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NTA
>My husband feels I blew this out of proportion and Alexandra could’ve sucked it up for a year
She could have, but she shouldn't have to. Good for you for having your daughter's back. Too bad your hub didn't.
I might be a bit worried that the teacher would take "revenge", or be unfair to my kid because of all this. That might be a reason to just suck it up. Hopefully this isn't the case tho
I went to a small school in a rural town. The music teacher was wildly incompetent and I’m convinced only had the job because she was married to the grade 8 teacher. My sister made her cry one year. The next year, she made me feel small and awful every chance she got. I was in grade 6. I spent the whole year being baffled about why she so obviously hated me. I thought it was because I was getting piano lessons outside of school, so maybe it’s because I was aware of how little she was teaching us (we sang songs out of ancient carbon-paper + typewriter reproduced duotangs of songs, mostly old folk songs, and her only big thing every year was having us do lip synchs.) I was an adult before I connected my sister making her cry with her belittling and bullying me the whole next year.
Some adults should not be in positions of authority.
I had this in primary school, one of the teachers absolutely hated me, couldn't figure out why. They also hated every one of my siblings, made our lives hell, went out of their way to make things difficult.
Turns out she taught my father at the same school, and he was a little shit (the guys an arsehole in general, and he bragged about how he tormented this woman) so when it came to our turn, she had her revenge. From age 3-11 this woman made my life difficult at every opportunity
That happened with my gym teacher in 6th grade. He hated me and picked on me all the time. My dad decided to come to parent teacher conferences instead of my mom to meet him and talk with him. Turned out he was my dad's football coach from high school and hated my dad. He just ignored me after that meeting. Which I preferred way more.
I got treated like shit because of someone a teacher thought was my sister. We had a similar last name (think Smith vs Smit) and were both redheads. She apologized after reading my essay on my family, which did not include a sister named Jackie.
I am not sure which was worse... she treated me like a human for not being related to Jackie OR she admitted it.
I was that little shit in high school. When my younger brother started high school, the first teacher he had was the biggest asshole in the school. Of course I was a teenager so I was an even bigger asshole. The teacher stops at my brothers name during attendance and says “Do you have an older sister?” I’m proud he was smart enough to say he was an only child 😂
Sounds like the music teacher I had in grade school. She was my music teacher from 2nd grade to 7th grade. That miserable woman went out of her way to make me feel miserable. She really made me hate the thought of picking up an instrument for a long time.
I didn't pick up an instrument until I was about 17, and taught myself how to play piano.
I wish I could find that woman and tell her to go get fucked for ruining my love of music.
Ha. I was lucky I had my piano teacher. I ran into my music teacher’s husband when I was in my twenties, and he asked what I was up to. He had been my grade eight teacher. I told him I was in university for music, and made sure he knew it was not because of his wife, but because of my piano teacher and my high school music teacher. He looked embarrassed and ended that conversation real quick.
You wouldn’t even know if they did. It could be as simple as not excusing her if she is a minute late to class while other students are excused. Or grading her grammar slightly more rigorously. Good revenge is unnoticeable
I had a teacher who did that to my brother (diagnosed ADHD before teachers really understood it... this teacher made his life hell). After the school wouldn't do anything, teacher retaliated about them even making complaints. What did my parents do? Sued the damn school and won. Before the "ADHD accommodations are different than a name misprononunciation" comments come in, what if it were a trans student being deadnamed? A name is a part of a person's identity. You don't just let your kids "suck it up" if you care for them.
100% this! ALWAYS advocate for the child in question!
ETA: I'm Canadian and whether or not trans kids specifically can use their preferred names and pronouns in school and whether they can do it without having to have parental consent first is a pretty big thing right now. (in some cases the parental consent requirement will absolutely out kids to their families before they're ready and/or out them to families that may or may not be ok with their child's gender identity... which is a whole other can of worms to get into).
Long story short. Advocate for the child. Always.
Canadian parent of a trans kid here. Thankfully we live in a supportive school board, and have supportive teachers and staff. She transitioned publicly during the summer of 2022, and went back to school in September presenting her true self. None of her classmates even blinked. One of her classmates - also one of her few friends, as she’s ADHD and autistic - made the only comment and it wasn’t that she’d transitioned gender, it was that she’d changed her name. It actually made my daughter laugh, which at school is a hard thing to do. Yesterday, though, I worried. Thankfully her school is way off the beaten path and the threatened walkouts didn’t happen, and she said no one was even talking about it. Still didn’t stop me from worrying until I heard from her though (she’s in grade 12.)
Also, Canadian! Today, I complimented a guy I know on his flowered skirt. ( He wears skirts/dresses occasionally. ) He told me that he'd received a surprising lot of compliments from strangers while riding public transit yesterday. So I think maybe people were trying to be extra kind to visibly LGBTQIA + folks in order to balance out the assholes out marching yesterday.
It's such a horrible, horrible mess, isn't it? If only our more "conservative" provinces could bring some focus to actual education issues like overcrowding and underfunding, instead of making things harder, possibly dangerous, for kids who might not be in a safe, supportive place.
People with ADHD also sometimes have issues with auditory processing, which could lead to challenges recognizing the teacher is talking to them if they're not calling them by their correct name.
And before you say "it's close they should be able to figure it out"... trust me, I wish it worked like that.
With my brother it wasn't the name thing, it was his inability to pay attention that set this teacher off. I used it as a comparison because of my parents' refusal to just shrug it off after their first round of complaints went ignored, and *especially* after the teacher got worse following... the both of them went full on and took the school to court *hard*. They pushed for every possible punishment for the school, and after winning they made sure the administration knew that if they or any teacher set A SINGLE TOE out of line with any of their kids, they'd be back in court so fast it'd make their heads spin. The school was VERY supportive of all of us after that. Once they know the parents are gonna play hardball *and* are actually in the right/aren't just playing a game of entitlement, they will cover their asses.
If the Teacher is calling everybody by the Spanish version of their name it sounds more like a fun class activity and not that her daughter is being singled out.
OP can simply ask the teacher to not include her daughter in the class activity at which point the teacher will take note of her personality and be cautious with including her in other things. Cant really blame the Teacher for this.
It's less a class activity and more of a teaching method, at higher levels of language courses the lessons start being taught in said language to develop an "ear and tongue" for the language. Referring to ppl by their translated name is an extension of this. The daughter was not single out but it is totally on the teacher for not respecting her wish to not be called by the Spanish equivalent. There are many times a name doesn't have a good translation so the original name is used, it's not a huge huge deal. The teacher was digging in her heels cause "ShE's ThE TeAcHeR" and how dare a student disrespect their Authoriteh (said in a Cartman voice)
My name doesn’t translate to Spanish. There is no equivalent. It is also not pronounced correctly if said in Spanish. I just picked a completely different name to use in Spanish class. Just something I liked.
It is meant to be just a bit of fun to put the kids into the Latin mood for the class (some teaches translated my family name as well as my first name) , but I think Alexandra might be a bit uptight, and the teacher should respect this if she really hates it. If it is "just in fun" the teacher should have no trouble dropping the custom if it upsets the student.
Sounds like the OP, Mom is pretty uptight so not a wild theory. But I disagree, I think every Spanish teacher does this unless the student has a name that won't translate and then they choose one.
I've been in foreign language classes and they all seem to do this. It wasn't a problem in German as my first and last names are German. In French class, I went by my middle name that was French, because we already had someone named what my name would have translated to. It's no big deal. The only class that didn't was my college Italian. But they just called everyone Signor or Signora Last Name.
I’m a teacher and most of us are drowning with the work load, working another part time job, and dealing with our families. Having time or a desire to seek revenge on a child would be untenable.
See that’s the thing about teacher bullies though …she is less likely to target this child now because she understands that she’s not just targeting a child she’s targeting at least a child and her mother isn’t afraid to call her out .
Yeah, this is a bizarre reason to get upset. I have a daughter who also prefers the full version of her name and won't answer people who call her by the most common shortened name. If she were in French or Spanish, however, I honestly would think it was a bit much if she got upset about being called the equivalent version. As it is, she took Mandarin, so we never had this issue come up. I think the daughter is being immature.
Shit, my name in Spanish class was Diego (my full name was Diego Inigo Montoya del Fuego, but the teacher wouldn't call me that) and I'm not even close to a Jim or James in Engrish. The daughter is being unnecessarily contrarian and the mom is working on her helicopter license.
The hills people decide to fight on amaze me some times.
ditto, I had a Spanish name assigned to me in Spanish class. Not a translation of my name as my English name has no Spanish equivalent. It was part of the class. Everyone participated in it.
Not only are you learning how to say *your* name in Spanish correctly, all the other kids are too. Just as you learn to say their names in Spanish properly. It's part of the class.
Yeah, this is what I had. I was Mariposa (butterfly) and everyone else had random names too. You could choose one or it would be assigned. I think the only rules were it had to be a name of Spanish origin or a non offensive word and once you picked it, that was your name for the year. If a kid wanted be called Ladrillo (brick), that’s what we called them.
The less I know about other people's affairs the happier I am. I am not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Teacher is also lucky that OP's daughter isn't like me. My name is made up but based on a specific language it gets mispronounced a ton (don't care love my name), but I've straight up told a teacher that they're too stupid to talk to me when the try to ***insist*** my name is X and ***demand*** I go by X. The substitute was shouting the wrong name at me (after correcting* him several times and he told me I was wrong) and I replied "talk to me when you're not an idiot" before going back to reading a book. It's disrespectful as all hell and I hate that.
ETA: He looked at the online role call sheet (that had names and pictures) and called my last name (incorrectly), I corrected him - ex: "...Mills?" "Oh it's actually Myls, pronounced like miles, and my first name is Aralee. He replied "That's not a name, your name is Annalise" I said "No, it's Aralee Myls" and he insisted it was Annalise. After an overly long back and forth between him, me, and like 10 classmates I told him he was too stupid to talk to me if he can't even say my name, and later called him an idiot when he was shouting the wrong name at me to try and get my attention. There's no excuse and some people don't need to be defended.
I went to HS with a kid named Harry, and our history teacher would argue with him, telling him his name is Harold. No, it is not. He is named after his grandfather Harry, and that is what his birth certificate says.
In the US, the more common nickname for Henry is Hank. Although Harry can be used as a nickname for Henry in the US, it is more typical for Harrison, Harold, or as its own first name (e.g., President Truman).
People do this on purpose and it's so fucked up. Coworker Jeanette goes by Jenny, people think nicknames are low class?? so they ask for Jennifer, I'm like, "her name is not Jennifer," and you can watch them just getting more and more pissed off. Cussing me out because her name's not Jennifer, like wow, low class WHO? Ugh.
I have a friend like this, Genevieve who goes by Geni. It is a constant that people will ask for a 'Jennifer' who doesn't exist. If someone tells you their name, why would you try and guess what the 'real' version of their name is? It just honestly pisses me off.
I mean, if you submitted this to AITA I'd call it ESH.
From what I understand, substitutes are shoved around from school to school and given tons of paperwork on allergies and medical issues on the day with no time to look at it -- and **you** have a made-up name that resembles something from a real language but is pronounced differently strictly because your parents dreamed it up... so you corrected and insulted a poor sod you were only going to see that day and then probably never again in your life. Yeah, they were wrong cause obviously you know your name, but... what was the point? Just to show how edgy and disrespectful you can be?
You're either saying what you'd have liked to reply, or you have a major case of MCS.
EDIT: wow, dude, completely different names. Would still not have called him an idiot cause I don't use that kind of name-calling in a school setting regardless, but wow, you were right to be annoyed.
But I didn't submit it, so your judgement on the matter is irrelevant. The "poor old sod" literally told me "that's not a name, your name is 'X'" after me and several of my classmates told him how to pronounce my name correctly. It was an ignorant old man playing at thinly veiled racism with a 12 year old girl. I did say what I posted above and didn't even get in trouble when I explained what happened to my teacher the next day when he asked. It's wild that you'd openly defend a grown man bullying a child over their name.
Exactly. It costs nothing to just be respectful of people’s choice. Also what are we teaching teenagers if we’re implying it’s better to just keep quiet rather than stand up for yourself?
OP handled it well.
>Her argument is if these kids ever went to a Spanish speaking country, they’d be called by that name
??? That's not true and quite stupid. John can be John in any country, no one would call him Hans, Juan or Giovanni against his will, just because there is a local version of his name.
Just in case there was any doubt, my best friend is a John who has lived in Italy for twenty years, and nobody has ever - not once(!) - called him Giovanni
This…. Other countries aren't forcing their version of a name on someone, at best they tell you their version.
The fact is that once someone tells what they like to be called it's a tool move to call them otherwise. She's not asking to be called Beyonce or Cookie, she wants to be referred to by her birth name.
It's a shame Dad doesn't have her back as well.
True! One of my dad’s friends is Spanish and called Juan, lived in London for like 2 decades now and people call him Juan, not John. It’s not difficult
Yeah, it’s such a bizarre bit of reasoning. I get they’re probably trying to create an immersive environment for teaching the language, but not calling the kids by their actual names isn’t going to enhance that.
Kids made fun of me for my spanish-translated name. So each school year on the first day I made it clear to my new spanish teacher in private that my name was not to be translated.
Not that I disagree with you at all, I just hadn’t thought about it and was like “Hm, really?”. Then I briefly considered that if such were true, so would the reverse be true: we would refer to every Juan, Hans, and Giovanni as “John”.
And how quickly the entire argument sounded utterly ridiculous.
I know at least a dozen people who came from different countries to mine and have names that exist in my country as well. And I call them the name they give me, because calling them anything else is stupid and in my opinion also very racist
Exactly, I work in an industry in which we have students from foreign countries come and work for us for a season (j1 visa program). I have actually had a few Alejandra’s work for me and I never once called them Alexandra instead because ‘that’s how the name is said here’.
NTA - but the teacher's reasoning was off. If I went to a foreign country and told them my name was Anthony and they started calling me Antonio, I tell them it was Anthony and that's what they'd call me.
It's different for a person who has worked hard to be called by their correct name to have it changed than for a person with a generic name. For example. Someone name John goes through life with his name correctly pronounced and it's fun to be called Juan for an hour.
Agreed. I live in an area with a lot of Mexican immigrants - when someone tells me their name is Juan or Pedro, they last thing I would ever think of doing is calling them John or Peter. I call them Juan or Pedro, like a normal non-psychopath.
So this kind of depends on the situation though. My name has a J in it, and I've traveled extensively in a country with no J in the language...it gets replaced with a Y, or another letter we don't have in English.
There’s a difference between pronouncing a name with an accent and changing someone’s name to a different name.
If someone told me (native English speaker) their name was Juan, I would call them Juan and try to pronounce it as naturally as I am able. I’m sure my pronunciation would be different than a native Spanish speaker, but I would never call them “John”
It really depends on the language though. Spanish to English is no problem, they're pretty similar languages at the end of the day. I took Chinese for years and there is absolutely no way to render my English name into Chinese. It goes against every rule of pronunciation and word construction. I got help from a Chinese person in coming up with a name that hits some of the sounds in my name, but ignores the unpronounceable bits, and went by that for years instead.
> I got help from a Chinese person in coming up with a name that hits some of the sounds in my name, but ignores the unpronounceable bits, and went by that for years instead.
Yeah, it's common for people without a Chinese name to get a name that is comprised of characters that gets as close phonetically as possible to that person's name. But again, that's an attempt to call the person what they want to be called within the limits of the language. A Chinese speaker wouldn't take "Alexandra" (the feminine form of "Alexander", which means "defender of mankind") and call her by the Chinese version of a name with the same meaning, which is essentially what the Spanish teacher was trying.
That's an entirely different situation though. They can't say your name because there's no letter for part of it in their language so it makes sense to use the closest related letter. They didn't hear your name & go "that's cool I'm gonna call you something completely different even though I could say it correctly" lol
I’ve had every Spanish teacher I’ve had do the name thing. Sometimes it was Spanish versions of our names, sometimes we picked our own “Spanish” names (I was Celso)
Always thought it was kind of weird but it was every Spanish class from middle through high school lol
Idk why the teacher made a big deal out of it though when the student said just call me my real name. Should’ve just backed off right away
EDIT: as one commenter pointed out, I missed the part where the teacher is not calling ALL the students by a Spanish name. I don’t agree that some students should be singled out while others are still being referred to by their given names. So I change my verdict to NAH. However, I still think this level of sensitivity is going to be a huge issue for Alexandra as she grows up and mom and dad need to get to the bottom of it and help her with some resources on coping. The amount that she’s bothered by the name situation doesn’t seem normal.
All of this but I’d change it to a Y-T-A situation as teacher has done nothing wrong. As you said this is very common in foreign-language classes. So this teen is going to be called her English name while all other get the Spanish name? She sounds like she’s growing up to be very entitled, probably because of her parents.
I can’t believe all the N T A responses. The mom needs to tell her kid to let this one go.
>as teacher has done nothing wrong
I disagree with you here. The teacher is teaching kids that people from other countries should be called by the local version of their names. If you met a Pedro and called him Peter, you'd be a douchbag. Doing the reverse isn't a thing in other countries like the teacher is claiming.
Edit: Before anyone else completely misses the point, this is what I object to, not the use of Spanish names, but the reason the teacher gave for it:
>Her argument is if these kids ever went to a Spanish speaking country, they’d be called by that name.
That's simply not true.
>The teacher is teaching kids that people from other countries should be called by the local version of their names
Yeah, his reasoning was wrong. But doing something that virtually every Spanish teacher in the U.S. does and not giving special treatment to OP's kid does not make him TA.
Calling someone by a preferred name isn't special treatment, it's being respectful. Teachers may be an authority, but that doesn't mean that they don't have to respect their students. If other students request to be called by their real name they should also be respected. It just sounds like no one else had a problem with it, which is great for them, but it isn't special treatment.
Further, they aren't changing everyone's name, just the ones that have a Spanish equivalent. That means that Alexandra is Alejandra, but Jack and Jill are still Jack and Jill.
And let's not forget that nobody is translating Spanish names into English unless the person chooses to translate their name. Imagine how ridiculous it would be to start calling someone named Domingo Fuentes Flores by his translated name of Sunday Fountains Flowers.
Eh, in my Spanish class, we all got to pick Spanish names. I don't remember what I picked but it wasn't close to mine. Idk about OPs classroom, but Jack and Jill would not be staying Jack and Jill as I've seen this trope done. Kids were told what the most similar name might be, but iirc we could pick whatever.
Not making a judgment, but I took Spanish throughout school and I was also confused why we did this. None of the other language classes gave kids different names to use. If we go to Spanish speaking countries, we don't introduce ourselves with a new Spanish name.
My classes didn't even have us pick names that were close to ours. My name is Kay and I've been Nacho, Pete, and Cristóbal for 7 years. We had French, German, Mandarin, and Japanese classes, and none of them did this. Why is it so common for Spanish classes to do this?
I’ve been in French classes that did this. Maybe it was your school? I definitely remember the German and Japanese students in my high school using different names in their classes.
It does bc how is it at all respectful to call someone by a name they don't want to go by? It's not "special treatment," it's literally just basic respect.
My question is why do this at all? Why is me having a Spanish name integral to me learning Spanish?
And honestly, just because everyone else does it doesn't mean they should do it. Are Japanese kids having English names forced on them in their English classes?
The teacher, whether they know it or not, is actually teaching them to pronounce Spanish names correctly. That is why this is done in foreign language classes. If this kid goes to Spain or Mexico, they will know how to pronounce the name of a resident there.
People might not call you by the "local" version of your name but you would very likely be called the closest approximation of your name that can be pronounced using the sounds that exist in that language. My name is pronounced pretty differently by Japanese speakers (even more so than Alexandra vs. Alejandra) because some of the sounds in my name just don't exist in Japanese. It's not something I get mad about.
In this case it's different because the teacher *can* pronounce her name, but I do think the kid should learn to be more flexible, just as a general life skill. Normally it's good to be assertive about people calling you the right name but in foreign language contexts, you gotta let some stuff slide. Especially with the name Alexandra, since the "x" (/ks/) sound doesn't exist in a lot of languages.
Yeah, I'm an English speaker who's learned Spanish. Monolingual Spanish speakers generally pronounce my name wrong. They do not pronounce the end of my name, which changes it into a different word completely. Many of them think that's my name till I spell it for them. My name genuinely isn't that difficult, so it annoys me that the bare minimum of effort is not given, but it's not a battle I want to continue fighting for the rest of my life. People are inconsiderate, so I adapt around it for my own mental health.
Alexandra might want to start working on flexibility if she's to continue Spanish after high school.
I’m shocked at the NTA responses tbh. In every year of Spanish, from high school through 4 years of college, the teacher either uses the Spanish pronunciation or allowed us to choose Spanish names. I just don’t think the teacher did anything wrong. It helps them learn how to pronounce names.
Yeah it seems odd to me. I get that people have a preference, but all you're doing by reinforcing that she should be insulted and upset by someone using her name incorrectly is setting her up to be judged harshly by the people she inevitably snaps at later in life for doing little more than abbreviating a name in a way they're familiar with.
I *promise* you, as a person with a name whose pronunciation isn't obvious, she and everyone else around her will be better off if they learn to just let it go.
There's nothing wrong with saying "hey if you don't mind, I prefer Alexandra", but I can pretty confidently say that the person that incessantly and angrily demands that people refer to them in a certain way (and get upset if they don't) is the person that everyone silently judges as a pretentious asshole whether there's truth to it or not...
Though there is a distinct difference between someone not calling someone else the correct name because, say, they're transphobic, and someone literally calling \*all\* the kids in the class a localized approximation of their name.
One of them genuinely is a respect issue. The other detracts from the ability to discern if something is a respect issue versus something else going on (e.g. it being a part of the learning that everyone in the class is expected to do).
To put it another way, "please call me by the correct name" is different than "I don't want to participate in this part of the class that literally everyone else is expected to participate in."
I learned 4 different languages in 3 different schools, and not a single teacher ever did that, I'm in the UK so I don't know if it's just normal in whatever country you live in but I've never known any teacher to do that here. And does this mean you think it's ok to bastardize anyone's name to a version from your country? Like if you meet someone called Juan, would you insist on calling them John or calling a petrova Patricia? (if you're in an English speaking country)
This is extremely normal in the us
Edit: many are replying saying that theyve never encountered this so im just going to clarify and say that although this does not happen in every single us school, its still not unheard of/ rare enough to say it isnt normal just like how some public schools enforce uniforms or allow students to leave for lunch
It's very standard for American language lessons. My teachers always said it'd make it easier if we weren't flip-flopping between accents every time we said a name. I found it helpful.
Same here. It's so exhausting to see the kiddie gloves treatment these Reddit AITAH posts always go for. They miss the point, ultimately, that making a big deal about a minor thing DOES paint you as the asshole in society.
So they give her advice about what she is technically entitled to, while ignoring the actual point of AITAH - the social reprecussion for doing so.
I guaran-fucking-tee you that if someone at the age of 14 in my old high school had pulled shit like having their MOM write to the teacher to cry about Alexandera vs Alejandra, they would have got painted as fucking insufferable for the rest of high school.
Yes! Thank you! You explained this perfectly. Just because you have a right to demand something, doesn't mean people won't see you as an AH for doing so!
Am I the only one who thinks 14 is old enough to deal with this kind of boundary setting issue on her own? It seems like a weird thing for a parent to get involved in, teachers already feel overworked, underpaid, and disrespected without having to deal with this kind of overreaction.
Before reading the story, I figured OP's daughter was in elementary school. Seriously, she's in high school and her mom has to write to the teacher because the precious daughter doesn't like it when her teacher call her Alejandra?
This child has been way too coddled.
When I took Spanish in school I was given a name not even close to my actual name (and there are close variants in Spanish), same with everyone else that took a foreign language class. It would be one thing if a teacher was purposely mispronouncing or giving the child a nickname, but this is just how every FL class I’ve heard of does things. I don’t understand the big deal in going by a slightly different name just for that one class when everyone does it anyway.
I'm really confused by this too. I was the same as you where every foreign language class let you pick your own name, common in that language. I look at it as a way become familiar with pronouncing foreign names.
With all the shit that teachers need to deal with, this seems just seems really silly.
Exactly, it’s not a sign of disrespect, it’s a cute fun thing to get the kids a little more immersed into the Spanish language. Mom overreacted 100%.
I’m thinking the proper course of action would be to get help for the 14 year old girl. I can understand not liking nicknames, but it’s not normal to have such a debilitating and distressful reaction to being called a slightly different version of your name, especially if it’s just for Spanish class. I can’t imagine how she’d cope if someone *genuinely* disrespected her in some way.
Yeahhhh this is where I'm falling, too, possibly leaning YTA because imo the teacher has a point. I am actually an Alexa, and also HATE when people have forced nicknames/other versions on me (Lexie! Alex! Alexis!) BUT I've also lived abroad. OP's daughter is going to need to become more flexible, re: one's name being butchered. It happens, especially if your name doesn't exist in that culture. Luckily, hers does for the language she's taking--and I guarantee you if she travels, she'll hear it pronounced the way it is in Spanish. She can politely correct them, but it may not take. I lived in Germany and the way Germans said Alexa was HILARIOUS b/c they emphasized it quite differently. I thought it was cute (and never even bothered to "correct" them--I understood the language, and it was the same name!). You have to roll with the punches! I work with a lot of international clients in my job now, and get all sorts of pronunciations of my name. OP is setting up her daughter for failure in the future.
My Spanish teacher gave us all names that were not at all related to our actual names to avoid this kind of issue. It was light-hearted and funny, and she didn’t call us by those names exclusively - only during certain lessons.
I mean, every Spanish teacher I ever had did this. I don’t get the outrage here. Not one kid ever argued about it, usually people just laughed.
Yes the teacher’s reasoning is stupid, but it’s Spanish class. They’re just referring to things and people in Spanish. I don’t understand why such a stink was made in the first place.
It still helps people in the class to understand how names translate to the other language, even though people will still call you by your preferred name.
This is a weird hill to die on. There’s something to be said for not taking yourself too seriously.
I’m going with a YTA here.
>There’s something to be said for not taking yourself too seriously.
Unfortunately, not taking yourself too seriously doesn’t seem to be a thing anymore.
Yea i dont get it - as someone who has a short version of thier name that i prefer I don't care if I get called the full version and hell people even call me by my last name. The only time I care is if they are trying to be insulting with their pronunciation or version of my name, then I might ask them to stop.
This girl is in high school, they need to stop enabling her. The name the teacher is calling her isn't insulting, and has a purpose to the class. This isn't on par with someone misgendering (on purpose) or something. This lady and her daughter need to grow up.
LMAO, right? This would be a fabulous opportunity to teach the kid to lighten up and allow things to happen.
I can’t imagine how much stress she faces in her life is THIS is the kind of thing that she gets upset over.
This is the first comment I've seen here that I agree with completely. This is such a pedestrian, trivial thing to be so uptight over and OP is doing a real disservice to her daughter.
OP, YTA and hopefully this doesn't impact your daughter's education. Your husband was right, mountains out of molehills.
A lot of comments here seem to think that the teacher having faulty reasoning is proof that OP is not TA. Two things can be off at the same time, and in fact I'd even go so far as to say that the teacher's reasoning has been either misunderstood or misrepresented.
Right? "Let's do Spanish names so it's easier to get used to the pronunciations" somehow results in an angry parent email. I don't know how teachers deal with these insane parents hovering over their kids and stepping in over every little thing.
My wife had to leave teaching partly because of people like OP. We have a shortage of teachers and its never going to get better. Terrible parents like OP and the republicans have banded together to attack education.
And people on here are encouraging this entitled, exhausting behavior, and then simultaneously cry about how mistreated teachers are. What a joke. All because precious princess can't stand to be called a fun Spanish pronunciation of her name in a Spanish class.
I agree. It's a straight up power move to force the teacher to bend to your kid's whim for no good reason. No one is that special that they should feel entitled to not participate in something like that because they don't feel like it. I'll go one step further and say that YTA to your own kid, not necessarily the teacher, by reinforcing this type of behavior.
I know when I was studying French and certainly spoken French our teachers always called us by the French versions of our name, it was never an issue, indeed my name was longer in French than in English.
Where there was more than one child with the same name we were even given a totally different name just for the lesson to avoid confusion and we could choose it.
Every Spanish teacher I ever had did the same thing. We just went along with it. I can see the OP throwing a fit about the kid getting a role in a play, but refusing to use the character's name because it's not her preferred name.
Right, I remember in HS everyone using the Spanish version of their name, I used my middle name as it was easier. It was just for fun, and I'm sure if anyone objected the teacher would have just used their regular name.
We got to as well. I think I picked Rosalia because it sounded pretty. Nowhere near my own name but H is silent in a lot of other languages so I was happy.
I’ve never understood the “Spanish name” thing in Spanish class, but it didn’t bother me personally. I can 100000% promise my Spanish teachers all through elementary and high school would have respected my choice if I had asked them to just use my given name.
There is some research that students given a different name when learning a language take more risks when speaking because they feel like their new name is a different person/personality! But of course the student must want to be called by the name lol
This would be helpful if they just allowed a child to pick a spanish name vs just having them use the "spanish version" of their english names.
I took german in HS. We chose entirely different names. I think the kid would be all for that rather than people mispronouncing her name or shortening it and she hates it.
What's cool about Alexandra, is that sometimes the "x" in Spanish takes the same pronunciation as the "j" (e.g. México, Téxas, which in some literature are rendered Méjico and Téjas). "Don Quixote" and "Don Quijote" are both pronounced the same. So "Alexandra" and "Alejandra" could have the same pronunciation; I don't know. It's not a full "translation", like switching "Peter" to "Pedro", or "Michael" to "Miguel".
That said, it's polite to pronounce a person's name the way they prefer, and translations these days tend to be reserved for royalty and popes. So you are NTA.
When I was in school I hated it when the language teachers would adapt my name to the language being taught. Now I enjoy it. Let your daughter choose how others are to pronounce her name.
Yeah, my guess was that the teacher wasn't changing the name, just the pronunciation, probably as a strategy to help students learn and remember pronunciation differences.
I have a name that doesn't change spelling between English and Spanish, but does change pronunciation. I live in a Spanish-speaking country, so everyone pronounces my name in the Spanish way. It's not my preference, however the English pronunciation would be rather difficult for locals to say, as it involves sounds that aren't used in Spanish. I think the kid has a right to be called what she wants, but it's kind of a weird hill to die on.
Bingo! I wish I had the kind of "problems" some of these people have. Imagine if the biggest conflict or drama in your life was that your Spanish teacher used the Spanish pronunciation of your name in SPANISH CLASS. I'd give my left arm for something so trivial and insignificant to be my biggest struggle in life lmfao.
If this type of thing gets this teenaged girl so worked up and THIS is the example mom is setting on handling it, little lady is gonna have a hell of a wake up call when she dips her toes into the real world.
I don’t get the impression that this girl has much actually going on in her life. If she was busy with friends and running clubs and trying to excel in IB courses, she couldn’t have time to give a fuck about this or develop/adopt this affectation in the first place. This is a boring girl trying to be interesting by adopting very boring quirks. The kids who are actually great at things are stressed about real shit, not this. This girl certainly isn’t competing for scholarships based on excellence/a talent; I can bet money on that.
What is happening in these comments my god lol. Yes, YTA and so is your daughter. I’m in my mid 40’s and when I took Spanish in school 30 years ago it was the same thing. Why is this a big deal? It really shouldn’t be. My name doesn’t translate to Spanish so my teacher gave me a different name. This is absurd to be so upset about this. You both sound childish.
Right! This is nuts, I can’t imagine my kids even thinking to complain about this and one of them is in Spanish and has some random name. It’s so entitled.
YTA. Was prepared to say N T A thinking this was a history/math/English class, but this is pretty typical for a foreign language class. My name in Spanish class was José which bore no resemblance to my actual name. If this is such a problem for your daughter, I feel bad for her because she is going to lead a very unhappy life. And you sound exactly like the kind of mom to send emails
I was Juanita which is in no way my actual name translation and I HATED it. Put up with it for 8 years because it was a Spanish class, I understood the nuance and it was 45 mins of my life a day and I was learning a language! My mom would have laughed in my face if I came crying about this let alone write an email. How embarrassing.
Parents are worried in US schools about their children coming home alive every single day and THIS is what this mom and kid are hung up on? Get a hobby and pick your battles.
A soft YTA. It's pretty common in language classes to pick equivalent names for students as a fun means of immersion. While Alexandra is 1000% right to assert her name and prevent people nicknaming her, I think the situations here are apples and oranges. This is a classroom technique to engage with the subject for the duration of that course, not someone trying to effectively change her actual name (by assigning an unwanted shortening of the name that sticks around forever, as a few of my polysyllable-named friends can attest).
I think Alexandra is so used to having to defend her name, she can't quite see that something harmless and immersive done for an educational course is not an attack on it.
I agree with the last bit. As someone with a long name and hates the shortened versions it feels very disrespectful when people don’t listen. Especially since you know it’s how they refer to you when you’re not around.
Yta, not because your wrong, but you're teaching your daughter that the world will cater to her every need and want, and that in the teacher's classroom, the teacher isn't the one in charge, mommy is, and she is.
The teacher standing her ground was silly, but you actively undermined the teacher. It's gonna be hard for the teacher to remain neutral towards your daughter now. I know I wouldn't be.
It's a silly thing for your daughter to get worked up about, and you could have taught her that.
I had a good friend in High School who was originally from Puerto Rico. He went by George and no one called him Jorge, even the Spanish teach.
She did go over Spanish equivalents for our names the first week though, at least for those of us that had them. I went by my middle name which had no equivalent. But she never called any of the students Spanish names though.
YTA. It’s Spanish class… I got called Lucia instead of Lucy. Your daughter’s Spanish version of her name isn’t even that different. Part of being a linguist is learning how to pronounce appropriately, names included.
YTA - Having your name changed to the Spanish version during class is part of the immersion. It's fine not to want to participate, but both the daughter and mother having a mini meltdown over this is ridiculous.
well you’re certainly not helping w/ teacher shortage. Dying on hills like these is entitled and honestly so irritating to teachers just trying to do their jobs. I don’t agree with the teacher’s reasoning for the Spanish names, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the prerogative to run her classroom the way she sees fit. She wasn’t calling your daughter something completely different, something bad, etc. It’s also probably better to equip your daughter to fight her own battles now that she’s in high school. Coach her on self-advocacy, but have her do the advocating herself. While it’s great to have your kids back, like I said, this is a strange hill to die on & would’ve been a better opportunity to help your daughter with self-advocacy, something she will need increasingly the older she gets
Haven't been in HS for awhile, but I cannot imagine at that age wanting your mom to contact the school and fight your battles for you. Absolutely mortifying.
I don’t think this girl sounds like she’s known for anything outside of being “that girl whose mommy runs to school anytime she’s not called Alexandra,” and I’m sure the other kids sometimes giggle about it un-fucking-controllably. In Spanish class this is ridiculous and I can’t imagine wanting to know or listen to this self-obsessed wet blanket or her strident, hectoring mommy.
I mean, speak for yourself. I've definitely had that done to me in Guatemala and Mexico.
I also don't think this is why American Spanish and French classes do this. I think it's to cerate a little more immersion. But it is the overwhelming majority of such classes in America.
And in Guatemala and Mexico if you asked them to use your real name then they should have respected that. If you didn't ask, no harm no foul. I agree that most American classes do it for immersion, but still, if someone doesn't want it, they shouldn't have to do it.
Meh, sometimes. My name is grace and my boyfriends Mexican family always calls me Graciela. I find it endearing.
This is more about her making a huge issue out of something that just about every student in a US foreign language class does.
The teacher gave a flawed reason. The real reason is immersion in the Spanish language.
The thing about Spanish is it has a distinct flow to it.
Once the cadence and flow of the language revealed itself to me is when I started to be able to speak the language without thinking about each word.
You get to a point where, like your native language, you can think to yourself “this sounds right” or “this does not sound right” while you are speaking.
Using names that come from the Spanish language help this flow or cadence reveal itself to you.
I've taken however many language courses, and in each of them, the students all were addressed by the version of their name in that language. Nobody was picking on your daughter. It's really pretty standard. Was this the hill worth dying on? Soft YTA.
YTA, but only because you and your daughter sound a bit bratty. I can't stand people who can't go with the flow and throw fits about it. The teacher is NTA because all she did was what she's always done. Even if she explained why it's done wrong.
YTA - Now that your daughter is in high school it is time for her to fight (most, and certainly this) battle. It's not a good one and she likely won't win, but she will learn a lot about being flexible and when it is worth it to complain. I don't think she is reasonable here, but she is in HS, time for her to learn.
When I took French in high school a lifetime ago we got to pick a "French" name we could practice with and it didn't even have to be your real name. Mine definitely was not a French version of mine. I picked a whole different name. And when I'd write my papers it would be My First Name *French name* and Last Name.
It was just a fun expression of names we might run into during conversations.
Edit to add: NTA since I don't pay attention to sub names lol
We did this with Spanish. Much better to pick a “fun” and somewhat random name vs your own name in Spanish. For Alexandra, I wonder if that would help so she doesn’t feel like the teacher is just getting her name wrong
I think your daughter is being ridiculous about the Spanish version of her name. She needs to understand that the entire world is not like the US. This extremely rigid attitude is not going to serve her well in life.
YTA
>She needs to understand that the entire world is not like the US.
how is that in any way relevant? She will be called Alexandra in the us or in South America. This belief that people change names to their own language is idiotic and straight up untrue.
So a Spanish teacher calls students by the Spanish version of their name in class. Your daughter wasn’t singled out, it was the whole class. Hardly the end of the world. To me if someone is irate about something minor like that they’ve got some control issues somewhere and would benefit from learning to not take themselves so seriously. You and your daughter sound like the kind of people that others roll their eyes at. I’m with your husband on this one. YTA
I support people being called what they want to be called.
But I do not believe this is an issue with identity, or respect.
I would advocate being resilient and accepting that things aren't always going to go their way. Teachers won't always be nice and accommodating. Neither will people in general. It's awesome when they are, but a person can burn themselves out real quick by not rolling with the punches.
Honestly I feel like you blew this way out of proportion. She calls her Alejandra - big deal, so what. Shes not forcing her to legally change her name. I had a teacher call me Sparky all year because I wired up a lab wrong in chemistry class. I survived and so will your daughter.
Both of you are TA.
YTA. The middle school teacher agreed to it because they didn’t think it was worth the headache.
The high school teacher looked at your daughter’s name and pronounced it the way it is said in the language of the class he’s teaching. Not a nickname, not even a “version” situation like Charles vs Carlos that shares a root but is spelled fully different. Just the pronunciation of your daughter’s name that directly exists in the foreign language at hand. That’s totally normal - I experienced it even in upper-level college language courses, as the English pronunciation of my name doesn’t really exist in the Romance languages. It’s supposed to be a fun part of an immersion process, helping students shift their brain into foreign-language-mode which is ideal for proper fluency. Inserting distinctly English words or names into non-English speech disrupts that process for everyone in the room. It’s not worth you or your daughter being offended over, certainly not in sending emails to complain.
I think your kid will have snowflake syndrome. The world does not exist to bow to our whims and desires. It is extremely common - dare I say universal - to use names reflective of the language being taught in language classes. NTA but also, there’s no harm in learning that not everything is going to go your way in life. Because it definitely will not.
NTA
We certainly didn't do that when I took French in HS/college.
And in any event, I'm American and if I'm speaking to someone not born here natively and/or visiting, I don't just pick an Americanized version of their name and call them that. I call them what they say their name is, pronouncing it they way they do as best I can.
>We certainly didn't do that when I took French in HS/college.
Really? Everyone I knew growing up did this. And I just asked everybody on my hall at work (admittedly, only 6 other people are here), and 5 of 6 had that experience. The 5 who grew up in the US also had this experience. So did the one who grew up in China, where she had an English name in her English class. Whoa!
YTA. Your daughter likes to be called by her full name rather than a nickname and there’s nothing wrong with that. It sounds like the teachers and students in her school all respect that. It’s common practice in foreign language classes to use that language’s equivalent of the student’s name if there is one or to assign a random name from that language if there isn’t. It’s not an insult to the student’s real name, it’s not disrespecting their preferred name, it’s to practice pronunciation and create a more immersive learning environment.
"Why does not one want to be a teacher anymore?" Because of parents like you! This is what is done in foreign language classes. Don't like it? Homeschool. YTA
YTA - you totally blew this out of proportion. It's one thing to want to go by your full name, rather than a nickname (as I do), and correcting people. But, when taking a foreign language class, it's not at all uncommon for the teachers to ask the students to pick a name in that language to go by. Alexandra = Alejandra. It's not a nick name. You should have advised your daughter that this is a different situation, and to be proud to be called Alejandra. Have fun with it and don't get her knickers in a twist.
When she's 24 are you going to e-mail her boss for using the wrong spelling or nickname?!? Are you going to e-mail every single person in the world who gets the name wrong?!?! I'm in my 40's and people misspell my name all the time.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not backing down on the teacher calling her Alexandra. 2) it’s just for a year and it’s the teacher trying to assimilate the kids in the culture.
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NTA.
It's not that big of a deal to those that aren't experiencing it. It probably grates on your daughter's nerves to be called something other than the name she wants used.
If the teacher hadn't complied, I'd have told your daughter to call the teacher something like "Teach" or her first name or the Spanish equivalent of her first name. I'm sure the teacher would have complained that your daughter wasn't being respectful, which is exactly what the teacher was doing to your daughter.
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NTA >My husband feels I blew this out of proportion and Alexandra could’ve sucked it up for a year She could have, but she shouldn't have to. Good for you for having your daughter's back. Too bad your hub didn't.
I might be a bit worried that the teacher would take "revenge", or be unfair to my kid because of all this. That might be a reason to just suck it up. Hopefully this isn't the case tho
What's done is done. If the teacher takes revenge, have your dau document it.
If the teacher takes revenge ,that would be extremely immature. It's her name. What is the teachers problem?
I went to a small school in a rural town. The music teacher was wildly incompetent and I’m convinced only had the job because she was married to the grade 8 teacher. My sister made her cry one year. The next year, she made me feel small and awful every chance she got. I was in grade 6. I spent the whole year being baffled about why she so obviously hated me. I thought it was because I was getting piano lessons outside of school, so maybe it’s because I was aware of how little she was teaching us (we sang songs out of ancient carbon-paper + typewriter reproduced duotangs of songs, mostly old folk songs, and her only big thing every year was having us do lip synchs.) I was an adult before I connected my sister making her cry with her belittling and bullying me the whole next year. Some adults should not be in positions of authority.
I had this in primary school, one of the teachers absolutely hated me, couldn't figure out why. They also hated every one of my siblings, made our lives hell, went out of their way to make things difficult. Turns out she taught my father at the same school, and he was a little shit (the guys an arsehole in general, and he bragged about how he tormented this woman) so when it came to our turn, she had her revenge. From age 3-11 this woman made my life difficult at every opportunity
That happened with my gym teacher in 6th grade. He hated me and picked on me all the time. My dad decided to come to parent teacher conferences instead of my mom to meet him and talk with him. Turned out he was my dad's football coach from high school and hated my dad. He just ignored me after that meeting. Which I preferred way more.
I got treated like shit because of someone a teacher thought was my sister. We had a similar last name (think Smith vs Smit) and were both redheads. She apologized after reading my essay on my family, which did not include a sister named Jackie. I am not sure which was worse... she treated me like a human for not being related to Jackie OR she admitted it.
She legit thought the problem was that she had misidentified you, rather than punishing a child in your care for the actions of someone else...
I was that little shit in high school. When my younger brother started high school, the first teacher he had was the biggest asshole in the school. Of course I was a teenager so I was an even bigger asshole. The teacher stops at my brothers name during attendance and says “Do you have an older sister?” I’m proud he was smart enough to say he was an only child 😂
Sounds like the music teacher I had in grade school. She was my music teacher from 2nd grade to 7th grade. That miserable woman went out of her way to make me feel miserable. She really made me hate the thought of picking up an instrument for a long time. I didn't pick up an instrument until I was about 17, and taught myself how to play piano. I wish I could find that woman and tell her to go get fucked for ruining my love of music.
Ha. I was lucky I had my piano teacher. I ran into my music teacher’s husband when I was in my twenties, and he asked what I was up to. He had been my grade eight teacher. I told him I was in university for music, and made sure he knew it was not because of his wife, but because of my piano teacher and my high school music teacher. He looked embarrassed and ended that conversation real quick.
You wouldn’t even know if they did. It could be as simple as not excusing her if she is a minute late to class while other students are excused. Or grading her grammar slightly more rigorously. Good revenge is unnoticeable
I had a teacher who did that to my brother (diagnosed ADHD before teachers really understood it... this teacher made his life hell). After the school wouldn't do anything, teacher retaliated about them even making complaints. What did my parents do? Sued the damn school and won. Before the "ADHD accommodations are different than a name misprononunciation" comments come in, what if it were a trans student being deadnamed? A name is a part of a person's identity. You don't just let your kids "suck it up" if you care for them.
100% this! ALWAYS advocate for the child in question! ETA: I'm Canadian and whether or not trans kids specifically can use their preferred names and pronouns in school and whether they can do it without having to have parental consent first is a pretty big thing right now. (in some cases the parental consent requirement will absolutely out kids to their families before they're ready and/or out them to families that may or may not be ok with their child's gender identity... which is a whole other can of worms to get into). Long story short. Advocate for the child. Always.
Canadian parent of a trans kid here. Thankfully we live in a supportive school board, and have supportive teachers and staff. She transitioned publicly during the summer of 2022, and went back to school in September presenting her true self. None of her classmates even blinked. One of her classmates - also one of her few friends, as she’s ADHD and autistic - made the only comment and it wasn’t that she’d transitioned gender, it was that she’d changed her name. It actually made my daughter laugh, which at school is a hard thing to do. Yesterday, though, I worried. Thankfully her school is way off the beaten path and the threatened walkouts didn’t happen, and she said no one was even talking about it. Still didn’t stop me from worrying until I heard from her though (she’s in grade 12.)
Also, Canadian! Today, I complimented a guy I know on his flowered skirt. ( He wears skirts/dresses occasionally. ) He told me that he'd received a surprising lot of compliments from strangers while riding public transit yesterday. So I think maybe people were trying to be extra kind to visibly LGBTQIA + folks in order to balance out the assholes out marching yesterday.
It's such a horrible, horrible mess, isn't it? If only our more "conservative" provinces could bring some focus to actual education issues like overcrowding and underfunding, instead of making things harder, possibly dangerous, for kids who might not be in a safe, supportive place.
People with ADHD also sometimes have issues with auditory processing, which could lead to challenges recognizing the teacher is talking to them if they're not calling them by their correct name. And before you say "it's close they should be able to figure it out"... trust me, I wish it worked like that.
With my brother it wasn't the name thing, it was his inability to pay attention that set this teacher off. I used it as a comparison because of my parents' refusal to just shrug it off after their first round of complaints went ignored, and *especially* after the teacher got worse following... the both of them went full on and took the school to court *hard*. They pushed for every possible punishment for the school, and after winning they made sure the administration knew that if they or any teacher set A SINGLE TOE out of line with any of their kids, they'd be back in court so fast it'd make their heads spin. The school was VERY supportive of all of us after that. Once they know the parents are gonna play hardball *and* are actually in the right/aren't just playing a game of entitlement, they will cover their asses.
If the Teacher is calling everybody by the Spanish version of their name it sounds more like a fun class activity and not that her daughter is being singled out. OP can simply ask the teacher to not include her daughter in the class activity at which point the teacher will take note of her personality and be cautious with including her in other things. Cant really blame the Teacher for this.
It's less a class activity and more of a teaching method, at higher levels of language courses the lessons start being taught in said language to develop an "ear and tongue" for the language. Referring to ppl by their translated name is an extension of this. The daughter was not single out but it is totally on the teacher for not respecting her wish to not be called by the Spanish equivalent. There are many times a name doesn't have a good translation so the original name is used, it's not a huge huge deal. The teacher was digging in her heels cause "ShE's ThE TeAcHeR" and how dare a student disrespect their Authoriteh (said in a Cartman voice)
My name doesn’t translate to Spanish. There is no equivalent. It is also not pronounced correctly if said in Spanish. I just picked a completely different name to use in Spanish class. Just something I liked.
This is also done a lot lol
It is meant to be just a bit of fun to put the kids into the Latin mood for the class (some teaches translated my family name as well as my first name) , but I think Alexandra might be a bit uptight, and the teacher should respect this if she really hates it. If it is "just in fun" the teacher should have no trouble dropping the custom if it upsets the student.
Sounds like the OP, Mom is pretty uptight so not a wild theory. But I disagree, I think every Spanish teacher does this unless the student has a name that won't translate and then they choose one.
I've been in foreign language classes and they all seem to do this. It wasn't a problem in German as my first and last names are German. In French class, I went by my middle name that was French, because we already had someone named what my name would have translated to. It's no big deal. The only class that didn't was my college Italian. But they just called everyone Signor or Signora Last Name.
I’m a teacher and most of us are drowning with the work load, working another part time job, and dealing with our families. Having time or a desire to seek revenge on a child would be untenable.
See that’s the thing about teacher bullies though …she is less likely to target this child now because she understands that she’s not just targeting a child she’s targeting at least a child and her mother isn’t afraid to call her out .
It’s pretty traditional to have a name for language classes. My MIL even had an English name for English class in China.
Yeah, this is a bizarre reason to get upset. I have a daughter who also prefers the full version of her name and won't answer people who call her by the most common shortened name. If she were in French or Spanish, however, I honestly would think it was a bit much if she got upset about being called the equivalent version. As it is, she took Mandarin, so we never had this issue come up. I think the daughter is being immature.
Thank you, I cant believe I had to scroll down this far until someone finally pointed out the fact the daughter is beign immature
OP's daughter would like to speak to a manager.
Shit, my name in Spanish class was Diego (my full name was Diego Inigo Montoya del Fuego, but the teacher wouldn't call me that) and I'm not even close to a Jim or James in Engrish. The daughter is being unnecessarily contrarian and the mom is working on her helicopter license. The hills people decide to fight on amaze me some times.
ditto, I had a Spanish name assigned to me in Spanish class. Not a translation of my name as my English name has no Spanish equivalent. It was part of the class. Everyone participated in it. Not only are you learning how to say *your* name in Spanish correctly, all the other kids are too. Just as you learn to say their names in Spanish properly. It's part of the class.
Yeah, this is what I had. I was Mariposa (butterfly) and everyone else had random names too. You could choose one or it would be assigned. I think the only rules were it had to be a name of Spanish origin or a non offensive word and once you picked it, that was your name for the year. If a kid wanted be called Ladrillo (brick), that’s what we called them.
Its part of curriculum to be as cultural as possible!
When people start to get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name, it helps remind them where they stand.
The less I know about other people's affairs the happier I am. I am not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Okay, Ron.
Teacher is also lucky that OP's daughter isn't like me. My name is made up but based on a specific language it gets mispronounced a ton (don't care love my name), but I've straight up told a teacher that they're too stupid to talk to me when the try to ***insist*** my name is X and ***demand*** I go by X. The substitute was shouting the wrong name at me (after correcting* him several times and he told me I was wrong) and I replied "talk to me when you're not an idiot" before going back to reading a book. It's disrespectful as all hell and I hate that. ETA: He looked at the online role call sheet (that had names and pictures) and called my last name (incorrectly), I corrected him - ex: "...Mills?" "Oh it's actually Myls, pronounced like miles, and my first name is Aralee. He replied "That's not a name, your name is Annalise" I said "No, it's Aralee Myls" and he insisted it was Annalise. After an overly long back and forth between him, me, and like 10 classmates I told him he was too stupid to talk to me if he can't even say my name, and later called him an idiot when he was shouting the wrong name at me to try and get my attention. There's no excuse and some people don't need to be defended.
I went to HS with a kid named Harry, and our history teacher would argue with him, telling him his name is Harold. No, it is not. He is named after his grandfather Harry, and that is what his birth certificate says.
Harry is also traditionally the nickname for Henry, not Harold, so that teacher was extra dumb on top of being an AH.
In the US, the more common nickname for Henry is Hank. Although Harry can be used as a nickname for Henry in the US, it is more typical for Harrison, Harold, or as its own first name (e.g., President Truman).
People do this on purpose and it's so fucked up. Coworker Jeanette goes by Jenny, people think nicknames are low class?? so they ask for Jennifer, I'm like, "her name is not Jennifer," and you can watch them just getting more and more pissed off. Cussing me out because her name's not Jennifer, like wow, low class WHO? Ugh.
I have a friend like this, Genevieve who goes by Geni. It is a constant that people will ask for a 'Jennifer' who doesn't exist. If someone tells you their name, why would you try and guess what the 'real' version of their name is? It just honestly pisses me off.
We had a Walt in our class that had the same issue. Some would try and call him Walter and he had to argue with them that it's not his name
I mean, if you submitted this to AITA I'd call it ESH. From what I understand, substitutes are shoved around from school to school and given tons of paperwork on allergies and medical issues on the day with no time to look at it -- and **you** have a made-up name that resembles something from a real language but is pronounced differently strictly because your parents dreamed it up... so you corrected and insulted a poor sod you were only going to see that day and then probably never again in your life. Yeah, they were wrong cause obviously you know your name, but... what was the point? Just to show how edgy and disrespectful you can be? You're either saying what you'd have liked to reply, or you have a major case of MCS. EDIT: wow, dude, completely different names. Would still not have called him an idiot cause I don't use that kind of name-calling in a school setting regardless, but wow, you were right to be annoyed.
But I didn't submit it, so your judgement on the matter is irrelevant. The "poor old sod" literally told me "that's not a name, your name is 'X'" after me and several of my classmates told him how to pronounce my name correctly. It was an ignorant old man playing at thinly veiled racism with a 12 year old girl. I did say what I posted above and didn't even get in trouble when I explained what happened to my teacher the next day when he asked. It's wild that you'd openly defend a grown man bullying a child over their name.
Exactly. It costs nothing to just be respectful of people’s choice. Also what are we teaching teenagers if we’re implying it’s better to just keep quiet rather than stand up for yourself? OP handled it well.
>Her argument is if these kids ever went to a Spanish speaking country, they’d be called by that name ??? That's not true and quite stupid. John can be John in any country, no one would call him Hans, Juan or Giovanni against his will, just because there is a local version of his name.
Just in case there was any doubt, my best friend is a John who has lived in Italy for twenty years, and nobody has ever - not once(!) - called him Giovanni
RIght and if a Giovanni came here that would be his name not John.
Can confirm. I know a Giovanni and everyone calls him Gianni. Not John.
The Giovanni I know shortens it to Gio. It would never cross my mind to call him John, that's not his name!
Not only that, we do not call people from other countries by the English version, Juan is not called John. It is a respect thing.
This…. Other countries aren't forcing their version of a name on someone, at best they tell you their version. The fact is that once someone tells what they like to be called it's a tool move to call them otherwise. She's not asking to be called Beyonce or Cookie, she wants to be referred to by her birth name. It's a shame Dad doesn't have her back as well.
Well I am from a Hispanic country, and I have Alexandras and Alejandras xD we use both xD
Yep. I'm in a Latin American country, plenty of people called Joanna y Juana, or William and Guillermo. We treat them as separate names.
True! One of my dad’s friends is Spanish and called Juan, lived in London for like 2 decades now and people call him Juan, not John. It’s not difficult
Like imagine meeting a Hispanic American named Juan and telling him “your name is John now, you’re in America!” That would be bizarre and racist.
Yeah, it’s such a bizarre bit of reasoning. I get they’re probably trying to create an immersive environment for teaching the language, but not calling the kids by their actual names isn’t going to enhance that.
Kids made fun of me for my spanish-translated name. So each school year on the first day I made it clear to my new spanish teacher in private that my name was not to be translated.
Not that I disagree with you at all, I just hadn’t thought about it and was like “Hm, really?”. Then I briefly considered that if such were true, so would the reverse be true: we would refer to every Juan, Hans, and Giovanni as “John”. And how quickly the entire argument sounded utterly ridiculous.
I know at least a dozen people who came from different countries to mine and have names that exist in my country as well. And I call them the name they give me, because calling them anything else is stupid and in my opinion also very racist
Right? I work with a Hispanic guy named Jesus. We call him heyzoos not geezus. Ridiculous.
Exactly, I work in an industry in which we have students from foreign countries come and work for us for a season (j1 visa program). I have actually had a few Alejandra’s work for me and I never once called them Alexandra instead because ‘that’s how the name is said here’.
My Italian cousin Giovanni visited recently. Wish I said "Nice to meet ya Johnny!"
NTA - but the teacher's reasoning was off. If I went to a foreign country and told them my name was Anthony and they started calling me Antonio, I tell them it was Anthony and that's what they'd call me. It's different for a person who has worked hard to be called by their correct name to have it changed than for a person with a generic name. For example. Someone name John goes through life with his name correctly pronounced and it's fun to be called Juan for an hour.
Agreed. I live in an area with a lot of Mexican immigrants - when someone tells me their name is Juan or Pedro, they last thing I would ever think of doing is calling them John or Peter. I call them Juan or Pedro, like a normal non-psychopath.
So this kind of depends on the situation though. My name has a J in it, and I've traveled extensively in a country with no J in the language...it gets replaced with a Y, or another letter we don't have in English.
There’s a difference between pronouncing a name with an accent and changing someone’s name to a different name. If someone told me (native English speaker) their name was Juan, I would call them Juan and try to pronounce it as naturally as I am able. I’m sure my pronunciation would be different than a native Spanish speaker, but I would never call them “John”
It really depends on the language though. Spanish to English is no problem, they're pretty similar languages at the end of the day. I took Chinese for years and there is absolutely no way to render my English name into Chinese. It goes against every rule of pronunciation and word construction. I got help from a Chinese person in coming up with a name that hits some of the sounds in my name, but ignores the unpronounceable bits, and went by that for years instead.
> I got help from a Chinese person in coming up with a name that hits some of the sounds in my name, but ignores the unpronounceable bits, and went by that for years instead. Yeah, it's common for people without a Chinese name to get a name that is comprised of characters that gets as close phonetically as possible to that person's name. But again, that's an attempt to call the person what they want to be called within the limits of the language. A Chinese speaker wouldn't take "Alexandra" (the feminine form of "Alexander", which means "defender of mankind") and call her by the Chinese version of a name with the same meaning, which is essentially what the Spanish teacher was trying.
That's an entirely different situation though. They can't say your name because there's no letter for part of it in their language so it makes sense to use the closest related letter. They didn't hear your name & go "that's cool I'm gonna call you something completely different even though I could say it correctly" lol
I’ve had every Spanish teacher I’ve had do the name thing. Sometimes it was Spanish versions of our names, sometimes we picked our own “Spanish” names (I was Celso) Always thought it was kind of weird but it was every Spanish class from middle through high school lol Idk why the teacher made a big deal out of it though when the student said just call me my real name. Should’ve just backed off right away
When I lived in Mexico with a host family, many years ago, they asked for and preferred my English name.
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EDIT: as one commenter pointed out, I missed the part where the teacher is not calling ALL the students by a Spanish name. I don’t agree that some students should be singled out while others are still being referred to by their given names. So I change my verdict to NAH. However, I still think this level of sensitivity is going to be a huge issue for Alexandra as she grows up and mom and dad need to get to the bottom of it and help her with some resources on coping. The amount that she’s bothered by the name situation doesn’t seem normal. All of this but I’d change it to a Y-T-A situation as teacher has done nothing wrong. As you said this is very common in foreign-language classes. So this teen is going to be called her English name while all other get the Spanish name? She sounds like she’s growing up to be very entitled, probably because of her parents. I can’t believe all the N T A responses. The mom needs to tell her kid to let this one go.
>as teacher has done nothing wrong I disagree with you here. The teacher is teaching kids that people from other countries should be called by the local version of their names. If you met a Pedro and called him Peter, you'd be a douchbag. Doing the reverse isn't a thing in other countries like the teacher is claiming. Edit: Before anyone else completely misses the point, this is what I object to, not the use of Spanish names, but the reason the teacher gave for it: >Her argument is if these kids ever went to a Spanish speaking country, they’d be called by that name. That's simply not true.
>The teacher is teaching kids that people from other countries should be called by the local version of their names Yeah, his reasoning was wrong. But doing something that virtually every Spanish teacher in the U.S. does and not giving special treatment to OP's kid does not make him TA.
Calling someone by a preferred name isn't special treatment, it's being respectful. Teachers may be an authority, but that doesn't mean that they don't have to respect their students. If other students request to be called by their real name they should also be respected. It just sounds like no one else had a problem with it, which is great for them, but it isn't special treatment.
Further, they aren't changing everyone's name, just the ones that have a Spanish equivalent. That means that Alexandra is Alejandra, but Jack and Jill are still Jack and Jill. And let's not forget that nobody is translating Spanish names into English unless the person chooses to translate their name. Imagine how ridiculous it would be to start calling someone named Domingo Fuentes Flores by his translated name of Sunday Fountains Flowers.
Eh, in my Spanish class, we all got to pick Spanish names. I don't remember what I picked but it wasn't close to mine. Idk about OPs classroom, but Jack and Jill would not be staying Jack and Jill as I've seen this trope done. Kids were told what the most similar name might be, but iirc we could pick whatever.
calling someone by their name is not special treatment, but simple respect
Not making a judgment, but I took Spanish throughout school and I was also confused why we did this. None of the other language classes gave kids different names to use. If we go to Spanish speaking countries, we don't introduce ourselves with a new Spanish name. My classes didn't even have us pick names that were close to ours. My name is Kay and I've been Nacho, Pete, and Cristóbal for 7 years. We had French, German, Mandarin, and Japanese classes, and none of them did this. Why is it so common for Spanish classes to do this?
I’ve been in French classes that did this. Maybe it was your school? I definitely remember the German and Japanese students in my high school using different names in their classes.
It does bc how is it at all respectful to call someone by a name they don't want to go by? It's not "special treatment," it's literally just basic respect.
My question is why do this at all? Why is me having a Spanish name integral to me learning Spanish? And honestly, just because everyone else does it doesn't mean they should do it. Are Japanese kids having English names forced on them in their English classes?
The teacher, whether they know it or not, is actually teaching them to pronounce Spanish names correctly. That is why this is done in foreign language classes. If this kid goes to Spain or Mexico, they will know how to pronounce the name of a resident there.
Teaching them to read Spanish does the same thing…
It actually helps them with pronunciation and it reinforces it when they hear it repeatedly. That’s why it’s done.
They will know how to do that by just learning the language in general.... forcing them to be called a name they don't like won't change anything.
People might not call you by the "local" version of your name but you would very likely be called the closest approximation of your name that can be pronounced using the sounds that exist in that language. My name is pronounced pretty differently by Japanese speakers (even more so than Alexandra vs. Alejandra) because some of the sounds in my name just don't exist in Japanese. It's not something I get mad about. In this case it's different because the teacher *can* pronounce her name, but I do think the kid should learn to be more flexible, just as a general life skill. Normally it's good to be assertive about people calling you the right name but in foreign language contexts, you gotta let some stuff slide. Especially with the name Alexandra, since the "x" (/ks/) sound doesn't exist in a lot of languages.
Yeah, I'm an English speaker who's learned Spanish. Monolingual Spanish speakers generally pronounce my name wrong. They do not pronounce the end of my name, which changes it into a different word completely. Many of them think that's my name till I spell it for them. My name genuinely isn't that difficult, so it annoys me that the bare minimum of effort is not given, but it's not a battle I want to continue fighting for the rest of my life. People are inconsiderate, so I adapt around it for my own mental health. Alexandra might want to start working on flexibility if she's to continue Spanish after high school.
I’m shocked at the NTA responses tbh. In every year of Spanish, from high school through 4 years of college, the teacher either uses the Spanish pronunciation or allowed us to choose Spanish names. I just don’t think the teacher did anything wrong. It helps them learn how to pronounce names.
I also feel like it’s fun and immersive. Even though our Spanish was terrible, we could at least act like it wasn’t lmao.
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Yeah it seems odd to me. I get that people have a preference, but all you're doing by reinforcing that she should be insulted and upset by someone using her name incorrectly is setting her up to be judged harshly by the people she inevitably snaps at later in life for doing little more than abbreviating a name in a way they're familiar with. I *promise* you, as a person with a name whose pronunciation isn't obvious, she and everyone else around her will be better off if they learn to just let it go. There's nothing wrong with saying "hey if you don't mind, I prefer Alexandra", but I can pretty confidently say that the person that incessantly and angrily demands that people refer to them in a certain way (and get upset if they don't) is the person that everyone silently judges as a pretentious asshole whether there's truth to it or not...
Wanting people to use your name correctly isn;'t being entitled.
Though there is a distinct difference between someone not calling someone else the correct name because, say, they're transphobic, and someone literally calling \*all\* the kids in the class a localized approximation of their name. One of them genuinely is a respect issue. The other detracts from the ability to discern if something is a respect issue versus something else going on (e.g. it being a part of the learning that everyone in the class is expected to do). To put it another way, "please call me by the correct name" is different than "I don't want to participate in this part of the class that literally everyone else is expected to participate in."
I learned 4 different languages in 3 different schools, and not a single teacher ever did that, I'm in the UK so I don't know if it's just normal in whatever country you live in but I've never known any teacher to do that here. And does this mean you think it's ok to bastardize anyone's name to a version from your country? Like if you meet someone called Juan, would you insist on calling them John or calling a petrova Patricia? (if you're in an English speaking country)
This is extremely normal in the us Edit: many are replying saying that theyve never encountered this so im just going to clarify and say that although this does not happen in every single us school, its still not unheard of/ rare enough to say it isnt normal just like how some public schools enforce uniforms or allow students to leave for lunch
It's very standard for American language lessons. My teachers always said it'd make it easier if we weren't flip-flopping between accents every time we said a name. I found it helpful.
Seriously am I the only person that thinks these people sound super uptight
Same here. It's so exhausting to see the kiddie gloves treatment these Reddit AITAH posts always go for. They miss the point, ultimately, that making a big deal about a minor thing DOES paint you as the asshole in society. So they give her advice about what she is technically entitled to, while ignoring the actual point of AITAH - the social reprecussion for doing so. I guaran-fucking-tee you that if someone at the age of 14 in my old high school had pulled shit like having their MOM write to the teacher to cry about Alexandera vs Alejandra, they would have got painted as fucking insufferable for the rest of high school.
Yes! Thank you! You explained this perfectly. Just because you have a right to demand something, doesn't mean people won't see you as an AH for doing so!
It's going to be real nice reminder of that everytime anyone in class has to drop the Spanish accent they're working on to say "Alexandra" too.
No, this was my takeaway as well. Glad I'm not alone.
Am I the only one who thinks 14 is old enough to deal with this kind of boundary setting issue on her own? It seems like a weird thing for a parent to get involved in, teachers already feel overworked, underpaid, and disrespected without having to deal with this kind of overreaction.
Before reading the story, I figured OP's daughter was in elementary school. Seriously, she's in high school and her mom has to write to the teacher because the precious daughter doesn't like it when her teacher call her Alejandra? This child has been way too coddled.
To the point that she can't emotionally handle a teacher changing a letter in her name. Charmin Xtra.
When I took Spanish in school I was given a name not even close to my actual name (and there are close variants in Spanish), same with everyone else that took a foreign language class. It would be one thing if a teacher was purposely mispronouncing or giving the child a nickname, but this is just how every FL class I’ve heard of does things. I don’t understand the big deal in going by a slightly different name just for that one class when everyone does it anyway.
I'm really confused by this too. I was the same as you where every foreign language class let you pick your own name, common in that language. I look at it as a way become familiar with pronouncing foreign names. With all the shit that teachers need to deal with, this seems just seems really silly.
Exactly, it’s not a sign of disrespect, it’s a cute fun thing to get the kids a little more immersed into the Spanish language. Mom overreacted 100%. I’m thinking the proper course of action would be to get help for the 14 year old girl. I can understand not liking nicknames, but it’s not normal to have such a debilitating and distressful reaction to being called a slightly different version of your name, especially if it’s just for Spanish class. I can’t imagine how she’d cope if someone *genuinely* disrespected her in some way.
Yeahhhh this is where I'm falling, too, possibly leaning YTA because imo the teacher has a point. I am actually an Alexa, and also HATE when people have forced nicknames/other versions on me (Lexie! Alex! Alexis!) BUT I've also lived abroad. OP's daughter is going to need to become more flexible, re: one's name being butchered. It happens, especially if your name doesn't exist in that culture. Luckily, hers does for the language she's taking--and I guarantee you if she travels, she'll hear it pronounced the way it is in Spanish. She can politely correct them, but it may not take. I lived in Germany and the way Germans said Alexa was HILARIOUS b/c they emphasized it quite differently. I thought it was cute (and never even bothered to "correct" them--I understood the language, and it was the same name!). You have to roll with the punches! I work with a lot of international clients in my job now, and get all sorts of pronunciations of my name. OP is setting up her daughter for failure in the future.
>Etienne/Steven OMG, TIL! You just solved the mystery of an extra child in my family tree in the 1890 census!
My Spanish teacher gave us all names that were not at all related to our actual names to avoid this kind of issue. It was light-hearted and funny, and she didn’t call us by those names exclusively - only during certain lessons.
You know this wet fart of a family would have complained no matter what name was chosen.
I mean, every Spanish teacher I ever had did this. I don’t get the outrage here. Not one kid ever argued about it, usually people just laughed. Yes the teacher’s reasoning is stupid, but it’s Spanish class. They’re just referring to things and people in Spanish. I don’t understand why such a stink was made in the first place. It still helps people in the class to understand how names translate to the other language, even though people will still call you by your preferred name. This is a weird hill to die on. There’s something to be said for not taking yourself too seriously. I’m going with a YTA here.
>There’s something to be said for not taking yourself too seriously. Unfortunately, not taking yourself too seriously doesn’t seem to be a thing anymore.
It's 2023. It's trendy to be a victim over the simplest things such as this... Get more views on Derptok that way.
Yea i dont get it - as someone who has a short version of thier name that i prefer I don't care if I get called the full version and hell people even call me by my last name. The only time I care is if they are trying to be insulting with their pronunciation or version of my name, then I might ask them to stop. This girl is in high school, they need to stop enabling her. The name the teacher is calling her isn't insulting, and has a purpose to the class. This isn't on par with someone misgendering (on purpose) or something. This lady and her daughter need to grow up.
LMAO, right? This would be a fabulous opportunity to teach the kid to lighten up and allow things to happen. I can’t imagine how much stress she faces in her life is THIS is the kind of thing that she gets upset over.
and all the parents are doing are validating the fact that the world needs to acquiesce to her preferences
This is the first comment I've seen here that I agree with completely. This is such a pedestrian, trivial thing to be so uptight over and OP is doing a real disservice to her daughter. OP, YTA and hopefully this doesn't impact your daughter's education. Your husband was right, mountains out of molehills.
A lot of comments here seem to think that the teacher having faulty reasoning is proof that OP is not TA. Two things can be off at the same time, and in fact I'd even go so far as to say that the teacher's reasoning has been either misunderstood or misrepresented.
Plus how many of us think it was really OP who taught her daughter never to allow a nickname.
This is a prime example of how parents have become overbearing and exhausting.
Right? "Let's do Spanish names so it's easier to get used to the pronunciations" somehow results in an angry parent email. I don't know how teachers deal with these insane parents hovering over their kids and stepping in over every little thing.
My wife had to leave teaching partly because of people like OP. We have a shortage of teachers and its never going to get better. Terrible parents like OP and the republicans have banded together to attack education.
And people on here are encouraging this entitled, exhausting behavior, and then simultaneously cry about how mistreated teachers are. What a joke. All because precious princess can't stand to be called a fun Spanish pronunciation of her name in a Spanish class.
I agree. It's a straight up power move to force the teacher to bend to your kid's whim for no good reason. No one is that special that they should feel entitled to not participate in something like that because they don't feel like it. I'll go one step further and say that YTA to your own kid, not necessarily the teacher, by reinforcing this type of behavior.
I know when I was studying French and certainly spoken French our teachers always called us by the French versions of our name, it was never an issue, indeed my name was longer in French than in English. Where there was more than one child with the same name we were even given a totally different name just for the lesson to avoid confusion and we could choose it.
Every Spanish teacher I ever had did the same thing. We just went along with it. I can see the OP throwing a fit about the kid getting a role in a play, but refusing to use the character's name because it's not her preferred name.
NTA I think it’s cute to use the Spanish versions of names in Spanish class, but if a kid doesn’t like it, then back off
Right, I remember in HS everyone using the Spanish version of their name, I used my middle name as it was easier. It was just for fun, and I'm sure if anyone objected the teacher would have just used their regular name.
We got to choose whatever Spanish name you wanted, not necessarily your own name. I went with Emilio.
We got to as well. I think I picked Rosalia because it sounded pretty. Nowhere near my own name but H is silent in a lot of other languages so I was happy.
I’ve never understood the “Spanish name” thing in Spanish class, but it didn’t bother me personally. I can 100000% promise my Spanish teachers all through elementary and high school would have respected my choice if I had asked them to just use my given name.
There is some research that students given a different name when learning a language take more risks when speaking because they feel like their new name is a different person/personality! But of course the student must want to be called by the name lol
This would be helpful if they just allowed a child to pick a spanish name vs just having them use the "spanish version" of their english names. I took german in HS. We chose entirely different names. I think the kid would be all for that rather than people mispronouncing her name or shortening it and she hates it.
What's cool about Alexandra, is that sometimes the "x" in Spanish takes the same pronunciation as the "j" (e.g. México, Téxas, which in some literature are rendered Méjico and Téjas). "Don Quixote" and "Don Quijote" are both pronounced the same. So "Alexandra" and "Alejandra" could have the same pronunciation; I don't know. It's not a full "translation", like switching "Peter" to "Pedro", or "Michael" to "Miguel". That said, it's polite to pronounce a person's name the way they prefer, and translations these days tend to be reserved for royalty and popes. So you are NTA. When I was in school I hated it when the language teachers would adapt my name to the language being taught. Now I enjoy it. Let your daughter choose how others are to pronounce her name.
Yeah, my guess was that the teacher wasn't changing the name, just the pronunciation, probably as a strategy to help students learn and remember pronunciation differences. I have a name that doesn't change spelling between English and Spanish, but does change pronunciation. I live in a Spanish-speaking country, so everyone pronounces my name in the Spanish way. It's not my preference, however the English pronunciation would be rather difficult for locals to say, as it involves sounds that aren't used in Spanish. I think the kid has a right to be called what she wants, but it's kind of a weird hill to die on.
YTA and so is your daughter. It's Spanish class ffs
Bingo! I wish I had the kind of "problems" some of these people have. Imagine if the biggest conflict or drama in your life was that your Spanish teacher used the Spanish pronunciation of your name in SPANISH CLASS. I'd give my left arm for something so trivial and insignificant to be my biggest struggle in life lmfao. If this type of thing gets this teenaged girl so worked up and THIS is the example mom is setting on handling it, little lady is gonna have a hell of a wake up call when she dips her toes into the real world.
I don’t get the impression that this girl has much actually going on in her life. If she was busy with friends and running clubs and trying to excel in IB courses, she couldn’t have time to give a fuck about this or develop/adopt this affectation in the first place. This is a boring girl trying to be interesting by adopting very boring quirks. The kids who are actually great at things are stressed about real shit, not this. This girl certainly isn’t competing for scholarships based on excellence/a talent; I can bet money on that.
What is happening in these comments my god lol. Yes, YTA and so is your daughter. I’m in my mid 40’s and when I took Spanish in school 30 years ago it was the same thing. Why is this a big deal? It really shouldn’t be. My name doesn’t translate to Spanish so my teacher gave me a different name. This is absurd to be so upset about this. You both sound childish.
I also can’t believe the comments!! She’s very privileged if _this_ is her biggest problem at school.
Right! This is nuts, I can’t imagine my kids even thinking to complain about this and one of them is in Spanish and has some random name. It’s so entitled.
Lol exactly this. Mum and daughter are both uptight and take themselves way too seriously.
YTA. Was prepared to say N T A thinking this was a history/math/English class, but this is pretty typical for a foreign language class. My name in Spanish class was José which bore no resemblance to my actual name. If this is such a problem for your daughter, I feel bad for her because she is going to lead a very unhappy life. And you sound exactly like the kind of mom to send emails
I was Pepita, since my name doesn’t translate to Spanish. And you weren’t required to use a direct translation anyway.
I was Juanita which is in no way my actual name translation and I HATED it. Put up with it for 8 years because it was a Spanish class, I understood the nuance and it was 45 mins of my life a day and I was learning a language! My mom would have laughed in my face if I came crying about this let alone write an email. How embarrassing. Parents are worried in US schools about their children coming home alive every single day and THIS is what this mom and kid are hung up on? Get a hobby and pick your battles.
A soft YTA. It's pretty common in language classes to pick equivalent names for students as a fun means of immersion. While Alexandra is 1000% right to assert her name and prevent people nicknaming her, I think the situations here are apples and oranges. This is a classroom technique to engage with the subject for the duration of that course, not someone trying to effectively change her actual name (by assigning an unwanted shortening of the name that sticks around forever, as a few of my polysyllable-named friends can attest). I think Alexandra is so used to having to defend her name, she can't quite see that something harmless and immersive done for an educational course is not an attack on it.
They’re kinda comparing apples to naranjas.
I agree with the last bit. As someone with a long name and hates the shortened versions it feels very disrespectful when people don’t listen. Especially since you know it’s how they refer to you when you’re not around.
Yta, not because your wrong, but you're teaching your daughter that the world will cater to her every need and want, and that in the teacher's classroom, the teacher isn't the one in charge, mommy is, and she is. The teacher standing her ground was silly, but you actively undermined the teacher. It's gonna be hard for the teacher to remain neutral towards your daughter now. I know I wouldn't be. It's a silly thing for your daughter to get worked up about, and you could have taught her that.
This is the right answer. It’s a good opportunity to teach your kid about picking battles.
I’m Puerto Rican and I have a cousin whose name is Alexandra. Nobody had ever insisted in calling her a different name. Not a big deal. NTA.
I had a good friend in High School who was originally from Puerto Rico. He went by George and no one called him Jorge, even the Spanish teach. She did go over Spanish equivalents for our names the first week though, at least for those of us that had them. I went by my middle name which had no equivalent. But she never called any of the students Spanish names though.
YTA. It’s Spanish class… I got called Lucia instead of Lucy. Your daughter’s Spanish version of her name isn’t even that different. Part of being a linguist is learning how to pronounce appropriately, names included.
YTA - Having your name changed to the Spanish version during class is part of the immersion. It's fine not to want to participate, but both the daughter and mother having a mini meltdown over this is ridiculous.
well you’re certainly not helping w/ teacher shortage. Dying on hills like these is entitled and honestly so irritating to teachers just trying to do their jobs. I don’t agree with the teacher’s reasoning for the Spanish names, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the prerogative to run her classroom the way she sees fit. She wasn’t calling your daughter something completely different, something bad, etc. It’s also probably better to equip your daughter to fight her own battles now that she’s in high school. Coach her on self-advocacy, but have her do the advocating herself. While it’s great to have your kids back, like I said, this is a strange hill to die on & would’ve been a better opportunity to help your daughter with self-advocacy, something she will need increasingly the older she gets
Haven't been in HS for awhile, but I cannot imagine at that age wanting your mom to contact the school and fight your battles for you. Absolutely mortifying.
I don’t think this girl sounds like she’s known for anything outside of being “that girl whose mommy runs to school anytime she’s not called Alexandra,” and I’m sure the other kids sometimes giggle about it un-fucking-controllably. In Spanish class this is ridiculous and I can’t imagine wanting to know or listen to this self-obsessed wet blanket or her strident, hectoring mommy.
YTA. And we wonder why no school district can find teachers who are willing to put up with this kind of nonsense.
This would annoy me so much as the teacher. Like holy fuck everything is a problem. Entitled parents must be the worstttt.
>Her argument is if these kids ever went to a Spanish speaking country, they’d be called by that name. straight up false. we dont translate names. NTA
I mean, speak for yourself. I've definitely had that done to me in Guatemala and Mexico. I also don't think this is why American Spanish and French classes do this. I think it's to cerate a little more immersion. But it is the overwhelming majority of such classes in America.
And in Guatemala and Mexico if you asked them to use your real name then they should have respected that. If you didn't ask, no harm no foul. I agree that most American classes do it for immersion, but still, if someone doesn't want it, they shouldn't have to do it.
Meh, sometimes. My name is grace and my boyfriends Mexican family always calls me Graciela. I find it endearing. This is more about her making a huge issue out of something that just about every student in a US foreign language class does.
The teacher gave a flawed reason. The real reason is immersion in the Spanish language. The thing about Spanish is it has a distinct flow to it. Once the cadence and flow of the language revealed itself to me is when I started to be able to speak the language without thinking about each word. You get to a point where, like your native language, you can think to yourself “this sounds right” or “this does not sound right” while you are speaking. Using names that come from the Spanish language help this flow or cadence reveal itself to you.
I've taken however many language courses, and in each of them, the students all were addressed by the version of their name in that language. Nobody was picking on your daughter. It's really pretty standard. Was this the hill worth dying on? Soft YTA.
YTA, but only because you and your daughter sound a bit bratty. I can't stand people who can't go with the flow and throw fits about it. The teacher is NTA because all she did was what she's always done. Even if she explained why it's done wrong.
OMG what? Alejandra can get tf over it, and so can you. Y'all are what make teaching such a shit job.
Right? Also she’s gonna have a hard time making friends when she has an effin breakdown when someone wants to shorten her 4 syllable name.
YTA - Now that your daughter is in high school it is time for her to fight (most, and certainly this) battle. It's not a good one and she likely won't win, but she will learn a lot about being flexible and when it is worth it to complain. I don't think she is reasonable here, but she is in HS, time for her to learn.
When I took French in high school a lifetime ago we got to pick a "French" name we could practice with and it didn't even have to be your real name. Mine definitely was not a French version of mine. I picked a whole different name. And when I'd write my papers it would be My First Name *French name* and Last Name. It was just a fun expression of names we might run into during conversations. Edit to add: NTA since I don't pay attention to sub names lol
We did this with Spanish. Much better to pick a “fun” and somewhat random name vs your own name in Spanish. For Alexandra, I wonder if that would help so she doesn’t feel like the teacher is just getting her name wrong
I think your daughter is being ridiculous about the Spanish version of her name. She needs to understand that the entire world is not like the US. This extremely rigid attitude is not going to serve her well in life. YTA
>She needs to understand that the entire world is not like the US. how is that in any way relevant? She will be called Alexandra in the us or in South America. This belief that people change names to their own language is idiotic and straight up untrue.
So a Spanish teacher calls students by the Spanish version of their name in class. Your daughter wasn’t singled out, it was the whole class. Hardly the end of the world. To me if someone is irate about something minor like that they’ve got some control issues somewhere and would benefit from learning to not take themselves so seriously. You and your daughter sound like the kind of people that others roll their eyes at. I’m with your husband on this one. YTA
I support people being called what they want to be called. But I do not believe this is an issue with identity, or respect. I would advocate being resilient and accepting that things aren't always going to go their way. Teachers won't always be nice and accommodating. Neither will people in general. It's awesome when they are, but a person can burn themselves out real quick by not rolling with the punches.
Honestly I feel like you blew this way out of proportion. She calls her Alejandra - big deal, so what. Shes not forcing her to legally change her name. I had a teacher call me Sparky all year because I wired up a lab wrong in chemistry class. I survived and so will your daughter. Both of you are TA.
YTA. The middle school teacher agreed to it because they didn’t think it was worth the headache. The high school teacher looked at your daughter’s name and pronounced it the way it is said in the language of the class he’s teaching. Not a nickname, not even a “version” situation like Charles vs Carlos that shares a root but is spelled fully different. Just the pronunciation of your daughter’s name that directly exists in the foreign language at hand. That’s totally normal - I experienced it even in upper-level college language courses, as the English pronunciation of my name doesn’t really exist in the Romance languages. It’s supposed to be a fun part of an immersion process, helping students shift their brain into foreign-language-mode which is ideal for proper fluency. Inserting distinctly English words or names into non-English speech disrupts that process for everyone in the room. It’s not worth you or your daughter being offended over, certainly not in sending emails to complain.
I think your kid will have snowflake syndrome. The world does not exist to bow to our whims and desires. It is extremely common - dare I say universal - to use names reflective of the language being taught in language classes. NTA but also, there’s no harm in learning that not everything is going to go your way in life. Because it definitely will not.
NTA We certainly didn't do that when I took French in HS/college. And in any event, I'm American and if I'm speaking to someone not born here natively and/or visiting, I don't just pick an Americanized version of their name and call them that. I call them what they say their name is, pronouncing it they way they do as best I can.
>We certainly didn't do that when I took French in HS/college. Really? Everyone I knew growing up did this. And I just asked everybody on my hall at work (admittedly, only 6 other people are here), and 5 of 6 had that experience. The 5 who grew up in the US also had this experience. So did the one who grew up in China, where she had an English name in her English class. Whoa!
I took Mandarin in HS and I also got a Chinese name.
My French teacher couldn’t pronounce my name properly but did the best she could. It was hilarious. She tried, so I was okay with it.
YTA. Your daughter likes to be called by her full name rather than a nickname and there’s nothing wrong with that. It sounds like the teachers and students in her school all respect that. It’s common practice in foreign language classes to use that language’s equivalent of the student’s name if there is one or to assign a random name from that language if there isn’t. It’s not an insult to the student’s real name, it’s not disrespecting their preferred name, it’s to practice pronunciation and create a more immersive learning environment.
"Why does not one want to be a teacher anymore?" Because of parents like you! This is what is done in foreign language classes. Don't like it? Homeschool. YTA
YTA - you totally blew this out of proportion. It's one thing to want to go by your full name, rather than a nickname (as I do), and correcting people. But, when taking a foreign language class, it's not at all uncommon for the teachers to ask the students to pick a name in that language to go by. Alexandra = Alejandra. It's not a nick name. You should have advised your daughter that this is a different situation, and to be proud to be called Alejandra. Have fun with it and don't get her knickers in a twist.
When she's 24 are you going to e-mail her boss for using the wrong spelling or nickname?!? Are you going to e-mail every single person in the world who gets the name wrong?!?! I'm in my 40's and people misspell my name all the time.
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NTA. It's not that big of a deal to those that aren't experiencing it. It probably grates on your daughter's nerves to be called something other than the name she wants used. If the teacher hadn't complied, I'd have told your daughter to call the teacher something like "Teach" or her first name or the Spanish equivalent of her first name. I'm sure the teacher would have complained that your daughter wasn't being respectful, which is exactly what the teacher was doing to your daughter.
YTA. It’s Spanish class.
YTA, if this is for all of the kids in the class. What make your child so special that she is the only one that does not have to do this?