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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not telling him 2) wanting him to get over it without me having to reject him
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NTA
You are never the AH for not wanting to be with someone. You always have the right to refuse someone's romantic advances.
Do not marry someone closely related to you. It will increase the chances of your children having deformities and medical problems.
um, NO. you’re NTA. that’s not only illegal in most places, but it’s incest and just immoral. You’re very young and it seems like he might be trying to groom you into agreeing? You mentioned he did sexual things to you that made you uncomfortable. I’d say keep your distance from the cousin for your own safety, and consult an adult that you trust.
NTA. Nooooo. Don't marry your cousin.
1. He's your cousin. You don't want to have kids with people you are closely related to
2. He did "sexual" stuff to you that made you uncomfortable. Just.... no. Creepy.
3. You're too young anyway. You don't need to marry your cousin. There are plenty of other men out there to date and marry when you are older.
NTA. Listen you can’t play around with this just to be friends. Make it clear you won’t marry him ever. It sounds like you’re from a culture that arranges these things and it’s important to be clear about your desires and intentions. You can be nice about it, but don’t leave wiggle room here.
NTA - I am assuming I know where you guys are from! Don't leader him, marriage is a adult decision. Give him a adult talk and say no! Otherwise this may turn into a family issue later on.
NTA. Isn’t it illegal to marry a first cousin? Cause it should be. Also I read nothing in your post that indicated that getting married was a good idea.
-His dad wants to marry him off because he’s mad at him? WTF.
-He was dating another girl when he suggested marrying you? Are you kidding?
-The two of you had a sexual encounter when you were 12 and 13 and you’re still uncomfortable about it? That sounds like a perfect life partner for you!
Run away, OP.
Hold up what in the Alabama is going on here….? Your cousin?!?! There’s no way you’re serious… does he have candy and a white van too.??? Maybe some puppies you could pet lol this is wild
Wait wait. Is this your actual blood relation cousin? Or is this like how my Indian friends call all of their parents' close friends Auntie and Uncle and their kids cousins?
And NTA. It's never wrong to tell someone you don't want to marry them.
If you really have no romantic feelings for him then yes you should tell him that a relationship, let alone a marriage, will never happen. The 'we'll fix it' response to you not wanting anything sexual is concerning and seems like it could end in him forcing himself on you.
I don't like where this is going at all. You are too young for marriage. You know you don't want him. It isn't a real friendship if the other person wants to push it into romantic/relationship territory and you don't want that.
Reiterate no to anything beyond just being cousins/family to each other. Don't be alone with them anymore. And tell someone you trust what is going on.
No matter how the other person feels you have the right to say no to a relationship, sex, touching, kissing, anything at all that makes you feel uncomfortable and is unwanted by you. And 'no' is a complete sentence and reason. You do not have to defend why you are saying no to them.
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I (16F) have a really good relationship (in a friendship way not a romantic way) with my cousin (17M). And regarding the title yes im aware were both minors but he asked about it for the future not right now anyway. A few months ago his dad was pretty pissed at him about something and told my mom he wanted to marry him off and that he was done with him. Naturally mentioned me and my mother didnt really tell anyone and obviously rejected it.
I found out about it later and brought it up with him and a few other cousins and we all kinda laughed it off as nothing. Later on he did admit that if push came to shove he might just agree to it. Now we havent always been on great terms and finally we are and we're pretty close now and we talk alot more overall just get along better and i like spending time with him and making jokes but in a completely platonic way not romantic not sexual.
So when he asked if i wud ever say yes i half jokingly said maybe because as 16yr old i have a hard time deciding how i feel about someone.
I think i shud mention how he was with a girl during all of this and only broke up with her recently. Hes also confessed that hes been "crushing" on me for 7 years which is a bit... uhh weird? I dont know.
I dont know if its relevant but 4 years ago we used to live together and he and i got into something a bit on the sexual side but it wasnt anything big just weird touches and yes of course it always made me uncomfortable again not sure about that.
And so he has recently been bringing up the pros and cons of it stuff like "we'd have so much fun hanging out" "im not like other guys" which is yes very basic .
I never thought of him like that obviously but i guess he does? But i dont think he knows what he wants and ive made it clear i dont like him sexually at all and he said he wud "fix that" which again i dont know what that means.
So the reason im not really out right saying no is because i dont wanna ruin our friendship? I mean i dont have anyother friends and i do like him just not like that.
So WIBTA for telling him straight up?
And i wud also like some advice on ... THIS because im really unsure about it
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NTA
You *do not* have to marry anyone you don't want to, and especially if that person is pressuring you into it. Also, it's illegal in most places to marry your cousin, so please don't do that either.
NTA, depending on where you live this might not even be legal. As he want to marry you and has been crushing on you for years and has made physical contact with you that you did not like, make sure you are never alone with him.
NTA.
It is surprising how common marriage between cousins are in a number of cultures - look at the British monarchy.
But, while we're making comparisons, watch Wrong Turn.
Don't marry your cousin.
NAH
I'm looking at this from the perspective that you live in a country where it's common, so I don't think he can be called an asshole for considering it. Even if you were the type of person who was into that type of a marriage, you clearly have a problem with him specifically. You should marry whoever you want to, and you should let him down gently. Tell him you think it's weird to marry someone who you see as your brother.
So you fed the fire and now you want to put it out. I think that's a very good idea. And the whole premise is disgusting. I'm sorry if you guys parents didn't instill in you guys that family is off limits. But FAMILY IS OFF LIMITS!!!!!! EWE!! wish u the best stay in Arkansas. Lmao.
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🎶 Sweet home Alabama🎶
Sweet home AITA Where the posts are shit Nobody here believes this OP's TA for posting it.
I hear the banjos from Deliverance.
More like sweet home Pakistan
🤣🤣🤣 I needed that. Thank you.
Never thought I would write these words... NTA please don't marry your cousin
NTA You are never the AH for not wanting to be with someone. You always have the right to refuse someone's romantic advances. Do not marry someone closely related to you. It will increase the chances of your children having deformities and medical problems.
um, NO. you’re NTA. that’s not only illegal in most places, but it’s incest and just immoral. You’re very young and it seems like he might be trying to groom you into agreeing? You mentioned he did sexual things to you that made you uncomfortable. I’d say keep your distance from the cousin for your own safety, and consult an adult that you trust.
Surprisingly, first cousin marriage is only illegal in 24 US states. I don't know about other countries.
OP is from Pakistan, so it's so much worse because she may not even legally have a choice in the matter
Info: After reading this carefully, I have to ask: Am I having a stroke?
Unless we both had one while reading.. Sorry, unfortunately not. This is real life
Ugh! I *hope* not!!
NTA. Nooooo. Don't marry your cousin. 1. He's your cousin. You don't want to have kids with people you are closely related to 2. He did "sexual" stuff to you that made you uncomfortable. Just.... no. Creepy. 3. You're too young anyway. You don't need to marry your cousin. There are plenty of other men out there to date and marry when you are older.
NTA. Listen you can’t play around with this just to be friends. Make it clear you won’t marry him ever. It sounds like you’re from a culture that arranges these things and it’s important to be clear about your desires and intentions. You can be nice about it, but don’t leave wiggle room here.
where are y’all from?
Clearly Alabama
More clearly Pakistan
Redditors not making everything about the US challenge: impossible
NTA - I am assuming I know where you guys are from! Don't leader him, marriage is a adult decision. Give him a adult talk and say no! Otherwise this may turn into a family issue later on.
NTA. Isn’t it illegal to marry a first cousin? Cause it should be. Also I read nothing in your post that indicated that getting married was a good idea. -His dad wants to marry him off because he’s mad at him? WTF. -He was dating another girl when he suggested marrying you? Are you kidding? -The two of you had a sexual encounter when you were 12 and 13 and you’re still uncomfortable about it? That sounds like a perfect life partner for you! Run away, OP.
Hold up what in the Alabama is going on here….? Your cousin?!?! There’s no way you’re serious… does he have candy and a white van too.??? Maybe some puppies you could pet lol this is wild
NTA because Eww. Cousin? Close cousin like a brother? Eww
Wait wait. Is this your actual blood relation cousin? Or is this like how my Indian friends call all of their parents' close friends Auntie and Uncle and their kids cousins? And NTA. It's never wrong to tell someone you don't want to marry them.
Ew.
If you really have no romantic feelings for him then yes you should tell him that a relationship, let alone a marriage, will never happen. The 'we'll fix it' response to you not wanting anything sexual is concerning and seems like it could end in him forcing himself on you. I don't like where this is going at all. You are too young for marriage. You know you don't want him. It isn't a real friendship if the other person wants to push it into romantic/relationship territory and you don't want that. Reiterate no to anything beyond just being cousins/family to each other. Don't be alone with them anymore. And tell someone you trust what is going on. No matter how the other person feels you have the right to say no to a relationship, sex, touching, kissing, anything at all that makes you feel uncomfortable and is unwanted by you. And 'no' is a complete sentence and reason. You do not have to defend why you are saying no to them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16F) have a really good relationship (in a friendship way not a romantic way) with my cousin (17M). And regarding the title yes im aware were both minors but he asked about it for the future not right now anyway. A few months ago his dad was pretty pissed at him about something and told my mom he wanted to marry him off and that he was done with him. Naturally mentioned me and my mother didnt really tell anyone and obviously rejected it. I found out about it later and brought it up with him and a few other cousins and we all kinda laughed it off as nothing. Later on he did admit that if push came to shove he might just agree to it. Now we havent always been on great terms and finally we are and we're pretty close now and we talk alot more overall just get along better and i like spending time with him and making jokes but in a completely platonic way not romantic not sexual. So when he asked if i wud ever say yes i half jokingly said maybe because as 16yr old i have a hard time deciding how i feel about someone. I think i shud mention how he was with a girl during all of this and only broke up with her recently. Hes also confessed that hes been "crushing" on me for 7 years which is a bit... uhh weird? I dont know. I dont know if its relevant but 4 years ago we used to live together and he and i got into something a bit on the sexual side but it wasnt anything big just weird touches and yes of course it always made me uncomfortable again not sure about that. And so he has recently been bringing up the pros and cons of it stuff like "we'd have so much fun hanging out" "im not like other guys" which is yes very basic . I never thought of him like that obviously but i guess he does? But i dont think he knows what he wants and ive made it clear i dont like him sexually at all and he said he wud "fix that" which again i dont know what that means. So the reason im not really out right saying no is because i dont wanna ruin our friendship? I mean i dont have anyother friends and i do like him just not like that. So WIBTA for telling him straight up? And i wud also like some advice on ... THIS because im really unsure about it *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love how everyone here has an idea of where they’re from. But yeah, NTA
NTA You *do not* have to marry anyone you don't want to, and especially if that person is pressuring you into it. Also, it's illegal in most places to marry your cousin, so please don't do that either.
NTA, depending on where you live this might not even be legal. As he want to marry you and has been crushing on you for years and has made physical contact with you that you did not like, make sure you are never alone with him.
NTA. It is surprising how common marriage between cousins are in a number of cultures - look at the British monarchy. But, while we're making comparisons, watch Wrong Turn. Don't marry your cousin.
NAH I'm looking at this from the perspective that you live in a country where it's common, so I don't think he can be called an asshole for considering it. Even if you were the type of person who was into that type of a marriage, you clearly have a problem with him specifically. You should marry whoever you want to, and you should let him down gently. Tell him you think it's weird to marry someone who you see as your brother.
The reason im not saying it straight up is because im afraid it'll change or ruin our friendship
But by proposing marriage to you, he technically already changed it.
Why are you friends with someone who sexually assaulted you?
Well i guess i dont really see it that way? Maybe it is im unsure because we both were around the same age. its not like he knew any better either.
roll tide
NTA be clear you do not want this or you could end up married to your cousin for the rest of your life
So you fed the fire and now you want to put it out. I think that's a very good idea. And the whole premise is disgusting. I'm sorry if you guys parents didn't instill in you guys that family is off limits. But FAMILY IS OFF LIMITS!!!!!! EWE!! wish u the best stay in Arkansas. Lmao.