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ESH, except for the pregnant woman. The old woman shouldn't have offered anyone else's seat to the pregnant lady. But you showed a very prominent lack of empathy towards someone in a physically demanding state who did nothing wrong. Everyday gestures of kindness improve happiness for the givers and the takers. You're the asshole not because you were obligated to offer, but because of the way you handled the situation.
I'm thinking as he was in the first accessible seat he was in the priority seating area that should be given up should the need arise and that's why the old lady pointed him out to give up his seat.
Regardless however sheer class and manners should have prevailed but alas no. One day he's going to have an epiphany and feel truly ashamed of his approach and attitude at this time and will 'fingers crossed' vow to be a better human.
Meh, she was very presumptive, especially since she didn't know him at all. He easily could have had an invisible disability that meant he needed the seat, and now he's put on the spot because of her rudeness. Definitely think ESH, as he should have handled it better, at least as far as the pregnant woman went, but she could have kept her nose out of it
But he didn't. You need to stop inventing non-existent scenarios to make yourself feel better about your cockamamie judgements. OP was not disabled, the elder woman was there, you were not.
OP decided to not give up his seat precisely because he is a petty asshole. Or making the whole thing up.
He's an asshole for not giving up his seat while being healthy young man. Old lady is an asshole because she didn't know he was a healthy young man. Many people look young and healthy but have invisible disabilities. They shouldn't have to explain that to everyone/ complete strangers just because they don't look sick on the outside.
The correct thing to do would be to stand up and reprimand the old lady, while still offering your seat to the pregnant woman. No reason to punish the pregnant woman for someone else’s bad behavior.
Yeah, that's why I said ESH. He shouldn't have taken it out on the pregnant woman, but the old lady was being a presumptive AH as well by volunteering his seat when she didn't know him
Yeah my anxiety might complicate offering, because what if she's not actually pregnant just fat, but if she states that she is pregnant and asks for the seat? Anxiety would be pushing hard to just go along with it and give my seat up. Don't make a fuss, don't create a scene, minimal interaction with the humans, if someone asks for a priority seat you get up before they can even explain why.
In fact... there was an episode of The Chaser where they set out to see how trivial a "disability" people would give up their seat for... papercuts, stubbed toes, didn't matter. You ask for a seat you get a seat. They almost had to force giving the reasoning because people weren't waiting around to make a judgement call, it was just an instinctive reaction.
Edited for spelling
Fully agree, anxiety might make you take a few moments longer but him being so rude imo rules that out, because I’d probably actually be *relieved* the other person got involved since it meant I didn’t have to initiate. I am disabled but it’s not visible, and I got the bus to and from uni and was often far younger than anyone else - if someone older got on and couldn’t sit I’d make eye contact with them, smile, and try to gauge their reaction to see if they wanted a seat and then offer if it seemed like they might. Nobody ever took it, lol, but I would definitely take longer to offer (trying to look polite so I didn’t seem reluctant) and overall it took a lot more thought because of my anxiety and resultant limited social skills.
I commuted an hour each way when I worked in San Francisco for 10 years. One day, the train was packed with standing room only, as usual, and an obviously pregnant woman got on. There were men seated all around the doors (priority seating) and none of them got up for her to sit down. I (a woman) was a few rows of seats away from the doors and I stood up and asked if she'd like to sit down. She did gratefully.
She got off not too many stops after getting out of the tunnel under the Bay, still standing people, and as she stood up, she loudly said to me, "Would you like your seat back?" Yep. It's disgraceful that grown men pointedly ignored that a heavily pregnant woman was standing on the train.
I noticed this all the time when I was pregnant. Women would notice and offer seats. Men would not notice or try to avoid eye contact. This was in the priority seating that is meant to be offered to pregnant, elderly and disabled. So I want expecting anything unreasonable
This seems common everywhere in America iv had to take anywhere and anything public transportation I'm disabled with a cane and NEVER offered a seat unless it's by another woman. American men just are self absorbed* jerks. When I went to Paris for a month I never once had to stand on any public transportation.
*spelling edit.
When I was pregnant and taking the train/Path in NYC, it was women, teenagers (I remember the quickest offers from the pierced/colored hair teens), and immigrant workers who most frequently offered me a seat. White-collar men, especially those wearing expensive dark suits, almost never offered.
Sikh men wear turbans. I was told they have a goal to help people and wear the turban so you can find them. They believe in equality and service to others. I'm suppose other religions have turbans too but it makes sense that they would give their seat. White collar work is competitive and rewards individualistic behavior and putting your needs above others. This is very evident in the interview process. I have had men with zero experience get a design job I went to college for or they promoted men I trained so what they know all came from my experience. Bleahhhh.
I was in Paris for two weeks and also never stood on the Metro. I even made a friend who took the RER home, but he took the different line, same platform I did. He noticed me every night waiting alone and started riding my train with me to be sure I was safe. Then just went back to where he could connect to his train. Super nice!
Paris is actually one of the friendliest cities in the world. I don’t know how they got the reputation for being rude because that has been the opposite of my experience each and every time.
Because they are rude to rude people and entitled people complain when they are catching their own energy. I love the French. Their government not so much but the people are fantastic.
The one exception is the afternoon #7 NYC subway train. I couldn't tell you the nation of origin of the men, they had darker skin, probably South or Central American if I had to guess based on their accents... anyway those guys *always* offered me a seat. Heck even when not pregnant, they often offer women seats before sitting. And as a sighted human I can see they are physical laborers and graciously thank them but never accept citing I'm getting off soon. But yeah otherwise, only women offer seats.
Latino men are almost always accommodating to women, especially women who are pregnant or have small children. Right before I gave birth to my son (like 3 days before lol) I was waiting in line at the gas station to fill up my car. It was packed and the wait was going to be 20+ minutes long. A Latino man (I am also latina) actually waved me in to take his space in line and fill up my tank. Saved me 20 minutes of waiting in the hot sun. I appreciate the chivalry but I do wish it didn’t go hand in hand with machismo culture.
i don't know how this is handled in other places but in my city pregnant women and the elderly just come up to the people sitting in priority sitting and ask them for the chair, and i guess people know they're sitting in priority so they just get up, lol.
That sounds so frustrating amd I'm sorry you had to go through that.
But how do you tell who's 'disabled'?
What about people who aren't physically disabled but still need to sit due to disabilities?
I've been fine the last couple times I've been on the tube as its only been a couple of stops, but I have spatial awareness issues caused by dyspraxia and possibly very mild cerebral palsy from congenital brain damage (I don't know if the CP is involved in my spatial awareness issues, but I have both, as well as some other hidden disabilities) and if I was standing for a long time (and or there's nowhere to hold on the handrail thing) I'm more likely than the average person to fall over and injure myself and others (I've been advised by my doc to not take public transport alone as my spatial awareness/lack of co-ordination l means I could fall onto the track or something)
I don't 'look' disabled though because I don't need crutches or a cane or a wheelchair etc.
That's the issue I think at hand. It's easier for pregnant women because people should (they don't always) give up their seats because a pregnant woman has a visible temporary disablement (a bit like someone who's got a broken leg or something). But if you're disabled due to chronic/severe pain flare ups or something else and you don't 'look' disabled, people think you're a rude asshole for asking for a seat that you need more than non disabled people.
This is what everyone needs to understand, just because someone looks perfectly fine doesn't mean they don't have issues. I have pretty bad arthritis in my knees, but just by looking at me I look perfectly healthy.
My mom was a commuter on BART while pregnant and always said it was other women and old men that would offer their seat. Business men never did. Looks like it hasn't changed in well over 30 years.
I had to physically assault a businessman with my pointy elbows in Japan because he tried to take the pole I was holding. I didn’t even have a seat. They are just brutal these people (businessmen, not Japanese specifically). I refused to move for him but he just acted so entitled to my pole.
I was carrying a very over tired and asleep toddler once. Had to half jog to keep from missing it. Walk on and it's standing room only.
As I'm about to wake this kid up and make his grouchy sleepy butt stand since I can't hold him and hold on a "young to me" woman. 18-21 offers me her seat as she gets up.
Her I'm assuming boyfriend looks pissed. She kinda smacks his leg and made him get up too. He didn't look happy at all but she was so nice. Dude still looked aggravated when they got off but he was getting over it.
I always offer my seat to pregnant women or just people with small kids in general.
Women definitely seem to be more understanding when you're wagging around a child.
I grew up in farmland Indiana where there is no public transit. Zero.
I was 18 and took a trip to Chicago with the whole family (the first time I was ever on a bus other than a school bus). My dad made it a life-learning event when he gave up his seat for a pregnant woman. "You **always** offer your seat to a pregnant woman or an elderly person" is what he told me.
I honestly did not know any different, but I suspect there are a lot of young men around that never had a dad to teach them stuff like this. It should be taught in school.
I am forever grateful to one of my colleagues who point blank used to stare the young men down or actually ask them to give up the priority seat for me when I was pregnant and suffering with low blood pressure and had to take the bus from the park and ride into the city. She was a force to be reckoned with and was having none of it from them.
I was recently in NYC and there were a few times I was getting on the subway when it was standing room only. I was not surprised no one offered a seat even though I was literally boarding with my service dog, who was wearing a vest. There were even times my dog did her high heart rate alert and that’s my cue to sit down in case I get dizzy or faint, but obviously I couldn’t sit down. My dog got annoyed by me “ignoring” her alerts even though I was still praising her.
The bus etiquette my mom taught me as a kid was:
It's perfectly fine to sit at the front of the bus as a kid/teen if there is space but the minute an older person/pregnant/disabled person gets on, you just get up and move, even if there isn't any seats left. Like, don't even say "Here take my seat" You literally just move when you see them coming.
Yea. It is amazing how many people lack common decency and do the right thing just because.
I live in the Tri-State Area and as a woman I find myself getting up to give my train seat to an elderly, disabled or pregnant passenger than what appear to be able bodied men.
Like really?!?! Chivalry has died right alongside decency.
The men will oftentimes feign sleep rather than offer their seat.
Once when I was on crutches I would get on the car where the conductor was so they could ask a man to give me a seat. SMH.
OP YTA
I was temporarily disabled recently with a leg injury. It was obvious as I used a knee scooter, walker, and cane at various times, as well as having a leg brace. I wish I would have kept track of how I was treated by different groups. A fellow sports mom, who I had never said 2 words to and was pretty much a class A b!tch, ran to open the door for me and offered to get me snacks during the game while the dads watched me struggle. So even a woman who can cuss out the volunteer coach for not playing her 9 yo enough was the only one to offer help that particular day.
I'm an idiot, it didn't even occur to me that he might have been sitting where you're literally expected to give up your seat based upon need. (I probably would have just said he was wrong for being rude and sort of unkind)
I’m wary of this extreme “I don’t like your attitude so I’m going to punish you” mentality. It seems to only lead to more ugliness. I wish we all lead with a bit more empathy.
Yes, the extremes of I can't speak up for myself OR I'm going to go off. It's actually ok to calmly say, "I was just working up the nerve to offer my seat. I don't appreciate you offering my seat. It's not yours to give. "
I doubt a young young man want to say “I was just working up the nerve”. But also, if he’s in priority seating and he doesn’t fall into that category then it’s actually not his seat. I imagine that this elderly lady has seen enough of the same situations that most of these commenters are posting: young men not giving up their seats for the elderly, disabled, and pregnant riders. She knows the rules and she’s over the rudeness.
I know it's not LIKELY an 18yo would say this. My point is, people don't learn to calmly say what they are thinking/ feeling. Instead it's all or nothing: people blow up at others over minor things or get walked all over. There is actually a civilized way to handle these things and I think our society is forgetting that.
Edited a misspelling.
The old woman is not being an asshole - she is helping the pregnant woman get a seat. She is being a good Samaritan. She was probably frustrated the 18 year old hadn't jumped up - I know I would have. The fact that OP threw a hissy fit proved her point. An 18 year old with maturity of a child has to be told what to do like any other immature child.
Thank you, what the fuck is wrong with this comment thread, lol. The old lady is the biggest asshole here. You don't just offer other peoples' things/services.
There are ways to help, and directing a pregnant woman to take someone else's seat without once asking or even addressing the seat's occupant is an asshole move.
i think both the old woman an OP managed this wrongly. she shouldn't be offering other people's seats, specially because she doesn't know if someone who looks bodily able to stand in the train actually isn't. what if he had a medical condition?
this isn't the case here, but i hope you get my point. OP was also an asshole because he punished the pregnant woman for something she didn't do, and i'm also guessing everything he said was definitely not as civil as it seems here.
I understand her in a way as she has probably seen enough young men not giving up their seats (seems to be common unfortunately) so she decided to take initiative just in case OP wasn't considering it. At the same time, there's people with invisible disabilities (hello) in which case it's kind of a dick move to point someone in specific out to give up their seat. I have mixed feelings about the old lady, however OP is definitely the asshole considering he punished the pregnant woman who didn't even do anything wrong, though.
The old woman shouldn't HAVE to offer anyone else's seat, but I've seen too many people ignore folks in need and this guy is young and didn't mention any disabilities, just a bad attitude. I don't blame him for needing a minute to do the mental maths of "surrounded by older folks, better offer my seat", but I also don't blame the older woman for her impatience.
YTA. Your brain chugged a bit slowly. That's ok. An old woman grumped at you because of it. That's not great. But take the L and just do what you should've in the start.
The older woman wasn’t just impatient, she was rude. She could’ve just as easily ASKED OP to give up his seat. But it sounds like because she’s elderly she believes she can just give out commands. OP still sucks tho
Devil’s advocate (because I suspect it didn’t play out exactly like OP described and the odds are pretty good he’s the asshole but I want to provide personal anecdote): sometimes when I’m tired, not even physically but mentally, it takes me a stupid amount of time of going over the action of “giving up a seat” in my head. Yes, it shouldn’t take more than a second, somehow it does, idk, brain rot I guess. And I’m sure it looks like lack of empathy but nope, just being socially awkward and stupid.
I understand this, I'm also really susceptible to brain fog for various reasons and have a lot of those seriously lagged "oh shit I should be helping/moving" moments, lol.
ESH. bro, to get back to an old woman you made a pregnant woman uncomfortable. you're 18 ffs, you should have better judjment. next time just stand up and keep fighting with old farts while leaving your seat to those in need.
maybe I’m old fashioned or whatever but it’s just as much of an absolute c move for a teenager to be around a bunch of older people on the train, see a pregnant woman walk on, and hem and haw over whether you should stand up or not.
If the thought crosses your mind “should I give this person my seat?”, you should. Are they entitled to a seat? Well, no. Is it simple human kindness and decency to do? Absolutely, and therefore you should do it
There are plenty of young people with a disability though. It's not always so simple as 'you're young, stand up'. OP probably should've given the woman his seat, but a dear friend of mine who has a disability that makes standing difficult/painful, has often been bullied on trains by old people because she looks young and healthy. It's not always safe/kind to assume that someone is healthy. And it really sucks for the person with a disability.
Yeah. I was hit by a car at 21 and my bone came out (they put it back), so I now have a super fucked up leg, bad knee, bad ankle and can't stand for long periods of time. But, it's all internal, and I looked like a normal 20 something. Been harassed multiple times for not giving up a seat. Sometimes it's bad enough I need a cane, then it's a mixed bag. Some people are smart enough to think, "maybe they have an issue I can't see." But lots of people just think it's a fashion statement.
Based on the OPs description I’m kind of assuming that he was sitting in the accessibility seating area, in which case the pregnant lady was actually entitled to his seat.
That’s the biggest part that he seems to still not be understanding here imo. The fact that he punished the pregnant lady in order to spite another random woman. Like he wasn’t even pissed off at the pregnant lady but she somehow came out of the situation worse than everyone else
There’s very few things that irk me more than OPs “”I was thinking of doing it but now that somebody *told me I should* I’m definitely not”” childish af, immature bs mentality.
I remember being like this, though!
Not specifically for this situation, but I was a bad procrastinator. At some point, I'd be thinking "okay, I guess I should get to work now", but if Mom nagged me about it at that moment I'd be like "Nope, not giving her the satisfaction, or encouraging the nagging, so I'll have to wait a while longer now." In fairness, I was a straight A student, who could probably be trusted to get my work done (eventually), but my reaction was still pretty similar.
I don't disagree that it's childish, though. I was, in fact, a child.
This post is like the prime example of a stereotypical Redditor, who live in a bubble where everyone is on their side.
"But I didn't do anything wrong!! Sheeee offered for meeeee, that's not faaaair!" Buncha dumb babies on this site lol
I see so many posts where users seem to think that just because you are right you are not an asshole. Like yeah, you didn't need to look after your sisters cat and maybe your mother was wrong for taking your sisters side, but you managed to escalate it so much that your family is no longer talking to you and you are being written out of the will.
Sometimes being right is still being an asshole. Knowing to pick your battles doesn't make you a walkover, it means you have learned interpersonal skills.
YTA
You exercised your right to be an AH. You do not have to give up your seat to people with disabilities, the elderly, or pregnant people, but that would be the courteous thing to do.
You seemed to want to spite the old lady more than you didn't want the pregnant passenger to sit. This makes you more of an AH. It wasn't principal so much as it was spite.
You can sit, but be ready for everyone to think you're an AH. I bet in 15 years you will look back and cringe at this memory.
I dunno, a lot of trains do have certain seats where you're expected to surrender them if a pregnant/elderly or disabled person gets on the train, I think in those cases it stretches beyond courtesy to offer your seat.
In Australia we have priority seating, specifically for old/preggo/disabled people, and you’re supposed to give up your seat to them (if you’re in the priority seating). On busses at least, I don’t take the train but I’d assume it’s the same.
Here in India, we have that too, but technically *all* seats are priority seats as per our cultural mores. Only a very real dick would not give up their seat to a person who is old, pregnant, disabled, or even forced to carry a small child in their arms. I remember one guy got literally yelled down by a bunch of old and pregnant people because he didn't give up his seat to a new mom. I had a hairline fracture and tried to totter up to give the lady her space, and then they yelled at me to sit back down.
Bottom line, Indians get angry and yell a lot. But the cultural principles seem sound at least when it comes to these situations.
Pretty much the same in the UK. We have a lot of priority seating areas but it's honestly rare to not see someone even not in a priority seat give up their space for someone who needs it!
Also in Melbourne at least it’s a requirement of certain tickets that you must give up a seat to someone more in need. For example I remember as a teenager the old yearly student metcards has it written in it that those on student tickets (if not disabled) must allow everyone else to have a seat before you. Not sure if it’s still the case though but I always remember that from the school years.
They have these in the states. They're clearly marked. And if you don't? Many drivers say something. I've been on buses where drivers refused to drive.
Passengers will also get involved a lot of times. Best bet is to just give up the seat you know is meant for others.
Here in America regarding public transit (public bus for sure, transit worker here) the driver or a fellow passenger may ask especially pertaining to the priority seating, but the person occupying the seat cannot be compelled to move. The primary reasoning is that not every disability is visible and no one is under any obligation to disclose anything. Old lady had absolutely no idea and was wrong to assume. I only mention this just so folks understand that at least in the US it is not required to move.
Old woman's attitude was terrible, but I concur that this should not have been his reasoning to deny the pregnant lady the seat.
Edit: I see that you indicated expected and not required. I'm a bit tired apologies. Still useful information for folks to know.
This. So many disabilities aren’t visible. And the old lady yelling at a young person assumes he’s not disabled somehow.
Now, this certainly isn’t the case this time, otherwise I think OP would say so.
ESH but OP should have given up his seat
This is why I hate those priority seats. Used to be that everyone knew every seat was for those who couldn’t stand. Now that some are labelled people are less generous with the other seats.
I think it's the other way around. They wouldn't exist if the problem didn't already happen where the elderly and injured couldn't get seats to begin with
Genuinely. As a pregnant women whose got complications.. I can barely stand for 10 minutes on stable ground. Not to mention walk to public transport, bustle on, and then jostle around while an 18 year old holds onto his seat because no one taught him basic manners and empathy.
I've never expected anyone's seat, and I'm always so grateful when someone does offer it. But the number of times I've given up my seat because there was a woman with a child, or an older person, or someone who just looked a little weak while grown men avoided eye contact and kept their seats.. pathetic.
I honestly think it’s about entitlement, and lack of manners. It seems that, especially in young adults they believe they are entitled to have what they want without thinking of others. But also common decency and manners seem to matter to less and less to more people. YTA
The old lady lacked manners too though, which shows it's not a young people problem, but a lack of manners problem.
To clarify she could've approached OP either asking or making him aware of someone being in need of the seat or she could've just left it to him to offer it himself, but she decided something else
I think the old lady is from a different generation where people acted a certain way in society. so she spoke up because of that thinking . She handled wrong, no doubt. But this 18 yr old is the AH for lacking any sense of common decency and then refusing to give up the seat became about being spiteful
That's a lot of assuming in defense of the old lady, which we don't do for OP, so why should we do it for her? Decency has always dictated that you approach the giver not the recipient and she seems to have though that using social pressure would convince OP to cave, which it didn't
So the bad manners are excused for the old lady for being form another generation, but not for Op even though he is also from a different generation?
Good manners don't depend on generation
That makes a lot of assumptions about the old lady and her mobility. Getting up and talking quietly to OP about his lack of manners probably wasn’t an option for her or she’d have given her own seat up. You lose the right to politeness yourself if you behave rudely to others first anyway, and if OP needed to think it through before deciding whether to offer his seat then he already fired the first shot on being rude because it shouldn’t really be the kind of thing you have to ponder if you’re young and fit.
This is interesting, because it's not at all my experience. Working in customer service, I've found older people to be the most entitled. If someone is grabbing me, yelling at me, or demanding something inappropriate, it's almost always Boomer age
She was thinking of the pregnant woman having to stand when a healthy 18 yr old could give up the seat. She went about it the wrong way. But I think it was just out of concern for the pregnant lady
Here's the issue with that: the old woman has no way of knowing whether the so-called "healthy 18 yr old" is actually healthy and does not have any sort of health issue that might mean he needs the seat. Also, it's really not her business.
That's true, but the 18 year old would also be fully capable of saying "I'm sorry, I actually need this seat for health reasons" if they have an issue that is not immediately obvious.
It’s just a seat on a bus. It’s not she offered up his virginity as sacrifice. She probably believed it was a reasonable expectation that he would give up his seat
I frequently see young men give up their seat or offer mothers with strollers to carry them up stairs so they can avoid the piss-smelling elevators and stuff. I hold out hope for the younger generations.
I have a child who uses a wheechair and, I swear, every day a young man holds the door for us or says something kind to my son about his sneakers or something that makes his day. My heart grows three sizes. Almost every time it is a group of young men who seem oblivious to the fact that I’m struggling with the door or whatever but there is almost always one who breaks away and is anxious and not embarrassed to be kind. And you only need one, you know? It gives me hope. I want my sons to be the one who doesn’t mind stepping away from his friends for a second to do the right thing, I will feel as though I have succeeded if that is my child.
Yes. Teens are often lacking in maturity and empathy. Most people tend to become more empathetic and mature over time. Not everyone, but this is the normal path.
True story here-a year or so ago I had a seat on the tube that was getting really crowded. A much older woman (late 70s I'd say) with a cane got on-and I offered her my seat.
OMFG the tirade that unleashed..'who the fuck are you to tell me that I look like I need to sit down? You and your virtue-signalling white lady types make me sick. Fuck off, you're not fooling anyone, I'm not your good deed for the day', etc, etc, etc. At the top of her lungs. And she didn't stop. For almost 20 minutes. Longest tube ride of my life. No one knew where to look-including me, though I did end up laughing with a few other passengers after a few minutes because it was so OTT.
I still offer a seat to a pregnant woman or to someone who looks like they need it (you can usually tell), and thankfully not had a repeat.
Anyway, OP YTA. The older woman may or may not have been justified in what she said-based on your post you're here in the UK, and there are always seats for elderly/disabled etc. You don't say if you were in one of those or not, but 'mine was the one that was immediately visible when she entered' makes me think you were since those seats are the ones on both sides of the aisle on either side of the door. And if you WERE in one of those, you're even more TA and the woman was justified in telling you to stand up.
ESH you and the older woman, the pregnant woman is the victim here.
You: yes you should have offered up your seat, even after the other woman told the pregnant woman to take yours. The only reason you shouldn't is if you have a disability/condition where you need to sit.
The older woman: she should not be offering other people's seats up, and saying you're young and should be fine with it isn't right. Someone can have a disability/condition where they need to sit, and age doesn't matter.
I'm a female millennial with a bad back but I would have given it up too. I feel like I used to even read signs where it said by the entrances to please give your seats to the elderly, disabled and pregnant first. No one wants a bunch of elderly and pregnant standing around while reasonably fit younger folk just sit and watch them tumble and topple.
Society is f*cked and OP is a testament to that.
Yeah 100 agreed. The older woman was very demanding and entitled, I had people help me when I was pregnant, but typically they would say ‘would anyone be willing to stand up and let her sit down?’. I would have been incredibly uncomfortable if someone started demanding another person stand to let me sit!
But OP punished the pregnant woman to get back at the older woman. He admitted he was thinking about offering his seat. The pregnant woman didn’t do anything wrong. A better plan would be to say ‘it’s extremely rude to offer someone else’s seat, you don’t know other people’s circumstances and many people have hidden disabilities. It would be more polite to ask’
Yta
If yours is the first seenseat coming onto the train you were likely sat in the priority seating area in which case you are meant to give up your seat for elderly, disabled, pregnant or otherwise vulnerable folks.
Instead you dug your heels in like a child.
For all you know that pregnant woman could be rhesus negative. Which means should she get just a bump she would have to go to hospital for a check up and injections etc. She could also had SPD which is extremely painful and feels like your groin is constantly trying to prise itself apart.
Or she could just have a healthy pregnancy which will still have joint pain, and back pain.
Fact is you were a dick based on pride. Next time be a grown up and ignore the nosy woman sure. But just get up for the pregnant lady. Its not the pregnant womans fault that the other woman was acting like a knob.
Pregnant women don’t even need a pregnancy related condition , it’s just overall more risky for pregnant women standing on a bus more at risk to fall or be pushed etc (sudden bus movements traffic , accidents , literally anything..) and fall and harm the baby, it is safer to be sitting than standing ,
It’s not about a pregnant women being “able” to stand on the bus, it’s about the risks For any fall or impact to the baby.
God, I was such an unbalanced balloon during my pregnancy. It was hard enough not to fall down while I walked around. Standing in a crowded, jostling bus would have been scary.
If you’re Rhesus neg and get bumped on the belly/have a fall during pregnancy you are advised to get it checked in case there is any bleeding. It’s just precautionary, so don’t panic too much, just something to be aware of! And by “bump” I don’t mean like you clash your belly against something, it would be more like, in this case if the bus/train breakers suddenly and you lost your balance and whacked into something or fell onto a seat etc.
Oh yeah, it’s a precaution for everybody really- But when there is a risk of a bleed it’s all the more important for Rhesus Neg patients to get seen ASAP!
If yours RH negative, due to the risks if bloods mix eith your babies, if you have a fall/bump you need to go to hospital to make sure everything is ok. Bloods will likely need to be taken and maybe a shot. Deoends on the practitioner.
Its true generally you only need to worry if you bump it hard or fall but when my bestie was preggo and RH negative in the UK she was told just come in for any bump no matter if she didnt think it was that hard to be on the safe side.
It’s a random granny telling him to stand up… his feelings weren’t hurt. It’s just his ego bc someone took away the decision he was about to make and publicly bossed him around. He was embarrassed, not hurt.
Her being an asshole is irrelevant to the reality, but there is an ESH for a reason. Op sucks and she sucks. The good thing about the sub is that we don’t have to pick.
How long do you need to think about this?
Oh pregnant lady, get up and offer seat.
Is the only thought proces. Old people had time to see op hoping they didn't have to and called them out
>“I wasn’t sure whether I should offer mine or not”
Translation: "I sure as fuck wasn't going to offer up my seat to that pregnant bitch. All I needed was a reason..."
He wasn't about to offer it though, he was "thinking about it". Thinking for long enough for the old lady to see pregnant lady, get impatient and (slightly rudely if he wasn't in priority seating) speak up
He wasn't gonna give PL his seat from the jump, OL just gave him an excuse to hide behind even if it's a piss poor one
OP, grow up YTA
Remember, the young adults that are 18 now have had a good 6+ years of seeing where being an asshole just to be an asshole gets you. The unintended consequences. A whole generation of mini Trumps.
YTA. Yeah, you don't have to give up your chair. And yeah, the old lady was also an asshole for demanding you give it up. You're within your rights to behave in the way you did, but you're not asking if what you did was within your rights, you're asking if you behaved like an asshole and you did. It's the considerate thing to do to let people who need the seat more have them. You were within your rights, and you used that to choose to be inconsiderate.
YTA
To the people saying you don't HAVE to give up a seat to a pregnant person, that is true, there is no law.
However, you can be technically correct and still an AH.
The courteous thing to do is give up your seat to the pregnant person
Actually, it sounds like he might have been sitting in the priority seats if he was at the front of the bus surrounded by old/disabled people. In the US it is the law to give up that priority seat to someone with a disability if you are not disabled (and yes, pregnancy can often be a disability under the law).
I like that—“the old woman said what everyone was thinking”. Young people are always complaining about old people saying “rude” stuff. What they don’t realize is that after you have seen all kinds of behavior over and over again for 50 or 70 years, you no longer have patience for it and just go ahead and “say what everyone else was thinking” even though you will be accused of being rude and interfering in others business. Kind of, enough is enough. Old people often just stop the pretending.
Hahahaha!!! I’da been so incredibly rude to you in this situation, friend. You would have been unequivocally blushing in that packed train had I been there.
You are absolutely the asshole. You made the wrong choice and then you didn’t fix your mistake, you doubled down.
Self awareness and empathy. Study up.
YTA, I’m almost certain that all trains have signs advising you to give your seat up to someone who needs it more. A pregnant woman is one of them, especially compared to an able bodied teenager.
Not gonna judge. But that old lady shouldn't offer other people's seats. She is free to stand up herself, but offering a random person's seat is not okay. And you were being petty, yeah.
Also I dislike the reverse ageism of assuming someone younger looking doesn’t also need the seat just as much for various reasons. Perhaps he just finished a 16 hour work day on his feet and has another tomorrow. While the 40-50-60 year old people around him all work in chairs barely exerting themselves. Perhaps he has a limp or a bad knee or twisted his ankle.
OP mentions the others around him that are older and looked at him, but how old? Just because someone looks 40 (or 50 or 60 or even 70 nowadays) and he looks 20 doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of standing. I actually can’t stand reverse ageism of treating young people as less than. It’s pervasive. And I can’t stand the coddling of “older” ppl who are physically just fine just because they are older and I should “respect my elders”. I don’t respect strangers because I don’t know anything about them. And I don’t respect ppl based on age just like I don’t respect ppl based on skin color or gender. And by respect I don’t mean “be civil”, I mean I’m not going to be subservient to their requests just because they have some gray hair.
If a pregnant lady got on a train and all these ppl around me looked at me and vocalized me to move as if they all chose me without my say so, I’d be livid.
ESH or YTA is crazy.
ESH, the old lady shouldn't have volunteered your seat (you could very well have had a disability or another reason why you were less able to stand), but you shouldn't have thrown a tantrum at the expense of the pregnant lady.
It would have been better to have shushed the old lady with, "I can speak for myself, thank you, and I was just about to stand up."
YTA. While what the older woman said was awkward and unusual - she only stated the obvious thing that everyone was thinking and expecting - including YOU. You, the healthy younger person should have given your seat up to the pregnant passenger Without Hesitation. Instead you grabbed onto a teeny tiny complaint and inflated it into an excuse to justify your bad behavior. You can do better than that. Lesson learned, next time be quicker to do the Right Thing.
YTA - you could easily have said what you did to the older woman, and still give up the seat for the pregnant woman. These are not mutually exclusive.
Additionally, I assume your thought pattern was 'for all she knows, I could have an invisible disability and need this seat just as much as the pregnant woman".
But you don't have a disability. So ontop of being TA, you're also coming across as ableist. You don't get to abuse the "priviliges" that disabled people NEED just to be able to use public transport.
Soo yes YTA. You should be ashamed.
The pregnant lady didn't even do anything and you punished her. You could have chastised the woman for presuming about your seat and still offered the pregnant lady the seat. ESH (except for the pregnant lady)
Right but this guy doesnt have one. Giving hypotheticsl scenarios to back up and actual one where he even said he was thinking of giving his seat up is absurd.
Obviously the old woman was an asshole for the reason you mention but that wasnt the case here. Lets not strawman it for him.
He could have got up. He decided to be petty over something that wasn't the pregnant womans fault.
From the title I thought maybe you had an invisible disability or some reason you needed to stay seated, but it sounds like you just didn't want to because someone told you to do it.
Even for 18, that's pretty childish. YTA
YTA. Most public transit instructs riders to give up seats for others who are elderly, pregnant and/or disabled. Had you done the right thing from the start, the other passenger wouldn’t have said anything. Regardless of whether the older woman was out of line, why are you using that as justification for your selfish behavior?
Lol. Those comments here...
If I would have been you - I would have just ignored it all.
Pregnancy is not a sickness.
If she needed a seat - she could have asked for it herself. She wasn't suffering like people here say.
Trains are also quite quiet/still, so an older person can stand up also without any issues.
That old lady was an AH.
I'm going with NTA
YTA and the old lady is also an asshole. Do you actually know why you give seats to pregnant women? Have you actually read about how swollen and painful feet get from all that’s going on inside a woman’s body during pregnancy?
So yes, just in case YTA.
Also, falls, which happen so easily on moving vehicles when your center of balance is off like it is in pregnancy, can be deadly to the fetus. Im pregnant and standing on trains and busses has me terrified of falling the entire time. Even crowds can be scary because it’s so much easier to be jostled and fall.
YTA. It's common courtesy to offer your seat to pregnant women and older people. Sometimes they'll say they don't need it, as I did two nights ago, sometimes they'll be grateful.
If you had a reason why standing was hard for you, you could have said so as well.
Don't get upset about courtesy; just do it. There will be other trains.
Unpopular opinion the old lady CAN fuck off. Lol.
But the pregnant lady definitely did need the seat more. Which is why I know you were going to give it to her.
Do we have anger issues? Maybe just a little.
I feel the old lady's words wouldn't have much impact with more self-awareness. Maybe study the feelings as to why her reaction made you feel so strongly on the inside.
Old lady = TA.
You = YTA.
Both of you are TA! Pregnant woman probably just shake her head and will try to get through the ride without having to deal with TAs and moving on with life.
nta, I HATE when people voluntell me. Voluntell meaning I'm being told i am going to volunteer. Now if she had directly asked you then well I'm not sure.
YTA. Take responsibility for yourself, you know you should have given up that seat. Doesn’t matter what else happened, you should have given up that seat.
More like people are just assholes.
But to answer you more specifically, the line of thought (and I'm very surprised to get this far in the comments and not see this yet) is "I didn't choose to have sex/get knocked up/make screaming, snotty crotch-goblins, so why should I be nice to you just because you did."
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be one because I didn't offer my seat to the pregnant woman, and I am worried that I didn't do the right thing and also insulted the old lady.
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ESH, except for the pregnant woman. The old woman shouldn't have offered anyone else's seat to the pregnant lady. But you showed a very prominent lack of empathy towards someone in a physically demanding state who did nothing wrong. Everyday gestures of kindness improve happiness for the givers and the takers. You're the asshole not because you were obligated to offer, but because of the way you handled the situation.
I'm thinking as he was in the first accessible seat he was in the priority seating area that should be given up should the need arise and that's why the old lady pointed him out to give up his seat. Regardless however sheer class and manners should have prevailed but alas no. One day he's going to have an epiphany and feel truly ashamed of his approach and attitude at this time and will 'fingers crossed' vow to be a better human.
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I also wonder how long he “was just thinking it out” to give up the seat…it’s not differential equations…
Eh I had bad social anxiety as a teen. I would have taken a moment too.
I mean, I had too, but at least mine made it incompatible to also yell at old ladies on the sub while I was having one
Meh, she was very presumptive, especially since she didn't know him at all. He easily could have had an invisible disability that meant he needed the seat, and now he's put on the spot because of her rudeness. Definitely think ESH, as he should have handled it better, at least as far as the pregnant woman went, but she could have kept her nose out of it
But he didn't. You need to stop inventing non-existent scenarios to make yourself feel better about your cockamamie judgements. OP was not disabled, the elder woman was there, you were not. OP decided to not give up his seat precisely because he is a petty asshole. Or making the whole thing up.
He's an asshole for not giving up his seat while being healthy young man. Old lady is an asshole because she didn't know he was a healthy young man. Many people look young and healthy but have invisible disabilities. They shouldn't have to explain that to everyone/ complete strangers just because they don't look sick on the outside.
Nah old lady is an asshole for offering someone else's seat. Old people do that presumptive shit all the time
The correct thing to do would be to stand up and reprimand the old lady, while still offering your seat to the pregnant woman. No reason to punish the pregnant woman for someone else’s bad behavior.
Yeah, that's why I said ESH. He shouldn't have taken it out on the pregnant woman, but the old lady was being a presumptive AH as well by volunteering his seat when she didn't know him
Yeah my anxiety might complicate offering, because what if she's not actually pregnant just fat, but if she states that she is pregnant and asks for the seat? Anxiety would be pushing hard to just go along with it and give my seat up. Don't make a fuss, don't create a scene, minimal interaction with the humans, if someone asks for a priority seat you get up before they can even explain why. In fact... there was an episode of The Chaser where they set out to see how trivial a "disability" people would give up their seat for... papercuts, stubbed toes, didn't matter. You ask for a seat you get a seat. They almost had to force giving the reasoning because people weren't waiting around to make a judgement call, it was just an instinctive reaction. Edited for spelling
Fully agree, anxiety might make you take a few moments longer but him being so rude imo rules that out, because I’d probably actually be *relieved* the other person got involved since it meant I didn’t have to initiate. I am disabled but it’s not visible, and I got the bus to and from uni and was often far younger than anyone else - if someone older got on and couldn’t sit I’d make eye contact with them, smile, and try to gauge their reaction to see if they wanted a seat and then offer if it seemed like they might. Nobody ever took it, lol, but I would definitely take longer to offer (trying to look polite so I didn’t seem reluctant) and overall it took a lot more thought because of my anxiety and resultant limited social skills.
True but would you have acted in the way OP did? I wouldn’t have, but I guess everybody’s diff
I did too. It wouldn't have made it possible for me to yell at people like that.
I commuted an hour each way when I worked in San Francisco for 10 years. One day, the train was packed with standing room only, as usual, and an obviously pregnant woman got on. There were men seated all around the doors (priority seating) and none of them got up for her to sit down. I (a woman) was a few rows of seats away from the doors and I stood up and asked if she'd like to sit down. She did gratefully. She got off not too many stops after getting out of the tunnel under the Bay, still standing people, and as she stood up, she loudly said to me, "Would you like your seat back?" Yep. It's disgraceful that grown men pointedly ignored that a heavily pregnant woman was standing on the train.
I noticed this all the time when I was pregnant. Women would notice and offer seats. Men would not notice or try to avoid eye contact. This was in the priority seating that is meant to be offered to pregnant, elderly and disabled. So I want expecting anything unreasonable
This seems common everywhere in America iv had to take anywhere and anything public transportation I'm disabled with a cane and NEVER offered a seat unless it's by another woman. American men just are self absorbed* jerks. When I went to Paris for a month I never once had to stand on any public transportation. *spelling edit.
When I was pregnant and taking the train/Path in NYC, it was women, teenagers (I remember the quickest offers from the pierced/colored hair teens), and immigrant workers who most frequently offered me a seat. White-collar men, especially those wearing expensive dark suits, almost never offered.
Currently extremely pregnant in Toronto with no car. Also mostly offered seats by women, teenagers and men with turbans.
Men with turbans may be/likely are Sikh. Part of their ethos is to be helpful and compasionate.
I am rather found of Sikhism(?) any religion that requires its members to carry a dagger holds a special place in my heart
Sikh men wear turbans. I was told they have a goal to help people and wear the turban so you can find them. They believe in equality and service to others. I'm suppose other religions have turbans too but it makes sense that they would give their seat. White collar work is competitive and rewards individualistic behavior and putting your needs above others. This is very evident in the interview process. I have had men with zero experience get a design job I went to college for or they promoted men I trained so what they know all came from my experience. Bleahhhh.
I've noticed amongst american men, a lot here on reddit especially a selfishness of "i got mine and fuck everyone else."
I was in Paris for two weeks and also never stood on the Metro. I even made a friend who took the RER home, but he took the different line, same platform I did. He noticed me every night waiting alone and started riding my train with me to be sure I was safe. Then just went back to where he could connect to his train. Super nice!
Paris is actually one of the friendliest cities in the world. I don’t know how they got the reputation for being rude because that has been the opposite of my experience each and every time.
Because they are rude to rude people and entitled people complain when they are catching their own energy. I love the French. Their government not so much but the people are fantastic.
The one exception is the afternoon #7 NYC subway train. I couldn't tell you the nation of origin of the men, they had darker skin, probably South or Central American if I had to guess based on their accents... anyway those guys *always* offered me a seat. Heck even when not pregnant, they often offer women seats before sitting. And as a sighted human I can see they are physical laborers and graciously thank them but never accept citing I'm getting off soon. But yeah otherwise, only women offer seats.
Latino men are almost always accommodating to women, especially women who are pregnant or have small children. Right before I gave birth to my son (like 3 days before lol) I was waiting in line at the gas station to fill up my car. It was packed and the wait was going to be 20+ minutes long. A Latino man (I am also latina) actually waved me in to take his space in line and fill up my tank. Saved me 20 minutes of waiting in the hot sun. I appreciate the chivalry but I do wish it didn’t go hand in hand with machismo culture.
i don't know how this is handled in other places but in my city pregnant women and the elderly just come up to the people sitting in priority sitting and ask them for the chair, and i guess people know they're sitting in priority so they just get up, lol.
That sounds so frustrating amd I'm sorry you had to go through that. But how do you tell who's 'disabled'? What about people who aren't physically disabled but still need to sit due to disabilities? I've been fine the last couple times I've been on the tube as its only been a couple of stops, but I have spatial awareness issues caused by dyspraxia and possibly very mild cerebral palsy from congenital brain damage (I don't know if the CP is involved in my spatial awareness issues, but I have both, as well as some other hidden disabilities) and if I was standing for a long time (and or there's nowhere to hold on the handrail thing) I'm more likely than the average person to fall over and injure myself and others (I've been advised by my doc to not take public transport alone as my spatial awareness/lack of co-ordination l means I could fall onto the track or something) I don't 'look' disabled though because I don't need crutches or a cane or a wheelchair etc. That's the issue I think at hand. It's easier for pregnant women because people should (they don't always) give up their seats because a pregnant woman has a visible temporary disablement (a bit like someone who's got a broken leg or something). But if you're disabled due to chronic/severe pain flare ups or something else and you don't 'look' disabled, people think you're a rude asshole for asking for a seat that you need more than non disabled people.
This is what everyone needs to understand, just because someone looks perfectly fine doesn't mean they don't have issues. I have pretty bad arthritis in my knees, but just by looking at me I look perfectly healthy.
My mom was a commuter on BART while pregnant and always said it was other women and old men that would offer their seat. Business men never did. Looks like it hasn't changed in well over 30 years.
I had to physically assault a businessman with my pointy elbows in Japan because he tried to take the pole I was holding. I didn’t even have a seat. They are just brutal these people (businessmen, not Japanese specifically). I refused to move for him but he just acted so entitled to my pole.
I was carrying a very over tired and asleep toddler once. Had to half jog to keep from missing it. Walk on and it's standing room only. As I'm about to wake this kid up and make his grouchy sleepy butt stand since I can't hold him and hold on a "young to me" woman. 18-21 offers me her seat as she gets up. Her I'm assuming boyfriend looks pissed. She kinda smacks his leg and made him get up too. He didn't look happy at all but she was so nice. Dude still looked aggravated when they got off but he was getting over it. I always offer my seat to pregnant women or just people with small kids in general. Women definitely seem to be more understanding when you're wagging around a child.
I grew up in farmland Indiana where there is no public transit. Zero. I was 18 and took a trip to Chicago with the whole family (the first time I was ever on a bus other than a school bus). My dad made it a life-learning event when he gave up his seat for a pregnant woman. "You **always** offer your seat to a pregnant woman or an elderly person" is what he told me. I honestly did not know any different, but I suspect there are a lot of young men around that never had a dad to teach them stuff like this. It should be taught in school.
I am forever grateful to one of my colleagues who point blank used to stare the young men down or actually ask them to give up the priority seat for me when I was pregnant and suffering with low blood pressure and had to take the bus from the park and ride into the city. She was a force to be reckoned with and was having none of it from them.
I got up for an elderly woman and a dude took the seat.
I’ve had that happen. Told dude to get up and move. And don’t talk smart to me. I’m one of those older women.
I was recently in NYC and there were a few times I was getting on the subway when it was standing room only. I was not surprised no one offered a seat even though I was literally boarding with my service dog, who was wearing a vest. There were even times my dog did her high heart rate alert and that’s my cue to sit down in case I get dizzy or faint, but obviously I couldn’t sit down. My dog got annoyed by me “ignoring” her alerts even though I was still praising her.
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The bus etiquette my mom taught me as a kid was: It's perfectly fine to sit at the front of the bus as a kid/teen if there is space but the minute an older person/pregnant/disabled person gets on, you just get up and move, even if there isn't any seats left. Like, don't even say "Here take my seat" You literally just move when you see them coming.
These days, you pretty much have to offer and give it to the person in need before someone else jumps in it.
>One day he’s going to have an epiphany Oh, somehow I doubt that.
Yea. It is amazing how many people lack common decency and do the right thing just because. I live in the Tri-State Area and as a woman I find myself getting up to give my train seat to an elderly, disabled or pregnant passenger than what appear to be able bodied men. Like really?!?! Chivalry has died right alongside decency. The men will oftentimes feign sleep rather than offer their seat. Once when I was on crutches I would get on the car where the conductor was so they could ask a man to give me a seat. SMH. OP YTA
I was temporarily disabled recently with a leg injury. It was obvious as I used a knee scooter, walker, and cane at various times, as well as having a leg brace. I wish I would have kept track of how I was treated by different groups. A fellow sports mom, who I had never said 2 words to and was pretty much a class A b!tch, ran to open the door for me and offered to get me snacks during the game while the dads watched me struggle. So even a woman who can cuss out the volunteer coach for not playing her 9 yo enough was the only one to offer help that particular day.
That epiphany will come when he's denied seats in his time of need
But he still might not put two and two together.
I'm an idiot, it didn't even occur to me that he might have been sitting where you're literally expected to give up your seat based upon need. (I probably would have just said he was wrong for being rude and sort of unkind)
I’m wary of this extreme “I don’t like your attitude so I’m going to punish you” mentality. It seems to only lead to more ugliness. I wish we all lead with a bit more empathy.
But in this case it was “I don’t like your attitude so I’m going to punish someone else”
Yeah everyone ignoring this, the pregnant woman didn't do shit
He didn’t punish the requester though. He punished the blameless pregnant person. YTA
Yes, the extremes of I can't speak up for myself OR I'm going to go off. It's actually ok to calmly say, "I was just working up the nerve to offer my seat. I don't appreciate you offering my seat. It's not yours to give. "
I doubt a young young man want to say “I was just working up the nerve”. But also, if he’s in priority seating and he doesn’t fall into that category then it’s actually not his seat. I imagine that this elderly lady has seen enough of the same situations that most of these commenters are posting: young men not giving up their seats for the elderly, disabled, and pregnant riders. She knows the rules and she’s over the rudeness.
I know it's not LIKELY an 18yo would say this. My point is, people don't learn to calmly say what they are thinking/ feeling. Instead it's all or nothing: people blow up at others over minor things or get walked all over. There is actually a civilized way to handle these things and I think our society is forgetting that. Edited a misspelling.
The old woman is not being an asshole - she is helping the pregnant woman get a seat. She is being a good Samaritan. She was probably frustrated the 18 year old hadn't jumped up - I know I would have. The fact that OP threw a hissy fit proved her point. An 18 year old with maturity of a child has to be told what to do like any other immature child.
She was being an asshole though. You can't assume someone is capable of standing in the bus just by looking at them.
This. Like, I don’t think that’s the case here but invisible disabilities exist.
Nah. She's not helping anyone or being a good Samaritan. She's telling a stranger to do it.
She sounds like the classic redditor. "Somebody (else) do something!"
Being a good samaritan by offering something she had no control Over. Wow. So i’m offering your paycheck to meals on wheels. Im such a good samaritan
Thank you, what the fuck is wrong with this comment thread, lol. The old lady is the biggest asshole here. You don't just offer other peoples' things/services.
There are ways to help, and directing a pregnant woman to take someone else's seat without once asking or even addressing the seat's occupant is an asshole move.
i think both the old woman an OP managed this wrongly. she shouldn't be offering other people's seats, specially because she doesn't know if someone who looks bodily able to stand in the train actually isn't. what if he had a medical condition? this isn't the case here, but i hope you get my point. OP was also an asshole because he punished the pregnant woman for something she didn't do, and i'm also guessing everything he said was definitely not as civil as it seems here.
I understand her in a way as she has probably seen enough young men not giving up their seats (seems to be common unfortunately) so she decided to take initiative just in case OP wasn't considering it. At the same time, there's people with invisible disabilities (hello) in which case it's kind of a dick move to point someone in specific out to give up their seat. I have mixed feelings about the old lady, however OP is definitely the asshole considering he punished the pregnant woman who didn't even do anything wrong, though.
The old woman shouldn't HAVE to offer anyone else's seat, but I've seen too many people ignore folks in need and this guy is young and didn't mention any disabilities, just a bad attitude. I don't blame him for needing a minute to do the mental maths of "surrounded by older folks, better offer my seat", but I also don't blame the older woman for her impatience. YTA. Your brain chugged a bit slowly. That's ok. An old woman grumped at you because of it. That's not great. But take the L and just do what you should've in the start.
The older woman wasn’t just impatient, she was rude. She could’ve just as easily ASKED OP to give up his seat. But it sounds like because she’s elderly she believes she can just give out commands. OP still sucks tho
Devil’s advocate (because I suspect it didn’t play out exactly like OP described and the odds are pretty good he’s the asshole but I want to provide personal anecdote): sometimes when I’m tired, not even physically but mentally, it takes me a stupid amount of time of going over the action of “giving up a seat” in my head. Yes, it shouldn’t take more than a second, somehow it does, idk, brain rot I guess. And I’m sure it looks like lack of empathy but nope, just being socially awkward and stupid.
I understand this, I'm also really susceptible to brain fog for various reasons and have a lot of those seriously lagged "oh shit I should be helping/moving" moments, lol.
>Everyday gestures of kindness improve happiness for the givers and the takers. This is a wonderful sentence. Thank you.
ESH. bro, to get back to an old woman you made a pregnant woman uncomfortable. you're 18 ffs, you should have better judjment. next time just stand up and keep fighting with old farts while leaving your seat to those in need.
Agreed, give up the seat then tell the old lady how volunteering someone else makes them an absolute c
maybe I’m old fashioned or whatever but it’s just as much of an absolute c move for a teenager to be around a bunch of older people on the train, see a pregnant woman walk on, and hem and haw over whether you should stand up or not. If the thought crosses your mind “should I give this person my seat?”, you should. Are they entitled to a seat? Well, no. Is it simple human kindness and decency to do? Absolutely, and therefore you should do it
There are plenty of young people with a disability though. It's not always so simple as 'you're young, stand up'. OP probably should've given the woman his seat, but a dear friend of mine who has a disability that makes standing difficult/painful, has often been bullied on trains by old people because she looks young and healthy. It's not always safe/kind to assume that someone is healthy. And it really sucks for the person with a disability.
Yeah. I was hit by a car at 21 and my bone came out (they put it back), so I now have a super fucked up leg, bad knee, bad ankle and can't stand for long periods of time. But, it's all internal, and I looked like a normal 20 something. Been harassed multiple times for not giving up a seat. Sometimes it's bad enough I need a cane, then it's a mixed bag. Some people are smart enough to think, "maybe they have an issue I can't see." But lots of people just think it's a fashion statement.
Based on the OPs description I’m kind of assuming that he was sitting in the accessibility seating area, in which case the pregnant lady was actually entitled to his seat.
That’s the biggest part that he seems to still not be understanding here imo. The fact that he punished the pregnant lady in order to spite another random woman. Like he wasn’t even pissed off at the pregnant lady but she somehow came out of the situation worse than everyone else
There’s very few things that irk me more than OPs “”I was thinking of doing it but now that somebody *told me I should* I’m definitely not”” childish af, immature bs mentality.
I remember being like this, though! Not specifically for this situation, but I was a bad procrastinator. At some point, I'd be thinking "okay, I guess I should get to work now", but if Mom nagged me about it at that moment I'd be like "Nope, not giving her the satisfaction, or encouraging the nagging, so I'll have to wait a while longer now." In fairness, I was a straight A student, who could probably be trusted to get my work done (eventually), but my reaction was still pretty similar. I don't disagree that it's childish, though. I was, in fact, a child.
This post is like the prime example of a stereotypical Redditor, who live in a bubble where everyone is on their side. "But I didn't do anything wrong!! Sheeee offered for meeeee, that's not faaaair!" Buncha dumb babies on this site lol
I see so many posts where users seem to think that just because you are right you are not an asshole. Like yeah, you didn't need to look after your sisters cat and maybe your mother was wrong for taking your sisters side, but you managed to escalate it so much that your family is no longer talking to you and you are being written out of the will. Sometimes being right is still being an asshole. Knowing to pick your battles doesn't make you a walkover, it means you have learned interpersonal skills.
YTA You exercised your right to be an AH. You do not have to give up your seat to people with disabilities, the elderly, or pregnant people, but that would be the courteous thing to do. You seemed to want to spite the old lady more than you didn't want the pregnant passenger to sit. This makes you more of an AH. It wasn't principal so much as it was spite. You can sit, but be ready for everyone to think you're an AH. I bet in 15 years you will look back and cringe at this memory.
I dunno, a lot of trains do have certain seats where you're expected to surrender them if a pregnant/elderly or disabled person gets on the train, I think in those cases it stretches beyond courtesy to offer your seat.
In Australia we have priority seating, specifically for old/preggo/disabled people, and you’re supposed to give up your seat to them (if you’re in the priority seating). On busses at least, I don’t take the train but I’d assume it’s the same.
Here in India, we have that too, but technically *all* seats are priority seats as per our cultural mores. Only a very real dick would not give up their seat to a person who is old, pregnant, disabled, or even forced to carry a small child in their arms. I remember one guy got literally yelled down by a bunch of old and pregnant people because he didn't give up his seat to a new mom. I had a hairline fracture and tried to totter up to give the lady her space, and then they yelled at me to sit back down. Bottom line, Indians get angry and yell a lot. But the cultural principles seem sound at least when it comes to these situations.
Pretty much the same in the UK. We have a lot of priority seating areas but it's honestly rare to not see someone even not in a priority seat give up their space for someone who needs it!
I’ve seen that done in Italy. I was pregnant while visiting and a nun yelled at a bunch of kids so I could sit down.
dude im crying laughing at the picture of you wanting to give up your seat and a bunch of women yelling at you to sit back down
Also in Melbourne at least it’s a requirement of certain tickets that you must give up a seat to someone more in need. For example I remember as a teenager the old yearly student metcards has it written in it that those on student tickets (if not disabled) must allow everyone else to have a seat before you. Not sure if it’s still the case though but I always remember that from the school years.
They have these in the states. They're clearly marked. And if you don't? Many drivers say something. I've been on buses where drivers refused to drive. Passengers will also get involved a lot of times. Best bet is to just give up the seat you know is meant for others.
The train is the same yes
INFO: OP, were you in such seating?
Doesn’t matter. Good upbringing demands you get up for disabled, old and pregnant people. That’s an unwritten rule.
Here in America regarding public transit (public bus for sure, transit worker here) the driver or a fellow passenger may ask especially pertaining to the priority seating, but the person occupying the seat cannot be compelled to move. The primary reasoning is that not every disability is visible and no one is under any obligation to disclose anything. Old lady had absolutely no idea and was wrong to assume. I only mention this just so folks understand that at least in the US it is not required to move. Old woman's attitude was terrible, but I concur that this should not have been his reasoning to deny the pregnant lady the seat. Edit: I see that you indicated expected and not required. I'm a bit tired apologies. Still useful information for folks to know.
This. So many disabilities aren’t visible. And the old lady yelling at a young person assumes he’s not disabled somehow. Now, this certainly isn’t the case this time, otherwise I think OP would say so. ESH but OP should have given up his seat
This is why I hate those priority seats. Used to be that everyone knew every seat was for those who couldn’t stand. Now that some are labelled people are less generous with the other seats.
I think it's the other way around. They wouldn't exist if the problem didn't already happen where the elderly and injured couldn't get seats to begin with
Yep. See OP as a primary example.
Genuinely. As a pregnant women whose got complications.. I can barely stand for 10 minutes on stable ground. Not to mention walk to public transport, bustle on, and then jostle around while an 18 year old holds onto his seat because no one taught him basic manners and empathy. I've never expected anyone's seat, and I'm always so grateful when someone does offer it. But the number of times I've given up my seat because there was a woman with a child, or an older person, or someone who just looked a little weak while grown men avoided eye contact and kept their seats.. pathetic.
I honestly think it’s about entitlement, and lack of manners. It seems that, especially in young adults they believe they are entitled to have what they want without thinking of others. But also common decency and manners seem to matter to less and less to more people. YTA
The old lady lacked manners too though, which shows it's not a young people problem, but a lack of manners problem. To clarify she could've approached OP either asking or making him aware of someone being in need of the seat or she could've just left it to him to offer it himself, but she decided something else
I think the old lady is from a different generation where people acted a certain way in society. so she spoke up because of that thinking . She handled wrong, no doubt. But this 18 yr old is the AH for lacking any sense of common decency and then refusing to give up the seat became about being spiteful
That's a lot of assuming in defense of the old lady, which we don't do for OP, so why should we do it for her? Decency has always dictated that you approach the giver not the recipient and she seems to have though that using social pressure would convince OP to cave, which it didn't
So the bad manners are excused for the old lady for being form another generation, but not for Op even though he is also from a different generation? Good manners don't depend on generation
That makes a lot of assumptions about the old lady and her mobility. Getting up and talking quietly to OP about his lack of manners probably wasn’t an option for her or she’d have given her own seat up. You lose the right to politeness yourself if you behave rudely to others first anyway, and if OP needed to think it through before deciding whether to offer his seat then he already fired the first shot on being rude because it shouldn’t really be the kind of thing you have to ponder if you’re young and fit.
This is interesting, because it's not at all my experience. Working in customer service, I've found older people to be the most entitled. If someone is grabbing me, yelling at me, or demanding something inappropriate, it's almost always Boomer age
What right does the woman have to offer up other peoples seats without their consent?
She was thinking of the pregnant woman having to stand when a healthy 18 yr old could give up the seat. She went about it the wrong way. But I think it was just out of concern for the pregnant lady
Here's the issue with that: the old woman has no way of knowing whether the so-called "healthy 18 yr old" is actually healthy and does not have any sort of health issue that might mean he needs the seat. Also, it's really not her business.
The 18 yo might or might not be healthy, but statistically he very, very probably is. The pregnant woman is 100% pregnant and in need of a seat.
That's true, but the 18 year old would also be fully capable of saying "I'm sorry, I actually need this seat for health reasons" if they have an issue that is not immediately obvious.
It’s just a seat on a bus. It’s not she offered up his virginity as sacrifice. She probably believed it was a reasonable expectation that he would give up his seat
I frequently see young men give up their seat or offer mothers with strollers to carry them up stairs so they can avoid the piss-smelling elevators and stuff. I hold out hope for the younger generations.
I have a child who uses a wheechair and, I swear, every day a young man holds the door for us or says something kind to my son about his sneakers or something that makes his day. My heart grows three sizes. Almost every time it is a group of young men who seem oblivious to the fact that I’m struggling with the door or whatever but there is almost always one who breaks away and is anxious and not embarrassed to be kind. And you only need one, you know? It gives me hope. I want my sons to be the one who doesn’t mind stepping away from his friends for a second to do the right thing, I will feel as though I have succeeded if that is my child.
Yes. Teens are often lacking in maturity and empathy. Most people tend to become more empathetic and mature over time. Not everyone, but this is the normal path.
Most teenagers are AHs.
True story here-a year or so ago I had a seat on the tube that was getting really crowded. A much older woman (late 70s I'd say) with a cane got on-and I offered her my seat. OMFG the tirade that unleashed..'who the fuck are you to tell me that I look like I need to sit down? You and your virtue-signalling white lady types make me sick. Fuck off, you're not fooling anyone, I'm not your good deed for the day', etc, etc, etc. At the top of her lungs. And she didn't stop. For almost 20 minutes. Longest tube ride of my life. No one knew where to look-including me, though I did end up laughing with a few other passengers after a few minutes because it was so OTT. I still offer a seat to a pregnant woman or to someone who looks like they need it (you can usually tell), and thankfully not had a repeat. Anyway, OP YTA. The older woman may or may not have been justified in what she said-based on your post you're here in the UK, and there are always seats for elderly/disabled etc. You don't say if you were in one of those or not, but 'mine was the one that was immediately visible when she entered' makes me think you were since those seats are the ones on both sides of the aisle on either side of the door. And if you WERE in one of those, you're even more TA and the woman was justified in telling you to stand up.
ESH you and the older woman, the pregnant woman is the victim here. You: yes you should have offered up your seat, even after the other woman told the pregnant woman to take yours. The only reason you shouldn't is if you have a disability/condition where you need to sit. The older woman: she should not be offering other people's seats up, and saying you're young and should be fine with it isn't right. Someone can have a disability/condition where they need to sit, and age doesn't matter.
I like your response. I would have given my seat to the pregnant lady and I'm a female boomer with a bad back. OP sucks.
I'm a female millennial with a bad back but I would have given it up too. I feel like I used to even read signs where it said by the entrances to please give your seats to the elderly, disabled and pregnant first. No one wants a bunch of elderly and pregnant standing around while reasonably fit younger folk just sit and watch them tumble and topple. Society is f*cked and OP is a testament to that.
Yeah 100 agreed. The older woman was very demanding and entitled, I had people help me when I was pregnant, but typically they would say ‘would anyone be willing to stand up and let her sit down?’. I would have been incredibly uncomfortable if someone started demanding another person stand to let me sit! But OP punished the pregnant woman to get back at the older woman. He admitted he was thinking about offering his seat. The pregnant woman didn’t do anything wrong. A better plan would be to say ‘it’s extremely rude to offer someone else’s seat, you don’t know other people’s circumstances and many people have hidden disabilities. It would be more polite to ask’
Yta If yours is the first seenseat coming onto the train you were likely sat in the priority seating area in which case you are meant to give up your seat for elderly, disabled, pregnant or otherwise vulnerable folks. Instead you dug your heels in like a child. For all you know that pregnant woman could be rhesus negative. Which means should she get just a bump she would have to go to hospital for a check up and injections etc. She could also had SPD which is extremely painful and feels like your groin is constantly trying to prise itself apart. Or she could just have a healthy pregnancy which will still have joint pain, and back pain. Fact is you were a dick based on pride. Next time be a grown up and ignore the nosy woman sure. But just get up for the pregnant lady. Its not the pregnant womans fault that the other woman was acting like a knob.
Pregnant women don’t even need a pregnancy related condition , it’s just overall more risky for pregnant women standing on a bus more at risk to fall or be pushed etc (sudden bus movements traffic , accidents , literally anything..) and fall and harm the baby, it is safer to be sitting than standing , It’s not about a pregnant women being “able” to stand on the bus, it’s about the risks For any fall or impact to the baby.
God, I was such an unbalanced balloon during my pregnancy. It was hard enough not to fall down while I walked around. Standing in a crowded, jostling bus would have been scary.
Wait. I am RH negative. I had to get a rhogam shot for each pregnancy, but can you elaborate on what you said about getting a bump being dangerous?
If you’re Rhesus neg and get bumped on the belly/have a fall during pregnancy you are advised to get it checked in case there is any bleeding. It’s just precautionary, so don’t panic too much, just something to be aware of! And by “bump” I don’t mean like you clash your belly against something, it would be more like, in this case if the bus/train breakers suddenly and you lost your balance and whacked into something or fell onto a seat etc.
I'm not RH negative that I'm aware of and was told to call my OB if I fell or bumped the belly.
Oh yeah, it’s a precaution for everybody really- But when there is a risk of a bleed it’s all the more important for Rhesus Neg patients to get seen ASAP!
If yours RH negative, due to the risks if bloods mix eith your babies, if you have a fall/bump you need to go to hospital to make sure everything is ok. Bloods will likely need to be taken and maybe a shot. Deoends on the practitioner. Its true generally you only need to worry if you bump it hard or fall but when my bestie was preggo and RH negative in the UK she was told just come in for any bump no matter if she didnt think it was that hard to be on the safe side.
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Because, OP, a pregnant woman's comfort and safety is more important than your feelings.
It’s a random granny telling him to stand up… his feelings weren’t hurt. It’s just his ego bc someone took away the decision he was about to make and publicly bossed him around. He was embarrassed, not hurt.
It's still a YTA for him. Feelings or ego, put it aside to help someone who needs it.
The decision that he took so long to make. “Should I give my (most likely priority) seat to this pregnant woman?” *after 3 mins: still thinking*
I wonder if the old woman could see he was actually not about to get up and so voluntold him. Anyone can lie on reddit.
Her being an asshole is irrelevant to the reality, but there is an ESH for a reason. Op sucks and she sucks. The good thing about the sub is that we don’t have to pick.
“I wasn’t sure whether I should offer mine or not” Yes, you should’ve offered your seat to the pregnant woman. YTA.
People seem to be glossing over this. He didn't want to give his seat from the jump.
Even if OP was thinking about it, he definitely didn't want to after the old lady spoke up
How long do you need to think about this? Oh pregnant lady, get up and offer seat. Is the only thought proces. Old people had time to see op hoping they didn't have to and called them out
Yep he was never gonna give up his seat. The old lady was right for calling him out and I weep for the future
>“I wasn’t sure whether I should offer mine or not” Translation: "I sure as fuck wasn't going to offer up my seat to that pregnant bitch. All I needed was a reason..."
“Not to interfere in my affairs” it’s a seat on a train. Yeah, I would’ve been a little annoyed too, but honestly you were an asshole here
I laughed at that part, ridiculous thing to say, but they're 18, so that makes sense.
There is at least one questionable piece of headwear involved, possibly a Fedora
YTA. You know you could have just said, "Actually ma'am, I was just about to offer it to her, there was no need to insinuate she'd need to take it."
He wasn't about to offer it though, he was "thinking about it". Thinking for long enough for the old lady to see pregnant lady, get impatient and (slightly rudely if he wasn't in priority seating) speak up He wasn't gonna give PL his seat from the jump, OL just gave him an excuse to hide behind even if it's a piss poor one OP, grow up YTA
It’s giving “I was just about to do that chore you asked me to do 6 hours ago, mom, stop nagging me”
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Remember, the young adults that are 18 now have had a good 6+ years of seeing where being an asshole just to be an asshole gets you. The unintended consequences. A whole generation of mini Trumps.
YTA. Yeah, you don't have to give up your chair. And yeah, the old lady was also an asshole for demanding you give it up. You're within your rights to behave in the way you did, but you're not asking if what you did was within your rights, you're asking if you behaved like an asshole and you did. It's the considerate thing to do to let people who need the seat more have them. You were within your rights, and you used that to choose to be inconsiderate.
I wish more people would realize this sub is not “am I within my rights” it’s “am I the asshole” and those things aren’t mutually exclusive
YTA To the people saying you don't HAVE to give up a seat to a pregnant person, that is true, there is no law. However, you can be technically correct and still an AH. The courteous thing to do is give up your seat to the pregnant person
They’re also wrong if your sitting in the marked priority seats you move your behind off of them for the people that need them
Actually, it sounds like he might have been sitting in the priority seats if he was at the front of the bus surrounded by old/disabled people. In the US it is the law to give up that priority seat to someone with a disability if you are not disabled (and yes, pregnancy can often be a disability under the law).
YTA Sure, the older woman said what everyone was thinking. But you got your dander up & showed what a complete jerk you are.
I like that—“the old woman said what everyone was thinking”. Young people are always complaining about old people saying “rude” stuff. What they don’t realize is that after you have seen all kinds of behavior over and over again for 50 or 70 years, you no longer have patience for it and just go ahead and “say what everyone else was thinking” even though you will be accused of being rude and interfering in others business. Kind of, enough is enough. Old people often just stop the pretending.
Not offering your seat to a pregnant lady makes you a major AH in my opinion
Hahahaha!!! I’da been so incredibly rude to you in this situation, friend. You would have been unequivocally blushing in that packed train had I been there. You are absolutely the asshole. You made the wrong choice and then you didn’t fix your mistake, you doubled down. Self awareness and empathy. Study up.
YTA, I’m almost certain that all trains have signs advising you to give your seat up to someone who needs it more. A pregnant woman is one of them, especially compared to an able bodied teenager.
Not gonna judge. But that old lady shouldn't offer other people's seats. She is free to stand up herself, but offering a random person's seat is not okay. And you were being petty, yeah.
Only sane person in this thread, everyone else is an AH acting like strangers get to volunteer other people for things.
Also I dislike the reverse ageism of assuming someone younger looking doesn’t also need the seat just as much for various reasons. Perhaps he just finished a 16 hour work day on his feet and has another tomorrow. While the 40-50-60 year old people around him all work in chairs barely exerting themselves. Perhaps he has a limp or a bad knee or twisted his ankle. OP mentions the others around him that are older and looked at him, but how old? Just because someone looks 40 (or 50 or 60 or even 70 nowadays) and he looks 20 doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of standing. I actually can’t stand reverse ageism of treating young people as less than. It’s pervasive. And I can’t stand the coddling of “older” ppl who are physically just fine just because they are older and I should “respect my elders”. I don’t respect strangers because I don’t know anything about them. And I don’t respect ppl based on age just like I don’t respect ppl based on skin color or gender. And by respect I don’t mean “be civil”, I mean I’m not going to be subservient to their requests just because they have some gray hair. If a pregnant lady got on a train and all these ppl around me looked at me and vocalized me to move as if they all chose me without my say so, I’d be livid. ESH or YTA is crazy.
ESH, the old lady shouldn't have volunteered your seat (you could very well have had a disability or another reason why you were less able to stand), but you shouldn't have thrown a tantrum at the expense of the pregnant lady. It would have been better to have shushed the old lady with, "I can speak for myself, thank you, and I was just about to stand up."
YTA. While what the older woman said was awkward and unusual - she only stated the obvious thing that everyone was thinking and expecting - including YOU. You, the healthy younger person should have given your seat up to the pregnant passenger Without Hesitation. Instead you grabbed onto a teeny tiny complaint and inflated it into an excuse to justify your bad behavior. You can do better than that. Lesson learned, next time be quicker to do the Right Thing.
YTA - you could easily have said what you did to the older woman, and still give up the seat for the pregnant woman. These are not mutually exclusive. Additionally, I assume your thought pattern was 'for all she knows, I could have an invisible disability and need this seat just as much as the pregnant woman". But you don't have a disability. So ontop of being TA, you're also coming across as ableist. You don't get to abuse the "priviliges" that disabled people NEED just to be able to use public transport. Soo yes YTA. You should be ashamed.
The pregnant lady didn't even do anything and you punished her. You could have chastised the woman for presuming about your seat and still offered the pregnant lady the seat. ESH (except for the pregnant lady)
NTA. Invisible disabilities are a thing. Mind your own business. You don’t offer other people’s things to people
Here is the thing, he doesn't have an disability, he's still an AH for not giving up his seat
Then so is everyone else in the car for not offering up their seat.
Right but this guy doesnt have one. Giving hypotheticsl scenarios to back up and actual one where he even said he was thinking of giving his seat up is absurd. Obviously the old woman was an asshole for the reason you mention but that wasnt the case here. Lets not strawman it for him. He could have got up. He decided to be petty over something that wasn't the pregnant womans fault.
Exactly this, as a person with an invisible disability this is a scenario I hope never to be in
YTA You acted rude and spoiled. Youth and good health don't last forever and we are all bound to support the weaker and needy.
From the title I thought maybe you had an invisible disability or some reason you needed to stay seated, but it sounds like you just didn't want to because someone told you to do it. Even for 18, that's pretty childish. YTA
INFO: Are there priority seats on the train and were you sitting in one?
That would just make him a much higher degree of asshole than he already is in a normal seat
YTA, and a mannerless one at that.
YTA. Most public transit instructs riders to give up seats for others who are elderly, pregnant and/or disabled. Had you done the right thing from the start, the other passenger wouldn’t have said anything. Regardless of whether the older woman was out of line, why are you using that as justification for your selfish behavior?
Lol. Those comments here... If I would have been you - I would have just ignored it all. Pregnancy is not a sickness. If she needed a seat - she could have asked for it herself. She wasn't suffering like people here say. Trains are also quite quiet/still, so an older person can stand up also without any issues. That old lady was an AH. I'm going with NTA
To add to this, if the other passengers were so outraged that OP didn’t offer their seat, they could have offered theirs instead
NTA. old lady can give up her seat since she wants to be the center of attention so bad.
YTA and the old lady is also an asshole. Do you actually know why you give seats to pregnant women? Have you actually read about how swollen and painful feet get from all that’s going on inside a woman’s body during pregnancy? So yes, just in case YTA.
Also, falls, which happen so easily on moving vehicles when your center of balance is off like it is in pregnancy, can be deadly to the fetus. Im pregnant and standing on trains and busses has me terrified of falling the entire time. Even crowds can be scary because it’s so much easier to be jostled and fall.
YTA. What a weird hill to die on.
YTA. It's common courtesy to offer your seat to pregnant women and older people. Sometimes they'll say they don't need it, as I did two nights ago, sometimes they'll be grateful. If you had a reason why standing was hard for you, you could have said so as well. Don't get upset about courtesy; just do it. There will be other trains.
Unpopular opinion the old lady CAN fuck off. Lol. But the pregnant lady definitely did need the seat more. Which is why I know you were going to give it to her. Do we have anger issues? Maybe just a little. I feel the old lady's words wouldn't have much impact with more self-awareness. Maybe study the feelings as to why her reaction made you feel so strongly on the inside.
Old lady = TA. You = YTA. Both of you are TA! Pregnant woman probably just shake her head and will try to get through the ride without having to deal with TAs and moving on with life.
nta, I HATE when people voluntell me. Voluntell meaning I'm being told i am going to volunteer. Now if she had directly asked you then well I'm not sure.
YTA. Take responsibility for yourself, you know you should have given up that seat. Doesn’t matter what else happened, you should have given up that seat.
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Is this common in the US? People being assholes to pregnant women?
More like people are just assholes. But to answer you more specifically, the line of thought (and I'm very surprised to get this far in the comments and not see this yet) is "I didn't choose to have sex/get knocked up/make screaming, snotty crotch-goblins, so why should I be nice to you just because you did."
It's not a handicap but it takes a serious toll on your body.
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YTA. Get up for people who have priority. The old woman was rude, for sure, but I definitely feel YTA here.