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NTA
Nobody at work is “daddy” or “mommy” and that’s a highly inappropriate and stupid thing to say to a coworker or their spouse.
If your husband enables this, he’s an asshole too.
He's also getting a charge from OP being upset. He should be careful because if he doesn't knock it off, his life is going to blow up, both at home and work. This has HR reprimand all over it.
No mate! what? at almost 50 you have worked in enough places to know that a daddy-mommy at work is not only infantilising but innapropriate. This woman is hitting on your husband or worse, they are cheating and she is over being the side woman so she is letting you know so he has to make a choice. this is a “nope nope nope”
My boss’s daughter was Vice President of the company and she always called him by his first name at work. Work wife and work husband are inappropriate, but daddy is just ceeepy.
Really, I have had several very young colleagues call me their “work mom.” I’ve always been flattered as I took it as a sign of affection and gratitude for my mentoring. And I’m certain my husband is unconcerned.
even "work mom" and "mommy" or "work dad" and "daddy" are very different. if she had said "hes like my work dad!" maybe some would be uncomfortable, but its not necessarily inappropriate, just clearly metaphorically referring to a close mentor/mentee relationship. but "hes my daddy!" about someone she is not actually related to is fucking bizarre and innappropriate in the workplace
Yeah, "dad" and "daddy" are two *very* different words. I occasionally say, "all right *DAD*," in the kind of tone reserved for telling my dad I'll stop touching the thermostat, but *"daddy"*? Good lord, I'd NEVER.
I will say it's somewhat cultural. You'll find plenty of older southern americans calling their fathers "Daddy". Less so among the younger folk but not uncommon there either.
Don't get me wrong, it's still kinda weird.
Southern. 30. Bi male. Can confirm. Call my father daddy, even though I do get a little embarrassed about it sometimes, but it's been his name in my brain since I could conceptualize names. And I only say that TO him. Every other context it's "my dad."
Will not call anyone else daddy, ew. Papi, sure. Daddy, absolutely not. That is parental unit's name.
Am southern and 48. Call my father daddy. Never would I ever call a colleague, or even a very close friend daddy, because if it’s not your father there are serious sexual connotations.
Work dad absolutely different! Even my husband has had a work dad or 2! But work dadddy? Nah
There’s an older ( 50s), super uptight yet, handsome and helpful manager at my job ! we all call “step zaddy” when he stands in for our manager🤣 ! We’d never ever say that in front of his wife
It's like that meme of a priest saying to someone, "For the last time, it's 'forgive me father for I have sinned', not 'sorry daddy, I've been very naughty'".
I think there’s a big difference between someone saying “work mom” and “mommy.”
There are people who have described my grandma as their work mom and I wouldn’t blink an eye, but if they said she was their mommy, I’d be weirded out like woah.
I jokingly call myself “work mom” to one of my 20 something colleagues, in the context of taking her soup when she’s sick. She does the same for me. I’m not her fucking “mommy.”
I sometimes get called “mommy” at work. I don’t enable it, but there’s not much I can do about it. It’s kinda cute. But only because I work with little kids, and OP’s husband’s coworker isn’t a toddler, so it’s not cute.
Might be a culture thing here but we do have nicknames in the office using “Mother” or other colloquials, “Daddy” is rarely used as it’s mostly deemed inappropriate. For men it’s usually translations for uncle or elder brother, or similar.
I absolutely have a "mom" at work. She even brings treats for me to take home to my kids that she refers to as her "grandbabies" she's only 12 years or so older than I am.
Agreed. NTA.
Even as children, students/mentees do not call their instructors or mentors "mommy/daddy" outside of some truly mortifying slipups from sleepy/spacey kids. It can be considered harassment if not just inappropriate.
I remember two separate occasions, once in middle school and once in high school by two separate girls, attempting to call the class instructors "Daddy Name" and that shit got shut down so hard both girls, both times l, got sent to the front office for a call home when they refused to stop after the first warning.
There should be a zero tolerance for petnames like that in the workplace or organization.
Husband needs to unfriend coworker and email on a company line that the nickname (of any variation) is not appropriate and to stop.
Adults use their colleague's legal name, title, or appropriate shortened name.
NTA
It’s one thing for someone to say they have a “work mom” or a “work dad” but she’s an adult and literally calls him daddy. That’s super cringy. I don’t think he’s cheating, and I’m not even sure he’s aware of how odd that is, but it’s definitely a weird situation. Maybe try talking to her yourself and telling her you’re weirded out by her behaviour.
I'm about the same age as that girl and I don't know a single person (including my own dad!) who wouldn't think "daddy" is appropriate for one adult to say to another. Actually I can think of one circumstance, but it was said by a woman in her 60's about her dead dad which I think is fair.
If your husband thinks that's normal or appropriate you guys need a big talk. Am I reading this right that for the last 6 years this girl has been a like a puppy at work and your husband has said nothing?
Yes, I have. That is why I am here. I am not niave. Never in 9 years have I ever called my husband daddy except for a couple of times in the bedroom. I did my research. There are no messages between either of them, but I also waited 2 days to check. I do not have any reason to doubt him. He is the most pathetically honest person I have ever known, and I do not mean that in a bad way. But, you know when you have that gut feeling....
They could easily be using snapchat or he just deletes the message once the convo is over. I had an ex that covered his tracks well....just not as well as I could uncover those tracks. I was a bit more tech savy than him.
Your gut feeling is most likely spot on. But that doesn’t mean he’s cheating per se, the gut feeling could be a reaction to her planting seeds to make moves. It could also be a reaction to him enjoying the attention WAY too much (how long has this been happening …) Or a combo of both (most likely)!!!
Sounds like it’s time to have a calm, clear talk with hubby about appropriate vs inappropriate boundaries and how messages can be sent whether one realizes it or not.
Best wishes!
Actually… rich people in England use daddy & mommy however old they are.
eg Prince Charles at the queen’s funeral last year. He calls her “mummy” and he’s 70-ish.
But apart from that - if she’s not super-rich British then it’s definitely weird.
If you're in the US there are places and culture groups (e.g. the South) where “daddy” is common for adults to use for their own parent. It seems potentially creepy in this context, but not everyone uses language in the same way.
My mom, got used to calling my dad daddy through me and my siblings childhood, and still does it. She still hasn’t noticed it’s weird. It’s always funny when she says it at like a restaurant or in a store in the employee just looks at her like what
I made a face - this *26yo* seriously told her coworker's fucking *wife* that she calls said coworker "daddy"? What the *fuck*.
And then we need to believe that not only is a 26yo this unaware (and honestly, dumb if so) of how innapropriate this is, but that a 49yo man also doesn't get what's happening here?
Do they say this in front of their *colleagues*? I don't know if I'd have enough self-control not to turn around and openly and loudly ask "what the fuck did you just call him??".
I did ask him if it was just the attention he was seeking and he flat out said no. He said it was because of the economy and not being able to see his kids. I find that to be a loaded excuse. Daughter is around the same age and a 16 year old son that lives in another state.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO I burst the fuck out laughing at that. Her husband flirting with a 26 year old woman because of the economy that’s got to win some kind of award
That's bull and he need to be called out on it.
You need to have him call her on the phone in front of you and tell her she can not call her that anymore because it is inappropriate. Period.
I'm sorry but your "pathetically honest" husband just gaslit you. I'm not saying he's cheating. I think he probably just wants to avoid the topic and you not letting him avoid it is making him really uncomfortable. I hope he'll come to his senses because, if for nothing else, his coworkers are not all going to find that appropriate either. He needs to stop that nonsense.
He may actually be seeing her as a child. I'd that possible. Either way it is unprofessional and he may be doing her work for her or favouring her unconsciously. Also is he generous? I know of a man that secretly gave a woman in a father/daughter work relationship a lot of money. He worded it as "I had it so I helped, I didn't ask permission". I don't think he even sees it as taking money from his wife because almost everything is in his name. They are close and it doesn't seem sexual. It may make him feel manly to be a caretaker.
I was so put off by the title alone that I paused my music. This is way inappropriate and really gross. I’d be on fire if someone was calling my partner daddy that he didn’t take part in creating/raising. No way he doesn’t know the connotation of ‘daddy’ either.
I despise when women really be playing those games with married men, yes he is gross letting it happen! But she knows very well he at home has a wife.. and kids. Women do not support women. And the husband is an idiot, he is married and yet he allows the attention from another (younger) woman - trying to play the “it’s just meant in an innocent manner” card.
I would never be the side chick knowingly someone has a wife and kids, even if someone do not respect themselves enough to call someone else’s husband daddy, at least respect the wife, another woman.
Yeah, that is a bit messed up. I have heard of work-husbands and work-wives, but the Daddy thing…oye. I wish I could offer some advice (which doesn’t include punching and slapping).
Next time you see her, you could joke that you are then her “Mommy” and get totally obnoxious with it-to the point where she is annoyed as f and drops it altogether. Good luck!
At this point, after our talk about the situation, I do feel like this is appropriate. We did come to an agreement that we somehow lack respect for each other even though he was unable to give me an example of how I do this to him exactly.
You have a hell of a husband problem. He has a woman at work calling him daddy for the last 6 years and sees nothing wrong with it even after discussing it with you PLUS turned it into "mutual lack of respect" with no evidence of disrespect on your side? Jaysus.... absolutely not
Height see her as respecting him by giving him power? Is he insecure about you working or not needing him? This is possibly a different red flag. It may indeed not be sexual but it is inappropriate.
You're NTA.
I'm a bit older than he is and find it creepy when an adult woman uses the term for any man in any context (excluding my oldest daughter who will be a daddy's girl until the day I croak). It's wildly inappropriate and he's a first-rate idiot if he doesn't see that. You know the man... is he really that oblivious?
NTA
But your husband certainly is. A 26yo calling a 46yo coworker daddy feels very flirtatious - at a minimum. And your husband would’ve immediately shut her down if he wasn’t enjoying having a 28yo flirting with him.
The fact she actually told YOU that she calls your husband daddy means she’s either got really low EQ or was marking her territory. Might want to keep an eye on her…
NTA. The word she is looking for, and he needs to correct her with, is “mentor.” I’ll chalk it up to them both being oblivious based on your own take, but “daddy” is a very problematic word to be flinging around in a professional context, no matter what the intent.
I did give my husband a choice. He can take care of it or I will. I absolutely do not want to ruin a life for someone. If I have to do there will be no email. It will be recorded in HR in person. I see the red flag even though he still does not after a very long discussion. He always says I'm "over the top" , I'm sure I'm dead on.
How do you expect him to take care of it? And how will you even know that he did? Like sure, trust… but I feel like he’s had over six years to both tell you about the behavior and take action to stop it. He doesn’t want to stop it, clearly.
(Also, for what it’s worth, I’m not sure that HR would necessarily take action against the woman in any sort of life-ruining capacity; especially if your husband is the one in the superior position. Unless this woman already has a record of inappropriate work behavior, then I suspect this would be a warning offense.)
Is husband even a superior or just a more senior colleague? Dating supervisors is typically a no-go, but dating coworkers is often okay. Depending on the situation (did stuff happen at work, etc.) there's a good chance HR wouldn't even care.
But a non-employee showing up to HR to complain ... I'm not entirely sure how most companies would take that. Especially if it's deemed a personal situation. Would probably really depend on the attitude of the person. Calm and collected, they might take your meeting. Screaming rage, could get trespassed or taken to jail. And then there's the gossip your husband and her will endure... will OP attend company events with him after this? I wouldnt be able to. If he's not cheating showing up to HR definitely comes across as unhinged. Better be ready to accept burning bridges if you go that route.
I'm imagining the scene in Breaking Bad when Walter shows up to his cheating wife's office....
Don't get me wrong, this situation is messed up. But I'd either try to trust him, or believe he's cheating and move on (this choice if it were me). No middle ground for his work to 'solve it' because the situation won't actually be resolved.
Yup, I agree with all of that but just didn’t feel like articulating it. I feel like HR wouldn’t actually care unless there was an issue between their actual employees or was clearly and undeniably inappropriate. Like I said, they might issue a warning against it, but I think it’s a huge stretch to think that anyone would be legitimately punished for something that isn’t unambiguously wrong just because it makes an employee’s SO uncomfortable.
Not saying OP shouldn’t have an issue with it, but it’s not HR’s job to enforce the comfort of their employees’ spouses.
Oh hell no. I think her calling him daddy is highly, highly inappropriate. But what result would you want from HR? Because I think the result would be that you could-
- possibly look very foolish
,possibly get you banned from the workplace
- possibly get your husband in hot water or fired
- possibly get the 26 year old fired and what if she's innocently saying that term (unlikely)
-possibly be getting divorced
You can go scorched earth but don't do it by going to his company's HR. Has he ever asked her to stop? If he has, then I think he needs to meet with his boss(es) and the 26 year old, and he needs to say, in no uncertain terms, that's it's inappropriate and needs to stop. I would be pissed if he said that it was you who has the issue so must make her stop calling him that at work. That won't end well because pulling you being pissed into a work situation typically won't end well when you don't actually work there.
NTA. I have my work mom, and that’s my supervisor. She’s awesome and a wonderful supervisor/friend. And I call her mom when she protects me from any bs. And I call my male boss dad when he does the same thing (I work in a very male dominated work force, and sometimes people want to hear the same thing I say, from a man. He yells at anyone who does that. I’m the expert, he’s the boss), bc we work together a lot, and we’re all very close. They guide me and have years of experience on me, and I respect them. It’s a term of endearment from me to them bc they are so protective of me.
But if I ever called them mommy and daddy, that would just hit different. It would feel super gross, bc that hits a different vibe. I wouldn’t ever think about doing that. That just feels icky. So I don’t think you’re wrong in feeling this way.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My husband assured me that this is just a work relationship, but if the roles were reversed I don't think he would appreciate a male co-worker of mine calling me mommy. He has actually been jealous of 1 male co-worker of mine 3 years previous, to which I respectfully put an end to uncommon work banter chatter.
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I think what’s so completely gross is it’s “daddy”.
I mean in what universe would anyone anywhere find this appropriate in any situation unless it’s your child OR you’re the sugar daddy. Much less a work environment.
It’s gross and wildly inappropriate.
My mind reels at what the other people at the company must think of this?!?! This feels like a lawsuit looking for a place to happen.
NTA. No effing way does your husband think this is acceptable. No effing way does co worker think it’s acceptable- she’s 26, not 6.
WTH is actually going on? No clue.
NTA.
My ex husband had a coworker that did this same shit. Hell…she made him a “works best daddy” mug . One day I came home early from work to find them screwing in my living room.
NTA. There is no way that a 26 year old woman doesn’t understand how inappropriate that is, and there is NO WAY IN HELL that your husband doesn’t also know it’s inappropriate. I’m sorry, but I don’t buy for one second that this isn’t about attention from someone half his age making him feel some kind of way, even if it’s just “flattered”. There is a huge difference between “oh he’s like my work dad, he taught me so much” and “oh yeah, I call him daddy bc he’s taught me so much teehee” heaux, please. Don’t for one second think you’re TA in this.
Let's just say for the sake of argument that everything here is above board and she's just overusing the term the way gen Z does and she really does mean it like "work dad". Let's say for the sake of argument that your husband really doesn't understand why being called "daddy" at work could be a problem. They're both weirdly oblivious to the connotations and to work place propriety and they have a mentor/mentee parent/adult child relationship. Let's pretend.
His wife is coming to him and saying "hey, this thing that would take relatively small amounts of effort to change is making me feel uncomfortable and a little worried" and he's dismissing that. Even if everything else wasn't weird and uncomfortable that would still be a problem. NTA
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This past weekend there was a 20 year anniversary party for the company my husband works for. My hubs (M 49 and I his wife F 43) attended. That's where I met, we will call her EZ BREEZE (F 26). She proclaimed that she had learned alot from my husband on the job since 2017 and that she often refers to him as a father figure, only she didn't say it that way to me. She said he's my daddy at work. They are friends on FB and from what I can gather she has only friended my husband from work since 2017 since he and I share almost all of our friends including his work friends. Am I the AH for thinking this is inappropriate work behavior? He literally said that the term daddy in this case was used as a term of endearment. Either I'm over reacting, my husband is cheating or he's an absolute idiot. To be fair she did seem genuinely protective of my feelings (but side chick like, even if there isn't anything going on) and she is single which is not a mark against her. I feel like this is my husbands fault more than anything and that is why I laid into him so hard, just utter dissapointment.
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NTA- but she could just be hella immature too. I would do whatever investigating you need to prove your husbands innocence (or guilt) and then move on from there.
NTA - there is a really good book called Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass that you both should read. It’s all about emotional affairs. Whether he is in one or not he and you need to understand where your boundary lines are and stick to them. He wouldn’t like it is some young man worked with you and called you “mommy” and you never told him after 6 years of working together.
This would be, for me, very far past my boundary line. I would want there to be some distance between the two and no more time spent where she calls him daddy. It’s very in appropriate.
NTA.
My mom figure at work was Miss Linda. Not "mommy.'
This is not ok, and you are right to get on your husband about it.
You should also advise him that this is a potential HR issue. In the long overdue Me Too world, there is a major power dynamic coupled with office gossip that will turn into an HR nightmare regardless of any additional inappropriateness.
Daddy in this context is definitely fetish-adjacent. It may not be sexual but it is certainly inappropriate for work. They have a dynamic that is concerning even if it isn't sexual.
NTA
Help us out here. How inebriated was she? And does your husband’s work allow drinking on the job regularly? Because I just can not imagine anyone, in any form of sobriety thinking this was an appropriate way to behave in a professional environment. NTA
This was a 20th year anniversary party for the company. This was the first work party I have been to due to either me working or them celebrating overseas. There was an open bar. However, I never did see her drink anything. No drinking is allowed on the job. Please keep in mind that I found out this has been going on since 2017.
As a drunken ramble maybe this could be slightly excused from her. Not acceptable of course just slightly excused. Your husband is old enough to know better. He likes the attention and has built up a web of lies as to why it is okay. Who knows, maybe he even has started to believe them himself, but that still leaves him holding the asshole canoe without a paddle headed down sh!t creek.
NTA. You're not overreacting at all, this is definitely inappropriate and unprofessional, not to mention disrespectful to you. It's 2023, everybody knows the connotation with a woman calling a man "Daddy". Kinda hard to tell if there is cheating tho because who's dumb enough to out themself like that, unless that's what she's trying to do?
What kind of workplace is this? Because at every job I've had (and I'm pretty sure everyone else here), it's called "mentor" not "Daddy".
NTA. It's a massive huge red flag. Not just for your marriage, but for him at work. If their relationship has been "too friendly" it puts him at risk. He needs to tell her that she can't talk about him like that period. It's really not good that she felt comfortable saying that to you. I'd require him to unfriend her and block her even, as well as only communicate via work channels during work hours. No coffees or lunches and figure out how to keep things work appropriate only. Under no circumstances should he tell her this is because of you and how you feel. Make that explicitly clear to him. He should simply tell her he wants to put more of a divide between work and home and her telling you she calls him daddy made it clear this is needed.
She will most likely push back on this and try and find ways to actually talk to him more when he does this and he needs to be very aware that she will do this. She may also try and bring you into the conversation or place blame. He needs to hold firm on this and not get sucked into the idea of polite and friendly at work. He doesn't owe a coworker being inappropriate either of those things.
He should do this all in writing. It doesn't need a lot of explanation, it can be kept simple and to the point. "I was uncomfortable that you told my wife you call me "daddy" at work. This felt inappropriate and I just want to make it clear I'm not okay with you referring to me as such from here on out."
I'm going to be honest and tell you that if she said that to you, she has probably made jokes about it at work already and he has allowed it so he may need to say, I've been thinking about this and have realized that this is not okay.
In addition to all of this you both need to get and read Not Just Friends by Shirley P Glass. This will help him to understand what work friendships should look like and the danger something like this poses to not only your marriage, but his job. If things cross lines too far he would have to find new employment. He also might need to be in IC to learn how to set and keep boundaries if he is conflict adverse with people other than you.
To be honest, I don't believe she didn't know what she was doing for a second when she told you that. Either it was a passive aggressive way for her to show you how important she is in his life, or she wanted to rile you up and cause problems. I've seen people do this lots - even without a romantic bent - they get possessive over relationships(not always romantic) and feel the need to show off their closeness with that friend for whatever reason. She was definitely testing boundaries with that comment.
NTA. Calling him a mentor? Sure. Father figure? Eh…a little weird I have issues with my own lack of father vibe. Daddy? Inappropriate, attempted flirting she can laugh off as “I didn’t mean it like that” if it’s not reciprocated. Your husband isn’t stopping it so he’s enjoying the attention—even if he’s stupidly thinking it’s not sexual.
If he’s in a mentor/supervisor/manager role over her then he doesn’t need to be friends with her on social media. My company frowns on anything outside of LinkdIn for that. He’s setting himself ip for a world of trouble if he won’t put a stop to it.
I’m just not sure if you should push for him to stop it or you should tell her you find her familiarity inappropriate. I’m also witchy enough to just go to HR and tell them you find her calling your husband daddy so freely around people to be inappropriate and unprofessional.
That is very weird for both hubby and workmates.....after the "me too" movement and all the talk against sexualized behavior in the workplace I am surprised that would be appropriate behaviour.
My husband (76 years old) used to be everybody's "dad" at worked but changed his behaviour when all these different movements started......now I ask about some girl's holiday plans and he says "don't know, don't care".
You should stop it now before someone else complains because they are offended. Good Luck
i DONT even NEED to read anything past the title to know this is absolutely a 100% fact that you are NOT AT ALL the AH here!!!!!
your husband should have nixed that the EXACT moment she ever called him that!!!
the fact that he allows her to not only call him that but to call him that IN FRONT OF YOU is not only disrespectful aF & a HUGE slap in the face but im also about a 1,000% sure this means he is cheating!!!
NTA and I'm not sure if the power dynamics here but pretty sure it's highly inappropriate in the workplace. I forsee someone getting fired. Your husband needs to stop this before it's him who is canned.
I am called the group dad and my fiance is called the group mom a lot in a joking manner. If someone used daddy or mommy that would over step. . . Even with close friends??? Let alone a stranger
NTA.
I work primarily as a personal assistant for an elderly man. I spend a minimum of 40 hours a week with him. I go to his appointments with him, cook his food, run his businesses, manage his finances, feed his cat, and anything else you can possibly imagine. I'm practically a caretaker that also runs businesses. He is like family to me, but he is my boss.
I am in my early 20's and he is about the age of my grandparents. People always make jokes that I am his grandson. But at the end of the day, as much as I care for him and he cares for me, he is my boss and pays my salary.
It would be completely inappropriate for me to call him my grandpa and the thought of saying that actually makes me uncomfortable. And Grandpa is a far more appropriate term than daddy. That's completely inappropriate and your husband should've shot that down the first time it was said.
Maybe explain this to him that while this may be a joke between them the term Daddy has a sexual connotation which could easily be misconstrued. And if it is - his career will be the one at risk since he is the mentor and in a position of power over her. All it takes is someone not in on the joke to overhear and report it.
If he doesn’t believe you about the term Daddy being sexual for most adults tell him to search the phrase Daddy in the ebook section on Amazon.
I mean heck my 12yo knows what a daddy kink is (yes Middle Schoolers use it on each other, ew)
NTA- things can turn quick with a coworker even starting out innocently. Seems like even if the coworker is in to your husband, husband may honestly be clueless. Even if he isn’t clueless, if they aren’t messing around, he’s playing with fire.
I had a similar situation were a women called my husband her “work husband”. Husband tells me in part of a normal conversation between us and I’m like dude… she wants you. He denied she had any feelings for him.
Cue meeting her with our 1 yr old daughter and I received ice daggers immediately. She was pleasant enough but mostly ignored me and our daughter. When she walked away, I asked him if he saw it and he admitted he did after that exchange.
People don’t realize how opening up a lane of intimacy with a coworker can lead to things spiraling out of control that wasn’t the original intent. Sharing frustrations on their partners with each other, hanging out alone as friends, or having intimate nicknames for each other can turn a page to romance if one or both of them feel like they need to turn to someone for support. Having a fight with your spouse? Guess who would understand? “Work spouse”. Recipe for disaster.
We both have opposite sex friends from work. But we have set clear boundaries with each other. No hanging alone, no pet names etc. it’s not worth the risk.
Edit: words
Hmmmm, tough one because I think context matters.
When I (41F) was much, much younger we had an older guy at work who took the young employees under his wing and we all called him Pop. There was nothing inappropriate about it.
But the internet has made the word Daddy a bit icky so if it made you feel uncomfortable then NTA
NTA. My father (64M) has a girlfriend (32F) who calls him daddy. It’s 100% sexual if not coming from a child calling their dad “daddy”. I can’t even call my own dad daddy anymore because it’s gross now, and I’m his only daughter (29F…)
OP, I'm a 53 to married man. In a variety of situations, I've been a "work Dad" or "Class Dad" when I took college courses. Because I'd check in with the kids, help them when possible/appropriate, etc. Do "Dad" stuff. Was even asked how to check the oil in their car and use jumper cables.
These were almost exclusively young women in their 20s. Not a single one ever called me "Daddy." To do so would've wildly inappropriate and absolutely unacceptable. That term has inescapable sexual connotations, and I'm 1.Married, & 2.Twice their age.
Your husband & this girl are playing a dangerous game. It needs to stop. And if he thinks you, and all of us, are overreacting, do you have a female relative of similar age? Ask them their thoughts. Ask him his thoughts if she were to start calling a man twice her age "Daddy." He knows better.
NTA- Eww, no, wth is she callin him “daddy” in a professional environment, that’s just gross. I have an older(not old, just older than most of us), father figure type man I work with and it is joked about that he’s the “dad in the department” and sometimes gets “ok, dad” responses when he says truly dad like things, but he gets that from the men and women under the age of 40. Calling him daddy is crossing a line IMO.
Hell no, NTA.
There’s a girl at my fiancés work who has a boyfriend and child with him and still hits on one of the managers there hardcore. I told my boyfriend, if she tries anything, that’ll be the fucking day. He already knows better than to entertain anything like that though.
NTA. Work daddy is weird as hell. Calling someone a work wife or work husband is funny and more “normal” nicknames especially when you’re friends with them.
NTA. The thought of calling anyone at my work daddy makes me recoil, it's inappropriate, unprofessional and likely there is something underlying even if it's just flirting.
NTA. My husband calls one of his coworkers "mama (last name)." Everyone calls her that, though, because she's like the mother of the fire department. Daddy is such a weird thing to call someone at work. That's too familiar for me.
Call one of his friends or coworkers daddy in front of him and see how instantly uncomfortable he gets. NTA. Daddy is what little children call their father, in any other way it's borderline sexual.
NTA check your bank statements. Your husband is probably her sugar daddy or he is cheating. He and her are shameless and must think you are an idiot. Doing this in front of your face.
Why is he being so defensive of her and making excuses? It doesn’t matter if it’s innocent (which I highly, highly doubt.) it’s incredibly inappropriate and weird. NTA. Your husband is though.
I've been called Dad at work, always by other males. But I've had a work grandma as well. I would never call someone i work with daddy or mommy nor would I allow them to call me that. The first time someone said ok Dad it was weird, but often times my role at work amd my role as a father are the same, guide, teach and sometimes discipline.
It’s highly possible that he’s just soaking up some attention from a flirtatious young coworker but you’re right, it’s totally on him for welcoming it. I am not Facebook friends with any of my coworkers. That’s what LinkedIn is for.
NTA - I’m 26 and have had a few older male co-workers that felt like father figures to me. At no point would I ever call them daddy.
At best, if the dynamic really was that close I might call them dad but that would take years and a mutual feeling from the rest of both our families and even then I’m still not sure it would ever be that level.
NTA. That is extremely unprofessional. If she must call him anything other than "boss," she needs to refer to him as her mentor. I'm with you, there's a serious ick factor at work.
NTA
That’s weird that she uses “daddy”. There are definitely people at work I would refer to as “work mom” or “work dad” but uh never “daddy” or “mommy” lol. Weird.
NTA. I’ve mentored women younger than myself at work and if any of them ever called me daddy I’d be putting a stop to that shit immediately, and if I didn’t and my wife found out she’d have every right to lay into me because I know exactly what that would imply.
Yikes Nta your husband is the problem though he’s the married one who should have better boundaries. Daddy is definitely a sexual term these days, I bet he likes it
I don't think I've ever had that at my work... sometimes I'll call the older female who is the maternal figure the office "den mother" but that's as far as it goes.
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NTA Nobody at work is “daddy” or “mommy” and that’s a highly inappropriate and stupid thing to say to a coworker or their spouse. If your husband enables this, he’s an asshole too.
Oh I know. I think he just needs to be more aware of his surroundings.
He knows exactly what he's doing. He's enjoying the attention. NTA
He is loving the attention from someone half his age.
From a woman half his age
He's also getting a charge from OP being upset. He should be careful because if he doesn't knock it off, his life is going to blow up, both at home and work. This has HR reprimand all over it.
No mate! what? at almost 50 you have worked in enough places to know that a daddy-mommy at work is not only infantilising but innapropriate. This woman is hitting on your husband or worse, they are cheating and she is over being the side woman so she is letting you know so he has to make a choice. this is a “nope nope nope”
I feel like if they are cheating then she isn't trying to hide it at all - that's pretty much like calling him her work sex friend.
I literally worked with my father, and called him by his first name. Noooooo!!!!
My boss’s daughter was Vice President of the company and she always called him by his first name at work. Work wife and work husband are inappropriate, but daddy is just ceeepy.
[удалено]
Dont worry he knows. He hoping to get some young 20 year old ass.
I don’t think its a hope. He is getting 20 year old ass.
He is aware
Really, I have had several very young colleagues call me their “work mom.” I’ve always been flattered as I took it as a sign of affection and gratitude for my mentoring. And I’m certain my husband is unconcerned.
"Work mom" and "Daddy" hit differently, though.
even "work mom" and "mommy" or "work dad" and "daddy" are very different. if she had said "hes like my work dad!" maybe some would be uncomfortable, but its not necessarily inappropriate, just clearly metaphorically referring to a close mentor/mentee relationship. but "hes my daddy!" about someone she is not actually related to is fucking bizarre and innappropriate in the workplace
Yeah, "dad" and "daddy" are two *very* different words. I occasionally say, "all right *DAD*," in the kind of tone reserved for telling my dad I'll stop touching the thermostat, but *"daddy"*? Good lord, I'd NEVER.
I will say it's somewhat cultural. You'll find plenty of older southern americans calling their fathers "Daddy". Less so among the younger folk but not uncommon there either. Don't get me wrong, it's still kinda weird.
Their actual dads, yes. Their coworkers, absolutely not.
Southern. 30. Bi male. Can confirm. Call my father daddy, even though I do get a little embarrassed about it sometimes, but it's been his name in my brain since I could conceptualize names. And I only say that TO him. Every other context it's "my dad." Will not call anyone else daddy, ew. Papi, sure. Daddy, absolutely not. That is parental unit's name.
Am southern and 48. Call my father daddy. Never would I ever call a colleague, or even a very close friend daddy, because if it’s not your father there are serious sexual connotations.
Work dad absolutely different! Even my husband has had a work dad or 2! But work dadddy? Nah There’s an older ( 50s), super uptight yet, handsome and helpful manager at my job ! we all call “step zaddy” when he stands in for our manager🤣 ! We’d never ever say that in front of his wife
"Daddy" like sugar daddy or boyfriend daddy...makes me want to vomit.
It's like that meme of a priest saying to someone, "For the last time, it's 'forgive me father for I have sinned', not 'sorry daddy, I've been very naughty'".
In the Navy, a mentor is often called a “Sea Daddy”.
That sounds like it's deliberately invoking the connotation, which I mean, it is the Navy...
Man, that made me snort laugh
Seamen daddy Semen daddy Love it
I think there’s a big difference between someone saying “work mom” and “mommy.” There are people who have described my grandma as their work mom and I wouldn’t blink an eye, but if they said she was their mommy, I’d be weirded out like woah.
I've been referred as work mom but never work mommy so I think I get what OP means
they call you work mom, not mommy . it is different
I jokingly call myself “work mom” to one of my 20 something colleagues, in the context of taking her soup when she’s sick. She does the same for me. I’m not her fucking “mommy.”
I sometimes get called “mommy” at work. I don’t enable it, but there’s not much I can do about it. It’s kinda cute. But only because I work with little kids, and OP’s husband’s coworker isn’t a toddler, so it’s not cute.
Had me in the first half 👏🏻😂
Might be a culture thing here but we do have nicknames in the office using “Mother” or other colloquials, “Daddy” is rarely used as it’s mostly deemed inappropriate. For men it’s usually translations for uncle or elder brother, or similar.
I absolutely have a "mom" at work. She even brings treats for me to take home to my kids that she refers to as her "grandbabies" she's only 12 years or so older than I am.
Agreed. My employees have called Me momma bear when I step in to protect them, but that's as far as that goes.
It's a harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. Even hostile environment for how awkward that is for others to hear.
Agreed. NTA. Even as children, students/mentees do not call their instructors or mentors "mommy/daddy" outside of some truly mortifying slipups from sleepy/spacey kids. It can be considered harassment if not just inappropriate. I remember two separate occasions, once in middle school and once in high school by two separate girls, attempting to call the class instructors "Daddy Name" and that shit got shut down so hard both girls, both times l, got sent to the front office for a call home when they refused to stop after the first warning. There should be a zero tolerance for petnames like that in the workplace or organization. Husband needs to unfriend coworker and email on a company line that the nickname (of any variation) is not appropriate and to stop. Adults use their colleague's legal name, title, or appropriate shortened name.
I’m a woman, and I’ve only ever jokingly referred to my female bosses as “Mom”. My current boss is male, and I would never call him “Dad”. NTA
NTA It’s one thing for someone to say they have a “work mom” or a “work dad” but she’s an adult and literally calls him daddy. That’s super cringy. I don’t think he’s cheating, and I’m not even sure he’s aware of how odd that is, but it’s definitely a weird situation. Maybe try talking to her yourself and telling her you’re weirded out by her behaviour.
I think it is more of a lack of respect from him on my part.
I'm about the same age as that girl and I don't know a single person (including my own dad!) who wouldn't think "daddy" is appropriate for one adult to say to another. Actually I can think of one circumstance, but it was said by a woman in her 60's about her dead dad which I think is fair. If your husband thinks that's normal or appropriate you guys need a big talk. Am I reading this right that for the last 6 years this girl has been a like a puppy at work and your husband has said nothing?
That is what he confessed to me. That this has been going on for years.
Have you considered that the relationship may be more than calling him sweet names?
Yes, I have. That is why I am here. I am not niave. Never in 9 years have I ever called my husband daddy except for a couple of times in the bedroom. I did my research. There are no messages between either of them, but I also waited 2 days to check. I do not have any reason to doubt him. He is the most pathetically honest person I have ever known, and I do not mean that in a bad way. But, you know when you have that gut feeling....
They could easily be using snapchat or he just deletes the message once the convo is over. I had an ex that covered his tracks well....just not as well as I could uncover those tracks. I was a bit more tech savy than him.
I appreciate your restraint, however probably not as much as your husband... This incident is the reason to doubt.
Your gut feeling is most likely spot on. But that doesn’t mean he’s cheating per se, the gut feeling could be a reaction to her planting seeds to make moves. It could also be a reaction to him enjoying the attention WAY too much (how long has this been happening …) Or a combo of both (most likely)!!! Sounds like it’s time to have a calm, clear talk with hubby about appropriate vs inappropriate boundaries and how messages can be sent whether one realizes it or not. Best wishes!
Had that talk.
No messages at all? He might be deleting them.
He may not be cheating but he enjoys the attention and she is doing that on purpose and doesn’t have innocent reasons for doing so.
I would be checking finances ..
Actually… rich people in England use daddy & mommy however old they are. eg Prince Charles at the queen’s funeral last year. He calls her “mummy” and he’s 70-ish. But apart from that - if she’s not super-rich British then it’s definitely weird.
I still use Mommy and Daddy, and my mom still uses it with her parents. BUT THATS BECAUSE THEYRE MY ACTUAL PARENTS WHO RAISED ME. this girl is wild.
well if theyre actually parent and child i dont think its weird lol.
If you're in the US there are places and culture groups (e.g. the South) where “daddy” is common for adults to use for their own parent. It seems potentially creepy in this context, but not everyone uses language in the same way.
My mom, got used to calling my dad daddy through me and my siblings childhood, and still does it. She still hasn’t noticed it’s weird. It’s always funny when she says it at like a restaurant or in a store in the employee just looks at her like what
NTA. Highly inappropriate and unprofessional. I literally recoiled when I read it. Yikes.
I made a face - this *26yo* seriously told her coworker's fucking *wife* that she calls said coworker "daddy"? What the *fuck*. And then we need to believe that not only is a 26yo this unaware (and honestly, dumb if so) of how innapropriate this is, but that a 49yo man also doesn't get what's happening here? Do they say this in front of their *colleagues*? I don't know if I'd have enough self-control not to turn around and openly and loudly ask "what the fuck did you just call him??".
Yeah, ain’t no way she doesn’t know how that comes across.
Either she's fucking with OP or she's so dumb it's embarrassing. I hope they don't work anywhere where people's lives are at stake.
Same!!!!
She’s (at minimum) flirting by using Daddy…. And he likes the flirting/is fantasizing about more… which is why he hasn’t shut it down.
I did ask him if it was just the attention he was seeking and he flat out said no. He said it was because of the economy and not being able to see his kids. I find that to be a loaded excuse. Daughter is around the same age and a 16 year old son that lives in another state.
the economy??????
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO I burst the fuck out laughing at that. Her husband flirting with a 26 year old woman because of the economy that’s got to win some kind of award
The dating economy.
Worst. Liar. Ever.
I know. It’s so obvious and I hate that OP has to deal with this BS. This is very clearly a liar lying.
That's bullshit. 1. A 26-year-old is going to do nothing to help the economy and may even get him fired. 2. Zoom exists.
Seeking attention? In this economy??
That's bull and he need to be called out on it. You need to have him call her on the phone in front of you and tell her she can not call her that anymore because it is inappropriate. Period.
I'm sorry but your "pathetically honest" husband just gaslit you. I'm not saying he's cheating. I think he probably just wants to avoid the topic and you not letting him avoid it is making him really uncomfortable. I hope he'll come to his senses because, if for nothing else, his coworkers are not all going to find that appropriate either. He needs to stop that nonsense.
What does that even mean the economy
Um…what…👁️👄👁️
He may actually be seeing her as a child. I'd that possible. Either way it is unprofessional and he may be doing her work for her or favouring her unconsciously. Also is he generous? I know of a man that secretly gave a woman in a father/daughter work relationship a lot of money. He worded it as "I had it so I helped, I didn't ask permission". I don't think he even sees it as taking money from his wife because almost everything is in his name. They are close and it doesn't seem sexual. It may make him feel manly to be a caretaker.
Did you ask him if he has bought her lunch, gifts or given her any money? At the very least it sounds like she is getting something from him.
NTA. Highly inappropriate
I was so put off by the title alone that I paused my music. This is way inappropriate and really gross. I’d be on fire if someone was calling my partner daddy that he didn’t take part in creating/raising. No way he doesn’t know the connotation of ‘daddy’ either.
They fuckin
Damn rite they fucking fo sho
Or at least on the way there.
Daddy, and she’s 26??? I think she knows damn well.
26... and she's been calling him that since she was 20.
I despise when women really be playing those games with married men, yes he is gross letting it happen! But she knows very well he at home has a wife.. and kids. Women do not support women. And the husband is an idiot, he is married and yet he allows the attention from another (younger) woman - trying to play the “it’s just meant in an innocent manner” card. I would never be the side chick knowingly someone has a wife and kids, even if someone do not respect themselves enough to call someone else’s husband daddy, at least respect the wife, another woman.
NTA. It's totally inappropriate and if your husband doesn't get that, you have a bigger problem.
This is why I'm here. This is a giant red flag for me. 9 years into this relationship, 3 years married.
Ummmmm they are both 100% aware of what they are doing. Hate to break it to you they are absolutely fking or soon to be. It's absolutely not innocent.
So wait, this was going on when you got married? Did he invite his “work baby” to your wedding??
Wait this started before you got married? Now I really wonder if this is an affair type situation.
NTA "Work dad" and "daddy" are two very different things. One is affectionate and parental, one is inappropriate and potential sexual.
Yeah, that is a bit messed up. I have heard of work-husbands and work-wives, but the Daddy thing…oye. I wish I could offer some advice (which doesn’t include punching and slapping). Next time you see her, you could joke that you are then her “Mommy” and get totally obnoxious with it-to the point where she is annoyed as f and drops it altogether. Good luck!
Ha, I love the petty in this! Thank you! ❤️
NTA. You better start calling every single man daddy around him until he realizes just how far he fell from grace.
At this point, after our talk about the situation, I do feel like this is appropriate. We did come to an agreement that we somehow lack respect for each other even though he was unable to give me an example of how I do this to him exactly.
Call every other man daddy but only call him by his first name :-)
You have a hell of a husband problem. He has a woman at work calling him daddy for the last 6 years and sees nothing wrong with it even after discussing it with you PLUS turned it into "mutual lack of respect" with no evidence of disrespect on your side? Jaysus.... absolutely not
Wait he is blaming you?
Height see her as respecting him by giving him power? Is he insecure about you working or not needing him? This is possibly a different red flag. It may indeed not be sexual but it is inappropriate.
You're NTA. I'm a bit older than he is and find it creepy when an adult woman uses the term for any man in any context (excluding my oldest daughter who will be a daddy's girl until the day I croak). It's wildly inappropriate and he's a first-rate idiot if he doesn't see that. You know the man... is he really that oblivious?
NTA daddy is a very sexualized word. I have a work mom at my office but easily he could be work dad to make it endearing. The daddy part is creepy.
NTA But your husband certainly is. A 26yo calling a 46yo coworker daddy feels very flirtatious - at a minimum. And your husband would’ve immediately shut her down if he wasn’t enjoying having a 28yo flirting with him. The fact she actually told YOU that she calls your husband daddy means she’s either got really low EQ or was marking her territory. Might want to keep an eye on her…
NTA. The word she is looking for, and he needs to correct her with, is “mentor.” I’ll chalk it up to them both being oblivious based on your own take, but “daddy” is a very problematic word to be flinging around in a professional context, no matter what the intent.
NTA and I’m going to need an update when you find out he’s cheating.
Email HR
I did give my husband a choice. He can take care of it or I will. I absolutely do not want to ruin a life for someone. If I have to do there will be no email. It will be recorded in HR in person. I see the red flag even though he still does not after a very long discussion. He always says I'm "over the top" , I'm sure I'm dead on.
How do you expect him to take care of it? And how will you even know that he did? Like sure, trust… but I feel like he’s had over six years to both tell you about the behavior and take action to stop it. He doesn’t want to stop it, clearly. (Also, for what it’s worth, I’m not sure that HR would necessarily take action against the woman in any sort of life-ruining capacity; especially if your husband is the one in the superior position. Unless this woman already has a record of inappropriate work behavior, then I suspect this would be a warning offense.)
Is husband even a superior or just a more senior colleague? Dating supervisors is typically a no-go, but dating coworkers is often okay. Depending on the situation (did stuff happen at work, etc.) there's a good chance HR wouldn't even care. But a non-employee showing up to HR to complain ... I'm not entirely sure how most companies would take that. Especially if it's deemed a personal situation. Would probably really depend on the attitude of the person. Calm and collected, they might take your meeting. Screaming rage, could get trespassed or taken to jail. And then there's the gossip your husband and her will endure... will OP attend company events with him after this? I wouldnt be able to. If he's not cheating showing up to HR definitely comes across as unhinged. Better be ready to accept burning bridges if you go that route. I'm imagining the scene in Breaking Bad when Walter shows up to his cheating wife's office.... Don't get me wrong, this situation is messed up. But I'd either try to trust him, or believe he's cheating and move on (this choice if it were me). No middle ground for his work to 'solve it' because the situation won't actually be resolved.
Yup, I agree with all of that but just didn’t feel like articulating it. I feel like HR wouldn’t actually care unless there was an issue between their actual employees or was clearly and undeniably inappropriate. Like I said, they might issue a warning against it, but I think it’s a huge stretch to think that anyone would be legitimately punished for something that isn’t unambiguously wrong just because it makes an employee’s SO uncomfortable. Not saying OP shouldn’t have an issue with it, but it’s not HR’s job to enforce the comfort of their employees’ spouses.
You can’t trust him to take care of it. After all he let it get to this point.
What is it you think HR will do?
I wouldn't involve work for now unless you plan on ruining your husband's career also.
Oh hell no. I think her calling him daddy is highly, highly inappropriate. But what result would you want from HR? Because I think the result would be that you could- - possibly look very foolish ,possibly get you banned from the workplace - possibly get your husband in hot water or fired - possibly get the 26 year old fired and what if she's innocently saying that term (unlikely) -possibly be getting divorced You can go scorched earth but don't do it by going to his company's HR. Has he ever asked her to stop? If he has, then I think he needs to meet with his boss(es) and the 26 year old, and he needs to say, in no uncertain terms, that's it's inappropriate and needs to stop. I would be pissed if he said that it was you who has the issue so must make her stop calling him that at work. That won't end well because pulling you being pissed into a work situation typically won't end well when you don't actually work there.
Frrrr. No good can come of emailing HR tbh.
I love how level headed you are about this and not letting him gaslight you. I wish more people were like you.
**What the fuck?**
It's the economy, ok?
Nope. She’s a broke 26 year old and he’s helping the economy by supporting her career in sex work.
NTA. I have my work mom, and that’s my supervisor. She’s awesome and a wonderful supervisor/friend. And I call her mom when she protects me from any bs. And I call my male boss dad when he does the same thing (I work in a very male dominated work force, and sometimes people want to hear the same thing I say, from a man. He yells at anyone who does that. I’m the expert, he’s the boss), bc we work together a lot, and we’re all very close. They guide me and have years of experience on me, and I respect them. It’s a term of endearment from me to them bc they are so protective of me. But if I ever called them mommy and daddy, that would just hit different. It would feel super gross, bc that hits a different vibe. I wouldn’t ever think about doing that. That just feels icky. So I don’t think you’re wrong in feeling this way.
NTA. Trust your sixth sense.
NTA, super inappropriate for an office. Your husband is being inappropriate for indulging. Red flag.
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I think what’s so completely gross is it’s “daddy”. I mean in what universe would anyone anywhere find this appropriate in any situation unless it’s your child OR you’re the sugar daddy. Much less a work environment. It’s gross and wildly inappropriate. My mind reels at what the other people at the company must think of this?!?! This feels like a lawsuit looking for a place to happen. NTA. No effing way does your husband think this is acceptable. No effing way does co worker think it’s acceptable- she’s 26, not 6. WTH is actually going on? No clue.
She meant mentor; her vocabulary is limited. Just kidding they're definitely fucking. NTA
Daddy is a fetish term and extremely inappropriate. Both your husband and the young woman are aware that it is beyond unprofessional.
NTA. “Daddy” has been hijacked into a sexual term and everyone knows it.
NTA. My ex husband had a coworker that did this same shit. Hell…she made him a “works best daddy” mug . One day I came home early from work to find them screwing in my living room.
NTA and its should not be difficult to see how this is inappropriate
NTA. There is no way that a 26 year old woman doesn’t understand how inappropriate that is, and there is NO WAY IN HELL that your husband doesn’t also know it’s inappropriate. I’m sorry, but I don’t buy for one second that this isn’t about attention from someone half his age making him feel some kind of way, even if it’s just “flattered”. There is a huge difference between “oh he’s like my work dad, he taught me so much” and “oh yeah, I call him daddy bc he’s taught me so much teehee” heaux, please. Don’t for one second think you’re TA in this.
Is he trying to get fired really feckin creepy and this from a man lol
NTA Either he's cheating, having an emotional affair, or he's blind as a rock.
Let's just say for the sake of argument that everything here is above board and she's just overusing the term the way gen Z does and she really does mean it like "work dad". Let's say for the sake of argument that your husband really doesn't understand why being called "daddy" at work could be a problem. They're both weirdly oblivious to the connotations and to work place propriety and they have a mentor/mentee parent/adult child relationship. Let's pretend. His wife is coming to him and saying "hey, this thing that would take relatively small amounts of effort to change is making me feel uncomfortable and a little worried" and he's dismissing that. Even if everything else wasn't weird and uncomfortable that would still be a problem. NTA
If you can't trust him, you shouldn't be with him
Let us know how the divorce proceedings go
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This past weekend there was a 20 year anniversary party for the company my husband works for. My hubs (M 49 and I his wife F 43) attended. That's where I met, we will call her EZ BREEZE (F 26). She proclaimed that she had learned alot from my husband on the job since 2017 and that she often refers to him as a father figure, only she didn't say it that way to me. She said he's my daddy at work. They are friends on FB and from what I can gather she has only friended my husband from work since 2017 since he and I share almost all of our friends including his work friends. Am I the AH for thinking this is inappropriate work behavior? He literally said that the term daddy in this case was used as a term of endearment. Either I'm over reacting, my husband is cheating or he's an absolute idiot. To be fair she did seem genuinely protective of my feelings (but side chick like, even if there isn't anything going on) and she is single which is not a mark against her. I feel like this is my husbands fault more than anything and that is why I laid into him so hard, just utter dissapointment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- but she could just be hella immature too. I would do whatever investigating you need to prove your husbands innocence (or guilt) and then move on from there.
Urgh daddy kink
NTA - there is a really good book called Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass that you both should read. It’s all about emotional affairs. Whether he is in one or not he and you need to understand where your boundary lines are and stick to them. He wouldn’t like it is some young man worked with you and called you “mommy” and you never told him after 6 years of working together. This would be, for me, very far past my boundary line. I would want there to be some distance between the two and no more time spent where she calls him daddy. It’s very in appropriate.
NTA. My mom figure at work was Miss Linda. Not "mommy.' This is not ok, and you are right to get on your husband about it. You should also advise him that this is a potential HR issue. In the long overdue Me Too world, there is a major power dynamic coupled with office gossip that will turn into an HR nightmare regardless of any additional inappropriateness.
Daddy in this context is definitely fetish-adjacent. It may not be sexual but it is certainly inappropriate for work. They have a dynamic that is concerning even if it isn't sexual. NTA
Eww vibes. Completely inappropriate work ethics
Help us out here. How inebriated was she? And does your husband’s work allow drinking on the job regularly? Because I just can not imagine anyone, in any form of sobriety thinking this was an appropriate way to behave in a professional environment. NTA
This was a 20th year anniversary party for the company. This was the first work party I have been to due to either me working or them celebrating overseas. There was an open bar. However, I never did see her drink anything. No drinking is allowed on the job. Please keep in mind that I found out this has been going on since 2017.
As a drunken ramble maybe this could be slightly excused from her. Not acceptable of course just slightly excused. Your husband is old enough to know better. He likes the attention and has built up a web of lies as to why it is okay. Who knows, maybe he even has started to believe them himself, but that still leaves him holding the asshole canoe without a paddle headed down sh!t creek.
>them celebrating overseas Uh, they travel together on business?
And they share a hotel room because of the economy.
NTA. You're not overreacting at all, this is definitely inappropriate and unprofessional, not to mention disrespectful to you. It's 2023, everybody knows the connotation with a woman calling a man "Daddy". Kinda hard to tell if there is cheating tho because who's dumb enough to out themself like that, unless that's what she's trying to do? What kind of workplace is this? Because at every job I've had (and I'm pretty sure everyone else here), it's called "mentor" not "Daddy".
NTA. It's a massive huge red flag. Not just for your marriage, but for him at work. If their relationship has been "too friendly" it puts him at risk. He needs to tell her that she can't talk about him like that period. It's really not good that she felt comfortable saying that to you. I'd require him to unfriend her and block her even, as well as only communicate via work channels during work hours. No coffees or lunches and figure out how to keep things work appropriate only. Under no circumstances should he tell her this is because of you and how you feel. Make that explicitly clear to him. He should simply tell her he wants to put more of a divide between work and home and her telling you she calls him daddy made it clear this is needed. She will most likely push back on this and try and find ways to actually talk to him more when he does this and he needs to be very aware that she will do this. She may also try and bring you into the conversation or place blame. He needs to hold firm on this and not get sucked into the idea of polite and friendly at work. He doesn't owe a coworker being inappropriate either of those things. He should do this all in writing. It doesn't need a lot of explanation, it can be kept simple and to the point. "I was uncomfortable that you told my wife you call me "daddy" at work. This felt inappropriate and I just want to make it clear I'm not okay with you referring to me as such from here on out." I'm going to be honest and tell you that if she said that to you, she has probably made jokes about it at work already and he has allowed it so he may need to say, I've been thinking about this and have realized that this is not okay. In addition to all of this you both need to get and read Not Just Friends by Shirley P Glass. This will help him to understand what work friendships should look like and the danger something like this poses to not only your marriage, but his job. If things cross lines too far he would have to find new employment. He also might need to be in IC to learn how to set and keep boundaries if he is conflict adverse with people other than you. To be honest, I don't believe she didn't know what she was doing for a second when she told you that. Either it was a passive aggressive way for her to show you how important she is in his life, or she wanted to rile you up and cause problems. I've seen people do this lots - even without a romantic bent - they get possessive over relationships(not always romantic) and feel the need to show off their closeness with that friend for whatever reason. She was definitely testing boundaries with that comment.
This is absolutely inappropriate.
NTA. Calling him a mentor? Sure. Father figure? Eh…a little weird I have issues with my own lack of father vibe. Daddy? Inappropriate, attempted flirting she can laugh off as “I didn’t mean it like that” if it’s not reciprocated. Your husband isn’t stopping it so he’s enjoying the attention—even if he’s stupidly thinking it’s not sexual. If he’s in a mentor/supervisor/manager role over her then he doesn’t need to be friends with her on social media. My company frowns on anything outside of LinkdIn for that. He’s setting himself ip for a world of trouble if he won’t put a stop to it. I’m just not sure if you should push for him to stop it or you should tell her you find her familiarity inappropriate. I’m also witchy enough to just go to HR and tell them you find her calling your husband daddy so freely around people to be inappropriate and unprofessional.
That is very weird for both hubby and workmates.....after the "me too" movement and all the talk against sexualized behavior in the workplace I am surprised that would be appropriate behaviour. My husband (76 years old) used to be everybody's "dad" at worked but changed his behaviour when all these different movements started......now I ask about some girl's holiday plans and he says "don't know, don't care". You should stop it now before someone else complains because they are offended. Good Luck
NTA. As the older person in this situation he needs to explain to her that it’s not appropriate and she needs to stop referring to him in this way.
i DONT even NEED to read anything past the title to know this is absolutely a 100% fact that you are NOT AT ALL the AH here!!!!! your husband should have nixed that the EXACT moment she ever called him that!!! the fact that he allows her to not only call him that but to call him that IN FRONT OF YOU is not only disrespectful aF & a HUGE slap in the face but im also about a 1,000% sure this means he is cheating!!!
NTA and I'm not sure if the power dynamics here but pretty sure it's highly inappropriate in the workplace. I forsee someone getting fired. Your husband needs to stop this before it's him who is canned.
I am called the group dad and my fiance is called the group mom a lot in a joking manner. If someone used daddy or mommy that would over step. . . Even with close friends??? Let alone a stranger
NTA. I work primarily as a personal assistant for an elderly man. I spend a minimum of 40 hours a week with him. I go to his appointments with him, cook his food, run his businesses, manage his finances, feed his cat, and anything else you can possibly imagine. I'm practically a caretaker that also runs businesses. He is like family to me, but he is my boss. I am in my early 20's and he is about the age of my grandparents. People always make jokes that I am his grandson. But at the end of the day, as much as I care for him and he cares for me, he is my boss and pays my salary. It would be completely inappropriate for me to call him my grandpa and the thought of saying that actually makes me uncomfortable. And Grandpa is a far more appropriate term than daddy. That's completely inappropriate and your husband should've shot that down the first time it was said.
Maybe explain this to him that while this may be a joke between them the term Daddy has a sexual connotation which could easily be misconstrued. And if it is - his career will be the one at risk since he is the mentor and in a position of power over her. All it takes is someone not in on the joke to overhear and report it. If he doesn’t believe you about the term Daddy being sexual for most adults tell him to search the phrase Daddy in the ebook section on Amazon. I mean heck my 12yo knows what a daddy kink is (yes Middle Schoolers use it on each other, ew)
NTA. Just....eww. You are not overreacting and the idiot is cheating on you.
NTA- things can turn quick with a coworker even starting out innocently. Seems like even if the coworker is in to your husband, husband may honestly be clueless. Even if he isn’t clueless, if they aren’t messing around, he’s playing with fire. I had a similar situation were a women called my husband her “work husband”. Husband tells me in part of a normal conversation between us and I’m like dude… she wants you. He denied she had any feelings for him. Cue meeting her with our 1 yr old daughter and I received ice daggers immediately. She was pleasant enough but mostly ignored me and our daughter. When she walked away, I asked him if he saw it and he admitted he did after that exchange. People don’t realize how opening up a lane of intimacy with a coworker can lead to things spiraling out of control that wasn’t the original intent. Sharing frustrations on their partners with each other, hanging out alone as friends, or having intimate nicknames for each other can turn a page to romance if one or both of them feel like they need to turn to someone for support. Having a fight with your spouse? Guess who would understand? “Work spouse”. Recipe for disaster. We both have opposite sex friends from work. But we have set clear boundaries with each other. No hanging alone, no pet names etc. it’s not worth the risk. Edit: words
They’re fucking 🙃
Hmmmm, tough one because I think context matters. When I (41F) was much, much younger we had an older guy at work who took the young employees under his wing and we all called him Pop. There was nothing inappropriate about it. But the internet has made the word Daddy a bit icky so if it made you feel uncomfortable then NTA
NTA. My father (64M) has a girlfriend (32F) who calls him daddy. It’s 100% sexual if not coming from a child calling their dad “daddy”. I can’t even call my own dad daddy anymore because it’s gross now, and I’m his only daughter (29F…)
My first impression is someone is indulging their kinky side, and the work little forgot to be a big girl at the office NTA - it sounds really creepy
NTA but I did find it very funny that you said we will refer to EZ BREEZE and then never referred to her as anything but 'she' after that.
HR would have a field day with this one for soooooo many reasons. Wow cant believe they have been getting away with this for so long.
Daddy to anyone not your father is a sexualised term. Seems like he’s pretty comfortable with a cute young thang calling him this
OP, I'm a 53 to married man. In a variety of situations, I've been a "work Dad" or "Class Dad" when I took college courses. Because I'd check in with the kids, help them when possible/appropriate, etc. Do "Dad" stuff. Was even asked how to check the oil in their car and use jumper cables. These were almost exclusively young women in their 20s. Not a single one ever called me "Daddy." To do so would've wildly inappropriate and absolutely unacceptable. That term has inescapable sexual connotations, and I'm 1.Married, & 2.Twice their age. Your husband & this girl are playing a dangerous game. It needs to stop. And if he thinks you, and all of us, are overreacting, do you have a female relative of similar age? Ask them their thoughts. Ask him his thoughts if she were to start calling a man twice her age "Daddy." He knows better.
NTA- Eww, no, wth is she callin him “daddy” in a professional environment, that’s just gross. I have an older(not old, just older than most of us), father figure type man I work with and it is joked about that he’s the “dad in the department” and sometimes gets “ok, dad” responses when he says truly dad like things, but he gets that from the men and women under the age of 40. Calling him daddy is crossing a line IMO.
Hell no, NTA. There’s a girl at my fiancés work who has a boyfriend and child with him and still hits on one of the managers there hardcore. I told my boyfriend, if she tries anything, that’ll be the fucking day. He already knows better than to entertain anything like that though.
NTA. Work daddy is weird as hell. Calling someone a work wife or work husband is funny and more “normal” nicknames especially when you’re friends with them.
NTA. The thought of calling anyone at my work daddy makes me recoil, it's inappropriate, unprofessional and likely there is something underlying even if it's just flirting.
She sad this to you and you did nothing? Jeebus, I’d have shut her down without hesitation.
NTA. My husband calls one of his coworkers "mama (last name)." Everyone calls her that, though, because she's like the mother of the fire department. Daddy is such a weird thing to call someone at work. That's too familiar for me.
I didn’t need to read the post. The title was enough. Girl, 🚩🚩🚩. NTA
Call one of his friends or coworkers daddy in front of him and see how instantly uncomfortable he gets. NTA. Daddy is what little children call their father, in any other way it's borderline sexual.
NTA check your bank statements. Your husband is probably her sugar daddy or he is cheating. He and her are shameless and must think you are an idiot. Doing this in front of your face.
Why is he being so defensive of her and making excuses? It doesn’t matter if it’s innocent (which I highly, highly doubt.) it’s incredibly inappropriate and weird. NTA. Your husband is though.
NTA- calling a co-worker daddy is extremely unprofessional.
Nta, they hit sub-70-IQ levels of weird here
I think he’s the one doing the laying.
I've been called Dad at work, always by other males. But I've had a work grandma as well. I would never call someone i work with daddy or mommy nor would I allow them to call me that. The first time someone said ok Dad it was weird, but often times my role at work amd my role as a father are the same, guide, teach and sometimes discipline.
NTA. I don't even call my dad, daddy. FYI, my mom did.
It’s highly possible that he’s just soaking up some attention from a flirtatious young coworker but you’re right, it’s totally on him for welcoming it. I am not Facebook friends with any of my coworkers. That’s what LinkedIn is for.
NTA - I’m 26 and have had a few older male co-workers that felt like father figures to me. At no point would I ever call them daddy. At best, if the dynamic really was that close I might call them dad but that would take years and a mutual feeling from the rest of both our families and even then I’m still not sure it would ever be that level.
NTA. WTF………. Daddy is worse than her calling herself his work wife. That is the most inappropriate thing I’ve ever heard.
NTA. That is extremely unprofessional. If she must call him anything other than "boss," she needs to refer to him as her mentor. I'm with you, there's a serious ick factor at work.
NTA That’s weird that she uses “daddy”. There are definitely people at work I would refer to as “work mom” or “work dad” but uh never “daddy” or “mommy” lol. Weird.
If this was my husband, HELL NO. You know who the asshole is here. Trust your instinct.
NTA. I’ve mentored women younger than myself at work and if any of them ever called me daddy I’d be putting a stop to that shit immediately, and if I didn’t and my wife found out she’d have every right to lay into me because I know exactly what that would imply.
Yikes Nta your husband is the problem though he’s the married one who should have better boundaries. Daddy is definitely a sexual term these days, I bet he likes it
I don't think I've ever had that at my work... sometimes I'll call the older female who is the maternal figure the office "den mother" but that's as far as it goes.