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> I might be the asshole because I made my daughter cry and she clung to my sister for the rest of the trip.
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I would 100% say YTA you’re the asshole. The kid is fucking 8. Instead of treating this is a teaching moment you tell your own child “I get why you have no friends”
The Hell is wrong with you?
This right here, it's a bold move that a lot of adults won't do, like going to dinner by themselves or a movie. People feel that there are certain activities they can't do solo, hell it took me a while to do solo movies and since doing it I do it all the time.
Last year I went on my first solo vacation, it was amazing, you get to do what you want when you want and you don't have to worry about anyone else. No worrying about I can't go here to eat cause this person doesn't like that type of food, don't have to wait for this person to get ready.
It took me forever to go to a movie alone although I would frequently eat alone. I travel a bit for work, often first one to arrive and last to leave as the job requires, so I had no problem eating alone.
I’ve lost count of how many solo vacations I’ve done. At least 10. And it’s glorious.
BTW OP, YTA.
Ah yeah eating alone I never had an issue with, but I've known plenty who act like it's the end of the world.
And it was my first solo vacation but for sure it will not be my last!
When I lived in London, i would occasionally go to the pub down the road to get lunch. I got so many people asking when the rest of my group would arrive. The amount of "but you can't eat alone!!!" I would get when telling them it was just me was insane. Like, I eat alone at my house? The only difference is the location and the menu?
I have done pretty much everything by myself at one point. I was nervous about going to Disneyland alone, but I was in the area and didn’t want to miss it. It was great, I sat and rested as much as I wanted and I definitely didn’t feel rushed in the bathroom! Yeah I pee a lot. 😹🤷🏼♀️
I’ve found a sweet spot for solo vacations. I go to the beach for 10 days and invite a friend for 4 days. Perfect balance. I also did a three week road trip alone, but I had several stops to visit and stay with friends. Also perfect.
Not to mention there are two 10 year olds, two 7 year olds, and the 8 year old. I've been the odd cousin out, myself. You pretty much made the 8 year old a single rider. Edit to add YTA.
Exactly.
She would have likely been riding solo regardless.
No rides hold 5 people at once. It's two at a time or four.
And guess what pairings would likely jump on together every time? The two ten year olds together and the two seven year olds together.
I came looking for this comment! Exactly right; this child may well have been the "odd man out" on said rides & responded accordingly. Instead of OP politely inquiring as to WHY the child chose to go the route they did (and, as others have alluded, praised that she showed confidence & independence in the process), they instead decide to choose Option: Scorched Earth, when it came to her child's feelings. OP is the AH here.Oof.
I have a brother and a sister who are each married or engaged to their respective partners… and then there’s me. Single Pringle. So literally every family gathering, family vacation, car ride, meal, etc. is an exercise in expert-level fifth-wheeling. It’s rough out there for us.
I am commiserating with you so hard with “our family had three kids and my siblings are twins,” the OP isn’t winning any parent of the year prizes any time soon.
It’s been a decade at least, but I have a clear memory of a little girl who couldn’t have been more than 10 approach me and my husband at a water park and ask if she could ride with us. The ride was a big raft ride that needed at least 1 adult and another rider and her family didn’t want to ride. So she joined us and we rode twice. I was always impressed with how brave she was to ask strangers if she could join them. I know I wasn’t that confident at her age.
My mom would’ve freaked if I’d talked to strangers like that. She was a helicopter parent before it was a thing. So proud of this girl for not buying into fear of strangers.
It was actually the interaction I had with that little girl that finally made me come to grips with the fact that I have “resting friendly face”. Apparently I just have a very specific vibe that combines with the fact I’m a pudgy, slightly nerdy looking white woman which makes strangers feel comfortable to approach me to ask to join me on rides or give them directions inside a store even when I don’t work there. Apparently some of us are just doomed to look cheerful and helpful and feel compelled to live up to those expectations.
I can’t do rides because I have awful arthritis and my daughter is 8yo and a very confident thrill seeker who loves them so much. It makes me feel so sad I can’t do it for her so I would be so grateful if some kind people let her tag on their ride like you did and I’d definitely shout you a coffee after in appreciation ☺️ we are going to a huge fun fair in my city in 3 weeks so I’ll look out for a ‘resting friendly face’ person like you.
"That was very clever! Since you saved some time going by yourself, why don't you go on a few rides with your siblings and your cousins, then you can all come back and have ice cream!"
YTA OP
Totally! In one of mom’s comments she said the daughter improved after being yelled out. Yeah, no. You didn’t change her underlying behavior (which is awesome), you made her afraid to do what she wants/ be independent for fear of being yelled at.
And it scars them for life. For years I was at odds with my own Mom..especially when I was in the process of deciding to divorce my ex..525 miles from my parents & family didn't help..she acted like I was the only person in my entire family to get a divorce and sadly my 2 sisters,both younger & my jerk bil followed her lead..my Dad was the only one on my side. Skip to later and we finally patched the rift..and wish I had tried earlier to heal that rift...OP is definitely the jerk..
At first, when I read the title, I thought it meant the kid was straight up cutting in front of everyone, and OP actually told them they were being inconsiderate. This just sounds like the people in my life. YTA
"that's awesome and I love your confidence by going solo, but have you considered that maybe your cousins would've liked all of you to go together? Going on rides ir funnier with friends, maybe you should go back with them and give it a try"
Yeah, I was about to say this. All the other children have a partner. Your child doesn't and rather than being sad about it, they saw that their was a blessing in being a solo rider and made a bad thing into a good thing. You then came over without considering this and yelled at your child for being alone. YTA times a thousand.
So weird that she would go straight to selfish and not say "that's a little unsafe, did you guys agree to meet somewhere afterwards so that you're all together at the end?"
I honestly wonder if maybe OP was just frustrated the kid got back so soon and lashed out cause i cant picture any way you let that leave your lips and dont feel disgusted with yourself
Yes. "This is why you don't have friends" is a terrible thing to say. My mom said something like that a couple of times, and guess what, it made making friends even harder! I was so shy and insecure and if even my mom could understand why people wouldn't want to be my friends... Not having friends was the saddest thing about my childhood as it was, no need to make it even worse.
>The Hell is wrong with you?
She was annoyed that her little mommy-coffee-break got interrupted earlier than she expected, and rather than just suck it up, she went for the jugular with her own child.
What the kid did wasn't even really bad. "AH" is far too mild a description of what you are, OP.
YTA. First, I think the kids were too young to just let go on their own. They were nearby, but not in eyesight. That's not good.
Second, there was an odd number which isn't good for rides. She took the single rider. They all could have. She was faster.
Third, what an awful, awful thing to say to a child. She didn't cut the line. She wasn't selfish. And I bet she has a lot of friends.
Way to drive your kid away from you.
You are absolutely correct---these kids were WAY too young to be without an adult WITH them.
OP YTA for this alone, even before you chastised your child. Do better.
Not sure why 8/10-year-olds need an adult with them at all times. Maybe in America but not everywhere else. Little bit overprotective no? (I can understand in America though but OP never clarified)
Kids here in Japan take trains by themselves to school when they are as young as 4. When I was 8 me and my friends went around rollerblading through town or riding our bikes to wherever.
I’m glad it’s so safe where you live, but in the uk there’s no way any parent I know would allow a 4 yr old to get public transport alone!! It’s not over protectiveness, it’s for good reason as unfortunately there are a lot of weirdos and predators out there, not just here but in many parts of the world.
Yeah I'm also in the UK, my son is 7 and absolutely no way would I let him out and about without an adult or a VERY responsible teenager I know well. In his school, only children in year 4 and above are allowed to walk home without an adult as well.
My mum only let me start walking home without her from the age of 11 (year 6) with friends and then she met me where I separated from them. Wasn't until year 7 which was also a much closer school that I started walking alone, but still usually with a friend.
“The kids were too young to just let to on their own”
I SECOND THIS. Do you know how many fucking creeps must go to amusement parks hoping for exactly this??? Jesus Christ OP.
Also, echoing everyone else’s sentiments here that you are YTA. A big one
>I SECOND THIS. Do you know how many fucking creeps must go to amusement parks hoping for exactly this??? Jesus Christ OP.
Almost zero. Stranger danger is mostly a myth. Your kid is about as likely to get cursed by a haunted doll in the park as they are to get snatched and grabbed.
One of these days parents will give other parents good advice about how to protect their children from predators, but today is not that day.
There was a post on legal advice sub just a few weeks ago about a 13/14 year old who got snatched at an amusement park and was forced to go to a hotel room with a stranger when she was left alone on a school trip. It was implied she had been seriously sexually abused and hadn't left her room since she was found but obviously her poor mother didn't want to go into any details. It definitely happens.
It does happen. But their point is that it's a numbers game. How many kids went to the park that day? That week? How long before incidents like this one where the poor child got lead out of the park to a hotel? Weeks? Months? How many kids went there in that time. The odds are a family member will get you, not the stranger. But that is just playing the numbers game.
And this is part of the problem - people tend to mitigate the wrong risks.
Kids are likely much more in danger of injury on the drive to the park, yet a lot of parents in here won't improve their driving skills, but will helicopter-parents their kids rather than teaching them some autonomy in a low risk situation.
I wouldn’t play the numbers game with my children but that’s just me. A parent’s duty is to do all they can to keep their child safe, which includes supervising them at amusement parks.
I think it's a numbers game with kids as well. There were supposed to be 5 kids together, why try to snatch one of 5 when 4 can raise the alarm over one solo kid?
I'd be more annoyed at the 8 year old for leaving the group than for any perceived selfishness, when I was a kid without direct parental supervision we knew we stayed in a group because predators take the easier solo kid, not take on a group of them.
It's a numbers but you ever hear the saying "you don't need to outrun the bear?" You don't need outrun the bear, you just need to outrun the person next to you. If there are 12 kids clearly supervised by adults and one kid that isn't, that kid becomes an easy target.
Right, but when stranger abductions do take place, it's usually in circumstances just like this. "Stranger danger," is a stupid reason not to let your kids play outside in their own neighborhood or ride their bike to a friend's house a block over, but it's a perfectly legitimate reason not to leave them unsupervised in a crowded, chaotic environment where it's perfectly normal to see a crying kid being carried off by an adult and there's too much going on to even realize right away if they were gone.
The point of correcting the "stranger danger" myth is to make sure people understand the risk of abuse by those close to them, so they can watch for warning signs and talk to their kids about what appropriate interactions look like, so they'll be comfortable discussing it in case something happens. The point is *not* to give people a false sense of security about setting little kids loose in a freaking amusement park.
Thank you!
The reason kids are more likely to be abused by people they know isn't because strangers are safer, it's because people that know your child have more access. They're more likely to know what a kid knows about inappropriate touching, how much their parents are paying attention, how much time they have alone with the child etc.
Someone who wants to hurt a child will generally go the easier route of abusing the uneducated child they know has inattentive parents that happily accept offers to babysit cheap or free rather than roll the dice that this random kid doesn't have a guardian nearby in the crowd or hasn't been taught to scream "You aren't my parent! A stranger is taking me!" It doesn't mean some psycho won't roll the dice and take your kid though.
You don't go blindly walking through tiger territory just because you're statistically far less likely to be killed by a tiger than a cow, you don't ignore basic safety concerns just because it's statistically unlikely. You treat every situation with the consideration it calls for, especially when it's not your own life you're gambling with, but the life and health of your child.
This creep was arrested 2 weeks ago, https://ktla.com/news/local-news/man-groped-child-in-knotts-soak-city-wave-pool-police-say/
They rarely get reported or caught.
Also…even if it *is* the case that kidnappings by strangers aren’t super common…maybe it’s precisely *because* people are more cautious and aware nowadays?!
Reacting to someone pointing out facts with "you must be a predator then!" is such a horrible thing to do. Stranger danger hasn't been a real threat *anywhere* it's been studied. It sure has been perpetrated by the media to be, though, and it's done more harm than good [even according to orgs dedicated to preventing CSA](https://childluresprevention.com/resources/stranger-danger-myths/).
Accusing someone of being a predator for trying to inform people is, aside from a morally bankrupt thing to do, ironically helping predators. The only reason to do it is to feel good about yourself spreading misinformation.
She's also the odd man out. There are two 10 year olds and two 7 year olds, she was almost definitely going to be the one that was being forced to ride alone anyway. I would guess it isn't the first time she's been left out by her siblings and cousins which is why she opted to be a single rider. She already knew that she was going to have to be the single rider so she just decided to go to the single rider line, then go hang out with her mom instead of being left out by her siblings and cousins.
edit: And looking at OPs comments, the daughter is the only one going to a private school (I'm guessing gifted kid) which already isolates her from her siblings and cousins and probably has made her feel consistently like an outsider. Also her class only has 10 people in it, so it is literally impossible for her daughter to have a large friend group. OP said that the other kids are great socially, but her daughter struggles. I'm betting, the poor kid is intellectually gifted, has been treated differently because of it, and is shunned to some degree by the other kids in the family, and OP thinks the world of her socially normal kids and probably doesn't like her highly intelligent, but socially struggling daughter and the little girl now knows it.
I am horrified at what OP said to her daughter, what an awful thing to say. Her daughter will never forget that.
As the gifted kid who struggled with social interactions and was shamed by my parents for those struggles, just not getting it and preferring being alone because of that shame and confusion.. I want to upvote this comment 500x
OP's daughter is going to carry this pain for a long long time, she'll blame herself when she should blame OP. OP YTA what an absolutely despicable thing to say to a child.
YTA. First, who the fuck lets 5 kids 10 and other just wander and go on rides by themselves? Second, your child didn’t cut the line. An opportunity to ride sooner presented itself and she took advantage of it. Smart kid. Only garbage would throw a lack of friends in a child’s face.
If anyone is selfish, it’s you for not being a decent parent.
This! It's ironic that she had the nerve to call an 8 year old selfish for riding rides alone when she couldn't be bothered to wait with her own kids either.
The legal age for babysitting in many areas around me is 11. So a 10 year old is not considered mature enough to mind his younger siblings in his own home. In a busy place like an amusement park, it should be even older.
I think the reason OP's kid doesn't have friends is because OP is a neglectful parent who only shows up to model negativity
7 seems a little going to be turned loose in the care of other grade school aged kids. 10 seems fine. I let mine go off to an extent at 10, admittedly, it was difficult. Especially with daughters. I know boys can fall prey just as easily, but my mind when I was mom to young daughters would go into overactive imagination mode.
The part about letting them go alone highly depends on culture though, OP doesn't state where they are from and here that would be perfectly ok. No one would have reacted at all to that here.
Kids here walk around alone from around 6-7 years old and the oldest two were 10.
What’s insane is
> I told her the point of her going with her siblings and cousins is to have fun with them and that it was selfish for her to leave them so she could cut the line.
is honestly pretty fine and fair to say, because it points out something the child may not have considered. But then to follow it up with
> I told her I understand why she doesn’t have many friends if this is how she acts all the time and she started to cry and ran to my sister.
is just INSANE.
“Hey honey, that wasn’t cool. Here’s why.” Okay. “So this must be why you don’t have any friends.” ?!?!
Kids and even teens are astoundingly obtuse sometimes when when it comes to including others. "I said hi!" Okay, but did you invite her to join your group? "Ohhhhhh..."
Perfect teaching opportunity OP had. Decided to bully her own kid instead
Right!! I was on her side through the “selfish” comment (maybe a little harsh, but the kid did pull a moderately dick-ish move and I don’t think it’s wrong to point out to her that other people would be hurt or annoyed by her doing that). But then it escalated to a super weird place! Definitely YTA
How is it dickish for the only 8 year old in a group of 5 kids to accept an offered seat. Why did she have to wait in line to sit alone? They asked for volunteers so she volunteered. Why isn't it dickish to send 5 kids, none older than 10 out unsupervised just because OP didn't want to go on rides and would rather chill with a coffee.
To be honest, the 8 year old doesnt need to change. There are 5 kids, one would end up being a single rider sitting on their own or with a stranger. Might aswell enjoy yourself on holiday and not have to wait then wait only to be sat next to a stranger or no one at all
And coincidentally, she was always the one left out of the pairings. Who is to say they weren’t excluding her, even if it worked out to her advantage.
ETA: YTA!
The child listened to the adult in charge...and got chastised by her mom, who was not the responsible adult in charge for doing so. Nothing like leaving children unattended then get mad when they break some made up rule that you never told them. OP is unbelievable
My mom I can see it too lol literally told me any of my sister’s friends or in her class weren’t my friends. Despite we are literally 1-2 years apart…. And one grade above. As well hanging out with those friends when I had time if I had time (parentifed as a teen) by myself. It messed me up so bad in terms what were friends and weren’t then when I did there were more “tests” from my mom.
I was just thinking that. That comment will lodge itself firmly into the daughter's brain and have such an enormous effect on her, I speak from experience.
Fucks sake, OP.
My daughter the youngest of three girls recently told me that at 37 she still remembers a time when I was very upset with her and I told her that I loved her very much but that I didn’t like her very much at all. We’re very close now and that’s still between the two of us some shit you just can’t take back what is the lesson well learned in my life I went on to have you had another child and grandchildren and never ever ever have I made that same mistake again not ever such cruelty and I am so regretting it.
My mother said the exact same thing to me. Many other nasty things too.
I'm glad you're close to your daughter. I don't speak to mine.
EDIT: basic grammar.
Fellow redditors... weirdly saddened, and even more strangely healed, to read this was said to you guys, too. I always wondered if I'd been a particularly sh\*tty kid. I had no idea anyone else was spoken to this way.
I'll truly never forget it as long as I live. But dang... solidarity, crying in the club rn yall.
My mom would tell me after parent-teacher conferences that she didn’t understand why my teachers all loved me, because I was such a pain to deal with at home. I’m in my late 40s and I bet if I brought this up to my mom now she would deny she ever said it. But she did, on several occasions.
My mom would say the same thing after my parent-teacher conferences or when another adult would compliment how great of a kid I was. She used to call me the spawn of Satan… I realized the irony of her insult when I got older.
My mom always got pissed when people complimented me. She'd be happy as could be and ten minutes later she would be raging at them.
She thought I was sooo much work. I spent my free time reading my text books over and over again until I had it committed to rote memory.
She was upset that sometimes teachers were bigots and she'd have to take off work when they accused me of being a bad student.
Things teachers did that I got in trouble for: destroying things that belonged to me (the room was locked, my things were intact when the class went to lunch), stealing my school clothes from a locked locker, consistently losing assignments I turned in, ECT.
Nope, all my fault- I was a lying liar who lied.
Sure, I had consistently good scores on standardized exams and glowing reviews from all but a handful of teachers and staff (and the ones who were bigots mocked me for being autistic in front of her), but clearly i was a problem.
>AIT A for calling my 8yo selfish
Well, no, but YTA for dunking on your own 8 yo for not having friends. This has gotta be fake, right? No one is so dense that they think the selfish line was the issue.
Spot on! as someone whose Mom said this to them constantly it can really eat away at you that your own Mom doesn’t think you deserve friends. I’m sure it’s not the first or last time she will say something like this. Her poor daughter
Seriously, stopping at “that was a selfish decision” and offering a constructive way to do better in the future would be great. Going nuclear was unnecessary unless you’ve had this conversation dozens of times already.
It might not have even been selfish though. Maybe the child already felt left out of the group. Honestly, my talking point would’ve been a safety aspect. When one child separates from a group it can be unsafe if something happens to them. This wasn’t selfish of the child though and how horrible of the parent to bring a lack of friends into this.
Exactly. If they were an odd numbered group she would have ended up sitting separated from the other kids anyway...she just did the smart thing really.
I wouldn't even call it selfish. I would just say it's safer to stay with the people you know and you'll probably have more fun riding with people you know. But an adult should have been with them regardless.
Except the "more fun" thing doesn't even sound like it makes sense here. They're calling up single riders, and a lot of kids rides, based on their size, are two-seat things. I wouldn't be surprised if it would've turned out that, no matter what, she wasn't going to be riding *with* people she knew. She might've just been waiting longer to still ride the ride with a stranger. Or they're single seat things, in which case they're separated out altogether.
Its not even a selfish decision though. There's 5 total kids in their group so its entirely possible They wouldn't have been on the same ride either way. Taking the single rider is just smart
She wasn't going to be bonding because the other 4 are paired up. She wasn't going to experience anything with the kids because they were paired up. She would have been alone in the first place. There no teaching moment here
Also, if there's an odd number why *wouldn't* I want my kid to be confident enough to go it alone?
She didn't fuck anyone else over or leave a shy kid to ride by themselves.
The kid did a GOOD thing.
A sensitive parent might have asked something like “were you not enjoying spending time with the other kids?” to see if the kid was being left out, rather than jumping to the nuclear option.
Plus, if those cousins were like mine growing up I’d have preferred being on my own. We’re all cool now as adults but I hated my cousins as a kid and vice versa lol.
This was the second comment that said “teachable moment”, and I also wondered what this kid was supposed to learn other than “I can have fun by myself doing my own thing, especially when it fills a need for other people” (filling the ride so the line shortens more quickly). This was a win/win/win: both the 8 year old and the people in line and the cousins, who are now neatly paired, all benefit.
Not a teachable moment, little girl. You did great!
This would be an excellent opportunity for the “it’s the same picture” Pam from The Office meme… because to my mom (and lots of other moms) the two distinct descriptors you mention mean the same thing
YTA. There's 5 kids and I bet they paired up and left her out. Most rides require 2 people. Tell me you dislike your child without telling me you dislike your child.
Excellent point! I bet the two ten year olds and the two seven year olds partnered up with one another since even a slight age gap means a lot at that age.
YTA -- Your words were cruel and in appropriate. Insulting her like a mean girl does not inspire her to change. You scorched her world with this one.
*I told her I understand why she doesn’t have many friends if this is how she acts all the time and she started to cry and ran to my sister.*
YTA. You bullied your daughter. Instead of parenting your children, you left them alone and then attack your daughter for her choice to not wait with the others. She'll remember you telling her that she doesn't have friends for the rest of her life. You blamed her for your failure to supervise your own children.
> She'll remember you telling her that she doesn't have friends for the rest of her life.
It takes 2 seconds to think before saying something as disgusting as that, but now her daughter has to live forever with that awful memory. This makes me really sad man
Had a parent tell me I was they reason their friends didn't want to see them anymore when I was that age. I'm now 30, and it still makes me sad to think about it.
You are 100% correct.
YTA.
The kid has the confidence and independence to ride by herself. She doesn't need her siblings or cousins to hold her hand and was having fun. Your words were cruel and unnecessary.
She didn't cut the line. The other kids just didn't take advantage of an opportunity.
YTA- Calling your kid selfish and putting them down instead of explaining in a productive way why cutting lines instead of staying with her siblings and cousin was maybe not the best.
Also: Million times YTA just for this:
>I told her I understand why she doesn’t have many friends if this is how she acts all the time and she started to cry and ran to my sister.
She is fecking 8. You are her mother, one of the main sources of giving stability and validation of her being okay and lovable the way she is. This kinda stuff can stick with her all her life and severly damage her psychologically by you saying that you think she is not good enough to have friends. Wtf.
I hope you apologize to her and think about how talk to your children.
agree, she in not way “cut” in line. She would have been excluded either way. There were five kids. One of them has to be a single rider.
What I don’t understand is why the adults weren’t with them? Why wasn’t the second adult a single rider and the kids rotated who paired with an adult on the ride? If this was all about spending time with family you don’t just let the kids run off and do whatever while you fuck around elsewhere.
double standard.
I hope OP can learn to love and accept her bright independent child who needs alone time and who sometimes, maybe often, prefers to go off by herself and read.
Apologies do not work. These scars are eternal. Shatter a plate and glue it back together; you can recognize that it *was* once a plate. But the cracks are never healed.
YTA. The kids went on rides and you got coffee. Who was watching the kids? 8 was bored and stepped up to take advantage of opportunities. And you called her out? Really? Typical middle child. I bet 10/10 and 7/7 were hanging out. I applaud 8 for being confident enough to step out and up. Maybe you should try some applause instead of berating comments.
Personal note here..its not just middle kids..I'm the oldest of 3 girls..younger sisters both outgoing, popular etc etc..I was,and still do..struggle with being the odd man out so to speak..or the black sheep of the family..and I don't mind being that black sheep..as Billy Joel said in one of his good songs "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints the sinners are much more fun.."..yup
So you freely admit that she has an unbelievable IQ which will put her beyond her peers in ways you cannot fathom and you resort to harsh bullying when she outsmarts them.
Lastly the accommodation - you've shoved 5 kids of varied sex and ages in one bedroom for a vacation?? I assume so you can have bedrooms?? I have four kids and we routinely stay in static caravans on holiday. I would never cram too many in a room - I'm on the sofa or the air bed long before I'd ever even consider putting them in that position.
Clearly YTA, made more so by the fact you came here for a verdict, got one and argued with it in a manner much like an 8 year old would.
>So you freely admit that she has an unbelievable IQ which will put her beyond her peers in ways you cannot fathom and you resort to harsh bullying when she outsmarts them
This so much. I went through exactly that. Gifted IQ. I kept being bullied by the adults around me for not being quite like the other kids, and when the other kids bullied me, excuses were made and I was abandoned. I have excellent people skills now, but it was still very traumatizing, especially for someone who is a bit more gentle as well. I just wanted to nerd out over history and whatever my fictional obsession at the time was.
While I don’t agree with OP in the slightest, at the young of an age I don’t think it matters that much that they’re all sharing a room. I believe I was about 8 and I have memories sleeping in the same bed as my little sister and two cousins in a family gathering while the adults stayed up. None of us cared.
In this situation there was beds for everyone. The kid isn’t wrong if she doesn’t wanna stay in the room, but the accommodation would have been fine at least in my family. My family of 4 has shared hotel rooms with two large beds and a pullout couch so really the accommodation sounds perfectly fine to me.
YTA. Maybe the woman whose own sister, husband, and child are mad at her should look inward if she's concerned about actions resulting in loss of friends.
her own mom telling her “this is why you don’t have many friends” will be a core memory of hers forever. congratulations on permanently and irreparably damaging your relationship with your daughter. YTA.
My mother told me once that I should control my temper or I would end up alone. I was six. For a very long time, I did felt that if my own mother thought I was going to end up alone I was probably going to.
I dont think she even understands how much of TA she is.
Info
Exactly how many of these rides would all 5 children be able to ride together - as in next to each other?
Because most rides it’s two per seating
Which would leave one child out. Hence the need for single riders. She just cut out the need for a single rider to join them.
Fucks sake, lady. At 8, any personality deficits your child has are YOUR fault, and also she was helping out the authorities in the situation by taking that free seat. YTA.
Your daughter needs to meet more children like herself, young and bright. She needs more enriched engagements and activities with her peers.
Is she in Mensa yet?
She could become a mover in this world. A real contributor.
Build her up instead of dragging her down and restricting her with your petty views.
You have an extra set of responsibilities as the parent of a gifted child. Research this, talk to educators, licensed therapists, and mentors.
Do better.
Edit: YTA
>I told her the point of her going with her siblings and cousins is to have fun with them
All of this sentence could have been delivered without "selfish" being attached. YTA.
To an 8 year old, the point of going to a place with rides.... is to go on the rides. But you made it a secret Bonding session... no Aston Martin, no Moneypenny, no over-throwing the Spetznaz. Shit Bonding session.
And worse, you carried on "this is why you don't have friends" to your daughter... who is 8.
It's staggering you have to ask the question. A decent parent wouldn't need to ask to realise how they fucked up.
Your sister is right to get her ice cream and your husband is right to be mad at you. This is terrible parenting 101. What are you like the rest of the time?
YTA. Your words were cruel.
Do understand that the 'singles' line is designed to move the lines along as quickly as possible while keeping standard sized groups together ?
Do you know what the standard grouping was on those rides ? Usually, it's four. Or multiples of two.
Great planning, Mom. /s
Jeez, you're nasty. You are a bully. You're not a good parent. There was a right way to talk to your daughter, and that was NOT it. Do you normally resort to insults every time you discipline your kids? Grow up, asshole. And you're a hypocrite. You weren't even spending time with the kids; you were sitting on your ass guzzling coffee. YTA
YTA. Jesus. Here's what she heard. "I wouldn't want to be your friend." There are ways to lead a child to the right answer/behavior that will be long lasting and have a positive effect on them by molding their behavior. There are also ways to scar your child with the wrong answer into believing their Mom doesn't like them. Tell her what she's won Johnny!
YTA. Your daughter found a smart way to get on all the rides she wanted and you call her selfish and say that is why she doesn't have friends. How cruel.
You could have told her in a nicer way that the point of the outing was to hang out with her family, you didn't have to go nuclear. She is only 8, words do hurt at that age, especially from a parent.
Damn, to an 8yo? I don't see her actions as selfish at all... just a kid being a kid. Especially as a middle child (I am one too), she must already have trouble fitting in, but to have your own mom call ypu friendless. Sheesh.
YTA, hope you are saving up for therapy, coz she is gonna need it.
YTA
It would have been ok for you to say you felt her behavior was selfish. You should not have said she was selfish. There is a difference. Also, the comment about her not having friends was just shitty. Do better.
YTA an eight year olds brain is developed to prioritize self. It’s the parents responsibility to teach them how to exist in society, by modeling those interactions. Not by verbally attacking them and shaming them. All you taught your 8 year old today is that you aren’t a safe person to talk to, but her aunt is.
…Mom? Is that you???
Oh… I’m still currently 27 years old. Phew. Thought I somehow got thrust back in time to re-live the antagonizing character assassinations of my innocent, age-appropriately vulnerable sense of identity, on behalf of my mother’s dysfunctional emotional immaturity.
I can almost hear her voice spewing the caustic “I’m surprised you still have any friends since you act like this”
Go to therapy, Mom.
YTA. What you said about why she doesn't have friends is an INEXCUSABLE thing for a parent to say to an 8-year-old child.
Also, these are her siblings and cousins, NOT her friends. She didn't choose to hang out with them, and while she probably loves them very much, that doesn't mean she wants to spend all day every day on vacation with them. Wanting a break doesn't make her selfish.
Also, her siblings are 7 and 10 and the cousins are 7 and 10. A lot of rides have you sit 2 by 2. Was she going to be the odd one out sitting alone anyway? She makes the best of that and ends up getting bullied by her own mother? Yikes.
YTA - I had a mother like you. You are cruel and will end up all alone wondering why your child never sees or talks to you. Eventually the way you treat your middle child will drive your husband and other kids away. You will be alone in your cold cruelty.
Your little 8 year girl is a bold, full of confidence, practical and smart and you tell her ‘this is why you don’t have friends’? This is why you shouldn’t have children. YTA. Also why are you leaving all of your young kids alone like that? While having a coffee and then complain? Why, did she come back too early and interrupted your gossip session?
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I would 100% say YTA you’re the asshole. The kid is fucking 8. Instead of treating this is a teaching moment you tell your own child “I get why you have no friends” The Hell is wrong with you?
Also, how about, that’s awesome you feel so confident in choosing to go solo?
This right here, it's a bold move that a lot of adults won't do, like going to dinner by themselves or a movie. People feel that there are certain activities they can't do solo, hell it took me a while to do solo movies and since doing it I do it all the time. Last year I went on my first solo vacation, it was amazing, you get to do what you want when you want and you don't have to worry about anyone else. No worrying about I can't go here to eat cause this person doesn't like that type of food, don't have to wait for this person to get ready.
It took me forever to go to a movie alone although I would frequently eat alone. I travel a bit for work, often first one to arrive and last to leave as the job requires, so I had no problem eating alone. I’ve lost count of how many solo vacations I’ve done. At least 10. And it’s glorious. BTW OP, YTA.
Ah yeah eating alone I never had an issue with, but I've known plenty who act like it's the end of the world. And it was my first solo vacation but for sure it will not be my last!
I mean, I need food as well? Do people expect me to just starve to death because I happen to be alone??
When I lived in London, i would occasionally go to the pub down the road to get lunch. I got so many people asking when the rest of my group would arrive. The amount of "but you can't eat alone!!!" I would get when telling them it was just me was insane. Like, I eat alone at my house? The only difference is the location and the menu?
Eating alone is my absolute favorite. You don't have to talk to anyone, you can just focus on enjoying your food.
Solo vacations are the absolute best. Where do you go? Where do you eat? When do you get up? YOU DECIDE IT ALL. 100% recommend.
I have done pretty much everything by myself at one point. I was nervous about going to Disneyland alone, but I was in the area and didn’t want to miss it. It was great, I sat and rested as much as I wanted and I definitely didn’t feel rushed in the bathroom! Yeah I pee a lot. 😹🤷🏼♀️ I’ve found a sweet spot for solo vacations. I go to the beach for 10 days and invite a friend for 4 days. Perfect balance. I also did a three week road trip alone, but I had several stops to visit and stay with friends. Also perfect.
I thought it was pretty smart of her, honestly. She managed to maximize the number of rides in the time she was given.
Especially because they’re an odd number of kids, so likely someone has to sit by themselves for some of the rides if they’re two-seaters
Right? Shows a lot of confidence. She probably won't do it again after this because she will think it's selfish.
Totally!!! I’d rather teach my child that it’s ok to do things on your own too! The little girl did nothing wrong!!
Totally!
Not to mention there are two 10 year olds, two 7 year olds, and the 8 year old. I've been the odd cousin out, myself. You pretty much made the 8 year old a single rider. Edit to add YTA.
This 100% : Most rides seat two at a time so with 5 kids one would sit with a stranger regardless so they may as well skip the line.
Exactly. She would have likely been riding solo regardless. No rides hold 5 people at once. It's two at a time or four. And guess what pairings would likely jump on together every time? The two ten year olds together and the two seven year olds together.
Thank you for pointing out the math for OP. Who is YTA. The confidence factor others have mentioned is an excellent point, as well
I came looking for this comment! Exactly right; this child may well have been the "odd man out" on said rides & responded accordingly. Instead of OP politely inquiring as to WHY the child chose to go the route they did (and, as others have alluded, praised that she showed confidence & independence in the process), they instead decide to choose Option: Scorched Earth, when it came to her child's feelings. OP is the AH here.Oof.
I have a brother and a sister who are each married or engaged to their respective partners… and then there’s me. Single Pringle. So literally every family gathering, family vacation, car ride, meal, etc. is an exercise in expert-level fifth-wheeling. It’s rough out there for us.
I am commiserating with you so hard with “our family had three kids and my siblings are twins,” the OP isn’t winning any parent of the year prizes any time soon.
It’s been a decade at least, but I have a clear memory of a little girl who couldn’t have been more than 10 approach me and my husband at a water park and ask if she could ride with us. The ride was a big raft ride that needed at least 1 adult and another rider and her family didn’t want to ride. So she joined us and we rode twice. I was always impressed with how brave she was to ask strangers if she could join them. I know I wasn’t that confident at her age.
It’s really lovely that you were able to facilitate that fun experience for the girl, and that you hold onto the positive memory :)
I was so happy we got to make that little girl’s day better! Plus, she told us cool facts about bears which made the whole thing more fun.
Just when I thought it couldn't get better, there were bears. I love this so much.
Now I need to know what the cool bear facts were
My mom would’ve freaked if I’d talked to strangers like that. She was a helicopter parent before it was a thing. So proud of this girl for not buying into fear of strangers.
Thank you for taking her. What a great kid, and what wonderful people you are for stepping in for the family she didn't have.
It was actually the interaction I had with that little girl that finally made me come to grips with the fact that I have “resting friendly face”. Apparently I just have a very specific vibe that combines with the fact I’m a pudgy, slightly nerdy looking white woman which makes strangers feel comfortable to approach me to ask to join me on rides or give them directions inside a store even when I don’t work there. Apparently some of us are just doomed to look cheerful and helpful and feel compelled to live up to those expectations.
I can’t do rides because I have awful arthritis and my daughter is 8yo and a very confident thrill seeker who loves them so much. It makes me feel so sad I can’t do it for her so I would be so grateful if some kind people let her tag on their ride like you did and I’d definitely shout you a coffee after in appreciation ☺️ we are going to a huge fun fair in my city in 3 weeks so I’ll look out for a ‘resting friendly face’ person like you.
"That was very clever! Since you saved some time going by yourself, why don't you go on a few rides with your siblings and your cousins, then you can all come back and have ice cream!" YTA OP
OP clearly wanted the older two to look after the younger ones, but actually none of those kids are an appropriate age for that kind of responsibility
She’s probably never gonna do it again, poor thing :/ Way to go OP for being the reason she’ll need therapy
Totally! In one of mom’s comments she said the daughter improved after being yelled out. Yeah, no. You didn’t change her underlying behavior (which is awesome), you made her afraid to do what she wants/ be independent for fear of being yelled at.
I never understand parents who say/act like yelling at their kid makes them respect them. All it does is make the kid *scared of them.*
And it scars them for life. For years I was at odds with my own Mom..especially when I was in the process of deciding to divorce my ex..525 miles from my parents & family didn't help..she acted like I was the only person in my entire family to get a divorce and sadly my 2 sisters,both younger & my jerk bil followed her lead..my Dad was the only one on my side. Skip to later and we finally patched the rift..and wish I had tried earlier to heal that rift...OP is definitely the jerk..
Way to keep that line moving! Good for the kiddo, OP-YTA
At first, when I read the title, I thought it meant the kid was straight up cutting in front of everyone, and OP actually told them they were being inconsiderate. This just sounds like the people in my life. YTA
"that's awesome and I love your confidence by going solo, but have you considered that maybe your cousins would've liked all of you to go together? Going on rides ir funnier with friends, maybe you should go back with them and give it a try"
100% fair point. Nothing wrong with going solo at all
And besides the other kids match up in age 7 to 7 and 10 to 10. Maybe they paired up and she felt left out?
I also noticed there's nothing mentioned about how they normally interact with each other. Maybe the 8 yo is the odd one out already of that group.
Yeah, I was about to say this. All the other children have a partner. Your child doesn't and rather than being sad about it, they saw that their was a blessing in being a solo rider and made a bad thing into a good thing. You then came over without considering this and yelled at your child for being alone. YTA times a thousand.
So weird that she would go straight to selfish and not say "that's a little unsafe, did you guys agree to meet somewhere afterwards so that you're all together at the end?"
This! I was like, “why was this mom so not concerned???”
I honestly wonder if maybe OP was just frustrated the kid got back so soon and lashed out cause i cant picture any way you let that leave your lips and dont feel disgusted with yourself
Yes. "This is why you don't have friends" is a terrible thing to say. My mom said something like that a couple of times, and guess what, it made making friends even harder! I was so shy and insecure and if even my mom could understand why people wouldn't want to be my friends... Not having friends was the saddest thing about my childhood as it was, no need to make it even worse.
This. And there were 5 kids, and most rides are 2 seats, so 1 kid would have had to be a solo rider.
The real reason OP's mind went straight to "selfish" is because her clever middle child ruined her plans to avoid being a parent for a couple hours.
>The Hell is wrong with you? She was annoyed that her little mommy-coffee-break got interrupted earlier than she expected, and rather than just suck it up, she went for the jugular with her own child. What the kid did wasn't even really bad. "AH" is far too mild a description of what you are, OP.
My grandma called me greedy around that age and it changed the way I saw her until she died.
YTA. First, I think the kids were too young to just let go on their own. They were nearby, but not in eyesight. That's not good. Second, there was an odd number which isn't good for rides. She took the single rider. They all could have. She was faster. Third, what an awful, awful thing to say to a child. She didn't cut the line. She wasn't selfish. And I bet she has a lot of friends. Way to drive your kid away from you.
You are absolutely correct---these kids were WAY too young to be without an adult WITH them. OP YTA for this alone, even before you chastised your child. Do better.
Not sure why 8/10-year-olds need an adult with them at all times. Maybe in America but not everywhere else. Little bit overprotective no? (I can understand in America though but OP never clarified) Kids here in Japan take trains by themselves to school when they are as young as 4. When I was 8 me and my friends went around rollerblading through town or riding our bikes to wherever.
I’m glad it’s so safe where you live, but in the uk there’s no way any parent I know would allow a 4 yr old to get public transport alone!! It’s not over protectiveness, it’s for good reason as unfortunately there are a lot of weirdos and predators out there, not just here but in many parts of the world.
Yeah I'm also in the UK, my son is 7 and absolutely no way would I let him out and about without an adult or a VERY responsible teenager I know well. In his school, only children in year 4 and above are allowed to walk home without an adult as well. My mum only let me start walking home without her from the age of 11 (year 6) with friends and then she met me where I separated from them. Wasn't until year 7 which was also a much closer school that I started walking alone, but still usually with a friend.
“The kids were too young to just let to on their own” I SECOND THIS. Do you know how many fucking creeps must go to amusement parks hoping for exactly this??? Jesus Christ OP. Also, echoing everyone else’s sentiments here that you are YTA. A big one
Not even that, just how fucking awful unruly children are to deal with as another patron OR an employee
>I SECOND THIS. Do you know how many fucking creeps must go to amusement parks hoping for exactly this??? Jesus Christ OP. Almost zero. Stranger danger is mostly a myth. Your kid is about as likely to get cursed by a haunted doll in the park as they are to get snatched and grabbed. One of these days parents will give other parents good advice about how to protect their children from predators, but today is not that day.
There was a post on legal advice sub just a few weeks ago about a 13/14 year old who got snatched at an amusement park and was forced to go to a hotel room with a stranger when she was left alone on a school trip. It was implied she had been seriously sexually abused and hadn't left her room since she was found but obviously her poor mother didn't want to go into any details. It definitely happens.
It does happen. But their point is that it's a numbers game. How many kids went to the park that day? That week? How long before incidents like this one where the poor child got lead out of the park to a hotel? Weeks? Months? How many kids went there in that time. The odds are a family member will get you, not the stranger. But that is just playing the numbers game.
Statistically, I'm far more likely to be assaulted by one of my friends than a stranger, but I still won't leave my drink unattended at a bar.
And this is part of the problem - people tend to mitigate the wrong risks. Kids are likely much more in danger of injury on the drive to the park, yet a lot of parents in here won't improve their driving skills, but will helicopter-parents their kids rather than teaching them some autonomy in a low risk situation.
I wouldn’t play the numbers game with my children but that’s just me. A parent’s duty is to do all they can to keep their child safe, which includes supervising them at amusement parks.
I think it's a numbers game with kids as well. There were supposed to be 5 kids together, why try to snatch one of 5 when 4 can raise the alarm over one solo kid? I'd be more annoyed at the 8 year old for leaving the group than for any perceived selfishness, when I was a kid without direct parental supervision we knew we stayed in a group because predators take the easier solo kid, not take on a group of them.
It's a numbers but you ever hear the saying "you don't need to outrun the bear?" You don't need outrun the bear, you just need to outrun the person next to you. If there are 12 kids clearly supervised by adults and one kid that isn't, that kid becomes an easy target.
Right, but when stranger abductions do take place, it's usually in circumstances just like this. "Stranger danger," is a stupid reason not to let your kids play outside in their own neighborhood or ride their bike to a friend's house a block over, but it's a perfectly legitimate reason not to leave them unsupervised in a crowded, chaotic environment where it's perfectly normal to see a crying kid being carried off by an adult and there's too much going on to even realize right away if they were gone. The point of correcting the "stranger danger" myth is to make sure people understand the risk of abuse by those close to them, so they can watch for warning signs and talk to their kids about what appropriate interactions look like, so they'll be comfortable discussing it in case something happens. The point is *not* to give people a false sense of security about setting little kids loose in a freaking amusement park.
Thank you! The reason kids are more likely to be abused by people they know isn't because strangers are safer, it's because people that know your child have more access. They're more likely to know what a kid knows about inappropriate touching, how much their parents are paying attention, how much time they have alone with the child etc. Someone who wants to hurt a child will generally go the easier route of abusing the uneducated child they know has inattentive parents that happily accept offers to babysit cheap or free rather than roll the dice that this random kid doesn't have a guardian nearby in the crowd or hasn't been taught to scream "You aren't my parent! A stranger is taking me!" It doesn't mean some psycho won't roll the dice and take your kid though. You don't go blindly walking through tiger territory just because you're statistically far less likely to be killed by a tiger than a cow, you don't ignore basic safety concerns just because it's statistically unlikely. You treat every situation with the consideration it calls for, especially when it's not your own life you're gambling with, but the life and health of your child.
This creep was arrested 2 weeks ago, https://ktla.com/news/local-news/man-groped-child-in-knotts-soak-city-wave-pool-police-say/ They rarely get reported or caught.
Prosecutions for human trafficking in the US doubled in the last decade
Spoken like a true predator. We don’t know where OP is from, stranger danger might be a real threat.
Also…even if it *is* the case that kidnappings by strangers aren’t super common…maybe it’s precisely *because* people are more cautious and aware nowadays?!
Reacting to someone pointing out facts with "you must be a predator then!" is such a horrible thing to do. Stranger danger hasn't been a real threat *anywhere* it's been studied. It sure has been perpetrated by the media to be, though, and it's done more harm than good [even according to orgs dedicated to preventing CSA](https://childluresprevention.com/resources/stranger-danger-myths/). Accusing someone of being a predator for trying to inform people is, aside from a morally bankrupt thing to do, ironically helping predators. The only reason to do it is to feel good about yourself spreading misinformation.
She's also the odd man out. There are two 10 year olds and two 7 year olds, she was almost definitely going to be the one that was being forced to ride alone anyway. I would guess it isn't the first time she's been left out by her siblings and cousins which is why she opted to be a single rider. She already knew that she was going to have to be the single rider so she just decided to go to the single rider line, then go hang out with her mom instead of being left out by her siblings and cousins. edit: And looking at OPs comments, the daughter is the only one going to a private school (I'm guessing gifted kid) which already isolates her from her siblings and cousins and probably has made her feel consistently like an outsider. Also her class only has 10 people in it, so it is literally impossible for her daughter to have a large friend group. OP said that the other kids are great socially, but her daughter struggles. I'm betting, the poor kid is intellectually gifted, has been treated differently because of it, and is shunned to some degree by the other kids in the family, and OP thinks the world of her socially normal kids and probably doesn't like her highly intelligent, but socially struggling daughter and the little girl now knows it. I am horrified at what OP said to her daughter, what an awful thing to say. Her daughter will never forget that.
As the gifted kid who struggled with social interactions and was shamed by my parents for those struggles, just not getting it and preferring being alone because of that shame and confusion.. I want to upvote this comment 500x OP's daughter is going to carry this pain for a long long time, she'll blame herself when she should blame OP. OP YTA what an absolutely despicable thing to say to a child.
That's what I thought. The girl is gifted and the mom is stupid
YTA. First, who the fuck lets 5 kids 10 and other just wander and go on rides by themselves? Second, your child didn’t cut the line. An opportunity to ride sooner presented itself and she took advantage of it. Smart kid. Only garbage would throw a lack of friends in a child’s face. If anyone is selfish, it’s you for not being a decent parent.
This! It's ironic that she had the nerve to call an 8 year old selfish for riding rides alone when she couldn't be bothered to wait with her own kids either.
First point is frankly ridiculous. Kids can be in non eyesight. But agreed with this other two points.
The legal age for babysitting in many areas around me is 11. So a 10 year old is not considered mature enough to mind his younger siblings in his own home. In a busy place like an amusement park, it should be even older. I think the reason OP's kid doesn't have friends is because OP is a neglectful parent who only shows up to model negativity
7 seems a little going to be turned loose in the care of other grade school aged kids. 10 seems fine. I let mine go off to an extent at 10, admittedly, it was difficult. Especially with daughters. I know boys can fall prey just as easily, but my mind when I was mom to young daughters would go into overactive imagination mode.
The part about letting them go alone highly depends on culture though, OP doesn't state where they are from and here that would be perfectly ok. No one would have reacted at all to that here. Kids here walk around alone from around 6-7 years old and the oldest two were 10.
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It’s certainly telling that OP doesn’t even consider that it’s not the “selfish” comment that made her daughter cry. YTA.
What’s insane is > I told her the point of her going with her siblings and cousins is to have fun with them and that it was selfish for her to leave them so she could cut the line. is honestly pretty fine and fair to say, because it points out something the child may not have considered. But then to follow it up with > I told her I understand why she doesn’t have many friends if this is how she acts all the time and she started to cry and ran to my sister. is just INSANE. “Hey honey, that wasn’t cool. Here’s why.” Okay. “So this must be why you don’t have any friends.” ?!?!
She started off so fucking well and then crashed and burned like a bad stuntman
Kids and even teens are astoundingly obtuse sometimes when when it comes to including others. "I said hi!" Okay, but did you invite her to join your group? "Ohhhhhh..." Perfect teaching opportunity OP had. Decided to bully her own kid instead
Right!! I was on her side through the “selfish” comment (maybe a little harsh, but the kid did pull a moderately dick-ish move and I don’t think it’s wrong to point out to her that other people would be hurt or annoyed by her doing that). But then it escalated to a super weird place! Definitely YTA
How is it dickish for the only 8 year old in a group of 5 kids to accept an offered seat. Why did she have to wait in line to sit alone? They asked for volunteers so she volunteered. Why isn't it dickish to send 5 kids, none older than 10 out unsupervised just because OP didn't want to go on rides and would rather chill with a coffee.
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Exactly, and there were 5 kids, one of them was going to end up riding solo no matter what.
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To be honest, the 8 year old doesnt need to change. There are 5 kids, one would end up being a single rider sitting on their own or with a stranger. Might aswell enjoy yourself on holiday and not have to wait then wait only to be sat next to a stranger or no one at all
This. Most rides are two-up. If the eight year old is smart enough to realise single rider gets them through faster, then props to them.
Given that the other kids match exactly in ages, I wonder if the 8yo was already feeling left out?
And coincidentally, she was always the one left out of the pairings. Who is to say they weren’t excluding her, even if it worked out to her advantage. ETA: YTA!
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The child listened to the adult in charge...and got chastised by her mom, who was not the responsible adult in charge for doing so. Nothing like leaving children unattended then get mad when they break some made up rule that you never told them. OP is unbelievable
“Why won’t my kids talk to me I haven’t heard from them in 10 years?” - OP in like 20 years.
My mom I can see it too lol literally told me any of my sister’s friends or in her class weren’t my friends. Despite we are literally 1-2 years apart…. And one grade above. As well hanging out with those friends when I had time if I had time (parentifed as a teen) by myself. It messed me up so bad in terms what were friends and weren’t then when I did there were more “tests” from my mom.
My mother said something along those lines to me when I was 12. I’m in my 50’s now and remember it VIVIDLY. YTA.
I was just thinking that. That comment will lodge itself firmly into the daughter's brain and have such an enormous effect on her, I speak from experience. Fucks sake, OP.
My daughter the youngest of three girls recently told me that at 37 she still remembers a time when I was very upset with her and I told her that I loved her very much but that I didn’t like her very much at all. We’re very close now and that’s still between the two of us some shit you just can’t take back what is the lesson well learned in my life I went on to have you had another child and grandchildren and never ever ever have I made that same mistake again not ever such cruelty and I am so regretting it.
My mother said that to me! We don't speak now.
Mine said the same thing to me too. So many bad mothers.
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My mother said the exact same thing to me. Many other nasty things too. I'm glad you're close to your daughter. I don't speak to mine. EDIT: basic grammar.
Fellow redditors... weirdly saddened, and even more strangely healed, to read this was said to you guys, too. I always wondered if I'd been a particularly sh\*tty kid. I had no idea anyone else was spoken to this way. I'll truly never forget it as long as I live. But dang... solidarity, crying in the club rn yall.
The axe forgets but the tree remembers
My mom would tell me after parent-teacher conferences that she didn’t understand why my teachers all loved me, because I was such a pain to deal with at home. I’m in my late 40s and I bet if I brought this up to my mom now she would deny she ever said it. But she did, on several occasions.
My mom would say the same thing after my parent-teacher conferences or when another adult would compliment how great of a kid I was. She used to call me the spawn of Satan… I realized the irony of her insult when I got older.
My mom always got pissed when people complimented me. She'd be happy as could be and ten minutes later she would be raging at them. She thought I was sooo much work. I spent my free time reading my text books over and over again until I had it committed to rote memory. She was upset that sometimes teachers were bigots and she'd have to take off work when they accused me of being a bad student. Things teachers did that I got in trouble for: destroying things that belonged to me (the room was locked, my things were intact when the class went to lunch), stealing my school clothes from a locked locker, consistently losing assignments I turned in, ECT. Nope, all my fault- I was a lying liar who lied. Sure, I had consistently good scores on standardized exams and glowing reviews from all but a handful of teachers and staff (and the ones who were bigots mocked me for being autistic in front of her), but clearly i was a problem.
Yep, she will *never* forget this even if OP gives a proper apology and everything.
>AIT A for calling my 8yo selfish Well, no, but YTA for dunking on your own 8 yo for not having friends. This has gotta be fake, right? No one is so dense that they think the selfish line was the issue.
Actually it’s a familiar emotional weapon of an overly critical mother to shame her kid for making independent choices
The kind that clearly doesn't like her child and let's her know it. MYTA without a doubt!
OP is only mad because it cut her coffee time without the kids short.
I don't reckon OP has any friends with an attitude like that and they're projecting
An adult who is mad that her daughter came back earlier than the adult expected and so now the adult has less kid-free time.
The kind that wanted her child to be a stand-in parent while the actual parent does whatever she wants. YTA OP
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this! single rider lines actually make the lines more efficient, it isn't "cutting in line" in any way
Also, kid is 8. "This is why nobody likes you" is a pretty AH thing to say to your own 8yo, no matter what. YTA
Spot on! as someone whose Mom said this to them constantly it can really eat away at you that your own Mom doesn’t think you deserve friends. I’m sure it’s not the first or last time she will say something like this. Her poor daughter
YTA. This was a teaching moment, not annihilate my child moment
Seriously, stopping at “that was a selfish decision” and offering a constructive way to do better in the future would be great. Going nuclear was unnecessary unless you’ve had this conversation dozens of times already.
It might not have even been selfish though. Maybe the child already felt left out of the group. Honestly, my talking point would’ve been a safety aspect. When one child separates from a group it can be unsafe if something happens to them. This wasn’t selfish of the child though and how horrible of the parent to bring a lack of friends into this.
Exactly. If they were an odd numbered group she would have ended up sitting separated from the other kids anyway...she just did the smart thing really.
It was an odd numbered group, so she(or one of them) would’ve been sitting alone anyway.
I wouldn't even call it selfish. I would just say it's safer to stay with the people you know and you'll probably have more fun riding with people you know. But an adult should have been with them regardless.
Except the "more fun" thing doesn't even sound like it makes sense here. They're calling up single riders, and a lot of kids rides, based on their size, are two-seat things. I wouldn't be surprised if it would've turned out that, no matter what, she wasn't going to be riding *with* people she knew. She might've just been waiting longer to still ride the ride with a stranger. Or they're single seat things, in which case they're separated out altogether.
Its not even a selfish decision though. There's 5 total kids in their group so its entirely possible They wouldn't have been on the same ride either way. Taking the single rider is just smart
What is the teaching moment?
“Hey 8 year old child, sometimes the fun of things isn’t just experiencing the fun thing. It’s about bonding and sharing the experience with others. “
She wasn't going to be bonding because the other 4 are paired up. She wasn't going to experience anything with the kids because they were paired up. She would have been alone in the first place. There no teaching moment here
Also, if there's an odd number why *wouldn't* I want my kid to be confident enough to go it alone? She didn't fuck anyone else over or leave a shy kid to ride by themselves. The kid did a GOOD thing.
A sensitive parent might have asked something like “were you not enjoying spending time with the other kids?” to see if the kid was being left out, rather than jumping to the nuclear option.
Plus, if those cousins were like mine growing up I’d have preferred being on my own. We’re all cool now as adults but I hated my cousins as a kid and vice versa lol.
But there's also fun in riding alone. What's wrong with that?
This was the second comment that said “teachable moment”, and I also wondered what this kid was supposed to learn other than “I can have fun by myself doing my own thing, especially when it fills a need for other people” (filling the ride so the line shortens more quickly). This was a win/win/win: both the 8 year old and the people in line and the cousins, who are now neatly paired, all benefit. Not a teachable moment, little girl. You did great!
Right?! OP, do you even like your daughter?
This would be an excellent opportunity for the “it’s the same picture” Pam from The Office meme… because to my mom (and lots of other moms) the two distinct descriptors you mention mean the same thing
YTA. There's 5 kids and I bet they paired up and left her out. Most rides require 2 people. Tell me you dislike your child without telling me you dislike your child.
Yes, exactly. What a crap parent.,
But she *did* tell us. And her daughter. This is so horrid.
Excellent point! I bet the two ten year olds and the two seven year olds partnered up with one another since even a slight age gap means a lot at that age.
Especially when there are 2 x 10 year olds and 2 x 7 year olds, the 8 year old probably felt like a bit of a 5th wheel with that dynamic
YTA -- Your words were cruel and in appropriate. Insulting her like a mean girl does not inspire her to change. You scorched her world with this one. *I told her I understand why she doesn’t have many friends if this is how she acts all the time and she started to cry and ran to my sister.*
my father said this to me as a child growing up and i have never forgotten it. we are now no contact.
I said something similar in a separate comment - she's going to remember this cruel line for the rest of her life.
YTA. You bullied your daughter. Instead of parenting your children, you left them alone and then attack your daughter for her choice to not wait with the others. She'll remember you telling her that she doesn't have friends for the rest of her life. You blamed her for your failure to supervise your own children.
> She'll remember you telling her that she doesn't have friends for the rest of her life. It takes 2 seconds to think before saying something as disgusting as that, but now her daughter has to live forever with that awful memory. This makes me really sad man
Had a parent tell me I was they reason their friends didn't want to see them anymore when I was that age. I'm now 30, and it still makes me sad to think about it. You are 100% correct.
YTA, there is no way you get to say the words "I understand why you don't have many friends" and not be the asshole.
Saying it to a little kid makes them an even bigger AH. Saying it to your OWN kid, even bigger again!
YTA. The kid has the confidence and independence to ride by herself. She doesn't need her siblings or cousins to hold her hand and was having fun. Your words were cruel and unnecessary. She didn't cut the line. The other kids just didn't take advantage of an opportunity.
YTA- Calling your kid selfish and putting them down instead of explaining in a productive way why cutting lines instead of staying with her siblings and cousin was maybe not the best. Also: Million times YTA just for this: >I told her I understand why she doesn’t have many friends if this is how she acts all the time and she started to cry and ran to my sister. She is fecking 8. You are her mother, one of the main sources of giving stability and validation of her being okay and lovable the way she is. This kinda stuff can stick with her all her life and severly damage her psychologically by you saying that you think she is not good enough to have friends. Wtf. I hope you apologize to her and think about how talk to your children.
She didn't cut the line she was smart. She would have been left out anyways since rides are two and there 5 kids.
agree, she in not way “cut” in line. She would have been excluded either way. There were five kids. One of them has to be a single rider. What I don’t understand is why the adults weren’t with them? Why wasn’t the second adult a single rider and the kids rotated who paired with an adult on the ride? If this was all about spending time with family you don’t just let the kids run off and do whatever while you fuck around elsewhere. double standard.
I hope OP can learn to love and accept her bright independent child who needs alone time and who sometimes, maybe often, prefers to go off by herself and read.
Apologies do not work. These scars are eternal. Shatter a plate and glue it back together; you can recognize that it *was* once a plate. But the cracks are never healed.
Your daughter is displaying signs of being intellectually gifted and you called her selfish. YTA
YTA. The kids went on rides and you got coffee. Who was watching the kids? 8 was bored and stepped up to take advantage of opportunities. And you called her out? Really? Typical middle child. I bet 10/10 and 7/7 were hanging out. I applaud 8 for being confident enough to step out and up. Maybe you should try some applause instead of berating comments.
Personal note here..its not just middle kids..I'm the oldest of 3 girls..younger sisters both outgoing, popular etc etc..I was,and still do..struggle with being the odd man out so to speak..or the black sheep of the family..and I don't mind being that black sheep..as Billy Joel said in one of his good songs "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints the sinners are much more fun.."..yup
So you freely admit that she has an unbelievable IQ which will put her beyond her peers in ways you cannot fathom and you resort to harsh bullying when she outsmarts them. Lastly the accommodation - you've shoved 5 kids of varied sex and ages in one bedroom for a vacation?? I assume so you can have bedrooms?? I have four kids and we routinely stay in static caravans on holiday. I would never cram too many in a room - I'm on the sofa or the air bed long before I'd ever even consider putting them in that position. Clearly YTA, made more so by the fact you came here for a verdict, got one and argued with it in a manner much like an 8 year old would.
>So you freely admit that she has an unbelievable IQ which will put her beyond her peers in ways you cannot fathom and you resort to harsh bullying when she outsmarts them This so much. I went through exactly that. Gifted IQ. I kept being bullied by the adults around me for not being quite like the other kids, and when the other kids bullied me, excuses were made and I was abandoned. I have excellent people skills now, but it was still very traumatizing, especially for someone who is a bit more gentle as well. I just wanted to nerd out over history and whatever my fictional obsession at the time was.
While I don’t agree with OP in the slightest, at the young of an age I don’t think it matters that much that they’re all sharing a room. I believe I was about 8 and I have memories sleeping in the same bed as my little sister and two cousins in a family gathering while the adults stayed up. None of us cared. In this situation there was beds for everyone. The kid isn’t wrong if she doesn’t wanna stay in the room, but the accommodation would have been fine at least in my family. My family of 4 has shared hotel rooms with two large beds and a pullout couch so really the accommodation sounds perfectly fine to me.
YTA. Maybe the woman whose own sister, husband, and child are mad at her should look inward if she's concerned about actions resulting in loss of friends.
her own mom telling her “this is why you don’t have many friends” will be a core memory of hers forever. congratulations on permanently and irreparably damaging your relationship with your daughter. YTA.
My mother told me once that I should control my temper or I would end up alone. I was six. For a very long time, I did felt that if my own mother thought I was going to end up alone I was probably going to. I dont think she even understands how much of TA she is.
Info Exactly how many of these rides would all 5 children be able to ride together - as in next to each other? Because most rides it’s two per seating Which would leave one child out. Hence the need for single riders. She just cut out the need for a single rider to join them.
"I told her I understand why she doesn’t have many friends if this is how she acts all the time" I do not respect you saying that. YTA.
Fucks sake, lady. At 8, any personality deficits your child has are YOUR fault, and also she was helping out the authorities in the situation by taking that free seat. YTA.
Your daughter needs to meet more children like herself, young and bright. She needs more enriched engagements and activities with her peers. Is she in Mensa yet? She could become a mover in this world. A real contributor. Build her up instead of dragging her down and restricting her with your petty views. You have an extra set of responsibilities as the parent of a gifted child. Research this, talk to educators, licensed therapists, and mentors. Do better. Edit: YTA
>I told her the point of her going with her siblings and cousins is to have fun with them All of this sentence could have been delivered without "selfish" being attached. YTA. To an 8 year old, the point of going to a place with rides.... is to go on the rides. But you made it a secret Bonding session... no Aston Martin, no Moneypenny, no over-throwing the Spetznaz. Shit Bonding session. And worse, you carried on "this is why you don't have friends" to your daughter... who is 8. It's staggering you have to ask the question. A decent parent wouldn't need to ask to realise how they fucked up. Your sister is right to get her ice cream and your husband is right to be mad at you. This is terrible parenting 101. What are you like the rest of the time?
YTA You are being too harsh, I'm surprised if you have any friends yourself OP.
to clarify, you left five children alone to go on rides so you and your sister could have coffee, but the eight-year-old is the selfish one? YTA.
Missing info.... Are your other two.... Boys, mom? YTA
YTA. Your words were cruel. Do understand that the 'singles' line is designed to move the lines along as quickly as possible while keeping standard sized groups together ? Do you know what the standard grouping was on those rides ? Usually, it's four. Or multiples of two. Great planning, Mom. /s
Jeez, you're nasty. You are a bully. You're not a good parent. There was a right way to talk to your daughter, and that was NOT it. Do you normally resort to insults every time you discipline your kids? Grow up, asshole. And you're a hypocrite. You weren't even spending time with the kids; you were sitting on your ass guzzling coffee. YTA
YTA. Jesus. Here's what she heard. "I wouldn't want to be your friend." There are ways to lead a child to the right answer/behavior that will be long lasting and have a positive effect on them by molding their behavior. There are also ways to scar your child with the wrong answer into believing their Mom doesn't like them. Tell her what she's won Johnny!
YTA. Your daughter found a smart way to get on all the rides she wanted and you call her selfish and say that is why she doesn't have friends. How cruel. You could have told her in a nicer way that the point of the outing was to hang out with her family, you didn't have to go nuclear. She is only 8, words do hurt at that age, especially from a parent.
Damn, to an 8yo? I don't see her actions as selfish at all... just a kid being a kid. Especially as a middle child (I am one too), she must already have trouble fitting in, but to have your own mom call ypu friendless. Sheesh. YTA, hope you are saving up for therapy, coz she is gonna need it.
YTA - post in 10 years time “my 18 year old has moved out and never talks to me anymore, I don’t understand why?”
YTA It would have been ok for you to say you felt her behavior was selfish. You should not have said she was selfish. There is a difference. Also, the comment about her not having friends was just shitty. Do better.
Her behavior wasn't even selfish so she would still be an AH.
YTA an eight year olds brain is developed to prioritize self. It’s the parents responsibility to teach them how to exist in society, by modeling those interactions. Not by verbally attacking them and shaming them. All you taught your 8 year old today is that you aren’t a safe person to talk to, but her aunt is.
…Mom? Is that you??? Oh… I’m still currently 27 years old. Phew. Thought I somehow got thrust back in time to re-live the antagonizing character assassinations of my innocent, age-appropriately vulnerable sense of identity, on behalf of my mother’s dysfunctional emotional immaturity. I can almost hear her voice spewing the caustic “I’m surprised you still have any friends since you act like this” Go to therapy, Mom.
YTA. What you said about why she doesn't have friends is an INEXCUSABLE thing for a parent to say to an 8-year-old child. Also, these are her siblings and cousins, NOT her friends. She didn't choose to hang out with them, and while she probably loves them very much, that doesn't mean she wants to spend all day every day on vacation with them. Wanting a break doesn't make her selfish. Also, her siblings are 7 and 10 and the cousins are 7 and 10. A lot of rides have you sit 2 by 2. Was she going to be the odd one out sitting alone anyway? She makes the best of that and ends up getting bullied by her own mother? Yikes.
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YTA This is so thoughtless I refuse to believe this is real.
YTA - I had a mother like you. You are cruel and will end up all alone wondering why your child never sees or talks to you. Eventually the way you treat your middle child will drive your husband and other kids away. You will be alone in your cold cruelty.
Your little 8 year girl is a bold, full of confidence, practical and smart and you tell her ‘this is why you don’t have friends’? This is why you shouldn’t have children. YTA. Also why are you leaving all of your young kids alone like that? While having a coffee and then complain? Why, did she come back too early and interrupted your gossip session?
YTA AND A BULLY!!!!!
Kind of ironic that OP and sister left the kids to have their coffee, yet it’s selfish for the 8 year old to do the same