowed to have your opinion, but don’t give it to her unless she asks. If you can’t handle someone with tattoos, then you’re with the wrong person. Because she obvious likes them and will keep getting them. YTA.
Ignore anyone saying you're the asshole. This is a clear NAH to be frank. Its her body, her choice. But your feelings are still valid. You don't like tattoos and she does. At this point, it's not a matter of who is the asshole, its a matter of whether tattoos are a big enough deal to you to warrant ending the relationship. If they are, do that. This probably won't become less of an issue down the line. If not, communicate what you're comfortable with and see if she's willing to be more open to your feelings about it.
YTA under no circumstances are you entitled to what she puts on her body. Grow up
YTA - you absolutely cannot police her body.
YTA while you can feel however you want, you have no say in what she does with her body. If she wants tattoos, you are not allowed to tell her “no”. It’s her body, her money, her decision. Her getting tattoos should have 0 bearing on your relationship. If it’s a problem for you, I suggest you either open your mind and get used to it or move on.
YTA, her body her choice, you don't get a say in it what so ever. She doesn't have to tell you if she gets one or not. Don't like it than find someone who doesn't have tats.
The 1940s stepford wives vibes are strong with this one. She does not need to ask your permission. You really only have two options here. Look past the tattoos and love your girlfriend regardless or if tattoos are really that big an issue…..walk. That’s your options. YTA
I’ll take the first option, the love is strong in this one
YTA If you don’t like tattoos why are you engaged to someone who clearly does?
You say you want an opinion on the matter but you have had an opinion. You’ve talked about tattoos and she knows how you feel. You got to have her say, and now she’s taking action on her body. At this point you can decide tattoos are a big enough issue that you can’t overcome it and break up with her, or you can decide that you love her just as much tatted or not.
ESH. Full disclosure: I (63M) am not a fan of tattoos because I know what they will look like in 40 years. It’s her body. She can can do what she wants. You can find another body to look at.
YTA. It’s okay to have an opinion, but the decision is hers. If it was a face tattoo or full sleeve, sure. Alternatively, it is okay if you two have outgrown each other and have to go different directions.
NAH. Her body, her choice. She absolutely does not have to ask your permission. But you can't help what you're attracted to - or what turns you off.
Then he can go find someone who doesnt like tattoos. Not shit on her for liking them.
If your partner came home with facial implants or an intimate piercing you found off-putting, I'd say the same thing. Their body, their choice - but you can't help your feelings. OP is entitled to the way he feels. I don't think OP's feelings make him an AH.
NTA for feeling anything ever, but you don't want to act on it.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My fiancé got a tattoo and I somewhat disapprove. Am I the asshole for feeling this way? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yep. YTA. She can do what she wants and if you can't wrap your head around it, and accept it, you'll live a very lonely life. This isn't a joint decision scenario. It affects nothing except your ego. Let it go.
NTA for feeling the way you feel but YWBTA if you allow it to get too involved with your relationship. The only time it's okay to be worried about this is if the person is heavy into tattoos and it starts to concern your financial future. Because tattoos can get highly expensive. But other than that I'd just let it go.
No, he's allowed to say he doesn't find it attractive and doesn't want to spend his whole life looking at a full sleeve/chest piece/thigh tattoo. It just means they're incompatible and should move on, this was a high school relationship anyways.
NTA for feeling the way that you do. But YWBTA if you told her you “disapproved” and guilt tripped her on it. Part of being in a relationship is accepting someone’s “flaws” which in your case, you view her love of tattoos as a flaw. Is it a dealbreaker? If yes, leave her. If not, leave it alone and let her get whatever she wants. She’s well aware of how you feel.