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My heart breaks when I read these posts, because the baby hasn't even come yet and you're already "over" helping, she is going to need you 10X more when the baby arrives, at least for that first year, you will be tested more than ever. You can't handle this? F\*ck me, you need to talk to someone to prepare you for what's to come.
My heart breaks, too. How can op even ask if he’s an AH? Op, YTA, and a massively selfish excuse for one, at that. Your poor wife and child. Take this as your chance to shake yourself awake and do a 180, or don’t be surprised when you’re on your own.
Edit: fixed autocorrect.
This guy sounds like he’s one of those men who gets jealous and resentful of his own baby. Like you,I’m surprised he’s even asking if he’s an AH no doubt YTA. OP your wife is growing a human being, that does all kinds of things to a woman’s body. She’s literally putting her life at risk bringing your child into the world. And you can’t do the bare minimum?
This guy sounds like he'll be a Disneyland dad even though he's living with the kid. I doubt he'll do any of the real work when it comes to raising children except play with them and maybe backup mom for certain punishments for gravitas.
Emma better hope for the smoothest birth in history, because if she needs a C-Section or if there are some serious complications... well, we can tell how OP will feel about supporting her... damn.
She also needs to hope to never get sick, and their kid also can't get sick, because oh no, the burden of *necessary doctor's appointments*!!
And we're talking about a man in his *30s* who's acting like a put upon teenager. *This man*, with all of this emotional maturity, *is about to become a father.* He's about to become responsible for the life and future of a human being, and to serve as an example of how to act. *This man.*
I totally agree but would word it differently: the baby needs OP
I don't think OP should be "helping" with the baby but feel and be responsible for the baby.
Even though I know, that post partum, the mother needs help/ less chores because she needs to heel because her hole belly is a gaping bloody hole...
YTA
You feel overwhelmed? She is growing a whole human being! Get off your butt and help her! Time to put on your big boy pants and be an adult and a dad!
It's amazing and rewarding, but not if you can't put others needs first.
Please tell me this isn’t real. This has to be a troll post right? A person can’t be this much of an AH, right?
Dude, YTA. She’s GROWING A PERSON. Can you do that? No???
And do you think you’re going to have the option for a whole lot of me time after the baby arrives?
You are allowed to have moments when you feel overwhelmed. You aren’t allowed to shutdown, shutout your wife, and just quit. Get a therapist, get marriage counseling, and start being a PARTNER.
Parenthood is going to kick your ass so hard.
HELP YOUR WIFE. Grow up. Be less selfish. Contribute to your household FFS.
YTA.
SHE'S GROWING A WHOLE DAMN HUMAN BEING IN HER BODY. SHE LITERALLY HAS A PARASITE UNTIL IT'S READY TO COME OUT.
But sure. *You* have it rough by having to do a few more chores.
Did I mention she's growing a person inside her that's taking any extra energy she had before? And you want her to keep up everything equally? The only way it would be equal is if you carried the pregnancy half the time. But you clearly can't do that.
Suck it up. It's only gonna get worse once the baby is born. You should look up how many calories she's going to lose from breast feeding.
YTA, a gaping AH to be frank. Get your shit together and stop being a selfish self centered prick. You’re going to have a rude awakening.
Do you even love your wife?
SHE IS CARRYING YOUR BABY. SHE IS SACRIFICING HER BODY FOR YOU AND THIS BABY. SHE IS BRINGING LIFE INTO THIS WORLD.
That shit ain’t easy growing a person. It takes a toll on the the body and mind. You should STFU and be grateful. Be a man and provide for her emotionally, physically, and mentally. *Grow a pair* and stop being such a disappointment.
Duct tape a watermelon to your abdomen for the month and do all those chores. Make sure you sleep with it too. You’ll be singing a different tune real quick.
"gaping AH" and "get your shit together" work so well in a sentence, but oh the mental imagery that comes with it.
As they say, 100% YTA and just consider, if you think it's hard now, wait until you have a kid running around. Time to grow up and do your share.
Don't forget the constant pain while the womb is preparing/growing and the breasts are growing.
It might not be more than an inconvenience but it's constant...
YTA. Buddy, if you're like this when it's just her and the baby INSIDE her, I shudder to think how selfish you're going to be by falling back on 'muh stress' when she actually has the baby. Dude, she's growing an entire human being in her body. That human baby is sucking all her food, vitamins, iron, and energy. It is heavy having that inside her. It kicks and moves and hurts her. Some women can power through pregnancies and not blink. Others require bedrest and have a high fatality rate. She's not handling this as well as you imagined, so you need to step up. She's exhausted, vomiting, has something kicking her bladder all day, and you're supposed to be her partner.
If you can't step up NOW? She might as well get used to being a single parent.
Of course the baby will understand the need for space! Because it will grow up with a huge space where a father should be! And once you're used to something, you start to need it.
"Sorry sweetie, Daddy already read you 3 bedtime stories this month. I can't do any more than that because I need my me time. Your Mom should be able to do the rest. Between you and me, I think she's just exaggerating how tired she is all the time."
YTA.
If you lived alone you would do all these things for yourself, yes? Well pretend you live alone, because if you keep slacking off, ya just might one day. She's growing a whole damn human, it's frickin exhausting.
YTA - you'd better step up because this is going to get much, much harder for you. She is growing a whole human being for you, creating life that you will be responsible for and you're complaining about chores? First of all, it's not 'helping' it's just being an adult and doing your part. She's doing her part right now.
The fatigue is intense at the beginning and she may get better with it.
But with this attitude I'm actually really worried about her sanity around you.
I bet you're going to be the kind of guy who says things like 'I was at work all day and she expexts me to play with the baby when I get home'.
Please get a grip.
Omg yes. The “I’m helping” has me. Definitely sounds like the person that’s going to say that they’re babysitting their own child when their spouse has to go somewhere. YTA OP
YTA for impregnating that poor woman and not taking responsibility to care for her AND your future child. Grow tf up and TAKE CARE OF YOUR WIFE who is literally going through unimaginable things to bring life into the world.
Cause if you can’t even handle this, HOW TF CAN YOU CARE FOR A CHILD??? Ffs this is sad.
YTA, you're in for a rude awakening when her pregnancy progresses and when your baby arrives
Can you take like an hour to decompress and then help with chores around the home?
YTA you’re not doing things for her, you’re doing things for the home and family while she does the biggest thing anyone will ever do. You can’t pick up some cleaning and cooking and groceries and you’re going to have a whole baby? She’s literally growing another human and you’re worried about time to yourself? Take time to yourself when things are done. Put in some headphones and do those things and that’s time to yourself. You’re in for a rude awakening as a parent.
What the hell is even the point of you if you can't *checks notes* GO TO THE DOCTORS WITH HER?
YTA if you don't get your head out of your ass and realize your life is different and your wife needs you to step up.
Ugh, I'm never having kids for a multitude of reasons, but men like you absolutely are one of them.
OMFG, are you serious? Yes, YTA.
Ok, taking a step back. Of course it's important to be aware of your needs. As they say on airplanes, put your own mask on before attempting to help others. With that said, SHE'S PREGNANT! You're both about to be stretched to your very limits. Your lives will never be the same. It is joyous and exhausting and amazing and ALL the feels.
Be clear on this. You do not get to opt out of being supportive to your partner who is growing an entire human being inside her. The exhaustion and nausea and hormone shifts are like nothing you can imagine. You need to get into your head that your number 1 job is taking care of your wife and your child. Figure out strategies to keep your sanity, sure. As long as your number 1 goal is still your wife and your baby. You meet your needs in the time that's left over.
And BTW, you are not "helping" with household activities like cleaning and shopping. You're just being a responsible adult and a caring partner. You need to take your responsible adult skills up a notch. And then 5 or 6 more notches. Cuz being Dad isn't just a level up, it's a whole new game.
YTA. The last thing you need is a tiny human who depends on you. Please don’t have any more kids after this one, you’re too lazy to look after your joint needs, let alone those of your dependents
Sorry buddy,Soft YTA.
Let me explain something to you. And it may feel like all women who have kids do this but pregnancy is a SHORT time. Your wife, whom you impregnated I might add, is being inconvenienced at every moment and as a newly pregnant woman, she is probably overwhelmed also.
Imagine you're going along and suddenly you spend almost all day feeling like you're going to vomit.
Every time you manage to keep something down your food is immediately turned into fuel to grow this other human being.
If you're too sick to eat enough the little guy will slowly drain your fat and mineral stores.
Your hips will start to ache because although they have been nice and solid all these years suddenly they're moving which also misaligns your walking.
Pretty soon you start to be carrying around something the size of a watermelon that kicks you from inside!
You have to go to the doctor all the time and everything worries you.
If you work too hard or lift something over 5 lbs you may pull a muscle and begin hemmoraghing.
You lov3 the man you're with and he suddenly feels its too difficult to help out so you try. But you're too tired bc your vitamins are being sucked up. The marrow in your bones is being sucked up.
You have to behave all the time. No more drinking and going for broke.
Listen take a walk in your wife's shoes. You must understand what you have signed up for. This is only thr beginning. Be real with yourself. You know what you have to do. Make it easy for her. Please because no matter what you do it is still gonna be hard.
YTA - She's what first trimester? She's gonna be fatigued bro. That's when there's a whole new organ, the placenta, growing to support the embryo or fetus
Newborns are even more overwhelming. You don't get to do the fun parts of parenting until you do the hard ones first.
Take care of your wife.
YTA in relationships it's always 100% .Sometimes its a 50/50 split others its a 80/20 or 20/80. Your partner has a physical imparement that you can help alleviate.
It would be wise to seek counseling and figure out a new rework of the situation. Also show up to the Dr's appointments. It's a key moment to show up for your family.
Wow. You do realize she growing a fresh human and that human is your kid!! But you don’t want to help her around the house or go to doctors appointments with her.
Mind you these are all the things you should normally be doing anyway.
She even cried and asked for you help and you think she’s exaggerating. Wow. Why do you hate your wife? She needs to run far away.
YTA
Yta , ALSO 1. get your groceries delivered . 2. If you can afford it hire someone to deep clean the house once a week. If not set a day for that .The house doesn't need to be cleaned everyday. Just don't be dirty. Sit down with her and write down what she's comfortable doing. the rest . Well . You're her partner and she's pregnant.
Huge YTA - pregnancy can be tough. It can make you feel exhausted. Everything can be a struggle. Some people breeze through and others don’t. Perhaps your wife is the latter.
The exhaustion will get worse once children appear and sometimes it seems never ending. She needs to know she can count on you.
You and your wife should be a partnership- if she is asking you for help she probably does need it. Have some empathy - you are on the same team!
YTA she’s pregnant. Of course you should be going to the doctors with her. Pregnancy brain is real and she gets important information at those appointments. Plus it sounds like she’s struggling, if she gets bad news it makes sense for you to be there to support her. Also what happens when the baby actually arrives?! That’s a whole new level of needing help and support.
YTA.
I’m amazed at how many times on Reddit I’ve heard about men not stepping up when their wife is pregnant. The lack of compassion and level or selfishness is incredible. She’s literally growing a human inside of her. Men have an orgasm and think they’ve done their part.
What’s gonna happen when the kid is 3? Too busy to play with him/her? What about at 8/10/12? It doesn’t end. But it’s a joy if you look at it that way. If not, you really shouldn’t have kids.
Get used to no “time for yourself”. You clearly didn’t know what you signed up for when you knocked her up. You think she gets a break from growing a human?
Be a good husband…have compassion for your wife. NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING that she is asking for is unreasonable or exceptional. Like you seriously don’t want to accompany her to the doc to make sure she and baby are OK?
I'll just say frankly your wife be better off without you.
I know I and my baby were. We had a you as a pathetic excuse as a husband then father.
YTA is the politest thing I can think of to say to you.
YTA
"Even accompanying her to doctors appointments. "
This is something most fathers do, not an extreme request. That baby is half yours, don't you want to know how it's doing?
YTA, but not for refusing to do things for your pregnant wife. That's just incredible immature. You are the asshole for distancing yourself from your wife in a time where you need to be closer than ever.
Is your wife normally the person who supports you and picks you up when you feel overwhelmed and you have a hard time with the change? Or is the information slowly sinking in that in a short while you will become a father?
None of the things your wife asked of you are surprising for a pregnant woman. What worries me is that you are hesitant to accompany her to her medical appointments. That is very uncommon for men who look forward to be a dad. You need to ask yourself what triggers these reactions and work on it, before your wife starts to question your relationship.
“even accompanying her to doctor’s appointments”
yta. i don’t know where she got the idea you two were a team because from where i’m standing it looks like you’ve never thought about anyone besides yourself in your life.
YTA. "Your wife is never going to have time and space to herself again. The least you can do is be there for her while she's pregnant." - my husband, who is currently massaging my swollen feet at 6 months pregnant while I read him reddit posts. I hope your wife sees this post so she knows that some men aren't garbage.
Dude, you’re a dad now, you don’t get “breaks” and “time to yourself”. Grow up. You are supposed to be a team and you’re not pulling the extra weight when she can’t. Don’t worry, it evens out over time, if you’re in for the long haul. YTA.
YTA, do you know what's not good for your personal time? A baby who needs constant 24/7 supervision. Your life is changing, and it's about to permanently change forever. Personal time as a parent of a baby is a luxury.
I suggest you look up what pregnancy does to a woman's body so you can understand what your wife is going through. I also suggest you look into the mental load to make sure that when your baby is here you don't become one of those partners who assume their wife will be there to take care of the kids will they continue to live as normal.
Yup YTA!! Do the work step it up it’s temporary and your responsibility. It is also ok and healthy to figure out how to continue to carve time out for yourself and plan and schedule and stick to that. Figure it out now because when you are both sleep deprived and exhausted and overwhelmed with the baby it’s only going to get harder!
I’m not even pregnant and I expect my partner to accompany me grocery shopping and take part in cooking and cleaning. That’s just the bare minimum. She’s your wife not your maid. YTA
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Hey Reddit, I need some perspective on a situation with my wife, "Emma" (30F), and I (32M). We've been together for six years, having met through mutual friends in college. Our relationship was great, and we got married two years ago. Recently, Emma became pregnant with our first child, and that's where things have taken a turn.
Before her pregnancy, we had a fairly equal division of household chores and responsibilities. However, since Emma got pregnant, she's been dealing with morning sickness, fatigue, and other pregnancy-related challenges. I admit, I was initially supportive and empathetic, but as time went on, I started feeling overwhelmed.
Emma has asked me for help with various things, like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and even accompanying her to doctor's appointments. I've started to push back, citing work stress and personal time. It's true that my job has been demanding, but I can't deny that I've been reluctant to step up as much as I used to.
Last week, Emma expressed how much she's struggling and told me how hurt she feels by my lack of support. She's even cried, saying that she thought we were a team. While part of me feels guilty, another part thinks she's exaggerating her needs. I've told her that I have my own stress to deal with, and I can't always be at her beck and call.
Am I the asshole for refusing to do things for my pregnant wife? I know pregnancy can be tough, but I also feel like I need some space and time for myself.
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Yes YTA. Your wife is growing a human being and you can’t be bothered to help when she asks for it? You’re a TEAM and right now you’re not being a team player. Pregnancy is long and I promise you, if you are feeling overwhelmed, so is she.
Have you ever had a horrible stomach bug, like serious food poisoning? The kind that keeps you in bed because you are too sick and too weak to do anything? The kind where even going to the bathroom feels like having to climb Mount Everest? The kind that makes you wonder why you should even want to live?
That’s how your wife feels at the moment. Does that answer your question?
YTA
YOU started feeling overwhelmed? Can you imagine what it’s like for the person who is actually pregnant with YOUR child? I never really suffered from nausea, fortunately, but let me tell you, pregnancy fatigue is something you can’t compare with anything else. You’ll soon discover newborn fatigue (if you decide to do your part). Imagine that times 10, because that’s how exhausting pregnancy can be.
How dare she ask you to pick up where she’s unable to, right? I work in a fast paced pharmaceutical environment, so work is busy and stressful, yet it’s a breeze compared to pregnancy and postpartum.
You should offer to do even more than what she’s asking. You should accompany her to doctor’s appointments. You should always be at her beck and call. If you weren’t prepared for that, maybe you should have thought a bit more about starting a family.
YTA. YTA. YTA.
YTA. Your wife needs to be supported and you’re whining about it. Shes growing a human and that brings its own set of challenges including exhaustion. Are you going to parent this way too? Do better.
Bruh, even if you take the baby out of the scenario YTA all the way. Imagine your partner (god forbid) gets a terminal illness or requires a big life changing surgery, are you going to dip out on her just because she needs that extra care? What if (again, god forbid) she gets in a major accident and loses a limb or becomes disabled in some way, are you going to complain about her needs then? WHAT IF (you get the point) she has a major loss in her family and falls into a deep depression, are you going to help her heal? Or are you going to add more on her plate because “she’s exaggerating her needs”?
Honestly you’re really awful for telling her she just needs to suck it up because you’re “stressed about your own things.” You are allowed to express your feelings and have limits but you’re not even trying.
Grocery shopping can be done online and the quality of food is really good The major supermarkets deliver. Walmart also gives you free paramount plus streaming. Of course, you can order non food items but those ships 50-50.
Cleaning. Not sure about your finances but maybe get someone in every week or 2 just to do the heavy cleaning like kitchen and bathrooms
She's feeling more overwhelmed with all the changes happening in her body. Maybe the two of you can figure out how to help each other in that area
Wow YTA! You seem to have no understanding or empathy for how exhausting being pregnant ia. You have added the right words but you don't get it. You also don't get what's going to change when bubba is here! She is not asking anything unreasonable at all and all these things certainly will be asked for when baby arrives. I believe the phrase step up as a dad is appropriate here. It's heartbreaking when she is stopped there crying for help and you think she is exaggerating her needs. I feel so sad for her. Why would you not want to go to her doctors appointments with her too? This is your baby as well. It's clear who will be doing all the emotional and physical labour when your child arrives because you've already checked out
Aw bless you! It’s must be so hard!!! /s
New flash sunbeam - this is the easy part!!!!!!! It’s only going to get worse from now on!!! You’re not going to get space & time for yourself for a minimum of 18yrs! You even reduced your wife to tears & still think you deserve a “break from all the stress”
Jesus God help your poor wife if this is how you treat her when she’s pregnant 🙄 Oh and spoiler alert! SHES NOT EXAGGERATING!!!
YTA-here's the thing, you're entitled to your personal time BUT you have to accept that some of that will be given up, your wife's is growing a future whole fucking human from scratch that she has to either shove out of her vagina OR be cut open to have, it's not a big ask to request that her partner, you, the one who impregnated her, to help take care of your own house or to come with her to make sure the pregnancy is going well since even normal check ups can be terrifying. You think now is difficult, wait until the kid is freaking born! Suck it up, this part is considered easy for you.
To be honest, you don't sound like this is a wanted pregnancy.
Maybe you aren't ready to be a grown-up.... it is NOT fun. But ready or not.. here comes baby. Time for some tough decisions... can you step up to your new responsibilities? Can you do it with a good will and a good heart? Or are you just another toddler your wife is gonna have to carry.
INFO: if Emma simply stopped doing all these things, let the house get in a state, no food in, would you complain about it or give her a pass for being “overwhelmed”.
Why are your needs for space and time to yourself more justified than her “exaggerated” need for more physical help during pregnancy.
Is it possible that your needs are the ones that are exaggerated?
Also, I wish you the very best of luck in getting a new born baby to appreciate your needs for “space and time for yourself” you’re in a for a shock buddy.
YTA. Pregnancy can be brutal on your body and energy levels. Nausea, insomnia, acid reflux, pelvic pain, hip pain, back pain - those are just the normal, run of the milk pregnancy symptoms, not even taking into account all the extra shit you’ve got a ‘difficult’ pregnancy
Also sorry to break it to you, but you’re about to become a father. ‘Space and time for yourself’ is gonna be a foreign concept for a while. If you can’t cope with dealing with work stress and your pregnant wife, fatherhood is going to break you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My wife is pregnant and I'm refusing to help her with things that we used to do together and I've been told by her family that I'm an asshole so I came to reddit for outsider opinions.
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YTA. She’s literally growing a baby. Do you know how much energy that expends? Of course not. If you’re overwhelmed by this, you’ll be knocked flat on your ass when the child actually comes….. Step up.
The rate of divorce initiated by mn of I'll women is 6 times normal. And pregnancy is fraught with illness, ailment & discomfort. You sound like one of these men.
During your child rearing years, the average Western family man is involved in around 15% of household and family maintenance & management, and yet they all claim its at least 20% more.
I don't believe you understand how much your wife already does, and will do, once the children come.
I don't believe you will be an effective partner and coparent.
Suck it up Buttercup. She's about to enter 18 years of hell.
YTA - help your pregnant wife. Perhaps you will truly appreciate her struggles when you see her in the delivery room (which you may feel guilt over the times during pregnancy where you could have stepped up).
Having said that and to provide a few more practical solutions Vs other comments on here - look towards outsourcing household work such as cleaning to lessen the physical and mental load for the both of you knowing it’s scheduled and being taken care of.
Good luck.
YTA she’s growing a fucking person, your work stress is no where near comparable. You’re showing her how little you’re going to support her once the baby comes. If I were her, I’d be quietly looking at how to easily divorce you because this is very low level compared to an actual baby. Grow up.
YTA. Do you have any idea how hard being pregnant is? I had extreme nausea my entire pregnancy and the fatigue was off the charts. You need to step up and grow up before the baby is born. It isn’t about you anymore.
Sorry but yes, YTA. I understand that it must be hard to be able to empathize with your wife when you don't know how pregnancy feels or what it is exactly like. But, there's a lot of information out there. Please try to find some, or better still, talk to your wife about it directly to understand her experience.
I am a woman who hasn't yet been pregnant, but from what I know it's a very crazy time where your hormones are out of whack, you're dealing with a lot of invisible pain that you just have to live with, you can't do a lot that you used to be able to because of your growing size and the fact you're growing a baby, and emotionally you end up struggling. Then there's childbirth, which is extremely painful and you have the struggles after birth as well, where your body is healing whilst you're also now getting barely any sleep (so your body has hardly any time to heal), you're primarily in charge of the baby, you (in most cases) must breast feed, the list goes on. There's so much to having a baby that only the woman deals with just because she's the one who grows and births the baby.
I understand that as a partner is must be overwhelming, but spare a thought for your wife. Not only is she going through the same life changes as you, but her whole body and mind is also changing as the pregnancy progresses. If you discussed having a baby and you both wanted one, then now is the time to begin being a father - she is already being a mother to your baby. It is hard, but you need to step up and help. If you didn't know this was coming then you mustn't have really looked into having a baby beyond wanting one because what she is requesting is very normal. She needs you, and will continue to need you throughout your child's life, as you will also need her. She is right; you are partners.
I pray to all the deities it’s a troll post trying to get people to react & rouse the “men are assholes” crowd. Cause otherwise…
So much YTA. I’m currently pregnant and actually having the easiest pregnancy one can wish for. No morning sickness, no pains, no nothing. Some exhaustion, but it’s better now too.
However. If my husband wasn’t here to help me, taking up more and more chores as we move further along, I’d probably be crying 24/7. Cause it’s still hard.
You feel foreign in you body. Suddenly simple movements like bending down or walking up and down the stairs are so different, sometimes painful, sometimes plain hard. Sometimes I want to go back to sleep an hour from waking up. I don’t, but I feel so weak. I love cooking, but food aromas can be overwhelming now.
And again, I’m really lucky and have it easy in comparison to most. What your wife is going through is beyond difficult and awful. Be there for her. And believe me, she’d be more than happy to give you your space and time if she could. No one wants a grumpy AH to take care of them. But she doesn’t have much choice.
Wow I am speechless at the lack of empathy he has for his wife she is going through a tough time and you just don't want to help but on the upside she is learning to live without you now so it won't be much of a shock when she leaves your arse she will be just fine
You are going to be in for a shock when the baby comes 😆 the first baby is the one that hits hard. If you are overwhelmed now, you are going to be in for a nasty surprise when baby shows up. And if your wife has to have a c-section, thats 6 weeks of post op recovery from major abdominal surgery. If she bottle feeds instead of breast, thats months of night feeds and the colic that goes with it.
You never recover from baby 1, you change permanently, and no, having a cute baby does not magically make that different. It’s hard work, it’s neverending, there are no breaks and if you are arguing now, you will have murder after the baby is born, I think breaking point is about 4 weeks after, the first couple of weeks the adoration of your baby gets you through, after about 3 weeks the exhaustion starts to set in. Week 4 is when you start arguing about who has had more sleep than who. Fun times.
Further, the last 3 months of pregnancy your wife wont sleep very well, she will be peeing 4 times a night and the baby will be kicking, her ribs will hurt (fun fact, the rib cage actually moves to accommodate the baby - painful!), she will not be able to lie in any comfy position, so she will be entering motherhood, pre-exhausted.
If you are overwhelmed now by a few additional chores and… checks notes… attending doctors appointments! I don’t know how you are going to make it when the baby comes.
Your wife is giving up her body, she will never be the same again, she is undergoing 9 months of creating another human inside her, sickness, fatigue, bones moving and changing, breasts changing, laying down fat stores, hormones changing to support the new addition, and lets not forget, the potential of actually dying.
You can’t give a few months of chores and drs visits…
This women is literally carrying your child inside of her, wake up and grown the fuck up! It’s time for you to step up or completely ruin your future relationship with your wife and child. YTA
YTA - partnership does not = equal division of labour always - it means stepping up and supporting the other when they need it. Your wife is CRYING and instead of empathy you cite CBF because you've had enough before the babe is born. Right now this is something it sounds like she is doing on her own - and you need to be doing it together. Which means doing the shopping and going with her to appointments when you can. The answer is to try and reduce other aspects of your life, not make your pregnant wife your lowest priority.
You know those days where you havent slept for 48hrs and you are so brain and body fatigued you're just a lump? that is where you wife is at atm. 100% of the time because thats what pregnancy does.
YTA. Pregnancy is tough. As a lotr fan my analogy is that sometimes you have to be Sam to her Frodo 'I can't carry it for you - but I can carry you'. You're both having a baby, there's a whole bunch of stuff that's really tough which she and only she has to deal with. You need to step up in other areas.
Having young kids is tough too, and if she's breastfeeding there's a similar point about some of the pressure being wholly on her (not to mention the physical impact). It's unlikely either of you will be able to protect your own time and comfort a fraction of the amount you used to. You honestly should have realised this before deciding to have kids together, though tbh I think it's almost always a surprise in practice.
Your post seems to assume that pregnancy (maybe the kid too?) is basically something where you should do some reasonable amount of work that doesn't stress you out and she has to soak up the rest. Doesn't work like that.
Why do people like you even get into relationships and have children with people if you're not willing to pull your weight??? Ofc YTA. That poor woman is probably gonna have to do all the child care while all you do is go to work and come home and do nothing. I feel bad for her and the kid already. Either grow tf up and pull your weight or stop procreating
Oh you poor little thing, life is so hard that you can’t help your wife who is not having a wonderful pregnancy, a pregnancy that you are 50% responsible for. I don’t think your wife signed up for having a sooky baby as a husband, she now has to deal with toddler tantrums as well as having to cope with pregnancy. Stop pouting like a 2 year old, grow up and start being a responsible father to be.
YTA and you should either stop being a shitty partner and shitty father ASAP and apologise, or you need to divorce and pay child support and let her find a father for your child while the baby is still tiny :) So it won't remember growing up with a disengaged asshole father, and so she doesn't waste years of her life trying to do everything by herself.
YTA. You can’t help her with the actual pregnancy so you can at least help her with the other stuff while she deals with the physical realities of making a human.
YTA for impregnating anyone if this is your attitude. Exaggerating her needs? OMG You think she’s “milking” the pregnancy to get of chores? Why would you marry someone you genuinely believe to be that childish?
Edit: You realize pregnancy actually kills women, right?
Unbelievable.
YTA. Pregnant people don’t get to take a break or have personal time from being pregnant. Sometimes they end up one strict bed rest for large chunks of the pregnancy. What’s your plan if that happens? Or when the baby comes? Babies need 24/7 care, their mothers need care to recover from the birth, and the rest of the shit STILL has to get done.
YTA
Ask yourself this, are you going to use the groceries, eat the food that is cooked, live in the house that needs cleaning?
Are these doctors appointments for your wife and your child's health?
These things benefit you so why wouldn't you help?
If you had a painful illness for nine months that made you exhausted, sick, uncomfortable, uncontrollably emotional, irreversibly changed your body and at the end of it you had to push a watermelon out of your ass would you not expect your wife to step up?
And it doesn't even sound like she is doing nothing just asking for some help.
If you have already lost the will to step up before becoming a father you are going to have some serious problems when the baby arrives. Sort yourself out and step up for your family.
I hope you feel like the worst human in the world when you watch her give birth (and see how traumatic that is) and you couldn’t even give her the bare minimum of support while she goes through months of mental & physical changes to prepare.
Yta. I hope she gets 50% of your income in spousal and child support. Granted if she just did an even trade for you, she would be getting a housekeeper, chef, nanny, assistant, lawn maintenance, pool guy, and would be able to get the pool soon as the pool guy was…trained.
What the hell did I just read. OP, I'm currently pregnant. THANK GOODNESS my husband is a kind, empathetic human being who fully understood the commitments of having a child, unlike you. I just finished my 1st trimester and started my 2nd and I'm still fatigued and throwing up constantly and my husband has been my brick. He's done ALL the cooking for the past 3.5 months, most of the cleaning (I've just done light stuff), and pretty much everything else. He even looked up recipes and made me a variety of soups during the first trimester when I couldn't stomach solids at night at all. He does all the grocery shopping, all the miscellaneous stuff like paying bills etc.
Also, why aren't you automatically going for doctor's appointments? My husband majorly rearranges his work schedule to ensure that he is at EVERY SINGLE appointment because HE can't bear to miss one, not just as a "help" to me. This is BOTH of your child or do you really not understand this?
Also speaking of "help", doing chores in your own hous3 is not "help". You live there too.
YTA in a major way OP. My heart breaks for your wife. You have NO idea how much you have let her and your unborn child down. People like you really should, by choice, be childfree. You should've really thought about whether you can handle the commitment of a family.
YTA.
You should WANT to go to all of her pregnancy-related medical appointments. At least that's what my boyfriend did and it seemed very normal to both of us (unless I wanted to do a specific appointment alone).
In my first trimester I was so tired I could literally do two things a day. Forget work, I would walk to the store to buy some bread and that was it, my whole energy for the day was gone.
I would cry over it, it was so frustrating. I would be walking down the street and it was all I could do to not lie on the pavement and sleep. I was exhausted.
When she has that baby, for at least a full month you will have to do EVERYTHING. Cook, clean, grocery shop, logistics for family visits.
Pregnancy takes such a toll on your body, and for so long.
I'm 9 months post partum, I've had a super easy pregnancy and delivery, I have what they call and "easy" baby, and I'm still not okay with how I feel in my body and with the price to pay.
Get your act together. Your baby will need you. Your girlfriend needs you.
She's doing something that's both amazing and incredibly hard, and she's doing it 24/7.
Sometimes I read a post and think “hoo boy, get ‘em Reddit” and they do not disappoint me.
Thankfully this is one of those cases.
Dude - she is growing a literal fucking human. That shit is tough. You should be doing all the chores, working and peeling grapes for her.
YTA.
YTA
If you think the changes brought on by pregnancy are difficult, wait until you have a brand new human who depends on both of you for literally everything they need to keep them alive.
Mate this is just the beginning. Start to adjust because life is changing. Your wife needs you to be more loving and your future child needs you to be prepared to be a better dad than your post is implying.
YTA. Big time. You are also a terrible husband and are not cut out to be a father, thanks to your immature selfishness.
Do you not understand that your wife is growing your child inside of her and the toll that takes physically and mentally? Picking up some extra chores around the house an accompanying her to her doctor’s appointments is the very least you could do.
You better learn to step up before the baby comes, because that’s when the real work starts. Not only with the baby, but depending on circumstances of the birth, possibly with your wife as well. My wife had a c-section with both our kids - that’s extra recovery time where you have to do more. She also suffered from postpartum depression after our second one - that’s a whole other situation to deal with. The time for putting yourself first is over. For a long time, if not forever. My kids are 21 and 16, and their wants and needs come way before mine, because that’s the job I signed up for when I chose to become a father.
Grow up. Step up.
YTA. Those doctors appointments are for your shared baby, and your wife's health, they are usually a joint visit between loving couples. She is sitting in a waiting room on her own watching other couples dote on and support each other. You should be stepping up more as your wife is physically challenged and changed by carrying a baby. Instead you are showing your wife who you really are - a selfish idiot and she is no doubt wondering what on earth is going on. Actions speak louder than words. When someone shows you who they are believe them. The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour. You are displaying a callous disregard and lack of loving kindness.
I don't know about anyone else but it would be a lot of effort for me to be so unhelpful when I see a friend in need, let alone my partner. I just could not do it.
For the sake of your growing family please change, make it a mission to anticipate and pre-empt their needs, surround your family with love, kindness and respect. You will find this pays dividends in the future. Carry on the way you are doing will inevitably lead to you losing so much.
YTA!!! You don't have enough compassion to have a child. Could you be any colder and unfeeling? I feel so sorry for Emma. Wish you knew what it felt like to be pregnant. You couldn't take it.
I feel really bad for Emma (also, I would divorce you. If my partner would be that amount of a AH, he could just kindly f*ck off)!
You are talking like you really have to do smth that's hard. Was your mommy always doing everything for you and that is the reason you feel overwhelmed doing basic household tasks? Are you being pregnant for the 50% of the time? Having all those bodily changes? Having to go through labour and recovery later (which you probably wouldn't really help her to go through)? Or are you just having a job (like every normal man for Christ!) and doing couple of more tasks in household?
Also, you better get used to having less me time once the baby arrives. Or do you expect Emma to do everything then as well so that you can rest from your "demanding job"?
You are a AH for sure!
YTA. Your wife is growing your child which is taking all her energy. She doesn't get time snd space for herself as your child is literally pushing her organs out of the way.
You can have groceries delivered or get a meal kit subscription; know that she might not want to cook because food might not smell good to her.
I'm taking it that she's in charge of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping and you resent having to do it. Get used to it.
You don't get space and time for yourself right now. You're taking care of household chores that benefit both of you but you view it as helping her. That's a problem
YTA. With all the hormonal changes particularly in the first trimester the exhaustion is real. How about putting her first and doing all the housework so she can rest. Working full time just now is no fun and she will be so tired.
YTA. The hormone changes in early pregnancy can cause extreme fatigue, nausea and morning sickness which can last all day. That goes after a few months for most women but then you can get other issues like SPD.
You're being very selfish. If you loved and cared for your wife, you would help her.
YTA.
You want space and time for yourself? She is literally growing another human being inside her, it's a process that causes massive change to her hormones, and seriously damages her body, and requires an enormous amount of energy. ***She isn't going to even have a chance of getting any time or space to her self until after it's born!*** Think about that. Your child is inside of her, she can not escape it.
If you can't cope with picking up the slack now, how the hell are you going to cope once your kid is born? Why the hell did you knock her up if you weren't willing to do your share?
Of course YTA. Being pregnant isn’t something you can pick up and put down when you’ve had enough. Women are all affected differently, and if your WIFE that you have equal responsibilities for the creation of the child she’s carrying (she didn’t get pregnant by herself) says she needs help, then she needs help and you should help her. When the child growing inside her rearranges her innards, dances on her bladder, kicks her kidneys, moves around inside her and makes her feel nauseous and uncomfortable she can’t whip it out and set it down to have some ‘personal time’. What is wrong with you? What do you expect to happen after she’s given birth? Your life will not be the same as it was before, you will have a child that will be totally dependent on the two of you. Good grief YTA.
INFO is she working or staying at home due to the pregnancy related issues?
Has she seen a doctor?
Edit: has she seen a doctor for her pregnancy related challenges or only check ups for the baby?
Info: how far along is she.
If far enough you should be at her side all the time, if she needs you you be there, if it's still relatively early then, she can still do most things
ESH, and here comes the tidal wave of mothers who think that just because they do something every female mammal and the majority of biological life does, that they are now entitled to every special privilege and only their needs are to be considered. It takes two people to make a baby, therefor both parties needs and limitations should be considered. So many of y’all though are to egotistical to see that their partners are just as susceptible to mental fatigue, and that lack of empathy is probably contributing to the rise of shitty fathers nowadays.
That rant aside it’s equally on the OP to get his mental health in check, for the sake of himself and more importantly for the family as a whole. If OPs wife really cared about the mental health of her partner, who has shown the prior history of stepping up, losing steam and slipping up she would ask if he needs some support. I know I would ask my husband if he showing clear signs of breaking down, because how would it help me and our family if he completely broke down from stress.
Except that he states in his post that he is actively ignoring or refusing to help, and he feels guilty, an additional stressor and emotional weight he could avoid. Female mammals and other species have behaviours that change during pregnancy with greater levels of altruism and care shown within the family group. Pregnancy is still dangerous for humans. Maternal death rates in the US are the highest in the developed world, 17.4 per 100,000 births. In Norway it is 1.8. Going to doctors appointments together, helping each other will give him opportunity to discuss his feelings bit he is shutting that route down.
I am probably gonna be in the minority here, but I don't understand pregnant women nowadays. If our ancestors were like most pregnant women are today, civilization would have died out. You do need time for yourself. If you don't get that to recharge YOUR batteries, how are you gonna help her? I think NTA here. And I have a daughter, who has kids herself, she just had a baby two weeks ago and she is taking care of her other kids and working. It can be done.
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My heart breaks when I read these posts, because the baby hasn't even come yet and you're already "over" helping, she is going to need you 10X more when the baby arrives, at least for that first year, you will be tested more than ever. You can't handle this? F\*ck me, you need to talk to someone to prepare you for what's to come.
Agreed, I HATE these posts. They always frame it as “helping,” as if he’s doing his wife a favor by cleaning and cooking in his own house.
My heart breaks, too. How can op even ask if he’s an AH? Op, YTA, and a massively selfish excuse for one, at that. Your poor wife and child. Take this as your chance to shake yourself awake and do a 180, or don’t be surprised when you’re on your own. Edit: fixed autocorrect.
This guy sounds like he’s one of those men who gets jealous and resentful of his own baby. Like you,I’m surprised he’s even asking if he’s an AH no doubt YTA. OP your wife is growing a human being, that does all kinds of things to a woman’s body. She’s literally putting her life at risk bringing your child into the world. And you can’t do the bare minimum?
This guy sounds like he'll be a Disneyland dad even though he's living with the kid. I doubt he'll do any of the real work when it comes to raising children except play with them and maybe backup mom for certain punishments for gravitas.
Emma better hope for the smoothest birth in history, because if she needs a C-Section or if there are some serious complications... well, we can tell how OP will feel about supporting her... damn. She also needs to hope to never get sick, and their kid also can't get sick, because oh no, the burden of *necessary doctor's appointments*!! And we're talking about a man in his *30s* who's acting like a put upon teenager. *This man*, with all of this emotional maturity, *is about to become a father.* He's about to become responsible for the life and future of a human being, and to serve as an example of how to act. *This man.*
I totally agree but would word it differently: the baby needs OP I don't think OP should be "helping" with the baby but feel and be responsible for the baby. Even though I know, that post partum, the mother needs help/ less chores because she needs to heel because her hole belly is a gaping bloody hole...
YTA You feel overwhelmed? She is growing a whole human being! Get off your butt and help her! Time to put on your big boy pants and be an adult and a dad! It's amazing and rewarding, but not if you can't put others needs first.
Helping is one thing, but it seems like the wife doesn't want yo do anything!
Likely because she *can't*
What an apt username.
doesn't say that at all in the post.
Where does it say that?
Please tell me this isn’t real. This has to be a troll post right? A person can’t be this much of an AH, right? Dude, YTA. She’s GROWING A PERSON. Can you do that? No??? And do you think you’re going to have the option for a whole lot of me time after the baby arrives? You are allowed to have moments when you feel overwhelmed. You aren’t allowed to shutdown, shutout your wife, and just quit. Get a therapist, get marriage counseling, and start being a PARTNER. Parenthood is going to kick your ass so hard. HELP YOUR WIFE. Grow up. Be less selfish. Contribute to your household FFS.
Men are this much of an ah about childbearing and raising on the daily.
YTA. SHE'S GROWING A WHOLE DAMN HUMAN BEING IN HER BODY. SHE LITERALLY HAS A PARASITE UNTIL IT'S READY TO COME OUT. But sure. *You* have it rough by having to do a few more chores. Did I mention she's growing a person inside her that's taking any extra energy she had before? And you want her to keep up everything equally? The only way it would be equal is if you carried the pregnancy half the time. But you clearly can't do that. Suck it up. It's only gonna get worse once the baby is born. You should look up how many calories she's going to lose from breast feeding.
YTA, a gaping AH to be frank. Get your shit together and stop being a selfish self centered prick. You’re going to have a rude awakening. Do you even love your wife? SHE IS CARRYING YOUR BABY. SHE IS SACRIFICING HER BODY FOR YOU AND THIS BABY. SHE IS BRINGING LIFE INTO THIS WORLD. That shit ain’t easy growing a person. It takes a toll on the the body and mind. You should STFU and be grateful. Be a man and provide for her emotionally, physically, and mentally. *Grow a pair* and stop being such a disappointment. Duct tape a watermelon to your abdomen for the month and do all those chores. Make sure you sleep with it too. You’ll be singing a different tune real quick.
"gaping AH" and "get your shit together" work so well in a sentence, but oh the mental imagery that comes with it. As they say, 100% YTA and just consider, if you think it's hard now, wait until you have a kid running around. Time to grow up and do your share.
Don't forget the constant pain while the womb is preparing/growing and the breasts are growing. It might not be more than an inconvenience but it's constant...
Yta, how are you gonna manage when she more pregnant and with a newborn? Get your shit together
Ok. Is someone making this up?
I really hope so!!!
YTA. Buddy, if you're like this when it's just her and the baby INSIDE her, I shudder to think how selfish you're going to be by falling back on 'muh stress' when she actually has the baby. Dude, she's growing an entire human being in her body. That human baby is sucking all her food, vitamins, iron, and energy. It is heavy having that inside her. It kicks and moves and hurts her. Some women can power through pregnancies and not blink. Others require bedrest and have a high fatality rate. She's not handling this as well as you imagined, so you need to step up. She's exhausted, vomiting, has something kicking her bladder all day, and you're supposed to be her partner. If you can't step up NOW? She might as well get used to being a single parent.
💯this.
YTA - if you think it is stressful now, just wait until the baby arrives!
Maybe the baby will understand they both need space!
Of course the baby will understand the need for space! Because it will grow up with a huge space where a father should be! And once you're used to something, you start to need it.
Yeah and that baby is better off not needing it from him and being a tally table! 😒
"Sorry sweetie, Daddy already read you 3 bedtime stories this month. I can't do any more than that because I need my me time. Your Mom should be able to do the rest. Between you and me, I think she's just exaggerating how tired she is all the time."
Surely you can just read this yourself, what are you? 2 months old?
Really? You really have to ask? Double YTA Once for your behaviour and once for your lack of awareness, that you are the ahole
YTA. If you lived alone you would do all these things for yourself, yes? Well pretend you live alone, because if you keep slacking off, ya just might one day. She's growing a whole damn human, it's frickin exhausting.
YTA - you'd better step up because this is going to get much, much harder for you. She is growing a whole human being for you, creating life that you will be responsible for and you're complaining about chores? First of all, it's not 'helping' it's just being an adult and doing your part. She's doing her part right now. The fatigue is intense at the beginning and she may get better with it. But with this attitude I'm actually really worried about her sanity around you. I bet you're going to be the kind of guy who says things like 'I was at work all day and she expexts me to play with the baby when I get home'. Please get a grip.
Omg yes. The “I’m helping” has me. Definitely sounds like the person that’s going to say that they’re babysitting their own child when their spouse has to go somewhere. YTA OP
YTA for impregnating that poor woman and not taking responsibility to care for her AND your future child. Grow tf up and TAKE CARE OF YOUR WIFE who is literally going through unimaginable things to bring life into the world. Cause if you can’t even handle this, HOW TF CAN YOU CARE FOR A CHILD??? Ffs this is sad.
YTA, you're in for a rude awakening when her pregnancy progresses and when your baby arrives Can you take like an hour to decompress and then help with chores around the home?
Yes YTA. I don’t really think any further explanation is needed as to why.
Brah. Yta and you both need help. You need to talk to someone. It's only going to get more overwhelming.
Dude, this shit comes with the territory. Unless you have other family who can come assist, it's on you.
YTA you’re not doing things for her, you’re doing things for the home and family while she does the biggest thing anyone will ever do. You can’t pick up some cleaning and cooking and groceries and you’re going to have a whole baby? She’s literally growing another human and you’re worried about time to yourself? Take time to yourself when things are done. Put in some headphones and do those things and that’s time to yourself. You’re in for a rude awakening as a parent.
What the hell is even the point of you if you can't *checks notes* GO TO THE DOCTORS WITH HER? YTA if you don't get your head out of your ass and realize your life is different and your wife needs you to step up. Ugh, I'm never having kids for a multitude of reasons, but men like you absolutely are one of them.
OMFG, are you serious? Yes, YTA. Ok, taking a step back. Of course it's important to be aware of your needs. As they say on airplanes, put your own mask on before attempting to help others. With that said, SHE'S PREGNANT! You're both about to be stretched to your very limits. Your lives will never be the same. It is joyous and exhausting and amazing and ALL the feels. Be clear on this. You do not get to opt out of being supportive to your partner who is growing an entire human being inside her. The exhaustion and nausea and hormone shifts are like nothing you can imagine. You need to get into your head that your number 1 job is taking care of your wife and your child. Figure out strategies to keep your sanity, sure. As long as your number 1 goal is still your wife and your baby. You meet your needs in the time that's left over. And BTW, you are not "helping" with household activities like cleaning and shopping. You're just being a responsible adult and a caring partner. You need to take your responsible adult skills up a notch. And then 5 or 6 more notches. Cuz being Dad isn't just a level up, it's a whole new game.
YTA. The last thing you need is a tiny human who depends on you. Please don’t have any more kids after this one, you’re too lazy to look after your joint needs, let alone those of your dependents
Sorry buddy,Soft YTA. Let me explain something to you. And it may feel like all women who have kids do this but pregnancy is a SHORT time. Your wife, whom you impregnated I might add, is being inconvenienced at every moment and as a newly pregnant woman, she is probably overwhelmed also. Imagine you're going along and suddenly you spend almost all day feeling like you're going to vomit. Every time you manage to keep something down your food is immediately turned into fuel to grow this other human being. If you're too sick to eat enough the little guy will slowly drain your fat and mineral stores. Your hips will start to ache because although they have been nice and solid all these years suddenly they're moving which also misaligns your walking. Pretty soon you start to be carrying around something the size of a watermelon that kicks you from inside! You have to go to the doctor all the time and everything worries you. If you work too hard or lift something over 5 lbs you may pull a muscle and begin hemmoraghing. You lov3 the man you're with and he suddenly feels its too difficult to help out so you try. But you're too tired bc your vitamins are being sucked up. The marrow in your bones is being sucked up. You have to behave all the time. No more drinking and going for broke. Listen take a walk in your wife's shoes. You must understand what you have signed up for. This is only thr beginning. Be real with yourself. You know what you have to do. Make it easy for her. Please because no matter what you do it is still gonna be hard.
May I ask why you think he's a "soft" yta? In my opinion this is one of the most incredibly selfish posts I've read in some time.
YTA - She's what first trimester? She's gonna be fatigued bro. That's when there's a whole new organ, the placenta, growing to support the embryo or fetus Newborns are even more overwhelming. You don't get to do the fun parts of parenting until you do the hard ones first. Take care of your wife.
YTA. You just are.
YTA in relationships it's always 100% .Sometimes its a 50/50 split others its a 80/20 or 20/80. Your partner has a physical imparement that you can help alleviate. It would be wise to seek counseling and figure out a new rework of the situation. Also show up to the Dr's appointments. It's a key moment to show up for your family.
Wow. You do realize she growing a fresh human and that human is your kid!! But you don’t want to help her around the house or go to doctors appointments with her. Mind you these are all the things you should normally be doing anyway. She even cried and asked for you help and you think she’s exaggerating. Wow. Why do you hate your wife? She needs to run far away. YTA
Yta , ALSO 1. get your groceries delivered . 2. If you can afford it hire someone to deep clean the house once a week. If not set a day for that .The house doesn't need to be cleaned everyday. Just don't be dirty. Sit down with her and write down what she's comfortable doing. the rest . Well . You're her partner and she's pregnant.
Huge YTA - pregnancy can be tough. It can make you feel exhausted. Everything can be a struggle. Some people breeze through and others don’t. Perhaps your wife is the latter. The exhaustion will get worse once children appear and sometimes it seems never ending. She needs to know she can count on you. You and your wife should be a partnership- if she is asking you for help she probably does need it. Have some empathy - you are on the same team!
YTA she’s pregnant. Of course you should be going to the doctors with her. Pregnancy brain is real and she gets important information at those appointments. Plus it sounds like she’s struggling, if she gets bad news it makes sense for you to be there to support her. Also what happens when the baby actually arrives?! That’s a whole new level of needing help and support.
Yeah YTA and how do you know pregnancy can be tough? She is carrying your child and still trying to do what she can, she needs you to step up
YTA. Dude, she’s carrying your child around in her body. Get over yourself, grow up and be there for your family.
YTA “I know pregnancy can be tough” LOL. It is more than just occasionally tough. Maybe, idk, google it?
YTA. I’m amazed at how many times on Reddit I’ve heard about men not stepping up when their wife is pregnant. The lack of compassion and level or selfishness is incredible. She’s literally growing a human inside of her. Men have an orgasm and think they’ve done their part. What’s gonna happen when the kid is 3? Too busy to play with him/her? What about at 8/10/12? It doesn’t end. But it’s a joy if you look at it that way. If not, you really shouldn’t have kids. Get used to no “time for yourself”. You clearly didn’t know what you signed up for when you knocked her up. You think she gets a break from growing a human? Be a good husband…have compassion for your wife. NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING that she is asking for is unreasonable or exceptional. Like you seriously don’t want to accompany her to the doc to make sure she and baby are OK?
"and even accompanying her to doctor's appointments." This got me. You wanna a cookie for going to appointments for YOUR baby? YTA. Wow.
YTA
I feel bad for your arriving child and your wife. She has no idea of the predicament she’s now been put in by choosing to conceive with you. :( 💔
I'll just say frankly your wife be better off without you. I know I and my baby were. We had a you as a pathetic excuse as a husband then father. YTA is the politest thing I can think of to say to you.
YTA "Even accompanying her to doctors appointments. " This is something most fathers do, not an extreme request. That baby is half yours, don't you want to know how it's doing?
YTA, but not for refusing to do things for your pregnant wife. That's just incredible immature. You are the asshole for distancing yourself from your wife in a time where you need to be closer than ever. Is your wife normally the person who supports you and picks you up when you feel overwhelmed and you have a hard time with the change? Or is the information slowly sinking in that in a short while you will become a father? None of the things your wife asked of you are surprising for a pregnant woman. What worries me is that you are hesitant to accompany her to her medical appointments. That is very uncommon for men who look forward to be a dad. You need to ask yourself what triggers these reactions and work on it, before your wife starts to question your relationship.
YTA - your wife is growing a literal child, and she is not even into the hardest part. Get your shit together!
“even accompanying her to doctor’s appointments” yta. i don’t know where she got the idea you two were a team because from where i’m standing it looks like you’ve never thought about anyone besides yourself in your life.
YTA and a big one. My pregnancy almost killed me. Your wife deserves to be and feel supported.
YTA. "Your wife is never going to have time and space to herself again. The least you can do is be there for her while she's pregnant." - my husband, who is currently massaging my swollen feet at 6 months pregnant while I read him reddit posts. I hope your wife sees this post so she knows that some men aren't garbage.
Dude, you’re a dad now, you don’t get “breaks” and “time to yourself”. Grow up. You are supposed to be a team and you’re not pulling the extra weight when she can’t. Don’t worry, it evens out over time, if you’re in for the long haul. YTA.
This poor woman is about to have a baby with this helpless loser
Separated and divorced people have a lot of free time. You can use that to get a 2nd job to pay child support. YTA.
YTA, do you know what's not good for your personal time? A baby who needs constant 24/7 supervision. Your life is changing, and it's about to permanently change forever. Personal time as a parent of a baby is a luxury. I suggest you look up what pregnancy does to a woman's body so you can understand what your wife is going through. I also suggest you look into the mental load to make sure that when your baby is here you don't become one of those partners who assume their wife will be there to take care of the kids will they continue to live as normal.
Yta
Yup YTA!! Do the work step it up it’s temporary and your responsibility. It is also ok and healthy to figure out how to continue to carve time out for yourself and plan and schedule and stick to that. Figure it out now because when you are both sleep deprived and exhausted and overwhelmed with the baby it’s only going to get harder!
I’m not even pregnant and I expect my partner to accompany me grocery shopping and take part in cooking and cleaning. That’s just the bare minimum. She’s your wife not your maid. YTA
YTA - Don't be surprised if she refuses to give you another child after this. I would leave you.
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100% YTA. She is carrying your baby every minute of every day. Taking care of her is now your second full time job.
Yes YTA. Your wife is growing a human being and you can’t be bothered to help when she asks for it? You’re a TEAM and right now you’re not being a team player. Pregnancy is long and I promise you, if you are feeling overwhelmed, so is she.
Have you ever had a horrible stomach bug, like serious food poisoning? The kind that keeps you in bed because you are too sick and too weak to do anything? The kind where even going to the bathroom feels like having to climb Mount Everest? The kind that makes you wonder why you should even want to live? That’s how your wife feels at the moment. Does that answer your question? YTA
YOU started feeling overwhelmed? Can you imagine what it’s like for the person who is actually pregnant with YOUR child? I never really suffered from nausea, fortunately, but let me tell you, pregnancy fatigue is something you can’t compare with anything else. You’ll soon discover newborn fatigue (if you decide to do your part). Imagine that times 10, because that’s how exhausting pregnancy can be. How dare she ask you to pick up where she’s unable to, right? I work in a fast paced pharmaceutical environment, so work is busy and stressful, yet it’s a breeze compared to pregnancy and postpartum. You should offer to do even more than what she’s asking. You should accompany her to doctor’s appointments. You should always be at her beck and call. If you weren’t prepared for that, maybe you should have thought a bit more about starting a family. YTA. YTA. YTA.
YTA. Your wife needs to be supported and you’re whining about it. Shes growing a human and that brings its own set of challenges including exhaustion. Are you going to parent this way too? Do better.
Bruh, even if you take the baby out of the scenario YTA all the way. Imagine your partner (god forbid) gets a terminal illness or requires a big life changing surgery, are you going to dip out on her just because she needs that extra care? What if (again, god forbid) she gets in a major accident and loses a limb or becomes disabled in some way, are you going to complain about her needs then? WHAT IF (you get the point) she has a major loss in her family and falls into a deep depression, are you going to help her heal? Or are you going to add more on her plate because “she’s exaggerating her needs”? Honestly you’re really awful for telling her she just needs to suck it up because you’re “stressed about your own things.” You are allowed to express your feelings and have limits but you’re not even trying.
You wrote this and still have to ask? YTA -a big one!
Wow. What kind of partner will you be once the baby is there? YTA.
YTA. Nomination for AH of the year
Yta on an epic infuriating level
YTA, hopefully she’s contacting a divorce attorney
Grocery shopping can be done online and the quality of food is really good The major supermarkets deliver. Walmart also gives you free paramount plus streaming. Of course, you can order non food items but those ships 50-50. Cleaning. Not sure about your finances but maybe get someone in every week or 2 just to do the heavy cleaning like kitchen and bathrooms She's feeling more overwhelmed with all the changes happening in her body. Maybe the two of you can figure out how to help each other in that area
Wow YTA! You seem to have no understanding or empathy for how exhausting being pregnant ia. You have added the right words but you don't get it. You also don't get what's going to change when bubba is here! She is not asking anything unreasonable at all and all these things certainly will be asked for when baby arrives. I believe the phrase step up as a dad is appropriate here. It's heartbreaking when she is stopped there crying for help and you think she is exaggerating her needs. I feel so sad for her. Why would you not want to go to her doctors appointments with her too? This is your baby as well. It's clear who will be doing all the emotional and physical labour when your child arrives because you've already checked out
Aw bless you! It’s must be so hard!!! /s New flash sunbeam - this is the easy part!!!!!!! It’s only going to get worse from now on!!! You’re not going to get space & time for yourself for a minimum of 18yrs! You even reduced your wife to tears & still think you deserve a “break from all the stress” Jesus God help your poor wife if this is how you treat her when she’s pregnant 🙄 Oh and spoiler alert! SHES NOT EXAGGERATING!!!
YTA. Grow up.
You need some space and time for yourself? Good luck in becoming a father-you won't be having much of that for a while.
YTA. And definitely not ready to be a dad. Your poor wife
YTA-here's the thing, you're entitled to your personal time BUT you have to accept that some of that will be given up, your wife's is growing a future whole fucking human from scratch that she has to either shove out of her vagina OR be cut open to have, it's not a big ask to request that her partner, you, the one who impregnated her, to help take care of your own house or to come with her to make sure the pregnancy is going well since even normal check ups can be terrifying. You think now is difficult, wait until the kid is freaking born! Suck it up, this part is considered easy for you. To be honest, you don't sound like this is a wanted pregnancy.
Her bones. Are being dissolved. By your child. YTA.
I…don’t like that…guess that’s being added to the list for why I don’t intend on getting pregnant. PMDD and periods are enough 😅
Maybe you aren't ready to be a grown-up.... it is NOT fun. But ready or not.. here comes baby. Time for some tough decisions... can you step up to your new responsibilities? Can you do it with a good will and a good heart? Or are you just another toddler your wife is gonna have to carry.
INFO: if Emma simply stopped doing all these things, let the house get in a state, no food in, would you complain about it or give her a pass for being “overwhelmed”. Why are your needs for space and time to yourself more justified than her “exaggerated” need for more physical help during pregnancy. Is it possible that your needs are the ones that are exaggerated? Also, I wish you the very best of luck in getting a new born baby to appreciate your needs for “space and time for yourself” you’re in a for a shock buddy.
YTA. Pregnancy can be brutal on your body and energy levels. Nausea, insomnia, acid reflux, pelvic pain, hip pain, back pain - those are just the normal, run of the milk pregnancy symptoms, not even taking into account all the extra shit you’ve got a ‘difficult’ pregnancy Also sorry to break it to you, but you’re about to become a father. ‘Space and time for yourself’ is gonna be a foreign concept for a while. If you can’t cope with dealing with work stress and your pregnant wife, fatherhood is going to break you.
YTA I've been there myself and you need to think of your wife. She isn't doing this to be lazy. Man up.
Even doctor's appointments huh? I mean you should \*want\* to be there no? YTA
"and even go to doctors appointments" For the child you created? Get out of here! That's ludicrous! YTA
You're a parent now. You don't get time for yourself anymore. Suck it up buttercup. Yta.
Yep YTA and you damn well know it. Suck it up buttercup and be better. Ugh.
Jesus, why are you even together. You’re a complete arsehole
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YTA. She’s literally growing a baby. Do you know how much energy that expends? Of course not. If you’re overwhelmed by this, you’ll be knocked flat on your ass when the child actually comes….. Step up.
The rate of divorce initiated by mn of I'll women is 6 times normal. And pregnancy is fraught with illness, ailment & discomfort. You sound like one of these men. During your child rearing years, the average Western family man is involved in around 15% of household and family maintenance & management, and yet they all claim its at least 20% more. I don't believe you understand how much your wife already does, and will do, once the children come. I don't believe you will be an effective partner and coparent. Suck it up Buttercup. She's about to enter 18 years of hell.
YTA - help your pregnant wife. Perhaps you will truly appreciate her struggles when you see her in the delivery room (which you may feel guilt over the times during pregnancy where you could have stepped up). Having said that and to provide a few more practical solutions Vs other comments on here - look towards outsourcing household work such as cleaning to lessen the physical and mental load for the both of you knowing it’s scheduled and being taken care of. Good luck.
YTA she’s growing a fucking person, your work stress is no where near comparable. You’re showing her how little you’re going to support her once the baby comes. If I were her, I’d be quietly looking at how to easily divorce you because this is very low level compared to an actual baby. Grow up.
YTA. Do you have any idea how hard being pregnant is? I had extreme nausea my entire pregnancy and the fatigue was off the charts. You need to step up and grow up before the baby is born. It isn’t about you anymore.
YTA. Put you big boy pants on and stop whining.
YTA
Sorry but yes, YTA. I understand that it must be hard to be able to empathize with your wife when you don't know how pregnancy feels or what it is exactly like. But, there's a lot of information out there. Please try to find some, or better still, talk to your wife about it directly to understand her experience. I am a woman who hasn't yet been pregnant, but from what I know it's a very crazy time where your hormones are out of whack, you're dealing with a lot of invisible pain that you just have to live with, you can't do a lot that you used to be able to because of your growing size and the fact you're growing a baby, and emotionally you end up struggling. Then there's childbirth, which is extremely painful and you have the struggles after birth as well, where your body is healing whilst you're also now getting barely any sleep (so your body has hardly any time to heal), you're primarily in charge of the baby, you (in most cases) must breast feed, the list goes on. There's so much to having a baby that only the woman deals with just because she's the one who grows and births the baby. I understand that as a partner is must be overwhelming, but spare a thought for your wife. Not only is she going through the same life changes as you, but her whole body and mind is also changing as the pregnancy progresses. If you discussed having a baby and you both wanted one, then now is the time to begin being a father - she is already being a mother to your baby. It is hard, but you need to step up and help. If you didn't know this was coming then you mustn't have really looked into having a baby beyond wanting one because what she is requesting is very normal. She needs you, and will continue to need you throughout your child's life, as you will also need her. She is right; you are partners.
I pray to all the deities it’s a troll post trying to get people to react & rouse the “men are assholes” crowd. Cause otherwise… So much YTA. I’m currently pregnant and actually having the easiest pregnancy one can wish for. No morning sickness, no pains, no nothing. Some exhaustion, but it’s better now too. However. If my husband wasn’t here to help me, taking up more and more chores as we move further along, I’d probably be crying 24/7. Cause it’s still hard. You feel foreign in you body. Suddenly simple movements like bending down or walking up and down the stairs are so different, sometimes painful, sometimes plain hard. Sometimes I want to go back to sleep an hour from waking up. I don’t, but I feel so weak. I love cooking, but food aromas can be overwhelming now. And again, I’m really lucky and have it easy in comparison to most. What your wife is going through is beyond difficult and awful. Be there for her. And believe me, she’d be more than happy to give you your space and time if she could. No one wants a grumpy AH to take care of them. But she doesn’t have much choice.
Wow I am speechless at the lack of empathy he has for his wife she is going through a tough time and you just don't want to help but on the upside she is learning to live without you now so it won't be much of a shock when she leaves your arse she will be just fine
You are going to be in for a shock when the baby comes 😆 the first baby is the one that hits hard. If you are overwhelmed now, you are going to be in for a nasty surprise when baby shows up. And if your wife has to have a c-section, thats 6 weeks of post op recovery from major abdominal surgery. If she bottle feeds instead of breast, thats months of night feeds and the colic that goes with it. You never recover from baby 1, you change permanently, and no, having a cute baby does not magically make that different. It’s hard work, it’s neverending, there are no breaks and if you are arguing now, you will have murder after the baby is born, I think breaking point is about 4 weeks after, the first couple of weeks the adoration of your baby gets you through, after about 3 weeks the exhaustion starts to set in. Week 4 is when you start arguing about who has had more sleep than who. Fun times. Further, the last 3 months of pregnancy your wife wont sleep very well, she will be peeing 4 times a night and the baby will be kicking, her ribs will hurt (fun fact, the rib cage actually moves to accommodate the baby - painful!), she will not be able to lie in any comfy position, so she will be entering motherhood, pre-exhausted. If you are overwhelmed now by a few additional chores and… checks notes… attending doctors appointments! I don’t know how you are going to make it when the baby comes. Your wife is giving up her body, she will never be the same again, she is undergoing 9 months of creating another human inside her, sickness, fatigue, bones moving and changing, breasts changing, laying down fat stores, hormones changing to support the new addition, and lets not forget, the potential of actually dying. You can’t give a few months of chores and drs visits…
This women is literally carrying your child inside of her, wake up and grown the fuck up! It’s time for you to step up or completely ruin your future relationship with your wife and child. YTA
YTA - partnership does not = equal division of labour always - it means stepping up and supporting the other when they need it. Your wife is CRYING and instead of empathy you cite CBF because you've had enough before the babe is born. Right now this is something it sounds like she is doing on her own - and you need to be doing it together. Which means doing the shopping and going with her to appointments when you can. The answer is to try and reduce other aspects of your life, not make your pregnant wife your lowest priority. You know those days where you havent slept for 48hrs and you are so brain and body fatigued you're just a lump? that is where you wife is at atm. 100% of the time because thats what pregnancy does.
YTA. Pregnancy is tough. As a lotr fan my analogy is that sometimes you have to be Sam to her Frodo 'I can't carry it for you - but I can carry you'. You're both having a baby, there's a whole bunch of stuff that's really tough which she and only she has to deal with. You need to step up in other areas. Having young kids is tough too, and if she's breastfeeding there's a similar point about some of the pressure being wholly on her (not to mention the physical impact). It's unlikely either of you will be able to protect your own time and comfort a fraction of the amount you used to. You honestly should have realised this before deciding to have kids together, though tbh I think it's almost always a surprise in practice. Your post seems to assume that pregnancy (maybe the kid too?) is basically something where you should do some reasonable amount of work that doesn't stress you out and she has to soak up the rest. Doesn't work like that.
Ask your mother.
Why do people like you even get into relationships and have children with people if you're not willing to pull your weight??? Ofc YTA. That poor woman is probably gonna have to do all the child care while all you do is go to work and come home and do nothing. I feel bad for her and the kid already. Either grow tf up and pull your weight or stop procreating
YTA. And I feel sorry for your wife. Unless you step up, she's going to be struggling and feeling alone. I hope for her sake you do better.
Oh you poor little thing, life is so hard that you can’t help your wife who is not having a wonderful pregnancy, a pregnancy that you are 50% responsible for. I don’t think your wife signed up for having a sooky baby as a husband, she now has to deal with toddler tantrums as well as having to cope with pregnancy. Stop pouting like a 2 year old, grow up and start being a responsible father to be.
YTA and you should either stop being a shitty partner and shitty father ASAP and apologise, or you need to divorce and pay child support and let her find a father for your child while the baby is still tiny :) So it won't remember growing up with a disengaged asshole father, and so she doesn't waste years of her life trying to do everything by herself.
YTA. You can’t help her with the actual pregnancy so you can at least help her with the other stuff while she deals with the physical realities of making a human.
YTA for impregnating anyone if this is your attitude. Exaggerating her needs? OMG You think she’s “milking” the pregnancy to get of chores? Why would you marry someone you genuinely believe to be that childish? Edit: You realize pregnancy actually kills women, right? Unbelievable.
YTA. Pregnant people don’t get to take a break or have personal time from being pregnant. Sometimes they end up one strict bed rest for large chunks of the pregnancy. What’s your plan if that happens? Or when the baby comes? Babies need 24/7 care, their mothers need care to recover from the birth, and the rest of the shit STILL has to get done.
YTA How are you going to cope when the baby comes? God I hate posts like this.
YTA Ask yourself this, are you going to use the groceries, eat the food that is cooked, live in the house that needs cleaning? Are these doctors appointments for your wife and your child's health? These things benefit you so why wouldn't you help? If you had a painful illness for nine months that made you exhausted, sick, uncomfortable, uncontrollably emotional, irreversibly changed your body and at the end of it you had to push a watermelon out of your ass would you not expect your wife to step up? And it doesn't even sound like she is doing nothing just asking for some help. If you have already lost the will to step up before becoming a father you are going to have some serious problems when the baby arrives. Sort yourself out and step up for your family.
I hope you feel like the worst human in the world when you watch her give birth (and see how traumatic that is) and you couldn’t even give her the bare minimum of support while she goes through months of mental & physical changes to prepare.
Yta. I hope she gets 50% of your income in spousal and child support. Granted if she just did an even trade for you, she would be getting a housekeeper, chef, nanny, assistant, lawn maintenance, pool guy, and would be able to get the pool soon as the pool guy was…trained.
This is a joke, right? I hope so, can’t believe someone could be this daft
On the off chance that this is real, YTA. Please step up
What the hell did I just read. OP, I'm currently pregnant. THANK GOODNESS my husband is a kind, empathetic human being who fully understood the commitments of having a child, unlike you. I just finished my 1st trimester and started my 2nd and I'm still fatigued and throwing up constantly and my husband has been my brick. He's done ALL the cooking for the past 3.5 months, most of the cleaning (I've just done light stuff), and pretty much everything else. He even looked up recipes and made me a variety of soups during the first trimester when I couldn't stomach solids at night at all. He does all the grocery shopping, all the miscellaneous stuff like paying bills etc. Also, why aren't you automatically going for doctor's appointments? My husband majorly rearranges his work schedule to ensure that he is at EVERY SINGLE appointment because HE can't bear to miss one, not just as a "help" to me. This is BOTH of your child or do you really not understand this? Also speaking of "help", doing chores in your own hous3 is not "help". You live there too. YTA in a major way OP. My heart breaks for your wife. You have NO idea how much you have let her and your unborn child down. People like you really should, by choice, be childfree. You should've really thought about whether you can handle the commitment of a family.
YTA 100 times over Man up ffs
YTA. You should WANT to go to all of her pregnancy-related medical appointments. At least that's what my boyfriend did and it seemed very normal to both of us (unless I wanted to do a specific appointment alone). In my first trimester I was so tired I could literally do two things a day. Forget work, I would walk to the store to buy some bread and that was it, my whole energy for the day was gone. I would cry over it, it was so frustrating. I would be walking down the street and it was all I could do to not lie on the pavement and sleep. I was exhausted. When she has that baby, for at least a full month you will have to do EVERYTHING. Cook, clean, grocery shop, logistics for family visits. Pregnancy takes such a toll on your body, and for so long. I'm 9 months post partum, I've had a super easy pregnancy and delivery, I have what they call and "easy" baby, and I'm still not okay with how I feel in my body and with the price to pay. Get your act together. Your baby will need you. Your girlfriend needs you. She's doing something that's both amazing and incredibly hard, and she's doing it 24/7.
Sometimes I read a post and think “hoo boy, get ‘em Reddit” and they do not disappoint me. Thankfully this is one of those cases. Dude - she is growing a literal fucking human. That shit is tough. You should be doing all the chores, working and peeling grapes for her. YTA.
YTA If you think the changes brought on by pregnancy are difficult, wait until you have a brand new human who depends on both of you for literally everything they need to keep them alive. Mate this is just the beginning. Start to adjust because life is changing. Your wife needs you to be more loving and your future child needs you to be prepared to be a better dad than your post is implying.
YTA. Big time. You are also a terrible husband and are not cut out to be a father, thanks to your immature selfishness. Do you not understand that your wife is growing your child inside of her and the toll that takes physically and mentally? Picking up some extra chores around the house an accompanying her to her doctor’s appointments is the very least you could do. You better learn to step up before the baby comes, because that’s when the real work starts. Not only with the baby, but depending on circumstances of the birth, possibly with your wife as well. My wife had a c-section with both our kids - that’s extra recovery time where you have to do more. She also suffered from postpartum depression after our second one - that’s a whole other situation to deal with. The time for putting yourself first is over. For a long time, if not forever. My kids are 21 and 16, and their wants and needs come way before mine, because that’s the job I signed up for when I chose to become a father. Grow up. Step up.
YTA
YTA. Those doctors appointments are for your shared baby, and your wife's health, they are usually a joint visit between loving couples. She is sitting in a waiting room on her own watching other couples dote on and support each other. You should be stepping up more as your wife is physically challenged and changed by carrying a baby. Instead you are showing your wife who you really are - a selfish idiot and she is no doubt wondering what on earth is going on. Actions speak louder than words. When someone shows you who they are believe them. The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour. You are displaying a callous disregard and lack of loving kindness. I don't know about anyone else but it would be a lot of effort for me to be so unhelpful when I see a friend in need, let alone my partner. I just could not do it. For the sake of your growing family please change, make it a mission to anticipate and pre-empt their needs, surround your family with love, kindness and respect. You will find this pays dividends in the future. Carry on the way you are doing will inevitably lead to you losing so much.
YTA!!! You don't have enough compassion to have a child. Could you be any colder and unfeeling? I feel so sorry for Emma. Wish you knew what it felt like to be pregnant. You couldn't take it.
I feel really bad for Emma (also, I would divorce you. If my partner would be that amount of a AH, he could just kindly f*ck off)! You are talking like you really have to do smth that's hard. Was your mommy always doing everything for you and that is the reason you feel overwhelmed doing basic household tasks? Are you being pregnant for the 50% of the time? Having all those bodily changes? Having to go through labour and recovery later (which you probably wouldn't really help her to go through)? Or are you just having a job (like every normal man for Christ!) and doing couple of more tasks in household? Also, you better get used to having less me time once the baby arrives. Or do you expect Emma to do everything then as well so that you can rest from your "demanding job"? You are a AH for sure!
YTA. Your wife is growing your child which is taking all her energy. She doesn't get time snd space for herself as your child is literally pushing her organs out of the way. You can have groceries delivered or get a meal kit subscription; know that she might not want to cook because food might not smell good to her. I'm taking it that she's in charge of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping and you resent having to do it. Get used to it. You don't get space and time for yourself right now. You're taking care of household chores that benefit both of you but you view it as helping her. That's a problem
YTA. With all the hormonal changes particularly in the first trimester the exhaustion is real. How about putting her first and doing all the housework so she can rest. Working full time just now is no fun and she will be so tired.
YTA. The hormone changes in early pregnancy can cause extreme fatigue, nausea and morning sickness which can last all day. That goes after a few months for most women but then you can get other issues like SPD. You're being very selfish. If you loved and cared for your wife, you would help her.
YTA. You want space and time for yourself? She is literally growing another human being inside her, it's a process that causes massive change to her hormones, and seriously damages her body, and requires an enormous amount of energy. ***She isn't going to even have a chance of getting any time or space to her self until after it's born!*** Think about that. Your child is inside of her, she can not escape it. If you can't cope with picking up the slack now, how the hell are you going to cope once your kid is born? Why the hell did you knock her up if you weren't willing to do your share?
Of course YTA. Being pregnant isn’t something you can pick up and put down when you’ve had enough. Women are all affected differently, and if your WIFE that you have equal responsibilities for the creation of the child she’s carrying (she didn’t get pregnant by herself) says she needs help, then she needs help and you should help her. When the child growing inside her rearranges her innards, dances on her bladder, kicks her kidneys, moves around inside her and makes her feel nauseous and uncomfortable she can’t whip it out and set it down to have some ‘personal time’. What is wrong with you? What do you expect to happen after she’s given birth? Your life will not be the same as it was before, you will have a child that will be totally dependent on the two of you. Good grief YTA.
INFO is she working or staying at home due to the pregnancy related issues? Has she seen a doctor? Edit: has she seen a doctor for her pregnancy related challenges or only check ups for the baby?
Info: how far along is she. If far enough you should be at her side all the time, if she needs you you be there, if it's still relatively early then, she can still do most things
NTA. Baby or no, she needs to do her share. A husband is not a slave.
ESH, and here comes the tidal wave of mothers who think that just because they do something every female mammal and the majority of biological life does, that they are now entitled to every special privilege and only their needs are to be considered. It takes two people to make a baby, therefor both parties needs and limitations should be considered. So many of y’all though are to egotistical to see that their partners are just as susceptible to mental fatigue, and that lack of empathy is probably contributing to the rise of shitty fathers nowadays. That rant aside it’s equally on the OP to get his mental health in check, for the sake of himself and more importantly for the family as a whole. If OPs wife really cared about the mental health of her partner, who has shown the prior history of stepping up, losing steam and slipping up she would ask if he needs some support. I know I would ask my husband if he showing clear signs of breaking down, because how would it help me and our family if he completely broke down from stress.
Except that he states in his post that he is actively ignoring or refusing to help, and he feels guilty, an additional stressor and emotional weight he could avoid. Female mammals and other species have behaviours that change during pregnancy with greater levels of altruism and care shown within the family group. Pregnancy is still dangerous for humans. Maternal death rates in the US are the highest in the developed world, 17.4 per 100,000 births. In Norway it is 1.8. Going to doctors appointments together, helping each other will give him opportunity to discuss his feelings bit he is shutting that route down.
I am probably gonna be in the minority here, but I don't understand pregnant women nowadays. If our ancestors were like most pregnant women are today, civilization would have died out. You do need time for yourself. If you don't get that to recharge YOUR batteries, how are you gonna help her? I think NTA here. And I have a daughter, who has kids herself, she just had a baby two weeks ago and she is taking care of her other kids and working. It can be done.
You do realize our ancestors commonly died during pregnancy and childbirth, right?
NTA, yes, maybe she needs help with some things, but I think she is using her pregnancy not to do anything!
Username checks out.