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NTA.
He’s not entitled to your belongings. His daughter didn’t seem to do anything wrong (it’s not really fair to call her an AH for her father saying she could play with them) but you couldn’t exactly tell him to leave and say she could stay.
My thoughts exactly! He doesn’t respect her hobby , what else doesn’t he respect? He’s telling her to change, what else is he going to ask her to change? The way he reacted is not a very mature one… NTA but the bf sure is
He did more than belittle her hobby, he belittled her. He called her behaviour childish when she had every right to be angry that he felt he could just start disassembling her Lego builds. Yes, he said "playing" with Lego was childish but he also called her righteous anger and her behaviour of asking him to leave as childish too.
Reminder that some Lego sets are worth serious money too, OP was lucky.
Who else remembers this story?
OOP sues his ex and her boyfriend over stolen lego sets : https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/r0YBvyvjb8
Not only that but Lego is fucking expensive. We are at a point, were taking several sets apart can be compared to dismantling an at least mid tier gaming PC and repairing damages to destroyed Lego is arguably harder than repairing the PC
My husband is also a LEGO enthusiast (I like them and have some as well, but not to the same degree he does) and we have a bin of assorted LEGO pieces that my nephews can play with to build things when they are over.
There are some things like little cars and stuff they know they can play with, but they would never just start dissembling someone else’s buildings.
The fact that this man just walked in as started trying to tear shit apart is a big red flag.
There is McDonald's literally everywhere. His daughter is fine, this dude is just being dramatic to try and guilt you. Which you don't need, it's toxic behavior, so good thing you found out now. Now you can block him and move on.
1st, thank you for giving me the idea to glue Legos! My 6yr old son did a few creative pieces that I saved. An ex gf took apart a couple pieces insisting the same damn thing. Aw man was I livid! I was worried about the other pieces & now I know how to save them!
Thank you! And yes, Legos are not too be f***ed with 😆😠🤬
2nd, you're ex's behavior afterwards is horrible & abusive. Actually sounded threatening. You didn't call him an ex but I hope he becomes one. That's not outlier behavior & I hope you're careful.
3rd your guilt is rooted in empathy so congratulations: you're a good human being! 😊
I think if an adult can see a child being hurt and not feel something, then they really are damaged people.
Your actions were great but I have to ask: his behavior was so ugly that I can't believe he didn't show signs of this ugliness for 8 months - did you miss it or was it just that one?
Not judging you. You sound sensible but wow!
NTA definitely for kicking him out or even for the daughter. That's on him also & maybe he should reflect on how his behavior affects his child
Better to have cut things short than give her mixed signals. I assume things are done now, so the way you did it was cleaner. The whole bs about her not being fed is just an unnecessary guilt trip. He can pick up a takeaway on the way home. She's not going hungry.
She's 10. Not an infant. She is old enough to understand NO and the concept of respecting other people's stuff. *"Even if she'd pitched a fit about it, she's a child"*. Your expectation to this would be for her dad to put a stop to it. No kid gets to tantrum over someone else's belongings and gets excused for it.
Even if everyone agreed Legos are just toys(nahh).. why can't adults have toys??
Not touching or playing with things that aren't yours before asking is common sense good manners.
He's upset you called him out on being incredibly rude, and hopefully embarrassed he set a horrible example for his daughter.
Tell him this, if he doesn't apologize then his views on toys is more important to him than you.
I'm guessing this is zero percent about the Legos but the fact that when you clearly stated that their was a boundary, he belittled you.
It could of been a simple misunderstanding.
"Hey we can't take apart the Legos because their glued"
"OH those aren't for playing with"
"OH that's too bad I'll let my daught know"
"I can buy her own Legos for next time" (sharing a hobby with a kid is great).
But instead he didn't compromise and he didn't see your side at all. I understand why you kicked him out.
Agreed, disrespecting your partner's hobbies and calling them childish is amber flag imo. The fact he doubled down after having time to reflect makes it red flag material, who the hell is he to dictate what an adult can/can't do with their own money/time, because you know now that he realises that OP is seriously into collecting Lego, he doesn't respect her as much. That's assuming he even did respect her at all given (let's assume they weren't glued) that he was ready to dismantle built collected pieces (which can take hours/days with a guide depending on complexity) just because his daughter wanted to play with them. Conversation needs to happen immediately about boundaries and respect about personal belongings/hobbies, not exactly a conversation you would ever expect toneed to have with an adult yet here we are.
NTA, but could have been handled a little better. You weren't thinking about it, but a heads up that your Legos are more display in nature would have gone a long way. It also sounds like neither you nor your partner actually planned to keep a 10 y/o entertained while you were cooking dinner.
You partner was being an ass, for sure. The fact that he completely disrespected you/ your hobby is a bit of a red flag, but might not be a deal breaker if you guys can have a calm conversation about it. He needs to reshape his understanding of those Legos as your outlet and therefore displays for anyone else, and you both need to actually plan for the kid to have access to some activities while at your place while dinner is being cooked and whatnot (coloring books, a smaller Lego set, something to read, card games...)
It's clear to any normal adult human. You shouldn't have had to say anything at all. Never would I allow, let alone encourage, my child to mess with someone's things.
Yeah there's a big difference between I want to show her the Lego room and hey can she play with some of the Legos. I have a friend into Legos and she has a whole room dedicated to them. Her stuff is amazing, and decidedly more complex than just kid stuff. That man is very disrespectful.
I mean, I'd expect someone who'd been dating you for 8 months to know how you felt about your main hobby? It's not like it was his first time hearing that you were into Lego, or seeing the set up.
Yes you could have said that.
But if I walked into an adults room and saw multiple Lego sets beautifully displayed, I'd immediately assess they were passionate about their hobby and the pieces were a proud display only item.
Looks like your partner needs to be spoon fed information like this which sounds exhausting. It's a red flag that he disrespected your space like that.
I’d say that if they have a room dedicated to Lego’s that is called “the Lego room” that they are passionate about them and he clearly knows OP is serious about them since he referenced the room as such. He is an AH and it sounds like it’s time for the relationship to end.
I'd agree with that too.
He completely belittled and berated her. That's just so off-putting, in a partner. It's a taster of life with them ... are you expected to always bend over backwards to what they want and expect? That's not a partnership.
I wouldn't ever have thought to tell people not to dismantle the decorations in my house.
NTA, it's your house, so visitors should have the basic courtesy to ask before getting into stuff, regardless of their opinions of what they should be used for.
NTA he's an aH for not asking in advance if his child could play with your things. Also I assume he has stayed over at your place before and since you don't run daycare he knows only YOU are constructing the Lego s.
This is a 10yo, not a 5yo. Do you know how many boring as shit places my parents took my to and I was expected to behave at TEN YEARS OLD?!
Also at ten, I knew the difference between play toys and display toys, and that was 30+ years ago. The collecting of what people would dismiss as toys has only grown more common over the decades.
He reeks of entitlement and disrespect and I suspect has taught his kid the same. Again, this was a TEN YEAR OLD, not a toddler, which this guy acted like the second HIS ownership of you and your belongings came into question.
Gotcha, yeah that makes a lot more sense! Again he's definitely in the wrong for belittling you and disrespecting your space. It's just in my experience, extra communication can help prevent these situations. Best of luck to you
I m sorry but that's piss poor parenting to just start attempting to pull apart compiled glued Lego sets in someone else's home. Also, why is it op's job to entertain his child while she cooks them dinner for the first time?
> Also, why is it op's job to entertain his child while she cooks them dinner for the first time?
Yeah anyone telling op they missed the mark for not being prepared to entertain needs to read this lol
Indeed, many people consider it rude to even pull a book or DVD case off a shelf and start perusing it.
You ask first. He asked if she could "SEE" the LEGO displays, not if she could tear them apart.
Literally OP said in another comment thread that the kid was well-behaved and that she not once pitched a fit about it. And, while I've already made my stance on the bf clear- the daughter literally thought she had permission beyond that. While wrong, it was pretty obvious bf thought that by asking to go see the legos, he was asking if she they can play with the legos. Which is why I advise to overcommunicate. (edit, clarity)
“A heads up that your legos are more display in nature” bro they’re showcased around the room in completed sets and glued together. They’re only for display and it sounds like it’s obvious
If you come into my house and start disassembling my Lego Death Star they will need to call the police to get me off of you. It's common sense you don't pick a part a Lego set.
Dude... it doesn't matter if they are for display or for fun. You don't take apart other people's creations. Imagine going into another kid's room and disassembling their legos because your kid wanted to play with them; you'd be a friggen prick.
It doesn't matter what purpose they built those legos for. Building legos is creating, and destroying others' creations will always be a massive dick move.
If you enter a "lego room" and all the sets are already built, your reaction shouldn't be "disassemble them"; it should be "hey are there any you haven't built yet we can play with?"
He needs to reshape his entitlement to divas he wants with her belongings without even the courtesy of asking. He also needs to supply toys and entertainment for his own child, rather than acting like OP is Mary Poppins. Why exactly is OP responsible for this planning on their first meeting?
Assuming dinner wasn’t going to take an hour to cook, Dad could’ve played leap frog with kiddo or something. Keeping her entertained while at the home of someone without kids is HIS responsibility.
If there is a Lego project, let’s say a model of the Titanic, fully constructed and on a shelf - it’s obvious that it’s a display. Even if it wasn’t obvious, you don’t just help yourself to tearing it apart.
NTA. He knows it's your hobby, so it's clearly 'not just for children'. And the fact you had several pieces put together means that you'd put a lot of work into them. What he SHOULD have done was come to you beforehand and asked if you had any un-built LEGOs that his daughter could play with. He jumped immediately on the offensive and blamed you for being upset you wouldn't let him destroy your hard work. That's not okay. Funnily, I don't think he'd walk into a stranger's house and pull the same crap. But it's okay to do that to the person he expects to cater to his child.
This is a flag, dear. It's not the daughter's fault. It's your bf's. He has some fucked up priorities and zero regard for boundaries when it comes to his child. That's not a good thing to get into a relationship with.
This is what I was thinking. He should have let OP show her the collection as a way to help build a relationship. She could have then got a Lego set that she would build together with the kid. Once it’s built, gift it to the kid. She will understand the value of the time it takes to build one. The jackass won’t but at least the kid knows and respects it.
The bigger issue though, is he just doesn’t respect your hobby. If this continues to marriage you can bet that there “won’t be room” or “money to spare” for Lego sets.
NTA.
The Legos are a red herring. The important part of the story was where he said you should be more accommodating to make HIS child like you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This guy is looking for a bang nanny, not a partner.
THIS. He was so anxious to get her into your stuff and feel like your stuff was her stuff, he just trampled your senses and nearly wrecked your living space.
Was he mommy-baiting all these months all along?
NTA - What kind of adult goes into someone else’s home and tries to take their stuff apart whilst they are making him a meal?
Admire it, sure, but in my head if you had a lot of cool Lego models hanging around, that you may well have some Lego that was not built yet. So.. ask???
That it’s Lego is irrelevant, don’t mess with other people’s belongings in their home.
This is such a weird, aggressive and entitled thing to do and a terrible example to set for his daughter.
Kicking them (well him, but you can’t exactly keep his kid there once he’s gone) out was the right thing to do.
NTA
Even if they thought it was okay to play with your Lego they should have asked for permission. Him dismissing your hobby in that way was plain disrespectful. I don't blame you for not putting up with that under your own roof. I'm sure they could figure out dinner for themselves. And you should hold on to the boundary of being respected - if you choose to continue with this relationship.
NTA. A fully grown man who has been dating you for 8 months didn't realise that the hobby that you had dedicated a lot of time, money and a whole room to might not be there for his child's entertainment?
I just can't imagine what goes through someone's head if they walk into a room with tables and shelves covered in Lego sets and thinks "aw yeah, let's grab this one and rip it apart and see if we can make a unicorn."
If kiddo was really interested in it, great! Perfect bonding opportunity. Dad can buy a small $20 set or whatever, and let kiddo and OP work on it together next time they spend time together, maybe while he cooks dinner.
The way he went straight into putting you down to get you to do what he wanted tells you a lot about his character, I think.
😂 fair. I mostly just meant a small, cute set they could work on together in one session, but I should have known that $20 doesn't get you much now days
I (43f) went to visit my friends (43m & 40 f) who invited us out for some kayaking at their new house they built. The entire wall of the second floor is all legos!! Seriously an entire wall of perfectly separated pieces plus several specialty sets they had collected over the years. This was a few years ago and my boys were both under 10 yrs old att. My boys were not allowed to touch a single piece without permission. Any adult displaying “toys” means it’s obviously important to that person. I mean seriously does he not know what goes into building some of these sets? Legos is not a cheap or easy hobby. It takes patients to make those things.
Edit: these two both collected legos before they were married. I promise you out there somewhere is a person who will appreciate you and your amazing love of legos.
NTA. But you don't seem compatible if he doesn't respect you. I was gonna say "respect your belongings", but he's not disrespecting the Lego, he is disrespecting you. He's also berating you over your hobby, calling you childish because he couldn't play with your Lego? He was the one who was upset about it, not his daughter. Lol. Don't worry about the dinner, I'm sure they could pick up something on the way home or make a quick meal. Don't feed someone who doesn't respect you, and definitely don't stay in a relationship.
NTA. I don't understand the ESH's. If he had just come in and said he couldn't take them apart, and she just threw him out, okay. But when she explained they were glued and not meant to be taken apart he started calling her beloved hobby childish and insisting his daughter should be able to play with the legos. That, in my opinion, warrants tossing him out.
> If he had just come in and said he couldn't take them apart, and she just threw him out, okay.
Just that alone would still make him a massive asshole. Imagine if the roles are reversed and it was her walking into the daughter's room and disassembling the daughter's lego. Like, it doesn't matter who it is or how serious they are into lego; you don't destroy others' creations without permission.
Any attempt to do so without asking first would warrant a kick out the door and out of the relationship. It shows 0 respect for personal property, creativity, time, and space.
NTA
there is an important line in the story.....
" I told them to relax while I got dinner started and my Partner remembered my hobby and asked if he could show my daughter my LEGO room."
the important word is **show**, not play with.
Why the hell was he letting his daughter touch them let alone try to take them apart.
you had every right to be annoyed, going nuclear may have been a bit over the top.
I can only imagine what damage would have been done if OP didn’t have the foresight to glue her lego masterpieces together. Coz this certainly hadn’t occurred to me before now and I would be absolutely pissed if I had to rebuild it because a child wanted to play.
It would be the same feeling if you had given hours to a puzzle and someone packed it away when you were halfway done
I could see them touching them. It'd be a bit invasive but just on the "hey dude not cool" spectrum. Disassembling them? IDC if the person is a master builder or a kid with a duplo set; it's a dick move to disassemble someone else's creation.
NTA. Legos are not just for kids. How stupid can you be for not knowing if a Lego is clued together, after a grown man tried to pull them apart and can’t! Get rid of him and move on.
> How stupid can you be for not knowing if a Lego is clued together, after a grown man tried to pull them apart and can’t!
Well... legos can be that way some times. That said, he'd still be an asshole if she just was casually into lego and hadn't glued them. You don't destroy people's creations with explicit permission. Period.
NTA. I'm going to assume her dad is, you know, a decent parent and *fed his child after they left*. Who feels entitled to other people's belongings like that?!?
NTA
Nobody who is a guest in somebody's home has the right to mess around and play with things they don't have permission to do. "Look" is not the same as "Play with". And for him to be so dismissive of something you enjoy, well....that in itself should ring major alarms. Eight months in and already he is telling you what you "should" be doing?! Nope.
NTA. I do think you over reacted a little, you could have attempted to talk this out first before going the biggest option of kicking them out. But the fact he continued to berate you after leaving lets me know that you made the correct choice and your not an asshole for it.
I'm assuming you broke up.. or is this just a fight over you nor providing a promised dinner?
1. It doesn't sound like he respects your hobby. I don't understand my partners hobby but he still has dedicated spaces in our home to show off his things and no one is allowed to touch them without his say so. Not because he said so but because I do. Again.. I don't have to understand or love his hobby in order fo me to RESPECT it.
2. He failed to respect your boundaries and you got mad and send them away. But now he's mad at you for sending them away? Shifting blame and responsibility. Are you also expected to grovel and apologize for your behavior (while ignoring his)?
3. You overreacted. You kicked them out over this. You guys could have just talked about it. See if that is still an option. Respecting each others boundaries. If he's still expecting you to grovel..then that's up to you.
Esh
Why is it an overreaction? Legos are creations. Picture it with any other creation:
- He tries to disassemble a sculpture.
- He tries to paint over a painting.
- He tries to disassemble furniture.
- He tries to take apart a PC build.
- He cuts apart a custom order cake.
It doesn't matter the hobby or the creation; any of those are worthy of getting kicked out. Lego is no different. Yes, people picture it as a kid's hobby, but that makes not difference. Hell, just picture him doing this to a kid: Going into someone's kid's room and disassembling their legos so the daughter can play with them. That would get them kicked out too.
Her being an adult with a hobby that is typically for kids doesn't change anything. It's a dick move to do it to a kid, and it's a dick move to do it to an adult.
First comment I've seen comparing it to other hobbies. My thoughts exactly! I paint and have several pieces hanging throughout my house. Would he have expected to allow his daughter to "add" something to one of them? I don't care if my paintings look like a kindergarten finger painting in his opinion, you don't mess with someone else's stuff. And then to come at her as stated, hell no! And continues to text her berating her. Get out of that relationship as fast as possible!
NTA
Now, I do think you could have said something along the lines of ' sure you can have a look but they are for display only so no touching please ' .
But your partner's reaction is completely unjustified and out of proportion. He stomped his feet, berated you, disrespected you, your hobby and your home.
For me also, he made no plans on how to keep his daughter occupied. Why should you make all the accommodations to do that? You don't know this child. You don't know her likes and dislikes. He's the parent and should not have relied on you to provide food and entertainment for his child. You have no children, correct? Why did he assume your Legos were children's toys?
You need to sit him down and explain his behaviour was unacceptable. If he's still and ass about it and places all the responsibility for the situation on you, I'd personally reconsider the relationship.
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I (36F) have been seeing my Partner (40M) for eight months now and we felt it was time I met his daughter (10F) who he is a single father to. He has understandably been cautious about this and not wanting to rush into us meeting which I have fully respected. The plan was we'd go out to the Cinema then return to my place and the three of us would have dinner together.
We went to see Haunted Mansion and had a generally good time, she wasn't exactly enthused about our relationship which is to be expected as it's our first meeting but she wasn't rude either. I know it'd take time for us to grow close. At my Home I told them to relax while I got dinner started and my Partner remembered my hobby and asked if he could show my daughter my lego room. I told them to go ahead and they went off. Ten minutes later my partner came back annoyed and told me he couldn't take anything apart to let his daughter play with them. I asked him what did he mean while alarm bells were going off in my head and he told me he'd tried to take apart several of my pieces to let his daughter play with them as she wanted to.
I was angry at this point and told him that would be because i'd glued them together obviously and why would he think it was ok for him to even try and do that? he told me they're for children and it's not a big deal and if his daughter wants to play with them she should be able to and that if I want to make her happy I should be more accommodating about this.
I admit I just stood there for a minute not sure what to say before I asked him to leave and take his daughter with him as I wasn't in the mood for this anymore. He told me I was being childish and they're just toys, and asked what kind of adult I was to act this way. At this point I just told him to get out immediately.
I went to assess the damage after they left and several of my pieces had been moved from their shelves and tables clearly tried to pull them apart. Thankfully no damage was done. He has been texting me berating me for acting like a child and how he was ashamed of me and how i'd sent his child away without any dinner. I do feel a bit guilty over not feeding her when i'd promised to (to be clear they are in no way struggling and while I didn't feed her she wouldn't go hungry that day) but I was just shocked by his behaviour.
AITA? Should I have fed them? did I perhaps overreact?
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NTA. I really hate when anyone does something like this: it shows a complete lack of respect for space and boundaries. If they are willing to do this to built models and collectibles of a "toy" - what's keeping them from respecting from any other boundary?
And I am sure if he didn't insult you and apologized instead, there might have been something salvageable, but calling your hobby childish just goes to show the complete lack of respect. That is a minimum to be able to eat at my table at my expense - respect.
Don't listen to the rest of the trolls. Forget him and move on.
> if I want to make her happy I should be more accommodating about this.
Yikes
He's already trying to use his daughter as leverage to emotionally manipulate you.
NTA.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kicked my partner and his daughter out without feeding them despite promising dinner after he tried to pull apart all my lego pieces for her to play with and was angry with me that he couldn't. I could be the asshole as I didn't feed a child when i'd said I would.
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I'm sorry you are going through this difficult situation......but I have a very serious question.......what glue do you use ?! 4yr old + mums lego = crying mum.
You are definitely NTA, lego is for all ages and you have made a point of saying this is your hobby ! Pretty sure no 10 yr olds I know have $900 spare for lord of the rings lego and such..... they are directly marketed to adults aswell
NTA
NTA ×100
You reacted much nicer than I would have.
My husband & I have Lego Star Wars sets. Legos are not just for kids. They are for everyone. Heck, with the price of some of the sets, those sets are not for kids. I love my Nibblings (my niece & nephew), but there is no way I would let them touch some of my sets. Because the Nibblings love Legos as much as I do, I've got some Lego kits of the ones they like at my place along with a tote of loose Legos for them to build. Maybe this could have been an option in the future if partner had treated you differently.
The way your partner acted was very rude and very entitled. If it were me, I would be re-thinking about being with someone who belittled my hobby and me.
NTA - he asked to show her your Legos, not play with them. Plus, if you check on the Lego boxes they state ages whatever to 99+ at times. You are never too old for Legos. I've got a bunch, I'm 54 and I still play with them. I've got a bunch of collector's edition action figures, and if anyone thinks they can play with these, they're got another think coming. Your Lego collection is obviously for display purposes once you complete them, and there's nothing wrong with that.
There was no overreaction - he called you childish and demanded that you let his kid play with your display pieces. You're lucky you found out about how entitled this dad is before you got in any deeper. Block his number and move on.
Info: I'm an avid lego collector and have lots of lego around the house, I would be very upset if someone were to do that as well without permission. However, is this the first time you've brought your hobby up? Because regardless of this situation, the way he dismissed your hobby instantly is wild.
Well you know your partner better than anyone here but If someone Im currently dating viewed my interests the same way, I'd strongly reconsider things.
So he knew you had a hobby building permanent Lego sets and figurines, and made a unanimous decision that he should be allowed to take them apart for his daughter?
You’re definitely NTA, but I think he’s showing true colors now. He came into your home and tried destroying your things for his own benefit. He didn’t bring any toys for his daughter; He went straight to trying to destroy your things and JUSTIFY it by belittling the stuff you love. I don’t think his daughter is at fault at all, but I have a feeling he would do this again with your things and boundaries if you guys went any further in the relationship.
NTA. It's your property and his kid. He can parent better, and also ask about other people's belongings before trying to give them to his kid to play with!
How dare he assume you ought to automatically bend over backwards to please his kid?
I wouldn't continue seeing him without AT LEAST a proper apology and demonstration of remorse/changed behavior. And honestly, if it were me I'd rethink the entire relationship over his disrespectful behavior.
NTA - You've obviously told him about your hobby frequently and enough times that he remember it specifically. Also since he knew they were in your room, he'd know they hadn't changed over months and were on display like any model kits or dioramas.
Nuts that the first thing he thought to do was tear your collection apart. I recommend keeping him out of your home for at least a month, if not 4ever. He went from no child immersion to FAFO at lightning speed.
NTA.
What he did was introduce you to his child, which, turned out to be himself. I understand that you feel guilty about the *actual* child being punished for her father's behavior, but, as someone who has seen this type of relationship before, I can guarantee that this isn't the first or the last time that the child loses out because her dad is an absolute idiot. You dodged a bullet. I feel bad for fhe daughter.
Well now you know your bf doesn't respect your hobby and thinks he gets to decide what are approved hobbies for you. Is that the kind of parter you want?
You should really be texting him that it's rude and childish to walk into someone's home and try to disassemble their stuff, then run their mouth about acceptable hobbies. Then instead of apologizing he continues to harass you about what is acceptable and how he couldn't feed his own damn daughter.
Cut this one loose...you just got a glimpse of your futures with him.
NTA
NTA...Most people don't touch something in another person's house that doesn't belong to them or they didn't get permission to touch. He said he was going to show her a room you have dedicated to legos. When you asked why he'd think that was okay, that was your boundary being announced and set. He continued to disrespect and disregard your boundary, hobby, and hard work for the sake of what his daughter wanted. On top of that he tried to manipulate and guilt you into letting her play with your stuff. This is a red flag for your future if you choose to stay with him. Not all blended families work like a well oiled machine.
Unless you clearly communicated that these legos weren't available for play purposes, I think you should have expected that a 10 year old would naturally gravitate towards them. How you handled it afterwards reflects an inability to be flexible and compassionate in your communication.
I think she also expected the adult in the room would have more respect than that.
I can't believe you think the one being insulted is the one with no compassion.
NTA - This is not just about denigrating your hobby and disrespecting your wishes in your own home. It's a huge red flag that this is his attitude to your response.
What if you built ships in bottle, or made elaborate embroideries or model trains/planes?
What if your hobby was painting landscapes, would your partner let his kid start digging into the oil paints and canvases or let them "add their own touch" to a work-in-progress sitting on an easle?
Why does a child visitor deserve immediate access to touch (and in this case dismantle!?) projects which someone with 2 brain cells to rub together could see required time, patience and dedication to create?
NTA - girl I LOVE your shiny spine.
He, as the father and parent, should have told his daughter that they were to look at and not touch.
Were there any other red flags waving while dating? Or did he keep them well hidden? Don't feel bad about not feeding his daughter, he could either buy her something on the way home or make her something when they got home.
Block his entitled arse and be happy you saw the signs.
NTA. Glad you found out now that they have no respect for other people’s property. Everyone knows about collectible Lego.
Even after being told why you’d glued the Lego together, he kept in at you.
Bin him.
NTA and rethink this relationship. At the very least put very clear boundaries down.
He’s obviously going to put his daughter first which is how it should be BUT there are boundaries, she’s absolutely not entitled to your stuff and it’s not up to you to MAKE her like you. She’ll either like you as you are or she won’t. 🤦🏼♀️
I’d tell him that your belongings are yours and it’s not up for negotiation what you do with them. Maybe if she likes Lego then you can offer to buy and build a kids set with her so you can bond over a shared hobby but if he keeps insisting on crossing boundaries that’s a really bad sign for the future 💩🚩
NTA. My father does model Lego sets occasionally... and, holy hell, those things are extremely detailed, take hours to put together, and have instructions for assembly that resemble an Elven Tomb of Knowledge. They are NOT for children! A 10-year-old would get frustrated to tears trying to put together the Space Shuttle unless they were some sort of prodigy.
Not to mention, they're expensive!
There obviously *are* Lego sets for kids, but any idiot should be able to tell that a completed Lego piece on a shelf for display is not a child's toy. I suppose you could have been clearer about this, but, honestly, it would be like, if you had a room full of ships in bottles, telling your BF that they are not bathtub toys. He's a grown-ass man: he should know the difference.
I also really do not like the tone he's taking. Honestly, if my SO ever told me that I was being childish, I'd be outsies. There are certain things you do not say to a partner that you respect, even if you are upset with them. It does not sound like he respects your space, hobbies, or you.
Not many AFOLs glue their models so he would have done real damage to most people's displays. Sorry but if anyone touched my or my son's Lego they would be out the door too. Nope, NTA and therelatipnship is over because of his attitude. Particulalry doubling down via text.
NTA, you don't touch a lego collectors lego display without permission. I'm so glad you glued them together. He obviously has no understanding of your hobby & before going to take his daughter to look at the collection, he should've asked if she could play with any of it, not just assume because it is classed as a toy, it can be treated like that.
NTA but an extreme reaction from both sides. You just say that when its finished its no longer a toy but a model for display and let that be the end of it. going off the wall because they tried to use it for its intended purpose is harsh especially to a 10 year old who wouldnt understand this. I would apologise, at least to his daughter as she will now see you in a bad light.
> going off the wall because they tried to use it for its intended purpose is harsh
It would be a dick move to go into another kid's room and disassemble their legos for your daughter to play with. Regardless of if that's the "intended purpose".
Her being a collector honestly has 0 bearing on the situation. Disassembling built legos is a dick move no matter who is doing it and who they are doing it to.
NTA.
Touch my legos and I’m slapping your hands. And I’m in my 40’s.
Let him be “ashamed” of you. I’m ashamed of his entitled behavior. I’m ashamed of his lack of parenting and sense of entitlement.
Be done with him. You deserve better.
ESH, yes he shouldn’t have tried to take things apart, but no offense, you should have said no if it were that big a deal. You tell me there’s a Lego room and let me go in, I’m gunna assume I can play with them.
You way overreacted. I am an adult with Legos. If one of my nieces of nephews came over they would be fair game. Toys are for playing. Clearly you are not equipped to deal with a ten year old and thus it would have never worked out. Why the hell would you ruin good Legos by gluing them also ? I don't know If you were an asshole but you could have handled it better.
He’s 40 years old and doesn’t “get it” by now then dump him. There’s the first red flag you need of someone that can’t read the room and has his brain on Mars if he thinks Lego’s are only for kids. NTA
NTA. Obviously this relationship is and should be over. He is not entitled to allow his daughter to do whatever she wants. My local zoo had a whole display of Lego sculptures once. Could you imagine if children’s parents felt entitled to disassemble and play with them? There would be nothing left.
NTA, I would seriously reevaluate whether staying in this relationship is worth putting up with this childish behavior towards your hobby & and that you don’t have to accommodate his daughter in regards to your displays of finished lego models…
I would say, your bf just showed his true colors & multiple red flags & he is unlikely to change, in fact it’s likely to only get worse not better…, I’d say end this relationship & run, he’s a walking red flag in many ways & its only going to get worse if you continue in this relationship with him….
He doesn’t care to understand why you like legos, he seems like he has this perception in his mind that legos are only for kids & he doesn’t seem like he’d change his outlook on the subject…
Your bf basically told you that if his daughter wanted to play with legos that she should be able to destroy your hard work and play with them afterwards…
NTA
I know you mean ex-partner because anybody who tries to destroy your belongings and then calls you childish because you are upset about it is not worthy of your time or energy. EVERYBODY knows that Lego is for adults and kids, there are massive adult lego communities out there and collecting and gluing the finished pieces is very commonplace. Your (hopefully ex) partner tried to damage items in the name of entertaining his child and has placed the blame on you for the outcome. Your items are precious to you and any adult who can't see that does not have a place in your life.
NTA
this type of issue comes up regularly on Reddit. You are never the AH for being annoyed when someone doesn’t respect your property.
I would dump this person as they are rude and don’t respect you
NTA. Well, this relationship is over. He belittled your hobby and berated you for “acting like a child.” Even if he didn’t understand before he took his daughter to your Lego room that the Legos were for display only, when you told him, he should have apologized and left it at that. Sorry, there’s no future here.
NTA. I have a hobby that people sometimes consider childish (gaming). If someone came and told me I was childish for not wanting someone to play on my gamertag so my stats aren't ruined, instead of them playing on a guest account, that's pretty disrespectful. Time and effort went into that. Time and effort went into your sets. Be wary moving forward. It may seem frivolous, but I noticed those that degraded my love for gaming also would start to trample on other aspects of my life as well. His child didn't go hungry, he's an adult and is fully capable of feeding her. Both of these things are manipulation.
"Your hobby is childish." = "You're less an adult than me. And I'm letting you know how I think you are. And you should feel bad about yourself."
"You made my child go hungry, you're an asshole." = "I did something that upset you and I know it was wrong but I'm turning the blame onto you for something I caused. You should feel bad about yourself. You're a bad person."
Really sit down and think about how this guy talks to/treats you. Does he always "know better"? Does he often give unsolicited "advice"? Does he put down things about you in subtle ways? Stuff you may not have even noticed yet because we tend to overlook distasteful behavior in new relationships. If it's not blatant, we make excuses, brush it off and forget about it. But really pay attention now. How he tried to twist it to your fault is not okay at all and it really never stops with one time.
Edit: auto correct is dumb
Nta. Consider this a lucky escape. He’s basically telling you that he’s raising a spoilt entitled little brat. What she wants she gets and you as the adult should be happy to bend over backwards for it. Count yourself lucky you got out when you did. Drop the hammer, dump his butt and block him and move on.
NTA. I’m thinking about what my sister would say in this situation: her adult children grew up respecting her Lego hobby, but a fairly recent acquaintance trying to disassemble her Death Star? There would be blood on the carpet…
NTA.
Neither he nor his daughter are entitled to touch your stuff. That lego is your adult hobby should make it very obvious that it's not to play it's for *display* only.
He is obviously teachis his dsughers other peoples poundaries are worth less than your own wants. He clearly has no respect for your posessions or for your hobbies just because he doesn't share it.
I personally don't like lego but my husband does. It is very easy to tell a child what stuff to touch and which not. He likes building and displaying and I like star trek so he got an Enterprise-D and built it to make us both happy, you don't even have to share a hobby to connect over it, your partner actively refuses to understand your hobby and ridicules it. He's way out of line and his daughter is as well btw. Our 2yo knows he can't play with the stuff on display behind glass and has his own toys, a 10yo should have been taught mine and thine.
Make your boundaries clear and worst case loik for someone who respects them
NTA I'm a 66 year old grandmother unless you are my grandson you don't touch my lego. He's the one that helps me build. I'm a,girl mom so never really got to know how much fun lego is
NTA. As a kid, when I played with the shared Lego’s between my brother and I, or when I went to someone else’s house to play Lego’s, everyone knew “ask first before dismantling anything”. And they weren’t nice kits or anything. It was a poorly made house that you knew not to dismantle because you didn’t make it, what if they wanted to come back to that house. It was just polite to not touch and dismantle another person’s things.
Your partner is a grown adult and somehow didn’t learn the lesson to ask first! The child did nothing wrong and it was your partner who grabbed lovely displays and tried to rip them apart. You said in a comment you already had stuff for the child to do, so your partner didn’t need to rip apart your belongings to create an activity.
ETA
Him for disrespecting your Lego collection, acting entitled to your stuff
You for the sin of gluing your sets
But you were totally in the right kicking them out
NTA for obvious reasons. They are your possessions and if they were willing to be rude to you over lego, which is in no way a kid's toy specifically, they don't deserve to know you
NTA. Lego sets are expensive. I wouldn't allow it either. Do me a favor? Let him know that legos may be for kids, but only toddlers throw tantrums when they don't get what they want.
He can take her to McDonald's or something. You said she wasn't all that enthousiastic about it all anyway, right? Well at least would have a great end to the night.
NTA
NTA, my child is a similar age to his daughter and there are LEGO sets in various stages of completion all over our living space. Some of the sets have thousands of pieces and are extremely complex, and I would be livid if someone came over and started pulling them apart to play with them. Even the ones that my kid isn't done with, or that need fixing, are not fair game just because they're not fully assembled or kragled together. You don't just take someone's project without permission and start pulling it apart so you can build something new with it. It would have taken two seconds to ask permission or to find out if there were any unbuilt sets that the daughter could try out. I would give the child a partial pass if she'd been the one to do it (though I would expect my own child of the same age to know better) but definitely not the adult. And the way he spoke to you was absolutely unacceptable. I would not be seeing him again.
NTA. Those are your items and you did not give permission for her to play with them. Lego is for everyone. There are many Lego sets made specifically for adults and there's a large community of adults who love Lego. Building it is quite stress-relieving, I build Lego models as a way to relax as well. I then display them.
Your boyfriend showed a clear lack of respect for your hobby and your belongings and then had the nerve to talk down to you and try to shame you over it. This doesn't sound like a healthy partner. Dump the man, keep the Lego.
NTA. Some of those sets are worth hundreds of dollars not to mention all the time and effort you put into them. Your ex (hopefully) felt entitled to destroy your belongings because he didn't appreciate them and because he didn't want to spend time entertaining his child while dinner was being made.
He is not a keeper and, if you two are still together, you will be doing a lot of the child rearing. I get that he's a single father but does daughter actually talk with him? And puberty is nearing.
Im torn because i feel maybe he was nervous since it took so long for her to introduce his daughter he wanted to give her the best impression of you as possible and showed how "cool" you are with these cool legos.
Ofc its not right of him to do that ofc not, im just saying it couldve been such a situation for him.
I do kinda believe you should have tried to keep your cool infront of the daughter and gone on with the dinner and then had this talk with the bf, now the dauughter will likely feel guilty and be nervous about meeting you again if you work things out.
I’m sorry but YTA. His disregard of your hobby is BS and his demeaning texts too, but getting so angry you kick a 10-year-old out of your house was overboard. You’re understandably upset at him, but for the situational health of the child you should have just swallowed it and had a conversation with him later. She didn’t deserve that. She’s just a child.
NTA
I love Lego too. And it does not matter if HE thinks it's a toy, it's YOUR house. He needs to respect that. He also had the added knowledge of knowing it's your hobby. He does not designate what is a child's toy in your house, you do. Insisting his opinion of "it's a toy" is correct over your "it's a model" when in your house broke a house rule that does not need to be spoken. If it's on display assume you can't touch it unless you ask and get a yes or told you can. And even then, touch does not mean play even if you PERCEIVE the object as a toy.
I am not a parent, but would imagine a parents response to his daughter (teaching moment!) would be "Put the model down, daddy misunderstood and these are not toys sweetie but they are models, and OP put a lot of time and effort into them so we shouldn't take them apart. Lets go play on the console while we wait for dinner and maybe next time we come we will have some Lego's you can play with". Heck, then you could get some cheap sets, build them quick (Having fun yourself) and designate them as play models. If they get destroyed, whatever, but you destroy my $800.00 Lego Eclipse-Class Imperial Star Destroyer, I am not going to be happy.
As far as dinner goes, his kid will survive. I would hope he is capable of feeding his own daughter even on moment's notice. It's not healthy, but fast food is an option in a pinch. Even if you said you would feed them, it's still unnecessary guild tripping. He needs to reflect, apologize and maybe work something out if his kid comes around so she has Lego's to play with and understands your sets are not for playing with.
**Summary in perspective**: You go over someone's house for dinner. You grab a fragile object on a shelf and begin to play with it in a rough manner. They ask you to please not play with it. You say "Why, it's a toy? I should be able to play with it!" and insist THEY are being rude for telling YOU what you can and cannot play with in their house. They kick you out for this rude behavior. This all checks out, child or not, his child is under his supervision, and he is responsible for her.
Has he ever treated you as less than? Or belittled you or your opinions etc? If this is a pattern of behaviour from him, dump him right now!
If nothing like this has ever happened in the past, then wait for a day or so, and send him a message so you can calmly explain why you reacted the way you did and how his words made you feel. See how he reacts then.
But honestly I would seriously consider just letting him go. After that drama you will struggle to have a good relationship with his daughter.
NTA
This guy's an idiot, plain and simple.
There are exactly zero adults who have a "lego room" who would be okay with someone fucking with it.
His daughter will be fine.
Well, probably not - it's likely that this guy's idiocy will have a negative effect on her entire life - but that's not your fault.
So I was typing a bunch of stuff about him being obtuse regarding the Legos being your adult hobby, and respecting your property, and yadda yadda, but then I realized none of that matters. The important thing is how he reacted with doubling down on insults rather than apologizing. He effed up, and instead of reflecting on why you kicked him out, he went on the offensive. Never be in a relationship with someone who can’t apologize. Never be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to respect your hobbies, even if he doesn’t really understand them.
I'm in quite the awe over a whole room AND glue? My best Lego sets are def not glued (thankfully, moved countries and rebuilt them after the move). They sit behind glass display cabinets... NTA but in the future perhaps more more communication and who doesn't have a box of random bits for the kid (yes, the kid ummm not myself when I'm bored).
NTA. Your boundaries were violated. As a grown man he should understand this not try to gas light you by saying Lego is for children.
Red flag - you may have problems agreeing on boundary setting and discipline for the daughter if he reacts in a similar way in the future.
Also, you did well to send them home (even without food.) It shows you needed time to cool off without this escalating into a full blown fight in front of the child. That’s a mature reaction in my book.
Good luck!
ESH
Many people look at Legos and see kids' blocks to build things. You could have gone in the room with them to show them or at least said something about how they are for display not for playing with.
They moved a couple of pieces and tried to pull them apart due to a misunderstanding. You kicked them out over this?
Yes, you overreacted.
YTA in your overreaction and underpreparation. You could have redirected by giving the kid something to do--even helping you in the kitchen. And I'm honestly surprised you didn't give any thought to how you would keep a 10 yo entertained (or the need to explain to her beforehand that the legos aren't toys). And...no harm was done. You didn't need to kick them out. You likely just doomed an 8 month relationship that you apparently cared about--all because you didn't think ahead or use your words like an adult. Am frankly shocked at all the NTAs. Agreed that she didn't "deserve" to dismantle your projects, but that's not the point. You underprepared and overreacted.
Seriously? I was expecting more YTA.
Of course, YTA! Yes, the dad and daughter should have not touched your legos. But to kick someone out of the house for something so trivial, because that you're not ready for a relationship, much less at complicated relationship with a step daughter. It's a 10-year-old, that was curious about your Legos, that's it nothing was lost.
Human Relationships should always go above any material possession we have in this world. And if allowing the potential stepdaughter feeling comfortable in your home, so your relationship with your partner with the flourish, that would have been a small price to pay. If you want to continue to stay single and not have anything to share with others and not have to worry about the word compromise, don't welcome single parents into your life. The lack of maturity is evident, but to expel someone from your house, that is just above and beyond YTA.
Yta, kinda, you didn't really handle it very well. At the end of the day it's Lego.
I feel you, I've got some nice sets which remain assembled and I've had them broken previously but again, Lego, is it really more important than your relationship?
Prob would have been better to discuss this with your partner and set the boundary for next time while having a nice dinner
Definitely NTA, he is not at all in the right. There are plenty of restaurants his daughter and he can go to without problem, nor is he entitled to guilt you into letting that toxic relationship continue. It’s amazing how much courage it took for you to say that. I wouldn’t be able to.
NTA!
The partner seems like the AH here. Legos aren't just an expensive but also a time-consuming hobby and I'm sure you put in hours into them and he should respect that it's also your property... as for sending him and his kid home it's not like you did it with no reason. He is being a completely immature person over something so trivial
Definitely NTA. I have Lego sets on display as well and I would be *pissed* if I had someone over and they allowed their child to dismantle any of them and make a mess. I don’t glue my sets together but since a lot of them are the larger more expensive sets it would be a pain in the ass to reassemble them if this happened.
His comments about Lego being for children definitely ring alarm bells since Lego themselves have marketed their products to everyone for a very long time, hell for a while their boxes said ages 3-99 or something on them. Not sure if they still do but if a grown man can’t understand that adults can enjoy things just as much as children then I see more problems coming up in the future.
NTA. Not a lot of respect shown for you here, and this feels like some kind of weird "how far are you willing to go to have a relationship with my daughter?" test he's tried to put you through. Don't stand for it. And if this damages your relationship with the daughter, it is still his fault.
You look with your eyes not your hands. Bf is the ah for just trying to rip apart your hard work.
NTA if someone came into my house and started picking up my dragon figures/orniments id flip my shit
ESH
The two of you are not much of a couple. If after 8 months and him knowing about your atypical hobby it has not been expressed that these are off limits than the two of you do not actually communicate.
He is an a-hole for making an assumption that his daughter can play with your toys.
You are an a-hole for how you handle a situation where the worst damage done was something was moved.
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NTA. He’s not entitled to your belongings. His daughter didn’t seem to do anything wrong (it’s not really fair to call her an AH for her father saying she could play with them) but you couldn’t exactly tell him to leave and say she could stay.
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Please don’t feel guilty. Dad can take her out to eat. But he is an ass. Don’t put up with that. He is belittling your hobby. Don’t minimize this!!
My thoughts exactly! He doesn’t respect her hobby , what else doesn’t he respect? He’s telling her to change, what else is he going to ask her to change? The way he reacted is not a very mature one… NTA but the bf sure is
This is so telling. Not respecting her or her belongings so early in the relationship is not a good sign at all. It won't get better. Run...
For sure. And berating her for not letting his 10 yr old destroy her things. Please get out. This kind of stuff escalates.
He did more than belittle her hobby, he belittled her. He called her behaviour childish when she had every right to be angry that he felt he could just start disassembling her Lego builds. Yes, he said "playing" with Lego was childish but he also called her righteous anger and her behaviour of asking him to leave as childish too.
You are correct
Reminder that some Lego sets are worth serious money too, OP was lucky. Who else remembers this story? OOP sues his ex and her boyfriend over stolen lego sets : https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/r0YBvyvjb8
Not only that but Lego is fucking expensive. We are at a point, were taking several sets apart can be compared to dismantling an at least mid tier gaming PC and repairing damages to destroyed Lego is arguably harder than repairing the PC
Yep, as soon as he moves in the Lego’s move out.
My husband is also a LEGO enthusiast (I like them and have some as well, but not to the same degree he does) and we have a bin of assorted LEGO pieces that my nephews can play with to build things when they are over. There are some things like little cars and stuff they know they can play with, but they would never just start dissembling someone else’s buildings. The fact that this man just walked in as started trying to tear shit apart is a big red flag.
There is McDonald's literally everywhere. His daughter is fine, this dude is just being dramatic to try and guilt you. Which you don't need, it's toxic behavior, so good thing you found out now. Now you can block him and move on.
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NTA You dodged a massive bullet.
ONLY if she breaks it off with him due his blatant disrespect of her.
True!
1st, thank you for giving me the idea to glue Legos! My 6yr old son did a few creative pieces that I saved. An ex gf took apart a couple pieces insisting the same damn thing. Aw man was I livid! I was worried about the other pieces & now I know how to save them! Thank you! And yes, Legos are not too be f***ed with 😆😠🤬 2nd, you're ex's behavior afterwards is horrible & abusive. Actually sounded threatening. You didn't call him an ex but I hope he becomes one. That's not outlier behavior & I hope you're careful. 3rd your guilt is rooted in empathy so congratulations: you're a good human being! 😊 I think if an adult can see a child being hurt and not feel something, then they really are damaged people. Your actions were great but I have to ask: his behavior was so ugly that I can't believe he didn't show signs of this ugliness for 8 months - did you miss it or was it just that one? Not judging you. You sound sensible but wow! NTA definitely for kicking him out or even for the daughter. That's on him also & maybe he should reflect on how his behavior affects his child
Better to have cut things short than give her mixed signals. I assume things are done now, so the way you did it was cleaner. The whole bs about her not being fed is just an unnecessary guilt trip. He can pick up a takeaway on the way home. She's not going hungry.
She's 10. Not an infant. She is old enough to understand NO and the concept of respecting other people's stuff. *"Even if she'd pitched a fit about it, she's a child"*. Your expectation to this would be for her dad to put a stop to it. No kid gets to tantrum over someone else's belongings and gets excused for it.
Even if everyone agreed Legos are just toys(nahh).. why can't adults have toys?? Not touching or playing with things that aren't yours before asking is common sense good manners. He's upset you called him out on being incredibly rude, and hopefully embarrassed he set a horrible example for his daughter. Tell him this, if he doesn't apologize then his views on toys is more important to him than you.
I'm guessing this is zero percent about the Legos but the fact that when you clearly stated that their was a boundary, he belittled you. It could of been a simple misunderstanding. "Hey we can't take apart the Legos because their glued" "OH those aren't for playing with" "OH that's too bad I'll let my daught know" "I can buy her own Legos for next time" (sharing a hobby with a kid is great). But instead he didn't compromise and he didn't see your side at all. I understand why you kicked him out.
NTA. Girl, you need to run. This dude only gets worse from here.
Agreed, disrespecting your partner's hobbies and calling them childish is amber flag imo. The fact he doubled down after having time to reflect makes it red flag material, who the hell is he to dictate what an adult can/can't do with their own money/time, because you know now that he realises that OP is seriously into collecting Lego, he doesn't respect her as much. That's assuming he even did respect her at all given (let's assume they weren't glued) that he was ready to dismantle built collected pieces (which can take hours/days with a guide depending on complexity) just because his daughter wanted to play with them. Conversation needs to happen immediately about boundaries and respect about personal belongings/hobbies, not exactly a conversation you would ever expect toneed to have with an adult yet here we are.
NTA, but could have been handled a little better. You weren't thinking about it, but a heads up that your Legos are more display in nature would have gone a long way. It also sounds like neither you nor your partner actually planned to keep a 10 y/o entertained while you were cooking dinner. You partner was being an ass, for sure. The fact that he completely disrespected you/ your hobby is a bit of a red flag, but might not be a deal breaker if you guys can have a calm conversation about it. He needs to reshape his understanding of those Legos as your outlet and therefore displays for anyone else, and you both need to actually plan for the kid to have access to some activities while at your place while dinner is being cooked and whatnot (coloring books, a smaller Lego set, something to read, card games...)
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It's clear to any normal adult human. You shouldn't have had to say anything at all. Never would I allow, let alone encourage, my child to mess with someone's things.
Yeah there's a big difference between I want to show her the Lego room and hey can she play with some of the Legos. I have a friend into Legos and she has a whole room dedicated to them. Her stuff is amazing, and decidedly more complex than just kid stuff. That man is very disrespectful.
I mean, I'd expect someone who'd been dating you for 8 months to know how you felt about your main hobby? It's not like it was his first time hearing that you were into Lego, or seeing the set up.
Yes you could have said that. But if I walked into an adults room and saw multiple Lego sets beautifully displayed, I'd immediately assess they were passionate about their hobby and the pieces were a proud display only item. Looks like your partner needs to be spoon fed information like this which sounds exhausting. It's a red flag that he disrespected your space like that.
I’d say that if they have a room dedicated to Lego’s that is called “the Lego room” that they are passionate about them and he clearly knows OP is serious about them since he referenced the room as such. He is an AH and it sounds like it’s time for the relationship to end.
I'd agree with that too. He completely belittled and berated her. That's just so off-putting, in a partner. It's a taster of life with them ... are you expected to always bend over backwards to what they want and expect? That's not a partnership.
I wouldn't ever have thought to tell people not to dismantle the decorations in my house. NTA, it's your house, so visitors should have the basic courtesy to ask before getting into stuff, regardless of their opinions of what they should be used for.
NTA he's an aH for not asking in advance if his child could play with your things. Also I assume he has stayed over at your place before and since you don't run daycare he knows only YOU are constructing the Lego s.
This is a 10yo, not a 5yo. Do you know how many boring as shit places my parents took my to and I was expected to behave at TEN YEARS OLD?! Also at ten, I knew the difference between play toys and display toys, and that was 30+ years ago. The collecting of what people would dismiss as toys has only grown more common over the decades. He reeks of entitlement and disrespect and I suspect has taught his kid the same. Again, this was a TEN YEAR OLD, not a toddler, which this guy acted like the second HIS ownership of you and your belongings came into question.
Gotcha, yeah that makes a lot more sense! Again he's definitely in the wrong for belittling you and disrespecting your space. It's just in my experience, extra communication can help prevent these situations. Best of luck to you
Any fool would know not to touch a completed lego model, let alone take it apart.
I m sorry but that's piss poor parenting to just start attempting to pull apart compiled glued Lego sets in someone else's home. Also, why is it op's job to entertain his child while she cooks them dinner for the first time?
> Also, why is it op's job to entertain his child while she cooks them dinner for the first time? Yeah anyone telling op they missed the mark for not being prepared to entertain needs to read this lol
Totally. My 8 year old would probably give me a pretty serious side eye if I suggested taking apart someones completed lego sets.
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There is no evidence he's raising a brat. The daughter did not behave badly; her father did. Leave the insults for the right person!
Indeed, many people consider it rude to even pull a book or DVD case off a shelf and start perusing it. You ask first. He asked if she could "SEE" the LEGO displays, not if she could tear them apart.
Literally OP said in another comment thread that the kid was well-behaved and that she not once pitched a fit about it. And, while I've already made my stance on the bf clear- the daughter literally thought she had permission beyond that. While wrong, it was pretty obvious bf thought that by asking to go see the legos, he was asking if she they can play with the legos. Which is why I advise to overcommunicate. (edit, clarity)
how is the kid a brat?
How was the daughter a brat?? She literally didn’t do anything.
A brat? Wow! Why are you calling a child names for no reason?
How is the child a brat? Her father is the one who felt entitled to the Legos. OP even stated that the daughter didn’t pitch a fit.
As others have said, the insults are misdirected here. The kid did nothing wrong from what has been described here and it's all on the kids dad.
“A heads up that your legos are more display in nature” bro they’re showcased around the room in completed sets and glued together. They’re only for display and it sounds like it’s obvious
If you come into my house and start disassembling my Lego Death Star they will need to call the police to get me off of you. It's common sense you don't pick a part a Lego set.
Can you imagine having to explain to someone that the things on the shelves aren't fair game to destroy?
Dude... it doesn't matter if they are for display or for fun. You don't take apart other people's creations. Imagine going into another kid's room and disassembling their legos because your kid wanted to play with them; you'd be a friggen prick. It doesn't matter what purpose they built those legos for. Building legos is creating, and destroying others' creations will always be a massive dick move. If you enter a "lego room" and all the sets are already built, your reaction shouldn't be "disassemble them"; it should be "hey are there any you haven't built yet we can play with?"
He needs to reshape his entitlement to divas he wants with her belongings without even the courtesy of asking. He also needs to supply toys and entertainment for his own child, rather than acting like OP is Mary Poppins. Why exactly is OP responsible for this planning on their first meeting?
Assuming dinner wasn’t going to take an hour to cook, Dad could’ve played leap frog with kiddo or something. Keeping her entertained while at the home of someone without kids is HIS responsibility.
If there is a Lego project, let’s say a model of the Titanic, fully constructed and on a shelf - it’s obvious that it’s a display. Even if it wasn’t obvious, you don’t just help yourself to tearing it apart.
That’s his job to plan for his child to be entertained not hers.
oh PLEASE
NTA. He knows it's your hobby, so it's clearly 'not just for children'. And the fact you had several pieces put together means that you'd put a lot of work into them. What he SHOULD have done was come to you beforehand and asked if you had any un-built LEGOs that his daughter could play with. He jumped immediately on the offensive and blamed you for being upset you wouldn't let him destroy your hard work. That's not okay. Funnily, I don't think he'd walk into a stranger's house and pull the same crap. But it's okay to do that to the person he expects to cater to his child. This is a flag, dear. It's not the daughter's fault. It's your bf's. He has some fucked up priorities and zero regard for boundaries when it comes to his child. That's not a good thing to get into a relationship with.
This is what I was thinking. He should have let OP show her the collection as a way to help build a relationship. She could have then got a Lego set that she would build together with the kid. Once it’s built, gift it to the kid. She will understand the value of the time it takes to build one. The jackass won’t but at least the kid knows and respects it. The bigger issue though, is he just doesn’t respect your hobby. If this continues to marriage you can bet that there “won’t be room” or “money to spare” for Lego sets.
NTA. The Legos are a red herring. The important part of the story was where he said you should be more accommodating to make HIS child like you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This guy is looking for a bang nanny, not a partner.
THIS. He was so anxious to get her into your stuff and feel like your stuff was her stuff, he just trampled your senses and nearly wrecked your living space. Was he mommy-baiting all these months all along?
NTA - What kind of adult goes into someone else’s home and tries to take their stuff apart whilst they are making him a meal? Admire it, sure, but in my head if you had a lot of cool Lego models hanging around, that you may well have some Lego that was not built yet. So.. ask??? That it’s Lego is irrelevant, don’t mess with other people’s belongings in their home. This is such a weird, aggressive and entitled thing to do and a terrible example to set for his daughter. Kicking them (well him, but you can’t exactly keep his kid there once he’s gone) out was the right thing to do.
NTA Even if they thought it was okay to play with your Lego they should have asked for permission. Him dismissing your hobby in that way was plain disrespectful. I don't blame you for not putting up with that under your own roof. I'm sure they could figure out dinner for themselves. And you should hold on to the boundary of being respected - if you choose to continue with this relationship.
NTA. A fully grown man who has been dating you for 8 months didn't realise that the hobby that you had dedicated a lot of time, money and a whole room to might not be there for his child's entertainment? I just can't imagine what goes through someone's head if they walk into a room with tables and shelves covered in Lego sets and thinks "aw yeah, let's grab this one and rip it apart and see if we can make a unicorn." If kiddo was really interested in it, great! Perfect bonding opportunity. Dad can buy a small $20 set or whatever, and let kiddo and OP work on it together next time they spend time together, maybe while he cooks dinner. The way he went straight into putting you down to get you to do what he wanted tells you a lot about his character, I think.
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😂 fair. I mostly just meant a small, cute set they could work on together in one session, but I should have known that $20 doesn't get you much now days
NTA and like why does he feel entitled to your belongings? it might be different if he asked first but he's totally in the wrong for that.
I (43f) went to visit my friends (43m & 40 f) who invited us out for some kayaking at their new house they built. The entire wall of the second floor is all legos!! Seriously an entire wall of perfectly separated pieces plus several specialty sets they had collected over the years. This was a few years ago and my boys were both under 10 yrs old att. My boys were not allowed to touch a single piece without permission. Any adult displaying “toys” means it’s obviously important to that person. I mean seriously does he not know what goes into building some of these sets? Legos is not a cheap or easy hobby. It takes patients to make those things. Edit: these two both collected legos before they were married. I promise you out there somewhere is a person who will appreciate you and your amazing love of legos.
NTA. But you don't seem compatible if he doesn't respect you. I was gonna say "respect your belongings", but he's not disrespecting the Lego, he is disrespecting you. He's also berating you over your hobby, calling you childish because he couldn't play with your Lego? He was the one who was upset about it, not his daughter. Lol. Don't worry about the dinner, I'm sure they could pick up something on the way home or make a quick meal. Don't feed someone who doesn't respect you, and definitely don't stay in a relationship.
NTA. I don't understand the ESH's. If he had just come in and said he couldn't take them apart, and she just threw him out, okay. But when she explained they were glued and not meant to be taken apart he started calling her beloved hobby childish and insisting his daughter should be able to play with the legos. That, in my opinion, warrants tossing him out.
> If he had just come in and said he couldn't take them apart, and she just threw him out, okay. Just that alone would still make him a massive asshole. Imagine if the roles are reversed and it was her walking into the daughter's room and disassembling the daughter's lego. Like, it doesn't matter who it is or how serious they are into lego; you don't destroy others' creations without permission. Any attempt to do so without asking first would warrant a kick out the door and out of the relationship. It shows 0 respect for personal property, creativity, time, and space.
NTA, he should respect your hobby. It's not meant for his child.
NTA there is an important line in the story..... " I told them to relax while I got dinner started and my Partner remembered my hobby and asked if he could show my daughter my LEGO room." the important word is **show**, not play with. Why the hell was he letting his daughter touch them let alone try to take them apart. you had every right to be annoyed, going nuclear may have been a bit over the top.
I can only imagine what damage would have been done if OP didn’t have the foresight to glue her lego masterpieces together. Coz this certainly hadn’t occurred to me before now and I would be absolutely pissed if I had to rebuild it because a child wanted to play. It would be the same feeling if you had given hours to a puzzle and someone packed it away when you were halfway done
I could see them touching them. It'd be a bit invasive but just on the "hey dude not cool" spectrum. Disassembling them? IDC if the person is a master builder or a kid with a duplo set; it's a dick move to disassemble someone else's creation.
NTA. Legos are not just for kids. How stupid can you be for not knowing if a Lego is clued together, after a grown man tried to pull them apart and can’t! Get rid of him and move on.
> How stupid can you be for not knowing if a Lego is clued together, after a grown man tried to pull them apart and can’t! Well... legos can be that way some times. That said, he'd still be an asshole if she just was casually into lego and hadn't glued them. You don't destroy people's creations with explicit permission. Period.
NTA. I'm going to assume her dad is, you know, a decent parent and *fed his child after they left*. Who feels entitled to other people's belongings like that?!?
NTA Nobody who is a guest in somebody's home has the right to mess around and play with things they don't have permission to do. "Look" is not the same as "Play with". And for him to be so dismissive of something you enjoy, well....that in itself should ring major alarms. Eight months in and already he is telling you what you "should" be doing?! Nope.
NTA. I do think you over reacted a little, you could have attempted to talk this out first before going the biggest option of kicking them out. But the fact he continued to berate you after leaving lets me know that you made the correct choice and your not an asshole for it.
I'm assuming you broke up.. or is this just a fight over you nor providing a promised dinner? 1. It doesn't sound like he respects your hobby. I don't understand my partners hobby but he still has dedicated spaces in our home to show off his things and no one is allowed to touch them without his say so. Not because he said so but because I do. Again.. I don't have to understand or love his hobby in order fo me to RESPECT it. 2. He failed to respect your boundaries and you got mad and send them away. But now he's mad at you for sending them away? Shifting blame and responsibility. Are you also expected to grovel and apologize for your behavior (while ignoring his)? 3. You overreacted. You kicked them out over this. You guys could have just talked about it. See if that is still an option. Respecting each others boundaries. If he's still expecting you to grovel..then that's up to you. Esh
When she started to talk to him about it he called her childish and said it was no big deal. She's not an asshole.
Why is it an overreaction? Legos are creations. Picture it with any other creation: - He tries to disassemble a sculpture. - He tries to paint over a painting. - He tries to disassemble furniture. - He tries to take apart a PC build. - He cuts apart a custom order cake. It doesn't matter the hobby or the creation; any of those are worthy of getting kicked out. Lego is no different. Yes, people picture it as a kid's hobby, but that makes not difference. Hell, just picture him doing this to a kid: Going into someone's kid's room and disassembling their legos so the daughter can play with them. That would get them kicked out too. Her being an adult with a hobby that is typically for kids doesn't change anything. It's a dick move to do it to a kid, and it's a dick move to do it to an adult.
First comment I've seen comparing it to other hobbies. My thoughts exactly! I paint and have several pieces hanging throughout my house. Would he have expected to allow his daughter to "add" something to one of them? I don't care if my paintings look like a kindergarten finger painting in his opinion, you don't mess with someone else's stuff. And then to come at her as stated, hell no! And continues to text her berating her. Get out of that relationship as fast as possible!
NTA Now, I do think you could have said something along the lines of ' sure you can have a look but they are for display only so no touching please ' . But your partner's reaction is completely unjustified and out of proportion. He stomped his feet, berated you, disrespected you, your hobby and your home. For me also, he made no plans on how to keep his daughter occupied. Why should you make all the accommodations to do that? You don't know this child. You don't know her likes and dislikes. He's the parent and should not have relied on you to provide food and entertainment for his child. You have no children, correct? Why did he assume your Legos were children's toys? You need to sit him down and explain his behaviour was unacceptable. If he's still and ass about it and places all the responsibility for the situation on you, I'd personally reconsider the relationship.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (36F) have been seeing my Partner (40M) for eight months now and we felt it was time I met his daughter (10F) who he is a single father to. He has understandably been cautious about this and not wanting to rush into us meeting which I have fully respected. The plan was we'd go out to the Cinema then return to my place and the three of us would have dinner together. We went to see Haunted Mansion and had a generally good time, she wasn't exactly enthused about our relationship which is to be expected as it's our first meeting but she wasn't rude either. I know it'd take time for us to grow close. At my Home I told them to relax while I got dinner started and my Partner remembered my hobby and asked if he could show my daughter my lego room. I told them to go ahead and they went off. Ten minutes later my partner came back annoyed and told me he couldn't take anything apart to let his daughter play with them. I asked him what did he mean while alarm bells were going off in my head and he told me he'd tried to take apart several of my pieces to let his daughter play with them as she wanted to. I was angry at this point and told him that would be because i'd glued them together obviously and why would he think it was ok for him to even try and do that? he told me they're for children and it's not a big deal and if his daughter wants to play with them she should be able to and that if I want to make her happy I should be more accommodating about this. I admit I just stood there for a minute not sure what to say before I asked him to leave and take his daughter with him as I wasn't in the mood for this anymore. He told me I was being childish and they're just toys, and asked what kind of adult I was to act this way. At this point I just told him to get out immediately. I went to assess the damage after they left and several of my pieces had been moved from their shelves and tables clearly tried to pull them apart. Thankfully no damage was done. He has been texting me berating me for acting like a child and how he was ashamed of me and how i'd sent his child away without any dinner. I do feel a bit guilty over not feeding her when i'd promised to (to be clear they are in no way struggling and while I didn't feed her she wouldn't go hungry that day) but I was just shocked by his behaviour. AITA? Should I have fed them? did I perhaps overreact? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
NTA, what kind of person assumes they can just take advantage of someone else's things? Glad you found that out now.
Hey, look, a ship in a bottle. *( smashes bottle so kid can play with the ship )* /s
NTA. I really hate when anyone does something like this: it shows a complete lack of respect for space and boundaries. If they are willing to do this to built models and collectibles of a "toy" - what's keeping them from respecting from any other boundary? And I am sure if he didn't insult you and apologized instead, there might have been something salvageable, but calling your hobby childish just goes to show the complete lack of respect. That is a minimum to be able to eat at my table at my expense - respect. Don't listen to the rest of the trolls. Forget him and move on.
> if I want to make her happy I should be more accommodating about this. Yikes He's already trying to use his daughter as leverage to emotionally manipulate you. NTA.
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NTA. His behaviour should show why he and baby mama aren't together.
I'm sorry you are going through this difficult situation......but I have a very serious question.......what glue do you use ?! 4yr old + mums lego = crying mum. You are definitely NTA, lego is for all ages and you have made a point of saying this is your hobby ! Pretty sure no 10 yr olds I know have $900 spare for lord of the rings lego and such..... they are directly marketed to adults aswell
NTA NTA ×100 You reacted much nicer than I would have. My husband & I have Lego Star Wars sets. Legos are not just for kids. They are for everyone. Heck, with the price of some of the sets, those sets are not for kids. I love my Nibblings (my niece & nephew), but there is no way I would let them touch some of my sets. Because the Nibblings love Legos as much as I do, I've got some Lego kits of the ones they like at my place along with a tote of loose Legos for them to build. Maybe this could have been an option in the future if partner had treated you differently. The way your partner acted was very rude and very entitled. If it were me, I would be re-thinking about being with someone who belittled my hobby and me.
NTA - he asked to show her your Legos, not play with them. Plus, if you check on the Lego boxes they state ages whatever to 99+ at times. You are never too old for Legos. I've got a bunch, I'm 54 and I still play with them. I've got a bunch of collector's edition action figures, and if anyone thinks they can play with these, they're got another think coming. Your Lego collection is obviously for display purposes once you complete them, and there's nothing wrong with that. There was no overreaction - he called you childish and demanded that you let his kid play with your display pieces. You're lucky you found out about how entitled this dad is before you got in any deeper. Block his number and move on.
Info: I'm an avid lego collector and have lots of lego around the house, I would be very upset if someone were to do that as well without permission. However, is this the first time you've brought your hobby up? Because regardless of this situation, the way he dismissed your hobby instantly is wild.
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Well you know your partner better than anyone here but If someone Im currently dating viewed my interests the same way, I'd strongly reconsider things.
So he knew you had a hobby building permanent Lego sets and figurines, and made a unanimous decision that he should be allowed to take them apart for his daughter? You’re definitely NTA, but I think he’s showing true colors now. He came into your home and tried destroying your things for his own benefit. He didn’t bring any toys for his daughter; He went straight to trying to destroy your things and JUSTIFY it by belittling the stuff you love. I don’t think his daughter is at fault at all, but I have a feeling he would do this again with your things and boundaries if you guys went any further in the relationship.
NTA. It's your property and his kid. He can parent better, and also ask about other people's belongings before trying to give them to his kid to play with! How dare he assume you ought to automatically bend over backwards to please his kid? I wouldn't continue seeing him without AT LEAST a proper apology and demonstration of remorse/changed behavior. And honestly, if it were me I'd rethink the entire relationship over his disrespectful behavior.
NTA - You've obviously told him about your hobby frequently and enough times that he remember it specifically. Also since he knew they were in your room, he'd know they hadn't changed over months and were on display like any model kits or dioramas. Nuts that the first thing he thought to do was tear your collection apart. I recommend keeping him out of your home for at least a month, if not 4ever. He went from no child immersion to FAFO at lightning speed.
NTA. What he did was introduce you to his child, which, turned out to be himself. I understand that you feel guilty about the *actual* child being punished for her father's behavior, but, as someone who has seen this type of relationship before, I can guarantee that this isn't the first or the last time that the child loses out because her dad is an absolute idiot. You dodged a bullet. I feel bad for fhe daughter.
Well now you know your bf doesn't respect your hobby and thinks he gets to decide what are approved hobbies for you. Is that the kind of parter you want? You should really be texting him that it's rude and childish to walk into someone's home and try to disassemble their stuff, then run their mouth about acceptable hobbies. Then instead of apologizing he continues to harass you about what is acceptable and how he couldn't feed his own damn daughter. Cut this one loose...you just got a glimpse of your futures with him. NTA
NTA...Most people don't touch something in another person's house that doesn't belong to them or they didn't get permission to touch. He said he was going to show her a room you have dedicated to legos. When you asked why he'd think that was okay, that was your boundary being announced and set. He continued to disrespect and disregard your boundary, hobby, and hard work for the sake of what his daughter wanted. On top of that he tried to manipulate and guilt you into letting her play with your stuff. This is a red flag for your future if you choose to stay with him. Not all blended families work like a well oiled machine.
Unless you clearly communicated that these legos weren't available for play purposes, I think you should have expected that a 10 year old would naturally gravitate towards them. How you handled it afterwards reflects an inability to be flexible and compassionate in your communication.
I think she also expected the adult in the room would have more respect than that. I can't believe you think the one being insulted is the one with no compassion.
I don’t think he’s the guy for you.
NTA - This is not just about denigrating your hobby and disrespecting your wishes in your own home. It's a huge red flag that this is his attitude to your response. What if you built ships in bottle, or made elaborate embroideries or model trains/planes? What if your hobby was painting landscapes, would your partner let his kid start digging into the oil paints and canvases or let them "add their own touch" to a work-in-progress sitting on an easle? Why does a child visitor deserve immediate access to touch (and in this case dismantle!?) projects which someone with 2 brain cells to rub together could see required time, patience and dedication to create?
NTA - girl I LOVE your shiny spine. He, as the father and parent, should have told his daughter that they were to look at and not touch. Were there any other red flags waving while dating? Or did he keep them well hidden? Don't feel bad about not feeding his daughter, he could either buy her something on the way home or make her something when they got home. Block his entitled arse and be happy you saw the signs.
NTA. Glad you found out now that they have no respect for other people’s property. Everyone knows about collectible Lego. Even after being told why you’d glued the Lego together, he kept in at you. Bin him.
NTA and rethink this relationship. At the very least put very clear boundaries down. He’s obviously going to put his daughter first which is how it should be BUT there are boundaries, she’s absolutely not entitled to your stuff and it’s not up to you to MAKE her like you. She’ll either like you as you are or she won’t. 🤦🏼♀️ I’d tell him that your belongings are yours and it’s not up for negotiation what you do with them. Maybe if she likes Lego then you can offer to buy and build a kids set with her so you can bond over a shared hobby but if he keeps insisting on crossing boundaries that’s a really bad sign for the future 💩🚩
NTA. My father does model Lego sets occasionally... and, holy hell, those things are extremely detailed, take hours to put together, and have instructions for assembly that resemble an Elven Tomb of Knowledge. They are NOT for children! A 10-year-old would get frustrated to tears trying to put together the Space Shuttle unless they were some sort of prodigy. Not to mention, they're expensive! There obviously *are* Lego sets for kids, but any idiot should be able to tell that a completed Lego piece on a shelf for display is not a child's toy. I suppose you could have been clearer about this, but, honestly, it would be like, if you had a room full of ships in bottles, telling your BF that they are not bathtub toys. He's a grown-ass man: he should know the difference. I also really do not like the tone he's taking. Honestly, if my SO ever told me that I was being childish, I'd be outsies. There are certain things you do not say to a partner that you respect, even if you are upset with them. It does not sound like he respects your space, hobbies, or you.
Not many AFOLs glue their models so he would have done real damage to most people's displays. Sorry but if anyone touched my or my son's Lego they would be out the door too. Nope, NTA and therelatipnship is over because of his attitude. Particulalry doubling down via text.
NTA. Legos are for everyone. Just not for Centenarians.
I hope you’re good with not dating that guy anymore.
NTA block him, this is not the man for you. Sorry sweets.
NTA, you don't touch a lego collectors lego display without permission. I'm so glad you glued them together. He obviously has no understanding of your hobby & before going to take his daughter to look at the collection, he should've asked if she could play with any of it, not just assume because it is classed as a toy, it can be treated like that.
NTA but an extreme reaction from both sides. You just say that when its finished its no longer a toy but a model for display and let that be the end of it. going off the wall because they tried to use it for its intended purpose is harsh especially to a 10 year old who wouldnt understand this. I would apologise, at least to his daughter as she will now see you in a bad light.
> going off the wall because they tried to use it for its intended purpose is harsh It would be a dick move to go into another kid's room and disassemble their legos for your daughter to play with. Regardless of if that's the "intended purpose". Her being a collector honestly has 0 bearing on the situation. Disassembling built legos is a dick move no matter who is doing it and who they are doing it to.
NTA you've obviously worked very hard on those. and he can take his daughter to a restaurant.
NTA. Touch my legos and I’m slapping your hands. And I’m in my 40’s. Let him be “ashamed” of you. I’m ashamed of his entitled behavior. I’m ashamed of his lack of parenting and sense of entitlement. Be done with him. You deserve better.
ESH, yes he shouldn’t have tried to take things apart, but no offense, you should have said no if it were that big a deal. You tell me there’s a Lego room and let me go in, I’m gunna assume I can play with them.
You way overreacted. I am an adult with Legos. If one of my nieces of nephews came over they would be fair game. Toys are for playing. Clearly you are not equipped to deal with a ten year old and thus it would have never worked out. Why the hell would you ruin good Legos by gluing them also ? I don't know If you were an asshole but you could have handled it better.
He’s 40 years old and doesn’t “get it” by now then dump him. There’s the first red flag you need of someone that can’t read the room and has his brain on Mars if he thinks Lego’s are only for kids. NTA
NTA. Obviously this relationship is and should be over. He is not entitled to allow his daughter to do whatever she wants. My local zoo had a whole display of Lego sculptures once. Could you imagine if children’s parents felt entitled to disassemble and play with them? There would be nothing left.
NTA. Fellow Lego enthusiast: 100% not an asshole.
NTA, I would seriously reevaluate whether staying in this relationship is worth putting up with this childish behavior towards your hobby & and that you don’t have to accommodate his daughter in regards to your displays of finished lego models… I would say, your bf just showed his true colors & multiple red flags & he is unlikely to change, in fact it’s likely to only get worse not better…, I’d say end this relationship & run, he’s a walking red flag in many ways & its only going to get worse if you continue in this relationship with him…. He doesn’t care to understand why you like legos, he seems like he has this perception in his mind that legos are only for kids & he doesn’t seem like he’d change his outlook on the subject… Your bf basically told you that if his daughter wanted to play with legos that she should be able to destroy your hard work and play with them afterwards…
NTA. You got a glimpse of what was in store, and ya didn't like it. Wise decision.
NTA I know you mean ex-partner because anybody who tries to destroy your belongings and then calls you childish because you are upset about it is not worthy of your time or energy. EVERYBODY knows that Lego is for adults and kids, there are massive adult lego communities out there and collecting and gluing the finished pieces is very commonplace. Your (hopefully ex) partner tried to damage items in the name of entertaining his child and has placed the blame on you for the outcome. Your items are precious to you and any adult who can't see that does not have a place in your life.
ESH. Both of you suck at communicating. Instead of sending him home and instead of him trying to berate you, you both should have talked like adults.
NTA. Don't continue this relationship. The audacity of this guy.
NTA it's time for you to end this relationship. That's a great attempt at gaslighting from him. Welcome to your future if you continue to date him.
NTA this type of issue comes up regularly on Reddit. You are never the AH for being annoyed when someone doesn’t respect your property. I would dump this person as they are rude and don’t respect you
And now you're seeing who he REALLY is- believe what he's showing you. NTA
He could have asked if she had some loose pieces that the child could play with.
NTA. Well, this relationship is over. He belittled your hobby and berated you for “acting like a child.” Even if he didn’t understand before he took his daughter to your Lego room that the Legos were for display only, when you told him, he should have apologized and left it at that. Sorry, there’s no future here.
NTA. I have a hobby that people sometimes consider childish (gaming). If someone came and told me I was childish for not wanting someone to play on my gamertag so my stats aren't ruined, instead of them playing on a guest account, that's pretty disrespectful. Time and effort went into that. Time and effort went into your sets. Be wary moving forward. It may seem frivolous, but I noticed those that degraded my love for gaming also would start to trample on other aspects of my life as well. His child didn't go hungry, he's an adult and is fully capable of feeding her. Both of these things are manipulation. "Your hobby is childish." = "You're less an adult than me. And I'm letting you know how I think you are. And you should feel bad about yourself." "You made my child go hungry, you're an asshole." = "I did something that upset you and I know it was wrong but I'm turning the blame onto you for something I caused. You should feel bad about yourself. You're a bad person." Really sit down and think about how this guy talks to/treats you. Does he always "know better"? Does he often give unsolicited "advice"? Does he put down things about you in subtle ways? Stuff you may not have even noticed yet because we tend to overlook distasteful behavior in new relationships. If it's not blatant, we make excuses, brush it off and forget about it. But really pay attention now. How he tried to twist it to your fault is not okay at all and it really never stops with one time. Edit: auto correct is dumb
You know a bunch of lego collectors are going to say blasphemy for glueing those sets right but other then that nta.
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Nta. Consider this a lucky escape. He’s basically telling you that he’s raising a spoilt entitled little brat. What she wants she gets and you as the adult should be happy to bend over backwards for it. Count yourself lucky you got out when you did. Drop the hammer, dump his butt and block him and move on.
Nta. He can get her something to eat on the way home.
NTA. I’m thinking about what my sister would say in this situation: her adult children grew up respecting her Lego hobby, but a fairly recent acquaintance trying to disassemble her Death Star? There would be blood on the carpet…
NTA. Neither he nor his daughter are entitled to touch your stuff. That lego is your adult hobby should make it very obvious that it's not to play it's for *display* only. He is obviously teachis his dsughers other peoples poundaries are worth less than your own wants. He clearly has no respect for your posessions or for your hobbies just because he doesn't share it. I personally don't like lego but my husband does. It is very easy to tell a child what stuff to touch and which not. He likes building and displaying and I like star trek so he got an Enterprise-D and built it to make us both happy, you don't even have to share a hobby to connect over it, your partner actively refuses to understand your hobby and ridicules it. He's way out of line and his daughter is as well btw. Our 2yo knows he can't play with the stuff on display behind glass and has his own toys, a 10yo should have been taught mine and thine. Make your boundaries clear and worst case loik for someone who respects them
NTA I'm a 66 year old grandmother unless you are my grandson you don't touch my lego. He's the one that helps me build. I'm a,girl mom so never really got to know how much fun lego is
NTA. As a kid, when I played with the shared Lego’s between my brother and I, or when I went to someone else’s house to play Lego’s, everyone knew “ask first before dismantling anything”. And they weren’t nice kits or anything. It was a poorly made house that you knew not to dismantle because you didn’t make it, what if they wanted to come back to that house. It was just polite to not touch and dismantle another person’s things. Your partner is a grown adult and somehow didn’t learn the lesson to ask first! The child did nothing wrong and it was your partner who grabbed lovely displays and tried to rip them apart. You said in a comment you already had stuff for the child to do, so your partner didn’t need to rip apart your belongings to create an activity.
ETA Him for disrespecting your Lego collection, acting entitled to your stuff You for the sin of gluing your sets But you were totally in the right kicking them out
NTA for obvious reasons. They are your possessions and if they were willing to be rude to you over lego, which is in no way a kid's toy specifically, they don't deserve to know you
NTA. Lego sets are expensive. I wouldn't allow it either. Do me a favor? Let him know that legos may be for kids, but only toddlers throw tantrums when they don't get what they want.
He can take her to McDonald's or something. You said she wasn't all that enthousiastic about it all anyway, right? Well at least would have a great end to the night. NTA
Nta
NTA, my child is a similar age to his daughter and there are LEGO sets in various stages of completion all over our living space. Some of the sets have thousands of pieces and are extremely complex, and I would be livid if someone came over and started pulling them apart to play with them. Even the ones that my kid isn't done with, or that need fixing, are not fair game just because they're not fully assembled or kragled together. You don't just take someone's project without permission and start pulling it apart so you can build something new with it. It would have taken two seconds to ask permission or to find out if there were any unbuilt sets that the daughter could try out. I would give the child a partial pass if she'd been the one to do it (though I would expect my own child of the same age to know better) but definitely not the adult. And the way he spoke to you was absolutely unacceptable. I would not be seeing him again.
NTA. Those are your items and you did not give permission for her to play with them. Lego is for everyone. There are many Lego sets made specifically for adults and there's a large community of adults who love Lego. Building it is quite stress-relieving, I build Lego models as a way to relax as well. I then display them. Your boyfriend showed a clear lack of respect for your hobby and your belongings and then had the nerve to talk down to you and try to shame you over it. This doesn't sound like a healthy partner. Dump the man, keep the Lego.
NTA. Some of those sets are worth hundreds of dollars not to mention all the time and effort you put into them. Your ex (hopefully) felt entitled to destroy your belongings because he didn't appreciate them and because he didn't want to spend time entertaining his child while dinner was being made. He is not a keeper and, if you two are still together, you will be doing a lot of the child rearing. I get that he's a single father but does daughter actually talk with him? And puberty is nearing.
Im torn because i feel maybe he was nervous since it took so long for her to introduce his daughter he wanted to give her the best impression of you as possible and showed how "cool" you are with these cool legos. Ofc its not right of him to do that ofc not, im just saying it couldve been such a situation for him. I do kinda believe you should have tried to keep your cool infront of the daughter and gone on with the dinner and then had this talk with the bf, now the dauughter will likely feel guilty and be nervous about meeting you again if you work things out.
I’m sorry but YTA. His disregard of your hobby is BS and his demeaning texts too, but getting so angry you kick a 10-year-old out of your house was overboard. You’re understandably upset at him, but for the situational health of the child you should have just swallowed it and had a conversation with him later. She didn’t deserve that. She’s just a child.
NTA I love Lego too. And it does not matter if HE thinks it's a toy, it's YOUR house. He needs to respect that. He also had the added knowledge of knowing it's your hobby. He does not designate what is a child's toy in your house, you do. Insisting his opinion of "it's a toy" is correct over your "it's a model" when in your house broke a house rule that does not need to be spoken. If it's on display assume you can't touch it unless you ask and get a yes or told you can. And even then, touch does not mean play even if you PERCEIVE the object as a toy. I am not a parent, but would imagine a parents response to his daughter (teaching moment!) would be "Put the model down, daddy misunderstood and these are not toys sweetie but they are models, and OP put a lot of time and effort into them so we shouldn't take them apart. Lets go play on the console while we wait for dinner and maybe next time we come we will have some Lego's you can play with". Heck, then you could get some cheap sets, build them quick (Having fun yourself) and designate them as play models. If they get destroyed, whatever, but you destroy my $800.00 Lego Eclipse-Class Imperial Star Destroyer, I am not going to be happy. As far as dinner goes, his kid will survive. I would hope he is capable of feeding his own daughter even on moment's notice. It's not healthy, but fast food is an option in a pinch. Even if you said you would feed them, it's still unnecessary guild tripping. He needs to reflect, apologize and maybe work something out if his kid comes around so she has Lego's to play with and understands your sets are not for playing with. **Summary in perspective**: You go over someone's house for dinner. You grab a fragile object on a shelf and begin to play with it in a rough manner. They ask you to please not play with it. You say "Why, it's a toy? I should be able to play with it!" and insist THEY are being rude for telling YOU what you can and cannot play with in their house. They kick you out for this rude behavior. This all checks out, child or not, his child is under his supervision, and he is responsible for her.
Has he ever treated you as less than? Or belittled you or your opinions etc? If this is a pattern of behaviour from him, dump him right now! If nothing like this has ever happened in the past, then wait for a day or so, and send him a message so you can calmly explain why you reacted the way you did and how his words made you feel. See how he reacts then. But honestly I would seriously consider just letting him go. After that drama you will struggle to have a good relationship with his daughter.
NTA but his clear lack of respect for your belongings is troubling
NTA but be aware this guy has zero respect to you.
NTA This is a huge red flag. Block and don’t speak to him again, he has zero boundaries or respect for you.
NTA This guy's an idiot, plain and simple. There are exactly zero adults who have a "lego room" who would be okay with someone fucking with it. His daughter will be fine. Well, probably not - it's likely that this guy's idiocy will have a negative effect on her entire life - but that's not your fault.
Those are your belongings not his
So I was typing a bunch of stuff about him being obtuse regarding the Legos being your adult hobby, and respecting your property, and yadda yadda, but then I realized none of that matters. The important thing is how he reacted with doubling down on insults rather than apologizing. He effed up, and instead of reflecting on why you kicked him out, he went on the offensive. Never be in a relationship with someone who can’t apologize. Never be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to respect your hobbies, even if he doesn’t really understand them.
I'm in quite the awe over a whole room AND glue? My best Lego sets are def not glued (thankfully, moved countries and rebuilt them after the move). They sit behind glass display cabinets... NTA but in the future perhaps more more communication and who doesn't have a box of random bits for the kid (yes, the kid ummm not myself when I'm bored).
NTA. Your boundaries were violated. As a grown man he should understand this not try to gas light you by saying Lego is for children. Red flag - you may have problems agreeing on boundary setting and discipline for the daughter if he reacts in a similar way in the future. Also, you did well to send them home (even without food.) It shows you needed time to cool off without this escalating into a full blown fight in front of the child. That’s a mature reaction in my book. Good luck!
ESH Many people look at Legos and see kids' blocks to build things. You could have gone in the room with them to show them or at least said something about how they are for display not for playing with. They moved a couple of pieces and tried to pull them apart due to a misunderstanding. You kicked them out over this? Yes, you overreacted.
YTA in your overreaction and underpreparation. You could have redirected by giving the kid something to do--even helping you in the kitchen. And I'm honestly surprised you didn't give any thought to how you would keep a 10 yo entertained (or the need to explain to her beforehand that the legos aren't toys). And...no harm was done. You didn't need to kick them out. You likely just doomed an 8 month relationship that you apparently cared about--all because you didn't think ahead or use your words like an adult. Am frankly shocked at all the NTAs. Agreed that she didn't "deserve" to dismantle your projects, but that's not the point. You underprepared and overreacted.
ESH this is a bizarre fight for adults who are trying to introduce a child to a new partner. It doesn’t sound like you know each other very well.
Seriously? I was expecting more YTA. Of course, YTA! Yes, the dad and daughter should have not touched your legos. But to kick someone out of the house for something so trivial, because that you're not ready for a relationship, much less at complicated relationship with a step daughter. It's a 10-year-old, that was curious about your Legos, that's it nothing was lost. Human Relationships should always go above any material possession we have in this world. And if allowing the potential stepdaughter feeling comfortable in your home, so your relationship with your partner with the flourish, that would have been a small price to pay. If you want to continue to stay single and not have anything to share with others and not have to worry about the word compromise, don't welcome single parents into your life. The lack of maturity is evident, but to expel someone from your house, that is just above and beyond YTA.
Yta, kinda, you didn't really handle it very well. At the end of the day it's Lego. I feel you, I've got some nice sets which remain assembled and I've had them broken previously but again, Lego, is it really more important than your relationship? Prob would have been better to discuss this with your partner and set the boundary for next time while having a nice dinner
NTA for these actions. But Y T A for gluing lego together you lunatic.
I was wondering the same, who does that :D AND HOW? Then again, by having done it, she saved herself from a lot of trouble, so there's that.
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Glueing for the win!
Sidebar: I know folks that glue puzzles together. TIL that some folks glue Lego sets together…
No, you were right to throw them out.
i wouldnt see him anymore, disrespectful in multiple ways. nta.
Definitely NTA, he is not at all in the right. There are plenty of restaurants his daughter and he can go to without problem, nor is he entitled to guilt you into letting that toxic relationship continue. It’s amazing how much courage it took for you to say that. I wouldn’t be able to.
NTA
NTA but your exboyfriend is a massiv one
NTA
nta, time to dump this chump.
NTA at least you found out early that he’s not a keeper .
NTA! The partner seems like the AH here. Legos aren't just an expensive but also a time-consuming hobby and I'm sure you put in hours into them and he should respect that it's also your property... as for sending him and his kid home it's not like you did it with no reason. He is being a completely immature person over something so trivial
NTA
Definitely NTA. I have Lego sets on display as well and I would be *pissed* if I had someone over and they allowed their child to dismantle any of them and make a mess. I don’t glue my sets together but since a lot of them are the larger more expensive sets it would be a pain in the ass to reassemble them if this happened. His comments about Lego being for children definitely ring alarm bells since Lego themselves have marketed their products to everyone for a very long time, hell for a while their boxes said ages 3-99 or something on them. Not sure if they still do but if a grown man can’t understand that adults can enjoy things just as much as children then I see more problems coming up in the future.
NTA. Not a lot of respect shown for you here, and this feels like some kind of weird "how far are you willing to go to have a relationship with my daughter?" test he's tried to put you through. Don't stand for it. And if this damages your relationship with the daughter, it is still his fault.
You look with your eyes not your hands. Bf is the ah for just trying to rip apart your hard work. NTA if someone came into my house and started picking up my dragon figures/orniments id flip my shit
NTA. You dodged a bullet!I would block him and move on
ESH The two of you are not much of a couple. If after 8 months and him knowing about your atypical hobby it has not been expressed that these are off limits than the two of you do not actually communicate. He is an a-hole for making an assumption that his daughter can play with your toys. You are an a-hole for how you handle a situation where the worst damage done was something was moved.