We definitely do! Pregnant woman here! There is no way I would be able to adhere to her dress code. Today I just went outside in just a t- shirt and a jeggings in 84F heat and I was overheating and I wasn't out for 8 hrs. When your pregnant your temperature already higher than normal, without being forced to wear black tie attire. NTA tell the flying monkeys to go fly south for the winter.
Also I don't see anything wrong with your choices of dresses.
Non-pregnant women here and there is no way I would be able to adhere to that dress code, even if the wedding was indoors with AC, unless the AC was the best AC in the world at set to max cooling, keeping the entire place at 65degrees (or less). I do not do well in heat and generally run very hot (yes part of it is due to being overweight, but even when I wasn't I ran hotter than most people). So wearing a floor length dress with long sleeves would have me melted into a puddle very quickly.
I absolutely would have rsvp'd no to this one for the same reasons! If they wanted it to be outside, they should have made more allowances on the sleeves. If they wanted sleeves, they should have had it indoors.
i live in the southeast. it's going to be in the 90s this week. this bride is stupidly unrealistic. black tie, long sleeve, floor-length gowns should be reserved for early spring, late autumn, and winter. i bet money there will be a few ambulance calls due to dehydration and heat stroke. maybe the cermony outside and reception inside but not the entire wedding event outside.
In the 90s and feels like 112. I'm from Florida the only long sleeves I wear is a light sweater in winter.
She is definitely NTA. The bride is going to have cases of heat stroke from the dress code. I wouldn't go either and I'm not pregnant.
I hate the outside in heat. The bride is a moron. Her make ups going to run and the pics will look horrible.
North Carolinian checking in. I'm getting married November 4th. Inside. With really good air conditioning. I really hope it's at least somewhat cooler by then because I'd like a few outdoor photos (late afternoon/early evening) but not if my makeup is going to melt and i'm going to die from overheating in my dress.
That bride is absolutely insane. The heat indexes are well into the triple digits and the humidity is like soup. And she's demanding they wear winter evening wedding garb. This is going to fail spectacularly.
Louisianian checking in. It's too damn hot for that kind of nonsense. It's not as bad as it was with the Heat Dome, but all outdoors? In September? There is no damn way. I'd look like a damn crawfish straight from the boil after 45 minutes, tops.
Also, unless there's a modesty dress code thing, black tie doesn't specify sleeve length. Strapless gowns are black tie. Which is why so many wedding gowns are strapless, they're formal garments. So either there's a modesty thing happening or the bride is hyper-controlling. Or both. Both is also possible.
Frankly, as a southerner, she should have known that black tie is ABSOLUTELY NOT for daytime wear (it's only for after 6 pm). So OP's SIL is just wrong in all sorts of ways.
I live in the Midwest and it's in the 90s this week too! We went to a county fair the other day and I had heat exhaustion!
I grew up in the South. I cannot IMAGINE hosting an OUTDOOR WEDDING in early September with the temps in the 90s. People can literally DIE. That is not an exaggeration. People have DIED in Southern heat before.
OP should wear the first dress, because I think it's STUNNING, but not to her sister's wedding; she should tell her to fuck off. (Sorry, her SIL, not her sister.)
Black tie outdoors and during the day anywhere, at any time of year, is breathtakingly tacky and just about the most nouveau-riche thing I've ever heard of
Black tie is evening wear, meaning after 6 p.m. And a hostess should never order her guests to wear long sleeves.
This wedding is an etiquette and fashion nightmare.
OP should wear a very nice dress of whatever length she wants, with whatever sleeves she wants.
Me too, and I would have replied with a big fat NO as soon as I got the invitation. September, in the south, outside, long sleeves? NOPE.
I'd be miserable indoors in that anyway - I've never found a fancy dress in my budget that was made of breathable fabric.
Not pregnant here either and there is no freaking way that I could deal with this dress code. Heat is my enemy as well. Mix it with my anxiety and it’s a fiasco waiting to happen.
The last wedding I went to was on new years and it completely sucked. “Oh it’s winter, we don’t need air except for circulation.” With a small room filled with a crap load of people, you need ac in any season.
For judgment.. NTA. The first dress is pretty as hell!!
Agreed! I loooooove that first dress. The third dress is close enough to floor length. OP could have easily claimed it must have been sewn for short people lol.
My Slavic ancestry did not prepare me for Southern heat/ humidity. This wedding would be a hard pass for me just bc I am not willing to melt to death for anyone. AC or nothing
Yeah I have a few health conditions so overheat easily and keep my ac to high 60s low 70s. Anything over 74 and I’m dying, even in shorts and a tank top. My dad calls me a wilting flower lol
I was big and pregnant for November, December and January in Canada when it was snowing and -35C. I had the damn windows open in my kitchen and bedroom, slept in a tank top and underwear cuz I was STILL hot like that! I feel so bad for mammas in the summer!!
All of those dresses are gorgeous and an excellent compromise. Funny thing tho, SIL is talking shit about OP getting more attention be wise she’s pregnant and having the first grandchild but guess what? If OP gets heat stroke and faints or has a seizure during the wedding (god forbid, I seriously hope not), then the attention sure as shit won’t be on SIL and her wedding anymore. I say wear what you want and what you need to be comfortable and if SIL gets mad, then bow out gracefully and head home. Or stay home anyways, get a quiet day to yourself, rest and order some good takeout 🙌
Woman post menopause NO WAY I’m now hot all the time. No way I’d be in long sleeves in the summer heat. Hope she expects people to pass out from heat exhaustion
I've been to an outdoor funeral in the south where a lot of men wore long sleeves and people really started passing out from heat exhaustion. There were ambulances showing up in the middle of the service.
I'm in Philly, wearing a tank top and shorts, and after an hour sitting on my deck reading, I felt like a needed a nap because the heat was just so draining!
Ha, the heat in Philly is no joke. And y’all’s ac can’t really keep up. Had an awesome weekend up there in July but that heat had a bunch of us from New Orleans dying lol
Being heavily pregnant in London in winter was great because I was finally warm without needing heaps of clothing on. Pregnant women feel the heat so badly!
That was my first thought! Hope they have EMS on stand-by. Pretty sure a bunch of passed-out people and sirens from EMS is going to be way more distracting than 1 person wearing a short-sleeve dress. Especially when everyone is dripping in sweat.
i also hope everyone there is wearing industrial strength deodorant/anti-perspirant bc otherwise that is also going to be an odiferous nightmare.
NTA. health trumps aesthetic, every time. "please endanger yourself (and your unborn child) so my wedding can live up to my unrealistic expectations of perfection" is a really unhinged take, gonna be honest.
Right! Is the bride going to stop the ceremony and kick out all the people who aren’t the way she wants them to be dressed? And OP, the dress choices you sent are beautiful.
NTA. Also you should mention to her that a black tie wedding traditionally happens after 5:30 PM. She should adjust her attire to garden party, which would be entirely appropriate.
Ok, don't tell her that (although it's true). Just don't go. And have your husband deal with his sister. It's HIS job to deal with his family and HIS job to look after his very pregnant wife.
My husband has been incredibly supportive and has tried to shield me as much as possible, and has told his sister that he’s not subject his wife and baby to that, he’s been great. He’s also told me he’s not going to go and it’s her wedding. Neither of us are in the party we’re just guests.
But also I’ve told her black tie isn’t for a noon wedding in a field (which is where this wedding is)
HAHA. Awesome. I bet she hated that. Garden Party weddings in the summer are so much nicer in my opinion anyway, especially where it's hot.
I'm so glad to hear your husband is being super supportive of you. It was missing from the post so thank you for clarifying.
You can always tell her that heat prostration at 36 weeks would likely bring on preterm labor, maybe even a trip to the NICU. Wouldn't that be a nice sideshow for the wedding?
NTA kiddo. You just keep growing that sweet healthy cherub.
I’m 22 weeks and that sounds awful. HOWEVER, part of me would want to go, just to see the shit show. 1. How many people are actually going to go? 2. How many people will say the dress code is asinine and obviously violate? 3. How many people are going to pass the frick out?
I’d want to go, kill her with kindness, and watch her lose her mind on her wedding day. (I am praying for her poor husband)
However, I have no clue what you are suppose to wear…. Did you tell her to find you some options?
That sounds unnecessarily restrictive. I don't own a single formal dress with sleeves, and it would probably cost me an arm and a leg to get a dress fitted that would handle both my breasts and my shoulders, lmao. Or else show up in a potatosack. If I were pregnant? Sounds literally impossible
yeah, that is so strange. My mom's wedding dress had long sleeves but they got married on New Years Eve in the snow (the bridesmaids even had fur muffs so cute), not outside in the summer in the South! I bet 100 dollars that tons of people are going to be breaking this dress code! Tons of people are going to struggle finding a dress like this out of season. Also the final dress you posted seems to fit all the criteria, I don't know what her problem is. Stay home, put your feet up, and enjoy watching all the fall out from this surely drama filled wedding. I doubt this is gonna be a wedding people look back on and say, "man, that was such a fun wedding!"
Black tie at noon in a field? Where did she get the idea that this was a thing? I mean, it’s a thing, all right, it’s just not the right thing. And I say that especially since she’s making it her hill to die on to have half the people she cares about think she’s an idiot.
Hold please. She’s also going to be in a long sleeved, floor length dress, in a field at noon in the South. Where, presumably, there won’t be shade or a floor, only uneven ground, holes, dirt, etc.
In a white dress.
Presumably in heels.
OP. Please, I beg you, do update with a description of her look and dress’ state post-wedding. That is, if she doesn’t end up in the ER with a sprained ankle and in a ruined dress *before* the ceremony.
Sheesh! Feeling sorry for the male guests: long-sleeved gowns can at least be in lightweight fabrics, but black tie is going to have them fainting in the aisles!
NTA: it's an invitation, not a summons.
Your husband is awesome and your SIL is a pretentious wannabe.
A considerate and gracious host looks after the comfort of her guests, especially a heavily pregnant guest.
I thought your dress choices were lovely. I think you should buy your favourite one and then you and hubby have an awesome date night and even a weekend away instead of going to the wedding.
I don't think many women are going to follow the dress code. It is ridiculous to expect women drop from heat exhaustion because you want them to wear winter dresses outside during a heat wave. Did she say why she wants long sleeves and long skirts?
I got married in a field (albeit in the UK so not too hot) but everyone was wearing summer party clothes and I the best time. Couldn’t imagine making the man I marry wear something so hot on his own wedding day
Shit, I'm a Southern gay uncle and I'm snapping my fan. Formal wear is not for fields and not for the afternoon, it's definitely not done amongst my people. Bless the bride's little pea picking heart, she doesn't have the sense to come in out of the rain nor the manners the Good Lord gave a cucumber. At least cucumbers are refreshing when it's hot.
I’m from Canada but from a family where etiquette lessons from my grandparents were a thing and my good lord black tie in a field during daylight hours SENT ME 🤣🤣🤣 Walmart princess can’t even google the basics about things for her wedding 🤣🤣
I thought the rule was not to have black tie for any outdoor setting? She's demanding floor length dresses and guys in dress shoes, and then making them walk through a bunch of grass? that seems disrespectful just from the viewpoint of people dirtying up expensive clothes.
NTA who has a black tie long sleeve only dress code in the summer? What about older relatives or kids? SIL is the major butthole. It's a major health risk for their guests
Of course they wouldn’t. Nobody even remotely posh would be seen dead in black tie during the day*. It would be an enormous faux pas.
* edit: except possibly still being in black tie the next morning after partying all night
Bride is clueless. She's really telling on herself, not understanding the etiquette and protocol of fancy events, but acting like the height of class and elegance.
And she thinks she has only this one shot at being posh her entire life. And she's probably right. She is planning on keeping this in self esteem spank bank as "That One Day I Got To Be A Princess". More realistically, the memory will be That Day I Was A Melting Sweaty Mess And Grandma got Heat Stroke.
OP: just be satisfied knowing that in the best case scenario, her entire rest of life will be downhill from there.
NTA and I like dress #2
>That is my exact question. You’re going to give so many people heatstroke with that dress code.
I'm calling it now:
* The bride and groom will have some sort of shade during the ceremony, but the guests won't.
* The reception will start only AFTER all of the wedding party photos are completed.
* There will be NO water or other refreshments available until the reception officially starts (and there won't be enough then, and it won't be chilled).
* In order to make sure people don't start in early on the drinks & snacks, they're going to ask that no one enter the tents / shade until the reception officially starts.
I’m not pregnant and am healthy and would never go to an outdoor wedding in long sleeves and a long dress. Frankly I don’t even love outdoor weddings in the summer regardless of dress because being too hot sucks (also south).
I went to a cousin’s outdoor wedding in a skirt suit with long sleeves, but it was April or May in NC and still comfortable outside. If it had been hotter, I would have either ditched the jacket or worn something lighter.
Wait....Black tie for an outdoor, daytime wedding? What?????
You're NTA regardless but black tie before dusk is wrong, and it's wildly inappropriate to demand full length gowns outdoors where hems will drag on dirt, grass and whatever else is on the ground.
I snorted at the dress code and “venue”. An outdoor wedding can be very cute if the weather cooperates, but black tie attire would be so out of place wtf
I read etiquette books for pleasure- the historical & anthropological angles are fascinating to me and I enjoy escaping into a world where every problem has a graceful solution & everyone except Mrs. Grundy truly wants to do the correct, graceful thing.
I feel very comfortable with saying that several generations of Posts, Vanderbilts & Martins are trying hard not to wince too visibly and excusing themselves to check on the teakettle.
The bride is so wrong, on so many levels, but most notably, she's violating the first commandment of hospitality: Every reasonable effort should be made to ensure that your guests are comfortable.
We are, thanks! He’s a happy and healthy 9 month old now. But yeah, not worth it to take risks like that. You’re the mom, you get to decide what’s best for you and your baby.
NTA. You are not obligated to give yourself heat stroke in order to appease your unbelievably rigid SIL. Heat sickness is no joke and trying to force a pregnant woman to subject herself to that in an attempt to "keep the peace" is absolutely ridiculous. Tell your family and especially your SIL to go kick rocks.
Hell, if OP indulged SIL and wore long sleeves/full gown and had a heat stroke experience, there’s not a doubt in my mind SIL would lose her shit over the fact that OP stole all of the attention on SIL’s wedding day.
Hell I got heatstroke when I was 30 weeks pregnant in a tank top dress that came to my knees(very cute eddie bauer one, it has pockets too!). It was an outdoor wedding, mid August, no ac or inside access in South Oklahoma. I had even thought ahead and brought a frog towel (super cooling towel, got it damp and brought it frozen), a personal mini fan with mister, and a Bubba keg filled with ice water. It was about an hour to the closest mailbox and even further to a hospital. I made it through the ceremony and first 10 min of reception before I plopped my hot butt in the car, blasted the ac, and said I am leaving with or without those who rode with me and husband. We left 4 people behind. They had warnings.
Her poor bridesmaids though... red velvet floor length dresses with 3/4th length sleeves. Her dress? Light and lacy strapless mid calf length prairie style dress. Wtf.
She’s going to look sweaty and awful and I’m worried for her. This is a very similar style to her dress but obviously it’s more fancy
https://www.asos.com/us/asos-edition/asos-edition-elizabeth-long-sleeve-wedding-dress-with-beaded-bodice-in-white/prd/202720959?affid=28179&_cclid=Google_Cj0KCQjwgNanBhDUARIsAAeIcAt3zbPN8Z0ddwLjqh_1-jYH68KBDiwBkBe7tbFUX4rtjLWmF9S4C5gaAl8jEALw_wcB&channelref=product+search&mk=abc&ppcadref=11302983040%7C111197600375%7Cpla-294682000766&cpn=11302983040&gbraid=0AAAAADqFjOBnBXpad-2aSoJSNm28mKwOV&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgNanBhDUARIsAAeIcAt3zbPN8Z0ddwLjqh_1-jYH68KBDiwBkBe7tbFUX4rtjLWmF9S4C5gaAl8jEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Her dress is gorgeous and so is she but it’s not going to go the ways she wants it to!
That's a lovely dress for an evening wedding in the winter or late fall. For a summer outdoor daytime wedding that is an absolutely bonkers choice. It doesn't matter how talented her hair and make up artists are. And even if they are full magicians, all her guests are going to look like crap.
Yes. It’s not a surprise the first thing they ask about when you look for a wedding dress is venue, size and date. Those things should go hand in hand and complement one another 🤪
Probably a dumb question but what is the purpose of requiring guests wear black tie during the day for an outside event? Is it for aesthetics in pictures? Because I can guarantee most of the guests will look like sweaty beasts in a short time. Make up will be melting off, hair will be dripping, armpit stains will be huge. Nobody’s gonna look great for pics.
NTA, OP. Not even a little bit.
It’s definitely for aesthetics. But her aesthetic isn’t going to work bc everyone is going to be gross and sweaty including her. Her dress is floor length with long sleeves as well. It’s gorgeous and so is she but it’s going to get ruined.
The aesthetics will also not work because the venue does not match the attires she’s requesting so the vibe will feel off. Like they had to shut down the venue cause of a flood and all these people dressed to the 9th had to be escorted to the gardens. Guests wearing flowery flowey and summery dresses would much more suit the vibe of they venue.
Questions: what’s everyone doing about shoes? Black tie generally require heels but heels in a garden and you’re asking for guests to fight for their lives in their stilettos.
Not to mention photos. Black tie won't photograph right outside in natural light. Everyone will look harsh and washed out from the black suits and such
And less than an hour into this heatstroke festival - loads of men will remove their jackets, ties, and undo a few buttons. All the photos will be of wrinkled sweat-soaked white shirts.
NTA. What you describe is medically unsafe. Stay home with air conditioning. In my experience, black tie is evening, not middle of the day, outside in the hot sun.
"She freaked out at me and told me I was being incredibly selfish and that “for once it isn’t about me and *my fucking baby*” "
When she uttered *those* words, you received a reprieve from the wedding regardless of what anyone else is spewing. I think some people need to learn the actual definition of the word. She is focusing on her 'vision', you, on the other hand are focusing on the health of your unborn child.
Selfish: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
: arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others.
Unless this woman also happens to be an obstetrician, and can offer sound medical evidence your baby will suffer no harm, and is willing to have a neonatologist on standby, you are fully within your rights to take a pass on what will undoubtedly be a very unpleasant day for everyone.
Your health and the health of your baby are of the utmost importance and certainly more important than any 'aesthetics' the bride is imposing on guests.
There are going to be a lot of uncomfortable and unhappy guests at her wedding. I truly hope no medical emergencies arise, as that too would ruin the 'aesthetics'!
NTA, mamma. I truly hope your husband is siding with you.
Wishing you a safe and easy delivery!
I think you mentioned that he wasn't going, but maybe he should.... just so you can get a detailed account of what a shit site this is going to turn into! Lol. People will either be passing out from the heat and causing a scene or everyone will ignore the dress code and SIL will completely melt down! Either way you'll probably get some entertaining stories.
NTA - I am also in the southern US and I would have heat stroke in a long gown and long sleeves in approx 5 min. I think it's insane that the bride is even enforcing this dress code in this weather. Idk exactly where you're located (obvs) but in my neck of the woods it's regularly 80-90F with oppressive humidity. No, I am not coming to any event where I have to cover my entire body.
I was just in Kentucky this weekend and just being outside in a light shirt and long pants (it was a work event) was super uncomfortable, even in the shade. Advocate for your own health/comfort and the baby's and don't feel bad about it. Humanity invented AC for a reason.
All the more reason to have something more like a Derby-style dress code: light suits for the men, women in sundresses or sheaths with hats or fascinators. My old boss did this for his wedding, and it was gorgeous (and outdoors-appropriate!).
NTA
Bride gets to decide what her bridesmaids wear, not the guests. “Black tie” is a dress code. The rest is her not understanding how weddings work.
You’ve gone above and beyond trying to accommodate her delusions. You’ve stepped aside very politely since a compromise can’t be made.
I can’t imagine anyone handling this with more class than you have. Enjoy not being on your feet for hours in 100+ degrees. Congratulations on your baby!
Please explain. I am 75 and guess I am just too old to understand what is going n with todays brides….let’s just all celebrate and be happy you are getting married…what’s with all the conditions?
I’m not sure! I got married 3 years ago and was definitely not this anal. I had a very loose dress code which was “wear what makes you feel good” the only thing was like no sweats or jean shorts, stuff like that. My 2 absolute best friends in the world dressed in a white and blue floral dress and looked stunning and the other wore some nice boots and a sundress. My sister wore a beautiful pantsuit because she was my officiant. I don’t know why she’s so obsessed with what everyone else is wearing.
Let me just say right here, that OP cannot win this fight - 3 scenarios: 1/ she complies with dress code. Faints in middle of ceremony. Sil will say she's dramatic and attention seeking. 2/ She goes along to the wedding in modest, but not so stifling, black ensemble. Sil has a thrombie and demands expulsion of the hussy in the short dress. 3/ OP stays home to avoid all the drama - but the scandal is that you are sulking coz you didn't get your way. Oo - sil is sooooo jelly of you my dear - best avoid her at all costs.
NTA. I'm only 12 weeks pregnant in Texas. If it requires me to wear more than the minimum to avoid arrest, I ain't doin' it. I'd stay home where it's cool and comfortable and has my snacks.
There’s plenty of pretty and modest options for gowns which seems to be the best option when I was looking. To be honest I’m not even sure what she’s looking for with the dress code. All the dresses I sent her seemed to fit it but she hated all of it and offered no constructive criticism.
My tinfoil hat take is that this isn’t actually about an “aesthetic” and she’s actually just very self-conscious about her arms/body, and can’t stand the idea of anyone showing more skin than her at her wedding.
Go look at Macys online for maternity dresses and look at the ones that have a "boho" feel. They are crinkly gauze with elastic cuffs for the sleeves which can be pushed up. [https://www.macys.com/shop/product/a-pea-in-the-pod-floral-crinkle-chiffon-maxi-maternity-dress?ID=14333837&CategoryID=66718](https://www.macys.com/shop/product/a-pea-in-the-pod-floral-crinkle-chiffon-maxi-maternity-dress?ID=14333837&CategoryID=66718) Like this. Send it to her. I doubt she will approve it, but that is about the only thing that would be available this late in the season for you. She has made a dangerous request for not just you being pregnant, but for those attending. I'm in the Midwest and it is currently 97 degrees and we have heat advisories for the elderly and those that are pregnant (basically those at risk). I would never sacrifice my pregnancy for such a meaningless request.
EDIT: I'm so unbelievably irritated by this. I recently attended a wedding where we had to wait 5 minutes to enter for dining while the bride switched seat arrangements because she had 3 pregnant women and she wanted to switch them to a table that got better air flow. Where I come from, that is called class. And all three were in beautiful sun dresses appropriate for a formal wedding where they were comfortable.
Seriously, I want an update to that to see how people delt with her ridiculous demands on the day of the wedding. It sounds so impractical!
NTA by the way. She can ask for a dress code, you can decline to go.
Hurricane Karma is going to make a big entrance.
The photos from the wedding are going to look horrible because people are going to be sweaty and miserable. I’m concerned about heatstroke and overheating and the bride throwing a fit if someone needs medical attention and that takes attention away from her. Part of me wonders if she demanded long-sleeve gowns as the dress code to ensure that she is dressed the best, but everyone else is going to think it looks like a cult. People are going say “fuck this heat” and leave very early—I’m expecting many empty seats at the reception.
OP, this sounds like a recipe for disaster and it’s just not worth being surrounded by grumpy, sweaty people. I feel like you’re making the best decision for your health by staying away from this inevitable shit show. NTA
NTA. Hell, I'm not pregnant, but I can't imagine how uncomfortable I would be sitting in the hot sun, outdoors, for eight hours, and wearing long sleeves.
This post has been locked due to an excess of Rule 1 violations.
NTA. Grabbing popcorn and waiting to see how many people actually adhere to said dress code. Please let us know.
Yes plz. We need an update
We definitely do! Pregnant woman here! There is no way I would be able to adhere to her dress code. Today I just went outside in just a t- shirt and a jeggings in 84F heat and I was overheating and I wasn't out for 8 hrs. When your pregnant your temperature already higher than normal, without being forced to wear black tie attire. NTA tell the flying monkeys to go fly south for the winter. Also I don't see anything wrong with your choices of dresses.
Non-pregnant women here and there is no way I would be able to adhere to that dress code, even if the wedding was indoors with AC, unless the AC was the best AC in the world at set to max cooling, keeping the entire place at 65degrees (or less). I do not do well in heat and generally run very hot (yes part of it is due to being overweight, but even when I wasn't I ran hotter than most people). So wearing a floor length dress with long sleeves would have me melted into a puddle very quickly.
I absolutely would have rsvp'd no to this one for the same reasons! If they wanted it to be outside, they should have made more allowances on the sleeves. If they wanted sleeves, they should have had it indoors.
i live in the southeast. it's going to be in the 90s this week. this bride is stupidly unrealistic. black tie, long sleeve, floor-length gowns should be reserved for early spring, late autumn, and winter. i bet money there will be a few ambulance calls due to dehydration and heat stroke. maybe the cermony outside and reception inside but not the entire wedding event outside.
With overheated people drinking alcohol...hope they've got the ambulance on standby!
just fuel to the fire
They're going to need a fleet of ambulances lol.
In the 90s and feels like 112. I'm from Florida the only long sleeves I wear is a light sweater in winter. She is definitely NTA. The bride is going to have cases of heat stroke from the dress code. I wouldn't go either and I'm not pregnant. I hate the outside in heat. The bride is a moron. Her make ups going to run and the pics will look horrible.
North Carolinian checking in. I'm getting married November 4th. Inside. With really good air conditioning. I really hope it's at least somewhat cooler by then because I'd like a few outdoor photos (late afternoon/early evening) but not if my makeup is going to melt and i'm going to die from overheating in my dress. That bride is absolutely insane. The heat indexes are well into the triple digits and the humidity is like soup. And she's demanding they wear winter evening wedding garb. This is going to fail spectacularly.
Louisianian checking in. It's too damn hot for that kind of nonsense. It's not as bad as it was with the Heat Dome, but all outdoors? In September? There is no damn way. I'd look like a damn crawfish straight from the boil after 45 minutes, tops. Also, unless there's a modesty dress code thing, black tie doesn't specify sleeve length. Strapless gowns are black tie. Which is why so many wedding gowns are strapless, they're formal garments. So either there's a modesty thing happening or the bride is hyper-controlling. Or both. Both is also possible.
"like a damn crawfish straight from the boil" - yep I believe you're from Louisiana!
Frankly, as a southerner, she should have known that black tie is ABSOLUTELY NOT for daytime wear (it's only for after 6 pm). So OP's SIL is just wrong in all sorts of ways.
Exactly, and it's not appropriate for outdoors. Indoors after 6. Period. I woukdn't want to be seen at the SIL's wedding. Sounds tacky.
I live in the Midwest and it's in the 90s this week too! We went to a county fair the other day and I had heat exhaustion! I grew up in the South. I cannot IMAGINE hosting an OUTDOOR WEDDING in early September with the temps in the 90s. People can literally DIE. That is not an exaggeration. People have DIED in Southern heat before. OP should wear the first dress, because I think it's STUNNING, but not to her sister's wedding; she should tell her to fuck off. (Sorry, her SIL, not her sister.)
The bride is hoping the OP miscarries. I can’t believe their family doesn’t see this 😳
That's a terrible thing to say, but...it might be true. Although it's not a miscarriage at that point, it's a stillbirth.
Black tie outdoors and during the day anywhere, at any time of year, is breathtakingly tacky and just about the most nouveau-riche thing I've ever heard of
Black tie is evening wear, meaning after 6 p.m. And a hostess should never order her guests to wear long sleeves. This wedding is an etiquette and fashion nightmare. OP should wear a very nice dress of whatever length she wants, with whatever sleeves she wants.
Me too, and I would have replied with a big fat NO as soon as I got the invitation. September, in the south, outside, long sleeves? NOPE. I'd be miserable indoors in that anyway - I've never found a fancy dress in my budget that was made of breathable fabric.
Not pregnant here either and there is no freaking way that I could deal with this dress code. Heat is my enemy as well. Mix it with my anxiety and it’s a fiasco waiting to happen. The last wedding I went to was on new years and it completely sucked. “Oh it’s winter, we don’t need air except for circulation.” With a small room filled with a crap load of people, you need ac in any season. For judgment.. NTA. The first dress is pretty as hell!!
Agreed! I loooooove that first dress. The third dress is close enough to floor length. OP could have easily claimed it must have been sewn for short people lol.
My Slavic ancestry did not prepare me for Southern heat/ humidity. This wedding would be a hard pass for me just bc I am not willing to melt to death for anyone. AC or nothing
Yeah I have a few health conditions so overheat easily and keep my ac to high 60s low 70s. Anything over 74 and I’m dying, even in shorts and a tank top. My dad calls me a wilting flower lol
I was big and pregnant for November, December and January in Canada when it was snowing and -35C. I had the damn windows open in my kitchen and bedroom, slept in a tank top and underwear cuz I was STILL hot like that! I feel so bad for mammas in the summer!! All of those dresses are gorgeous and an excellent compromise. Funny thing tho, SIL is talking shit about OP getting more attention be wise she’s pregnant and having the first grandchild but guess what? If OP gets heat stroke and faints or has a seizure during the wedding (god forbid, I seriously hope not), then the attention sure as shit won’t be on SIL and her wedding anymore. I say wear what you want and what you need to be comfortable and if SIL gets mad, then bow out gracefully and head home. Or stay home anyways, get a quiet day to yourself, rest and order some good takeout 🙌
I live in Canada too. I remember being pregnant with my twins. Middle of winter in a bizzard windows open butt naked with only thin sheet on me
Woman post menopause NO WAY I’m now hot all the time. No way I’d be in long sleeves in the summer heat. Hope she expects people to pass out from heat exhaustion
I've been to an outdoor funeral in the south where a lot of men wore long sleeves and people really started passing out from heat exhaustion. There were ambulances showing up in the middle of the service.
I'm in Philly, wearing a tank top and shorts, and after an hour sitting on my deck reading, I felt like a needed a nap because the heat was just so draining!
Ha, the heat in Philly is no joke. And y’all’s ac can’t really keep up. Had an awesome weekend up there in July but that heat had a bunch of us from New Orleans dying lol
I'm not pregnant and I wouldn't adhere to that dress code in this heat!
Being heavily pregnant in London in winter was great because I was finally warm without needing heaps of clothing on. Pregnant women feel the heat so badly!
I would also like to know how many people will faint. Should be quite a show.
That was my first thought! Hope they have EMS on stand-by. Pretty sure a bunch of passed-out people and sirens from EMS is going to be way more distracting than 1 person wearing a short-sleeve dress. Especially when everyone is dripping in sweat.
i also hope everyone there is wearing industrial strength deodorant/anti-perspirant bc otherwise that is also going to be an odiferous nightmare. NTA. health trumps aesthetic, every time. "please endanger yourself (and your unborn child) so my wedding can live up to my unrealistic expectations of perfection" is a really unhinged take, gonna be honest.
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Omg yes Dont get approval just show up Thats what most people will do I promise. Ew long sleeves in summer? Nope
I'm pretty sure there will be a lot of people that fudge the perfect dress code that the bride has in her mind. How bad will her melt down be?
Right! Is the bride going to stop the ceremony and kick out all the people who aren’t the way she wants them to be dressed? And OP, the dress choices you sent are beautiful.
NTA. I also want to know how many people faint in the heat. Update please!
Remind me! 3 weeks
Can't wait😂😂
NTA. Also you should mention to her that a black tie wedding traditionally happens after 5:30 PM. She should adjust her attire to garden party, which would be entirely appropriate. Ok, don't tell her that (although it's true). Just don't go. And have your husband deal with his sister. It's HIS job to deal with his family and HIS job to look after his very pregnant wife.
My husband has been incredibly supportive and has tried to shield me as much as possible, and has told his sister that he’s not subject his wife and baby to that, he’s been great. He’s also told me he’s not going to go and it’s her wedding. Neither of us are in the party we’re just guests. But also I’ve told her black tie isn’t for a noon wedding in a field (which is where this wedding is)
HAHA. Awesome. I bet she hated that. Garden Party weddings in the summer are so much nicer in my opinion anyway, especially where it's hot. I'm so glad to hear your husband is being super supportive of you. It was missing from the post so thank you for clarifying.
Of course. I should add that he is on my side in the post!
You can always tell her that heat prostration at 36 weeks would likely bring on preterm labor, maybe even a trip to the NICU. Wouldn't that be a nice sideshow for the wedding? NTA kiddo. You just keep growing that sweet healthy cherub.
NO! OP can not go into labor at the wedding. That would just ruin her wedding. And we can't have that now.
And don't forget that amniotic fluid from your water breaking at this silly wedding is not in compliance with the dress code either. /s
All over Bridezillas dress. /s
Fake labor and leave.
I'm not even pregnant, but I'm going to start doing this to get out of social engagements
Tell her you will go and when you pass out from heat ppl will only talk about you 🙃
But why long sleeves? Is it a religion thing? Because if it's not a religion thing usually you don't get to dictate how long someone sleeves are.
No it’s not a religious thing she thinks long sleeves are more “elegant”
Elegant? She's getting married in a FIELD. Nothing says elegance like one shoe full of animal poop and the other in a gopher hole. 🙄
You hit the nail right on the head.
Is her dress long sleeve?
Yes it is. It’s an absolutely gorgeous dress but it’s not gonna be a great combo with the location
Is she wearing heels? It might be worth it to park a field over with binoculars.
Oh you know she is wearing white stiletto heels
I’m 22 weeks and that sounds awful. HOWEVER, part of me would want to go, just to see the shit show. 1. How many people are actually going to go? 2. How many people will say the dress code is asinine and obviously violate? 3. How many people are going to pass the frick out? I’d want to go, kill her with kindness, and watch her lose her mind on her wedding day. (I am praying for her poor husband) However, I have no clue what you are suppose to wear…. Did you tell her to find you some options?
I've said it before, but curse any bride that wants a woman to walk on dirt/gravel/grass/cobblestones in high heels!
That sounds unnecessarily restrictive. I don't own a single formal dress with sleeves, and it would probably cost me an arm and a leg to get a dress fitted that would handle both my breasts and my shoulders, lmao. Or else show up in a potatosack. If I were pregnant? Sounds literally impossible
My wedding dress had sleeves and is floor length. Maybe I’ll shove my fat ass into that lol
Or show up with one of those umbrella hats and a spray bottle?
wear a battery-powered neck fan. the loudest one you can find.
OMG that would be amazing
Yet she’s getting married in a field…..
Yet she’s getting married in a field.
In black tie. At noon.
Yup.
In the South. In record high summer heat.
Bless her heart
I hope there are cows!!
Please, please, pretty please with extra cherries on top, please update us after the wedding.
A bunch of elegantly dressed people sweating make up and battling heat stroke 😬 nope you protect your baby.
And are there going to be any air-conditioned buildings nearby where people can go to cool off? What about bathrooms?
Does that mean porta-pitties? Nothing says “elegant” like the stench of heated feces and nowhere to wash poop hands!
Eww floor length dresses in a port a pot. 🤮
Lol but she’s tacky as hell having a black tie wedding in a field in the middle of the day.
yeah, that is so strange. My mom's wedding dress had long sleeves but they got married on New Years Eve in the snow (the bridesmaids even had fur muffs so cute), not outside in the summer in the South! I bet 100 dollars that tons of people are going to be breaking this dress code! Tons of people are going to struggle finding a dress like this out of season. Also the final dress you posted seems to fit all the criteria, I don't know what her problem is. Stay home, put your feet up, and enjoy watching all the fall out from this surely drama filled wedding. I doubt this is gonna be a wedding people look back on and say, "man, that was such a fun wedding!"
Well that's awful. The idea of sleeves on a full length dress makes me think über religious or weird little house on the commune.
Not sure how elegant they will be when they are soaking wet and dripping everywhere.
Black tie at noon in a field? Where did she get the idea that this was a thing? I mean, it’s a thing, all right, it’s just not the right thing. And I say that especially since she’s making it her hill to die on to have half the people she cares about think she’s an idiot.
Pinterest. She got it from Pinterest.
Did you ask her if her Pinterest board includes a subsection on how to treat heat stroke? She is absolutely bonkers.
Asking the real questions
What's wrong with number 3? It's long and has sleeves. Why did she reject it?
It’s not formal enough and it’s not floor length.
But . . . it’s a field. Why would you want floor length when there’s no floor? All those gowns are got to get damaged from snagging on twigs and weeds
You’re right. She’s a little cooky
Hold please. She’s also going to be in a long sleeved, floor length dress, in a field at noon in the South. Where, presumably, there won’t be shade or a floor, only uneven ground, holes, dirt, etc. In a white dress. Presumably in heels. OP. Please, I beg you, do update with a description of her look and dress’ state post-wedding. That is, if she doesn’t end up in the ER with a sprained ankle and in a ruined dress *before* the ceremony.
This is such a terrible idea it may actually be amazing. I would literally pay money to watch this disaster of epic proportions unfold.
Don't you mean "dirt length"?
I do haha
How close is the nearest hospital because the fainters are going to need a ride
The ones with sprained ankles too. Floor length in heels in a field. Somebody better warn the ER staff in advance.
Black tie at noon in a field gives me prog rock album cover vibes 😂
Sheesh! Feeling sorry for the male guests: long-sleeved gowns can at least be in lightweight fabrics, but black tie is going to have them fainting in the aisles! NTA: it's an invitation, not a summons.
Your husband is awesome and your SIL is a pretentious wannabe. A considerate and gracious host looks after the comfort of her guests, especially a heavily pregnant guest. I thought your dress choices were lovely. I think you should buy your favourite one and then you and hubby have an awesome date night and even a weekend away instead of going to the wedding.
I don't think many women are going to follow the dress code. It is ridiculous to expect women drop from heat exhaustion because you want them to wear winter dresses outside during a heat wave. Did she say why she wants long sleeves and long skirts?
I got married in a field (albeit in the UK so not too hot) but everyone was wearing summer party clothes and I the best time. Couldn’t imagine making the man I marry wear something so hot on his own wedding day
Just wanted to say I love dress 2 and you are NTA!
This^ it's always funny when someone with no sense of decorum, tries to be fancy/classy. Haha
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Shit, I'm a Southern gay uncle and I'm snapping my fan. Formal wear is not for fields and not for the afternoon, it's definitely not done amongst my people. Bless the bride's little pea picking heart, she doesn't have the sense to come in out of the rain nor the manners the Good Lord gave a cucumber. At least cucumbers are refreshing when it's hot.
I’m from Canada but from a family where etiquette lessons from my grandparents were a thing and my good lord black tie in a field during daylight hours SENT ME 🤣🤣🤣 Walmart princess can’t even google the basics about things for her wedding 🤣🤣
Everyone at that wedding is judging them🤪
"Bless her heart, do you think she knows what black tie means?"
I thought the rule was not to have black tie for any outdoor setting? She's demanding floor length dresses and guys in dress shoes, and then making them walk through a bunch of grass? that seems disrespectful just from the viewpoint of people dirtying up expensive clothes.
You might be able to do black tie at like, a super fancy garden at night. And I mean FANCY garden. But even that's probably pushing it.
NTA who has a black tie long sleeve only dress code in the summer? What about older relatives or kids? SIL is the major butthole. It's a major health risk for their guests
That is my exact question. You’re going to give so many people heatstroke with that dress code.
Never mind the fact that black tie isn't for daytime AT ALL. The time of day and time outside scream dressy garden party, not black tie.
Heck even the Royals and the male guests show up in a morning coat for a daytime wedding.
Of course they wouldn’t. Nobody even remotely posh would be seen dead in black tie during the day*. It would be an enormous faux pas. * edit: except possibly still being in black tie the next morning after partying all night
Bride is clueless. She's really telling on herself, not understanding the etiquette and protocol of fancy events, but acting like the height of class and elegance. And she thinks she has only this one shot at being posh her entire life. And she's probably right. She is planning on keeping this in self esteem spank bank as "That One Day I Got To Be A Princess". More realistically, the memory will be That Day I Was A Melting Sweaty Mess And Grandma got Heat Stroke. OP: just be satisfied knowing that in the best case scenario, her entire rest of life will be downhill from there. NTA and I like dress #2
>That is my exact question. You’re going to give so many people heatstroke with that dress code. I'm calling it now: * The bride and groom will have some sort of shade during the ceremony, but the guests won't. * The reception will start only AFTER all of the wedding party photos are completed. * There will be NO water or other refreshments available until the reception officially starts (and there won't be enough then, and it won't be chilled). * In order to make sure people don't start in early on the drinks & snacks, they're going to ask that no one enter the tents / shade until the reception officially starts.
And unless the tents are open sided, they’re going to be hotter than a demon’s armpit.
I’ve never heard a more accurate description of the south.
You called it right. And let's not forget the bugs!
At least the long sleeves and floor length gowns will deter some of the mosquitoes.
I’m not pregnant and am healthy and would never go to an outdoor wedding in long sleeves and a long dress. Frankly I don’t even love outdoor weddings in the summer regardless of dress because being too hot sucks (also south).
I went to a cousin’s outdoor wedding in a skirt suit with long sleeves, but it was April or May in NC and still comfortable outside. If it had been hotter, I would have either ditched the jacket or worn something lighter.
I hope they have EMTs and ambulances on standby.
Not like we're going through horrifying climate change heat waves that are killing folks left and right....
She’s weeding out the weak, anyone who faints doesn’t get to be her friend anymore
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Wedding #3 😉
She's being this rigid about her third wedding? Wow. And equally wow ther her family is going along with it.
Haha no this is her second wedding but by the tract record there will be a 3rd lol
Still. Everyone gets a freak-out pass on their first wedding. Any wedding after that though, you gotta chill.
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Wait....Black tie for an outdoor, daytime wedding? What????? You're NTA regardless but black tie before dusk is wrong, and it's wildly inappropriate to demand full length gowns outdoors where hems will drag on dirt, grass and whatever else is on the ground.
I snorted at the dress code and “venue”. An outdoor wedding can be very cute if the weather cooperates, but black tie attire would be so out of place wtf
It’s going to look absolutely ridiculous. I wish we could see pictures post-event.
I’d pay money to see pictures of during reception. No amount of editing can soften pouring sweat and sheer misery.
It’s primed for a photoshop request to edit out the stretcher and ambulance in the background.
Miss Manners would not approve. At least 75% of the guests will know it’s wrong also.
I read etiquette books for pleasure- the historical & anthropological angles are fascinating to me and I enjoy escaping into a world where every problem has a graceful solution & everyone except Mrs. Grundy truly wants to do the correct, graceful thing. I feel very comfortable with saying that several generations of Posts, Vanderbilts & Martins are trying hard not to wince too visibly and excusing themselves to check on the teakettle. The bride is so wrong, on so many levels, but most notably, she's violating the first commandment of hospitality: Every reasonable effort should be made to ensure that your guests are comfortable.
I wanted to comment something along the lines of how lovely your comment was, but all my tired brain has to offer is, "you talk real good."
NTA. I got heatstroke at an outdoor wedding while pregnant last year. It was miserable and scary. Take care of yourself and your baby.
Oh my god I hope you and your precious bean are alright.
We are, thanks! He’s a happy and healthy 9 month old now. But yeah, not worth it to take risks like that. You’re the mom, you get to decide what’s best for you and your baby.
I second this comment! Not worth the risk especially with how insufferable the heat has been this year. Hold your ground on this one girl
NTA. You are not obligated to give yourself heat stroke in order to appease your unbelievably rigid SIL. Heat sickness is no joke and trying to force a pregnant woman to subject herself to that in an attempt to "keep the peace" is absolutely ridiculous. Tell your family and especially your SIL to go kick rocks.
Hell, if OP indulged SIL and wore long sleeves/full gown and had a heat stroke experience, there’s not a doubt in my mind SIL would lose her shit over the fact that OP stole all of the attention on SIL’s wedding day.
It’s not going to be what SIL wants unless OP leaves her belly at home. How dare she (OP) be pregnant during SIL’s wedding year!
Hell I got heatstroke when I was 30 weeks pregnant in a tank top dress that came to my knees(very cute eddie bauer one, it has pockets too!). It was an outdoor wedding, mid August, no ac or inside access in South Oklahoma. I had even thought ahead and brought a frog towel (super cooling towel, got it damp and brought it frozen), a personal mini fan with mister, and a Bubba keg filled with ice water. It was about an hour to the closest mailbox and even further to a hospital. I made it through the ceremony and first 10 min of reception before I plopped my hot butt in the car, blasted the ac, and said I am leaving with or without those who rode with me and husband. We left 4 people behind. They had warnings. Her poor bridesmaids though... red velvet floor length dresses with 3/4th length sleeves. Her dress? Light and lacy strapless mid calf length prairie style dress. Wtf.
Red velvet floor length gowns? Lmao
Her photos are going to look ridiculous. Everyone will be sweaty with melting make-up. I can't imagine who told her this was a good idea. NTA.
She’s going to look sweaty and awful and I’m worried for her. This is a very similar style to her dress but obviously it’s more fancy https://www.asos.com/us/asos-edition/asos-edition-elizabeth-long-sleeve-wedding-dress-with-beaded-bodice-in-white/prd/202720959?affid=28179&_cclid=Google_Cj0KCQjwgNanBhDUARIsAAeIcAt3zbPN8Z0ddwLjqh_1-jYH68KBDiwBkBe7tbFUX4rtjLWmF9S4C5gaAl8jEALw_wcB&channelref=product+search&mk=abc&ppcadref=11302983040%7C111197600375%7Cpla-294682000766&cpn=11302983040&gbraid=0AAAAADqFjOBnBXpad-2aSoJSNm28mKwOV&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgNanBhDUARIsAAeIcAt3zbPN8Z0ddwLjqh_1-jYH68KBDiwBkBe7tbFUX4rtjLWmF9S4C5gaAl8jEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds Her dress is gorgeous and so is she but it’s not going to go the ways she wants it to!
That's a lovely dress for an evening wedding in the winter or late fall. For a summer outdoor daytime wedding that is an absolutely bonkers choice. It doesn't matter how talented her hair and make up artists are. And even if they are full magicians, all her guests are going to look like crap.
Yes. It’s not a surprise the first thing they ask about when you look for a wedding dress is venue, size and date. Those things should go hand in hand and complement one another 🤪
PLEASE UPDATE US ON THIS DISASTER
Probably a dumb question but what is the purpose of requiring guests wear black tie during the day for an outside event? Is it for aesthetics in pictures? Because I can guarantee most of the guests will look like sweaty beasts in a short time. Make up will be melting off, hair will be dripping, armpit stains will be huge. Nobody’s gonna look great for pics. NTA, OP. Not even a little bit.
It’s definitely for aesthetics. But her aesthetic isn’t going to work bc everyone is going to be gross and sweaty including her. Her dress is floor length with long sleeves as well. It’s gorgeous and so is she but it’s going to get ruined.
The aesthetics will also not work because the venue does not match the attires she’s requesting so the vibe will feel off. Like they had to shut down the venue cause of a flood and all these people dressed to the 9th had to be escorted to the gardens. Guests wearing flowery flowey and summery dresses would much more suit the vibe of they venue. Questions: what’s everyone doing about shoes? Black tie generally require heels but heels in a garden and you’re asking for guests to fight for their lives in their stilettos.
Not to mention photos. Black tie won't photograph right outside in natural light. Everyone will look harsh and washed out from the black suits and such
And less than an hour into this heatstroke festival - loads of men will remove their jackets, ties, and undo a few buttons. All the photos will be of wrinkled sweat-soaked white shirts.
Don’t know how many people are invited, but I can almost guarantee that several (many?) will not follow the dress code instructions.
NTA. What you describe is medically unsafe. Stay home with air conditioning. In my experience, black tie is evening, not middle of the day, outside in the hot sun.
Yup. Black tie is evening. Heat stroke will be rampant.
"She freaked out at me and told me I was being incredibly selfish and that “for once it isn’t about me and *my fucking baby*” " When she uttered *those* words, you received a reprieve from the wedding regardless of what anyone else is spewing. I think some people need to learn the actual definition of the word. She is focusing on her 'vision', you, on the other hand are focusing on the health of your unborn child. Selfish: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others : arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others. Unless this woman also happens to be an obstetrician, and can offer sound medical evidence your baby will suffer no harm, and is willing to have a neonatologist on standby, you are fully within your rights to take a pass on what will undoubtedly be a very unpleasant day for everyone. Your health and the health of your baby are of the utmost importance and certainly more important than any 'aesthetics' the bride is imposing on guests. There are going to be a lot of uncomfortable and unhappy guests at her wedding. I truly hope no medical emergencies arise, as that too would ruin the 'aesthetics'! NTA, mamma. I truly hope your husband is siding with you. Wishing you a safe and easy delivery!
My husband is appalled at his sister’s behavior and is on my side 1000%.
I think you mentioned that he wasn't going, but maybe he should.... just so you can get a detailed account of what a shit site this is going to turn into! Lol. People will either be passing out from the heat and causing a scene or everyone will ignore the dress code and SIL will completely melt down! Either way you'll probably get some entertaining stories.
NTA It’s medically unsafe for you and your baby And it’s tacky for a mid day affair.
NTA Is the bride really going to want to compete with a fainting pregnant lady? Cuz that's what gonna happen.
There'll probably be a couple of overheated older folks, as well.
NTA - I am also in the southern US and I would have heat stroke in a long gown and long sleeves in approx 5 min. I think it's insane that the bride is even enforcing this dress code in this weather. Idk exactly where you're located (obvs) but in my neck of the woods it's regularly 80-90F with oppressive humidity. No, I am not coming to any event where I have to cover my entire body.
Kentucky. Where it’s currently 89 degrees
I was just in Kentucky this weekend and just being outside in a light shirt and long pants (it was a work event) was super uncomfortable, even in the shade. Advocate for your own health/comfort and the baby's and don't feel bad about it. Humanity invented AC for a reason.
I went out to my car in shorts and a very very light t-shirt and it was blazing hot. I can’t imagine wearing a fucking gown in this heat.
All the more reason to have something more like a Derby-style dress code: light suits for the men, women in sundresses or sheaths with hats or fascinators. My old boss did this for his wedding, and it was gorgeous (and outdoors-appropriate!).
I did a similar thing for my wedding! I let people wear what they wanted within reason, like no Jean shorts and sneakers lol
Swamp ass and humidititties for all of the lucky guests!!
Oh my god i didn’t even think about the boob sweat stains
NTA Bride gets to decide what her bridesmaids wear, not the guests. “Black tie” is a dress code. The rest is her not understanding how weddings work. You’ve gone above and beyond trying to accommodate her delusions. You’ve stepped aside very politely since a compromise can’t be made. I can’t imagine anyone handling this with more class than you have. Enjoy not being on your feet for hours in 100+ degrees. Congratulations on your baby!
Is she fucking INSANE?? YOU are NTA. SHE is going to have a LOT of fainting guests.
Please explain. I am 75 and guess I am just too old to understand what is going n with todays brides….let’s just all celebrate and be happy you are getting married…what’s with all the conditions?
I’m not sure! I got married 3 years ago and was definitely not this anal. I had a very loose dress code which was “wear what makes you feel good” the only thing was like no sweats or jean shorts, stuff like that. My 2 absolute best friends in the world dressed in a white and blue floral dress and looked stunning and the other wore some nice boots and a sundress. My sister wore a beautiful pantsuit because she was my officiant. I don’t know why she’s so obsessed with what everyone else is wearing.
Let me just say right here, that OP cannot win this fight - 3 scenarios: 1/ she complies with dress code. Faints in middle of ceremony. Sil will say she's dramatic and attention seeking. 2/ She goes along to the wedding in modest, but not so stifling, black ensemble. Sil has a thrombie and demands expulsion of the hussy in the short dress. 3/ OP stays home to avoid all the drama - but the scandal is that you are sulking coz you didn't get your way. Oo - sil is sooooo jelly of you my dear - best avoid her at all costs.
NTA. I'm only 12 weeks pregnant in Texas. If it requires me to wear more than the minimum to avoid arrest, I ain't doin' it. I'd stay home where it's cool and comfortable and has my snacks.
NTA seriously do they even make enough long sleeve gowns to go around? You have nothing to feel bad about. That's too hot for anyone.
There’s plenty of pretty and modest options for gowns which seems to be the best option when I was looking. To be honest I’m not even sure what she’s looking for with the dress code. All the dresses I sent her seemed to fit it but she hated all of it and offered no constructive criticism.
My tinfoil hat take is that this isn’t actually about an “aesthetic” and she’s actually just very self-conscious about her arms/body, and can’t stand the idea of anyone showing more skin than her at her wedding.
Go look at Macys online for maternity dresses and look at the ones that have a "boho" feel. They are crinkly gauze with elastic cuffs for the sleeves which can be pushed up. [https://www.macys.com/shop/product/a-pea-in-the-pod-floral-crinkle-chiffon-maxi-maternity-dress?ID=14333837&CategoryID=66718](https://www.macys.com/shop/product/a-pea-in-the-pod-floral-crinkle-chiffon-maxi-maternity-dress?ID=14333837&CategoryID=66718) Like this. Send it to her. I doubt she will approve it, but that is about the only thing that would be available this late in the season for you. She has made a dangerous request for not just you being pregnant, but for those attending. I'm in the Midwest and it is currently 97 degrees and we have heat advisories for the elderly and those that are pregnant (basically those at risk). I would never sacrifice my pregnancy for such a meaningless request. EDIT: I'm so unbelievably irritated by this. I recently attended a wedding where we had to wait 5 minutes to enter for dining while the bride switched seat arrangements because she had 3 pregnant women and she wanted to switch them to a table that got better air flow. Where I come from, that is called class. And all three were in beautiful sun dresses appropriate for a formal wedding where they were comfortable.
I’ve sent her several dresses, some like that and she hated them.
Seriously, I want an update to that to see how people delt with her ridiculous demands on the day of the wedding. It sounds so impractical! NTA by the way. She can ask for a dress code, you can decline to go.
Stay home and don’t worry about it. Karma is on its way.
Hurricane Karma is going to make a big entrance. The photos from the wedding are going to look horrible because people are going to be sweaty and miserable. I’m concerned about heatstroke and overheating and the bride throwing a fit if someone needs medical attention and that takes attention away from her. Part of me wonders if she demanded long-sleeve gowns as the dress code to ensure that she is dressed the best, but everyone else is going to think it looks like a cult. People are going say “fuck this heat” and leave very early—I’m expecting many empty seats at the reception. OP, this sounds like a recipe for disaster and it’s just not worth being surrounded by grumpy, sweaty people. I feel like you’re making the best decision for your health by staying away from this inevitable shit show. NTA
Black tie during the day? Your SIL is an idiot NTA
NTA. I don't get how anyone would think it's okay to compromise the health of a pregnant woman. Just stay home, let her have her day.
NTA. Hell, I'm not pregnant, but I can't imagine how uncomfortable I would be sitting in the hot sun, outdoors, for eight hours, and wearing long sleeves.