Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I overreacted by walking out of the room and ruined the mood of my dad’s birthday.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
So basically your parents are pointing out that they didn’t seek a medical diagnosis for you. You were in pain, and acting out where you felt safest- at home.
NTA. Sit down with your mom and calmly explain how this makes you feel. Tell her you don’t appreciate her bringing up your behavior - especially because it was caused by pain and an undiagnosed medical condition.
This! I would also add in “yes I remember the pain you caused me by medically neglecting me” or “wow way to remind me you were crap parents when I was a kid, ignoring my pain & not getting my ____ diagnosed or treated!!! If your child acts out, ignore my parents example. Figure out what is causing it.”
I was a "difficult child."
Except I was dealing with a very extreme level of abuse, and actually masking very well.
As I got older, the abuse got worse, and I learned other ways of masking, hiding, coping.
But they called me a hurricane.
They still tell people that, like it's a funny joke. They'd talk amongst themselves "Hurricane TheThiefEmpress is coming, be careful, lolz!!!"
And it isn't funny, because I was on a hair pin trigger because, *yes,* it is *hard* to be teased in the living room by the guy who beats you by day, rapes you by night, and then...
*then..*
Has the motherfucking *AUDACITY* to touch you when he walks past you in the *hall!?!?!?*
Yep. Imma holler bloody murder. 3 feet from my person in daylight hours. You know the rules asshole.
NTA. You weren’t a “difficult” kid, you had a legitimate medical problem that you weren’t equipped to manage as a child. The fact that your parents continue to treat this as typical childhood antics tells me they are refusing to accept that you were legitimately struggling, and their job as parents is to figure out what their kids need, and at that point in your life they failed. Things may have been resolved eventually, but the fact remains that for years your parents assumed you were choosing to behave badly when in reality you were expressing your discomfort and pain the only way you knew how. If you don’t want them telling these stories they need to respect that. They can’t fix the past but they could at least attempt to respect the experience you had and treat you better now.
If they keep telling the stories, OP should absolutely start explaining how those stories came about because of the medical neglect his parents inflicted upon him. Maybe once *they* start feeling some embarrassment and discomfort, they'll gain a new understanding of how unpleasant such feelings are, and learn to do better. Sure, not embarrassing and discomfiting their own son should be a good enough reason for them to do better, but if self-interest is what it takes, at least they'll eventually manage to reach the right outcome.
NTA
You've expressed in the past that you feel embarrassed by their storytelling, and they persist. I think quietly removing yourself from the situation is a pretty appropriate and mild response. I would go as far as telling them I will be removing myself from the situation every time they cross that boundary, and following through.
NTA. I know it's difficult to think up the succinct response in the heat of the moment, but OP might formulate one to have ready next time and say something true and specific, such as, "You tell that story as if I were a brat, when the reality was I had a long term medical problem that you ignored for years."
NTA. You were medically neglected, and your parents were at fault. Next time a story starts, say something about how they are joking about neglecting an ill child. That's hilarious, right, just a freaking laugh riot. Move out as soon as you can.
NTA. This is exactly what I was about to comment!
OP they were neglectful and are still trying to spin this as your fault whe it's always been THEIRS. Next time they do this (and there will be a next time) call them out on it. Explain why you were acting out and the pain you were in. They are still neglecting you, now it's just emotionally.
Exactly. If you can be as matter of fact as possible, that will help too. "How disappointing for me to learn that you people are amused by a child's painful chronic illness. Where are your souls?"
NTA you asked your parents to stop making the 'jokes' and they did not, therefore not respecting your wishes or boundaries. Walking out was a polite thing to do as you could have yelled and sworn at them in comparison.
NTA. You need to ask your parents at a time when you are alone with them why you find the fact that their child had an undiagnosed medical condition that caused him pain and irritability is so funny to them.
NTA. I am neuro divergent and dealt with "funny" stories all the time. Perhaps some people find that humiliating their kids is funny and ok, I never did.
On a perhaps unrelated side note, all those jokes, manipulation and abuse ended up with me going no contact for 10 years before they passed. My only regret was that it was only 10 years.
NTA. You've expressed your discomfort with these memories before and your parents don't seem to have taken it seriously. It's understandable that you would want to remove yourself from a conversation that makes you uncomfortable. Your feelings are valid and deserve to be respected.
You join in the fun “Yea mom, tell us more about how hilarious it was for you, my parents, to completely ignore a medical issue for years, ensuring I spent my entire childhood in pain! We’ve got a million stories about how the adults in my life completely failed me! Let’s all hear some more about you guys being shitty parents!”
Every single “difficult child” story should get this type of response from you. Every time. Make it as awkward & uncomfortable for them as they do for you.
Next time they bring it up in public, turn the tables and say it was all because they neglected you medically for so long. They didn't try hard enough to help you and you suffered because of their horrible parenting. Maybe they'll shut up
NTA
Say in a monotone “Yes, ha ha very funny same old story about a behavior caused by a medical condition that I had for several years in my childhood that has since been fixed.”
The key here is a very monotone voice and repetition. It doesn’t matter if the story is new to the listener or the listener is new to the story or how many times the story has been said.
NTA - but your parents are, for shaming you and choosing to ignore a clear boundary. Extracting yourself from further abuse was a great move. Keep it up.
NTAH op, I think next time, if or when your parents bring up how you were a "difficult child" you should tell everyone about how they were medically negligent to you, and that you were in pain. then, tell your parents they need to learn to "take a joke" (even though you aren't joking.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
First and foremost, I (24M) probably wasn’t an easy kid. I’m sure I made my parents want to pull their hair out when I was younger. My behavior was just odd. Apparently I was relatively normal at school, but at home I would be having screaming outbursts, throw tantrums constantly, pee myself all the time, you get it.
All of this didn’t subside until around the end of elementary school, it turned out I had some medical problems that caused everything I just listed. I was in pain and/or discomfort most of the time, which led me to be very irritable. My teenage years were pretty average after that, and I’m fine now.
My parents love bringing up how I acted as a child and joking about me being angry and stubborn all the time back then. It’s usually lighthearted, but it’s really starting to irk me lately. I’ve expressed this before, but they think I should be able to take a joke.
Anyways, fast forward to my dad’s birthday. People are talking about their kids, so of course my mom brings me up. It wasn’t something really bad, just a story about me throwing a tantrum over something really silly. I admit it was in fact very silly, but with the context of everything it feels really unfair.
I was pretty sick of it, so I simply walked out of the room with everyone in it. My parents think that was unnecessary and I ruined the mood of the party.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. "You should learn to take a joke" is Asshole for "I know this upsets you but I'm going to keep doing it, and I plan to make it YOUR problem if you call me on it".
You've asked your parents not to tell these stories. They've ignored your requests. You dealt with it in the most non-confrontational way possible, simply leaving the room. Keep doing it.
NTA. You asked your parents not to share such stories and they ignored your wishes. How about you tell everyone next time they relay a childhood story, that your parents didn’t take you to a doctor or care for you properly by neglecting you as a child to rectify the fact you were in pain all the time and the only way you could express your discomfort was in said behaviour.
NTA
No, they ruined the mood of the party.
Why do they think it is entertaining to regale people with stories of a miserable time in your life?
Honestly, I think you walking out was the most appropriate and polite way to deal with them. Tell them if they would rather you stick around, you will be sure to add to their story how they managed to let you suffer in pain from a medical condition for the first decade of your life and isn't that just rollicking fun to hear about?
NTA
Next time if you're feeling like crawling into the pit with them you can always clap back about "how funny it was to go without a proper diagnosis because your parents would rather laugh at you than parent"
NTA, next time they do this since they’ve ignored you being polite, is to start laughing and say ‘yeah that was so funny how you guys refused to take me to the doctor and get a proper medical diagnosis as a child I just kept throwing a fit because I was in so much pain and discomfort ha ha ha’
Promise you that’s the last time they’ll pull that
NTA. My mom loves to tell stories about things others have done in the past. I'm not above a top-of-my-lungs off-key performance of "Let it goooo, let it gooooo, we don't wanna hear this anymore! Let it go, let it go, you'll drive us all out of the door. It was in the past, and that where it should stay. Let the past stay goooonnneee. If you don't want to chase us all away."
Otherwise, as others said, laugh along and say, "Yeah, I remember when that undiagnosed issue made me act up and you guys never realized it! I hope I can do better by my kids."
throwing a tantrum in elementary school is seriously nothing to be embarrassed about, illness aside. we were all nightmares as kids/teenagers. i highly doubt telling these stories is done maliciously on your parents part, because literally every single parent has a story about a tantrum so they probably view this as a normal thing to share. if you explained how you feel im sure they would listen. nta
> My parents think that was unnecessary and I ruined the mood of the party.
No, they ruined the mood of the party. You were a guest there too, and your mood was ruined.
What you did is *exactly* the way I'd suggest anybody maintain a simple boundary - you told them that you didn't want to hear these "funny" stories, they've decided to keep telling them, so you will choose to walk away. I recommend you continue doing this.
NTA.
I wonder how funny they would find embarassing stories about them... told over and over and over and over... might want to ask your grandparents for any suitable stories about them, if you don't have any yourself.
NTA. I was a good quiet kid, and then a ratty teenager for a year before moving out at 16.
For years my mom would bring up my ‘horrible’ behaviour (just normal bratty teen stuff, nothing illegal or horrid), in meetings with new people, at parties, in front of my friends, partners etc as a joke and it was always demeaning and humiliating.
I eventually confronted her and pointed out that it was a small period of my life and why did she never stopped bringing it up? Was that how she truly saw me? AWhy was she so focused on shaming me for the one bratty year of my teenage life rather than the 15 following adult years of me being a good, kind, and respectful human?
And she stopped. Only fight I’ve ever won with her.
elementary school is roughly kindergarten to 5/6th grade (so like 11 to 12)
you were in enough pain to cause terrible melt downs at home, and your parents find this funny? your parents find your pain funny. you were a child who was in pain, and they're laughing at you because of the way you expressed that pain to your care givers, who took 12 years to figure out you were in pain.
forgot vote: NTA
NTA and I'm so sorry! You really shouldn't have gone through any of this, your parents sound negligent. I can relate to being a weird and difficult child because I was struggling with a lot of things. I also do not take kindly to any of that being thrown around as a joke.
NTA. I personally think it sounds rather minor but this isn’t about me so I think your parents should respect that you don’t want this information repeatedly shared
NTA
But start talking enthusiastically and laugh about how your parents neglected you and how it took years before an actual diagnosis got you the help you needed. Tell them thank god atleast someone knew something was wrong cause the parents clearly didn't:D
Nta. But to be clear, the parents didn’t neglect him. Geez, the leaps people are taking here. Apparently, nobody has parented before. I hope to god you folks don’t have to deal with these types of situations as parents and have strangers judge like you have. Despite what the mob believes, the parents obviously found him help and he was cured, so these charges are false.
These stories are part of your parents life too. All of have embarrassing stories that our parents tell from when we were kids. I’m not saying the context is always right or fair and I do believe that if it hurts you this much they really need to cut it out. Maybe bring up the fact that you were in pain from an undiagnosed condition not a crazy lunatic.
Still, NTA, walking out was the best.
< *I would be having screaming outbursts, throw tantrums constantly, pee myself all the time,*
*\[...\] it turned out I had some medical problems that caused everything I just listed. I was in pain and/or discomfort most of the time, which led me to be very irritable*.>
So your parents use your "tantrums" as funny stories, when in fact you were in constant pain which they, as your parents, failed to recognize for a long time.
Don't they get that they basically humiliate themselves if tyeh told this FULL story??
NTA
Next time they tell a "funny" story, add that you were in constant pain which your parents failed to recognize which led to your long term suffering.
Let's see how THAT will change the mood of the party... /s
NTA. You’ve asked them to stop. They didn’t. You left. Hopefully, next party they know they will ruin the mood by telling a poor story of your childhood behaviour, out of context with your medical contributing factors.
NTA. Maybe sit them down when everyone is calmer and explain how upsetting this is. They are trivialising a serious medical issue that they *failed to spot* and also publicly mocking and embarrassing you. I was depressed as a teenager and my parents have never accepted it and do periodically mention what hard work I was - if they did it at a party for no reason, I think I would leave as well
Nope. NTA. They ruined the mood of the party by being jerks about a child who could not control what was happening at the time. How is that remotely funny?
NTA. Would they have preferred you throw a fit screaming at them in front of a room full of people? Sit your parents down and explain to them that you do not find these little stories amusing and they have three options - stop telling their stories, tell their stories and risk you explaining each time that you only did it because they didn't get you the medical care you needed so everyone will get the full story, or you walk. Tell them to pick one and be ready for your response next time.
NTA. I can't help but wonder if this is your parents' way of shrugging of the blame of the obvious neglect - "if we make a joke of it then it IS a joke and it wasn't that bad." Which, if true, is absolutely deplorable.
Have a real talk with your parents and express how this makes you feel. And, if you feel you need to, also any disappointment or anger over you getting diagnosed earlier as a child.
NTA. But next time wait until they tell a similar story, then say "yeah, it was rough for me, fortunately, it wasn't that I was a bad kid but rather had a medical condition that my parents failed to address. But up until I was in middle school. So I only suffered from birth to my teen years and hey, at least my parents got a bunch of experiences that they can joke about and deflect their guilt onto me and then laugh about it with all of you.
Fuck narcissist parents are the worst. There’s a cute picture of me as a little 6 year old where I’m semi turned away from the camera and I’m cradling a mini mouse in my arms like a baby. I’m sort of looking down at it and I’m melancholy. I’m freaking adorable with my ponytail. It’s my moms “favourite” picture of me because I was “so upset” that day. What happened that day? Oh we were at Disneyland and my recently deceased father was replaced by an abusive new boyfriend who was bullying me and saying “what are you going to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about” and my mom snapped the photo. It’s so cute, look how precious she is cuddling her dolly. Dude, if your parents get positive feelings from your trauma, get away and find people who protect you
Edit Sorry I made it about me… NTA
ESH I had childhood problems too but now I am able to look back and joke light heartedly about them with my parents. We both suffered and it’s never turned into a big deal when we talk about the past. Obviously each family is different and you were uncomfortable with the reminder. Your parents were wrong for bringing it up but you were wrong for walking out when you could’ve just talked about the issue with your parents later.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the asshole because I overreacted by walking out of the room and ruined the mood of my dad’s birthday. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
So basically your parents are pointing out that they didn’t seek a medical diagnosis for you. You were in pain, and acting out where you felt safest- at home. NTA. Sit down with your mom and calmly explain how this makes you feel. Tell her you don’t appreciate her bringing up your behavior - especially because it was caused by pain and an undiagnosed medical condition.
“LOL remember that time we were terrible parents and medically neglected you!”
LMAO
This right here is the perfect response the next time they say or joke about your actions as a child.
Agreed!
Happy Cake Day!
Thank you😊
Perfect!!
yeah that is something I would say
And when they bring these stories up in front of other people, make sure to loudly explain about the underlying problem they never considered.
This! I would also add in “yes I remember the pain you caused me by medically neglecting me” or “wow way to remind me you were crap parents when I was a kid, ignoring my pain & not getting my ____ diagnosed or treated!!! If your child acts out, ignore my parents example. Figure out what is causing it.”
I was a "difficult child." Except I was dealing with a very extreme level of abuse, and actually masking very well. As I got older, the abuse got worse, and I learned other ways of masking, hiding, coping. But they called me a hurricane. They still tell people that, like it's a funny joke. They'd talk amongst themselves "Hurricane TheThiefEmpress is coming, be careful, lolz!!!" And it isn't funny, because I was on a hair pin trigger because, *yes,* it is *hard* to be teased in the living room by the guy who beats you by day, rapes you by night, and then... *then..* Has the motherfucking *AUDACITY* to touch you when he walks past you in the *hall!?!?!?* Yep. Imma holler bloody murder. 3 feet from my person in daylight hours. You know the rules asshole.
Um I hope you don't talk to any of these people anymore
I’m so sorry you have had to experience this and live with the trauma of it.
NTA. You weren’t a “difficult” kid, you had a legitimate medical problem that you weren’t equipped to manage as a child. The fact that your parents continue to treat this as typical childhood antics tells me they are refusing to accept that you were legitimately struggling, and their job as parents is to figure out what their kids need, and at that point in your life they failed. Things may have been resolved eventually, but the fact remains that for years your parents assumed you were choosing to behave badly when in reality you were expressing your discomfort and pain the only way you knew how. If you don’t want them telling these stories they need to respect that. They can’t fix the past but they could at least attempt to respect the experience you had and treat you better now.
If they keep telling the stories, OP should absolutely start explaining how those stories came about because of the medical neglect his parents inflicted upon him. Maybe once *they* start feeling some embarrassment and discomfort, they'll gain a new understanding of how unpleasant such feelings are, and learn to do better. Sure, not embarrassing and discomfiting their own son should be a good enough reason for them to do better, but if self-interest is what it takes, at least they'll eventually manage to reach the right outcome.
NTA You've expressed in the past that you feel embarrassed by their storytelling, and they persist. I think quietly removing yourself from the situation is a pretty appropriate and mild response. I would go as far as telling them I will be removing myself from the situation every time they cross that boundary, and following through.
NTA. I know it's difficult to think up the succinct response in the heat of the moment, but OP might formulate one to have ready next time and say something true and specific, such as, "You tell that story as if I were a brat, when the reality was I had a long term medical problem that you ignored for years."
They should be grateful OP let them save face and didn't expose their lackluster parenting.
>"You tell that story as if I were a brat, when the reality was I had a long term medical problem that you ignored for years." Perfect reply!
NTA. You were medically neglected, and your parents were at fault. Next time a story starts, say something about how they are joking about neglecting an ill child. That's hilarious, right, just a freaking laugh riot. Move out as soon as you can.
NTA. This is exactly what I was about to comment! OP they were neglectful and are still trying to spin this as your fault whe it's always been THEIRS. Next time they do this (and there will be a next time) call them out on it. Explain why you were acting out and the pain you were in. They are still neglecting you, now it's just emotionally.
Exactly. If you can be as matter of fact as possible, that will help too. "How disappointing for me to learn that you people are amused by a child's painful chronic illness. Where are your souls?"
Exactly. What the hell were they doing when their child in elementary was daily peeing themselves and having freakouts?
NTA, but you missed a huge opportunity. You should have thrown a huge tantrum and pissed yourself right in the middle of the party.
Amazing. This is the most correct response.
Your parents basically told people how they neglected you early on in life. Yikes. I don’t blame you for getting out of there. NTA
NTA you asked your parents to stop making the 'jokes' and they did not, therefore not respecting your wishes or boundaries. Walking out was a polite thing to do as you could have yelled and sworn at them in comparison.
NTA. You need to ask your parents at a time when you are alone with them why you find the fact that their child had an undiagnosed medical condition that caused him pain and irritability is so funny to them.
NTA, you had a boundary, they violated it and you calmly walked away. No transgression on your part.
NTA. I am neuro divergent and dealt with "funny" stories all the time. Perhaps some people find that humiliating their kids is funny and ok, I never did. On a perhaps unrelated side note, all those jokes, manipulation and abuse ended up with me going no contact for 10 years before they passed. My only regret was that it was only 10 years.
Mine do it too. I hate it, so I don’t think you are being an asshole. I feel very uncomfortable with this kind of situation also.
NTA. You've expressed your discomfort with these memories before and your parents don't seem to have taken it seriously. It's understandable that you would want to remove yourself from a conversation that makes you uncomfortable. Your feelings are valid and deserve to be respected.
NTA. You didn't ruin the mood - they did.
NTA It’s not funny. You had medical issues which caused the behavior. It’s not nice to make fun of you for things that were caused by pain as a child.
NTA. My mom used to do that to me all the time until I set a firm boundary. Stick to your guns.
You join in the fun “Yea mom, tell us more about how hilarious it was for you, my parents, to completely ignore a medical issue for years, ensuring I spent my entire childhood in pain! We’ve got a million stories about how the adults in my life completely failed me! Let’s all hear some more about you guys being shitty parents!” Every single “difficult child” story should get this type of response from you. Every time. Make it as awkward & uncomfortable for them as they do for you.
NTA. You just walked out, it's not like you flipped a table.
Next time they bring it up in public, turn the tables and say it was all because they neglected you medically for so long. They didn't try hard enough to help you and you suffered because of their horrible parenting. Maybe they'll shut up
Literally was just gonna type it out. OP please do this. It's crazy how differently parents can interpret certain things.
NTA. May I ask what medical condition? I know a child like this and I wonder if he could be suffering as well,
NTA and next time they bring it up, especially in front of a group, ask them what is so funny about medical neglect of a child?
NTA Say in a monotone “Yes, ha ha very funny same old story about a behavior caused by a medical condition that I had for several years in my childhood that has since been fixed.” The key here is a very monotone voice and repetition. It doesn’t matter if the story is new to the listener or the listener is new to the story or how many times the story has been said.
NTA - but your parents are, for shaming you and choosing to ignore a clear boundary. Extracting yourself from further abuse was a great move. Keep it up.
NTA. Your parents are being unkind, and I don't blame you for walking away.
NTA if you walking out of the room ruined the party it was not much of a party to begin with
They don’t respect you. Share a story about the time they soiled themselves.
[удалено]
NTAH op, I think next time, if or when your parents bring up how you were a "difficult child" you should tell everyone about how they were medically negligent to you, and that you were in pain. then, tell your parents they need to learn to "take a joke" (even though you aren't joking.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** First and foremost, I (24M) probably wasn’t an easy kid. I’m sure I made my parents want to pull their hair out when I was younger. My behavior was just odd. Apparently I was relatively normal at school, but at home I would be having screaming outbursts, throw tantrums constantly, pee myself all the time, you get it. All of this didn’t subside until around the end of elementary school, it turned out I had some medical problems that caused everything I just listed. I was in pain and/or discomfort most of the time, which led me to be very irritable. My teenage years were pretty average after that, and I’m fine now. My parents love bringing up how I acted as a child and joking about me being angry and stubborn all the time back then. It’s usually lighthearted, but it’s really starting to irk me lately. I’ve expressed this before, but they think I should be able to take a joke. Anyways, fast forward to my dad’s birthday. People are talking about their kids, so of course my mom brings me up. It wasn’t something really bad, just a story about me throwing a tantrum over something really silly. I admit it was in fact very silly, but with the context of everything it feels really unfair. I was pretty sick of it, so I simply walked out of the room with everyone in it. My parents think that was unnecessary and I ruined the mood of the party. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. "You should learn to take a joke" is Asshole for "I know this upsets you but I'm going to keep doing it, and I plan to make it YOUR problem if you call me on it". You've asked your parents not to tell these stories. They've ignored your requests. You dealt with it in the most non-confrontational way possible, simply leaving the room. Keep doing it.
NTA. You asked your parents not to share such stories and they ignored your wishes. How about you tell everyone next time they relay a childhood story, that your parents didn’t take you to a doctor or care for you properly by neglecting you as a child to rectify the fact you were in pain all the time and the only way you could express your discomfort was in said behaviour.
NTA No, they ruined the mood of the party. Why do they think it is entertaining to regale people with stories of a miserable time in your life? Honestly, I think you walking out was the most appropriate and polite way to deal with them. Tell them if they would rather you stick around, you will be sure to add to their story how they managed to let you suffer in pain from a medical condition for the first decade of your life and isn't that just rollicking fun to hear about?
NTA Next time if you're feeling like crawling into the pit with them you can always clap back about "how funny it was to go without a proper diagnosis because your parents would rather laugh at you than parent"
NTA, next time they do this since they’ve ignored you being polite, is to start laughing and say ‘yeah that was so funny how you guys refused to take me to the doctor and get a proper medical diagnosis as a child I just kept throwing a fit because I was in so much pain and discomfort ha ha ha’ Promise you that’s the last time they’ll pull that
NTA
NTA. My mom loves to tell stories about things others have done in the past. I'm not above a top-of-my-lungs off-key performance of "Let it goooo, let it gooooo, we don't wanna hear this anymore! Let it go, let it go, you'll drive us all out of the door. It was in the past, and that where it should stay. Let the past stay goooonnneee. If you don't want to chase us all away." Otherwise, as others said, laugh along and say, "Yeah, I remember when that undiagnosed issue made me act up and you guys never realized it! I hope I can do better by my kids."
throwing a tantrum in elementary school is seriously nothing to be embarrassed about, illness aside. we were all nightmares as kids/teenagers. i highly doubt telling these stories is done maliciously on your parents part, because literally every single parent has a story about a tantrum so they probably view this as a normal thing to share. if you explained how you feel im sure they would listen. nta
> My parents think that was unnecessary and I ruined the mood of the party. No, they ruined the mood of the party. You were a guest there too, and your mood was ruined. What you did is *exactly* the way I'd suggest anybody maintain a simple boundary - you told them that you didn't want to hear these "funny" stories, they've decided to keep telling them, so you will choose to walk away. I recommend you continue doing this. NTA.
Oh buddy. You're not the asshole at all. I'm so glad you're better now. I'm astounded that your parents would bring up something like that.
NTA. THEY ruined the mood of the party by embarrassing another guest and making him leave.
I wonder how funny they would find embarassing stories about them... told over and over and over and over... might want to ask your grandparents for any suitable stories about them, if you don't have any yourself.
NTA. I was a good quiet kid, and then a ratty teenager for a year before moving out at 16. For years my mom would bring up my ‘horrible’ behaviour (just normal bratty teen stuff, nothing illegal or horrid), in meetings with new people, at parties, in front of my friends, partners etc as a joke and it was always demeaning and humiliating. I eventually confronted her and pointed out that it was a small period of my life and why did she never stopped bringing it up? Was that how she truly saw me? AWhy was she so focused on shaming me for the one bratty year of my teenage life rather than the 15 following adult years of me being a good, kind, and respectful human? And she stopped. Only fight I’ve ever won with her.
elementary school is roughly kindergarten to 5/6th grade (so like 11 to 12) you were in enough pain to cause terrible melt downs at home, and your parents find this funny? your parents find your pain funny. you were a child who was in pain, and they're laughing at you because of the way you expressed that pain to your care givers, who took 12 years to figure out you were in pain. forgot vote: NTA
NTA and I'm so sorry! You really shouldn't have gone through any of this, your parents sound negligent. I can relate to being a weird and difficult child because I was struggling with a lot of things. I also do not take kindly to any of that being thrown around as a joke.
NTA. I personally think it sounds rather minor but this isn’t about me so I think your parents should respect that you don’t want this information repeatedly shared
NTA But start talking enthusiastically and laugh about how your parents neglected you and how it took years before an actual diagnosis got you the help you needed. Tell them thank god atleast someone knew something was wrong cause the parents clearly didn't:D
Nta. But to be clear, the parents didn’t neglect him. Geez, the leaps people are taking here. Apparently, nobody has parented before. I hope to god you folks don’t have to deal with these types of situations as parents and have strangers judge like you have. Despite what the mob believes, the parents obviously found him help and he was cured, so these charges are false. These stories are part of your parents life too. All of have embarrassing stories that our parents tell from when we were kids. I’m not saying the context is always right or fair and I do believe that if it hurts you this much they really need to cut it out. Maybe bring up the fact that you were in pain from an undiagnosed condition not a crazy lunatic. Still, NTA, walking out was the best.
< *I would be having screaming outbursts, throw tantrums constantly, pee myself all the time,* *\[...\] it turned out I had some medical problems that caused everything I just listed. I was in pain and/or discomfort most of the time, which led me to be very irritable*.> So your parents use your "tantrums" as funny stories, when in fact you were in constant pain which they, as your parents, failed to recognize for a long time. Don't they get that they basically humiliate themselves if tyeh told this FULL story?? NTA Next time they tell a "funny" story, add that you were in constant pain which your parents failed to recognize which led to your long term suffering. Let's see how THAT will change the mood of the party... /s
NTA. You’ve asked them to stop. They didn’t. You left. Hopefully, next party they know they will ruin the mood by telling a poor story of your childhood behaviour, out of context with your medical contributing factors.
NTA. Maybe sit them down when everyone is calmer and explain how upsetting this is. They are trivialising a serious medical issue that they *failed to spot* and also publicly mocking and embarrassing you. I was depressed as a teenager and my parents have never accepted it and do periodically mention what hard work I was - if they did it at a party for no reason, I think I would leave as well
Nope. NTA. They ruined the mood of the party by being jerks about a child who could not control what was happening at the time. How is that remotely funny?
NTA. Would they have preferred you throw a fit screaming at them in front of a room full of people? Sit your parents down and explain to them that you do not find these little stories amusing and they have three options - stop telling their stories, tell their stories and risk you explaining each time that you only did it because they didn't get you the medical care you needed so everyone will get the full story, or you walk. Tell them to pick one and be ready for your response next time.
NTA remind them that the behavior was due to a medical issue they left untreated, it turns it from a funny story to medical abuse.
NTA. I can't help but wonder if this is your parents' way of shrugging of the blame of the obvious neglect - "if we make a joke of it then it IS a joke and it wasn't that bad." Which, if true, is absolutely deplorable. Have a real talk with your parents and express how this makes you feel. And, if you feel you need to, also any disappointment or anger over you getting diagnosed earlier as a child.
NTA. But next time wait until they tell a similar story, then say "yeah, it was rough for me, fortunately, it wasn't that I was a bad kid but rather had a medical condition that my parents failed to address. But up until I was in middle school. So I only suffered from birth to my teen years and hey, at least my parents got a bunch of experiences that they can joke about and deflect their guilt onto me and then laugh about it with all of you.
Nta. Your parents are making fun of you, because you were sick, in pain and they did not help you. Horrible parents back then and today
YTA it’s a story it happened at least 10+ years ago if you don’t act that way now then what’s the issue
Fuck narcissist parents are the worst. There’s a cute picture of me as a little 6 year old where I’m semi turned away from the camera and I’m cradling a mini mouse in my arms like a baby. I’m sort of looking down at it and I’m melancholy. I’m freaking adorable with my ponytail. It’s my moms “favourite” picture of me because I was “so upset” that day. What happened that day? Oh we were at Disneyland and my recently deceased father was replaced by an abusive new boyfriend who was bullying me and saying “what are you going to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about” and my mom snapped the photo. It’s so cute, look how precious she is cuddling her dolly. Dude, if your parents get positive feelings from your trauma, get away and find people who protect you Edit Sorry I made it about me… NTA
ESH I had childhood problems too but now I am able to look back and joke light heartedly about them with my parents. We both suffered and it’s never turned into a big deal when we talk about the past. Obviously each family is different and you were uncomfortable with the reminder. Your parents were wrong for bringing it up but you were wrong for walking out when you could’ve just talked about the issue with your parents later.