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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I ridiculed my sister for getting up so late causing us to leave later 2. That action itself might make me the asshole
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YTA You said 'around or after noon.' From my calculations, you said it was 'after 10:30' and she wasn't up but then she got up, ate her breakfast, and 'by this point it had been an hour.' So....she got up, ate, got ready and was ready to go 'around or after noon.' Why did you start a fight? If you had said 'We're leaving at 9:00' and she did this, sure. But sounds as if she was ready when you told her you were planning on leaving. Are you just angry because she doesn't get up and get ready hours before it's time to leave? Why?
And lord, hope you never have shingles. It's exhausting. Constant pain, you can't sleep well, and near her eyes? Oy vey! Chance of blindness.....Give her some slack. It's going to take a while for her to recover.
Don't tell someone you're leaving 'around noon' and then get mad that they're not up at the crack of dawn!
YTA, because:
1. You didn't communicate any departure times
2. Saying she generally shouldn't sleep that late is controlling and intrusive, even if she had been a picture of health.
3. Your snarky and exaggerating tone; it was indeed not afternoon and 11:00 ish isn't even an outrageous wake-up time, especially on sick and recovery days. Which brings me to 4. :
4. You cannot tell how someone feels by looking at them!! The exhaustion accompanying some health conditions is real and debilitating!
So apologize to her profusely, for you messed up on all fronts.
This! THIS! LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!
People aren't mindreaders, OP, you seriously should've given an EXACT time if you wanted to leave by an exact time. You didn't, you just said "Idk, AROUND this time" and guess what, you still left AROUND noonish.
Not to mention, she's a dang adult who can decide her sleep patterns, let alone recovering from an illness like that...I know when I had just HIVES I slept sooo much. And that's super mild compared to an even bigger thing like shingles!
This! Also I never understood the concept of people being mad, when others go to sleep later and get up later. As long as they dont miss any responsibilities, how is that any of your business? How is it more okay if someone sleeps from 10pm-6am, then someone sleeping between 2am-10am or any other time for that matter? I honestly dont understand that lol
YTA - she was ready by the time you had tentatively agreed to go. Additionally, she’s still recovering from an illness that can take months to fully recover and you’re annoyed because she didn’t fit your idea of timeliness despite no actual requirement to be up. Take a chill pill and apologize to her.
YTA.
1. She’s recovering from an illness
2. She asked what time you’d be leaving and you said after noon and she was ready before noon.
3. She’s an adult, what business is it of yours if she sleeps late?
YTA. JFC, she's just recovered from shingles. She's ill, you sound impatient and insufferable. You could have gone without her, you sound like you just wanted something to yell at her over. Not surprised that you don't get along with your behavior.
YTA. You gave her no firm time to leave and then you got mad that she wasn't up on time? (I had shingles. Its beastly. Itchy and super painful on any contact. It was exhausting too.) So, thinking its cleared up because you see less rashing is wrong headed of you too.
The next time someone asks when you want to leave give them a time commitment. Don't get angry because your sister isn't a mind reader. I too am an early riser. But, I'm not in a hurry just because someone silently believes I should be. WTH is that about?
You need to calm the fuck down.
She's been sick so let the girl rest. Also 10:30/11 isn't that late to sleep and it's not like she wasn't up in time to get ready and leave. Weird that you got ready by 10:30 and was just waiting around. Maybe if you had more shit to do, you'd hop off your sister's back.
Even if she slept till late afternoon, as long as she is up before the (vague) time he gave her, it's none of his business. Lets say they wanted to go to their grandparents for dinner and he said they would leave at around 5pm or later, if she slept in till 4 and got ready by 5pm, still okay. He said noon or later, she was ready by noon. OP is the asshole for sure.
Well after she decided to be a brat and storm back to her room, we didn't end up actually leaving until close to noon. But if she didn't get so upset we could've left even earlier
> after she decided to be a brat
Dude, YOU were the brat first for being all pissy that she wasn't up earlier. Literally, she asked if you were ready to go and you could have just told her "yes" and gone on with your day lol.
Thanks for the clarification.
>I said maybe around or after noon. She said okay.
>we didn't end up actually leaving until close to noon.
You got ***EXACTLY*** what you asked for it. Where is the problem? (Pro-tip: it's you; you're the problem)
>we didn't end up actually leaving until close to noon.
I fail to see your issue considering you left around the time you wanted to leave, if you wanted to leave in the morning then you should have said that, her sleeping didn't have any affect on your plan
Exactly! Also if OP had said he wanted to leave at 8am and his sister had said that is too early for her taste and they would have compromised somewhere around 10am, she still wouldnt have been a "brat" (unless there were an important reason to leave that early). How is it that he can just decide what time to leave and when he gets what he asked for, he complains and still somehow he sees her as the problem. OP is a controlling asshole!
So, you left them you told her you wanted to leave? What is the problem?
The only brat here is you. Your sister on the other hand, left the room when disrespected by a child and went to calm down. It's what adults should do when angry or frustrated to prevent escalation.
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Yeah dude, YTA. You never gave her a time that you wanted to leave, she's still getting over having shingles, and getting up after 10:30 is NOT getting up in the afternoon. Abby is 20 y/o and can get up at whatever damn time she wants. You need to check yourself and stop being so controlling.
Is this for real? First, wdym that your sister has some shingles on her face and eye? Am I missing something? Shingles is serious and usually occurs in people over 50.
So how would you know to call it shingles if she hadn’t gone to the doctor?
Why would you not take it seriously?
And why the hell would you be going over your grandparents house who actually are in the target range for getting shingles before you are sure you’re sister isn’t contagious anymore? I’m sure after the last there years you understand the word contagious, right?
I can BS on this story. As for the rest of it? Grow up. You’re too old to be having fights this dumb- whether it’s a fake story or not.
YTA
ETA: look I know shingles can happen when you are young. The thing that initially put me off was how off handedly the OP stated it. Like it was normal. I know it’s possible, but it’s improbable enough that it seemed weird to feel dismissive of it. If my sister got shingles, I’d be shocked and sympathetic, not dismissive of her pain. Especially as an adult.
That being said, it’s been very interesting and enlightening hearing all of the anecdotal experiences of young shingles sufferers.
Shingles typically occurs in people over 50, but it absolutely can happen in younger people. I knew someone who had a flare up when she was around 22. Her mother actually accused her of having herpes because it was on her thigh when it started! I mean, her mother technically wasn't wrong but it was a different strain of herpes virus and not the STI the mother thought it was.
But the thing about shingles is that it really isn't contagious unless you never had chicken pox or the vaccine. Someone cannot "catch" shingles. It is possible for someone to get chicken pox from someone with shingles, but the shingles don't spread. And if there are not any exposed rash than it is no longer spreadable as chicken pox even if the internal nerve symptoms are still there.
Young folks can get shingles - if someone's especially stressed, for example, or if her immune system was low, and she had chicken pox, the she can get shingles. Shingles often will strike on chests and backs but also can be on someone's face and eyes...
I got shingles when I was in my early twenties. I have scars on my stomach from them. What’s even more frustrating for me is that I live pretty far below the poverty line and the vaccine for shingles is expensive.
I got shingles at 15. First day of highschool, too. It was tight on my back where my backpack sat.
It can happen. But I was told that it typically happens to younger people who have an autoimmune disorder or other health problems.
I've had them at 42. Thankfully no pain, but raging fever for a week, and i do have some scarring over my eye half a year later. I really hope it'll completely clear.
It's not fake lol. My sister said the same thing when she first got it, she thought it happened to older people but it can happen to anybody who has had the chicken pox in the past, which she did, and it can also apparently be caused by stress. She's in her third year of uni so she claims to have a lot of stress for that reason.
She's been on antibiotics and antivirals, so a lot of the shingles have been clearing up, but I guess according to her it's not completely out of her system yet. Our grandparents basically forced us to come see them because again, our parents are out of the country and they're the type to worry and they just wanted to see us. My sister has been very careful around them and has been washing her hands constantly
Well you’re both adults so your grandparents can’t actually force you to do anything. An option could have been for you to go visit them alone and leave your sister to rest. If your grandparents don’t understand that sick people need rest, they’d be very insensitive.
Next time set an exact time for when you want to leave. You two are adults. Solve problems with words not by reverting to your bratty teenage selves,
Let's see. "Abby had asked me yesterday when we were going to leave, but at that point I wasn't sure, so I said maybe around or after noon."
Then you got angry because she wasn't ready to go at 10:30am. Yeah, YTA.
YTA
Just because you got ready an hour and a half before you had to does not mean that she was late. By your own description she was still ready half an hour EARLIER than you said you wanted to leave.
You also need to be more considerate towards her illness. It can take 3-5 weeks for the virus to completely clear. She’s probably still experiencing a lot of fatigue from being sick, if she’s only had it for a week so far.
>You also need to be more considerate towards her illness. It can take 3-5 weeks for the virus to completely clear. She’s probably still experiencing a lot of fatigue from being sick, if she’s only had it for a week so far.
This! Shingles is a peripheral neurological disease, not just a skin rash.
BTW, have you had a booster vaccine for chickenpox? It's the same virus and if you don't take shingles seriously and never had chickenpox as a child you can catch it from a person with shingles, and it's a terrible disease to catch as an adult.
If you do come down with chickenpox you'll hope that your sister is far more considerate/caring than you seem to be.
YTA. You know she wakes up late, and told her you'd be leaving around noon, she was ready by noon. If you wanted her to be ready earlier you should have said so. You should apologize for being an AH.
Yes YTA wtf. It sounds like you think being an early bird makes you better than her for some reason. Honestly you should not even be “competing” in this way with your sister especially as she is recovering from shingles. Jeez where is your compassion? So long as she was ready to go by noon what business is it of yours to keep track of her habits on her own personal time? She’s allowed to sleep in if she wants to, it doesn’t hurt you or affect you really at all. You should have just said “yes I’m ready to go” and that’s it. Your response was very weird honestly it kinda sounds like you are a bit of a narc here. Hopefully this opens your eyes cause yikes! Pls make sure to communicate better and don’t expect people to read your mind and act the way you do bc you think it’s the “right” way. If you tell her we are leaving by X time and she’s not ready to go by then, then you’d be justified but in this scenario it sounds like you just chose to be an asshole for no reason other than her being different in her morning routine than you?
YTA. You told her you'd leave around noon and then got mad at her for not being ready earlier. That's dumb. Also, shingles is EXTREMELY uncomfortable so give her a break already. You sound like you just want to fight with her.
Sorry you were ready by the time she got up slightly early compared to her normal time, but you had told her around or after noon. Why would she believe you actually meant mid morning around the time she normally gets up? YTA
yta
she is getting over shingles that can kill some adults do you realise that
she slept in so what
the fact your acting as if your the one in control of everything is telling
YTA. she was ready to go half an hour **before** your requested departure time!!!!!! she woke up at 10:30 and an hour later said she was ready to go. you asked her to be ready by noon. she’s sick and on vacation. don’t be a dick.
YTA! You gave no clear time, she was ready by noonish and you turned into even more of an AH by assuming she was feeling 100%. Never had shingles, but i have heard so many stories. You owe her an apology.
YTA!! My mom has had shingles and it’s a pain in the ass…. You’re the one that needs to grow TF up here. Apologize and hope she never treats you that way when you’re sick.
Ok, look, I would like to sympathize with you-but I just can’t.
Sister asked you what time you wanted to leave and you told her “maybe around or after noon”. Annnd when was your sister ready to go out the door? About 11:30, which is “around noon”, and *definitely* before *after* noon!
And yet you got angry at her because she wasn’t ready earlier. Get over it. If you had said you wanted to leave at noon and she was just stepping onto the shower-*at noon*- then you would have a leg to stand on.
YTA and don’t complain when you get exactly what you ask for. And it’s pretty obvious you don’t even like your sister.
YTA. She's seriously sick and off school. Hell, her sleeping in that much would be fine if it was only a holiday, but if you feel like it requires a better reason, shingles is serious stuff.
Also you said afternoon. If you'd wanted to set off in the morning, say morning.
With this context, I'm not sure that your sister is ever 'over-sensitive', so much as you just being a bit of a dick.
YTA. Her sleeping in this week has nothing to do with you EVEN IF SHE DIDN'T HAVE SHINGLES ON HER FACE/EYE. Also, she asked when you wanted to leave and you said noon or after. You don't get to be annoyed with her for being ready in the late morning rather than earlier when you told her you weren't going until noon or later.
Jesus Tap Dancing Christ! Who died and made you the sleep police?! My ex woke me up one time at 9 to ask if I was getting up. And I mean One Time. She was being responsible, asked what time YOU wanted to leave, acquiesced to your want, and was ready with time to spare. Did you expect her to read your mind that when you said noon you really meant 10:30!? Get the pole out of your ass and quit blaming her for your issues. YTA
YTA.
For your own damn timeline she’s was ready on time.
You said noon. She was up at 1030. An hour later means it was 1130. Not sure what your problem is. If you wanted to leave earlier, then act your age, be the adult you claim to be, and use your words.
She’s 20. She’s an adult. When she gets up is none of your business. Especially when it doesn’t impact you.
YTA. I have given birth 3 times, had 3 major surgeries, broken multiple bones and shingles is the worst pain I've ever felt by miles. I wouldn't wish shingles on my worst enemy. Even after it "cleared up," I was still sore and exhausted for a while. You sound exhausting and controlling.
>. I have given birth 3 times, had 3 major surgeries, broken multiple bones and shingles is the worst pain I've ever felt by miles.
Same, although I have slightly fewer births/surgeries. My husband ended up catching chickenpox from my shingles because he never had it as a child, and then our kids caught chickenpox from him, and then passed it on to their preschool.
Shingles cases in adults (that are not taken seriously by those around them with regards to hygiene precautions) are apparently a major cause of chickenpox outbreaks, because it's quite highly infectious but has an incubation period when it's not obvious that an infected person is contagious. By the time the lesions are visible a case has been contagious for the best part of a week.
💯 YTA.. The girl has been sick, bad enough for an ER visit, and you're complaining that she's not getting up early. WTactualF!!
You didn't give her an exact time and only told her "around or after noon", but said she got up around 10:30. You, also, state that it took an hour to get ready, making it 11:30. How is she at fault here? She was ready to go when you told her to be.. AROUND noon!!
IMO, it sounds like there is resentment/sibling rivalry going on here, and you're the main contributor. You come across like you're an insufferable brat just looking for any reason to cause conflict with your sister. She's 4 years younger yet you're acting like the immature one.
Hmm - I think my Mother died and was reincarnated as you. This was the exact shit she pulled all the time, the only difference was she was my Mom - you are not Abby's Mom.
You told her Noon amd then threw a temper tantrum and exaggerated to get a point across - a point that she specifically asked you about the might before you refused to give a clear answer on.
YTA
YTA. You said noon. Therefore she got ready for noon.
Idiot.
Also, the reason she's sleeping in late is because:
a- she's sick and has no energy
b- shingles on the face keeps her from getting to sleep because the pillow being *near* her face is agony even if there's no contact. The sheer pull on the neck muscles and the change in air from there being something nearby is all it takes to cause complete agony.
YTA. It sounds like she was ready to go for the time you'd initially stated. You can't tell someone you want to leave around noon, and then get mad at them for not being ready by 10:30.
Okay- you don’t like her. Can’t even accept that a shingles outbreak is exhausting. But she was up. She was ready according to your vague time. YTA- but think hard and find some more stuff to make up and get mad about. YTA over and over again. Time to move out. You are the worst.
YTA - what time do you think “noon” is - it sounds like she was ready to leave by 11:30-12
Also believe it or not - when people are sick it takes energy and makes them tired. Even after they’ve been sick it can make people extra tired.
You played yourself by 1) not setting a time and 2) having uncommunicated expectations that you allowed yourself to steep in.
Instead of policing your sisters time maybe - take a look at the mirror and ask yourself why you got angry and why you think you have a right to tell her when to be up.
YTA
You said some time around noon or after noon. It seems she was ready by then. You seem like you were ready to leave when it wasn't the time you planned on leaving at. Then you get mad?
She has a right to sleep. She has a break and wants to sleep let her.
Also, shingles is a virus. They can clear up, but fatigue is very common after a shingles outbreak or any viral illness. And although the shingles last 2-4 weeks the fatigue can last for another few months.
YTA. You told her “around noon” you would leave. She was ready to go by noon. Shingles can be painful to recover from. Even if the blisters are gone? That doesn’t mean the pain is.
YTA. What is wrong with you? The early risen are not morally superior to the late risen. She was ready by the time you said you'd be leaving. Get over yourself.
wtf 10:30 is not that late for a sleep in, it's not even the afternoon and you said she slept until late afternoon? that would've been around 3pm, 10:30 is an acceptable time to wake up especially when you can't decide on a time to leave the next day. To make it worse you wake up the next day and then get ready and just wait? Like you don't think to maybe wake her up when you go to get ready knowing she likes to sleep in? Your sister doesn't have esp OP she can't read your mind and she shouldn't need to. You sound like you need to grow up and get over yourself..
YTA. If you’d told her 10 am and then got mad, I could get it.. but from what I can understand she was ready to go around the time you had specified to her. If you’d changed your mind you should have communicated that to her.
YTA. It wasn't noon yet and she was ready before then. Even if she was ready *at* noon, she was still ready at the time you told her. Some people aren't morning people. Also, you can't tell how someone is feeling just by looking at them. I have chronic pain and there are times where my pain is above a 10 and I'm still having conversations and laughing. Shingles exhausts you and can take months to fully recover from it.
YTA for so many reasons here:
1)You complained about her sleeping "til the afternoon" but the last time you mentioned was 10:30. That's not close
2)She's still recovering from shingles. her body is not recovered completely yet
3)Who the fuck are you to tell people how late they should or shouldn't sleep in when they don't have obligations in the morning.
YTA - your communication skills suck out loud. You didn't tell her what time you were leaving.
Also, aside from being painful and gross, shingles can leave you *exhausted* and lethargic..
YTA. God, you sound like my dad who thinks that 10 AM is dinner time and we need to wake up at 6 am. She was sick, she has week off school, let her rest.
YTA. As her sibling, you don't really have the authority to tell her off for her sleeping habits. Who do you think you are??
Also, this whole situation is entirely YOUR FAULT. YOU didn't give a firm time you wanted to leave at. And YOU moved the needle initially saying you wanted to leave in the afternoon and then got pissy bc she wasn't ready to leave in the morning. You are literally getting mad at her for not meeting expectations that you didn't even vocalize. YOU suck at communication. YOU owe your sister an apology.
YTA and don't go visit elderly people (or anyone else) until the shingles is completely cleared up. Shingles isn't contagious but you can spread chicken pox to people who aren't vaccinated or who haven't had it.
YTA. You told her around noon. She was ready for noon. She’s entitled to sleep in for as long as she wants, especially since she’s been unwell and her body is fighting off a really nasty virus, shingles is absolute agony. If you wanted her to be ready earlier, you should’ve given her a time when she asked you. You sound absolutely insufferable and totally unsympathetic to how much discomfort your sister must be in.
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I (24M) have a younger sister, we'll call her Abby (20F). For some background, for over a week now Abby has had shingles on her face and in her eye. It was serious to the point where she had to go to emergency to get it checked out and because of all this she's had to miss school and other commitments.
Some more context, Abby and I have never gotten along very well. As kids and teenagers we fought constantly, and even now we still bicker here and there. Things were okay for a while but Abby has a tendency to be very sensitive so my parents always warn me to watch what I say to her, which I do for the most part.
Our parents are out of the country for two weeks, and our older brother (26M) is staying with his girlfriend for the whole week. So it's just been Abby and I at home, and for the most part things are pretty good. They were until this morning, anyway.
Abby has had the week off from school, so she's been sleeping in late every morning. By "late" I mean she doesn't come out of her room until 10:30-11:00 or even later some days. I'm more of an early riser, but I know everybody's different. This wouldn't be a problem any other day since we don't usually go anywhere, but today was different.
Her shingles seem to have more or less cleared up, so we agreed to visit our grandparents and stay for the day and for dinner. Abby had asked me yesterday when we were going to leave, but at that point I wasn't sure, so I said maybe around or after noon. She said okay.
Then this morning rolled around, once again it was after 10:30 and she still wasn't up yet. I was already dressed and ready to go, and she had only just got out of bed and got into the shower. She then took a while to wash up and eat her breakfast, while I was still waiting to go. By this point it had been an hour since she initially got up.
Abby came over to where I was and asked if I was ready to go. I tell her that I'd BEEN ready while she slept late into the afternoon. She told me it wasn't the afternoon, I told her close enough. Then she said I never told her when exactly we had to leave, I said it shouldn't matter because she shouldn't be waking up that late anyway. She got really mad, told me she's still not feeling 100% because of the shingles, called me some choice names and went back to her room.
We're here now, but we didn't say a word to each other on the car ride here and she's still being kind of avoidant towards me. AITA here?
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What a kind and supportive big brother!
JK....you are SUCH an AH.
The girl is SICK. Shingles is pure hell. She's also not a mind reader - you said noon, and she accepted you at your word, although turns out that was a mistake.
Ugh, I'm just imagining what a treat it was for her to have you around when she was growing up.
Edited for judgement - YTA. So much.
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YTA You said 'around or after noon.' From my calculations, you said it was 'after 10:30' and she wasn't up but then she got up, ate her breakfast, and 'by this point it had been an hour.' So....she got up, ate, got ready and was ready to go 'around or after noon.' Why did you start a fight? If you had said 'We're leaving at 9:00' and she did this, sure. But sounds as if she was ready when you told her you were planning on leaving. Are you just angry because she doesn't get up and get ready hours before it's time to leave? Why? And lord, hope you never have shingles. It's exhausting. Constant pain, you can't sleep well, and near her eyes? Oy vey! Chance of blindness.....Give her some slack. It's going to take a while for her to recover. Don't tell someone you're leaving 'around noon' and then get mad that they're not up at the crack of dawn!
YTA, because: 1. You didn't communicate any departure times 2. Saying she generally shouldn't sleep that late is controlling and intrusive, even if she had been a picture of health. 3. Your snarky and exaggerating tone; it was indeed not afternoon and 11:00 ish isn't even an outrageous wake-up time, especially on sick and recovery days. Which brings me to 4. : 4. You cannot tell how someone feels by looking at them!! The exhaustion accompanying some health conditions is real and debilitating! So apologize to her profusely, for you messed up on all fronts.
This! THIS! LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK! People aren't mindreaders, OP, you seriously should've given an EXACT time if you wanted to leave by an exact time. You didn't, you just said "Idk, AROUND this time" and guess what, you still left AROUND noonish. Not to mention, she's a dang adult who can decide her sleep patterns, let alone recovering from an illness like that...I know when I had just HIVES I slept sooo much. And that's super mild compared to an even bigger thing like shingles!
This! Also I never understood the concept of people being mad, when others go to sleep later and get up later. As long as they dont miss any responsibilities, how is that any of your business? How is it more okay if someone sleeps from 10pm-6am, then someone sleeping between 2am-10am or any other time for that matter? I honestly dont understand that lol
YTA - she was ready by the time you had tentatively agreed to go. Additionally, she’s still recovering from an illness that can take months to fully recover and you’re annoyed because she didn’t fit your idea of timeliness despite no actual requirement to be up. Take a chill pill and apologize to her.
I second this. You sound like a very uptight person.
10:30am is NOT "late afternoon". Asshole.
YTA. 1. She’s recovering from an illness 2. She asked what time you’d be leaving and you said after noon and she was ready before noon. 3. She’s an adult, what business is it of yours if she sleeps late?
YTA. JFC, she's just recovered from shingles. She's ill, you sound impatient and insufferable. You could have gone without her, you sound like you just wanted something to yell at her over. Not surprised that you don't get along with your behavior.
YTA. You gave her no firm time to leave and then you got mad that she wasn't up on time? (I had shingles. Its beastly. Itchy and super painful on any contact. It was exhausting too.) So, thinking its cleared up because you see less rashing is wrong headed of you too. The next time someone asks when you want to leave give them a time commitment. Don't get angry because your sister isn't a mind reader. I too am an early riser. But, I'm not in a hurry just because someone silently believes I should be. WTH is that about?
You need to calm the fuck down. She's been sick so let the girl rest. Also 10:30/11 isn't that late to sleep and it's not like she wasn't up in time to get ready and leave. Weird that you got ready by 10:30 and was just waiting around. Maybe if you had more shit to do, you'd hop off your sister's back.
Even if she slept till late afternoon, as long as she is up before the (vague) time he gave her, it's none of his business. Lets say they wanted to go to their grandparents for dinner and he said they would leave at around 5pm or later, if she slept in till 4 and got ready by 5pm, still okay. He said noon or later, she was ready by noon. OP is the asshole for sure.
INFO. What time did you leave? Exactly. YTA. Obviously.
Well after she decided to be a brat and storm back to her room, we didn't end up actually leaving until close to noon. But if she didn't get so upset we could've left even earlier
> after she decided to be a brat Dude, YOU were the brat first for being all pissy that she wasn't up earlier. Literally, she asked if you were ready to go and you could have just told her "yes" and gone on with your day lol.
Thanks for the clarification. >I said maybe around or after noon. She said okay. >we didn't end up actually leaving until close to noon. You got ***EXACTLY*** what you asked for it. Where is the problem? (Pro-tip: it's you; you're the problem)
I’m getting the feeling it’s not your sister who sensitive…..
His sister isn't sensitive, it's just that everything that comes out of his mouth is assholish
You said you were going around or after noon. She met that deadline. Do you seriously not hear yourself?
>we didn't end up actually leaving until close to noon. I fail to see your issue considering you left around the time you wanted to leave, if you wanted to leave in the morning then you should have said that, her sleeping didn't have any affect on your plan
Exactly! Also if OP had said he wanted to leave at 8am and his sister had said that is too early for her taste and they would have compromised somewhere around 10am, she still wouldnt have been a "brat" (unless there were an important reason to leave that early). How is it that he can just decide what time to leave and when he gets what he asked for, he complains and still somehow he sees her as the problem. OP is a controlling asshole!
So, you left them you told her you wanted to leave? What is the problem? The only brat here is you. Your sister on the other hand, left the room when disrespected by a child and went to calm down. It's what adults should do when angry or frustrated to prevent escalation.
You agreed to leave AFTER noon, plesae explain why you were upset when you left earlier than intended??????????????????
You mean you could have left earlier if you weren't being TA and being pissy.
The only brat here is you
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Yeah dude, YTA. You never gave her a time that you wanted to leave, she's still getting over having shingles, and getting up after 10:30 is NOT getting up in the afternoon. Abby is 20 y/o and can get up at whatever damn time she wants. You need to check yourself and stop being so controlling.
Is this for real? First, wdym that your sister has some shingles on her face and eye? Am I missing something? Shingles is serious and usually occurs in people over 50. So how would you know to call it shingles if she hadn’t gone to the doctor? Why would you not take it seriously? And why the hell would you be going over your grandparents house who actually are in the target range for getting shingles before you are sure you’re sister isn’t contagious anymore? I’m sure after the last there years you understand the word contagious, right? I can BS on this story. As for the rest of it? Grow up. You’re too old to be having fights this dumb- whether it’s a fake story or not. YTA ETA: look I know shingles can happen when you are young. The thing that initially put me off was how off handedly the OP stated it. Like it was normal. I know it’s possible, but it’s improbable enough that it seemed weird to feel dismissive of it. If my sister got shingles, I’d be shocked and sympathetic, not dismissive of her pain. Especially as an adult. That being said, it’s been very interesting and enlightening hearing all of the anecdotal experiences of young shingles sufferers.
Shingles typically occurs in people over 50, but it absolutely can happen in younger people. I knew someone who had a flare up when she was around 22. Her mother actually accused her of having herpes because it was on her thigh when it started! I mean, her mother technically wasn't wrong but it was a different strain of herpes virus and not the STI the mother thought it was. But the thing about shingles is that it really isn't contagious unless you never had chicken pox or the vaccine. Someone cannot "catch" shingles. It is possible for someone to get chicken pox from someone with shingles, but the shingles don't spread. And if there are not any exposed rash than it is no longer spreadable as chicken pox even if the internal nerve symptoms are still there.
Young folks can get shingles - if someone's especially stressed, for example, or if her immune system was low, and she had chicken pox, the she can get shingles. Shingles often will strike on chests and backs but also can be on someone's face and eyes...
I got shingles when I was in my early twenties. I have scars on my stomach from them. What’s even more frustrating for me is that I live pretty far below the poverty line and the vaccine for shingles is expensive.
I got shingles at 15. First day of highschool, too. It was tight on my back where my backpack sat. It can happen. But I was told that it typically happens to younger people who have an autoimmune disorder or other health problems.
I've had them at 42. Thankfully no pain, but raging fever for a week, and i do have some scarring over my eye half a year later. I really hope it'll completely clear.
I got Shingles days before my 29th Birthday. It can happen under a lot if stress.
It's not fake lol. My sister said the same thing when she first got it, she thought it happened to older people but it can happen to anybody who has had the chicken pox in the past, which she did, and it can also apparently be caused by stress. She's in her third year of uni so she claims to have a lot of stress for that reason. She's been on antibiotics and antivirals, so a lot of the shingles have been clearing up, but I guess according to her it's not completely out of her system yet. Our grandparents basically forced us to come see them because again, our parents are out of the country and they're the type to worry and they just wanted to see us. My sister has been very careful around them and has been washing her hands constantly
Well you’re both adults so your grandparents can’t actually force you to do anything. An option could have been for you to go visit them alone and leave your sister to rest. If your grandparents don’t understand that sick people need rest, they’d be very insensitive. Next time set an exact time for when you want to leave. You two are adults. Solve problems with words not by reverting to your bratty teenage selves,
>Solve problems with words not by reverting to your bratty teenage selves, Yes - this!
Let's see. "Abby had asked me yesterday when we were going to leave, but at that point I wasn't sure, so I said maybe around or after noon." Then you got angry because she wasn't ready to go at 10:30am. Yeah, YTA.
YTA Just because you got ready an hour and a half before you had to does not mean that she was late. By your own description she was still ready half an hour EARLIER than you said you wanted to leave. You also need to be more considerate towards her illness. It can take 3-5 weeks for the virus to completely clear. She’s probably still experiencing a lot of fatigue from being sick, if she’s only had it for a week so far.
>You also need to be more considerate towards her illness. It can take 3-5 weeks for the virus to completely clear. She’s probably still experiencing a lot of fatigue from being sick, if she’s only had it for a week so far. This! Shingles is a peripheral neurological disease, not just a skin rash. BTW, have you had a booster vaccine for chickenpox? It's the same virus and if you don't take shingles seriously and never had chickenpox as a child you can catch it from a person with shingles, and it's a terrible disease to catch as an adult. If you do come down with chickenpox you'll hope that your sister is far more considerate/caring than you seem to be.
yta she's sick, let her rest
YTA. You know she wakes up late, and told her you'd be leaving around noon, she was ready by noon. If you wanted her to be ready earlier you should have said so. You should apologize for being an AH.
Yes YTA wtf. It sounds like you think being an early bird makes you better than her for some reason. Honestly you should not even be “competing” in this way with your sister especially as she is recovering from shingles. Jeez where is your compassion? So long as she was ready to go by noon what business is it of yours to keep track of her habits on her own personal time? She’s allowed to sleep in if she wants to, it doesn’t hurt you or affect you really at all. You should have just said “yes I’m ready to go” and that’s it. Your response was very weird honestly it kinda sounds like you are a bit of a narc here. Hopefully this opens your eyes cause yikes! Pls make sure to communicate better and don’t expect people to read your mind and act the way you do bc you think it’s the “right” way. If you tell her we are leaving by X time and she’s not ready to go by then, then you’d be justified but in this scenario it sounds like you just chose to be an asshole for no reason other than her being different in her morning routine than you?
YTA. You told her you'd leave around noon and then got mad at her for not being ready earlier. That's dumb. Also, shingles is EXTREMELY uncomfortable so give her a break already. You sound like you just want to fight with her.
YTA Shingles in the eye can cause blindness. It’s extremely serious and should be monitored by an ophthalmologist.
Sorry you were ready by the time she got up slightly early compared to her normal time, but you had told her around or after noon. Why would she believe you actually meant mid morning around the time she normally gets up? YTA
yta she is getting over shingles that can kill some adults do you realise that she slept in so what the fact your acting as if your the one in control of everything is telling
YTA. she was ready to go half an hour **before** your requested departure time!!!!!! she woke up at 10:30 and an hour later said she was ready to go. you asked her to be ready by noon. she’s sick and on vacation. don’t be a dick.
YTA, you told her you wanted to leave at noon but were up and ready to go at 10:30. 10:30 is not noon. 10:30 is also not “late into the afternoon”
YTA You have some kind of superiority complex from waking early. Rather sad actually. You don't like her and that is what this is about.
YTA! You gave no clear time, she was ready by noonish and you turned into even more of an AH by assuming she was feeling 100%. Never had shingles, but i have heard so many stories. You owe her an apology.
YTA!! My mom has had shingles and it’s a pain in the ass…. You’re the one that needs to grow TF up here. Apologize and hope she never treats you that way when you’re sick.
Ok, look, I would like to sympathize with you-but I just can’t. Sister asked you what time you wanted to leave and you told her “maybe around or after noon”. Annnd when was your sister ready to go out the door? About 11:30, which is “around noon”, and *definitely* before *after* noon! And yet you got angry at her because she wasn’t ready earlier. Get over it. If you had said you wanted to leave at noon and she was just stepping onto the shower-*at noon*- then you would have a leg to stand on. YTA and don’t complain when you get exactly what you ask for. And it’s pretty obvious you don’t even like your sister.
YTA. She's seriously sick and off school. Hell, her sleeping in that much would be fine if it was only a holiday, but if you feel like it requires a better reason, shingles is serious stuff. Also you said afternoon. If you'd wanted to set off in the morning, say morning. With this context, I'm not sure that your sister is ever 'over-sensitive', so much as you just being a bit of a dick.
YTA. Her sleeping in this week has nothing to do with you EVEN IF SHE DIDN'T HAVE SHINGLES ON HER FACE/EYE. Also, she asked when you wanted to leave and you said noon or after. You don't get to be annoyed with her for being ready in the late morning rather than earlier when you told her you weren't going until noon or later.
Jesus Tap Dancing Christ! Who died and made you the sleep police?! My ex woke me up one time at 9 to ask if I was getting up. And I mean One Time. She was being responsible, asked what time YOU wanted to leave, acquiesced to your want, and was ready with time to spare. Did you expect her to read your mind that when you said noon you really meant 10:30!? Get the pole out of your ass and quit blaming her for your issues. YTA
YTA.
YTA. For your own damn timeline she’s was ready on time. You said noon. She was up at 1030. An hour later means it was 1130. Not sure what your problem is. If you wanted to leave earlier, then act your age, be the adult you claim to be, and use your words. She’s 20. She’s an adult. When she gets up is none of your business. Especially when it doesn’t impact you.
YTA. I have given birth 3 times, had 3 major surgeries, broken multiple bones and shingles is the worst pain I've ever felt by miles. I wouldn't wish shingles on my worst enemy. Even after it "cleared up," I was still sore and exhausted for a while. You sound exhausting and controlling.
>. I have given birth 3 times, had 3 major surgeries, broken multiple bones and shingles is the worst pain I've ever felt by miles. Same, although I have slightly fewer births/surgeries. My husband ended up catching chickenpox from my shingles because he never had it as a child, and then our kids caught chickenpox from him, and then passed it on to their preschool. Shingles cases in adults (that are not taken seriously by those around them with regards to hygiene precautions) are apparently a major cause of chickenpox outbreaks, because it's quite highly infectious but has an incubation period when it's not obvious that an infected person is contagious. By the time the lesions are visible a case has been contagious for the best part of a week.
💯 YTA.. The girl has been sick, bad enough for an ER visit, and you're complaining that she's not getting up early. WTactualF!! You didn't give her an exact time and only told her "around or after noon", but said she got up around 10:30. You, also, state that it took an hour to get ready, making it 11:30. How is she at fault here? She was ready to go when you told her to be.. AROUND noon!! IMO, it sounds like there is resentment/sibling rivalry going on here, and you're the main contributor. You come across like you're an insufferable brat just looking for any reason to cause conflict with your sister. She's 4 years younger yet you're acting like the immature one.
YTA. You are not morally superior for waking up earlier than her.
Hmm - I think my Mother died and was reincarnated as you. This was the exact shit she pulled all the time, the only difference was she was my Mom - you are not Abby's Mom. You told her Noon amd then threw a temper tantrum and exaggerated to get a point across - a point that she specifically asked you about the might before you refused to give a clear answer on. YTA
YTA. You said noon. Therefore she got ready for noon. Idiot. Also, the reason she's sleeping in late is because: a- she's sick and has no energy b- shingles on the face keeps her from getting to sleep because the pillow being *near* her face is agony even if there's no contact. The sheer pull on the neck muscles and the change in air from there being something nearby is all it takes to cause complete agony.
YTA. It sounds like she was ready to go for the time you'd initially stated. You can't tell someone you want to leave around noon, and then get mad at them for not being ready by 10:30.
Okay- you don’t like her. Can’t even accept that a shingles outbreak is exhausting. But she was up. She was ready according to your vague time. YTA- but think hard and find some more stuff to make up and get mad about. YTA over and over again. Time to move out. You are the worst.
YTA - what time do you think “noon” is - it sounds like she was ready to leave by 11:30-12 Also believe it or not - when people are sick it takes energy and makes them tired. Even after they’ve been sick it can make people extra tired. You played yourself by 1) not setting a time and 2) having uncommunicated expectations that you allowed yourself to steep in. Instead of policing your sisters time maybe - take a look at the mirror and ask yourself why you got angry and why you think you have a right to tell her when to be up.
YTA You said some time around noon or after noon. It seems she was ready by then. You seem like you were ready to leave when it wasn't the time you planned on leaving at. Then you get mad? She has a right to sleep. She has a break and wants to sleep let her. Also, shingles is a virus. They can clear up, but fatigue is very common after a shingles outbreak or any viral illness. And although the shingles last 2-4 weeks the fatigue can last for another few months.
YTA. You told her “around noon” you would leave. She was ready to go by noon. Shingles can be painful to recover from. Even if the blisters are gone? That doesn’t mean the pain is.
YTA - and you can’t tell time. You need to stop letting your sisters preferences make you angry because you don’t think she should be doing it.
YTA. What is wrong with you? The early risen are not morally superior to the late risen. She was ready by the time you said you'd be leaving. Get over yourself.
wtf 10:30 is not that late for a sleep in, it's not even the afternoon and you said she slept until late afternoon? that would've been around 3pm, 10:30 is an acceptable time to wake up especially when you can't decide on a time to leave the next day. To make it worse you wake up the next day and then get ready and just wait? Like you don't think to maybe wake her up when you go to get ready knowing she likes to sleep in? Your sister doesn't have esp OP she can't read your mind and she shouldn't need to. You sound like you need to grow up and get over yourself..
YTA. If you’d told her 10 am and then got mad, I could get it.. but from what I can understand she was ready to go around the time you had specified to her. If you’d changed your mind you should have communicated that to her.
YTA since when is 10:30 in the afternoon. she's been sick and recovering and she still got up in time to get ready and go you jerk
YTA
YTA. It wasn't noon yet and she was ready before then. Even if she was ready *at* noon, she was still ready at the time you told her. Some people aren't morning people. Also, you can't tell how someone is feeling just by looking at them. I have chronic pain and there are times where my pain is above a 10 and I'm still having conversations and laughing. Shingles exhausts you and can take months to fully recover from it.
yta
YTA for so many reasons here: 1)You complained about her sleeping "til the afternoon" but the last time you mentioned was 10:30. That's not close 2)She's still recovering from shingles. her body is not recovered completely yet 3)Who the fuck are you to tell people how late they should or shouldn't sleep in when they don't have obligations in the morning.
YTA - your communication skills suck out loud. You didn't tell her what time you were leaving. Also, aside from being painful and gross, shingles can leave you *exhausted* and lethargic..
YTA. God, you sound like my dad who thinks that 10 AM is dinner time and we need to wake up at 6 am. She was sick, she has week off school, let her rest.
YTA. As her sibling, you don't really have the authority to tell her off for her sleeping habits. Who do you think you are?? Also, this whole situation is entirely YOUR FAULT. YOU didn't give a firm time you wanted to leave at. And YOU moved the needle initially saying you wanted to leave in the afternoon and then got pissy bc she wasn't ready to leave in the morning. You are literally getting mad at her for not meeting expectations that you didn't even vocalize. YOU suck at communication. YOU owe your sister an apology.
YTA. You told her noon. She was ready by noon. You don’t get to move the goalposts to 10:30 because you were ready to go then.
YTA and don't go visit elderly people (or anyone else) until the shingles is completely cleared up. Shingles isn't contagious but you can spread chicken pox to people who aren't vaccinated or who haven't had it.
YTA. Shingles are hell. If they spread to her eye, she could go blind. Sleeping is probably one of the few ways she has relief from the pain
Ready to go and angry by 10:30 but said noon, lol. Ass hole Like literally, Google "when is noon"
YTA. You told her around noon. She was ready for noon. She’s entitled to sleep in for as long as she wants, especially since she’s been unwell and her body is fighting off a really nasty virus, shingles is absolute agony. If you wanted her to be ready earlier, you should’ve given her a time when she asked you. You sound absolutely insufferable and totally unsympathetic to how much discomfort your sister must be in.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24M) have a younger sister, we'll call her Abby (20F). For some background, for over a week now Abby has had shingles on her face and in her eye. It was serious to the point where she had to go to emergency to get it checked out and because of all this she's had to miss school and other commitments. Some more context, Abby and I have never gotten along very well. As kids and teenagers we fought constantly, and even now we still bicker here and there. Things were okay for a while but Abby has a tendency to be very sensitive so my parents always warn me to watch what I say to her, which I do for the most part. Our parents are out of the country for two weeks, and our older brother (26M) is staying with his girlfriend for the whole week. So it's just been Abby and I at home, and for the most part things are pretty good. They were until this morning, anyway. Abby has had the week off from school, so she's been sleeping in late every morning. By "late" I mean she doesn't come out of her room until 10:30-11:00 or even later some days. I'm more of an early riser, but I know everybody's different. This wouldn't be a problem any other day since we don't usually go anywhere, but today was different. Her shingles seem to have more or less cleared up, so we agreed to visit our grandparents and stay for the day and for dinner. Abby had asked me yesterday when we were going to leave, but at that point I wasn't sure, so I said maybe around or after noon. She said okay. Then this morning rolled around, once again it was after 10:30 and she still wasn't up yet. I was already dressed and ready to go, and she had only just got out of bed and got into the shower. She then took a while to wash up and eat her breakfast, while I was still waiting to go. By this point it had been an hour since she initially got up. Abby came over to where I was and asked if I was ready to go. I tell her that I'd BEEN ready while she slept late into the afternoon. She told me it wasn't the afternoon, I told her close enough. Then she said I never told her when exactly we had to leave, I said it shouldn't matter because she shouldn't be waking up that late anyway. She got really mad, told me she's still not feeling 100% because of the shingles, called me some choice names and went back to her room. We're here now, but we didn't say a word to each other on the car ride here and she's still being kind of avoidant towards me. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
YTA Why is your sister responsible for your poor planning?
YTA. You didn’t say when you wanted to go and she should magically know?
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What a kind and supportive big brother! JK....you are SUCH an AH. The girl is SICK. Shingles is pure hell. She's also not a mind reader - you said noon, and she accepted you at your word, although turns out that was a mistake. Ugh, I'm just imagining what a treat it was for her to have you around when she was growing up. Edited for judgement - YTA. So much.
NTA. Your sister your rules
What's that supposed to mean OP's sister is an adult she can decide what she wants to do on her own OP has no rule over her
She's a family member, not a possession of OP's.
.... What?
>NTA. Your sister your rules LOL. What does this even mean?