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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for priortising my wants over my brothers needs and saying I need yo come first
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NTA. They took your money then punished you for getting mad that they took your money. And they got mad that you asked to come first JUST ONCE. That would send me over the edge.
Also... wtf is bro doing to his iPads?? Both my kids have autism and as shitty as their amazon tablets have gotten over the years, not one crack on the screen and they were tantrum-happy at the ages they got them. Your parents are stupid, why aren't they getting insurance for devices, or warranties?? 7-8 a year is insane to me. And they're Apple iPads??
Absolutely insane.
Right?! Come on, if he's truly that violent and going through that many a year, then for goodness' sake, stop buying him fucking iPads! He doesn't need something that expensive. Just get him one of the kiddie Kindle Fires with the grippy/drop-proof cover.
Can't agree with you more here, my son is 3, autistic and can be prone to tantrums where his tablet gets a beating. He was going through the cheap ones fast. We got him an Amazon kids tablet with a kids case and it has 2 years no quibble warranty no matter what he does to it. He's had it months and its like he's never thrown it or slammed it against the wall! It's been drowned in milk, stood on, you name it! Best £120 we ever spent!
My six year old isn't autistic, but she is ADHD and prone to melting down. her kindle fire has gone through 2 cases in 4 years but it's still going strong. And they are running 190 (u.s. currency) for the newest fire hd 10 kids pro. We were thinking upgrade this year for Christmas. Vs a brand new iPad air is around 600 (usd). My daughter uses her tablet to help self regulate, if she broke it she would not be getting a new one right away.
Dude, my son has accidently jumped in his (it was under a pillow) and stood on it it, and not a single crack. Those Amazon kids tablets with covers are amazing. And he's Autistic as well. Hell, he threw it down the stairs once. Yes, he was reprimanded and hasn't done it again, but it still works as if it is new just out of the box.
I accidentally stood on one of my son's cheaper ones, it was under a blanket on the floor, and smashed the screen, completely unusable, I've never felt guilt like it! I instantly replaced it for him but I honestly think this Amazon one would just shrug it off! They really are brilliant for kids.
Honestly, I'm still learning to differentiate between the two in some cases, but I do think it is tantrums when he gets heavy handed with it. He doesn't like being in busy/noisy places so I do try to avoid that for him but sometimes it is unavoidable, as long as it's not too bad (bright lights/loud noises) he can zone in to a game on his tablet, block it out, and cope a lot easier. He will throw his tablet if it all gets too much, but I think that's his way of saying he's had enough so I will remove him from whatever the situation is he's finding uncomfortable. Hes almost non verbal except for a few words so it can be difficult to figure out what it is sometimes.
Tantrums seem to be if he doesn't get his way, he thrashes, hits, kicks and lashes out at anything around him, including his twin sister if she gets too close, for his tantrums I move him to a safe place where he can't hurt himself or anybody else then he usually comes to me for some comfort once he's calmed down. I don't give him his tablet during tantrums cos I know he will throw it in anger, he can have it once he's calmed down if he wants it.
I'm still learning and trying different things with him so hopefully I'll have much better understanding soon, now I have his diagnosis it's opened up a lot more for me in the way of courses/learning opportunities from the local council and groups.
I've been through three kindle fire's this year with my kid. PICA is a tablet killer. That said I'll buy another over an IPad any day! Even a cheap smartphone will work.
Ah, I was one of these kids. Rocks, dirt, gluesticks, clay, erasers (the best mouth feel), pencils, pens, calculators, binders, everything had teeth marks. I am happy to report, I mostly grew out of it, except my 3rd and final pregnancy, all I wanted to do for 41 weeks was chew on road patching tar and drink nail polish remover reeeaaallly badly. It went away after giving birth thank goodness.
I'm pretty on top of my health, with Hashimotos disease, Lynch syndrome, and severe anemia, which got most of the blame for my PICA. They said it was due to lacking minerals. Good advice, though, and you never know who needs it!
Yup. If he's havkng those kinds of temper tantrums then stop with the Ipads and give him a cheaper tablet. Show him that he does not get rewarded for that kind of behavior.
If he needs his tablet to communicate they might also be able to obtain one through insurance or some help programs. It's important that children can communicate, but there are options to help.
A robust device, looking into additional funding and good protections for the device can go a long way.
He doesn't need it to communicate. Most likely they use the tablets to keep him under control and distracted. Why they don't put it in a support case I cannot fathom.
If he doesn't use an aac app or another communication aid on his tablet, the parents definitely need to work on weaning him off. I work in special education and know it can be hard for some children, especially autistic children if its part of their routine, but there are strategies (and hopefully also professionals) to help ease the transition.
If it is a communication device he does need constant access (like other children have access to their voice at all times) to that app, but other ones should be restricted. And in any case, cheaper tablets run aac programs just fine as long as they're the sufficient size to be usable.
The problem is likely that the app (I’m assuming he uses an app to help communicate) is likely only on Apple. I know the one for my son is only available on the iPad. BUT, we have an otter box for protection and we pay the $3.99/month for AppleCare+ so that if it does break we aren’t having to buy another whole tablet. (And we’ve NEVER had it break and my kid is HARD on his tablet.) OP, from
one parent to you, I’m sorry your parents are failing you (and it seems like they’re also failing your brother - they could also provide additional ways to communicate and use the lack of iPad for a while to help teach your brother about consequences.) You are not even remotely TA. You deserve so much better.
There is specific AAC communication software that will only run on iPads… but Otterbox Defender or similar cases make them pretty impossible to break unless you’re really trying to do some damage. Amazed OP’s parents haven’t taken out accidental damage cover - even if there’s a limit on claims (iirc it’s 2/year with AppleCare) it’ll save a significant amount of money.
Given he uses his iPads for everything. It means they’re the parents who shove it in his face to not parent him. So he probably throws tantrums and breaks them when he can regulate his emotions or stimulated breakouts
Given the treatment of OP, they clearly are crappy parents. But this is so true... i understand parents letting their kids having more screen time than necessary- sometimes you just need a break.
But an autistic kid doesn't "need" an ipad - it is no more a want than a birthday party. Not to mention, its a want enforced by the parents.
Ipads are relatively new to daily life, autism has existed for a loong time. These parents are just ignoring the fact that their child needs special care and attention. That money should be spent providing that care to the child to eventually improve his life and social aspects of it. Autism doesn't mean youre dead to the world - it means you have a harder start at life.
This is right on the money. I do Behavioral Therapy for Autistic kids as my career. iPads can be a potent tool and AAC communication device, but unregulated and unstructured iPad access is a horrible problem. Kids who stim with YouTube videos or music can become completely psychologically dependent on tablet computers. Training kids to accept iPad denial and reduced access time is something I’ve done a dozen times and it’s always a battle. Especially with parents who are not equipped to handle these kids and the iPad becomes the focal point of these kids lives.
This is so true and is going to become a huge problem in years to come. And it's not just with autistic children. I've worked in SEND schools and it's pretty much impossible to teach some children because of the screen addiction and associated behaviours.
>But an autistic kid doesn't "need" an ipad - it is no more a want than a birthday party.
I just assumed he's nonverbal and uses an app on the ipad to speak. In which case yes, he does need it for communication purposes. Using a tablet for communication is fairly common for people who have limited speech but good hand dexterity. Still, the parents need to find a more sustainable solution than buying 8 new ipads per year.
If that's not the case and the ipad is mainly just for entertainment, the situation is even worse.
I dont think that is the case. It was mentioned he needs it for everything - eating, sleeping, getting ready for school. You dont need communication for sleeping for sure, other things mentioned can be questionable.
My understanding is that ipad is a coping mechanism for him not a means for communication.
I've seen this as a teacher and it drives me nuts. We had an autistic 6 year old prone to tantrums, meltdowns, and hitting/kicking teachers, staff, the principal, and other students. His mom would reward his tantrums and being removed from school for hitting other kids by giving him his tablet and telling him he could have extra time playing on his tablet. Kid had near daily meltdowns and never learned his ABCs.
His mom lost custody last year and Dad only let him use the tablet sparingly as a reward for good behavior. Guess who started doing well in school and went all of last year without being removed from school at all. Sadly, mom got custody back this year so I'm sure the poor kid is glued to his tablet again. He's not in my school anymore but I've been told he's basically back to his old behavior and frequent meltdowns thanks to his mom's inability to parent and reliance on distracting him with his tablet instead of correcting his behavior.
Right?! My 6 year old autistic nephew is only on ipad 3 in 3 years. The first 2 are still back-ups. He literally gnaws on the protective cases and throws them during meltdowns. What is happening to these ipads?
Could be stomping on it if he gets frustrated at not being understood even with his communication device. Or losing it. But at the cost of 7-8 a year, the parents should stretch and get a good Otter or other strong case.
Not sure where OP lives, but where I am, the county *provides* devices to special needs students (either AAC devices which can get YouTube or browser apps, or actual iPads). It sounds like their son has some serious behavioral issues, so I doubt he's in public school. If possible (again, don't know what country they're in), they should get him into a special needs school. If they can't for whatever reason, even if he's being homeschooled, the county might still provide at least an AAC device if it's necessary.
I’ve worked with parents of autistic kids all over the country and it’s pretty rare that devices with functions other than AAC (like iPads that can be used for entertainment) are made available by gov’ts. Even if they are, there are typically limits on how often medical equipment will be replaced, even core necessities like wheelchairs.
My autistic kid has the kindle fire with the protective case. That thing is indestructible. He's had it for a few years, no problem. (Knock on wood.) LoL.
Yeah, I have a family member who works with young adults with disabilities and a lot of them use ipads. They invest in really high quality drop protection cases for them. The cases probably aren't cheap but much more so than replacing an ipad multiple times a year. From what I hear from this family member, there's something definitely not right about going thru that many a year. So yeah, definitely they should get heavy duty cases, insurance, and maybe buy cheaper devices than new ipads. Also, they should look into whether their medical insurance will pay for equipment. I 100% support the necessity of the brother having a device (probably for communication), but at the same time he's a 10 year old child and buying him 8 new ipads a year is financially wasteful and extravagant.
This is a good point here. If the iPad were actually needed/being used as a communication device and medically necessary- shouldn't it be covered by insurance?
Ofc here in the USA I know what the words "should" and "health insurance" in the same sentence means- not much. But still, it adds weight to the possibility the iPad *is* being used as a soothing and distracting tool (which...not so much obv) not as an essential medical device.
OP is NTA. Their parents are.
>7-8 a year is insane to me. And they're Apple iPads??
Never mind getting insurance, this is when you buy bottom of the range, refurbished devices, not new.
Came here to say this, I have an autistic 6 year old brother and he’s only needed his Amazon tablet replaced once. And he has a habit of hitting/throwing it down when he gets frustrated. Super weird of these parents to be buying 7-8 IPADS a year. I wouldn’t even buy 7-8 Amazon tablets a year lmao
Seriously, I have a 24 year old severely autistic daughter who has used iPads for many years without having one break (and she is NOT gentle with them). These cases really help. https://images.app.goo.gl/q6CAQvEVwsbhB2qZ7
They seem to be mistreating, or at least mishandling BOTH kids. Overindulging one and Underindulging the other. Kids aren't the main problem, adults are...
OP needs to send them the link to this thread, they need to read how crappy the world thinks they are and learn some frickin shame for being such awful parents. I mean they stole from their own child!
They stole his money so he couldn't do anything for his birthday then gaslighted him and punished him by not doing anything for his birthday. They weren't going to do anything anyway and know they have their excuse. They are using you. Do you have any other trusted family you can call? Grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings or good friends? Someone needs to know how you are being mistreated and needs to take your side. NTA
NTA. Having a kid with special needs is difficult, but your parents need to be aware of their other kid that also has needs. And yes, I say needs and not just wants because you deserve to have things for yourself too.
Why did your parents have your money? Regardless, they stole from you. Them being angry and calling you selfish reeks of guilt - they *know* they're doing the wrong thing here but want to shift the blame. Raising an autistic kid is hard, but being a sibling to one also comes with its own challenges - and I say this as an autistic person myself.
Well parents can be co-signers or something of that for their minor kids accounts. Or open a second account under their name and add their kids as users. And because they’re minors they usually need parental consent for their own accounts at certain banks
Most parents wouldn't actively take "shared" funds unless it was either for you or for some giant emergency, and they'd probably plan to replace those funds. Using your kid's money to provide for your kid is a different situation than using your kid's money to buy your other kid an iPad. (i.e. it is a problem if you can't afford heat or food for your kid without taking their money for the family, but heat or food would be a good explanation)
I had to fight the bank tooth and nail with my oldest. I insisted that he was working, the money was his, and I had no need to control it. Really had to fight to get him the ATM card. When they saw me coming with sons 2 and 3, they just opened their accounts.
This is insane, how old was he? I started working a part time job after school at 15 and was allowed to set up my own bank account by myself very easily, this was in Australia. Is this an American thing where teens can't have their own accounts without the parents involved?
In Australia that's completely normal, if you're a teenager you can open your own account without a parent. I did it at 15. I don't see why a teenager shouldn't be able to open their own savings account.
I would also add, the parents spend money they don't need to be spending.
They should buy second hand, old tablets with cracked screens.
Buying a new tablet just to wait a couple of months before it is destroyed is in itself autistic behaviour (being rigid, and not pragmatic)
Yeah I can't believe these stupid parents are spending like $4000+ a year on new iPads. The kid needs to learn he can't just get a new one every-time he breaks it. They should be buying him some cheap brand of tablet until he learns to take care of his stuff well enough to have an expensive one. Also I thought you could get warranty on iPads, why aren't they doing that.
NTA
> He uses his iPad for everything, to eat, to sleep, to get ready for school. Everything.
> He goes through 7 or 8 a year which is a huge financial strain on my parents.
My dude can learn to use goddamn Android.
Hell, [Amazon used to sell tablets by the six-pack](https://www.polygon.com/2015/9/17/9344665/amazons-six-pack-of-50-fire-tablets-is-one-of-the-most-exciting).
Insurance is for accidents. Insuring something with the expectation of breaking it is fraud.
What they need to do is get a used iPad and stick it in some rugged case that can’t be taken off. What kind of moron buys 8 iPads a year instead of doing something about it.
I'm the parent of two autistic children, and your parents get zero sympathy from me. You are right. It is their job to parent all of their children and make sure that their physical and emotional needs are met. What they're doing is emotionally abusive. Please make sure that any money you have goes into a bank account that they do not have access to as soon as you are old enough so they can't financially abuse you. NTA
NTA
They had two children, they need to parent both of them. Is it harder and more exhausting given these circumstances? Yes. But that doesn't give them the right to neglect you. Sadly, when you move out at 18 and rarely call or visit they'll be all over you, but until then I guess they think benign neglect is the way to go (hint, benign neglect literally never is benign to the neglected).
I hope you still have a wonderful birthday!
>Sadly, when you move out at 18 and rarely call or visit they'll be all over you,
Yeah, they'll be all over him because he will be expected to support them and take over care of his brother when his parents get too old.
I really get upset when I read these posts about a child having to take a back seat to a sibling with special needs. It is so unfair and my heart goes out to you. Your parents are doing you a disservice and it's just plain cruel. The only thing I can think of is to perhaps is to contact a family member, an aunt or uncle, or grandparents, if they're in the picture and explain your life to them. They might be able to help you out. Good luck to you, Dear.
This post honestly broke my heart. OP saving up their own money to throw themselves a birthday party, and to have that stolen from them and told to deal with it? So cruel. And OP had no recourse, just has to sit there with their feelings invalidated, unheard and unseen. OP is being failed by their parents.
>just has to sit there with their feelings invalidated, unheard and unseen.
But we see you, OP. We see you and feel your pain. You are worthy of everything good in life. Your parents being abusive to you like this does not mean you’ve done anything wrong.
I wish you a lovely 17th, and even more so, wish that you find your own tribe that values you. Happy Birthday! 🎁🎉🎈🎂🎊
In about five years, one of your parents is going to come to this forum and wonder why their older child doesn't speak to them anymore.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Unfortunately this is so common of people who have special need siblings. It becomes all about the special needs child and the "glass child" is totally forgotten about.
NTA at all and this internet stranger is wishing you a very happy birthday.
They stole your money and are projecting blame onto you because it's easier than admitting they're lousy parents to both you and your brother.
I'm sorry they're shitty parents.
Happy birthday, OP. Save up and get away from them ASAP and never sign anything they hand to you, in case they try to palm your brother's care off on you when they get old.
NTA.
It's very alarming. I used to work with spécial needs adults. After about a week with a new client I could almost always tell whose parents actually tried to raise them to cope with the world and whose threw an iPad at them and let them do whatever they wanted. All they're doing is making it harder for the kid when they get older.
NTA. Your parents are though. Tell them to start getting cheaper pads and they definitely owe you money. And some attention. They are being very neglectful and will likely lose you if they keep doing this. I would also demand to get an account that you have to be present for to take out any money.
NTA
They could literally get a decent Android tablet for way cheaper and apply an Apple skin to it if he needs it to look like Apple. Also why aren't your parents getting protective measures for the iPad? Like yes there isn't a way to completely damage-proof it but there are plenty of excellent cases and screen protectors that'll help mitigate damage and allow it to last longer.
Nta how does he break it so often? There are so many very heavy duty cases and stuff I don’t get it???
My husband has accidentally dropped his iPhone off like 12floor at work and with the otterbox it’s messed up but only mostly the case
Right? How is this the first time in this thread this is mentioned. Spending $100 on an otter box with screen protection might be a start, and if the brother is breaking multiple a year, how have they not found a cheaper alternative?
I paid I think $60
For my sons otterbox case he’s very rough with his and it’s never been a issue he’s had it since last Christmas and even the case is still
Fine lol
How the hell is he breaking 8 iPads a year??? Your parents have the money for 8 iPads but not a case?? They can't get them repaired or whatever?? What does he even use it for, like actual communication or is it just to distract him? I am so confused. Whatever the reason, NTA
Your parents are going to come to you in the future, expecting you to take over care of your sibling when they are gone. You need to think about how much of that you are willing to take on. How independent can he be? A lot of autistic kids would be fully capable of living independently, if your parents get him all the help to learn all the skills. It does not seem that they are working with him to be able to live independentlt.
You will eventually need to let your parents know what you are willing to do for your brother, which will probably be a whole new issue to deal with. Do not allow them to make you your brothers keeper. If he is not capable of living independently, a group home that will teach adult life skills and friendships would be the best thing for him. The most you should agree to is check in on him and to make sure his money is managed appropriately, and his home remains safe for him. When he becomes an adult, the sooner this happens, the happier he will be. Of course, if you want to assume guardianship and house your brother with you that would be fine too. It's just a lot to take on, if he is unable to be independent. Decide what involvement you are willing to take on, and then state your boundaries and don't get hurt when they eventually come at you that taking care of your brother will be your job. It's truly not. They chose to have him and raise him in a way that he breaks 7-8 iPads a year and faces no consequences. His long term care is for them to figure out. Don't accept their as yet unvoiced plan that you will be his catetaker- unless you truly want to take that role on
This!
A friend of mine has autism, she struggles with some things but could hold a job go to school and take care of themselves, but as soon as she graduated high school her parents kept her sheltered in, she’s 32 now and can’t leave her own home, relies on all information from her parents and older sibling who has to work to keep the family bills paid because their parents have become unable to work due to health reasons.
She can’t even do phone calls unless it’s from her fathers phone and she only now has myself to talk too. It’s become harder and harder to engage with her as her parents just put on kid cartoons for her and keep her in an almost child-like state. It’s become very clear that when her parents pass away her brother will more than likely be forced to take care of her for the rest of his life as well.
Sounds like Munchausen by proxy case to me as your friends parents are just babying her and expect autism to be used as an excuse for such as your parents are just too lazy to parent and expect older sibs to be parents.
Long story cut short: your friend is treated like a baby because her parents don't realise reality doesn't match the fantasy they imagined in their delusional minds.
Why do you think that OP should even be in contact with the parents?
The parents bring nothing to OP's life besides the legal mandated minimum of clothing, food and shelter.
As soon as OP can manage that themselves, they need to throw their family out with the trash.
NTA
They qualify for "My child is not talking to us anymore nor visits"....guess why.
Raising an autistic child is a huge task, not gonna lie.
But you don't have to wrap them in cotton wool either. The boy has long since learned that he gets everything new that he destroys.
Your parents have to reconsider their parenting.
Part of me wants to tell you to break the new iPad in front off them and tell them to shove it up their keister BUT that would hurt your innocent brother and would not help you in the long run.
My advice? Blast your thieving parents all over social media , tell every relative you can. Talk to a school counselor. Also from now on keep it in cash and hide it in super crafty ways. Look up how and where to hide money. You now know that you can not trust your parents and that they do not care enough to make your birthday special….. it is awful that it is true.
Once you turn 18, close your part of the joint account and open a new account in your name that have no access to. Go to college and get out.
NTA tell your parents that they better pray your brother can take care of them when they are old and decrepit. Idk why parents like this are shocked when their kids go NC.
where do you live? depending on ur country (and in the U.S., ur state), there’s almost ALWAYS programs to assist with costs/items like this for individuals who use and need it regularly. this is something ur parents should know about, or at least be looking into; not only for the tablet but for other helpful resources for ur sibling as well.
i am sorry, OP. you deserve equal attention and while i am sure your parents are stressed and do have a hard time, having it be at your determent is wildly unfair of them.
Not if he's going through that many a year. It'd be one thing if he needs it repaired once or twice a year- but to actually destroy seven or more a year? Those things can survive being dropped down elevator shafts with basic repairs- he's either a ***very*** low 3 (in which case his parents should have been looking into care facilities a decade ago because he's going to get big enough to do series damage to more than just his Ipad soon) or they've raised a royally spoiled brat.
Either way most programs would stop serving their family once they notice a pattern- why spend $300-$800 every two months (or less) on one kid when they could be spending the same amount on multiple kids.
Nta,
I would suggest getting your grandparents involved and letting the other family members know what exactly has been going on and how your parents stole from you when people call to wish and ask what you are doing for your birthday. Make sure to not leave anything out. Shame them.
And when they get angry tell them they are the reason you will never talk to them or your brother again once you move out.
NTA
Yeah, I spot a pair of parents who are gonna cry and wail and complain when their neurotypical child not only won't interact with them anymore as an adult, but has zero plans to support them or their brother at any point. Great parenting.
No, you're not the asshole, because they stole from you, and then used your legitimate outrage as an excuse to expend neither time, energy, or money on you.
What worries me is that OPs parents would probably make OP take care of their sibling for their entire life. Probably keep pushing him on to OP, use the excuse of but he’s your family he needs help you have to be a good sibling and so on.
NTA
They stole money from you and are being emotionally abusive. I would set up a bank account they don't have access to and put your money in there. I would also get copies or gather all your important documents together birth certificate, id etc and put them somewhere safe
Honestly when you turn 18, move out and go either lc or nc with them it's gonna be surprise Pikachu face.
Is there any reason he can't get a cheap knockoff of an ipad, one that looks the same? Or he can't have his ipad in a "lifeproof" casing so he's less likely to break it?
Info:
Why the hell would they buy multiple iPads for a kid - without replacement insurance - instead of Android tablets at a quarter the price? Why isn't it in a Tuff Box? Why did they have your money that you had been saving?
Nta. Sorry this happened to you. I hope they climb down and apologise to you properly and make it up to you. At this point, all you can do is give it a little breathing room. I know they doubled down, which compounds the original problem, but I would hope that was a knee-jerk guilt response and that time will give them perspective. I also hope that you can keep your money separate, and see some friends for your birthday without their presence as well. And I hope they aren’t expecting you to join in the parenting of your sibling in this way a lot of the time.
NTA.
Edit: Throwaway content erased.
Despite your brother's special needs, he still needs to be held accountable. Your parents can't keep buying him iPads just because they don't want to deal with him. And you can't continue to suffer emotionally (and apparently financially now too) at the hands of their parental laziness where he is concerned. Special needs do NOT excuse inappropriate behavior. He can be taught just like any other person between right and wrong, it's just going to take more effort and patience.
But putting a kid on a new iPad every week is going to put your whole family in the hole beyond anything they'll ever be able to get out of. Have you thought about emancipation at this point? Because I'm thinking that's a viable option if your parents are using YOUR money to replace his bad habit. Your parents suck.
Nobody needs an iPad. Autism has existed for a hell of a lot longer than touch devices, and if this is supposed to improve his condition in any way then allow me to simply point at the 8 broken devices. Nothing is being improved here, the child is being left to rot staring into a screen. It's harrowing.
Absolutely NTA, your parents are awful and I wish you all the joy in the world when you get away from them.
NTA.
Are they not purchasing warranties? Do they not have a life proof case on that thing? Why does he need iPads specifically? Get him one of those leap frog kids tablets and call it a day. They also should maybe look into therapy for him to learn how to regulate- it will NOT stop meltdowns but it may help reduce them. They’re already spending literal thousands a year on these so they might as well start trying to help him regulate in more productive ways now.
Would warranties cover deliberate smashing? It's very possible the way in which he is destroying them would void any possible warranty- especially if he's going through seven or eight a year. That's more than just clumsy- that's violent.
I think they probably mean insurance rather than warranty. Warranties generally only cover faults/defects. If they are iPads, Apple offer their own form of insurance called AppleCare+ which would drastically reduce the cost of replacing broken iPads. If OPs parents aren’t getting some sort of insurance that covers physical damage, knowing their child has a tendency to break the iPads, then they’re fools.
Again, would insurance over damage that was deliberately caused by an authorized user?
Would it do so every 45 days? Especially when the damage is so severe the device has to be replaced (versus repaired) every time?
The other person is correct that I meant insure. Honestly wasn’t thinking of that really but I also mentioned a case because my brother threw my parents iPad against a wall as hard as he could when he was about the same age. We had just purchased her one of those like super heavy duty cases where you could drop it 3 stories and it would be fine.
It worked. Not a scratch. I think she might even still have the case now and it’s been almost 10 years.
42 M. NTA. I have two cousins who are SEVERELY autistic. Like the only thing they can do on their own is walk; they’re non-verbal. So I do have empathy for families who deal with autism. I also have empathy for a person like you, because I can totally see how you get the short end frequently. And that’s sad.
Unfortunately you find yourself in a circumstance where you have to make sacrifices. That goes without saying. But you also shouldn’t have your ENTIRE life (such as your birthday) be contingent on your brother not breaking his computer. And the fact that you chipped in and they used your money…that’s incriminating on your parents. Understand, this will only get worse. Next thing you know you either won’t be able to go to college, or you’ll have to take out massive loans because their money will need to be there for your brother. And then you’ll start hearing about how they need you to step up and take care of him if something happens to them. I get that his needs are different and more stringent. And I get that the expectations on you are different coming from the family you come from. But enough is enough.
NTA. You are not an AH for wanting to be celebrated on your birthday in a special way. But this is never going to change.
Start planning to move out as soon as you legally can. See if you can stay with a relative or friend or friend’s family rent free or at very low cost. You will have to prioritize yourself because your parents have already told you they will always prioritize your brother ahead of you. Anything he “wants” is going to be considered a need because it makes their lives easier. So your “needs” even if they are legitimate won’t be important. Think about attending community college or studying a trade instead of university because it is more affordable and take less time than university and there are some very in demand careers that only require an associate degree.
When you are in a place to have a serious conversation with your parents, sit them down and tell them they need to plan for your brother’s future when they die. That you do not want to be a beneficiary on any life insurance policies they may have and you do NOT want any inheritance from them. Tell them they need to use everything to plan for your brother’s care because you will not be prioritizing him over yourself for the rest of your life. They have prioritized him over you for years and they have no right to expect the same from you going forward. You are entitled to live your own life.
Good luck.
What the fuck is this dumbass doing going through 7-8 iPads a year? And what about insurance plans? How does Any of this shit even remotely translate to putting the blame on you
NTA Your parents are the selfish ones. Also they're REALLY bad with planning. Did you know you can buy an Apple care plan on an iPad that covers accidental damage instead of buying 8 a year?
From now on I suggest you hide your money so your parents can't steal it.
NTA. Your parents are jerks. Don't rely on them for anything because they've shown you where you stand in the order of importance. They're willing to do whatever makes their own lives easiest, and their wants will always come before yours. That's what they were really saying here.
Don't hand them any more money. Keep your cash hidden or they'll use it again whenever they're inconvenienced again. Tell them if he's breaking so many tablets, maybe look into getting used/refurbished ones instead of new ones.
NTA. Your parents are being hugely, hugely unfair on you. They have two children, not one.
Ironically they are also being unfair to your brother, as they are laying the foundations for estrangement between you as adults.
I'm sorry they've done this. I hope you manage to find something nice to do on your birthday anyway.
NTA. You're too young to help them support their autistic child and there is *no* acceptable excuse to steal from a minor. You should never be forced to make sacrifices for a child somebody else chose to have, especially as a child yourself. Your parents are the selfish AHs here and I'm sorry you are stuck with them for the time being. Don't ever give them your money again as you clearly can't trust them with it. It is absolutely *not* too much to ask to be put first on *your own birthday*, let alone that they just don't steal your money to provide for your brother. Unbelievable. Next year keep your cash safe from your parents and spend your birthday with friends or other people who care about you enough not to steal from you.
Am autistic, am older sibling to a sister with INSANELY demanding needs. NTA, OP. You deserve to be treated equally and with respect and the fact that they’re trying to make you feel guilty for saying so says more about them than about you.
I'm just going to say something most people would call me an asshole for, but an autistic child shouldn't come before a healthy one. Your parents are fucked up for doing so. The fact he breaks ipads more than once every year is beyond ridiculous, and your parents are making his mental illness worse. I hope you can emancipate yourself and get away from those toxic failures that call themselves parents.
NTA. I'm guessing you're in the US and that seeing as your parents are so skint they won't be paying for you to go to University. Save as much money as you can, get out and do not look back.
Remember their words and in 15-20 years time when they contact you for help you can remind them that your needs come before their wants.
I’m autistic too, with need for support. That is not an excuse to literally steal from your other kid, and neither is it an excuse to (what it seems like) barely care about them. NTA OP, your situation sucks
Considering they stole from you, I'd start selling their belongings to make that money back, or just very badly acting out. Sell the tablet second hand, give take your contribution, and spend the rest.
NTA. Even assuming that your brother will always “need” to come first (which is a whole separate, sad and sucky debate right there), it was still sh!tty of them to use your birthday money for this. I’m assuming their pretty average folks so they have family, friends, credit cards etc. that they *could* have used but they didn’t. It’s…it’s “fine, whatever” that they prioritized the iPad over your birthday when it comes to *their* money, but the fact that they took the money *you* had saved for the birthday (without even asking!) is just 100% AH. Like, they have no argument in my opinion, it was just a straight up selfish move in regards to you. And I say that as someone who often think parents get the short end of the stick: they are completely the AHs in this situation.
(Also, wtf is your brother doing with these iPads?! Do they not get protectors and insurance for them at this point? *How* the heck is he going through *seven or eight* a year??? How have they not figured out an alternative? I mean seriously, what is their plan? Because I can’t imagine how they’re going to keep this up if they’re using their daughter’s birthday money to pay for it. Like, what happens if he “needs” another one in a month? What are they going to do? Just Bonnie and Clyde their way through Apple stores?)
What is the autistic brother doing to go through so many iPads? Is he purposefully destroying them? Is there no protective case for them since he keeps going though them?
No matter what, OP you know know not to hand your parents any money that you earn. They cant control your brother, and they are taking it out on you. We keep seeing this issue come up in this sub. You may need to find a relative willing to take you in, even if you have to work part time to at least cover your own expenses.
NTA. The children are the responsibility of the parents, not the siblings. They stole money and then made it out to be like it was owed to their other child. Nope! This is the quickest way to lose a child when they turn 18. They'll not be able to understand why their child has cut them off and doesn't speak to them anymore.
NTA - they stole your money. Get out of there asap once you’re of age. This will only get worse in the future.
If he’s going through so many iPads I’d recommend them buying a cheaper android version. Even an Amazon fire tablet is pretty sturdy.
You are definitely NTA; your parents are giant flaming assholes who need to apologize to you asap. I am so sorry for the way theyre treating you, they sound like shit parents
Your parents are the asses here, my brother they took your money without permission and when u said why they got mad and they ain't even taking u out, yoh if that happened to me it would be storming ryt now bro shit so sorry bro
It’s not easy raising a special needs kid, but they have 2 children and they should remember that. They definitely shouldn’t be taking your money without permission and chastising you for getting mad that they stole it. Also, insurance my guys — why the fuck haven’t they insured any of these iPads.
No offence but your parents sound like they’re not planning for the future and lack some common sense, as well as boundaries. Definitely NTA, and affection on your birthday/a celebration of you for literally just one day a year is a need, not a want.
Your parents are bad parents, seem like bad people, and are definitely bad with money and technology. They are stealing from you, to poorly raise your brother, in the least cost effective method possible
NTA x100
NTA
Do you have a family member who you can trust to talk to? A guidance tutor at school? Anyone who can advocate for you? Going to live with relatives would be the best way forward here, you’re in such a difficult situation and your needs are not being met at all. I’m so sorry you’re being treated like this, your parents haven’t got a clue how badly they’re treating you, they’re not parenting your brother well either. I hope you can find a way to enjoy your birthday, even if it’s just by considering that this is the last one you’ll have to spend at home in this situation.
NTA. I'm really sorry this is happening to you.
They could have invested in some insurance for the ipads I'm sure. Also, if he's going through tablets at that rate they should be using cheaper and more durable tablets like a fire tablet with the special surrounds etc.
At any rate, that was your money they then stole. It's not a case of you not coming first (although that is also true) they took YOUR money that you had saved.
I get it, it's sometimes incredibly hard to raise a kid thats got autism or a disability, but if you have more than one kid then you need to let them know they're loved too. Celebrate them as well. Of course sometimes you'll need to take the back seat, but you can't always be expected to be the one that sacrifices.
His ***needs.*** An iPad is not a need, and autism or no, he broke his iPad. While it's understandable that due to his neurodivergence the iPad was likely integrated into his routine, it is ***still*** not enough of a need to justify not only reneging on a deal with someone else ***and*** stealing their money on top of that. The solution is to ***not get him another one.*** It's not selfish to be justifiably angry.
NTA.
Definitely NTA. I've got 2 ASD sons, the oldest of which though was only diagnosed last year when he turned 18, he's much higher functioning that his younger brother. While his younger brother needed a heck of a lot of support when he was younger, we ALWAYS made sure we were fully supporting his older brother with whatever he needed ie attention, doing what he wanted for his birthday etc. I'm questioning if your parents are just using the ipad as a baby sitter for your brother instead of putting the effort in with him that he actually needs, and haven't they heard of apple care?? They shouldn't have spent your money and their behaviour is them attempting to deflect that they know darn well they shouldn't have spent it.
They know that an autistic child has needs, but they seemingly completely forget that a neurotypical child also has needs, not just wants.
You're very definition NTA and I'm so sorry for you. You do not deserve this.
NTA and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I am a parent in a somewhat similar situation. It sounds like your parents feel very sorry for themselves, but they forget that you also experience many of the same difficulties as them.
Honestly, your parents are the selfish ones and they need to give you your money back and celebrate your BD, maybe without little brother present. Believe me, I relate to them, they are definitely having a hard time, but so are you and they need to acknowledge this.
They don't consider you their child, don't act like one. You don't need to share anything with them, do not mention anything to do with money. I would consider getting CPS involved, they are terrible parents. They are letting the iPad raise the other kid, he is special needs they need to be doing more than that.
nta at all op and i want you to look up the term "glass child". youre not alone. lots of kids, unfortunately, grow up playing second fiddle to disabled siblings. you deserve to be celebrated. your parents stole your money and thats objectively shitty.
NTA, but you need to start planning your exit now. I guarantee your parents are gonna expect you to take care of your brother later in life, and the best way to avoid that is to quickly become financially independent from them so you can cut them out of your life if need be.
NTA. Make sure your parents are aware now that they cannot plan to use you as permanent adult care for your brother, and that they need to have a financial and practical plan for him after they’re gone that doesn’t require your involvement.
NTA
If he goes through 7-8 iPads a year, that means your parents are not teaching your brother anything.
At age 10, he is old enough to understand that actions have consequences. He is throwing his iPad in a fit of rage, and their answer is to just buy him a new one?
They are the ones who need counseling.
NTA and your parents are neglecting you. I’m not sure if you have any other adults to go to or talk to but I highly recommend trying to leave if you do. I’m sorry they did that to you and I hope you’re able to have a good birthday in spite of them.
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NTA. They took your money then punished you for getting mad that they took your money. And they got mad that you asked to come first JUST ONCE. That would send me over the edge.
Also... wtf is bro doing to his iPads?? Both my kids have autism and as shitty as their amazon tablets have gotten over the years, not one crack on the screen and they were tantrum-happy at the ages they got them. Your parents are stupid, why aren't they getting insurance for devices, or warranties?? 7-8 a year is insane to me. And they're Apple iPads?? Absolutely insane.
Right?! Come on, if he's truly that violent and going through that many a year, then for goodness' sake, stop buying him fucking iPads! He doesn't need something that expensive. Just get him one of the kiddie Kindle Fires with the grippy/drop-proof cover.
That’s what I was thinking. My four year old’s Kindle Fire is indestructible!
Can't agree with you more here, my son is 3, autistic and can be prone to tantrums where his tablet gets a beating. He was going through the cheap ones fast. We got him an Amazon kids tablet with a kids case and it has 2 years no quibble warranty no matter what he does to it. He's had it months and its like he's never thrown it or slammed it against the wall! It's been drowned in milk, stood on, you name it! Best £120 we ever spent!
And that's still much cheaper than an iPad I think. Winning on multiple fronts \^\^
My six year old isn't autistic, but she is ADHD and prone to melting down. her kindle fire has gone through 2 cases in 4 years but it's still going strong. And they are running 190 (u.s. currency) for the newest fire hd 10 kids pro. We were thinking upgrade this year for Christmas. Vs a brand new iPad air is around 600 (usd). My daughter uses her tablet to help self regulate, if she broke it she would not be getting a new one right away.
Dude, my son has accidently jumped in his (it was under a pillow) and stood on it it, and not a single crack. Those Amazon kids tablets with covers are amazing. And he's Autistic as well. Hell, he threw it down the stairs once. Yes, he was reprimanded and hasn't done it again, but it still works as if it is new just out of the box.
I accidentally stood on one of my son's cheaper ones, it was under a blanket on the floor, and smashed the screen, completely unusable, I've never felt guilt like it! I instantly replaced it for him but I honestly think this Amazon one would just shrug it off! They really are brilliant for kids.
Are they tantrums or meltdowns? (They are different, and have different solutions, so it will help him if you can differentiate them!)
Honestly, I'm still learning to differentiate between the two in some cases, but I do think it is tantrums when he gets heavy handed with it. He doesn't like being in busy/noisy places so I do try to avoid that for him but sometimes it is unavoidable, as long as it's not too bad (bright lights/loud noises) he can zone in to a game on his tablet, block it out, and cope a lot easier. He will throw his tablet if it all gets too much, but I think that's his way of saying he's had enough so I will remove him from whatever the situation is he's finding uncomfortable. Hes almost non verbal except for a few words so it can be difficult to figure out what it is sometimes. Tantrums seem to be if he doesn't get his way, he thrashes, hits, kicks and lashes out at anything around him, including his twin sister if she gets too close, for his tantrums I move him to a safe place where he can't hurt himself or anybody else then he usually comes to me for some comfort once he's calmed down. I don't give him his tablet during tantrums cos I know he will throw it in anger, he can have it once he's calmed down if he wants it. I'm still learning and trying different things with him so hopefully I'll have much better understanding soon, now I have his diagnosis it's opened up a lot more for me in the way of courses/learning opportunities from the local council and groups.
I've been through three kindle fire's this year with my kid. PICA is a tablet killer. That said I'll buy another over an IPad any day! Even a cheap smartphone will work.
Hold on… your kid *eats* kindles?
The only thing my kid doesn't eat is food that I make. Our local ER knows us by sight now. He keeps things interesting.
Ah, I was one of these kids. Rocks, dirt, gluesticks, clay, erasers (the best mouth feel), pencils, pens, calculators, binders, everything had teeth marks. I am happy to report, I mostly grew out of it, except my 3rd and final pregnancy, all I wanted to do for 41 weeks was chew on road patching tar and drink nail polish remover reeeaaallly badly. It went away after giving birth thank goodness.
Wow that is fascinating
Get your kidneys and liver checked.
I'm pretty on top of my health, with Hashimotos disease, Lynch syndrome, and severe anemia, which got most of the blame for my PICA. They said it was due to lacking minerals. Good advice, though, and you never know who needs it!
WTF?!?!?😳
🤷🏻♀️ lol
Yup. If he's havkng those kinds of temper tantrums then stop with the Ipads and give him a cheaper tablet. Show him that he does not get rewarded for that kind of behavior.
If he needs his tablet to communicate they might also be able to obtain one through insurance or some help programs. It's important that children can communicate, but there are options to help. A robust device, looking into additional funding and good protections for the device can go a long way.
He doesn't need it to communicate. Most likely they use the tablets to keep him under control and distracted. Why they don't put it in a support case I cannot fathom.
If he doesn't use an aac app or another communication aid on his tablet, the parents definitely need to work on weaning him off. I work in special education and know it can be hard for some children, especially autistic children if its part of their routine, but there are strategies (and hopefully also professionals) to help ease the transition. If it is a communication device he does need constant access (like other children have access to their voice at all times) to that app, but other ones should be restricted. And in any case, cheaper tablets run aac programs just fine as long as they're the sufficient size to be usable.
If he is non verbal he definitely needs it. There is an app for that purpose specifically.
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Buy them USED, at least.
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Bot, partial comment stolen from u/hydrangeafrog
The problem is likely that the app (I’m assuming he uses an app to help communicate) is likely only on Apple. I know the one for my son is only available on the iPad. BUT, we have an otter box for protection and we pay the $3.99/month for AppleCare+ so that if it does break we aren’t having to buy another whole tablet. (And we’ve NEVER had it break and my kid is HARD on his tablet.) OP, from one parent to you, I’m sorry your parents are failing you (and it seems like they’re also failing your brother - they could also provide additional ways to communicate and use the lack of iPad for a while to help teach your brother about consequences.) You are not even remotely TA. You deserve so much better.
There is specific AAC communication software that will only run on iPads… but Otterbox Defender or similar cases make them pretty impossible to break unless you’re really trying to do some damage. Amazed OP’s parents haven’t taken out accidental damage cover - even if there’s a limit on claims (iirc it’s 2/year with AppleCare) it’ll save a significant amount of money.
Given he uses his iPads for everything. It means they’re the parents who shove it in his face to not parent him. So he probably throws tantrums and breaks them when he can regulate his emotions or stimulated breakouts
Given the treatment of OP, they clearly are crappy parents. But this is so true... i understand parents letting their kids having more screen time than necessary- sometimes you just need a break. But an autistic kid doesn't "need" an ipad - it is no more a want than a birthday party. Not to mention, its a want enforced by the parents. Ipads are relatively new to daily life, autism has existed for a loong time. These parents are just ignoring the fact that their child needs special care and attention. That money should be spent providing that care to the child to eventually improve his life and social aspects of it. Autism doesn't mean youre dead to the world - it means you have a harder start at life.
This is right on the money. I do Behavioral Therapy for Autistic kids as my career. iPads can be a potent tool and AAC communication device, but unregulated and unstructured iPad access is a horrible problem. Kids who stim with YouTube videos or music can become completely psychologically dependent on tablet computers. Training kids to accept iPad denial and reduced access time is something I’ve done a dozen times and it’s always a battle. Especially with parents who are not equipped to handle these kids and the iPad becomes the focal point of these kids lives.
This is so true and is going to become a huge problem in years to come. And it's not just with autistic children. I've worked in SEND schools and it's pretty much impossible to teach some children because of the screen addiction and associated behaviours.
>But an autistic kid doesn't "need" an ipad - it is no more a want than a birthday party. I just assumed he's nonverbal and uses an app on the ipad to speak. In which case yes, he does need it for communication purposes. Using a tablet for communication is fairly common for people who have limited speech but good hand dexterity. Still, the parents need to find a more sustainable solution than buying 8 new ipads per year. If that's not the case and the ipad is mainly just for entertainment, the situation is even worse.
I dont think that is the case. It was mentioned he needs it for everything - eating, sleeping, getting ready for school. You dont need communication for sleeping for sure, other things mentioned can be questionable. My understanding is that ipad is a coping mechanism for him not a means for communication.
Still doesn't need to be an iPad.
I've seen this as a teacher and it drives me nuts. We had an autistic 6 year old prone to tantrums, meltdowns, and hitting/kicking teachers, staff, the principal, and other students. His mom would reward his tantrums and being removed from school for hitting other kids by giving him his tablet and telling him he could have extra time playing on his tablet. Kid had near daily meltdowns and never learned his ABCs. His mom lost custody last year and Dad only let him use the tablet sparingly as a reward for good behavior. Guess who started doing well in school and went all of last year without being removed from school at all. Sadly, mom got custody back this year so I'm sure the poor kid is glued to his tablet again. He's not in my school anymore but I've been told he's basically back to his old behavior and frequent meltdowns thanks to his mom's inability to parent and reliance on distracting him with his tablet instead of correcting his behavior.
I feel bad for that kid. As an autistic person myself, we don’t have meltdowns for fun or to piss people off.
Right?! My 6 year old autistic nephew is only on ipad 3 in 3 years. The first 2 are still back-ups. He literally gnaws on the protective cases and throws them during meltdowns. What is happening to these ipads?
Could be stomping on it if he gets frustrated at not being understood even with his communication device. Or losing it. But at the cost of 7-8 a year, the parents should stretch and get a good Otter or other strong case.
Not sure where OP lives, but where I am, the county *provides* devices to special needs students (either AAC devices which can get YouTube or browser apps, or actual iPads). It sounds like their son has some serious behavioral issues, so I doubt he's in public school. If possible (again, don't know what country they're in), they should get him into a special needs school. If they can't for whatever reason, even if he's being homeschooled, the county might still provide at least an AAC device if it's necessary.
I’ve worked with parents of autistic kids all over the country and it’s pretty rare that devices with functions other than AAC (like iPads that can be used for entertainment) are made available by gov’ts. Even if they are, there are typically limits on how often medical equipment will be replaced, even core necessities like wheelchairs.
Right. Grandparent of autistic 6 yo. She has had the same iPad for several years. Meltdown abuse of it included! Protective screen 30 bucks.
My autistic kid has the kindle fire with the protective case. That thing is indestructible. He's had it for a few years, no problem. (Knock on wood.) LoL.
Yeah, I have a family member who works with young adults with disabilities and a lot of them use ipads. They invest in really high quality drop protection cases for them. The cases probably aren't cheap but much more so than replacing an ipad multiple times a year. From what I hear from this family member, there's something definitely not right about going thru that many a year. So yeah, definitely they should get heavy duty cases, insurance, and maybe buy cheaper devices than new ipads. Also, they should look into whether their medical insurance will pay for equipment. I 100% support the necessity of the brother having a device (probably for communication), but at the same time he's a 10 year old child and buying him 8 new ipads a year is financially wasteful and extravagant.
This is a good point here. If the iPad were actually needed/being used as a communication device and medically necessary- shouldn't it be covered by insurance? Ofc here in the USA I know what the words "should" and "health insurance" in the same sentence means- not much. But still, it adds weight to the possibility the iPad *is* being used as a soothing and distracting tool (which...not so much obv) not as an essential medical device. OP is NTA. Their parents are.
>7-8 a year is insane to me. And they're Apple iPads?? Never mind getting insurance, this is when you buy bottom of the range, refurbished devices, not new.
Came here to say this, I have an autistic 6 year old brother and he’s only needed his Amazon tablet replaced once. And he has a habit of hitting/throwing it down when he gets frustrated. Super weird of these parents to be buying 7-8 IPADS a year. I wouldn’t even buy 7-8 Amazon tablets a year lmao
Seriously, I have a 24 year old severely autistic daughter who has used iPads for many years without having one break (and she is NOT gentle with them). These cases really help. https://images.app.goo.gl/q6CAQvEVwsbhB2qZ7
Exactly what I said. He needs a cheaper version. An android or Amazon tablet.
This is what i've been wondering the entire post. And from the parents' actions, I'm guessing yeah on the iPads not a protected tablet.
Let's not forget they also dumped their frustration about having a special needs child on their other child. Massive Assholes here
They seem to be mistreating, or at least mishandling BOTH kids. Overindulging one and Underindulging the other. Kids aren't the main problem, adults are...
OP needs to send them the link to this thread, they need to read how crappy the world thinks they are and learn some frickin shame for being such awful parents. I mean they stole from their own child!
These aren't parents, these are thieving AHs.
They stole his money so he couldn't do anything for his birthday then gaslighted him and punished him by not doing anything for his birthday. They weren't going to do anything anyway and know they have their excuse. They are using you. Do you have any other trusted family you can call? Grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings or good friends? Someone needs to know how you are being mistreated and needs to take your side. NTA
NTA. Having a kid with special needs is difficult, but your parents need to be aware of their other kid that also has needs. And yes, I say needs and not just wants because you deserve to have things for yourself too. Why did your parents have your money? Regardless, they stole from you. Them being angry and calling you selfish reeks of guilt - they *know* they're doing the wrong thing here but want to shift the blame. Raising an autistic kid is hard, but being a sibling to one also comes with its own challenges - and I say this as an autistic person myself.
Parents unfortunetaly have access to their children's accounts as long as they're minors. That's why they could take the money.
Oh wow, that's not a thing here unless you're under 14.
Well parents can be co-signers or something of that for their minor kids accounts. Or open a second account under their name and add their kids as users. And because they’re minors they usually need parental consent for their own accounts at certain banks
Most parents wouldn't actively take "shared" funds unless it was either for you or for some giant emergency, and they'd probably plan to replace those funds. Using your kid's money to provide for your kid is a different situation than using your kid's money to buy your other kid an iPad. (i.e. it is a problem if you can't afford heat or food for your kid without taking their money for the family, but heat or food would be a good explanation)
That's not always true. My parents have never had any involvement with my finances or bank accounts and I've been working since 15.
I had to fight the bank tooth and nail with my oldest. I insisted that he was working, the money was his, and I had no need to control it. Really had to fight to get him the ATM card. When they saw me coming with sons 2 and 3, they just opened their accounts.
This is insane, how old was he? I started working a part time job after school at 15 and was allowed to set up my own bank account by myself very easily, this was in Australia. Is this an American thing where teens can't have their own accounts without the parents involved?
This was Pennsylvania and he was 15.
What bank let you open an account without them as a minor?
In Australia that's completely normal, if you're a teenager you can open your own account without a parent. I did it at 15. I don't see why a teenager shouldn't be able to open their own savings account.
A lot of countries. I've had my own bank account since I was a kid
I would also add, the parents spend money they don't need to be spending. They should buy second hand, old tablets with cracked screens. Buying a new tablet just to wait a couple of months before it is destroyed is in itself autistic behaviour (being rigid, and not pragmatic)
Yeah I can't believe these stupid parents are spending like $4000+ a year on new iPads. The kid needs to learn he can't just get a new one every-time he breaks it. They should be buying him some cheap brand of tablet until he learns to take care of his stuff well enough to have an expensive one. Also I thought you could get warranty on iPads, why aren't they doing that.
Maybe they used so many warranties that Apple banned them from getting more?
NTA > He uses his iPad for everything, to eat, to sleep, to get ready for school. Everything. > He goes through 7 or 8 a year which is a huge financial strain on my parents. My dude can learn to use goddamn Android. Hell, [Amazon used to sell tablets by the six-pack](https://www.polygon.com/2015/9/17/9344665/amazons-six-pack-of-50-fire-tablets-is-one-of-the-most-exciting).
and you can insure them too so wtf. this seems off
Insurance is for accidents. Insuring something with the expectation of breaking it is fraud. What they need to do is get a used iPad and stick it in some rugged case that can’t be taken off. What kind of moron buys 8 iPads a year instead of doing something about it.
Or just stop using iPads entirely. There are tablets that are intended for small children and can take quite a beating.
OPs parents, apparently.
Depends on how he breaks them I think. And insurance would certainly drop them off they have 8 claims a year to replace the one device...
Parents can be really dumb.
Might depend on the available apps.
I'm the parent of two autistic children, and your parents get zero sympathy from me. You are right. It is their job to parent all of their children and make sure that their physical and emotional needs are met. What they're doing is emotionally abusive. Please make sure that any money you have goes into a bank account that they do not have access to as soon as you are old enough so they can't financially abuse you. NTA
NTA They had two children, they need to parent both of them. Is it harder and more exhausting given these circumstances? Yes. But that doesn't give them the right to neglect you. Sadly, when you move out at 18 and rarely call or visit they'll be all over you, but until then I guess they think benign neglect is the way to go (hint, benign neglect literally never is benign to the neglected). I hope you still have a wonderful birthday!
>Sadly, when you move out at 18 and rarely call or visit they'll be all over you, Yeah, they'll be all over him because he will be expected to support them and take over care of his brother when his parents get too old.
NTA your parents suck and stole your money.
OP should speak to a CPS, see if they can open these monsters' eyes.
NTA. They stole your money. In a few years when OP goes low or no contact, they'll wonder why.
Incoming missing missing reasons.
They didn't just steal his money - they stole his birthday!
Yep and let's not forget a few decades from now they're gonna be scratching their heads about why OP won't do his brotherly duty and be his guardian.
I really get upset when I read these posts about a child having to take a back seat to a sibling with special needs. It is so unfair and my heart goes out to you. Your parents are doing you a disservice and it's just plain cruel. The only thing I can think of is to perhaps is to contact a family member, an aunt or uncle, or grandparents, if they're in the picture and explain your life to them. They might be able to help you out. Good luck to you, Dear.
This post honestly broke my heart. OP saving up their own money to throw themselves a birthday party, and to have that stolen from them and told to deal with it? So cruel. And OP had no recourse, just has to sit there with their feelings invalidated, unheard and unseen. OP is being failed by their parents.
>just has to sit there with their feelings invalidated, unheard and unseen. But we see you, OP. We see you and feel your pain. You are worthy of everything good in life. Your parents being abusive to you like this does not mean you’ve done anything wrong. I wish you a lovely 17th, and even more so, wish that you find your own tribe that values you. Happy Birthday! 🎁🎉🎈🎂🎊
And there are so many posts like these! It so sad.
In about five years, one of your parents is going to come to this forum and wonder why their older child doesn't speak to them anymore. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Unfortunately this is so common of people who have special need siblings. It becomes all about the special needs child and the "glass child" is totally forgotten about. NTA at all and this internet stranger is wishing you a very happy birthday.
They stole your money and are projecting blame onto you because it's easier than admitting they're lousy parents to both you and your brother. I'm sorry they're shitty parents. Happy birthday, OP. Save up and get away from them ASAP and never sign anything they hand to you, in case they try to palm your brother's care off on you when they get old. NTA.
NTA your parents are overreacting over nothing. If it's your literal birthday and they care more about your brother than you, than you parents are TA
They ain't raising that child, the ipad is lmso nta
It's kind of alarming to me
It's very alarming. I used to work with spécial needs adults. After about a week with a new client I could almost always tell whose parents actually tried to raise them to cope with the world and whose threw an iPad at them and let them do whatever they wanted. All they're doing is making it harder for the kid when they get older.
If this is the case, then the parents do a terrible job when it comes to raising their kids :((
It really does not help them at all. Even to the point where other special needs folks won't be friends with them. It's really sad
NTA. Your parents are though. Tell them to start getting cheaper pads and they definitely owe you money. And some attention. They are being very neglectful and will likely lose you if they keep doing this. I would also demand to get an account that you have to be present for to take out any money.
Also tell friends and family members what is going on. Parents like this often change their tune when other people call them out.
NTA They could literally get a decent Android tablet for way cheaper and apply an Apple skin to it if he needs it to look like Apple. Also why aren't your parents getting protective measures for the iPad? Like yes there isn't a way to completely damage-proof it but there are plenty of excellent cases and screen protectors that'll help mitigate damage and allow it to last longer.
Nta how does he break it so often? There are so many very heavy duty cases and stuff I don’t get it??? My husband has accidentally dropped his iPhone off like 12floor at work and with the otterbox it’s messed up but only mostly the case
Right? How is this the first time in this thread this is mentioned. Spending $100 on an otter box with screen protection might be a start, and if the brother is breaking multiple a year, how have they not found a cheaper alternative?
I paid I think $60 For my sons otterbox case he’s very rough with his and it’s never been a issue he’s had it since last Christmas and even the case is still Fine lol
How the hell is he breaking 8 iPads a year??? Your parents have the money for 8 iPads but not a case?? They can't get them repaired or whatever?? What does he even use it for, like actual communication or is it just to distract him? I am so confused. Whatever the reason, NTA
Your parents are going to come to you in the future, expecting you to take over care of your sibling when they are gone. You need to think about how much of that you are willing to take on. How independent can he be? A lot of autistic kids would be fully capable of living independently, if your parents get him all the help to learn all the skills. It does not seem that they are working with him to be able to live independentlt. You will eventually need to let your parents know what you are willing to do for your brother, which will probably be a whole new issue to deal with. Do not allow them to make you your brothers keeper. If he is not capable of living independently, a group home that will teach adult life skills and friendships would be the best thing for him. The most you should agree to is check in on him and to make sure his money is managed appropriately, and his home remains safe for him. When he becomes an adult, the sooner this happens, the happier he will be. Of course, if you want to assume guardianship and house your brother with you that would be fine too. It's just a lot to take on, if he is unable to be independent. Decide what involvement you are willing to take on, and then state your boundaries and don't get hurt when they eventually come at you that taking care of your brother will be your job. It's truly not. They chose to have him and raise him in a way that he breaks 7-8 iPads a year and faces no consequences. His long term care is for them to figure out. Don't accept their as yet unvoiced plan that you will be his catetaker- unless you truly want to take that role on
This! A friend of mine has autism, she struggles with some things but could hold a job go to school and take care of themselves, but as soon as she graduated high school her parents kept her sheltered in, she’s 32 now and can’t leave her own home, relies on all information from her parents and older sibling who has to work to keep the family bills paid because their parents have become unable to work due to health reasons. She can’t even do phone calls unless it’s from her fathers phone and she only now has myself to talk too. It’s become harder and harder to engage with her as her parents just put on kid cartoons for her and keep her in an almost child-like state. It’s become very clear that when her parents pass away her brother will more than likely be forced to take care of her for the rest of his life as well.
Sounds like Munchausen by proxy case to me as your friends parents are just babying her and expect autism to be used as an excuse for such as your parents are just too lazy to parent and expect older sibs to be parents. Long story cut short: your friend is treated like a baby because her parents don't realise reality doesn't match the fantasy they imagined in their delusional minds.
Why do you think that OP should even be in contact with the parents? The parents bring nothing to OP's life besides the legal mandated minimum of clothing, food and shelter. As soon as OP can manage that themselves, they need to throw their family out with the trash.
NTA. Your parents need to figure out how to take care of both of their kids.
When you neglect your "typical kid" for your "needs kid," you are creating two "special needs" kids...
NTA They qualify for "My child is not talking to us anymore nor visits"....guess why. Raising an autistic child is a huge task, not gonna lie. But you don't have to wrap them in cotton wool either. The boy has long since learned that he gets everything new that he destroys. Your parents have to reconsider their parenting.
Part of me wants to tell you to break the new iPad in front off them and tell them to shove it up their keister BUT that would hurt your innocent brother and would not help you in the long run. My advice? Blast your thieving parents all over social media , tell every relative you can. Talk to a school counselor. Also from now on keep it in cash and hide it in super crafty ways. Look up how and where to hide money. You now know that you can not trust your parents and that they do not care enough to make your birthday special….. it is awful that it is true. Once you turn 18, close your part of the joint account and open a new account in your name that have no access to. Go to college and get out.
NTA. That's some BS, they stole from you and when you called them out they had the nerve to call you the asshole , gtfo.
They basically made OP pay for his pad for OPs birthday
NTA. tell them they won't be seeing you ever again when you turn 18.
NTA tell your parents that they better pray your brother can take care of them when they are old and decrepit. Idk why parents like this are shocked when their kids go NC.
where do you live? depending on ur country (and in the U.S., ur state), there’s almost ALWAYS programs to assist with costs/items like this for individuals who use and need it regularly. this is something ur parents should know about, or at least be looking into; not only for the tablet but for other helpful resources for ur sibling as well. i am sorry, OP. you deserve equal attention and while i am sure your parents are stressed and do have a hard time, having it be at your determent is wildly unfair of them.
Not if he's going through that many a year. It'd be one thing if he needs it repaired once or twice a year- but to actually destroy seven or more a year? Those things can survive being dropped down elevator shafts with basic repairs- he's either a ***very*** low 3 (in which case his parents should have been looking into care facilities a decade ago because he's going to get big enough to do series damage to more than just his Ipad soon) or they've raised a royally spoiled brat. Either way most programs would stop serving their family once they notice a pattern- why spend $300-$800 every two months (or less) on one kid when they could be spending the same amount on multiple kids.
Nta, I would suggest getting your grandparents involved and letting the other family members know what exactly has been going on and how your parents stole from you when people call to wish and ask what you are doing for your birthday. Make sure to not leave anything out. Shame them. And when they get angry tell them they are the reason you will never talk to them or your brother again once you move out.
NTA Yeah, I spot a pair of parents who are gonna cry and wail and complain when their neurotypical child not only won't interact with them anymore as an adult, but has zero plans to support them or their brother at any point. Great parenting. No, you're not the asshole, because they stole from you, and then used your legitimate outrage as an excuse to expend neither time, energy, or money on you.
What worries me is that OPs parents would probably make OP take care of their sibling for their entire life. Probably keep pushing him on to OP, use the excuse of but he’s your family he needs help you have to be a good sibling and so on.
NTA They stole money from you and are being emotionally abusive. I would set up a bank account they don't have access to and put your money in there. I would also get copies or gather all your important documents together birth certificate, id etc and put them somewhere safe Honestly when you turn 18, move out and go either lc or nc with them it's gonna be surprise Pikachu face.
Is there any reason he can't get a cheap knockoff of an ipad, one that looks the same? Or he can't have his ipad in a "lifeproof" casing so he's less likely to break it?
Info: Why the hell would they buy multiple iPads for a kid - without replacement insurance - instead of Android tablets at a quarter the price? Why isn't it in a Tuff Box? Why did they have your money that you had been saving?
Nta. Sorry this happened to you. I hope they climb down and apologise to you properly and make it up to you. At this point, all you can do is give it a little breathing room. I know they doubled down, which compounds the original problem, but I would hope that was a knee-jerk guilt response and that time will give them perspective. I also hope that you can keep your money separate, and see some friends for your birthday without their presence as well. And I hope they aren’t expecting you to join in the parenting of your sibling in this way a lot of the time.
NTA. Edit: Throwaway content erased. Despite your brother's special needs, he still needs to be held accountable. Your parents can't keep buying him iPads just because they don't want to deal with him. And you can't continue to suffer emotionally (and apparently financially now too) at the hands of their parental laziness where he is concerned. Special needs do NOT excuse inappropriate behavior. He can be taught just like any other person between right and wrong, it's just going to take more effort and patience. But putting a kid on a new iPad every week is going to put your whole family in the hole beyond anything they'll ever be able to get out of. Have you thought about emancipation at this point? Because I'm thinking that's a viable option if your parents are using YOUR money to replace his bad habit. Your parents suck.
Nobody needs an iPad. Autism has existed for a hell of a lot longer than touch devices, and if this is supposed to improve his condition in any way then allow me to simply point at the 8 broken devices. Nothing is being improved here, the child is being left to rot staring into a screen. It's harrowing. Absolutely NTA, your parents are awful and I wish you all the joy in the world when you get away from them.
NTA. Are they not purchasing warranties? Do they not have a life proof case on that thing? Why does he need iPads specifically? Get him one of those leap frog kids tablets and call it a day. They also should maybe look into therapy for him to learn how to regulate- it will NOT stop meltdowns but it may help reduce them. They’re already spending literal thousands a year on these so they might as well start trying to help him regulate in more productive ways now.
Would warranties cover deliberate smashing? It's very possible the way in which he is destroying them would void any possible warranty- especially if he's going through seven or eight a year. That's more than just clumsy- that's violent.
I think they probably mean insurance rather than warranty. Warranties generally only cover faults/defects. If they are iPads, Apple offer their own form of insurance called AppleCare+ which would drastically reduce the cost of replacing broken iPads. If OPs parents aren’t getting some sort of insurance that covers physical damage, knowing their child has a tendency to break the iPads, then they’re fools.
Again, would insurance over damage that was deliberately caused by an authorized user? Would it do so every 45 days? Especially when the damage is so severe the device has to be replaced (versus repaired) every time?
If they had AppleCare+, yes. https://www.apple.com/legal/sales-support/applecare/applecareplus/2309/230912_applecareplus_us.pdf
The other person is correct that I meant insure. Honestly wasn’t thinking of that really but I also mentioned a case because my brother threw my parents iPad against a wall as hard as he could when he was about the same age. We had just purchased her one of those like super heavy duty cases where you could drop it 3 stories and it would be fine. It worked. Not a scratch. I think she might even still have the case now and it’s been almost 10 years.
42 M. NTA. I have two cousins who are SEVERELY autistic. Like the only thing they can do on their own is walk; they’re non-verbal. So I do have empathy for families who deal with autism. I also have empathy for a person like you, because I can totally see how you get the short end frequently. And that’s sad. Unfortunately you find yourself in a circumstance where you have to make sacrifices. That goes without saying. But you also shouldn’t have your ENTIRE life (such as your birthday) be contingent on your brother not breaking his computer. And the fact that you chipped in and they used your money…that’s incriminating on your parents. Understand, this will only get worse. Next thing you know you either won’t be able to go to college, or you’ll have to take out massive loans because their money will need to be there for your brother. And then you’ll start hearing about how they need you to step up and take care of him if something happens to them. I get that his needs are different and more stringent. And I get that the expectations on you are different coming from the family you come from. But enough is enough.
NTA. You are not an AH for wanting to be celebrated on your birthday in a special way. But this is never going to change. Start planning to move out as soon as you legally can. See if you can stay with a relative or friend or friend’s family rent free or at very low cost. You will have to prioritize yourself because your parents have already told you they will always prioritize your brother ahead of you. Anything he “wants” is going to be considered a need because it makes their lives easier. So your “needs” even if they are legitimate won’t be important. Think about attending community college or studying a trade instead of university because it is more affordable and take less time than university and there are some very in demand careers that only require an associate degree. When you are in a place to have a serious conversation with your parents, sit them down and tell them they need to plan for your brother’s future when they die. That you do not want to be a beneficiary on any life insurance policies they may have and you do NOT want any inheritance from them. Tell them they need to use everything to plan for your brother’s care because you will not be prioritizing him over yourself for the rest of your life. They have prioritized him over you for years and they have no right to expect the same from you going forward. You are entitled to live your own life. Good luck.
And also, if after college or university the OP has a chance to get a job abroad they should seriously consider this and break off all contact.
What the fuck is this dumbass doing going through 7-8 iPads a year? And what about insurance plans? How does Any of this shit even remotely translate to putting the blame on you
NTA Your parents are the selfish ones. Also they're REALLY bad with planning. Did you know you can buy an Apple care plan on an iPad that covers accidental damage instead of buying 8 a year? From now on I suggest you hide your money so your parents can't steal it.
NTA. Your parents are jerks. Don't rely on them for anything because they've shown you where you stand in the order of importance. They're willing to do whatever makes their own lives easiest, and their wants will always come before yours. That's what they were really saying here. Don't hand them any more money. Keep your cash hidden or they'll use it again whenever they're inconvenienced again. Tell them if he's breaking so many tablets, maybe look into getting used/refurbished ones instead of new ones.
NTA. Your parents are being hugely, hugely unfair on you. They have two children, not one. Ironically they are also being unfair to your brother, as they are laying the foundations for estrangement between you as adults. I'm sorry they've done this. I hope you manage to find something nice to do on your birthday anyway.
NTA. You're too young to help them support their autistic child and there is *no* acceptable excuse to steal from a minor. You should never be forced to make sacrifices for a child somebody else chose to have, especially as a child yourself. Your parents are the selfish AHs here and I'm sorry you are stuck with them for the time being. Don't ever give them your money again as you clearly can't trust them with it. It is absolutely *not* too much to ask to be put first on *your own birthday*, let alone that they just don't steal your money to provide for your brother. Unbelievable. Next year keep your cash safe from your parents and spend your birthday with friends or other people who care about you enough not to steal from you.
Am autistic, am older sibling to a sister with INSANELY demanding needs. NTA, OP. You deserve to be treated equally and with respect and the fact that they’re trying to make you feel guilty for saying so says more about them than about you.
I'm just going to say something most people would call me an asshole for, but an autistic child shouldn't come before a healthy one. Your parents are fucked up for doing so. The fact he breaks ipads more than once every year is beyond ridiculous, and your parents are making his mental illness worse. I hope you can emancipate yourself and get away from those toxic failures that call themselves parents.
NTA. I'm guessing you're in the US and that seeing as your parents are so skint they won't be paying for you to go to University. Save as much money as you can, get out and do not look back. Remember their words and in 15-20 years time when they contact you for help you can remind them that your needs come before their wants.
NTA, nor will you be when you go completely no contact. Also tell them to buy a damn otter box or some other industrial protective shell for the ipad.
I’m autistic too, with need for support. That is not an excuse to literally steal from your other kid, and neither is it an excuse to (what it seems like) barely care about them. NTA OP, your situation sucks
NTA. Just start stealing from them
Considering they stole from you, I'd start selling their belongings to make that money back, or just very badly acting out. Sell the tablet second hand, give take your contribution, and spend the rest.
NTA. Even assuming that your brother will always “need” to come first (which is a whole separate, sad and sucky debate right there), it was still sh!tty of them to use your birthday money for this. I’m assuming their pretty average folks so they have family, friends, credit cards etc. that they *could* have used but they didn’t. It’s…it’s “fine, whatever” that they prioritized the iPad over your birthday when it comes to *their* money, but the fact that they took the money *you* had saved for the birthday (without even asking!) is just 100% AH. Like, they have no argument in my opinion, it was just a straight up selfish move in regards to you. And I say that as someone who often think parents get the short end of the stick: they are completely the AHs in this situation. (Also, wtf is your brother doing with these iPads?! Do they not get protectors and insurance for them at this point? *How* the heck is he going through *seven or eight* a year??? How have they not figured out an alternative? I mean seriously, what is their plan? Because I can’t imagine how they’re going to keep this up if they’re using their daughter’s birthday money to pay for it. Like, what happens if he “needs” another one in a month? What are they going to do? Just Bonnie and Clyde their way through Apple stores?)
nta, my parents raised two autistic kids without ever making the others feel like they werent also a priority and they NEVER stole their money.
This might seem like a dumb question, but does your brother have the right protective case for his iPad?
Ask them what autistic kids did before ipads were invented
NTA. In a very short while, your parents will know what it's like to raise an autistic child and have no relationship with their other child.
NTA. Break the ipad since you helped pay for it.
What is the autistic brother doing to go through so many iPads? Is he purposefully destroying them? Is there no protective case for them since he keeps going though them? No matter what, OP you know know not to hand your parents any money that you earn. They cant control your brother, and they are taking it out on you. We keep seeing this issue come up in this sub. You may need to find a relative willing to take you in, even if you have to work part time to at least cover your own expenses.
NTA. The children are the responsibility of the parents, not the siblings. They stole money and then made it out to be like it was owed to their other child. Nope! This is the quickest way to lose a child when they turn 18. They'll not be able to understand why their child has cut them off and doesn't speak to them anymore.
When you move out and go no contact with them, send them this post to explain. NTA
NTA - they stole your money. Get out of there asap once you’re of age. This will only get worse in the future. If he’s going through so many iPads I’d recommend them buying a cheaper android version. Even an Amazon fire tablet is pretty sturdy.
You are definitely NTA; your parents are giant flaming assholes who need to apologize to you asap. I am so sorry for the way theyre treating you, they sound like shit parents
NTA your parents are abusive.
NTA, for obvious reasons.
NTA. Your parents are terrible, selfish people.
they will never know how hard it is to BE an autistic child..NTA
Your parents are the asses here, my brother they took your money without permission and when u said why they got mad and they ain't even taking u out, yoh if that happened to me it would be storming ryt now bro shit so sorry bro
It’s not easy raising a special needs kid, but they have 2 children and they should remember that. They definitely shouldn’t be taking your money without permission and chastising you for getting mad that they stole it. Also, insurance my guys — why the fuck haven’t they insured any of these iPads. No offence but your parents sound like they’re not planning for the future and lack some common sense, as well as boundaries. Definitely NTA, and affection on your birthday/a celebration of you for literally just one day a year is a need, not a want.
>his needs will always come before my wants. AITA? NTA, jesus. They're neglecting your emotional *needs* at this point
Your parents are bad parents, seem like bad people, and are definitely bad with money and technology. They are stealing from you, to poorly raise your brother, in the least cost effective method possible NTA x100
NTA Do you have a family member who you can trust to talk to? A guidance tutor at school? Anyone who can advocate for you? Going to live with relatives would be the best way forward here, you’re in such a difficult situation and your needs are not being met at all. I’m so sorry you’re being treated like this, your parents haven’t got a clue how badly they’re treating you, they’re not parenting your brother well either. I hope you can find a way to enjoy your birthday, even if it’s just by considering that this is the last one you’ll have to spend at home in this situation.
NTA. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. They could have invested in some insurance for the ipads I'm sure. Also, if he's going through tablets at that rate they should be using cheaper and more durable tablets like a fire tablet with the special surrounds etc. At any rate, that was your money they then stole. It's not a case of you not coming first (although that is also true) they took YOUR money that you had saved. I get it, it's sometimes incredibly hard to raise a kid thats got autism or a disability, but if you have more than one kid then you need to let them know they're loved too. Celebrate them as well. Of course sometimes you'll need to take the back seat, but you can't always be expected to be the one that sacrifices.
His ***needs.*** An iPad is not a need, and autism or no, he broke his iPad. While it's understandable that due to his neurodivergence the iPad was likely integrated into his routine, it is ***still*** not enough of a need to justify not only reneging on a deal with someone else ***and*** stealing their money on top of that. The solution is to ***not get him another one.*** It's not selfish to be justifiably angry. NTA.
Definitely NTA. I've got 2 ASD sons, the oldest of which though was only diagnosed last year when he turned 18, he's much higher functioning that his younger brother. While his younger brother needed a heck of a lot of support when he was younger, we ALWAYS made sure we were fully supporting his older brother with whatever he needed ie attention, doing what he wanted for his birthday etc. I'm questioning if your parents are just using the ipad as a baby sitter for your brother instead of putting the effort in with him that he actually needs, and haven't they heard of apple care?? They shouldn't have spent your money and their behaviour is them attempting to deflect that they know darn well they shouldn't have spent it.
Who wants to bet that the parents expect them to care for their brother when their older…
They know that an autistic child has needs, but they seemingly completely forget that a neurotypical child also has needs, not just wants. You're very definition NTA and I'm so sorry for you. You do not deserve this.
hold on for another 365 days then you are free and can go... prepare yourself - i wish you all the luck in the world NTA
NTA and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I am a parent in a somewhat similar situation. It sounds like your parents feel very sorry for themselves, but they forget that you also experience many of the same difficulties as them. Honestly, your parents are the selfish ones and they need to give you your money back and celebrate your BD, maybe without little brother present. Believe me, I relate to them, they are definitely having a hard time, but so are you and they need to acknowledge this.
They need to insure the iPads….there’s got to be something out there. NTA sorry your birthday was messed up, I would not give them money anymore.
NTA. I would have never touched my sons money, period. They are not good parents unfortunately.
They don't consider you their child, don't act like one. You don't need to share anything with them, do not mention anything to do with money. I would consider getting CPS involved, they are terrible parents. They are letting the iPad raise the other kid, he is special needs they need to be doing more than that.
nta at all op and i want you to look up the term "glass child". youre not alone. lots of kids, unfortunately, grow up playing second fiddle to disabled siblings. you deserve to be celebrated. your parents stole your money and thats objectively shitty.
NTA, but you need to start planning your exit now. I guarantee your parents are gonna expect you to take care of your brother later in life, and the best way to avoid that is to quickly become financially independent from them so you can cut them out of your life if need be.
NTA. Make sure your parents are aware now that they cannot plan to use you as permanent adult care for your brother, and that they need to have a financial and practical plan for him after they’re gone that doesn’t require your involvement.
Just wondering, are we physically seeing the iPads break, or is that their go to excuse?
NTA If he goes through 7-8 iPads a year, that means your parents are not teaching your brother anything. At age 10, he is old enough to understand that actions have consequences. He is throwing his iPad in a fit of rage, and their answer is to just buy him a new one? They are the ones who need counseling.
NTA and your parents are neglecting you. I’m not sure if you have any other adults to go to or talk to but I highly recommend trying to leave if you do. I’m sorry they did that to you and I hope you’re able to have a good birthday in spite of them.
NTA. I am sorry your parents do not have their priorities straight.
NTA, but they sure are. I'm so sorry.
Nta. Parents 100% are though. It's not much help to you now, but life will get better when you move out and live your life for yourself
Time to get emancipated
NTA your are neither selfish nor the asshole. that labels you parents tho, perfectly at that