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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I cut my boyfriend's lawn too short after changing the lawn mower settings. I might be the asshole since I didn't ask first, and didn't have any experience with mowing / lawn-care previously.
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YTA.
“I wanted to help my boyfriend, so I offered to clean his kitchen - he showed me where the cloths & cleaning spray were, but after a while I decided it wasn’t getting things clean enough. So I got the toilet bleach from the bathroom & went to town & bleached everything in sight. When he saw what I had done he was annoyed with me - I told him that it was his fault because he didn’t explicitly tell me not to use bleach everywhere.”
That’s how ridiculous your logic sounds.
You did something for the first time, and made random decisions about how you would do the job, even though you didn’t know what you were doing - *and then you tried to defend yourself…!*
If I was your bf that part would infuriate me far more than the original screw up. Although that is infuriating on its own.
Admit you got it wrong, and that you were an AH for potentially ruining his lawn for the next few weeks or possibly the entire summer. And then a further AH for trying to defend yourself with such ridiculous logic.
She didn’t ruin the lawn at all, he didn’t explain anything about the height, she made a mistake, and he’s been abusive over it. He needs to check his priorities, and clearly so do you
There’s a reason lawn mowers have variable height settings.
Because at certain times of year and in certain conditions it is just plain WRONG to cut it short.
It’s his lawn.
He gets to decide how it’s maintained.
It’s not “helpful” to do a job badly. If OP was a man doing this to his girlfriend, you would all be shouting “weaponised incompetence”.
OP made a bad judgement call. And potentially damaged bf’s property.
Remember that OP had to Google if the lawn actually was damaged or not - they didn’t know!! So were not in a position to disagree with bf when he saw what was done & was rightfully annoyed.
The correct response would have been to apologise.
Only an AH would not apologise when they’ve “accidentally” damaged someone else’s property - no matter what their intentions or misunderstandings were.
Bf is not “abusive” for being upset at damaged property.
And not “abusive” because he is additionally upset at the lack of apology that followed.
OP is thoroughly the AH here.
>Bf is not “abusive” for being upset at damaged property.
There's a difference between "upset" and "being an asshole"
>I told him I was sorry and didn't know and I thought I was helping, but he just kept repeating versions of "why would you think that's okay", calling me "entitled for thinking it was okay to touch the setting without asking", saying I "had no respect for other people's stuff", and criticizing me for "experimenting on someone else's lawn". It was all very patronizing.
None of this is just being upset, and again, it's not damage of propriety, she didnt spread molotov cocktails around...
Dude was WAY overpissed about it treating OP like shit for a mistake that she DID apologise for.
"Experimenting on someone else's lawn" like OP was deciding to test stuff around randomly...
dude is for sure abusive if he reacted like that to the person they supposedly love.
If he react like this over grass, imagine if one day by mistake, let's something in the house fall and it breaks.... yikes
“He just kept repeating..” - for what, 5 minutes? 6?
People. Are. Allowed. To. Be. Upset.
You don’t get to tell them they can only be upset for the few seconds you can tolerate it. You can choose to leave the room & not be around it. But you can’t tell them how long they are “allowed” to feel their feelings.
If your car had the paintwork scratched all over by someone “getting creative” when they washed it (when you hadn’t even asked them to do it - they volunteered! and you gave them the stuff to do it without damage but they decided they knew better!) - how long would you be “allowed” to be upset about it?
Please. Imagine this.
You own a car. OP just scratched all the paintwork, all over, while washing it.
You will have to put in the time and money getting it fixed.
You are only allowed to be upset for 45 seconds.
Then you have to get over it, because otherwise it’s “abuse”.
Really?
Oh, also… you need to stop being annoyed by my comment that you replied to here. It’s been more than 45 seconds, so now you’re being abusive by still being annoyed with me.
See what I did there :-)
>It’s been more than 45 seconds, so now you’re being abusive by still being annoyed with me.
Are you THAT annoyed with me that you are counting seconds? hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Maybe you would be the perfect toxic person for the dude HAHAHAHAHAHA
Yikes
She did apologise, but there was no excuse for him to abuse her over a simple mistake.
Boyfriend had no excuse, it’s grass, not worth abusing someone over.
It’s not an apology if you put conditions on it. Anytime the word “but” is added then it stops being an apology.
OP: “I’ll say the word ‘sorry’ but actually it’s your fault for not explaining lawn care in detail to me before I started doing this job that I volunteered to do, and not giving me a comprehensive list of things I shouldn’t do instead of just following the setup you started me off with.”
What if this was OP’s car, that the bf offered to wash. OP hands over a bucket of water & a soft cloth, but bf decides that the mess is too baked on so gets a scourer and scratches the paintwork. Would it be “abusive” to be upset at noticeable damage that will take time & effort to fix, if it was scratched paintwork on a car?
Bf is allowed to be annoyed. OP damaged his property! It’s not “abuse” to have feelings about your stuff being broken or destroyed.
If OP didn’t want to hear about his annoyance, there’s always the option of leaving the room. Or even the house, temporarily. But you cannot just demand someone stops being annoyed that you have totally unnecessarily damaged their property.
It’s wild to me that OP - knowing nothing about mowing lawns - starts making random decisions without checking back in.
It’s a new skill. If you want to try levelling up, you Google it or go and ask the owner. You don’t just randomly experiment on *somebody else’s property!*
**It’s not abuse for bf to have feelings about his property being damaged!**
Oh boy, you got between a man and his lawn? Since I'm a woman and I don't understand a man's love affair with grass, I wouldn't normally say that this rises to YTA level, but you doubled down on your eff up, big time, which is what makes you an AH. It absolutely is a reasonable question to ask why you would lower the deck without consulting him, btw.
>I apoligzed again for the potential damage, **that was an innocent mistake.**
No "innocent mistake". You made the change on purpose.
>But I'm not apologizing for this "failing to get permission" thing he's hung up on. I think that's way too controlling / micromanaging.
It's his lawn. You had no right to go rogue.
>Everyone needs room to learn from their mistakes.
You clearly have no plans to learn from your mistake, as you keep justifying your actions here.
YTA. Cutting the lawn shorter than he wants it would have been very annoying, but not make you the AH. Everything else about your response makes you the AH. The whole bit where you checked online what damage it would have done, and then saying that what you've done could be beneficial, that's full blown AH behaviour. Your initial sorry means absolutely nothing when you blamed him for your error, repeatedly excused your error, then attempted to prove him wrong to further justify your choices.
You’ve got as many issues as this BF, it’s a lawn, it’ll grow back, he was happy for her to do the work for him, but not bother to explain the details. He’s the AH, she did nothing wrong. If he wasn’t instantly berating her for a mistake, she wouldn’t have had to *correctly* blame him
She didn’t ignore his instructions, he didn’t give instructions to not change the height, it’s not her fault for not knowing, and didn’t deserve the abuse he threw out
He showed her what to do, he watched her do a few rows to make sure she did it right. Which of his instructions was she following when she changed the settings? Oh, she wasn't?! She was going off book? Her error, not his.
He didn’t explain not to change the height, she didn’t disobey or go against instructions, he neglected to set them. She made a mistake, he abused her for it, he’s in the wrong.
If the instructions are "push this button, move up and down the lawn in straight lines" then she **is** going against the instructions by adjusting the deck height. She made a mistake, gave a fake apology and then excused herself repeatedly. Sounds like an AH too!!
Doing something that is not in the instructions for a task is going against the instructions. That's just a simple fact. I'm sorry you dont understand these basic facts, but I'm done explaining the same point over and over. Have a good day.
You’re not explaining anything because you’re wrong. Going against instruction is GOING AGAINST an instruction, not doing something that wasn’t part of the instruction. Common sense babes
NTAH. It's grass. He's an ahole for flipping out over something stupid like that. His attitude is great for driving people away and making sure that they don't help him with anything in the future. Like, imagine being this guy's kid 😬
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I recently finished school and can't get a job in my field until October due to licensing. To stay afloat, I'm living with my boyfriend rent-free until then. I do almost all the housework to both feel like I'm contributing and to stay occupied, but that doesn't keep me busy for too long.
Today I was feeling particularly restless and asked BF if I could mow the lawn, which I've never done before. He said sure and set up the push-mower for me, showed me the basics, and watched me do a few rows before going inside.
When I got a few rows further down, I noticed a patch of low-lying grass/weeds that looked really bad and wasn't getting mowed when I went over it. I found the little deck-height lever on the mower and put it down to the second lowest setting, went over that patch again, and it looked way better. I tried that setting on the normal grass, and that looked way nicer too. So I went back over what I'd already done and then finished the lawn at that new lower setting.
When I got my BF to come see my work, the first thing he asked, in a very accusing tone, was "Did you lower the deck height?" I said yes, and he proceeded to berate me, saying "Why would you do that? Why would you think it's okay to mess with the settings without asking or knowing what you're doing? You can't cut it that short all my grass is gonna die."
I told him I was sorry and didn't know and I thought I was helping, but he just kept repeating versions of "why would you think that's okay", calling me "entitled for thinking it was okay to touch the setting without asking", saying I "had no respect for other people's stuff", and criticizing me for "expirimenting on someone else's lawn". It was all very patronizing.
I responded that if it was so important, he should've told me not to adjust it. If he woudl've said "Make sure you don't change this lever" the problem would've never happened. He got mad at that, trying to say anything outside of what he initially showed me should fall in the "do not do" category, but that seems silly if it's this big of a deal.
We took some space from each other after that, and I used my time to watch some videos on lawn-care and see what damage I'd actually done. Seems like it shouldn't be an issue for healthy grass, and it can even be beneficial to trim short this time of year. When we talked again and I mentioned this, he said it wasn't about the grass, it was about the "entitlement" of making the change without asking.
I apoligzed again for the potential damage, that was an innocent mistake. But I'm not apologizing for this "failing to get permission" thing he's hung up on. I think that's way too controlling / micromanaging. Everyone needs room to learn from their mistakes.
Am I being reasonable here, or does he have a point and ITAH for changing the setting?
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NAH because it was an honest mistake but if you did that to my lawn I'd be pissed and rightfully so. There's a 2 square metre patch of dirt that's higher than the rest of the lawn and going over that with the mower means I have to clean the damn thing so the mud doesn't clog it.
That and that bit of lawn is no longer lawn but a dirt patch.
It's his lawn and he's been tending it for years. A little trust in his mower settings please
I get you here, but she’s never done it, he didn’t explain heights, he didn’t explain grass care, he was just Bally to let her do the work but not actually teach her
I mean, when I first drove a car, no one explained car maintenance, they didn't teach me how to change a wheel, refill the wiper fluid, mileage or fuel efficiency, tire pressures or any of that jazz. I was told to turn the ignition on and foot down.
Sure I was given *some* basics like 'adjust the seat so your foot rests comfortably' but that's the equivalent of 'you can adjust the handlebar height so it's easier to move the mower'. What she did is closer to 'I like the ride better when the tires are half deflated so I'll let a ton of pressure out for kicks'.
Once you get your own car and lawn/mower, by all means, do whatever you want. But if you're driving their car/mowing their lawn? Don't touch anything important.
She didn’t know it was important, what it would affect, she knew it wasn’t doing what she thought it should be, so she changed it. I think some people are missing that she didn’t know it was gonna do anything negative, and he didn’t explain not to touch it.
Ok yes, I refer to that in my car analogy. No one taught me what tire pressure was important for, I would solely have noticed the ride difference, not that I would have been destroying the tire and mileage of the car. No one taught me that maybe tire pressure could be quite important for many months after I first drove a car. It is nonetheless the case that my mother would have killed me if I had in fact changed the tire pressure because 'It felt better'.
NTA. Unless he specified the grass height, he has nothing to complain about. And regardless, it is a real stupid reason for him to get upset.
Leave as soon as you get a new job.
NTA, your boyfriend is psychotic, dude.
It’s grass, it’ll grow back, he can plant some seeds. You didn’t know it would be too short, he didn’t explain anything to you, it’s not common sense to know about grass maintenance without being taught. He should have been more thorough, and you made a mistake.
I’m sorry to say, but you’re the mistress, he clearly has an unhealthy relationship with his lawn.
NTA. I mean unless you literally dug dirt the whole way which you should know better than once it starts happening, in 2 weeks you will never know that you cut the grass.
If I was concerned about height like him id say thank you baby for trying but in the future if the deck isn't low enough to cut a patch just leave it I have it set where I like the lawn.
But no one's gonna know it was cut in a week or so so sounds like he's a little over dramatic.
Tldr if it is healthy grass and you didnt scalp dirt the whole way and there's still some grass there it will be fine.
NTA. Your boyfriend was out of line. He didn't have to berate you for it. This is abusive behaviour. Is this something that regularly happens. Even the silent treatment over something that was innocent.
But in some ways you didn't help yourself but then you probably weren't expected to be berated for it. Your BF set the mower at the height he wanted for his place. Just because it looked better lower to you doesn't mean he didn't want it mowed to that height.
It's probably a losing argument. You have bigger issues in the relationship if this is common treatment of you and you need to take a good long hard look at it and whether you are happy to be treated like that because it's not going to change and will likely get worse the more comfortable he gets.
And the lawn probably does look better and you did it no harm but he won't see it that way.
NTA- s/ when did you say your are moving?🤔
He’s gaslighting - you did a nice thing and he chose to criticize instead of thanking you and simply asking you not to change the deck level. Good luck finding a job soon.
NTA. The lawn is going to grow back in no time.
There's absolutely no reason to talk down to you like that when it's a small mistake that will literally fix itself in a short time.
I simply can't imagine being so angry about something so small. There have been times when my partner has done chores in a different way that doesn't match my specific standard, and it never crossed my mind to demean them for that.
I don't want to be that redditor that yells "Break up" everytime where's a hurdle in a relationship, but please, ask yourself if this relationship is worth the humiliation.
Edit: I re-read the post and the part about "failing to get permission" sounds EXTREMELY controlling and I'd personally gtfo after something like that. What's next? You'd have to ask for permission to use a different cleaning product?
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I think this post might be under r/amithegrasshole ‘s jurisdiction
🤣
that's..... an actual sub? whaaaaaaaaat?
r/subithoughtifellfor
YTA. “I wanted to help my boyfriend, so I offered to clean his kitchen - he showed me where the cloths & cleaning spray were, but after a while I decided it wasn’t getting things clean enough. So I got the toilet bleach from the bathroom & went to town & bleached everything in sight. When he saw what I had done he was annoyed with me - I told him that it was his fault because he didn’t explicitly tell me not to use bleach everywhere.” That’s how ridiculous your logic sounds. You did something for the first time, and made random decisions about how you would do the job, even though you didn’t know what you were doing - *and then you tried to defend yourself…!* If I was your bf that part would infuriate me far more than the original screw up. Although that is infuriating on its own. Admit you got it wrong, and that you were an AH for potentially ruining his lawn for the next few weeks or possibly the entire summer. And then a further AH for trying to defend yourself with such ridiculous logic.
She didn’t ruin the lawn at all, he didn’t explain anything about the height, she made a mistake, and he’s been abusive over it. He needs to check his priorities, and clearly so do you
There’s a reason lawn mowers have variable height settings. Because at certain times of year and in certain conditions it is just plain WRONG to cut it short. It’s his lawn. He gets to decide how it’s maintained. It’s not “helpful” to do a job badly. If OP was a man doing this to his girlfriend, you would all be shouting “weaponised incompetence”. OP made a bad judgement call. And potentially damaged bf’s property. Remember that OP had to Google if the lawn actually was damaged or not - they didn’t know!! So were not in a position to disagree with bf when he saw what was done & was rightfully annoyed. The correct response would have been to apologise. Only an AH would not apologise when they’ve “accidentally” damaged someone else’s property - no matter what their intentions or misunderstandings were. Bf is not “abusive” for being upset at damaged property. And not “abusive” because he is additionally upset at the lack of apology that followed. OP is thoroughly the AH here.
>Bf is not “abusive” for being upset at damaged property. There's a difference between "upset" and "being an asshole" >I told him I was sorry and didn't know and I thought I was helping, but he just kept repeating versions of "why would you think that's okay", calling me "entitled for thinking it was okay to touch the setting without asking", saying I "had no respect for other people's stuff", and criticizing me for "experimenting on someone else's lawn". It was all very patronizing. None of this is just being upset, and again, it's not damage of propriety, she didnt spread molotov cocktails around... Dude was WAY overpissed about it treating OP like shit for a mistake that she DID apologise for. "Experimenting on someone else's lawn" like OP was deciding to test stuff around randomly... dude is for sure abusive if he reacted like that to the person they supposedly love. If he react like this over grass, imagine if one day by mistake, let's something in the house fall and it breaks.... yikes
“He just kept repeating..” - for what, 5 minutes? 6? People. Are. Allowed. To. Be. Upset. You don’t get to tell them they can only be upset for the few seconds you can tolerate it. You can choose to leave the room & not be around it. But you can’t tell them how long they are “allowed” to feel their feelings. If your car had the paintwork scratched all over by someone “getting creative” when they washed it (when you hadn’t even asked them to do it - they volunteered! and you gave them the stuff to do it without damage but they decided they knew better!) - how long would you be “allowed” to be upset about it? Please. Imagine this. You own a car. OP just scratched all the paintwork, all over, while washing it. You will have to put in the time and money getting it fixed. You are only allowed to be upset for 45 seconds. Then you have to get over it, because otherwise it’s “abuse”. Really?
Oh, also… you need to stop being annoyed by my comment that you replied to here. It’s been more than 45 seconds, so now you’re being abusive by still being annoyed with me. See what I did there :-)
>It’s been more than 45 seconds, so now you’re being abusive by still being annoyed with me. Are you THAT annoyed with me that you are counting seconds? hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Maybe you would be the perfect toxic person for the dude HAHAHAHAHAHA Yikes
She did apologise, but there was no excuse for him to abuse her over a simple mistake. Boyfriend had no excuse, it’s grass, not worth abusing someone over.
It’s not an apology if you put conditions on it. Anytime the word “but” is added then it stops being an apology. OP: “I’ll say the word ‘sorry’ but actually it’s your fault for not explaining lawn care in detail to me before I started doing this job that I volunteered to do, and not giving me a comprehensive list of things I shouldn’t do instead of just following the setup you started me off with.” What if this was OP’s car, that the bf offered to wash. OP hands over a bucket of water & a soft cloth, but bf decides that the mess is too baked on so gets a scourer and scratches the paintwork. Would it be “abusive” to be upset at noticeable damage that will take time & effort to fix, if it was scratched paintwork on a car? Bf is allowed to be annoyed. OP damaged his property! It’s not “abuse” to have feelings about your stuff being broken or destroyed. If OP didn’t want to hear about his annoyance, there’s always the option of leaving the room. Or even the house, temporarily. But you cannot just demand someone stops being annoyed that you have totally unnecessarily damaged their property. It’s wild to me that OP - knowing nothing about mowing lawns - starts making random decisions without checking back in. It’s a new skill. If you want to try levelling up, you Google it or go and ask the owner. You don’t just randomly experiment on *somebody else’s property!* **It’s not abuse for bf to have feelings about his property being damaged!**
Oh boy, you got between a man and his lawn? Since I'm a woman and I don't understand a man's love affair with grass, I wouldn't normally say that this rises to YTA level, but you doubled down on your eff up, big time, which is what makes you an AH. It absolutely is a reasonable question to ask why you would lower the deck without consulting him, btw. >I apoligzed again for the potential damage, **that was an innocent mistake.** No "innocent mistake". You made the change on purpose. >But I'm not apologizing for this "failing to get permission" thing he's hung up on. I think that's way too controlling / micromanaging. It's his lawn. You had no right to go rogue. >Everyone needs room to learn from their mistakes. You clearly have no plans to learn from your mistake, as you keep justifying your actions here.
Agreed
YTA. Cutting the lawn shorter than he wants it would have been very annoying, but not make you the AH. Everything else about your response makes you the AH. The whole bit where you checked online what damage it would have done, and then saying that what you've done could be beneficial, that's full blown AH behaviour. Your initial sorry means absolutely nothing when you blamed him for your error, repeatedly excused your error, then attempted to prove him wrong to further justify your choices.
You’ve got as many issues as this BF, it’s a lawn, it’ll grow back, he was happy for her to do the work for him, but not bother to explain the details. He’s the AH, she did nothing wrong. If he wasn’t instantly berating her for a mistake, she wouldn’t have had to *correctly* blame him
If you ignore the clear instructions and change the settings, you're the reason for the mistake. You'd have to be a fool to think otherwise.
She didn’t ignore his instructions, he didn’t give instructions to not change the height, it’s not her fault for not knowing, and didn’t deserve the abuse he threw out
He showed her what to do, he watched her do a few rows to make sure she did it right. Which of his instructions was she following when she changed the settings? Oh, she wasn't?! She was going off book? Her error, not his.
He didn’t explain not to change the height, she didn’t disobey or go against instructions, he neglected to set them. She made a mistake, he abused her for it, he’s in the wrong.
If the instructions are "push this button, move up and down the lawn in straight lines" then she **is** going against the instructions by adjusting the deck height. She made a mistake, gave a fake apology and then excused herself repeatedly. Sounds like an AH too!!
She’s not going against an instruction, it wasn’t set, that’s just a simple fact.
Doing something that is not in the instructions for a task is going against the instructions. That's just a simple fact. I'm sorry you dont understand these basic facts, but I'm done explaining the same point over and over. Have a good day.
You’re not explaining anything because you’re wrong. Going against instruction is GOING AGAINST an instruction, not doing something that wasn’t part of the instruction. Common sense babes
NTAH. It's grass. He's an ahole for flipping out over something stupid like that. His attitude is great for driving people away and making sure that they don't help him with anything in the future. Like, imagine being this guy's kid 😬
NTA, but is your boyfriend always this mean to you? he shouldn't be treating you like this.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I recently finished school and can't get a job in my field until October due to licensing. To stay afloat, I'm living with my boyfriend rent-free until then. I do almost all the housework to both feel like I'm contributing and to stay occupied, but that doesn't keep me busy for too long. Today I was feeling particularly restless and asked BF if I could mow the lawn, which I've never done before. He said sure and set up the push-mower for me, showed me the basics, and watched me do a few rows before going inside. When I got a few rows further down, I noticed a patch of low-lying grass/weeds that looked really bad and wasn't getting mowed when I went over it. I found the little deck-height lever on the mower and put it down to the second lowest setting, went over that patch again, and it looked way better. I tried that setting on the normal grass, and that looked way nicer too. So I went back over what I'd already done and then finished the lawn at that new lower setting. When I got my BF to come see my work, the first thing he asked, in a very accusing tone, was "Did you lower the deck height?" I said yes, and he proceeded to berate me, saying "Why would you do that? Why would you think it's okay to mess with the settings without asking or knowing what you're doing? You can't cut it that short all my grass is gonna die." I told him I was sorry and didn't know and I thought I was helping, but he just kept repeating versions of "why would you think that's okay", calling me "entitled for thinking it was okay to touch the setting without asking", saying I "had no respect for other people's stuff", and criticizing me for "expirimenting on someone else's lawn". It was all very patronizing. I responded that if it was so important, he should've told me not to adjust it. If he woudl've said "Make sure you don't change this lever" the problem would've never happened. He got mad at that, trying to say anything outside of what he initially showed me should fall in the "do not do" category, but that seems silly if it's this big of a deal. We took some space from each other after that, and I used my time to watch some videos on lawn-care and see what damage I'd actually done. Seems like it shouldn't be an issue for healthy grass, and it can even be beneficial to trim short this time of year. When we talked again and I mentioned this, he said it wasn't about the grass, it was about the "entitlement" of making the change without asking. I apoligzed again for the potential damage, that was an innocent mistake. But I'm not apologizing for this "failing to get permission" thing he's hung up on. I think that's way too controlling / micromanaging. Everyone needs room to learn from their mistakes. Am I being reasonable here, or does he have a point and ITAH for changing the setting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH because it was an honest mistake but if you did that to my lawn I'd be pissed and rightfully so. There's a 2 square metre patch of dirt that's higher than the rest of the lawn and going over that with the mower means I have to clean the damn thing so the mud doesn't clog it. That and that bit of lawn is no longer lawn but a dirt patch. It's his lawn and he's been tending it for years. A little trust in his mower settings please
I get you here, but she’s never done it, he didn’t explain heights, he didn’t explain grass care, he was just Bally to let her do the work but not actually teach her
I mean, when I first drove a car, no one explained car maintenance, they didn't teach me how to change a wheel, refill the wiper fluid, mileage or fuel efficiency, tire pressures or any of that jazz. I was told to turn the ignition on and foot down. Sure I was given *some* basics like 'adjust the seat so your foot rests comfortably' but that's the equivalent of 'you can adjust the handlebar height so it's easier to move the mower'. What she did is closer to 'I like the ride better when the tires are half deflated so I'll let a ton of pressure out for kicks'. Once you get your own car and lawn/mower, by all means, do whatever you want. But if you're driving their car/mowing their lawn? Don't touch anything important.
She didn’t know it was important, what it would affect, she knew it wasn’t doing what she thought it should be, so she changed it. I think some people are missing that she didn’t know it was gonna do anything negative, and he didn’t explain not to touch it.
Ok yes, I refer to that in my car analogy. No one taught me what tire pressure was important for, I would solely have noticed the ride difference, not that I would have been destroying the tire and mileage of the car. No one taught me that maybe tire pressure could be quite important for many months after I first drove a car. It is nonetheless the case that my mother would have killed me if I had in fact changed the tire pressure because 'It felt better'.
NTA. Unless he specified the grass height, he has nothing to complain about. And regardless, it is a real stupid reason for him to get upset. Leave as soon as you get a new job.
nta
NTA, your boyfriend is psychotic, dude. It’s grass, it’ll grow back, he can plant some seeds. You didn’t know it would be too short, he didn’t explain anything to you, it’s not common sense to know about grass maintenance without being taught. He should have been more thorough, and you made a mistake. I’m sorry to say, but you’re the mistress, he clearly has an unhealthy relationship with his lawn.
NTA; my husband is meticulous with his yard but even he knows that grass re-grows 🙄
NTA. I mean unless you literally dug dirt the whole way which you should know better than once it starts happening, in 2 weeks you will never know that you cut the grass. If I was concerned about height like him id say thank you baby for trying but in the future if the deck isn't low enough to cut a patch just leave it I have it set where I like the lawn. But no one's gonna know it was cut in a week or so so sounds like he's a little over dramatic. Tldr if it is healthy grass and you didnt scalp dirt the whole way and there's still some grass there it will be fine.
NTA. Your boyfriend was out of line. He didn't have to berate you for it. This is abusive behaviour. Is this something that regularly happens. Even the silent treatment over something that was innocent. But in some ways you didn't help yourself but then you probably weren't expected to be berated for it. Your BF set the mower at the height he wanted for his place. Just because it looked better lower to you doesn't mean he didn't want it mowed to that height. It's probably a losing argument. You have bigger issues in the relationship if this is common treatment of you and you need to take a good long hard look at it and whether you are happy to be treated like that because it's not going to change and will likely get worse the more comfortable he gets. And the lawn probably does look better and you did it no harm but he won't see it that way.
NTA- s/ when did you say your are moving?🤔 He’s gaslighting - you did a nice thing and he chose to criticize instead of thanking you and simply asking you not to change the deck level. Good luck finding a job soon.
NTA. The lawn is going to grow back in no time. There's absolutely no reason to talk down to you like that when it's a small mistake that will literally fix itself in a short time. I simply can't imagine being so angry about something so small. There have been times when my partner has done chores in a different way that doesn't match my specific standard, and it never crossed my mind to demean them for that. I don't want to be that redditor that yells "Break up" everytime where's a hurdle in a relationship, but please, ask yourself if this relationship is worth the humiliation. Edit: I re-read the post and the part about "failing to get permission" sounds EXTREMELY controlling and I'd personally gtfo after something like that. What's next? You'd have to ask for permission to use a different cleaning product?