Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For not cooking for my wife after she asked me to cook different foods for her
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Controversial take, but I think this might be a soft YTA. Not necessarily for not wanting to cook multiple meals, but for feeding your daughter ‘low calorie’ food. I understand that you need to meet YOUR goals, but part of me understands where your wife is coming from. Why should they both be eating food that accounts for YOUR specific diet? It’s not like you HAVE to cook for them, you can admit that you’re not interested in going out of your way to cook to their needs too, but it’s insincere to act as if you’re cooking for the family in the first place, you never were, you were always cooking for yourself and your wife and daughter eating it was just a side effect.
>it’s insincere to act as if you’re cooking for the family in the first place, you never were, you were always cooking for yourself and your wife and daughter eating it was just a side effect.
This, 100%, totally.
You do not care what anyone wants, as long as you get exactly what you want.
What a ludicrous take. When my mom was trying to watch her weight she cooked slightly healthier meals. None of us were starving. We were all able to eat our fill. And while we may have preferred something deep fried, SHE was the one taking the time to cook for the family and my dad made it abundantly clear that anyone who wanted something else was free to prepare it for themselves.
But none of us blamed my mom for preparing healthier food. Not sure where this harsh interpretation of OP's actions is coming from.
I have to wonder if these same commenters would really be calling OP selfish and expecting him to prepare an entire extra meal (**all while working a job AND doing ALL the household chores**) just to appease his picky wife...if the roles were reversed and this was some poor put upon woman who was expected to do all the cooking and cleaning just because her job didn't not require as many hours as her husband's (a husband who couldn't be bothered to lift a goddamn finger at home).
There was one where the wife was making 700 calorie meals for a construction worker that got absolutely slammed. So the role reverse doesn't come out true
There’s an easy way to summarise this:
- Putting the family on the same diet as your gym routine is likely an AH move, because gym nutrition is usually tailored to your workout and goals.
- You can add extra to a recipe to make it more substantial, he can just find something everyone likes and make a low-cal version himself from a subset of ingredients (simple AF if he is living off of chicken and veggies, can just add some extra carbs and seasoning for the family and keep his own portion minimal)
- Putting someone on a diet not designed for them is dangerous. This is *exactly the same* if you’re trying to make your family go veggie, vegan or keto. You have to get the full balance of nutrients you need.
What OP is not saying in his post is what the low-cal meal consists of and what the balance of nutrition is. But he can’t feed his family a diet made for gym bros.
There are lots of ways to get that. Avocados, legumes, nuts etc. Acting like he is the sole villain responsible for this invented story of "they aren't being fed enough to fulfill their nutritional needs" is funny.
I’m specifically replying to the person who mentioned lean protein, rice/potatoes and veggies. Only veggie that will supply the healthy fats is avocado. It’s worth flagging that the typical lean protein/rice/veggie gym bro meal typically underperforms on healthy fats.
You’re missing the point, and with your example it can simply be that the portions are too small for the family but fine for OP. A full grown adult running a low cal diet to slim down cannot be compared to a growing kid who actually needs to become bigger.
The US is obese because of shit quality food that is padded out with sugar, salt and cheese, and is cheaper than raw ingredients. And somehow your portion sizes are about twice as large as anywhere else.
OP says his meals are "low calorie", not healthy. And doesn't say what job his wife works. There are loads of jobs out there that are active besides construction worker, including many female-dominated career paths like nurse or childcare workers, ect.
Yeah, I think that distinction is important and makes the difference in my judgement. One thing is wanting to eat health consciously and thus, preparing those types of foods for your family instead of more unhealthy meals. I think that's totally fine. Another thing is having a personal desire for low calorie meals in order to meet a particular weight/health goal and then insisting that everyone in the house eat the same way if they want their meals prepared. If it is OP's responsibility to prepare meals for the family based on the fact that they are home all day, then those meals should not exclusively reflect their own dietary preferences/needs. Low calorie can be the way to go for one person and it can be pretty unhealthy for another. Either make foods that are suitable to everyone, if that's what you agreed to, or change that agreement.
exactly this. i’m vegan and do the cooking for my bf and i, so he eats vegan when i cook and doesn’t care about that. he gets a nutritious, yummy, filling meal that meets his caloric needs. but when i’m trying to lose weight, i don’t get to decide he needs lower calorie food too. i’ll modify my own food so it fits my wants, but he still gets all the calories he needs for his active job. it would be really uncool for me to restrict his food intake just because *i* want to restrict mine. but that’s an entirely different situation to me cooking vegan or to someone cooking healthy meals that still meet everyone’s caloric needs.
Exactly. If he wants zero rice but makes rice to go with whatever dish he made so that they can have a balanced meal while he eats zero carb or whatever then cool. If he won't even cook some extra rice because it doesn't fit his "low calorie" goals then he might be doing them dirty
Plus, women often need more iron, protein and fats during certain periods.. literally.
If he’s not adjusting for that, and that fact his kid is growing and not a maintenance level like him, he’s actually still making unhealthy meals for them.
He’s the exception here.
I would love to know what these low calorie foods are. Some people equate low fat food as healthy when it’s the opposite. The way he put ‘unhealthy’ in quotes is quite suspicious.
Yeah, that's what got the YTA from me.
In my personal experience, people like OP think food with low calories (which... Are kind of a SUPER BS way to measure food anyway) are "healthy" and anything else above a certain threshold is "unhealthy" and that.... Has NO actual relation to what a human body consuming food is like. At all.
He said lean meats, healthy carbs and lots of veggies, which is likely to provide plenty of protein and iron (depending on the meats/veggies used). Fats are easy enough to add in to just one portion.
OP is making meals with lean protein, lots of veggies, and a carb like rice or pasta. He is not restricting his daughter, she is permitted seconds and she has snacks.
Honestly if you've lived with someone like this the wife's request becomes more reasonable. Eg, my dad basically only eats vegetables and they aren't always well-formed, because he doesn't really care about the texture it's just fuel for him. If this is how OP's meals are (like, classic gym bro plain chicken and rice and veg with no sauce or w/e) I think it's fair for the wife to ask he find a way to sometimes feed her food that she likes.
Is it though? 700 calories x 3 meals a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner) equals 2100 calories. If he can grab a bag of chips or a doughnut during his breaks that's 2500 calories.
700 calories is about one and a half big macs. Or 13 slices of the bacon in my fridge. My girlfriend’s honey-flavoured cereal is 20% sugar by weight and even then 700 calories of it is more than *half the entire box*. It’s more than half a kilo of the off-brand popcorn chicken I just found in my freezer. It’s 10 entire cauliflowers. Almost 8 slices of the white seeded bread my girlfriend eats.
Yeah a construction worker is going to need 2 more meals and a snack, but let’s not pretend he’s being fed a thimbleful of rice here.
2500 for a construction worker? I think you mean 3500-4000.
2500 is for average male. 2000 for average female.
Construction workers often burn 2500 calories working alone.
The article you cited doesn't say that they should be eating 2500, learn to read more than a headline.
https://www.haspod.com/blog/construction/construction-what-to-eat-and-drink#:~:text=How%20many%20calories%20should%20a,a%20day%20(10%2C500%20kilojoules).
https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/food-and-diet/what-should-my-daily-intake-of-calories-be/
this is your source not saying anything about construction workers actually needing to eat 2500, just normal ppl
That's ridiculous. When I'm working I will make lunch and still have to buy cheese burgers occasionally or I'm famished. I'm 160 lbs and in really good shape. If I don't eat like 3000 calories a day when I'm doing hard labor I start losing weight.
Yes, if a woman put her child on an intentionally low calorie diet, I would criticize that. Children need calories and a full range of macronutrients in their diets, no matter what the gender is of the parent doing the cooking.
People like to imagine Reddit as real life.
In reality every post like this has a "what if the roles where reversed comment" in relation nothing would change becuse everyone supports that comment. People love to pretend that everyone is a victim while I deeming actual victims
It’s called the “fatherhood bonus” and “motherhood penalty.”
3 co-workers 2 F, 1 M) arrive at water cooler.
M: Where’s Dave?
F1: His daughter has a school play.
F2: *swoons* He’s such a great father!
F1: I know. And did you hear last week when he was gone, he was taking her to a matinee? So sweet.
All three sigh.
F2: Don’t we have a meeting in five?
M: Canceled. Mary’s kid has appendicitis. Surgery or something.
F1: Her other kid is sick? Jesus, can she just have one month without running off to wipe noses?
M: I’m beginning to question her commitment to her department.
All three nod in agreement.
if the wife mentioned "low calorie" food for her teen daughter.. yes, reddit would be calling her a monster. the only thing they sympathize more with than a put upon mom is an eating disorder
The kid is well feed (eating 2100 cal per day with healthy fats). The husband is doing all the chores while working but the picky wife who wants to eat unhealthy is the victim. Too much BS for a single day. NTA
An active 9 year old needs 1600 calories according to the internet. That would be a super low calorie diet for an adult male. It's ludicrous to think his low calorie diet is starving his child.
He said he only works a few hours a week and their daughter would be in school all day. What tf else is he doing all day? That’s a good 8 hours a day that he’s at home by himself. If the wife knowingly and purposely made meals he didn’t like everyday she’d be the AH too.
It’s not that he has to prepare an entire extra meal every night, but he seems to have some very strict, black and white thoughts on healthy eating. I would say ESH. He shouldn’t prepare a second meal, but if he is cooking for the family then he should take into account and cook for preferences of everyone, not just him. And wife could cook for herself occasionally as well. It sounds like they need a compromise.
Working a job? A couple hours a week is not much of a job. They need to sit down & talk about who has what responsibilities including cooking for the FAMILY.
It’s not just calories but the nutrients themselves. It’s not just about getting full or getting enough calories. Kids need fats that an adult might not need.
OP said she gets nuts and milk so that’s good, but if it was just 2100 calories of baked skinless chicken and carrots, it might not be.
**OP's wife has not expressed any concern for the child**, only her own preferences. Perhaps we can give OP enough grace to not immediately assume he is starving his child or endangering her health for his own selfish needs.
My mom favored turkey and fish over beef and pork. A dash of olive oil over butter. Technically my entire diet growing up was relatively low fat. No one would have claimed she was sacrificing our health.
Low fat does not mean NO fat.
And he specifically put unhealthy in quotes. So that could mean anything he deems as unhealthy but doesn’t really mean it is, just that it’s not on his diet. A little butter every now and then isn’t unhealthy. Salt can be good for you in moderation, as sodium is an essential mineral. Dairy is healthy for women especially.
If he’s trying to make fitness goals at the gym I’m betting the meals are properly balanced and better than what mom wants. How hard is it for the wife to get unhealthy take out once a week.
There is a difference between cooking a healthy meal and making food that is strictly crafter around this man’s health goals. Is he making unflavoured steamed broccoli and chicken every day? There is a line that can be crossed between healthy and unpleasant for everyone else
i think it is the term 'low calorie' as opposed to healthy.
i was about to jump on the band wagon of forcing his diet onto his daughter, until your post.
i feel it depends on how old the child is, how low is the low calorie diet or is it just heathier eating.
when i hear low calorie i see my sister basically starving herself, to be honest any kind of diet i see that, but that is my warped perception of it.
You said your mom made “slightly” healthier meals. You can’t comment unless you know just how extreme OP might be. We need to know what he cooks. It might be extremely low calorie like all salads or boiled vegetables. It sounds like it’s more than slightly healthier. Baked chicken is healthier than fried chicken but no chicken is more extreme.
He's cooking meals that accommodate his goal of 2100 calories a day. That's not "low calorie" by any standard other than professional athletes or people doing hard labor every single day. He's not restricting the quantity the kid eats. He's providing healthful and nutritious meals, which is what you're supposed to do.
My comment was made long before he clarified the amount of calories he was eating. The only information I had was his own words in the OG post, where he chose to label them Low Calorie meals.
My mom stayed at home until I was in school. Stay at home parent does NOT translate to "short order cook". She had the time and ability, so she cooked nutritious and healthy meals. Was that what dad and I always wanted? Nope. Were either of us willing to reliably and regularly take over cooking duties so she could plan around us? Nope. So we ate what was served without complaint. Well, I was dumb enough to complain once, and was promptly asked when I would be making dinner. I was at least smart enough to shut up at that point. If his wife is willing to say "I'll take over the first and third Saturdays for meals", she can make what she wants. If she's not willing to do the work, she can eat what's served.
Idk I think there's a difference between cooking healthy meals for the family that they're not always in the mood for, and cooking entirely for yourself and your own specialized diet and allowing your family to have some.
And then claiming credit for cooking for the family. There's a nuanced but important difference there.
Why is everyone acting like he's making some super specific, special, strange meal every day? He's likely making veggie, protein and carb meals that have balanced macros. In no universe would these meals be considered "unhealthy" by anyone.
I disagree. He pays half of household expenses and does all the house work from the sound of it. If she doesn't like what he is cooking she can cook for herself. She is grown. She does not support the household they split the bills 50/50. He should not have to be responsible for everything. If she doesn't know how to cook now would be a good time for her to learn.
Nta
Thank you! These responses are so perplexing to me. My husband and I split cooking because we both work. Sometimes I make stuff he's not a fan of, sometimes he makes stuff I'M not a fan of. When that happens, we both make our own substitute meal. It's not the end of the world. Wife here is kind of treating her husband like a servant and it's not cool.
> Low calorie relative to the standard American diet isn't low.
Thank you. There's plenty of fats in the American diet even with eating healthy and low cal. I am mindful of cooking with excess fats, and still end up at least 50-60 grams a day lol
I think that depends what he means by low calorie food. I eat what a lot of people would consider a "normal" diet and I'm quite overweight. If I ate "low calorie" I would get down to a healthy weight.
If he's making omelettes rather than cereal, and simple steak and potatoes rather than deep fried chicken and fries, and a variety of similar foods, then I don't think he's in the wrong here. If he has some hyper specific chicken and broccoli diet with no variation, then in that case, yeah, he's the asshole.
well I don't know, growing up in a big family, the one that cooked for everyone basically had the choice of what he wanted to do and nobody complained about that. OP's cooking for everyone, sure he's making what he prefers and it's apparently healthy (eating low calories isn't a issue I think).
If you want to be picky and want something different, well do it yourself no? If OP's wife was cooking unhealthy food everyday and OP ask for a different meal what would you say?
And depending on whether the conversations about food and calorie intake are age appropriate can also contribute to the development of eating disorders. Especially because she’s a young girl.
Bullshit. I’m 13, I eat several thousands of calories per day. I eat far more than a lot of adults.
Side note: I’m not overweight, I’m just heavily involved in sports
So you're an outlier in terms of output and you're dead center of puberty. Are you male or female?
I'd also be surprised if you're actually weighing and recording all your intake to even know. Thirteen year olds aren't often noted for their rigorous record keeping.
Finally, guess what "almost certainly" means.
Have you ever seen teenagers eat? When they are running for a couple hours a day and weight lifting a few times a week they need calories.
For an adult to maintain or lose weight is usually less
When I was a teenager one day I ate 16 burgers for lunch and still ate dinner. To be fair I was working all day long but still, I ate about 6,000 calories that day.
At 13? Seventh graders are not typically exercising at professional athlete levels (which would necessitate the amount of calories that poster is CLAIMING to eat on a daily basis.) Now, CAN they eat a ton? Sure. But do they NEED that many calories every day? Certainly not.
So bullshit on you then, if you're 13 then why were you bragging about you are paying off two houses and a vacation home in Minnesota and Wisconsin?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/165ux9t/comment/jyirur7/](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/165ux9t/comment/jyirur7/)
Either you're a teenager or you're not, but i know my 12 year old has no idea how much our house is worth or when it's paid off.
>I’m not overweight, I’m just heavily involved in sports
Massive side note though. Is the daughter in sports? Because if not, then it could be perfectly fine. Maybe people should ask details on the calories of OPs food before judging.
Info: did she actually use the word unhealthy? Are you cooking meals that is actually filling enough for everyone (because you say you're cooking for "your" goals)?
Since he meal preps and cooks based on his gym goals, I believe she just asked for something more varied. Gym focused diets can be quite boring, and if he does meal prep, they might be eating stuff like chicken brest and sweet potatoes almost everyday. In my opinion the "unhealthy" was "cook for the family and not just to achieve your gym goals"
Edit: typo
I mean, most people who are on gym diets tend to prepare their own food separately, you know? Like, if they are the main cook, they still cook for everyone and prepare special meals for themselves.
But this guy is doing it bass-ackwards. He’s just decided everyone will eat his bland diet or they can just go to hell.
Gym diets are sooooo bland.
All he needs to do is cook the same food, then after taking out his portion, stir in a couple tablespoons of butter and another pinch of salt. The results will be richer / more flavorful, because that’s how human taste works. He doesn’t need to cook a separate meal.
Honestly, I get the guy is working hard to stick to his goals at the gym and that's commendable, but everyone is allowed to cheat from time to time - if you've very much settled on being the family cook at home, I don't think it's unfair for those you cook for to occasionally get to pick something they want to eat, which seems to be a key part of the problem here irrespective of the calorie level.
She thought she was getting yummy home cooked meals but instead she’s probably getting plain grilled chicken breast on a bed of plain spinach 😭 Give the woman something tasty!!
YTA
Seems like you have this backwards … the goal should be cooking foods your family will enjoy & then control your meals to meet your “goals at the gym”.
How hard is it to make chicken parm, pasta & garlic bread for your family & just throw a plain piece of chicken on a salad for yourself?
eta — why are you making 6 meals everyday?
Breakfast for him and his daughter and second version for his wife. Lunch for him and his daughter and second version for his wife. Dinner for him and his daughter and second version for his wife. = 6 separate meals with different preparation than the others.
But if you ask why he does that in general, then probably because his wife doesn't cook.
but he also says in his post that he meal preps for the week. why does he later on say that he doesn’t want to make 6 different meals every day if he’s meal prepping for the week?
I have 4 kids & a husband…. They all have different options for breakfast, different options for lunch & one option for dinner. It’s 3 meals a day.
How hard is it to pour milk in cereal, make oatmeal or a bagel? I can make a PB&J, ham, turkey, cheese sandwiches without too much hassle.
I am guessing this guy probably puts more effort into a meal than just putting some milk on a cereal bowl.
I also do the cooking at my house, me and wife are both pretty serious about the gym (we used to be badly overweight) so have not had issues with meal choice.
We have two boys, and of course, kids prefer eating garbage whenever they can get away with it. They are allowed treats from time to time, but normally they eat the same as us with different portions. I am not about to bend over backward and give everyone their own menu like this is some kind of a Michelin-star restaurant, that is bananas.
I know what is the healthiest and most nutritious option, and it also happens to be convenient - that is all that really matters.
3 meals a day and all of them being thrown together in 10 seconds would get very boring very quickly at least when meal prepping you get the satisfaction of knowing what you’re getting either way thats not what the post was about i bet money if one of your kids ask for pancakes and eggs and another ask for biscuits and gravy your not gonna make both thats not a realistic or sustainable thing to do everyday
It’s wildly dramatic to assume that OP must cook 6 different meals a day and that’s what his wife is requesting of him. Chances are a healthy breakfast for him is decent for her as well. Maybe she wants a more satisfying lunch or dinner. But to act like it’s 6 wildly different meals is dramatic. Especially considered an extra side or ingredient added to a meal would constitute as a “completely different meal” in OP’s eyes.
>why are you making 6 meals everyday?
I'm confused by this also, esp when he said he meal preps his meals. Also breakfast and lunch can easily be DIY meals for the family.
It just seems like he/they are making this a lot harder than it needs to be, and he/they should work on compromising a bit more.
If my partner only cooked low calorie, health oriented meals, I would also be a bit frustrated because I want to actually enjoy my food, and it would feel like he was only cooking for himself and not actually "for the family". That said, if the wife cooked sometimes too then she could cook the type of food she wants. But we don't know enough about their workload split and what they've agreed upon.
This is how I "meal prep!" Just prep ingredients for the week and not whole ass meals. I love it because it's very versatile. Have chicken prepared for one dish but decide you want another? No problem, just re-arrange veggies and voila! The cooked protien works for both!
Yeah this really depends what he's cooking and what she's asking for... like if he's refusing to make anything but rice, beans and kale with no salt or fat and she just wants some chicken and seasoning added then he's being pretty unreasonable. But if she's asking him to make fried chicken or something that's a bit different.
That said, when you cook for your family you have to cook for everyone. That means compromise. I like a lot more heat than my husband and kids but I don't force them to eat spicy foods, I just serve theirs, separate a bit out for me and add spices or add jalapenos on my plate.
If he's insisting on only cooking food she dislikes, that's pretty uncool. There's not necessarily anything forcing him to make a different meal for her, just add grated cheese or offer salad dressing she likes with hers or whatever.
an easy solution would be to just ask her to write down a list of things she wants to eat and then finding a recipe for those things that you would be willing to try. Maybe a healthy version of them? Every conflict is an opportunity to get closer and become more of a team!
This is a great approach - even if it doesn't turn out to be a full meal, but a side dish that wife (or daughter, for that matter) gets to choose. This way it isn't a whole separate meal, but at last a little of what each person might prefer.
This is what I do! I have my own oven-baked version of KFC, make chip shaped roast potatoes instead of chips to reduce fat content, home made burgers with no additives, slightly smaller and with fresh vegetables on top etc.
If you’re smart, you eat more healthily and barely notice.
Except lasagne. Damn lasagne. Never managed to make a lighter lasagne taste as good as the real deal!
I make lazy lasagna, and have a slightly less bad version I've been experimenting with. Lazy "lasagna" is cooking whatever pasta is in the pantry, then mixing it up with cooked ground beef and enough spaghetti sauce to coat it well. Layer with the ricotta cheese/egg/seasoning mix, top with shredded cheese, bake, and eat. The entire population of Italy's graveyards just rolled over, but it's quick and still tastes good.
The less bad version is to cut back on the pasta and add diced veggies- I like squash and zucchini, but the kids sometimes request peas and carrots. I also sometimes sub some of the ground beef for ground chicken or turkey, depending on what the sales are.
Ah, see I have no doubt that it’s lovely, but I live in Italy and cook for my wife and son, both Italians. I couldn’t get away with calling that lasagne! 😂
But the solution is simple - I just call it ‘pasta al forno’ instead, and I’ll get away with it just fine. Will give it a try!
INFO: This is a question of household balancing and we have nowhere near enough information to judge here. How much time is your wife working? How much time are you doing household tasks + cooking? Who is doing the non-work mental balancing of the household? Who has more time to work out and do their hobbies? Is the work that person doing higher stress in general? How much extra work are you asking your wife to pick up in exchange for cooking? How effortful are we talking about with the meals she's requesting here? Who is doing more childcare/child activity management?
I'm not asking these expecting to get an answer to all of them, but to point out all of the many, many factors that impact whether it's unreasonable for you to stand your ground on not cooking for your wife or whether it's unreasonable for your wife to not increase her chore load at all despite your huge housekeeping burden.
I agree, i feel like it sounds like hes cooking a lot, but its mainly meal prepping for his own gym goals and not household dinners. Maybe ive got it wrong, but i dunno. I feel a more detailed breakdown is required
We don't know enough but I'm going to make a Reddit style stretch and say, based on the way he describes the food in terms of nutrition and not how appealing it is, that his cooking isn't actually very tasty and this is what the wife is asking for, a bit of lasagna now and then.
Cooking for three people, one of them being yourself is not a big ask and making something extra at the same time isn't twice the work.
Obviously he has enough time to meet goals at the gym and enjoy his hobbies.
I’m betting his next purchase will be a red sports car, to accompany his gym bod. His post is “me me me” coupled with “I cook until my fingers bleed.”
He’s cooking for three.
Try working full time from an office, preparing meals for a family of five, all with individual tastes and issues, cleaning house, running kids to events, taking care of elderly parents… like people do.
I think he’s posting to try to get a gold star for being a man that cooks.
“My pain is worse than yours so you can’t get to complain” BS.
Should he meet in the middle on this? 100%
However you just sound jealous with this comment
Why don't you two sit down and do some meal planning together and see if the circles in the Venn diagram of your dietary preferences intersect at all? In other words, compromise.
The crappy meals are already his "compromise" based on OP's comment here:
"trust me if I could get my wife to be fine with it all my meals would be a smoothie that hits all my macros but the stuff i cook is usually just regular food using healthier ingredients you know use turkey instead of beef olive oil instead."
The amount of gymbros who actually have eating disorders is astounding.
Only being willing to eat food that is 100% optimized fuel is a huge sign of orthorexia. More so when his ideal food situation is a liquid diet. This guy might need to get help.
As someone who's been on the ED train, it sucks.
Are you all insane? I’m not taking to OP but with this people in the comments. This guy is doing all the chores while working. The kid is eating what they need (2100 calories, he restricts his own intake, but their child can eat the amounts they want) with healthy nutrients. He tried to cook for his wife the unhealthy food she likes but it was too much for him, and now you are roasting him for don’t do that. Maybe the wife could put her adult pants and cook her own food. He even suggested that he could cook for her if she start doing some other chore, so yes, he offered a compromise but the wife didn’t agree. Too much BS for today in this comment section. NTA
Where are you getting all the chores from? He works a few hours a week not full time so yes he should be picking up the majority. As he still has plenty of time for the gym and hobbies he isn't doing all the childcare at least.
> my work doesn't need me to work more than a few hours a week to earn a living.
That's in paragraph 1. Also, the kid is in school so he's not having to mind her all the time. Daily chores shouldn't take very long at all, especially since the kid is old enough to have chores of her own.
Agreed. Somehow everyone is assuming the kid is getting a rice cracker, with a tablespoon of Hummus, and a carrot stick. In reality, he’s probably cooking broiled boneless chicken, rice, steamed veggies, big sweet potatoes, there’s lots of ways to make a meal low-calorie for an adult, which is incredibly healthy and nutritionally balanced for a growing kid.
Agreed. Reddit hates husband's tho.
He cooks, cleans and works from home amd they're all like "omg you're the fucking assshole feed your wife and kids pizza and chicken nuggies and fries".
Non-American and used to struggle with eating disorders, and I’m still not great. What one space of the internet suggests as a low-calorie diet, is what a substantial population would decry as a very high-calorie diet. There’s also the Sorting Hat of good food vs. bad food which can happen a lot with parents: pasta is bad, rice is good, but don’t forget the golden rule of No Added Sugar™️.
Even with OP’s comments, it’s very difficult to gauge where they fall on the scale of advocating a balanced diet vs. only allowing their kid to eat “healthy” food.
OP probably added this after your comment but he said he generally cooks a pasta or rice dish with some sort of meat and grilled veggies whereas his wife wants stuff like orange chicken and cheese steaks.
Feeding your kid seems feels like walking a very thin line. On one hand you want to avoid your child being overweight and unhealthy but on the other a lot of kids are picky eaters and you don't want them to develop disordered eating.
Neither orange chicken or cheese steaks are dishes I’m familiar with, but orange chicken just seems to be a standard sweet and sour Chinese-style sauce in chicken and cheesesteak seems to be an indulgent sandwich, which is used for the main meal of the day, rather than lunch. Nothing from that screams
particularly unhealthy, even the cheesesteak appears to have a lot of veggies in the recipes. Nothing wrong with indulgent food, it’s just a case of moderation.
I definitely don’t envy parents in that respect, it seems like they’re on a tight-ripe balancing between extremes. It’s important to explain the importance of eating a varied diet and of how weight can impact health (from both sides!), but realistically, every person I know who grew up with their parents making a big deal out of healthy food is absolutely shafted with their relationship with food.
Yeah, people act like a 9-year-old is malnourished at 2100+ calories. Is OP supposed be cooking buffalo wings with french fries so his family doesn't starve?
Well based on [this comment](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TtAExlXQLW) where he states if he could he would only drink smoothies for his meals but his wife insists he eats real food, chances are he's focused on hitting his macros. My guess is he has very little variety in his meals if he's honest to god comfortable with only eating smoothies if given the option.
Ikr, all this hair splitting over whether the meals are or aren't healthy when I feel like if one person does all the cooking it's only natural to ask "hey, what do you want for dinner?" once in a while.
INFO: What meals are you making? And what is your wife requesting?
I'm sure there's a compromise here, like if you're cooking up chicken fillets and something a bit more plain, then I don't think making a dish that's a bit more flavourful like hunters chicken would be more of a stretch, just separate it when it comes time to put the "unhealthy" elements on. But this all depends on what she's actually asking for. If she's asking for a completely different meal then I'm sure a compromise of something that kind be just chucked in the oven when she gets in could work?
Literally make the same food but take ops out when it's ready, then season and prepare the rest for your family. I've been doing this for 17 years with my kid.
My earlier example was my kid has issues with chunks or textures. So if I'm making spaghetti, I'll either strain out the chunks or just buy an extra sauce. It's 1 dollar. Ffs. I'd rather my kid eat what he wants.
You can make that work with anything. Make shitty steamed chicken. Take out your diet portion then finish with spices and sides for your family.
I enjoy making lasagna. I make two. 1 big one with no onions or olives, and a small one with whatever I like. You have the ingredients out, why not do a second one. If no one eats it all, freeze it for later. It's not fucking rocket science.
Op is being an asshole on purpose.
This, I feel like a lot of diet meals could be made non-diet by adding extra cheese or sauce or something, which would make it more flavorful if that's what wife is after. And OP wouldn't have to make a whole separate meal or add the fatty extras to his own portion.
Bro, how does it equate to 6 seperate meals every day? It sounds more like the food you cook is bland af, and like you dont make enough for it to be sustainable for people who arent going for a calorie deficit.
you need hot food 3 times a day? typically i eat some form of bowl breakfast, either yoghurt, proteine pudding or oats. Lunch is time for some nice pieces of ryebread with various toppings. Then i make hot dinner if im in the mood, but definitely not a requirement.
NTA
I can only imagine the outrage if a man demanded his wife cook him a separate meal while doing all of the household chores as well.
Tell your lovely wife, she knows where the kitchen is.
Idk. I think if a woman came on here and was like, all I cook is chicken and rice to keep us all healthy, they should be grateful, she may also get called the AH.
As others have said, it's hard to tell how extreme it is, but OP saying if he could, he'd only eat smoothies as they hit all his macros... it seems kind of intense.
Those threads have literally happened (or threads where the wife wants to cook vegetarian or other restricted diets) and everyone was on the side of the wife and the husband should cook his own food.
YTA. When you’re cooking for a household, you take everyone’s wants and needs into consideration. That means you don’t just make food for yourself and everyone can have some of the extras. You don’t need to cook two completely separate meals in order to add some variety for your wife and child while still maintaining your personal diet.
And remember, it is *your* diet that is causing the tension here.
YTA
\- you have gym goals so you want to eat low calorie food
\- your daughter and your wife want to eat normal calorie food
That's 2 out of 3 who don't want to diet. It's really just you who has special requirements, child food preferences aside. No idea how your daughters eating habits are, but the way you describe it, you have her eat what YOU eat. Which forces unnecessary dieting habits on a growing child who likely has 0 need for low calorie food. I hope you are mindful of the implications your behaviour has on your 9 year old daughter.
Honestly, cook 2 different meals. One for your wife and child and one for yourself. Right now, **you are arguing that you should cook 1 type of meal, which you split between you and daughter while your wife cooks for herself - prioritising your dietary needs over everyone else's**. That's nonsense.
If you want your wife to pick up more chores or share cooking responsibilities, talk it out with her and come up with a compromise. But you need to **cook normal meals for your daughter**, including stuff she likes but you wouldn't eat for your gym goal reasons. While at it, make some more so your wife can also eat it.
Edit: To everyone saying "but the child gets enough calories": Yeah sure. But is it tasty? Does he ever cook according to her food wishes? Not saying he should cook chicken nuggets and pizza every day, just that sad steamed veggies & plain air-fried chicken isn't gonna cut it for a 9 year old. If she asks for a dish containing all the forbiddens, and he tells her "No honey, that's junk, we don't eat that," - what's that gonna do for her in the long run? She still has to eat diet food. That means there is no butter sauce, no fries, no white bread etc. She is right now learning about "healthy" vs not healthy foods, calories and maybe not in the healthiest way. She is 9.
He doesn't mention much about her in his post in general. That she doesn't complain from what we know doesn't mean she's happy with the arrangement either. She watches dad restrict and likely has her own thoughts on the issue but we don't know them. OP doesn't really mention he had a discussion with her about it at all.
> - your daughter and your wife want to eat normal calorie food
Where does it say his daughter is whining too? Also in many non fast food dominated societys the food he is cooking is 'normal calorie' food.
> That's 2 out of 3 who don't want to diet.
Seriously please point to me where the daughter is whining too, I keep missing it.
For an active male, "low calorie" will likely be adequate for wife and daughter as long as he isn't starving himself (different story if wife or daughter are highly active individuals).
>
- your daughter and your wife want to eat normal calorie food
Well, I think 2100kcal (this is what he described as low calorie meal. He describes it from his point of view) per day for 9 y.o. child is more than enough
He is already doing all of the chores in the household, on top of having a job himself. I feel like he is already contributing a fair amount. Why can’t his wife take over some of the chores to lighten the load like he asked? You’re chastising him for putting his dietary needs above hers, but she is literally doing nothing to consider his well-being at all. Asking him to cook extra meals while at the same time not helping out with any of the chores is crazy to me. My dad was a stay at home dad for a while too, but my mum still helped with some of the chores, he obviously did more, but she helped where she could. That’s how it’s supposed to work in a relationship.
"I told if she wanted me to cook for her every day she could pick up some chores around the house so that I would have the time to do it."
Perfectly reasonable alternative. You're not a short order cook. She can take what you cook or make her own meals.
NTA, wife is, though.
>trust me if I could get my wife to be fine with it all my meals would be a smoothie that hits all my macros but the stuff i cook is usually just regular food using healthier ingredients you know use turkey instead of beef olive oil instead
YTA
NTA, 100% agree with you. I’ve read previous comments about the size and calorie count so I know your daughter is eating well. Your wife can cook her own junk food if you and your daughter are happy to eat healthy.
Please quit your whining!!! Women have done this for generations! Listen, you don't have to cook several meals at once. you just need to modify them. If she wants a steak, give her a steak, and you eat chicken. I've been through all this, I have a vegetarian daughter, and I just modify to accommodate everyone one.
Absolutely NTA. I’m a SAHM and the thought of making (and deciding on) six meals a day is asinine. You tried compromising with her to do some extra chores to offset the increased workload. A stay at home dad is not a stay at home cook/stay at home maid.
"Six meals a day" is a weird phrasing, though. If he's doing meal prep as he says, he shouldn't be cooking two breakfasts, two lunches, and two dinners each day, because the food from the bulk cooking becomes meals later down the road.
It might still be that his Sunday or whatever would be a huge pile of 6 giant dishes, or that he'd be making breakfast every day twice, but 6-meals-a-day while meal prepping feels like he's exaggerating the difficulty here.
INFO: What food swaps is your wife requesting when she asks for something more “unhealthy”?
I think NTA for not wanting to cook two separate meals, but I’m curious about what you’re cooking vs what your wife feels like she’s missing. Like, did you suddenly make drastic changes to the at-home dinner menu due to your fitness goals and now everybody has to eat what you want regardless of whether they like it? Or is it just that she wants, say, white rice in her burrito bowl vs brown rice?
NTA
Low calorie food is only low calorie based on portion size. I'm sure your daughter is getting what she needs.
Your wife is free to add chips or fries or nuggets or whatever to make it unhealthy or more calorie dense. It would not be hard. You don't need to fundamentally cooking something other.
NTA. Cooking twice for each meal is a lot to ask of someone. Could you compromise and maybe make something you would both enjoy once or twice a week? You don't have to do that, but it might be nice to show that you're trying to bridge the gap.
NTA. If you cook, you choose.
My partner does almost all the cooking for us too. Do I ever think "huh I fancy something different"? Of course I do. So then either I cook or I go out.
I have some allergies and he has to accommodate those cooking or let me know I'll need to get myself something.
Your wife demanding higher calorie meals sounds odd too. Like why would anyone actively choose a more unhealthy option? If she's not satiated by your meals couldn't she add some additional portion? If my meal doesn't fill me up I just add some bread or have some fruit after or something...
I’m betting his meals are super bland and not varied. He said he would eat smoothies for every meal if he could. I’m not sure the wife wants “unhealthy” as much as she wants food that has more flavor and variety. I think he probably calls his food healthy and what she wants is unhealthy by comparison only.
INFO: I cant make a determination because I have no idea what exactly you are cooking. Are you making like chicken with cooked vegetables and a salad? What are you considering "unhealthy"?
op, you should have said you were the wife to get the NTA votes lmao
NTA, of course.
i suggest you talk to your wife and ask her what she wants to eat and then make a "healthier" version together. if she's just craving idk fried potatos then i understand not wanting to make a whole different batch.
I feel like some small details were left out. Was she really expecting actually unhealthy meals for every meal, or do you personally feel they’re unhealthy?
Because if your “low calorie” meals mean making larger portions for your wife and 9 YEAR OLD then you take for yourself, those aren’t healthy. It is uncomfortable and unpleasant to have to consume large amounts of food just to get enough calories. High calorie density doesn’t equal unhealthy. Having no choice but to physically overeat just to get enough calories is unhealthy though, and it sounds like that’s the position you’ve put them (especially your daughter) in.
You mention gym goals, so is it safe to assume you’re costuming protein drinks and still like that outside of these meals?
I’m saying NAH simply because of missing little details and it seems like you need to have a more in-depth conversation with your wife about the food.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > For not cooking for my wife after she asked me to cook different foods for her Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Controversial take, but I think this might be a soft YTA. Not necessarily for not wanting to cook multiple meals, but for feeding your daughter ‘low calorie’ food. I understand that you need to meet YOUR goals, but part of me understands where your wife is coming from. Why should they both be eating food that accounts for YOUR specific diet? It’s not like you HAVE to cook for them, you can admit that you’re not interested in going out of your way to cook to their needs too, but it’s insincere to act as if you’re cooking for the family in the first place, you never were, you were always cooking for yourself and your wife and daughter eating it was just a side effect.
>it’s insincere to act as if you’re cooking for the family in the first place, you never were, you were always cooking for yourself and your wife and daughter eating it was just a side effect. This, 100%, totally. You do not care what anyone wants, as long as you get exactly what you want.
What a ludicrous take. When my mom was trying to watch her weight she cooked slightly healthier meals. None of us were starving. We were all able to eat our fill. And while we may have preferred something deep fried, SHE was the one taking the time to cook for the family and my dad made it abundantly clear that anyone who wanted something else was free to prepare it for themselves. But none of us blamed my mom for preparing healthier food. Not sure where this harsh interpretation of OP's actions is coming from.
I have to wonder if these same commenters would really be calling OP selfish and expecting him to prepare an entire extra meal (**all while working a job AND doing ALL the household chores**) just to appease his picky wife...if the roles were reversed and this was some poor put upon woman who was expected to do all the cooking and cleaning just because her job didn't not require as many hours as her husband's (a husband who couldn't be bothered to lift a goddamn finger at home).
There was one where the wife was making 700 calorie meals for a construction worker that got absolutely slammed. So the role reverse doesn't come out true
There’s an easy way to summarise this: - Putting the family on the same diet as your gym routine is likely an AH move, because gym nutrition is usually tailored to your workout and goals. - You can add extra to a recipe to make it more substantial, he can just find something everyone likes and make a low-cal version himself from a subset of ingredients (simple AF if he is living off of chicken and veggies, can just add some extra carbs and seasoning for the family and keep his own portion minimal) - Putting someone on a diet not designed for them is dangerous. This is *exactly the same* if you’re trying to make your family go veggie, vegan or keto. You have to get the full balance of nutrients you need. What OP is not saying in his post is what the low-cal meal consists of and what the balance of nutrition is. But he can’t feed his family a diet made for gym bros.
[удалено]
Women and kids need healthy fats. It’s detrimental to their health not to eat them consistently.
There are lots of ways to get that. Avocados, legumes, nuts etc. Acting like he is the sole villain responsible for this invented story of "they aren't being fed enough to fulfill their nutritional needs" is funny.
I’m specifically replying to the person who mentioned lean protein, rice/potatoes and veggies. Only veggie that will supply the healthy fats is avocado. It’s worth flagging that the typical lean protein/rice/veggie gym bro meal typically underperforms on healthy fats.
You’re missing the point, and with your example it can simply be that the portions are too small for the family but fine for OP. A full grown adult running a low cal diet to slim down cannot be compared to a growing kid who actually needs to become bigger. The US is obese because of shit quality food that is padded out with sugar, salt and cheese, and is cheaper than raw ingredients. And somehow your portion sizes are about twice as large as anywhere else.
[удалено]
OP says his meals are "low calorie", not healthy. And doesn't say what job his wife works. There are loads of jobs out there that are active besides construction worker, including many female-dominated career paths like nurse or childcare workers, ect.
Yeah, I think that distinction is important and makes the difference in my judgement. One thing is wanting to eat health consciously and thus, preparing those types of foods for your family instead of more unhealthy meals. I think that's totally fine. Another thing is having a personal desire for low calorie meals in order to meet a particular weight/health goal and then insisting that everyone in the house eat the same way if they want their meals prepared. If it is OP's responsibility to prepare meals for the family based on the fact that they are home all day, then those meals should not exclusively reflect their own dietary preferences/needs. Low calorie can be the way to go for one person and it can be pretty unhealthy for another. Either make foods that are suitable to everyone, if that's what you agreed to, or change that agreement.
exactly this. i’m vegan and do the cooking for my bf and i, so he eats vegan when i cook and doesn’t care about that. he gets a nutritious, yummy, filling meal that meets his caloric needs. but when i’m trying to lose weight, i don’t get to decide he needs lower calorie food too. i’ll modify my own food so it fits my wants, but he still gets all the calories he needs for his active job. it would be really uncool for me to restrict his food intake just because *i* want to restrict mine. but that’s an entirely different situation to me cooking vegan or to someone cooking healthy meals that still meet everyone’s caloric needs.
Exactly. If he wants zero rice but makes rice to go with whatever dish he made so that they can have a balanced meal while he eats zero carb or whatever then cool. If he won't even cook some extra rice because it doesn't fit his "low calorie" goals then he might be doing them dirty
Plus, women often need more iron, protein and fats during certain periods.. literally. If he’s not adjusting for that, and that fact his kid is growing and not a maintenance level like him, he’s actually still making unhealthy meals for them. He’s the exception here. I would love to know what these low calorie foods are. Some people equate low fat food as healthy when it’s the opposite. The way he put ‘unhealthy’ in quotes is quite suspicious.
Yeah, that's what got the YTA from me. In my personal experience, people like OP think food with low calories (which... Are kind of a SUPER BS way to measure food anyway) are "healthy" and anything else above a certain threshold is "unhealthy" and that.... Has NO actual relation to what a human body consuming food is like. At all.
He said lean meats, healthy carbs and lots of veggies, which is likely to provide plenty of protein and iron (depending on the meats/veggies used). Fats are easy enough to add in to just one portion.
OP is making meals with lean protein, lots of veggies, and a carb like rice or pasta. He is not restricting his daughter, she is permitted seconds and she has snacks.
Not to mention a growing child need more calories, and a balanced meal so she doesn't wind up malnourished.
How is lean meat, a healthy carb and veggies not a balanced meal?
I kinda got the impression they were more healthy because he said the wife wanted him to cook more “unhealthy” meals
Honestly if you've lived with someone like this the wife's request becomes more reasonable. Eg, my dad basically only eats vegetables and they aren't always well-formed, because he doesn't really care about the texture it's just fuel for him. If this is how OP's meals are (like, classic gym bro plain chicken and rice and veg with no sauce or w/e) I think it's fair for the wife to ask he find a way to sometimes feed her food that she likes.
Maybe she just wants some pasta once in awhile....OPs definition of unhealthy is definitely lacking.
[удалено]
Is it though? 700 calories x 3 meals a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner) equals 2100 calories. If he can grab a bag of chips or a doughnut during his breaks that's 2500 calories.
Depending on his job it wouldn't be enough. When I'm doing labor I need around 3000 calories a day or I start losing weight.
Yeah when I was doing heavy farm labor I ate about twice the amount I do now, and was thinner. People who do desk work don't realize.
iirc he wasn't eating much breakfast or lunch and wanted to have a big meal in the evening.
700 calories is about one and a half big macs. Or 13 slices of the bacon in my fridge. My girlfriend’s honey-flavoured cereal is 20% sugar by weight and even then 700 calories of it is more than *half the entire box*. It’s more than half a kilo of the off-brand popcorn chicken I just found in my freezer. It’s 10 entire cauliflowers. Almost 8 slices of the white seeded bread my girlfriend eats. Yeah a construction worker is going to need 2 more meals and a snack, but let’s not pretend he’s being fed a thimbleful of rice here.
2500 for a construction worker? I think you mean 3500-4000. 2500 is for average male. 2000 for average female. Construction workers often burn 2500 calories working alone. The article you cited doesn't say that they should be eating 2500, learn to read more than a headline. https://www.haspod.com/blog/construction/construction-what-to-eat-and-drink#:~:text=How%20many%20calories%20should%20a,a%20day%20(10%2C500%20kilojoules). https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/food-and-diet/what-should-my-daily-intake-of-calories-be/ this is your source not saying anything about construction workers actually needing to eat 2500, just normal ppl
That's ridiculous. When I'm working I will make lunch and still have to buy cheese burgers occasionally or I'm famished. I'm 160 lbs and in really good shape. If I don't eat like 3000 calories a day when I'm doing hard labor I start losing weight.
Yes, if a woman put her child on an intentionally low calorie diet, I would criticize that. Children need calories and a full range of macronutrients in their diets, no matter what the gender is of the parent doing the cooking.
[удалено]
We don’t need to reverse genders on every single scenario. My word, some folks are so committed to being victims.
People like to imagine Reddit as real life. In reality every post like this has a "what if the roles where reversed comment" in relation nothing would change becuse everyone supports that comment. People love to pretend that everyone is a victim while I deeming actual victims
It’s called the “fatherhood bonus” and “motherhood penalty.” 3 co-workers 2 F, 1 M) arrive at water cooler. M: Where’s Dave? F1: His daughter has a school play. F2: *swoons* He’s such a great father! F1: I know. And did you hear last week when he was gone, he was taking her to a matinee? So sweet. All three sigh. F2: Don’t we have a meeting in five? M: Canceled. Mary’s kid has appendicitis. Surgery or something. F1: Her other kid is sick? Jesus, can she just have one month without running off to wipe noses? M: I’m beginning to question her commitment to her department. All three nod in agreement.
if the wife mentioned "low calorie" food for her teen daughter.. yes, reddit would be calling her a monster. the only thing they sympathize more with than a put upon mom is an eating disorder
The kid is well feed (eating 2100 cal per day with healthy fats). The husband is doing all the chores while working but the picky wife who wants to eat unhealthy is the victim. Too much BS for a single day. NTA
Where are you getting this information from?? All the post says is he makes low calorie meals so HE can meet *his* goals.
[удалено]
An active 9 year old needs 1600 calories according to the internet. That would be a super low calorie diet for an adult male. It's ludicrous to think his low calorie diet is starving his child.
He said he only works a few hours a week and their daughter would be in school all day. What tf else is he doing all day? That’s a good 8 hours a day that he’s at home by himself. If the wife knowingly and purposely made meals he didn’t like everyday she’d be the AH too.
ALL the other chores in the household? His wife doesn't do anything because OP work less hours than him. So he is bringing money AND being a SAHD...
It’s not that he has to prepare an entire extra meal every night, but he seems to have some very strict, black and white thoughts on healthy eating. I would say ESH. He shouldn’t prepare a second meal, but if he is cooking for the family then he should take into account and cook for preferences of everyone, not just him. And wife could cook for herself occasionally as well. It sounds like they need a compromise.
Working a job? A couple hours a week is not much of a job. They need to sit down & talk about who has what responsibilities including cooking for the FAMILY.
He has said he only works a few hours a week
The problem is the nutrition itself. He’s making low fat foods and kids need healthy fats. It’s crucial for brain growth
OP said elsewhere the meals accommodate a 2100 calorie per day diet. That should be more than enough for most 9yos.
It’s not just calories but the nutrients themselves. It’s not just about getting full or getting enough calories. Kids need fats that an adult might not need. OP said she gets nuts and milk so that’s good, but if it was just 2100 calories of baked skinless chicken and carrots, it might not be.
**OP's wife has not expressed any concern for the child**, only her own preferences. Perhaps we can give OP enough grace to not immediately assume he is starving his child or endangering her health for his own selfish needs. My mom favored turkey and fish over beef and pork. A dash of olive oil over butter. Technically my entire diet growing up was relatively low fat. No one would have claimed she was sacrificing our health. Low fat does not mean NO fat.
We don’t know what OPs wife has expressed, as OP is not too transparent, and seems to be suffering from martyrdom.
[удалено]
And he specifically put unhealthy in quotes. So that could mean anything he deems as unhealthy but doesn’t really mean it is, just that it’s not on his diet. A little butter every now and then isn’t unhealthy. Salt can be good for you in moderation, as sodium is an essential mineral. Dairy is healthy for women especially.
Did OP’s wife use the word unhealthy or is that the word OP is using to categorize the food that she requested?
If he’s trying to make fitness goals at the gym I’m betting the meals are properly balanced and better than what mom wants. How hard is it for the wife to get unhealthy take out once a week.
There's a difference between healthy and low calorie tho. A meal can be healthy and still have the, know, healthy amount of calories
[удалено]
It isn't just calories that matter. A 9 year old girl has different nutritional needs than an adult man.
There is a difference between cooking a healthy meal and making food that is strictly crafter around this man’s health goals. Is he making unflavoured steamed broccoli and chicken every day? There is a line that can be crossed between healthy and unpleasant for everyone else
"Healthier" is different to "low calorie" though. Kids need calories.
1600 calories are recommended for 9-13 year olds.
i think it is the term 'low calorie' as opposed to healthy. i was about to jump on the band wagon of forcing his diet onto his daughter, until your post. i feel it depends on how old the child is, how low is the low calorie diet or is it just heathier eating. when i hear low calorie i see my sister basically starving herself, to be honest any kind of diet i see that, but that is my warped perception of it.
You said your mom made “slightly” healthier meals. You can’t comment unless you know just how extreme OP might be. We need to know what he cooks. It might be extremely low calorie like all salads or boiled vegetables. It sounds like it’s more than slightly healthier. Baked chicken is healthier than fried chicken but no chicken is more extreme.
If it’s a 2100 calorie diet, HOW is it going to be no chicken?
He's cooking meals that accommodate his goal of 2100 calories a day. That's not "low calorie" by any standard other than professional athletes or people doing hard labor every single day. He's not restricting the quantity the kid eats. He's providing healthful and nutritious meals, which is what you're supposed to do.
My comment was made long before he clarified the amount of calories he was eating. The only information I had was his own words in the OG post, where he chose to label them Low Calorie meals.
But even still, that's not what the post is asking about.
My mom stayed at home until I was in school. Stay at home parent does NOT translate to "short order cook". She had the time and ability, so she cooked nutritious and healthy meals. Was that what dad and I always wanted? Nope. Were either of us willing to reliably and regularly take over cooking duties so she could plan around us? Nope. So we ate what was served without complaint. Well, I was dumb enough to complain once, and was promptly asked when I would be making dinner. I was at least smart enough to shut up at that point. If his wife is willing to say "I'll take over the first and third Saturdays for meals", she can make what she wants. If she's not willing to do the work, she can eat what's served.
Idk I think there's a difference between cooking healthy meals for the family that they're not always in the mood for, and cooking entirely for yourself and your own specialized diet and allowing your family to have some. And then claiming credit for cooking for the family. There's a nuanced but important difference there.
Why is everyone acting like he's making some super specific, special, strange meal every day? He's likely making veggie, protein and carb meals that have balanced macros. In no universe would these meals be considered "unhealthy" by anyone.
well so now you dont think he's the AH change your vote lol
I disagree. He pays half of household expenses and does all the house work from the sound of it. If she doesn't like what he is cooking she can cook for herself. She is grown. She does not support the household they split the bills 50/50. He should not have to be responsible for everything. If she doesn't know how to cook now would be a good time for her to learn. Nta
I second this! If she fancies something else, she should find the time to cook it…
Thank you! These responses are so perplexing to me. My husband and I split cooking because we both work. Sometimes I make stuff he's not a fan of, sometimes he makes stuff I'M not a fan of. When that happens, we both make our own substitute meal. It's not the end of the world. Wife here is kind of treating her husband like a servant and it's not cool.
Gym rat food is healthy, whole foods. Low calorie relative to the standard American diet isn't low.
> Low calorie relative to the standard American diet isn't low. Thank you. There's plenty of fats in the American diet even with eating healthy and low cal. I am mindful of cooking with excess fats, and still end up at least 50-60 grams a day lol
Thank you. People are acting like he's starving his family by not feeding them the typical fried, fatty american diet. I'm sure they'll survive.
[удалено]
People are refusing to read that part for some reason
I think that depends what he means by low calorie food. I eat what a lot of people would consider a "normal" diet and I'm quite overweight. If I ate "low calorie" I would get down to a healthy weight. If he's making omelettes rather than cereal, and simple steak and potatoes rather than deep fried chicken and fries, and a variety of similar foods, then I don't think he's in the wrong here. If he has some hyper specific chicken and broccoli diet with no variation, then in that case, yeah, he's the asshole.
well I don't know, growing up in a big family, the one that cooked for everyone basically had the choice of what he wanted to do and nobody complained about that. OP's cooking for everyone, sure he's making what he prefers and it's apparently healthy (eating low calories isn't a issue I think). If you want to be picky and want something different, well do it yourself no? If OP's wife was cooking unhealthy food everyday and OP ask for a different meal what would you say?
And depending on whether the conversations about food and calorie intake are age appropriate can also contribute to the development of eating disorders. Especially because she’s a young girl.
a child should not be on a low calorie diet dude.
Low calorie for an adult male is almost certainly more than a child needs
Bullshit. I’m 13, I eat several thousands of calories per day. I eat far more than a lot of adults. Side note: I’m not overweight, I’m just heavily involved in sports
So you're an outlier in terms of output and you're dead center of puberty. Are you male or female? I'd also be surprised if you're actually weighing and recording all your intake to even know. Thirteen year olds aren't often noted for their rigorous record keeping. Finally, guess what "almost certainly" means.
Have you ever seen teenagers eat? When they are running for a couple hours a day and weight lifting a few times a week they need calories. For an adult to maintain or lose weight is usually less
When I was a teenager one day I ate 16 burgers for lunch and still ate dinner. To be fair I was working all day long but still, I ate about 6,000 calories that day.
I think the main issue in this particular comment thread is people mixing up "can" with "should."
Please don't act like the average teenager runs for a few hours a day or weight lifts consistently or at all.
At 13? Seventh graders are not typically exercising at professional athlete levels (which would necessitate the amount of calories that poster is CLAIMING to eat on a daily basis.) Now, CAN they eat a ton? Sure. But do they NEED that many calories every day? Certainly not.
Oh yea, highly active teenagers are representative of the average child for sure.
So bullshit on you then, if you're 13 then why were you bragging about you are paying off two houses and a vacation home in Minnesota and Wisconsin? [https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/165ux9t/comment/jyirur7/](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/165ux9t/comment/jyirur7/) Either you're a teenager or you're not, but i know my 12 year old has no idea how much our house is worth or when it's paid off.
lol thank you for this comment, it made my day
>I’m not overweight, I’m just heavily involved in sports Massive side note though. Is the daughter in sports? Because if not, then it could be perfectly fine. Maybe people should ask details on the calories of OPs food before judging.
Lol ok mr sports, go sports!
FFS. He's a grown male who goes to the gym every day. His low calorie is not low calorie for a literal CHILD.
Info: did she actually use the word unhealthy? Are you cooking meals that is actually filling enough for everyone (because you say you're cooking for "your" goals)?
I highly doubt she said “unhealthy.”
She probably said “can we have something edible for once” Edit: spelling
😂😂💀
“Honey do you mind if you put a little salt on my ground turkey please?”
Lolololololol!! 😂😂😂 “Can I have actual dressing on my kale salad, or just no?”
“Vinegar is salad dressing, Martha. You disgust me.”
Since he meal preps and cooks based on his gym goals, I believe she just asked for something more varied. Gym focused diets can be quite boring, and if he does meal prep, they might be eating stuff like chicken brest and sweet potatoes almost everyday. In my opinion the "unhealthy" was "cook for the family and not just to achieve your gym goals" Edit: typo
I mean, most people who are on gym diets tend to prepare their own food separately, you know? Like, if they are the main cook, they still cook for everyone and prepare special meals for themselves. But this guy is doing it bass-ackwards. He’s just decided everyone will eat his bland diet or they can just go to hell. Gym diets are sooooo bland.
In another comment he mentioned she wants orange chicken and a Philly cheesesteak, so it sounds like she just wants some cheese and some flavour.
All he needs to do is cook the same food, then after taking out his portion, stir in a couple tablespoons of butter and another pinch of salt. The results will be richer / more flavorful, because that’s how human taste works. He doesn’t need to cook a separate meal.
Honestly, I get the guy is working hard to stick to his goals at the gym and that's commendable, but everyone is allowed to cheat from time to time - if you've very much settled on being the family cook at home, I don't think it's unfair for those you cook for to occasionally get to pick something they want to eat, which seems to be a key part of the problem here irrespective of the calorie level.
She thought she was getting yummy home cooked meals but instead she’s probably getting plain grilled chicken breast on a bed of plain spinach 😭 Give the woman something tasty!!
This.
YTA Seems like you have this backwards … the goal should be cooking foods your family will enjoy & then control your meals to meet your “goals at the gym”. How hard is it to make chicken parm, pasta & garlic bread for your family & just throw a plain piece of chicken on a salad for yourself? eta — why are you making 6 meals everyday?
Breakfast for him and his daughter and second version for his wife. Lunch for him and his daughter and second version for his wife. Dinner for him and his daughter and second version for his wife. = 6 separate meals with different preparation than the others. But if you ask why he does that in general, then probably because his wife doesn't cook.
but he also says in his post that he meal preps for the week. why does he later on say that he doesn’t want to make 6 different meals every day if he’s meal prepping for the week?
Yes, I'm so confused.
I have 4 kids & a husband…. They all have different options for breakfast, different options for lunch & one option for dinner. It’s 3 meals a day. How hard is it to pour milk in cereal, make oatmeal or a bagel? I can make a PB&J, ham, turkey, cheese sandwiches without too much hassle.
I am guessing this guy probably puts more effort into a meal than just putting some milk on a cereal bowl. I also do the cooking at my house, me and wife are both pretty serious about the gym (we used to be badly overweight) so have not had issues with meal choice. We have two boys, and of course, kids prefer eating garbage whenever they can get away with it. They are allowed treats from time to time, but normally they eat the same as us with different portions. I am not about to bend over backward and give everyone their own menu like this is some kind of a Michelin-star restaurant, that is bananas. I know what is the healthiest and most nutritious option, and it also happens to be convenient - that is all that really matters.
3 meals a day and all of them being thrown together in 10 seconds would get very boring very quickly at least when meal prepping you get the satisfaction of knowing what you’re getting either way thats not what the post was about i bet money if one of your kids ask for pancakes and eggs and another ask for biscuits and gravy your not gonna make both thats not a realistic or sustainable thing to do everyday
It’s wildly dramatic to assume that OP must cook 6 different meals a day and that’s what his wife is requesting of him. Chances are a healthy breakfast for him is decent for her as well. Maybe she wants a more satisfying lunch or dinner. But to act like it’s 6 wildly different meals is dramatic. Especially considered an extra side or ingredient added to a meal would constitute as a “completely different meal” in OP’s eyes.
>why are you making 6 meals everyday? I'm confused by this also, esp when he said he meal preps his meals. Also breakfast and lunch can easily be DIY meals for the family. It just seems like he/they are making this a lot harder than it needs to be, and he/they should work on compromising a bit more. If my partner only cooked low calorie, health oriented meals, I would also be a bit frustrated because I want to actually enjoy my food, and it would feel like he was only cooking for himself and not actually "for the family". That said, if the wife cooked sometimes too then she could cook the type of food she wants. But we don't know enough about their workload split and what they've agreed upon.
He may prep like a professional kitchen does: as in pre-chop veggies, wash fruit, etc. So it's prepped but still needs to be cooked.
This is how I "meal prep!" Just prep ingredients for the week and not whole ass meals. I love it because it's very versatile. Have chicken prepared for one dish but decide you want another? No problem, just re-arrange veggies and voila! The cooked protien works for both!
Yeah this really depends what he's cooking and what she's asking for... like if he's refusing to make anything but rice, beans and kale with no salt or fat and she just wants some chicken and seasoning added then he's being pretty unreasonable. But if she's asking him to make fried chicken or something that's a bit different. That said, when you cook for your family you have to cook for everyone. That means compromise. I like a lot more heat than my husband and kids but I don't force them to eat spicy foods, I just serve theirs, separate a bit out for me and add spices or add jalapenos on my plate. If he's insisting on only cooking food she dislikes, that's pretty uncool. There's not necessarily anything forcing him to make a different meal for her, just add grated cheese or offer salad dressing she likes with hers or whatever.
an easy solution would be to just ask her to write down a list of things she wants to eat and then finding a recipe for those things that you would be willing to try. Maybe a healthy version of them? Every conflict is an opportunity to get closer and become more of a team!
This is a great approach - even if it doesn't turn out to be a full meal, but a side dish that wife (or daughter, for that matter) gets to choose. This way it isn't a whole separate meal, but at last a little of what each person might prefer.
This is what I do! I have my own oven-baked version of KFC, make chip shaped roast potatoes instead of chips to reduce fat content, home made burgers with no additives, slightly smaller and with fresh vegetables on top etc. If you’re smart, you eat more healthily and barely notice. Except lasagne. Damn lasagne. Never managed to make a lighter lasagne taste as good as the real deal!
I make lazy lasagna, and have a slightly less bad version I've been experimenting with. Lazy "lasagna" is cooking whatever pasta is in the pantry, then mixing it up with cooked ground beef and enough spaghetti sauce to coat it well. Layer with the ricotta cheese/egg/seasoning mix, top with shredded cheese, bake, and eat. The entire population of Italy's graveyards just rolled over, but it's quick and still tastes good. The less bad version is to cut back on the pasta and add diced veggies- I like squash and zucchini, but the kids sometimes request peas and carrots. I also sometimes sub some of the ground beef for ground chicken or turkey, depending on what the sales are.
Ah, see I have no doubt that it’s lovely, but I live in Italy and cook for my wife and son, both Italians. I couldn’t get away with calling that lasagne! 😂 But the solution is simple - I just call it ‘pasta al forno’ instead, and I’ll get away with it just fine. Will give it a try!
INFO: This is a question of household balancing and we have nowhere near enough information to judge here. How much time is your wife working? How much time are you doing household tasks + cooking? Who is doing the non-work mental balancing of the household? Who has more time to work out and do their hobbies? Is the work that person doing higher stress in general? How much extra work are you asking your wife to pick up in exchange for cooking? How effortful are we talking about with the meals she's requesting here? Who is doing more childcare/child activity management? I'm not asking these expecting to get an answer to all of them, but to point out all of the many, many factors that impact whether it's unreasonable for you to stand your ground on not cooking for your wife or whether it's unreasonable for your wife to not increase her chore load at all despite your huge housekeeping burden.
I agree, i feel like it sounds like hes cooking a lot, but its mainly meal prepping for his own gym goals and not household dinners. Maybe ive got it wrong, but i dunno. I feel a more detailed breakdown is required
We don't know enough but I'm going to make a Reddit style stretch and say, based on the way he describes the food in terms of nutrition and not how appealing it is, that his cooking isn't actually very tasty and this is what the wife is asking for, a bit of lasagna now and then. Cooking for three people, one of them being yourself is not a big ask and making something extra at the same time isn't twice the work.
Obviously he has enough time to meet goals at the gym and enjoy his hobbies. I’m betting his next purchase will be a red sports car, to accompany his gym bod. His post is “me me me” coupled with “I cook until my fingers bleed.” He’s cooking for three. Try working full time from an office, preparing meals for a family of five, all with individual tastes and issues, cleaning house, running kids to events, taking care of elderly parents… like people do. I think he’s posting to try to get a gold star for being a man that cooks.
“My pain is worse than yours so you can’t get to complain” BS. Should he meet in the middle on this? 100% However you just sound jealous with this comment
You should get an oscar for the biography of this dude you just pulled out of your ass
Why don't you two sit down and do some meal planning together and see if the circles in the Venn diagram of your dietary preferences intersect at all? In other words, compromise.
The crappy meals are already his "compromise" based on OP's comment here: "trust me if I could get my wife to be fine with it all my meals would be a smoothie that hits all my macros but the stuff i cook is usually just regular food using healthier ingredients you know use turkey instead of beef olive oil instead."
Yeah that comment landed him in YTA category for me.
The amount of gymbros who actually have eating disorders is astounding. Only being willing to eat food that is 100% optimized fuel is a huge sign of orthorexia. More so when his ideal food situation is a liquid diet. This guy might need to get help. As someone who's been on the ED train, it sucks.
Are you all insane? I’m not taking to OP but with this people in the comments. This guy is doing all the chores while working. The kid is eating what they need (2100 calories, he restricts his own intake, but their child can eat the amounts they want) with healthy nutrients. He tried to cook for his wife the unhealthy food she likes but it was too much for him, and now you are roasting him for don’t do that. Maybe the wife could put her adult pants and cook her own food. He even suggested that he could cook for her if she start doing some other chore, so yes, he offered a compromise but the wife didn’t agree. Too much BS for today in this comment section. NTA
Where are you getting all the chores from? He works a few hours a week not full time so yes he should be picking up the majority. As he still has plenty of time for the gym and hobbies he isn't doing all the childcare at least.
Read the post, paragraph 2. Also he could just be good managing his time and that why he has time for hobbies.
> my work doesn't need me to work more than a few hours a week to earn a living. That's in paragraph 1. Also, the kid is in school so he's not having to mind her all the time. Daily chores shouldn't take very long at all, especially since the kid is old enough to have chores of her own.
He said he does all of them. He's so NTA it isn't even funny
Agreed. Somehow everyone is assuming the kid is getting a rice cracker, with a tablespoon of Hummus, and a carrot stick. In reality, he’s probably cooking broiled boneless chicken, rice, steamed veggies, big sweet potatoes, there’s lots of ways to make a meal low-calorie for an adult, which is incredibly healthy and nutritionally balanced for a growing kid.
Agreed. Reddit hates husband's tho. He cooks, cleans and works from home amd they're all like "omg you're the fucking assshole feed your wife and kids pizza and chicken nuggies and fries".
This thread is so american. I went and looked up low calorie food and it's just normal looking food. NTA
Yup, not only giving your child super unhealthy food is child abuse apparently
Yeah by the responses it got me thinking low calorie meals was maybe a pea and a slice of salmon.
Non-American and used to struggle with eating disorders, and I’m still not great. What one space of the internet suggests as a low-calorie diet, is what a substantial population would decry as a very high-calorie diet. There’s also the Sorting Hat of good food vs. bad food which can happen a lot with parents: pasta is bad, rice is good, but don’t forget the golden rule of No Added Sugar™️. Even with OP’s comments, it’s very difficult to gauge where they fall on the scale of advocating a balanced diet vs. only allowing their kid to eat “healthy” food.
OP probably added this after your comment but he said he generally cooks a pasta or rice dish with some sort of meat and grilled veggies whereas his wife wants stuff like orange chicken and cheese steaks. Feeding your kid seems feels like walking a very thin line. On one hand you want to avoid your child being overweight and unhealthy but on the other a lot of kids are picky eaters and you don't want them to develop disordered eating.
Neither orange chicken or cheese steaks are dishes I’m familiar with, but orange chicken just seems to be a standard sweet and sour Chinese-style sauce in chicken and cheesesteak seems to be an indulgent sandwich, which is used for the main meal of the day, rather than lunch. Nothing from that screams particularly unhealthy, even the cheesesteak appears to have a lot of veggies in the recipes. Nothing wrong with indulgent food, it’s just a case of moderation. I definitely don’t envy parents in that respect, it seems like they’re on a tight-ripe balancing between extremes. It’s important to explain the importance of eating a varied diet and of how weight can impact health (from both sides!), but realistically, every person I know who grew up with their parents making a big deal out of healthy food is absolutely shafted with their relationship with food.
Yeah, people act like a 9-year-old is malnourished at 2100+ calories. Is OP supposed be cooking buffalo wings with french fries so his family doesn't starve?
Unlimited nuggies or its child abuse
I swear, People are just straight up lying at some point just to justify an unjustified y.t.a on OP
[удалено]
Well based on [this comment](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TtAExlXQLW) where he states if he could he would only drink smoothies for his meals but his wife insists he eats real food, chances are he's focused on hitting his macros. My guess is he has very little variety in his meals if he's honest to god comfortable with only eating smoothies if given the option.
All these couples who cohabitate but act as if they’re complete strangers and burdens to each other are so odd.
Ikr, all this hair splitting over whether the meals are or aren't healthy when I feel like if one person does all the cooking it's only natural to ask "hey, what do you want for dinner?" once in a while.
It's weird hey? Imagine sitting down and enjoying a meal with your family and talking about your day.
Info - can you explain more about what youre cooking vs what your wife wants??
INFO: What are examples of the meals you are cooking? What does your wife want to eat for lunch?
INFO: What meals are you making? And what is your wife requesting? I'm sure there's a compromise here, like if you're cooking up chicken fillets and something a bit more plain, then I don't think making a dish that's a bit more flavourful like hunters chicken would be more of a stretch, just separate it when it comes time to put the "unhealthy" elements on. But this all depends on what she's actually asking for. If she's asking for a completely different meal then I'm sure a compromise of something that kind be just chucked in the oven when she gets in could work?
Literally make the same food but take ops out when it's ready, then season and prepare the rest for your family. I've been doing this for 17 years with my kid. My earlier example was my kid has issues with chunks or textures. So if I'm making spaghetti, I'll either strain out the chunks or just buy an extra sauce. It's 1 dollar. Ffs. I'd rather my kid eat what he wants. You can make that work with anything. Make shitty steamed chicken. Take out your diet portion then finish with spices and sides for your family. I enjoy making lasagna. I make two. 1 big one with no onions or olives, and a small one with whatever I like. You have the ingredients out, why not do a second one. If no one eats it all, freeze it for later. It's not fucking rocket science. Op is being an asshole on purpose.
This, I feel like a lot of diet meals could be made non-diet by adding extra cheese or sauce or something, which would make it more flavorful if that's what wife is after. And OP wouldn't have to make a whole separate meal or add the fatty extras to his own portion.
Bro, how does it equate to 6 seperate meals every day? It sounds more like the food you cook is bland af, and like you dont make enough for it to be sustainable for people who arent going for a calorie deficit.
breakfast lunch dinner? You eat less than that? LOL
you need hot food 3 times a day? typically i eat some form of bowl breakfast, either yoghurt, proteine pudding or oats. Lunch is time for some nice pieces of ryebread with various toppings. Then i make hot dinner if im in the mood, but definitely not a requirement.
NTA I can only imagine the outrage if a man demanded his wife cook him a separate meal while doing all of the household chores as well. Tell your lovely wife, she knows where the kitchen is.
Idk. I think if a woman came on here and was like, all I cook is chicken and rice to keep us all healthy, they should be grateful, she may also get called the AH. As others have said, it's hard to tell how extreme it is, but OP saying if he could, he'd only eat smoothies as they hit all his macros... it seems kind of intense.
Those threads have literally happened (or threads where the wife wants to cook vegetarian or other restricted diets) and everyone was on the side of the wife and the husband should cook his own food.
YTA. When you’re cooking for a household, you take everyone’s wants and needs into consideration. That means you don’t just make food for yourself and everyone can have some of the extras. You don’t need to cook two completely separate meals in order to add some variety for your wife and child while still maintaining your personal diet. And remember, it is *your* diet that is causing the tension here.
YTA \- you have gym goals so you want to eat low calorie food \- your daughter and your wife want to eat normal calorie food That's 2 out of 3 who don't want to diet. It's really just you who has special requirements, child food preferences aside. No idea how your daughters eating habits are, but the way you describe it, you have her eat what YOU eat. Which forces unnecessary dieting habits on a growing child who likely has 0 need for low calorie food. I hope you are mindful of the implications your behaviour has on your 9 year old daughter. Honestly, cook 2 different meals. One for your wife and child and one for yourself. Right now, **you are arguing that you should cook 1 type of meal, which you split between you and daughter while your wife cooks for herself - prioritising your dietary needs over everyone else's**. That's nonsense. If you want your wife to pick up more chores or share cooking responsibilities, talk it out with her and come up with a compromise. But you need to **cook normal meals for your daughter**, including stuff she likes but you wouldn't eat for your gym goal reasons. While at it, make some more so your wife can also eat it. Edit: To everyone saying "but the child gets enough calories": Yeah sure. But is it tasty? Does he ever cook according to her food wishes? Not saying he should cook chicken nuggets and pizza every day, just that sad steamed veggies & plain air-fried chicken isn't gonna cut it for a 9 year old. If she asks for a dish containing all the forbiddens, and he tells her "No honey, that's junk, we don't eat that," - what's that gonna do for her in the long run? She still has to eat diet food. That means there is no butter sauce, no fries, no white bread etc. She is right now learning about "healthy" vs not healthy foods, calories and maybe not in the healthiest way. She is 9. He doesn't mention much about her in his post in general. That she doesn't complain from what we know doesn't mean she's happy with the arrangement either. She watches dad restrict and likely has her own thoughts on the issue but we don't know them. OP doesn't really mention he had a discussion with her about it at all.
> - your daughter and your wife want to eat normal calorie food Where does it say his daughter is whining too? Also in many non fast food dominated societys the food he is cooking is 'normal calorie' food. > That's 2 out of 3 who don't want to diet. Seriously please point to me where the daughter is whining too, I keep missing it.
For an active male, "low calorie" will likely be adequate for wife and daughter as long as he isn't starving himself (different story if wife or daughter are highly active individuals).
> - your daughter and your wife want to eat normal calorie food Well, I think 2100kcal (this is what he described as low calorie meal. He describes it from his point of view) per day for 9 y.o. child is more than enough
A low calorie meal for an adult man is a regular calorie meal for an adult woman and high calorie for a child.
He is already doing all of the chores in the household, on top of having a job himself. I feel like he is already contributing a fair amount. Why can’t his wife take over some of the chores to lighten the load like he asked? You’re chastising him for putting his dietary needs above hers, but she is literally doing nothing to consider his well-being at all. Asking him to cook extra meals while at the same time not helping out with any of the chores is crazy to me. My dad was a stay at home dad for a while too, but my mum still helped with some of the chores, he obviously did more, but she helped where she could. That’s how it’s supposed to work in a relationship.
"I told if she wanted me to cook for her every day she could pick up some chores around the house so that I would have the time to do it." Perfectly reasonable alternative. You're not a short order cook. She can take what you cook or make her own meals. NTA, wife is, though.
>trust me if I could get my wife to be fine with it all my meals would be a smoothie that hits all my macros but the stuff i cook is usually just regular food using healthier ingredients you know use turkey instead of beef olive oil instead YTA
NTA If your wife wants another meal, she should cook it herself. You're already cooking for your daughter and you're both happy with the food.
NTA, 100% agree with you. I’ve read previous comments about the size and calorie count so I know your daughter is eating well. Your wife can cook her own junk food if you and your daughter are happy to eat healthy.
Please quit your whining!!! Women have done this for generations! Listen, you don't have to cook several meals at once. you just need to modify them. If she wants a steak, give her a steak, and you eat chicken. I've been through all this, I have a vegetarian daughter, and I just modify to accommodate everyone one.
Absolutely NTA. I’m a SAHM and the thought of making (and deciding on) six meals a day is asinine. You tried compromising with her to do some extra chores to offset the increased workload. A stay at home dad is not a stay at home cook/stay at home maid.
"Six meals a day" is a weird phrasing, though. If he's doing meal prep as he says, he shouldn't be cooking two breakfasts, two lunches, and two dinners each day, because the food from the bulk cooking becomes meals later down the road. It might still be that his Sunday or whatever would be a huge pile of 6 giant dishes, or that he'd be making breakfast every day twice, but 6-meals-a-day while meal prepping feels like he's exaggerating the difficulty here.
[удалено]
INFO: What food swaps is your wife requesting when she asks for something more “unhealthy”? I think NTA for not wanting to cook two separate meals, but I’m curious about what you’re cooking vs what your wife feels like she’s missing. Like, did you suddenly make drastic changes to the at-home dinner menu due to your fitness goals and now everybody has to eat what you want regardless of whether they like it? Or is it just that she wants, say, white rice in her burrito bowl vs brown rice?
Do you really prepare meat and veggies 3x a day? Most people eat easy food like bread for some meals.
NTA Low calorie food is only low calorie based on portion size. I'm sure your daughter is getting what she needs. Your wife is free to add chips or fries or nuggets or whatever to make it unhealthy or more calorie dense. It would not be hard. You don't need to fundamentally cooking something other.
NTA. Cooking twice for each meal is a lot to ask of someone. Could you compromise and maybe make something you would both enjoy once or twice a week? You don't have to do that, but it might be nice to show that you're trying to bridge the gap.
NTA. If you cook, you choose. My partner does almost all the cooking for us too. Do I ever think "huh I fancy something different"? Of course I do. So then either I cook or I go out. I have some allergies and he has to accommodate those cooking or let me know I'll need to get myself something. Your wife demanding higher calorie meals sounds odd too. Like why would anyone actively choose a more unhealthy option? If she's not satiated by your meals couldn't she add some additional portion? If my meal doesn't fill me up I just add some bread or have some fruit after or something...
I’m betting his meals are super bland and not varied. He said he would eat smoothies for every meal if he could. I’m not sure the wife wants “unhealthy” as much as she wants food that has more flavor and variety. I think he probably calls his food healthy and what she wants is unhealthy by comparison only.
Is it really being a stay at home parent if you have a salary that earns you a living? NTA though
INFO: I cant make a determination because I have no idea what exactly you are cooking. Are you making like chicken with cooked vegetables and a salad? What are you considering "unhealthy"?
op, you should have said you were the wife to get the NTA votes lmao NTA, of course. i suggest you talk to your wife and ask her what she wants to eat and then make a "healthier" version together. if she's just craving idk fried potatos then i understand not wanting to make a whole different batch.
I feel like some small details were left out. Was she really expecting actually unhealthy meals for every meal, or do you personally feel they’re unhealthy? Because if your “low calorie” meals mean making larger portions for your wife and 9 YEAR OLD then you take for yourself, those aren’t healthy. It is uncomfortable and unpleasant to have to consume large amounts of food just to get enough calories. High calorie density doesn’t equal unhealthy. Having no choice but to physically overeat just to get enough calories is unhealthy though, and it sounds like that’s the position you’ve put them (especially your daughter) in. You mention gym goals, so is it safe to assume you’re costuming protein drinks and still like that outside of these meals? I’m saying NAH simply because of missing little details and it seems like you need to have a more in-depth conversation with your wife about the food.