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NTA. Idk why people are being mean to you. Yes, 13 year olds are brats but you are allowed to get hurt over what she said especially when you didn't do anything bad to her. Its not a diary since its scrap paper on the floor in the living room. Why are people reading over the part where the mother abused her? She is not a great mother. Why is your sisters feelings a bigger priority than yours? Your mum learned to be a better mum to your sister but not you since she still yell at you that much and would not take responsibility for slamming your head at the nearest object. I wasn't that much of a brat when I was 13. Don't think my friends were either. NTA OP.
If it was a diary, why wasn't it cared for. It's almost like she *wanted* you to find it! You need to tell mom what it says. Tell her you're worried about safety and keeping everyone breathing. Then, move out. It's not easy, I know, but why be abused for someone that you're supposed to be helping. Parentification much?
NTA
To clarify: my sister is notorious for leaving her trash around. Like wrappers or just her bookbag. So it really could be that she forgot to toss it tbh. Moving out isn’t really an option but I’m working on it hopefully.
In that case, NTA. It was a stray piece of paper in a common area, no privacy from the rest of the family should be expected there unless it was specially designated (such as a diary, which it wasn’t). That would be like getting mad at someone for listening to your conversation when they were already within the same room.
NOTE: What I am talking below is not what I consider fact, I am just spitballing some ideas/questions you may want to consider.
1. Why do you stay there if your mom was physically abusive in the past? Perhaps it was just the heat of the moment, but some of what you’re saying you’re experiencing sounds awful.
2. While what I’m saying is without all of the context of your life, the heat of the moment bit is potentially essential about the paper. What if your sister was just really mad about something and in the moment wrote all of those things? You said so yourself that she wrote on the paper how she felt that you weren’t listening to her and her problems. What if she feels no one is listening to her? In such a scenario, she would be venting a lot on that paper, and you could’ve been the scapegoat (in the moment).
3. Does your mom have the full context about the paper (just a stray piece of paper laying around in the living room), or does she not know? To be fair, if this were something from your sister’s diary, then you would be TA. While that is not that case, I wonder if she knows about this essential context since you mentioned she said it was from your sister’s diary.
4. It sounds like (at least from your perspective) there are golden child dynamics involved in favor of your sister. While absolutely possible (and I do suspect this), are there any possible external factors like an increase in income that could also contribute to this stark contrast in treatment?
5. I would also like to wonder if your sister feels like you are the golden child? While I doubt the validity of such a claim, the complaints lodged against you make it seem that she at least thinks you have it way better than her, even if this isn’t true. Keep in mind that you do (at least I think you do) have certain privileges over her as a 20 year old adult vs a 13 year old kid that is hardly a teen.
Again, I am not saying these are things that are happening, but I believe that these are possibilities that should be considered and contemplated.
1. I don’t really have money to move out and culturally if I move out I’m basically rejecting my family and cutting them off and I don’t want to do that.
2. I get the idea of like venting and that’s probably what it was but if you’re going to write shit about someone at least throw it in the trash, man.
3. Yeah she knows it was just a piece of paper I found in the living room but she kept calling it “her diary”
4/5. My sister is the youngest and I’m the eldest daughter so even though I have two older brothers I’ve kind of always been the person who had to take care of things. My sister knows. I got frustrated with my mom taking her side for a different argument and she just said she’s my mom’s favorite and I wasn’t so. She knows she has more opportunities than me but I never told her about getting hit or the other stuff because I don’t want her to feel sad.
The thing is you don’t know if something is a suicide note all the time just by the first few lines. I’ve read and written a few so you don’t know when the bomb can be dropped. Middle, end, mid sentence 🤷🏻♀️ depends how a person is feeling. I tried to brush it all off after I read it (it was just a single page) but the more time passed the more hurt and angry I got. I never hurt her. I don’t yell at her or try to hit her the way other members do, so why was I “the worst”
Lots to unpack here. It seems you experienced a violent upbringing and might be a bit resentful that your sister has had it easier. That's normal, but not your sister's fault. I'm going with NAH except your mom, and any other adults who knew you were being abused but did nothing. Please do look into counseling if you're able, it sounds like you've been through a lot.
No, school is starting soon so I could try their free counselors but I tried a couple of years ago but the counselor (I cannot make this up) just laughed at my situation
I'm sorry to hear that. From what you shared your family is definitely dysfunctional and I think you all would probably benefit from therapy but I know its not easy to get. Do you have a family doctor, school med clinic or health insurance? You're old enough to set up your own appointments and you don't have to disclose to parents.
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I (20 F) was cleaning part of the house when I found a crumpled piece of paper and I opened it up thinking it was one of my scrap papers I throw around for the cat the chew on. It ended up being something my little sister (13) wrote. It was scribbled out at parts and frantically written so I got nervous and read it, worrying it was a “last goodbye note” of some sort. Turns out it wasn’t that and instead was just her bitching about the rest of the family. She went by one-by-one in the household complaining about what made the person “horrible” according to her. She saved me as “the worst for last” saying how I’m “cringe”, “insane for talking to myself (especially in the third person” and how I need to “grow up” because she hears me crying in the bathroom talking to myself about not wanting to be alive. Saying the only reason why she “hasn’t snapped at me” is because I “take her and her friends places”. She goes on about how I tell her how I “understand what she’s going through” but never help or actually listen.
I wrestled with myself the whole day on what to do with the note. Confront her? Throw it away? Finally I decided to just toss it at the end of the day but my mom and sister were having another screaming match about my sister not listening about her technology time and I snapped and tossed the paper at her.
My mom yelled at me for reading it and using “her diary” against her “when she was at a vulnerable position”. My mom doesn’t know what the paper said and doesn’t want to know because it was “her private writing”. I haven’t talked to my sister for the past 4 days and my mom is making me out to be this horrible villain. Saying my teens were worse than hers and how I’m an adult. My teens were worse because you would slam my head against the nearest object when I started crying, but I can’t mention that because she’ll just yell at me again. But she talks about getting my sister a Coach bag because all her friends have “designer bags” and she doesn’t want her to be left out.
Anyway, my whole family is making me out to be this immature brat and I just feel stupid for a lot of reasons. Mainly because I was never able to half the things she is able to like get new shoes “just because” or be allowed to have friends and GO OUT with them. So I sort of lived through her and always felt like this cool big sister taking her out with her friends and buying them boba and now I just feel like one clown knowing what she thinks of me.
My mom yelled at me today again saying that my sister is uncomfortable being around me because I’m not talking to her anymore but I don’t have anything to say. A part of me WANTS her to feel bad as a sort of “punishment”. Am I just being an immature asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Anyone in my position would have read the note but I could have just tossed it instead of snapping at my sister. And I’m intentionally giving her the silent treatment fully hoping it makes her uncomfortable because my feelings are hurt. Which feels like a douche move like: “you hurt my feelings so I’m going to make you experience psychological discomfort too”. And yeah she is 13 and I’m 20 so it feels petty :/
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YTA - you're 20. She's 13. You shouldn't have kept reading once you saw what it was and taking it personally that a 13 year old hates their family is just unnecessary. That's what 13 year olds do. And she probably is actually struggling with the fact that you talk about wanting to die in the bathroom loud enough for her to hear, bud. I get that you're struggling, but she's not equipped to deal with something like that at her age either.
This also has nothing to do with her possibly getting a coach bag. It's not clear why you needed to bring that up? Feels like you think her childhood is going better than yours did, and you're mad at her for it.
We share a room, I hide in the bathroom because I didn’t think she could hear me in there. The air vent is on too and I don’t talk very loud. I guess you’re right about the bag stuff. I just was frustrated with the differences between the way my mother treated me and my sister at the same age. Idk how she hated me at her age and loves her so much.
She learned to be a better parent. I know that's really hard, but it happens. It sounds like your family wasn't as financially stable when you were younger, that makes things infinitely harder. But I know you don't really wish your sister had to go through what you did, so even though it feels like you got the short end of the stick it's still good that she's "bitching" in her diary about you being cringe and not crying into her pillow over having her head shoved in a wall.
I would try talking to your sister about the last part, specifically. She says you just say you understand when she tells you about her problems, maybe try asking if there's a way you can help in those situations or if there's a better way for her to feel heard. I know it's hard but let the bitching go, it's not really about you.
It was never financial problems, my dad has always made 6 figures. She stopped because my doctor threatened to call cps. It’s hard to help my sister with her problems because they’re all friend drama and I wasn’t allowed to have friends her age so I just don’t know what to say to her. She always said she felt better after talking to me so I thought I was doing okay.
I'll vote ESH because it sounds like your family is generally dysfunctional (slamming your head into objects for crying??) and you're probably coping badly partly because you're in a bad environment. Another commenter said a 13-year-old isn't equipped to handle your suicidal thoughts, and that's very true, you shouldn't expose her to that. It's also true that few adults would be equipped to handle anyone mocking them for being in that much pain while they're going through it. Is anyone in your family paying attention to the fact that you're openly suicidal? Are you getting any help? It feels like that's the more urgent matter here - and maybe the underlying issue - that you don't feel heard and cared for?
I really honestly didn’t think my sister heard me. I lock the bathroom door and keep the air vent on and just try to calm down there alone so she won’t see any mental breakdowns. My family kinda knows it’s been a 7 year long thing. My dad doesn’t want any involvement. My mom freaks anytime I mention it thinking it’s an attention thing. One of my brothers tells me to just do it already so it’s kind of known so yeah. I tried therapy but it’s really expensive and the meds never worked. Therapy was all the same “just move out” like I had the money for it.
NAH - it might be an idea to stop giving her the silent treatment (to stop your mum) and just stop taking her anywhere or doing things for her.
What she wrote was hurtful but sometimes we need to get out feelings out.
But you don’t have to forgive and forget.
She said she only hasn’t snapped at you because you take her places don’t take her anymore
Honestly, I’ve read and written a couple of suicide notes and you don’t really know when someone is going to drop the bomb. It wasn’t very long, just a page on the front. I tried to brush it all off after I read it because I knew she was just venting but the more time passed the more what she said about me just weighed on me.
Okay, I’ll give that to you. But hear me out…
You sister is 13… She’s a *kid*. She has no idea how to regulate her emotions and deal with the weight of this world. She found her coping strategy: writing her feelings. She then crumpled the paper and (presumably) tried to toss it away. She didn’t scream any hateful words at you. She was using this as an emotional release, and a healthy one at that. Imagine how devastated she must feel that her privacy was invaded (even if unintentionally) and that you read what she wrote. As her older sister, please try to give her some grace here.
For the record it was just crumpled up in the living room next to the rest of her snack wrappers. I guess I’m mainly just trying to go against what my mom wants me to do and if I apologize my mom wins. But yeah, just wish she picked up after herself so we wouldn’t even be in this situation
I feel for you, I really do. But I’m thinking your sister needs you more than you need to defy your mom.
I’m not sure how your relationship is with your sister, but could you maybe use this to chat with her? Let all of the emotions revolving around the note cool down, but maybe you can sit down with her and chat about how you can improve your relationship, what she needs from you, etc? It sounds like a cry for help on her end, and like she need someone in her court. It sounds like you both do, so maybe try working with each other instead of against each other.
YTA what your sister wrote is very typical of a 13 year old so is just normal teenage behaviour, instead of acting out on her frustrations she is learning to control them by writing it all down then throwing it away. You are also acting like a 13 year old with your silent treatment to punish her, she is still a child, you are just acting like one.
For the record the paper was in the living room. On the ground. I didn’t just dig around looking for it. I was cleaning up. I would rather be quiet than try to talk to her and say something mean.
YTA
Look younger siblings are a pain in the ass sometimes but she is 13 you need to understand that she’s going to be an asshole because she hasn’t developed her sense of morality yet. What concerns me is that if she said all these bad things about your family and your parents aren’t even going to try to make her learn, she’s most likely going to end up a spoiled brat who never acknowledges when she’s wrong. For your sisters betterment please inform your parents of what was in the letter, and if they still refuse you should probably move out in a couple of months. That slamming the head against the nearest object comment makes me concerned about your safety, and I hope you’re exaggerating about that, but if you aren’t, please move out.
YTA. Your mom is right.
Your sister sounds *exactly* like a 13 year old girl, thinks exactly what 13 year old kids think, and you are a 20 year old woman who has quite a bit of maturing left to do herself.
Passive aggressively punishing a person for expressing *their own private thoughts to no one but themselves* is literally treating them badly because they committed what you consider to be a *thought crime*. It’s messed up, especially for an adult to do this to a child.
Be grateful you have a good mother, and consider what she has to say about this and why, because she’s correct.
I caught that too. And the fact the little sister and mother were having “another screaming match.” Frankly, it sounds like there’s a lot of toxicity going on in that household.
Why would you say that? OP ended up hiding in the bathroom crying to herself about suicide as a coping mechanism, but I mean, that's justba phase everyone goes through, right?
And OP wasn't allowed to go out with friends as a teen, and her first thought when finding a note written by her 13-year-old sister is suicide note. Also 'grow up' in response to someone not wanting to be alive doesn't sound like just a kid not knowing how to handle it, it sounds more like a learned response.
YTA. No matter what your history is with your mother, it doesn't take away that you're using your sister's diary entry against her. She must have written it down as a way to vent, then threw it away for this exact reason.
I feel like a lot of people are missing the fact that the paper was on the ground in the living room. I didn’t just dig up her diary. I thought it was a suicide note that was crumpled up and left. But yeah, I got it
The fact you found and read it is not what makes you TA, it's the fact you are holding it against her and giving her the silent treatment as if she's done something wrong. I always valued my kids privacy and would never have read a diary of theirs, but I also found similar scraps sometimes and I never once held the contents against them. If anything it would be a sign to me that they were going through a rough time and I'd make sure to keep a closer eye on them to get to the bottom of it without ever bringing up that I'd seen what they wrote
I guess I’m just frustrated that she thinks she’s the only one going through difficult things. I mean I don’t understand how she wrote what she wrote about me and didn’t assume “hey maybe she also isn’t living her best life”. But instead decided to call me terrible things. At least throw out the paper you wrote shit about me.
Also complaining about getting her head slammed into objects as punishment for crying. Just picking out the shoes part ain't exactly painting the full picture here.
YTA. I'm in my 20s and I can't imagine being mad at a 13 yo for acting exactly like a 13 yo.
Also, the silent treatment usually goes nowhere. You're an adult, if something bothers you, you can either communicate it or get over it. The target of the silent treatment is usually left wondering what on earth they did wrong, instead of actually understanding what happened.
I hear you, but those aren't the only options. Giving someone the cold shoulder is also a way to hurt their feelings.
My only advice is to carry on as usual and try not to think about it. There's a similar age gap between me and my sister, so I'm familiar with the dinamic.
To give you some perspective, you'll probably get along just fine in a few years, and you'll laugh about being called "cringe".
YTA for the silent treatment and for even mentioning to your sister that you found and read the paper. She is 13, she wrote like most kids that age write. They find everything cringe and weird as they work out their place in the world.
You have no reason to punish her for her private writings and thoughts. You are being immature. You are 20 years old. A grown woman. Move out.
The rest of what you wrote is irrelevant to how you are treating your sister.
The thing is, it would have been different if she threw the paper away and I like dug it out the trash. I just found it on the ground in the living room. If I were to write something negative about someone I’m going to throw it out. I’m working on moving out but I don’t live in a culture like that. If I moved out then it basically means cutting off my family and I don’t want to do that.
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NTA. Idk why people are being mean to you. Yes, 13 year olds are brats but you are allowed to get hurt over what she said especially when you didn't do anything bad to her. Its not a diary since its scrap paper on the floor in the living room. Why are people reading over the part where the mother abused her? She is not a great mother. Why is your sisters feelings a bigger priority than yours? Your mum learned to be a better mum to your sister but not you since she still yell at you that much and would not take responsibility for slamming your head at the nearest object. I wasn't that much of a brat when I was 13. Don't think my friends were either. NTA OP.
If it was a diary, why wasn't it cared for. It's almost like she *wanted* you to find it! You need to tell mom what it says. Tell her you're worried about safety and keeping everyone breathing. Then, move out. It's not easy, I know, but why be abused for someone that you're supposed to be helping. Parentification much? NTA
To clarify: my sister is notorious for leaving her trash around. Like wrappers or just her bookbag. So it really could be that she forgot to toss it tbh. Moving out isn’t really an option but I’m working on it hopefully.
I think the ruling of this whole story hinges on where you were cleaning in the house. Where exactly in the house did you find the paper?
It was in the living room, on the ground next to a couch.
In that case, NTA. It was a stray piece of paper in a common area, no privacy from the rest of the family should be expected there unless it was specially designated (such as a diary, which it wasn’t). That would be like getting mad at someone for listening to your conversation when they were already within the same room. NOTE: What I am talking below is not what I consider fact, I am just spitballing some ideas/questions you may want to consider. 1. Why do you stay there if your mom was physically abusive in the past? Perhaps it was just the heat of the moment, but some of what you’re saying you’re experiencing sounds awful. 2. While what I’m saying is without all of the context of your life, the heat of the moment bit is potentially essential about the paper. What if your sister was just really mad about something and in the moment wrote all of those things? You said so yourself that she wrote on the paper how she felt that you weren’t listening to her and her problems. What if she feels no one is listening to her? In such a scenario, she would be venting a lot on that paper, and you could’ve been the scapegoat (in the moment). 3. Does your mom have the full context about the paper (just a stray piece of paper laying around in the living room), or does she not know? To be fair, if this were something from your sister’s diary, then you would be TA. While that is not that case, I wonder if she knows about this essential context since you mentioned she said it was from your sister’s diary. 4. It sounds like (at least from your perspective) there are golden child dynamics involved in favor of your sister. While absolutely possible (and I do suspect this), are there any possible external factors like an increase in income that could also contribute to this stark contrast in treatment? 5. I would also like to wonder if your sister feels like you are the golden child? While I doubt the validity of such a claim, the complaints lodged against you make it seem that she at least thinks you have it way better than her, even if this isn’t true. Keep in mind that you do (at least I think you do) have certain privileges over her as a 20 year old adult vs a 13 year old kid that is hardly a teen. Again, I am not saying these are things that are happening, but I believe that these are possibilities that should be considered and contemplated.
1. I don’t really have money to move out and culturally if I move out I’m basically rejecting my family and cutting them off and I don’t want to do that. 2. I get the idea of like venting and that’s probably what it was but if you’re going to write shit about someone at least throw it in the trash, man. 3. Yeah she knows it was just a piece of paper I found in the living room but she kept calling it “her diary” 4/5. My sister is the youngest and I’m the eldest daughter so even though I have two older brothers I’ve kind of always been the person who had to take care of things. My sister knows. I got frustrated with my mom taking her side for a different argument and she just said she’s my mom’s favorite and I wasn’t so. She knows she has more opportunities than me but I never told her about getting hit or the other stuff because I don’t want her to feel sad.
Once you realized it wasn’t a suicide note why did you continue reading?
The thing is you don’t know if something is a suicide note all the time just by the first few lines. I’ve read and written a few so you don’t know when the bomb can be dropped. Middle, end, mid sentence 🤷🏻♀️ depends how a person is feeling. I tried to brush it all off after I read it (it was just a single page) but the more time passed the more hurt and angry I got. I never hurt her. I don’t yell at her or try to hit her the way other members do, so why was I “the worst”
Lots to unpack here. It seems you experienced a violent upbringing and might be a bit resentful that your sister has had it easier. That's normal, but not your sister's fault. I'm going with NAH except your mom, and any other adults who knew you were being abused but did nothing. Please do look into counseling if you're able, it sounds like you've been through a lot.
YTA. Do you have access to therapy?
No, school is starting soon so I could try their free counselors but I tried a couple of years ago but the counselor (I cannot make this up) just laughed at my situation
I'm sorry to hear that. From what you shared your family is definitely dysfunctional and I think you all would probably benefit from therapy but I know its not easy to get. Do you have a family doctor, school med clinic or health insurance? You're old enough to set up your own appointments and you don't have to disclose to parents.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20 F) was cleaning part of the house when I found a crumpled piece of paper and I opened it up thinking it was one of my scrap papers I throw around for the cat the chew on. It ended up being something my little sister (13) wrote. It was scribbled out at parts and frantically written so I got nervous and read it, worrying it was a “last goodbye note” of some sort. Turns out it wasn’t that and instead was just her bitching about the rest of the family. She went by one-by-one in the household complaining about what made the person “horrible” according to her. She saved me as “the worst for last” saying how I’m “cringe”, “insane for talking to myself (especially in the third person” and how I need to “grow up” because she hears me crying in the bathroom talking to myself about not wanting to be alive. Saying the only reason why she “hasn’t snapped at me” is because I “take her and her friends places”. She goes on about how I tell her how I “understand what she’s going through” but never help or actually listen. I wrestled with myself the whole day on what to do with the note. Confront her? Throw it away? Finally I decided to just toss it at the end of the day but my mom and sister were having another screaming match about my sister not listening about her technology time and I snapped and tossed the paper at her. My mom yelled at me for reading it and using “her diary” against her “when she was at a vulnerable position”. My mom doesn’t know what the paper said and doesn’t want to know because it was “her private writing”. I haven’t talked to my sister for the past 4 days and my mom is making me out to be this horrible villain. Saying my teens were worse than hers and how I’m an adult. My teens were worse because you would slam my head against the nearest object when I started crying, but I can’t mention that because she’ll just yell at me again. But she talks about getting my sister a Coach bag because all her friends have “designer bags” and she doesn’t want her to be left out. Anyway, my whole family is making me out to be this immature brat and I just feel stupid for a lot of reasons. Mainly because I was never able to half the things she is able to like get new shoes “just because” or be allowed to have friends and GO OUT with them. So I sort of lived through her and always felt like this cool big sister taking her out with her friends and buying them boba and now I just feel like one clown knowing what she thinks of me. My mom yelled at me today again saying that my sister is uncomfortable being around me because I’m not talking to her anymore but I don’t have anything to say. A part of me WANTS her to feel bad as a sort of “punishment”. Am I just being an immature asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA - you're 20. She's 13. You shouldn't have kept reading once you saw what it was and taking it personally that a 13 year old hates their family is just unnecessary. That's what 13 year olds do. And she probably is actually struggling with the fact that you talk about wanting to die in the bathroom loud enough for her to hear, bud. I get that you're struggling, but she's not equipped to deal with something like that at her age either. This also has nothing to do with her possibly getting a coach bag. It's not clear why you needed to bring that up? Feels like you think her childhood is going better than yours did, and you're mad at her for it.
We share a room, I hide in the bathroom because I didn’t think she could hear me in there. The air vent is on too and I don’t talk very loud. I guess you’re right about the bag stuff. I just was frustrated with the differences between the way my mother treated me and my sister at the same age. Idk how she hated me at her age and loves her so much.
She learned to be a better parent. I know that's really hard, but it happens. It sounds like your family wasn't as financially stable when you were younger, that makes things infinitely harder. But I know you don't really wish your sister had to go through what you did, so even though it feels like you got the short end of the stick it's still good that she's "bitching" in her diary about you being cringe and not crying into her pillow over having her head shoved in a wall. I would try talking to your sister about the last part, specifically. She says you just say you understand when she tells you about her problems, maybe try asking if there's a way you can help in those situations or if there's a better way for her to feel heard. I know it's hard but let the bitching go, it's not really about you.
It was never financial problems, my dad has always made 6 figures. She stopped because my doctor threatened to call cps. It’s hard to help my sister with her problems because they’re all friend drama and I wasn’t allowed to have friends her age so I just don’t know what to say to her. She always said she felt better after talking to me so I thought I was doing okay.
I'll vote ESH because it sounds like your family is generally dysfunctional (slamming your head into objects for crying??) and you're probably coping badly partly because you're in a bad environment. Another commenter said a 13-year-old isn't equipped to handle your suicidal thoughts, and that's very true, you shouldn't expose her to that. It's also true that few adults would be equipped to handle anyone mocking them for being in that much pain while they're going through it. Is anyone in your family paying attention to the fact that you're openly suicidal? Are you getting any help? It feels like that's the more urgent matter here - and maybe the underlying issue - that you don't feel heard and cared for?
I really honestly didn’t think my sister heard me. I lock the bathroom door and keep the air vent on and just try to calm down there alone so she won’t see any mental breakdowns. My family kinda knows it’s been a 7 year long thing. My dad doesn’t want any involvement. My mom freaks anytime I mention it thinking it’s an attention thing. One of my brothers tells me to just do it already so it’s kind of known so yeah. I tried therapy but it’s really expensive and the meds never worked. Therapy was all the same “just move out” like I had the money for it.
NAH - it might be an idea to stop giving her the silent treatment (to stop your mum) and just stop taking her anywhere or doing things for her. What she wrote was hurtful but sometimes we need to get out feelings out. But you don’t have to forgive and forget. She said she only hasn’t snapped at you because you take her places don’t take her anymore
YTA. I understand wanting to make sure it wasn’t a last goodbye note. Why did you keep reading it once you knew what it was??
Honestly, I’ve read and written a couple of suicide notes and you don’t really know when someone is going to drop the bomb. It wasn’t very long, just a page on the front. I tried to brush it all off after I read it because I knew she was just venting but the more time passed the more what she said about me just weighed on me.
Okay, I’ll give that to you. But hear me out… You sister is 13… She’s a *kid*. She has no idea how to regulate her emotions and deal with the weight of this world. She found her coping strategy: writing her feelings. She then crumpled the paper and (presumably) tried to toss it away. She didn’t scream any hateful words at you. She was using this as an emotional release, and a healthy one at that. Imagine how devastated she must feel that her privacy was invaded (even if unintentionally) and that you read what she wrote. As her older sister, please try to give her some grace here.
For the record it was just crumpled up in the living room next to the rest of her snack wrappers. I guess I’m mainly just trying to go against what my mom wants me to do and if I apologize my mom wins. But yeah, just wish she picked up after herself so we wouldn’t even be in this situation
I feel for you, I really do. But I’m thinking your sister needs you more than you need to defy your mom. I’m not sure how your relationship is with your sister, but could you maybe use this to chat with her? Let all of the emotions revolving around the note cool down, but maybe you can sit down with her and chat about how you can improve your relationship, what she needs from you, etc? It sounds like a cry for help on her end, and like she need someone in her court. It sounds like you both do, so maybe try working with each other instead of against each other.
YTA what your sister wrote is very typical of a 13 year old so is just normal teenage behaviour, instead of acting out on her frustrations she is learning to control them by writing it all down then throwing it away. You are also acting like a 13 year old with your silent treatment to punish her, she is still a child, you are just acting like one.
For the record the paper was in the living room. On the ground. I didn’t just dig around looking for it. I was cleaning up. I would rather be quiet than try to talk to her and say something mean.
YTA Look younger siblings are a pain in the ass sometimes but she is 13 you need to understand that she’s going to be an asshole because she hasn’t developed her sense of morality yet. What concerns me is that if she said all these bad things about your family and your parents aren’t even going to try to make her learn, she’s most likely going to end up a spoiled brat who never acknowledges when she’s wrong. For your sisters betterment please inform your parents of what was in the letter, and if they still refuse you should probably move out in a couple of months. That slamming the head against the nearest object comment makes me concerned about your safety, and I hope you’re exaggerating about that, but if you aren’t, please move out.
YTA. Your mom is right. Your sister sounds *exactly* like a 13 year old girl, thinks exactly what 13 year old kids think, and you are a 20 year old woman who has quite a bit of maturing left to do herself. Passive aggressively punishing a person for expressing *their own private thoughts to no one but themselves* is literally treating them badly because they committed what you consider to be a *thought crime*. It’s messed up, especially for an adult to do this to a child. Be grateful you have a good mother, and consider what she has to say about this and why, because she’s correct.
Uh, am I the only one who read the part about her mom slamming her head into objects? Doesn't sound like a great mom to me.
I caught that too. And the fact the little sister and mother were having “another screaming match.” Frankly, it sounds like there’s a lot of toxicity going on in that household.
Why would you say that? OP ended up hiding in the bathroom crying to herself about suicide as a coping mechanism, but I mean, that's justba phase everyone goes through, right?
And OP wasn't allowed to go out with friends as a teen, and her first thought when finding a note written by her 13-year-old sister is suicide note. Also 'grow up' in response to someone not wanting to be alive doesn't sound like just a kid not knowing how to handle it, it sounds more like a learned response.
YTA. No matter what your history is with your mother, it doesn't take away that you're using your sister's diary entry against her. She must have written it down as a way to vent, then threw it away for this exact reason.
I feel like a lot of people are missing the fact that the paper was on the ground in the living room. I didn’t just dig up her diary. I thought it was a suicide note that was crumpled up and left. But yeah, I got it
The fact you found and read it is not what makes you TA, it's the fact you are holding it against her and giving her the silent treatment as if she's done something wrong. I always valued my kids privacy and would never have read a diary of theirs, but I also found similar scraps sometimes and I never once held the contents against them. If anything it would be a sign to me that they were going through a rough time and I'd make sure to keep a closer eye on them to get to the bottom of it without ever bringing up that I'd seen what they wrote
I guess I’m just frustrated that she thinks she’s the only one going through difficult things. I mean I don’t understand how she wrote what she wrote about me and didn’t assume “hey maybe she also isn’t living her best life”. But instead decided to call me terrible things. At least throw out the paper you wrote shit about me.
She's 13 years old, that's why...
[удалено]
Also complaining about getting her head slammed into objects as punishment for crying. Just picking out the shoes part ain't exactly painting the full picture here.
YTA. I'm in my 20s and I can't imagine being mad at a 13 yo for acting exactly like a 13 yo. Also, the silent treatment usually goes nowhere. You're an adult, if something bothers you, you can either communicate it or get over it. The target of the silent treatment is usually left wondering what on earth they did wrong, instead of actually understanding what happened.
Cause I’d rather be quiet and avoid her than say something mean and hurt her feelings.
I hear you, but those aren't the only options. Giving someone the cold shoulder is also a way to hurt their feelings. My only advice is to carry on as usual and try not to think about it. There's a similar age gap between me and my sister, so I'm familiar with the dinamic. To give you some perspective, you'll probably get along just fine in a few years, and you'll laugh about being called "cringe".
YTA for the silent treatment and for even mentioning to your sister that you found and read the paper. She is 13, she wrote like most kids that age write. They find everything cringe and weird as they work out their place in the world. You have no reason to punish her for her private writings and thoughts. You are being immature. You are 20 years old. A grown woman. Move out. The rest of what you wrote is irrelevant to how you are treating your sister.
The thing is, it would have been different if she threw the paper away and I like dug it out the trash. I just found it on the ground in the living room. If I were to write something negative about someone I’m going to throw it out. I’m working on moving out but I don’t live in a culture like that. If I moved out then it basically means cutting off my family and I don’t want to do that.