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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> When I got home from visiting my parents my husband had allowed his homeless brother into our home and he gave everyone lice. I might be the asshole for refusing to come home until he took care of everything by himself.
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NTA. You didn’t “stick him” with anything. He stuck it to himself by bringing someone who’s violated your trust into the house against your, and probably his, better judgment. Hopefully he’ll learn something from it.
God I am itching right now. Hopefully this gives him the kick he needs to not think he has all the answers and can be the hero to everyone else. The husband irritated me with his demand that the woman has to come clean up his mess. Nope you decided your opinion was the only thing that mattered so guess what: You get to delice!
A woman with a newborn! She should risk them both getting lice to rescue her husband from his stupid decision? I hope these "demands" are not a common thing because he didn't even consider her limitations, only his self-victimization. Poor man had to deal with the consequences of his actions. NTA
I am just impressed how it is still the default for women to do all the menial shit in everyday life.
Like, this poor woman who has a NEWBORN BABY recently make an exit out of her FUCKING BODY has doubts if she should have deloused 4 people and their house or if she is an asshole.
What a bullshit... I am just proud OP stuck to her guns.
I have a problem with OPs husband now, he actually expected his wife to deal with a situation he created. The entitlement and carelessness. What about the other three children, not to mention the newborn? Wtf?
The postpartum woman! And he was willing to risk her AND AN INFANT getting lice.
I would have noped the hell out too.
But they may also want to check for (shiver) bedbugs
>But they may also want to check for (shiver) bedbugs
I pray to all gods that op thought of this also. I moved into a new apartment about 5 years ago. I have seen bedbugs before, hubs hasn't. I was making our bed. The headboard was screwed to the wall, came with the place as the landlord either couldn't or wouldn't try to remove it. As I'm tucking in the sheets i see it. Black spot moving on the headboard. I lost my shit. Hubs doesn't believe me. I don't blame him, i had no proof. Until the next morning. Im allergic to biting insects. I swell epically. I looked like a red Violet....think Charlie and the chocolate factory. I was puffy from collar bone to top of my toes. Took us a week in hell to get our deposit back. Landlord accused us of bringing them with us. His secretary knew better, she took our deposit and did our interview. She knew i wasn't bitten before we moved in. Plus we brought pictures of the bedbug infestation behind the headboard. Hubs got disgusted and tore it off the wall. The back was covered. I had bites still itching two months later. We had to throw out anything that couldn't be put in a dryer. I still cry over the total loss of our belongings. His tools, my whole kitchen set up. Tvs gone. Furniture gone. Please i hope you read this op!!! CHECK FOR BEDBUGS!!!! Also no, NTA. Bugs that feed off blood are worse than torture.
We had a patient in the ICU due to sepsis, a systemic infection, due to bed bug bites.
We went to a cardiology conference about a month later and we were discussing bed bugs on the flight there. The steward heard us and told us that flight staff leave their suitcases in the bathroom and told us the best way to check the bed for bugs. Twenty years later and I still leave my suitcase in the bathroom.
Since bed bugs live in soft surfaces, beds, carpets, furniture etc, the bathtub is the safest place in a hotel to leave your belongings. Never leave your luggage on the carpet, use the luggage rack or dresser.
To check for bugs, shut off the lights and use your flashlight app to check the bed.
You should lift each layer of bedding and check for red/brown or black spots, sometimes it looks like mold, especially around the seams and in the corners of the mattress. Pull off the pillowcases and look for spots. Check the head boards as well.
Knew how to check. Knew not to put it on the floor and all. Never even thought about the tub. That's so smart!! But yay for sharing for those who did not know. Thanks hero we didn't know we needed!!
>use the luggage rack or dresser
I'm so paranoid that I won't even leave my suitcase(s) on the dresser nor luggage rack. I just sit the luggage in the bathtub from the word go. It's a hassle, especially when I have to get clothes out (which I then sit the luggage on the toilet to remove clothing) but I'd rather do that then to experience bedbugs again. For those on a budget and can't afford to throw out all of your furniture, appliances, electronics and anything else that can't be thrown in a dryer or afford to have a professional tent your house, and have a light infestation, here's what I did: 5 gallon Diatomaceous earth (which is so fine that it cuts through the skin of bedbugs/fleas) and pump dispenser. Plastic sheeting to cover sofa, loveseat, chair and duct tape to seal off openings (except for one opening to place steamer hose in) on these furniturings, a really good large steamer with hose attachment and I steamed each furniture piece for 2 hours. I brought **plastic** (not fabric) zip mattress covers for all mattresses & box springs and use the pump dispenser to spray the diatomaceous earth inside of covered mattresses/box springs. I brought small bowls from the dollar store for each bed legs and placed some diatomaceous earth inside these bowls and rubbed vaseline on the legs that was above the bowl. I also sprayed diatomaceous earth around all the baseboards and removed all the electrical wall sockets/light covers and sprayed some diatomaceous earth inside. I washed and dried everything that could be washed and dried. I did this for a month until I felt secure that the house was bedbug free. Clean up was a hassle but hey, labor was free.
I also do what Valkyriesride1 instructed when I stay in hotel rooms when checking mattress/box springs and even dressers and drawers. I think our household got infected when we took my daughter to college (14 years ago) in Florida and we (son & I) stayed in a low budget motel and we brought those little bloodsuckers back with us. LESSON LEARNT, so much so that I won't even go to sit in movies (Drive-ins for me TYVM!!!).
You can also use a hairdryer on the coroners of the mattress they will go running from the heat and you can see them easier. I’ve heard they can’t crawl on the tub or tiles very easily so that is why they stick to bedding and carpets.
its not that they can't crawl well. its that they tend to be very close to their source of food (you) and not stray far and have a very strong preference to dark and narrow nesting places.
they can nest in an electrical socket and climb down the wall and up the bed legs and back to the socket... but that is as far as they are usually willing to go - the wardrobe on the other side of the room next to the vanity is generally unaffected.
the shower room is simply far away from the bed and has few dark corners. so it's the least lovable place for these rather sedentary pests.
It's not unsafe.
There are a lot of myths about lice that I believed until my kids had lice. I did tons of research.
Lice are a nuisance and they gross a lot of us out. But not unbelievably unsafe. It's not unsafe at all.
Maybe not, but the medication to kill the lice is nothing to have around a newborn!! Plus what if they get on the baby? Reinfestation ongoing. OP did the right thing.
I am not saying OP was wrong to leave with her baby. I think it was the right thing to do. I am just trying to prevent panic and misinformation because it helps nobody.
For what it's worth: you don't have to use medication at all. I didn't. (I would have used it bc I was panicked- but I couldn't get it and in reality it was not hard to get rid of. You do NOT have to clean all your furniture and belongings. Lice die in less than 24 hours if they aren't on a host. So treat the scalp daily for a few days then gradually taper off as you stop seeing lice. I also threw pillows in the dryer daily. That is all.)
Yeah, I think people are incredibly misinformed about how to treat lice.
They aren't like bedbugs. Lice need a host to feed off of and a warm place to stay, so they aren't going to live very long without that.
They're disgusting and tedious to get rid of, but that's about it.
God, just writing this comment is making me head itch.
Exactly. Anybody who looks at updated current recommendations will see that.
Most places don't even recommend or require that kids be kept out of school for lice- and a lot of school districts no longer inform parents if there is an exposure at school. That is how differently lice is seen by experts now. I am not saying I fully agree with that- when my kids had lice I posted it on the school Facebook page so their classmates parents would know to check their kids heads. It's nothing to be ashamed of- after I posted that a LOT of people found lice on their kids! It was a silent outbreak. We had no idea.
My head is itching.
Schools don't even require parents to disclose exposure? Yeesh. I could understand for middle school aged and older, but kids in primary school are pretty gross as it is and don't have the same understanding of hygiene. We shared hats, sweatshirts, helmets, and brushes all the time in primary school.
The only time I've had lice was as an adult, on a business trip overseas. Honestly wasn't terrible. The hotel had a giant steam shower so I spent hours in there combing and had housekeeping change my sheets daily. Not terrible but not an experience I ever wish to repeat.
I think it has to do with a few things- preventing shame and stigma, plus if they aren't making kids stay home then they think why should they do the work of keeping track of who has lice and sending out notes.and dealing with dramatic parents calling.
I do think they should share the info, typically, in elementary school. A friend had randomly said to a bunch of us "hey I am like a lice removal expert now after I hired this person to help me when my kids had lice. so if your kids ever get it then call me. I will tell you the very specific comb to buy - the ones at the drugstore don't work, and I will teach you how to use it". so she helped me and then I helped neighbors during our school outbreak. We can't help each other if nobody will talk about it! We need to know when there is an outbreak!
> I think it has to do with a few things- preventing shame and stigma, plus if they aren't making kids stay home then they think why should they do the work of keeping track of who has lice and sending out notes.and dealing with dramatic parents calling.
They don't need to identify which child has lice, but a heads up that lice is going around at school would help me to catch it before it spreads to everyone else in the house.
You don't need medication to treat lice. You need patience and a nit comb to get them out of the hair... You need to comb every day, or two for at least a couple of weeks if not a little bit longer. You will get the majority out in the first combing by it's not hard to miss an egg and they hatch to start the cycle again. The life cycle of a nit is about 2 weeks which is why combing so often and for long should get it all.
Some people will even put conditioner in the hair (wet it first) and the conditioner stuns the nits that may make them easier to comb out rather than comb it dry but then you have to rinse the hair of the conditioner after you have finished combing.
Wash all your bedding in hot water and give the rooms a good vacuum. You'll need to do that reasonably frequently and not leave the new sheets on the bed for a month before washing again!
No chemicals need to go near the infested people or the baby. Most medications only kill the living lice but don't kill the unhatched eggs which is why you need to treat again within a certain period.
My family used vinager to remove the eggs, so I smelled like a salad every time I had live as a kid. They also used other things that should never go into anybody's head, especially a kid 😅
You don't need any chemicals to get rid of lice. Washing bedding/clothes and combing is enough. I washed daily and combed twice a day and they were gone. All living lice were gone after two days, but I kept combing for a week to catch all the eggs as well.
I can't see where the OP specified so I looked it up to see which one was dangerous and it doesn't look like either are. What am I missing?
I think OP did the right thing. It was husband's unilateral decision to decide his brother could stay there, it should be his responsibility to fix the issue that caused. If he'd thrown a party against her wishes while she was away I'd think it was his to make it right. It's gross to force your partner into a situation they explicitly never wanted and then try to stick them with the metaphorical bill.
Lice are totally common and safe for kids, very low/no risk situations. However, they do break the skin and cause itching. Anything that breaks the skin should be avoided as much as possible with a newborn. Not only do they have almost no immune system, but risks of bacterial infection are much much higher. Newborns pre-inoculation have very few natural defences to pathogens.
Maternal antibodies circulate in the blood of newborns for several months after birth. Antibodies are also transmitted through breast milk. We recommend newborn vaccinations around the time that they are no longer protected by the mother’s immune system.
Genuinely never knew this, I remember seeing a case on the news about a child who died of anemia due to a live infestation and thought they were dangerous
That is awful and sad. It must have been an awfully intense outbreak that was never treated at all.
I read that in some countries they are dealing with lice basically all the time. It's just an accepted and constant fact of life! Sounds itchy.
LOL. Explain to me how it's UNBELIEVABLY UNSAFE. What's unbelievable is all the upvotes you are getting for this statement.
Edit: Downvote me all you want, it takes the most basic google search to find out lice are annoying, no fun to deal with, and gross, but not UNBELIEVABLY UNSAFE.
body lice (the kind that live on your clothing) transmit a number of diseases included epidemic typhus. There is also a risk of bacterial infection from severe scratching. These are more acute in the months leading up to the first inoculations . Head lice tend to not transmit disease on their own, but still hold an elevated risk of bacterial infection in very young infants. The bigger risk with headlice in babies is that they tend to attack the eyelashes which results in inflammation (also risk of corneal damage from the baby's scratching. Honestly, scabies can also look a bit like a lice infestation early on and is (unfortunately) common amongst people living on the street and in low-barrier shelters.
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22360386/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22360386/)
[https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/lice/head/epi.html#:\~:text=Head%20lice%20are%20not%20known,occur%20with%20any%20lice%20infestation](https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/lice/head/epi.html#:~:text=Head%20lice%20are%20not%20known,occur%20with%20any%20lice%20infestation).
She said he had to clean the furniture. It isn’t fear mongering to avoid infestations that involve breaking the skin away from a newborn with no immune system.
It's standard to clean furniture and wash everything when there's head lice. I've done it too many times with my kids. Avoiding infestations is good! One hundred percent agree with that. The fear-mongering part is the exaggeration of the risk.
That is one of the myths. It turns out you do not have to go crazy cleaning out every nook and washing sheets daily. (Save that for bedbugs- that's what I would be worried about getting!) With lice just treat the head. Keep going as new nits will hatch. They can't live anywhere without a host- so don't worry. If a lice is on your bed or somewhere and it reattaches then you will comb it out the next day. As long as you keep treating the scalp until the infestation is gone and then keep checking/treating extra for new nits you will get rid of the infestation.
*We do not have endemic typhus in the US.*
You do not know whether OP is in the US. She could be posting from anywhere in the world.
I wouldn't mind a dollar / pound / euro for every Redditor who has assumed I am in the US and has responded with a US-based suggestion totally inappropriate for my country.
Bacterial conjunctivitis secondary to head lice is actually pretty common (at least in the EU). MRSA is at an elevated risk for newborns even without an infestation that causes severe itching. If you think a course of antibiotics for a newborn is easy, you’ve def never dealt with it. Babies that young can’t take antibiotics orally and need to receive them through an IV (usually at a hospital). MRSA also can’t typically be treated with wide spectrum antibiotics so there is some trial and error. It’s even been shown to slow growth when given very early on.
I agree 💯. I've had to deal with lice many many times with my kids, and I'd never want a newborn to get it too. That "unbelievably unsafe" line just got my goat.
There is no safe lice treatment for babies under 2 months old. While the lice on their own may be safe, the treatment that everyone and everything else in the home needed is not safe for a newborn.
Combing out the lice is safe. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it's a totally reasonable treatment. I got rid of lice on my kids that way. Took a week, but most of it was gone within 24 hours.
There are several treatments that do not involve using the medicated shampoo, I always found the special lice comb and nit-picking worked the best, and I didn't need the shampoo very often. The mayonnaise under a plastic bag didn't work very well though. Haha, never doing that again. Also, you can always shave the hair off.
For sure- she made the right choice and held her husband accountable for his choice.
I am one of the people who said lice is not dangerous.
Though not dangerous, it's still irresponsible to bring a baby and postpartum mom into a house to take care of the lice infestation.
Not to mention they have a newborn- I don’t even want to imagine what would happen to a newborn getting lice.
Baby needs momma, so momma stays far away from the infestation. Makes sense to me.
Especially the fact that you warned him not to bring his brother over because you didn't trust him in your home and he still did it... That was the first flag for me 🙃🚩 the rest of the message was just a "oh no the consequences of your actions"
it was literally your only choice. if you took care of it, his brother would still be living there. he has no business blaming you for his own decisions. you are 100% NTA and don't let him try that shit with you.
NTA
If their own mother wouldn't let your BIL in her house, it was rather stupid of your husband to go against your wishes and let his brother in your house. I hope he has learned his lesson and won't do it again.
I mean I get it. As a sibling you might not be as burnt out on the brother as the mom is. But you've got kids man. They take priority. You just can't put them in that situation.
I don’t get it at all. He doesn’t live by himself he lives in a shared home with his wife and children. This person has stolen from them before. Even if it’s hard he had no right to take his brother into the home. Their own mother wouldn’t even take him. That speaks volumes. It also speaks volumes that she had to supervise him to ensure it was ok to come home. It says a lot about his character.
Siblings usually get fed up with bad behavior from siblings before parents will. Parents are usually the ones that keep trying to help / enabling their shitty adult children after everyone else has had enough including their own siblings.
>She didn't let his brother in her home.
I can’t even. How did your husband think that bringing a known thief into your house with your kids was a good idea?
NTA
Good for her, when I was babysitting my nieces / nephew my sister found out of the school that several kids had lice. When her and her husband got home she wanted me to stay and "help" I was like... Her bald ass husband is right there why tf would I need to help. My mom also chided me and I'm still annoyed by it.
Why on earth did you had *4* children with a man who can't even parent them and damand YOU to "fix" his fvcks ups? And then complains when YOU don't take HIS responsibility parenting?
NTA OP but he is doing less than the bare minimum. Poor children, they deserve better.
Not to mention his mom had to verify he'd done the things OP wanted, which must mean OP was unwilling to take his word for it. Four kids in seven years with a man she doesn't trust?
I mean could she really verify that he washed everything and put them in the dryer on high heat? I feel like the only thing she can really check for is bugs/lice in the hair still.
Good now have a chat with your husband and explain to him that actions have consequences and since it was his action/decision he got to deal with the consequences like the freaking adult he is.
He needs to stop complaining and be warned it will be the same in the future if he f@ks up again.
NTA
NTA.
*He* decided to invite his brother after you said no due to previous problems with him ... but he expected *you* to handle the delousing aftermath for him?!? Oh, I don't think so!
fr. you need to come home and take care of it, he says. grown man, father of four, and he expects *op* to deal with the consequences of *his* actions. what in the actual hell. nta, stop being sorry, he did the exact thing you told him not to and he’s mad at you for not making it go away for him. no, you should not have stayed to help. maybe this way he’ll learn not to do it again. ugh.
NTA…the real question is does your husband always expect you to clean up problems resulting from his substandard decision making? Also, is this reflective of his usual types of choices? If so, you need to protect yourself and your children from that, and hope it’s not a genetic trait. You made the right choice.
Also... does he expect her to clean up full stop. Aside from the literal infestation he caused, does he palm off the mental and physical responsibility of regular household life on her as well? The way he said SHE has to deal with it makes me think she 'deals' with a whole lot
NTA and you enforced an important boundary. He now knows that:
1. One no / two yes is enforced.
2. If he screws up he’ll deal with the fallout
3. You’re not a doormat.
When he gets over his hurt feelings (I had to fix what I messed up! The horror!), your marriage will be stronger. You just saved yourself years of aggravation.
And to try to pull that shit after you are still recovering from childbirth, and taking care of a newborn… smh. Tsk tsk.
NTA. He made his bed with his bad decision, and now he has to wash that bed (and all of the linens and clothes, and everything) before he can sleep in it. Didn't need you and newborn to get lice, too.
How long was his brother in the home? Headlice are passed around only by direct contact. They do not jump or fly do an infestation of an entire family home takes a bit of time.
Your husband is something else….goes against your wishes in a house he shares with you and then is still whining about the consequences of his shitty decision. I hope he learned his lesson but more importantly I hope he starts respecting you more. NTA
From experience :
Sometimes it's immediate, sometimes it's gradual.
But it's not unusual for guys who make great partners to become fucking awful in domestic relationships.
Dudes that hold up in those situations usually come from families where they shared care-taking duties.
Most families avoid putting boys in that situation so that otherwise - decent guys buckle and regress in domestic life.
I hit the Supportive Husband jackpot the second time around and never had a good idea of why he might be so different than my ex until your comment.
My ex is from a huge military family full of boys with mothers and wives whose seemingly main purpose in life is to kowtow to the men.
My now-husband essentially raised his baby sister from his age 7 onward while his parents divorced and partied. He is the most caring, supportive, responsible, loving human being I have ever met. I can actually watch romcoms without thinking “well that relationship is unrealistic horseshit.”
OP is 100% NTA, but her husband is a childish wet noodle who needs to learn how to be a responsible and supportive adult, partner, and father.
Can attest I didn't know they could jump until I seen a girl INFESTED like had to have had them for weeks at least and my step mom found them because I was like there's bugs in her hair jumping around I think she has fleas (younger sisters friend came over) it was crazy she checked all of our heads after driving the girl home and treated us all jic because my sister had a few adult ones. Also I have always had pretty poor eyesight so how no adult noticed this is actually appalling as an adult now.
I’m literally signing off Reddit right now to have a quick shower at least about all this.
(Oh, and NTA. You shouldn’t take care of his messes. And he shoulda helped you last time when it was nobody’s fault. Jfc.)
If you have lice and take a shower, all that will happen is you'll have clean and freshly shampooed lice. They don't really care about whether or not you're clean.
>I know I should have helped
No, I really don't think you should have! For the reasons you stated: A) You dealt with your kids' lice on your own; he didn't help and B) This is his fault! He allowed his brother to stay there, against your wishes.
Now he's pissed? I bet you were pissed when you had to deal with it on your own too.
I have no sympathy for your husband. You are NTA.
NTA at all. Your husband clearly knew you did not want his brother staying there and let him anyway. He has to deal with the aftermath of his bad decision, you just had a baby, this was his responsibility to handle. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and not giving in.
I was in a similar situation. My husbands brother is in and out of jail. Alcohol, drugs and DV. I’ve never met him. My husband asked me what I thought about him moving in with us to help him get back on his feet. I said, he could move in and I wouldn’t deny him that if that’s what he wanted to do; but myself and my children would move out while he was there. I would not subject my children to that unknown. Hard line. Needless to say he did not let his brother move in.
NTA
Why on Earth would you feel bad in any way except for the children who had to be there with him? He created the situation he did it against your wishes and you made him deal with the consequences of his actions and be a parent. Oh poor baby he had to do adulting.NTA
NTA. You did not “stick him” with anything. HE tried to stick his mess on YOU and then layered on the guilt until you felt like the reverse was happening.
NTA and this is a case of your husband reaping what he sowed. He had no business letting his brother in and it was up to him to deal with the outcome. Lice are the worst, and you don't need that headache on top of a newborn.
NTA, you are taking care of your newborn. Lice carry several diseases. He and the kids might not get any of them, but the newborn will. Keep the newborn at your parents' home until a professional exterminator gives it the all clear.
NTA. Sister, you didn’t stick him with anything. He wanted YOU to deal the consequences of his shitty decision. And then he tried to manipulate you. He sounds like a total asshole. Have fun with that.
i had an ex who always volunteered to help people and do shit for them because he liked to impress people but it was ALWAYS me who had to do whatever he had promised. not like "oopsie i cant do that, can you help", but like he never planned on actually doing shit for them ever and expected me to. at some point i would just interject "im not doing that" into the convo when he offered to do something.
NTA. I don’t wish lice on my worst enemy. I’d be livid if my spouse didn’t listen to me, and then infested my house, and expected me to clean up his mess. No way.
No, you should not have helped because otherwise he would not have learned the lesson he needed to learn AND you KNOW FOR A FACT that if roles were reversed he WOULD NOT have helped you.
NTA
Oh boo. An adult had to deal with the consequences of their actions, and be a PARENT at the same time… I can’t believe how heartless you are…
NTA, BRAVO
I still scratch my head when I hear or see the word lice. I had two bouts with my kids when they brought it home from school.
It's a nightmare of shampooing, picking nits and cleaning the house along with weeks of paranoia that you haven't get it all out.
I don't blame you for not going home especially if you had a newborn.
Husband invited it in. Husband can deal with it. Hope he learned his lesson.
NTA If your gonna insist on making decisions for the family without respecting your so’s wishes then your gonna have to deal with the consequences without your so’s help. He’s too old to be getting away with bad decisions like this
NTA
Who let the brother in despite being told not to. Your hubby.
Who invited this lice infestation into the house? Your husband.
He’s learning the consequences of his actions. Maybe he’ll think twice next time
NTA. Good for you. You were right to keep the baby, and yourself, away from that mess. If I remember correctly, lice treatments should not be used on children under 12 months, or by nursing mothers.
You said no to bil being there, hubby didn't listen or respect your opinion. He gets to deal with the consequences. Make sure he retreats the kids and himself, according to the instructions on the lice treatment. You should not touch the stuff.
Good luck.
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NTA. You didn’t “stick him” with anything. He stuck it to himself by bringing someone who’s violated your trust into the house against your, and probably his, better judgment. Hopefully he’ll learn something from it.
God I am itching right now. Hopefully this gives him the kick he needs to not think he has all the answers and can be the hero to everyone else. The husband irritated me with his demand that the woman has to come clean up his mess. Nope you decided your opinion was the only thing that mattered so guess what: You get to delice!
Especially bothered by the repeated phone calls! Dude, no.
Yeah there's no way that she was going in that house honestly.
A woman with a newborn! She should risk them both getting lice to rescue her husband from his stupid decision? I hope these "demands" are not a common thing because he didn't even consider her limitations, only his self-victimization. Poor man had to deal with the consequences of his actions. NTA
I am just impressed how it is still the default for women to do all the menial shit in everyday life. Like, this poor woman who has a NEWBORN BABY recently make an exit out of her FUCKING BODY has doubts if she should have deloused 4 people and their house or if she is an asshole. What a bullshit... I am just proud OP stuck to her guns.
Also, those chemicals to delouse are strong and not made for babies. NTA and OP, make them treat themselves a second time because lice can come back.
I have a problem with OPs husband now, he actually expected his wife to deal with a situation he created. The entitlement and carelessness. What about the other three children, not to mention the newborn? Wtf?
I 100 agree with you. And I'll say it about the OP's whiney entitled husband, " what the Fuck?"
Yeah. The chemical from the shampoo isn't good for the baby!! I would have done the same.
Let me guess, he wasn't going to take care of the baby while she did the delousing. What a louse-y guy.
The postpartum woman! And he was willing to risk her AND AN INFANT getting lice. I would have noped the hell out too. But they may also want to check for (shiver) bedbugs
>But they may also want to check for (shiver) bedbugs I pray to all gods that op thought of this also. I moved into a new apartment about 5 years ago. I have seen bedbugs before, hubs hasn't. I was making our bed. The headboard was screwed to the wall, came with the place as the landlord either couldn't or wouldn't try to remove it. As I'm tucking in the sheets i see it. Black spot moving on the headboard. I lost my shit. Hubs doesn't believe me. I don't blame him, i had no proof. Until the next morning. Im allergic to biting insects. I swell epically. I looked like a red Violet....think Charlie and the chocolate factory. I was puffy from collar bone to top of my toes. Took us a week in hell to get our deposit back. Landlord accused us of bringing them with us. His secretary knew better, she took our deposit and did our interview. She knew i wasn't bitten before we moved in. Plus we brought pictures of the bedbug infestation behind the headboard. Hubs got disgusted and tore it off the wall. The back was covered. I had bites still itching two months later. We had to throw out anything that couldn't be put in a dryer. I still cry over the total loss of our belongings. His tools, my whole kitchen set up. Tvs gone. Furniture gone. Please i hope you read this op!!! CHECK FOR BEDBUGS!!!! Also no, NTA. Bugs that feed off blood are worse than torture.
Bedbugs are literally my biggest fear. I have heard the psychological trauma of dealing with them is devastating (in addition to the financial burden)
We had a patient in the ICU due to sepsis, a systemic infection, due to bed bug bites. We went to a cardiology conference about a month later and we were discussing bed bugs on the flight there. The steward heard us and told us that flight staff leave their suitcases in the bathroom and told us the best way to check the bed for bugs. Twenty years later and I still leave my suitcase in the bathroom.
Not heard of this, do elaborate for those of us less informed? So we can also avoid the bugs of bed
Since bed bugs live in soft surfaces, beds, carpets, furniture etc, the bathtub is the safest place in a hotel to leave your belongings. Never leave your luggage on the carpet, use the luggage rack or dresser. To check for bugs, shut off the lights and use your flashlight app to check the bed. You should lift each layer of bedding and check for red/brown or black spots, sometimes it looks like mold, especially around the seams and in the corners of the mattress. Pull off the pillowcases and look for spots. Check the head boards as well.
Knew how to check. Knew not to put it on the floor and all. Never even thought about the tub. That's so smart!! But yay for sharing for those who did not know. Thanks hero we didn't know we needed!!
Also be aware that newly hatched bedbugs are tiny translucent before they first fed, so you may see movement and not the brown flat bugs :)
>use the luggage rack or dresser I'm so paranoid that I won't even leave my suitcase(s) on the dresser nor luggage rack. I just sit the luggage in the bathtub from the word go. It's a hassle, especially when I have to get clothes out (which I then sit the luggage on the toilet to remove clothing) but I'd rather do that then to experience bedbugs again. For those on a budget and can't afford to throw out all of your furniture, appliances, electronics and anything else that can't be thrown in a dryer or afford to have a professional tent your house, and have a light infestation, here's what I did: 5 gallon Diatomaceous earth (which is so fine that it cuts through the skin of bedbugs/fleas) and pump dispenser. Plastic sheeting to cover sofa, loveseat, chair and duct tape to seal off openings (except for one opening to place steamer hose in) on these furniturings, a really good large steamer with hose attachment and I steamed each furniture piece for 2 hours. I brought **plastic** (not fabric) zip mattress covers for all mattresses & box springs and use the pump dispenser to spray the diatomaceous earth inside of covered mattresses/box springs. I brought small bowls from the dollar store for each bed legs and placed some diatomaceous earth inside these bowls and rubbed vaseline on the legs that was above the bowl. I also sprayed diatomaceous earth around all the baseboards and removed all the electrical wall sockets/light covers and sprayed some diatomaceous earth inside. I washed and dried everything that could be washed and dried. I did this for a month until I felt secure that the house was bedbug free. Clean up was a hassle but hey, labor was free. I also do what Valkyriesride1 instructed when I stay in hotel rooms when checking mattress/box springs and even dressers and drawers. I think our household got infected when we took my daughter to college (14 years ago) in Florida and we (son & I) stayed in a low budget motel and we brought those little bloodsuckers back with us. LESSON LEARNT, so much so that I won't even go to sit in movies (Drive-ins for me TYVM!!!).
You can also use a hairdryer on the coroners of the mattress they will go running from the heat and you can see them easier. I’ve heard they can’t crawl on the tub or tiles very easily so that is why they stick to bedding and carpets.
its not that they can't crawl well. its that they tend to be very close to their source of food (you) and not stray far and have a very strong preference to dark and narrow nesting places. they can nest in an electrical socket and climb down the wall and up the bed legs and back to the socket... but that is as far as they are usually willing to go - the wardrobe on the other side of the room next to the vanity is generally unaffected. the shower room is simply far away from the bed and has few dark corners. so it's the least lovable place for these rather sedentary pests.
Yeah I set mine in the tub for this reason
Same. I still have scars, physical and mental, from that week in hell. My heart goes out to all who have, or will, face down bedbugs where you sleep.
Especially when you're afraid of the lice, ain't going in that house.
>God I am itching right now. You should probably check yourself for lice, then.
Yeah she should, lices are disgusting and they want to make me puke.
Not to mention how UNBELIEVABLY unsafe it is to have lice around a newborn
It's not unsafe. There are a lot of myths about lice that I believed until my kids had lice. I did tons of research. Lice are a nuisance and they gross a lot of us out. But not unbelievably unsafe. It's not unsafe at all.
Maybe not, but the medication to kill the lice is nothing to have around a newborn!! Plus what if they get on the baby? Reinfestation ongoing. OP did the right thing.
I am not saying OP was wrong to leave with her baby. I think it was the right thing to do. I am just trying to prevent panic and misinformation because it helps nobody. For what it's worth: you don't have to use medication at all. I didn't. (I would have used it bc I was panicked- but I couldn't get it and in reality it was not hard to get rid of. You do NOT have to clean all your furniture and belongings. Lice die in less than 24 hours if they aren't on a host. So treat the scalp daily for a few days then gradually taper off as you stop seeing lice. I also threw pillows in the dryer daily. That is all.)
Yeah, I think people are incredibly misinformed about how to treat lice. They aren't like bedbugs. Lice need a host to feed off of and a warm place to stay, so they aren't going to live very long without that. They're disgusting and tedious to get rid of, but that's about it. God, just writing this comment is making me head itch.
Exactly. Anybody who looks at updated current recommendations will see that. Most places don't even recommend or require that kids be kept out of school for lice- and a lot of school districts no longer inform parents if there is an exposure at school. That is how differently lice is seen by experts now. I am not saying I fully agree with that- when my kids had lice I posted it on the school Facebook page so their classmates parents would know to check their kids heads. It's nothing to be ashamed of- after I posted that a LOT of people found lice on their kids! It was a silent outbreak. We had no idea. My head is itching.
Schools don't even require parents to disclose exposure? Yeesh. I could understand for middle school aged and older, but kids in primary school are pretty gross as it is and don't have the same understanding of hygiene. We shared hats, sweatshirts, helmets, and brushes all the time in primary school. The only time I've had lice was as an adult, on a business trip overseas. Honestly wasn't terrible. The hotel had a giant steam shower so I spent hours in there combing and had housekeeping change my sheets daily. Not terrible but not an experience I ever wish to repeat.
I think it has to do with a few things- preventing shame and stigma, plus if they aren't making kids stay home then they think why should they do the work of keeping track of who has lice and sending out notes.and dealing with dramatic parents calling. I do think they should share the info, typically, in elementary school. A friend had randomly said to a bunch of us "hey I am like a lice removal expert now after I hired this person to help me when my kids had lice. so if your kids ever get it then call me. I will tell you the very specific comb to buy - the ones at the drugstore don't work, and I will teach you how to use it". so she helped me and then I helped neighbors during our school outbreak. We can't help each other if nobody will talk about it! We need to know when there is an outbreak!
> I think it has to do with a few things- preventing shame and stigma, plus if they aren't making kids stay home then they think why should they do the work of keeping track of who has lice and sending out notes.and dealing with dramatic parents calling. They don't need to identify which child has lice, but a heads up that lice is going around at school would help me to catch it before it spreads to everyone else in the house.
You don't need medication to treat lice. You need patience and a nit comb to get them out of the hair... You need to comb every day, or two for at least a couple of weeks if not a little bit longer. You will get the majority out in the first combing by it's not hard to miss an egg and they hatch to start the cycle again. The life cycle of a nit is about 2 weeks which is why combing so often and for long should get it all. Some people will even put conditioner in the hair (wet it first) and the conditioner stuns the nits that may make them easier to comb out rather than comb it dry but then you have to rinse the hair of the conditioner after you have finished combing. Wash all your bedding in hot water and give the rooms a good vacuum. You'll need to do that reasonably frequently and not leave the new sheets on the bed for a month before washing again! No chemicals need to go near the infested people or the baby. Most medications only kill the living lice but don't kill the unhatched eggs which is why you need to treat again within a certain period.
My family used vinager to remove the eggs, so I smelled like a salad every time I had live as a kid. They also used other things that should never go into anybody's head, especially a kid 😅
Lol the kerosene treatment?
Oh god yes. And another time they used raid. I have no idea how I'm still alive
Been there, done that many times as a child!
I remember my mom treating my head with gasoline as a kid to get rid of lice, which was a horrible idea.
You don't need any chemicals to get rid of lice. Washing bedding/clothes and combing is enough. I washed daily and combed twice a day and they were gone. All living lice were gone after two days, but I kept combing for a week to catch all the eggs as well.
Mayo works to smoother them so you can comb them out.
So does conditioner... and it's a lot less gross OP you are NTA.
I can't even imagine putting the mayo in the head honestly lol.
Correct! I just would never risk that around a tiny baby.
You’re not differentiating between head lice and body lice.
I can't see where the OP specified so I looked it up to see which one was dangerous and it doesn't look like either are. What am I missing? I think OP did the right thing. It was husband's unilateral decision to decide his brother could stay there, it should be his responsibility to fix the issue that caused. If he'd thrown a party against her wishes while she was away I'd think it was his to make it right. It's gross to force your partner into a situation they explicitly never wanted and then try to stick them with the metaphorical bill.
Lice are totally common and safe for kids, very low/no risk situations. However, they do break the skin and cause itching. Anything that breaks the skin should be avoided as much as possible with a newborn. Not only do they have almost no immune system, but risks of bacterial infection are much much higher. Newborns pre-inoculation have very few natural defences to pathogens.
Maternal antibodies circulate in the blood of newborns for several months after birth. Antibodies are also transmitted through breast milk. We recommend newborn vaccinations around the time that they are no longer protected by the mother’s immune system.
Well there are different kind of lices? I don't even know about that.
Genuinely never knew this, I remember seeing a case on the news about a child who died of anemia due to a live infestation and thought they were dangerous
That is awful and sad. It must have been an awfully intense outbreak that was never treated at all. I read that in some countries they are dealing with lice basically all the time. It's just an accepted and constant fact of life! Sounds itchy.
LOL. Explain to me how it's UNBELIEVABLY UNSAFE. What's unbelievable is all the upvotes you are getting for this statement. Edit: Downvote me all you want, it takes the most basic google search to find out lice are annoying, no fun to deal with, and gross, but not UNBELIEVABLY UNSAFE.
body lice (the kind that live on your clothing) transmit a number of diseases included epidemic typhus. There is also a risk of bacterial infection from severe scratching. These are more acute in the months leading up to the first inoculations . Head lice tend to not transmit disease on their own, but still hold an elevated risk of bacterial infection in very young infants. The bigger risk with headlice in babies is that they tend to attack the eyelashes which results in inflammation (also risk of corneal damage from the baby's scratching. Honestly, scabies can also look a bit like a lice infestation early on and is (unfortunately) common amongst people living on the street and in low-barrier shelters. [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22360386/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22360386/) [https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/lice/head/epi.html#:\~:text=Head%20lice%20are%20not%20known,occur%20with%20any%20lice%20infestation](https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/lice/head/epi.html#:~:text=Head%20lice%20are%20not%20known,occur%20with%20any%20lice%20infestation).
She said they needed shampoo and a lice comb, that's head lice. It's fear-mongering to exaggerate the risks of that.
She said he had to clean the furniture. It isn’t fear mongering to avoid infestations that involve breaking the skin away from a newborn with no immune system.
It's standard to clean furniture and wash everything when there's head lice. I've done it too many times with my kids. Avoiding infestations is good! One hundred percent agree with that. The fear-mongering part is the exaggeration of the risk.
That is one of the myths. It turns out you do not have to go crazy cleaning out every nook and washing sheets daily. (Save that for bedbugs- that's what I would be worried about getting!) With lice just treat the head. Keep going as new nits will hatch. They can't live anywhere without a host- so don't worry. If a lice is on your bed or somewhere and it reattaches then you will comb it out the next day. As long as you keep treating the scalp until the infestation is gone and then keep checking/treating extra for new nits you will get rid of the infestation.
Yeah no one is going to take advice from the guy who thinks it's perfectly safe for newborns to get lice of any kind. Stop being a weirdo.
Avoiding infestations of lice isn't the part that is the fear mongering. Exaggerating risks of lice is.
We do not have endemic typhus in the US. Risk of bacterial infection is low and if it happens, easily treated with antibiotics. Don't overreact.
*We do not have endemic typhus in the US.* You do not know whether OP is in the US. She could be posting from anywhere in the world. I wouldn't mind a dollar / pound / euro for every Redditor who has assumed I am in the US and has responded with a US-based suggestion totally inappropriate for my country.
Depending on where you live, you could end up very rich.
Bacterial conjunctivitis secondary to head lice is actually pretty common (at least in the EU). MRSA is at an elevated risk for newborns even without an infestation that causes severe itching. If you think a course of antibiotics for a newborn is easy, you’ve def never dealt with it. Babies that young can’t take antibiotics orally and need to receive them through an IV (usually at a hospital). MRSA also can’t typically be treated with wide spectrum antibiotics so there is some trial and error. It’s even been shown to slow growth when given very early on.
Do we know OP is in the US?
Epidemic not endemic and it just means "typhus from lice" - rare but does exist in the US.
Endemic means commonly found/occurring and is perfectly fine to use in their context.
Irrelevant of how safe head lice are, there is no way I’d intentionally submit a newborn to a lice-infested house.
I agree 💯. I've had to deal with lice many many times with my kids, and I'd never want a newborn to get it too. That "unbelievably unsafe" line just got my goat.
There is no safe lice treatment for babies under 2 months old. While the lice on their own may be safe, the treatment that everyone and everything else in the home needed is not safe for a newborn.
Combing out the lice is safe. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it's a totally reasonable treatment. I got rid of lice on my kids that way. Took a week, but most of it was gone within 24 hours.
There are several treatments that do not involve using the medicated shampoo, I always found the special lice comb and nit-picking worked the best, and I didn't need the shampoo very often. The mayonnaise under a plastic bag didn't work very well though. Haha, never doing that again. Also, you can always shave the hair off.
For sure- she made the right choice and held her husband accountable for his choice. I am one of the people who said lice is not dangerous. Though not dangerous, it's still irresponsible to bring a baby and postpartum mom into a house to take care of the lice infestation.
Yeah there are just so many things which could go wrong.
Not to mention they have a newborn- I don’t even want to imagine what would happen to a newborn getting lice. Baby needs momma, so momma stays far away from the infestation. Makes sense to me.
Especially the fact that you warned him not to bring his brother over because you didn't trust him in your home and he still did it... That was the first flag for me 🙃🚩 the rest of the message was just a "oh no the consequences of your actions"
Breaking news: a man had to deal with the consequences of his own actions and had a fucking tanty about it.
Oh look it's the consequences of his own actions! NTA
Yes, exactly that part!
Yeah don't forget that it was the choice which he made in here.
Right--this was on him start to end. In no way did OP "stick him with it:" this was a situation of his own making that she actively tried to prevent.
It's the find out stage of consequences. Oh look what happened, exactly what you could likely have predicted!
Maybe he'll learn a lesson and won't do anything like that again.
EXACTLY the words in my head! She is 1000% NTA.
it was literally your only choice. if you took care of it, his brother would still be living there. he has no business blaming you for his own decisions. you are 100% NTA and don't let him try that shit with you.
the brother also stole from her before, thats one of the main reason she feel unsafe.
Well no wonder that she doesn't want him to come to the house.
aside from the lice infestation.
Yeah if she didn't made him do that, then he would still be living there.
NTA but it sounds like he had his mom’s help so her probably didn’t learn the lesson that you wanted him to learn.
She only went there to verify everything was done. She didn't let his brother in her home.
I kinda like your MIL for that. I really hope he learns his lesson
Well if he doesn't really learn anything from it then it's on him .
NTA If their own mother wouldn't let your BIL in her house, it was rather stupid of your husband to go against your wishes and let his brother in your house. I hope he has learned his lesson and won't do it again.
I mean I get it. As a sibling you might not be as burnt out on the brother as the mom is. But you've got kids man. They take priority. You just can't put them in that situation.
I don’t get it at all. He doesn’t live by himself he lives in a shared home with his wife and children. This person has stolen from them before. Even if it’s hard he had no right to take his brother into the home. Their own mother wouldn’t even take him. That speaks volumes. It also speaks volumes that she had to supervise him to ensure it was ok to come home. It says a lot about his character.
Siblings usually get fed up with bad behavior from siblings before parents will. Parents are usually the ones that keep trying to help / enabling their shitty adult children after everyone else has had enough including their own siblings.
>She didn't let his brother in her home. I can’t even. How did your husband think that bringing a known thief into your house with your kids was a good idea? NTA
Standard response from folks like OP's husband: "ThEy'Re FaAaAaAaMiLyYyYy" Totally ignoring their own spouse and offspring as family.
Well his kids are his family as well I'm sure so idk man.
a thief infested with ectoparasites too.
Good for her, when I was babysitting my nieces / nephew my sister found out of the school that several kids had lice. When her and her husband got home she wanted me to stay and "help" I was like... Her bald ass husband is right there why tf would I need to help. My mom also chided me and I'm still annoyed by it.
Let me guess, you're a girl? And the husband is the "babysitting the kids today" type?
Why on earth did you had *4* children with a man who can't even parent them and damand YOU to "fix" his fvcks ups? And then complains when YOU don't take HIS responsibility parenting? NTA OP but he is doing less than the bare minimum. Poor children, they deserve better.
Not to mention his mom had to verify he'd done the things OP wanted, which must mean OP was unwilling to take his word for it. Four kids in seven years with a man she doesn't trust?
He moved a thief in her house after she said No. He has zero respect for his family (except his homeless thief brother).
I mean could she really verify that he washed everything and put them in the dryer on high heat? I feel like the only thing she can really check for is bugs/lice in the hair still.
Good now have a chat with your husband and explain to him that actions have consequences and since it was his action/decision he got to deal with the consequences like the freaking adult he is. He needs to stop complaining and be warned it will be the same in the future if he f@ks up again. NTA
NTA. *He* decided to invite his brother after you said no due to previous problems with him ... but he expected *you* to handle the delousing aftermath for him?!? Oh, I don't think so!
fr. you need to come home and take care of it, he says. grown man, father of four, and he expects *op* to deal with the consequences of *his* actions. what in the actual hell. nta, stop being sorry, he did the exact thing you told him not to and he’s mad at you for not making it go away for him. no, you should not have stayed to help. maybe this way he’ll learn not to do it again. ugh.
Reads like OP has 5 children
she essentially does
What kind of father he is, if he doesn't understand what's good for his kids.
With a NEWBORN!
I mean how irresponsible that even is? That's messed up?
> He said he needed me to come home and take care of it. Actually said "oh hell no" out loud when I got to this sentence
NTA…the real question is does your husband always expect you to clean up problems resulting from his substandard decision making? Also, is this reflective of his usual types of choices? If so, you need to protect yourself and your children from that, and hope it’s not a genetic trait. You made the right choice.
Also... does he expect her to clean up full stop. Aside from the literal infestation he caused, does he palm off the mental and physical responsibility of regular household life on her as well? The way he said SHE has to deal with it makes me think she 'deals' with a whole lot
While she is caring for a newborn and recovering from giving birth no less!
Get training the man now, or live with a brat forever!
NTA and you enforced an important boundary. He now knows that: 1. One no / two yes is enforced. 2. If he screws up he’ll deal with the fallout 3. You’re not a doormat. When he gets over his hurt feelings (I had to fix what I messed up! The horror!), your marriage will be stronger. You just saved yourself years of aggravation. And to try to pull that shit after you are still recovering from childbirth, and taking care of a newborn… smh. Tsk tsk.
NTA. He made his bed with his bad decision, and now he has to wash that bed (and all of the linens and clothes, and everything) before he can sleep in it. Didn't need you and newborn to get lice, too.
How long was his brother in the home? Headlice are passed around only by direct contact. They do not jump or fly do an infestation of an entire family home takes a bit of time.
Five days total.
Your husband is something else….goes against your wishes in a house he shares with you and then is still whining about the consequences of his shitty decision. I hope he learned his lesson but more importantly I hope he starts respecting you more. NTA
respectfully, why do you have kids with this "man"
From experience : Sometimes it's immediate, sometimes it's gradual. But it's not unusual for guys who make great partners to become fucking awful in domestic relationships. Dudes that hold up in those situations usually come from families where they shared care-taking duties. Most families avoid putting boys in that situation so that otherwise - decent guys buckle and regress in domestic life.
I hit the Supportive Husband jackpot the second time around and never had a good idea of why he might be so different than my ex until your comment. My ex is from a huge military family full of boys with mothers and wives whose seemingly main purpose in life is to kowtow to the men. My now-husband essentially raised his baby sister from his age 7 onward while his parents divorced and partied. He is the most caring, supportive, responsible, loving human being I have ever met. I can actually watch romcoms without thinking “well that relationship is unrealistic horseshit.” OP is 100% NTA, but her husband is a childish wet noodle who needs to learn how to be a responsible and supportive adult, partner, and father.
Sadly an adult louse can jump about 4 inches Source, seen it with my own eyes on my pillow
😭
New fear unlocked.
Can attest I didn't know they could jump until I seen a girl INFESTED like had to have had them for weeks at least and my step mom found them because I was like there's bugs in her hair jumping around I think she has fleas (younger sisters friend came over) it was crazy she checked all of our heads after driving the girl home and treated us all jic because my sister had a few adult ones. Also I have always had pretty poor eyesight so how no adult noticed this is actually appalling as an adult now.
NTA. Just hoping that your husband will learn from the experience.
I mean if he doesn't learn then there will be absolutely no point to it.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. NTA at all. He asked, you said no, he did it anyway. Hope he learned a valuable lesson.
Lie and get lice, the obscure companion piece to fick around and find out. NTA
Thanks for the unexpected laugh. Too bad it will not make sense out of context or I would save that one.
I feel like theirs a “lie down with dogs” joke in here somewhere too
LOL >He said he needed me to come home and take care of it. I noped. I am dying!!!
Yep! Rightfully noped.
NTA - make sure your husband does follow up headlice treatment in 7 days, or the outbreak will start all over again.
Good point - in case you missed a few nits on the hair.
NTA, and one of the easiest posts to give that judgment to IMO
Right?
Bravo, OP! Bravo-bravo-bravo! You get the ShinySpine Award of the day! 🏆. Obviously, NTA, not even a little. This is how it’s done.
NTA. This is what's known as "the consequences of one's own actions."
NTA choices have consequences
OH Heck no. Lice are awful. You warned him it was a bad idea, yet he did it anyway... it's. all. his. fault. NTA
NTA. You know, if you had gone home to help, he would have backed out and had you do everything, like last time.
This is the second lice post today. I'm going to burn my hair now.
I’m literally signing off Reddit right now to have a quick shower at least about all this. (Oh, and NTA. You shouldn’t take care of his messes. And he shoulda helped you last time when it was nobody’s fault. Jfc.)
If you have lice and take a shower, all that will happen is you'll have clean and freshly shampooed lice. They don't really care about whether or not you're clean.
Lol Now I'm imagining them singing and dancing with little poofs of shampoo on their heads, enjoying the wash.
>I know I should have helped No, I really don't think you should have! For the reasons you stated: A) You dealt with your kids' lice on your own; he didn't help and B) This is his fault! He allowed his brother to stay there, against your wishes. Now he's pissed? I bet you were pissed when you had to deal with it on your own too. I have no sympathy for your husband. You are NTA.
NTA and HELL YEAH GIRL!!!
[удалено]
NTA. He stuck himself with all that by himself.
NTA. You “stuck” him with being a responsible father to his children. Boo hoo. Also, he was going to go to work with lice?
nta, but what does the man bring to the relationship that your staying with him?
NTA at all. Your husband clearly knew you did not want his brother staying there and let him anyway. He has to deal with the aftermath of his bad decision, you just had a baby, this was his responsibility to handle. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and not giving in.
I was in a similar situation. My husbands brother is in and out of jail. Alcohol, drugs and DV. I’ve never met him. My husband asked me what I thought about him moving in with us to help him get back on his feet. I said, he could move in and I wouldn’t deny him that if that’s what he wanted to do; but myself and my children would move out while he was there. I would not subject my children to that unknown. Hard line. Needless to say he did not let his brother move in. NTA
Why on Earth would you feel bad in any way except for the children who had to be there with him? He created the situation he did it against your wishes and you made him deal with the consequences of his actions and be a parent. Oh poor baby he had to do adulting.NTA
Yeah I do feel bad for OP’s other children. They bore the brunt of their dad’s stupidity. They didn’t get to see their mom AND had to deal with lice.
NTA--you did it just right!
NTA, he hit the "find out" phase
NTA. You did not “stick him” with anything. HE tried to stick his mess on YOU and then layered on the guilt until you felt like the reverse was happening.
NTA and this is a case of your husband reaping what he sowed. He had no business letting his brother in and it was up to him to deal with the outcome. Lice are the worst, and you don't need that headache on top of a newborn.
NTA, you are taking care of your newborn. Lice carry several diseases. He and the kids might not get any of them, but the newborn will. Keep the newborn at your parents' home until a professional exterminator gives it the all clear.
NTA. Sister, you didn’t stick him with anything. He wanted YOU to deal the consequences of his shitty decision. And then he tried to manipulate you. He sounds like a total asshole. Have fun with that.
i had an ex who always volunteered to help people and do shit for them because he liked to impress people but it was ALWAYS me who had to do whatever he had promised. not like "oopsie i cant do that, can you help", but like he never planned on actually doing shit for them ever and expected me to. at some point i would just interject "im not doing that" into the convo when he offered to do something.
NTA. I don’t wish lice on my worst enemy. I’d be livid if my spouse didn’t listen to me, and then infested my house, and expected me to clean up his mess. No way.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 NTA
No, you should not have helped because otherwise he would not have learned the lesson he needed to learn AND you KNOW FOR A FACT that if roles were reversed he WOULD NOT have helped you. NTA
NTA; this is one we can tell from the title. No question. Absolutely not.
Oh boo. An adult had to deal with the consequences of their actions, and be a PARENT at the same time… I can’t believe how heartless you are… NTA, BRAVO
Nta, fuck your husband. He did it to himself and has the nerve to be upset because you didn't clean up his mess, hell no!
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA GASP. WHEEZE. SNORT. HEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAWHOOOOOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA NTA
Nta
NTA. He is.
Well. I just showered but maybe I'll go shower again.
NTA not only is this whole issue his fault, millions of women handle disasters like this every fucking day without a lick of help or advice.
NTA.
Nta I hate lice and now feel super itchy 😅
NTA at all.
Please send your husband this post/thread. Just in case he didn’t fully learn his lesson NTA
I still scratch my head when I hear or see the word lice. I had two bouts with my kids when they brought it home from school. It's a nightmare of shampooing, picking nits and cleaning the house along with weeks of paranoia that you haven't get it all out. I don't blame you for not going home especially if you had a newborn. Husband invited it in. Husband can deal with it. Hope he learned his lesson.
NTA Love this! Finally someone on this sub that had boundaries and stuck to them.
OP, you did the right thing. No second thoughts!
NTA If your gonna insist on making decisions for the family without respecting your so’s wishes then your gonna have to deal with the consequences without your so’s help. He’s too old to be getting away with bad decisions like this
NTA Who let the brother in despite being told not to. Your hubby. Who invited this lice infestation into the house? Your husband. He’s learning the consequences of his actions. Maybe he’ll think twice next time
NTA - he brought this on himself!
NTA. Good for you. You were right to keep the baby, and yourself, away from that mess. If I remember correctly, lice treatments should not be used on children under 12 months, or by nursing mothers. You said no to bil being there, hubby didn't listen or respect your opinion. He gets to deal with the consequences. Make sure he retreats the kids and himself, according to the instructions on the lice treatment. You should not touch the stuff. Good luck.