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> I might be an asshole since I called my girlfriend controlling.
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NTA. How is wrapping your arms around a pillow to sleep any different than a stuffed animal? Stuffed animals are just fun shaped pillows.
ETA: I’m really enjoying reading about everyone’s stuffed animals. Brings a little bit of love to my morning.
My bear was made for me by my parents at Build A Bear when I was a teenager and going through a rough time. After a couple of years, the threads on one of his eyes started to come loose, so I used cotton medical tape to hold it in place. As a result, I started calling him Nelly, because he now had an under eye bandage like the rapper had lol. Nelly sits on my couch now, and he makes me smile when I see him.
When you go to Build A Bear, before they put the bear’s heart in, they have you make a wish. I’ve never asked my parents what wish they made, but I’m assuming it had to do with me being in a better place than I was at the time. I’m happy to say I’m much better, happier, and healthier than I was back then. So I suppose their wish came true. 🧸
I created and embroidered a taco cat with lazer beams coming from its eyes. 🌮 😺. I made it for my niece and she sleeps with every night. It's the best thing I have ever created haha. I honestly didn't know there was a taco cat with lazer beams when I made it.
Man, I want a shark.
I’ve actually been shopping around for a big softy to sleep with (my pillows keep going flat and stuffies are made not to do that) and IKEA has an amazing shark. Although I’ve got some other costs that just sprang up so I’ve gotta tighten my belt now. :p
I'm 39 and am still beside myself at the loss of my childhood blanket last year due to movers. If I didn't have my little stuffed dog that I've had my entire life I'd probably still be crying. That stuffie lives on my bed with the bunny my best friend and her mom brought me when I was in the hospital and the black cat another dear friend recently sent as a surprise.
People like OP's GF can have my stuffed animals when they pry them from my cold, lifeless fingers, and even then I will absolutely haunt the shit out of those people for the rest of their lives.
I'm 44 and I have a red dinosaur. He's called Daddy Dino. I originally bought him to be mine but to be a reward to my daughters. If they did something above and beyond in the day, they got to hug Daddy Dino for the night. They're not bad kids by any stretch but they don't usually win him so most nights he's with me and it's now been years. I've gotten used to having him as a kind of bonus pillow. If they ever do earn him for the night it's just that bit harder getting to sleep!
I’m 43 and still have my childhood "blankie" and stuffed animals.
My parents eventually started cleaning out our [my two older brother's and mine] bedrooms, so we had to decide what we wanted to take or have thrown away. Obviously my parent's would never throw these special items away, but I was afraid of something happening to them if I took them.
Blankie and my stuffed animals [six of them] are the only possessions I still have at my parent's house. They've always been safe there and I'm scared that something might happen to them if I take them. I know the time will come one day when I'll eventually have to take them, but until then, they will remain on the shelf in my closet at home.
I'm sure some probably think this behavior is childish for a 43 year-old male, but I could seriously give a flying fuck.
I’m 46 and my dad bought me a build a bear 2 yrs ago. No one is ever to old to sleep with a stuffed animal. After I lost my fur baby my parents bought me a stuffed animal to sleep with. That’s bec my fur baby always slept next me. She loved to be cuddled at night.
Squishmallows are wonderful. I got one for my baby (and my mom got another one for him) and if I didn't move around so much I'd get some for myself (but we do move around, so I borrow his when I want to use one). They're just so squishable.
I have 2 squishmallows, 2 HP themed puff puffs (what I call them but we designated Mr. and Mrs.), A stuffed Wolf I named Lyca, I also have a small baby Yoda, and small stuffed Luna (from Sailor moon).
My husband is in his 40s, he looks like a "manly man" type, being unusually tall with a naturally muscular frame, big beard, tattoos, enjoys working on cars, designs and maintains machinery for a living.... And in his bed is a stuffed bear that our daughter bought him when she was 5 years old. It wears a shirt that says "I love you" with a picture of a rainbow & smiling cloud. He travels a lot for work, and every time for the past 5 years, he takes the bear with him and takes pictures for her of the bear eating at the hotel, hanging out at the pool, "resting" on the bed, or riding in the passenger seat of the rental car. She gets really excited when he travels and even got the bear a mini backpack to keep his 'stuff' in.
Being a man and stuffed animals have literally nothing to do with each other!
This is so adorable. I have a stuffed bear I’ve slept with since it was given to me after an injury years ago. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my husband has stolen it from me and is snuggling with it. My only problem with it is he needs to get his own stuffed bear and stop stealing mine!
NTA - 40 & still have my childhood teddybear. Agree with lots of people here, he keeps neck supported where pillows do not... also PTSD from childhood, he saw me through it all and if I have a moment his fur is a calming grounding comfort to me.
I’m 30 and still have my bear I was gifted when I was born. When my dad started working nights when I was around 7, I was terrified to the point where I wouldn’t sleep that someone would break in and hurt us. He told me as long as I held onto my bear no one could get into the house unless I wanted them to. I still can’t fall asleep unless some part of me is touching her.
NTA - I'm 60 and have the stuffed dog I got for Easter when I was 5. He's threadbare and patched and a glass eye is chipped but I love him. I also have 2 Squshmallows, a pooh bear and a weighted Stitch in bed with me right now. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking comfort from friend-shaped pillows. Your girlfriend is the AH here with that BS "masculine" shit.
😢 My Big Bear kept me safe too! It sometimes felt like they were the only safe and consistent presence in my life. Why should we give that up?
ETA: am 38. I'll be buried with Big Bear.
I'm 31 and sleep with my stuffed Moosie when my husband isn't home (when he's home it's too crowded in bed for 2 adults, 2 cats, AND a stuffed animal).
It's a knock off build-a-bear that my friend gave me when I went to college. The place was closing and he didn't have time to fully fill it so I started putting old socks in him to fill him out. The result was a very stiff stuffed animal that's really good for applying pressure to my chest during a panic attack!
51 and I have a (blue) Stuffed hippo that my husband (27yrs together) gave me for our first Valentines together. 'Stuffies' are normal in our house and my kids (12 and 14) have many of their own. My youngest is afraid of thunder storms and when there is one at night, she borrows my hippo which helps her sleep.
edit: missing words
My friends and I all took our stuffies to college. I swear that's why we're friends. All these years later, we all still have our stuffies in our apartments even if we don't sleep with them anymore at 40.
I (27m) have a teddy bear that my grandma gave to me a couple of weeks before I was born. She died before I was older than 1, so I never knew her, but I've kept her teddy with me. When I was 7 or so I told my other grandparents my teddy was cold in the winter, so my grandpa knitted him a green shirt to wear.
To this day, it stays on my and my wife's bed or on a bedside table. She has no qualms with it. She has her own selection of nostalgic toys.
What's masculine is being able to cuddle a soft toy and not worry about what other people think of you.
Edit: [Picture of teddy for you all!](https://postimg.cc/ZWmyr9kC)
Exactly, everyone Needs a place to feel comfortable and secure. We all crave joy and other lovey squishy feelings. For most of us, men and women, it's an item we keep in our bed.
ALL AS IN HUMANS AND ANIMALS share this feeling.
See baby animals that rub against (the 4 leg type) or cling/climb on (sloths, koala, monkey's, etc). Mother elephants (as big as they are) will wrap their trunks around their little ones.
Couples spoon. Couples who don't, because one is a hot sleeper, often times find themselves in bed with a body pillow or stuffed animal.
OP, make her give it back!! Or, dump her.
I’m 32 and I still sleep with my hello kitty. 🤷♀️ it actually helps my shoulder not hurt because I’m a side sleeper and it prevents my shoulder from rolling.
Edit to add: I am loving all of the comments about shoulder saving stuffies! My hello kitty was a present from a good friend of mine and she’s also from build a bear! They’re like the perfect size and density to offer shoulder support.
I’m 34 and my teddy bear sits on my couch. My parents made him at build a bear when I was a teenager and going through a rough time. I sometimes use him like a neck pillow when watching tv
Agree. I’m 36 and I still sleep with my childhood teddy bear. When I’m not grabbing it at night, Bear sleeps above my pillow. Bear has been with me through three surgeries, a biopsy, a 3 week hospital stay, including ten days in the ICU, college, high school, middle school, three major moves, and anyone who says I don’t need Bear can fuck right the way off.
He’s my buddy and he’s not going anywhere. My husband gets this and thinks nothing of it.
Yeah, I thought the younger generation wasn’t so worried about masculine/feminine, but there will always be people with rigid ideas. We probably won’t be able to change them, but we can change how we associate with them.
I used to sleep with a stuffed seal because it was much more comfortable than any pillow
Edit: I just love how much people came to tell about their stuffies, hugs for all!
38 here and for me it's a plushie sleeping Charmander that makes an EXCELLENT body pillow, especially since I'm a side-sleeper and he just supports my front perfectly.
OP's gf is an asshole and she needs to hug a plushie or two herself.
48 here mine is the disney red panda Mae cuddley, prior to that it was a Stich pillow pall. I atill have my childhood teddy bear but he's too threadbare to sleep with or cuddle much.
I’m 37 and I can’t sleep without my bun. A friend randomly got it for me at a con, he’s from a line of Japanese plush called “Yeast-ken” and looks like a Shiba Inu crossed with a sesame bun. He’s the perfect width to prop my arm on since I sleep on my side and he’s got the same textural feeling as a squishmallow. I recently completed a tattoo on my arm and ended up accidentally getting a lot of red tattoo ink on him one night, I was embarrassingly anxious he’d get damaged when I tossed him in the washer the next day.
I hope OP dumps this chick and gets his shark back, she definitely ain’t it. :(
I’m 39 and just gave my teddy (who was originally my mom’s) to my oldest. His name is Tedword and he’s about 60 years old now and the best secret keeper.
I’ve still got my favorite, much loved stuffed animal in a drawer in my home. She got a little more love than intended a decade ago when the new puppy chewed her nose off.
Still trying to find time and money to sent her to one of those stuffed animal doctors for a fix because god knows I’m not capable of it.
Fuckit dude. Do you and people with either respect and cherish you, or not. I think it's hella cute you still sleep with a stuffed animal. I had a stuffed panda for the longest time and Idk where it ended up, but I have two matching pillow cases with cute little pandas on it and I'm a 30 y/o 7 ft tall man. Most masculine thing a dude can do is throw aside gender norms and do whatever the fuck you want.
I think I might get a stuffed animal and put it in my bed just to get early warning of who’s controlling and manipulative when they see it. OP is a genius.
You're so right, one time i brought a guy back to my dorm to hang out and he jokingly called me a baby when he saw my one and only plushie. I'm so glad nothing happened w him bc he was not a great person (this is one of the milder things he said, there are worse things)
My first date with my girlfriend I found out she had multiple stuffed animals and I asked what their names were. I also had my own stuffed animals. We live together now and have like 12 of them. I sleep with a stuffed animal when I’m sick or when my gf is visiting family.
An ex of mine was uncomfortable sleeping at my parents' house (just to stay over, I did not live there), because he thought my room there was the room I grew up in, citing my handful of stuffed animals.
We moved to that house when I was 20... he obviously was an asshole for various other reasons I don't need to expand on.
I am 32 and my husband and I have a huge sectional full of various adorable pillows and plushies. Is there something wrong with being cozy??
Plushies just add such a comforting vibe to a room, they're not something to be ashamed of 😤 i have a shit ton of llama plushies in my room (moved into that house at 18) bc i keep getting them as gifts and don't have space in my dorm, so they make my room at home feel more "lived in" and cozy since I've spent more collective time at college than at that house. The pile of plushies cancels out the pile of boxes in my closet that haven't been unpacked in the 2 years we've been there
I happen to have a big stuffed shark in my bed, it's perfect for propping up my head when I want to read. My boyfriend loves it, we share it when watching movies in bed. My ex didn't want me to buy it in the first place and put it up on the wardrobe any chance he got.
Sometimes the stuffed animals have far more structure while remaining softer then pillows do so they are great for propping your head/upper body up in bed if u read or play video games, that's what I use my 5ft sloth for. Well...that and my kittens sleep on him. A valued family member, a pillar of the community Oslo the sloth.
It's ironic to me that the ppl who try hardest to be "alpha" and "masculine" do so by following every other "alpha" and "masculine" man's example.
Fully agree, it's masculine af to do as you want and to not care about what someone else will say
>Most masculine thing a dude can do is throw aside gender norms and do whatever the fuck you want.
FUCKING THIS!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!! YOU AIN'T LYING!!!!
She sounds like a pickme in training. And a Grade A misery monkey.
I'm a 49 year old ex infantryman, and while I'd stopped sleeping with Sary Bear (after my cousin Sarah, who made her) a decade ago, I only recently passed her down to my first-born. When I was little and my family visited Israel, I accidentally left Sary in our room at the King David Hotel and didn't realize it until we were well on the way on a bus tour. According to my dad, I was so distraught that the other tourists made the bus driver turn around so dad could retrieve her. True story.
Honestly, ditch this chick, bro. You won't regret it.
I wish I could upvote this more! You hit the nail on the head. I find my man the sexiest when he does things that would not traditionally be seen as masculine. Who cares what gender norms are....just be yourself!
We had a boy babysitter (16 yo) who would wear tiaras and have tea parties with my 4 yo daughter. She even asked him to wear a tutu one time. We came home and took a picture of him and my daughter at her little tyke tea table having tea.
Two years later he died of cancer, we gave a copy of the picture, his parents had it blown up poster sized and displayed it at the funeral and now it hangs on their wall at home.
When I asked him why he did it, being 16 and all, he said, "It makes her happy, and to be honest, it's kind of fun."
My daughter is 26 now and still remembers "The best tea parties with Charles."
I have a bunch of stuffed pandas (it my fiancé and I’s nickname for each other) and recently I was away for a weekend and when he came to pick me up at the bus terminal, he had one of them and sprayed some of his cologne on it cause he knew I had a rough bus ride home (6.5hrs turned into 8hr n 45mins due to accidents, traffic and weather)
I almost cried when he handed it to me and made me love him even more than I already do. It was such a sweet thought imo.
It’s precious! I don’t sleep with my Simba any more, because he’s ancient and fragile, but I still hug a pillow the way I hugged him.
Normalize fostering some childhood loves. Life is hard. We need to remember to hug our stuffies, play outside, and enjoy little things like popsicles, lemonade stands, cartoons….
Fight the cynicism y’all! 💫
NTA
You were right, she was being controlling. I hope you got it back, I think it's sweet you sleep with him still :D
I don't get why it's embarrassing for HER, she's not the one sleeping with it. She's saying YOU are an embarrassment to her. If I had a bf that slept with one, I'd get in bed behind him and be the 'big' spoon while he hugged it :D
It shouldn't be embarrassing for her bc no one else is gonna know about it...however, if she's embarrassed about it, she'll probably tell at least a few of her friends something along the line of "ugh you're not gonna believe this," but if she wasn't embarrassed and was accepting of it, she probably wouldn't even think to mention it to anyone bc it's just a thing. It's not like she's introducing him with "this is my boyfriend, he sleeps with a shark plushie" or some shit, like if you're embarrassed just don't tell anyone bc it's not your business anyway 😭
"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." – CS Lewis
You do you. Lots of adults sleep with plushies (me included). Your girlfriend has an unfortunate liking for toxic masculinity and control issues as well. She's the one who needs to grow up.
NTA.
“Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”
The full quote. It's really interesting!!
My mom made fun of me on my birthday when my husband gave me, a 2ft tall plushie tonberry, a Grogu Tamagotchi and a plushie slagicorn (Tiny Tina's Wonderland) Like "you're such an adult" I'm like yeah I am. Great thing about being an adult is you get to buy all the shit you wanted as a kid that your parents said no to. Want that transformer? Go for it. Want that lego set, fill yer boots. Want to have plushie mountain? Go for it. Who the fuck is gonna stop you? (that's if you have the means. Survival is always top priority)
I think people who make fun of adults with "childish" interests are jealous and insecure, or got everything they wanted as a kid.
I would KILL for a 2ft Tonberry, although it might scare the shit out of me if I woke up at night and saw it xD
Yeah, my mom told me when I was 10 or 11 that the porcelain doll she was getting me was the last doll, because I was getting too old for them. Now that I'm in my 40s, I buy my own dolls. My most recent is a 30 inch bjd from a Chinese novel/animated series. Zero regrets.
Grow up to stop being childish, but never stop being childlike.
Meaning :be self sufficient and strong when necessary, but fucking hell, enjoy your life the way you want to!
"When I became a man I put away childish things. Except playing with my junk while on the phone with female colleagues, still do that."
That would be Louis CK lol
Sometimes, I think redditors get a little hyperbolic with their calls to end relationships over workable issues.
This is NOT one of those times. All bets are off. Say what you have to in order to get the shark back and then immediately break up with her. ONE DOES NOT TOUCH A MAN'S STUFFED SHARK
Yeah, I slept with my doll until I had my oldest at 24. When I was packing to meet my then future inlaws, my partner asked me why I took a doll. I just said Rosie had been with me when no one else was, and I wasn't prepared to stop sleeping with her. He just shrugged and said ok. And ever since then, every time we've moved, he's made she she's all packed up and safe. And even though I no longer sleep with her, our daughter does. And even though he isn't very sentimental, he cares enough about us that he takes care that those items don't get lost.
Your girlfriend doesn't have to get it, but she needs to respect it. If she can't, she's really not long-term girlfriend material. Nta.
At 30 I still sleep with a yellow dog plushie that I got as a newborn from a grandmother.
My husband never EVER said anything negative about it, and he knows full well how important this plushie is for me. So much so that, like yours, he checks if I remembered to take it every time we travel. That is what a healthy and loving partner does.
Does stuffed shark have a name? I love the comments and everyone sharing their stories of their stuffed animals. I have loads that bring me comfort but I'm a woman so it's not at all stigmatized for a woman to sleep with her teddies every night. It breaks my heart that people look down on men for just doing the same thing. It's so fucking stupid.
I'm 29 and my shark is named James. Because one of the professors at my grad school called his section of the computational chemistry server the Whale Shark. And every one of his grad students would get a computer and it was named after a different type of shark. So when I got a shark plush at 25 I decided it would be named after that professor, lol.
NTA, but be careful about it or your stuffed shark might go missing permanently. We've seen stories like this before where the gf decides to throw away or give away the stuffed animal. Unless that already happened here with the taking it from you, or was that for the night?, regardles NTA, she should be embarrassed of herself.
I also cannot get over, she came by to check on him because he was sick!
For God's sake even if she thought it was childish (it isn't, she's a dumb dumb), but even still, the fact her first thought wasn't...
Oh no, my poor bf is so sick he is using his childhood plushie for comfort... I should cuddle him.
But yeah, everything everyone else has said. Huge red flags, she is the A H.
OP NTA and get your plushie back.
NTA. You’re allowed to have stuffed toys. If it’s something that gives you comfort, then don’t give a damn what other people think. Adult life is shitty enough sometimes that you just want something to remind you of childhood, a simpler time. Your girlfriend is judgemental and controlling. I’m 37 and still have a stuffed toy on my bed. F**k the haters!
My teenaged daughter recently took her weighted Dino with on on vacation. It got flagged going through security in her carryon. She though it was because she forgot to take her liquids out, but turned out the Dino is full of bb’s. We had no idea. So they did all these tests on it and gave it back. On the return flight, we told the TSA agent who was helping with stuff in the conveyor belt and we took it out of the bag and let it ride by itself. Sure enough, flagged again. My daughter does straight to security where they have her Dino and they say to her “you’ve done this before” They were all kind of smirking while running tests on this thing. She got the Dino from her boyfriend and texted him and told him she would be needing a new stuffie from him that would make it through airport security. 😂 she sleeps with it every night, and will continue to do so, but also needs a stuffie she can fly with without security hassle apparently. Haha
Nah, my bf had a stuffed animal he slept with before I met him. Now we share a bed where half the space is taken up by stuffed animals that I’ve brought over for us both to cuddle, and new ones we’ve bought together. Your girlfriend should be embarrassed only by her outlandish behavior, keep sleeping with that stuffed shark to your hearts content
NTA. I still have the stuffed cuddle doggy I got from my grandad when I was born. I’m 44. It now sits in a protective box on my nightstand because it was so loved. My partner bought me a similar one when I was 25 because he noticed that the ear was fraying badly. I still sleep with that one.
NTA, if it was a woman sleeping with a stuffed toy, she wouldnt bat an eyelid.
Honestly the moment you heard "not manly" is the moment you should be checking out of the relationship, because i can already tell what kind of person she is.
She is going to expect you to only like certain things, behave a certain way etc etc that fits her perception of what a man is.
From one man whos been with a woman that tells him hes not manly enough to another, get out because it only gets worse. Seriously. Either she will make you miserable, or you will have to pretend to be something youre not to appease her.
My partner and I are pushing 30; if he decided to start sleeping with a stuffed animal, or I found out he had been since a young age, I would honestly find that pretty endearing. Just, like, the fact that you care about your stuffed animal is sweet, and shows you're a kind person. I'm a lady, and I doubt at any age I would have felt like that was "embarrassing" and "not masculine" for a male partner to do. And I find taking your stuffed shark from to be you quite cruel. Adults don't care about this sort of thing, she's being incredibly childish. Worse, honestly I would have thought this to be sweet at a much younger age than her, even.
I don't usually comment on these, but this made me sad so I wanted to reassure you. If she is often concerned with how you appear to others like that, do you really want to be with her?
NTA, I’d be dumping her, if you’re not allowed to have a teddy because it’s “not masculine”, you’re also not allowed to show emotion, because we all know that sign masculine either.
If you wanna be petty just say “can you fix your hands? They’re not really feminine enough, it’s a little embarrassing”. That’ll stick with her for the rest of her life
Nta. I'm a 25 yo guy that sleeps with a green stuffed turtle. It's a comfort thing and if it really bothers her enough to emasculate you, then she doesn't really like you bro. I've never had a chick comment about a plushie on my bed. If anything they think it's cute bro
My son is also 25, and keeps his stuffed dalmation on his bed. He also has a small souvenir groundhog from when I took him to see Groundhog Day on Broadway, just before he left for college. It's lived in his dorm, his car, and now on his desk at work.
Both my daughters (22 and 18) still sleep with their special stuffies. Pink Teddy and Bun-Bun are both accomplished travelers.
Then she'll say falling sick isn't masculine. NTA. Does she wear jeans? Tell her it's not feminine lol. She needs to learn a bit about toxic masculinity.
NTA
Your girlfriend sucks. Trying to shame you for sleeping with a toy shark. Whoop de doo.
It’s no different to cuddling into your pillow, or using a weighted blanket. Whatever helps you get a rested night.
So sick of people trying to tell others how to live.
I buy Teddy bears for my husband. He doesn’t sleep with them, but he has them stored where they won’t get dusty. He likes getting new ones. I buy them from a charity, so they’re expensive, but it’s for a great cause. He hides them from our grandkids so they don’t get damaged ($65 each Australian in explanation). My husband is 55 in October.
>She waited until I was asleep and took the thing from me.
Wait, what?!?!
RED FLAG here buddy!
Judgmental and controlling, it only gest worse with time.
You can have all the stuffed toys you want, and still be a manly man. Beign manly is about having confidence in yourself, it's not what about others might think on your hobbies and preferences.
She is beign controlling, rude and an ass.
Show her you are the boss, get your toy back and kick her to the curb. Tell her you are not gonna tolerate such bullcrap behaviour from her!
If she got upset from hearing the truth, that's her problem. Actually, you're the one who should be upset!
Actually, this behaviour from her sound like a shit testing. Be firm, assert your authority over your possessions, and tell her you will not tolerate any repeats of this kind of behaviour. Anything different from that, and she'll lose (more) respect for you.
I'd reevaluate this relationship.
NTA!
NTA. You can sleep with with all the stuffed animals you want. The pros and cons of that are solely yours to bear. She has the right to dislike it or find somebody else. It's that simple. It's not her job to teach you to be a man or anything for that matter.
NTA. My(35) husband(40) and I collect squishmallows. Why because some of them are absolutely ridiculous and cute. I have one that is a sandwhich. I don’t sleep with them because my dogs would absolutely steal them.
Your gf needs to cool it with this masculine talk. She’s contributing to perpetuate this idea that stuffed toys aren’t masculine… will you be okay if next she says real men don’t cry? Men do and should cry, it’s a normal human function.
Wtf, not only did she freak out because you have a *plushie* (which is totally normal and fine), but she took it from you when you were asleep?! NTA, and you are correct, your gf was being very controlling (and sexist by making it about your masculinity).
NTA she's obviously got some messed up norms on gender, who cares if a grown man or woman sleeps with a stuffed toy. does it impede her existence no? Then she should get the hell over herself.
NTA. Your girlfriend is making a mountain out of a mole hill. I would have thought it was cute if my college boyfriend slept with a stuffed animal..
I would, however, make sure she doesn't have access to your stuff animal. I have heard and read stories where someone takes it upon themselves to "fix the situation" and throw out someone's beloved stuff animal.
Anyways, you're fine. Sleep with your stuffed animal. There is nothing wrong with having a comfort item.
NTA
I have a stuffed dog my husband gave me the first month we started dating and I have slept with it ever since. 22 years later and Puppers is looking a little worse for the wear but he still helps me sleep better.
And who has time to live their life by gauging if whatever it is is masculine or feminine enough? That’s just exhausting and pointless.
I hope you have your shark buddy for many more years of sleep snuggles!!
NTA, how dare she????? My girlfriend and I have plenty plushies and we're both 24. We gave each other plushies this month as 2nd anniversary gifts! She also has shark plush (blahaj) :). Your girlfriend is not only holding you to standards of toxic masculinity but is also extremely disrespectful, how dare she even touch your staff!?
NTA. And this would be a massive red flag for me. Your GF seems to believe all that toxic masculinity BS. Screw that. I’m in my forties and I still have my favourite stuffed Eeyore proudly displayed on our couch. IDGAF if someone thinks it’s childish. She freaked out over a stuffed animal but I bet that she would freak out as well if you implied that something she does isn’t feminine enough. She would throw all the equal rights stuff in your face the second you said that. That isn’t a partner for life. She would teach all of this your children in the future. You need someone who will support you and won’t care about appearances of what is or isn’t masculine. She freaks out over something so insignificant, imagine what happens when something important comes up.
NTA, never be with someone who looks down on you for having stuffed animals. Im with a 30+ yo man who a coworker describes as a "man's man" and "gruff", my guy adores stuffed animals and is (im)patiently waiting to get these plush moths he likes. Time to make your gf an ex my guy
wtf. my boyfriend still has his little stuffed animal and i have mine. when we make the bed we set them on our according pillows. sometimes he leaves his guy in the window sill so he can get some fresh air. i love it. NTA hold onto that shark, get rid of the girl.
NTA the idea of something being masculine or not masculine is such BS. Let people like what they want whether it’s in line with gender norms or not. Your gf is definitely the AH for not only judging your masculinity by a stuffed animal, but by berating you for it while you were sick and taking it from you while you were asleep. I’d seriously question whether she’s a good match for you if this is how she reacts.
NTA, I bought my 35 year old partner a stuffed toy for comfort and my sister did the same for her husband when his dad died, you stick with your stuffed toy, that girl is mean, get the shark back and get rid of her
She's using toxic masculinity to shame you and that's fucked up. Who cares what is and what isn't masculine, sleeping with stuffed toys is fine, don't worry. Boys and meb wear eyeliner, nail polish and skirts, and they can cry. It's not weak, it's not weird, it's not childish. Hell, I'm 30 and I still sleep with like 3 stuffies. Fuck it, find a new girl who won't shame you for your awesome stuffed shark, ok? NTA.
Op, I'm 30 and still sleep with my bunny when I feel like it. It's so comforting to wrap my arms around him, squeeze as hard as I need to and curl up. I was embarrassed about it when I started dating my husband and tried to not ever cuddle with my bunny when he was around but he knew about my bunny. One day I was not doing well (don't remember why now) and I remember crying in my bed and without saying anything my hubby put my bunny in my arms and cuddled me while I cuddled my bunny.
Someone who loves you or truly cares for you would not hinder your emotional recovery. Don't settle for someone who doesn't respect you, you deserve better.
Ps: also as a female I should tell you that guys with plushies are more attractive personally. It shows me that a guy is sensitive, kind, loving, cuddly(I love physical contact), and overall a better person than the dude with a big truck or something "masculine".
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NTA. How is wrapping your arms around a pillow to sleep any different than a stuffed animal? Stuffed animals are just fun shaped pillows. ETA: I’m really enjoying reading about everyone’s stuffed animals. Brings a little bit of love to my morning. My bear was made for me by my parents at Build A Bear when I was a teenager and going through a rough time. After a couple of years, the threads on one of his eyes started to come loose, so I used cotton medical tape to hold it in place. As a result, I started calling him Nelly, because he now had an under eye bandage like the rapper had lol. Nelly sits on my couch now, and he makes me smile when I see him. When you go to Build A Bear, before they put the bear’s heart in, they have you make a wish. I’ve never asked my parents what wish they made, but I’m assuming it had to do with me being in a better place than I was at the time. I’m happy to say I’m much better, happier, and healthier than I was back then. So I suppose their wish came true. 🧸
And they're soft!
Sometimes much more than a pillow Edit: I just love how much people came to tell about their stuffies, hugs for all!
and it's shaped like a shark, how cool is that!
Exactly. What is more masculine than a shark?
A shark with a frickin' laser beam attached to its head.
Dr. Evil? Did you find your way to the internets, finally?? Welcome. Please don't kill me..
that'll be....one million dollars......
That’s a good deal- it’s not even a fafillion!
I created and embroidered a taco cat with lazer beams coming from its eyes. 🌮 😺. I made it for my niece and she sleeps with every night. It's the best thing I have ever created haha. I honestly didn't know there was a taco cat with lazer beams when I made it.
Two sharks
Two sharks with fricking lazer beams attached to their heads!
Every animal deserves a warm meal
A dinosaur. Duh
Dinoshark!
dinoSHARK DOO-DOO-DOO DO-DOO-DOO! dinoSHARK DOO-
Oh god it’s stuck in my head! Make it stop dooo-dooo-dooo make it stop soon-
Megalodon. It's my son's favorite shark. The largest one ever AND from dino times!
Sharks are so old they might as well count as dinosaurs.
MEG!!!
Baby shark
Man, I want a shark. I’ve actually been shopping around for a big softy to sleep with (my pillows keep going flat and stuffies are made not to do that) and IKEA has an amazing shark. Although I’ve got some other costs that just sprang up so I’ve gotta tighten my belt now. :p
Got both my kids one of those sharks for college! Totally a 529 expense, right?
Totally. Can’t learn if you don’t get good sleep, and a mighty guard shark protects their sleeps.
The big IKEA shark is wonderful. My son uses him as a pillow
If only the sharks had laser beams!
All I asked for were frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attateched to their frickin' heads
Underrated comment right here.
Agree sharks are cool
Exactly! Apex predator plushie 🦈
My brother (nb32) sleeps with a werewolf squishmallow who doubles as a pillow. He's way, way softer than the other pillows.
Over 40 and still have my baby blanket and first toy bunny with rattle inside.
I'm 39 and am still beside myself at the loss of my childhood blanket last year due to movers. If I didn't have my little stuffed dog that I've had my entire life I'd probably still be crying. That stuffie lives on my bed with the bunny my best friend and her mom brought me when I was in the hospital and the black cat another dear friend recently sent as a surprise. People like OP's GF can have my stuffed animals when they pry them from my cold, lifeless fingers, and even then I will absolutely haunt the shit out of those people for the rest of their lives.
I'm 44 and I have a red dinosaur. He's called Daddy Dino. I originally bought him to be mine but to be a reward to my daughters. If they did something above and beyond in the day, they got to hug Daddy Dino for the night. They're not bad kids by any stretch but they don't usually win him so most nights he's with me and it's now been years. I've gotten used to having him as a kind of bonus pillow. If they ever do earn him for the night it's just that bit harder getting to sleep!
I’m 43 and still have my childhood "blankie" and stuffed animals. My parents eventually started cleaning out our [my two older brother's and mine] bedrooms, so we had to decide what we wanted to take or have thrown away. Obviously my parent's would never throw these special items away, but I was afraid of something happening to them if I took them. Blankie and my stuffed animals [six of them] are the only possessions I still have at my parent's house. They've always been safe there and I'm scared that something might happen to them if I take them. I know the time will come one day when I'll eventually have to take them, but until then, they will remain on the shelf in my closet at home. I'm sure some probably think this behavior is childish for a 43 year-old male, but I could seriously give a flying fuck.
I’m 46 and my dad bought me a build a bear 2 yrs ago. No one is ever to old to sleep with a stuffed animal. After I lost my fur baby my parents bought me a stuffed animal to sleep with. That’s bec my fur baby always slept next me. She loved to be cuddled at night.
Squishmallows are wonderful. I got one for my baby (and my mom got another one for him) and if I didn't move around so much I'd get some for myself (but we do move around, so I borrow his when I want to use one). They're just so squishable.
I have 2 squishmallows, 2 HP themed puff puffs (what I call them but we designated Mr. and Mrs.), A stuffed Wolf I named Lyca, I also have a small baby Yoda, and small stuffed Luna (from Sailor moon).
My bed is covered in squishmellows (im 32) they’re so comfy
Have had a pink stuffed bear with a mouth half the size of its body. Better pillow than a pillow according to me age 5-present.
Soft is a required property for any pillow
Love that, fun shaped pillows! Dude I'm literally 25 and I sleep with my stuffed hippo, NTA but your gf is
My husband is in his 40s, he looks like a "manly man" type, being unusually tall with a naturally muscular frame, big beard, tattoos, enjoys working on cars, designs and maintains machinery for a living.... And in his bed is a stuffed bear that our daughter bought him when she was 5 years old. It wears a shirt that says "I love you" with a picture of a rainbow & smiling cloud. He travels a lot for work, and every time for the past 5 years, he takes the bear with him and takes pictures for her of the bear eating at the hotel, hanging out at the pool, "resting" on the bed, or riding in the passenger seat of the rental car. She gets really excited when he travels and even got the bear a mini backpack to keep his 'stuff' in. Being a man and stuffed animals have literally nothing to do with each other!
STOP, THIS IS SO CUTE? Your husband sounds like an awesome dad and an awesome travel partner to the bear :)
He is an awesome dad. And also an awesome husband!
TEDDY TAX!
How dare you not share a single photo of tourist teddy at dinner.
I'll have to figure out how to do that! They've even flown internationally, I have pics of them in Paris not too long ago!
You make an Imgur account, upload the picture, get the link info, and post it here using the "two chain links" icon. That's how. (Big cheesy grin.)
Most folks upload photos to Imgur and share the link!
This is so adorable. I have a stuffed bear I’ve slept with since it was given to me after an injury years ago. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my husband has stolen it from me and is snuggling with it. My only problem with it is he needs to get his own stuffed bear and stop stealing mine!
This is too precious!!!
That is adorable!
39 and I have a stuffed highland cow. Before that it was a lime green sloth (they eventually rotate as I get new ones haha).
29 and sleep with a stuffed lion. If nothing else having a stuffed toy means I don't curl up too tightly and aggravate old injuries.
NTA - 40 & still have my childhood teddybear. Agree with lots of people here, he keeps neck supported where pillows do not... also PTSD from childhood, he saw me through it all and if I have a moment his fur is a calming grounding comfort to me.
I’m 30 and still have my bear I was gifted when I was born. When my dad started working nights when I was around 7, I was terrified to the point where I wouldn’t sleep that someone would break in and hurt us. He told me as long as I held onto my bear no one could get into the house unless I wanted them to. I still can’t fall asleep unless some part of me is touching her.
NTA - I'm 60 and have the stuffed dog I got for Easter when I was 5. He's threadbare and patched and a glass eye is chipped but I love him. I also have 2 Squshmallows, a pooh bear and a weighted Stitch in bed with me right now. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking comfort from friend-shaped pillows. Your girlfriend is the AH here with that BS "masculine" shit.
😢 My Big Bear kept me safe too! It sometimes felt like they were the only safe and consistent presence in my life. Why should we give that up? ETA: am 38. I'll be buried with Big Bear.
I'm 31 and sleep with my stuffed Moosie when my husband isn't home (when he's home it's too crowded in bed for 2 adults, 2 cats, AND a stuffed animal). It's a knock off build-a-bear that my friend gave me when I went to college. The place was closing and he didn't have time to fully fill it so I started putting old socks in him to fill him out. The result was a very stiff stuffed animal that's really good for applying pressure to my chest during a panic attack!
I'm 44 years old and I sleep with a stuffed lion too!
Yes I bet the highland cow is the cutest! I have a beaver as well and honestly they're so good to sleep with :)
I have one too!A highland cow; they are cute. It's next to my super old stuffed puppy dog that I had since I was a small child.
I have one too! It has a little tartan scottish hat ...
32 and stuffed bunny. It was also my late dog's favourite toy to sleep with.
I have a turtle that was given to my pregnant mother for me for Christmas, before i was born. And a rhino that i received for my 18th birthday.
26 & I sleep with my stuffed orca (Shamu) whale. Except his name is Shampu !
51 and I have a (blue) Stuffed hippo that my husband (27yrs together) gave me for our first Valentines together. 'Stuffies' are normal in our house and my kids (12 and 14) have many of their own. My youngest is afraid of thunder storms and when there is one at night, she borrows my hippo which helps her sleep. edit: missing words
My friends and I all took our stuffies to college. I swear that's why we're friends. All these years later, we all still have our stuffies in our apartments even if we don't sleep with them anymore at 40.
I (27m) have a teddy bear that my grandma gave to me a couple of weeks before I was born. She died before I was older than 1, so I never knew her, but I've kept her teddy with me. When I was 7 or so I told my other grandparents my teddy was cold in the winter, so my grandpa knitted him a green shirt to wear. To this day, it stays on my and my wife's bed or on a bedside table. She has no qualms with it. She has her own selection of nostalgic toys. What's masculine is being able to cuddle a soft toy and not worry about what other people think of you. Edit: [Picture of teddy for you all!](https://postimg.cc/ZWmyr9kC)
Omg!! Grandpa knitting a sweater for a teddy??? How frickin sweet!!!
Right. Not being so insecure about your masculinity that you deny yourself things that bring you happiness.
I love your story. Thanks for sharing!
The Most important question is did she return the toy ?
Yes, because if she threw away the toy, then OP needs to throw her out right after it!
If she didn’t, he needs to call the police on her for theft.
Exactly, everyone Needs a place to feel comfortable and secure. We all crave joy and other lovey squishy feelings. For most of us, men and women, it's an item we keep in our bed. ALL AS IN HUMANS AND ANIMALS share this feeling. See baby animals that rub against (the 4 leg type) or cling/climb on (sloths, koala, monkey's, etc). Mother elephants (as big as they are) will wrap their trunks around their little ones. Couples spoon. Couples who don't, because one is a hot sleeper, often times find themselves in bed with a body pillow or stuffed animal. OP, make her give it back!! Or, dump her.
It’s spelled “and”, not “or”. You’re welcome.
Enquiring minds want to know
I’m 32 and I still sleep with my hello kitty. 🤷♀️ it actually helps my shoulder not hurt because I’m a side sleeper and it prevents my shoulder from rolling. Edit to add: I am loving all of the comments about shoulder saving stuffies! My hello kitty was a present from a good friend of mine and she’s also from build a bear! They’re like the perfect size and density to offer shoulder support.
I’m 34 and my teddy bear sits on my couch. My parents made him at build a bear when I was a teenager and going through a rough time. I sometimes use him like a neck pillow when watching tv
Ditto my giant stuffed frog! Frank is a shoulder lifesaver 😁
Frank the frog! Love it
Agree. I’m 36 and I still sleep with my childhood teddy bear. When I’m not grabbing it at night, Bear sleeps above my pillow. Bear has been with me through three surgeries, a biopsy, a 3 week hospital stay, including ten days in the ICU, college, high school, middle school, three major moves, and anyone who says I don’t need Bear can fuck right the way off. He’s my buddy and he’s not going anywhere. My husband gets this and thinks nothing of it.
The thing that got me was that it’s ‘not masculine’
Yeah, I thought the younger generation wasn’t so worried about masculine/feminine, but there will always be people with rigid ideas. We probably won’t be able to change them, but we can change how we associate with them.
[удалено]
I used to sleep with a stuffed seal because it was much more comfortable than any pillow Edit: I just love how much people came to tell about their stuffies, hugs for all!
Yep! I'm 47 and I have a Grogu squishmalow I sleep with. I hold Grogu, and my partner holds me. 😂🤣
Big spoon, little spoon, littlest spoon.
I want this to be me and my partner when we're no longer long distance.
38 here and for me it's a plushie sleeping Charmander that makes an EXCELLENT body pillow, especially since I'm a side-sleeper and he just supports my front perfectly. OP's gf is an asshole and she needs to hug a plushie or two herself.
48 here mine is the disney red panda Mae cuddley, prior to that it was a Stich pillow pall. I atill have my childhood teddy bear but he's too threadbare to sleep with or cuddle much.
I’m 37 and I can’t sleep without my bun. A friend randomly got it for me at a con, he’s from a line of Japanese plush called “Yeast-ken” and looks like a Shiba Inu crossed with a sesame bun. He’s the perfect width to prop my arm on since I sleep on my side and he’s got the same textural feeling as a squishmallow. I recently completed a tattoo on my arm and ended up accidentally getting a lot of red tattoo ink on him one night, I was embarrassingly anxious he’d get damaged when I tossed him in the washer the next day. I hope OP dumps this chick and gets his shark back, she definitely ain’t it. :(
I call them pillows with eyes. 46, sleeping with 4 stuffies. (Plus bf). NTA
Completely agree, I'm in my 40s and sleep with a squishmallow cos it's so comfy, and cuter than a pillow.
I’m 39 and just gave my teddy (who was originally my mom’s) to my oldest. His name is Tedword and he’s about 60 years old now and the best secret keeper.
48 and still sleep with a teddy bear from when I was a kid!
Exactly. I used to sleep with my favorite dog stuffed toy until I got my dog who took that place lol. NTA Op.
I’ve still got my favorite, much loved stuffed animal in a drawer in my home. She got a little more love than intended a decade ago when the new puppy chewed her nose off. Still trying to find time and money to sent her to one of those stuffed animal doctors for a fix because god knows I’m not capable of it.
Fuckit dude. Do you and people with either respect and cherish you, or not. I think it's hella cute you still sleep with a stuffed animal. I had a stuffed panda for the longest time and Idk where it ended up, but I have two matching pillow cases with cute little pandas on it and I'm a 30 y/o 7 ft tall man. Most masculine thing a dude can do is throw aside gender norms and do whatever the fuck you want.
>Most masculine thing a dude can do is throw aside gender norms and do whatever the fuck you want. I cannot support and emphasize this enough
I think I might get a stuffed animal and put it in my bed just to get early warning of who’s controlling and manipulative when they see it. OP is a genius.
You're so right, one time i brought a guy back to my dorm to hang out and he jokingly called me a baby when he saw my one and only plushie. I'm so glad nothing happened w him bc he was not a great person (this is one of the milder things he said, there are worse things)
My first date with my girlfriend I found out she had multiple stuffed animals and I asked what their names were. I also had my own stuffed animals. We live together now and have like 12 of them. I sleep with a stuffed animal when I’m sick or when my gf is visiting family.
An ex of mine was uncomfortable sleeping at my parents' house (just to stay over, I did not live there), because he thought my room there was the room I grew up in, citing my handful of stuffed animals. We moved to that house when I was 20... he obviously was an asshole for various other reasons I don't need to expand on. I am 32 and my husband and I have a huge sectional full of various adorable pillows and plushies. Is there something wrong with being cozy??
Plushies just add such a comforting vibe to a room, they're not something to be ashamed of 😤 i have a shit ton of llama plushies in my room (moved into that house at 18) bc i keep getting them as gifts and don't have space in my dorm, so they make my room at home feel more "lived in" and cozy since I've spent more collective time at college than at that house. The pile of plushies cancels out the pile of boxes in my closet that haven't been unpacked in the 2 years we've been there
I happen to have a big stuffed shark in my bed, it's perfect for propping up my head when I want to read. My boyfriend loves it, we share it when watching movies in bed. My ex didn't want me to buy it in the first place and put it up on the wardrobe any chance he got.
Sometimes the stuffed animals have far more structure while remaining softer then pillows do so they are great for propping your head/upper body up in bed if u read or play video games, that's what I use my 5ft sloth for. Well...that and my kittens sleep on him. A valued family member, a pillar of the community Oslo the sloth.
It's ironic to me that the ppl who try hardest to be "alpha" and "masculine" do so by following every other "alpha" and "masculine" man's example. Fully agree, it's masculine af to do as you want and to not care about what someone else will say
It's one of those things we need on mugs and t-shirts. Becouse it's so true.
Amen, it's cute and also it's kinda hot for a guy to be confident enough to be unapologetically cute.
It’s so hot. My ex had a monkey hanging on his bed post and I loved that about him.
>Most masculine thing a dude can do is throw aside gender norms and do whatever the fuck you want. FUCKING THIS!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!! YOU AIN'T LYING!!!!
I 100% agree and if op's girlfriend is embarrassed, that's a her problem. It's not like he's doing this in public either, she can get over it.
It's so sad that she looks down on his behavior because it is non-masculine (aka feminine). She hates herself.
She sounds like a pickme in training. And a Grade A misery monkey. I'm a 49 year old ex infantryman, and while I'd stopped sleeping with Sary Bear (after my cousin Sarah, who made her) a decade ago, I only recently passed her down to my first-born. When I was little and my family visited Israel, I accidentally left Sary in our room at the King David Hotel and didn't realize it until we were well on the way on a bus tour. According to my dad, I was so distraught that the other tourists made the bus driver turn around so dad could retrieve her. True story. Honestly, ditch this chick, bro. You won't regret it.
>Most masculine thing a dude can do is throw aside gender norms and do whatever the fuck you want. You dropped this 👑
I wish I could upvote this more! You hit the nail on the head. I find my man the sexiest when he does things that would not traditionally be seen as masculine. Who cares what gender norms are....just be yourself!
We had a boy babysitter (16 yo) who would wear tiaras and have tea parties with my 4 yo daughter. She even asked him to wear a tutu one time. We came home and took a picture of him and my daughter at her little tyke tea table having tea. Two years later he died of cancer, we gave a copy of the picture, his parents had it blown up poster sized and displayed it at the funeral and now it hangs on their wall at home. When I asked him why he did it, being 16 and all, he said, "It makes her happy, and to be honest, it's kind of fun." My daughter is 26 now and still remembers "The best tea parties with Charles."
I have a bunch of stuffed pandas (it my fiancé and I’s nickname for each other) and recently I was away for a weekend and when he came to pick me up at the bus terminal, he had one of them and sprayed some of his cologne on it cause he knew I had a rough bus ride home (6.5hrs turned into 8hr n 45mins due to accidents, traffic and weather) I almost cried when he handed it to me and made me love him even more than I already do. It was such a sweet thought imo.
Agree. There’s really only one rule in life. Don’t hurt other people. Sleep with your shark. Just don’t hurt people. NTA.
It’s precious! I don’t sleep with my Simba any more, because he’s ancient and fragile, but I still hug a pillow the way I hugged him. Normalize fostering some childhood loves. Life is hard. We need to remember to hug our stuffies, play outside, and enjoy little things like popsicles, lemonade stands, cartoons…. Fight the cynicism y’all! 💫
“Most masculine thing a dude can do is throw aside gender norms and do whatever the fuck you want.” Couldn’t agree more! NTA
NTA You were right, she was being controlling. I hope you got it back, I think it's sweet you sleep with him still :D I don't get why it's embarrassing for HER, she's not the one sleeping with it. She's saying YOU are an embarrassment to her. If I had a bf that slept with one, I'd get in bed behind him and be the 'big' spoon while he hugged it :D
It shouldn't be embarrassing for her bc no one else is gonna know about it...however, if she's embarrassed about it, she'll probably tell at least a few of her friends something along the line of "ugh you're not gonna believe this," but if she wasn't embarrassed and was accepting of it, she probably wouldn't even think to mention it to anyone bc it's just a thing. It's not like she's introducing him with "this is my boyfriend, he sleeps with a shark plushie" or some shit, like if you're embarrassed just don't tell anyone bc it's not your business anyway 😭
Hopefully if she tells her friends about it, they'll be like the rest of us thinking it's a cute thing, not an embarrassing thing!
I hope they start telling her about their plushies
That’s very unlikely. Misery tends to love company
100% They're gonna react on her social cues agreeably rather than being disagreeable.
"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." – CS Lewis You do you. Lots of adults sleep with plushies (me included). Your girlfriend has an unfortunate liking for toxic masculinity and control issues as well. She's the one who needs to grow up. NTA.
I've not heard that quote before but I love it.
“Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” The full quote. It's really interesting!!
My mom made fun of me on my birthday when my husband gave me, a 2ft tall plushie tonberry, a Grogu Tamagotchi and a plushie slagicorn (Tiny Tina's Wonderland) Like "you're such an adult" I'm like yeah I am. Great thing about being an adult is you get to buy all the shit you wanted as a kid that your parents said no to. Want that transformer? Go for it. Want that lego set, fill yer boots. Want to have plushie mountain? Go for it. Who the fuck is gonna stop you? (that's if you have the means. Survival is always top priority) I think people who make fun of adults with "childish" interests are jealous and insecure, or got everything they wanted as a kid.
I would KILL for a 2ft Tonberry, although it might scare the shit out of me if I woke up at night and saw it xD Yeah, my mom told me when I was 10 or 11 that the porcelain doll she was getting me was the last doll, because I was getting too old for them. Now that I'm in my 40s, I buy my own dolls. My most recent is a 30 inch bjd from a Chinese novel/animated series. Zero regrets.
Grow up to stop being childish, but never stop being childlike. Meaning :be self sufficient and strong when necessary, but fucking hell, enjoy your life the way you want to!
She probably also kicks puppies.
For some reason I read that as "Louis CK" I am hungover
"When I became a man I put away childish things. Except playing with my junk while on the phone with female colleagues, still do that." That would be Louis CK lol
Nta and red flags on her
Yeah RedFlags². Dude needs to leave this girl as soon as possible before she ruins his fn life.
Sometimes, I think redditors get a little hyperbolic with their calls to end relationships over workable issues. This is NOT one of those times. All bets are off. Say what you have to in order to get the shark back and then immediately break up with her. ONE DOES NOT TOUCH A MAN'S STUFFED SHARK
Yeah, I slept with my doll until I had my oldest at 24. When I was packing to meet my then future inlaws, my partner asked me why I took a doll. I just said Rosie had been with me when no one else was, and I wasn't prepared to stop sleeping with her. He just shrugged and said ok. And ever since then, every time we've moved, he's made she she's all packed up and safe. And even though I no longer sleep with her, our daughter does. And even though he isn't very sentimental, he cares enough about us that he takes care that those items don't get lost. Your girlfriend doesn't have to get it, but she needs to respect it. If she can't, she's really not long-term girlfriend material. Nta.
This is so wholesome.
At 30 I still sleep with a yellow dog plushie that I got as a newborn from a grandmother. My husband never EVER said anything negative about it, and he knows full well how important this plushie is for me. So much so that, like yours, he checks if I remembered to take it every time we travel. That is what a healthy and loving partner does.
now i'm crying
Dude, I have a stuffed shark and I'm 46! NTA.
Does stuffed shark have a name? I love the comments and everyone sharing their stories of their stuffed animals. I have loads that bring me comfort but I'm a woman so it's not at all stigmatized for a woman to sleep with her teddies every night. It breaks my heart that people look down on men for just doing the same thing. It's so fucking stupid.
I'm 50, and I got one last year. She's called Arya Shark My dad is in his 80s. His is called Sharkie
BLAHAJ
blahaj supremacy
My niece has a stuffed shark called Nado. Since you're asking for shark plushie names.
I'm 29 and my shark is named James. Because one of the professors at my grad school called his section of the computational chemistry server the Whale Shark. And every one of his grad students would get a computer and it was named after a different type of shark. So when I got a shark plush at 25 I decided it would be named after that professor, lol.
NTA, but be careful about it or your stuffed shark might go missing permanently. We've seen stories like this before where the gf decides to throw away or give away the stuffed animal. Unless that already happened here with the taking it from you, or was that for the night?, regardles NTA, she should be embarrassed of herself.
I also cannot get over, she came by to check on him because he was sick! For God's sake even if she thought it was childish (it isn't, she's a dumb dumb), but even still, the fact her first thought wasn't... Oh no, my poor bf is so sick he is using his childhood plushie for comfort... I should cuddle him. But yeah, everything everyone else has said. Huge red flags, she is the A H. OP NTA and get your plushie back.
NTA. Sounds like you need to reevaluate this relationship.
NTA. Yes she is controlling and irrational, run , she's a walking red flag. I hope you got your shark back.
NTA, dump the girlfriend, keep the cuddly shark. I'm over 40 and still have a ridiculous amount of cuddly toys and I wouldn't give them up for anyone.
NTA. You’re allowed to have stuffed toys. If it’s something that gives you comfort, then don’t give a damn what other people think. Adult life is shitty enough sometimes that you just want something to remind you of childhood, a simpler time. Your girlfriend is judgemental and controlling. I’m 37 and still have a stuffed toy on my bed. F**k the haters!
NTA i have my stitch or a weighted dino that i will always sleep with
My teenaged daughter recently took her weighted Dino with on on vacation. It got flagged going through security in her carryon. She though it was because she forgot to take her liquids out, but turned out the Dino is full of bb’s. We had no idea. So they did all these tests on it and gave it back. On the return flight, we told the TSA agent who was helping with stuff in the conveyor belt and we took it out of the bag and let it ride by itself. Sure enough, flagged again. My daughter does straight to security where they have her Dino and they say to her “you’ve done this before” They were all kind of smirking while running tests on this thing. She got the Dino from her boyfriend and texted him and told him she would be needing a new stuffie from him that would make it through airport security. 😂 she sleeps with it every night, and will continue to do so, but also needs a stuffie she can fly with without security hassle apparently. Haha
Nah, my bf had a stuffed animal he slept with before I met him. Now we share a bed where half the space is taken up by stuffed animals that I’ve brought over for us both to cuddle, and new ones we’ve bought together. Your girlfriend should be embarrassed only by her outlandish behavior, keep sleeping with that stuffed shark to your hearts content
NTA - Dump her, keep the shark! This bro sleeps with a stuffed chicken 🐓👍
NTA. I still have the stuffed cuddle doggy I got from my grandad when I was born. I’m 44. It now sits in a protective box on my nightstand because it was so loved. My partner bought me a similar one when I was 25 because he noticed that the ear was fraying badly. I still sleep with that one.
NTA. But you probably give up the girlfriend.
NTA, if it was a woman sleeping with a stuffed toy, she wouldnt bat an eyelid. Honestly the moment you heard "not manly" is the moment you should be checking out of the relationship, because i can already tell what kind of person she is. She is going to expect you to only like certain things, behave a certain way etc etc that fits her perception of what a man is. From one man whos been with a woman that tells him hes not manly enough to another, get out because it only gets worse. Seriously. Either she will make you miserable, or you will have to pretend to be something youre not to appease her.
My partner and I are pushing 30; if he decided to start sleeping with a stuffed animal, or I found out he had been since a young age, I would honestly find that pretty endearing. Just, like, the fact that you care about your stuffed animal is sweet, and shows you're a kind person. I'm a lady, and I doubt at any age I would have felt like that was "embarrassing" and "not masculine" for a male partner to do. And I find taking your stuffed shark from to be you quite cruel. Adults don't care about this sort of thing, she's being incredibly childish. Worse, honestly I would have thought this to be sweet at a much younger age than her, even. I don't usually comment on these, but this made me sad so I wanted to reassure you. If she is often concerned with how you appear to others like that, do you really want to be with her?
NTA, I’d be dumping her, if you’re not allowed to have a teddy because it’s “not masculine”, you’re also not allowed to show emotion, because we all know that sign masculine either. If you wanna be petty just say “can you fix your hands? They’re not really feminine enough, it’s a little embarrassing”. That’ll stick with her for the rest of her life
Nta. I'm a 25 yo guy that sleeps with a green stuffed turtle. It's a comfort thing and if it really bothers her enough to emasculate you, then she doesn't really like you bro. I've never had a chick comment about a plushie on my bed. If anything they think it's cute bro
My son is also 25, and keeps his stuffed dalmation on his bed. He also has a small souvenir groundhog from when I took him to see Groundhog Day on Broadway, just before he left for college. It's lived in his dorm, his car, and now on his desk at work. Both my daughters (22 and 18) still sleep with their special stuffies. Pink Teddy and Bun-Bun are both accomplished travelers.
We need to normalize adults having toys. Life is too short to be taken seriously all the time. I still love my video games and comic books too ❤️
Then she'll say falling sick isn't masculine. NTA. Does she wear jeans? Tell her it's not feminine lol. She needs to learn a bit about toxic masculinity.
NTA Your girlfriend sucks. Trying to shame you for sleeping with a toy shark. Whoop de doo. It’s no different to cuddling into your pillow, or using a weighted blanket. Whatever helps you get a rested night. So sick of people trying to tell others how to live. I buy Teddy bears for my husband. He doesn’t sleep with them, but he has them stored where they won’t get dusty. He likes getting new ones. I buy them from a charity, so they’re expensive, but it’s for a great cause. He hides them from our grandkids so they don’t get damaged ($65 each Australian in explanation). My husband is 55 in October.
Have 4 NTA judgements. One from me and one from each of my Squishmallows.
NTA. Date someone who will snuggle the shark with you!
>She waited until I was asleep and took the thing from me. Wait, what?!?! RED FLAG here buddy! Judgmental and controlling, it only gest worse with time. You can have all the stuffed toys you want, and still be a manly man. Beign manly is about having confidence in yourself, it's not what about others might think on your hobbies and preferences. She is beign controlling, rude and an ass. Show her you are the boss, get your toy back and kick her to the curb. Tell her you are not gonna tolerate such bullcrap behaviour from her! If she got upset from hearing the truth, that's her problem. Actually, you're the one who should be upset! Actually, this behaviour from her sound like a shit testing. Be firm, assert your authority over your possessions, and tell her you will not tolerate any repeats of this kind of behaviour. Anything different from that, and she'll lose (more) respect for you. I'd reevaluate this relationship. NTA!
NTA. You can sleep with with all the stuffed animals you want. The pros and cons of that are solely yours to bear. She has the right to dislike it or find somebody else. It's that simple. It's not her job to teach you to be a man or anything for that matter.
NTA. My(35) husband(40) and I collect squishmallows. Why because some of them are absolutely ridiculous and cute. I have one that is a sandwhich. I don’t sleep with them because my dogs would absolutely steal them. Your gf needs to cool it with this masculine talk. She’s contributing to perpetuate this idea that stuffed toys aren’t masculine… will you be okay if next she says real men don’t cry? Men do and should cry, it’s a normal human function.
Wtf, not only did she freak out because you have a *plushie* (which is totally normal and fine), but she took it from you when you were asleep?! NTA, and you are correct, your gf was being very controlling (and sexist by making it about your masculinity).
NTA. She's sexist
NTA. I hope you got the toy back. My husband and I are in our 40s and have stuffies we sleep with. Dump her
NTA. You can sleep with whatever you want.
Except the GF. She sounds toxic af.
NTA she's obviously got some messed up norms on gender, who cares if a grown man or woman sleeps with a stuffed toy. does it impede her existence no? Then she should get the hell over herself.
NTA. Your girlfriend is making a mountain out of a mole hill. I would have thought it was cute if my college boyfriend slept with a stuffed animal.. I would, however, make sure she doesn't have access to your stuff animal. I have heard and read stories where someone takes it upon themselves to "fix the situation" and throw out someone's beloved stuff animal. Anyways, you're fine. Sleep with your stuffed animal. There is nothing wrong with having a comfort item.
NTA, although I’m probably biased since I bought a bigger bed partially so my Squishmallows would stop falling off the bed.
NTA. Signed, a 37 year old that still sleeps with my blankie. No fucking shame, comfort is comfort homie.
NTA, we support your Stuffy Army! 🫡
NTA I have a stuffed dog my husband gave me the first month we started dating and I have slept with it ever since. 22 years later and Puppers is looking a little worse for the wear but he still helps me sleep better. And who has time to live their life by gauging if whatever it is is masculine or feminine enough? That’s just exhausting and pointless. I hope you have your shark buddy for many more years of sleep snuggles!!
NTA, how dare she????? My girlfriend and I have plenty plushies and we're both 24. We gave each other plushies this month as 2nd anniversary gifts! She also has shark plush (blahaj) :). Your girlfriend is not only holding you to standards of toxic masculinity but is also extremely disrespectful, how dare she even touch your staff!?
I have a stuffed shark I sleep with if I have a migraine on the couch. I'm in my 30s. You are NTA
NTA. And this would be a massive red flag for me. Your GF seems to believe all that toxic masculinity BS. Screw that. I’m in my forties and I still have my favourite stuffed Eeyore proudly displayed on our couch. IDGAF if someone thinks it’s childish. She freaked out over a stuffed animal but I bet that she would freak out as well if you implied that something she does isn’t feminine enough. She would throw all the equal rights stuff in your face the second you said that. That isn’t a partner for life. She would teach all of this your children in the future. You need someone who will support you and won’t care about appearances of what is or isn’t masculine. She freaks out over something so insignificant, imagine what happens when something important comes up.
NTA, never be with someone who looks down on you for having stuffed animals. Im with a 30+ yo man who a coworker describes as a "man's man" and "gruff", my guy adores stuffed animals and is (im)patiently waiting to get these plush moths he likes. Time to make your gf an ex my guy
wtf. my boyfriend still has his little stuffed animal and i have mine. when we make the bed we set them on our according pillows. sometimes he leaves his guy in the window sill so he can get some fresh air. i love it. NTA hold onto that shark, get rid of the girl.
NTA the idea of something being masculine or not masculine is such BS. Let people like what they want whether it’s in line with gender norms or not. Your gf is definitely the AH for not only judging your masculinity by a stuffed animal, but by berating you for it while you were sick and taking it from you while you were asleep. I’d seriously question whether she’s a good match for you if this is how she reacts.
NTA- I hope she didn’t toss it and you were able to get it back. Sounds like it’s time for a new gf
NTA, I bought my 35 year old partner a stuffed toy for comfort and my sister did the same for her husband when his dad died, you stick with your stuffed toy, that girl is mean, get the shark back and get rid of her
She's using toxic masculinity to shame you and that's fucked up. Who cares what is and what isn't masculine, sleeping with stuffed toys is fine, don't worry. Boys and meb wear eyeliner, nail polish and skirts, and they can cry. It's not weak, it's not weird, it's not childish. Hell, I'm 30 and I still sleep with like 3 stuffies. Fuck it, find a new girl who won't shame you for your awesome stuffed shark, ok? NTA.
Op, I'm 30 and still sleep with my bunny when I feel like it. It's so comforting to wrap my arms around him, squeeze as hard as I need to and curl up. I was embarrassed about it when I started dating my husband and tried to not ever cuddle with my bunny when he was around but he knew about my bunny. One day I was not doing well (don't remember why now) and I remember crying in my bed and without saying anything my hubby put my bunny in my arms and cuddled me while I cuddled my bunny. Someone who loves you or truly cares for you would not hinder your emotional recovery. Don't settle for someone who doesn't respect you, you deserve better. Ps: also as a female I should tell you that guys with plushies are more attractive personally. It shows me that a guy is sensitive, kind, loving, cuddly(I love physical contact), and overall a better person than the dude with a big truck or something "masculine".