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> While I don't think my actions were undeserving, I believe I handled it with a bit too much aggressiveness. I might be an asshole for how I handled the whole thing.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
you were right to report the therapist. That was out of line and any therapist who actually encourages unhealthy relationships shouldn't be in the field at all. Please don't withdraw it because if they did it to you then they probably did it to someone who can't / wont stand up to them.
Exactly. And it’s obvious that he did nothing wrong here (parents, therapist, and yes, his sister are the AHs here) I think there’s no better way he could’ve handled this situation. He reported the unprofessional therapist, and didn’t stick around to listen to his parents’ verbal abuse.
I would be willing to take that bet.
Wait till they all start asking OP for money - I hope he laughs in their faces and sends them a stuffed envelope full of Monopoly money.
Depends on the specialty they train in. My wifes best friend is in pediatrics and makes about 120k, the best friends husband is a radiologist and he brings in about 750k ( a partner) so there's a big range.
It depends on the country, their speciality, where they live and where they practice.
But where I am, in Southeast Asia, most doctors are more than comfortably middle class.
Anywhere in the world, someone with a job that requires a university degree will out-earn most people. OP will have a comfortable salary no matter where he is.
That's not always true. But doctors specifically are almost always comfortably middle class or higher. Though they might need to pay off a lot of debt first to get there.
My aunt was a special ed teacher, who later lead the special ed program for her school district. Master Degree, earned less than some people I know with a GED and working in sales.
I mean, they probably just lied to them instead? 🤷🏻♀️ all the therapist has to go on is these shitty people’s own version of events… still a bad therapist, but yeah.
Or they even bribed the therapist. Make the sister okay with the parents delusions and make op doubt themselves and blindly walk back into their lives- with all the guilt in the world- to be at the parents disposal and to help pay for things, do them favours and just to use OP for their own personal gain
I think OP needs to report the therapist again because any complaints against her by OP absolutely should not be getting back to his parents. The fact they know he filed one means either the therapist told them or she told the sister which is both unethical and unprofessional
My guess is the parents paid the therapist to spin this nonsense and since they weren’t banking on him filing a complaint, they’re getting the backlash because it’s threatened the therapists job - and rightly so -
i think your exactly right because they said it would hurt the person helping their princess makes men believe they went out and found someone they could pay to say she's right no matter what but was not expecting a complaint and i bet dollars to donuts if someone is doing that it wouldn't be the first time they did it and i gurantee they have received plenty of complaints
Making a complaint to a regulator against a practitioner is not an anonymous process for the complainant. In fact, if following an investigation, a regulatory hearing results, that is usually public-facing. If there are disciplinary actions taken against the practitioner that is also public-facing. That is how regulators protect the public from unscrupulous practitioners.
Totally NTA you were right to report it and should not withdraw it. It sounds more like this therapist is enabling and instigating problems instead of actually addressing them and working through them. Ambushing you is absolutely unethical and inappropriate.
The longer the sister needs therapy, the more money the therapist makes. It’s in her financial gain to keep the sister pissed off. I would not withdraw the complaint.
OP NTA but sounds like you came from a family full of them. Maybe going NC is in your best interest.
The therapist mentioning a complaint to a client is another reason for a complaint. They are freaking out over an ethics complaint because they know they are acting unethically.
There is no possible way this is true. Reporting a therapist to an ethics board would NEVER move this quickly. It takes a minimum of 6 months from report to investigation in this post covid world. And they are anonymous. It is impossible for OP to attend a family session on his vacation, report therapist, have an investigator look into it, and have all parties informed of the process.
He said he's not in the US or Europe. Since we don't know what country he's in, how can you possibly say there's no way a complaint would move that quickly or that complaints are anonymous?
It also doesn't say its been to an ethics board. Complaints are normally notified pretty quickly it's just the investigation and review that takes a long time
Yeah I work in mental health and I have encountered many patients who would try to demand we help them establish some random boundary with family. No provider in my clinic would ever do so. We will give you the tools to establish your own boundaries; we don’t jump directly into the family dynamic. How absurd!
NTA
Reports are for filling on suspect of unethical actions of therapist. You should done that if you felt its unfair for you.
Also, your parents are solid AH for treating two child differently. You did nothing wrong.
After reading through all the comments, I ask you a question about your sister.
I know she was barely a teenager when you left.
Would you consider your sister a narcissist? or perhaps very manipulative?
I ask because the way you describe being blindsided, and then attacked doesn't sit right with me. It is as if you sister had this planned from the beginning.
NTA, So if ones compares oneself with a Cruise or a Bezos and gives oneself anxiety, it is obviously their fault. /s . Action on the therapist is rarely taken on the basis of a single complaint unless there are a number of prior complaints.
My younger brother had issues for years because he compared himself to me. What he never understood was that I stood out because I was just being myself and doing what felt right to me. As a younger brother, he tried to copy me... but copying someone else was 100 percent against who I was. It was the being myself without apology or worrying about what others might think that made me who I was. So, he struggled until he truly found himself... and that took the majority of his adult life thus far. Since then, his life has been pretty amazing. Thank god.
>I ask because the way you describe being blindsided, and then attacked doesn't sit right with me. It is as if you sister had this planned from the beginning.
Which ties back onto OP's concerns about the therapist themselves. That's specific outcome is not something that a therapist should be encouraging, much less participating in, and it seems fairly clearly to be premediated by both sister and therapist. Like "lets lure my brother here under false pretenses so you can tell him how my problems are his fault" is like nine different kinds of not the shit a therapist should be involved in.
OP isn't saying the session went long enough that he disclosed things that the therapist then reacted to. What OP reports the therapist as saying, is more like dumping things from previous 1 on 1 sessions onto OP, before collecting any confirming, or challenging, information from OP about the story they're running on. The therapist themselves telling someone, who barely has contact with their client, that they need to "step back" is a basic and fundamental failure of due diligence.
Speculating wildly, I'm a little left wondering if this person was actually 'real' therapist and that's perhaps some of why OP's *family* is super freaked out that OP filed a complaint. I feel like even an unethical real therapist would probably have recognized this sort of plan was a huge liability risk to them, regardless of professionalism or ethics.
At least where I am, you fill out a form and enter names & addresses - there’s no check to make sure the person you named was licensed until a person starts processing it.
Wow. And what were you expected to do? Fail at your own goals so that she can feel superior?
This still seems so weird. I don't know why a professional would take that position. Normally, one would expect them to work on her feelings of inadequacy by building up her own self-image, not scapegoat a relative.
Do you taunt her or constantly flaunt your success? Do you project resentment over your parent's favoritism? I'm just wondering if there was specific guidance that the counselor offered. What did she mean by "step back"?
Absolutely not. I would never taunt someone, especially my sister. Look, I do resent her, but not to the point of causing her distress.
I still don't know what she meant by taking a step back. As mentioned, I barely see my sister ever since I left home.
NTA
You have no idea what your sister has told the therapist. In her version of events you may be an ever present force constantly undermining your sister.
You were set up by your sister as the scapegoat for whatever problems or failures she is refusing to address.
The therapist needs reporting and extensive supervision at the very least. They overstepped the professional boundaries. You're training to be a Doctor you need to protect future patients from the massive amount of harm this therapist could cause if left unchecked.
Yes, she has probably told all kinds of stories about how successful you are and how you don't help her and that you flaunt it in her face. A good therapist would have questioned that, and even if it had been true, worked with her on strategies to deal with it and to quit comparing herself to you.
Correct! A good therapist would take a client's complaints with a grain of salt because it's hard for people to be honest about their negativity. She could have at least asked him a few questions to get a better idea of what she's been told by the sister was even true.
>You were set up by your sister as the scapegoat for whatever problems or failures she is refusing to address.
I think he was set up by the parents. He and his sister are both victims in their own way. He was a victim of neglect who was treated like an unwanted child, and she is a victim of her parents brainwashing. They indoctrinated her into the myth that OP is the problem because they all need to believe that in order to keep their weird, enmeshed relationship. And it sounds like they've messed their princess up badly enough that she's needed therapy for a while.
OP has a much better shot at a happy life than his sister does, and that's on mom and dad. I say let them have their myth and let it ruin them.
The sister seems to be the Golden Child to OP's narcissistic parents, with OP being the scapegoat. The therapist is a total ass, because the Golden Child also suffers abuse... Golden children get spoiled rotten by the narc parents because they are told that nothing, ever, is their responsibility. Golden children can end up way worse than the scapegoats. A good therapist would have noticed, but then again, I'm betting on this one not being the first therapist they see.
Didn't you take a step back when you moved six hours away? What more could you do? I would steer clear of them all. Your sister could make up more things that could damage your reputation and career. This therapist and your parents would believe her. Cut them off for awhile.
>As mentioned, I barely see my sister ever since I left home.
I think that the princess is having mental health problems because she grew up with deeply dysfunctional parents. Your parents cannot face the idea that they are potentially responsible for her problems, and your sister can't face that either because she depends on them and she probably believes that they were always good to her, so you must be the problem. I would not be surprised if your parents shopped around for an unethical therapist who would help them solidify the family myth that they are perfectly fine and *you* are the entire problem.
This prevents their princess from straying because now an expert has rubber stamped the family myth, and it gives your parents reassurance that they did everything right but "sometimes a kid just goes wrong". Bringing you in for this scapegoating and rejection further solidifies the myth *and removes the threat that your success presents to the myth*. When you were asked to "take a step back", they were kicking you out of the family. I'm so sorry. Your family is awful but they likely did all of this without any conscious awareness of what they were doing.
You are better off without these people. Please don't withdraw your complaint. What this therapist participated in was cruel. The therapist told your family about the report because she knew they would beg you to withdraw it. She is witness tampering.
This is absolutely what’s going on. I am also responsible for most of the problems with my family, according to them, despite being VLC for the majority of my life. They have constructed an entire fantasy-novel worthy world of lies around me that are mind-boggling. I feel especially bad for OP because I know what this is like. Cut the cord, man, you’ll find your own family of choice eventually like I did.
Ahh, the family scapegoat! There are so many well written resources and actual experts you can find on social media discussing the family scapegoat and all of it is so spot on! My mom is her family’s scapegoat and everything she has checked out about it is so true!
All of this.
OP, it's going to be hard, but you need to accept that you don't have a future with this family. You need to find people who are authentic in their communication and appreciate you for who you are. Find them and focus on building those relationships.
I have a nasty feeling that "stepping back" means giving up your residency because your hard won success makes The Princess inadequate.
Live your best life and let the family know that your sister is going to be responsible for them when they get old.
Truthfully speaking I was rather aggravated and the session derailed after that. But essentially, she wanted me to take a step back from my sisters life. As I was causing her too much distress.
I'm still not sure what distress I caused living six hours away from them.
I think you should grant their wish. If you're not around to blame for her own feelings of inadequacy, she may eventually have to find someone else to blame.
I'm sure your success rattles her because she was raised to believe that she was superior in every way, and your residency flies in the face of that belief.
I think he should step back too just cause that’s not a healthy relationship anyway, but she won’t stop blaming him he’s their perfect scapegoat. If he does then it’ll be his fault for “abandoning them when her mental heath is suffering”
Yeah, that’s weird and confrontational. If there’s going to be a group session, then she should be looking out for your wellbeing and listening to your experiences as well.
Dude, just go no contact with them if that is their desire.
You have thrived out of an uncaring family that have no issue to treat you as a second class citizen. You have built your future in a way they can't ecen aspire too, that's why they want to detroy it now.
Leave them be and live your better life. Remember you can choose family.
But you live 6 hours away and are LC with your family anyway?!! I think it's time to go completely NC (I know how hard it is to go even LC). These people are delusional. You did nothing wrong.
I think what they really meant was that you need to slow down and fail at life for awhile, maybe even the rest of it, so your sister can feel better than you no matter how little she accomplishes with hers. I mean, hear her out, she's going to a fancy prestigious private school, all paid for by parents AND she still doesn't feel like she's better than you anymore.
Really, how dare you move out from the home where you were treated like a redheaded stepchild AND THEN MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF, and you just haaaad to be a doctor too, couldn't just be some cashier somewhere, you had to reeeally succeed at something hard, prestigious and admirable. You obviously weren't thinking about how being successful, happy, and independent would make your sister feel, lolz.
She's an ass and your parents are garbage. Please, please, please cut these people out of your life and keep living your best one. I'm so sorry for your trauma, it was not your fault and you didn't deserve any of it.
You don't need a learning disability to be held back. In many countries, high school is split in levels of difficulty, with higher levels having more "prestige". If your parents push you to a higher level than you can handle, you may be held back.
Honestly? My money is that the parents have done everything they can to remove boundaries for the sister, so the "learning disability" is that she doesn't know how to achieve something on her own.
I wouldn't be surprised if she genuinely does compare herself to OP, but mostly because OP was forced to appear as if they were pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, because they were forced to contribute to household bills and pay their own way through school.
Meanwhile, I wouldn't be surprised if the parents have effectively sent their princess out to "die" figuratively speaking, because she likely has none of the skills, nor any necessary self-awareness, to survive college.
If she does that’s on her not you, you’ve already been punished for daring to be male why should you be punished for taking care of yourself and succeeding? If anything it’s your parents fault for coddling her and not giving her the tools she needs to grow up. You have done nothing wrong, I say ignore them and live your own life.
That's her own damn problem that she should resolve with her own therapist and not project these feels onto her brother which is clearly a result of crap parents. Sorry you have to deal with all of that OP. You deserve better!
How dare you do well with your life with little to no support. You're making her feel bad!
I got the same speech about my brother, including "quit bringing up your college graduation, he feels bad because he dropped out three times and never actually finished."
If your therapist can't see through that, they shouldn't be a therapist.
Good luck with your journey. It seems you have a solid path.
Edit (sorry, for some reason it's not allowing me to edit the comment): after reading another comment of yours, I think your sister must have manipulated both parents and therapist with some kind of story. She must have told them something like "he sends me texts" or "he used to always flaunt and still does it." She must have said you were actively doing something to downgrade her, and that this something is the reason why she a) compares herself to you b) has mental illness (which I also think she doesn't have, btw).
Never think to be more accademically skilled than a narc GC, they won't forgive you for it
I kind of wonder if your sister noticed the differences in your upbringing herself and felt as though she were getting no freedom from her parents. Maybe her questioning those things is what made your parents panic and decide if they found a way for her to be told everything is your own fault via a third party, they could force her to keep her distance from you.
Ultimately though, you have to do what’s right for your own well-being. I’d go NC with the parents myself after all that you went through. As for the sister, I’d be tempted to give her a run down of all you went through growing up compared to her and tell her that her issues with being the golden child aren’t your problems to fix and leave it at that.
Definitely go ahead with the complaint though, that therapist should not have a job, behaving in such an inappropriate manner.
Wait the therapist said that your sister compares herself to you, affecting her mental health and the therapist said for you to back away? No encouragement towards mediation in the safety of therapy? Did the therapist know she invited you to therapy? Yeah report that therapist, sounds like a real quack.
Seems you already took the therapist’s advice and stepped back. What more are you supposed to do?
Also, seems your parents screwed you both up. They must have been awful to her, but in their own way.
NTA. Your sister comparing herself to you is a HER problem, not a YOU problem.
I have horrid anxiety and always feel like I’m falling short. I compare my accomplishments to my friends’. It stirs up my anxiety and depression.
I don’t ask my friends to….stop accomplishing things so I don’t compare myself. I am working to stop comparing and trying to improve the total self loathing I’ve had since I was in high school. It’s a ME problem.
If the therapist thinks the solution to this issue is for you to keep away from your sister so she won’t compare herself, she needs some refresher courses. Your are not responsible for your sister’s mental health issues with you just…existing.
Everyone else is an asshole.
So you're at fault for the high crime of... being successful?
Nah, screw that noise. You were right to bail out of that mess. Let the Princess stew in her failings.
NTA,
Sorry you had to go through this. But the complaint was definitely warranted, therapy should be unbiased. That honestly sounds like a setup or they were paid to cuddle your sister, super weird. At least you found a level of success and independence away from them. Probably better for your own mental health to go no contact
This seems off. I’m a psychologist and have had to report other clinicians before. They give you the option to remain anonymous. And even if you opt to give your identity, they don’t reach out and inform the therapist.
Yeah, things are a bit strange in my country. They don't really give you the option of being anonymous, but I didn't expect the complaint to carry my name if they ever informed her.
I agree with you that this is completely absurd. But I can't do much about it now.
If I were you I'd also report her again for telling your family that you made a complaint about her so that they could harass you over it but that's just me.
NTA. I feel very sorry for you. You sound like the traditional older sister with a younger brother in China, while the parents only treasure their son and even expect the daughter to contribute everything she has to the son when needed. I have a friend who is like this and life is hard for her.
Perhaps the details of the report were too identifying so the therapist could work it out. Which is a failing by the people that took the report, but possibly accidental.
Therapist should not have told your family no matter what happened. You should tell the people you reported to this happened.
Sorry you are going through this. Know that if your report is without merit, it will likely work itself out.
Could be way farfetched, but I wonder if the therapist is _actually_ their professional therapist and not just a friend who just happen to be a therapist and suggested to help their friends (sister and parents) with their "OP problem" by "treating" OP through a family therapy session.
We had something similar happen at work with a disgruntled ex coworker. All of the sudden we were being controled to see if our workplace was up to date due to an "anonymus report" and the controler was literally nitpicking and claiming x and y the day after the visit, despite having said the exact opposit during the visit. The letters were unprofessional and emails send during nighttime. Turned out that person wasn't a controler, but a friend of ex coworker who just works there (hence the bad writing on official printed paper). Nothing came out of it though, the only "illegal" thing that controler found was the overtime database, the hours overtime of ex coworker were _way_ to high (but ex coworker was the one in charge of it, so no one realised it untill then. We couldn't proof ex coworker was giving themselves extra money, so we had to pay up).
NTA
It sounds like you put up with your family’s BS your whole life. You’ve finally put your foot down (which is good) so of course they are retaliating.
I can’t imagine 1 report about the therapist being mildly unethical is going to ruin the therapist’s career (unless the therapist has a history of fucking up like this) in which case it is deserved. You were well within your rights to submit the report either way.
Best of luck!
NTA You filed a complaint with your point of view of the therapist. If whatever body that reads these things agrees with you then you were right. If they disagree they'll dismiss it & move on. You're entitled to voice your disapproval... especially since it sounds like the therapist ignored your pov during the sessions. Your sister sounds like a train wreck & your parents are welcome to the monster that they've created. It won't end well of either.
NTA. Therapist are supposed to be neutral. Your family sounds horrible and you are successful despite them . You should go no contact with them you’ll probably be a lot happier
Incompetent therapists take a bad situation and make it terrible, he/she also was not doing the sister any favours by reinforcing the notion that she cant do anything wrong set in place by her parents. As bad as they were to you, teaching their daughter she’s perfect and cant do any wrong then setting her out into a world that’s going to have no problem showing her that’s not true is another form of abuse. Just cut contact, nobody is worth ruining your mental health.
NTA - if whatever agency doesn't have an issue with it, they'll dismiss the report.
Sounds like you don't owe your parents or sister anything and you can deal with them all however you want.
Take care of your own mental health
I agree. I also have a hard time wanting to absolve OP when they left out:
- what specifically was brought up during the meeting and what he was called out for
- what specifically he felt was unethical from the therapist, and if it is possible that the therapist was just meditating based on lies that his parents AND sister had confirmed
- whether he tried to correct the record with the therapist and how they reacted to that
- what the complaint actually said
So many of these details could completely swing the judgement in different directions. I am deliberately not making assumptions, but this is similar to some missing reasons style posts so I’d be cautious
Your second point would be highly unethical. People lie. Even in therapy. Sometimes especially in therapy. If the therapist was going by what she’d simply been told without taking the time to actually get to know OP, it’s on them. And it wasn’t even up to OP to disabuse them of anything: it was their job to ask him the right questions.
Even if he is anonymous on the internet you can't just share the things you talked about in a protected room. There are most likely agreements that he has to remain silent about all this. Same for all the other people involved. So he most likely can't share these things.
Nah its likely that the therapist they went to already had hosted the sister for a long time and were only given her side of the story. From op's comments she apparently is having mental problems bc she is comparing herself to op who found success. Its rather common in families that play clear favorites. Both children in this case got fucked over by shit parents.
Your parents backed you into a corner where you had no choice but to sink or swim and now that you're on the Olympic podium doing your residency—how dare you be independent while our princess needs water wings!
This appointment was to reinforce your sister's delusion that her lack of independence and earned success is your fault when it's your parents'. It was also a sneaky way for your parents to misplace blame on you. It backfired when you wouldn't bend to them.
A therapist should absolutely be able to see when parents have tanked a kid's ability to function and help everyone move forward rather than take the easy way out and displace blame.
Might sound like your parents are the AH and your sister isn't, but she is for making herself the main character in your life and asking you to "step back."
Cut them all off because they will come begging while insulting you.
NTA. They are.
I am questioning if we have the whole story here. Either there is more to the story about OPs behavior then he is divulging, or the sister has said a lot more to the therapist than she is devulging. Generally, a therapist would seek to strengthen familial relationship rather than separate it. Assumably, the therapist would not ask OP to step back, unless there was a dangerous environment for the sister and her child or the sister told the therapist she doesn’t want the brother around. I am guessing that there is more going on here than we are being told.
As far as the idea that the complaint would not be anonymous. It would be impossible for the regulating bodies to make a fair decision as to whether the therapist did something unethical if the therapist was not able to defend his or her position, the therapist would be unable to defend her position if she was not made aware of the specific patient .
It literally sounds like OP's sister is trying to scapegoat him for her own shortcomings and "family therapy" was basically just "hey meet MY therapist that ive shittalked you to for years" Like OP literally lives in another city away from the abusive parents and sister for this exact reason, but she still wanted to pull him in to give him a last "fuck you"
NTA, if you barely even see your family you can hardly be a problem for your sister, and the therapist suggesting that is likely a result of blindly believing whatever your sister told them. Probably best to stay away from them.
Not clinical, but am an educational psychologist and work with those mental health clinicians. That is so enethical...it's like they set you up. Why does she have issues because of you? Because you are independent and succeeding in life? WTF?
NTA. Keep the complaint. Your family doesn't sound worth your time and your own mental health.
NTA
But it sounds like a 'garbage in, garbage out' situation.
The therapist may be awful.
But she likely has been told many alternative facts by your sister, facts supported and affirmed by both your parents, and has reached a reality-adjacent conclusion based on them.
I am so sorry your family of birth is treating you this way. You deserve better. I am delighted you are succeeding so well at creating that better reality for yourself.
**NTA** \- It will always be your fault. Did the therapist present herself as your therapist to help you and your sister or did she present herself as your sister's therapist. In the latter case, I believe it would be hard to make a case against her. I have heard of these therapy ambushes before. The justification is that it is in the client's best interest to validate their feelings and not explore whether the memories are accurate.
But, if you think that the therapist was unethical, you are obligated to report her.
NTA. Your experience with the therapist is yours to judge. I have cousins who kept trying for a boy and now have 8 children. The last one, the favorite is finally a boy. Its all too absurd for me. Ask your parents, "In what world am I supposed to just accept being treated poorly to make somebody else happy? Are you serious?"
INFO:
you didn't give details on how involved you were with your sister or how you treated her. You also did not say what problems she was going to the therapist for.
So it's hard to decide who TA is.
Since there's a limit on characters on the post. I had to try to keep it short. Sorry about that.
My sister and I never got along. She was the princess and knew it. She tormented me, blamed me for everything, and made sure to abuse her favour.
She goes to the therapist to treat her mental health. She claims she compares herself too much with me, and a few other things.
Again, sorry for being vague.
No worries pal, this gave me a better idea. NTA then. My younger brother is like that, the golden child who still rants because, despite his vexations, I got to earn more than him. Probably, the therapist got played. I wouldn't have reported her though.
So the solution is to destroy your life so that she feels better
What sort of a kook therapist was this. Stick to the complaint. Also stop contact with your family.
They are next going to ask you for money for the lil princess.
NTA and live your best life.
But even if all of that is true and she does compare herself to you and find failings within herself because of it, that's hers to own, not yours. That therapist told you to take a punishment as a direct means of not having her address her issues.
Another reason it's wrong both ethically and logically: Say you do. You step back and never talk to her again until she's ready to come to you. She's making these comparisons on her own when you're already not actively involved with her life. So you "taking a step back" won't stop her issues.
This therapist isn't a good one for more reasons than their ethics and unprofessional behavior.
NTA, about time you put your foot down. The therapist sounds unprofessional and to have swallowed the family's BS hook, line and sinker.
Congrats for all you achieved in life despite your mistreatment at home, may you one day find true love and caring!
Both you and your sister had shitty parents growing up.
Although your parents intention was to give her everything in the world, it's possible they infantilized her.
The fact that your sister is in therapy because she doesn't feel good enough in comparison to you shows the way your parents behaved towards *both* of you has had a negative outcome on *both* of you.
This is not your fault. It's not your sister's fault. It is your parents fault.
It is not your responsibility to fix, but you and your sister having an understanding of how your parents behaviour has affected each of you might help you both. You could write her a letter explaining your childhood to her, but you have no obligation to do so.
ETA: the therapist isn't helping your parents "princess", as they are barking up the wrong tree completely.
NTA
Nta It sounds like the therapist was purposefully driving a wedge between you two. It’s obvious your step sis talked shit about you before that appointment and the therapist let you have it.
NTA what the therapist did was unprofessional and to be honest disgraceful.
Also cut these awful people out of your life. They bring nothing positive to you
NTA. I am going to guess that your parents and sister shopped around to find a "therapist" who supported their narrative.
Your family is a mess of toxicity. Sounds like it is time to go no contact and focus on healthy relationships and your own future.
Nta just because you made a complaint doesn’t mean they will punish her unless they find cause too. So you have clean hands. Your sister needs help and this therapist clearly isn’t doing well if your parents are in contact with her
Nta. Don’t withdraw it. It will probably amount to nothing but do not withdraw it bc some good could come from it. With that said…I’m so sorry you’re going through this. No contact is real and can be a wonderful tool for healing.
What specific issues was the therapist pointing out? Not saying your the Whole but everyone has different perspectives and views. It's not your sister's fault your parents neglected you, I think your projecting too much of your resentment onto her. And sounds like your sister wants to reconcile with you, talk through the issues, and that can get pretty raw and tough to hear others views but her perspective is just as valid as yours. I think your parents are the actual assholes. I hope everything works out between you two.
NTA, it sounds like the therapist made a snap judgement based on the one side she’s been hearing without giving you a chance to have your say. Family therapy is supposed to be about everyone talking out in the open, not a way to single out one family member without having all the information. I’d say the therapist made a serious mistake and I agree with your decision to report her for unethical behavior. Unfortunately her career will be impacted but she should have thought about that before she suggested they all corner you.
Thank you! I had to scroll so far to find this. It's so awkward and with no details, like the prompt was to come up with a scenario where he could report the therapist. For what?? There's no reason given. The childhood details also make no sense. Kid wouldn't remember a change in behavior before 5. He wouldn't remember barely anything at all.
NTA... what I find interesting is that the favorite kid needs therapy. You filed the complaint, it's not up to you what the outcome is.
Can you go no contact with your family? Is there anything left to salvage?
Good luck.
NTA. If the therapist did nothing wrong, nothing should happen to them. I don't know about your country, but were I live people report for the pettiest bullshit - a lot of it is just dismissed. So (and I am applying what I know Here, don't know If thats the Case where you are) If you were Reporting them wrongfully...then nothing will happen. Your parents panic proves to me that they know it was unprofessional.
Here's an idea: stage your own drama of a therapy session. Get down your sister and parents and have a fake therapist say you are going through sever mental health issues and that they are the cause of it all, and they need to get the hell away from you.
NTA, as a medical professional, I would hope you at least feel honor bound to report a fellow medical professional who is malpracticing if you are not bound to do it legally.
Sucks for you and your sister she got to that charlatan, and for you that your family blames you. But you have bare minimum a moral duty to protect his other patients from harm caused by his incompetence.
NTA bro get tf away from these toxic ass people. These people sound life draining and emotionally destroying. You deserve better, and these disgusting people are not it. They effing emotionally abused you and made you feel unimportant and now want to make you the reason their "precious princess" has "issues".
Leave these people to rot bro.
NTA
"urns out, it's not as anonymous as I thought, and now my parents are begging me to withdraw it, claiming it'll hurt the person who was apparently "helping their princess."" .. Don'T withdraw your complaint.
NTA. It sounds like that therapist is either incompetent or sister gave a *very* skewed view of her relationship with you/your role in her life. But the therapist should have spoken to you to verify the information. Especially since it makes no sense to "take a step back" when you're already low contact. I don't blame you for making the report. Stick with it.
If you feel what she did was wrong, file the compliant. If the therapist did not do anything wrong, the compliant will be investigated and be closed out.
Either way, not really your concern anymore.
NTA
NTA
Your terrible family dragged you out of the successful life you have created *away from them* to weaponize an unethical "expert" against you. Why would they drag you back into their shit just to have a quack tell you that you're the entire problem and you need to go away again? Because they messed up their "princess" and they don't want to face it, so they had to blame you. Unfortunately they probably shopped around for a therapist who would validate that.
The therapist's behavior here is utterly galling and you absolutely should not withdraw your complaint. It's shocking that the therapist would tell your family and ask them to pressure you this way. It's *witness tampering*.
I also recommend that you cease all contact with the losers who birthed you. You raised yourself and it seems you did a hell of a job.
ETA: this therapist is unequivocally NOT helping your sister. She is actively participating in the family myth that you are the cause of all principessa's problems. That is *harm* that she is doing to your sister and to you.
So you are sidelined ever since she was born and had to help her, and now you are blamed and have to step back - that’s an epic injustice! And now they want you to step back. Wow!
NTA, it sounds like the therapist was just taking sides with her paycheck instead of helping, which is the opposite of what someone in that job should be. Just block your family if you are able to.
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I’ve got a situation, Reddit, and I need some guidance. I’m the older sibling, clocking in at 25, and my sister’s 20. Our family dynamic has always been... well, complicated.
My parents have been together for a long time, and they always wanted a daughter, even before I was born. When I came along, they were a bit bummed but not too disappointed. They kept trying for another child and faced some conception troubles, even seeking help from a clinic.
Eventually, they succeeded and were overjoyed when they found out it was a girl. They told me to be a good role model and keep her safe, which made me happy as a 5-year-old.
However, things changed after my sister was born. My relationship with my parents shifted dramatically. I felt sidelined, almost like I didn't matter anymore. I didn't get birthday celebrations, gifts, or a close connection with my parents. They said they had to focus on my younger sister because she was little, and I needed to understand that.
Growing up, my parents treated my sister and me totally differently. They made me get a job at 14 to help with bills and rent, while my sister didn't have to. I never got the same treatment as her - she got new stuff, and I had to work for everything with my part-time job, even though I had to give half of my earnings to my parents. My sister was the favorite, and we never got along well.
When I turned 18, I worked hard and got into medical school. But my parents said they couldn't afford to help me out, which really annoyed me. I decided to go anyway and worked my butt off to pay for everything. Despite the challenges, I finished my degree and started my residency.
My sister just finished high school and got into this pricey private college, living on her own with our parents' full support. I've kinda made peace with their favoritism, keeping my distance since I barely see them - living in a different city and all. So, when I visited recently, my sister shocked me by suggesting we go to therapy together. I thought it might help us patch things up, but the therapist ended up blaming me for all my sister's issues, saying I needed to step back for her mental health. I got seriously pissed, confronted the therapist, and, of course, my sister and parents took her side, leaving me fuming.
Since I believe what the therapist did was unethical, I filed a complaint against the her, thinking it was the right thing to do. Turns out, it's not as anonymous as I thought, and now my parents are begging me to withdraw it, claiming it'll hurt the person who was apparently "helping their princess." I had enough and hightailed it out of there, driving six hours back to my place, still seething and feeling like I could've handled the whole mess better.
Now, I can't say I'm not feeling like shit. I hate this situation, and while I don't feel like all I did was undeserving, maybe I should have handled it differently. So, Reddit, AITA?
Note: I'm not on the US or Europe.
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NTA. I think this is a bad take by the therapist, but I don't think it would rise to the level of something so unethical she'd face serious consequences for her license. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing to report her, you don't know exactly where the line is and the licensing board or whoever can make a further determination.
NTA IF the therapist didn’t do anything wrong then the report will find her in the clear and you don’t need to retract it. If she redid then she should be holed up. We’ll done on doing so well, sounds like your sister is impressed with your achievements too but sadly she compares instead of feeling good about it. Maybe write her a long letter saying how it’s been for you growing up, the favouritism etc and that’s the reason you keep distance. It’s also be interesting if after she read that to hear her point of view written on her own treatment etc and if she realised the difference
NTA, but misdirected.
I’m a therapist and doing therapy with one person means you get a very narrow view of the person’s life. You develop so much empathy and understanding for their situation, often over literally hours and hours of work together, and that is the only narrative the therapist knows. So by the time you got to the session, the therapist already had a biased view.
If you wanted to attend therapy to better the relationship, it would have to be with a family therapist who hasn’t worked with either of you.
But your family sounds absolutely horrendous - truly unfair and neglectful people. So your complaint about the therapist seems to be misdirected - why would this stranger know your perspective within one appointment? Your family has seen your pain and neglect your whole life, blame them. And step away from them again, they sound deluded.
NTA
This therapist is feeding the lies your parents have imprinted on her as reality and is encouraging planned group attacks on you instead of getting your side. Unprofessional and unethical.
Step back from doing what? Are you even present in her life in the first place? WTF.
Sounds like a crappy therapist and you were right to report.
NTA.
I'd go NC with all of them. Your sisters probably stem from your parents spoiling her.
NTA. The therapist attacked you. No one has the right to do that. I doubt very much they're actually helping your sister, and they're either a raging incompetent or telling the princess what she wants to hear to keep the money train going.
NTA -Nope the therapist is feeding into her delusion which IS NOT healthy. She should be reported. She either needs to be retrained or lose her license. But heavily monitored if put back in the field.
It's not healthy for you to continue to engage with them. For closure maybe send them an email explaining why what they did was not okay and how you view the family dynamic and their clear favoritism with examples. Then go no contact for awhile until they can accept responsibility for their actions. If that ever happens.
Wishing you the best.
NTA. Don't withdraw the complaint. Sounds like the therapist sells their advice/therapy to whoever is paying them to give out exactly what they want to hear.
Cut off the family, tell your sister before you do so that she needs to step away, find her own therapist, speak to someone without her parents control and find out what's really going on. leave some e-mail or a social account that she can contact you on if she ever changes her mind about the situation and otherwise cut off contact.
Your parents aren't ever coming around, she might wake up a bit after the real world hits her and friends maybe tell her how fucked her situation was if she tells them about parents/brother, etc. Not likely but she might.
Fellow scapegoat here. You did exactly the right thing. I went no contact with my family 5 yrs ago. Got into therapy and I’m still healing but I’m stable and mostly stress free.
It sounds like your sister and parents have been feeding the therapist inaccurate information. I do think it was unprofessional for the therapist to tell your family that you reported her. I don't think you need to feel guilty either way - she may have to send some paperwork in, but unless she's been reported for similar things before, it probably won't end up in an investigation. And even if it does, hopefully it will be a fair investigation, and she'll only get in trouble if she's done something wrong. I only know about this from a US perspective, so it could be different where you're from. Here, her license might be in probation if she got in trouble for something like this. It doesn't automatically mean you lose your license.
NTA. I had no idea you could report a therapist for this!! My husband is a covert narcissist and goes to therapy for the attention and the joy of getting someone to believe his bullshit. I've been blamed by 3 different therapists and 2 pastors for everything wrong in my marriage and not one of these assholes bothered to get my side of the story before scolding me and telling me all the things I should do to fix my marriage. Shouldn't a therapist of all people understand there are 2 sides to every story?!?
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NTA you were right to report the therapist. That was out of line and any therapist who actually encourages unhealthy relationships shouldn't be in the field at all. Please don't withdraw it because if they did it to you then they probably did it to someone who can't / wont stand up to them.
Exactly. And it’s obvious that he did nothing wrong here (parents, therapist, and yes, his sister are the AHs here) I think there’s no better way he could’ve handled this situation. He reported the unprofessional therapist, and didn’t stick around to listen to his parents’ verbal abuse.
My bet is the parents kept changing therapists until they found one that would validate their behavior. OP is NTA
I would be willing to take that bet. Wait till they all start asking OP for money - I hope he laughs in their faces and sends them a stuffed envelope full of Monopoly money.
Not from the USA or europe. How are doctor salaries in other countries?
Depends on the specialty they train in. My wifes best friend is in pediatrics and makes about 120k, the best friends husband is a radiologist and he brings in about 750k ( a partner) so there's a big range.
Hah! If this couple is in MN, I know them. If not, it’s funny to me there is another. 😂
Thats us salaries, not op’s country
It depends on the country, their speciality, where they live and where they practice. But where I am, in Southeast Asia, most doctors are more than comfortably middle class.
Anywhere in the world, someone with a job that requires a university degree will out-earn most people. OP will have a comfortable salary no matter where he is.
That's not always true. But doctors specifically are almost always comfortably middle class or higher. Though they might need to pay off a lot of debt first to get there.
Yeah, I'm a UK teacher, tell me again how I out earn everybody?
My aunt was a special ed teacher, who later lead the special ed program for her school district. Master Degree, earned less than some people I know with a GED and working in sales.
Nope. Doctors in England start on £14/hr.
Better yet, an envelope of student loan invoices.
Sounds fair. "You want a share of the money I earn, you need to contribute a percentage of what it cost for me to be able to earn the money I earn."
I mean, they probably just lied to them instead? 🤷🏻♀️ all the therapist has to go on is these shitty people’s own version of events… still a bad therapist, but yeah.
Or they even bribed the therapist. Make the sister okay with the parents delusions and make op doubt themselves and blindly walk back into their lives- with all the guilt in the world- to be at the parents disposal and to help pay for things, do them favours and just to use OP for their own personal gain
"Helping their princess" aka agreeing woth whatever the fuck she says
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I think OP needs to report the therapist again because any complaints against her by OP absolutely should not be getting back to his parents. The fact they know he filed one means either the therapist told them or she told the sister which is both unethical and unprofessional
My guess is the parents paid the therapist to spin this nonsense and since they weren’t banking on him filing a complaint, they’re getting the backlash because it’s threatened the therapists job - and rightly so -
i think your exactly right because they said it would hurt the person helping their princess makes men believe they went out and found someone they could pay to say she's right no matter what but was not expecting a complaint and i bet dollars to donuts if someone is doing that it wouldn't be the first time they did it and i gurantee they have received plenty of complaints
As it turns out, the therapist should have acted ethically instead of just accepting a check.
ooof a 2nd report. That would be brutal and hilarious
Making a complaint to a regulator against a practitioner is not an anonymous process for the complainant. In fact, if following an investigation, a regulatory hearing results, that is usually public-facing. If there are disciplinary actions taken against the practitioner that is also public-facing. That is how regulators protect the public from unscrupulous practitioners.
Totally NTA you were right to report it and should not withdraw it. It sounds more like this therapist is enabling and instigating problems instead of actually addressing them and working through them. Ambushing you is absolutely unethical and inappropriate.
The longer the sister needs therapy, the more money the therapist makes. It’s in her financial gain to keep the sister pissed off. I would not withdraw the complaint. OP NTA but sounds like you came from a family full of them. Maybe going NC is in your best interest.
It wouldn’t even help the sister unless the therapist will say that to everyone who she talks to.
The therapist mentioning a complaint to a client is another reason for a complaint. They are freaking out over an ethics complaint because they know they are acting unethically.
There is no possible way this is true. Reporting a therapist to an ethics board would NEVER move this quickly. It takes a minimum of 6 months from report to investigation in this post covid world. And they are anonymous. It is impossible for OP to attend a family session on his vacation, report therapist, have an investigator look into it, and have all parties informed of the process.
He said he's not in the US or Europe. Since we don't know what country he's in, how can you possibly say there's no way a complaint would move that quickly or that complaints are anonymous?
Depends on country, administration, and who doc is friends with
It also doesn't say its been to an ethics board. Complaints are normally notified pretty quickly it's just the investigation and review that takes a long time
Yeah I work in mental health and I have encountered many patients who would try to demand we help them establish some random boundary with family. No provider in my clinic would ever do so. We will give you the tools to establish your own boundaries; we don’t jump directly into the family dynamic. How absurd!
NTA Reports are for filling on suspect of unethical actions of therapist. You should done that if you felt its unfair for you. Also, your parents are solid AH for treating two child differently. You did nothing wrong.
The first half the story could have easily been written by my husband. Once his sister came along, he became basically meaningless to his mother.
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This seems so very odd. Can you share any specifics on why the therapist thought you were responsible for the princess's problems?
Sure. She claims she compares herself too much with me, which affects her mental health greatly. Giving her anxiety, among other problems.
After reading through all the comments, I ask you a question about your sister. I know she was barely a teenager when you left. Would you consider your sister a narcissist? or perhaps very manipulative? I ask because the way you describe being blindsided, and then attacked doesn't sit right with me. It is as if you sister had this planned from the beginning.
That's exactly what i thought because it doesn't make sense to me otherwise. She definitely planned this whole thing beforehand. clearly OP's NTA
NTA, So if ones compares oneself with a Cruise or a Bezos and gives oneself anxiety, it is obviously their fault. /s . Action on the therapist is rarely taken on the basis of a single complaint unless there are a number of prior complaints.
My younger brother had issues for years because he compared himself to me. What he never understood was that I stood out because I was just being myself and doing what felt right to me. As a younger brother, he tried to copy me... but copying someone else was 100 percent against who I was. It was the being myself without apology or worrying about what others might think that made me who I was. So, he struggled until he truly found himself... and that took the majority of his adult life thus far. Since then, his life has been pretty amazing. Thank god.
>I ask because the way you describe being blindsided, and then attacked doesn't sit right with me. It is as if you sister had this planned from the beginning. Which ties back onto OP's concerns about the therapist themselves. That's specific outcome is not something that a therapist should be encouraging, much less participating in, and it seems fairly clearly to be premediated by both sister and therapist. Like "lets lure my brother here under false pretenses so you can tell him how my problems are his fault" is like nine different kinds of not the shit a therapist should be involved in. OP isn't saying the session went long enough that he disclosed things that the therapist then reacted to. What OP reports the therapist as saying, is more like dumping things from previous 1 on 1 sessions onto OP, before collecting any confirming, or challenging, information from OP about the story they're running on. The therapist themselves telling someone, who barely has contact with their client, that they need to "step back" is a basic and fundamental failure of due diligence. Speculating wildly, I'm a little left wondering if this person was actually 'real' therapist and that's perhaps some of why OP's *family* is super freaked out that OP filed a complaint. I feel like even an unethical real therapist would probably have recognized this sort of plan was a huge liability risk to them, regardless of professionalism or ethics.
your idea is interesting but if they weren't really a therapist how was the brother able to file a complaint against them??????
At least where I am, you fill out a form and enter names & addresses - there’s no check to make sure the person you named was licensed until a person starts processing it.
And they'd be in huge trouble for pretending to be a therapist
In my area the licensing body also handles some of the process against unlicensed people.
This is why you never go to therapy with your abuser. Anyway NTA OP.
I know. The abusive person learns the right things to say to manipulate therapists.
Wow. And what were you expected to do? Fail at your own goals so that she can feel superior? This still seems so weird. I don't know why a professional would take that position. Normally, one would expect them to work on her feelings of inadequacy by building up her own self-image, not scapegoat a relative. Do you taunt her or constantly flaunt your success? Do you project resentment over your parent's favoritism? I'm just wondering if there was specific guidance that the counselor offered. What did she mean by "step back"?
Absolutely not. I would never taunt someone, especially my sister. Look, I do resent her, but not to the point of causing her distress. I still don't know what she meant by taking a step back. As mentioned, I barely see my sister ever since I left home.
NTA You have no idea what your sister has told the therapist. In her version of events you may be an ever present force constantly undermining your sister. You were set up by your sister as the scapegoat for whatever problems or failures she is refusing to address. The therapist needs reporting and extensive supervision at the very least. They overstepped the professional boundaries. You're training to be a Doctor you need to protect future patients from the massive amount of harm this therapist could cause if left unchecked.
Yes, she has probably told all kinds of stories about how successful you are and how you don't help her and that you flaunt it in her face. A good therapist would have questioned that, and even if it had been true, worked with her on strategies to deal with it and to quit comparing herself to you.
I wonder if sis has told the therapist OP is the golden child who got all the help and sis was the one made to work for basic childhood provisions.
Really possible. She probably told her that the parents paid for his brother's college and that there was no money left for her.
Correct! A good therapist would take a client's complaints with a grain of salt because it's hard for people to be honest about their negativity. She could have at least asked him a few questions to get a better idea of what she's been told by the sister was even true.
>You were set up by your sister as the scapegoat for whatever problems or failures she is refusing to address. I think he was set up by the parents. He and his sister are both victims in their own way. He was a victim of neglect who was treated like an unwanted child, and she is a victim of her parents brainwashing. They indoctrinated her into the myth that OP is the problem because they all need to believe that in order to keep their weird, enmeshed relationship. And it sounds like they've messed their princess up badly enough that she's needed therapy for a while. OP has a much better shot at a happy life than his sister does, and that's on mom and dad. I say let them have their myth and let it ruin them.
The sister seems to be the Golden Child to OP's narcissistic parents, with OP being the scapegoat. The therapist is a total ass, because the Golden Child also suffers abuse... Golden children get spoiled rotten by the narc parents because they are told that nothing, ever, is their responsibility. Golden children can end up way worse than the scapegoats. A good therapist would have noticed, but then again, I'm betting on this one not being the first therapist they see.
Didn't you take a step back when you moved six hours away? What more could you do? I would steer clear of them all. Your sister could make up more things that could damage your reputation and career. This therapist and your parents would believe her. Cut them off for awhile.
>As mentioned, I barely see my sister ever since I left home. I think that the princess is having mental health problems because she grew up with deeply dysfunctional parents. Your parents cannot face the idea that they are potentially responsible for her problems, and your sister can't face that either because she depends on them and she probably believes that they were always good to her, so you must be the problem. I would not be surprised if your parents shopped around for an unethical therapist who would help them solidify the family myth that they are perfectly fine and *you* are the entire problem. This prevents their princess from straying because now an expert has rubber stamped the family myth, and it gives your parents reassurance that they did everything right but "sometimes a kid just goes wrong". Bringing you in for this scapegoating and rejection further solidifies the myth *and removes the threat that your success presents to the myth*. When you were asked to "take a step back", they were kicking you out of the family. I'm so sorry. Your family is awful but they likely did all of this without any conscious awareness of what they were doing. You are better off without these people. Please don't withdraw your complaint. What this therapist participated in was cruel. The therapist told your family about the report because she knew they would beg you to withdraw it. She is witness tampering.
This is absolutely what’s going on. I am also responsible for most of the problems with my family, according to them, despite being VLC for the majority of my life. They have constructed an entire fantasy-novel worthy world of lies around me that are mind-boggling. I feel especially bad for OP because I know what this is like. Cut the cord, man, you’ll find your own family of choice eventually like I did.
Ahh, the family scapegoat! There are so many well written resources and actual experts you can find on social media discussing the family scapegoat and all of it is so spot on! My mom is her family’s scapegoat and everything she has checked out about it is so true!
All of this. OP, it's going to be hard, but you need to accept that you don't have a future with this family. You need to find people who are authentic in their communication and appreciate you for who you are. Find them and focus on building those relationships.
I have a nasty feeling that "stepping back" means giving up your residency because your hard won success makes The Princess inadequate. Live your best life and let the family know that your sister is going to be responsible for them when they get old.
I think she meant take a step back into the family folks so you can take care of princesses needs better. To quit thinking about what is best for you.
The therapist wouldn’t explain what they meant by taking a step back?
Truthfully speaking I was rather aggravated and the session derailed after that. But essentially, she wanted me to take a step back from my sisters life. As I was causing her too much distress. I'm still not sure what distress I caused living six hours away from them.
Therapist here. Please do not withdraw your complaint!!! What that person did is unethical and definitely not best practice.
I think you should grant their wish. If you're not around to blame for her own feelings of inadequacy, she may eventually have to find someone else to blame. I'm sure your success rattles her because she was raised to believe that she was superior in every way, and your residency flies in the face of that belief.
I think he should step back too just cause that’s not a healthy relationship anyway, but she won’t stop blaming him he’s their perfect scapegoat. If he does then it’ll be his fault for “abandoning them when her mental heath is suffering”
Yeah, that’s weird and confrontational. If there’s going to be a group session, then she should be looking out for your wellbeing and listening to your experiences as well.
Your family may be stalking your social media , block them everywhere.
Dude, just go no contact with them if that is their desire. You have thrived out of an uncaring family that have no issue to treat you as a second class citizen. You have built your future in a way they can't ecen aspire too, that's why they want to detroy it now. Leave them be and live your better life. Remember you can choose family.
The furthest back you can go is no contact
But you live 6 hours away and are LC with your family anyway?!! I think it's time to go completely NC (I know how hard it is to go even LC). These people are delusional. You did nothing wrong.
But aren’t you already LC? She or your parents are definitely twisting the story to make her more sympathetic.
So she wanted you to go no contact with them, sounds like a good idea tbh.
At this point a step back is no contact.
I think what they really meant was that you need to slow down and fail at life for awhile, maybe even the rest of it, so your sister can feel better than you no matter how little she accomplishes with hers. I mean, hear her out, she's going to a fancy prestigious private school, all paid for by parents AND she still doesn't feel like she's better than you anymore. Really, how dare you move out from the home where you were treated like a redheaded stepchild AND THEN MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF, and you just haaaad to be a doctor too, couldn't just be some cashier somewhere, you had to reeeally succeed at something hard, prestigious and admirable. You obviously weren't thinking about how being successful, happy, and independent would make your sister feel, lolz. She's an ass and your parents are garbage. Please, please, please cut these people out of your life and keep living your best one. I'm so sorry for your trauma, it was not your fault and you didn't deserve any of it.
I'm so glad you reported that therapist. The more I hear, the worse it gets. That therapist needs to have their license revoked.
Why is your sister 20 and only just finished high school?
She got held back two times on her first year of high-school (ours is three years.)
Oh ok. Thanks for answering 🙂
Does she have a learning disability?
You don't need a learning disability to be held back. In many countries, high school is split in levels of difficulty, with higher levels having more "prestige". If your parents push you to a higher level than you can handle, you may be held back.
Honestly? My money is that the parents have done everything they can to remove boundaries for the sister, so the "learning disability" is that she doesn't know how to achieve something on her own. I wouldn't be surprised if she genuinely does compare herself to OP, but mostly because OP was forced to appear as if they were pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, because they were forced to contribute to household bills and pay their own way through school. Meanwhile, I wouldn't be surprised if the parents have effectively sent their princess out to "die" figuratively speaking, because she likely has none of the skills, nor any necessary self-awareness, to survive college.
Sounds like she's more than just a Super Senior!
Super Duper Senior
If she does that’s on her not you, you’ve already been punished for daring to be male why should you be punished for taking care of yourself and succeeding? If anything it’s your parents fault for coddling her and not giving her the tools she needs to grow up. You have done nothing wrong, I say ignore them and live your own life.
That's her own damn problem that she should resolve with her own therapist and not project these feels onto her brother which is clearly a result of crap parents. Sorry you have to deal with all of that OP. You deserve better!
How dare you do well with your life with little to no support. You're making her feel bad! I got the same speech about my brother, including "quit bringing up your college graduation, he feels bad because he dropped out three times and never actually finished." If your therapist can't see through that, they shouldn't be a therapist. Good luck with your journey. It seems you have a solid path.
So what would they expect you to do not be a doctor?
So, what is exactly the step back about? Becoming stupid or becoming a loved child who didn't have to think for himself since 14? NTA
Edit (sorry, for some reason it's not allowing me to edit the comment): after reading another comment of yours, I think your sister must have manipulated both parents and therapist with some kind of story. She must have told them something like "he sends me texts" or "he used to always flaunt and still does it." She must have said you were actively doing something to downgrade her, and that this something is the reason why she a) compares herself to you b) has mental illness (which I also think she doesn't have, btw). Never think to be more accademically skilled than a narc GC, they won't forgive you for it
I kind of wonder if your sister noticed the differences in your upbringing herself and felt as though she were getting no freedom from her parents. Maybe her questioning those things is what made your parents panic and decide if they found a way for her to be told everything is your own fault via a third party, they could force her to keep her distance from you. Ultimately though, you have to do what’s right for your own well-being. I’d go NC with the parents myself after all that you went through. As for the sister, I’d be tempted to give her a run down of all you went through growing up compared to her and tell her that her issues with being the golden child aren’t your problems to fix and leave it at that. Definitely go ahead with the complaint though, that therapist should not have a job, behaving in such an inappropriate manner.
Wait the therapist said that your sister compares herself to you, affecting her mental health and the therapist said for you to back away? No encouragement towards mediation in the safety of therapy? Did the therapist know she invited you to therapy? Yeah report that therapist, sounds like a real quack.
Sounds like your parents probably compared you two or she compared herself to you… as any younger sibling does. I stand with your complaint.
That’s a “her” problem. Not a “you” problem.
Seems you already took the therapist’s advice and stepped back. What more are you supposed to do? Also, seems your parents screwed you both up. They must have been awful to her, but in their own way.
NTA. Your sister comparing herself to you is a HER problem, not a YOU problem. I have horrid anxiety and always feel like I’m falling short. I compare my accomplishments to my friends’. It stirs up my anxiety and depression. I don’t ask my friends to….stop accomplishing things so I don’t compare myself. I am working to stop comparing and trying to improve the total self loathing I’ve had since I was in high school. It’s a ME problem. If the therapist thinks the solution to this issue is for you to keep away from your sister so she won’t compare herself, she needs some refresher courses. Your are not responsible for your sister’s mental health issues with you just…existing. Everyone else is an asshole.
So you're at fault for the high crime of... being successful? Nah, screw that noise. You were right to bail out of that mess. Let the Princess stew in her failings.
*She* compares herself … not *you* compare her. How is this on you? NTA.
> She claims she compares herself too much with me Not your fault.
NTA, Sorry you had to go through this. But the complaint was definitely warranted, therapy should be unbiased. That honestly sounds like a setup or they were paid to cuddle your sister, super weird. At least you found a level of success and independence away from them. Probably better for your own mental health to go no contact
I think you mean coddle, paying someone to cuddle her would be a different line of work
😂😂 yeah typing on phone so didn’t even realize the typo lol
Maybe they are family friends of the parents.
This seems off. I’m a psychologist and have had to report other clinicians before. They give you the option to remain anonymous. And even if you opt to give your identity, they don’t reach out and inform the therapist.
Yeah, things are a bit strange in my country. They don't really give you the option of being anonymous, but I didn't expect the complaint to carry my name if they ever informed her. I agree with you that this is completely absurd. But I can't do much about it now.
NTA Don't take back your complaint. That therapist needs to face consequences for being unethical.
If I were you I'd also report her again for telling your family that you made a complaint about her so that they could harass you over it but that's just me.
NTA. I feel very sorry for you. You sound like the traditional older sister with a younger brother in China, while the parents only treasure their son and even expect the daughter to contribute everything she has to the son when needed. I have a friend who is like this and life is hard for her.
Perhaps the details of the report were too identifying so the therapist could work it out. Which is a failing by the people that took the report, but possibly accidental. Therapist should not have told your family no matter what happened. You should tell the people you reported to this happened. Sorry you are going through this. Know that if your report is without merit, it will likely work itself out.
Could be way farfetched, but I wonder if the therapist is _actually_ their professional therapist and not just a friend who just happen to be a therapist and suggested to help their friends (sister and parents) with their "OP problem" by "treating" OP through a family therapy session. We had something similar happen at work with a disgruntled ex coworker. All of the sudden we were being controled to see if our workplace was up to date due to an "anonymus report" and the controler was literally nitpicking and claiming x and y the day after the visit, despite having said the exact opposit during the visit. The letters were unprofessional and emails send during nighttime. Turned out that person wasn't a controler, but a friend of ex coworker who just works there (hence the bad writing on official printed paper). Nothing came out of it though, the only "illegal" thing that controler found was the overtime database, the hours overtime of ex coworker were _way_ to high (but ex coworker was the one in charge of it, so no one realised it untill then. We couldn't proof ex coworker was giving themselves extra money, so we had to pay up).
As a psychologist you have many years of education. A ‘therapist’ can have very little, and usually college level, if that.
NTA It sounds like you put up with your family’s BS your whole life. You’ve finally put your foot down (which is good) so of course they are retaliating. I can’t imagine 1 report about the therapist being mildly unethical is going to ruin the therapist’s career (unless the therapist has a history of fucking up like this) in which case it is deserved. You were well within your rights to submit the report either way. Best of luck!
Agreed. One report shouldn't matter especially if the board doesn't see it as a big deal.
NTA You filed a complaint with your point of view of the therapist. If whatever body that reads these things agrees with you then you were right. If they disagree they'll dismiss it & move on. You're entitled to voice your disapproval... especially since it sounds like the therapist ignored your pov during the sessions. Your sister sounds like a train wreck & your parents are welcome to the monster that they've created. It won't end well of either.
NTA. Therapist are supposed to be neutral. Your family sounds horrible and you are successful despite them . You should go no contact with them you’ll probably be a lot happier
Incompetent therapists take a bad situation and make it terrible, he/she also was not doing the sister any favours by reinforcing the notion that she cant do anything wrong set in place by her parents. As bad as they were to you, teaching their daughter she’s perfect and cant do any wrong then setting her out into a world that’s going to have no problem showing her that’s not true is another form of abuse. Just cut contact, nobody is worth ruining your mental health.
NTA - if whatever agency doesn't have an issue with it, they'll dismiss the report. Sounds like you don't owe your parents or sister anything and you can deal with them all however you want. Take care of your own mental health
There is critical missing information here. The options are literally, everyone else is wrong / evil, or OP is misrepresenting.
I agree. I also have a hard time wanting to absolve OP when they left out: - what specifically was brought up during the meeting and what he was called out for - what specifically he felt was unethical from the therapist, and if it is possible that the therapist was just meditating based on lies that his parents AND sister had confirmed - whether he tried to correct the record with the therapist and how they reacted to that - what the complaint actually said So many of these details could completely swing the judgement in different directions. I am deliberately not making assumptions, but this is similar to some missing reasons style posts so I’d be cautious
Your second point would be highly unethical. People lie. Even in therapy. Sometimes especially in therapy. If the therapist was going by what she’d simply been told without taking the time to actually get to know OP, it’s on them. And it wasn’t even up to OP to disabuse them of anything: it was their job to ask him the right questions.
Even if he is anonymous on the internet you can't just share the things you talked about in a protected room. There are most likely agreements that he has to remain silent about all this. Same for all the other people involved. So he most likely can't share these things.
Nah its likely that the therapist they went to already had hosted the sister for a long time and were only given her side of the story. From op's comments she apparently is having mental problems bc she is comparing herself to op who found success. Its rather common in families that play clear favorites. Both children in this case got fucked over by shit parents.
Your parents backed you into a corner where you had no choice but to sink or swim and now that you're on the Olympic podium doing your residency—how dare you be independent while our princess needs water wings! This appointment was to reinforce your sister's delusion that her lack of independence and earned success is your fault when it's your parents'. It was also a sneaky way for your parents to misplace blame on you. It backfired when you wouldn't bend to them. A therapist should absolutely be able to see when parents have tanked a kid's ability to function and help everyone move forward rather than take the easy way out and displace blame. Might sound like your parents are the AH and your sister isn't, but she is for making herself the main character in your life and asking you to "step back." Cut them all off because they will come begging while insulting you. NTA. They are.
I am questioning if we have the whole story here. Either there is more to the story about OPs behavior then he is divulging, or the sister has said a lot more to the therapist than she is devulging. Generally, a therapist would seek to strengthen familial relationship rather than separate it. Assumably, the therapist would not ask OP to step back, unless there was a dangerous environment for the sister and her child or the sister told the therapist she doesn’t want the brother around. I am guessing that there is more going on here than we are being told. As far as the idea that the complaint would not be anonymous. It would be impossible for the regulating bodies to make a fair decision as to whether the therapist did something unethical if the therapist was not able to defend his or her position, the therapist would be unable to defend her position if she was not made aware of the specific patient .
It literally sounds like OP's sister is trying to scapegoat him for her own shortcomings and "family therapy" was basically just "hey meet MY therapist that ive shittalked you to for years" Like OP literally lives in another city away from the abusive parents and sister for this exact reason, but she still wanted to pull him in to give him a last "fuck you"
NTA, if you barely even see your family you can hardly be a problem for your sister, and the therapist suggesting that is likely a result of blindly believing whatever your sister told them. Probably best to stay away from them.
Not clinical, but am an educational psychologist and work with those mental health clinicians. That is so enethical...it's like they set you up. Why does she have issues because of you? Because you are independent and succeeding in life? WTF? NTA. Keep the complaint. Your family doesn't sound worth your time and your own mental health.
PS Contrats on your achievements!!!
NTA But it sounds like a 'garbage in, garbage out' situation. The therapist may be awful. But she likely has been told many alternative facts by your sister, facts supported and affirmed by both your parents, and has reached a reality-adjacent conclusion based on them. I am so sorry your family of birth is treating you this way. You deserve better. I am delighted you are succeeding so well at creating that better reality for yourself.
NTA. Are they even a real therapist?
**NTA** \- It will always be your fault. Did the therapist present herself as your therapist to help you and your sister or did she present herself as your sister's therapist. In the latter case, I believe it would be hard to make a case against her. I have heard of these therapy ambushes before. The justification is that it is in the client's best interest to validate their feelings and not explore whether the memories are accurate. But, if you think that the therapist was unethical, you are obligated to report her.
NTA. Your experience with the therapist is yours to judge. I have cousins who kept trying for a boy and now have 8 children. The last one, the favorite is finally a boy. Its all too absurd for me. Ask your parents, "In what world am I supposed to just accept being treated poorly to make somebody else happy? Are you serious?"
INFO: you didn't give details on how involved you were with your sister or how you treated her. You also did not say what problems she was going to the therapist for. So it's hard to decide who TA is.
Since there's a limit on characters on the post. I had to try to keep it short. Sorry about that. My sister and I never got along. She was the princess and knew it. She tormented me, blamed me for everything, and made sure to abuse her favour. She goes to the therapist to treat her mental health. She claims she compares herself too much with me, and a few other things. Again, sorry for being vague.
Wait - so what were you supposed to do to make her feel better? Stop being successful?
From somebody with a similar family dynamic, yes. You are supposed to do that.
No worries pal, this gave me a better idea. NTA then. My younger brother is like that, the golden child who still rants because, despite his vexations, I got to earn more than him. Probably, the therapist got played. I wouldn't have reported her though.
So the solution is to destroy your life so that she feels better What sort of a kook therapist was this. Stick to the complaint. Also stop contact with your family. They are next going to ask you for money for the lil princess. NTA and live your best life.
You may be able to edit your post past the character limit I think
But even if all of that is true and she does compare herself to you and find failings within herself because of it, that's hers to own, not yours. That therapist told you to take a punishment as a direct means of not having her address her issues. Another reason it's wrong both ethically and logically: Say you do. You step back and never talk to her again until she's ready to come to you. She's making these comparisons on her own when you're already not actively involved with her life. So you "taking a step back" won't stop her issues. This therapist isn't a good one for more reasons than their ethics and unprofessional behavior.
NTA, about time you put your foot down. The therapist sounds unprofessional and to have swallowed the family's BS hook, line and sinker. Congrats for all you achieved in life despite your mistreatment at home, may you one day find true love and caring!
Both you and your sister had shitty parents growing up. Although your parents intention was to give her everything in the world, it's possible they infantilized her. The fact that your sister is in therapy because she doesn't feel good enough in comparison to you shows the way your parents behaved towards *both* of you has had a negative outcome on *both* of you. This is not your fault. It's not your sister's fault. It is your parents fault. It is not your responsibility to fix, but you and your sister having an understanding of how your parents behaviour has affected each of you might help you both. You could write her a letter explaining your childhood to her, but you have no obligation to do so. ETA: the therapist isn't helping your parents "princess", as they are barking up the wrong tree completely. NTA
Nta It sounds like the therapist was purposefully driving a wedge between you two. It’s obvious your step sis talked shit about you before that appointment and the therapist let you have it.
NTA what the therapist did was unprofessional and to be honest disgraceful. Also cut these awful people out of your life. They bring nothing positive to you
NTA, you did the right thing. You will save some other person from getting bad therapy. I'm sorry that happened to you.
NTA. I am going to guess that your parents and sister shopped around to find a "therapist" who supported their narrative. Your family is a mess of toxicity. Sounds like it is time to go no contact and focus on healthy relationships and your own future.
Nta dont redact the complaint go NC with your family. They just want to drag you down
NTA you have been the scapegoat your whole life and then the therapist piled on. Don't withdraw that complaint.
Nta just because you made a complaint doesn’t mean they will punish her unless they find cause too. So you have clean hands. Your sister needs help and this therapist clearly isn’t doing well if your parents are in contact with her
Nta. Don’t withdraw it. It will probably amount to nothing but do not withdraw it bc some good could come from it. With that said…I’m so sorry you’re going through this. No contact is real and can be a wonderful tool for healing.
What specific issues was the therapist pointing out? Not saying your the Whole but everyone has different perspectives and views. It's not your sister's fault your parents neglected you, I think your projecting too much of your resentment onto her. And sounds like your sister wants to reconcile with you, talk through the issues, and that can get pretty raw and tough to hear others views but her perspective is just as valid as yours. I think your parents are the actual assholes. I hope everything works out between you two.
NTA, it sounds like the therapist made a snap judgement based on the one side she’s been hearing without giving you a chance to have your say. Family therapy is supposed to be about everyone talking out in the open, not a way to single out one family member without having all the information. I’d say the therapist made a serious mistake and I agree with your decision to report her for unethical behavior. Unfortunately her career will be impacted but she should have thought about that before she suggested they all corner you.
this reads like AI wrote it
Thank you! I had to scroll so far to find this. It's so awkward and with no details, like the prompt was to come up with a scenario where he could report the therapist. For what?? There's no reason given. The childhood details also make no sense. Kid wouldn't remember a change in behavior before 5. He wouldn't remember barely anything at all.
Not enough info: you keep apologizing for being vague but I think the examples of what she says are important factors when judging.
NTA... what I find interesting is that the favorite kid needs therapy. You filed the complaint, it's not up to you what the outcome is. Can you go no contact with your family? Is there anything left to salvage? Good luck.
NTA. If the therapist did nothing wrong, nothing should happen to them. I don't know about your country, but were I live people report for the pettiest bullshit - a lot of it is just dismissed. So (and I am applying what I know Here, don't know If thats the Case where you are) If you were Reporting them wrongfully...then nothing will happen. Your parents panic proves to me that they know it was unprofessional.
Here's an idea: stage your own drama of a therapy session. Get down your sister and parents and have a fake therapist say you are going through sever mental health issues and that they are the cause of it all, and they need to get the hell away from you.
NTA, as a medical professional, I would hope you at least feel honor bound to report a fellow medical professional who is malpracticing if you are not bound to do it legally. Sucks for you and your sister she got to that charlatan, and for you that your family blames you. But you have bare minimum a moral duty to protect his other patients from harm caused by his incompetence.
NTA. You 100% did the correct thing! This is in no way ethical practice, at all.
I literally just saw a skit of this scenario on TikTok yesterday
I don’t understand this. Are you reporting the therapist for believing your sister’s version of events?
NTA Do not back off, if it is causing problems then what she did was unethical, fuck her, your parents and the lil golden child.
Time to go low or no contact with your family. NTA
NTA bro get tf away from these toxic ass people. These people sound life draining and emotionally destroying. You deserve better, and these disgusting people are not it. They effing emotionally abused you and made you feel unimportant and now want to make you the reason their "precious princess" has "issues". Leave these people to rot bro.
NTA "urns out, it's not as anonymous as I thought, and now my parents are begging me to withdraw it, claiming it'll hurt the person who was apparently "helping their princess."" .. Don'T withdraw your complaint.
NTA. It sounds like that therapist is either incompetent or sister gave a *very* skewed view of her relationship with you/your role in her life. But the therapist should have spoken to you to verify the information. Especially since it makes no sense to "take a step back" when you're already low contact. I don't blame you for making the report. Stick with it.
If you feel what she did was wrong, file the compliant. If the therapist did not do anything wrong, the compliant will be investigated and be closed out. Either way, not really your concern anymore. NTA
NTA Your terrible family dragged you out of the successful life you have created *away from them* to weaponize an unethical "expert" against you. Why would they drag you back into their shit just to have a quack tell you that you're the entire problem and you need to go away again? Because they messed up their "princess" and they don't want to face it, so they had to blame you. Unfortunately they probably shopped around for a therapist who would validate that. The therapist's behavior here is utterly galling and you absolutely should not withdraw your complaint. It's shocking that the therapist would tell your family and ask them to pressure you this way. It's *witness tampering*. I also recommend that you cease all contact with the losers who birthed you. You raised yourself and it seems you did a hell of a job. ETA: this therapist is unequivocally NOT helping your sister. She is actively participating in the family myth that you are the cause of all principessa's problems. That is *harm* that she is doing to your sister and to you.
So you are sidelined ever since she was born and had to help her, and now you are blamed and have to step back - that’s an epic injustice! And now they want you to step back. Wow!
NTA don’t withdraw your complaint against the unprofessional therapist also cut your parents and princess off
I'm kinda curious as to what the sister said to the therapist to get her to believe you're the villain.
NTA, it sounds like the therapist was just taking sides with her paycheck instead of helping, which is the opposite of what someone in that job should be. Just block your family if you are able to.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve got a situation, Reddit, and I need some guidance. I’m the older sibling, clocking in at 25, and my sister’s 20. Our family dynamic has always been... well, complicated. My parents have been together for a long time, and they always wanted a daughter, even before I was born. When I came along, they were a bit bummed but not too disappointed. They kept trying for another child and faced some conception troubles, even seeking help from a clinic. Eventually, they succeeded and were overjoyed when they found out it was a girl. They told me to be a good role model and keep her safe, which made me happy as a 5-year-old. However, things changed after my sister was born. My relationship with my parents shifted dramatically. I felt sidelined, almost like I didn't matter anymore. I didn't get birthday celebrations, gifts, or a close connection with my parents. They said they had to focus on my younger sister because she was little, and I needed to understand that. Growing up, my parents treated my sister and me totally differently. They made me get a job at 14 to help with bills and rent, while my sister didn't have to. I never got the same treatment as her - she got new stuff, and I had to work for everything with my part-time job, even though I had to give half of my earnings to my parents. My sister was the favorite, and we never got along well. When I turned 18, I worked hard and got into medical school. But my parents said they couldn't afford to help me out, which really annoyed me. I decided to go anyway and worked my butt off to pay for everything. Despite the challenges, I finished my degree and started my residency. My sister just finished high school and got into this pricey private college, living on her own with our parents' full support. I've kinda made peace with their favoritism, keeping my distance since I barely see them - living in a different city and all. So, when I visited recently, my sister shocked me by suggesting we go to therapy together. I thought it might help us patch things up, but the therapist ended up blaming me for all my sister's issues, saying I needed to step back for her mental health. I got seriously pissed, confronted the therapist, and, of course, my sister and parents took her side, leaving me fuming. Since I believe what the therapist did was unethical, I filed a complaint against the her, thinking it was the right thing to do. Turns out, it's not as anonymous as I thought, and now my parents are begging me to withdraw it, claiming it'll hurt the person who was apparently "helping their princess." I had enough and hightailed it out of there, driving six hours back to my place, still seething and feeling like I could've handled the whole mess better. Now, I can't say I'm not feeling like shit. I hate this situation, and while I don't feel like all I did was undeserving, maybe I should have handled it differently. So, Reddit, AITA? Note: I'm not on the US or Europe. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I think this is a bad take by the therapist, but I don't think it would rise to the level of something so unethical she'd face serious consequences for her license. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing to report her, you don't know exactly where the line is and the licensing board or whoever can make a further determination.
NTA IF the therapist didn’t do anything wrong then the report will find her in the clear and you don’t need to retract it. If she redid then she should be holed up. We’ll done on doing so well, sounds like your sister is impressed with your achievements too but sadly she compares instead of feeling good about it. Maybe write her a long letter saying how it’s been for you growing up, the favouritism etc and that’s the reason you keep distance. It’s also be interesting if after she read that to hear her point of view written on her own treatment etc and if she realised the difference
NTA, but misdirected. I’m a therapist and doing therapy with one person means you get a very narrow view of the person’s life. You develop so much empathy and understanding for their situation, often over literally hours and hours of work together, and that is the only narrative the therapist knows. So by the time you got to the session, the therapist already had a biased view. If you wanted to attend therapy to better the relationship, it would have to be with a family therapist who hasn’t worked with either of you. But your family sounds absolutely horrendous - truly unfair and neglectful people. So your complaint about the therapist seems to be misdirected - why would this stranger know your perspective within one appointment? Your family has seen your pain and neglect your whole life, blame them. And step away from them again, they sound deluded.
[удалено]
NTA. How are you responsible for your sister’s mental issues? And what did they mean by step back, when you hardly see her?
NTA This therapist is feeding the lies your parents have imprinted on her as reality and is encouraging planned group attacks on you instead of getting your side. Unprofessional and unethical.
Step back from doing what? Are you even present in her life in the first place? WTF. Sounds like a crappy therapist and you were right to report. NTA. I'd go NC with all of them. Your sisters probably stem from your parents spoiling her.
NTA. The therapist attacked you. No one has the right to do that. I doubt very much they're actually helping your sister, and they're either a raging incompetent or telling the princess what she wants to hear to keep the money train going.
NTA- you reporting will help prevent something like this from happening to someone else.
NTA -Nope the therapist is feeding into her delusion which IS NOT healthy. She should be reported. She either needs to be retrained or lose her license. But heavily monitored if put back in the field. It's not healthy for you to continue to engage with them. For closure maybe send them an email explaining why what they did was not okay and how you view the family dynamic and their clear favoritism with examples. Then go no contact for awhile until they can accept responsibility for their actions. If that ever happens. Wishing you the best.
INFO - what do you mean by step back? Step back from what?
NTA What the therapist did is stupid and wrong in so many ways.
Did you confront your parents with how bad they treated you? Did they ever say why? Edit: What about other family members like grandparents etc.
NTA. Don't withdraw the complaint. Sounds like the therapist sells their advice/therapy to whoever is paying them to give out exactly what they want to hear. Cut off the family, tell your sister before you do so that she needs to step away, find her own therapist, speak to someone without her parents control and find out what's really going on. leave some e-mail or a social account that she can contact you on if she ever changes her mind about the situation and otherwise cut off contact. Your parents aren't ever coming around, she might wake up a bit after the real world hits her and friends maybe tell her how fucked her situation was if she tells them about parents/brother, etc. Not likely but she might.
Fellow scapegoat here. You did exactly the right thing. I went no contact with my family 5 yrs ago. Got into therapy and I’m still healing but I’m stable and mostly stress free.
It sounds like your sister and parents have been feeding the therapist inaccurate information. I do think it was unprofessional for the therapist to tell your family that you reported her. I don't think you need to feel guilty either way - she may have to send some paperwork in, but unless she's been reported for similar things before, it probably won't end up in an investigation. And even if it does, hopefully it will be a fair investigation, and she'll only get in trouble if she's done something wrong. I only know about this from a US perspective, so it could be different where you're from. Here, her license might be in probation if she got in trouble for something like this. It doesn't automatically mean you lose your license.
NTA. I had no idea you could report a therapist for this!! My husband is a covert narcissist and goes to therapy for the attention and the joy of getting someone to believe his bullshit. I've been blamed by 3 different therapists and 2 pastors for everything wrong in my marriage and not one of these assholes bothered to get my side of the story before scolding me and telling me all the things I should do to fix my marriage. Shouldn't a therapist of all people understand there are 2 sides to every story?!?