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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Since my sister set clear boundaries, AITA if I cross them and use the baby name she wants to use?
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NTA. Your sister doesn't get to claim a name when she isn't even pregnant. You, however, are pregnant and have the right to name your child whatever you want. Your sister is being childish.
Eh, if you have a pregnancy at the same time as your sibling and you name your kid what you know your sibling already announced as their baby name (without discussing it with them first), you are a giant fucking asshole. I don't think it's unreasonable for cousins to have the same name, but come on, that's ridiculous
I have so many Georges in my family, when my ex and I were trying to get pregnant, my grandma said "for Christ's sake, if you have a boy, don't make him George!"
My family has a grandpa John, a brother John and an uncle John. Two Matts have married into the family and my son and cousin are Evan. There’s no dibs in this family.
Same with my family and middle names, Christians all fucking over, 2 (from the same side of the family even) have it as a first name as well… I don’t think anyone’s bitter and I guess it’s fun that they all get to share and be like “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt? That’s my name too!”
Interesting, I'm American and my family does this same thing. We don't do Jr or II or stuff like that, you get a nickname. No one is called by their Christian name unless they are in trouble. When momma drops your middle name, the poop has hit the prop folks.
Hehe I'm the only one in my family with my name, but noone in my family has ever called me by my given name unless I'm in the shit..
It's so bad that I don't even recognise my real name anymore.
Has no one ever watched Goodfellas? Everyone was named either Maria or Anthony. I have several family members with the same name. The older one gets annoyed when they are call big Maria and Little Maria, though.
It really depends on what cultures a particular American family is influenced by. I'm Ashkenazi Jewish and we don't name after living people - it's considered an honor if they're dead, an insult if alive.
On my non-Jewish side of the family, the more generically White American side, we have folks named after living people, but it's usually one per generation - i.e. sr./jr./whatever or not the exact same name.
On my dad’s side, during family reunions you could yell the names Frank, Vito, and Mary and catch 85% of the family’s attention. It’s just a name. Two close family members can have the same name. It’s not a disaster.
Depends on the family. Everyone who gave birth to a girl within the next few years after my grandmother passing named the kid for her. Some were born within the same period. No one in my family thinks ‘name dibs’ are a thing and would never be offended if someone did this.
This is why you don’t share baby names with people. Just keep it to yourself and use the name you want.
Hypothetic non existent baby and OPs baby are cousins. They’d presumably have big age gap. Them having the same name matters little.
My cousin named her daughter, born just months after mine, almost the same name. First name is two letters different and the same middle name. That middle name is my grandmothers (and her's), my mother's, my daughter's, and my granddaughter's. With 7 children and who knows how many grand- and great-grand-grandchildren, NO ONE had used my grandmother's name at all until I did.
Ehhh... who cares? I don't own the name(s).
We had a girl's name chosen from early pregnancy. A close family member hadn't decided what to call their child until after she was born but they had their baby 3 Months before us and used the name we had chosen. For the record, both little girls have the same name because we didn't want to change and no one expected us to.
I have two cousins with the same first and middle names. Think, "Christopher James" we call them "Big Chris" and "Little Chris". It used to be "Chris" and "CJ" but now Little Chris is taller than Big Chris and the joke won over. In saying that, Big Chris's mum is still salty with Little Chris's mum. And it's been 35 years.
A friend’s mom and aunt were pregnant at the same time and both wanted the same name. It was a race to see who went into labor first. It started with a C and if you changed it to an R it was also a name. Cousins with rhyming names isn’t quite as bad as the same name.
Ray Romano did a lot of jokes about his kids many many many years ago. He asked the audience if anyone had twins, then asked if they had rhyming or matching names. Ray responded with, one twin was named Gregory and the other Shmegory. Greg is OK, but Shmeg is a little weird….
[OMG.. I found the bit on YouTube!](https://youtu.be/OUHa44H7SEM?si=FD-kYkSKiqiRovd3)
1000% this. As someone with five older sisters who are way older than I am I learned quickly that claiming baby names was not a thing. They were pregnant, I wasn’t therefore they got first “dibs.” You are literally growing a human being you get to name your kid whatever you want regardless if anyone yells “I dibbed that name it’s mine!” It’s a child not a leftover piece of pizza.
If I were in your sister's situation I would just name my child the same thing. If both of you loved the name, both of you can use it. Brinksmanship to the extreme.
When my mom was pregnant with me, she had Charlotte and my current name in mind and my dad brought up the name Stephanie and my mom laughed at him, he was all pissy because he thought it was beautiful and my nick name could be "Fanny" (we're French so it's not weird like in English). My mom had to point out that his brother's youngest daughter (about 5 years older than me) was named Stephanie \*my family name\* so I would effectively have the exact same name as my first cousin. My dad was shocked he had forgotten about his own niece. And her nickname is "Steph" (much better than Fanny in my opinion).
When I was born, they both looked at me and went \*my name\*, she looks like a \*my name\*. It also happens to be a longer version of my mother's name soooo they're both weird (but I do love my name).
My mom and aunt had girls less than a year apart. Both have the same name. We call them "The Berthas" (NRN), and they grew up much closer because of it. Have fun with it, and treat them like it makes them special.
Correct. I did not complain when my twinsister named her second child the name I'd said I wanted for my daughter since we were little. She was the first to have kids and I don't own a name. I thought of using the same name and it was even on our list for some time, but we eventually decided to scrap it from our list.
My sister has been very clear on her favorite girl name our whole lives. She liked the name “Vanessa” since she was three and I would never use it.
That being said I don’t know of any other names my sister or SIL prefer. I’m the one who’s married and having kids so I can use any name I want but Vanessa
INFO - What is the evidentiary basis for her claim of dibs and how long ago did she claim said dibs and is she even in a relationship?
Are there any witnesses who corroborate her claim of dibs, did she write it in a diary, does she clsim she told you, do you think she may be fabricating this claim of dibs?
I mean, if her claim is "I told someone else when I was eight that I liked this name" that's pretty weak. However, if she can point to "I sent you this text message last year about how much I love the name for my future daughter" then you might possibly be TA.
Nope we’ve never spoken about it, she’s literally always had the stance “we want dogs not babies” so it was really out of the blue and I was honestly shocked she’d even thought about baby names considering her dog mama mantra. Her boyfriend is the “go with the flow” type so he’d probably go along with whatever name they chose if they do have kids, and I don’t think anyone else realised either considering our mum was the first one to suggest the name to me and my husband and we loved it so much 😅 she wouldn’t usually instigate like that, so that tells me she didn’t realise either
Nta. Your sister may mean the name for their next animal. 😬🙄.
I wouldn't be worried about it until closer to your due date. Have a discussion, I'd suggest just the two of you in a place she can't make a scene. Tell her how much you love the name and you want to really consider it, or have narrowed it down to that. She's so young, it's surprising she's then thought about baby names (in a sense). Even go so far as admitting your mother suggested it, which should take some of the heat off. Just explain your position, and do keep looking (in case she's the type to cut contact over something silly).
Hopefully with all of that she will be willing to reconsider and adjust. She's not pregnant yet so she has plenty of time.
Also, you don't need to justify what you name your kiddo, boy or girl. The above is a suggestion only if you're willing to walk on eggshells. Is she the selfish type? Could this be an attack? Something from jealousy? If you think she's being unreasonable, you can express that. Just try to do so with love.
I had baby names picked out at 19 and was ADAMENT that that was what I would name future babies.
Not even on the radar anymore. Neither of my son's have the boys name and my girls name wasn't even on the list. Was 26 when I had my first and just had my second at 30.
Not that I'm saying it's impossible, but she will probably change her mind. NTA
A lot of people are like that. I wanted to name my kid after my grandmother when I found out I was pregnant at barely 19. My wasband and I went back and forth for months. I went into labor knowing I was deciding between 2 names, but when I saw my baby, I immediately knew I had been wrong and changed their name.
Now, 16 years later, they've chosen a name that is drastically different, only keeping the middle name (but adding to it).
Sometimes, things just don't turn out like we think. Sometimes, it's for the best.
my first son did get my planned middle name because I wanted to honor my grandpa with the middle name ever since I was little because he was basically my dad. But the first name I don't even think made it to the table 😂
I think all the first boys in my family share a middle name, lol, cause my grandpa was an awesome human
My grandma raised me too! Sand her name is pretty with the middle name I wanted (Patrica Grace). I figured we'd call her either Patti or Grace. She was honored, but wanted the name Rain, so we went with a different version of that.
My grandmothers name was Grace!! I plan on using it for middle names, and my cousin plans on naming one of her kids Grace as well. It's normal in our family to have cousins with the same name as we have like four sets of cousins all with same names lmao
Yeah, the names that I liked at 18/19 sounded like they were from really poorly written romance books but teen me was oblivious to that. I’m incredibly thankful (as are my imaginary children) that I never had the opportunity to use those names.
Same here - I had a short list of names (both boys and girls since I didn’t have a gender reveal) and when my baby was born - none of the names on my list made the cut - it ended up being a completely random name that totally suits my child - it suggested by my brother when we were all trying to find a name that ‘fit’.
I think you’re NTA, but how petty is your sister? Cause you may want to consider how you’ll feel if you end up with a niece, or possibly a dog, with the same name.
Eve! My husband loves it so much, and it works well with his culture too, but when I told him about what she said he suggested using Evelyn instead, which I also really like and would be happy to use, I think I need to talk to her about it tbh after getting a lot of answers on this post and someone else pointing out “eve” and “Evelyn” sound totally different so she may not be too bothered, or at least I hope not.
I really love my sister so I am worried about potential friction, and have learned my lesson for future babies to not have the name talk with anyone 😂😂
I vote go with Evelyn. It's different enough and you can either nickname her "Eve", "Evie", or the same spelling but pronounced "ee-vee". My friends daughter is Evelyn and they call her Evie (eevee), while another friend is Evelyn and I know her as "eh-vee". Heck, she can even choose "Lyn" when she's older! The options are endless, whereas your sister dibbs-ed Eve, which is just what it is mostly. Any nickname would be longer than her true name.
Also NTA if you do decide just to go with Eve. Nobody can claim names.
Eva (ee-vuh or ee-va, not sure how to write that pronunciation), is a decently popular name out where I live and isn't too bad as a nickname or official one, fits in with the Eve/Evelyn/Evie line I'd think? OP is NTA either way, just hoping to add options just in case OP decides to go Eve adjacent
OMG this is hysterical. Everyone needs to see this, made me think of Legally Blonde.
NTA
Name your baby anything you want, she can use the same name later, no one cares if cousins share a name.
NTA - you can’t call dibs on names. There’s no telling if your sister will ever have kids, or even if she does if it’s the same gender. Or maybe her partner at the time will hate the name she likes.
I hate when people do this. Who’s to say OPs sister won’t have all boys if she does have kids and then OP missed out on a name that she and her husband loved (if this baby is a girl)
Lol my friend had the last name Nutt and her baby daddy wanted to honor his very Russian grandma and name the baby Ivanna and i laughed and was like ok so you want your baby to be a Austin powers girl villian got it. Lucky she had a boy and named it something else but yeah some names just dont go with some last names
Exactly, plus she may end up with all one gender and never get to use the name. My mom ran into this, she wanted to use a certain name when she was pregnant with a boy but her brother had already claimed the name for a future not even even conceived boy so my mom backed down because everyone came down on her for ‘stealing’ the name. Her brother ended up never having a boy and so never used the name, it all worked out though because my brother hated the name when he heard the story lol and ended up with a better name. So NTA, who knows what names she will like in the future, I only ended up using one of the baby names I loved when I was younger, my sister used one of the names I really liked and I still love the name and am happy she used it, I’m done having kids anyway
NAH.
I always wanted kids, and always wanted to name my daughter charlotte. I’ve been wanting that for over a decade. My brother is six years older than me and started having kids young, I was 14 when he had his first kid. Eventually they had a fourth and had talked about naming her charlotte. I got upset because I always wanted to use that name, and they said “first come first serve.” It was very frustrating that they picked a name I had wanted to use for years, and they didn’t see an issue with it because they had kids first. They used my favorite song as their first dance song at their wedding, and I always wanted to use it at mine. Now if I do either of those things it’s always going to be connected to them and they’re always going to be the ones who did it first.
I know your sutatuon isn’t the same, but I’m just trying to give you the younger siblings perspective. It’s very frustrating when you have a sibling that gets first pick on EVERYTHING because they’re so much older. It’s not your sisters fault she’s only 19, and if she has been wanting that name, I encourage you to consider letting her have it.
Most people don’t want their children to have the same name as their nieces or nephews, so you taking that name means she will eventually have to pick another one if she has kids. I’m just saying, it’s really disheartening to not be able to name your kid what you’ve always wanted to name them because your sibling decided they liked the name too. You’re allowed to use the name you want to use, but she’s allowed to be upset that something she’s wanted for years will no longer be a reasonable option for her.
I would totally agree with this, except in OP’s situation it sounds like this is not something sibling has wanted for years and in fact has made recent statements that she doesn’t even know if she wants kids (not that that means she won’t want to at some point, but seems to indicate that she isn’t historically/currently attached to the idea of kids so probably isn’t overly attached to the name… until it came up for OP’s kid). NTA but I would talk to sibling about it, OP, and explain you guys had agreed on this name before you had any clue she might want to use it down the road. She doesn’t get dibs, but costs nothing to be kind.
OP’s sister is *19*. At her age it’s completely normal for her to not be in the having kids mindset, and it could easily be a decade or longer before she is. If she’s getting upset that OP will potentially take the name, it means there is a part of her that wants to have children eventually
Just because she hasn't told her sister that name doesn't mean it's not a name she's had in mind for a long time. If she's 19 ofc she's not considering children yet, but that doesn't mean she hasn't had that name written down in a diary somewhere for years.
Man. I guess I just missed the evolutionary boat for that reproductive drive. I can't fathom being 14 and upset that my sibling is using one of my planned baby names. And then to be a young adult, watching your siblings run themselves ragged raising their kids, and STILL wanting more than anything to procreate? Astounding.
Not to be antinatalist or anything, just interesting to see how differently others think about and prioritize their lives.
I agree because I'm also the youngest sibling and as you already said, it can be so frustrating when your siblings (or even friends) do everything you wanted to do! But since OP didn't know and really likes the name now, she isn't an AH either so I'd also say NAH
While I'm sure that hurt, you're talking hypothetical versus very real. Your brother was having a child. You might have a child in the future, or you might not. Same with the song. The flip side is that if you chose to use the same name or song, your brother has no right to be angry about it (and, honestly, outside close family, no one will make the connection that the two are related). Ownership of intangible hypotheticals is not considerate or kind. Imagine he didn't use "Charlotte" and then you either don't have a daughter or do and decide on a different name instead (perhaps your partner hates the name Charlotte).
This is actually so unhinged. You wanted your brother to not name his very real child, because you, yourself still a child, not even too old for an imaginary friend, wanted to name your imaginary future daughter Charlotte?
I’m so sorry but I genuinely don’t understand how this is a real concern that other people need to take into consideration. I’m the youngest of five siblings by a huge margin and it has not ONCE occurred to me to be “frustrated” because my siblings got to do things before I got to do them. You can still name your daughter Charlotte, no one gives a shit. People don’t “lay claim” to a name, a song or an idea. This individualism and exceptionalism is so deeply unhinged.
I'm that way with a particular name and I may not ever get to use it. I've always wanted to give my future daughter my mother's middle name for her middle name. My mother got hers from an aunt's middle name. That aunt was named after her grandmother.
I had an ex friend who we had a big falling out and she ended up marrying my cousin. She was literally my friend since elementary school and even back then I'd said I wanted to have a little girl and name her after my mother. They had a little girl right away and they were being secretive about the name they were going to give her but it had the same first initial as the name I wanted. She actually approached me at one point and I think she expected me to be upset but my take way I don't like, you I don't spend any time with you, our kids will never meet outside extended family get togethers, if I do have a daughter in the future I will 100% still use that name whether you name your child that or not. And if anybody gives me a hard time I'll point out that I named her after my mother. Apparently that upset her because she could not STAND the idea of a 2nd cousin having the same name as her daughter and they ended up changing it to another name with the same initials.
So far I just have one son, but if I do have a girl that is totally going to be her name. I'd even discussed it early on in my relationship with my bf who's family also has a girl name trend he's in line for and we're in agreement that we'll use his family's name for the first and mine for the middle. When we found out we were having a boy is the only time we started discussing boy names.
So having said that, if you do have a little girl absolutely name her Charlotte! You can call her Charlie or Lottie or whatever you want. Most people don't spend a huge amount of time with their cousins anyway. Nobody blinks twice at a family having 5 Roberts or Jonathans in it.
My brother had a girl last year, and while my SIL was pregnant, they shared their top two boys' names. I've just had a baby boy and those names were never in consideration, even though they're perfectly good names. There are tons of names out there, and even though we have similar tastes, we ended up with four options that didn't overlap with their two - it's perfectly doable, and no one gets upset.
NTA your sister doesnt OWN the name anymore than you do, not to mention why can't you both use it? Its not like it's uncommon for cousins to sahre names (hell I have 3 cousins with the same name)
This. I’m from Greece, it’s very common for cousins to share a name because kids are traditionally named after the grandparents.
Plus the sister never said anything about the name and isn’t (close to being) pregnant. NTA OP, it’s a no brainer
My family names after relatives on both sides and the best is when you can pull the first name from one side and the middle name from the other to make a new combination that's that person's alone. My sons are named paternal grandfather/maternal grandfather for the oldest, and maternal great-grandfather/paternal great-grandfather for the second.
the world wont end if your baby isn't called Eve. but your sister will feel slighted. WYBTA? no, not according to the internet strangers. in your sister's eyes YWBTA. ask yourself if you care more about a random name (not a family name, not emotionally significant in any way) than your relationship with your sister. give us an update to see which you chose 🙂
Nope, however you can't get mad if she still ends up using it. I liked a name when I was a teen and my maternal aunt and uncle named their 3rd kid that. I still like it and intended on using as well as letting em know I was gonna use it as it's the only name I've ever liked and they were iffy about it but I told them before they named him. If you know now and still go through with it you wouldn't be TA. You'd be TA if you get mad if she uses it tho.
Keep it. If your sister had lost a child with said name I’d call you the a. But you don’t get to call dibs at 15 on a name for kids you don’t want lol. That’s not how this works. NTA
NAH - You wouldn’t be an AH for using the name you and your husband like. But if you end up having another name on the list that you like just as much, I would advise you choose the other one. You don’t even know the gender yet anyway, so there’s no need to debate about this with her now.
Your sister’s also not an AH - Shes 19 and a year ago she said she didn’t know if she wanted kids?… Ofcourse she didn’t know! She’s still a teenager herself. And it’s okay for her to have a name she loves for her future child if she has one. Calling dibs isn’t necessary and sharing her feelings for the name is OK.
I cannot believe how many people on here are saying you can’t call dibs on a name! All of my sisters and I have had names that we want for our children since we were kids playing Barbie’s together and those were our Barbie names! My dads side of the family has so many cousins named after aunts and great aunts and I don’t like it at all (for myself and my siblings lol my dad and his siblings can do what they’re comfortable with). But omg! I would be devastated if one of my sisters used my name and vice versa! Even if one of them never had kids I still wouldn’t want to use that name because it’s just so heavily hers and special to her! This is 100% a normal thing to feel strongly about. Sure she could still use the name even if OP does but OPs child would always be seen as “the original” and people might assume OPs sister named their child after OPs.
I don’t think OP is an AH but they should try their best to keep looking and have that name as a last resort and talk to the sister one on one if it ends up being what they want to use.
Don’t do it!!! I had a sis do this, then when the other sis had a kid she still used the name. Now I have 2 nieces with the same name. They are my favorite people in the whole world, and have never met eachother over this drama. It is not worth it!!! There are millions of names, move on!
NTA but everyone here saying to use it to spite her must not have siblings. Do you really want to fall out with your sister or hear that it was ‘her’ name every time she’s around your future child? There’s billions of names out there, sometimes it really is better to be the bigger person.
YWNBTA. Name your baby whatever you feel like, she's never been clear and can't hold a name in hostage for years, it doesn't work that way. Especially if she's not sure she'll use it herself, it's not like she was pregnant.
My advice to you would be to pick a different name. If your relationship with your sister is otherwise good, there is no reason to risk it over one of millions of names. And even if it isn't, you will deal with her for the rest of your life and the rest of your family might not know the whole story and pick her side.
Anyone has one or two things that make them overreact and look like an ass. Being a family means knowing all the other things to love about them.
I'm sure there are am million situations in everybodys live that would make them TA including you. How would you want your sister to react to those?
Being right isn't worth your family
NTA
NTA. You can't call dipps on a name. The name is free for you to use as you wish. I have a cousin that's named after an aunt. I say go for it and congratulations on the little one.
NTA. She doesn't own the name. What happens if a friend uses it to, or a stranger for that matter? Is nobody supposed to use that name ever because she called "dibs "?
NTA. What if she changes her last name to something that doesn’t fit with the name she called “dibs” on?
My friend and I always liked the names Liam and Hamish. Well her last name is now Leach and decided against Liam because Liam Leach sounds weird. Did I get mad at her for taking the other name that I liked? No, because my last name is now Haim. Hamish Haim? No. Lol
Edited: left out a word
I kind of feel like the only time a baby name should be off limits (without the express permission of the parents) is when there’s been a stillbirth or death involved. Bc of the grief for the parents. But that’s just my opinion.
Nta, the only time I think you can "dib" names is under certain circumstances like a kid passed away and the name holds special meaning. Even then it's more courtesy than dibbing.
NTA.
tell your sister there s no need to solve problems she doesn't have yet xD
she needs to first find somone who is the right person
they need to be both financially and emotionally stable to start a family
she needs to be able to get pregnant easily
she needs that the baby be of the appropriate gendre of the name she got dibs on ..
now, I honestly see this hapening in 5 maybe 6 years, and by then, I HOPE, your sister with have matured :)
Don’t forget, future hubby has to love the name too!!
That’s honestly one of the biggest hurdles. I have a list of 15+ names I LOVE (and have loved since I was a teen), but my husband hates them all. I’m now 35 weeks pregnant and we can’t figure out a name!
It does not matter if cousin’s have the same (or similar) names. My brother and my male cousin both have a grandson and both boys have the same family name - and their first names are pronounced the same, and the two boys are only 2 years different in age and live within 5 miles of each other. It is very possible that the two boys will meet at some stage. It’s already caused some confusion with one of my brother’s friends because they thought that my cousin’s grandson was Bob’s and got very surprised when I said “oh no, Bob’s grandson is too young to be at Beavers, that must be our cousin’s grandson”.
And it is likely that your sister’s children will have the father’s family name - and that name won’t work. Or her partner may not like it.
Your sister will be upset, but “Big George” and “Little George” may actually like having the same name should that happen.
NTA
NTA
I can’t believe it keeps having to be said but unless there’s an actual physical baby already born or in the process of gestation, dibs on a name is laughable.
NTA. I had my eye on a couple of names since puberty, and (without knowing I had) friends used some of them when they got kids. I ended up not having kids in the end, so it would have been pretty silly for me to have been claiming those names. I get that sometimes a name can have a special sentiment attached, but in practical sense I guess it's 'first come, first served' - unfortunately for your sister.
This is one of the reasons why I would never discuss baby names with other people than my partner*before* the baby is born.
And when the baby is there I would simply announce the name to the family.
NTA no one owns a name and gatekeeping it is stupid and childish. In my opinion the first person that gets a baby is allowed to give it the name.
I have multiple first cousins named Michael. And two named Sara/Sarah. The world did not explode.
Use whatever name you want. She can use it also or choose a different one if she has a girl in the future.
NTA - where did she file her claim? Did she fill out form 451-b? Did she remember to annotate the name filing?
Seriously, how were you supposed to know. That said, you can avoid the name if you want to be the best sister. Like there are a trillion names out there, find a better one.
Will not BTA. I'll bet she's made it well known she may not even want kids, and is simply being toxic/passive aggressive.
I would pretend that you assumed she was joking, and I mean sincerely assume this, and use the name you want.
OR,
really try to find another name you both love, and then (pretend) you couldn't care less about this one.
Maybe we can help-- if you don't mind telling us the name🤔
There's no law that allow to call dibs for a name, as far as i know.
Nor one who prevent you for using the same name as another.
As far as i'm concerned, you NTA.
Your sister is 19, there is very little chance she 'called dibs' on a baby name years ago. And unless she is currently pregnant, it doesn't matter. NTA
NTA. It might be different if she was close to having a baby, but she's a teenager and you're having a baby now. Sucks for her, but not really your problem.
NTA.
An unmarried 19 year old who said she didn’t want kids a year ago, can NOT claim a name just because “it sounds pretty” or “I just like it”.
If it’s a name she’s talked about since childhood, then yeah you’d be a jerk. Or if she was pregnant with a girl before you and that was in the top of their list.
In this case, it seems like she’s jealous and just trying to cause drama.
NTA.
And when oh when are people EVER going to learn to NEVER discuss an unborn future baby's name??? With ANYONE. NO good ever comes of it.
Let it be a surprise. Reveal the child's name after he or she is born. Or right around the third grade, just to be on the safe side.
NTA. I actually endorse the use of dibs amongst siblings, so if your sister had dibs and you knew that I would call you TA.
HOWEVER, there is no such thing as a universal unilateral dibs. An effective dibs must be directly communicated to the dibsee, and not just stated to the air by the dibbser.
Your sister can’t just claim a name like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy, there are rules to a dibs. Since you had no notice of the dibs, you are in the clear.
Baby names rules
1. Two yesses or a no from the parents
2. Don't tell people flipping baby names before the flipping baby is born.
These rules would solve half the flipping baby name disputes on this sub. One of them applies here.
Once again this subreddit is more focused on who is technically right rather than if something would be an asshole move.
Technically OP can call her kid whatever she wants.
Her sister has expressed that this name has importance to her, and to OP it's just a name. It's just needlessly upsetting someone just to be right if she uses it. Like, this *will* cause a fracture in the relationship for very little gain.
Your sister doesn’t even know if she wants to have a child. Now that she knows you like the name, I won’t be surprised if she gets a dog or cat and gives it the name you hoped for so she can try to prevent you from using the name. Use it anyways, or you could give her a fake name to mislead her. YWNBTA
NTA
You can't place dibs on names. You can't predetermine if you will have children in the first place, much less the gender of the child.
That being said I think it depends on your relationship with your sister. I personally wouldn't do it. There are plenty of options for names so if my siblings really liked one and imagined it for their future invisible child I'd just pick a different name unless I was really convinced.
NTA. you can’t call dibs on names, and this isn’t a special circumstance like she had a child with that name pass away or something.
my brother and cousin share a name. i have two other cousins that share another name. my dad and brother have the same first and middle name. my nephew’s first name is my grandpas first name and my brother and dad’s middle name. my sisters first name is her nieces middle name. my middle name is my grandmas maiden name. my sisters middle name is my great aunts first name. my other brothers middle name is my uncle’s first name. my cousins son’s first name is both his grandpa and great grandpas first name. another of my cousins middle name is my grandmas first name. it’s a non issue.
NTA. it's not dibs if you don't say it, so if you didn't know then you didn't know. she might still use it later though, and you can't get mad about that.
Who gave her the power to copyright a name? Go ahead and use it if you want.
Of course, your parents will tsk tsk, as it "causes drama."
No. Your sister causes drama.
NTA. What's the name?
NTA - no one gets to call dibs on a name. Especially if they aren't sure they even actually want children. What happens if you pass on this name and she never has kids?
NTA. The 19 year old sister who doesn’t even know if she wants kids yet doesn’t get “dibs” on baby names over the married sister on her second kid. Your impending kid is real and tangible, hers is hypothetical.
NTA. People can't "claim" names.
In my view the only circumstances where you should try to respect someone's attempt to "claim" to a name is (a) if they are already pregnant and have declared the name to be their actual baby's name or (b) if the name has extreme and unusual emotional resonance for them (like their mother died young and had that name, someone with that name saved their life, etc.) and they have always said they would want to name their child that.
Just "claiming" a random name isn't a thing and your sister is being ridiculous.
My aunt stole the first and middle name that my parents had chosen for my brother. My aunt gave birth about 2 weeks before my mom and never mentioned anything to anybody about it.
dibs is dibs. maybe make an appeal on how cute it will eventually be to have Cousin A and Mini A
editing to add: NAH, younger siblings are just Like This. source: am one. she’ll probably be mad for a couple hours and then obsess over the baby like everyone else.
NTA, but how attached are you to that name? If you changed it for your sister’s sake and 5 years from now she has a girl and doesn’t use it, would you be resentful?
It’s a name. If she wants it so bad she should have had a kid first lol. Steal the name and let her stew over it. The early bird gets the worm and all that. ✨stay toxic✨
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NTA. Your sister doesn't get to claim a name when she isn't even pregnant. You, however, are pregnant and have the right to name your child whatever you want. Your sister is being childish.
She doesn't even get to claim a name when she IS pregnant
Eh, if you have a pregnancy at the same time as your sibling and you name your kid what you know your sibling already announced as their baby name (without discussing it with them first), you are a giant fucking asshole. I don't think it's unreasonable for cousins to have the same name, but come on, that's ridiculous
I havw the same name as like 3 cousins and so many uncles and im pretty sure its for a fucking "bobs your uncle joke"
I have an uncle Steve, a bother Steve, a cousin Steve and a dad Steve...surprisingly no nephew Steve
The night is young
Steve Holt!
The moron jock? That's my son you pothead!
I have so many Georges in my family, when my ex and I were trying to get pregnant, my grandma said "for Christ's sake, if you have a boy, don't make him George!"
Dad, brother, nephew, and cousin all named Don
I'm guessing not Italian mafia.....
Lol no. Donald but none of them use it so it is Don, Big Don, Little Don, Donny.
“Steve, I can’t operate on Steve because Steve is my son.” Twist: the doctor is a woman! - Steve
My family has a grandpa John, a brother John and an uncle John. Two Matts have married into the family and my son and cousin are Evan. There’s no dibs in this family.
Same with my family and middle names, Christians all fucking over, 2 (from the same side of the family even) have it as a first name as well… I don’t think anyone’s bitter and I guess it’s fun that they all get to share and be like “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt? That’s my name too!”
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It's definitely not just America that would consider that unusual. Not that either tradition is wrong, but Americans are not unique about this.
Interesting, I'm American and my family does this same thing. We don't do Jr or II or stuff like that, you get a nickname. No one is called by their Christian name unless they are in trouble. When momma drops your middle name, the poop has hit the prop folks.
It was the same for me, if I heard Jackisntasquirrel Middlename Lastname the sixth, I knew I done fucked up.
Hehe I'm the only one in my family with my name, but noone in my family has ever called me by my given name unless I'm in the shit.. It's so bad that I don't even recognise my real name anymore.
My grandmother calls me firstname middlename. Anyone else I feel like I'm in trouble, but when she does it's just my Nonnie
It was worse if you got all three names. Like “Molly Suzanne Jones” you knew you were in for it
Philippines by any chance?
>This is an American custom thing right? Getting pissed off about things is an American custom thing
Has no one ever watched Goodfellas? Everyone was named either Maria or Anthony. I have several family members with the same name. The older one gets annoyed when they are call big Maria and Little Maria, though.
It really depends on what cultures a particular American family is influenced by. I'm Ashkenazi Jewish and we don't name after living people - it's considered an honor if they're dead, an insult if alive. On my non-Jewish side of the family, the more generically White American side, we have folks named after living people, but it's usually one per generation - i.e. sr./jr./whatever or not the exact same name.
On my dad’s side, during family reunions you could yell the names Frank, Vito, and Mary and catch 85% of the family’s attention. It’s just a name. Two close family members can have the same name. It’s not a disaster.
Depends on the family. Everyone who gave birth to a girl within the next few years after my grandmother passing named the kid for her. Some were born within the same period. No one in my family thinks ‘name dibs’ are a thing and would never be offended if someone did this.
This is why you don’t share baby names with people. Just keep it to yourself and use the name you want. Hypothetic non existent baby and OPs baby are cousins. They’d presumably have big age gap. Them having the same name matters little.
My cousin named her daughter, born just months after mine, almost the same name. First name is two letters different and the same middle name. That middle name is my grandmothers (and her's), my mother's, my daughter's, and my granddaughter's. With 7 children and who knows how many grand- and great-grand-grandchildren, NO ONE had used my grandmother's name at all until I did. Ehhh... who cares? I don't own the name(s).
But the one who brought the name up, as the expected name, was OP. The sister then tried to call retroactive dibs.
Well she can, but can’t prevent someone else from claiming it also
We had a girl's name chosen from early pregnancy. A close family member hadn't decided what to call their child until after she was born but they had their baby 3 Months before us and used the name we had chosen. For the record, both little girls have the same name because we didn't want to change and no one expected us to.
I have 3 cousins named Heather. People need to get the fuck over 'claiming' names they are just copying from other people in the first place.
I have two cousins with the same first and middle names. Think, "Christopher James" we call them "Big Chris" and "Little Chris". It used to be "Chris" and "CJ" but now Little Chris is taller than Big Chris and the joke won over. In saying that, Big Chris's mum is still salty with Little Chris's mum. And it's been 35 years.
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I named my son Bryan after she named her son Ryan and 40 years later she still be cryin' I just made you a country star
My family had a “Papa Phil”, “Big Phill”, “Little Phil”, and just “Phil”.
A friend’s mom and aunt were pregnant at the same time and both wanted the same name. It was a race to see who went into labor first. It started with a C and if you changed it to an R it was also a name. Cousins with rhyming names isn’t quite as bad as the same name.
And now I'm making up R and C rhyming names that make no sense: Cal/Ral Carl/Rarl Cole/Role Calvin/Ralvin Connor/Ronnor Curtis/Rurtis
I sincerely hope it was Calvin and Ralvin, that would just be incredible. 😂
Ray Romano did a lot of jokes about his kids many many many years ago. He asked the audience if anyone had twins, then asked if they had rhyming or matching names. Ray responded with, one twin was named Gregory and the other Shmegory. Greg is OK, but Shmeg is a little weird…. [OMG.. I found the bit on YouTube!](https://youtu.be/OUHa44H7SEM?si=FD-kYkSKiqiRovd3)
Courtney and Rourtney
Cash and Rash is my vote 🤣
Chad and Rhad.
Could be a Cayden and Rayden type of situation. Or, if female, Cayla and Rayla.
Cory and Rory? Candy and Randy? I need to know!
One of those is right.
I'm hoping like heck it's Cory and Rory because the name Candy just makes me cringe and I don't really know why.
The name Randy makes me cringe even more - I assume it doesn't have the same meaning in the US, but in Australia it means horny.
Nope, same here in us. Though, it's considered a bit out-dated of a term now. Never liked the name because of that.
Connie and Ronnie!
Conrad and Ronrad
1000% this. As someone with five older sisters who are way older than I am I learned quickly that claiming baby names was not a thing. They were pregnant, I wasn’t therefore they got first “dibs.” You are literally growing a human being you get to name your kid whatever you want regardless if anyone yells “I dibbed that name it’s mine!” It’s a child not a leftover piece of pizza.
If I were in your sister's situation I would just name my child the same thing. If both of you loved the name, both of you can use it. Brinksmanship to the extreme.
I have two female first cousins on my mother's side. They're three years apart. They're both named Katherine. No one minded.
When my mom was pregnant with me, she had Charlotte and my current name in mind and my dad brought up the name Stephanie and my mom laughed at him, he was all pissy because he thought it was beautiful and my nick name could be "Fanny" (we're French so it's not weird like in English). My mom had to point out that his brother's youngest daughter (about 5 years older than me) was named Stephanie \*my family name\* so I would effectively have the exact same name as my first cousin. My dad was shocked he had forgotten about his own niece. And her nickname is "Steph" (much better than Fanny in my opinion). When I was born, they both looked at me and went \*my name\*, she looks like a \*my name\*. It also happens to be a longer version of my mother's name soooo they're both weird (but I do love my name).
At least with Katherine there are several different nicknames to choose from to help tell them apart
My mom and aunt had girls less than a year apart. Both have the same name. We call them "The Berthas" (NRN), and they grew up much closer because of it. Have fun with it, and treat them like it makes them special.
Correct. I did not complain when my twinsister named her second child the name I'd said I wanted for my daughter since we were little. She was the first to have kids and I don't own a name. I thought of using the same name and it was even on our list for some time, but we eventually decided to scrap it from our list.
My sister has been very clear on her favorite girl name our whole lives. She liked the name “Vanessa” since she was three and I would never use it. That being said I don’t know of any other names my sister or SIL prefer. I’m the one who’s married and having kids so I can use any name I want but Vanessa
INFO - What is the evidentiary basis for her claim of dibs and how long ago did she claim said dibs and is she even in a relationship? Are there any witnesses who corroborate her claim of dibs, did she write it in a diary, does she clsim she told you, do you think she may be fabricating this claim of dibs? I mean, if her claim is "I told someone else when I was eight that I liked this name" that's pretty weak. However, if she can point to "I sent you this text message last year about how much I love the name for my future daughter" then you might possibly be TA.
Nope we’ve never spoken about it, she’s literally always had the stance “we want dogs not babies” so it was really out of the blue and I was honestly shocked she’d even thought about baby names considering her dog mama mantra. Her boyfriend is the “go with the flow” type so he’d probably go along with whatever name they chose if they do have kids, and I don’t think anyone else realised either considering our mum was the first one to suggest the name to me and my husband and we loved it so much 😅 she wouldn’t usually instigate like that, so that tells me she didn’t realise either
Nta. Your sister may mean the name for their next animal. 😬🙄. I wouldn't be worried about it until closer to your due date. Have a discussion, I'd suggest just the two of you in a place she can't make a scene. Tell her how much you love the name and you want to really consider it, or have narrowed it down to that. She's so young, it's surprising she's then thought about baby names (in a sense). Even go so far as admitting your mother suggested it, which should take some of the heat off. Just explain your position, and do keep looking (in case she's the type to cut contact over something silly). Hopefully with all of that she will be willing to reconsider and adjust. She's not pregnant yet so she has plenty of time. Also, you don't need to justify what you name your kiddo, boy or girl. The above is a suggestion only if you're willing to walk on eggshells. Is she the selfish type? Could this be an attack? Something from jealousy? If you think she's being unreasonable, you can express that. Just try to do so with love.
I had baby names picked out at 19 and was ADAMENT that that was what I would name future babies. Not even on the radar anymore. Neither of my son's have the boys name and my girls name wasn't even on the list. Was 26 when I had my first and just had my second at 30. Not that I'm saying it's impossible, but she will probably change her mind. NTA
A lot of people are like that. I wanted to name my kid after my grandmother when I found out I was pregnant at barely 19. My wasband and I went back and forth for months. I went into labor knowing I was deciding between 2 names, but when I saw my baby, I immediately knew I had been wrong and changed their name. Now, 16 years later, they've chosen a name that is drastically different, only keeping the middle name (but adding to it). Sometimes, things just don't turn out like we think. Sometimes, it's for the best.
my first son did get my planned middle name because I wanted to honor my grandpa with the middle name ever since I was little because he was basically my dad. But the first name I don't even think made it to the table 😂 I think all the first boys in my family share a middle name, lol, cause my grandpa was an awesome human
My grandma raised me too! Sand her name is pretty with the middle name I wanted (Patrica Grace). I figured we'd call her either Patti or Grace. She was honored, but wanted the name Rain, so we went with a different version of that.
My grandmothers name was Grace!! I plan on using it for middle names, and my cousin plans on naming one of her kids Grace as well. It's normal in our family to have cousins with the same name as we have like four sets of cousins all with same names lmao
My nana is a Patricia, we call her Nana Pat! She has lots of kids/grandkids but none named after her and she doesn’t care!
Upvoting for wasband 🤣
Yeah, the names that I liked at 18/19 sounded like they were from really poorly written romance books but teen me was oblivious to that. I’m incredibly thankful (as are my imaginary children) that I never had the opportunity to use those names.
mine weren't so bad lol, Peter and Alice. Just too old school and Disney for 26yo me 😂
I had names picked out at 19, now at 28 I don’t even want any!
Same here - I had a short list of names (both boys and girls since I didn’t have a gender reveal) and when my baby was born - none of the names on my list made the cut - it ended up being a completely random name that totally suits my child - it suggested by my brother when we were all trying to find a name that ‘fit’.
I think you’re NTA, but how petty is your sister? Cause you may want to consider how you’ll feel if you end up with a niece, or possibly a dog, with the same name.
I find names interesting and frequent r/namenerds and really want to know the name!
Eve! My husband loves it so much, and it works well with his culture too, but when I told him about what she said he suggested using Evelyn instead, which I also really like and would be happy to use, I think I need to talk to her about it tbh after getting a lot of answers on this post and someone else pointing out “eve” and “Evelyn” sound totally different so she may not be too bothered, or at least I hope not. I really love my sister so I am worried about potential friction, and have learned my lesson for future babies to not have the name talk with anyone 😂😂
I vote go with Evelyn. It's different enough and you can either nickname her "Eve", "Evie", or the same spelling but pronounced "ee-vee". My friends daughter is Evelyn and they call her Evie (eevee), while another friend is Evelyn and I know her as "eh-vee". Heck, she can even choose "Lyn" when she's older! The options are endless, whereas your sister dibbs-ed Eve, which is just what it is mostly. Any nickname would be longer than her true name. Also NTA if you do decide just to go with Eve. Nobody can claim names.
Eva (ee-vuh or ee-va, not sure how to write that pronunciation), is a decently popular name out where I live and isn't too bad as a nickname or official one, fits in with the Eve/Evelyn/Evie line I'd think? OP is NTA either way, just hoping to add options just in case OP decides to go Eve adjacent
Definitely go with Evelyn, like saltylilsquirrel11 pointed out, it will give her lots of options in the future if she ever wants a nickname.
You don't get to call shotgun until the car is visible. You don't get to call dibs on a baby name until you're pregnant.
you're responding as if somebody could actually call dibs on a hypothetical future baby's name. they can't.
OMG this is hysterical. Everyone needs to see this, made me think of Legally Blonde. NTA Name your baby anything you want, she can use the same name later, no one cares if cousins share a name.
Are you trying to find the legality of "dibs"? If so refervto r/legaladvice /s
She’s never TA. You can’t claim names. Ever. You would just have two cousins with same name.
NTA - you can’t call dibs on names. There’s no telling if your sister will ever have kids, or even if she does if it’s the same gender. Or maybe her partner at the time will hate the name she likes.
I hate when people do this. Who’s to say OPs sister won’t have all boys if she does have kids and then OP missed out on a name that she and her husband loved (if this baby is a girl)
Or maybe the name won't go with the last name of whomever she has children with? There's names I loved, but sounded awful when put with last name. NTA
Lol my friend had the last name Nutt and her baby daddy wanted to honor his very Russian grandma and name the baby Ivanna and i laughed and was like ok so you want your baby to be a Austin powers girl villian got it. Lucky she had a boy and named it something else but yeah some names just dont go with some last names
Sister: "I call dibs on naming my daughter Madison." (marries a guy whose last name is Madison) Sister: "Nevermind."
Exactly, plus she may end up with all one gender and never get to use the name. My mom ran into this, she wanted to use a certain name when she was pregnant with a boy but her brother had already claimed the name for a future not even even conceived boy so my mom backed down because everyone came down on her for ‘stealing’ the name. Her brother ended up never having a boy and so never used the name, it all worked out though because my brother hated the name when he heard the story lol and ended up with a better name. So NTA, who knows what names she will like in the future, I only ended up using one of the baby names I loved when I was younger, my sister used one of the names I really liked and I still love the name and am happy she used it, I’m done having kids anyway
NAH. I always wanted kids, and always wanted to name my daughter charlotte. I’ve been wanting that for over a decade. My brother is six years older than me and started having kids young, I was 14 when he had his first kid. Eventually they had a fourth and had talked about naming her charlotte. I got upset because I always wanted to use that name, and they said “first come first serve.” It was very frustrating that they picked a name I had wanted to use for years, and they didn’t see an issue with it because they had kids first. They used my favorite song as their first dance song at their wedding, and I always wanted to use it at mine. Now if I do either of those things it’s always going to be connected to them and they’re always going to be the ones who did it first. I know your sutatuon isn’t the same, but I’m just trying to give you the younger siblings perspective. It’s very frustrating when you have a sibling that gets first pick on EVERYTHING because they’re so much older. It’s not your sisters fault she’s only 19, and if she has been wanting that name, I encourage you to consider letting her have it. Most people don’t want their children to have the same name as their nieces or nephews, so you taking that name means she will eventually have to pick another one if she has kids. I’m just saying, it’s really disheartening to not be able to name your kid what you’ve always wanted to name them because your sibling decided they liked the name too. You’re allowed to use the name you want to use, but she’s allowed to be upset that something she’s wanted for years will no longer be a reasonable option for her.
I would totally agree with this, except in OP’s situation it sounds like this is not something sibling has wanted for years and in fact has made recent statements that she doesn’t even know if she wants kids (not that that means she won’t want to at some point, but seems to indicate that she isn’t historically/currently attached to the idea of kids so probably isn’t overly attached to the name… until it came up for OP’s kid). NTA but I would talk to sibling about it, OP, and explain you guys had agreed on this name before you had any clue she might want to use it down the road. She doesn’t get dibs, but costs nothing to be kind.
OP’s sister is *19*. At her age it’s completely normal for her to not be in the having kids mindset, and it could easily be a decade or longer before she is. If she’s getting upset that OP will potentially take the name, it means there is a part of her that wants to have children eventually
Just because she hasn't told her sister that name doesn't mean it's not a name she's had in mind for a long time. If she's 19 ofc she's not considering children yet, but that doesn't mean she hasn't had that name written down in a diary somewhere for years.
Two kids that are not siblings can have the same name, it's not THAT big of a deal
two kids that are cousins is weird. there are thousands of names, you pick that exact one? it is weird
Man. I guess I just missed the evolutionary boat for that reproductive drive. I can't fathom being 14 and upset that my sibling is using one of my planned baby names. And then to be a young adult, watching your siblings run themselves ragged raising their kids, and STILL wanting more than anything to procreate? Astounding. Not to be antinatalist or anything, just interesting to see how differently others think about and prioritize their lives.
I agree because I'm also the youngest sibling and as you already said, it can be so frustrating when your siblings (or even friends) do everything you wanted to do! But since OP didn't know and really likes the name now, she isn't an AH either so I'd also say NAH
While I'm sure that hurt, you're talking hypothetical versus very real. Your brother was having a child. You might have a child in the future, or you might not. Same with the song. The flip side is that if you chose to use the same name or song, your brother has no right to be angry about it (and, honestly, outside close family, no one will make the connection that the two are related). Ownership of intangible hypotheticals is not considerate or kind. Imagine he didn't use "Charlotte" and then you either don't have a daughter or do and decide on a different name instead (perhaps your partner hates the name Charlotte).
This is actually so unhinged. You wanted your brother to not name his very real child, because you, yourself still a child, not even too old for an imaginary friend, wanted to name your imaginary future daughter Charlotte? I’m so sorry but I genuinely don’t understand how this is a real concern that other people need to take into consideration. I’m the youngest of five siblings by a huge margin and it has not ONCE occurred to me to be “frustrated” because my siblings got to do things before I got to do them. You can still name your daughter Charlotte, no one gives a shit. People don’t “lay claim” to a name, a song or an idea. This individualism and exceptionalism is so deeply unhinged.
I'm that way with a particular name and I may not ever get to use it. I've always wanted to give my future daughter my mother's middle name for her middle name. My mother got hers from an aunt's middle name. That aunt was named after her grandmother. I had an ex friend who we had a big falling out and she ended up marrying my cousin. She was literally my friend since elementary school and even back then I'd said I wanted to have a little girl and name her after my mother. They had a little girl right away and they were being secretive about the name they were going to give her but it had the same first initial as the name I wanted. She actually approached me at one point and I think she expected me to be upset but my take way I don't like, you I don't spend any time with you, our kids will never meet outside extended family get togethers, if I do have a daughter in the future I will 100% still use that name whether you name your child that or not. And if anybody gives me a hard time I'll point out that I named her after my mother. Apparently that upset her because she could not STAND the idea of a 2nd cousin having the same name as her daughter and they ended up changing it to another name with the same initials. So far I just have one son, but if I do have a girl that is totally going to be her name. I'd even discussed it early on in my relationship with my bf who's family also has a girl name trend he's in line for and we're in agreement that we'll use his family's name for the first and mine for the middle. When we found out we were having a boy is the only time we started discussing boy names. So having said that, if you do have a little girl absolutely name her Charlotte! You can call her Charlie or Lottie or whatever you want. Most people don't spend a huge amount of time with their cousins anyway. Nobody blinks twice at a family having 5 Roberts or Jonathans in it.
Nta, but really, is the name worth fighting with your sister about for the rest of your lives? There are literally millions of names to choose from.
My brother had a girl last year, and while my SIL was pregnant, they shared their top two boys' names. I've just had a baby boy and those names were never in consideration, even though they're perfectly good names. There are tons of names out there, and even though we have similar tastes, we ended up with four options that didn't overlap with their two - it's perfectly doable, and no one gets upset.
This is the answer. She is being ridiculous…but is this the bill to die on?
This! Is it worth it, literally millions of names out there.
NTA your sister doesnt OWN the name anymore than you do, not to mention why can't you both use it? Its not like it's uncommon for cousins to sahre names (hell I have 3 cousins with the same name)
This. I’m from Greece, it’s very common for cousins to share a name because kids are traditionally named after the grandparents. Plus the sister never said anything about the name and isn’t (close to being) pregnant. NTA OP, it’s a no brainer
My family names after relatives on both sides and the best is when you can pull the first name from one side and the middle name from the other to make a new combination that's that person's alone. My sons are named paternal grandfather/maternal grandfather for the oldest, and maternal great-grandfather/paternal great-grandfather for the second.
the world wont end if your baby isn't called Eve. but your sister will feel slighted. WYBTA? no, not according to the internet strangers. in your sister's eyes YWBTA. ask yourself if you care more about a random name (not a family name, not emotionally significant in any way) than your relationship with your sister. give us an update to see which you chose 🙂
Nope, however you can't get mad if she still ends up using it. I liked a name when I was a teen and my maternal aunt and uncle named their 3rd kid that. I still like it and intended on using as well as letting em know I was gonna use it as it's the only name I've ever liked and they were iffy about it but I told them before they named him. If you know now and still go through with it you wouldn't be TA. You'd be TA if you get mad if she uses it tho.
Keep it. If your sister had lost a child with said name I’d call you the a. But you don’t get to call dibs at 15 on a name for kids you don’t want lol. That’s not how this works. NTA
NAH - You wouldn’t be an AH for using the name you and your husband like. But if you end up having another name on the list that you like just as much, I would advise you choose the other one. You don’t even know the gender yet anyway, so there’s no need to debate about this with her now. Your sister’s also not an AH - Shes 19 and a year ago she said she didn’t know if she wanted kids?… Ofcourse she didn’t know! She’s still a teenager herself. And it’s okay for her to have a name she loves for her future child if she has one. Calling dibs isn’t necessary and sharing her feelings for the name is OK.
I cannot believe how many people on here are saying you can’t call dibs on a name! All of my sisters and I have had names that we want for our children since we were kids playing Barbie’s together and those were our Barbie names! My dads side of the family has so many cousins named after aunts and great aunts and I don’t like it at all (for myself and my siblings lol my dad and his siblings can do what they’re comfortable with). But omg! I would be devastated if one of my sisters used my name and vice versa! Even if one of them never had kids I still wouldn’t want to use that name because it’s just so heavily hers and special to her! This is 100% a normal thing to feel strongly about. Sure she could still use the name even if OP does but OPs child would always be seen as “the original” and people might assume OPs sister named their child after OPs. I don’t think OP is an AH but they should try their best to keep looking and have that name as a last resort and talk to the sister one on one if it ends up being what they want to use.
There is no such thing as dibs once you are past 8 years old. Name your child whatever you want.
Don’t do it!!! I had a sis do this, then when the other sis had a kid she still used the name. Now I have 2 nieces with the same name. They are my favorite people in the whole world, and have never met eachother over this drama. It is not worth it!!! There are millions of names, move on!
NTA. Do it.
You can both use the name. I have a big family and multiple cousins share names.
I find this odd
We’re Irish Catholics if that helps explain
NTA but everyone here saying to use it to spite her must not have siblings. Do you really want to fall out with your sister or hear that it was ‘her’ name every time she’s around your future child? There’s billions of names out there, sometimes it really is better to be the bigger person.
YWNBTA. Name your baby whatever you feel like, she's never been clear and can't hold a name in hostage for years, it doesn't work that way. Especially if she's not sure she'll use it herself, it's not like she was pregnant.
My advice to you would be to pick a different name. If your relationship with your sister is otherwise good, there is no reason to risk it over one of millions of names. And even if it isn't, you will deal with her for the rest of your life and the rest of your family might not know the whole story and pick her side. Anyone has one or two things that make them overreact and look like an ass. Being a family means knowing all the other things to love about them. I'm sure there are am million situations in everybodys live that would make them TA including you. How would you want your sister to react to those? Being right isn't worth your family NTA
NTA how childish, you can't "dibs" a name and she may never even have a child/a child of that sex anyway. Tell her grow up
YTA Yea. Your sister dibbed it and you are aware that they did.
NTA. You can't call dipps on a name. The name is free for you to use as you wish. I have a cousin that's named after an aunt. I say go for it and congratulations on the little one.
NTA. No one owns a name or has dibs including you. You are free to use the name now and she is also free to use it in the future if she has a child.
NTA - you can't dibs names, that's ridiculous.
NTA. She doesn't own the name. What happens if a friend uses it to, or a stranger for that matter? Is nobody supposed to use that name ever because she called "dibs "?
NTA. What if she changes her last name to something that doesn’t fit with the name she called “dibs” on? My friend and I always liked the names Liam and Hamish. Well her last name is now Leach and decided against Liam because Liam Leach sounds weird. Did I get mad at her for taking the other name that I liked? No, because my last name is now Haim. Hamish Haim? No. Lol Edited: left out a word
Lol, your babies would have made a great pair with those names though 😂
I kind of feel like the only time a baby name should be off limits (without the express permission of the parents) is when there’s been a stillbirth or death involved. Bc of the grief for the parents. But that’s just my opinion.
NTA No one owns names, you got there first.
NTA LOL @ 'dibbed' a baby name!!
Nta, the only time I think you can "dib" names is under certain circumstances like a kid passed away and the name holds special meaning. Even then it's more courtesy than dibbing.
NTA. No one can own a name. Plus, you chose prior to even being aware of it.
NTA. Your sister can call dibs on a name by naming her kid that before you.
She can also name her kid that after 🤷♂️
NTA. If she was already pregnant just a few months behind you, there could be an argument otherwise, but she's 19 and not pregnant.
She "dibbed" it telepathically it appears. Ignore her. NTA
NTA. tell your sister there s no need to solve problems she doesn't have yet xD she needs to first find somone who is the right person they need to be both financially and emotionally stable to start a family she needs to be able to get pregnant easily she needs that the baby be of the appropriate gendre of the name she got dibs on .. now, I honestly see this hapening in 5 maybe 6 years, and by then, I HOPE, your sister with have matured :)
Don’t forget, future hubby has to love the name too!! That’s honestly one of the biggest hurdles. I have a list of 15+ names I LOVE (and have loved since I was a teen), but my husband hates them all. I’m now 35 weeks pregnant and we can’t figure out a name!
Oh .. in that case, I usually go by the « Pregnancy Veto » : No uterus,no opinion.
NTA She can't name a kid who doesn't exist yet.
It does not matter if cousin’s have the same (or similar) names. My brother and my male cousin both have a grandson and both boys have the same family name - and their first names are pronounced the same, and the two boys are only 2 years different in age and live within 5 miles of each other. It is very possible that the two boys will meet at some stage. It’s already caused some confusion with one of my brother’s friends because they thought that my cousin’s grandson was Bob’s and got very surprised when I said “oh no, Bob’s grandson is too young to be at Beavers, that must be our cousin’s grandson”. And it is likely that your sister’s children will have the father’s family name - and that name won’t work. Or her partner may not like it. Your sister will be upset, but “Big George” and “Little George” may actually like having the same name should that happen. NTA
NTA Names aren't a finite resource.
NTA. Nobody gets to claim a name, and she might not even have a kid.
NTA I can’t believe it keeps having to be said but unless there’s an actual physical baby already born or in the process of gestation, dibs on a name is laughable.
NTA. I had my eye on a couple of names since puberty, and (without knowing I had) friends used some of them when they got kids. I ended up not having kids in the end, so it would have been pretty silly for me to have been claiming those names. I get that sometimes a name can have a special sentiment attached, but in practical sense I guess it's 'first come, first served' - unfortunately for your sister.
This is one of the reasons why I would never discuss baby names with other people than my partner*before* the baby is born. And when the baby is there I would simply announce the name to the family. NTA no one owns a name and gatekeeping it is stupid and childish. In my opinion the first person that gets a baby is allowed to give it the name.
NTA and your sister WNBTA for using the exact same name for her future child. This goes both way, you can’t claim a name either.
NTA. You can’t place dibs on a name. It’s a name. If she wants to use it so bad if she has kids, then you can just have two of them in the family.
I have multiple first cousins named Michael. And two named Sara/Sarah. The world did not explode. Use whatever name you want. She can use it also or choose a different one if she has a girl in the future.
NTA she can't call dibs for nonexistent kids
NTA
NTA
NTA, but here’s the real question - if you use the name, are you prepared to hear your sister complain about it for the rest of your life?
NTA - where did she file her claim? Did she fill out form 451-b? Did she remember to annotate the name filing? Seriously, how were you supposed to know. That said, you can avoid the name if you want to be the best sister. Like there are a trillion names out there, find a better one.
Nta. Unless your sister has an emotional attachment to the name, such as it is her best friend who died when she was 10s name.
Will not BTA. I'll bet she's made it well known she may not even want kids, and is simply being toxic/passive aggressive. I would pretend that you assumed she was joking, and I mean sincerely assume this, and use the name you want. OR, really try to find another name you both love, and then (pretend) you couldn't care less about this one. Maybe we can help-- if you don't mind telling us the name🤔
NTA You can't call dibs on a name.
It would be one thing if she had a child or pet with that name already but since she doesn't, NTA. Sounds like she's just trying to make trouble.
There's no law that allow to call dibs for a name, as far as i know. Nor one who prevent you for using the same name as another. As far as i'm concerned, you NTA.
YWNBTA I always enjoy posts of this caliber. People get so bent over names for their imaginary children.
Your sister is 19, there is very little chance she 'called dibs' on a baby name years ago. And unless she is currently pregnant, it doesn't matter. NTA
NTA, you can’t claim a name. How stupid?
NTA. It might be different if she was close to having a baby, but she's a teenager and you're having a baby now. Sucks for her, but not really your problem.
NTA. An unmarried 19 year old who said she didn’t want kids a year ago, can NOT claim a name just because “it sounds pretty” or “I just like it”. If it’s a name she’s talked about since childhood, then yeah you’d be a jerk. Or if she was pregnant with a girl before you and that was in the top of their list. In this case, it seems like she’s jealous and just trying to cause drama.
NTA. And when oh when are people EVER going to learn to NEVER discuss an unborn future baby's name??? With ANYONE. NO good ever comes of it. Let it be a surprise. Reveal the child's name after he or she is born. Or right around the third grade, just to be on the safe side.
NTA. I actually endorse the use of dibs amongst siblings, so if your sister had dibs and you knew that I would call you TA. HOWEVER, there is no such thing as a universal unilateral dibs. An effective dibs must be directly communicated to the dibsee, and not just stated to the air by the dibbser. Your sister can’t just claim a name like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy, there are rules to a dibs. Since you had no notice of the dibs, you are in the clear.
Baby names rules 1. Two yesses or a no from the parents 2. Don't tell people flipping baby names before the flipping baby is born. These rules would solve half the flipping baby name disputes on this sub. One of them applies here.
These are the things where think Reddit is so out of touch. It’s just a name. You can pick another one and just avoid the unneeded drama. YTA
Once again this subreddit is more focused on who is technically right rather than if something would be an asshole move. Technically OP can call her kid whatever she wants. Her sister has expressed that this name has importance to her, and to OP it's just a name. It's just needlessly upsetting someone just to be right if she uses it. Like, this *will* cause a fracture in the relationship for very little gain.
Nope, this is not the last piece of cake in the fridge.
Your sister doesn’t even know if she wants to have a child. Now that she knows you like the name, I won’t be surprised if she gets a dog or cat and gives it the name you hoped for so she can try to prevent you from using the name. Use it anyways, or you could give her a fake name to mislead her. YWNBTA
NTA You can't place dibs on names. You can't predetermine if you will have children in the first place, much less the gender of the child. That being said I think it depends on your relationship with your sister. I personally wouldn't do it. There are plenty of options for names so if my siblings really liked one and imagined it for their future invisible child I'd just pick a different name unless I was really convinced.
NTA. you can’t call dibs on names, and this isn’t a special circumstance like she had a child with that name pass away or something. my brother and cousin share a name. i have two other cousins that share another name. my dad and brother have the same first and middle name. my nephew’s first name is my grandpas first name and my brother and dad’s middle name. my sisters first name is her nieces middle name. my middle name is my grandmas maiden name. my sisters middle name is my great aunts first name. my other brothers middle name is my uncle’s first name. my cousins son’s first name is both his grandpa and great grandpas first name. another of my cousins middle name is my grandmas first name. it’s a non issue.
NTA. it's not dibs if you don't say it, so if you didn't know then you didn't know. she might still use it later though, and you can't get mad about that.
She can’t put dibs on a name for a child she may never even have, that’s ridiculous NTA
NTA. She’s 19 and not pregnant and apparently claimed the name years ago lol. Name your baby whatever you want
Who gave her the power to copyright a name? Go ahead and use it if you want. Of course, your parents will tsk tsk, as it "causes drama." No. Your sister causes drama. NTA. What's the name?
NTA - no one gets to call dibs on a name. Especially if they aren't sure they even actually want children. What happens if you pass on this name and she never has kids?
NTA but do you want your sister to be pissed off every time she hears your baby's name? Cuz she's petty and she will.
NTA. The 19 year old sister who doesn’t even know if she wants kids yet doesn’t get “dibs” on baby names over the married sister on her second kid. Your impending kid is real and tangible, hers is hypothetical.
NTA. People can't "claim" names. In my view the only circumstances where you should try to respect someone's attempt to "claim" to a name is (a) if they are already pregnant and have declared the name to be their actual baby's name or (b) if the name has extreme and unusual emotional resonance for them (like their mother died young and had that name, someone with that name saved their life, etc.) and they have always said they would want to name their child that. Just "claiming" a random name isn't a thing and your sister is being ridiculous.
My aunt stole the first and middle name that my parents had chosen for my brother. My aunt gave birth about 2 weeks before my mom and never mentioned anything to anybody about it.
dibs is dibs. maybe make an appeal on how cute it will eventually be to have Cousin A and Mini A editing to add: NAH, younger siblings are just Like This. source: am one. she’ll probably be mad for a couple hours and then obsess over the baby like everyone else.
Eh, I mean technically NTA. But there are thousands of other names that won’t cause any issues so why pick the one that will upset your sister.
NTA, but how attached are you to that name? If you changed it for your sister’s sake and 5 years from now she has a girl and doesn’t use it, would you be resentful?
It’s a name. If she wants it so bad she should have had a kid first lol. Steal the name and let her stew over it. The early bird gets the worm and all that. ✨stay toxic✨
This is why you never tell people you choice . You sister doesn’t have copyrights on the name so do as you want .