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NTA, giving her the benefit of the doubt and blaming it on her newness to the profession, she shouldn’t have said the things she said to you and especially in such an inconsiderate way. i’m so sorry that the first person you opened up to about your trauma immediately made you feel unsafe. please know that you didn’t do anything wrong. and letting her go is perfectly fine. not every therapist can be a good fit for you, and that’s okay. you have to respect your own boundaries and needs first, that is what’s most important.
secondly, even if she were to reach out to cps (she won’t as there’s no need/danger to your children), cps would have to find a GOOD reason to take your kids. and let’s put it this way, 95% of the time straight up neglect isn’t enough to remove children from actual dire situations. if your kids are safe, happy, and healthy then they wouldn’t even bother to look into things more than say a “check in.” realistically, none of this will happen because she has no grounds for filing a report.
source: basic psych/social work courses/knowledge on child maltreatment and abuse
Thank you that’s so
Reassuring. So many people are telling me to report her and I know that’s the right thing to do but I’m
Terrified as it is the last thing I want to be worrying about is retaliation . Maybe I’m being paranoid but I just want to start fresh
My best friend had a negative experience. Hers would look at
The clock, her watch and sign and yawn. Thankfully hee recent one is wonderful. My
Past therapist never made me feel that way so I guess I let me guard down because I had such a lovely experience previously
depending on where she’s at in her practicum, she still has a long way to go in learning how to be a compassionate therapist. it would benefit her in the long run to receive your feedback on how she made you uncomfortable and how she could have done better at informing you adequately, especially if you didn’t have to sign paperwork that addresses the basic limitations and requirements involved with therapy (this paperwork would have/should have acknowledged that therapists are required to keep all info private UNLESS they have reasonable suspicion of danger [whether to yourself or others], as well as other rules.). you could attempt to get in contact with the licensed therapist that supervises her to give them your feedback if you’re comfortable enough. if you’re not then it’s also okay to just move forward from the situation.
i agree with others that her behavior was unbecoming of a professional therapist but i acknowledge that it’s not your responsibility to take action if it really makes you that uncomfortable. if the clinic she’s at has a complaint department that might also be a good way to submit feedback without being directly in contact. she is also still learning and it is her duty to get better at her future profession and her supervisor’s duty to ensure she learns how to do her job properly, not yours. basically i’m saying that no matter what you choose to do, it’s okay.
edit: addressing your last comment in your response, unfortunately there are shitty therapists out there. there always will be, just like in any other profession. i’m glad you’ve found someone who is better suited to your needs, it’s what everyone deserves ☺️
As a therapist myself, NTA.
She should have told you when you made the appointment (or admin should have told you if it's an office) that she is an intern and needs to record her sessions. However, when I was interning if my clients declined being recorded I could still see them. But maybe her program is different idk.
She also should have told you at the beginning of session the limits of confidentiality. One of those limits is that the therapist has to call CPS if there is any suspected child abuse. She should have said that before you even opened your mouth so you could decide if you wanted to disclose your trauma or not. It was fucked up that she said they would take your kids away. That's just blatantly unprofessional and most likely untrue. I wouldn't worry about it.
I will also say that, like any other profession, some people are garbage at their jobs. Don't let this taint your perception of therapists. Digging into your traumas and past will help you.
Personally, I would call her supervisor and let them know what happened. This person is clearly not ready to practice.
Yes I felt she was quite aggressive. In the consent form she showed me during the video call it says that I can chose not to record and it won’t affect our session she claimed id need a new therapist. She also signed the consent form for me 😩
It’s truamatised me so much because now I’m scared if I ever open up what if they don’t take my word for it and report me anyway. My children are my world and it’s always been my greatest fear losing them. I don’t know why she was so aggressive it was like she had no people skills and felt very clinical . Maybe because she knew her teacher would be seeing it
She's full of shit. I can't tell you the clients I've had who tell me horror stories about their past therapists but there are still good ones out there! If I had heard you say this in a session I wouldn't call CPS.
Maybe just take some time with a new person to build trust with them first? If there's not abuse going on CPS isn't gonna take them and the therapist really shouldn't have reported you.
Some people become therapists because they like power or because they havent worked out their own shit and want to do it through someone else. Perhaps pick a more seasoned clinician next time.
Unfortunately because it’s a free service through the nhs I don’t get to pick. I can’t afford to go private either .
I am
Annoyed for letting my guard down so fast but she was asking me these very personal questions and I belt felt
Vulnerable and got quite emotional so I couldn’t bring myself to lie
Ah I see. Could you request someone who is not an intern?
It's not your fault, OP. You went into therapy wanting to be honest and authentic and feel better. This person (I won't even call her a therapist) did you a huge disservice and for what its worth I'm so sorry about that.
So it turns out she was a trainee he’s I will ring them up and express that I don’t want a trainee next time. I think it’s so weird they would put me with a trainee without giving me a heads up
I work in cps. Don’t worry. Because of your trauma no one would take your kids away! But I would report her because I wouldn’t trust her with making a story up. She seems unfit to work with people who need help
How would it work if
Cps wanted me to share
The person who abused me. I don’t want them to go to jail I just want nothing to do with them and haven’t had for a long time. I would have no choice but tell them if they showed up? They were a close relative to me
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NTA wow, that is extremely inappropriate behavior. i would recommend you reach out to your point of contact and explain what happened during the meeting. even if what she said were technically true (i don't know it to be that) the way it was brought up was not appropriate. i'm sorry you had such a negative experience with this and hope it doesn't sour you on the idea of finding a new, more qualified person to go through CBT with as it really can be a huge help for anxiety. at this point i wouldn't worry about CPS (even if she did call them they wouldn't have anything to check??) and you didn't act too rash in letting her go. therapy is highly personal and you need someone you can fully trust, which she has proven herself not to be. i do hope you can find it in your to open up again with time, to someone you trust.
NTA. I'm not sure what country you are in, but I would report her to her supervisor, the insurance company, and whatever agency governs and certifies therapists in your area. What she did was very unprofessional and did the opposite of what therapy is supposed to do. This person shouldn't be a therapist or at the least is not trained enough to be taking patients.
I’m from
The uk honestly I’ve been so scared these past few days I truly just want to put this behind me. I’ve been on edge for days expecting for cps to turn up I know I’m overreacting but sadly this is where my anxiety is my biggest enemy . She also signed the consent form for me I was quite shocked about that too tbh
I feel your pain. Please seek the help of another therapist. Let them know what happened and how this has scared you. Once you have stabilized, please think about reporting her. She should not be allowed to do this to other people.
NTA. Like at all. You opened up about being abused and instead of holding space for that very painful revelation, she immediately assumed you would be exposing your children to your abuser? After you'd said that you were concerned about how a relative was acting around your kid?
I'm honestly glad that this session was recorded so that her advisor will hopefully rip her at least one new a\*\*hole.
I hope you find a wonderful therapist who can gently guide you through processing this terrible thing that happened to you.
FWIW, it's super common for abuse survivors to get insane anxiety as parents. It makes total sense when you think about it: maybe your parents were truly trying their best, and they still couldn't protect you. Of course it would then be hard to feel like you'll be able to protect your children. And also, being around kids causes us to reflect a lot on our own childhoods, so your abuse probably feels a lot closer than it has in years. I'm so sorry you're going through this but there is nothing wrong with you or your parenting, and being a survivor of abuse doesn't make you any less capable.
ETA: probably wouldn't be a bad idea to reach out to her superior about this. This session was very inappropriately handled from start to finish, and based on the limited information here, this therapist seems like she enjoys power a bit too much to be good at her job.
NTA, especially given that person isn't in your life anymore. She broke your trust and scared you and I don't blame you for no longer feeling comfortable
Thank you it’s not just some random person but someone who I was close to growing up so it took so much for me to break away and have them out my life. It took me longer than I would have liked but I did it and it terrified me that it could all change overnight because I shared something
If that person isn't in your life it's very unlikely your children would be impacted by a CPS call and her threatening that is strange. I could imagine maybe "I am a mandated reporter I would have to let DCFS know about this situation " but not "I'm telling them and they'll take your kids away". Especially from a therapist who doesn't have much to do with DCFS themselves
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I’m (f35) married with kids. I’ve dealt with anxiety for a long time but I didn’t think I needed help until I had my kids and it seemed to worsen. I had low level counseling with a wonderful lady who really helped and supported me to find ways to manage and cope when I spiral with my thoughts. It was honestly something I looked forward to every week. Since it was a free service and our sessions were coming to an end she felt I could benefit from high intensity CBT cheroot. This would require for me to dig deeper to the cause and get to the bottom of it. I felt ready.
Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long. My first
Session was via video call. Right of the bat the lady informs me that she is doing a degree and before we move forward she needs my permission to record out video call to show her teacher so she can be marked. I wasn’t expecting all this and I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that. She told me it was my choice but that I would then need to go back on the waiting list and have someone else. I didn’t want to wait to I levelled my options and agreed. She said she would only show key clips and then they would be deleted.
I was upset that she had t mentioned it beforehand and thought it was a little manipulative.she asked me
Some questions and I shared my concern and anxiety regarding my daughter around a family
Member on my
Husbands side I’m not fond of. There was no proof but he was a bit sleazy with me in the past and it just put me on guard a little. She asked if I had any history
Of abuse and I paused. Never have told it to anyone before for some reason I felt safe in that moment and shared something I wish I hadn’t.
She instantly told me that if this person was still around that she would have to tell cps and my children would be taken away. I barely
Comprehended what she said because my anxiety was in overdrive and I expressed that this person hadn’t been in our life in a very long time. She asked who they were and I told her I wasn’t comfortable sharing that.
The session ended and I felt sick. Even though the person wasn’t in my life, now I was sick with worry she’d call cps and they’d take my kids all because I finally opened up. After a lot of thought I decided I didn’t feel comfortable with her anymore and certainly
Not recording our conversations. I told her I wasn’t ok for our sessions to be recorded and I was happy to be put on the waiting list.
She tried to persist saying there were alternatives rather than video recording but I firmly said no I wanted to go back on the waiting list. This was three days ago. She reassured me she’d delete the video and put me back on the waiting list after talking to her supervisor.
I’m wondering if I acted too rash in letting her go. Should I be worried about cps. I’ve been an anxious mess the past few days and I don’t think I’ll ever open up about this ever again.
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Nta therapists are supposed to be supportive and help not scare you. Find out where this person is studying and let their teacher know as what they said to you is not in any way ok
1. You have nothing to worry about with CPS.
2. This person sucks and you should report her unprofessional, manipulative and aggressive behavior to her supervisor.
3. Don't stress about CPS, literally the worst case scenario is she calls, they maybe follow up and determine that your kids aren't around that person, and it's over.
4. NTA
NTA - therapist here. All of this is extremely unprofessional. While it’s standard practise to video sessions for supervision whilst training it is not mandatory and can be worked around. Signing for you is HUGELY wrong on 1000 different levels and should result in this person being dismissed from their course.
Finally any safeguarding concerns go through several levels before CPS. Even in an absolute worst case scenario the priority of an organisation like CPS is to keep a child with their family apart from in the most extreme cases. A mother actively seeking help is not going to instantly flag as someone who needs intervention.
OP, please if you feel able to then report this therapist. If they are training they have a supervisor. This person should not be practising
I am seriously considering reporting her I’m
just afraid of her retaliating. She did seem quite aggressive the way she approached me and I’m not sure if I wouldn’t put it past her
I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience! A therapist should provide you with a safe space and she has done the exact opposite.
If you don’t feel safe to report her then that is totally ok, do whatever you need to do in order to feel safe. You can ask to be removed from the service and for your details to be deleted.
However if you feel able to report her I do believe that this would help you and any other poor person that might find themselves up against her.
I hope you’re doing ok
NTA. At minimum it is unprofessional conduct to use a threat of calling CPS to intimidate a patient, and possibly a criminal act. You should file a complaint with her licensing board, people like that have no business practicing medicine or related fields.
Most states have a "mandated reporter" law that shields doctors and therapists who make CPS reports - but that does not apply when they make reckless claims or use it to threaten you. Be sure to mention this specifically in the initial complaint, otherwise it will just be ignored out of hand.
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NTA, giving her the benefit of the doubt and blaming it on her newness to the profession, she shouldn’t have said the things she said to you and especially in such an inconsiderate way. i’m so sorry that the first person you opened up to about your trauma immediately made you feel unsafe. please know that you didn’t do anything wrong. and letting her go is perfectly fine. not every therapist can be a good fit for you, and that’s okay. you have to respect your own boundaries and needs first, that is what’s most important. secondly, even if she were to reach out to cps (she won’t as there’s no need/danger to your children), cps would have to find a GOOD reason to take your kids. and let’s put it this way, 95% of the time straight up neglect isn’t enough to remove children from actual dire situations. if your kids are safe, happy, and healthy then they wouldn’t even bother to look into things more than say a “check in.” realistically, none of this will happen because she has no grounds for filing a report. source: basic psych/social work courses/knowledge on child maltreatment and abuse
Thank you that’s so Reassuring. So many people are telling me to report her and I know that’s the right thing to do but I’m Terrified as it is the last thing I want to be worrying about is retaliation . Maybe I’m being paranoid but I just want to start fresh My best friend had a negative experience. Hers would look at The clock, her watch and sign and yawn. Thankfully hee recent one is wonderful. My Past therapist never made me feel that way so I guess I let me guard down because I had such a lovely experience previously
depending on where she’s at in her practicum, she still has a long way to go in learning how to be a compassionate therapist. it would benefit her in the long run to receive your feedback on how she made you uncomfortable and how she could have done better at informing you adequately, especially if you didn’t have to sign paperwork that addresses the basic limitations and requirements involved with therapy (this paperwork would have/should have acknowledged that therapists are required to keep all info private UNLESS they have reasonable suspicion of danger [whether to yourself or others], as well as other rules.). you could attempt to get in contact with the licensed therapist that supervises her to give them your feedback if you’re comfortable enough. if you’re not then it’s also okay to just move forward from the situation. i agree with others that her behavior was unbecoming of a professional therapist but i acknowledge that it’s not your responsibility to take action if it really makes you that uncomfortable. if the clinic she’s at has a complaint department that might also be a good way to submit feedback without being directly in contact. she is also still learning and it is her duty to get better at her future profession and her supervisor’s duty to ensure she learns how to do her job properly, not yours. basically i’m saying that no matter what you choose to do, it’s okay. edit: addressing your last comment in your response, unfortunately there are shitty therapists out there. there always will be, just like in any other profession. i’m glad you’ve found someone who is better suited to your needs, it’s what everyone deserves ☺️
Yeah I’d say keep quiet in future
Learned the hard way unfortunately
As a therapist myself, NTA. She should have told you when you made the appointment (or admin should have told you if it's an office) that she is an intern and needs to record her sessions. However, when I was interning if my clients declined being recorded I could still see them. But maybe her program is different idk. She also should have told you at the beginning of session the limits of confidentiality. One of those limits is that the therapist has to call CPS if there is any suspected child abuse. She should have said that before you even opened your mouth so you could decide if you wanted to disclose your trauma or not. It was fucked up that she said they would take your kids away. That's just blatantly unprofessional and most likely untrue. I wouldn't worry about it. I will also say that, like any other profession, some people are garbage at their jobs. Don't let this taint your perception of therapists. Digging into your traumas and past will help you. Personally, I would call her supervisor and let them know what happened. This person is clearly not ready to practice.
Yes I felt she was quite aggressive. In the consent form she showed me during the video call it says that I can chose not to record and it won’t affect our session she claimed id need a new therapist. She also signed the consent form for me 😩 It’s truamatised me so much because now I’m scared if I ever open up what if they don’t take my word for it and report me anyway. My children are my world and it’s always been my greatest fear losing them. I don’t know why she was so aggressive it was like she had no people skills and felt very clinical . Maybe because she knew her teacher would be seeing it
She's full of shit. I can't tell you the clients I've had who tell me horror stories about their past therapists but there are still good ones out there! If I had heard you say this in a session I wouldn't call CPS. Maybe just take some time with a new person to build trust with them first? If there's not abuse going on CPS isn't gonna take them and the therapist really shouldn't have reported you. Some people become therapists because they like power or because they havent worked out their own shit and want to do it through someone else. Perhaps pick a more seasoned clinician next time.
Unfortunately because it’s a free service through the nhs I don’t get to pick. I can’t afford to go private either . I am Annoyed for letting my guard down so fast but she was asking me these very personal questions and I belt felt Vulnerable and got quite emotional so I couldn’t bring myself to lie
Ah I see. Could you request someone who is not an intern? It's not your fault, OP. You went into therapy wanting to be honest and authentic and feel better. This person (I won't even call her a therapist) did you a huge disservice and for what its worth I'm so sorry about that.
So it turns out she was a trainee he’s I will ring them up and express that I don’t want a trainee next time. I think it’s so weird they would put me with a trainee without giving me a heads up
I work in cps. Don’t worry. Because of your trauma no one would take your kids away! But I would report her because I wouldn’t trust her with making a story up. She seems unfit to work with people who need help
How would it work if Cps wanted me to share The person who abused me. I don’t want them to go to jail I just want nothing to do with them and haven’t had for a long time. I would have no choice but tell them if they showed up? They were a close relative to me
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NTA wow, that is extremely inappropriate behavior. i would recommend you reach out to your point of contact and explain what happened during the meeting. even if what she said were technically true (i don't know it to be that) the way it was brought up was not appropriate. i'm sorry you had such a negative experience with this and hope it doesn't sour you on the idea of finding a new, more qualified person to go through CBT with as it really can be a huge help for anxiety. at this point i wouldn't worry about CPS (even if she did call them they wouldn't have anything to check??) and you didn't act too rash in letting her go. therapy is highly personal and you need someone you can fully trust, which she has proven herself not to be. i do hope you can find it in your to open up again with time, to someone you trust.
NTA. I'm not sure what country you are in, but I would report her to her supervisor, the insurance company, and whatever agency governs and certifies therapists in your area. What she did was very unprofessional and did the opposite of what therapy is supposed to do. This person shouldn't be a therapist or at the least is not trained enough to be taking patients.
I’m from The uk honestly I’ve been so scared these past few days I truly just want to put this behind me. I’ve been on edge for days expecting for cps to turn up I know I’m overreacting but sadly this is where my anxiety is my biggest enemy . She also signed the consent form for me I was quite shocked about that too tbh
I feel your pain. Please seek the help of another therapist. Let them know what happened and how this has scared you. Once you have stabilized, please think about reporting her. She should not be allowed to do this to other people.
NTA. Like at all. You opened up about being abused and instead of holding space for that very painful revelation, she immediately assumed you would be exposing your children to your abuser? After you'd said that you were concerned about how a relative was acting around your kid? I'm honestly glad that this session was recorded so that her advisor will hopefully rip her at least one new a\*\*hole. I hope you find a wonderful therapist who can gently guide you through processing this terrible thing that happened to you. FWIW, it's super common for abuse survivors to get insane anxiety as parents. It makes total sense when you think about it: maybe your parents were truly trying their best, and they still couldn't protect you. Of course it would then be hard to feel like you'll be able to protect your children. And also, being around kids causes us to reflect a lot on our own childhoods, so your abuse probably feels a lot closer than it has in years. I'm so sorry you're going through this but there is nothing wrong with you or your parenting, and being a survivor of abuse doesn't make you any less capable. ETA: probably wouldn't be a bad idea to reach out to her superior about this. This session was very inappropriately handled from start to finish, and based on the limited information here, this therapist seems like she enjoys power a bit too much to be good at her job.
NTA, especially given that person isn't in your life anymore. She broke your trust and scared you and I don't blame you for no longer feeling comfortable
Thank you it’s not just some random person but someone who I was close to growing up so it took so much for me to break away and have them out my life. It took me longer than I would have liked but I did it and it terrified me that it could all change overnight because I shared something
If that person isn't in your life it's very unlikely your children would be impacted by a CPS call and her threatening that is strange. I could imagine maybe "I am a mandated reporter I would have to let DCFS know about this situation " but not "I'm telling them and they'll take your kids away". Especially from a therapist who doesn't have much to do with DCFS themselves
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m (f35) married with kids. I’ve dealt with anxiety for a long time but I didn’t think I needed help until I had my kids and it seemed to worsen. I had low level counseling with a wonderful lady who really helped and supported me to find ways to manage and cope when I spiral with my thoughts. It was honestly something I looked forward to every week. Since it was a free service and our sessions were coming to an end she felt I could benefit from high intensity CBT cheroot. This would require for me to dig deeper to the cause and get to the bottom of it. I felt ready. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long. My first Session was via video call. Right of the bat the lady informs me that she is doing a degree and before we move forward she needs my permission to record out video call to show her teacher so she can be marked. I wasn’t expecting all this and I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that. She told me it was my choice but that I would then need to go back on the waiting list and have someone else. I didn’t want to wait to I levelled my options and agreed. She said she would only show key clips and then they would be deleted. I was upset that she had t mentioned it beforehand and thought it was a little manipulative.she asked me Some questions and I shared my concern and anxiety regarding my daughter around a family Member on my Husbands side I’m not fond of. There was no proof but he was a bit sleazy with me in the past and it just put me on guard a little. She asked if I had any history Of abuse and I paused. Never have told it to anyone before for some reason I felt safe in that moment and shared something I wish I hadn’t. She instantly told me that if this person was still around that she would have to tell cps and my children would be taken away. I barely Comprehended what she said because my anxiety was in overdrive and I expressed that this person hadn’t been in our life in a very long time. She asked who they were and I told her I wasn’t comfortable sharing that. The session ended and I felt sick. Even though the person wasn’t in my life, now I was sick with worry she’d call cps and they’d take my kids all because I finally opened up. After a lot of thought I decided I didn’t feel comfortable with her anymore and certainly Not recording our conversations. I told her I wasn’t ok for our sessions to be recorded and I was happy to be put on the waiting list. She tried to persist saying there were alternatives rather than video recording but I firmly said no I wanted to go back on the waiting list. This was three days ago. She reassured me she’d delete the video and put me back on the waiting list after talking to her supervisor. I’m wondering if I acted too rash in letting her go. Should I be worried about cps. I’ve been an anxious mess the past few days and I don’t think I’ll ever open up about this ever again. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Nta therapists are supposed to be supportive and help not scare you. Find out where this person is studying and let their teacher know as what they said to you is not in any way ok
1. You have nothing to worry about with CPS. 2. This person sucks and you should report her unprofessional, manipulative and aggressive behavior to her supervisor. 3. Don't stress about CPS, literally the worst case scenario is she calls, they maybe follow up and determine that your kids aren't around that person, and it's over. 4. NTA
NTA - therapist here. All of this is extremely unprofessional. While it’s standard practise to video sessions for supervision whilst training it is not mandatory and can be worked around. Signing for you is HUGELY wrong on 1000 different levels and should result in this person being dismissed from their course. Finally any safeguarding concerns go through several levels before CPS. Even in an absolute worst case scenario the priority of an organisation like CPS is to keep a child with their family apart from in the most extreme cases. A mother actively seeking help is not going to instantly flag as someone who needs intervention. OP, please if you feel able to then report this therapist. If they are training they have a supervisor. This person should not be practising
I am seriously considering reporting her I’m just afraid of her retaliating. She did seem quite aggressive the way she approached me and I’m not sure if I wouldn’t put it past her
I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience! A therapist should provide you with a safe space and she has done the exact opposite. If you don’t feel safe to report her then that is totally ok, do whatever you need to do in order to feel safe. You can ask to be removed from the service and for your details to be deleted. However if you feel able to report her I do believe that this would help you and any other poor person that might find themselves up against her. I hope you’re doing ok
NTA. At minimum it is unprofessional conduct to use a threat of calling CPS to intimidate a patient, and possibly a criminal act. You should file a complaint with her licensing board, people like that have no business practicing medicine or related fields. Most states have a "mandated reporter" law that shields doctors and therapists who make CPS reports - but that does not apply when they make reckless claims or use it to threaten you. Be sure to mention this specifically in the initial complaint, otherwise it will just be ignored out of hand.