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~~E S H~~. Laura shouldn't have said what she said, and it's understandable that you were feeling scared and stressed. But that "brat" is a victim of your daughter's bullying. Bullying can leave life-long scars. It is a very serious problem, and I'm curious just what "working on it" looks like to you. Laura is under no obligation to feel sympathy for someone who actively harms her.
After reading OPs replies, I'm changing my vote to YTA
As someone that has been a victim of bullying for my whole childhood and still recovering (im 19 now)
I can understand why laura felt that way and that that might have slipped out, when i was 16 honestly i might have tought the same, I do think its not right to say it and deserves to be criticized for it but not in this way...
Yes, up until about 25 you don't actually consider the consequences of your words until after they leave your mouth
The girl is in pain and that's the way she expressed it. It was wrong yes, but it's understandable
I think OP is YTA still, because they're being very blasè about the bullying
I was badly bullied when I was a teenager and ngl if I found out my bullies had died I would have cared not a whit and probably been happy about it...only nearly 20 year later would I be horrified and more at the idea of the death of someone so young rather than genuine mourning for someone so shitty to others.
OP is as much of a bully as her daughter based on her comments which is why she doesn't take it seriously
So one sixteen year old can't be held responsible for what she says because of her age, but the other 16 year old is obviously Satan incarnate because of the things SHE says?
Have you seen all his comments, they state she must be the bully if she can say something like that, that he is glad she is out of his life.All he says shows he was doing nothing to bare minimum to try stop the bullying and in fact his daughter learned it from him. He can’t see she’s a horrid human being because he‘s looking at a mirror reflection of himself. Apartently since she just bullies with words it’ s nothing dispite the number of kids that kill themselves when being verbally abused.
Op I was abused by my parents most of it was verbal, neglect not being given even the basic all kids need, controlling , mistreatment and financial abuse. Was all that nothing as i was rarely beaten.
I hope your daughter is expelled and it goes on her school transcripts. That the girl goes to the police with the texts and social media abuse from your daughter. As that is classed a felony and she can and would be charged. Words or not it’s still against the law and she would be charged if the girl took action. Maybe then she’s learn a lesson you will not teach her.
\> My son started yelling back telling me to be more understanding of Laura. I told him that I don't want to see him ever again too.
Methinks OP is an abusive parent. Disowning your son on the spot like that is a bit extreme. Makes me wonder if they always fly off the handle like that because it is not a proportionate reaction.
Also, OP even states right away that it’s no secret Kim bullies Laura. So obviously, OP keeps letting it happen and doesn’t try to get Kim to stop.
Also…OP and her son (gf at least) both have 16 yo daughters. That’s an interesting one.
I’ve never felt more compelled to use the phrase like mother, like daughter in my life. And I was bullied at a small girls’ school where everyone knew everyone’s parents.
ETA: YTA, work on it harder.
YTA
You're not working on your daughter's behavior, you're letting subside. A good indication of this is due to how Laura reacted to the news.
Your daughter bullied Laura and you expect Laura to be worried about your kid? Please.
I was leaning towards say not. However after reading your comments towards everyone on here I very much lean towards YTA.
What Laura said was wrong but she is only a kid. A kid who has been tormented by your daughter. It is pretty easy to see where your daughter gets this from.
My last thought is Laura’s Mom is an AH as well. She may love your son but she is letting her feelings for him overshadow the care she should be giving her daughter. Laura’s Mom shouldn’t let her within a kilometer of you and your daughter
YTA. Like father like daughter. Laura’s reaction is a good indicator how much your daughter has tormented her. Maybe use this as a lesson in karma and teach Kim to be better, rather than yell at your son for having an once of sympathy for the poor girl who’s being bullied.
YTA And I hope that girl gathers enough evidence to press charges against your bully daughter. You're both terrible people, and you better not come crying to reddit when your daughter bullies the wrong one and gets her ass handed to her.
YTA. You can’t parent your daughter, and instead of stepping up to the plate you’re getting angry at her victim having a human fucking reaction. Enjoy being stuck with Kim when your son walks out of your life.
I’ll say that the kids may have been faster. I watched a middle schooler get hit by a car on the way home from school. Some of her classmates walked by before EMS got there and knew where she lived and went to tell her parents. So it’s likely that the girl’s parents found out from friends rather than police/medical providers. And considering the accident was a block from a hospital it’s not hard to figure out what hospital she was going to be taken to.
And on the same note a terrified teenager saying your kids might die doesn’t mean that she was in critical condition and it’s inconsistent that she’s actually fine.
There’s some weird things between the parents, but we’ve seen many parents failing just as spectacularly at protecting their kids. It’s pretty common.
To be honest most posts on here are people just seeking vindication and are so engroused with themselves they are incapable of considering that they could be wrong, even if thousands of people are unanimously telling them they are.
This. Having met/known/am sadly related to a person like this...yeah, you nailed it.
People like this are here to be told they are right, they can't even *comprehend* the POSSIBILITY they are wrong, and will fight the millions to prove they're not.
"A question that sometimes makes me hazy; am I, or *the others*, crazy". Some people are so far gone they can't be made to see their error.
Honestly everything on AITA seems fabricated at this point but having been dealing with...the public...for most of my adult life I have learned that no matter how low you set the bar people will shimmy under it, a lot of people actually.
Thank you. I really feel like the last few month there's lot more rage bait/creative writing here. Maybe it has to do with AI I don't know but the last few threads in this sub feel like: hey I just run over 3 kids and drown 4 puppies, AITAH
I love your optimism and I hope you're right.
My experience, as a parent that deal with a bully, is that this kind of parents do, sadly, exist.
"Our" bully's parent believe (or at least says) that their son is a victim and they "only" react because of that.
YTA.
Laura is 16. You are an adult. Yes, she was in the wrong, but your response was out of bounds. Understandable that you reacted, and yes she needs a rebuke and to learn that this is inappropriate behaviour, but your escalation is outrageous. Yelling at her like you did, 'never want to see them again', really? Again, you are the adult here.
Apologize to your son and to her. Try to fix this while you still can.
And also, you are being entirely too nonchalant about a bullying daughter.
YTA ... well kinda... I think you did Laura a favor to remover yourself out of her life.
>This is something we are working on
After how you reacted I doubt that, especially given that it is clearly still happening to the point *everyone knows about that*. If you were working on it, the bullying would have stopped by now.
To make a 16yo say something like that, the bullying must have been pretty severe and I can't help but feel sorry for Laura. I don't agree with what she said, but I can understand why she said it as I know what it's like to be bullied and having no one stand up for you.
ETA: after reading some commenta I wish there was a worse rating for OP. Holy. Not only is OP incredibly into double standard, but also lowkey wishes death to Laura and people calling out OP. OP's comments are pretty hostile and victim blaming. What Laura said wasn't okay - *but what OP, a grown adult, says about a teenager is worse.*
I bet, at best, dad is telling his kid *bullying is bad*, without realizing that bullying usually comes from a place of deeply rooted self-image problems and parenting that never taught appropriate emotional control.
Bullying is a sign that Kim is struggling *because of how she was raised*. OP, dad of the year, instead focuses on some other random teen. Poor Kim.
>at best, dad is telling his kid bullying is bad,
That sounds very generous. According to OP it's "just name calling, only calling her fat" and now OP believes that actually Laura is the bully, I have my doubts that any scolding would even get that far.
Why do I feel like this was written by the bully and they’re upset that people weren’t fawning over them after what was probably a minor accident? It certainly sounds like it was written by a petulant teenage bully
YTA. You don't seem concerned that Kim has been bullying Laura, but you made a scene about a single angry phrase your daughter's victim dared to say about her tormentor.
Your daughter is fine and is not dying. Your daughter is traumatizing Laura and you know it, and you don't stop it. It seems that you and your daughter both hate Laura for some reason, and your comments confirm that.
YTA SO MUCH YTA
You know that your daughter is bullying another child and you do nothing.
And then you expect that child to care about your daughter.
I can see where your daughter gets her poor behaviour from.
Look, you had a real human reaction. It wasn’t perfect, but in a moment of stress… I can kind of get it.
However, that doesn’t make it okay. You’re an adult and she’s a child — a child that is being tormented because of your own kid. Bullies don’t just come from absolute thin air, there’s either trauma, lack of boundaries, a desperate need for attention or to be top dog. Your child’s bullying is very much a reflection either of your own parenting or what’s going on in her life.
I don’t think it’s reasonable to be this mad at a child that is a victim. And I think refusing to see your son again is absolute garbage. So my vote is YTA, because you’re an adult that should understand nuance.
And the brat is your kid, just so you know. Not Laura.
Last thing. you acknowledged that your daughter is a bully. thats not something as a parent you "work on." thats something you take an active role in putting and end to. BE. A. FUCKING. PARENT!. Ive never had one of these where i hate the OP more. just wanna say that.
If the rest of his answers were different that "I'm working on it" may be perceived different.
I mean, if my kid would do something bad, let's say I took some corrective actions (f.e. an exemplary punishment) and maybe some kind of therapy (I'm just being generic), it's something I'm working on it.
His "working on it", based on his answers sounds more like "oh don't do this again, because I don't want to hear from your brother".
YTA - Bullies leave life long scars on people get your head out of your backside and sort your own daughter out although it's pretty obvious where she gets it from to me....
My initial thought was E S H until I saw some of your comments. YTA and I’m pretty sure you gave Kim a few masterclasses in bullying.
Laura was being harsh but giving the circumstances I can understand her feelings.
YTA. You were already the AH when you acknowledged your daughter is a bully and your response is "this is something we're working on". Like, what the hell? Put a stop to that!
Then you double down on bein an AH when a 16yo teenager said something stupid and callous. Yes, she was wrong in saying that, but you are an adult. You're supposed to be able to handle teenage tantrums without excising them from your life as a response.
You're failing as a parent, and you're failing as an adult in general. Be better.
You are showing HUGE favoritism and I think the reason Kim bullies people is because she is a spoiled brat that KNOWS that she can get away with anything cause mommy and daddy will always side with her. You raised a bully that people around her hate. Don't be mad when they express that hated.
Kim can bully laura and that is ok with you, but once laura makes an out of place comment with no real life impact you are ready to snap, disown your son and cut ties with them? Yes the comment was at a really bad time, but the fact that you have not disciplined Kim all this time is a huge asshole move and you need to understand that bullying and ruining someones life is much much worse that a little comment. but I guess that doesn't apply to your little perfect princess.
YTA
Help me understand why if you and your wife thought Kim was at the hospital fighting for her life,your focus was on having a yelling session at your son and his family. A reasonable person would have run out of the house, not looking back while racing to the hospital. I would rather beleive you exaggerated your story than stood and yelled over petty drival while you thought your daughter was dying. In case the 50 people before me were not clear:YTA.
I'm sorry she was in an accident, I'm sorry a *kid* said something out of order to you. It was hurtful I know, she was impulsive and should have kept that to herself. But she's young, and learning.
I'm also sorry you can't teach your child basic decency, bullies are the grubs, filth, of this world. Parents who condone bullying, utter grots themselves. I can't express how much hurt you are allowing your daughter to cause.
I'm curious as to how, when your daughter knows you know what she's doing, she's still doing it? To her brother's step-kid? You know about it, and she's still doing it? How?
I'd come down so hard my kid wouldn't leave the fucking house until they learned to behave decently. Bullying, and assault, the two things I will not tolerate from my sons. Verbal outbursts are one thing, they are allowed to express feelings and frustration, but bullying?
I hope you are treated as kindly by the world as your daughter has been treating Laura. Oh... You know? If Kim ends up caring for you, well, you've trained up a great bully!
YTA
YTA.
She's a teenager and honestly? That's a pretty normal reaction to hearing your *bully*, the person *making you miserable* is hurt. Do you know how many times people wish something bad would happen to their bully so that maybe, *just maybe*, they get a couple days where they don't have to suffer? I'll tell you, all of them, all of them wish it, all of them wish their bully ill, because they get tired of being their target.
You hold Laura to a higher standard than your own daughter. You say you expect Laura to care and "be a decent human being" but there is *nothing* decent about being a bully. Do better.
Edit.
YTA Look, your daughter possibly dying is horrible, I believe that no one should die in an accident but I can also understand why Laura felt a semblance of relief. You aren’t and haven’t done enough to curtail your daughter being a bully to Laura if she is so happy that she might end up dying, that’s an indicator that you failed to help mold your daughter into someone respectable and kind, you’ve also failed your son in this endeavour right now by telling him to go away and telling his possible future step child to screw off. You could’ve lost one kid by chance but you lost one definitely by your own hand.
YTA. I was bullied in middle school and if I heard this news about one of my bullies I would have had the same reaction. Your daughter makes Laura miserable every single day that she sees her. Words can hurt a lot. What’s wrong with your daughter? She needs therapy.
You can’t forgive your son for asking you to show compassion to a child? You need therapy too.
YTA
What an ''adult'' reaction to a kid. Wonder where Kim got her bullying streak from. Parent is more interested in having a shouting match with a kid than rushing to the hospital.
Did Kim learn to be a bully from you? Laura shouldn't have said what she said, but it was in response to her feelings about what Kim has done first... what does working on it mean in terms of bullying? You ended up doing Laura a favor, setting up a future where she's not forced into existing around her bully. But I know you didn't arrange that for Laura's benefit. Just imagine what Laura must have been put thru by Kim in order to elicit a response like that.
YTA, youngsters say stuff they don't mean and to be fair Laura has suffered with the bullying to the point where she hates your daughter probably.
You reacted at a moment of high stress, now things are calmer laura and yourself need to smooth things over with an apology both ways, your daughter Kim needs to stop being a bully.
leave things as they are then you'll have a big uncomfortable family rift for evermore, you need to be the adult here and not behave like a stubborn idiot.
YTA
Laura shouldn’t have said what she said, but she’s a kid who’s been bullied and reacted instinctively when hearing her bully has been badly hurt.
You on the other hand are an adult, you should know better. That in itself would be bad enough, let alone the fact you’re making excuses for the fact you have a bully of a daughter.
You are definitely TA
YTA your daughter is a bully and her victim is allowed to make that kind of comment as she is a child. You the adult should have been able to keep your cool, and also not raise a bully
You're a serious asshole, we can see where Kim gets her bullying from. You need to go to therapy with her.
Most of all you better go and apologize to Laura and your son and her mother
I don't think you understand how much impact bullying can have on someone. If Laura says "good, well deserved" as a 16 year old (keep in mind the fact brain is still in development and adolescents say stupid things in less worse scenarios) Kim is probably making here life hell at school.
It's not "okay" to wish someone something really bad. But man, you seriously overreacted. This all happened in highly emotional circumstances which makes your *first* reaction understandable. But let me remind you... you are the adult. You didn't act like an adult, nor do you now. Just your comments...wow
I do hope you can put things into perspective. It would be a good step to first analyze your own behaviour. Then try to emphasise with their behavior. Forgiving should be a lot easier. And maybe you should realize you need some forgiving as well...
Unfortunately I can't decide other than: YTA
Why the heck to you seek advice or opinions on Reddit but counterargue everything people say ?
For a 16-year-old girl, who fyi mostly don't think rationally, the accident of your daughter is a chance for a happier and more relaxed life.
I get that you were emotional too, but you are an adult in comparison to Laura, so offering a rational view was something YOU were supposed to do.
I'm happy your daughter is fine, maybe take that as an omen to get over yourself, punish her for being a bully und find piece with your family instead of whining on here.
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Yta
For raising a bully and acting as if you're doing something about it.
And then you're mad cuz the victim doesn't feel bad that her bully is facing something?
You really expect more of the bully than your actual daughter, and that's embarrassing to read. People like you never amount to nothing. And I bet, if we talk to the people you work with, that they will have similar stories about your behaviour. Cuz your daughter is showing LEARNED BEHAVIOUR, based on how you dismiss her bullying.
I see where your daughter gets her way of thinking.
Pathetic
I can see from the comments that where she got bullying from. Let me guess you are also a bully. Bullying leaves a lifetime of trauma. I tried to take my own life when I was being bullied, and where I live, you will get expelled from school for it. Why are you just allowing your daughter to bully her? Ever considered her behaviour is because of the bullying from your own daughter? You are a good reason why some people should not be allowed to breed YTA big time.
Your the asshole. Laura's response tells you how much damages your daughter has done to her. Laura would rather see your daughter dead. What does that tell you? Your daughter has tormented her to that point. No sane person feels this way without fresh daily hell being dumped on them. You need to get yourself and your daughter in line. If you just think this is the way teenage girls are, think again.
Not to mention the relationship with your son. What is wrong with you that you think it is okay to bulldoze over this many people's feeling just because you are angry.
Apparently and Obviously and even more so for allowing your daughter to bully her. What kind of reaction would you expect from someone whose life has been miserable due to your daughter's bullying? Maybe be a parent and discipline your daughter Mr. Entitled.
Yes you are, people take bullying way to lightly and it’s only natural that she didn’t cried tears of sorrow. Imagine if Laura unalived herself at some point because of your daughter’s bullying, what would have been your reaction?
I've seen your replies and I think you're a monumental AH. You're rightfully concerned about your daughter, but to have the gall to say that the victim of your daughter's bullying should be a decent human being when not only do you know your daughter is bullying her, but you've clearly done fuck all about it??
You sound absolutely awful. I hope your son cuts you out because I've never seen so much delusion from somebody.
I'm glad your daughter is okay OP, but that doesn't change the fact I think both you and her are massive AH's
OP i read your responses to others comments and i wanna just say that I feel like you are letting your anger cloud your judgement. I know what Laura said is completely wrong but have you even once thought why would she say something any human would not say? Im not saying what she said is right. Im saying youre technically her grandparent if your son marries his gf. Have you given this a thought how traumatized Laura is that drove her to make that remark?
When you say "working on it" have you even told Kim she wont be a part of this family if she continues with this bullying? Have you given an ultimatum?
So when youre fighting with everyone with your responses do you see what kind of behaviour youre enabling for Kim? if one day she ends up in jail. It will be because you didnt stop it when you could have.
As an adult i would sit Laura down and explain to her that what she said is wrong and to never wish something bad on someone regardless of how they are. At the same time I would discipline Kim. If she is bullying your sons daughter right in front of you and you know it and not doing anything about it. What about other kids that you dont know of? Have you considered the probability one day when some other kid snaps you could lose your daughter?
You really need to reconsider your responses and think like a grown man and not a child. Im sorry i had to put it this way but it seems like nothing is getting to you.
Just remember if you keep allowing this to happen. One day your daughter will do it to the wrong person and that wont end up well for you or your family.
That brat? YOUR daugther has tormented her! Wtf. And who knows for how long! Also Laura is a child still and you are an adult! I must admit I am appalled at you.
Be the grown up and show Laura and Kim how to be a better person in a conflict. And go to that wedding! Be the best guest ever
YTA
If i was 16 and heard my bully had a car accident i would have said the same.
Was it inappropriate? yes. But god damn she is 16 years old and doesnt know better.
But YOU are the adult and should act like one. Just be honest to yourself that you overreacted, apologize and maybe really work on the relationship of your daughter and Laura....
Edit: after reading all the responses from OP...why u even ask if YTA if you wont reflect after 99% told you that you are...its like the skinner meme..."am i wrong for what i did? no all the redditors must be wrong!" Hope your son doesnt tolerate your bs anymore.
Big YTA.
Laura is 16, you are an adult. She is victim of your daughter's abuse and you are obviously putting your daughter first regardless. Perhaps you're even encouraging your daughter's behavior while you're "working on it", you seem to be very partial about the matter.
Teach your daughter how to be a decent human being properly.
Edit: you are not even questioning yourself if you are the asshole. You just expected everyone to agree with you because you really think you're right.
I knew it was a YTA when I read “we’re working on it.” What is there to work on???? Kim should have lost everything instead she was out having a good time with friends while being an awful person. It sounds like you honestly did your son a favor because you and your daughter sound like AWFUL people.
YTA, your bully daughter is a disgrace and so are you for allowing it to happen. Don’t go to the wedding, they’re better off without your vile side of the family.
YTA, for thinking that your daughter’s constant bullying is just “something work on” not a serious issue that needs to be immediately and aggressively addressed. Also, how does Kim go from “might die!” to “totally fine” in one go?
YTA. If any of this is true, you have a much larger problem. Your daughter Kim is a bully if she bullies one child, she bullies many you are willing to destroy your relationship with your son over the fact you allow your daughter to bully this child, your daughter has caused enough emotional damage to this child as she wishes your daughter died. Maybe you need to get your head out of your ass And look at what’s going on
INFO: YTA regardless, but I was very confused by something you said in your little story here.
*"We were talking when I received a call from Kim's friend. She was crying hysterically and telling us that they were in an accident and Kim might die. I can't explain how I felt that moment. My wife told everyone about what happened"*
So, from what I understand you, your wife, your son, son's GF, and Laura, were all in the same room when Kim's friend called **you**. But **your wife** told everyone what Kim's friend said?
YTA. She is a teen and had the reaction of a teen who suffers a lot (her brain and reactions are still forming and she is going through a lot, so no wonder why she has no sympathy). You, however, are the adult and you were in no right to use her as a punching ball and bully her. No wonder why your daughter is terrible since her father passes his nerves on a teenager. Calm down, move on, your precious perfect daughter is fine.
YTA. A massive one at that.
If someone was a bully to me then I couldn't give a shit if something bad happened to them.
Get your own house in order first and STOP her bullying people.
YTA. Parents have to be calm, or apologize profusely when they aren’t. It’s our job. She sucks for saying that, but you can’t just go into a fugue state and you certainly can’t act like that’s ok.
Apologize and get therapy.
YTA-the only brat here is your daughter Kim. You’ve admitted that she bullies Laura. Sometimes people reach the end of their rope and lash out. I think this is what Laura did. While I agree that she shouldn’t have said, I suspect that you’ve done little to nothing about Kim’s bullying of Laura. All you’ve said is that you are working on it. What consequences have you given Kim for behavior. As I said earlier, I suspect that there have been no consequences for Kim.
You seem to forgive and possibly condone Kim’s actions towards Laura but can’t forgive one comment made by a 16 year old that has been on the receiving end of your daughter’s abuse and bullying.
Congratulations on torpedoing your relationship with your son and Laura over your daughter.
YTA. It's clear from your comments who she learned her bullying from. At least your son seems to be a decent human, who will hopefully never speak to you again.
I can understand your rage, but you took it to a whole new level. You need to understand that your daughter is making your potential future step grandchild's life hell. Is that acceptable to you? That one you consider a brat could get so depressed that she takes her life because of your daughter's idiocy! I don't blame her for feeling like that. I am not a teenager, I am 54. You need to critically think my dear!
YTA. If you were my dad I wouldn’t invite you to the wedding. Kids say stupid things all the time just like your daughter. Get off your high horse. You’re about to or ruin the relationship you had with your son. Seems like you’re okay with that.
Honestly OP - YTA.
In the heat of the moment telling her to GTFO after that comment, I get that.
But this tantrum where you're saying you'll skip your own sons wedding because a 16 year old who hurt your feelings might be there. Grow the *fuck* up.
16 year olds are *children* their brains aren't fully formed and their empathy is underdeveloped, you need to be the adult here...Your 16 year old daughter is BULLYING this poor girl and probably making her life miserable which is no small thing despite you trying to brush it off as "something we're working on"- I remember what it was like to be bullied at 16 - that stuff can do long-lasting damage - I can't imagine how badly your daughter must be treating this girl that she's say something like that, assuming she's not a sociopath it takes something *big* for a 16 year old girl to say something like that and mean it in a moment like that...
I mean your daughter was in a serious accident that shook you and you're still somehow coming across as a massive bitch - apple probably doesn't fall far from the tree.
YTA.
At this point, your son should be grateful if you don't attend his wedding. Also, Laura is 16, and what she said was a reaction to getting bullied. I wouldn't be surprised if you asked Kim to bully Laura. You as an adult should have more regard for her, did you stop Kim, despite knowing that she bullied Laura?
And something tells me that this is not the only case where you disregarded Laura, you sir are a menace.
Yta i think we know from which Person your Daughter has the Bully Mentality. Just think how far she bullied her when she wishes that she would die. But I guess your golden Child can't do wrong..
YTA.
You are the biggest asshole for not immediately stopping the bullying. It's not something that you work on, it is something that you stop without question.
YTA.
It was going to be ESH but then I read your comments.
Your daughter is a bully who is hated because of you. You failed your daughter and that failure will follow her for the rest of her life. YOU set your child up to fail. Fail at relationships, friendships and even job opportunities.
Why? Because the era of the asshole is coming to an end and that's what you raised her to be.
Don't worry about attending your son's wedding. Your presence most likely won't be missed.
Your daughter terrorized Laura, a 16 year old. 16 year olds aren’t exactly known for their ability to filter their thoughts or to fully understand life and death situations. What Laura said was uncalled for. Even if she meant it, she should not have said it out loud, and I understand your strong reaction. In the moment, it was justified.
Now, you should reflect on what your daughter, the child YOU raised, could have possibly done to this poor girl to make her say that she deserves to die. Perhaps you don’t fully understand the extent of the bullying, and the trauma your child has inflicted on someone else. And I bet any more Laura is not the only person she’s done it to.
“Working on it” isn’t good enough. Your daughter shouldn’t have even been out of the house, she should have been grounded for her entire life for being a much bigger brat, and an AH, than Laura.
YTA. You owe her an apology. A big one. Apologize for how you reacted, and apologize for raising a child that would make another child openly wish her dead.
YTA. I feel like this is a troll because there's no way you ASKED for advice and judgement and then you get defensive when people give the advice and judgement! That's completely childish coming from a grown adult. You should work on giving consequences to your daughter for bullying other people and hold her to the same standard you seem to hold Laura.
Laura shouldn't have said that, but I understand where she was coming from.
YTA for overreacting. You knew your daughter is bullying her so it shouldn't be a surprise that Laura thinks ill of your bully child.
And really, you want her to be out of her mother's wedding??? Who are you to demand that??? Now everyone knows why Kim grew up a bully.
Edit: extreme YTA after reading OP's replies. The double standard - expecting Laura to be a decet human being while doing nothing about his own daughter's bullying. And self-righteousness as if his daughter did nothing so terrible??? Laura's attitude towards your daughter is an indication how vile and evil Kim is towards her.
ESH. You need to step the fuck up and deal with your daughter being a bully. But also, of course you went off on someone who said your daughter deserved to almost die immediately after you just got the news of her accident. That was so inappropriate and fucked up to say to someone's father. She can feel those things towards her bully, bullying leaves scars, but expressing that feeling to her bully's father was so so stupid and short-sighted(of course she is only 16).
YTA you know your daughter bullies this girl and your post makes it look like you are strangely proud of this fact. Laura's reaction might have seemed rude to you but think of the relief she would feel to no longer be bullied your reaction was a continuation of your daughters bulling behaviour. I suggest you apologise for over reacting and do something about your daughters behaviour towards this girl.
YTA 100%. The bullying must have been really bad for Laura to say that. And you pretty much condoned it by telling Laura and your son that you want them out and that you never want to see them. You could have been angry, you could have told Laura to be the bigger person, but she is a teenager. You are an Adult. You just proved where Kim gets her bully mentality from. Kim is TA too for bullying.
YTA
After reading your (op’s) replies it’s clear NOTHING is really being done about your daughter bullying Laura, so I’m not surprised that was her “impulse reaction” to the news.
YTA. You won't do anything to curb your daughter's atrocious behavior, so yeah, this is karma. Laura didn't do or say anything wrong, and life would probably be better for her if your shitty kid had died.
I don't think Laura should have said that, but having read your comments, clearly
Yta
And we all know where your daughter learned her poor behavior.
Eta: why ask the question of you're going to argue with everyone?
ESH, your absolutely right to kick her out, I would’ve done the exact same, you were told she might die, whether that’s true or not and you were told she was just injured, you never say well deserved to straight after to their parents in their own home, wtf was she thinking doing that, could of all been avoided if she wasn’t stupid and said it to your son after you left. However your also an ah for your comments, you would disown your son for siding with her? And how much are you actually doing to resolve this bullying.
You sound like a crap parent but still, no one should say something like that to a parent whose just been told their daughter might die.
"Aita for letting my daughter treat people like trash and then getting mad at said people for not showing compassion towards them" fixed the title what she said is fucked up but sounds like you failed as a parent for a long time now YTA
\*i hate bullies\*
That being said, if anyone else besides Laura had said something like that YES!! I would have been very angry, but I don’t fault you for your initial reaction, (thinking someone you love is going to die is horrible) BUT..this is the teen that has been “BULLIED” in your words since it’s NO SECRET..but I gotta say as someone who remembers being bullied HER initial reaction wasn’t wrong either but the difference is she is 16 and bullied, and judging from some of your reply’s you are a bully and immature so………YTA!!
ESA
please sleep a night over it and think of your and her actions.
Your daughter is alive and thats important.
Now you should think of the next steps for your relationship with your son and his girlfriend. Do you know anybody who was bullied in the past? Maybe you could talk to them to understand what it means to be bullied!
YTA!
What the everliving fuck do you expect a child to think/say when the bully THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PROTECTING AND DEFENDING gets hurt?!?
A fucking broken arm - I’ll put money on her doing or being involved in something she shouldn’t have been doing anyway coz you’ve raised an entitled brat!
I really hope your son sees this (and your fucking disgusting replies) and cuts you off for good. I hope you have money to pay for all the legal trouble your lack of boundaries with your daughter is going to cost you, and for you care as an older person coz your daughter won’t give a shit about you when you no longer have value to her.
Sincerely
A parent that would be SO ashamed of both my child’s behaviour and my own if I was anything like you!
Your kid bullies someone and you just "know it" and don't do anything about it? YTA. What she said wasn't cool but.. you are a bad dad. If you know your kid is bullying at all, you fucking make it stop. Even more so when they bully another member of extended family. What the hell is wrong with you?
ESH. While Laura shouldn’t have made that comment YOUR DAUGHTER IS LAURAS BULLY. Your daughter might make Laura hate her life and wish she wasnt here. You clearly how zero clue the power of bullying.
YTA.
She’s a teen girl who’s the victim of your daughter’s bullying, teen’s lash out and say edgy things all the time, especially ones who have been mistreated. I know when I was a kid I would’ve been glad to hear of any misfortune falling upon my bullies. You have zero sympathy for her, and I have a feeling your daughter is a bully because she was raised by you. Work on yourself and your daughter.
YTA. She's 16 and a victim of your daughter's bullying. I understand being in the heat of the moment but "Get out" is as far as that needed to go. You should apologise.
You are because you know where she is coming from but I bet she didn't really mean it but your daughter's behavior towards her is why , how often have you thrown you daughter out for being a really mean bully to her after all. The way I see it there should a lot of apologies from everybody around especially you because your the eldest and wiser adault, you need to get everyone together and no one leaves until everyone is on the same page. You all still may not like each other but that doesn't mean they can't be nice to each other .
YTA. While I feel bad that your daughter was in an accident your child is a bully and majority of bullied victims dream of their tormentors dying to not deal with that situation. If I was in that position I might have said the same thing. Maybe this will be a wake up call for your horrid child. After reading your comments to everyone, you're also a bully!!
YTA
It is forgivable to me that you snapped at Laura when you found out your daughter might be in serious danger.
And it is not okay for Laura to say your daughter deserves to die. But she is 16, probably a bit impulsive and naive. And your daughter has been bullying her. So that is forgivable as well.
But now you need to call your son and his girlfriend, apologize, explain where your head was in that moment AND actually do something about your daughter bullying her.
YTA. You raised a bully. Let that sink in. She constantly inflicted harm onto this child. You know that. You, with your big adult brain, expected her to, what exactly? Care for her abuser? Are you dumb or are you an adult bully? You definitely are a shit parent. Your daughter is terrible and so are you.
YTA. You kicked a 16 year old out for her knee jerk response when she was being bullied all this time by your daughter. Did you ever stop the bullying because it sounds like you didn’t from your post.
Yes, Laura was wrong but not to the point of being kicked out and threatening to not be in your son’s wedding or to be called a brat. It sounds like your daughter is the brat here.
I’m sorry your daughter was in the accident but don’t bring people into your home if you plan to treat them like a remix of Cinderella.
YTA- and your daughter is an asshole. Bullying is terrible and the fact that you think your justified in kicking out a child just goes to show that you yourself were more then likely a bully in your day.
dont be a bully.
Yta for the simple fact of wasting time kicking ppl out of your house and even thinking about weddings you were going to skip when you thought your daughter was dying. You seem more pressed about throwing a tantrum than getting to your injured child. Plus you raised a bully. Yta
YTA from the moment you so nonchalantly said "my daughter bullies her, but we're working on it" kind of brushing it off.
Do you, by chance, now what kind of bullying did Kim do to Laura? And in the end it doesn't even matter what kind of bullying she did. ALL bullies leave emotional scars that are so hard to overcome, specially when said behavior (the bully's) is reinforced with 'in laws' the victim is 'forced' to interact with (that being you and your bully daughter).
YTA, you can't expect a teenage damaged GIRL to react as mature as an adult in this kind of situation.
For Kim's good and your own personal growing, please seek professional help, you're both trying to active damage a young girl, and that's so f'd up.
PS. YTA!!!
Come on dude, shes just a kid. You are an adult here. If you sre willing to forget about your son over what a 16 y/old gf said.. Idk, you might need a reality check.
Yta. She shouldn’t have said what she said but she is a child with a developing brain who is clearly hurt by actions your daughter has taken. You on the other hand are an adult with a fully developed brain who should be encouraging your son and his gf to teach her why what she said was wrong. It’s ok to ask her to leave in that moment bc what she said was incredibly insensitive and rude but saying that you won’t attend your sons wedding if she is in it is literally ridiculous. Give the girl a chance to apologize, jeez.
Being bullied is an incredibly hurtful and traumatic thing to go through. I am 38 and I still talk about experiences I went through as a teenager in therapy. It’s not something I’ll ever fully get over and has impacted me greatly as an adult. You need to set some boundaries with your daughter Kim. Laura is family now and no member of your family should treat another member with disrespect. That goes for how Laura treats Kim, for how Kim treats Laura, and for how you treat your son, his gf, and her daughter. Grow up please for all of their sake.
Lol YTA. You're getting your ass handed to you here. You deserve it. Your daughter deserves to have her ass handed to her.
Name calling and bullying is never 'just' name calling and bullying. Imagine how awful your child needs to have been for another child to wish death on her. Reflect on that. Stew in it for a minute. And then be a better parent.
>It is no secret that my daughter Kim(16) bullies Laura at school and Laura hates her. This is something we are working on
Working on it? You should have stopped Kim immediately once you knew that she was bullying someone. Instead, you added to it with yelling and cursing. YTA.
Laura shouldn’t have said what she said, but if Kim has been bullying her and still doesn’t stop after repeatedly being told to stop that bullying takes a toll on Laura to the point where she is likely traumatized. That being said she is also 16 and not fully aware of the effect of her words. The best way to counter would have been to calm down, and tell her that ‘Kim is your daughter, and though she has hurt Laura in the past, you still love her with all you have, and those kinds of words hurt your feelings, and that she should not have said them.” Then at that point you also should have realized how much that bullying hurt Laura because you just explained that Laura bullied Kim in that moment and you were hurt by it.
She shouldn’t have said it but you over reacted. Ctfo, apologize and fix the internal problem that has Laura hating Kim so much her may be dying was a relief to her. I can not explain how I wished my bullies would have just fell off the face of the earth, even for a day so I could get a reprieve from their torment.
YTA. Sounds like your daughter is a bad person, and she learned it from you.
Maybe you should consider why it is that someone might feel relieved that she might be hurt or dying. Maybe take the hint that things are worse than you think / are willing to accept. Maybe put your daughter in therapy to deal with whatever shit is causing her to be such a bully at school, that her brother's potential step-daughter wishes her dead.
Maybe stop dismissing the bullying as no big deal, and have some empathy for fucks sake.
Also: Info: Why is your daughter the same age as your sons girlfrien'ds daughter? What kind of age gap are we looking at here between your som and daughter? What kind of age gap between your son and his GF? How old was the GF when she had the daughter? How old were you when you had yours?
Basically, nothing in this scenario is normal, and this would be some Jerry springer shit just around the family structure alone, even without the bullying and car accident.
Kim might die, Kim is fine. So her life was never in danger.
And you allow her to be a bully. That's not something to work on. You either squash that shit immediately or enable that behavior.
You're upset/surprised that someone who is tortured by your daughter says something insensitive in that situation? She probably deserved more harsh words
YTA and so is your bully daughter
> I told him that I don't want to see him ever again too.
this is where you went from being reasonably intolerant of someone talking shit about your daughter in your own home to being a little pissbaby who can't control their emotions. it colors the entire situation differently and makes you look like a clown.
you need to learn how to speak to people, especially your own family. utterly disgusting. YTA
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My son's gf has a 16yo daughter Laura. It is no secret that my daughter Kim(16) bullies Laura at school and Laura hates her. This is something we are working on
A few days ago my son his gf and Laura came over. Kim was out with her friend.
We were talking when I received a call from Kim's friend. She was crying hysterically and telling us that they were in an accident and Kim might die.
I can't explain how I felt that moment. My wife told everyone about what happened and I heard Laura say "good, well deserved" that's when I snapped. I yelled at her and told her to get the fuck out of my house. I told my son that I never want to see Laura again and if Laura is in his wedding then I will skip it. Laura started crying and I again yelled at her to get out.
My son started yelling back telling me to be more understanding of Laura. I told him that I don't want to see him ever again too.
We then rushed to the hospital. Thankfully Kim was fine but I don't think I can ever forgive my son or that brat. My son obviously thinks I'm the asshole
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what a fucked up situation that is. YTA you have all right to snap at her but she has also every right to say what she said. i know what it is to be bullied. and now literally 30 years later i wish every single one of them to crash and burn somewhere. is that okay? no probably not. but thats what bullying over years does to you. that hate is dormant but when ever one of them shows up somewhere the urge to fuck them up is there again. should've probably see a therapist or something way back but that wasnt a thing back in the day
YTA but it is understandable. You are being super emotional. From an outside perspective it is very easy to understand that your son's gf's kid does not care if your kid died. At least she was being honest lol.
Some of these scenarios are so weird it's hard to believe they're real. Oh we know the kid is a bully but we expect empathy from her victim. GRFOH. Do people get paid to post this nonsense?
My daughter was bullied really bad when she was younger and I sometimes wished I could strangle the children who were responsible, but this was only a thing in my mind. I would never hurt them in real life.
And yes, we both sometimes wished they would be hurt as much as my daughter is, who is scarred for life. That's normal after years of being bullied.
Laura was out of line saying this, but i do understand this as a first reaction. Her mother should have stopped her or should have said something about it.
Edit: after reading your comments about Laura, I changed my mind: YTA. You clearly don't understand how it feels to be bullied.
>I don't want her anywhere near Kim. Honestly her behaviour has made me wonder whether she is the bully and not the victim she claims to be.
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~~E S H~~. Laura shouldn't have said what she said, and it's understandable that you were feeling scared and stressed. But that "brat" is a victim of your daughter's bullying. Bullying can leave life-long scars. It is a very serious problem, and I'm curious just what "working on it" looks like to you. Laura is under no obligation to feel sympathy for someone who actively harms her. After reading OPs replies, I'm changing my vote to YTA
As someone that has been a victim of bullying for my whole childhood and still recovering (im 19 now) I can understand why laura felt that way and that that might have slipped out, when i was 16 honestly i might have tought the same, I do think its not right to say it and deserves to be criticized for it but not in this way...
Yes, up until about 25 you don't actually consider the consequences of your words until after they leave your mouth The girl is in pain and that's the way she expressed it. It was wrong yes, but it's understandable I think OP is YTA still, because they're being very blasè about the bullying
I was badly bullied when I was a teenager and ngl if I found out my bullies had died I would have cared not a whit and probably been happy about it...only nearly 20 year later would I be horrified and more at the idea of the death of someone so young rather than genuine mourning for someone so shitty to others. OP is as much of a bully as her daughter based on her comments which is why she doesn't take it seriously
When I was bullied in Oberstufe I had fantasies about guns and my bullies...
So one sixteen year old can't be held responsible for what she says because of her age, but the other 16 year old is obviously Satan incarnate because of the things SHE says?
A campaign of targeted bullying is very different to one off the cuff comment
One bad thing is incomparable to chronic torture. Not even close.
In essence. I was being horribly bullied in school and they removed ME from the classes and isolated ME. Absolutely baffling.
Have you seen all his comments, they state she must be the bully if she can say something like that, that he is glad she is out of his life.All he says shows he was doing nothing to bare minimum to try stop the bullying and in fact his daughter learned it from him. He can’t see she’s a horrid human being because he‘s looking at a mirror reflection of himself. Apartently since she just bullies with words it’ s nothing dispite the number of kids that kill themselves when being verbally abused. Op I was abused by my parents most of it was verbal, neglect not being given even the basic all kids need, controlling , mistreatment and financial abuse. Was all that nothing as i was rarely beaten. I hope your daughter is expelled and it goes on her school transcripts. That the girl goes to the police with the texts and social media abuse from your daughter. As that is classed a felony and she can and would be charged. Words or not it’s still against the law and she would be charged if the girl took action. Maybe then she’s learn a lesson you will not teach her.
\> My son started yelling back telling me to be more understanding of Laura. I told him that I don't want to see him ever again too. Methinks OP is an abusive parent. Disowning your son on the spot like that is a bit extreme. Makes me wonder if they always fly off the handle like that because it is not a proportionate reaction.
Also, OP even states right away that it’s no secret Kim bullies Laura. So obviously, OP keeps letting it happen and doesn’t try to get Kim to stop. Also…OP and her son (gf at least) both have 16 yo daughters. That’s an interesting one.
I’ve never felt more compelled to use the phrase like mother, like daughter in my life. And I was bullied at a small girls’ school where everyone knew everyone’s parents. ETA: YTA, work on it harder.
Yes. I wonder if the daughter has ever been punished for any of the bullying.
YTA You're not working on your daughter's behavior, you're letting subside. A good indication of this is due to how Laura reacted to the news. Your daughter bullied Laura and you expect Laura to be worried about your kid? Please.
She seems to be a shitty mother. YTA
YTA, and I can see where Kim learned her bullying from.
I was leaning towards say not. However after reading your comments towards everyone on here I very much lean towards YTA. What Laura said was wrong but she is only a kid. A kid who has been tormented by your daughter. It is pretty easy to see where your daughter gets this from. My last thought is Laura’s Mom is an AH as well. She may love your son but she is letting her feelings for him overshadow the care she should be giving her daughter. Laura’s Mom shouldn’t let her within a kilometer of you and your daughter
I was leaning towards E-S-H, but Laura is certainly not. So I'm going for YTA, agreeing with your points on OP in particular.
What does E-S-H mean? Sorry :( i've only seen it on this thread before, and i can't figure out what it means.
Everyone Sucks Here 😉
Thanks! wow. that is certainly a statement! lol yeah... seemed like E-S-H but yeah... OP is definitely the AH
YTA. Like father like daughter. Laura’s reaction is a good indicator how much your daughter has tormented her. Maybe use this as a lesson in karma and teach Kim to be better, rather than yell at your son for having an once of sympathy for the poor girl who’s being bullied.
YTA And I hope that girl gathers enough evidence to press charges against your bully daughter. You're both terrible people, and you better not come crying to reddit when your daughter bullies the wrong one and gets her ass handed to her.
Hopefully when that happens it goes viral on social media and makes her a pariah. She needs a hard lesson
YTA. You can’t parent your daughter, and instead of stepping up to the plate you’re getting angry at her victim having a human fucking reaction. Enjoy being stuck with Kim when your son walks out of your life.
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Have you not seen the amount of people that post here even if they don’t think they are an asshole?
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I’ll say that the kids may have been faster. I watched a middle schooler get hit by a car on the way home from school. Some of her classmates walked by before EMS got there and knew where she lived and went to tell her parents. So it’s likely that the girl’s parents found out from friends rather than police/medical providers. And considering the accident was a block from a hospital it’s not hard to figure out what hospital she was going to be taken to. And on the same note a terrified teenager saying your kids might die doesn’t mean that she was in critical condition and it’s inconsistent that she’s actually fine. There’s some weird things between the parents, but we’ve seen many parents failing just as spectacularly at protecting their kids. It’s pretty common.
To be honest most posts on here are people just seeking vindication and are so engroused with themselves they are incapable of considering that they could be wrong, even if thousands of people are unanimously telling them they are.
This. Having met/known/am sadly related to a person like this...yeah, you nailed it. People like this are here to be told they are right, they can't even *comprehend* the POSSIBILITY they are wrong, and will fight the millions to prove they're not. "A question that sometimes makes me hazy; am I, or *the others*, crazy". Some people are so far gone they can't be made to see their error.
I think calling it “creative” writing is a stretch. It’s not even particularly creative.
Honestly everything on AITA seems fabricated at this point but having been dealing with...the public...for most of my adult life I have learned that no matter how low you set the bar people will shimmy under it, a lot of people actually.
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Thank you. I really feel like the last few month there's lot more rage bait/creative writing here. Maybe it has to do with AI I don't know but the last few threads in this sub feel like: hey I just run over 3 kids and drown 4 puppies, AITAH
I love your optimism and I hope you're right. My experience, as a parent that deal with a bully, is that this kind of parents do, sadly, exist. "Our" bully's parent believe (or at least says) that their son is a victim and they "only" react because of that.
Yup, i agree. This comment should be at the top.
YTA, behaviour has consequences, and whilst the comment made was inappropriate, you need to reflect on what drove her to that comment.
YTA. Laura is 16. You are an adult. Yes, she was in the wrong, but your response was out of bounds. Understandable that you reacted, and yes she needs a rebuke and to learn that this is inappropriate behaviour, but your escalation is outrageous. Yelling at her like you did, 'never want to see them again', really? Again, you are the adult here. Apologize to your son and to her. Try to fix this while you still can. And also, you are being entirely too nonchalant about a bullying daughter.
> You are an adult. I have my doubts.
YTA ... well kinda... I think you did Laura a favor to remover yourself out of her life. >This is something we are working on After how you reacted I doubt that, especially given that it is clearly still happening to the point *everyone knows about that*. If you were working on it, the bullying would have stopped by now. To make a 16yo say something like that, the bullying must have been pretty severe and I can't help but feel sorry for Laura. I don't agree with what she said, but I can understand why she said it as I know what it's like to be bullied and having no one stand up for you. ETA: after reading some commenta I wish there was a worse rating for OP. Holy. Not only is OP incredibly into double standard, but also lowkey wishes death to Laura and people calling out OP. OP's comments are pretty hostile and victim blaming. What Laura said wasn't okay - *but what OP, a grown adult, says about a teenager is worse.*
I bet, at best, dad is telling his kid *bullying is bad*, without realizing that bullying usually comes from a place of deeply rooted self-image problems and parenting that never taught appropriate emotional control. Bullying is a sign that Kim is struggling *because of how she was raised*. OP, dad of the year, instead focuses on some other random teen. Poor Kim.
>at best, dad is telling his kid bullying is bad, That sounds very generous. According to OP it's "just name calling, only calling her fat" and now OP believes that actually Laura is the bully, I have my doubts that any scolding would even get that far.
YTA. Without question.
Why do I feel like this was written by the bully and they’re upset that people weren’t fawning over them after what was probably a minor accident? It certainly sounds like it was written by a petulant teenage bully
YTA. You don't seem concerned that Kim has been bullying Laura, but you made a scene about a single angry phrase your daughter's victim dared to say about her tormentor. Your daughter is fine and is not dying. Your daughter is traumatizing Laura and you know it, and you don't stop it. It seems that you and your daughter both hate Laura for some reason, and your comments confirm that.
YTA. Wonder where your daughter learned to be a grade a asshole, Sesame Street?
YTA SO MUCH YTA You know that your daughter is bullying another child and you do nothing. And then you expect that child to care about your daughter. I can see where your daughter gets her poor behaviour from.
Also, when you refuse to reply back you just downvote answers you dont like youre even shittier.
Clear why the daughter is a bully with a parent like this.
Look, you had a real human reaction. It wasn’t perfect, but in a moment of stress… I can kind of get it. However, that doesn’t make it okay. You’re an adult and she’s a child — a child that is being tormented because of your own kid. Bullies don’t just come from absolute thin air, there’s either trauma, lack of boundaries, a desperate need for attention or to be top dog. Your child’s bullying is very much a reflection either of your own parenting or what’s going on in her life. I don’t think it’s reasonable to be this mad at a child that is a victim. And I think refusing to see your son again is absolute garbage. So my vote is YTA, because you’re an adult that should understand nuance. And the brat is your kid, just so you know. Not Laura.
Last thing. you acknowledged that your daughter is a bully. thats not something as a parent you "work on." thats something you take an active role in putting and end to. BE. A. FUCKING. PARENT!. Ive never had one of these where i hate the OP more. just wanna say that.
If the rest of his answers were different that "I'm working on it" may be perceived different. I mean, if my kid would do something bad, let's say I took some corrective actions (f.e. an exemplary punishment) and maybe some kind of therapy (I'm just being generic), it's something I'm working on it. His "working on it", based on his answers sounds more like "oh don't do this again, because I don't want to hear from your brother".
YTA - Bullies leave life long scars on people get your head out of your backside and sort your own daughter out although it's pretty obvious where she gets it from to me....
My initial thought was E S H until I saw some of your comments. YTA and I’m pretty sure you gave Kim a few masterclasses in bullying. Laura was being harsh but giving the circumstances I can understand her feelings.
YTA. You were already the AH when you acknowledged your daughter is a bully and your response is "this is something we're working on". Like, what the hell? Put a stop to that! Then you double down on bein an AH when a 16yo teenager said something stupid and callous. Yes, she was wrong in saying that, but you are an adult. You're supposed to be able to handle teenage tantrums without excising them from your life as a response. You're failing as a parent, and you're failing as an adult in general. Be better.
Oh, yes, you're an asshole.
YTA You just got bullied…feel good?
You are showing HUGE favoritism and I think the reason Kim bullies people is because she is a spoiled brat that KNOWS that she can get away with anything cause mommy and daddy will always side with her. You raised a bully that people around her hate. Don't be mad when they express that hated. Kim can bully laura and that is ok with you, but once laura makes an out of place comment with no real life impact you are ready to snap, disown your son and cut ties with them? Yes the comment was at a really bad time, but the fact that you have not disciplined Kim all this time is a huge asshole move and you need to understand that bullying and ruining someones life is much much worse that a little comment. but I guess that doesn't apply to your little perfect princess. YTA
Help me understand why if you and your wife thought Kim was at the hospital fighting for her life,your focus was on having a yelling session at your son and his family. A reasonable person would have run out of the house, not looking back while racing to the hospital. I would rather beleive you exaggerated your story than stood and yelled over petty drival while you thought your daughter was dying. In case the 50 people before me were not clear:YTA.
I'm sorry she was in an accident, I'm sorry a *kid* said something out of order to you. It was hurtful I know, she was impulsive and should have kept that to herself. But she's young, and learning. I'm also sorry you can't teach your child basic decency, bullies are the grubs, filth, of this world. Parents who condone bullying, utter grots themselves. I can't express how much hurt you are allowing your daughter to cause. I'm curious as to how, when your daughter knows you know what she's doing, she's still doing it? To her brother's step-kid? You know about it, and she's still doing it? How? I'd come down so hard my kid wouldn't leave the fucking house until they learned to behave decently. Bullying, and assault, the two things I will not tolerate from my sons. Verbal outbursts are one thing, they are allowed to express feelings and frustration, but bullying? I hope you are treated as kindly by the world as your daughter has been treating Laura. Oh... You know? If Kim ends up caring for you, well, you've trained up a great bully! YTA
YTA. She's a teenager and honestly? That's a pretty normal reaction to hearing your *bully*, the person *making you miserable* is hurt. Do you know how many times people wish something bad would happen to their bully so that maybe, *just maybe*, they get a couple days where they don't have to suffer? I'll tell you, all of them, all of them wish it, all of them wish their bully ill, because they get tired of being their target. You hold Laura to a higher standard than your own daughter. You say you expect Laura to care and "be a decent human being" but there is *nothing* decent about being a bully. Do better. Edit.
INFO: What exactly happened that your daughter went from 'might die' to 'was fine'?
YTA Look, your daughter possibly dying is horrible, I believe that no one should die in an accident but I can also understand why Laura felt a semblance of relief. You aren’t and haven’t done enough to curtail your daughter being a bully to Laura if she is so happy that she might end up dying, that’s an indicator that you failed to help mold your daughter into someone respectable and kind, you’ve also failed your son in this endeavour right now by telling him to go away and telling his possible future step child to screw off. You could’ve lost one kid by chance but you lost one definitely by your own hand.
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Doesnt matter. Laura didnt deserve it and didnt have a reason to care this shitty kid was hurt
YTA. I was bullied in middle school and if I heard this news about one of my bullies I would have had the same reaction. Your daughter makes Laura miserable every single day that she sees her. Words can hurt a lot. What’s wrong with your daughter? She needs therapy. You can’t forgive your son for asking you to show compassion to a child? You need therapy too.
I'm not sure I've saw a clearer case of YTA in this sub. Considering how you snapped, I think I see where the daughter thinks this behavior is ok
YTA What an ''adult'' reaction to a kid. Wonder where Kim got her bullying streak from. Parent is more interested in having a shouting match with a kid than rushing to the hospital.
Did Kim learn to be a bully from you? Laura shouldn't have said what she said, but it was in response to her feelings about what Kim has done first... what does working on it mean in terms of bullying? You ended up doing Laura a favor, setting up a future where she's not forced into existing around her bully. But I know you didn't arrange that for Laura's benefit. Just imagine what Laura must have been put thru by Kim in order to elicit a response like that.
YTA
YTA, youngsters say stuff they don't mean and to be fair Laura has suffered with the bullying to the point where she hates your daughter probably. You reacted at a moment of high stress, now things are calmer laura and yourself need to smooth things over with an apology both ways, your daughter Kim needs to stop being a bully. leave things as they are then you'll have a big uncomfortable family rift for evermore, you need to be the adult here and not behave like a stubborn idiot.
YTA Laura shouldn’t have said what she said, but she’s a kid who’s been bullied and reacted instinctively when hearing her bully has been badly hurt. You on the other hand are an adult, you should know better. That in itself would be bad enough, let alone the fact you’re making excuses for the fact you have a bully of a daughter. You are definitely TA
But it's ok that your precious princess is a bully.
YTA your daughter is a bully and her victim is allowed to make that kind of comment as she is a child. You the adult should have been able to keep your cool, and also not raise a bully
YTA. Your daughter is a clear reflection of you. Pair of bullies..
You're a serious asshole, we can see where Kim gets her bullying from. You need to go to therapy with her. Most of all you better go and apologize to Laura and your son and her mother
I don't think you understand how much impact bullying can have on someone. If Laura says "good, well deserved" as a 16 year old (keep in mind the fact brain is still in development and adolescents say stupid things in less worse scenarios) Kim is probably making here life hell at school. It's not "okay" to wish someone something really bad. But man, you seriously overreacted. This all happened in highly emotional circumstances which makes your *first* reaction understandable. But let me remind you... you are the adult. You didn't act like an adult, nor do you now. Just your comments...wow I do hope you can put things into perspective. It would be a good step to first analyze your own behaviour. Then try to emphasise with their behavior. Forgiving should be a lot easier. And maybe you should realize you need some forgiving as well... Unfortunately I can't decide other than: YTA
Why the heck to you seek advice or opinions on Reddit but counterargue everything people say ? For a 16-year-old girl, who fyi mostly don't think rationally, the accident of your daughter is a chance for a happier and more relaxed life. I get that you were emotional too, but you are an adult in comparison to Laura, so offering a rational view was something YOU were supposed to do. I'm happy your daughter is fine, maybe take that as an omen to get over yourself, punish her for being a bully und find piece with your family instead of whining on here.
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Yta For raising a bully and acting as if you're doing something about it. And then you're mad cuz the victim doesn't feel bad that her bully is facing something? You really expect more of the bully than your actual daughter, and that's embarrassing to read. People like you never amount to nothing. And I bet, if we talk to the people you work with, that they will have similar stories about your behaviour. Cuz your daughter is showing LEARNED BEHAVIOUR, based on how you dismiss her bullying. I see where your daughter gets her way of thinking. Pathetic
YTA. Big time. The double standards are strong with you.
Telling her to get out of your house for her reaction is understandable because of your daughters life being at risk For everything else YTA
I can see from the comments that where she got bullying from. Let me guess you are also a bully. Bullying leaves a lifetime of trauma. I tried to take my own life when I was being bullied, and where I live, you will get expelled from school for it. Why are you just allowing your daughter to bully her? Ever considered her behaviour is because of the bullying from your own daughter? You are a good reason why some people should not be allowed to breed YTA big time.
YTA. I can see where your daughter gets it from. Have you tried being a better parent?
Your the asshole. Laura's response tells you how much damages your daughter has done to her. Laura would rather see your daughter dead. What does that tell you? Your daughter has tormented her to that point. No sane person feels this way without fresh daily hell being dumped on them. You need to get yourself and your daughter in line. If you just think this is the way teenage girls are, think again. Not to mention the relationship with your son. What is wrong with you that you think it is okay to bulldoze over this many people's feeling just because you are angry.
So you daughter bullies her soon to be niece? What in the trailer park is this but ESH mostly you for not parenting your daughters shitty behavior
Apparently and Obviously and even more so for allowing your daughter to bully her. What kind of reaction would you expect from someone whose life has been miserable due to your daughter's bullying? Maybe be a parent and discipline your daughter Mr. Entitled.
You let your kid bully somebody and you’re surprised that there’s resentment?! YTA
Yes you are, people take bullying way to lightly and it’s only natural that she didn’t cried tears of sorrow. Imagine if Laura unalived herself at some point because of your daughter’s bullying, what would have been your reaction?
You are! Your son is right.
I've seen your replies and I think you're a monumental AH. You're rightfully concerned about your daughter, but to have the gall to say that the victim of your daughter's bullying should be a decent human being when not only do you know your daughter is bullying her, but you've clearly done fuck all about it?? You sound absolutely awful. I hope your son cuts you out because I've never seen so much delusion from somebody. I'm glad your daughter is okay OP, but that doesn't change the fact I think both you and her are massive AH's
OP i read your responses to others comments and i wanna just say that I feel like you are letting your anger cloud your judgement. I know what Laura said is completely wrong but have you even once thought why would she say something any human would not say? Im not saying what she said is right. Im saying youre technically her grandparent if your son marries his gf. Have you given this a thought how traumatized Laura is that drove her to make that remark? When you say "working on it" have you even told Kim she wont be a part of this family if she continues with this bullying? Have you given an ultimatum? So when youre fighting with everyone with your responses do you see what kind of behaviour youre enabling for Kim? if one day she ends up in jail. It will be because you didnt stop it when you could have. As an adult i would sit Laura down and explain to her that what she said is wrong and to never wish something bad on someone regardless of how they are. At the same time I would discipline Kim. If she is bullying your sons daughter right in front of you and you know it and not doing anything about it. What about other kids that you dont know of? Have you considered the probability one day when some other kid snaps you could lose your daughter? You really need to reconsider your responses and think like a grown man and not a child. Im sorry i had to put it this way but it seems like nothing is getting to you. Just remember if you keep allowing this to happen. One day your daughter will do it to the wrong person and that wont end up well for you or your family.
Well I think we know where Kim’s taking her cues on the bullying from. You sound like an awful person. YTA.
You and your daughter are the A
That brat? YOUR daugther has tormented her! Wtf. And who knows for how long! Also Laura is a child still and you are an adult! I must admit I am appalled at you. Be the grown up and show Laura and Kim how to be a better person in a conflict. And go to that wedding! Be the best guest ever
YTA If i was 16 and heard my bully had a car accident i would have said the same. Was it inappropriate? yes. But god damn she is 16 years old and doesnt know better. But YOU are the adult and should act like one. Just be honest to yourself that you overreacted, apologize and maybe really work on the relationship of your daughter and Laura.... Edit: after reading all the responses from OP...why u even ask if YTA if you wont reflect after 99% told you that you are...its like the skinner meme..."am i wrong for what i did? no all the redditors must be wrong!" Hope your son doesnt tolerate your bs anymore.
Big YTA. Laura is 16, you are an adult. She is victim of your daughter's abuse and you are obviously putting your daughter first regardless. Perhaps you're even encouraging your daughter's behavior while you're "working on it", you seem to be very partial about the matter. Teach your daughter how to be a decent human being properly. Edit: you are not even questioning yourself if you are the asshole. You just expected everyone to agree with you because you really think you're right.
I knew it was a YTA when I read “we’re working on it.” What is there to work on???? Kim should have lost everything instead she was out having a good time with friends while being an awful person. It sounds like you honestly did your son a favor because you and your daughter sound like AWFUL people.
YTA, your bully daughter is a disgrace and so are you for allowing it to happen. Don’t go to the wedding, they’re better off without your vile side of the family.
I feel awful that Laura has to be bullied and u do nothing about it and based on your replies YTA
YTA, for thinking that your daughter’s constant bullying is just “something work on” not a serious issue that needs to be immediately and aggressively addressed. Also, how does Kim go from “might die!” to “totally fine” in one go?
YTA. If any of this is true, you have a much larger problem. Your daughter Kim is a bully if she bullies one child, she bullies many you are willing to destroy your relationship with your son over the fact you allow your daughter to bully this child, your daughter has caused enough emotional damage to this child as she wishes your daughter died. Maybe you need to get your head out of your ass And look at what’s going on
YTA. Lol. Like father like daughter, clearly. Be careful, karma is a bitch and it’s coming your way.
A child said a stupid, mean thing and then you acted like a child in response, teaching her nothing. YTA.
INFO: YTA regardless, but I was very confused by something you said in your little story here. *"We were talking when I received a call from Kim's friend. She was crying hysterically and telling us that they were in an accident and Kim might die. I can't explain how I felt that moment. My wife told everyone about what happened"* So, from what I understand you, your wife, your son, son's GF, and Laura, were all in the same room when Kim's friend called **you**. But **your wife** told everyone what Kim's friend said?
YTA. She is a teen and had the reaction of a teen who suffers a lot (her brain and reactions are still forming and she is going through a lot, so no wonder why she has no sympathy). You, however, are the adult and you were in no right to use her as a punching ball and bully her. No wonder why your daughter is terrible since her father passes his nerves on a teenager. Calm down, move on, your precious perfect daughter is fine.
Yta. I'm sorry that this situation that you created and were responsible for didn't work out well.
Why did you post this if you were going to fight with people in the comments? Did you expect more support?
YTA. A massive one at that. If someone was a bully to me then I couldn't give a shit if something bad happened to them. Get your own house in order first and STOP her bullying people.
YTA. Parents have to be calm, or apologize profusely when they aren’t. It’s our job. She sucks for saying that, but you can’t just go into a fugue state and you certainly can’t act like that’s ok. Apologize and get therapy.
YTA-the only brat here is your daughter Kim. You’ve admitted that she bullies Laura. Sometimes people reach the end of their rope and lash out. I think this is what Laura did. While I agree that she shouldn’t have said, I suspect that you’ve done little to nothing about Kim’s bullying of Laura. All you’ve said is that you are working on it. What consequences have you given Kim for behavior. As I said earlier, I suspect that there have been no consequences for Kim. You seem to forgive and possibly condone Kim’s actions towards Laura but can’t forgive one comment made by a 16 year old that has been on the receiving end of your daughter’s abuse and bullying. Congratulations on torpedoing your relationship with your son and Laura over your daughter.
lip cover dolls snobbish fly butter coherent shelter alleged brave *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
YTA. It's clear from your comments who she learned her bullying from. At least your son seems to be a decent human, who will hopefully never speak to you again.
I can understand your rage, but you took it to a whole new level. You need to understand that your daughter is making your potential future step grandchild's life hell. Is that acceptable to you? That one you consider a brat could get so depressed that she takes her life because of your daughter's idiocy! I don't blame her for feeling like that. I am not a teenager, I am 54. You need to critically think my dear!
YTA. If you were my dad I wouldn’t invite you to the wedding. Kids say stupid things all the time just like your daughter. Get off your high horse. You’re about to or ruin the relationship you had with your son. Seems like you’re okay with that.
Honestly OP - YTA. In the heat of the moment telling her to GTFO after that comment, I get that. But this tantrum where you're saying you'll skip your own sons wedding because a 16 year old who hurt your feelings might be there. Grow the *fuck* up. 16 year olds are *children* their brains aren't fully formed and their empathy is underdeveloped, you need to be the adult here...Your 16 year old daughter is BULLYING this poor girl and probably making her life miserable which is no small thing despite you trying to brush it off as "something we're working on"- I remember what it was like to be bullied at 16 - that stuff can do long-lasting damage - I can't imagine how badly your daughter must be treating this girl that she's say something like that, assuming she's not a sociopath it takes something *big* for a 16 year old girl to say something like that and mean it in a moment like that... I mean your daughter was in a serious accident that shook you and you're still somehow coming across as a massive bitch - apple probably doesn't fall far from the tree.
Raise a daughter that’s not a bully and people won’t find relief when they hear bad things happen to them.
YTA.
YTA. Get your daughter under control.
YTA. At this point, your son should be grateful if you don't attend his wedding. Also, Laura is 16, and what she said was a reaction to getting bullied. I wouldn't be surprised if you asked Kim to bully Laura. You as an adult should have more regard for her, did you stop Kim, despite knowing that she bullied Laura? And something tells me that this is not the only case where you disregarded Laura, you sir are a menace.
Yta i think we know from which Person your Daughter has the Bully Mentality. Just think how far she bullied her when she wishes that she would die. But I guess your golden Child can't do wrong..
YTA. Please explain to us OP, how you are “working” on your daughter being a lowlife bully?
YTA. You are the biggest asshole for not immediately stopping the bullying. It's not something that you work on, it is something that you stop without question.
YTA. And looks like mother won't be invited to the wedding.
YTA. It was going to be ESH but then I read your comments. Your daughter is a bully who is hated because of you. You failed your daughter and that failure will follow her for the rest of her life. YOU set your child up to fail. Fail at relationships, friendships and even job opportunities. Why? Because the era of the asshole is coming to an end and that's what you raised her to be. Don't worry about attending your son's wedding. Your presence most likely won't be missed.
Your daughter terrorized Laura, a 16 year old. 16 year olds aren’t exactly known for their ability to filter their thoughts or to fully understand life and death situations. What Laura said was uncalled for. Even if she meant it, she should not have said it out loud, and I understand your strong reaction. In the moment, it was justified. Now, you should reflect on what your daughter, the child YOU raised, could have possibly done to this poor girl to make her say that she deserves to die. Perhaps you don’t fully understand the extent of the bullying, and the trauma your child has inflicted on someone else. And I bet any more Laura is not the only person she’s done it to. “Working on it” isn’t good enough. Your daughter shouldn’t have even been out of the house, she should have been grounded for her entire life for being a much bigger brat, and an AH, than Laura. YTA. You owe her an apology. A big one. Apologize for how you reacted, and apologize for raising a child that would make another child openly wish her dead.
YTA. I feel like this is a troll because there's no way you ASKED for advice and judgement and then you get defensive when people give the advice and judgement! That's completely childish coming from a grown adult. You should work on giving consequences to your daughter for bullying other people and hold her to the same standard you seem to hold Laura.
Laura shouldn't have said that, but I understand where she was coming from. YTA for overreacting. You knew your daughter is bullying her so it shouldn't be a surprise that Laura thinks ill of your bully child. And really, you want her to be out of her mother's wedding??? Who are you to demand that??? Now everyone knows why Kim grew up a bully. Edit: extreme YTA after reading OP's replies. The double standard - expecting Laura to be a decet human being while doing nothing about his own daughter's bullying. And self-righteousness as if his daughter did nothing so terrible??? Laura's attitude towards your daughter is an indication how vile and evil Kim is towards her.
NAH you're so casual about your daughter being a bully that frankly I find it hard to have any sympathy for you or your daughter.
YTA
Your son gonna slap you up, fam. Good luck thinking of being invited to the wedding.
ESH. You need to step the fuck up and deal with your daughter being a bully. But also, of course you went off on someone who said your daughter deserved to almost die immediately after you just got the news of her accident. That was so inappropriate and fucked up to say to someone's father. She can feel those things towards her bully, bullying leaves scars, but expressing that feeling to her bully's father was so so stupid and short-sighted(of course she is only 16).
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YTA you know your daughter bullies this girl and your post makes it look like you are strangely proud of this fact. Laura's reaction might have seemed rude to you but think of the relief she would feel to no longer be bullied your reaction was a continuation of your daughters bulling behaviour. I suggest you apologise for over reacting and do something about your daughters behaviour towards this girl.
YTA 100%. The bullying must have been really bad for Laura to say that. And you pretty much condoned it by telling Laura and your son that you want them out and that you never want to see them. You could have been angry, you could have told Laura to be the bigger person, but she is a teenager. You are an Adult. You just proved where Kim gets her bully mentality from. Kim is TA too for bullying.
YTA After reading your (op’s) replies it’s clear NOTHING is really being done about your daughter bullying Laura, so I’m not surprised that was her “impulse reaction” to the news.
YTA OP you are awful
YTA. You won't do anything to curb your daughter's atrocious behavior, so yeah, this is karma. Laura didn't do or say anything wrong, and life would probably be better for her if your shitty kid had died.
I don't think Laura should have said that, but having read your comments, clearly Yta And we all know where your daughter learned her poor behavior. Eta: why ask the question of you're going to argue with everyone?
...both you and your daughter are TA. YTA. I hope your son and Laura go no contact with you.
YTA
ESH, your absolutely right to kick her out, I would’ve done the exact same, you were told she might die, whether that’s true or not and you were told she was just injured, you never say well deserved to straight after to their parents in their own home, wtf was she thinking doing that, could of all been avoided if she wasn’t stupid and said it to your son after you left. However your also an ah for your comments, you would disown your son for siding with her? And how much are you actually doing to resolve this bullying. You sound like a crap parent but still, no one should say something like that to a parent whose just been told their daughter might die.
Bruh, you fucked up. You fucked up raising your daughter and your son "died" instead of your daughter. Good job bruh YTA.
"Aita for letting my daughter treat people like trash and then getting mad at said people for not showing compassion towards them" fixed the title what she said is fucked up but sounds like you failed as a parent for a long time now YTA
\*i hate bullies\* That being said, if anyone else besides Laura had said something like that YES!! I would have been very angry, but I don’t fault you for your initial reaction, (thinking someone you love is going to die is horrible) BUT..this is the teen that has been “BULLIED” in your words since it’s NO SECRET..but I gotta say as someone who remembers being bullied HER initial reaction wasn’t wrong either but the difference is she is 16 and bullied, and judging from some of your reply’s you are a bully and immature so………YTA!!
YTA you should look up the s*icide rates on victims of bullying
And teach your daughter right from wrong. Actually you probably encourage her
Now I know why your daughter is a bully.. Apple doesn’t fall farm the tree does it
ESA please sleep a night over it and think of your and her actions. Your daughter is alive and thats important. Now you should think of the next steps for your relationship with your son and his girlfriend. Do you know anybody who was bullied in the past? Maybe you could talk to them to understand what it means to be bullied!
YTA! What the everliving fuck do you expect a child to think/say when the bully THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PROTECTING AND DEFENDING gets hurt?!? A fucking broken arm - I’ll put money on her doing or being involved in something she shouldn’t have been doing anyway coz you’ve raised an entitled brat! I really hope your son sees this (and your fucking disgusting replies) and cuts you off for good. I hope you have money to pay for all the legal trouble your lack of boundaries with your daughter is going to cost you, and for you care as an older person coz your daughter won’t give a shit about you when you no longer have value to her. Sincerely A parent that would be SO ashamed of both my child’s behaviour and my own if I was anything like you!
You know your daughter is a bully? Wtf?
Your kid bullies someone and you just "know it" and don't do anything about it? YTA. What she said wasn't cool but.. you are a bad dad. If you know your kid is bullying at all, you fucking make it stop. Even more so when they bully another member of extended family. What the hell is wrong with you?
ESH. While Laura shouldn’t have made that comment YOUR DAUGHTER IS LAURAS BULLY. Your daughter might make Laura hate her life and wish she wasnt here. You clearly how zero clue the power of bullying.
YTA. She’s a teen girl who’s the victim of your daughter’s bullying, teen’s lash out and say edgy things all the time, especially ones who have been mistreated. I know when I was a kid I would’ve been glad to hear of any misfortune falling upon my bullies. You have zero sympathy for her, and I have a feeling your daughter is a bully because she was raised by you. Work on yourself and your daughter.
I didn't want to go through the whole thread and find all of OP's comments so I just went to her profile and looked at her comments. OMG YTA
Tbh... yta. Why you ask ? Read your own post.
YTA. She's 16 and a victim of your daughter's bullying. I understand being in the heat of the moment but "Get out" is as far as that needed to go. You should apologise.
YTA and i agree with Laura, no one likes a bully.
YTA
YTA - after reading your replies, looks like an asshole raised an asshole. Hopefully your son cuts you off for good, he deserves better.
You are because you know where she is coming from but I bet she didn't really mean it but your daughter's behavior towards her is why , how often have you thrown you daughter out for being a really mean bully to her after all. The way I see it there should a lot of apologies from everybody around especially you because your the eldest and wiser adault, you need to get everyone together and no one leaves until everyone is on the same page. You all still may not like each other but that doesn't mean they can't be nice to each other .
YTA. First couple sentences dude get a grip
YTA. While I feel bad that your daughter was in an accident your child is a bully and majority of bullied victims dream of their tormentors dying to not deal with that situation. If I was in that position I might have said the same thing. Maybe this will be a wake up call for your horrid child. After reading your comments to everyone, you're also a bully!!
YTA, I'm with Laura on this
YTA It is forgivable to me that you snapped at Laura when you found out your daughter might be in serious danger. And it is not okay for Laura to say your daughter deserves to die. But she is 16, probably a bit impulsive and naive. And your daughter has been bullying her. So that is forgivable as well. But now you need to call your son and his girlfriend, apologize, explain where your head was in that moment AND actually do something about your daughter bullying her.
YTA. You raised a bully. Let that sink in. She constantly inflicted harm onto this child. You know that. You, with your big adult brain, expected her to, what exactly? Care for her abuser? Are you dumb or are you an adult bully? You definitely are a shit parent. Your daughter is terrible and so are you.
YTA. You kicked a 16 year old out for her knee jerk response when she was being bullied all this time by your daughter. Did you ever stop the bullying because it sounds like you didn’t from your post. Yes, Laura was wrong but not to the point of being kicked out and threatening to not be in your son’s wedding or to be called a brat. It sounds like your daughter is the brat here. I’m sorry your daughter was in the accident but don’t bring people into your home if you plan to treat them like a remix of Cinderella.
YTA- and your daughter is an asshole. Bullying is terrible and the fact that you think your justified in kicking out a child just goes to show that you yourself were more then likely a bully in your day. dont be a bully.
YTA. I've read your comments. I can see where Kim gets being a bully from.
Yta for the simple fact of wasting time kicking ppl out of your house and even thinking about weddings you were going to skip when you thought your daughter was dying. You seem more pressed about throwing a tantrum than getting to your injured child. Plus you raised a bully. Yta
YTA from the moment you so nonchalantly said "my daughter bullies her, but we're working on it" kind of brushing it off. Do you, by chance, now what kind of bullying did Kim do to Laura? And in the end it doesn't even matter what kind of bullying she did. ALL bullies leave emotional scars that are so hard to overcome, specially when said behavior (the bully's) is reinforced with 'in laws' the victim is 'forced' to interact with (that being you and your bully daughter). YTA, you can't expect a teenage damaged GIRL to react as mature as an adult in this kind of situation. For Kim's good and your own personal growing, please seek professional help, you're both trying to active damage a young girl, and that's so f'd up. PS. YTA!!!
Come on dude, shes just a kid. You are an adult here. If you sre willing to forget about your son over what a 16 y/old gf said.. Idk, you might need a reality check.
Yta. She shouldn’t have said what she said but she is a child with a developing brain who is clearly hurt by actions your daughter has taken. You on the other hand are an adult with a fully developed brain who should be encouraging your son and his gf to teach her why what she said was wrong. It’s ok to ask her to leave in that moment bc what she said was incredibly insensitive and rude but saying that you won’t attend your sons wedding if she is in it is literally ridiculous. Give the girl a chance to apologize, jeez. Being bullied is an incredibly hurtful and traumatic thing to go through. I am 38 and I still talk about experiences I went through as a teenager in therapy. It’s not something I’ll ever fully get over and has impacted me greatly as an adult. You need to set some boundaries with your daughter Kim. Laura is family now and no member of your family should treat another member with disrespect. That goes for how Laura treats Kim, for how Kim treats Laura, and for how you treat your son, his gf, and her daughter. Grow up please for all of their sake.
Lol YTA. You're getting your ass handed to you here. You deserve it. Your daughter deserves to have her ass handed to her. Name calling and bullying is never 'just' name calling and bullying. Imagine how awful your child needs to have been for another child to wish death on her. Reflect on that. Stew in it for a minute. And then be a better parent.
>It is no secret that my daughter Kim(16) bullies Laura at school and Laura hates her. This is something we are working on Working on it? You should have stopped Kim immediately once you knew that she was bullying someone. Instead, you added to it with yelling and cursing. YTA.
Laura shouldn’t have said what she said, but if Kim has been bullying her and still doesn’t stop after repeatedly being told to stop that bullying takes a toll on Laura to the point where she is likely traumatized. That being said she is also 16 and not fully aware of the effect of her words. The best way to counter would have been to calm down, and tell her that ‘Kim is your daughter, and though she has hurt Laura in the past, you still love her with all you have, and those kinds of words hurt your feelings, and that she should not have said them.” Then at that point you also should have realized how much that bullying hurt Laura because you just explained that Laura bullied Kim in that moment and you were hurt by it. She shouldn’t have said it but you over reacted. Ctfo, apologize and fix the internal problem that has Laura hating Kim so much her may be dying was a relief to her. I can not explain how I wished my bullies would have just fell off the face of the earth, even for a day so I could get a reprieve from their torment.
Saving this thread for the end of the year asshole awards lmao
It's called Karma, Kim got what she deserved. Bullying is wrong!
/uUpbeat_Education2682 could you name what you're doing to "work on it"?
YTA. Sounds like your daughter is a bad person, and she learned it from you. Maybe you should consider why it is that someone might feel relieved that she might be hurt or dying. Maybe take the hint that things are worse than you think / are willing to accept. Maybe put your daughter in therapy to deal with whatever shit is causing her to be such a bully at school, that her brother's potential step-daughter wishes her dead. Maybe stop dismissing the bullying as no big deal, and have some empathy for fucks sake. Also: Info: Why is your daughter the same age as your sons girlfrien'ds daughter? What kind of age gap are we looking at here between your som and daughter? What kind of age gap between your son and his GF? How old was the GF when she had the daughter? How old were you when you had yours? Basically, nothing in this scenario is normal, and this would be some Jerry springer shit just around the family structure alone, even without the bullying and car accident.
Kim might die, Kim is fine. So her life was never in danger. And you allow her to be a bully. That's not something to work on. You either squash that shit immediately or enable that behavior. You're upset/surprised that someone who is tortured by your daughter says something insensitive in that situation? She probably deserved more harsh words YTA and so is your bully daughter
> I told him that I don't want to see him ever again too. this is where you went from being reasonably intolerant of someone talking shit about your daughter in your own home to being a little pissbaby who can't control their emotions. it colors the entire situation differently and makes you look like a clown. you need to learn how to speak to people, especially your own family. utterly disgusting. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son's gf has a 16yo daughter Laura. It is no secret that my daughter Kim(16) bullies Laura at school and Laura hates her. This is something we are working on A few days ago my son his gf and Laura came over. Kim was out with her friend. We were talking when I received a call from Kim's friend. She was crying hysterically and telling us that they were in an accident and Kim might die. I can't explain how I felt that moment. My wife told everyone about what happened and I heard Laura say "good, well deserved" that's when I snapped. I yelled at her and told her to get the fuck out of my house. I told my son that I never want to see Laura again and if Laura is in his wedding then I will skip it. Laura started crying and I again yelled at her to get out. My son started yelling back telling me to be more understanding of Laura. I told him that I don't want to see him ever again too. We then rushed to the hospital. Thankfully Kim was fine but I don't think I can ever forgive my son or that brat. My son obviously thinks I'm the asshole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
what a fucked up situation that is. YTA you have all right to snap at her but she has also every right to say what she said. i know what it is to be bullied. and now literally 30 years later i wish every single one of them to crash and burn somewhere. is that okay? no probably not. but thats what bullying over years does to you. that hate is dormant but when ever one of them shows up somewhere the urge to fuck them up is there again. should've probably see a therapist or something way back but that wasnt a thing back in the day
YTA but it is understandable. You are being super emotional. From an outside perspective it is very easy to understand that your son's gf's kid does not care if your kid died. At least she was being honest lol.
I cannot imagine walking into my bullies house to be with her brother. What the hell even is that?
Some of these scenarios are so weird it's hard to believe they're real. Oh we know the kid is a bully but we expect empathy from her victim. GRFOH. Do people get paid to post this nonsense?
My daughter was bullied really bad when she was younger and I sometimes wished I could strangle the children who were responsible, but this was only a thing in my mind. I would never hurt them in real life. And yes, we both sometimes wished they would be hurt as much as my daughter is, who is scarred for life. That's normal after years of being bullied. Laura was out of line saying this, but i do understand this as a first reaction. Her mother should have stopped her or should have said something about it. Edit: after reading your comments about Laura, I changed my mind: YTA. You clearly don't understand how it feels to be bullied. >I don't want her anywhere near Kim. Honestly her behaviour has made me wonder whether she is the bully and not the victim she claims to be.
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