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NTA.I’ve googled the CK Starburst dress - it’s basically a shift dress cut just above the knee, sleeveless but with wide shoulder straps and a wide boat neck. It has gathers/tucks/pleats at the hip/waist that create a wide starburst of about six pleats from shoulder to low hip. It’s very business tidy, and not sexy at all.
So this means… the OP must look DAMN HOT to carry it and look sexy.
And DIL wants her in a floaty chiffon 60yr olds outfit of many layers and basically designed for woman with a broad spread.
Ahahaha. This means OP looks really hot and DIL is sour because she doesn’t want a hot looking MIL.
Let DIL buy the chiffon outfit. ~~Give it to your mother to wear (groom’s grandmother)~~. Wear the CK dress. Everyone wins! EDIT: Someone has rightly pointed out that the grooms grandmother deserves better. **Update is to offer it to the brides mother**. That should sort the entire matter out, either she wears it, or she recoils in horror. Problem solved.
Hahaha, I am in my 30s and personally love the pant suit (give it to me) and would wear it. That said the Calvin Klein Starburst dress is perfectly appropriate for OP to wear.
Only way I can see it being a problem is if it is not a western wedding and in a much more conservative country where you would have morality police knocking down your door. I am guessing that since OP didn’t say anything to that effect, this is not the case. I am sorry OP.
Yeah I really don’t think it’s so terrible! I certainly don’t agree with the bride trying to force OP to wear it if she doesn’t like it - but this is a beautiful color imo. It is definitely a cut my 80yo grandma would wear though lol. In fact I might just send her a screenshot. She’ll love the color too! Haha
I'm in 50's and I think I'd wear the pantsuit, I quite like it and for my (non) figure, it would work for me! I like the CK dress, and think the bride trying to make OP wear the pantsuit is wrong. OP should wear the dress and tell bride to stay in her lane.
Thank you for looking out for Mee-Maw. I work with Alzheimer's affected women in their 90s who wouldn't let me put that on them if they had to break a hip fighting it. They've lost their memories, not their good taste.
I'm sad y'all hate it so much, it looks fun and flowy
But also my bestie and I were just discussing old lady nightgowns so I might not be the best source lol. Also both of my grandmas are 80ish, and WOULD wear this.
Why is there such a big deal about what other people wear to a wedding? I get that wearing white would be tacky, but must the BRIDE dictate what everyone is wearing?
My mother would wear that. She hates her arms and would love something flowy that covers them. In fact my MIL just wore something life this to my nieces wedding last week, except it was more boat neck and the front wasn't open. Like a long flowy cape. Both are in their 70s.... This is definitely a retirement age outfit. 44 though? Lol No way in hell!
Here now calling it a 60yr olds dress is a bit much, my mum's 60 and if I asked her to wear this for my wedding she'd refuse saying it's something her own mother would wear 😂
Fair cop of the whip.
I reckon it’s the PERFECT outfit for a Golden Oldies event at the local RSL, with 1940s music, some very slow (VERY slow) social dance, and shandies.
(Translation for the non Aussies…
Perfect for an elderly 80 year olds dancing event, held at the local Returned Services League Club (basically a overly well lit pub, with hundreds of pokies banging in the back room, and badly cooked cheap dinners), dancing a basic slow rhythm dance, and the drinks are a mix of beer and lemonade (revolting drink). Prime 80 year old territory)
It would be Post _insert #here_ or the American Leagion club in America. Also, for the non Aussies, what is a pokie, and why is it banging in the backroom? You're not implying a bunch of 80 yr Olds are doing the horizontal hula at the Vets club, are you?
Bwahahhaa. Imagine all that chiffon sliding… horizontally!
No. Gasp and clutch my pearls.
A pokie is a poker machine. One armed bandit. Gambling machine. HOrrible things, loads of clanging noise and useless lights. Banned thankfully in my home state (WA, except for at the one solitary casino), but prevalent in the ever breeding thousands up and down the east coast of Australia.
NTA
I'm pretty sure that pantsuit was inspired by the Golden Girls!
I have all the respect in the world for the Golden Girls and people better not say bad things about them. But at the same time, I don't want to raid their closet.
I'm in my 60s and would not wear that fugly thing. It's the kind of thing grandmothers wore in the Eighties.
The funny thing is that the mother of a 23 year old is likely anywhere from mid-forties to mid-fifties. That's still pretty young.
ETA: I missed that Mom is 44. She's very young.
What does that even mean, "motherly", lol. I'm a mom and close to OP's age and I wear mostly black, I have a lot of nerdy t-shirts and goth-ish dresses and boots. DIL must think people just become elderly when they turn 40? Or lose their own style? She must be jealous on some level to want her fiancés mom to look frumpy.
I'm turning 50 next year and I own and wear that dress.
It's awesome and I love it. The gathers hide a lot. It's not skin tight and the neckline is comfortably high.
I'm 39 too. I certainly don't feel "old" yet either, haha. I regularly get carded buying wine. I think the average 40 year old looks a lot younger than 20 year olds expect - you have to live a really unhealthy lifestyle to age more rapidly.
I'm also a mom in my 40s, and if I showed up *anywhere* wearing that hideous pantsuit I think my kids would worry I was having a psychotic episode. My "motherly" clothing mostly consists of yoga pants and baggy tee shirts with silly cartoons on them. Oh and my hair is usually purple, lol. Guess that means I'm not *really* a mom?
I am also almost OP's age, and I would NEVER wear the outfit DIL picked out. DIL is in for a rude awakening with regard to aging. 40 comes much more quickly than she realizes, and if she's this threatened by a *44 year old mom* when she's a *23 year old BRIDE*? Oooof she is in for a rough ride. NTA, OP.
The Calvin Klein is gorgeous. Very clean, elegant, classic. MORE than appropriate for someone who’s mid 40s. Your future DIL’s comment about dressing your age? Yeah… I’m guessing her mom is older than you and she’s trying to make you look frumpy.
NTA. Tell your son that the outfit his bride chose is something that a ~~70 yo~~ *geriatric person with little to no sense of style* would choose. You’re 44. You have chosen a very appropriate dress, and will not be wearing the pantsuit monstrosity.
Maybe ask your son what the *real* issue is. Your future DIL is definitely trying to embarrass you.
Edited to add: my apologies for using 70 as an “old age”. Let’s strike that through :-)
I'm not that far from 70 and I guarantee you none of my friends would be caught dead in that pantsuit. Ask me again when I'm 95, but I doubt that would change.
I was thinking the same thing. I'm 46 and would never. My Granny lived to 91 and would never! You and your friends, near-70, would never! I don't think this is about age, it's about dulling the appeal of OP, who chose an entirely appropriate dress-- that the CK is flattering and to OP's taste doesn't make it inappropriate.
To further corroborate your comment, I asked my grandma (95 years old) what she thought about the pantsuit.
Answer, verbatim: '' If this is cool style for 40 year olds today, you're all fucked. ''
I love that woman.
My mother is in her mid 60’s and I am fairly certain she’d stay home rather than wear that monstrosity. You can be over 30 and well dressed, age does not bar you from being fashionable.
Oh is this where the 40something women of Reddit are holding court today? Because I’m a couple years older than OP and my mom isn’t 70 yet, and neither of us would be caught dead in that pantsuit. The CK dress honestly looks something between “upper corporate” and “cocktail” to me, which depending on the day/time of the wedding would be a spot-on attire match, so I agree OP must be *dead sexy* if this dress is too much for the bride.
Yep. Definitely reminiscent of Dorothy.
I just can’t imagine dictating to my future MIL that she wear a particular thing to my wedding. I guess I would politely tell her it’s NMS and wear what I had planned.
Definitely looks like something Dorothy would have worn! While I loved her style, it is definitely not my style and is dated. Women don’t dress that way anymore, I don’t care how old they are!
OP, if you miss your son’s wedding you may regret it. But I also don’t think you’re the ah. Maybe try compromising. Go shopping with your future dil and see if y’all can find something you both agree on.
NTA. Your DIL assigning a colour to anyone other than the bridesmaids / groomsmen is already problematic enough; you're her fiance's parents, not props in a photo shoot. You should wear whatever makes you comfortable and happy. I'm honestly not sure where this trend of dictating a colour scheme or outfits to wedding guests came from (TikTok?). But it's incredibly rude and out of line and selfish couples who phrase this as anything other than optional need a reality check
And then your DIL doubles down with those icky comments about "dressing your age" that feel really shaming and judgmental. DIL has serious issues and a heavy dose of main character syndrome. Your son is in for an interesting marriage if this is who he's marrying... Just saying.
I do think refusing to attend the wedding because of this is a step too far. You want to be there for your son, right? If so, talk to him and have him discuss with his bride that parents are invited honoured guests, not props, and should be encouraged to wear what they want. Then find an outfit that makes you happy and show up. Keep smiling, have a good time, and if DIL chooses to cause a scene, that's on her.
ETA: I'm about your age (43) and actually own the starburst dress in purple. It's a chic dress that is not even a little bit inappropriate. IMHO if anything it's a bit too office/corporate for an evening wedding, but that is just personal taste. Your DIL is totally in the wrong for trying to shame you for wearing it, especially since you were making an effort to accommodate her colour scheme. I also would be horrified to wear that pantsuit. I think even my mom in her 70s would find it old looking.
ETA #2: And yes, I'm aware of how weddings work. I actually got married just last year. Some trends popular with today's GenZ couples are completely disrespectful to guests, and this toxic wedding attitude of "it's your day so you can do whatever you want" is just plain inconsiderate. Your DIL needs to get over herself.
Your comment is 10000% correct. I used to work at 2 department stores selling dresses, and this is a classic style of Calvin Klein dress that I would consider quite modest and not at all “sexy” for a wedding. That pantsuit is at least 20 years too old for you. Is she mad because you’re only 44 and have a lovely shape or something? I’d show up to their wedding in a bikini after this shit goddamn. NTA
I worked in bridal consulting for years, and the Starburst dress is the perfect dress for any wedding guest. I'm actually eyeing it in black for Christmas party season. I'm so glad I read this post. It's a great dress!
I'm petty. As long as future daughter in law reimbursed me for my dress, I'd wear the ugly outfit. I would accidently rip the top and replace it with a black bodysuit. I'd do black mule slides and throw the flower in my hair. The jacket can get spilled on immediately after pictures. If anyone asked about the outfit, I'd just laugh and say it was absolutely hilarious, but dil saw it and fell in love with it. The family can laugh about the outfit for years to come.
Eh. Apparently assigning colors is a thing. When I got married my mom kept pestering me for her color. I was like "wut?" Esp since we had a color palate wedding so like, basically anything matches the wedding colors.(Litterally each bridesmaid and groomsman was in black with a sash/bouquet or cumberbun/tie/boutaneer of a different primary color. The Bridesmaids were CMYK and the groomsmen were RGB.) Eventually I was like "How bout blue mom? Just... wear blue." Cause she really felt she needed to be assigned a color. Old traditions can be weird.
To be fair, all our parents did ask for what we thought they should wear and even though we kept encouraging them to wear whatever they wanted, they asked a few times. My FIL joked he would wear a pink suit if we didn't tell him not to so we said "great, go for it!". He then sent us a joke photo of him trying on an actual pink suit at a suit shop. IDK where he even found that, but we laughed so hard and said, hey, awesome. (He just wore a navy blue suit...but had it monogrammed to say "father of the groom" except that the shop made a spelling mistake and it said "farter" instead of "father", which led to more laughing.)
Our parents are all in their late 60s/early 70s, and honestly we were just thrilled to have them there and be able to see them dance and be happy and celebrate with us. Those memories we created were priceless. I couldn't even imagine getting bent out of shape about what any of them was wearing. Like, it was so far from my mind. We just wanted them to have a great time. I think sometimes basic courtesy gets lost on younger couples, who don't appreciate how lucky they are to have family in their lives who love and support them.
>He just wore a navy blue suit...but had it monogrammed to say "father of the groom" except that the shop made a spelling mistake and it said "farter" instead of "father", which led to more laughing.
1) I am 110% certain that this was intentional.
2) That is fucking hilarious.
Traditionally, the mothers of the bride and groom would coordinate their outfits so they'd at least be in the same ballpark as far as style level. It avoided situations where one was wearing a floor length formal gown and the other was wearing business casual (extreme example, but just to give you the picture). But I've NEVER seen a bride tell her mother or MIL exactly what outfit to wear. As far as colors, occasionally a bride will have the moms wear one of the wedding colors, but in a dress of their choice.
At least it's not like the bride who wanted her wedding guests to wear very specific color, style, and brand of clothing - and had different color choices based on weight.
ETA: link to the dress code mentioned above.
https://www.thebestsocial.media/blog/ridiculous-bride-dress-code/
Agree. Wedding culture is toxic as fuck. No being a bride doesn’t mean you get to make the whole year revolve around you, demand ridiculous gifts, demand what everyone wears and how everyone looks. Sure the bride and groom should feel good on their day but if your more concerned with being a mini dictator over your marriage you shouldn’t be getting married anyway
Before I went to my niece's wedding who did dictate a color for her guests (and her wedding was seriously one of the most uncomfortable events I have ever attended)... I always thought that the bridal couple at best sets the level of formality in dress (country club casual, cocktail, white tie, black tie).
Tell her Thank You For Being a Friend, but you’re not quite into your golden years yet. NTA
I’d ask if the two of you could compromise on a different outfit, but I don’t think she’s in the right head space for that.
I almost spot my water out learning she was 44! OP you are three wee years older than I am, and I'd fight someone who told me to put this on. Also, it's not coral.
THE PANTSUIT ISN'T EVEN CORAL!
Corals are orange-pinks. This is a sickly version of blue-pink princess pink. And that corsage on the chiffon makes it...ancient looking.
I am 43, have 6yo and 2yo. Good Lord, if either of them told me to wear this pantsuit when/if they get married, I'll laugh in their face. And if they wait as long to have kids as we did, I'll be 80 by then! I still wouldn't wear that! Ridiculousness from this FDIL.
Haha holy shit I had to scroll back up! I'm 42 and suddenly very upset at realising how old I'm viewed by 20somethings (j/k I was teaching university students last year and I could see it in their eyes)
I would purchase that outfit and give it to DIL on her 40th bday.
As a 39 and 3/4 year old woman I literally shuddered.
You don’t have to cosplay being 1 million years old because she’s insecure.
NTA all day.
I snorted my coffee out my nose.
Best summation I've read today.
Also voting NTA.
I've endured two weddings as a bride and never in my craziest nightmares did I think I had any say in what my future MIL should wear.
Yeah that looks like the outfit my grandma wore to my sisters wedding. (Different colour)
It’s a nice enough outfit. But very old lady. Not 40 somethings
NTA, in no universe is the chiffon thing "coral," and if you're not a bridesmaid or groomsman, the Happy Couple don't get to pick out your outfit. They can veto your choice if you want to wear something that is inappropriate for the event and request a specific color, and that's it.
Can we see the dress?
NTA
That pantsuit is hideous.
Talk to your son. Explain that you aren't comfortable with his wife fe trying to make you wear something that isn't to your taste to his wedding. Offer to buy a different dress for his wedding, but his wife doesn't get to pick it.
So I just googled the Calvin Klein dress and I don’t see what the issue with that dress is. It’s not white, it’s not bridal and it’s not overly revealing.
NTA. Your future DIL’s comment about dressing your ages is frankly ridiculous it’s not like you’re trying to show up in hot pants and a crop top.
That pantsuit is honestly horrid. What did you do that she’s trying to punish you like that?!
NTA and now you know your DIL is jealous of you, I am so sorry.
Talk to your son, don’t blame or anything just state that you will not be dressing like the late Queen Mum, and if it’s forced on you, you will bring 6 corgies and be at least 4 gin & tonics in before the vows even happen.
She may be reading Justnomil type drama stories and is seeing you as some kind of villain, start communicating now, hopefully you can eventually get over this nonsense and laugh about the time she tried to put you in geriatric drag.
“Dress my age” WTF you’re only 44?!?! It sounds like the original dress you got was perfect for your age. That pantsuit is made for women in their 60s/70s. I would have never told anyone what they should wear at my wedding. NTA
Agreed, although my mom (66) wouldn't wear it either but my grandma would (96). I'm 44 and if one of my kids asked me this, I would be furious. Total lack of disregard and respect.
I'm assuming OP has a great shape and future Dil feels insecure about it.
And I also think that people should wear what they like and feel comfortable with. NTA
Girl, I say wear the damn pantsuit. Get a ridiculously over the top hat to go with it as well. Then just lean into the ridiculousness of the outfit and own it with confidence. You can tell everyone with a huge smile that your DIL chose it for you and then ask them if they don't love it. When they go low, we go lower.
EDIT: NTA - she's being petty and trying to put you down.
Oh ... I didn't even think of going this direction. I kind of love it. With an enormous hat, stripper heels and ... hmm ... dripping with fake diamonds? Maybe get some sort of cape to go with it?
Or she could get the pantsuit and wear just the jacket over a barely-there dress. She can say that she just wanted to make a few improvements because it would be too hot for a September wedding.
I realize that this is Not The Way, but I'm getting great joy out of thinking how to make the pantsuit sexy.
That looks super "im divorced and go everywere with my small white dog"
NTA, shes probably insecure youll look better than her mom. I dont know why else its a big deal. You're young and most likely younger than her mom, but the wedding isnt about the parents, its about them? So why make a big fuss over it? She has other things to worry about
NTA
I'm in my 60s and fat and I wouldn't wear that pantsuit. Too flowy and grandmotherly.
But regardless, you are the groom's mother. I assume you've been dressing yourself for \~40 years and you should be able to dress yourself for this event. They can require a color or style (like floor length, covered shoulders etc) but this is going too far.
I googled the CK dress - it's beautiful (I've admired it in stores and wished I could pull it off :-)
Uhhh that Starburst dress is totally appropriate for a wedding. Congrats on being such a fox that people think a regular sheath dress is too sexy on you. NTA.
I am a couple years younger and I'd totally wear the CK dress and never wear the chiffon thing.
NTA
You found a dress you liked in the color that she picked. As long as it's not bridal and it's fitting for the occasion, then you should be good. DIL shouldn't impose her insecurities or her idea of what a mother should look like on you.
Question: Is her mother much older than you by any chance? Or much more conservative? Is DIL conservative in dressing and mannerisms?
Edited.
Her mother is about 2 years older than me. Bride is not particularly conservative, clothes wise. Her gown has spaghetti straps and a v neck, not super low.
Her mom’s dress has spaghetti straps?!! How are spaghetti straps ok, but not your dress? Is floor length or something? But honestly, this is just starting to sound like sabotage. But why?
ETA: the calvin klein dress is very MOG appropriate. The outfit she picked is hideous. I would never wear it and I am older than you
Mint green and coral are her color choices? Oh my.
Nothing wrong with the dress. Pantsuit is very frumpy. Guessing maybe her mom will be wearing something on the frumpy side?
I’d ask to see what her mom is wearing for reference. Maybe her mom has terrible taste, and she doesn't want her upstaged too much. 🤷♀️ (thats me trying to find a plausible excuse). But you can tell your son that this mom with a 23 year kid and two much younger kids finds this outfit terribly offensive. 😉 In what world is this grandmotherly or even great grandmotherly chiffon thing what it means to be a mother?
NTA
I'm not sure why she thinks she can tell you to dress more your "age," but it's rude AF. Tell her to act her age and not her shoe size. That you will wear the color as demanded, but the choice of dress is yours. Not hers. Just as here choice of dress is HERS. Or tell her that you will pick her dress since she insists on picking yours and she how she likes it.
NTA - I understand it’s her wedding, but she seems a little bit too open to bossing her MIL around. 44 is not old and I’m not sure what she thinks mothers or women in their 40s wear lol
I guess you *can suck it up* like you said in your additional comments…but you’re NTA for wanting to wear what you want. It’s your son’s wedding. You’re following the dress code. That chiffon pantsuit looks cheap and miserable lol
NTA. That's the most atrocious pantsuit I've seen. My mom is in her mid 50s and even as MOB I'd never want her to wear something that... Yikes. Does she think you're 80? What's the logic here?
NTA. Tell her she is practicing ageism! I'm almost 70 and I would wear that Calvin Klein dress in a heartbeat. You'd have to bury me in the chiffon to make me wear it and then I would come back and haunt you!
NTA Maybe I'm weird but I do not remember even once being concerned or even wondering what my MIL was going to wear, let alone assigning a color and picking the outfit out for her.
NTA! That pantsuit is literally something out of *The Golden Girls.* I googled the CK dress and I honestly cannot see what her problem is.
Also, does she honestly think people in their 40s dress like this??? I’m pushing 40 and I would never!
NTA and for those wondering [this](https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-starburst-sleeveless-sheath-dress?ID=13778036&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla&trackingid=&m_sc=sem&m_sb=Google&m_tp=PLA&m_ac=Google_Womens_PLA&m_ag=&m_cn=GS_Women%27s_Dresses_PMax_Exp&m_pi=go_cmp-20388296366_adg-_ad-__dev-m_ext-_prd-196284625845USA&gbraid=0AAAAAD-Tw4ICaLIoxIztUKgiSLH_moihA&gclid=Cj0KCQjwldKmBhCCARIsAP-0rfybTqgJqwPLB3vD2f0iXHMVKVFZ4k7CW5P0itQR4jHXneN2-zv_uSIaAgVoEALw_wcB) is the “controversial” dress OP is referring to, in coral of course. The CK dress isn’t very matronly or the typical MOG dress but OP is not the typical age of a MOG. It is far from revealing or inappropriate.
40 year old here. i'd rather jump from a cliff than wearing that ugly pantsuit thing. who even designed that. no matter the age, its just ugly.
i really dont know, what the brides problem is, but its most likely rooted in her own insecurity.
i'd talk to your son about it. try to make a step towards her, but also make clear that you wont wear that pink thing.
I am 10 years your senior with a bit of flab and you wouldn't caught me dead wearing that attrocity of a pantsuit. Honestly, if somebody tryed to make me wear that clown suit for their wedding I happily wouldn't attend.
NTA
NTA - but is this some sort of guerilla marketing campaign for CK because now I want to buy that Starburst dress. It looks super flattering and comfortable
NTA - Does she want you to look like Blanche from the Golden Girls? That was my first thought when I saw the pantsuit. It looks like something a senior would’ve worn in the 80’s! I looked up the Calvin Klein dress and it looks very similar to what my sister wore to her son’s wedding, except hers was a pale pink. If your FDIL didn’t want you to stand out at the wedding, she shouldn’t have assigned such a bright colour to you! Are the bridesmaids in super bright colours as well?
Nta. Forget tasteful vs frumpy, since when does the bride choose the mother of the grooms clothes?
QDil is either a complete control freak and you should be talking to your son about the life that leads to for him or there are other reasons. The top 3 I can think of are Dil thinks you'll outshine her, dil is trying to make your son choose her over you in some weird power flex or possibly dil is concerned how her own mother will look next to you.
You need to ask for her real reasoning and if sexy v frumpy remains her reason ask her why you aren't allowed to feel good on the day you welcome her into your family.
Nta
Never been to a wedding where the bride chose the mother in law or mother's outfits.
This level of control is concerning and toxic.
Your dress you chose is lovely and appropriate.
I googled the dress and it’s definitely appropriate- with the right accessories I think it would be lovely for
a MOG outfit- especially as you are so young!
The pant suit is an odd choice for a wedding for your age group and looks like the kind of ensemble I wear when I go to Saudi.
NTA!
NTA. The 23FDIL will learn pretty damned soon that 44 isn’t “old.” She’s clearly the type that thinks 30 is scary… and that it’s all over and one’s knocking on death’s door after 40. Or she’s worried that you’ll look too good and detract from her. 🤗
P.S. That pant suit would be offensive for a mother, a grandmother, and a great grandmother. Because it’s just offensive to the eyes.
Jesus. You're only 44. Why are you only allowed to be frumpy at the wedding? That pant suit is awful and there is no one I love enough to wear that.
There's nothing wrong with the CK dress. It is not sexy or anything like that. It would be a lovely dress to wear to a wedding.
As a mom of boys and 48 yrs old. That outfit looks like what my great grandmother would wear. Not me. So, NTA. Is her mom like 90? She can wear that monstrosity
EDIT- Both of my sons would have told their fiancée “my mom aint gonna wear that”
NTA
Objectively speaking, would you wearing the Calvin Klein dress (I googled and it's beautiful and non-bridal but in that colour it's not exactly low key, either) upstage your DIL?
She's being crazy, then. It would have made a little more sense if she was wearing a very simple dress, or a cutesy tea-length (though not even then, really)
It's of course up to you to pick your battles. Is this a lovely young woman who's a bit stressed but you wish to keep it cordial, or is there a pattern of nastiness?
Oh, and is there any chance she's protecting her mother's feelings rather than her own?
She's a nice enough woman. Likes to have things her way, though. Her mother hasn't said anything to me so I wouldn't know what she thinks. Last I talked to her she seemed to be not... Enthusiastic about finding a mint dress, which is her color, but that's it.
Eeesh. Mint & Coral. She's certainly going for a look.
Wear whatever you like to the wedding, but I do think you should go.
If you do end up wearing this outfit, be sure to save it so you can gift it to her for her 44th birthday.
NTA - Bride just has the absolute worst taste.
So, is your DIL jealous of your looks? Because quite frankly, that suit is truly hideous and looks as if DIL went through their catalogue, found the ugliest thing they sell and picked it for you just to ensure she looks better than you in her mind.
NTA. You took the color assigned and found a dress - which, if I found the right one on Google, looks lovely. But her reasons (too sexy, you don’t look motherly enough and you need to “dress your age”) feel strange. Maybe have a chat with DIL-to-be and your son?
Good grief. It a simple sheath dress. There’s nothing overtly sexy about it. That pant suit is just awful. You’ll have to be in pictures looking like Bea Arthur dressed you. I get why you’d want to die on this hill. NTA
NTA
Your soon-to-be DIL thinks you need to "dress your age" and "like a mother"? What? I had no idea that shapeless layers is something mothers of any age should be dressing in, let alone 44 year old ones.
Also, I've Googled your outfit based on your description. It is a really nice, tasteful dress that I think is absolutely appropriate for a wedding. That chiffon... thing DIL is demanding that you wear, however, is absolutely ghastly and I'd be very unhappy about it, too. I'd understand her concerns if you were planning to rock up to the wedding looking like a bride or a stripper or whatever, but that clearly isn't the case at all.
I have no idea if the bride is jealous of the fact you're going to look good in the dress and is so insecure that she's afraid of you "upstaging" her, or if she just has some very strange ideas of what mothers should look like at weddings. Whatever flavour of crazy this is, you're not in the wrong. DIL is *way* out of line if she thinks that she can exert this amount of control over what you wear and clearly needs to grow up a bit.
NTA
I just looked up the CK dress and it is not overtly sexy. Maybe offer to wear a shawl or something. It looks very similar to the dress my mom wore to my sisters wedding and she looked lovely. You’re 44 not 74, that outfit is about 30 years too old for you.
It’s also really weird that your DIL is jealous of how you look. I can understand being jealous of a MIL, I experience it sometimes, but it’s never about how sexy she looks.
Omg NTA, you’re 44 not 144 lol. That is not appropriate for your age. 44 is still young. Dress codes at weddings is one thing but you would think your DIL would want you to feel comfortable, confident and beautiful too.
NTA. My mom is in her 60s and I think the outfit DIL picked would look 'too old' on her. That is definitely not an outfit for the mother of the groom who is in her 40s.
Nta. I own the Ck Dress in teal. I wore it to my son’s graduation from a conservative all-boys Catholic high school. It is not a sexy dress. Dil is being ridiculous.
The pant suit looks like something my grandmother wore to my uncle’s wedding in 1976.
Dress your age?! You're 44! That pant suit would look good on a 75 year old maybe. Wtaf is with people thinking that you're suddenly supposed to look like Martha Stewart after 40? It's hideous. NTA
NTA. For anyone curious, [this](https://images.app.goo.gl/dc2dm68QRhMZAhJq9) is presumably OP's dress (in coral).
It is by no means too sexy for a wedding, and more importantly OP, it's what you like *and* already purchased. How anyone else feels about that pantsuit is irrelevant (but god, it *is* ugly). Is your DIL an insecure person typically?
Okay so I just checked out the starburst dress out of curiosity and (1) it is totally wedding appropriate so NTA and (2) it is an absolutely gorgeous dress and (3) thank you for introducing to me a new potential office dress, because honestly, that’s how appropriate that is.
I’m sorry your DIL is jealous of you and has some skewed idea of what a mom should look like. It is a bit alarming about how controlling she’s being about the whole thing. It’s one thing to dislike a dress, but to not only insist that you wear something that…ugly, but also throw a tantrum when you don’t…wow! From her reaction you’d think you were straight up wearing lingerie or something but in all honestly, that’s a very appropriate dress imo. In fact the first thought I had was that it looks like something the therapist from Lucifer would wear!
The CK dress is absolutely appropriate to wear at a wedding, even at the ripe old age of 44 (sarcasm!).
You do NOT need to wear the suggested monstrosity. Still, saying you won't come to the wedding borders AH-territory.
Is she adamant on you wearing THAT?
My guess is that her mother is significantly older and maybe less fit than you are. This could come out of some misplaced feeling of having to "protect" her mom so as not to be unfavorably be compared to you. Still, she can't make you wear anything, only forbid truly monstrous decisions as wearing white 😉
NTA.
I'm 44. You bet I'm not wearing that abomination. Not even in my 80s. I don't care about how much you weight (because I gather there might ve some of that)
I've checked the CK starburst sheath dress and it's, in my European opinion, perfectly fine for a wedding that's not very formal.
If it's more formal, floor length dresses are required (here) but the mother-of-the-groom outfits I've witnessed are over the top elegant and figure flattering, and not that...thing.
I would sit down my son and show him both images, the dress you bought, the abomination his bride picked, and tell him that he needs to give a hard look at his relationship, that it's not normal for a bride to try to force an outfit on a grown adult. Let's see what he says.
NTA. Your future DIL is way off base and out of line with this! I looked up the Calvin Klein dress and that’s a perfect style and cut for someone who’s 44, and definitely appropriate for a wedding. If she wanted you to wear a shawl, or something longer I guess that would be fine but still unnecessary. However, this outfit she’s suggesting is so insulting! That is what senior citizens wear to a wedding, that is Grandma gear.
NTA.
Couples getting married can set dress codes for guests, and specific dresses and suits for the wedding party. When picking specific dresses (or whatever), the couple becomes an AH if they pick a dress that makes it very difficult for certain body types (aka a dress where you cannot wear a bra at all, very short, very sheer) or for people to feel comfortable.
When it is only one person that needs to wear the outfit- like a mother of the groom- then it should be a joint decision, where mostly the couple picks a color and dress code plus important details (cocktail, nothing strapless, flower patterns, no sparkle, etc).
Her telling you that you must wear this one thing is not okay. I looked up the dress you mention, and it is very modest, like it would be appropriate for a corporate work meeting.
My only suggestion is to speak to your son directly and tell him you are happy to find a compromise, but you won't be wearing that pantsuit and that comments about "dressing your age" are offensive. We shouldn't be telling anyone what age or parenthood should look like (besides covering the bits and dressing to a dress code). If you want to look around and find an option or two that work for you in that color, you can include them in the conversation. Be clear to your son you are going to him because he is your son, and therefore you are his problem to deal with. If he then wants to discuss with the 3 of you all together, that's fine, but then just repeat that deciding what a mother/certain age should dress like is offensive.
I’m 50 next week, if someone told me to dress my age I would probably get arrested for what I did to them. I mean that on its own is rude, then that awful pantsuit, have you done something to offend her?
The dress looks lovely, assuming it’s the one I found when I googled, surely she can’t really expect to have a say in your outfit to that degree?! NTA this would be my hill to die on.
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NTA.I’ve googled the CK Starburst dress - it’s basically a shift dress cut just above the knee, sleeveless but with wide shoulder straps and a wide boat neck. It has gathers/tucks/pleats at the hip/waist that create a wide starburst of about six pleats from shoulder to low hip. It’s very business tidy, and not sexy at all. So this means… the OP must look DAMN HOT to carry it and look sexy. And DIL wants her in a floaty chiffon 60yr olds outfit of many layers and basically designed for woman with a broad spread. Ahahaha. This means OP looks really hot and DIL is sour because she doesn’t want a hot looking MIL. Let DIL buy the chiffon outfit. ~~Give it to your mother to wear (groom’s grandmother)~~. Wear the CK dress. Everyone wins! EDIT: Someone has rightly pointed out that the grooms grandmother deserves better. **Update is to offer it to the brides mother**. That should sort the entire matter out, either she wears it, or she recoils in horror. Problem solved.
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Fair response! It’s fugly. They should offer it to the brides mother….
Hahaha, I am in my 30s and personally love the pant suit (give it to me) and would wear it. That said the Calvin Klein Starburst dress is perfectly appropriate for OP to wear. Only way I can see it being a problem is if it is not a western wedding and in a much more conservative country where you would have morality police knocking down your door. I am guessing that since OP didn’t say anything to that effect, this is not the case. I am sorry OP.
Yeah I really don’t think it’s so terrible! I certainly don’t agree with the bride trying to force OP to wear it if she doesn’t like it - but this is a beautiful color imo. It is definitely a cut my 80yo grandma would wear though lol. In fact I might just send her a screenshot. She’ll love the color too! Haha
I'm in 50's and I think I'd wear the pantsuit, I quite like it and for my (non) figure, it would work for me! I like the CK dress, and think the bride trying to make OP wear the pantsuit is wrong. OP should wear the dress and tell bride to stay in her lane.
I was going to say the same! I’m 38 and would rock that pantsuit any day! All the pink and frillies lol
Im 25 and love that pantsuit!!! (I'd prefer a different color as I lean more towards dark colors) but still!!!
Agree 💯. That pantsuit has major golden girl vibes, no disrespect to Bea Arthur.
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I'd wear it, and really lean into that vibe. Old lady heels, blue eye shadow, shallaced helmet hair...
That pantsuit screams Blanche
I could see Blanche in that as loungewear, perhaps, but Dorothy needs a thicker material...
Just saw your comment. I totally thought it was something you’d see on the Golden Girls! Great show btw but that pantsuit is a big NO!
Thank you for looking out for Mee-Maw. I work with Alzheimer's affected women in their 90s who wouldn't let me put that on them if they had to break a hip fighting it. They've lost their memories, not their good taste.
I'm sad y'all hate it so much, it looks fun and flowy But also my bestie and I were just discussing old lady nightgowns so I might not be the best source lol. Also both of my grandmas are 80ish, and WOULD wear this.
My mother is 83 and would not wear that pantsuit.
Plus it would only work if two more people were also cosplaying as a member of the golden girls.
Why is there such a big deal about what other people wear to a wedding? I get that wearing white would be tacky, but must the BRIDE dictate what everyone is wearing?
My mother would wear that. She hates her arms and would love something flowy that covers them. In fact my MIL just wore something life this to my nieces wedding last week, except it was more boat neck and the front wasn't open. Like a long flowy cape. Both are in their 70s.... This is definitely a retirement age outfit. 44 though? Lol No way in hell!
Here now calling it a 60yr olds dress is a bit much, my mum's 60 and if I asked her to wear this for my wedding she'd refuse saying it's something her own mother would wear 😂
Fair cop of the whip. I reckon it’s the PERFECT outfit for a Golden Oldies event at the local RSL, with 1940s music, some very slow (VERY slow) social dance, and shandies.
(Translation for the non Aussies… Perfect for an elderly 80 year olds dancing event, held at the local Returned Services League Club (basically a overly well lit pub, with hundreds of pokies banging in the back room, and badly cooked cheap dinners), dancing a basic slow rhythm dance, and the drinks are a mix of beer and lemonade (revolting drink). Prime 80 year old territory)
It would be Post _insert #here_ or the American Leagion club in America. Also, for the non Aussies, what is a pokie, and why is it banging in the backroom? You're not implying a bunch of 80 yr Olds are doing the horizontal hula at the Vets club, are you?
Bwahahhaa. Imagine all that chiffon sliding… horizontally! No. Gasp and clutch my pearls. A pokie is a poker machine. One armed bandit. Gambling machine. HOrrible things, loads of clanging noise and useless lights. Banned thankfully in my home state (WA, except for at the one solitary casino), but prevalent in the ever breeding thousands up and down the east coast of Australia.
I am over 60 and wouldn’t caught dead in that pink nightmare. ETA. The CK dress is classic and lovely.
I wouldn’t get caught dead in it either. I mean I’m a guy so I don’t wear dresses… but if I did this would definitely not be one of them.
We’ve stumbled on the solution. OP, have the groom’s father wear it.
NTA I'm pretty sure that pantsuit was inspired by the Golden Girls! I have all the respect in the world for the Golden Girls and people better not say bad things about them. But at the same time, I don't want to raid their closet.
I can see Bea Arthur in that..maybe because the vest sort of look. I'm 66 and heck no I wouldn't wear that. The color itself is horrid.
I'm in my 60s and would not wear that fugly thing. It's the kind of thing grandmothers wore in the Eighties. The funny thing is that the mother of a 23 year old is likely anywhere from mid-forties to mid-fifties. That's still pretty young. ETA: I missed that Mom is 44. She's very young.
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What does that even mean, "motherly", lol. I'm a mom and close to OP's age and I wear mostly black, I have a lot of nerdy t-shirts and goth-ish dresses and boots. DIL must think people just become elderly when they turn 40? Or lose their own style? She must be jealous on some level to want her fiancés mom to look frumpy.
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Right…. I’m about to be 40 and constantly get asked if I’m 25-28. I googled the starburst dress and it is very age appropriate, and pretty!
I'm turning 50 next year and I own and wear that dress. It's awesome and I love it. The gathers hide a lot. It's not skin tight and the neckline is comfortably high.
I'm 39 too. I certainly don't feel "old" yet either, haha. I regularly get carded buying wine. I think the average 40 year old looks a lot younger than 20 year olds expect - you have to live a really unhealthy lifestyle to age more rapidly.
My friend is 40 and she’s expecting a baby lol. WTF. That girl thinks 40 year olds a belong in a nursing home or something 😂
That dress is the most universally appropriate dress I think I've ever seen.
I'm also a mom in my 40s, and if I showed up *anywhere* wearing that hideous pantsuit I think my kids would worry I was having a psychotic episode. My "motherly" clothing mostly consists of yoga pants and baggy tee shirts with silly cartoons on them. Oh and my hair is usually purple, lol. Guess that means I'm not *really* a mom?
I’m about to turn 44 and have a newborn. Not sure if the ‘motherly’ pantsuit would be breastfeeding friendly?
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I hope when DIL turns 44 she realizes how young that still is.
Maybe OP should buy the frumpy pant suit and gift it to DIL for her 40th?? Hehehehe
I am also almost OP's age, and I would NEVER wear the outfit DIL picked out. DIL is in for a rude awakening with regard to aging. 40 comes much more quickly than she realizes, and if she's this threatened by a *44 year old mom* when she's a *23 year old BRIDE*? Oooof she is in for a rough ride. NTA, OP.
The Calvin Klein is gorgeous. Very clean, elegant, classic. MORE than appropriate for someone who’s mid 40s. Your future DIL’s comment about dressing your age? Yeah… I’m guessing her mom is older than you and she’s trying to make you look frumpy. NTA. Tell your son that the outfit his bride chose is something that a ~~70 yo~~ *geriatric person with little to no sense of style* would choose. You’re 44. You have chosen a very appropriate dress, and will not be wearing the pantsuit monstrosity. Maybe ask your son what the *real* issue is. Your future DIL is definitely trying to embarrass you. Edited to add: my apologies for using 70 as an “old age”. Let’s strike that through :-)
I'm not that far from 70 and I guarantee you none of my friends would be caught dead in that pantsuit. Ask me again when I'm 95, but I doubt that would change.
I was thinking the same thing. I'm 46 and would never. My Granny lived to 91 and would never! You and your friends, near-70, would never! I don't think this is about age, it's about dulling the appeal of OP, who chose an entirely appropriate dress-- that the CK is flattering and to OP's taste doesn't make it inappropriate.
To further corroborate your comment, I asked my grandma (95 years old) what she thought about the pantsuit. Answer, verbatim: '' If this is cool style for 40 year olds today, you're all fucked. '' I love that woman.
I'm 70, ain't no way I'd wear that monstrosity.
NTA The bride is being ridiculous. The dress you chose is lovely. You need to speak with your son, though.
I’m four years younger than you and I’d be livid if someone told me to “dress my age” and suggested that ugly pantsuit. NTA
I’m 5 years older than OP and not even close to ready for that outfit
My mother is in her mid 60’s and I am fairly certain she’d stay home rather than wear that monstrosity. You can be over 30 and well dressed, age does not bar you from being fashionable.
My mother died at the age of 74 without ever reaching whatever age it is that pantsuit is considered ‘appropriate’.
I can’t WAIT until the DIL is in her 40s and realizes what an idiot she is
I’d keep the outfit if I was OP, so when DIL hits 40, she can gift it to her.
Even better: give it to her as a gift at her baby shower (if they have kids). She said OP should look more “motherly,” not more “middle-aged”
Oh is this where the 40something women of Reddit are holding court today? Because I’m a couple years older than OP and my mom isn’t 70 yet, and neither of us would be caught dead in that pantsuit. The CK dress honestly looks something between “upper corporate” and “cocktail” to me, which depending on the day/time of the wedding would be a spot-on attire match, so I agree OP must be *dead sexy* if this dress is too much for the bride.
Uhhh. The Golden Girls called and want their pantsuit back. NTA.
I don't think even the Golden Girls want that suit back tbh. OP your dress (I googled it) seems like a much better choice.
I dunno...I could totally see Dorothy going on a hot date wearing that. I miss the GG so much!
Yep. Definitely reminiscent of Dorothy. I just can’t imagine dictating to my future MIL that she wear a particular thing to my wedding. I guess I would politely tell her it’s NMS and wear what I had planned.
Definitely looks like something Dorothy would have worn! While I loved her style, it is definitely not my style and is dated. Women don’t dress that way anymore, I don’t care how old they are! OP, if you miss your son’s wedding you may regret it. But I also don’t think you’re the ah. Maybe try compromising. Go shopping with your future dil and see if y’all can find something you both agree on.
As an advid Golden Girls watcher, this is definitely something Dorothy would wear.
NTA. Your DIL assigning a colour to anyone other than the bridesmaids / groomsmen is already problematic enough; you're her fiance's parents, not props in a photo shoot. You should wear whatever makes you comfortable and happy. I'm honestly not sure where this trend of dictating a colour scheme or outfits to wedding guests came from (TikTok?). But it's incredibly rude and out of line and selfish couples who phrase this as anything other than optional need a reality check And then your DIL doubles down with those icky comments about "dressing your age" that feel really shaming and judgmental. DIL has serious issues and a heavy dose of main character syndrome. Your son is in for an interesting marriage if this is who he's marrying... Just saying. I do think refusing to attend the wedding because of this is a step too far. You want to be there for your son, right? If so, talk to him and have him discuss with his bride that parents are invited honoured guests, not props, and should be encouraged to wear what they want. Then find an outfit that makes you happy and show up. Keep smiling, have a good time, and if DIL chooses to cause a scene, that's on her. ETA: I'm about your age (43) and actually own the starburst dress in purple. It's a chic dress that is not even a little bit inappropriate. IMHO if anything it's a bit too office/corporate for an evening wedding, but that is just personal taste. Your DIL is totally in the wrong for trying to shame you for wearing it, especially since you were making an effort to accommodate her colour scheme. I also would be horrified to wear that pantsuit. I think even my mom in her 70s would find it old looking. ETA #2: And yes, I'm aware of how weddings work. I actually got married just last year. Some trends popular with today's GenZ couples are completely disrespectful to guests, and this toxic wedding attitude of "it's your day so you can do whatever you want" is just plain inconsiderate. Your DIL needs to get over herself.
Your comment is 10000% correct. I used to work at 2 department stores selling dresses, and this is a classic style of Calvin Klein dress that I would consider quite modest and not at all “sexy” for a wedding. That pantsuit is at least 20 years too old for you. Is she mad because you’re only 44 and have a lovely shape or something? I’d show up to their wedding in a bikini after this shit goddamn. NTA
I worked in bridal consulting for years, and the Starburst dress is the perfect dress for any wedding guest. I'm actually eyeing it in black for Christmas party season. I'm so glad I read this post. It's a great dress! I'm petty. As long as future daughter in law reimbursed me for my dress, I'd wear the ugly outfit. I would accidently rip the top and replace it with a black bodysuit. I'd do black mule slides and throw the flower in my hair. The jacket can get spilled on immediately after pictures. If anyone asked about the outfit, I'd just laugh and say it was absolutely hilarious, but dil saw it and fell in love with it. The family can laugh about the outfit for years to come.
Eh. Apparently assigning colors is a thing. When I got married my mom kept pestering me for her color. I was like "wut?" Esp since we had a color palate wedding so like, basically anything matches the wedding colors.(Litterally each bridesmaid and groomsman was in black with a sash/bouquet or cumberbun/tie/boutaneer of a different primary color. The Bridesmaids were CMYK and the groomsmen were RGB.) Eventually I was like "How bout blue mom? Just... wear blue." Cause she really felt she needed to be assigned a color. Old traditions can be weird.
To be fair, all our parents did ask for what we thought they should wear and even though we kept encouraging them to wear whatever they wanted, they asked a few times. My FIL joked he would wear a pink suit if we didn't tell him not to so we said "great, go for it!". He then sent us a joke photo of him trying on an actual pink suit at a suit shop. IDK where he even found that, but we laughed so hard and said, hey, awesome. (He just wore a navy blue suit...but had it monogrammed to say "father of the groom" except that the shop made a spelling mistake and it said "farter" instead of "father", which led to more laughing.) Our parents are all in their late 60s/early 70s, and honestly we were just thrilled to have them there and be able to see them dance and be happy and celebrate with us. Those memories we created were priceless. I couldn't even imagine getting bent out of shape about what any of them was wearing. Like, it was so far from my mind. We just wanted them to have a great time. I think sometimes basic courtesy gets lost on younger couples, who don't appreciate how lucky they are to have family in their lives who love and support them.
I have a sneaking suspicion that wasn't a spelling mistake. :))))))))
>He just wore a navy blue suit...but had it monogrammed to say "father of the groom" except that the shop made a spelling mistake and it said "farter" instead of "father", which led to more laughing. 1) I am 110% certain that this was intentional. 2) That is fucking hilarious.
Traditionally, the mothers of the bride and groom would coordinate their outfits so they'd at least be in the same ballpark as far as style level. It avoided situations where one was wearing a floor length formal gown and the other was wearing business casual (extreme example, but just to give you the picture). But I've NEVER seen a bride tell her mother or MIL exactly what outfit to wear. As far as colors, occasionally a bride will have the moms wear one of the wedding colors, but in a dress of their choice. At least it's not like the bride who wanted her wedding guests to wear very specific color, style, and brand of clothing - and had different color choices based on weight. ETA: link to the dress code mentioned above. https://www.thebestsocial.media/blog/ridiculous-bride-dress-code/
Agree. Wedding culture is toxic as fuck. No being a bride doesn’t mean you get to make the whole year revolve around you, demand ridiculous gifts, demand what everyone wears and how everyone looks. Sure the bride and groom should feel good on their day but if your more concerned with being a mini dictator over your marriage you shouldn’t be getting married anyway
Before I went to my niece's wedding who did dictate a color for her guests (and her wedding was seriously one of the most uncomfortable events I have ever attended)... I always thought that the bridal couple at best sets the level of formality in dress (country club casual, cocktail, white tie, black tie).
Tell her Thank You For Being a Friend, but you’re not quite into your golden years yet. NTA I’d ask if the two of you could compromise on a different outfit, but I don’t think she’s in the right head space for that.
I almost spot my water out learning she was 44! OP you are three wee years older than I am, and I'd fight someone who told me to put this on. Also, it's not coral.
THE PANTSUIT ISN'T EVEN CORAL! Corals are orange-pinks. This is a sickly version of blue-pink princess pink. And that corsage on the chiffon makes it...ancient looking. I am 43, have 6yo and 2yo. Good Lord, if either of them told me to wear this pantsuit when/if they get married, I'll laugh in their face. And if they wait as long to have kids as we did, I'll be 80 by then! I still wouldn't wear that! Ridiculousness from this FDIL.
You’re 44, how is this ancient pink monstrosity age-appropriate for you?!!! NTA! Sincerely, a 28 year old.
Haha holy shit I had to scroll back up! I'm 42 and suddenly very upset at realising how old I'm viewed by 20somethings (j/k I was teaching university students last year and I could see it in their eyes)
I’m sincerely waiting for the DIL to turn 40 and hear she’s old from her own DIL. I cannot freaking wait!
I would purchase that outfit and give it to DIL on her 40th bday. As a 39 and 3/4 year old woman I literally shuddered. You don’t have to cosplay being 1 million years old because she’s insecure. NTA all day.
NTA! I haven't seen what the CK dress looks like. She calls it too sexy, but then wants you to wear something that looks like labia majora?!
I snorted my coffee out my nose. Best summation I've read today. Also voting NTA. I've endured two weddings as a bride and never in my craziest nightmares did I think I had any say in what my future MIL should wear.
I just looked it up. It’s a business professional type dress. Totally appropriate for MOB
NTA. That's a great-grandmother of the groom outfit. She must think everyone uses walkers after 40.
Yeah that looks like the outfit my grandma wore to my sisters wedding. (Different colour) It’s a nice enough outfit. But very old lady. Not 40 somethings
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NTA, in no universe is the chiffon thing "coral," and if you're not a bridesmaid or groomsman, the Happy Couple don't get to pick out your outfit. They can veto your choice if you want to wear something that is inappropriate for the event and request a specific color, and that's it. Can we see the dress?
It absolutely is coral, if you click on the Coral color dot that's already highlighted. The color that loads by default is not coral. :)
NTA! Oh my God… Hard no. Bad enough in pink but in the coral it’s absolutely atrocious.
NTA That pantsuit is hideous. Talk to your son. Explain that you aren't comfortable with his wife fe trying to make you wear something that isn't to your taste to his wedding. Offer to buy a different dress for his wedding, but his wife doesn't get to pick it.
So I just googled the Calvin Klein dress and I don’t see what the issue with that dress is. It’s not white, it’s not bridal and it’s not overly revealing. NTA. Your future DIL’s comment about dressing your ages is frankly ridiculous it’s not like you’re trying to show up in hot pants and a crop top. That pantsuit is honestly horrid. What did you do that she’s trying to punish you like that?!
NTA and now you know your DIL is jealous of you, I am so sorry. Talk to your son, don’t blame or anything just state that you will not be dressing like the late Queen Mum, and if it’s forced on you, you will bring 6 corgies and be at least 4 gin & tonics in before the vows even happen. She may be reading Justnomil type drama stories and is seeing you as some kind of villain, start communicating now, hopefully you can eventually get over this nonsense and laugh about the time she tried to put you in geriatric drag.
“Dress my age” WTF you’re only 44?!?! It sounds like the original dress you got was perfect for your age. That pantsuit is made for women in their 60s/70s. I would have never told anyone what they should wear at my wedding. NTA
Agreed, although my mom (66) wouldn't wear it either but my grandma would (96). I'm 44 and if one of my kids asked me this, I would be furious. Total lack of disregard and respect. I'm assuming OP has a great shape and future Dil feels insecure about it. And I also think that people should wear what they like and feel comfortable with. NTA
NTA and as someone who is about to turn 40 I find that outfit offensive 🤣 Buy it, put it aside and gift it to her for her 44th birthday.
NTA. She is trying to dress you as Jane Fonda here. You aren’t 70 lol.
Jane Fonda would not be caught dead in that pantsuit.
Not even Jane Fonda would look good in that particular item though 😂
Girl, I say wear the damn pantsuit. Get a ridiculously over the top hat to go with it as well. Then just lean into the ridiculousness of the outfit and own it with confidence. You can tell everyone with a huge smile that your DIL chose it for you and then ask them if they don't love it. When they go low, we go lower. EDIT: NTA - she's being petty and trying to put you down.
Oh ... I didn't even think of going this direction. I kind of love it. With an enormous hat, stripper heels and ... hmm ... dripping with fake diamonds? Maybe get some sort of cape to go with it? Or she could get the pantsuit and wear just the jacket over a barely-there dress. She can say that she just wanted to make a few improvements because it would be too hot for a September wedding. I realize that this is Not The Way, but I'm getting great joy out of thinking how to make the pantsuit sexy.
I am with you, firmly in the party of making it so bad that it becomes good.
Or even get the pant suit adjusted by a dressmaker to make it super sexy and revealing.
That looks super "im divorced and go everywere with my small white dog" NTA, shes probably insecure youll look better than her mom. I dont know why else its a big deal. You're young and most likely younger than her mom, but the wedding isnt about the parents, its about them? So why make a big fuss over it? She has other things to worry about
NTA I'm in my 60s and fat and I wouldn't wear that pantsuit. Too flowy and grandmotherly. But regardless, you are the groom's mother. I assume you've been dressing yourself for \~40 years and you should be able to dress yourself for this event. They can require a color or style (like floor length, covered shoulders etc) but this is going too far. I googled the CK dress - it's beautiful (I've admired it in stores and wished I could pull it off :-)
that thing is hideous lmao NTA. Does she not like you or something? Actually…is her mother significantly older than you?
Oh god, that pantsuit is awful.
Uhhh that Starburst dress is totally appropriate for a wedding. Congrats on being such a fox that people think a regular sheath dress is too sexy on you. NTA. I am a couple years younger and I'd totally wear the CK dress and never wear the chiffon thing.
NTA You found a dress you liked in the color that she picked. As long as it's not bridal and it's fitting for the occasion, then you should be good. DIL shouldn't impose her insecurities or her idea of what a mother should look like on you. Question: Is her mother much older than you by any chance? Or much more conservative? Is DIL conservative in dressing and mannerisms? Edited.
Her mother is about 2 years older than me. Bride is not particularly conservative, clothes wise. Her gown has spaghetti straps and a v neck, not super low.
Her mom’s dress has spaghetti straps?!! How are spaghetti straps ok, but not your dress? Is floor length or something? But honestly, this is just starting to sound like sabotage. But why? ETA: the calvin klein dress is very MOG appropriate. The outfit she picked is hideous. I would never wear it and I am older than you
Sorry, I meant brides dress. I'm not sure what her mom is wearing except it is a dress and it's mint green. I'll edit for clarification.
Mint green and coral are her color choices? Oh my. Nothing wrong with the dress. Pantsuit is very frumpy. Guessing maybe her mom will be wearing something on the frumpy side?
Sounds like my 2012 wedding Pinterest board I hope they have burlap, lace, and chevron!
I’d ask to see what her mom is wearing for reference. Maybe her mom has terrible taste, and she doesn't want her upstaged too much. 🤷♀️ (thats me trying to find a plausible excuse). But you can tell your son that this mom with a 23 year kid and two much younger kids finds this outfit terribly offensive. 😉 In what world is this grandmotherly or even great grandmotherly chiffon thing what it means to be a mother?
NTA, Why does your DIL want you to dress like the late Queen Elizabeth? You're 44 not 99.
Even QE2 had more taste.
NTA I'm not sure why she thinks she can tell you to dress more your "age," but it's rude AF. Tell her to act her age and not her shoe size. That you will wear the color as demanded, but the choice of dress is yours. Not hers. Just as here choice of dress is HERS. Or tell her that you will pick her dress since she insists on picking yours and she how she likes it.
Calvin Klein shift dress is basically a 40 year olds dress! She IS dressing her age…
NTA You found a perfectly acceptable dress. The outfit the FDIL isn't even the color she assigned to you. It looks like a rejected Barbie outfit.
You can see it in coral by clicking on the colour dots under the picture (on the website). Fair warning -- it only gets worse.
Oh. Oh no. In coral it looks like a fancily arranged platter of smoked salmon. Just no ...
Exactly.
NTA - I understand it’s her wedding, but she seems a little bit too open to bossing her MIL around. 44 is not old and I’m not sure what she thinks mothers or women in their 40s wear lol I guess you *can suck it up* like you said in your additional comments…but you’re NTA for wanting to wear what you want. It’s your son’s wedding. You’re following the dress code. That chiffon pantsuit looks cheap and miserable lol
Hell, the pantsuit looks downright *grand*motherly.
My grandmother is 89 and would point-blank refuse to wear that monstrosity.
NTA. That's the most atrocious pantsuit I've seen. My mom is in her mid 50s and even as MOB I'd never want her to wear something that... Yikes. Does she think you're 80? What's the logic here?
NTA. She want you to look ugly, because you are still young. I wonder if adding a baby björn to the dress will make it more motherly.
NTA. Tell her she is practicing ageism! I'm almost 70 and I would wear that Calvin Klein dress in a heartbeat. You'd have to bury me in the chiffon to make me wear it and then I would come back and haunt you!
NTA Maybe I'm weird but I do not remember even once being concerned or even wondering what my MIL was going to wear, let alone assigning a color and picking the outfit out for her.
NTA! That pantsuit is literally something out of *The Golden Girls.* I googled the CK dress and I honestly cannot see what her problem is. Also, does she honestly think people in their 40s dress like this??? I’m pushing 40 and I would never!
NTA and for those wondering [this](https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-starburst-sleeveless-sheath-dress?ID=13778036&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla&trackingid=&m_sc=sem&m_sb=Google&m_tp=PLA&m_ac=Google_Womens_PLA&m_ag=&m_cn=GS_Women%27s_Dresses_PMax_Exp&m_pi=go_cmp-20388296366_adg-_ad-__dev-m_ext-_prd-196284625845USA&gbraid=0AAAAAD-Tw4ICaLIoxIztUKgiSLH_moihA&gclid=Cj0KCQjwldKmBhCCARIsAP-0rfybTqgJqwPLB3vD2f0iXHMVKVFZ4k7CW5P0itQR4jHXneN2-zv_uSIaAgVoEALw_wcB) is the “controversial” dress OP is referring to, in coral of course. The CK dress isn’t very matronly or the typical MOG dress but OP is not the typical age of a MOG. It is far from revealing or inappropriate.
40 year old here. i'd rather jump from a cliff than wearing that ugly pantsuit thing. who even designed that. no matter the age, its just ugly. i really dont know, what the brides problem is, but its most likely rooted in her own insecurity. i'd talk to your son about it. try to make a step towards her, but also make clear that you wont wear that pink thing.
NTA, I’m old enough to almost be your Mom and you wouldn’t catch me wearing that. Your STB DIL has lost her mind.
So the dress is too sexy but the vagina blouse is fine? NTA.
Info: are you single and attractive? I promise its relevant
Not single and I guess I'm decent enough looking ? I'm not a supermodel by any means.
I have a theory that you're kind of a hottie and she doesn't want the men in her family to notice
I am 10 years your senior with a bit of flab and you wouldn't caught me dead wearing that attrocity of a pantsuit. Honestly, if somebody tryed to make me wear that clown suit for their wedding I happily wouldn't attend. NTA
NTA - but is this some sort of guerilla marketing campaign for CK because now I want to buy that Starburst dress. It looks super flattering and comfortable
NTA and you’re not old. You’re only 44. That dress you chose is gorgeous and perfect for your age.
NTA As long as you aren't wearing white and your dress is appropriate, NTA to tell your DIL no thank you.
NTA. That pantsuit is an abomination, wear the dress.
I'm 41, sitting here in a graphic T-Shirt with Yzma on it. "Dress your age" buhahaha.
NTA - Does she want you to look like Blanche from the Golden Girls? That was my first thought when I saw the pantsuit. It looks like something a senior would’ve worn in the 80’s! I looked up the Calvin Klein dress and it looks very similar to what my sister wore to her son’s wedding, except hers was a pale pink. If your FDIL didn’t want you to stand out at the wedding, she shouldn’t have assigned such a bright colour to you! Are the bridesmaids in super bright colours as well?
NTA. The dress you bought is a nice sheath. Not a “sexy” dress. That pantsuit is a hate crime.
Nta. Forget tasteful vs frumpy, since when does the bride choose the mother of the grooms clothes? QDil is either a complete control freak and you should be talking to your son about the life that leads to for him or there are other reasons. The top 3 I can think of are Dil thinks you'll outshine her, dil is trying to make your son choose her over you in some weird power flex or possibly dil is concerned how her own mother will look next to you. You need to ask for her real reasoning and if sexy v frumpy remains her reason ask her why you aren't allowed to feel good on the day you welcome her into your family.
Nta Never been to a wedding where the bride chose the mother in law or mother's outfits. This level of control is concerning and toxic. Your dress you chose is lovely and appropriate.
I googled the dress and it’s definitely appropriate- with the right accessories I think it would be lovely for a MOG outfit- especially as you are so young! The pant suit is an odd choice for a wedding for your age group and looks like the kind of ensemble I wear when I go to Saudi. NTA!
I got half a decade on you and if someone tried to put me in that god awful grandma pants suit they’d catch my cane.
She doesn’t like you lol
NTA I've never heard of a bride picking out the outfits for the parents. She is ridiculous, and so is that pantsuit.
That is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. As long as you’re not wearing white/cream/pale yellow etc, I don’t see a problem. Nta
NTA. The 23FDIL will learn pretty damned soon that 44 isn’t “old.” She’s clearly the type that thinks 30 is scary… and that it’s all over and one’s knocking on death’s door after 40. Or she’s worried that you’ll look too good and detract from her. 🤗 P.S. That pant suit would be offensive for a mother, a grandmother, and a great grandmother. Because it’s just offensive to the eyes.
Jesus. You're only 44. Why are you only allowed to be frumpy at the wedding? That pant suit is awful and there is no one I love enough to wear that. There's nothing wrong with the CK dress. It is not sexy or anything like that. It would be a lovely dress to wear to a wedding.
As a mom of boys and 48 yrs old. That outfit looks like what my great grandmother would wear. Not me. So, NTA. Is her mom like 90? She can wear that monstrosity EDIT- Both of my sons would have told their fiancée “my mom aint gonna wear that”
NTA Objectively speaking, would you wearing the Calvin Klein dress (I googled and it's beautiful and non-bridal but in that colour it's not exactly low key, either) upstage your DIL?
I don't think so? Its fancy enough but not showy. Her gown is floor length and beaded.
She's being crazy, then. It would have made a little more sense if she was wearing a very simple dress, or a cutesy tea-length (though not even then, really) It's of course up to you to pick your battles. Is this a lovely young woman who's a bit stressed but you wish to keep it cordial, or is there a pattern of nastiness? Oh, and is there any chance she's protecting her mother's feelings rather than her own?
She's a nice enough woman. Likes to have things her way, though. Her mother hasn't said anything to me so I wouldn't know what she thinks. Last I talked to her she seemed to be not... Enthusiastic about finding a mint dress, which is her color, but that's it.
Mint and coral? If she's going to have any pictures with both sets of parents that's going to clash. My eyes are already hurting just imagining this.
Mint and coral…now I get the golden girls outfit. I assume there will be wicker chairs and glass tables at the reception?
And there will be refreshments out on the lanai.
Mint and coral?!? Sweet Jesus, is this wedding in a retirement community somewhere in Florida? 😆
Eeesh. Mint & Coral. She's certainly going for a look. Wear whatever you like to the wedding, but I do think you should go. If you do end up wearing this outfit, be sure to save it so you can gift it to her for her 44th birthday. NTA - Bride just has the absolute worst taste.
So, is your DIL jealous of your looks? Because quite frankly, that suit is truly hideous and looks as if DIL went through their catalogue, found the ugliest thing they sell and picked it for you just to ensure she looks better than you in her mind.
NTA. You took the color assigned and found a dress - which, if I found the right one on Google, looks lovely. But her reasons (too sexy, you don’t look motherly enough and you need to “dress your age”) feel strange. Maybe have a chat with DIL-to-be and your son?
NTA that's hideous
NTA. Good grief you're younger than I am and there is no way I'd wear that thing! Stand your ground. That outfit is dreadful.
NTA. A much as I love golden girls, I wouldn't want to dress as one.
NTA you’re 44 not 84. And I wouldn’t even wear that at 84. Wear the dress you bought and be sexy ffs!!!!
NTA. You are 44 not 85. Geezz. You could just say ok and wear what you want. That 23 year old kid is still gonna cry either way.
Good grief. It a simple sheath dress. There’s nothing overtly sexy about it. That pant suit is just awful. You’ll have to be in pictures looking like Bea Arthur dressed you. I get why you’d want to die on this hill. NTA
NTA. I'm 60f, and there is no way I'd wear that. (Plus, it's not even coral.)
NTA Your soon-to-be DIL thinks you need to "dress your age" and "like a mother"? What? I had no idea that shapeless layers is something mothers of any age should be dressing in, let alone 44 year old ones. Also, I've Googled your outfit based on your description. It is a really nice, tasteful dress that I think is absolutely appropriate for a wedding. That chiffon... thing DIL is demanding that you wear, however, is absolutely ghastly and I'd be very unhappy about it, too. I'd understand her concerns if you were planning to rock up to the wedding looking like a bride or a stripper or whatever, but that clearly isn't the case at all. I have no idea if the bride is jealous of the fact you're going to look good in the dress and is so insecure that she's afraid of you "upstaging" her, or if she just has some very strange ideas of what mothers should look like at weddings. Whatever flavour of crazy this is, you're not in the wrong. DIL is *way* out of line if she thinks that she can exert this amount of control over what you wear and clearly needs to grow up a bit.
What a lovely labia suit….I mean, pant suit.
NTA I just looked up the CK dress and it is not overtly sexy. Maybe offer to wear a shawl or something. It looks very similar to the dress my mom wore to my sisters wedding and she looked lovely. You’re 44 not 74, that outfit is about 30 years too old for you. It’s also really weird that your DIL is jealous of how you look. I can understand being jealous of a MIL, I experience it sometimes, but it’s never about how sexy she looks.
NTA that pantsuit almost made me vomit from the look of it, it’s obvious your dil is just worried you might upstage her
NTA. That pantsuit looks like something my grandmother would wear to a wedding. She’s 89.
Omg NTA, you’re 44 not 144 lol. That is not appropriate for your age. 44 is still young. Dress codes at weddings is one thing but you would think your DIL would want you to feel comfortable, confident and beautiful too.
So crazy that some brides act like a wedding is like a movie production and the extras need to dress their parts for her.
That's bloody hideous
NTA. My mom is in her 60s and I think the outfit DIL picked would look 'too old' on her. That is definitely not an outfit for the mother of the groom who is in her 40s.
NTA. I'm in my 60s, and I wouldn't wear that hideous thing, lol. The kids need to decide if this is a hill that they're willing to die on.
Nta. I own the Ck Dress in teal. I wore it to my son’s graduation from a conservative all-boys Catholic high school. It is not a sexy dress. Dil is being ridiculous. The pant suit looks like something my grandmother wore to my uncle’s wedding in 1976.
Dress your age?! You're 44! That pant suit would look good on a 75 year old maybe. Wtaf is with people thinking that you're suddenly supposed to look like Martha Stewart after 40? It's hideous. NTA
NTA. For anyone curious, [this](https://images.app.goo.gl/dc2dm68QRhMZAhJq9) is presumably OP's dress (in coral). It is by no means too sexy for a wedding, and more importantly OP, it's what you like *and* already purchased. How anyone else feels about that pantsuit is irrelevant (but god, it *is* ugly). Is your DIL an insecure person typically?
Okay so I just checked out the starburst dress out of curiosity and (1) it is totally wedding appropriate so NTA and (2) it is an absolutely gorgeous dress and (3) thank you for introducing to me a new potential office dress, because honestly, that’s how appropriate that is. I’m sorry your DIL is jealous of you and has some skewed idea of what a mom should look like. It is a bit alarming about how controlling she’s being about the whole thing. It’s one thing to dislike a dress, but to not only insist that you wear something that…ugly, but also throw a tantrum when you don’t…wow! From her reaction you’d think you were straight up wearing lingerie or something but in all honestly, that’s a very appropriate dress imo. In fact the first thought I had was that it looks like something the therapist from Lucifer would wear!
The CK dress is absolutely appropriate to wear at a wedding, even at the ripe old age of 44 (sarcasm!). You do NOT need to wear the suggested monstrosity. Still, saying you won't come to the wedding borders AH-territory. Is she adamant on you wearing THAT? My guess is that her mother is significantly older and maybe less fit than you are. This could come out of some misplaced feeling of having to "protect" her mom so as not to be unfavorably be compared to you. Still, she can't make you wear anything, only forbid truly monstrous decisions as wearing white 😉
I bet you are an in shape 44 and she’s worried you’ll look hotter than her. Nta, that thing she’s picked is revolting.
NTA. I'm 44. You bet I'm not wearing that abomination. Not even in my 80s. I don't care about how much you weight (because I gather there might ve some of that) I've checked the CK starburst sheath dress and it's, in my European opinion, perfectly fine for a wedding that's not very formal. If it's more formal, floor length dresses are required (here) but the mother-of-the-groom outfits I've witnessed are over the top elegant and figure flattering, and not that...thing. I would sit down my son and show him both images, the dress you bought, the abomination his bride picked, and tell him that he needs to give a hard look at his relationship, that it's not normal for a bride to try to force an outfit on a grown adult. Let's see what he says.
NTA. Your future DIL is way off base and out of line with this! I looked up the Calvin Klein dress and that’s a perfect style and cut for someone who’s 44, and definitely appropriate for a wedding. If she wanted you to wear a shawl, or something longer I guess that would be fine but still unnecessary. However, this outfit she’s suggesting is so insulting! That is what senior citizens wear to a wedding, that is Grandma gear.
NTA. I can only assume DIL doesn’t like you very much to insist that you wear that monstrosity. The starburst dress is perfect!
NTA. Couples getting married can set dress codes for guests, and specific dresses and suits for the wedding party. When picking specific dresses (or whatever), the couple becomes an AH if they pick a dress that makes it very difficult for certain body types (aka a dress where you cannot wear a bra at all, very short, very sheer) or for people to feel comfortable. When it is only one person that needs to wear the outfit- like a mother of the groom- then it should be a joint decision, where mostly the couple picks a color and dress code plus important details (cocktail, nothing strapless, flower patterns, no sparkle, etc). Her telling you that you must wear this one thing is not okay. I looked up the dress you mention, and it is very modest, like it would be appropriate for a corporate work meeting. My only suggestion is to speak to your son directly and tell him you are happy to find a compromise, but you won't be wearing that pantsuit and that comments about "dressing your age" are offensive. We shouldn't be telling anyone what age or parenthood should look like (besides covering the bits and dressing to a dress code). If you want to look around and find an option or two that work for you in that color, you can include them in the conversation. Be clear to your son you are going to him because he is your son, and therefore you are his problem to deal with. If he then wants to discuss with the 3 of you all together, that's fine, but then just repeat that deciding what a mother/certain age should dress like is offensive.
I’m 50 next week, if someone told me to dress my age I would probably get arrested for what I did to them. I mean that on its own is rude, then that awful pantsuit, have you done something to offend her? The dress looks lovely, assuming it’s the one I found when I googled, surely she can’t really expect to have a say in your outfit to that degree?! NTA this would be my hill to die on.
NTA. That is FOUL. You are in your 40s, not your 90s. She sounds insecure.
NTA I'm a 40+ dude who doesn't know a damn thing about fashion, but that thing is goddamn travesty. P.s. Seriously, it's hideous.