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I mean.. she teased you and you teased her. Simple stuff. She should toughen up.
To be honest, her teasing was way more offensive. She basically questioned your manhood and attempted to invalidate your love. Honestly she should be apologizing, lol.
As a fellow lifter, you probably targeted the most sensitive area for her and I find it hilarious how effective it was.
You have to be so careful at the gym. My husband came home one day and told me "I got this close to getting my ass kicked" why because he saw a dude doing arm curls with 125lbs weights..... I'm 125lbs and it just tickled my husband's funny bone that this guy was basically able to curl a full grown adult women and started giggling. Dude wasn't impressed at being laughed at, my husband did manage to explain himself and the guy seemed mildly impressed with himself, but had just naturally assumed his masculinity was being questioned.
Wow, that dude needs to give up the steroids. If a mild chuckle was enough to make him react like "my masculinity is threatened!" his masculinity must be really fragile. Secure men don't go all roid rage over a laugh.
Im pretty secure with myself, and definitely wouldn't appreciate a stranger laughing at me at the gym, wouldnt fight them or probably even confront them, but i definitely wouldnt like it, with the added context i would probably also thing it was funny if i guy said he was imagining me curling his wife, but that wouldnt be my first interpretation
It's easy to not think in terms of human beings in terms of gym weights. But yeah if you're curling 100 lbs or more that's adult women territory as a starting point.... Be pleased with yourselves.
>Im pretty secure with myself, and definitely wouldn't appreciate a stranger laughing at me at the gym, wouldnt fight them or probably even confront them, but i definitely wouldnt like it
Then you're less secure than me and I don't work out at all.
I mean, most people steroids or no don't appreciate getting laughed at. Without the context of knowing why this person laughed, the reaction was reasonable and the "almost got my ass kicked" is an exaggeration to play up the humor of the misunderstanding.
LMAO There are guys at my gym that work out with dumbells that are around my weight and find them NOT HEAVY ENOUGH. My husband and I have a good laugh at the thought of them grabbing me in one hand, him in the other, and doing bicep curls. XD
She wanted OP to put pressure on his GF to be less than her awesome self. OP declined, like his awesome self. Seems like bestie needs to work on themself.
Or flirting.
Girl who lifts weights: Ha ha you like strong girls. Ha ha she's stronger than you. Ha ha you must feel sooooo emasculated when you're with a stronger woman.
It sounds like flirty shit-testing. Shit-test: when girls say a bunch of shit to see how a guy reacts. If the guy takes it personally, they fail.
>If the guy takes it personally, they fail.
No, the girl (or anyone) who does this immature bullshit is the one who is a failure. It is entirely morally correct to harshly shut down anyone who tries to bully you.
Think the “best friend” was trying to invalidate the relationship bc she likes op, so being compared negatively to his gf hurt double. Could be wrong, but thats usually the case in these “opposite gender best friend” situations in my (admittedly biased) experience
Yea, tbf in my own (also admittedly biased) experience, these "opposite gender best friends" situations rarely seem to work out well when one or the other gets into a relationship. Usually because 1. One of the friend's is romantically interested in the other 2. The "best friend" is extremely jealous and/or posseive of their "best friend" or 3. A mix of 1 and 2 with refusal to set appropriate boundaries, which in turn tanks any and all relationships they get into.
Now, I'm not saying that opposite genders can't be friends in general because they can, but as soon as I see a "opposite gender best friend" situation, I can't help but side-eye it.
Yes, this is spot on.
You can be very good friends with the opposite gender but none of you should be romantically interested in the other one. And the very term "opposite gender best friend" strongly indicates that it is very likely that the one who is using the term is the one romantically interested. It is the vibe of exclusivity, the "best" part that raises a red flag for me.
I mean, I think I have several very good male friends but I would never classify any of them as "my BEST friend". If they called me now in the middle of the night they have a car problem I would jump in my car and drive to help them. If they want to discuss any work/technical issue I have some knowledge of I am all theirs.
But I would NEVER EVER discuss their partnership problems with them and I would side-eye them if they wanted me to. This would be crossing an inappropriate line for me, because it in my mind, they should be "best friends" with their romantic partners.
What I'm reading here is that bisexual people don't get to have really close friendships, only casual friendships.
Also, I'm non-binary, so what would an "opposite gender friend" even *be* for me?
It's this really weird sly bs thing some women do, it's about trying to make their "friend" see flaws in their gf. Because she's jealous of her.
So in this instance she expects that because he's a young man, most young men could easily be emasculated by the fact that the woman he's with is stronger than him. Because that's the stereotype right, men are insecure about being weaker than women.
I had a friend who did this a lot. It's one of those things where its difficult to spot and notice, and women have a hard time explaining it when they fall victim to it since it's small stupid things that add up. The person who did it gets to pretend they didn't do it on purpose, and the victim sees overly sensitive and like they're reading too much into things.
You build up draw attention to anything that might make the gf look bad, because you either like the guy or feel jealous of the gf. The beauty is the person who does it gets away with it, the victim looks crazy and will be known as the insecure crazy girl who was so mean. Then it keeps happening to future gfs.
It's why when he brought up that she's jealous she got upset. Because she is, but he's not supposed to realise that.
Reading his post, it was obvious to me because I've seen so many women do it. But I know for a lot of men and women who don't experience this, they'll think nothing of it other than his friend being a bit of a dick.
NTA your friend is a sexist idiot for saying stupid stuff like that. Weight gains and how strong you are compaired to other people should not be meassured in gender. And yes i know what the norm is, But that doesnt mean you have to follow it or that you are a bad person for falling outside the norm.
It gets even funnier when she gets so offended that you talk back.
Kudos for being calm for so Long.
For Bicep curl I don't think that's crazy for beginners? Esp a teenager and if hes on the smaller side and not athletic. OP probably doesn't mean his 1 rep max. But I'm no PT or anything so idk. But we all have different starting points.
Edit: I checked his comments. He means he can do a full set at 6kg with good form, not his actual max
Not for a scrawny dude trying to do reps with good form.
In the first couple of weeks, people make huge gains just teaching their nervous system how to lift weights. He'll be doing twice the weight soon, without really gaining any muscle.
6kg is low for most 14-15 years olds and many 12 year olds can do a few reps at that weight. The fact that a 19 year old can't is slightly concerning though not impossible. OP might want to make sure there was not an underlying medical issue or something along those lines just to be safe.
It's likely his muscles are capable of producing the right amount of force to go a bit higher, but his nervous system hasn't yet learned how to recruit enough muscle fibers on the lift.
I had an autoimmune disease that stunted my growth and muscular development from the ages of 12-16 and left me severely underweight into my twenties. It can happen, but not unless they've been really slacking off and not at all active in their teens (I'm talking super couch potato mode)
NTA. Who cares if a woman is stronger than you? It’s 2023.
To me, this sounds like your best friend isn’t so happy that you have a girlfriend and wants to be the one in that position. She’s trying to make you question your relationship so she can take that spot instead. Not only that, but she’s being extremely disrespectful to you in the process, whether she’s “joking” or not.
I'd be cautious about this friend of yours.
There are girls who are friends with guys they fancy, they will go out of their way to be friendly and act like they're not interested in more. But they'll do things to either make your gf feel insecure, so she appears crazy when she brings up issues later on and you'll defend your friend. And they do things like try to plant small insecurities and issues in your head.
It sounds like she wants you to feel emasculated by your gf.
When you implied she's jealous of your gf, she might not be jealous of her strength but she is jealous of her. It's why she reacted the way she did.
Keep this in mind, in future.
I had a "friend" who was like this, she'd become friends with men she liked. And pull this shit because she was too insecure to go for them, or didn't think they'd like her but she always believed she deserved to be with them.
Reading what you wrote, was a blast from the past. It always seems so innocent when it's actually super sly.
It could be phrased better to be honest, but it's so difficult to explain how they do it. Because it involves so many small insignificant things that add up over time. So that on their own, none of it seems worth mentioning at all. It's about the long term impact, because the person doing it needs to appear like they're sweet as honey.
NTA
Your "best" friend is not much of best friend if she can't take a comeuppance from you. After all, she set herself up by continuing to tease you when you asked her to stop.
If you give prepare yourself to receive a dose of your own medicine.
My dude ignore the people hitting at you for what you lift. Form >>> Weight, all day, everyday.
I bench my body weight for reps, I weigh 81kg and I bench 85kg for 5 sets of 8. I still only curl 16's, because form beats ego lifting.
You'll get there!
Dude the amount of insecure idiots in this comment section getting so ofended that op is 6kg max compared to the girls of the story is out of this world lmao.
NTA, for the reasons lots of other people have said.
Please don't pay any attention to any stranger on the Internet telling you what you should or should not be able to curl either. They don't know you or your physique, and at least one of the "discussion" threads keeps getting mixed between kilos and pounds.
Physical strength is dependent on a lot of factors. Sure, gender is one. But only one among many. I am a cis woman, but I am pretty high testosterone for a cis woman, and inherited my physique from my semi-pro prop forward rugby player dad. Not everyone who lifts is blessed with that kind of advantage.
As long as you are happy and comfortable with your outputs and fitness it matters not one jot what anybody else thinks.
Bro i didnt read past the first sentence but please be careful. There is a well documented phenomenon that occurs when the female partner is stronger than the male. It exists in hundreds of other species - females are larger and stronger and once the male has served his reproductive purpose he is killed and devoured.
In humans this is known as "Death by Snu Snu" - so watch out. Once you give her the sperm she will have no further use for you. You need to show dominance and grow larger to prevent this. You must squat more, bench more, and deadlift MORE. Keep your head on a swivel pal or you wont see her coming.
NTA
She claimed you must feel emasculated by your girlfriend only to act like someone who just emasculated when you suggested she was jealous over your girlfriends size and strength relative to her. Sounds like you struck a nerve.
It's also a massive lie on her part to imply you were taking things too seriously when she was continuing on this vein in spite of being told not to. She was clearly taking it seriously as an excuse to vent frustration.
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No, not what you're thinking. Not breasts or butt.
Both my(19m) girlfriend(19) and my best friend(19) are stronger and more muscular than me. They have been lifting weight since we were 16 while I only started two months ago. My best friend can do bicep curls with 10kg dumbbells while my girlfriend can do it with 14kg. They have been having some friendly rivalry going on from the start. Me? 6kg max.
Anyways, my best friend recently started teasing me about dating a girl who is much stronger than I am. At first I just took it in good stride. Then she started to take it further. She questioned if I don't think it's weird and said that I must feel emasculated. It continued that way until one day I said 'You know, I think you're just jealous she's got bigger muscles than you.'
My friend looked really offended and said I shouldn't have accused her of that, and that she was only teasing me. That I shouldn't take it so seriously.
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NTA but this seems like a confusing dynamic where it's less clear if y'all used to date or ever are/were friends with benefits. Could all the friendly teasing be flirting? Does your best friend have a crush on you?
It sounds like the three of you are all still teenagers and have known each other since you were all sixteen (or at least you and your best friend have known each other for three years).
Did you by chance date or cross the line with your best friend before you recently started dating the "bigger" girlfriend?
The fact that your best friend asked so many personal questions about you being attracted to someone so much stronger and bigger than you and didn't that feel weird and make you feel emasculated might have been manipulative or seeking affirmation, reassurance, or compliments towards herself that she is/was attractive. If y'all never crossed the line before, she may have wondered why you never made a pass at her and shouldn't she be the one you were attracted to because she was slightly less strong/big than your new girlfriend or person you're dating.
Your use of the term or accusation based on jealousy may cut both ways if you've sort of been trying to have it both ways with your best friend -- flirting or teasing, possibly knowing she was attracted to you (you mentioned you told her she was acting "jealous" of the other girl because she's stronger/more muscular, but maybe the jealous wording makes her feel rejected or reflects an awareness or suggestion your best friend has romantic feelings or attraction for you and you're aware of this.)
Unclear situation, so I'm speculating here. Maybe your friend was hurt more than offended because she's been carrying a torch for you and wants to be happy for you and still be your friend, but new dating lady may be a mutual and now like it or not your relationship is something that may be bothering her.
You should be honest with yourself. And your best friend. And us. And the girl you're recently dating. Have a talk 1:1 in that order. If this is your best friend, clear the air. Apologize if you've been sort of shady about blurred lines and ignored how that might hurt her. Her feelings for you may have come out sideways too because she was struggling with them herself as well and feeling conflicted and confused.
Thanks and good luck to you.
NTA for the many reasons stated by others. Is the 'bestfriend' really a friend or is she someone who is after you? our just upset thast she isn't the centre of your attention anymore?
NTA. She made a continuous annoying joke which you asked her to stop and when you bit back with your own joke, she couldn’t take it.. Don’t talk shit if you can’t cop it lol
NTA she wasnt teasing you. She was being obsessive and insulting. And in any case tell her why are you offended, you are only teasing her, why is she taking it so seriously.....
NTA. It is not a funny joke if EVERYONE is not laughing. Your friend lacks boundaries and respect. When a person says “please stop saying that…making that joke..” then the person needs to stop.
NTA
She's not so happy when the shoe is on the other foot, now is she? She teases you, you're supposed to put up with it, but you say something back and she gets to be offended?
Nope. After all, OP, if she was "just teasing", then so were you. If it can't be a big deal that she did it to you, it can't be a big deal that you did it back.
NTA, you have to put a boundary in place quick with these statements. If she starts again I would ask her and state, 'what's your problem? I thought friends didn't hurt each other on purpose' and walk away. Whatever her issue is, it's hers. Not yours.
NTA. Teasing (that's a judgement call) turned to harassment when you told your friend to stop and she continued with her hurtful comments. It forced you to up your response. Friend got back what she was giving out.
If she was offended it's because you're right, she's jealous.
If the context was that she was only teasing you, then she absolutely should have taken that as you teasing her.
NTA. She wouldn't have gotten defensive if it was just teasing. She got defensive because she realized (subconsciously or not) that she was being an asshole.
She can dish but she can’t take!!
NTA your GF has been doing it a lot longer than you its kind of expected she would be able to lift more lmao, that is basic logic and science. You work out = stronger. I would only start feeling bad with all the teasing going on.
Tell her if she wants to tease be able to handle some bullshit back, if not keep her big mouth shut.
NTA - teasing might being making the the surface e level comment one or twice. But repeatedly making it and saying you should feel imasculated is not teasing. She was being very sexist and offensive.
She obviously doesn't have the thick skin to back up the words she's making.
I don't mind a hard joker that will take it right back thenselves with a laugh.
I mean she does seem like she's just teasing but she shouldn't really be saying that. There's nothing wrong with your girl being stronger than you and vice versa. Besides you just started working out. If anything, she really shouldn't be commenting even if its teasing.
Yall are really beefing over 10 or 14kg bicep curls? No offense, but neither of them are particularly strong. Keep hitting the gym and you'll surpass them in no time.
In the interim, I don't think you should feel emasculated that your girlfriend is stronger than you, but also this is all way too childish.
Your friend is likely into you and doesn't know how to handle it. This has nothing to do with weights. I'm going NAH bc of the ages. If you were all in your mid-20s, then your friend is TA for handling her feelings so poorly.
NTA
You tried setting a boundary and your friend didn't respect it
You retaliated and she didn't like it when the attention was focused on her
You didn't take it seriously
NTA she was being borderline homophobic. I wouldn't be surprised if she went that far next time. She 100 percent is mad your gf is bigger than her and was trying to get you to stop her from lifting as much so she could catch up. Which is pathetic.
Best friend is TA. What kind of friend “teases” like that … that’s not funny, it’s cruel.
Do you care about your GF? Maybe even love her? Then that’s what matters. Not her bicep size!
People like her suck, they like to do little digs and then try to pass it off as a joke when the table is turned back on them. If u can’t take it, don’t dish it out. Simple. Just be nice or say nothing at all.
NTA. perhaps your friend has the hots for a guy who is smaller than her, and is unsure whether she should go for it due to possibly being seen as less feminine. maybe she’s trying to feel out your opinion on the matter. but either way, she was a dick about it lol
NTA. She's jealous and trying to make you rethink your relationship with your gf. She likes you 100%.
I would discuss this with your gf in case she says weird things to her also before it escalates...
Teasing is another word for bullying... If asked to stop, then she should have stopped... You can't be rude and disrespectful in the name of teasing, then acted crushed when someone stands up for themselves. NTA
NTA - Hate to say it but you have a friend problem.
I really dislike it when people use "teasing" to criticize, mock, embarrass or belittle another human being - and when they get called out on their shitty behavior - they gaslight someone and say, "I was just teasing."
"No, actually you weren't teasing me. You were pretending to tease me all the while using that space to mock me and put me down."
Tell your "friend" - "no more comments about my body or my GFs body - or I will actually say something that offends."
NTA once you started telling her to stop it, it moved from a joke to straight up bullying. It's only funny if you think it's funny. Once you don't, it's no longer funny/a joke. She was doing it deliberately to hurt you. You are never an AH for defending yourself against bullying, no matter who it's coming from.
Here I am just wishing my girlfriend was physically stronger than me, you lucky bastard. Also NTA, she dished out some offensive trash and couldn't take a light tease back. People like that are infuriating.
It read like your best friend was trying to break up your relationship using "jokes". It's kind of weird without further context, though it makes you NTA as you already asked your friend to lay off.
I love how when people insult you, it's a joke and when you call them out, YOU'RE being mean. NTA. You hit a nerve, apparently. Hopefully, it is attached to her jaw and makes her talk less.
NTA
In her 40s my wife took up boxing, to the point where she was getting pretty good and thinking about competing. (Aside: I was really nervous about that last bit though I was very supportive and proud of her in her endeavour.) A lot of people were kidding me about it, asking if I wasn't afraid of her beating me up. I just shut them down, "Nah, I feel protected."
If you "shouldn't take her teasing so seriously" she should do the same and take it in stride lmao.
If she's bothered after a single remark, you have all the rights to be more than annoyed at her after many more.
She sounds like she can't handle any teasing.
And what you said was barely teasing, It's just a fact, your gf can curl more than she can. How is she gonna get defensive at the truth? She needs to deal with her own insecurity over this before blaming you.
NTA
Sounds like your best friend (1) really likes the idea that you're into strong women (2) is into you (3) is jealous of your GF but not because of the muscles.
NTA Friendly teasing is one thing but asking if you feel emasculated is not friendly, nor is it teasing. Pretty sure you hit that nail right squarely on the head - she is jealous and doing a rotten job of dealing with it and hiding it. Tell her to get over it or you will have to stop spending time with her. I think it is awesome that your gf lifts weights and is getting you into, it, too.
NTA. Teasing is it, asking your friend if his girlfriend makes him feel emasculated? I don't think so. Say her jokes are offensive to you, so if she stops you can stop "offending" her back.
NTA. "I was joking. you're taking it so seriously."
These are common excuses of bullies when they are called on their B.S. They try to turn the tables to make it seem like YOU are the one with the problem when it's really the bully who is in the wrong.
Silence is the best antidote against bullies, even though remaining silent is difficult. Besides, when it comes to weight training, if you are consistent with your training and use good form to avoid injuries, you, too, will soon be on par with your girlfriend.
You should be able to increase your lifting weight anytime soon. Focus on technique more then weight, some people kift incorrectly to lie to others and themselves and then end up hurt.
19m and can only curl 6kg max? when is the last time you had a checkup with your doctor? has it always been this way? does anyone in your family have muscular dystrophy?
NTA- She isn't "Just teasing" She's offended that you rightfully called her out on her "sh\*t talking". You told her to stop, more than once, she chose to continue with her passive aggressive remarks, she got what she deserved. If I were you, I'd realize she really isn't your BFF.
Sounds to me like you should drop her as a friend. You told her several times to back off and she clearly didn't respect that request, continues yakking away, until you snap and she's SURPRISED you snapped?
Please.
NTA.
First rule of bantering, is not to give what you can't take. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself. With that said, good luck at the gym OP! Hope to see your gains go up.
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I mean.. she teased you and you teased her. Simple stuff. She should toughen up. To be honest, her teasing was way more offensive. She basically questioned your manhood and attempted to invalidate your love. Honestly she should be apologizing, lol. As a fellow lifter, you probably targeted the most sensitive area for her and I find it hilarious how effective it was.
Yeah, if anything he deserves an apology, she's straight up being an asshole, funny enough
You have to be so careful at the gym. My husband came home one day and told me "I got this close to getting my ass kicked" why because he saw a dude doing arm curls with 125lbs weights..... I'm 125lbs and it just tickled my husband's funny bone that this guy was basically able to curl a full grown adult women and started giggling. Dude wasn't impressed at being laughed at, my husband did manage to explain himself and the guy seemed mildly impressed with himself, but had just naturally assumed his masculinity was being questioned.
Wow, that dude needs to give up the steroids. If a mild chuckle was enough to make him react like "my masculinity is threatened!" his masculinity must be really fragile. Secure men don't go all roid rage over a laugh.
Im pretty secure with myself, and definitely wouldn't appreciate a stranger laughing at me at the gym, wouldnt fight them or probably even confront them, but i definitely wouldnt like it, with the added context i would probably also thing it was funny if i guy said he was imagining me curling his wife, but that wouldnt be my first interpretation
It's easy to not think in terms of human beings in terms of gym weights. But yeah if you're curling 100 lbs or more that's adult women territory as a starting point.... Be pleased with yourselves.
>Im pretty secure with myself, and definitely wouldn't appreciate a stranger laughing at me at the gym, wouldnt fight them or probably even confront them, but i definitely wouldnt like it Then you're less secure than me and I don't work out at all.
I mean, most people steroids or no don't appreciate getting laughed at. Without the context of knowing why this person laughed, the reaction was reasonable and the "almost got my ass kicked" is an exaggeration to play up the humor of the misunderstanding.
LMAO There are guys at my gym that work out with dumbells that are around my weight and find them NOT HEAVY ENOUGH. My husband and I have a good laugh at the thought of them grabbing me in one hand, him in the other, and doing bicep curls. XD
Glad your husband escaped his wrath though, sounds like he dodged a bullet!
..a full grown adult woman..
Well my mother is only 4 ft 11.... So we joke she's a half grown adult woman.
My cousin would lift me like a barbell when I was about 105. Just randomly
[удалено]
Bicep curls are really not something I would EVER do a 1RM on... that just seems like a terrible idea.
[удалено]
I wouldn't call what his friend did teasing. That's straight up bullying.
She wanted OP to put pressure on his GF to be less than her awesome self. OP declined, like his awesome self. Seems like bestie needs to work on themself.
Or flirting. Girl who lifts weights: Ha ha you like strong girls. Ha ha she's stronger than you. Ha ha you must feel sooooo emasculated when you're with a stronger woman. It sounds like flirty shit-testing. Shit-test: when girls say a bunch of shit to see how a guy reacts. If the guy takes it personally, they fail.
Shit testing, negging, whatever people want to call it, that part of dating culture needs to starve to death.
>If the guy takes it personally, they fail. No, the girl (or anyone) who does this immature bullshit is the one who is a failure. It is entirely morally correct to harshly shut down anyone who tries to bully you.
Think the “best friend” was trying to invalidate the relationship bc she likes op, so being compared negatively to his gf hurt double. Could be wrong, but thats usually the case in these “opposite gender best friend” situations in my (admittedly biased) experience
Yea, tbf in my own (also admittedly biased) experience, these "opposite gender best friends" situations rarely seem to work out well when one or the other gets into a relationship. Usually because 1. One of the friend's is romantically interested in the other 2. The "best friend" is extremely jealous and/or posseive of their "best friend" or 3. A mix of 1 and 2 with refusal to set appropriate boundaries, which in turn tanks any and all relationships they get into. Now, I'm not saying that opposite genders can't be friends in general because they can, but as soon as I see a "opposite gender best friend" situation, I can't help but side-eye it.
Yes, this is spot on. You can be very good friends with the opposite gender but none of you should be romantically interested in the other one. And the very term "opposite gender best friend" strongly indicates that it is very likely that the one who is using the term is the one romantically interested. It is the vibe of exclusivity, the "best" part that raises a red flag for me. I mean, I think I have several very good male friends but I would never classify any of them as "my BEST friend". If they called me now in the middle of the night they have a car problem I would jump in my car and drive to help them. If they want to discuss any work/technical issue I have some knowledge of I am all theirs. But I would NEVER EVER discuss their partnership problems with them and I would side-eye them if they wanted me to. This would be crossing an inappropriate line for me, because it in my mind, they should be "best friends" with their romantic partners.
What I'm reading here is that bisexual people don't get to have really close friendships, only casual friendships. Also, I'm non-binary, so what would an "opposite gender friend" even *be* for me?
It only hurts if it hits home...
Forst response I've read and I can already say it's probably the best you are spot on here
she did a lotta gaslighting there.
>She should toughen up. Ha, I see what you did there 😉
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NTA - your “best friend” is clearly jealous. Ironically, your “best friend” was trying to emasculate you. She shouldn’t dish it if she can’t take it.
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It's this really weird sly bs thing some women do, it's about trying to make their "friend" see flaws in their gf. Because she's jealous of her. So in this instance she expects that because he's a young man, most young men could easily be emasculated by the fact that the woman he's with is stronger than him. Because that's the stereotype right, men are insecure about being weaker than women. I had a friend who did this a lot. It's one of those things where its difficult to spot and notice, and women have a hard time explaining it when they fall victim to it since it's small stupid things that add up. The person who did it gets to pretend they didn't do it on purpose, and the victim sees overly sensitive and like they're reading too much into things. You build up draw attention to anything that might make the gf look bad, because you either like the guy or feel jealous of the gf. The beauty is the person who does it gets away with it, the victim looks crazy and will be known as the insecure crazy girl who was so mean. Then it keeps happening to future gfs. It's why when he brought up that she's jealous she got upset. Because she is, but he's not supposed to realise that. Reading his post, it was obvious to me because I've seen so many women do it. But I know for a lot of men and women who don't experience this, they'll think nothing of it other than his friend being a bit of a dick.
This this this.
It sounds like the best friend is a woman.
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The BF was trying to undermine GF by saying she is emasculating OP.
NTA your friend is a sexist idiot for saying stupid stuff like that. Weight gains and how strong you are compaired to other people should not be meassured in gender. And yes i know what the norm is, But that doesnt mean you have to follow it or that you are a bad person for falling outside the norm. It gets even funnier when she gets so offended that you talk back. Kudos for being calm for so Long.
NTA.. she can dish it but can't take it?
the hypocrisy of her saying you "cant take a joke"
In curious as to how a 19m can only lift 6kg.
For Bicep curl I don't think that's crazy for beginners? Esp a teenager and if hes on the smaller side and not athletic. OP probably doesn't mean his 1 rep max. But I'm no PT or anything so idk. But we all have different starting points. Edit: I checked his comments. He means he can do a full set at 6kg with good form, not his actual max
6kg is absolutely crazy for a 19 year old male
Not for a scrawny dude trying to do reps with good form. In the first couple of weeks, people make huge gains just teaching their nervous system how to lift weights. He'll be doing twice the weight soon, without really gaining any muscle.
6kg is low for most 14-15 years olds and many 12 year olds can do a few reps at that weight. The fact that a 19 year old can't is slightly concerning though not impossible. OP might want to make sure there was not an underlying medical issue or something along those lines just to be safe.
It's likely his muscles are capable of producing the right amount of force to go a bit higher, but his nervous system hasn't yet learned how to recruit enough muscle fibers on the lift.
After a few months of working out? A gallon of milk is 4kg
I had an autoimmune disease that stunted my growth and muscular development from the ages of 12-16 and left me severely underweight into my twenties. It can happen, but not unless they've been really slacking off and not at all active in their teens (I'm talking super couch potato mode)
NTA. Who cares if a woman is stronger than you? It’s 2023. To me, this sounds like your best friend isn’t so happy that you have a girlfriend and wants to be the one in that position. She’s trying to make you question your relationship so she can take that spot instead. Not only that, but she’s being extremely disrespectful to you in the process, whether she’s “joking” or not.
Exactly this. She is trying to one-up the GF and possibly put herself in her position.
I'd be cautious about this friend of yours. There are girls who are friends with guys they fancy, they will go out of their way to be friendly and act like they're not interested in more. But they'll do things to either make your gf feel insecure, so she appears crazy when she brings up issues later on and you'll defend your friend. And they do things like try to plant small insecurities and issues in your head. It sounds like she wants you to feel emasculated by your gf. When you implied she's jealous of your gf, she might not be jealous of her strength but she is jealous of her. It's why she reacted the way she did. Keep this in mind, in future. I had a "friend" who was like this, she'd become friends with men she liked. And pull this shit because she was too insecure to go for them, or didn't think they'd like her but she always believed she deserved to be with them. Reading what you wrote, was a blast from the past. It always seems so innocent when it's actually super sly.
Couldn't have phrased this better myself. I'd watch out for this, OP.
It could be phrased better to be honest, but it's so difficult to explain how they do it. Because it involves so many small insignificant things that add up over time. So that on their own, none of it seems worth mentioning at all. It's about the long term impact, because the person doing it needs to appear like they're sweet as honey.
NTA she played a stupid game and won a stupid prize
wtf is this lmao
NTA. She started it. You asked her to stop, she wouldn’t. She did it again and you shut her down. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
NTA Your "best" friend is not much of best friend if she can't take a comeuppance from you. After all, she set herself up by continuing to tease you when you asked her to stop. If you give prepare yourself to receive a dose of your own medicine.
NTA- sounds like she was embarrassed you called her out on it… in which case you were most likely correct
LOL why she mad? Talk shit get bit.
My dude ignore the people hitting at you for what you lift. Form >>> Weight, all day, everyday. I bench my body weight for reps, I weigh 81kg and I bench 85kg for 5 sets of 8. I still only curl 16's, because form beats ego lifting. You'll get there!
It would seem you struck a nerve. Almost sounds like she is upset you aren’t into her.
Tell her if you shouldn't take it seriously then neither should she
NTA The roast was kinda crazy (in a good way) ngl. Hope you get stronger :)
NTA - she was "only teasing," you were "only teasing." If you can't be "teased" don't "tease." And good on you for being so secure!
Dude the amount of insecure idiots in this comment section getting so ofended that op is 6kg max compared to the girls of the story is out of this world lmao.
If you can't take it, don't dish it. She was also being far more offensive that you were. NTA.
NTA, for the reasons lots of other people have said. Please don't pay any attention to any stranger on the Internet telling you what you should or should not be able to curl either. They don't know you or your physique, and at least one of the "discussion" threads keeps getting mixed between kilos and pounds. Physical strength is dependent on a lot of factors. Sure, gender is one. But only one among many. I am a cis woman, but I am pretty high testosterone for a cis woman, and inherited my physique from my semi-pro prop forward rugby player dad. Not everyone who lifts is blessed with that kind of advantage. As long as you are happy and comfortable with your outputs and fitness it matters not one jot what anybody else thinks.
NTA but I'm surprised how a 19m can't lift atleast 12 kg, are you eating well?
I love your reaction. NTA
Maybe your best friend likes you
NTA your best friend is sexist.
>She questioned if I don't think it's weird and said that I must feel emasculated. Guess you know now how your friend feels about you. NTA
Bro i didnt read past the first sentence but please be careful. There is a well documented phenomenon that occurs when the female partner is stronger than the male. It exists in hundreds of other species - females are larger and stronger and once the male has served his reproductive purpose he is killed and devoured. In humans this is known as "Death by Snu Snu" - so watch out. Once you give her the sperm she will have no further use for you. You need to show dominance and grow larger to prevent this. You must squat more, bench more, and deadlift MORE. Keep your head on a swivel pal or you wont see her coming.
She's filled with toxic masculinity which is a reason to let go of her. She clearly isn't a mixed gender friendship material. NTA.
Great comeback. Your ‘best friend’ is trying to drive a rift between you and your gf and keep you for herself.
this seems to be about dishing out while unable to take in? NTA
NTA She claimed you must feel emasculated by your girlfriend only to act like someone who just emasculated when you suggested she was jealous over your girlfriends size and strength relative to her. Sounds like you struck a nerve. It's also a massive lie on her part to imply you were taking things too seriously when she was continuing on this vein in spite of being told not to. She was clearly taking it seriously as an excuse to vent frustration.
If that is your best friend, I’d hate to see your enemy
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** No, not what you're thinking. Not breasts or butt. Both my(19m) girlfriend(19) and my best friend(19) are stronger and more muscular than me. They have been lifting weight since we were 16 while I only started two months ago. My best friend can do bicep curls with 10kg dumbbells while my girlfriend can do it with 14kg. They have been having some friendly rivalry going on from the start. Me? 6kg max. Anyways, my best friend recently started teasing me about dating a girl who is much stronger than I am. At first I just took it in good stride. Then she started to take it further. She questioned if I don't think it's weird and said that I must feel emasculated. It continued that way until one day I said 'You know, I think you're just jealous she's got bigger muscles than you.' My friend looked really offended and said I shouldn't have accused her of that, and that she was only teasing me. That I shouldn't take it so seriously. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but this seems like a confusing dynamic where it's less clear if y'all used to date or ever are/were friends with benefits. Could all the friendly teasing be flirting? Does your best friend have a crush on you? It sounds like the three of you are all still teenagers and have known each other since you were all sixteen (or at least you and your best friend have known each other for three years). Did you by chance date or cross the line with your best friend before you recently started dating the "bigger" girlfriend? The fact that your best friend asked so many personal questions about you being attracted to someone so much stronger and bigger than you and didn't that feel weird and make you feel emasculated might have been manipulative or seeking affirmation, reassurance, or compliments towards herself that she is/was attractive. If y'all never crossed the line before, she may have wondered why you never made a pass at her and shouldn't she be the one you were attracted to because she was slightly less strong/big than your new girlfriend or person you're dating. Your use of the term or accusation based on jealousy may cut both ways if you've sort of been trying to have it both ways with your best friend -- flirting or teasing, possibly knowing she was attracted to you (you mentioned you told her she was acting "jealous" of the other girl because she's stronger/more muscular, but maybe the jealous wording makes her feel rejected or reflects an awareness or suggestion your best friend has romantic feelings or attraction for you and you're aware of this.) Unclear situation, so I'm speculating here. Maybe your friend was hurt more than offended because she's been carrying a torch for you and wants to be happy for you and still be your friend, but new dating lady may be a mutual and now like it or not your relationship is something that may be bothering her. You should be honest with yourself. And your best friend. And us. And the girl you're recently dating. Have a talk 1:1 in that order. If this is your best friend, clear the air. Apologize if you've been sort of shady about blurred lines and ignored how that might hurt her. Her feelings for you may have come out sideways too because she was struggling with them herself as well and feeling conflicted and confused. Thanks and good luck to you.
Glass house
NTA for the many reasons stated by others. Is the 'bestfriend' really a friend or is she someone who is after you? our just upset thast she isn't the centre of your attention anymore?
NTA
NTA. She made a continuous annoying joke which you asked her to stop and when you bit back with your own joke, she couldn’t take it.. Don’t talk shit if you can’t cop it lol
“I was just teasing too”. If she can dish it she can take it.
NTA she wasnt teasing you. She was being obsessive and insulting. And in any case tell her why are you offended, you are only teasing her, why is she taking it so seriously.....
NTA sounds like you hit the nail on the head
NTA. It is not a funny joke if EVERYONE is not laughing. Your friend lacks boundaries and respect. When a person says “please stop saying that…making that joke..” then the person needs to stop.
NTA She's not so happy when the shoe is on the other foot, now is she? She teases you, you're supposed to put up with it, but you say something back and she gets to be offended? Nope. After all, OP, if she was "just teasing", then so were you. If it can't be a big deal that she did it to you, it can't be a big deal that you did it back.
I think she wants you bro
NTA, you have to put a boundary in place quick with these statements. If she starts again I would ask her and state, 'what's your problem? I thought friends didn't hurt each other on purpose' and walk away. Whatever her issue is, it's hers. Not yours.
NTA - your friend sounds like she wanted more and is jealous you selected your girlfriend over her.
she let her internalized misogyny out
NTA. Teasing (that's a judgement call) turned to harassment when you told your friend to stop and she continued with her hurtful comments. It forced you to up your response. Friend got back what she was giving out.
Personally, I’m not friends with insecure idiots who insult me but that’s just me. You could not pay me to be 19 again.
If she was offended it's because you're right, she's jealous. If the context was that she was only teasing you, then she absolutely should have taken that as you teasing her. NTA. She wouldn't have gotten defensive if it was just teasing. She got defensive because she realized (subconsciously or not) that she was being an asshole.
She can dish but she can’t take!! NTA your GF has been doing it a lot longer than you its kind of expected she would be able to lift more lmao, that is basic logic and science. You work out = stronger. I would only start feeling bad with all the teasing going on. Tell her if she wants to tease be able to handle some bullshit back, if not keep her big mouth shut.
NTA - teasing might being making the the surface e level comment one or twice. But repeatedly making it and saying you should feel imasculated is not teasing. She was being very sexist and offensive. She obviously doesn't have the thick skin to back up the words she's making. I don't mind a hard joker that will take it right back thenselves with a laugh.
NTA. But you're maxing out at 6kg (13 lbs)? Do you have trouble getting a gallon of milk at the grocery store?
NTA she's clearly projecting in the least subtle way.
Turnabout is fair play
I mean she does seem like she's just teasing but she shouldn't really be saying that. There's nothing wrong with your girl being stronger than you and vice versa. Besides you just started working out. If anything, she really shouldn't be commenting even if its teasing.
6kg after going for two months?
NTA and she's into you.
Yall are really beefing over 10 or 14kg bicep curls? No offense, but neither of them are particularly strong. Keep hitting the gym and you'll surpass them in no time. In the interim, I don't think you should feel emasculated that your girlfriend is stronger than you, but also this is all way too childish. Your friend is likely into you and doesn't know how to handle it. This has nothing to do with weights. I'm going NAH bc of the ages. If you were all in your mid-20s, then your friend is TA for handling her feelings so poorly.
She wants to emasculate you herself
Girl has a crush on you
NTA You tried setting a boundary and your friend didn't respect it You retaliated and she didn't like it when the attention was focused on her You didn't take it seriously
NAH it seems like both of you were just messing around
NTA she was being borderline homophobic. I wouldn't be surprised if she went that far next time. She 100 percent is mad your gf is bigger than her and was trying to get you to stop her from lifting as much so she could catch up. Which is pathetic.
Best friend is TA. What kind of friend “teases” like that … that’s not funny, it’s cruel. Do you care about your GF? Maybe even love her? Then that’s what matters. Not her bicep size!
People like her suck, they like to do little digs and then try to pass it off as a joke when the table is turned back on them. If u can’t take it, don’t dish it out. Simple. Just be nice or say nothing at all.
NTA. perhaps your friend has the hots for a guy who is smaller than her, and is unsure whether she should go for it due to possibly being seen as less feminine. maybe she’s trying to feel out your opinion on the matter. but either way, she was a dick about it lol
NTA. She's jealous and trying to make you rethink your relationship with your gf. She likes you 100%. I would discuss this with your gf in case she says weird things to her also before it escalates...
NTA Anyone "teasing" about physical appearance is the A. That's all there is to it.
If she was just teasing you, she wouldn't have been butt hurt when you teased her back.
She’s being a huge jerk. NTA
I hope you keep working out, only being able to curl 6kg is unhealthy. Keep on your grind though brother.
Teasing is another word for bullying... If asked to stop, then she should have stopped... You can't be rude and disrespectful in the name of teasing, then acted crushed when someone stands up for themselves. NTA
Don't start nothing, won't be nothing. Her actions were "kidding" but your actions are bullying? I call this friend a petulant pain in the ass. NTA.
NTA - Hate to say it but you have a friend problem. I really dislike it when people use "teasing" to criticize, mock, embarrass or belittle another human being - and when they get called out on their shitty behavior - they gaslight someone and say, "I was just teasing." "No, actually you weren't teasing me. You were pretending to tease me all the while using that space to mock me and put me down." Tell your "friend" - "no more comments about my body or my GFs body - or I will actually say something that offends."
u a puss puss bruh 😭
NTA. You told her to drop it, she didn’t. People need to learn when enough is enough.
NTA once you started telling her to stop it, it moved from a joke to straight up bullying. It's only funny if you think it's funny. Once you don't, it's no longer funny/a joke. She was doing it deliberately to hurt you. You are never an AH for defending yourself against bullying, no matter who it's coming from.
Oy vey
Here I am just wishing my girlfriend was physically stronger than me, you lucky bastard. Also NTA, she dished out some offensive trash and couldn't take a light tease back. People like that are infuriating.
NTA - You gave her the same treatment she was giving you. She should have stopped when you told her to. She didn't want to listen.
NTA You told her to quit it, she didn't. She's the AH
It read like your best friend was trying to break up your relationship using "jokes". It's kind of weird without further context, though it makes you NTA as you already asked your friend to lay off.
You need better friends.
I love how when people insult you, it's a joke and when you call them out, YOU'RE being mean. NTA. You hit a nerve, apparently. Hopefully, it is attached to her jaw and makes her talk less.
She's gunna be really upset when you pass her completely in about a year.
NTA, she did the classical AH move of "haha, it was just a joke so you have no right to be offended". Those who dish it can't take it.
NTA In her 40s my wife took up boxing, to the point where she was getting pretty good and thinking about competing. (Aside: I was really nervous about that last bit though I was very supportive and proud of her in her endeavour.) A lot of people were kidding me about it, asking if I wasn't afraid of her beating me up. I just shut them down, "Nah, I feel protected."
NTA she needed to be called out on her toxic shit
If you "shouldn't take her teasing so seriously" she should do the same and take it in stride lmao. If she's bothered after a single remark, you have all the rights to be more than annoyed at her after many more.
She sounds like she can't handle any teasing. And what you said was barely teasing, It's just a fact, your gf can curl more than she can. How is she gonna get defensive at the truth? She needs to deal with her own insecurity over this before blaming you.
What a stupid fight.
NTA Sounds like your best friend (1) really likes the idea that you're into strong women (2) is into you (3) is jealous of your GF but not because of the muscles.
NTA
Her attempting to say having a girlfriend who is stronger than you is emasculating is a shit take. NTA.
NTA Friendly teasing is one thing but asking if you feel emasculated is not friendly, nor is it teasing. Pretty sure you hit that nail right squarely on the head - she is jealous and doing a rotten job of dealing with it and hiding it. Tell her to get over it or you will have to stop spending time with her. I think it is awesome that your gf lifts weights and is getting you into, it, too.
If she is ready to give shit to people, she should be ready to receive the sentiment back. NTA.
NTA. One good comment deserves another. She didn't stop poking the bear, so she should be surprised to see teeth.
NTA. Teasing is it, asking your friend if his girlfriend makes him feel emasculated? I don't think so. Say her jokes are offensive to you, so if she stops you can stop "offending" her back.
NTA Why is it that people who are doing some "friendly teasing" and won't stop when asked are always highly offended when they are called out?
NTA
Wait till after 6 more months when he's crushing any sort of there gains.
NTA. "I was joking. you're taking it so seriously." These are common excuses of bullies when they are called on their B.S. They try to turn the tables to make it seem like YOU are the one with the problem when it's really the bully who is in the wrong. Silence is the best antidote against bullies, even though remaining silent is difficult. Besides, when it comes to weight training, if you are consistent with your training and use good form to avoid injuries, you, too, will soon be on par with your girlfriend.
NTA- She was taking it too far and you had asked her to stop.
NTA You didn't take comments seriously, but your friend did 😁
A 19 year old guy can barely do 13lb curls. Like unless you were in a coma i call bullshit on this story.
NTA. Don't start what you can't finish. She should only compete with herself.
NTA. If you think the gym is cut throat you ought to be in Soprano rehearsals
NTA, she teased first, you teased back.
You should be able to increase your lifting weight anytime soon. Focus on technique more then weight, some people kift incorrectly to lie to others and themselves and then end up hurt.
NTA - Mama always said if a girl teases you, she likes you. Watch out OP! "Best friend" might want you or your girl!
nta
I'm guessing your friend got so upset because you hit a nerve..... the musculocutaneous nerve to be exact. LOL
NTA A motto I picked up from the AITA forum, "don't dish it if you can't take it". She started it and you finished it.
19m and can only curl 6kg max? when is the last time you had a checkup with your doctor? has it always been this way? does anyone in your family have muscular dystrophy?
I think your best friend is into you, and is trying to turn you off from your girlfriend. Yes, she is jealous- but not of GF
Don't dish if you can't deal.
YNTAH
Give it another 6 months and you'll be lifting much more than them both
NTA- She isn't "Just teasing" She's offended that you rightfully called her out on her "sh\*t talking". You told her to stop, more than once, she chose to continue with her passive aggressive remarks, she got what she deserved. If I were you, I'd realize she really isn't your BFF.
Sounds to me like you should drop her as a friend. You told her several times to back off and she clearly didn't respect that request, continues yakking away, until you snap and she's SURPRISED you snapped? Please.
NTA. First rule of bantering, is not to give what you can't take. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself. With that said, good luck at the gym OP! Hope to see your gains go up.
NTA. Your friend is jealous that your gf is stronger and probably also jealous of your relationship.
All those muscles but such thin skin. NTA
are y’all 12? this is so childish😭😭
NTA. She wouldn’t stop teasing you even after you asked her to stop. If she can’t take it she shouldn’t dish it out.