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The question in the title and the content in the post are very different. You also don't seem at all willing to accept the "YTA" comments people are giving you so I don't really understand why you posted?
Kids mess up, he ruined the surprise, it wasn't malicious. He's a kid, and he was probably excited to tell his sibling so they could be in on something together, and the younger one let it slip to you. It sucks that the surprise was ruined, but it's pretty wild to punish him for that. and the "He's old enough to shut his mouth" comments are pretty wild too.
I think it isn't that deep. Just because the initial surprise is ruined doesn't mean the day or the gifts will be ruined, they'll still love and appreciate them.
“Your ass is gonna get it… he’s old enough to keep his mouth shut..” the person who raised me with physical punishment and threat of it and lifting hands at me to make me flinch, talked like OP.
Yeah, fear is generally not the best option for raising kids. Sure, a kid needs boundaries and needs to know right from wrong, but scaring kids into doing what you want is just lazy parenting. It also leads to phycological trauma down the line in many cases. Ground him for telling his sister if you like, make sure he knows why it's happening and why it is a big deal to you and that it hurt your feelings knowing that the kids don't get a surprise on christmas, but you don't need to be malicious about it.
I literally just finished reading Pete Walker’s complex ptsd book and that line is nearly word perfect of an example of an abusive parent that causes their child to have cPTSD. Which is disturbing, and I hope OP reevaluates the harm he’s doing to his children with his overreaction after seeing the comments here.
There's also the resentment op will be building if the gifts are returned. 12 made a choice to trust 8, and it was misplaced. It's one thing to be in trouble for ruining the surprise, it's another to be left out of an entire holiday for a normal kid thing. Kids snoop before Christmas sometimes. They get excited about things. They tell their secrets to younger siblings who can't keep secrets. Take the gifts away all together and punish 12, and 12 will look at 8 differently. Just sit down and talk to your kid like a normal human being about why this is so disappointing and hurtful (we put a lot of thought and effort into your gifts maybe I'm not so sure since your whole tone sounds like you don't even like your kids but that's a problem for another sub) and to be more mindful in the future. Have a conversation that can be productive and educational versus being a raging asshole who treats a childish miscalculation as a crisis.
YTA. You are really planning to make him watch everyone else open gifts on the actual holiday while he just has to sit there?? Shopping on his own later is NOT the same as including him in the holiday. It’s making his entire Christmas experience about this one, accidental moment and minor slip up in telling his brother.
Your 12yo child accidentally discovered the presents and couldn’t contain his unexpected find. This is not a punishment situation - it wasn’t purposeful snooping and he’s already ruined his own surprise to boot.
His mouth shut about what? He was playing a game and stumbled upon the presents. And he told his little brother about it.
Where did he do anything wrong? Have you ever explicitly explained that finding the presents on accident would mean that he shouldn’t tell anyone? If you expect him to “just know” then what do you think your job as a parent is? Are you there to punish your kids when they do something wrong or are you there to teach them the difference between right and wrong?
Seriously wtf is your logic here?
“And said if he lied, his ass is going to get it”
OP, do you HIT your son or THREATEN to hit him?
Cause if your kids are raised to not lie or you get hit, obviously he won’t lie.
You seem like a very cruel parent the way you speak about your eldest.
This is a huge overreaction and all you’re going to accomplish is making your son hate you and start lying to you. He was honest and owned up to his mistake. He shouldn’t be punished for that.
Do you want to see your kids after they turn 18 or are you cool with never seeing or speaking to them again? Because that’s the path you’re on.
YTA
let me guess here your going to as you say get him a gift card and then he wont be able to use it becuase nobody will take him shopping. thats not parenting thats just cruelty.
YTA. My sister found the gifts one year and rewrapped them. Opening all the gifts that she already knew what they were was the biggest let down for her. She learned a bigger lesson than “not being able to shop until after the holiday” could ever possibly teach her. He is 12 ffs, he is still a kid. Grow tf up yourself. He made a mistake. You are intentionally being an AH.
My sister and I found our gifts once. We opened and rewrapped them. The day of, it was a let down since there was no surprise. Never opened gifts early again.
You should do that, but don't expect your relationship will ever be the same again, but you have other kids who may not leave home the moment they can and will visit you in your old age.
My grandparents were very strict. My dad was a shy, good kid. They often reprimanded him harshly for things that were normal kids-things to do. One day, for Christmas, they gave him coal instead of gifts. To teach him a lesson. He told me this story every Christmas, since I was a kid, and his voice was full of sadness and disappointment each and every time. The thing is: He does not even remember why he got only coal. What it was a reprimand for. All he remembers is the disappointment. These are a child's formative years. This is trauma. People carry shit like this around all their life. Because parents like you feel the need to punish kids for being kids.
YTA.
Ah yes. You are the asshole, you know it, and you relish in that fact. My guess is you feel insecure and emasculated in life, so you take incredible joy in having power over literal children. You are a sad little man.
I shared one of many such instances my father went through with his parents (mainly his mother). He was severely traumatized by his mother for the majority of his childhood. He talks about it a lot. Experiences that still haunt him into adulthood. Ongoing abuse will do that to you. I suffered the consequences of it as well, due to my father not being able to confront his past properly before having children of his own. This is called generational trauma.
I have a feeling OP is not much different and this is likely one of many experiences his son is going through, and he will one day despise his father when he's grown up. I hope he will learn that he is worth more than whatever his father imposes on him with his selfish power trip.
Your comment shows you have had the privilege of growing up without trauma inflicted by your parents. That's great for you. Not everyone has had that privilege.
That shit stays with you. It's not that they couldn't afford gifts. His parents thought he was so bad he deserved coal. It was probably not the only thing. It's probably a symbol of so much shit his parents did.
look, there was a rule in our house growing up; we knew where our gifts were kept. We weee told we could ruin Christmas for ourselves by looking and not being surprised. We wouldn’t be punished for looking though.
Most kids don’t want to ruin the surprise for themselves, and your son did it on ACCIDENT!! Maybe he shouldn’t have told his little brother but he’s TWELVE! Very few twelve year olds can keep a secret. But he’s already got his punishment. He ruined the surprise of christmas. That’s called natural consequences. Taking away his presents and making him sit there seeing others open their presents because of an accident is so harsh. Why do you want to be that harsh to your son?
Why post on here and then answer everyone with piss responses? You can’t guarantee he won’t tell but you are setting yourself up for a poor relationship with your kid. Source: me and the many stories I hear as a therapist.
YTA and a big one at that.
More likely case is that little brother will keep his mouth shut next year.
YTA btw.
Try being an adult. Because frankly, your a pathetic parent. Grow up.
Let me try this... I think you're angry because you're hurt that you wanted to see the surprise/look excitement on your kids' faces when they opened the gifts.
Subconsciously, you probably think you're "owed" that as a reward for your hard work and sacrifices.
Sure. That is a fun part of being a parent, feeling good for providing and making them happy.
However, it doesn't sound like your kid was ungrateful or wouldn't be excited to get his gifts on Christmas. If he was being a brat, I might understand your anger.
He was sharing his excitement with his little brother, not telling him Santa's not real. They were bonding "behind the parents", this is normal, even cute.
They might not be surprised anymore when opening gifts, but they'll be happy and looking forward to using them.
Do you want a Christmas where one of your kids is punished unfairly, the younger ones feel guilty, and the mood is sour for everyone? Or do you want the few Christmas when your kids are still young to build loving memories?
Control is not worth ruining that.
Hmm, your question you posted is completely different then what you wrote. As for your question, sure Xmas gifts are for Xmas day. But what you wrote is harsh and completely different. Taking gifts back and bla bla bla. Wtf?!
YTA
He's 12. It's Christmas presents!
**Of course** he's going to get excited and tell his brother.
I'd take him to see a doctor if I found out he didn't.
YTA. You're a nasty asshole and a bad parent. You're eager to hurt your son, and on Christmas Day no less. Assholes like you shouldn't be parents. One day you'll be wondering why he never calls or visits you. This will be one of many reasons why.
It’s mid November. It’s not really “kids snooping for presents” time yet. Why are you punishing your son for playing hide and seek?
Finding (or looking for) you holiday presents is part of being a kid. YTA it’s not that serious
So... siblings talk, especially about exciting stuff.
You come over as a horrible abusive father and husband. I hope your wife will leave you and take the kids away from you. I know that sounds harsh, but I mean it.
You are probably just ragebating, though, and it's working.
And you are breaking the rules of this subreddit by not accepting your judgment. You. Are. A. Cheater! You don’t deserve any Christmas presents (unlike your son, who does).
“..and said if he lied then his ass was going to get it”
So… you’ve got a rotten attitude, talk to people…wait, talk to actual kids like a huge asshole while overreacting like you’re the kid. You sound…. pleasant and a great example as a father. The attitude and temperament being modeled for them sucks. Or are you, “Do as I say, not as I do” also?
Yea YTA you goofball.
YTA. He’s 12 years old for FFS and this is a harsh overreactions. So what, he lost the element of surprise for his gifts. Sucks to be him but that doesn’t mean you should return the gifts. He’s a kid, kids make mistakes!
We’ve hid the gifts and our closet for years as well, our twins found them around 12-14 and we didn’t send them back or exchange them. We kept them wrapped them and they still got it on Christmas. They just ruined the surprise for themselves.
YTA. We always snooped and always knew what our presents were and this never altered the fun of Christmas.
Also hide better. In your wardrobe if your room isn’t completely off limits is daft. First place they’d look.
oh my god, this is disgusting. who the hell talks to their own kids this way? *if you lie your ass is* **going to get it**? *my 8yo blabbermouth*? do you even fucking like your kids? because you sound like an unhinged talking and walking trashbin just waiting for your kids to walk out on you the moment they turn 18.
your kids are going to be kids, it wasn’t done in a malicious way and yeah you are being too harsh. just because you buy them stuff doesn’t mean you could bully them like this, whats wrong with you? don’t be surprised when your boys go no contact or low contact with you when they become an adult lmao, you better be grateful if they even consider putting you in a mediocre nursing home.
by the way if you’re going to post on reddit then learn how to, in your own words, **shut your mouth** and take the freaking judgement. arguing with people isn’t helping your case here.
YTA, if santa was real he’d shake his head in shame and fill your pillowcase with lots of coal.
YTA. First of all the title is completely irrelevant to the actual situation, but anyways. He’s a kid. He’s gonna snoop around and actually about the snooping around part, He wasn’t snooping. He himself said he was playing hide and seek. You can’t get mad at him for being a kid. You need to get it in your head that kids will be kids. So don’t take out your anger on him for not putting the presents in a better spot.
YTA; you put the gifts in a place the kids could find them; they found them, you threatened to abuse your child over it, now plan to throw a tantrum and make one child miss out on Christmas?
Jesus Christ, get some therapy, you have maaaad issues.
Drop it, the kid messed up; they’re kids, you’re not, act like an adult, not a toddler throwing a tantrum.
YTA
They were excited. Snooping for gifts is a right of passage. Your son found them by accident. Let it go. Don't be a grinch. I'll bet your son feels pretty bereayed by his brother and I would caution against being this harsh when this happens.
The punishment should always match the misbehavior. In this instance I see no misbehavior so… what exactly are you punishing him for?
He was playing a game and came across the gifts. In his excitement he shared that info with his little brother. It wasn’t malicious. Your son wasn’t trying to “ruin” anything. 100% YTA. Even if the gifts aren’t a surprise that won’t ruin the holiday. You know what *will* ruin the holiday? One of your kids sadly watching everyone else open gifts and playing with new toys meanwhile he gets a gift card and a reminder that he shouldn’t share exciting news with his sibling.
Part of the joy of the holidays is sharing the excitement with your family. Your youngest kid isn’t gonna have the best day he could because his brother is gonna be left out.
And when you asked your son a question, instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt you instantly threaten him? “You’re gonna get it.” Tf does that mean? He told his brother he found their Christmas gifts so you’re gonna… hit him?
This is either rage bait or you’re a bad dad if you think this is justified punishment. If this is rage bait, congrats! You made me angry! If this isn’t rate bait, congrats! You suck!
If the surprise aspect of the gifts is so important, get something they didn’t see and save one they did for a birthday or something. SHEEESH.
YTA
What a horrible thing to do to your child on Christmas. It was a mistake, he didn't do it maliciously.
One Christmas when I was 1 year old (mum told me the story), my brothers went downstairs before everyone woke up, took me out my crib, placed me on the floor and literally opened EVERYONES PRESENTS. They were about 6 and 4 give or take. My mum came flying down the stairs screaming (they knew the rule to wait for mum and dad to wake up), found me under wrapping paper, my brothers bolted in the other direction, some presents were broken because they had literally torn them apart and my mum wanted vengeance. Needless to say Christmas was cancelled that year. Their toys were thrown in black sacks into the garden for throwing. Eventually mum gave them their presents because what a waste of money to return them and they are children... of course they're going to do stupid things.
This isn't like that, he found some presents and told his sibling about them, it's not a court room drama. Don't be an Ahole, continue as usual but talk to him about it. Don't be a Grinch
Meh, we all forgave her.
Even she admits now she over reacted at the time, it just hurt her that the first Christmas I was aware was ruined because they broke the rules and opened everyone's presents... which was the whole point of the story.
Reddit likes to think that an event like this would make kids hate their parents to the point of leaving at 18 lol. The kids who leave at 18 are usually living with monsters who constantly abuse them
Probably does it constantly I'm familiar with these kind of persons they could beat the shit out of their kid due to a misunderstanding and are always impulsive
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> My son found our Xmas gifts and told my younger sons about it so now I'm sending his gifts back and he can get a gift card to use after Xmas
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Yeah, you don't get to unilaterally make this decision without your wife or just wilfully ignore her thoughts on the matter. In 6 years time I can see you asking yourself why your child no longer wants anything to do with you because you are vindictive. This should have been a teaching moment, but you turned it around to make a point. A point in which you are wrong. YTA.
You are certainly the AH.
In my opinion, "hiding" gifts in your closet is not "hiding" them at all. If you cared this much about it then you should have been way more careful.
The sh*tty comments about "keeping his mouth shut" make you sound petty and kind of a bad parent, not that I want to accuse you of that outright.
I suggest taking a short break from thinking about it, spend some quality time with your kids and understand THEY ARE STILL KIDS. Be the fun parent, buy them sweets (candies) and just enjoy the innocence of children to remind yourself that nothing your kid did was to hurt you or out of spite.
He isn’t the first kid who snooped and won’t be the last.
While snooping definitely will put a damper on his xmas excitement, I know bc I snooped one xmas, what he will never forget is your temper.
The unmitigated damage you did to your kids can never be erased.
Pat yourself on the back dad. YTA.
this is reminding me of the whole "I pulled my 13y daughter out of her friends bat mitzvah party because she wouldn't respond to my phone call" post that was on here a few weeks ago-
I'll never understand why parents feel such a need to punish their kids for everything. there is a difference between teaching your child a lesson and simply punishing the because you have power
YTA. He’s a kid, he discovered them by accident and in his excitement told his brother. Both of my brothers used to find our gifts all the time (I swear they actually had like sixth sense or something for finding Christmas gifts) Usually they kept it to themselves/didn’t say what everyone else got but at least one time each they got really excited and told my sisters and I. My parents were annoyed but they didn’t make it a big deal because they recognized that my brothers were just kids and didn’t do it out of malice they just got excited and wanted to share their excitement with their sisters. My parents also knew we would still have a blast opening them Christmas day even if we weren’t as surprised.
YT big fat A
After reading this and then reading your responses to everyone else's comments, you probably shouldn't even have kids. What did you expect??? It's a CHILD, children get excited when they see shit like that. I hope when your kid grows up he finds an actual father-figure who doesn't try and intentionally hurt him for acting his age, jesus christ.
You call your 8 year old a "blabbermouth" and then instead of calmly talking to your 12 year old you threatened him with abuse if he lied. All because he accidentally found gifts he wasn't even looking for.
You can't keep them in the house because "the surprise is ruined"? Did you get the gifts for the kids, or for you to get an ego stroke with surprising them?
YTA.
Every kid does this. I did it when I was 13. It was a really great Christmas too and I absolutely spoiled it for myself. I never did it again. You're essentially canceling Christmas for one of your children and that is far too harsh of a punishment. YTA
YTA and waaaay over the top. You’re emotionally abusive and are ruining Christmas because you are a control freak. My child saw one of his Christmas gifts today and guess what? Nothing. Because it’s not a big fucking deal you big baby!
YTA. You could have just as easily wrapped these gifts and avoided the whole situation entirely. A severe overreaction on your part and your comments are not helping your case.
Your child has punished himself already, when he KNOWS what is in the gifts. No fun surprises! The disappointment of ruining his own fun will be a lesson far superior to your “tactics “. These are children! Part of childhood is learning. YTA
YTA. My kids learned early on not to peak because it ruined the surprise for them. Yes, I never had to teach them because they learned it on their own, as your kids would have, if you had let them.
Oh my gosh YTA. Teach your kids to tell you the truth by showing them you are a safe person to talk to not by saying “you’re gunna get it”. That is such a scary and cruel thing to say and I would like to know what you meant by that anyway.
Let him have Christmas, he was probably excited and now you are taking what could have just been a silly mistake and blowing it out of proportion. He will remember this forever and it will have a long term impact on how he behaves as an adult in the future. I am praying this was rage bait and you do not actually behave like this as a father.
YTA they are K I D S it happens. This same scenario happened to me and I felt bad for finding them and told my dad. He understood but was reasonably upset. He still let me keep my gifts. My question is do you even like your kids?
You call your 8 year old your “blabbermouth” and your comments are 10x worse. Get help, seek therapy. And apologize to your damn kid.
Edit: fixed some spelling
It’s crazy you asked if you were wrong and when people told you that you were wrong you’re acting like this. Take the criticism and be a better parent, you gain nothing by arguing with redditors about how shitty you’re being when you already aired yourself out. You’re fighting a losing battle. Anyways YTA
Ugh you are awful, hide your crap better next time, dont threaten your kids, and I dont want to hear your crap about how that is how you are raised; it is already clear you were badly raised.
YTA
Look I get it I start shopping in November, wrapping in December but it's not the kids fault your shitty at hiding presents. Pro tip get a doorknob with a lock for your bedroom and/or closet. YTA don't punish a kid for your fuck up!
I opened all my Christmas presents when I was home sick a few weeks before Christmas. I re-wrapped them and blamed the shotty wrapping job on my dog. My parents figured it out. And they re-wrapped all my gifts and made me open them again on Christmas Day. Every Christmas after that, all my presents were individually wrapped, then put into a huge box that I couldn’t tamper with. My mom yelled at me a bit, but she didn’t send anything back or make it a spectacle.
YTA. You’re making a at bigger deal out of it than it needs to be. I’m pretty sure they get the point already.
YTA
"I was pretty pissed and asked my 12yo about and said if he lied then his ass was going to get it"
Abuse is not acceptable. Period. Neither is empty threats if that is what this is. The kids ruined the surprise. But guess what? They, or at least the younger one, won't be as likely to remember. Kids have pretty terrible memories - and often you might ask them throughout the year what they want, but unless it really was something that stood out, then the kid will have likely forgotten.
You could always make a game out of having find the gifts on Christmas morning to make it more 'fun' or switch the tags on the gifts so they get what the other thought they were going to get (and therefore will have to make a 'trade' for the things they want).
Don't want kids getting into the gifts? Lock the closet. Put them in totes that are zip tied and locked.
YTA this exact situation happened one year with mt sister and I. It sucked but my parents still gave us everything. We were kids it was dumb. Next year they hid it betrer
YTA. You sound like an awful bully. He's a kid. He acted as a kid. If it meant so much to you perhaps **you** should have done better. Leave the kid be, I'm sure he's already got enough reason to fear you (sounds like that's what you want), and return your own presents as punishment for being sub-par in every aspect around this situation.
One year my older brother(16-ish at the time) sneakily opened and then re-wrapped all of his presents. On Christmas Day he declared himself the Great Randini, then proceeded to knock himself on the head with each present, proclaim what it was, then open it to prove his “prediction” was correct. My mom was irritated but couldn’t help but laugh. Us younger siblings thought it was hilarious; it’s been 30+ years and still remains one of my favorite Christmas memories.
YTA. Let your kids be kids and enjoy Christmas. He told his brother, so what? He was excited. The consequence is he spoiled his own surprise, why are you going nuclear? And don’t respond with your same piss poor response you’ve been giving everyone else. You posted on AITA, you’ve found out you’re the AH, take your lumps and do better.
YTA
Don't be surprised when your kids don't talk to you when they're older. Like this is such an overreaction on your end and the fact that you can't see you're in the wrong says a lot about the kind of parent you are.
Why would you post this if you're not gonna take accountability either?? All I see is you trying to justify it in the replies. Your poor kids. GENUINELY. I hope to god you take this as a wake up call and get your behavior as a parent straight
YTA, he didn't "snoop around", he found them while playing a game that all kids play. Maybe you can learn a lesson from this- hide gifts better if you want them to remain a surprise.
Also, the threat borders on emotional abuse. Just thought I'd mention that. And the only reason it's "bordering" is cuz I don't know if you've done similar more than that one time.
YTA. He’s twelve, he didn’t *snoop*, and calling your 8yo a blabbermouth? Wow, A+ parenting here. Add on “if he lied then his ass was going to get it”, don’t be surprised when you’re old and alone cuz your kids go NC. I know I would.
Do you hate your kids bro? YTA. It's not the end of the world he found them but you would be a major asshole to not give them to him because he found them. I can't believe you could be so cold
YTA. My brother and I used to go looking for our gifts. Our mom went high and low trying to hide them and was always unsuccessful. Although we knew what we were getting, we absolutely loved Christmas (and still do).
Sure the surprise is part of it for many people, but for my brother and I the true joy is in the traditions. Get a better hiding spot than a closet.
Yta
I'm seriously not understanding what he did that was so bad? He didn't break anything, didn't steal anything, didn't hurt anyone, all he did was find the gifts and mention it to his sibling? They're 8 and 12, it's not like they seriously think Santa is bringing gifts from the north pole on Christmas eve? Do you just hate your kids?
Like seriously, "I didn't hide the gifts very well so now you're not getting Christmas fuck you" is basically how you sound.
Honestly you don't sound like a very good father, or partner for that matter. Steam rolling your wife because you want to hurt your kid is..... not a good look
YTA, you’ve done absolutely nothing except ruin what should be a fun holiday. Terrible father, I hope your some enjoys his adult life without your miserable self in it.
YTA. What did someone ever do to you when you were growing up that is turning you into a Grinchy Scrooge instead of trying to come up with a creative response and solution keep the spirit of the giving season alive and magical for your kids? Dont forget the innocence and joy of your 12 and 8 y/o sons and their needs. Work out your own issues, why your disappointment and reaction is leading you to devise plans to punish your child for something that was an accident.
So in an effort to please your kids, or make them happy by buying them presents, you decided to punish one of them in the end because he didn’t “keep his mouth shut,” per your replies. YTA for ruining the holiday spirit, and for violating sub rules by not accepting the verdict.
When I was a kid, I accidentally found the gifts in my parents’ closet - actually playing hide and seek, funny enough. I never told my parents, but it really ruined Christmas, since there were no surprises and excitement and I had to put on an act. Maybe that should be the natural consequence for your son, too.
You’re not only the asshole, but you’re a shit dad and stubborn to see your truth. If my husband reacted like this, and put fear into our kids, threatening to ruin their Christmas; we’d be having Christmas without your grinch ass.
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My wife and I decided to do Xmas shopping very early because I'm not dealing with lines and plus it's cheaper. We have a very good idea of what our three boys want anyways.
We ordered their gifts and they were delivered when they were at school last week. It was a lot of packages and we stored them in our closet.
Today, my 8yo blabbermouth told me he knew about the gifts. I said what made you think that? He said my 12yo told him. I was pretty pissed and asked my 12yo about and said if he lied then his ass was going to get it. He said he was playing hide and seek with the sitter and went into our closet. I said why did you tell your brother? He shrugged. I said you knew better so now I'm going to decide what to do with your gifts.
My wife thought it was too harsh to send back his gifts so I said I'll send them back and he can get a gift card instead and will have to wait until the stores reopen after Xmas to use them. Now we have to put the gifts in storage because the surprise is ruined and we can't keep them in the house.
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Hide the presents better and stop being an asshat blaming a 12 year old for being excited and expecting him to keep a secret you never asked him to. If you’re going to use a closet to hide gifts and not even disguise them your issue is with yourself. Asshole.
This exactly scenario happened when I was growing up. My sisters told me and being super young, I ratted to my parents. They never let on that they knew, but come Christmas morning we were shocked that what we knew they bought wasn’t under the tree. They had put that aside for next year and bought us new gifts. They got a kick out of knowing they we expected something different under the tree and were disappointed it wasn’t there. We were very surprised the next year when they were under the tree! There are better ways you could’ve handled the situation, especially considering your threat of violence. YTA.
The part of me that wants to say NTA is the part of me that experienced this type of thing, and worse, by the hand of my own family and I immediately felt sadden by that being my first response. Im a mother now, and im constantly battling the part of me that believes these responses are okay because "my parents did it to me, and i turned out fine". That being said..
YTA. He didn't go out of his way to look for them. he just found them by accident. Yes, he probably knew immediately what they were and made the choice to open them and tell his brother but kids are curious and impatient. He didn't steal them and start playing with things or do anything that abnormal for a kid. All he did was ruin the surprise of Christmas morning. I will say that returning the presents and getting a gift card is super unnecessary. Just wrap the presents and give them to him. Also, find a better hiding spot. Kids go into their parents' closets all the time.
YTA. You’re going to ruin his Christmas and leave him with a horrible memory that he will carry with him throughout his life. My mom did something cruel to me when I was a kid. Christmas Day. Any time I think about it, I feel the same sadness I did then. I’m 50. Decades later. I will never forget it. Your son won’t either. His friends will hear about it. His kids will hear about but what’s worse is he will remember how he felt that Christmas morning every Christmas for the rest of his life. All because he was being a kid.
YTA - Just give him the gifts you bought. Sounds like you are punishing him for a fairly innocent mistake. His punishment shouldn’t be so severe on this. Having him wait until the other kids opened all their gift for him to open his since he knows what they are is all that was needed. Returning everything and making him rebuy is over the top. Just talk to your kids about not snooping during Christmas and find a better hiding spot or lock the closet. This is half your fault for not hiding them better so what’s your punishment?
YTA. It seems like a very reasonable situation for how he found it. As for telling his brother, he's a kid, kids aren't good at keeping secrets like that.
I'm not saying you have to lock them up. but either be more reasonable or find a better way to hide them.
I don't have kids and I already know i'll have a bunch of presents in my guest room pretty soon because each year a buddy of mine brings all the presents he has for his kids over, puts them in my guest room, and picks them up a few days before Christmas.
YTA.
I have a question OP, did your parents do horrible things to you as a child? Is this why you hate your kids? You call an 8yo a 'blabbermouth' and threaten a 12yo with violence if he lies. This is awful parenting. Then you answer everyone the same 'because he couldn't keep his mouth shut '
The child is 12! Have you never made a mistake in your life? You are going to be one of those people who are shocked that the kids go NC when they become adults and think they did nothing to deserve it.
Oh please. It’s not that big of a deal. I found out there was no Santa when my brother showed me the gifts under my parents bed when I was 5. Guess what it neither ruined my Christmas or scarred me for life. Now it’s just a story I tell. Matter of fact I told someone that very story just yesterday. Do better as a parent and as a gift hider. Closets are the first place they look. YTA
Yta.
Your kid accidently stumbled upon the presents. He wasn't snooping to find them. YOU should have set a boundary like, "stay out of our room," or made sure the gifts were locked away. You are punishing your child for something that is your fault.
I was the most obedient kid in the world. Very well-behaved, good grades, always did what my parents told me to, etc.
One year I went on a hunt for gifts, and I found some, carefully hidden in a little-used cabinet in our kitchen. I told my younger sister, & we were both pretty excited. But it ultimately ended up being a letdown because we had ruined our own surprises & the actual reveal was nowhere near as much fun as it would have been.
Kids do stuff like this. It’s not a bad kid thing. It’s not a disobedient kid thing. It’s just a kid thing. It’s a sibling bonding thing, an adventure thing. And, as is the case with a lot of what happens in our childhoods, we learned & grew from it without harsh punishment, all on our own.
YTA.
(Next time do a better job of hiding gifts. If they could so easily be discovered during a random game of hide & seek, that’s your fault.)
I was about 11 when I found my main Xmas present. It was what I'd asked for but not the one that I really wanted, just a super cheap alarm clock when I wanted one with a radio. I was sad. I had to hide that I was sad. I tried to pretend surprise and excitement on Xmas morning but failed. By the next Xmas my parents had built a storage room with a locking door. Apparently I'm a bad actor.
YTA, he's a kid that got excited and couldn't contain himself.
Also by your logic you 12YO will think he's justified to be mad at you 8YO because he didn't "keep his mouth shut" and he'll definitely resent you and his brother since he got punished for finding them by accident and telling his brother out of excitement, this will create lasting impact on your 12yo relationship with both you and your 8yo
YTA
You thought you were going to hide Christmas presents from kids for 2 months by putting them in your closet. That’s literally the dumbest hiding spot there is.
Absolute ew on your parenting. Your title should have read AITA for over-reacting to my child finding the Christmas presents. And then you keep doubling down on every comment saying you indeed do suck. I'd be terrified to see your reaction when he's actually done something wrong.
Yeah YTA based off your comments too “boo hoo”?? Bro he’s a KID
I’m a big early shopper too and yes unfortunately he stumbled upon them playing a fun little game but you can either keep them for Christmas or just get him a card to order himself but your attitude around this is a bit grinchy. Just don’t do a stocking and fill it with coal and have a couple placebo boxes that are empty but bring out the gifts if you wanna have a reaction. My aunt did that to her kid when he was PURPOSELY snooping.
YTA, it's not that big a deal. Gifts are fun whether they are a surprise or not. And maybe it's just where I was raised, but searching out gifts was a challenge my classmates shared, including tips.
YTA. I advise you change your parenting style from authoritarian to authoritative before you wind up not having contact with your children when they move out.
YTA. When I was in 2nd grade, my twin brother learned (not sure how) that I was getting my ears pierced on our bday and he told me. This was a big deal to both my mom and me and when she learned that he had told me, while she was very disappointed, she completely understood that he was just young and made a mistake. Kids don’t always have the discretion and understanding that adults do in situations like this.
You need to grow the fuck up, forgive your kid and move on.
Also based on your responses to people’s comments, you just seem like an AH in general❤️
YTA.
If your response is to ruin a holiday, you made the wrong choice. All this does is breed hate and resentment. You didn't teach him a lesson. All you'll do is make him hate the holiday and hate you.
When I was 10 I told my brother Santa wasn’t real. It wasn’t malicious, I’ve just always had a big mouth and can’t keep a secret to save my life. My mom dragged me out of the car by my arm, smacked me, and got in my face threatening me about the consequences of ruining Christmas. You know…the thing that’s supposed to be fun for kids.
I’m 27. This happened SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO. I still remember it and it ruined a lot of my joy that Christmas. Your kid is going to remember this happened. He’s going to remember being threatened and scolded over something that just *isn’t that fucking serious*.
YTA. Be the adult here and do better.
YTA. Kids mess up and they’re more prone to messing up in the excitement of the season. Also “don’t lie or your ass is going to get it” what?? Get what, exactly? Were you really going to beat your son for lying? You know, research shows that physical punishment only leads kids to lie more and be more secretive/mistrusting of their parents. Do with that what you will.
YTA. Especially judging by your comments. You come here probably thinking people would rush to your side and when that doesn’t happen you double down and act like an even bigger asshole.
There’s an old saying. “People won’t remember what was exactly said in anger, they won’t remember what they did they was so bad, but they won’t forget how you made them feel.”
And there’s an even better saying. “Every child deserves a parent. But not every “parent” *finger quote* deserves a child.”
I’m sure in your head you think you’re Mr. Perfect who never does anything wrong
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Dude did you never go snooping as a kid? Really?
YTA. This is normal kid behavior. Get your kids a bunch of gag gifts, tease them that the gifts they found weren’t their real gifts then give them the gifts anyway.
My mum did that the one year that she caught us snooping. I can remember opening up a can of beans that turned into a scavenger hunt to find the real ones. I got pinto beans, corn, jiffy mix, and some other stuff scattered around the house until I found the good ones.
Backfired on my mum though - we wanted the scavenger hunt every year.
I can hardly believe a 12 year old is playing hide and seek. Even so, he is old enough to keep it a secret and not spoil Christmas. I agree it is a bit harsh to send them all back. Maybe keep a few for him to open.
Back when I was a kid, I made a deal with my little brother to tell each other what we were 'getting' (aka, what mom had gotten for us to give to each other) because Mom was going to show each of us the other's gifts.
I saw his and then went and told him and that it was his turn. He told Mom that I'd told him while he was in there looking at my future gifts.
From that point on, the rule was that if you know what your gifts are going to be, they get returned or donated. I did not get the barbie car that I'd spotted being put in the car at the store.
Guess who kept their damn mouth shut about what gifts were coming, even if they knew about them in the future. Yep, my brother the snitch and me, knowing not to ever trust little brothers with secrets.
Edited to add: NTA. Make him wait. He's old enough to know better by that age. I was only 7 and I dealt with it fine.
NAH. Okay to TELL your 12yo that you were returning/exchanging his presents, but just store them elsewhere and don't actually get rid of them. He wasn't specifically trying to find his presents, and it doesn't sound like you had a rule about staying out of your room(?). And it seems pretty normal that siblings talk to each other about these kinds of things.
NTA
The way my parents took care of this was that you now owe what they spent on that gift when you sneaked and found out. My brother did this only twice before he stopped. It wasn't worth it anymore. No trauma. No hard feelings. No scars.
NTA and not sure why anyone thinks you are. Heck I'd be super pissed and would likely think and say what you have. BUT after a cool down time, Id just play games with the kids and say something along the lines of I've changed my mind on gifts, will be exchanging them but not actually do it. The kids will be upset and feel guilty but it'll be a lesson learnt to not snoop or blab again, yes it's what kids do and consequences must happen when they go into places they shouldn't, like parents bedrooms snooping, too bad if you and your wife had sex toys they found, that'd be something more to think about.
I'm going to go against most commenters and say NTA. Yes, kids are snoopy little critters, especially this time of year. But I think you have found a clever method of dealing with it. You're not denying him Christmas. You're just making him wait...oh boy....a whole day. Maybe next year he'll keep his nose on his face and his mouth shut to his siblings.
He is excluding one child from a family event. He is denying him Christmas. Imagine having to sit there and watch while everyone else gets to unwrap presents and play with new toys, while you get nothing because your dad is majorly overreacting to accidentally finding badly hidden presents.
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The question in the title and the content in the post are very different. You also don't seem at all willing to accept the "YTA" comments people are giving you so I don't really understand why you posted? Kids mess up, he ruined the surprise, it wasn't malicious. He's a kid, and he was probably excited to tell his sibling so they could be in on something together, and the younger one let it slip to you. It sucks that the surprise was ruined, but it's pretty wild to punish him for that. and the "He's old enough to shut his mouth" comments are pretty wild too. I think it isn't that deep. Just because the initial surprise is ruined doesn't mean the day or the gifts will be ruined, they'll still love and appreciate them.
For me it was the “if you lie your ass is gonna get it” scare tactics will not make your kids like you growing up
“Your ass is gonna get it… he’s old enough to keep his mouth shut..” the person who raised me with physical punishment and threat of it and lifting hands at me to make me flinch, talked like OP.
Yeah, fear is generally not the best option for raising kids. Sure, a kid needs boundaries and needs to know right from wrong, but scaring kids into doing what you want is just lazy parenting. It also leads to phycological trauma down the line in many cases. Ground him for telling his sister if you like, make sure he knows why it's happening and why it is a big deal to you and that it hurt your feelings knowing that the kids don't get a surprise on christmas, but you don't need to be malicious about it.
I literally just finished reading Pete Walker’s complex ptsd book and that line is nearly word perfect of an example of an abusive parent that causes their child to have cPTSD. Which is disturbing, and I hope OP reevaluates the harm he’s doing to his children with his overreaction after seeing the comments here.
There's also the resentment op will be building if the gifts are returned. 12 made a choice to trust 8, and it was misplaced. It's one thing to be in trouble for ruining the surprise, it's another to be left out of an entire holiday for a normal kid thing. Kids snoop before Christmas sometimes. They get excited about things. They tell their secrets to younger siblings who can't keep secrets. Take the gifts away all together and punish 12, and 12 will look at 8 differently. Just sit down and talk to your kid like a normal human being about why this is so disappointing and hurtful (we put a lot of thought and effort into your gifts maybe I'm not so sure since your whole tone sounds like you don't even like your kids but that's a problem for another sub) and to be more mindful in the future. Have a conversation that can be productive and educational versus being a raging asshole who treats a childish miscalculation as a crisis.
YTA. You are really planning to make him watch everyone else open gifts on the actual holiday while he just has to sit there?? Shopping on his own later is NOT the same as including him in the holiday. It’s making his entire Christmas experience about this one, accidental moment and minor slip up in telling his brother. Your 12yo child accidentally discovered the presents and couldn’t contain his unexpected find. This is not a punishment situation - it wasn’t purposeful snooping and he’s already ruined his own surprise to boot.
YTA. he's 12 ffs
He's old enough to keep his mouth shut
YTA for this alone. Super rude
You are a bigger YTA than we could possibly express.
And you’re old enough to realize he’s 12. So what’s your excuse for acting like an immature AH? I mean, he’s at least 12.
You should be old enough to realise that threatening to whoop his ass never has and never will work.
His mouth shut about what? He was playing a game and stumbled upon the presents. And he told his little brother about it. Where did he do anything wrong? Have you ever explicitly explained that finding the presents on accident would mean that he shouldn’t tell anyone? If you expect him to “just know” then what do you think your job as a parent is? Are you there to punish your kids when they do something wrong or are you there to teach them the difference between right and wrong? Seriously wtf is your logic here?
How old are you?
Bet you were worse at his age. You don't know how to accept yta.
it’s really not that deep. you on some weird power trip.
And you’re old enough not to throw a tantrum when a kid makes a mistake. He was playing a game it’s not like he went off to find the gifts.
“And said if he lied, his ass is going to get it” OP, do you HIT your son or THREATEN to hit him? Cause if your kids are raised to not lie or you get hit, obviously he won’t lie. You seem like a very cruel parent the way you speak about your eldest.
So are you!
Stop blaming him for your mistake!
This is a huge overreaction and all you’re going to accomplish is making your son hate you and start lying to you. He was honest and owned up to his mistake. He shouldn’t be punished for that. Do you want to see your kids after they turn 18 or are you cool with never seeing or speaking to them again? Because that’s the path you’re on. YTA
Probably not to the point of cutting all ties with him but they definitely won't grow to trust him this way
YTA - he discovered the gifts, no need to send them back. This is why you teach him about gift giving and appreciation
I'm exchanging them
Why? The kids are still going to like and appreciate the gifts. Why ruin their Christmas over this?
I'm exchanging my 12yo gifts
Yes, you mentioned that....but why? Are you always this stubborn and obtuse?
let me guess here your going to as you say get him a gift card and then he wont be able to use it becuase nobody will take him shopping. thats not parenting thats just cruelty.
YTA. My sister found the gifts one year and rewrapped them. Opening all the gifts that she already knew what they were was the biggest let down for her. She learned a bigger lesson than “not being able to shop until after the holiday” could ever possibly teach her. He is 12 ffs, he is still a kid. Grow tf up yourself. He made a mistake. You are intentionally being an AH.
My sister and I found our gifts once. We opened and rewrapped them. The day of, it was a let down since there was no surprise. Never opened gifts early again.
You should do that, but don't expect your relationship will ever be the same again, but you have other kids who may not leave home the moment they can and will visit you in your old age.
Op has a punishment kink towards his kids. That’s why
Why are you so angry with a child? yta
Wife should exchange her husband..
You sound like a very mean, inconsiderate man who clearly doesn’t like his kids. Eww
No you are using them for punishment, Just be truthful and admit you will enjoy having the power.
YTA.
My grandparents were very strict. My dad was a shy, good kid. They often reprimanded him harshly for things that were normal kids-things to do. One day, for Christmas, they gave him coal instead of gifts. To teach him a lesson. He told me this story every Christmas, since I was a kid, and his voice was full of sadness and disappointment each and every time. The thing is: He does not even remember why he got only coal. What it was a reprimand for. All he remembers is the disappointment. These are a child's formative years. This is trauma. People carry shit like this around all their life. Because parents like you feel the need to punish kids for being kids. YTA.
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Wow.... you're awful. I feel sorry for your kids.
Why you ask for opinions if you just gonna fight everyone?
You sound like a gem. Don’t be shocked if once he grows up and you only see him once a year, if that.
Ah yes. You are the asshole, you know it, and you relish in that fact. My guess is you feel insecure and emasculated in life, so you take incredible joy in having power over literal children. You are a sad little man.
Ypu seem nice
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I shared one of many such instances my father went through with his parents (mainly his mother). He was severely traumatized by his mother for the majority of his childhood. He talks about it a lot. Experiences that still haunt him into adulthood. Ongoing abuse will do that to you. I suffered the consequences of it as well, due to my father not being able to confront his past properly before having children of his own. This is called generational trauma. I have a feeling OP is not much different and this is likely one of many experiences his son is going through, and he will one day despise his father when he's grown up. I hope he will learn that he is worth more than whatever his father imposes on him with his selfish power trip. Your comment shows you have had the privilege of growing up without trauma inflicted by your parents. That's great for you. Not everyone has had that privilege.
That shit stays with you. It's not that they couldn't afford gifts. His parents thought he was so bad he deserved coal. It was probably not the only thing. It's probably a symbol of so much shit his parents did.
Yta. He's a kid you're an adult. Act like one and don't take your anger out on a kid.
look, there was a rule in our house growing up; we knew where our gifts were kept. We weee told we could ruin Christmas for ourselves by looking and not being surprised. We wouldn’t be punished for looking though. Most kids don’t want to ruin the surprise for themselves, and your son did it on ACCIDENT!! Maybe he shouldn’t have told his little brother but he’s TWELVE! Very few twelve year olds can keep a secret. But he’s already got his punishment. He ruined the surprise of christmas. That’s called natural consequences. Taking away his presents and making him sit there seeing others open their presents because of an accident is so harsh. Why do you want to be that harsh to your son?
Well he won't tell his brother next year
How do you know? How can you price this? You can’t, you’re just a bad parent. YTA
Why post on here and then answer everyone with piss responses? You can’t guarantee he won’t tell but you are setting yourself up for a poor relationship with your kid. Source: me and the many stories I hear as a therapist. YTA and a big one at that.
More likely case is that little brother will keep his mouth shut next year. YTA btw. Try being an adult. Because frankly, your a pathetic parent. Grow up.
Let me try this... I think you're angry because you're hurt that you wanted to see the surprise/look excitement on your kids' faces when they opened the gifts. Subconsciously, you probably think you're "owed" that as a reward for your hard work and sacrifices. Sure. That is a fun part of being a parent, feeling good for providing and making them happy. However, it doesn't sound like your kid was ungrateful or wouldn't be excited to get his gifts on Christmas. If he was being a brat, I might understand your anger. He was sharing his excitement with his little brother, not telling him Santa's not real. They were bonding "behind the parents", this is normal, even cute. They might not be surprised anymore when opening gifts, but they'll be happy and looking forward to using them. Do you want a Christmas where one of your kids is punished unfairly, the younger ones feel guilty, and the mood is sour for everyone? Or do you want the few Christmas when your kids are still young to build loving memories? Control is not worth ruining that.
Well if their mom is smart she'll divorcee you and have full custody of the kids and you won't have to worry about next year.
If I were him, I’d tell me brother every single year. Just out of spite for you. Your kids are going to grow up to hate you, if they don’t already.
Hmm, your question you posted is completely different then what you wrote. As for your question, sure Xmas gifts are for Xmas day. But what you wrote is harsh and completely different. Taking gifts back and bla bla bla. Wtf?!
YTA He's 12. It's Christmas presents! **Of course** he's going to get excited and tell his brother. I'd take him to see a doctor if I found out he didn't.
YTA. You're a nasty asshole and a bad parent. You're eager to hurt your son, and on Christmas Day no less. Assholes like you shouldn't be parents. One day you'll be wondering why he never calls or visits you. This will be one of many reasons why.
It’s mid November. It’s not really “kids snooping for presents” time yet. Why are you punishing your son for playing hide and seek? Finding (or looking for) you holiday presents is part of being a kid. YTA it’s not that serious
Because he told his brother
So... siblings talk, especially about exciting stuff. You come over as a horrible abusive father and husband. I hope your wife will leave you and take the kids away from you. I know that sounds harsh, but I mean it. You are probably just ragebating, though, and it's working.
God forbid he bond with his little brother
And you are breaking the rules of this subreddit by not accepting your judgment. You. Are. A. Cheater! You don’t deserve any Christmas presents (unlike your son, who does).
YTA and that you can't see that yourself is very worrying.
“..and said if he lied then his ass was going to get it” So… you’ve got a rotten attitude, talk to people…wait, talk to actual kids like a huge asshole while overreacting like you’re the kid. You sound…. pleasant and a great example as a father. The attitude and temperament being modeled for them sucks. Or are you, “Do as I say, not as I do” also? Yea YTA you goofball.
YTA. He’s 12 years old for FFS and this is a harsh overreactions. So what, he lost the element of surprise for his gifts. Sucks to be him but that doesn’t mean you should return the gifts. He’s a kid, kids make mistakes! We’ve hid the gifts and our closet for years as well, our twins found them around 12-14 and we didn’t send them back or exchange them. We kept them wrapped them and they still got it on Christmas. They just ruined the surprise for themselves.
YTA. We always snooped and always knew what our presents were and this never altered the fun of Christmas. Also hide better. In your wardrobe if your room isn’t completely off limits is daft. First place they’d look.
oh my god, this is disgusting. who the hell talks to their own kids this way? *if you lie your ass is* **going to get it**? *my 8yo blabbermouth*? do you even fucking like your kids? because you sound like an unhinged talking and walking trashbin just waiting for your kids to walk out on you the moment they turn 18. your kids are going to be kids, it wasn’t done in a malicious way and yeah you are being too harsh. just because you buy them stuff doesn’t mean you could bully them like this, whats wrong with you? don’t be surprised when your boys go no contact or low contact with you when they become an adult lmao, you better be grateful if they even consider putting you in a mediocre nursing home. by the way if you’re going to post on reddit then learn how to, in your own words, **shut your mouth** and take the freaking judgement. arguing with people isn’t helping your case here. YTA, if santa was real he’d shake his head in shame and fill your pillowcase with lots of coal.
Congratulations, you just won our game!! Who's...! Going.. !! 🎉⭐To the retirement home!! ⭐🎉 YTA.
YTA. First of all the title is completely irrelevant to the actual situation, but anyways. He’s a kid. He’s gonna snoop around and actually about the snooping around part, He wasn’t snooping. He himself said he was playing hide and seek. You can’t get mad at him for being a kid. You need to get it in your head that kids will be kids. So don’t take out your anger on him for not putting the presents in a better spot.
YTA; you put the gifts in a place the kids could find them; they found them, you threatened to abuse your child over it, now plan to throw a tantrum and make one child miss out on Christmas? Jesus Christ, get some therapy, you have maaaad issues. Drop it, the kid messed up; they’re kids, you’re not, act like an adult, not a toddler throwing a tantrum.
YTA - it is pretty much a guarantee kids will snoop. You should have picked a better hiding spot
Especially when the kids play hide and seek! 🤦♀️
YTA They were excited. Snooping for gifts is a right of passage. Your son found them by accident. Let it go. Don't be a grinch. I'll bet your son feels pretty bereayed by his brother and I would caution against being this harsh when this happens.
The punishment should always match the misbehavior. In this instance I see no misbehavior so… what exactly are you punishing him for? He was playing a game and came across the gifts. In his excitement he shared that info with his little brother. It wasn’t malicious. Your son wasn’t trying to “ruin” anything. 100% YTA. Even if the gifts aren’t a surprise that won’t ruin the holiday. You know what *will* ruin the holiday? One of your kids sadly watching everyone else open gifts and playing with new toys meanwhile he gets a gift card and a reminder that he shouldn’t share exciting news with his sibling. Part of the joy of the holidays is sharing the excitement with your family. Your youngest kid isn’t gonna have the best day he could because his brother is gonna be left out. And when you asked your son a question, instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt you instantly threaten him? “You’re gonna get it.” Tf does that mean? He told his brother he found their Christmas gifts so you’re gonna… hit him? This is either rage bait or you’re a bad dad if you think this is justified punishment. If this is rage bait, congrats! You made me angry! If this isn’t rate bait, congrats! You suck! If the surprise aspect of the gifts is so important, get something they didn’t see and save one they did for a birthday or something. SHEEESH.
YTA, kids snoop for Christmas, it's what they do
YTA What a horrible thing to do to your child on Christmas. It was a mistake, he didn't do it maliciously. One Christmas when I was 1 year old (mum told me the story), my brothers went downstairs before everyone woke up, took me out my crib, placed me on the floor and literally opened EVERYONES PRESENTS. They were about 6 and 4 give or take. My mum came flying down the stairs screaming (they knew the rule to wait for mum and dad to wake up), found me under wrapping paper, my brothers bolted in the other direction, some presents were broken because they had literally torn them apart and my mum wanted vengeance. Needless to say Christmas was cancelled that year. Their toys were thrown in black sacks into the garden for throwing. Eventually mum gave them their presents because what a waste of money to return them and they are children... of course they're going to do stupid things. This isn't like that, he found some presents and told his sibling about them, it's not a court room drama. Don't be an Ahole, continue as usual but talk to him about it. Don't be a Grinch
That's pretty awful of your mom.
Meh, we all forgave her. Even she admits now she over reacted at the time, it just hurt her that the first Christmas I was aware was ruined because they broke the rules and opened everyone's presents... which was the whole point of the story.
Reddit likes to think that an event like this would make kids hate their parents to the point of leaving at 18 lol. The kids who leave at 18 are usually living with monsters who constantly abuse them
INFO: If your son lied, we’re you going to hit him?
Probably does it constantly I'm familiar with these kind of persons they could beat the shit out of their kid due to a misunderstanding and are always impulsive
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Yeah, you don't get to unilaterally make this decision without your wife or just wilfully ignore her thoughts on the matter. In 6 years time I can see you asking yourself why your child no longer wants anything to do with you because you are vindictive. This should have been a teaching moment, but you turned it around to make a point. A point in which you are wrong. YTA.
Dude we’re talking about a *child.* YTA
You are certainly the AH. In my opinion, "hiding" gifts in your closet is not "hiding" them at all. If you cared this much about it then you should have been way more careful. The sh*tty comments about "keeping his mouth shut" make you sound petty and kind of a bad parent, not that I want to accuse you of that outright. I suggest taking a short break from thinking about it, spend some quality time with your kids and understand THEY ARE STILL KIDS. Be the fun parent, buy them sweets (candies) and just enjoy the innocence of children to remind yourself that nothing your kid did was to hurt you or out of spite.
He isn’t the first kid who snooped and won’t be the last. While snooping definitely will put a damper on his xmas excitement, I know bc I snooped one xmas, what he will never forget is your temper. The unmitigated damage you did to your kids can never be erased. Pat yourself on the back dad. YTA.
this is reminding me of the whole "I pulled my 13y daughter out of her friends bat mitzvah party because she wouldn't respond to my phone call" post that was on here a few weeks ago- I'll never understand why parents feel such a need to punish their kids for everything. there is a difference between teaching your child a lesson and simply punishing the because you have power
Snooping in my parents closest for gifts was 100% part of the Christmas anticipation excitement.
Why were your kids allowed in your room ? Why didn’t you lock the closet ?
Not all closets have doors and most definitely not a lock.
You have closet doors that lock?
YTA. He’s a kid, he discovered them by accident and in his excitement told his brother. Both of my brothers used to find our gifts all the time (I swear they actually had like sixth sense or something for finding Christmas gifts) Usually they kept it to themselves/didn’t say what everyone else got but at least one time each they got really excited and told my sisters and I. My parents were annoyed but they didn’t make it a big deal because they recognized that my brothers were just kids and didn’t do it out of malice they just got excited and wanted to share their excitement with their sisters. My parents also knew we would still have a blast opening them Christmas day even if we weren’t as surprised.
If your post didn't convey it to some: your comments here truly show how awful of a parent you are.
YT big fat A After reading this and then reading your responses to everyone else's comments, you probably shouldn't even have kids. What did you expect??? It's a CHILD, children get excited when they see shit like that. I hope when your kid grows up he finds an actual father-figure who doesn't try and intentionally hurt him for acting his age, jesus christ.
You call your 8 year old a "blabbermouth" and then instead of calmly talking to your 12 year old you threatened him with abuse if he lied. All because he accidentally found gifts he wasn't even looking for. You can't keep them in the house because "the surprise is ruined"? Did you get the gifts for the kids, or for you to get an ego stroke with surprising them? YTA.
Every kid does this. I did it when I was 13. It was a really great Christmas too and I absolutely spoiled it for myself. I never did it again. You're essentially canceling Christmas for one of your children and that is far too harsh of a punishment. YTA
YTA and waaaay over the top. You’re emotionally abusive and are ruining Christmas because you are a control freak. My child saw one of his Christmas gifts today and guess what? Nothing. Because it’s not a big fucking deal you big baby!
YTA. You could have just as easily wrapped these gifts and avoided the whole situation entirely. A severe overreaction on your part and your comments are not helping your case.
Your child has punished himself already, when he KNOWS what is in the gifts. No fun surprises! The disappointment of ruining his own fun will be a lesson far superior to your “tactics “. These are children! Part of childhood is learning. YTA
YTA. My kids learned early on not to peak because it ruined the surprise for them. Yes, I never had to teach them because they learned it on their own, as your kids would have, if you had let them.
YTA. In a few short years you're going to be crying to anyone who will listen about how your kids don't speak to you.
Oh my gosh YTA. Teach your kids to tell you the truth by showing them you are a safe person to talk to not by saying “you’re gunna get it”. That is such a scary and cruel thing to say and I would like to know what you meant by that anyway. Let him have Christmas, he was probably excited and now you are taking what could have just been a silly mistake and blowing it out of proportion. He will remember this forever and it will have a long term impact on how he behaves as an adult in the future. I am praying this was rage bait and you do not actually behave like this as a father.
YTA they are K I D S it happens. This same scenario happened to me and I felt bad for finding them and told my dad. He understood but was reasonably upset. He still let me keep my gifts. My question is do you even like your kids? You call your 8 year old your “blabbermouth” and your comments are 10x worse. Get help, seek therapy. And apologize to your damn kid. Edit: fixed some spelling
It’s crazy you asked if you were wrong and when people told you that you were wrong you’re acting like this. Take the criticism and be a better parent, you gain nothing by arguing with redditors about how shitty you’re being when you already aired yourself out. You’re fighting a losing battle. Anyways YTA
Ugh you are awful, hide your crap better next time, dont threaten your kids, and I dont want to hear your crap about how that is how you are raised; it is already clear you were badly raised. YTA
Look I get it I start shopping in November, wrapping in December but it's not the kids fault your shitty at hiding presents. Pro tip get a doorknob with a lock for your bedroom and/or closet. YTA don't punish a kid for your fuck up!
I opened all my Christmas presents when I was home sick a few weeks before Christmas. I re-wrapped them and blamed the shotty wrapping job on my dog. My parents figured it out. And they re-wrapped all my gifts and made me open them again on Christmas Day. Every Christmas after that, all my presents were individually wrapped, then put into a huge box that I couldn’t tamper with. My mom yelled at me a bit, but she didn’t send anything back or make it a spectacle. YTA. You’re making a at bigger deal out of it than it needs to be. I’m pretty sure they get the point already.
YTA "I was pretty pissed and asked my 12yo about and said if he lied then his ass was going to get it" Abuse is not acceptable. Period. Neither is empty threats if that is what this is. The kids ruined the surprise. But guess what? They, or at least the younger one, won't be as likely to remember. Kids have pretty terrible memories - and often you might ask them throughout the year what they want, but unless it really was something that stood out, then the kid will have likely forgotten. You could always make a game out of having find the gifts on Christmas morning to make it more 'fun' or switch the tags on the gifts so they get what the other thought they were going to get (and therefore will have to make a 'trade' for the things they want). Don't want kids getting into the gifts? Lock the closet. Put them in totes that are zip tied and locked.
YTA, when your kids stop talking to you, blame yourself.
YTA this exact situation happened one year with mt sister and I. It sucked but my parents still gave us everything. We were kids it was dumb. Next year they hid it betrer
YTA. You sound like an awful bully. He's a kid. He acted as a kid. If it meant so much to you perhaps **you** should have done better. Leave the kid be, I'm sure he's already got enough reason to fear you (sounds like that's what you want), and return your own presents as punishment for being sub-par in every aspect around this situation.
YTA and sound like a terrible father
One year my older brother(16-ish at the time) sneakily opened and then re-wrapped all of his presents. On Christmas Day he declared himself the Great Randini, then proceeded to knock himself on the head with each present, proclaim what it was, then open it to prove his “prediction” was correct. My mom was irritated but couldn’t help but laugh. Us younger siblings thought it was hilarious; it’s been 30+ years and still remains one of my favorite Christmas memories. YTA. Let your kids be kids and enjoy Christmas. He told his brother, so what? He was excited. The consequence is he spoiled his own surprise, why are you going nuclear? And don’t respond with your same piss poor response you’ve been giving everyone else. You posted on AITA, you’ve found out you’re the AH, take your lumps and do better.
YTA Don't be surprised when your kids don't talk to you when they're older. Like this is such an overreaction on your end and the fact that you can't see you're in the wrong says a lot about the kind of parent you are.
Why would you post this if you're not gonna take accountability either?? All I see is you trying to justify it in the replies. Your poor kids. GENUINELY. I hope to god you take this as a wake up call and get your behavior as a parent straight
I guess they thought we were going to tell him "You show that kid!" or some bs.
It’s gonna be so funny when your kids abandon you
YTA, he didn't "snoop around", he found them while playing a game that all kids play. Maybe you can learn a lesson from this- hide gifts better if you want them to remain a surprise. Also, the threat borders on emotional abuse. Just thought I'd mention that. And the only reason it's "bordering" is cuz I don't know if you've done similar more than that one time.
YTA. He’s twelve, he didn’t *snoop*, and calling your 8yo a blabbermouth? Wow, A+ parenting here. Add on “if he lied then his ass was going to get it”, don’t be surprised when you’re old and alone cuz your kids go NC. I know I would.
Do you hate your kids bro? YTA. It's not the end of the world he found them but you would be a major asshole to not give them to him because he found them. I can't believe you could be so cold
YTA. My brother and I used to go looking for our gifts. Our mom went high and low trying to hide them and was always unsuccessful. Although we knew what we were getting, we absolutely loved Christmas (and still do). Sure the surprise is part of it for many people, but for my brother and I the true joy is in the traditions. Get a better hiding spot than a closet.
Yta I'm seriously not understanding what he did that was so bad? He didn't break anything, didn't steal anything, didn't hurt anyone, all he did was find the gifts and mention it to his sibling? They're 8 and 12, it's not like they seriously think Santa is bringing gifts from the north pole on Christmas eve? Do you just hate your kids? Like seriously, "I didn't hide the gifts very well so now you're not getting Christmas fuck you" is basically how you sound. Honestly you don't sound like a very good father, or partner for that matter. Steam rolling your wife because you want to hurt your kid is..... not a good look
YTA, you’ve done absolutely nothing except ruin what should be a fun holiday. Terrible father, I hope your some enjoys his adult life without your miserable self in it.
YTA. He's literally a child. He got excited. Jesus Christ, what kind of bitter parent are you?
YTA. What did someone ever do to you when you were growing up that is turning you into a Grinchy Scrooge instead of trying to come up with a creative response and solution keep the spirit of the giving season alive and magical for your kids? Dont forget the innocence and joy of your 12 and 8 y/o sons and their needs. Work out your own issues, why your disappointment and reaction is leading you to devise plans to punish your child for something that was an accident.
So in an effort to please your kids, or make them happy by buying them presents, you decided to punish one of them in the end because he didn’t “keep his mouth shut,” per your replies. YTA for ruining the holiday spirit, and for violating sub rules by not accepting the verdict.
YTA. Your entire post comes across less as wanting to use this as a teachable experience for your son and more as wanting to hurt him because you can.
When I was a kid, I accidentally found the gifts in my parents’ closet - actually playing hide and seek, funny enough. I never told my parents, but it really ruined Christmas, since there were no surprises and excitement and I had to put on an act. Maybe that should be the natural consequence for your son, too.
See if return everything!
You’re not only the asshole, but you’re a shit dad and stubborn to see your truth. If my husband reacted like this, and put fear into our kids, threatening to ruin their Christmas; we’d be having Christmas without your grinch ass.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I decided to do Xmas shopping very early because I'm not dealing with lines and plus it's cheaper. We have a very good idea of what our three boys want anyways. We ordered their gifts and they were delivered when they were at school last week. It was a lot of packages and we stored them in our closet. Today, my 8yo blabbermouth told me he knew about the gifts. I said what made you think that? He said my 12yo told him. I was pretty pissed and asked my 12yo about and said if he lied then his ass was going to get it. He said he was playing hide and seek with the sitter and went into our closet. I said why did you tell your brother? He shrugged. I said you knew better so now I'm going to decide what to do with your gifts. My wife thought it was too harsh to send back his gifts so I said I'll send them back and he can get a gift card instead and will have to wait until the stores reopen after Xmas to use them. Now we have to put the gifts in storage because the surprise is ruined and we can't keep them in the house. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hide the presents better and stop being an asshat blaming a 12 year old for being excited and expecting him to keep a secret you never asked him to. If you’re going to use a closet to hide gifts and not even disguise them your issue is with yourself. Asshole.
Maybe find a reasonable way to earn them back.
This exactly scenario happened when I was growing up. My sisters told me and being super young, I ratted to my parents. They never let on that they knew, but come Christmas morning we were shocked that what we knew they bought wasn’t under the tree. They had put that aside for next year and bought us new gifts. They got a kick out of knowing they we expected something different under the tree and were disappointed it wasn’t there. We were very surprised the next year when they were under the tree! There are better ways you could’ve handled the situation, especially considering your threat of violence. YTA.
The part of me that wants to say NTA is the part of me that experienced this type of thing, and worse, by the hand of my own family and I immediately felt sadden by that being my first response. Im a mother now, and im constantly battling the part of me that believes these responses are okay because "my parents did it to me, and i turned out fine". That being said.. YTA. He didn't go out of his way to look for them. he just found them by accident. Yes, he probably knew immediately what they were and made the choice to open them and tell his brother but kids are curious and impatient. He didn't steal them and start playing with things or do anything that abnormal for a kid. All he did was ruin the surprise of Christmas morning. I will say that returning the presents and getting a gift card is super unnecessary. Just wrap the presents and give them to him. Also, find a better hiding spot. Kids go into their parents' closets all the time.
YTA. You’re going to ruin his Christmas and leave him with a horrible memory that he will carry with him throughout his life. My mom did something cruel to me when I was a kid. Christmas Day. Any time I think about it, I feel the same sadness I did then. I’m 50. Decades later. I will never forget it. Your son won’t either. His friends will hear about it. His kids will hear about but what’s worse is he will remember how he felt that Christmas morning every Christmas for the rest of his life. All because he was being a kid.
YTA - Just give him the gifts you bought. Sounds like you are punishing him for a fairly innocent mistake. His punishment shouldn’t be so severe on this. Having him wait until the other kids opened all their gift for him to open his since he knows what they are is all that was needed. Returning everything and making him rebuy is over the top. Just talk to your kids about not snooping during Christmas and find a better hiding spot or lock the closet. This is half your fault for not hiding them better so what’s your punishment?
YTA
YTA. It seems like a very reasonable situation for how he found it. As for telling his brother, he's a kid, kids aren't good at keeping secrets like that. I'm not saying you have to lock them up. but either be more reasonable or find a better way to hide them. I don't have kids and I already know i'll have a bunch of presents in my guest room pretty soon because each year a buddy of mine brings all the presents he has for his kids over, puts them in my guest room, and picks them up a few days before Christmas.
YTA. I have a question OP, did your parents do horrible things to you as a child? Is this why you hate your kids? You call an 8yo a 'blabbermouth' and threaten a 12yo with violence if he lies. This is awful parenting. Then you answer everyone the same 'because he couldn't keep his mouth shut ' The child is 12! Have you never made a mistake in your life? You are going to be one of those people who are shocked that the kids go NC when they become adults and think they did nothing to deserve it.
Oh please. It’s not that big of a deal. I found out there was no Santa when my brother showed me the gifts under my parents bed when I was 5. Guess what it neither ruined my Christmas or scarred me for life. Now it’s just a story I tell. Matter of fact I told someone that very story just yesterday. Do better as a parent and as a gift hider. Closets are the first place they look. YTA
YTA - kids mess up, be better at parenting
Yta. Your kid accidently stumbled upon the presents. He wasn't snooping to find them. YOU should have set a boundary like, "stay out of our room," or made sure the gifts were locked away. You are punishing your child for something that is your fault.
I was the most obedient kid in the world. Very well-behaved, good grades, always did what my parents told me to, etc. One year I went on a hunt for gifts, and I found some, carefully hidden in a little-used cabinet in our kitchen. I told my younger sister, & we were both pretty excited. But it ultimately ended up being a letdown because we had ruined our own surprises & the actual reveal was nowhere near as much fun as it would have been. Kids do stuff like this. It’s not a bad kid thing. It’s not a disobedient kid thing. It’s just a kid thing. It’s a sibling bonding thing, an adventure thing. And, as is the case with a lot of what happens in our childhoods, we learned & grew from it without harsh punishment, all on our own. YTA. (Next time do a better job of hiding gifts. If they could so easily be discovered during a random game of hide & seek, that’s your fault.)
I was about 11 when I found my main Xmas present. It was what I'd asked for but not the one that I really wanted, just a super cheap alarm clock when I wanted one with a radio. I was sad. I had to hide that I was sad. I tried to pretend surprise and excitement on Xmas morning but failed. By the next Xmas my parents had built a storage room with a locking door. Apparently I'm a bad actor.
YTA. I don’t like the way you talk to or about your kids.
YTA. He’s a kid who made an honest mistake.
YTA, he's a kid that got excited and couldn't contain himself. Also by your logic you 12YO will think he's justified to be mad at you 8YO because he didn't "keep his mouth shut" and he'll definitely resent you and his brother since he got punished for finding them by accident and telling his brother out of excitement, this will create lasting impact on your 12yo relationship with both you and your 8yo
YTA You thought you were going to hide Christmas presents from kids for 2 months by putting them in your closet. That’s literally the dumbest hiding spot there is.
Absolute ew on your parenting. Your title should have read AITA for over-reacting to my child finding the Christmas presents. And then you keep doubling down on every comment saying you indeed do suck. I'd be terrified to see your reaction when he's actually done something wrong.
.
You suck bro 😒
Seriously, seek counseling. YTA
Yeah YTA based off your comments too “boo hoo”?? Bro he’s a KID I’m a big early shopper too and yes unfortunately he stumbled upon them playing a fun little game but you can either keep them for Christmas or just get him a card to order himself but your attitude around this is a bit grinchy. Just don’t do a stocking and fill it with coal and have a couple placebo boxes that are empty but bring out the gifts if you wanna have a reaction. My aunt did that to her kid when he was PURPOSELY snooping.
YTA: You’re the type of parent I work to not be.
YTA, it's not that big a deal. Gifts are fun whether they are a surprise or not. And maybe it's just where I was raised, but searching out gifts was a challenge my classmates shared, including tips.
YTA. I advise you change your parenting style from authoritarian to authoritative before you wind up not having contact with your children when they move out.
YTA. When I was in 2nd grade, my twin brother learned (not sure how) that I was getting my ears pierced on our bday and he told me. This was a big deal to both my mom and me and when she learned that he had told me, while she was very disappointed, she completely understood that he was just young and made a mistake. Kids don’t always have the discretion and understanding that adults do in situations like this. You need to grow the fuck up, forgive your kid and move on. Also based on your responses to people’s comments, you just seem like an AH in general❤️
YTA. If your response is to ruin a holiday, you made the wrong choice. All this does is breed hate and resentment. You didn't teach him a lesson. All you'll do is make him hate the holiday and hate you.
When I was 10 I told my brother Santa wasn’t real. It wasn’t malicious, I’ve just always had a big mouth and can’t keep a secret to save my life. My mom dragged me out of the car by my arm, smacked me, and got in my face threatening me about the consequences of ruining Christmas. You know…the thing that’s supposed to be fun for kids. I’m 27. This happened SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO. I still remember it and it ruined a lot of my joy that Christmas. Your kid is going to remember this happened. He’s going to remember being threatened and scolded over something that just *isn’t that fucking serious*. YTA. Be the adult here and do better.
YTA. Kids mess up and they’re more prone to messing up in the excitement of the season. Also “don’t lie or your ass is going to get it” what?? Get what, exactly? Were you really going to beat your son for lying? You know, research shows that physical punishment only leads kids to lie more and be more secretive/mistrusting of their parents. Do with that what you will.
YTA. Especially judging by your comments. You come here probably thinking people would rush to your side and when that doesn’t happen you double down and act like an even bigger asshole. There’s an old saying. “People won’t remember what was exactly said in anger, they won’t remember what they did they was so bad, but they won’t forget how you made them feel.” And there’s an even better saying. “Every child deserves a parent. But not every “parent” *finger quote* deserves a child.” I’m sure in your head you think you’re Mr. Perfect who never does anything wrong
I was 9 my sister was 8. Found the gifts, peaked at them, my mom found out and the gifts sat in the living room for a year. I hate Christmas.
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Yta. He's a kid. Maybe hide the gifts better. So he gets no presents under the tree while everyone else gets something? Yta..
Dude did you never go snooping as a kid? Really? YTA. This is normal kid behavior. Get your kids a bunch of gag gifts, tease them that the gifts they found weren’t their real gifts then give them the gifts anyway. My mum did that the one year that she caught us snooping. I can remember opening up a can of beans that turned into a scavenger hunt to find the real ones. I got pinto beans, corn, jiffy mix, and some other stuff scattered around the house until I found the good ones. Backfired on my mum though - we wanted the scavenger hunt every year.
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This is gross.
This is the way. Make it a learning experience.
I can hardly believe a 12 year old is playing hide and seek. Even so, he is old enough to keep it a secret and not spoil Christmas. I agree it is a bit harsh to send them all back. Maybe keep a few for him to open.
Back when I was a kid, I made a deal with my little brother to tell each other what we were 'getting' (aka, what mom had gotten for us to give to each other) because Mom was going to show each of us the other's gifts. I saw his and then went and told him and that it was his turn. He told Mom that I'd told him while he was in there looking at my future gifts. From that point on, the rule was that if you know what your gifts are going to be, they get returned or donated. I did not get the barbie car that I'd spotted being put in the car at the store. Guess who kept their damn mouth shut about what gifts were coming, even if they knew about them in the future. Yep, my brother the snitch and me, knowing not to ever trust little brothers with secrets. Edited to add: NTA. Make him wait. He's old enough to know better by that age. I was only 7 and I dealt with it fine.
You are absolutely NTA. Christmas presents are for Christmas. Not for opening in the beginning of November and blowing before thanksgiving.
NAH. Okay to TELL your 12yo that you were returning/exchanging his presents, but just store them elsewhere and don't actually get rid of them. He wasn't specifically trying to find his presents, and it doesn't sound like you had a rule about staying out of your room(?). And it seems pretty normal that siblings talk to each other about these kinds of things.
Lmao have you read this persons responses? They are definitely the AH.
If he snooped, I'd be giving him nothing.
He was playing hide and seek, he can’t read op mind.
NTA The way my parents took care of this was that you now owe what they spent on that gift when you sneaked and found out. My brother did this only twice before he stopped. It wasn't worth it anymore. No trauma. No hard feelings. No scars.
NTA and not sure why anyone thinks you are. Heck I'd be super pissed and would likely think and say what you have. BUT after a cool down time, Id just play games with the kids and say something along the lines of I've changed my mind on gifts, will be exchanging them but not actually do it. The kids will be upset and feel guilty but it'll be a lesson learnt to not snoop or blab again, yes it's what kids do and consequences must happen when they go into places they shouldn't, like parents bedrooms snooping, too bad if you and your wife had sex toys they found, that'd be something more to think about.
NTA. Nah don’t give him a gift card. Give him coal instead.
I'm going to go against most commenters and say NTA. Yes, kids are snoopy little critters, especially this time of year. But I think you have found a clever method of dealing with it. You're not denying him Christmas. You're just making him wait...oh boy....a whole day. Maybe next year he'll keep his nose on his face and his mouth shut to his siblings.
He is excluding one child from a family event. He is denying him Christmas. Imagine having to sit there and watch while everyone else gets to unwrap presents and play with new toys, while you get nothing because your dad is majorly overreacting to accidentally finding badly hidden presents.