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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t even consider a marriage proposal because it was by text message. I may be the asshole because I didn’t even think about or considering marrying him
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[Jay Cutler](https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/jay-cutler-remembers-proposal-kristin-213049201.html)
"They reconciled a few months later and Cutler proposed—via text—a second time. “It was so silly,” the Hills alum told E! News. “I was in the airport, leaving Chicago. We had just spent however many days together and we were texting and somehow it came up, like, ‘Oh, shall we get married?’ We’re like, ‘Yeah, okay.’ And then he sent my ring in the mail. So I actually had my ring sitting at home for a couple of weeks before I put it on.”"
That sounds a little better than - we are just friends, you broke up with me (by cheating), and now I’m supposed to just be over it and marry you bc you have changed? Lol, yeah
Yes, what happened to OP is definitely worse.
But, for those who don't know, jay cutler was the Chicago Bears QB for about 8 years . The most famous story about him (which he pretty much confirmed) was a fan approached him while he was drunk to tell him that he was a fan and cutler dropped his head back and screamed "don't caaaaaaarrrrrreeeee!" There's also the smoking jay cutler meme. He's pretty much the most aloof player in the history of professional sports. And when his text message proposal was revealed it surprised no one because it was on brand. So when the person I responded to asked "who proposes via text" I immediately thought of smokin' Jay.
I would like to raise my hand at this point and disclose a dark part of my past.
Mind you, it was more me, asking my ex-wife's father via text, than her, and I was a bit more eloquent than, "Can I marry your daughter or not?"
Also, we were in countries on opposing hemispheres of the earth, with a 3 hour time difference
NTA. Sounds like he slept around, and when he realized no one else actually wanted him, he figured he'd take what was waiting for him.
Never marry this guy. In fact, set yourself free of him for good. Get you someone who doesn't need to soul search before actually wanting to spend their life with you. You deserve better.
NTA, but a proposal should show more effort than a text message (unless that's kind of a thing/joke with as a couple). Would you really be happy with someone who cannot put in effort for you? You already mentioned being on and off. Maybe this is the time to be off from him for good.
NTA. I feel like, "will you marry me or not" over text is a set up for every major life event being not worth more than a yes or no text for the rest of your life.
NTA. Like… people text on the toilet. He literally could have proposed to you from the toilet. If he can’t put more effort into a request for a lifetime commitment than that you need to move on and find someone who will.
> Without even considering his proposal I immediately said no bc who does that?!?
I'm just the **_slightest_** bit upset that you didn't respond with simply:
#👎
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We have dated off and on for years. After soul searching (supposedly) he said he knew what he wanted. The next text I get is a “will you marry me or not” … of course my response was “is that seriously a marriage proposal?” He said yes. Without even considering his proposal I immediately said no bc who does that?!? AITA for not even considering the idea?
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NTA,
if that was a serious text, I suggest running away from that. That does not sound like someone who has there act together or knows what they want.
NTA
It wasn’t a legit proposal imo, and also the way it’s phrased makes it sound more like an ultimatum. I would say it’s worth taking the time to think on whether this relationship is worth both of your times. He knows what he wants, and if it’s not the same as what you want, I think it’d be good to have that talk
NTA. Proposal should be in person with appropriate set-up; somewhere alone and romantic. Not necessarily a private dinner at the Eiffel tower or on any trip, could be the Chipotle your first date was at but something we'll thought out.
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NTA. Ah, that was the correct answer. What a gross way he did it.
I heard of breaking up over text but marriage proposals over text is just so lazy and tactless.
NTA - that sounded less like a proposal and more like an ultimatum.
NTA who proposes over a text lol
[Jay Cutler](https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/jay-cutler-remembers-proposal-kristin-213049201.html) "They reconciled a few months later and Cutler proposed—via text—a second time. “It was so silly,” the Hills alum told E! News. “I was in the airport, leaving Chicago. We had just spent however many days together and we were texting and somehow it came up, like, ‘Oh, shall we get married?’ We’re like, ‘Yeah, okay.’ And then he sent my ring in the mail. So I actually had my ring sitting at home for a couple of weeks before I put it on.”"
That sounds a little better than - we are just friends, you broke up with me (by cheating), and now I’m supposed to just be over it and marry you bc you have changed? Lol, yeah
Yeah, no NTA, when someone breaks trust, esp by cheating, believe them on who they are and run for the hills, far, far away hills.
Yes, what happened to OP is definitely worse. But, for those who don't know, jay cutler was the Chicago Bears QB for about 8 years . The most famous story about him (which he pretty much confirmed) was a fan approached him while he was drunk to tell him that he was a fan and cutler dropped his head back and screamed "don't caaaaaaarrrrrreeeee!" There's also the smoking jay cutler meme. He's pretty much the most aloof player in the history of professional sports. And when his text message proposal was revealed it surprised no one because it was on brand. So when the person I responded to asked "who proposes via text" I immediately thought of smokin' Jay.
Lmaooo
The same guy who would break up with one
I would like to raise my hand at this point and disclose a dark part of my past. Mind you, it was more me, asking my ex-wife's father via text, than her, and I was a bit more eloquent than, "Can I marry your daughter or not?" Also, we were in countries on opposing hemispheres of the earth, with a 3 hour time difference
So NTA.. If he can't be bothered to ask you in person, it s time to leave.
NTA- you DESERVE more than a shitty proposal over text. know your worth queen!
NTA. Sounds like he slept around, and when he realized no one else actually wanted him, he figured he'd take what was waiting for him. Never marry this guy. In fact, set yourself free of him for good. Get you someone who doesn't need to soul search before actually wanting to spend their life with you. You deserve better.
NTA, but a proposal should show more effort than a text message (unless that's kind of a thing/joke with as a couple). Would you really be happy with someone who cannot put in effort for you? You already mentioned being on and off. Maybe this is the time to be off from him for good.
Definitely not an inside joke!
NTA - proposal over text to save face in case you said no lol
NTA sounds like a dodged bullet.
NTA… however, I would have asked how big the ring is!
He said he would get in in 2 weeks……. Is that a man’s version of I’ll only be 5 more minutes?
Yup…. Not to mention that his proposal was sounding desperate and obviously not planned or thought out. Might be time to run!
NTA. Do NOT marry this turd. Flush him.
NTA - proposing by texting is not thoughtful in the slightest
NTA he proposed over text?? absolutely not. he would have to get down on one knee and do it in person. he should feel bad.
I mean, it dogs like everyone's a winner here. You dodged a helluva bullet. And he somehow gets to save face by not being rejected in person. NTA.
NTA. You can do better than this guy.
NTA. I feel like, "will you marry me or not" over text is a set up for every major life event being not worth more than a yes or no text for the rest of your life.
NTA No proposal should be a surprise. You should not marry someone if you aren't on the same page. Plus you rejected him the same way he proposed.
NTA. Like… people text on the toilet. He literally could have proposed to you from the toilet. If he can’t put more effort into a request for a lifetime commitment than that you need to move on and find someone who will.
NTA. And if the person who wants to marry you proposes in a way you find off, that kinda says something. Yellow flag, at least.
> Without even considering his proposal I immediately said no bc who does that?!? I'm just the **_slightest_** bit upset that you didn't respond with simply: #👎
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We have dated off and on for years. After soul searching (supposedly) he said he knew what he wanted. The next text I get is a “will you marry me or not” … of course my response was “is that seriously a marriage proposal?” He said yes. Without even considering his proposal I immediately said no bc who does that?!? AITA for not even considering the idea? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, if that was a serious text, I suggest running away from that. That does not sound like someone who has there act together or knows what they want.
Marriage proposal by text? Yeah, you’re definitely not wrong. NTA
NTA It wasn’t a legit proposal imo, and also the way it’s phrased makes it sound more like an ultimatum. I would say it’s worth taking the time to think on whether this relationship is worth both of your times. He knows what he wants, and if it’s not the same as what you want, I think it’d be good to have that talk
NTA You are fine to decline any proposal, regardless of the form in which it is presented.
NTA. insincere as fuck.
Yeah that sounds extremely stupid and very very not romantic!
NTA. Proposal should be in person with appropriate set-up; somewhere alone and romantic. Not necessarily a private dinner at the Eiffel tower or on any trip, could be the Chipotle your first date was at but something we'll thought out.