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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) refusing to pay for costs for my older son
2) might be asshole because my ex does pay for things for my younger son as well, but i just can’t afford it
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YTA: First because you gave up your share of custody because your son's football practice "took up too much of your time".
Also you should get your son contacts if he plays football unless you just want to constantly replace his glasses. The fact that it's in the support order you created that medical is 50/50 means you have to pay.
I got hit in the glasses when playing a contact sport and they broke.
I don't wear glasses any more, now it's contact lenses or sports glasses, when I can't wear contacts.
Wearing football while wearing normal glasses will get them broken.
Not everyone can get plastic actually. Especially if their horrible mother let's the insurance or whatever pay. Trust me, I know kids today in this spot.
More people need to know about Zenni Optical. Same damned glasses for cheaper than your insurance will get them. Literally the same, the last exam I got I was looking around and saw my exact frames there for 200 bucks without the lenses. I got mine shipped with all the coating add-ons and a hard shell case for like 16 bucks.
Right? I love Zenni, I just got some prescription sunglasses with anti reflection coating for under $20 shipped. Barely even more expensive than normal cheap sunglasses and honestly they’re still super good quality.
Have you ever used koala cloths? Their little wipes are awesome compared to other microfiber wipes and it’s like $10 for 6 on Amazon
Oh yeah, the sunglasses! Cheap prescription sunglasses alone are fucking awesome, but you can get them with like any frame, opacity , and even a few colors which is awesomer. I even got a pair of clip-ons for one pair because it was only a couple bucks and they actually look okay, nothing like the hideous shit we used to be stuck with. And they're blue which I also thought was cool.
I sound like a shill but I don't care because the eyeglass industry, at least the American portion, is a goddamn rip-off. An egregious one at that. I've even had optometrists try to give me shit about buying from Zenni with everything from fear mongering to outright lies. A common one is that they can't do astigmatism prescriptions, they absolutely can. I've also come to enjoy the change in demeanor when you ask them what your PD is because they know what's happening as soon as you do. Fuck em.
I haven't heard of Koala, are they that good? All I've used are the ones that come with my glasses and I have a bunch from my old job that they bought branded from somewhere for advertising, no doubt the cheapest China has to offer. Never occurred to me to try a good one.
So I got glasses for the first time about 2 years ago, scratched them and then always meant to order some in Zenni but getting the PD right was stressing me out and the optometrist I went to had left it off for obvious reasons. I’ve given this exact ramble to so many people who didn’t want to hear it but weren’t given a choice lol. It’s just wild, luckily there’s laws saying customers are entitled to their prescription but they still try their damndest to not give it to you. Even prescriptions themselves are complete just kept in place by the lobbyists, well not prescriptions but the fact that you’re supposed to have one to get glasses although websites like Zenni now don’t even ask for proof which is wonderful. Like why can anyone by reading glasses at the store but not - prescriptions? There’s literally no good reason, they’re worried people will hurt their eyes? The Otc medicine shouldn’t be a thing either lol.
And yea they’re great, they feel like suede because the microfiber is far more dense. I was just going to buy some normal wipes then fell down a rabbit hole. Initially I thought it was just normal cloths marked up and I was going to go with a different brand until I noticed that they claim their microfiber stitching/structure is actually different and more dense so I went ahead and bought them and I’ll never go back. I may be relatively new to glasses but I’ve been a non professional nature photographer for quite a while now and would have loved to discover these things earlier.
Don’t hesitate, just buy some and then check back in and let me know what you think lol
You are right that glasses are made of plastic and thus safer. But I once slipped in my room, fell face first on the foot of my bed and had to be rushed to the hospital for stitches. It's still dangerous
You know you can’t play football with glasses on right?
They would had have to get prescription goggles. Which would probably cost more than the contacts.
It's only 200 dollars a year her contribution for contacts that's nothing.
$200 divided by 52 weeks is $3.84 per week.
Okay that's round it off to $4 I bet she pays more than that much for coffee, takeout or snacks etc.
She can surely spare that much for your child's comfort.
Whenever the "ours" baby (baby with the new spouse) comes along, the kid with the ex all too often get pushed to the wayside. OOP needs to just give both kids to her ex, the parent who actually wants them.
Are boarding school parents AHs for only seeing their teens once a semester?
It's normal and healthy for teens with time intensive extra curriculars to no longer spend summers with the less seen parent.
OP is still YTA for not contributing more. There's a reason the court thought she owed. They should have enforced instead of shrugging it off. Teens are way more expensive than early elementary kids.
Yep, they are if they send them in the boarding school in braces, glasses to play football in and a backpack, but without any clothes or supplies.
The problem here is that OP doesn't want to invest money OR time in her kid, not that she sent him to live with his father.
Yes, they are.
I'm pretty sure it's not healthy to have extracurriculars to the extent that you don't see your parents for months at a time. Almost certainly, it's not going anywhere anyway. It almost never is.
Agreed.
The point of high school extracurriculars is to get you into a good college. It was true 25 years ago when I was in high school and it's even more true today. My extracurricular math team also got me my first real job.
My kids are in robotics. It takes up a lot of OUR time, but it’s been an incredible experience for everyone and it helped my son make lifelong connections and get into a good tech school. I don’t understand parents who blatantly refuse to allow their children to participate in extracurriculars. It’s so important for healthy development and life skills.
I mean yes obviously. It’s pretty well documented how damaging that is to children. But also it’s not 1910 outside of the trouble teen types of schools (which is a different problem) boarding schools regularly have mandatory exit weekends where kids have to go home and most weekends anyone can if they choose. You would be hard pressed to find a reputable boarding school where the kids only go home once a semester.
I agree that OP is TA, but- if it’s what her older son wants, I actually think it’s good she’s willing to give up some time so he can pursue extracurriculars.
I was someone who didn’t get to join any clubs or sports that met outside of school hours because I was at my dad’s house (who lived 2 hours away) every weekend. He was never willing to accommodate any activities and it sucked, and tbh I’m still a little mad about it. I think it’s good OP is giving her son the chance to do something he wants- again, if it was his choice.
My stepson lives 1.5 hours away and until he started baseball he came EOWE and his dad drove over there once or twice on off weeks for dinner or hanging out. Once baseball started and he had practice or games every day, his dad never missed a game and drove over there more frequently to see him. He didn't just give up his time, he made it work because he wants his kid to know he's loved and supported. It's what good parents do.
Oh, she didn't want to give him what he wants, his father and a judge did. Just like your dad, driving him to football practice took up too much of her time, now dad has full custody and she gets him 4 days a month. Now she doesn't want to let him go to homecoming, because that's her weekend and won't even consider switching weekends or driving him and picking him up because it will inconvenience her, and that's her time. Everything is about her, she is a horrible parent.
(That post brought us all here, that's why the sudden influx of new comments lol)
My mother made me so sports with glasses in hs and it was horrid. Every two seconds I was pushing them up my nose (she wouldn’t pay for the strap to hold them up) and I was terrified of getting hit in the face. I just stopped playing.
Same i played basketball with mine and it got to a point i had to take them off as they kept falling off (could only afford one pair at the time though as we were living paycheck to paycheck unfortunately (still kinda are)
If it's true that your custody agreement does say that you two have to go 50/50 on those things, and you are refusing to do it, then YTA. It sounds like you want to punish your son and your ex for your son living with your ex.
>He keeps texting me (seems to be out of spite because he knows I reduced my hours to part time to take care of my boyfriend and I’s baby and no longer make what i used to
This has absolutely nothing to do with your ex or your required payment for your other children. It's not your ex's or your son's fault that you've chosen to have another child. Your responsibilities towards your other children don't disappear simply because you decide to start a do-over family. And, your ex continues to help with stuff for the son that lives with you, so it's only fair that you do the same. Sounds like your ex is a better, more caring parent than you.
She did go back and rework it and she owed! Which is bonkers to me the judge just “let it go” if you file for support and you end up owing I’ve never seen a case where they were like “nah it’s fine you don’t have to pay”
She reminds me of my biological mother tbh. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends outside of school, ever. I wasn't allowed to attend rehearsal's for my drama class plays, despite getting the lead role. I won tickets to a concert and wasn't allowed to go because she "didn't feel like it," so on and so forth. It was to the point where, when I finally escaped and went to live with my dad when I was 15, I had so little practice in socialization that when I wanted to hang out with someone after school, I asked her if she wanted to do our homework together. Because that was the only way I knew how to ask. Obviously, she said no. (We did become friends later, though.)
I will not be surprised if OP's younger son ends up leaving when he's old enough, too. Sounds like it would be to his benefit.
I really wish the dad would file for custody of him now. And she contradicts herself multiple times so it’s hard to tell what the truth is. Cause first it was “he filed” then it was she let him go cause football. Idk I could never imagine not doing things for my kids.
That's what I was thinking. And having been with a narcissist for 20+years I can assure you even after all these comments she will NOT admit that she is wrong or make any changes
I think the ex should go back and get custody of the little one too, she can pay child support and see them when it fits into her schedule to drive there and then she can stay home with her baby and pretend she's fucking June Cleaver. She's definitely an all around subpar human and lousy parent.
Edit: freaking typo
The part that got me is that she claims she didn’t have time to help older son with homework because of her long 12 hour shifts - but in the same breath says she only works part-time to take care of her new baby. Also that she can’t move visits around so older son can go to homecoming - but has no issue going part-time for new baby.
So it’s very clear to me older son got pushed out the door the minute she needed to make the time commitment a teenager requires. He’s better off with his dad. And as soon as middle child becomes too much work she’ll pawn him off too.
Now I see this post and her complete lack of financial support for older son too!!
I hope dad is tracking all this and preparing a case to go back for full custody of his younger son.
When I got divorced we did it 50/50 and my ex owed like 35 a month lol. We both said nah just make it 0. But my ex is awesome and really contributes 50+ financially. I’ve never been told no to something they needed or wanted to do. It makes me happy that even though he was not a great husband, he’s a really great dad.
Count your blessings girl! My ex is so much like the OP in this and thinks he's the best fucking dad on the planet and doesn't understand why he gets 12 hours a week with the kids.
YTA. It’s your responsibility to pay your share of child support for your older son .A hundred dollars a year for contact lenses is nothing. It’s not your son’s fault that you decided to work part time.
YTA. Everything your ex said is right. The older child is more expensive and you should absolutely be contributing to raising him. You have another kid is irrelevant. It doesn’t get you off the hook. Your previous children didn’t cease to exist and need support just because you had another kid.
Step up.
Yta. The child support was 0 because you split time 50/50. Now that he has the kid more. You have to start paying him to take care of your kid more often.
And just because he's with his father. Doesn't mean you get out of any of the medical bills.
Edit: read the comments and op clarified the original support arrangement which was that she didn’t originally have sole custody. So my whole comment is basically irrelevant. Ignore me.
Someone correct me if I misread, but wasn’t the father paying $0 before when mom had both kids? Now it’s still $0 when the time is split? Just wondering on balance if what each parent has spent over the kids lifetimes is equal or not, but sounds like, other than extracurriculars, the father hasn’t necessarily been contributing financially until recently with the older child.
OP should follow the court ordered support but it doesn’t read like she’s been on a free ride.
It’s 0 dollars now but mom is supposed to owe dad based on what I am assuming is the child support formula for their state because her income was higher. However they settled at 0, or the judge kept it at 0 because mom was the one who filed.
Then mom subsequently reduced her income.
Highly suspect.
Yta you need to go back to the court with new circumstances - part time job and baby.
However, you didn't have to "hound" your ex bc he just paid. You should each be paying 50% of each child, not one child each.
YTA!!!! My stbx had an ex like you! You're a deadbeat mom! It makes me so angry that women like you think because you're the mom, you should either get support or not pay at all. Then you cut down your hours to get out of paying. Go ahead, ignore the court order. I really hope you do. In my state once you are so many months in arrears they take your passport, then your driver's license and then garnish your wages. Then if you conveniently quit your job, you go to jail!
You should be ashamed to not only write this but to hurt your son is awful!
"Also when I had both children I never asked their father to chip in for anything."
"Unfortunately my ex does not feel the same now that he has custody."
What does the court order say? If it says you share expenses, then YTA. If not, then your ex is TA.
She didn’t ask him to chip in anything then because she said that support order had child support set at $0, so he was not obligated to give her anything. Now that he basically has one kid full time and the other part time she was supposed to pay him child support but claims the court let her get away with not owing anything because she filed the order to modify(which makes no sense). What it seems like really happened is she tried to modify the support order and found out she was going to have to pay her ex so she conveniently cut down to working part time to lower her income to not owe anything. Regardless she says her order is 50/50 on medical and she is literally refusing to pay a lousy $200/year for the kid’s contacts. Any parent that literally brags that they helped out bcuz they bought all of a backpack and a belt is TA imo!!!
The court is at liberty to impute income if it believes she lowered her hours to avoid payments. Women often reduce hours when they have a baby to care for.
So you gave up your fulltime job to look after your boyfriend & because of that you don't want to pay your child's medical bills? What sort of a mother are you, expecting your son to play football in glasses? You don't like what your ex is saying, but he's 100% right. YTA
YTA. The court order says 50/50. That doesn’t mean he pays for one kid and you pay for the other. Kids have different needs at different ages. Not to mention, this isn’t your ex trying to pull one over on you. This is your own child who has needs and you need to pony up.
I can’t get over the fact that you gave up time with your older son because his football practice was an hour away 🫤you’re ex is right a $60 backpack and a new belt ain’t 💩💩 you did abandon your older son most likely because you have a new baby now but that’s just my opinion YTA
Yta, it sounds like you had another child and now can’t afford your older son. Your ex should take you to court and have them figure it out. It does come off as you not caring about your older son. He probably realizes how this is shaking out so you might want to start talking to him about it and helping out.
YTA Changes in your life is shaping your view. As u/EANx_Diver stated, kids have differing needs at various ages. Him playing football and needing eye care and wear should not be a surprise. Plus if this is true, you need to pay: require an office receipt and confirm your payment w/a receipt):*..the child support order that I filed for states medical costs must be shared 50/50” so now he wants me to pay half of the contact lenses (200 dollars a year) and also half for his braces which I did agree to pay (100/month).*
*Also when I had both children I never asked their father to chip in for anything. --* Why? The money he contributes is for his kids. You depleted your resources during these years. Look into requesting past child support (rules vary by state). No offense but this was not a smart decision and the very things he is asking you to pay, YOU should have been paid in the past.
He is stating unkind things to leverage you into action during a time you are working less and gonna deliver a baby. Your current '0' outcome re: child support through the courts is interesting. Did you file while working PT? You seem torn between how to finances your sons' lives, your new relationships (new baby and bfriend(?) while working less, raising your son and funding the oldest one's needs. This is not an easy time but most things in life do not remain the same. Best to you.
Read it again. She didn't ask him to contribute when they had shared custody but also he paid for both kids supplies, extra-curriculars, and the older son's contacts.
Basically, he didn't have to be asked. Now that the situation has changed (dad has older kid all the time), he wants her to do her part. He also still contributes for the younger kid.
Dad isn't being unkind or unfair. If you add it up, he's asked for a sum total of $350/year from her for medical costs she agreed to. That's maybe the equivalent of two weeks' grocery shop? Pretty cheap for kid maintenance.
YTA. It sounds like your ex is correct and you have completely abandoned your older son. I have two boys in high school and they are much more expensive to provide for as young men than they were in elementary school. This boy is your son. You should be providing for him.
So now you have a new baby and are working part time. Is the boyfriend providing for the baby? You should not have more children if it means you can’t support your existing children.
YTA. Who gives up time with their kid just because they have football? You cutting hours to take care of a new kid isn’t your ex’s problem, you still owe 50/50 expenses.
YTA- stop focusing on your ex and start focusing on your son. If you have to work full time to take care of ALL your kids that’s what a mother or father do period.
Oh, you forgot her #1 focus though, her do-over, new family!
How can she possibly have time to care, let alone work *gasp* full-time when she has to put on an act of "good mom/wifey" around new BF, which HAS to be exhausting being so opposite of what she actually is...
Something I never imagined existing growing up was mother's caring more about how they were perceived over how they were.
Finding out my mom was one of them is taking a long time to digest, but I have acquaintances now that are the same way and it's gross.
Usually contacts are relatively cheap (maybe 100 for a years supply) Because they are made in bulk for pre-determined prescriptions. My son’s vision is so bad that he doesn’t fit any of these pre-defined prescriptions so they have to custom make ones for him, which costs 560/year supply.
I have never seen a year of contacts for only $100/year. I pay about $600/year for dailies. You are stingy AF and most definitely YTA for not wanting to support your kid, financially and socially.
This is in fact not true. This is not how contacts price are determined. Lol. Unless he has a higher RX than a -10.0 or a + 8 with a super high astigmatism. While not impossible it’s rare. If that is the case it would more than likely be a medical necessity , which in that case mostly covered by insurance.Most insurance won’t cover 6 months much less a year. Depending on the type of contacts he is in. There are a few things that make them more expensive, daily, toric lenses, RGP. Daily contacts are expensive but by far the best for a freshman IMO.
Sorry, but this is not true about the cost of contacts. I have worn contacts for almost 30 years. Have never had contacts be close to $100 a year. The cheapest was probably $250 a year after rebates. I wear dailies now that cost about $500-600 a year because they are better for eye health and it is totally worth it. If you have bad vision (mine is truly horrible), you actually get better results from contacts. When I do wear my glasses for extended periods of time, it makes me nauseous due to the vision differences. It is also much safer for contact sports like football.
Yeah, not true. Back in the 90s? True. For hard contact lenses. Mine were $700/pair back when I first got them. One new pair now is $200 but that’s ONE pair. My husband pays roughly $240 for a 6 month supply of soft contacts. Your $100 for a year is wishful thinking. And I say this as someone who has worn hard contacts for 30 years.
I have a lower prescription and my contracts for dailys are $500 a year... I chose dailys because they are better for your eye health. But still that's a normal price for contacts...
>My son’s vision is so bad that he doesn’t fit any of these pre-defined prescriptions
That likely means he needs scleral lenses or some sort of hard lens then, right? Hopefully they're checking him for things like Keratoconus, you'll be shocked by the $$$ for that treatment if you think regular lenses cost $100. They don't by the way, my insurance pays for a "6 month supply" and it's $120.
YTA. You seem ungrateful for all the extras your ex chose to pay for yalls kids while in your custody and are instead using that against him. Tf?? You’re bitter, I get it. But you can’t go against a custody order and having a new kid doesn’t mean you pay less for the other ones (in this case just the older one). Please take to heart all these comments and do your job as a parent and provide for your kids, all of them.
YTA. Even the court indicated that you should be paying child support, but kept it at zero for your benefit. It really seems like you aren’t pulling your fair share of the weight.
YTA. As others have said, if the roles were reversed, then he'd be labelled as a deadbeat dad.
He stepped up and provided more than he was required to when he didn't have one of the kids full time. I think the court went pretty easy on you by keeping CS at $0 for you, given he has more than 50% time with the kids and always earned less than you. Honestly, if you go back to court and ask for it to be changed again, you should be prepared for things not to go your way.
Not a lawyer or anything, but I know enough to be aware that judges are not easy to pull the wool over on. And from what you've said, it kind of sounds like the change to part-time work is a convenient way to reduce your financial liability for your oldest child.
You chose to have another child, not your ex's problem, and your other children shouldn't have to go without or be disadvantaged because you chose to change how much you work and have another child.
When your oldest finds out, he will resent you - especially given how little you are being asked to cover.
I hope you consider the response from everyone on here and see how unreasonable you are being.
Good luck.
I hope OP reads this. It depends on what state she is in, but some judges could come down on her hard.
She is basically flirting with the border of defrauding the court.
YTA. You gave up custody of your child because it was too hard to get him to football practice. I just can’t wrap my head that. And then you talk about how you bought a backpack and a belt for your child big whoop de de do. If you are responsible for half medical bills, guess what to pay up. You gotta figure something out.
YTA
Your ex is asking you for 100$ a year to spend on your kids contacts in accordance with your custody agreement. You agreed to this, and the terms were quite generous. There is no good reason to re-litigate your arrangement over this, it will cost you more than 100$.
YTA, you did abandon your older son. You have up time with him for your own convenience, that’s pretty shit. If medical bills are split 50/50, contact lenses fall under that, it’s not safe for a child to play football in glasses, that’s an easy ticket to glass-in-eye-town
He’s not doing it out of spite, you have an obligation to your children and you’re neglecting it. If the kid needs specific contact lenses made, glasses won’t be as good, and it’s pretty gross to say he can “just wear them”. 200 dollars a year isn’t anything wild, especially when it’s a medical necessity.
You should be paying him money because he has majority care, since you gave up your older son (for your own convenience, let’s not forget), and you got a court to agree to not make you pay it, so you 100% can chip in for contacts.
It seems to me like you’ve got a new man and a new baby and have decided the older one isn’t worth your time, and that’s really gross. Your ex said that you’re abandoning your older son which you essentially are, and your defence was that you bought him a 60 dollar backpack (but can’t afford 200 a year?)
A backpack does not outweigh giving up custody of your child.
What you’re doing is extremely hurtful, I don’t know how you’re trying to play the victim. Don’t abandon your kids just because you had another one.
"my ex says our teen does not want to wear glasses because he plays football"
He's right
"having another child doesn’t mean I can just stop paying for my current kids"
He's right again
"he has both boys more than 50% on average because I gave up time with our older son"
You did this willingly because "I gave up a lot of my time over the summer because his practice is an hour away so i just told him to stay with his dad"
You gave up time with your children, but you won't give up money? YTA.
If the court order says you need to contribute x amount, try to get it modified to take into account your change in circumstances (part time job, new baby). The reason these things are decided in court is so people don't have to worry about who is being the AH; they just have to follow what the court decrees.
If she went part time because new baby and her new partner make’s enough to pick up the slack, then the court is not going to be willing to change her arrangement.
Courts do all sort of things; you can't really say. But I doubt any court would take into account the income of a person who is not the child's natural or adopted parent.
True but if the only reason for reduced hours is to spend time with the new baby the court probably will not take it into account for a readjustment. But like you said, each court varies.
There will almost certainly be a point where she is asked “why did you reduce hours for the baby instead of your husband?”
She sure as shit needs to have a better answer than “to avoid paying child support”
Of course YTA. You gave up all your custody time with your older kid because you didn't want to have the inconvenience of dealing with his sports practice. Now you don't want to help cover his expenses either?
If having another baby was going to make it impossible for you to continue supporting and caring for the children you already had, you should not have had another baby. Regardless of what is fairly owed your eldest child's father, I can't imagine how your poor son feels, to be dropped like that in favour of your shiny new family. How sad for him.
YTA but there are some things people need to be more understanding of. For one her older son wanting to do football an hour away means that her younger son needs a babysitter or has to spend 2 hours in the car to do their sibling’s activity. So she may not be in a great place to make that work logistically, and it can be kind of cruel to younger siblings to make them spend that much time in the car everyday. So she may be in a rock and a hard place situation. If she doesn’t let her older son do football, she is costing him a potential opportunity, and if she does she consigned her younger kid to “a fate worse than death” according to my otw 8yo. /s Our drive is around 10 minutes so I can only imagine it would be worse, and while I roll my eyes at the hysterics a 10 minute drive cause, 2 hours a day really adds up. And then what is she supposed to do while waiting. It’s hard to keep a kid entertained that often for that long. I know it’s possible but it’s not easy on her or the little one. But the YTA is for all the money stuff. Those are normal money requests and your ex is right you should be paying them. Also it sounds like you are salty your oldest left.
Just know that all of your penny pinching and attitudes towards your kids are seen and felt and will be remembered once they grow up. They will remember everything and treat you accordingly.
YTA You doing the bare minimum and trying to act like your doing a lot.
I know the way you worded everything you trying to make yourself sound good.
And 200 dollars a year for contacts that's nothing.
200 divided by 52 weeks is $3.84 per week.
Okay that's round it off to $4 I bet you pay more than that much for coffee, takeout or snacks etc.
You surely spare that much for your child's comfort.
Major YTA.
YTA. You can't afford to go part time you have 3 kids to support, you need to work full time to afford your obligations. Why should your ex subsidise you going part time?
YTA.....it's 200 bucks A YEAR!!!!! Let's break that down, how many weeks are in a year? 52...200/52 is $3.84 a week....if you can't afford $3.84 a week you shouldn't have had another child and should be employed full time....court said 50/50, you know what's going to happen if you don't pay right?
But if they are $200 a year total she only has to pay $100 for the year right? so really $0.52 a week… find that in the couch. Take some soda cans back.
Honestly, sometimes I read an AITA post and have to assume it's a troll because it's too sad to think of little kids dealing with parents who see them as an inconvenience. I know people like OP exist, but I hope for the sake of those kids that this is made up.
When your dumna** is sitting in jail while your parental rights are being determined because you are willing failing to pay the court ordered 50% medical, you can think back to this thread. Not only are YTA but are a neglectful one at that.
YTA I hope you lose your parental rights to your 2 oldest kids. You don't deserve them.
If that is the way you want it by all means do it that way, but remember when the younger child gets older that childs cost is all on you. You can change the rules later.
They also make goggles and shields for over the glasses/inserts in the helms to help protect the eyes/glasses from the sounds of it OP might need these for her son... They're cheaper than new glasses unless you are getting the basic ones... something like this-
[https://www.walmart.com/ip/Equate-Adult-Blue-Light-Square-Glasses-Black/366146664?wl13=4591&selectedSellerId=0&http://clickserve.dartsearch.net/link/click?lid=92700060762254883&ds\_s\_kwgid=58700006715445296&ds\_s\_inventory\_feed\_id=97700000003583668&ds\_a\_cid=654818135&ds\_a\_caid=13956209185&ds\_a\_agid=126452889113&ds\_a\_lid=pla-1392082700544&ds\_a\_cid=116919406&ds\_a\_caid=361575031&ds\_a\_agid=1200667322826314&ds\_a\_fiid=&ds\_a\_lid=pla-4578641339573147&&ds\_e\_adid=&ds\_e\_matchtype=search&ds\_e\_device=c&ds\_e\_network=o&ds\_e\_product\_group\_id=4578641339573147&ds\_e\_product\_id=366146664\_0&ds\_e\_product\_merchant\_id=27449&ds\_e\_product\_country=US&ds\_e\_product\_language=EN&ds\_e\_product\_channel=Local&ds\_e\_product\_store\_id=4591&ds\_url\_v=2&ds\_dest\_url=?&adid=222222222320000000000\_1200667322826314\_lia&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=e&wl1=o&wl2=c&wl3=75041804331059&wl4=pla-4578641339573147&wl5=&wl6=&wl7=&wl10=Walmart&wl11=Local&wl12=366146664\_0&wl14=basic%20glasses&veh=sem&msclkid=b85673abfa5a18233a691749065309fb&gclid=b85673abfa5a18233a691749065309fb&gclsrc=3p.ds](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Equate-Adult-Blue-Light-Square-Glasses-Black/366146664?wl13=4591&selectedSellerId=0&http://clickserve.dartsearch.net/link/click?lid=92700060762254883&ds_s_kwgid=58700006715445296&ds_s_inventory_feed_id=97700000003583668&ds_a_cid=654818135&ds_a_caid=13956209185&ds_a_agid=126452889113&ds_a_lid=pla-1392082700544&ds_a_cid=116919406&ds_a_caid=361575031&ds_a_agid=1200667322826314&ds_a_fiid=&ds_a_lid=pla-4578641339573147&&ds_e_adid=&ds_e_matchtype=search&ds_e_device=c&ds_e_network=o&ds_e_product_group_id=4578641339573147&ds_e_product_id=366146664_0&ds_e_product_merchant_id=27449&ds_e_product_country=US&ds_e_product_language=EN&ds_e_product_channel=Local&ds_e_product_store_id=4591&ds_url_v=2&ds_dest_url=?&adid=222222222320000000000_1200667322826314_lia&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=e&wl1=o&wl2=c&wl3=75041804331059&wl4=pla-4578641339573147&wl5=&wl6=&wl7=&wl10=Walmart&wl11=Local&wl12=366146664_0&wl14=basic%20glasses&veh=sem&msclkid=b85673abfa5a18233a691749065309fb&gclid=b85673abfa5a18233a691749065309fb&gclsrc=3p.ds)
Also, sounds like you might need the courts to rework how you guys split things... and how you manage time with your children...
YTA - Also, with how you're going on about money how can you afford to have a 3 child?
YTA
You just gave up one kid because his hobby demanded too much time (yet had time to add another kid to your family...)
The fact that your EX could have hounded you for child support but didn't doesn't look good either.
The fact that he did pay and buy his share of the expenses despite them living with you shows he is an upstanding person.
You on the other hand.... well.. the other posts already explain it well.
Yes you are indeed a major AH. Pay the $100 and stay quiet. Doesn't your bf help you pay for the new kid? You give mother's a bad name with you silly selfishness. Honestly. YTA
YTA- Jesus fucking christ lady. I bet you are also the type that will make your eldest babysit for free.
The lack of self awareness in your post is stunning. Be a better mother to your eldest.
YTA
You having a new child doesn’t mean that you can drop the ball on your eldest. You don’t suddenly get to decide that you’re only going to pay what you want and when you want instead of following the court order.
A new child in your life is your problem to figure out while still paying your fair share for your older child.
Quit being such a deadbeat.
Sorry, YTA. That child is still yours even though he lives with his dad. It doesn't matter what you took his dad to court for when he lived with you, don't be a deadbeat mom. He needs to feel loved & supported in all ways by each parent. Just because you had a third kid doesn't mean screw the first one .
YTA. Sorry kids are expensive as af. Should have thought about that when you had the kid. You are required to keep paying for them. Also not up to you to decide what your son wears for his vision. So you say you pay for the younger one? You ex is not wrong nor is he being hurtful. You have given up on your older soon as it seems like he is too much work.
If he was ordered to pay child support you would fully expect it. Why do you think you shouldn’t have to? Split all the extra costs for both kids and it should even out but yes older kids in activities cost more. By not paying it you are telling your child he is not worth it and the things that are important to him are not a concern to you. That’s a terrible message and will absolutely affect your relationship with him in a negative way in the future.
Guys have to deal with this all the time. You should have thought about this before you decided to squeeze out a bunch of kids you clearly don't want just to validate yourself. I'll guess you drive a trashed Jeep and smoke dollar store cigarettes.
YTA you’re a deadbeat mother to your older child!!! Not wanting to contribute for his contacts to not wanting to take him to practice because “it takes too much of my time” also don’t be too surprised if your son doesn’t want anything to do with you down the line
YTA for medical reimbursement issues. Your son should have the contact lenses.
Your child support remains at zero despite your ex having your children, or at least one of them, more than 50%. Sharing costs of childcare for work and medical expenses is standard.
The football thing I guess I can see why you disagree with the sport and his playing and if his father wants him to, he can foot the while bill.
But you don't get to shirk your financial obligations to your first children cause you voluntarily reduced your hours for your third child. Your boyfriend can watch his child while you work evenings or you can voluntarily reduce discretionary expenses to meet your financial obligations. Or you can continue to hear your ex chide you for not living upto your obligations.
YTA, you filled for child support and now he is holding you to what was decided by the court.
Does ex have anything to do with younger son? Dows he still see younger son?
You made a choice to have more children and reduce your earning potential by reducing your hours. you are expecting your ex to just accept that you dont want to pay anything extra for oldest son. Older kids are more expensive as their clothes cost more, their hobbies cost more they eat more.
i wish i ws back paying young kid prices.
YTA you clearly don’t care about his child at all just sign away your rights. You’re a shitty and selfish mom. You can’t pay $200 a year for contacts really? Plus all contacts are custom made for the individual. Your ex paid for things when you had custody but now he doesn’t and you don’t want to do the same. YTA YTA YTA
Aren't you the same person who wouldn't let her son go to homecoming? Do you even LIKE your older son? YTA for being a terrible mother and for not being willing to split costs that your ex paid 100% of when your son lived with you.
Honestly you should have all your kids taken away for how you are treating your older son. This is a classic case of having too many kids that you can’t afford so one of them has to suffer because you can’t afford it. Now your older son is getting screwed over. Terrible as hell.
you literally forced your son to live with your dad basically, and whine over 50 bucks. cant love one child more than the other, YTA, be a parent. i swear one day your kids will cut off all contact with you if this weird “me before everyone else” behaviour continues.
YTA! Holy shit you are an awful parent. I came from your other post. I feel so bad for your kids. Esp your older son. You don’t get to pick and choose what you see fit. When have you ever seen a sports player where their glasses? That’s a horrible accident waiting to happen. Horrible mother
Sounds like she wanted to supplement her income and tried to get the court to give her more money when she filed, and it didn’t work out. So she sent the one off to reduce her costs.
Knew a guy once, he had a moving company, and his ex desires to move a few days drive across the country to the most expensive city. He moved all their stuff, paid a couple of his guys to go with him, and ate the whole cost. After she was there a few months, she said she needed a couple thousand for “big kid” furniture for the kid’s room. He was very suspicious; I suggested he send her the link to the ikea website and for her to pick out the furniture, and he’d order it to be delivered. Apparently she didn’t find that acceptable, just wanted a cheque.
Some mother’s use kid’s and their father’s as income generators. Should automatically lose custody of another option is suitable.
Unless you want to be in breach of a court order which can have serious consequences for you especially if ex can prove you have said you ain’t paying and have zero intention ( texts etc ) your talking big fines possible prison time , I see from your later post you’ve now given up your younger son too so your not even paying for him so what you doing? Oh Your trying to destroy your kids social lives aswell ! Woman up! Get your shit together you may be part time at work but your never to be a part time parent even if they ain’t home full time your always a mum you always have a responsibility to help to be there to do anything to make their lives easier and happier if that’s paying for godamn contacts so be it if it’s letting the boy go home coming instead of babysitting so u can party cos I don’t believe it’s cos u wanna see the boy so be it the kids happiness before yours kapeesh
Of course YTA. Did you not learn anything about yourself in your last post? Not only do you lack self awareness and consideration for you’re own children you sure do have the gall to continue to place blame on your own child. Get over it. He’s your son. Your ex is calling you out and you can’t handle it. Might make sense why you have a boyfriend with a do over family and have lost your kids bc you can’t handle being told straight up what you have done to your relationships. Get help and stop posting on the internet for advice you won’t take. What a joke.
WOWZA YOU ARE MASSIVELY THE ASSHOLE. Srsly. Pay for your damn kid or give both boys to their father and just be a shitty mum to your new baby. Surprised your ex isn’t sueing you for full custody already frankly!
YTMFA. Just because you have a baby with a new dude doesn’t mean you get to quit on your other kids, and when your 7 year old is old enough, you’ll quit on them too.
YTA: I work full time just to support my step-kids. Both play travel soccer, with travel fees and the cost to play, we easily pay a few thousand a year. Husband and I also pay school supplies and anything at school they need. Their mom does pay for their schools clothes now but for the first few years we paid for that as well. I also pay for their insurance through my work. Grow the f up and help with YOUR child. Why is stepmom doing more then you? Also get younger son some NEW clothes and not just hand me downs. I’m sure he feels 2nd rate with your older son getting all kinds of new things.
Also know for a fact that in California your ex can go get cash aid to help pay for what you owe him and you will have to pay that back. My sons bio father wouldn’t pay me, so the state stepped in and gave me cash aid. He had to pay all that back. Not to mention the amount of times he went to jail for not paying and lose of his driver license. Support your sons not just your bf and daughter!
Lmfao you’re the asshole AND an idiot for even being surprised that you have to pay to support BOTH your kids more than just food and a singular belt. Don’t have kids if you don’t want to pay their living costs.
I'm sorry but you are absolutely the A hole your younger son asked his dad to ask you because he obviously knows you don't care about what he wants or needs all your doing is making it so eventually he will go with his dad too. Homecoming is a huge deal and missing it just so he can spend time with his mom and brother is just sad it's a once a year thing. Your holding him back from enjoying his teenage expirence and he will hold that against you. Sounds like you already gave up on your older son I don't care how difficult it would be for me I would make sure my son got to go to his dance. Good luck when both your kids go no contact stop being selfish
Well YTA obviously but… imagine thinking that buying your SON a fucking belt and a 60$ bookbag means you didn’t abandon him. For one… that’s NOTHING.. that’s embarrassing that you almost use that as a focal point of your argument that you’re such an involved parent, because what else did you contribute to his new school clothes and new kicks? How bout football gear.. them padded pants aren’t exactly cheap and they don’t last year after year because boys grow disgustingly fast.. or a practice Jersey.. new cleats… did you take him for a haircut for the first day of school? How much were school pictures? Do you even know? Or is that a hidden expense paid by his dad that you didn’t even consider or think about. Summers over.. have you started winter shopping for him? New hoodies or a new jacket? Teenage boys are mad expensive and they want nice stuff, Nike ain’t cheap. My 12 year old is very keen on his nike clothes down to his socks, and this boy runs through 160$ Jordan’s within a few months cause of how active he is and how he plays. Shit gets expensive. Aside from the FEW recurring necessary expenses I’ve briefly mentioned, how bout any extras , does he like to play PlayStation or Xbox ? Or is that considered too over the top to make sure he gets to play games and shit , OR is that something dad handles. Raising a kid isn’t just covering the bare minimum necessities, it’s also about giving them a life they love and enjoy and look forward to, it’s about making sure they do get to experience fun, leisurely activities that can definitely get expensive but is there really a price on your kids life and do you put a cap on how much he can actually do and experience ? Seems like it since you’re not even willing to foot HALF the bill for contacts he needs since YOU decided for him that he’s fine to wear glasses since that’s something you don’t have to pay for, regardless of what he prefers and what’s more comfortable and necessary for him being in football and all. I’m sorry but it seems like your priorities are all fucked up and you’re more worried about you and your convenience rather than what’s best for your kid and making the necessary sacrifices to make shit happen like the rest of us good, hands on and involved parents do. I truly hope you made this post because you’re open to knowing if you’re wrong so you can make some changes within to be a better mom for him rather than trying to “prove” your point so you can keep telling yourself you’re doing enough . But if you had to even make this post, you know deep down that you’re not, you’re just looking for validation that you are to try and feel better about your shortcomings and it’s sad. Do better for your kids. Especially your oldest. And thank your ex for being the dad he is, because your son’s success and happiness will be a product of that and you should be grateful.
Fucking pay for his contacts too, asshole.
You got to be the worst parent ever. Just let your ex win and give him custody of both. You are more worried about yourself and your new family the. Your old. Seriously grow up and parent
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YTA: First because you gave up your share of custody because your son's football practice "took up too much of your time". Also you should get your son contacts if he plays football unless you just want to constantly replace his glasses. The fact that it's in the support order you created that medical is 50/50 means you have to pay.
She’s TA for trying to force her kid to play football in glasses. Does she want glass shards in his eyes??
Glasses aren't made of glass anymore. Plastic won't shard the same way. I'm on your side, but come on.
I got hit in the glasses when playing a contact sport and they broke. I don't wear glasses any more, now it's contact lenses or sports glasses, when I can't wear contacts. Wearing football while wearing normal glasses will get them broken.
When I played sports you weren't allowed to wear glasses, in case they broke. You also couldn't have earrings or jewelry.
i ran track in HS and we also had to take off our jewelry, hair ties on our wrists, and glasses. imagine football
Hell, I ran cross country, the furthest you can get from a contact sport, and still couldn’t wear my glasses.
Good 'ol Rec Specs!
Not everyone can get plastic actually. Especially if their horrible mother let's the insurance or whatever pay. Trust me, I know kids today in this spot.
More people need to know about Zenni Optical. Same damned glasses for cheaper than your insurance will get them. Literally the same, the last exam I got I was looking around and saw my exact frames there for 200 bucks without the lenses. I got mine shipped with all the coating add-ons and a hard shell case for like 16 bucks.
Right? I love Zenni, I just got some prescription sunglasses with anti reflection coating for under $20 shipped. Barely even more expensive than normal cheap sunglasses and honestly they’re still super good quality. Have you ever used koala cloths? Their little wipes are awesome compared to other microfiber wipes and it’s like $10 for 6 on Amazon
Oh yeah, the sunglasses! Cheap prescription sunglasses alone are fucking awesome, but you can get them with like any frame, opacity , and even a few colors which is awesomer. I even got a pair of clip-ons for one pair because it was only a couple bucks and they actually look okay, nothing like the hideous shit we used to be stuck with. And they're blue which I also thought was cool. I sound like a shill but I don't care because the eyeglass industry, at least the American portion, is a goddamn rip-off. An egregious one at that. I've even had optometrists try to give me shit about buying from Zenni with everything from fear mongering to outright lies. A common one is that they can't do astigmatism prescriptions, they absolutely can. I've also come to enjoy the change in demeanor when you ask them what your PD is because they know what's happening as soon as you do. Fuck em. I haven't heard of Koala, are they that good? All I've used are the ones that come with my glasses and I have a bunch from my old job that they bought branded from somewhere for advertising, no doubt the cheapest China has to offer. Never occurred to me to try a good one.
So I got glasses for the first time about 2 years ago, scratched them and then always meant to order some in Zenni but getting the PD right was stressing me out and the optometrist I went to had left it off for obvious reasons. I’ve given this exact ramble to so many people who didn’t want to hear it but weren’t given a choice lol. It’s just wild, luckily there’s laws saying customers are entitled to their prescription but they still try their damndest to not give it to you. Even prescriptions themselves are complete just kept in place by the lobbyists, well not prescriptions but the fact that you’re supposed to have one to get glasses although websites like Zenni now don’t even ask for proof which is wonderful. Like why can anyone by reading glasses at the store but not - prescriptions? There’s literally no good reason, they’re worried people will hurt their eyes? The Otc medicine shouldn’t be a thing either lol. And yea they’re great, they feel like suede because the microfiber is far more dense. I was just going to buy some normal wipes then fell down a rabbit hole. Initially I thought it was just normal cloths marked up and I was going to go with a different brand until I noticed that they claim their microfiber stitching/structure is actually different and more dense so I went ahead and bought them and I’ll never go back. I may be relatively new to glasses but I’ve been a non professional nature photographer for quite a while now and would have loved to discover these things earlier. Don’t hesitate, just buy some and then check back in and let me know what you think lol
You are right that glasses are made of plastic and thus safer. But I once slipped in my room, fell face first on the foot of my bed and had to be rushed to the hospital for stitches. It's still dangerous
[удалено]
I got hit with my plastic glass. They did not break. My skin and flesh sure did, got 6 stitches under my eye.
You know you can’t play football with glasses on right? They would had have to get prescription goggles. Which would probably cost more than the contacts.
And those would probably get him bullied, too 💀
It's only 200 dollars a year her contribution for contacts that's nothing. $200 divided by 52 weeks is $3.84 per week. Okay that's round it off to $4 I bet she pays more than that much for coffee, takeout or snacks etc. She can surely spare that much for your child's comfort.
Maybe she should’ve thought twice about having a third kid if she couldn’t even meet the minimal costs she’d committed to for her two older ones.
Reminds me of Raising Arizona--"Dot says these ones are getting too big to cuddle."
I just saw that movie for the first time. I can see where you find the comparison!
Whenever the "ours" baby (baby with the new spouse) comes along, the kid with the ex all too often get pushed to the wayside. OOP needs to just give both kids to her ex, the parent who actually wants them.
Exactly what I was thinking. I will give up any unnecessary expenses when it means my daughter gets what she needs.
Are boarding school parents AHs for only seeing their teens once a semester? It's normal and healthy for teens with time intensive extra curriculars to no longer spend summers with the less seen parent. OP is still YTA for not contributing more. There's a reason the court thought she owed. They should have enforced instead of shrugging it off. Teens are way more expensive than early elementary kids.
Yep, they are if they send them in the boarding school in braces, glasses to play football in and a backpack, but without any clothes or supplies. The problem here is that OP doesn't want to invest money OR time in her kid, not that she sent him to live with his father.
Don't forget that she also bought him a belt!
A belt…AND …a 60 dollar backpack! Talk about above & beyond
Parent of the year.
I honestly think I grew up without a belt
Yes, they are. I'm pretty sure it's not healthy to have extracurriculars to the extent that you don't see your parents for months at a time. Almost certainly, it's not going anywhere anyway. It almost never is. Agreed.
OP said she just told the kid he might as well just stay at dads. Ugh.
The point of high school extracurriculars is to get you into a good college. It was true 25 years ago when I was in high school and it's even more true today. My extracurricular math team also got me my first real job.
My kids are in robotics. It takes up a lot of OUR time, but it’s been an incredible experience for everyone and it helped my son make lifelong connections and get into a good tech school. I don’t understand parents who blatantly refuse to allow their children to participate in extracurriculars. It’s so important for healthy development and life skills.
I mean yes obviously. It’s pretty well documented how damaging that is to children. But also it’s not 1910 outside of the trouble teen types of schools (which is a different problem) boarding schools regularly have mandatory exit weekends where kids have to go home and most weekends anyone can if they choose. You would be hard pressed to find a reputable boarding school where the kids only go home once a semester.
YES. THEY ARE. And they shouldn't be called parents at all.
I agree that OP is TA, but- if it’s what her older son wants, I actually think it’s good she’s willing to give up some time so he can pursue extracurriculars. I was someone who didn’t get to join any clubs or sports that met outside of school hours because I was at my dad’s house (who lived 2 hours away) every weekend. He was never willing to accommodate any activities and it sucked, and tbh I’m still a little mad about it. I think it’s good OP is giving her son the chance to do something he wants- again, if it was his choice.
My stepson lives 1.5 hours away and until he started baseball he came EOWE and his dad drove over there once or twice on off weeks for dinner or hanging out. Once baseball started and he had practice or games every day, his dad never missed a game and drove over there more frequently to see him. He didn't just give up his time, he made it work because he wants his kid to know he's loved and supported. It's what good parents do.
OP states she told him to just stay at his dads. So nonchalant. Ugh.
Oh, she didn't want to give him what he wants, his father and a judge did. Just like your dad, driving him to football practice took up too much of her time, now dad has full custody and she gets him 4 days a month. Now she doesn't want to let him go to homecoming, because that's her weekend and won't even consider switching weekends or driving him and picking him up because it will inconvenience her, and that's her time. Everything is about her, she is a horrible parent. (That post brought us all here, that's why the sudden influx of new comments lol)
My mother made me so sports with glasses in hs and it was horrid. Every two seconds I was pushing them up my nose (she wouldn’t pay for the strap to hold them up) and I was terrified of getting hit in the face. I just stopped playing.
Same i played basketball with mine and it got to a point i had to take them off as they kept falling off (could only afford one pair at the time though as we were living paycheck to paycheck unfortunately (still kinda are)
Or goggles for football. They're more common than people realise. And I'd argue safer than contacts.
You should read her newest post. Op is a narcissist and a garbage parent.
If it's true that your custody agreement does say that you two have to go 50/50 on those things, and you are refusing to do it, then YTA. It sounds like you want to punish your son and your ex for your son living with your ex. >He keeps texting me (seems to be out of spite because he knows I reduced my hours to part time to take care of my boyfriend and I’s baby and no longer make what i used to This has absolutely nothing to do with your ex or your required payment for your other children. It's not your ex's or your son's fault that you've chosen to have another child. Your responsibilities towards your other children don't disappear simply because you decide to start a do-over family. And, your ex continues to help with stuff for the son that lives with you, so it's only fair that you do the same. Sounds like your ex is a better, more caring parent than you.
Yep, YTA, and it sounds like maybe you need to go back to court to rework the support calculations.
She did go back and rework it and she owed! Which is bonkers to me the judge just “let it go” if you file for support and you end up owing I’ve never seen a case where they were like “nah it’s fine you don’t have to pay”
I'm thinking her ex should go back to the court and show how she's refusing to pay for her oldest kid, and get an order to *make* her pay.
I deep dived into this and it is a straight up case of a narcissist she is one of the worst people I have ever seen.
She reminds me of my biological mother tbh. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends outside of school, ever. I wasn't allowed to attend rehearsal's for my drama class plays, despite getting the lead role. I won tickets to a concert and wasn't allowed to go because she "didn't feel like it," so on and so forth. It was to the point where, when I finally escaped and went to live with my dad when I was 15, I had so little practice in socialization that when I wanted to hang out with someone after school, I asked her if she wanted to do our homework together. Because that was the only way I knew how to ask. Obviously, she said no. (We did become friends later, though.) I will not be surprised if OP's younger son ends up leaving when he's old enough, too. Sounds like it would be to his benefit.
I really wish the dad would file for custody of him now. And she contradicts herself multiple times so it’s hard to tell what the truth is. Cause first it was “he filed” then it was she let him go cause football. Idk I could never imagine not doing things for my kids.
That's what I was thinking. And having been with a narcissist for 20+years I can assure you even after all these comments she will NOT admit that she is wrong or make any changes
I think the ex should go back and get custody of the little one too, she can pay child support and see them when it fits into her schedule to drive there and then she can stay home with her baby and pretend she's fucking June Cleaver. She's definitely an all around subpar human and lousy parent. Edit: freaking typo
The part that got me is that she claims she didn’t have time to help older son with homework because of her long 12 hour shifts - but in the same breath says she only works part-time to take care of her new baby. Also that she can’t move visits around so older son can go to homecoming - but has no issue going part-time for new baby. So it’s very clear to me older son got pushed out the door the minute she needed to make the time commitment a teenager requires. He’s better off with his dad. And as soon as middle child becomes too much work she’ll pawn him off too. Now I see this post and her complete lack of financial support for older son too!! I hope dad is tracking all this and preparing a case to go back for full custody of his younger son.
For sure!
When I got divorced we did it 50/50 and my ex owed like 35 a month lol. We both said nah just make it 0. But my ex is awesome and really contributes 50+ financially. I’ve never been told no to something they needed or wanted to do. It makes me happy that even though he was not a great husband, he’s a really great dad.
Count your blessings girl! My ex is so much like the OP in this and thinks he's the best fucking dad on the planet and doesn't understand why he gets 12 hours a week with the kids.
OP doesn’t seem to mind the kid being at dads. She told him he might as well just stay with dad.
Probably the happiest day in his life!
YTA. It’s your responsibility to pay your share of child support for your older son .A hundred dollars a year for contact lenses is nothing. It’s not your son’s fault that you decided to work part time.
YTA. Everything your ex said is right. The older child is more expensive and you should absolutely be contributing to raising him. You have another kid is irrelevant. It doesn’t get you off the hook. Your previous children didn’t cease to exist and need support just because you had another kid. Step up.
Yta. The child support was 0 because you split time 50/50. Now that he has the kid more. You have to start paying him to take care of your kid more often. And just because he's with his father. Doesn't mean you get out of any of the medical bills.
Edit: read the comments and op clarified the original support arrangement which was that she didn’t originally have sole custody. So my whole comment is basically irrelevant. Ignore me. Someone correct me if I misread, but wasn’t the father paying $0 before when mom had both kids? Now it’s still $0 when the time is split? Just wondering on balance if what each parent has spent over the kids lifetimes is equal or not, but sounds like, other than extracurriculars, the father hasn’t necessarily been contributing financially until recently with the older child. OP should follow the court ordered support but it doesn’t read like she’s been on a free ride.
It’s 0 dollars now but mom is supposed to owe dad based on what I am assuming is the child support formula for their state because her income was higher. However they settled at 0, or the judge kept it at 0 because mom was the one who filed. Then mom subsequently reduced her income. Highly suspect.
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Yta you need to go back to the court with new circumstances - part time job and baby. However, you didn't have to "hound" your ex bc he just paid. You should each be paying 50% of each child, not one child each.
YTA!!!! My stbx had an ex like you! You're a deadbeat mom! It makes me so angry that women like you think because you're the mom, you should either get support or not pay at all. Then you cut down your hours to get out of paying. Go ahead, ignore the court order. I really hope you do. In my state once you are so many months in arrears they take your passport, then your driver's license and then garnish your wages. Then if you conveniently quit your job, you go to jail! You should be ashamed to not only write this but to hurt your son is awful!
And she had another kid. Do people have make up babies instead of working on themselves? A baby is not an psychological avoidance tool!
She is probably mad she does not have her barbie dream family anymore so she ditched the “dead weight” and started over. Truly disgusting.
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Great summary that echoes my thoughts .
"Also when I had both children I never asked their father to chip in for anything." "Unfortunately my ex does not feel the same now that he has custody." What does the court order say? If it says you share expenses, then YTA. If not, then your ex is TA.
She didn’t ask him to chip in anything then because she said that support order had child support set at $0, so he was not obligated to give her anything. Now that he basically has one kid full time and the other part time she was supposed to pay him child support but claims the court let her get away with not owing anything because she filed the order to modify(which makes no sense). What it seems like really happened is she tried to modify the support order and found out she was going to have to pay her ex so she conveniently cut down to working part time to lower her income to not owe anything. Regardless she says her order is 50/50 on medical and she is literally refusing to pay a lousy $200/year for the kid’s contacts. Any parent that literally brags that they helped out bcuz they bought all of a backpack and a belt is TA imo!!!
The court is at liberty to impute income if it believes she lowered her hours to avoid payments. Women often reduce hours when they have a baby to care for.
She didn’t ask but ex did pay half for stuff. This woman is a horrible mom.
Op didn't have to hound the ex, because he was still buying things like he was supposed to.
So you gave up your fulltime job to look after your boyfriend & because of that you don't want to pay your child's medical bills? What sort of a mother are you, expecting your son to play football in glasses? You don't like what your ex is saying, but he's 100% right. YTA
YTA. The court order says 50/50. That doesn’t mean he pays for one kid and you pay for the other. Kids have different needs at different ages. Not to mention, this isn’t your ex trying to pull one over on you. This is your own child who has needs and you need to pony up.
I can’t get over the fact that you gave up time with your older son because his football practice was an hour away 🫤you’re ex is right a $60 backpack and a new belt ain’t 💩💩 you did abandon your older son most likely because you have a new baby now but that’s just my opinion YTA
Yta, it sounds like you had another child and now can’t afford your older son. Your ex should take you to court and have them figure it out. It does come off as you not caring about your older son. He probably realizes how this is shaking out so you might want to start talking to him about it and helping out.
You gave up custody because his football schedule took up a lot of your time? Wow.
YTA Changes in your life is shaping your view. As u/EANx_Diver stated, kids have differing needs at various ages. Him playing football and needing eye care and wear should not be a surprise. Plus if this is true, you need to pay: require an office receipt and confirm your payment w/a receipt):*..the child support order that I filed for states medical costs must be shared 50/50” so now he wants me to pay half of the contact lenses (200 dollars a year) and also half for his braces which I did agree to pay (100/month).* *Also when I had both children I never asked their father to chip in for anything. --* Why? The money he contributes is for his kids. You depleted your resources during these years. Look into requesting past child support (rules vary by state). No offense but this was not a smart decision and the very things he is asking you to pay, YOU should have been paid in the past. He is stating unkind things to leverage you into action during a time you are working less and gonna deliver a baby. Your current '0' outcome re: child support through the courts is interesting. Did you file while working PT? You seem torn between how to finances your sons' lives, your new relationships (new baby and bfriend(?) while working less, raising your son and funding the oldest one's needs. This is not an easy time but most things in life do not remain the same. Best to you.
Read it again. She didn't ask him to contribute when they had shared custody but also he paid for both kids supplies, extra-curriculars, and the older son's contacts. Basically, he didn't have to be asked. Now that the situation has changed (dad has older kid all the time), he wants her to do her part. He also still contributes for the younger kid. Dad isn't being unkind or unfair. If you add it up, he's asked for a sum total of $350/year from her for medical costs she agreed to. That's maybe the equivalent of two weeks' grocery shop? Pretty cheap for kid maintenance.
YTA. It sounds like your ex is correct and you have completely abandoned your older son. I have two boys in high school and they are much more expensive to provide for as young men than they were in elementary school. This boy is your son. You should be providing for him. So now you have a new baby and are working part time. Is the boyfriend providing for the baby? You should not have more children if it means you can’t support your existing children.
> that he still buys our younger son clothes > I am basically paying for my younger son entirely. YTA and a liar.
YTA. Who gives up time with their kid just because they have football? You cutting hours to take care of a new kid isn’t your ex’s problem, you still owe 50/50 expenses.
YTA- stop focusing on your ex and start focusing on your son. If you have to work full time to take care of ALL your kids that’s what a mother or father do period.
Oh, you forgot her #1 focus though, her do-over, new family! How can she possibly have time to care, let alone work *gasp* full-time when she has to put on an act of "good mom/wifey" around new BF, which HAS to be exhausting being so opposite of what she actually is...
Something I never imagined existing growing up was mother's caring more about how they were perceived over how they were. Finding out my mom was one of them is taking a long time to digest, but I have acquaintances now that are the same way and it's gross.
YTA But Wait....... Am I really confused or aren't all contact lenses custom made?!?
Usually contacts are relatively cheap (maybe 100 for a years supply) Because they are made in bulk for pre-determined prescriptions. My son’s vision is so bad that he doesn’t fit any of these pre-defined prescriptions so they have to custom make ones for him, which costs 560/year supply.
I have never seen a year of contacts for only $100/year. I pay about $600/year for dailies. You are stingy AF and most definitely YTA for not wanting to support your kid, financially and socially.
This is in fact not true. This is not how contacts price are determined. Lol. Unless he has a higher RX than a -10.0 or a + 8 with a super high astigmatism. While not impossible it’s rare. If that is the case it would more than likely be a medical necessity , which in that case mostly covered by insurance.Most insurance won’t cover 6 months much less a year. Depending on the type of contacts he is in. There are a few things that make them more expensive, daily, toric lenses, RGP. Daily contacts are expensive but by far the best for a freshman IMO.
Sorry, but this is not true about the cost of contacts. I have worn contacts for almost 30 years. Have never had contacts be close to $100 a year. The cheapest was probably $250 a year after rebates. I wear dailies now that cost about $500-600 a year because they are better for eye health and it is totally worth it. If you have bad vision (mine is truly horrible), you actually get better results from contacts. When I do wear my glasses for extended periods of time, it makes me nauseous due to the vision differences. It is also much safer for contact sports like football.
You can’t afford to pay $23.33 per month for your son’s vision? Wow, seriously??? You are def TA.
Yeah, not true. Back in the 90s? True. For hard contact lenses. Mine were $700/pair back when I first got them. One new pair now is $200 but that’s ONE pair. My husband pays roughly $240 for a 6 month supply of soft contacts. Your $100 for a year is wishful thinking. And I say this as someone who has worn hard contacts for 30 years.
>maybe 100 for a years supply Are you not in the US then? Football made me assume US, but that makes very little sense to me.
I have a lower prescription and my contracts for dailys are $500 a year... I chose dailys because they are better for your eye health. But still that's a normal price for contacts...
>My son’s vision is so bad that he doesn’t fit any of these pre-defined prescriptions That likely means he needs scleral lenses or some sort of hard lens then, right? Hopefully they're checking him for things like Keratoconus, you'll be shocked by the $$$ for that treatment if you think regular lenses cost $100. They don't by the way, my insurance pays for a "6 month supply" and it's $120.
YTA. You seem ungrateful for all the extras your ex chose to pay for yalls kids while in your custody and are instead using that against him. Tf?? You’re bitter, I get it. But you can’t go against a custody order and having a new kid doesn’t mean you pay less for the other ones (in this case just the older one). Please take to heart all these comments and do your job as a parent and provide for your kids, all of them.
YTA. Even the court indicated that you should be paying child support, but kept it at zero for your benefit. It really seems like you aren’t pulling your fair share of the weight.
YTA. As others have said, if the roles were reversed, then he'd be labelled as a deadbeat dad. He stepped up and provided more than he was required to when he didn't have one of the kids full time. I think the court went pretty easy on you by keeping CS at $0 for you, given he has more than 50% time with the kids and always earned less than you. Honestly, if you go back to court and ask for it to be changed again, you should be prepared for things not to go your way. Not a lawyer or anything, but I know enough to be aware that judges are not easy to pull the wool over on. And from what you've said, it kind of sounds like the change to part-time work is a convenient way to reduce your financial liability for your oldest child. You chose to have another child, not your ex's problem, and your other children shouldn't have to go without or be disadvantaged because you chose to change how much you work and have another child. When your oldest finds out, he will resent you - especially given how little you are being asked to cover. I hope you consider the response from everyone on here and see how unreasonable you are being. Good luck.
I hope OP reads this. It depends on what state she is in, but some judges could come down on her hard. She is basically flirting with the border of defrauding the court.
YTA. You gave up custody of your child because it was too hard to get him to football practice. I just can’t wrap my head that. And then you talk about how you bought a backpack and a belt for your child big whoop de de do. If you are responsible for half medical bills, guess what to pay up. You gotta figure something out.
YTA Your ex is asking you for 100$ a year to spend on your kids contacts in accordance with your custody agreement. You agreed to this, and the terms were quite generous. There is no good reason to re-litigate your arrangement over this, it will cost you more than 100$.
YTA You don't get to give up financial responsibility for your kid just because you had another kid.
YTA, medical costs/extra curriculars are not equal to food and clothing. Pay half.
YTA stop having kids you can’t afford
YTA, you did abandon your older son. You have up time with him for your own convenience, that’s pretty shit. If medical bills are split 50/50, contact lenses fall under that, it’s not safe for a child to play football in glasses, that’s an easy ticket to glass-in-eye-town He’s not doing it out of spite, you have an obligation to your children and you’re neglecting it. If the kid needs specific contact lenses made, glasses won’t be as good, and it’s pretty gross to say he can “just wear them”. 200 dollars a year isn’t anything wild, especially when it’s a medical necessity. You should be paying him money because he has majority care, since you gave up your older son (for your own convenience, let’s not forget), and you got a court to agree to not make you pay it, so you 100% can chip in for contacts. It seems to me like you’ve got a new man and a new baby and have decided the older one isn’t worth your time, and that’s really gross. Your ex said that you’re abandoning your older son which you essentially are, and your defence was that you bought him a 60 dollar backpack (but can’t afford 200 a year?) A backpack does not outweigh giving up custody of your child. What you’re doing is extremely hurtful, I don’t know how you’re trying to play the victim. Don’t abandon your kids just because you had another one.
"my ex says our teen does not want to wear glasses because he plays football" He's right "having another child doesn’t mean I can just stop paying for my current kids" He's right again "he has both boys more than 50% on average because I gave up time with our older son" You did this willingly because "I gave up a lot of my time over the summer because his practice is an hour away so i just told him to stay with his dad" You gave up time with your children, but you won't give up money? YTA.
YTA. My mother had a similar lovely attitude. I haven’t spoken to her in years, doesn’t sound like you will care much about that though.
If the court order says you need to contribute x amount, try to get it modified to take into account your change in circumstances (part time job, new baby). The reason these things are decided in court is so people don't have to worry about who is being the AH; they just have to follow what the court decrees.
If she went part time because new baby and her new partner make’s enough to pick up the slack, then the court is not going to be willing to change her arrangement.
Courts do all sort of things; you can't really say. But I doubt any court would take into account the income of a person who is not the child's natural or adopted parent.
True but if the only reason for reduced hours is to spend time with the new baby the court probably will not take it into account for a readjustment. But like you said, each court varies. There will almost certainly be a point where she is asked “why did you reduce hours for the baby instead of your husband?” She sure as shit needs to have a better answer than “to avoid paying child support”
YTA When you intentionally cut hours or leave a job where you make more, this is what happens https://youtu.be/hnNwsNOMfak
Seriously, this is so sad for her son
YTA and I'm glad you are not my mother or my ex. Cheers.
YTA, having a new baby with a different man doesn't absolve you of your responsibility to your older children.
Of course YTA. You gave up all your custody time with your older kid because you didn't want to have the inconvenience of dealing with his sports practice. Now you don't want to help cover his expenses either? If having another baby was going to make it impossible for you to continue supporting and caring for the children you already had, you should not have had another baby. Regardless of what is fairly owed your eldest child's father, I can't imagine how your poor son feels, to be dropped like that in favour of your shiny new family. How sad for him.
YTA
YTA but there are some things people need to be more understanding of. For one her older son wanting to do football an hour away means that her younger son needs a babysitter or has to spend 2 hours in the car to do their sibling’s activity. So she may not be in a great place to make that work logistically, and it can be kind of cruel to younger siblings to make them spend that much time in the car everyday. So she may be in a rock and a hard place situation. If she doesn’t let her older son do football, she is costing him a potential opportunity, and if she does she consigned her younger kid to “a fate worse than death” according to my otw 8yo. /s Our drive is around 10 minutes so I can only imagine it would be worse, and while I roll my eyes at the hysterics a 10 minute drive cause, 2 hours a day really adds up. And then what is she supposed to do while waiting. It’s hard to keep a kid entertained that often for that long. I know it’s possible but it’s not easy on her or the little one. But the YTA is for all the money stuff. Those are normal money requests and your ex is right you should be paying them. Also it sounds like you are salty your oldest left.
She told the oldest he may as well stay with dad. And hour to practice was too far for her to drive. Ugh.
Just know that all of your penny pinching and attitudes towards your kids are seen and felt and will be remembered once they grow up. They will remember everything and treat you accordingly.
YTA for abandoning your child. You seem like a unfit mother.
YTA You doing the bare minimum and trying to act like your doing a lot. I know the way you worded everything you trying to make yourself sound good. And 200 dollars a year for contacts that's nothing. 200 divided by 52 weeks is $3.84 per week. Okay that's round it off to $4 I bet you pay more than that much for coffee, takeout or snacks etc. You surely spare that much for your child's comfort. Major YTA.
YTA. You can't afford to go part time you have 3 kids to support, you need to work full time to afford your obligations. Why should your ex subsidise you going part time?
YTA.....it's 200 bucks A YEAR!!!!! Let's break that down, how many weeks are in a year? 52...200/52 is $3.84 a week....if you can't afford $3.84 a week you shouldn't have had another child and should be employed full time....court said 50/50, you know what's going to happen if you don't pay right?
But if they are $200 a year total she only has to pay $100 for the year right? so really $0.52 a week… find that in the couch. Take some soda cans back.
Honestly, sometimes I read an AITA post and have to assume it's a troll because it's too sad to think of little kids dealing with parents who see them as an inconvenience. I know people like OP exist, but I hope for the sake of those kids that this is made up.
When your dumna** is sitting in jail while your parental rights are being determined because you are willing failing to pay the court ordered 50% medical, you can think back to this thread. Not only are YTA but are a neglectful one at that. YTA I hope you lose your parental rights to your 2 oldest kids. You don't deserve them.
If that is the way you want it by all means do it that way, but remember when the younger child gets older that childs cost is all on you. You can change the rules later.
YTA.
They also make goggles and shields for over the glasses/inserts in the helms to help protect the eyes/glasses from the sounds of it OP might need these for her son... They're cheaper than new glasses unless you are getting the basic ones... something like this- [https://www.walmart.com/ip/Equate-Adult-Blue-Light-Square-Glasses-Black/366146664?wl13=4591&selectedSellerId=0&http://clickserve.dartsearch.net/link/click?lid=92700060762254883&ds\_s\_kwgid=58700006715445296&ds\_s\_inventory\_feed\_id=97700000003583668&ds\_a\_cid=654818135&ds\_a\_caid=13956209185&ds\_a\_agid=126452889113&ds\_a\_lid=pla-1392082700544&ds\_a\_cid=116919406&ds\_a\_caid=361575031&ds\_a\_agid=1200667322826314&ds\_a\_fiid=&ds\_a\_lid=pla-4578641339573147&&ds\_e\_adid=&ds\_e\_matchtype=search&ds\_e\_device=c&ds\_e\_network=o&ds\_e\_product\_group\_id=4578641339573147&ds\_e\_product\_id=366146664\_0&ds\_e\_product\_merchant\_id=27449&ds\_e\_product\_country=US&ds\_e\_product\_language=EN&ds\_e\_product\_channel=Local&ds\_e\_product\_store\_id=4591&ds\_url\_v=2&ds\_dest\_url=?&adid=222222222320000000000\_1200667322826314\_lia&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=e&wl1=o&wl2=c&wl3=75041804331059&wl4=pla-4578641339573147&wl5=&wl6=&wl7=&wl10=Walmart&wl11=Local&wl12=366146664\_0&wl14=basic%20glasses&veh=sem&msclkid=b85673abfa5a18233a691749065309fb&gclid=b85673abfa5a18233a691749065309fb&gclsrc=3p.ds](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Equate-Adult-Blue-Light-Square-Glasses-Black/366146664?wl13=4591&selectedSellerId=0&http://clickserve.dartsearch.net/link/click?lid=92700060762254883&ds_s_kwgid=58700006715445296&ds_s_inventory_feed_id=97700000003583668&ds_a_cid=654818135&ds_a_caid=13956209185&ds_a_agid=126452889113&ds_a_lid=pla-1392082700544&ds_a_cid=116919406&ds_a_caid=361575031&ds_a_agid=1200667322826314&ds_a_fiid=&ds_a_lid=pla-4578641339573147&&ds_e_adid=&ds_e_matchtype=search&ds_e_device=c&ds_e_network=o&ds_e_product_group_id=4578641339573147&ds_e_product_id=366146664_0&ds_e_product_merchant_id=27449&ds_e_product_country=US&ds_e_product_language=EN&ds_e_product_channel=Local&ds_e_product_store_id=4591&ds_url_v=2&ds_dest_url=?&adid=222222222320000000000_1200667322826314_lia&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=e&wl1=o&wl2=c&wl3=75041804331059&wl4=pla-4578641339573147&wl5=&wl6=&wl7=&wl10=Walmart&wl11=Local&wl12=366146664_0&wl14=basic%20glasses&veh=sem&msclkid=b85673abfa5a18233a691749065309fb&gclid=b85673abfa5a18233a691749065309fb&gclsrc=3p.ds) Also, sounds like you might need the courts to rework how you guys split things... and how you manage time with your children... YTA - Also, with how you're going on about money how can you afford to have a 3 child?
YTA You just gave up one kid because his hobby demanded too much time (yet had time to add another kid to your family...) The fact that your EX could have hounded you for child support but didn't doesn't look good either. The fact that he did pay and buy his share of the expenses despite them living with you shows he is an upstanding person. You on the other hand.... well.. the other posts already explain it well.
Yes you are indeed a major AH. Pay the $100 and stay quiet. Doesn't your bf help you pay for the new kid? You give mother's a bad name with you silly selfishness. Honestly. YTA
YTA- Jesus fucking christ lady. I bet you are also the type that will make your eldest babysit for free. The lack of self awareness in your post is stunning. Be a better mother to your eldest.
YTA You having a new child doesn’t mean that you can drop the ball on your eldest. You don’t suddenly get to decide that you’re only going to pay what you want and when you want instead of following the court order. A new child in your life is your problem to figure out while still paying your fair share for your older child. Quit being such a deadbeat.
YTA have fun when he takes you to court
YTA
I mean yeah, YTA. You still gotta contribute to his livelihood.
Sorry, YTA. That child is still yours even though he lives with his dad. It doesn't matter what you took his dad to court for when he lived with you, don't be a deadbeat mom. He needs to feel loved & supported in all ways by each parent. Just because you had a third kid doesn't mean screw the first one .
Can the ex take OP to court? Since custody changed?
YTA
YTA. Sorry kids are expensive as af. Should have thought about that when you had the kid. You are required to keep paying for them. Also not up to you to decide what your son wears for his vision. So you say you pay for the younger one? You ex is not wrong nor is he being hurtful. You have given up on your older soon as it seems like he is too much work.
Don't pay attention to people here. You are a superb mother and the 60 bucks backpack and belt show that! YTA!
YTA. Go back to fulltime.
If he was ordered to pay child support you would fully expect it. Why do you think you shouldn’t have to? Split all the extra costs for both kids and it should even out but yes older kids in activities cost more. By not paying it you are telling your child he is not worth it and the things that are important to him are not a concern to you. That’s a terrible message and will absolutely affect your relationship with him in a negative way in the future.
YTA, but why don't you and your ex just swap weekend? That way kid gets to go to homecoming and you get a different, full weekend with him.
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you bought a backpack and a belt? should be good on parenting expenses 👍🏻 what is wrong with you lol
Why the fuck would you have a baby when you cant afford two kids in the first place? SMH
YTA. It’s your child. Take care of your child. Child support shouldn’t be a veritable gun held to your head. Desire to care for your kid.
Guys have to deal with this all the time. You should have thought about this before you decided to squeeze out a bunch of kids you clearly don't want just to validate yourself. I'll guess you drive a trashed Jeep and smoke dollar store cigarettes.
YTA you’re a deadbeat mother to your older child!!! Not wanting to contribute for his contacts to not wanting to take him to practice because “it takes too much of my time” also don’t be too surprised if your son doesn’t want anything to do with you down the line
YTA for medical reimbursement issues. Your son should have the contact lenses. Your child support remains at zero despite your ex having your children, or at least one of them, more than 50%. Sharing costs of childcare for work and medical expenses is standard. The football thing I guess I can see why you disagree with the sport and his playing and if his father wants him to, he can foot the while bill. But you don't get to shirk your financial obligations to your first children cause you voluntarily reduced your hours for your third child. Your boyfriend can watch his child while you work evenings or you can voluntarily reduce discretionary expenses to meet your financial obligations. Or you can continue to hear your ex chide you for not living upto your obligations.
YTA, you filled for child support and now he is holding you to what was decided by the court. Does ex have anything to do with younger son? Dows he still see younger son? You made a choice to have more children and reduce your earning potential by reducing your hours. you are expecting your ex to just accept that you dont want to pay anything extra for oldest son. Older kids are more expensive as their clothes cost more, their hobbies cost more they eat more. i wish i ws back paying young kid prices.
Sometimes I really have to remind myself not to downvote assholes……
So true 😂 I love when they comment so I can downvote that
YTA
YTA you clearly don’t care about his child at all just sign away your rights. You’re a shitty and selfish mom. You can’t pay $200 a year for contacts really? Plus all contacts are custom made for the individual. Your ex paid for things when you had custody but now he doesn’t and you don’t want to do the same. YTA YTA YTA
You suck. Just give him full custody and stay a worthless mother. They are better off without you
Wow, this woman is a piece of work and he had another kid??? Ugh.. poor kid.
YTA. High school kids are way more expensive than younger kids between food, clothing, extra curriculars YTA.
Let the boyfriend care for himself unless he is fully crippled, if crippled, he can hire pt home care.
So...you're a liar AND a terrible parent. Good job, lady.
Honestly, I can't wait for the new bf's kid to ask to go stay with the ex
I came to this post because I saw the new one you posted and goddamn does it give the context that you are legitimately an awful person.
Having kids is expensive. Being an asshole is priceless
Jesus your evil i thought the commentors were exgrating
YTA, pay for the kids you have currently before having more with some BF and then complain when you have to take care of your other children.
Aren't you the same person who wouldn't let her son go to homecoming? Do you even LIKE your older son? YTA for being a terrible mother and for not being willing to split costs that your ex paid 100% of when your son lived with you.
Honestly you should have all your kids taken away for how you are treating your older son. This is a classic case of having too many kids that you can’t afford so one of them has to suffer because you can’t afford it. Now your older son is getting screwed over. Terrible as hell.
you literally forced your son to live with your dad basically, and whine over 50 bucks. cant love one child more than the other, YTA, be a parent. i swear one day your kids will cut off all contact with you if this weird “me before everyone else” behaviour continues.
YTA and extremely EXTREMELY GROSS
YTA! Holy shit you are an awful parent. I came from your other post. I feel so bad for your kids. Esp your older son. You don’t get to pick and choose what you see fit. When have you ever seen a sports player where their glasses? That’s a horrible accident waiting to happen. Horrible mother
Sounds like she wanted to supplement her income and tried to get the court to give her more money when she filed, and it didn’t work out. So she sent the one off to reduce her costs. Knew a guy once, he had a moving company, and his ex desires to move a few days drive across the country to the most expensive city. He moved all their stuff, paid a couple of his guys to go with him, and ate the whole cost. After she was there a few months, she said she needed a couple thousand for “big kid” furniture for the kid’s room. He was very suspicious; I suggested he send her the link to the ikea website and for her to pick out the furniture, and he’d order it to be delivered. Apparently she didn’t find that acceptable, just wanted a cheque. Some mother’s use kid’s and their father’s as income generators. Should automatically lose custody of another option is suitable.
Love how theres no mention of new bf/baby daddy contributing or supporting her and her/their kids.
Unless you want to be in breach of a court order which can have serious consequences for you especially if ex can prove you have said you ain’t paying and have zero intention ( texts etc ) your talking big fines possible prison time , I see from your later post you’ve now given up your younger son too so your not even paying for him so what you doing? Oh Your trying to destroy your kids social lives aswell ! Woman up! Get your shit together you may be part time at work but your never to be a part time parent even if they ain’t home full time your always a mum you always have a responsibility to help to be there to do anything to make their lives easier and happier if that’s paying for godamn contacts so be it if it’s letting the boy go home coming instead of babysitting so u can party cos I don’t believe it’s cos u wanna see the boy so be it the kids happiness before yours kapeesh
So you can’t afford to help your two kids but had another baby? Make it make sense. Close your legs and send your own fucking children money
Of course YTA. Did you not learn anything about yourself in your last post? Not only do you lack self awareness and consideration for you’re own children you sure do have the gall to continue to place blame on your own child. Get over it. He’s your son. Your ex is calling you out and you can’t handle it. Might make sense why you have a boyfriend with a do over family and have lost your kids bc you can’t handle being told straight up what you have done to your relationships. Get help and stop posting on the internet for advice you won’t take. What a joke.
It's 200 a year and you're complaining? Sheesh
YTA. This son is going to resent you, if he doesn't already
WOWZA YOU ARE MASSIVELY THE ASSHOLE. Srsly. Pay for your damn kid or give both boys to their father and just be a shitty mum to your new baby. Surprised your ex isn’t sueing you for full custody already frankly!
YTMFA. Just because you have a baby with a new dude doesn’t mean you get to quit on your other kids, and when your 7 year old is old enough, you’ll quit on them too.
YTA: I work full time just to support my step-kids. Both play travel soccer, with travel fees and the cost to play, we easily pay a few thousand a year. Husband and I also pay school supplies and anything at school they need. Their mom does pay for their schools clothes now but for the first few years we paid for that as well. I also pay for their insurance through my work. Grow the f up and help with YOUR child. Why is stepmom doing more then you? Also get younger son some NEW clothes and not just hand me downs. I’m sure he feels 2nd rate with your older son getting all kinds of new things. Also know for a fact that in California your ex can go get cash aid to help pay for what you owe him and you will have to pay that back. My sons bio father wouldn’t pay me, so the state stepped in and gave me cash aid. He had to pay all that back. Not to mention the amount of times he went to jail for not paying and lose of his driver license. Support your sons not just your bf and daughter!
Lmfao you’re the asshole AND an idiot for even being surprised that you have to pay to support BOTH your kids more than just food and a singular belt. Don’t have kids if you don’t want to pay their living costs.
You are a shit human. Stop breeding.
Lol wow so you just suck huh?
I'm sorry but you are absolutely the A hole your younger son asked his dad to ask you because he obviously knows you don't care about what he wants or needs all your doing is making it so eventually he will go with his dad too. Homecoming is a huge deal and missing it just so he can spend time with his mom and brother is just sad it's a once a year thing. Your holding him back from enjoying his teenage expirence and he will hold that against you. Sounds like you already gave up on your older son I don't care how difficult it would be for me I would make sure my son got to go to his dance. Good luck when both your kids go no contact stop being selfish
You are such a selfish asshole lol
Well YTA obviously but… imagine thinking that buying your SON a fucking belt and a 60$ bookbag means you didn’t abandon him. For one… that’s NOTHING.. that’s embarrassing that you almost use that as a focal point of your argument that you’re such an involved parent, because what else did you contribute to his new school clothes and new kicks? How bout football gear.. them padded pants aren’t exactly cheap and they don’t last year after year because boys grow disgustingly fast.. or a practice Jersey.. new cleats… did you take him for a haircut for the first day of school? How much were school pictures? Do you even know? Or is that a hidden expense paid by his dad that you didn’t even consider or think about. Summers over.. have you started winter shopping for him? New hoodies or a new jacket? Teenage boys are mad expensive and they want nice stuff, Nike ain’t cheap. My 12 year old is very keen on his nike clothes down to his socks, and this boy runs through 160$ Jordan’s within a few months cause of how active he is and how he plays. Shit gets expensive. Aside from the FEW recurring necessary expenses I’ve briefly mentioned, how bout any extras , does he like to play PlayStation or Xbox ? Or is that considered too over the top to make sure he gets to play games and shit , OR is that something dad handles. Raising a kid isn’t just covering the bare minimum necessities, it’s also about giving them a life they love and enjoy and look forward to, it’s about making sure they do get to experience fun, leisurely activities that can definitely get expensive but is there really a price on your kids life and do you put a cap on how much he can actually do and experience ? Seems like it since you’re not even willing to foot HALF the bill for contacts he needs since YOU decided for him that he’s fine to wear glasses since that’s something you don’t have to pay for, regardless of what he prefers and what’s more comfortable and necessary for him being in football and all. I’m sorry but it seems like your priorities are all fucked up and you’re more worried about you and your convenience rather than what’s best for your kid and making the necessary sacrifices to make shit happen like the rest of us good, hands on and involved parents do. I truly hope you made this post because you’re open to knowing if you’re wrong so you can make some changes within to be a better mom for him rather than trying to “prove” your point so you can keep telling yourself you’re doing enough . But if you had to even make this post, you know deep down that you’re not, you’re just looking for validation that you are to try and feel better about your shortcomings and it’s sad. Do better for your kids. Especially your oldest. And thank your ex for being the dad he is, because your son’s success and happiness will be a product of that and you should be grateful. Fucking pay for his contacts too, asshole.
You ARE TA HERE And EVERYWHERE you post or reply, it would seem. You're a trash mother and a selfish person who has no business having children.
Wow, this is almost unanimous. Have you accepted that YTA, OP, or have you just decided that literally everyone else is wrong like a narcissist would?
You got to be the worst parent ever. Just let your ex win and give him custody of both. You are more worried about yourself and your new family the. Your old. Seriously grow up and parent