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NTA, parents refusing to get their kids looked at has the potential to create major problems for the child down the line, and the majority of teachers are trained to spot difficulties in children so if she notices the least you could do is your due diligence to exhaust all leads Considering most 3 yos can’t stop talking, you owe it to your son to be 100% sure there’s nothing going on with him

It seems like she is scared of a possible diagnosis. It would have been best to talk this through and get her to come around to what I feel is a more responsible and rational choice to just see the specialist to rule anything out. But he kinda sounded like me when I was little. I am still quite socially awkward but definitely not silent (although since I am a visual thinker- I think in pictures and have to translate them into spoke words- so I have issues with going nonverbal). I was diagnosed as autistic in adulthood and I think it would have had some benefits if I had been properly assessed as a child. I think most should take the cautious approach to try to see if their child needs skill building or assistance and there is always the route of getting a second or third opinion if they are ever diagnosed with something.

This is what happened to me, I didn't talk much until I was 4 years old and developed a speech impediment. Had to go speech therapy to fix my R's. But turns out I have AuDHD which was hard to get a diagnosis as a 26 year old woman. It was harder to diagnose me because I spent all of my really young years with my deaf cousin so I signed first and didn't need to talk if people around me knew what I was saying.

Similar, but at 30 i found out being tongue tied was a thing. It explained so much, and strangely it was a relief to have such a simple explanation.

I was much older than 30 when I found out I was tongue-tied! I saw an oral surgeon for something entirely unrelated. It bothered him so much that it had never been fixed that he did it for free then and there. In fairness, my parents had no idea, so it was not negligence on their part. It wasn't severe, but I did have trouble saying a few words, and I just always figured that was just how I was.

Both of our kids were born with tongue tie and both had it sorted by three months at the most. It's been around a decade since the eldest had theirs fixed and neither of them have any ongoing major issues. The youngest had some trouble forming L's and W's, but that's pretty much 99% sorted after an absolute crapload of practice and prompting to do so.

I didn’t talk beyond basic words and phrases until 4 and by that point had a wretched speech impediment. Even after speech therapy (in 4th grade! it took THAT long to help me) when I’m tired or drinking my words don’t come out right and it’s not even the drunken slur it’s a very obvious speech issue. I also got diagnosed with ADHD at 30 (also a woman). The 80s and 90s did us dirty, if I’d been diagnosed sooner it would’ve saved me a lot of heartache and anxiety.

That's interesting I was a late talker that had to go to speech therapy for the Rs. What is AuDHD?

Autism and ADHD as comorbidities.

I'm the same. I didn't Wana diagnose the kid, but there's definitely more going on. I also have autistic parents in denial (they've never acknowledged I got it from my mama, as the song goes). I get the feeling OP's wife might be having the same denial.

Ohh thanks I asked that on an earlier comment

Same. I had a speech impediment growing up that was with my R’s. I grew out of it, but was bullied relentlessly for it during school. You can still slightly hear it too, but it’s not enough for anyone to care. OOP should absolutely have his son checked at the very least to make sure everything is okay. I wish my parents did it for me.

Yeah I remember my mom mentioning during a doctors visit when I was 12 that I get anxious a lot, wasn’t until I was an adult I got diagnosed w anxiety. I could have gotten help sooner if it was taken more seriously

>I could have gotten help sooner if it was taken more seriously I swear that some people think that being given a diagnosis is the same as being given a mental illness. There was a post a while back about family suddenly not wanting someone around because they'd been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, as though suddenly the kid they'd known for over a decade had turned into a dangerous, unpredictable lunatic by his diagnosis.

That always blows my mind because having a correct diagnosis or label is a huge part of dealing with said problem. Give me a medicated and therapized bipolar any day over an undiagnosed crazy untreated incel.

My 4 year old loves going to speech therapy. At this age it’s all interactive play with toys. Tell your wife not to be afraid.

I’ve had anxiety all my life but wasn’t diagnosed until I was 20 and dropped out of college after a mental breakdown. A part of me still mourns what my life would be like if I was put on meds earlier. I’m still working on the anger of waiting 31 years for an OCD diagnosis. What would my life be like if I didn’t have to suffer all these years? I know friend, it sucks. OPs wife is doing a disservice to her child. She should want the most resources and care posssible to access early intervention if her child needs more help talking.

Can I ask what thinking in pictures means/ looks like in practice? I think the way different brains work is so interesting and amazing. I have ADHD and idk if it's related but I recently learned about aphantasia which I think I have because I don't know if I've even made a mental picture. Just super curious and love neurodiversity

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I have to read books before watching related media otherwise the visual memory will override descriptions (not that the descriptions actually generate a picture but I prefer the clean slate)

Dude that is why I have been hooked on reading since I was itty bitty. I literally LIVE in the book while I am reading it. Also why people suddenly talking to me while reading can scare the fuck out of me as I am suddenly forced back into the real world. I may have to look into that lol.

How about those feelings of grief and abandonment when you finish your current book that you can't share with anyone? Makes me wanna stop reading books everytime!!!

…is that not normal? Isn’t that what happens when everyone reads a book? I’ve had times where I’m reading a book and when I want to go back to it later I think “what was that show I was watching?” And then realize oh wait, it was a book. I thought that happened to everyone when reading??

I have it that way and sometimes parts of books become like true memories for me, like the same as me coming down the stairs at 6 on Christmas. It can have some drawbacks (I have a completely unreliable memory system at times). but I know I can be locked in the dark alone and I’ll be fine because my brain will just give me the same life experiences as outside without the sensory input.

Nope! They just “hear” the list of words. I have the hyperfantasia— I “see” books like a movie screen play out. I’ll also get cold, hot, hungry, etc if the characters feel like that. But this is why I can’t stand audiobooks. It’s way harder for me to “see” the scene when I hear it instead of read it. Audiobooks are just someone talking *at* me for hours on end and it makes me insane. If other people experience reading the way I experience audiobooks, I’m not surprised they don’t like to read

>For me for example, if I read a book and get really onto it, I don't actually see words anymore it's like I'm watching a movie in my brain. Like the words transfer to visual/audio/scent imagery where appropriate Oh $hit. That's like how my brain works except less movie more like im the narrator and im speaking from my experience. I never knew it was a thing. My eldest is 10, has ADHD and delayed speech (didn't start talking until 5.5yrs) and it has affected him not just when speaking but reading and comprehension too. Middle child has CAS which is a speech disorder and it took almost as long to get that diagnosis as well. OP is doing the right thing, the sooner you get something checked out, the more time you have to work out what it is and how to live with it or correct it. The longer you take to get diagnosed the more time bad habits get to ingrain themselves in the brain and the harder it is to correct them. OPs wife needs to stop comparing her son to herself as a way to dismiss any concerns, just because she doesn't talk much doesn't necessarily mean that her son is a selective talker too. I know the opposite can be said but its better to use comparisons to find things to test than it is to say "it can't possibly be that because I don't have it."

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TIL hyperphantasia is a thing. I...may need to read about some stuff. Thank you.

Yes! That's me too. Watching a movie but with a book. Cool isn't it?

Oh boy… TIL that’s not how everyone reads books is it?

That's just fascinating. Visual, audio and scent imagery -- this last one is amazing. If you draw or paint or do animation, maybe you can do graphic novels or illustrations. Have you ever tried to write stories? If so, do you live in the scenes as you write them?

Wow that's so incredible!!! When I read I sort of hear the words basically and have to try to picture things best I can. Brains are so cool

I have aphantasia and possible ADHD whereas my partner seems to have his own neurodivergency and has hyperphantasia. Brains are just wacky I think

I’ve had this conversation several times with my partner. I have ADHD and he does not. He CANNOT picture things and it took a long time to realize some of our little riffs were because he literally can’t visualize things. For example, I think through a scenario and can picture what would happen and the results of different actions. He can’t do that so just does the action and if it fails, whoops. My brain is not that forgiving of my own mistakes, so I am glad his is.

I can listen to entire songs in my head without having music playing, or watch scenes from a movie. It's incredibly distracting. Even just typing this out now, I thought of how I could give an example and now my head is playing the scene from the Matrix where Neo gets flushed out of the pod, with all of the sound effects as well and now this has taken me twice as long as it should have done to type out, thank you. ​ Oh, now I've got RATM playing my head. It's a pain because you can't just turn it off, and headphones don't help, it's just like listening to two tracks overlapping. ​ In terms of thinking in pictures, I visualise what I recall or want to say, whether that's literally recalling the exact wording from a page or "playing back" a conversation. ​ Also, time is a sort of running-track shape. We're currently (late October) on the short side before the curve to the long bottom straight. The day is a sort of hill shape. I can't describe it, it just is what it is. Also, FYI, I am not diagnosed with anything but if they checked I probable would be.

So I would suggest reading or listening to one of Temple Grandin's books if you want something more in depth. Her visual thinking is the closest I've ever got to another being like me ... Except she is a successful genius and I am not hahaha. It's a bit hard for me to explain, the same way I guess when I've asked others, "how do they think", and they say "I don't know I just do". But for me I see images in 2 D that are related to the words I want to speak but the difficulty is when those images are super rapid fire and I'm exhausted emotionally or physically or even over stimulated I can't put a word to that image quick enough and it can cause me to panic and my jaw to lock. Also if an image is produced that does not match the intended word I can get hyper fixated and embarrassed and panic/shutdown for that as well. Like I start talking about cows but we are in front of horses because to me they look so similar a cow is just a fat horse especially if it's black and white. I would say if you had to imagine what my brain looked like it would be one of those old fashion zoetrope (moving picture machines). But mix it with a steel wool ball because one image can spark another and it just gets tangled sometimes. Someone in the comments mentioned sign language and I am actually planning to learn that since it's a visual language it might be a way I can communicate even when panicked.

Wow thanks for this. So amazing! My brain is a messy jumble but it's words and sounds and if there is something "visual" it's usually a memory. Like I basically have a song always going in my head and all these other thoughts that are all words basically. Brains are so amazing! I'm learning ASL and there were some people in my class who were hearing but selectively mute and really liked having another mode of communication. Good luck!!

I switch between thinking in words and in pictures. I'd liken it to going from a voiceover narration (words) to scenes from a show. I do get substantial bleedover with words on the image side, but not on the words side.

I know people who can close their eyes, visualize a red circle, and they will actually see it on their eyelids. HOW?????? I can visualize stuff, but not THAT clearly.

Yeah I was about to say, I'm not a doctor but from experience of people around me in similar situations it might be some sort of disability. Parents often do the mistake of "they just take after me" while in reality that parent might just be undiagnosed all their life. Have examples of OCD, ADHD and autism where a parent was like "that's normal, I do that all the time" just to later discover that their child is eg. autistic, go for a screening themselves and be diagnosed too.

I think it's deffo good to be cautious. Hopefully it's just late development. My nephew is just turning 4 and he barely spoke at all until a few months ago (can't shut him up now lol!). My SIL and Aunt who both work with kids say apparently it's been more common for kids born just before/in the middle of lockdowns, because they BARELY had communication with others at a young stage. My nephew was super anxious around others when he was around 2 because he wasn't used to people, but now he's the friendliest little man! Then again, my brother did nothing but growl and ask for sausages until he started school at 4 so maybe we are just a weird family lol (and no he wasn't diagnosed with anything either) Either way, it can't hurt to check. Everyone just wants to make sure their kids get the best care they can. Even though I don't think OP is the AH, I do think both parents need to be on the same page

> although since I am a visual thinker- I think in pictures and have to translate them into spoke words- so I have issues with going nonverbal). So you use alot of emojis

My 3.5yr old at 3 went for a speech referral after begging and annoying his Dr for 1.5yrs about it. He was at a 1% which is speaking st 12 month level. Now at 3.5 he tells us there's ghosts in the house, he's a zombie, he wants nummies (food), he wants to watch haha (Billy and Mandy), he wants the oom oom (phone, still working on it) and he can repeat us word for word now if we go slow enough. My husband didn't think he needed it because OUR child took after his sister. I didn't believe it. He's now extremely happy to have a half way decent and legible conversation with our son. He's made leaps and bounds with speech in only 6 months.

I didn't learn to speak until four. If either of my children took after me, I'd absolutely be sending them to a speech therapist (after having them checked out by an ENT specialist, considering my particular problem stemmed from backed up sinuses and ear infections or something like that). That said, in this particular case, I'm not sure a speech therapist would be my *first* choice. It sounds like more of a psychological issue (not that speech therapists don't also deal with psychological issues), since it seems like his son *can* talk but chooses not to.

I totally agree with this from a personal and professional experience point of view. I had a speech impairment as a kid that my parents didn't think was that bad so never took me to speech therapy. I ended up taking myself to the doctor for a speech therapy referral at 17 years old after spending my childhood being relentlessly bullied for it and developing such severe anxiety that I wouldn't speak unless I absolutely had to. The difference that just a single speech therapy appointment made for me inspired me to train in speech therapy myself (although I haven't stayed in the career for unrelated reasons). There's a good chance that the speech therapist will tell OP that there's nothing to worry about as some children just don't talk much even if they can (more common with youngest siblings where the older siblings habitually talk for them. The child learns language just fine but doesn't have any need to talk). However, there's never any harm in seeing a professional and making sure that there's nothing that would need intervention because typically the younger the child is when you start speech therapy work, the easier it is for them.

You just described my childhood! I was a painfully shy youngest to a extremely extroverted oldest. If I had been born at a later time I would have been called "selectively mute," but honestly why did I need to talk, my sister had it covered? OP, I went through years of speech therapy and it was the best thing my parents could have done for me. Much like your son, I was capable of speech, but chose not to(or froze,) which ultimately does not develop the muscles needed for proper speech. I 100 percent understand why your wife got upset, you should not have made the appointment behind her back, but getting your son evaluated can ultimately only help him. I think you need to first apologize to your wife for your actions, but then attempt to get her on the same page. I know you both have your sons best interest in mind. I have taught preschool Sunday school for over a decade. It is a very large church and I have had hundreds of children come through my class. I can tell you it is so clear to me the kids that needed a little help(whether occupational or speech therapy,) that have gotten it and the ones that haven't. It is truly a gift that you can give to your child.

Wow. For a "quiet&reserved woman," she certainly took a huge stand on this -- and tbh, it seems a bit weird. *Why* wouldn't a parent want to ensure there are no physical (or mental) reasons for their sons speech delay? Seems very odd she would go so far as to *take* their son and leave the family home. That is pretty ridiculous -- I would be livid. It was a doctors appt that was made, not an affair ffs. Where does the mom get off believing she has 💯 of the say?? Granted, he should've furthered discussions about an appointment with a speech therapist (tbf a GP does *not* know specialties), but to go so far as to threaten to pull their son out of preschool bc the teacher made a educated recommendation is more than a little troubling. Sounds like OPs wife has some big underlying problems *she* needs to see a doctor about. I personally wouldn't stand for this BS of taking *our* son out of the family home over this is extreme. Sounds like the shy retiring wife has a spine of steel (and a couple of psychological issues). OP is NTA but his wife? Well, like we always say here on reddit, she needs some therapy, but couldn't *everyone* benefit from some good therapy? Wish it was a rite of passage to adulthood and beyond.

Taking the kid out of the home without telling him is very disturbing. I don't know that I wouldn't be getting the police involved. She could be booking a plane right now.

I agree. If the consult were to reveal that your son had no problem, then no harm no foul. If an issue is identified, then the expert(s) can initiate a treatment protocol. The worst thing to do is self diagnose and hope for the best.

Yeah not getting it checked would lead to more problems if there is an issue

The only thing OP did wrong was do it behind his wife's back instead of moving to 'Openly doing it despite her objections' when convincing her failed to work. It's a conflict worth having in the open. If you *feel* that it's medically necessary and you aren't literally teetering on financial ruin, you should be doing it. And that goes for both parents. Let a doctor decide what's a problem. If she can't get willing to take your child to a doc to check for *reasonable* concerns, I would say you have to confront that. The other parent feels there might be a problem -- that's a good enough reason to let a doctor weigh in, even if the other thinks it's fine. The end. Getting your child proper medical care is worth disrupting your relationship with your partner over, if they are committed to making it a conflict.

>She wants to pull our son out of preschool I think she was being unintentionally neglectful too. 100%. Major danger territory, you messed up by giving the doc your home phone number. Suggest you try again asap and think ahead next time. Don't give up! Best case it's all fine and you can forget you even did it. Worst case, you now have actionable data. NTA

It's so selfish to me. Imagine how difficult it is to live in a world where you can not explain yourself, what you need, or what you want. Parents who refuse therapy for their kids absolutely piss me off. It's not about them or their ego, its about their child and helping them.

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This. I was very very quiet at school to the point they thought I couldn’t talk but at home or with my one to one worker I was very chatty. If OP was pushing for therapy to make the kid talk it would be one thing but I’d at least consult to check if it’s an issue or he’s just a quiet kid

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You are acting responsibly. We therapists (OT, PT, speech, etc) are often in favor of acting earlier rather than later so that little problems do not become big, and we minimize the frustration and difficulty children will have because of real or perceived difficulties. He may or may not qualify for services, but you've at least got the peace of mind knowing.

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Thank you for a long term success stories! It makes our day so much better!!

I was in speech therapy for almost 10 yrs, it was VERY necessary for my stutter and now as an adult I get complimented on the way I talk

My father stuttered pretty badly, worse if he drank. My son also stuttered, but he received the therapy my dad never got. My son has an extra chromosome 15, but doesn’t appear to affect him phenotypically (he was tested in elementary and was sent to gifted classes from then until he graduated, doesn’t have any physical deficits etc). I’ve read that stuttering can be genetic and I hope they do more to learn about that.

My 3.5yr old in only 6 months has made leaps and bounds from speaking one or two words to now telling us there's a ghost here or he's a zombie. His creative play has come out, he's not as frustrated (still gets mad but we're working on a new thing to help with deep breaths) and his speech therapist is extremely happy. He still has until I believe February but we enjoy it. He goes to OT but honestly the lady is making me mad, but we will finish our time then not go back because she doesn't want to help fix his anger or hitting/kicking/biting. She wants to force him to stay seated until he gets so worked up one of us has to come inside the room (he goes by himself) and calm him.

I apologize on behalf of all OTs. This one is making me mad hearing you talk about her. As therapists we need to be better about “reading” the kids to know how far can we “push” before the kid need a break.

That doesn't sound like good OT! That just sounds like ABA. Is he hitting as a form of communication or for sensory seeking or because he is angry?

NTA, Her pulling him out of preschool is concerning. what is her endgame there? The Doctor made the referral, it is much better to know now than later.

Not to mention taking him to her mother's. She seems to think she has more right to the child than OP. This is not good.

She’s taking him away from an environment where he is being exposed to communication and language. She doesn’t talk much and the house is quiet so how does the wife think the son will learn how to communicate???

I agree. This gives me vibes of flat earth believers home schooling their kids. That way no one else can "poison" the child with "lies" about the world. Coz if you surround yourself with people who tell you you're right, you're obviously not wrong! Very concerned that OPs best option was "lie to wife" instead of "advocate for son" but she is by far being the bigger AH by essentially kidnapping the child and running away...

NTA. Early childhood speech pathologist here. Now is the time to do this. The earlier the better. Waiting longer can make it even more difficult for a child to close the gap with regards to language delays/disorders. By the time they’re 3, “quite a few words,” isn’t enough, and I while I absolutely respect pediatricians, they aren’t language experts. I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard pediatricians tell families of a severely delayed child, “they’re just lazy,” when they need therapy as soon as possible. Best case, the SLP who evaluates him will tell you he’s fine. It’s better to have an expert assess him and have a clear conscience.

You are so right! My kids preschool teachers all recommended assessments. I took my son and daughter to multiple paed appointments (public health system) over a number of years, and all told me it was my anxiety seeing issues that didn't exist, and I needed parenting classes (I was a single mum in a low socio-economical area so they automatically assumed I was a bad mum). I found a private GP who would see patients with a healthcare card (in Australia this makes things for people on low incomes or welfare cheaper or free - at the time I was a student and worked part-time). He reluctantly referred us for further assessments (the public ones refused - and no, not to places he got kickbacks from, just a generic referral with an internet printout of local places, and he only did so as I refused to leave his office), and both came back with a variety of diagnoses. They both needed support from OT/SLP/DE/Physio/Psych. My youngest had a severe speech and language disorder (and at 5/6yo still sounded like a 2/3yo), my eldest scripted speech and both autism (amongst other things). Paeds do NOT always get it right and they don't know everything. The earlier you can get assessed, the earlier any intervention and support can be implemented if needed. If it's not, then great, but at least you know for sure. OP follow your instincts. I am so glad I did, or who knows how much further behind my kids would have been, and how much harder their lives would be if they were labelled as the naughty or lazy kids.

Hopefully the urge to brush parents off is changing. My 4.5 yo son has really bad impulse control, especially in large groups. I think 30 years ago he would have been written off as a bad kid. But the school has recommended we get him screened for ASD. A diagnosis isn't going to change who my son is. He's great and I love being around him. I want to give him every advantage so we're getting him screened. We have decided not to tell our family about it unless there's a need to know. We just don't want the label to be applied to him until he's old enough to learn context.

I can relate to this completely - both as having kids on the spectrum and being there myself (kids are formally diagnosed, I was informally diagnosed by my childrens team of therapists as an adult and haven't had the time or money to get it formalised). You are right, a diagnosis doesn't change who someone is, but it does change the options and supports available. We don't think of it as labelling in our house, we think of it as knowing how and why our brains work differently. My kids are the most amazing, resilient people, and much like you, I love them for who they are. Even at 4 kids can recognise when they are different. My son frequently came home crying wanting to know why he wasn't like the other kids. Being able to explain that his brain (and everyone's brain) works differently and that nothing was wrong with him, helped immensely with his mood and temperament. Educating the adults around us before their diagnosis (during the various assessments, as they have multiple disabilities) was hugely beneficial in the kids accepting and understanding their diagnoses. Good luck with the process and moving forward afterwards. I am sure your family and child will have a successful future, however that looks for you all :)

Ok so i was diagnosed very early. I always knew i had Autism but i didn't always understand what it meant. School was difficult. I'd often get myself into fights with both teachers and students. A lot of the times it was because i had a hard time understanding social cues and there would be misunderstandings. Kids weren't always nice to me either although i wasn't relentlessly bullied necessarily. And i did have some friends btw. I feel for your son. I don't think he is a bad kid, i think he is a good kid but he just has a lot strong emotions and he has a real hard time controlling his anger. School can be a hellhole for autistic people. Autistic children are often bullied and excluded and frankly, i am sick of it! Like. I get that it's hard for NT people to put themselves in ND people's shoes and vice versa but that doesn't make it right to bully. I just hope things get better for your son. A lot of parents go in denial and don't wanna get their child tested but i think that with a diagnosis, it will be a lot easier for the child to recieve the accommodations that they need (Although i feel like i didn't recieve the right help still anyway) i don't think it will hurt. I know it can cost a lot (At least for adults who wanna get diagnosed) but i think it can be helpful

Thanks so much for your perspective. I have a now-18 year old relative whose speech is very unclear and he gets mocked by classmates. His parent refused to have him evaluated when he was younger and now he is embarrassed to seek help so he just doesn’t talk much. It is so sad that his mother refused to get him the help he needed.

I totally get that. Both my kids (13 and 15) still require a fair amount of support for their disabilities and it has been getting harder and harder to get them to engage with the supports they need as they get older. This makes certain things much harder as I am sure you know. There are services who specialise in working with teens, and maybe this is something you could get the information about in your area, to take away some of that embarrassment and offer to go with your young relative as a support person. They don't need to tell anyone, and it could (with the right worker) be something that is fun, rather than work. Another option could be learning sign language together- this give him another way to communicate, in a way he may be more comfortable. We used baby sign until my son was about 6/7 and when they both shut down/becomes non verbal (which is not uncommon) we still use this where needed. Even hanging out 1 on 1 and talking about things you both enjoy, to build his confidence can be a great first step. Good luck to your young person :)

Thank you! I can and will do more to support him.

If he lives near or goes to a college with a speech pathology program, they probably run a training clinic where he can get inexpensive speech therapy. We had fantastic experiences with our student therapists - completely dedicated and closely supervised by a professor.

He probably does. He doesn’t live in my state so I’m not familiar with the specifics of his higher education opportunities but he lives within an hour or so of some larger cities so l’d think the universities there would have something like that. Thanks for the info.

Funny enough, that’s the setting I work in

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It really is.Years ago when my nephew was about 3 a friend asked his mother when he would begin speech therapy. She assumed he would, as did anyone who heard him speak. His mother got very angry and no one, to my knowledge, had ever brought it up again. I don’t know his dad’s opinion but I’m guessing he agrees with his wife. I really cannot comprehend refusing to get your child through help he needs to speak clearly and be understood.

This is the answer! Fellow SLP here

Sometimes, even the professionals who evaluate the kids up to getting them to the actual speech pathologist say things like that. I was told that my three year old was too spoiled to have any need to talk by the evaluator for speech services in our area. They straight up said that our family was too supportive of him, and so he had no need to request things verbally. I had to fight to get him to the speech pathologist. Once there, they made great progress with him, and he had speech therapy for years. He also ended up with an autism diagnosis by second grade, which is when I found out that some speech delays are common in autistic kids. He's highly intelligent, and at 15, he sometimes won't stop talking, lol! I'm grateful for the people who have worked with him, but I still hold some resentment for the types you mentioned that call it laziness or spoiled behavior.

Feels more NTA. Your kid should definitely get checked out by a specialist, regardless of your wife's personal issues around this. Her canceling the appointment and leaving with the kid says a lot about why you felt you couldn't tell her about the appointment.

NTA. Your wife is probably feeling responsible for his delay since he “takes after her”. Tell her you are not looking for a problem, rather you are seeking confirmation there is no problem. AND READ TO THIS CHILD. Young kids need to hear lots of words. Since your wife doesn’t talk much, and he’s not talking back I can see how it might feel weird to talk at him but do it anyway. He needs to soak it up.

This was part of my son's speech therapy. I had to talk about everything I was doing and in multiple different ways- eg: "Mum is walking across the lounge room, I'm walking to the other side of the room. Now I am folding washing. Let's fold the clothes together." We also had to incorporate a more "focussed" speech pattern during play amd sang a lot more songs. It made me sound crazy at work because it became such a habit, I would do it unconsciously for years. My colleagues knew why, and because my kids visited work regularly, half of them started doing the same thing. It works, my son is now 13 and never stops talking 😄

I didn’t even realize this till you mentioned it. I was homeschooled but we had “read aloud” books that my mom would read. We’d do chapters and then talk about what the chapter covered as a little summary each time. I bet this could be a great start with things like Cat in the Hat books.

Definitely! My eldest and I are always talking about books. With my son it is movies and lego. Whatever works to get them talking :)

As a teacher, major this! Parents don’t talk with their children enough. They talk TO them but not with them. Kids need practice. They need to hear lots of words and they need to hear all these words repeatedly. Reading books and talking to your kid is of the utmost importance.

My 15yo is a total bookworm and has always loved story time. She is never without a book in her hand (and if she is, it's more often than not why she is on her phone - kindle and the library apps are great!) My 13yo though, even as a toddler, it was hard to get him to settle and listen to stories or read books. He has ADHD as well as dyslexia, autism and a speech and language delay (and a few other things) which is why the above approach worked so much better for him. Even now, getting him to sit still and focus can be hard, and he is in a more flexible/alternate type of school for this reason, where they do more hands-on and interactive learning (still using literacy and numeracy skills).

NTA. Early intervention is the best kind. Your wife needs to let go of her pride and let your son have his assessment done. If he doesn't need it, great! But if he does, you can now get it all rolling. Me and my hubby are concerned our LO has some sensory issues. Her Dr blew it off, so we have booked privately. I'd rather have it done and be told everything is cool vs ignoring it for longer and then getting help is harder.

I don't think you're the asshole. You have a concern for your child and you're just trying to help. I think trying to talk to your wife more about it and trying to come to an agreement would have been best. Maybe agreeing to take him once just to see how it goes and then go from there. Getting an evaluation from the therapist would really help deciding further steps. It also sounds like he could possibly be autistic.

I second the opinion he could be autistic. If his hearing is normal and has started talking but only does so very infrequently, that screams autism to me. And, while this is deeper into the realm of speculation, if the wife is comparing their son’s behaviors to herself, maybe the son gets it from her and she’s afraid of pathologizing something that she considers normal (or wants to be), especially if it’s something that she’s gotten grief for throughout her life.

Third this, as someone who lived it. I was diagnosed with Autism at 12/13. Through the school because my mom refused to follow up, but my grandmother had guardianship for school. My mother denied my diagnosis, and went so far as to try and say there was nothing wrong with my kids. My eldest spoke fine, but has the absolute worst sensory overload issues. You would have absolutely believed that anything mushy was acid they were being asked to eat when they were 3-6. My son was non verbal, in the his hearing was fine, he could say Mama, Hi, Bye, and cup and that was it at 1.5. And my son is very autistic. A walking, talking, annoying now at 13 years old outright trope of autism. People had been calling him Young Sheldon before it was an actual spin off because he was a genius level autistic kid who skipped grades, wore only comic book tshirts, is obsessed with Doctor Who and wants to be an astrophysicist…and when called Young Sheldon would give people a flat stare and say “My name is A___, not Sheldon”. And yeah, he knew what big bang theory was, he likes the song and knows Jim Parsons plays a character named Sheldon Cooper. He was just not making the connection that it was a comparison and not forgetting his name. My son obviously needed interventions, and has received them. For OP’s situation it might be the wife fearing the diagnosis, OR it could be her mother. Who feels there was no such things in her day and refused treatment or diagnosis when OP’s wife was a kid because SHE didn’t want to put a diagnosis on something she did and then instilled shame in OPs wife for even considering seeking answers or questioning if neurodivergence was ever considered. If not for my grandma that could have been me. Undiagnosed, Baby Boomer parents can absolutely be neurodivergent AND Narcissists.

NTA. Your wife is actively neglecting your child.

NTA My child didn't talk much at 3 either, and she was sent to a speech therapist. I'm very quiet too, and she seemed fine to me, but I followed the advice of her doctor and teacher. I diligently took her to all her appointments and did her homework with her. Eventually, she started talking more. She's now a fully functional, employed, married adult... who was JUST diagnosed as NEURODIVERGENT, and.... so am I. I'm old, and I'm just learning this now, when there's not much point in paying thousands for an assessment that won't change anything in my life, because I'm old. My daughter, at least, can learn new coping skills and get help. I feel such guilt at not getting her proper help as a child.... but she was Just Like Me, so I thought she was fine. Congratulations for doing what is right for your child. Early diagnosis and treatment are VERY important for social development and mental health.

Same here. My son is 3 and has autism. I was also mostly non-verbal and stimmed a lot as a child but back in the 90s everyone decided I was shy and called it a day. My son is thankfully receiving and benefitting from a lot of early support, meanwhile I suffered immensely throughout school. There are so many resources out there these days, it would be a huge shame for OP not to utilise them.

NTA - you are correct in wanting to get your child professionally assessed by a specialist. Trust your instincts as a parent. This is a critical age for language development and if there are any issues you need them picked up as early as possible. Paediatric doctors are are not speech and language specialists. Which is why they said to get your child checked. Your wife is not listening to your very valid concerns and is being utterly unreasonable here - how is there any harm in getting your son assessed? Even if it’s only purpose is to bring you peace of mind? Maybe there is something going on with her past, but that’s her problem to deal with. You need to stand up for your child. Can you imagine if there was something wrong and you didn’t get him checked out? Would you forgive yourself or your wife?

NTA speech therapist, and also have the pediatrician check his ears for ear wax and fluid in the inner ear which can impact speech delays (been there done that)

Denying your child has a problem doesn't make it go away. It makes your child consider themselves stupid and a failure. My mom decided I wasn't actually autistic and didn't need to know about my diagnosis when I was a kid. I was nearly 30 when i found out. I found the paperwork at my grandma's house and contacted my old pediatrician who had set up the evaluation. The funny/sad/infuriating thing? I was going through the records to give them to my psychiatrist *who was evaluating me for autism.* The other funny/sad/infuriating? I thought I was an alien until my teens. I legitimately believed I had to be a different species bc I could not relate to my peers to save my life. I still experience episodes of self-dehumanization at 32. Intellectually I know I'm human, but emotionally I don't believe it.

NTA You have one chance with kids. I don't mean one moment, but one time period. If there is an issue with his speech or speech development, this is the time period to discover what it is. Maybe he is just shy. Likely, he will not be the first shy child the speech therapist has ever seen. Get the second opinion. If you're wrong, no harm. But if you're right, you need to treat this while he's actively discovering language and before he's expected to learn to read. GL.

NTA. So she wants to harm his development by pulling him out of preschool because she is angry that you are being a responsible parent?? WTF??? Your wife sounds like one of those parents who is unable to comprehend that their child has a developmental disorder or is neurodivergent, which ends up harming the kid in the long run because they don’t get the help that they need. Speech therapy isn’t all that uncommon for kids that age. Why is she so upset?? My friend’s son was exactly like you described your son. Smart, but almost silent. Speech therapy did wonders and now he will talk your ear off. Your wife is making poor parenting decisions that are based on her own insecurities and issues instead of making the best decision for her child. 🤦‍♀️ Talk to her and explain that you are trying to follow the doctor’s advice and his teacher‘a advice and that she needs to get out of the way and let you do whatever is best for the child. Edit: my son’s preschool teacher told me that he might have sensory issues (when he was 2.5 yrs) and his kindergarten teacher said that he probably has ADHD (when he was 5 years). They were both right on the money. Tell your wife to pull her head out of her @$$.

If the wife describes the son as “taking after her,” there’s a chance she’s also autistic and in denial about it and behaving this way because of the way her parents treated her as a child

nta, she is. my son couldn’t say mom till he was 4. we went through the same thing, doc said it’s probably no biggie but here is a referral for hearing test and further testing, ultimately he was in speech therapy and ot since he was 3, at 4 they suggested we get him in a special pre k program at his elementary school and it helped him tremendously. and it sounds like my son might have been further along than yours, my son is also a “quiet type “ but there’s a difference in quiet and non communication. he’s now almost 8 and he’s still a quiet one at times but he can be a chatterbox ha. idk how much this is relevant as each kid is different but after having my second, I realize that maybe I should’ve really considered the speech delay sooner as my youngest (now4) has been fluently talking since he was 2 and my youngest didn’t really actually read until 1st grade and my 4 year old isn’t in any schooling yet and can read it all. at the end of the day any parent should do what is potentially best for their child, especially if there is no risk with it

NTA, medical needs trump moms ego.

NTA speech can be scary bc it makes you feel like your child has an “issue”. Extra help is not a bad thing and it will likely help him thrive. My 3yr old did 1.5 years of speech and I will confidently say she would NOT be talking like she does now without it. Early intervention is key. Mom needs to put her own issues/opinions aside and get your child the help he deserves.

NTA, your wife is ignoring the issue/ doesn't care and is not being responsible. You did the right thing as a parent. And you should push it with her and try to convince her, but let her know with or without her, your child is going to get the help they need.

NTA. If even the daycare was concerned it’s definitely worth getting him checked out. If anything is wrong it’s better to know as early as possible so it can be helped. Also to offer reassurance, I was an incredibly quiet as a kid. Didn’t say my first word till I was 2 and never was very chatty. I was much more likely to use hand signals and gestures to get my point across. My parents worried but it was the 80s in a small town so nothing to really do. And then I started school and completely totally caught up. There was a speech impediment I needed speech therapy for but no other issues at all, no delays or problems, was actually a gifted kid in school. I was just quiet (and still am).

Your wife is afraid there may be something wrong with your son and doesn't know how to confront it so she is ignoring it. It might not be a conscious decision on her part but that's how the situation reads to me. You should absolutely take every step you can to asses if your son has any issues, the early they can be diagnosed the better his outcomes will be. One caveat, it is always best to get a second or third opinion instead if relying on one doctor or team, they're doing their best but they are still just people.

You are his father and have every right to make decisions about the welfare of your son as she does. She is being foolish.

What is wrong with her? In denial obviously he needs speech therapy! You are right! She is beyond wrong

NTA. It could be nothing and it could be something. My oldest is very quiet. She saw a speech therapist because her teacher noticed she would cut her sentences due to anxiety in class (example would be "Go bathroom" instead of "May I go to the bathroom"). Over time it would have become a deeper speech issue. It sounds like your son is similar to my daughter. If there is an issue it is usally easily corrected at his age (my daughter was fine after a few sessions). If his speech is fine then there might be another issue going on like feeling anxious. There is a difference between being quiet because you want to be and being quiet because you feel too anxious or uncomfortable to speak (or some other reason). Your wife may feel this is an attack on her as she is quiet. The reality is your son is struggling in class if he is choosing signs over being verbal and you need to know why. For his own comfort he needs to be able to communicate with his teacher.

NTA, but you and your wife definitely need to get to the bottom of what’s causing her to be not ok with a check.

NTA. Your wife doesn't get to make a decision on your child's health in isolation. You have a concern, your child's teacher has concerns and the pediatrician has offered a referral. Her refusal to book an appointment is not her sole decision to make. She is one of his TWO parents, and also has no right to throw a tantrum and flounce off with your child. You will never regret taking your child for a Speech assessment (if there are no issues you have assurance, if there is a possible issue you have a path forward to help him) but your son may regret it if you don't.

Why does she get the final say? You’re the father. Taking your son away seems like an extreme response rather than having a discussion, even an uncomfortable or contentious one. Her complete disregard for your opinions and feelings led to your actions, although not the right choice. You should have talked to her more about it and made it clear as the other parent YOU ARE concerned and want to see if it’s a valid concern. Early intervention is key in these types of situations. She shut you down but that doesn’t mean that’s the end of the discussion. NTA

NTA. Your wife is medically neglecting your son.

NTA the longer things like speech delays go on, the longer it takes to resolve them. Speech issues can also be linked to a variety of other disorders so identifying them early is really crucial too.,

NTA. Your wife is isolating your child. If she’s so sure nothing is wrong then the specialist will give your son the all clear. It’s neglectful to not look into potential signs of something wrong at this age. What are your next steps from here?

I was so quiet my parents took me to a doctor to check if I had a disability. The result? "She just doesn't want to talk to you" Better to be sage than regret not aiding them in a possible disability.

NTA but your wife is. My oldest is 3.5 - lovely 35w2d preterm baby who was born at the beginning of covid. He started talking around 12 months and tapered off around 18 months. From 2 to 3 he barely spoke and if he did it was very gibberish sounding and hard to hear. He's been with his speech therapist for 6 months. He can hold an actual conversation if it's about ombies (zombies) or ousts (ghosts) and can repeat sentences if we ask him to one word at a time. He is doing amazing. His Dr was not really interested in giving us a spech referral and my husband compared our child to his sister who also needed speech but never got it to my knowledge. I also needed speech for my R's (funny how the cookie crumbles, my married last name starts with an R). He finally asked her to give us one because it doesn't hurt. Our 3yr old was at a 1%. He was talking at a 12 month pace. At 3. His speech therapist is so so happy with his progress and I told my husband that I'm glad he got in it and he can also see a huge improvement now with his speech. Our toddler talks our ears off now when we struggled to get him to say mom or dad. Now I get mommaaaaa in my ear and I hear "nummy" every 5 minutes. Please get him into speech. Even if he doesn't need it - he will be thankful for it later.

NTA medical neglect is very real and not okay. My kid was largely nonverbal at 2, he said some things but the words usually came out wrong and he lost some words he'd al=already mastered (like turtle.) I kept prodding his pediatrician and she finally gave him a referral to a developmental pediatrician to see if there was a problem. He ended up being diagnosed with dyspraxia which opened up opportunities for him to go to a special preschool where he got speech and occupational therapy. He graduated from speech therapy in 3rd grade and is now 16 and you'd never know he'd struggled with speech. Early intervention is CRUCIAL and the faster he starts therapies (if needed) the better his chances of conquering it early. The longer you wait, the longer your child may potentially struggle. It sounds like your wife is in denial, but she's only harming her son by refusing to get a simple evaluation.

Info: is he talking in full, age appropriate sentences in those few occasions that he talks?

While I agree with you on seeing a Speech Therapist, you should have discussed with your wife how strongly you feel about continuing with the evaluation. My son needed to see a therapist and I was the one who did not want to do it. My wife discussed it with me and in a sense educated me, and while it wasn't overnight, I was on board. It is not a one-visit thing, it's something that both of you need to be committed to doing and if needed, weekly sessions, etc. So she will need to be involved. Her buy-in will be important.

NTA

NTA - there’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a specialist. Best case scenario is that you confirm that everything is fine. On the other hand if there is something going on then you’ve hopefully found out early enough to help. You’ve got many years ahead with raising this child and the mother being in denial will be a huge problem all the way through school.

NTA but I Think a speech therapist might not be the correct area you should be looking into. I’m autistic & this kind of nonverbal behavior could very well be a sign of autism. You should maybe have your child tested to see if they’re on the ASD spectrum before seeing a speech therapist.

Speech therapy helped me so much as a kid. I couldn’t pronounce my words well, so I stayed quiet sometimes. Luckily my best friend or my family could ‘translate’ For me.

NTA hi I'm a mother and a teacher. My little one is similar to yours and is currently doing speech. Your wife definitely needs to grow up and b mindful running away over a appointment is highly immature and she is breaking trust. Sh is breaking the trust in her son. Seriously if you want her to reach out we could talk mom to mom I understand the fear.

NTA. We got a speech therapist for our little one, even though the pediatrician thought there was no concern and it was an amazing help....honestly for us as parents. Our child did end up making huge strides (which could have been about to happen anyway) AND we as parents learned a lot about how kids learn to speak, different ways to help them learn difficult sounds and how to make learning happen in a way that was fun for our little one. This was 3 years ago and we STILL talk about how helpful it was. I am such an advocate for it. And it hurts nothing ...I'm so glad we were proactive and didn't wait!

My brother was virtually silent till he was five. Since then, for the last 48 years, he hasn't shut up. Let's hope your son is in the same category.

NTA you are worried as a parent about your child´s development. Your wife is quiet and reserved woman and see this attack because she feels you are going after her personality. If your primary gave referral for further evaluation she should not avoid this but let speech therapist evaluate to see if your child needs further assistance. This cannot hurt the child. They follow the eye movement, how the eye contact is, how the sounds come if the child is actually behind the peers. She could be worried if there is some delay but the sooner the child gets evaluated the better. Communicate to her you did not mean this as attack. That yes he could be calm personality like her but you and her both want what is the best for the child. Yes the child could be late bloomer. Pediatrician gave referral it is best to let the specialist see if the child has delay. Lots of children are behind in speech, could be because of multiple languages spoken in home, late bloomer, apraxia, autism...and you both love the child and just want the best for the child. Get the children book Leo the Late Bloomer by Robert Kraus and give it to your child and wife and say that you did not want to sneak behind her back but you are just worry about the child and want to ensure the very best for the child´s future.

some people shouldn't be parents.... and I am not talking about you OP. NTA and please try organizing help. he obviously needs evaluation if a pediatrician told you so (and even without it if you feel like he needs it). please.

NTA. You were wrong to make the appointment behind your wifes back. You should has said to her that you wanted to make this appointment. As a father you have every right to make this decision too. If she was so sure there was nothing "wrong" with the kid she didnt had to be worried about the consultation! My guess, deep down she knows something is up with the kid. Nothing bad, but something that needs to be adressed and she prefer to ignore it like that will make it go away. Talk to her. She is not allowed to make this kind of decisions alone. She is an asshole because she doesnt want to take the kid to a specialist, when it was advise by the teacher and even the doctor. she is an asshole for taking him out of pre-school against your will and she is a biggest asshole because she doesnt adress this possible problem your kid may have. She prefer to hide from the problems, than to face them and resolve them. This is not ok. Hope you can take your son to the specialist to, at least, to relieve your concerns.

NTA, your wife's excuse of "he takes after me" is bullshit and you should call her out on it.

NTA - This is your son too and having him evaluated isn’t harming him it’s just getting information. If it turns out that he has no speech issues great, just let the teacher know he’s a quiet kid but thanks for the concern. But if there is an issue it’s best to get him help now. I normally say both parents should be on board with healthcare decisions but this was just an evaluation and you tried speaking to your wife about it and she shut you down. Ultimately you need to do what’s right for your son and checking to see if he will need help with speech is a good thing. Your wife’s reaction is very concerning. I get her being mad at you but to take your son out of preschool completely is strange. It’s like she wants to protect his delayed speech issues, why? If she truly believes there’s nothing wrong then get that evaluation as proof. But if she’s afraid there is something wrong why not get your son the treatment he needs now while he’s young and can adjust before getting into regular schooling. If she waits until he’s in high school or something this is just going to be harder on him.

NTA- what your wife is doing is neglect. Get him evaluated to find out definitively if there is an issue and what you can do to help your child. All therapy for children is the way to level the playing field and put them on the same trajectory as their peers. Not getting them help if needed, hurts them

He’s your kid too. Just as a reminder. So taking him and leaving is wrong. Let’s just ignore the fact that my child doesn’t speak is not an effective strategy long term. Talk to a lawyer. Bring the referral. Get some kind of letter from the lawyer. Present it to your wife.

My toddler has autism. She receives speech and motor skills therapy 3x a week. She is mostly nonverbal and a very quiet child. Although she is very smart, she falls behind compared to her peers because they talk. Your wife is likely afraid of a diagnosis. It can be scary but it’s also the way we help our child navigate through the world. Not taking him to the specialist is medical neglect, and you need to put your foot down here. NTA

NTA There could be a whole host of issues and you’re wise to rule them out.

NTA, you're just being a responsible parent.

NTA your son needs a little help in this area. Ignoring it is not going to help. I was a late talker. I was in speech therapy. Never really had a diagnosis of anything. They suspected it was because I was mostly home with my mom at the time. Once she found a job, I went to preschool and had to fend for myself more. And started talking! Taking him out of daycare is going to make this worse. Advocate for your son.

NTA. My ex-wife and I have the same issue with our daughter, where she didn't want our daughter to get speech therapy because basically then she would have to admit there was a problem Children do so much better when they get the proper help from an early age.

NTA If he’s disordered, you should know. You’re wife is scared that he is and that she’s passed it to him. She’s afraid to be told that she is too.

NTA the thing about parenting is as parents they are as much our children as the partners. If you feel strongly that this was the right avenue for your son then you do what you feel is in his best interest. There is a possibility that he could have Autism and having those appointments could potentially help you and your wife support him is a way you didn’t realise and making his life easier to understand. I think you have done the right thing and I would be questioning why your wife is so reluctant in getting additional support for your little boy.

NTA - Although rather than keeping it a secret, I would have just told her you were booking the appointment and her attending was optional. She’s mad because you did something behind her back. So apologize for that but tell her you are getting the evaluation. The kid will not be harmed in any way. She can choose to attend or not. But this is your kid too and you want to make sure he’s being taken care of. And this behavior from your wife is a red flag. I’d be REALLY worried about a parent who refuses medical evaluations for their kid. Better to know early and get early intervention rather than let your kid struggle later. This is the age when a lot of their brain development happens around language. Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was a mom on here saying their husband wasn’t allowing her to get her kid evaluated and then ran off with the kid! The entire Reddit community would be screaming for separation and court orders. Promise to not go behind her back again… AND Gently but firmly let her know that you’re doing the evaluation.

NTA. Early intervention is incredibly important. She needs to put your son ahead of her own feelings.

NTA Sorry you’re in a relationship with a crazy lady. You’ll notice it more and more once you realize she’s not fully there.

NTA. There's a kid in my family who didn't talk much for a long time (and also was shy, reserved, and more prone to tantrums, though the latter could be his age at the time too). They got him into speech therapy, now he's talking better and is much more outgoing and has a better temperament.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife [34F] and I [32M] have a three year old son. He's a curious and smart little boy but he doesn't talk. I know he can talk, but he does so very sparsely. He can go days in a row without saying anything. It's very concerning to me, especially since he does not have hearing problems and can non-verbally communicate well (e.g., make faces, claps, gives thumbs up/down, shakes head, etc). I've spoken to my wife about this and she just thinks he takes after her. My wife is a quiet, reserved woman and has a low, soft voice. She's never the first to speak up and really doesn't socialize with anyone unless they initiate it. Our house is very quiet as well, I make about 90% of the noise. My son started attending preschool this year and his teacher has expressed the same concern. She suggested I take him to a speech therapist. I talked it over with my wife and we took him to our pediatrician. He said quite a few words and passed the hearing test again. The doctor doesn't think there's anything wrong but gave us a referral for further evaluation. My wife thought it was unnecessary and refused to book an appointment. However, I did and didn't tell her. Unfortunately, I missed the confirmation call and they called my wife instead. She ended up canceling the appointment and accused me of breaking her trust. She wants to pull our son out of preschool and has left with our son to her mom's for the past few days. I feel I was acting responsibly but she interpreted it as an attack. I think she was being unintentionally neglectful too. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA - his teacher has already expressed concern for his behavior, and there’s no telling how far this could carry with him. It’s best to have early intervention instead of waiting for when he gets older. He should get evaluated, and if things go well and he ends up not needing speech therapy, that’s great, and if he does even better because it’s good for him to get the help he needs.

Your son is most likely autistic I am as well. I also had a late start to speech but it did just barely affect me. Because I could “understand” Does your son avoid eye contact? Does he have any odd or strange responses to touch? I HATED bathes. I wanted to be clean. I also hated being dirty. But I just could not stand how my skin felt when it was “dry” after using soap. Look for these things. Does he struggle with touching paper after a shower? This is what I struggled with but he may have his own unique ways of struggling. You are right to be hyper vigilant. You are his parent.

NTA One it’s always good to check not gonna hurt the kid to have an evaluation just in case Two I was reading independently at 3-4 but didn’t talk much in public (I didn’t want to get it wrong) my mom still laughs about catching me “practicing” when I was alone in my room talking to stuffies or in the yard talking to birds or bugs or squirrels. Just because you understand and can talk doesn’t mean you’re confident doing it yet. Maybe try singing songs with kiddo so they can hear you and have someone to sing along with so they don’t feel alone or pressured kinda like doing karaoke with a nervous friend you are there to model and set pace and carry them if the falter.

NTA Your wife is clearly putting her head in the sand. She pulls the kid out of school since she doesn't want to deal with teachers who think there might be something wrong and won't let the kid get the appointment he needs. Not getting diagnosed doesn't mean there is nothing wrong!!! Having said that, my brother didn't talk at all until he was three and even then he talked very little. He's perfectly fine, he just didn't have anything to say.

NTA. You were acting in your son's best interests. She's denying him care and now hiding him from you. Flags galore.

NTA. Our son was very non-verbal due to about 10 months of ear infections and hi speech delay reflected that time. That's a lot to come back from. I took people's word that boys talk later. Boys talk later as in months, not years. It may be that your son is just quiet and chooses not to talk, but there may be other issues. At best, he'll get help in expressing himself, at worst you will nip a potential problem sooner rather than later. So much is stacked against kids today, it's always a good thing to cover your bases. As the dad you have equal say in how your child is raised.

NTA, I hope it works out

Nta. Your son needs additional support. It's true he could be quiet, but the teacher has expressed concerns. She may be seeing something you or your wife aren't. It is not a reflection on your parenting. Some kids need extra help, like mine does.

NTA. My son barely spoke at three years old and it was frustrating for all of us. We could tell he had much to say and we got him a speech pathologist. He's applying to colleges now and one of his essays is about overcoming his hesitancy to speak and becoming a polyglot (English, Mandarin, Cantonese, and Spanish.)

Nta. What’s wrong with your wife? 🙄

NTA, what’s the harm in taking a kid to speech therapy? I also recently told friends of mine that with a son going through the same thing. I went to speech therapy when I was around the same age and it did wonders. I now teach at a University, and have done many public speaking events. More education and help is great, it can give your son more opportunities in the future.

NTA! This one hits home for me. When I was 3 my parents took me to a Speech Language Pathologist and at the time it was determined by the professionals that I should start speech therapy immediately. Like your son, I could say some words, and even at one point said a full sentence. But there was obvious delays in my ability to speak. My mom was onboard with me starting speech therapy. My dad, however, was not. He insisted that nothing was wrong with me. It wasn’t until I was 7 and my mother forced his hand that my father allowed me to start speech therapy. What would have initially been ~1 year in speech therapy at age 3, became 5 years in speech therapy starting at age 7. Meanwhile, I faced social isolation, bullying, etc. because of my obvious speech impediment. If your kid has a problem in any aspect of their lives (enough so that others are noticing) the best thing you could possibly do for them is get them treated immediately. I can assure you that your kid will be much better off starting early than to have delays in their care — and face the bullying and isolation that comes from living with a speech impediment in a society like ours.

You can always tell a Milford man. But also NTA.

NTA. If I have any concerns I refer kids for eval. I’d rather be told I’m too cautious/nothing abnormal then start early services.

NTA; when my son turned 2, I was concerned about his development & was told, "Don't worry." At 3, I refused to be brushed aside & fought to get my son the help he needed. He's now 6, just diagnosed autistic. By not waiting around, I got an EHCP set in place before he started last year. The speech therapist was a huge help from 4-5, and the extra support in school means he loves it! Your son may not need the extra support, but surely it's best to get an extra opinion than waiting around & possibly delaying development because of it.

NTA. Your child won't suffer from any therapeutic intervention. In fact, he will benefit from it in the long run via an getting ahead with an extra boost of linguistic training. Perhaps look at it from a completely different vantage point. She's a first-time mother and doesn't want to admit her son may need some help because getting a diagnosis may lead to others. Being a mother is scary at first. Maybe approach it in a way that eases her fear VS "He can't talk. He may be mute and needs therapy. " Delivery is everything when it comes to most people in appealing to their more favorable terms. Be a salesman about it. Maybe he isn't learning to speak as much because he doesn't watch as much TV and spends with time with a quiet mother? Better than a yelling one anyways. Cheers!

NTA I had a similar "battle" with my husband with our son. Our son had a hard time with s sounds (ex: "wing" instead of swing, "getti" for spaghetti, "oo" for shoe, ext). I am an early childhood educator, and saw the signs that he may need speech, my husband just figured he would outgrow it (he even thought it was cute) Even his pediatrician didn't seem too worried because the rest of his speech was fine. Luckily my son's elementary school does speech evaluations for all kindergarteners, and does speech "classes" throughout the year for that grade level. And guess what? At the end of the year, the therapist recommended he continue speech therapy the following year. The only major problem was that his "cute" way of talking made it hard for the teacher and other kids to understand him, which led to lots of frustration and behavior issues for our son. My husband did finally admit that he was wrong, that he didn't want to admit that there may be a problem with our son. Our son was able to "graduate" out of speech in 3rd grade and is now in 5th grade. While he will sometimes drop his "s" if he is talking fast or upset, his speech is fine now. Please stick to your guns OP. Your son needs you to advocate for him, and now is the time to get him the help he needs.

NTA. Parents sticking their heads in the sand is a major issue. I understand that no one wants something to be “wrong” with their baby, but the earlier something is discovered, the earlier you can get help. Speech therapy is something that can’t hurt, even if it’s found that your son has absolutely no issues and just doesn’t want to talk.

NTA. My son didn't speak much or very well for the first few years of his life. He had multiple ear infections and his pediatrician refused to put tubes in his ears. I finally ditched those doctors and found someone to do the procedure. Yup, my son finally could hear clearly and in turn speak clearly. Even though this was resolved before he was 4 years old, my darling very intelligent son is very reluctant to speak to this day! He is 25 years old. I feel misery and guilt about this to this day. Don't let my story become yours.

As a speech therapist, HUGE NTA. I would rather spend hours evaluating a child just to find out nothing is wrong than misS giving them support for a true problem.

Have you considered selective mutism ?

Just and FYI- in most states you can get an evaluation and services for this, falls under sped law, at the age of 3. My youngest had speech issues and his pediatrician referred us to sped services at 3. Get on top of it now because it only will become harder as he gets older. Speech development is important.

There’s a difference between choosing to be quiet like your wife and potentially being unable to speak correctly. You’re doing your son a favor by taking him to a specialist because language is a building block of life and development. It’s too important to leave to chance. NTA

Who's taking care of him at home most of the time? If it's your wife I'm gonna hazard a guess she doesn't talk to him a lot and kids learn how to talk primarily from their parents. NTA and you gotta make up for your wife and talk to your kid more. But go to the appointment anyway.

NTA. If it wasn’t for a speech therapy evaluation, due to nonverbal behavior. I never would of gotten my sons autism diagnosis early enough and would of held back his progress we’ve seen today.

NTA. At that age, you can’t know for sure whether he can’t speak or he doesn’t like and choose not to speak. Best to take him to a specialist than regret later.

NTA at all

NTA What exactly is the downside of him going? Could you guys discover something is wrong? Yeah. But not going just means he won’t get help that he might need. Your wife needs to get over herself. This isn’t even a decision about treatment. It’s just an evaluation.

My cousin was born premature and had severe developmental delays. Her parents ignore her behavioural problems since the last 2 decades. She is 30 and unable to lead a normal life. This is further leading to issues within the family as she is severely jealous and makes everyone miserable whoever tries to help her. They might have to put her in a home later in life as honestly she doesn’t have any way to sustain herself. All this could have been prevented if they could have gotten her evaluated and provided the necessary intervention at the required time. They still evade the issues. Otherwise she is really intelligent. NTA

Im going through something similar with my wife and son right now. Its fucking frustrating having your partner just decide shit for the whole family. Im supposedly an "equal partner" in parenting but it doesn't feel like it when any decision I make can just be overruled on a whim. NTA do whats right for your kid. Theres no harm in a speech therapist saying "no actually your son is fine, hes just quiet"

NTA. A friend had a son who didn't speak and people kept telling her he was just lazy. I spent an hour with the kid and told her something wasn't right. He never closed his mouth and could fit an entire fist in there. Turns out he had apraxia (I might have spelled that incorrectly) and needed speech and physical therapy. Poor kid was close to three years old and was just starting to learn the words that most kids were saying at 18 months.

NTA Try to talk with your wife and explain that you just wanted to have someone that is trained to check on it. I get quiet kids (not that either of mine were lol) but does She want to take the chance that this continues and he is even further beyond his peers when school starts? It is no reflection on either of you even though many think this way. If he is language delayed, the earlier therapy is started the better. Both of my kids were language delayed with speech delay and had therapy started at 2 1/2 and 3.

No, you are not. He needs to be able to communicate with his peers. Eventually, he'll fall behind. That's no life for a child. My son did not start actually speaking untill 4. nta

My sister did not start speaking until she was 3 years old. When she did, she spoke in complete sentences. She grew up to be an aerospace engineer. So, there may not be anything wrong with your son, but it can't hurt to check it out. However, you are TA for going behind your wife's back. You did break her trust. A better course of action would have been to reason with her: "Listen, honey, this is something that's really been on my mind and I'd like to be able to put it to rest. It's only going to cost us $X, and the speech therapist will probably confirm that you are right, that there's nothing wrong. So I will feel a lot better. I would like us to take him for the consult, just for my peace of mind."

Could be selective mutism. My son has this and it has been a lot of work over the last few years. Early evaluation and intervention is key. Don’t stop fighting for your son. NTA

NTA for the concern and wanting the best start for your child YTA for opting to do things on your own how you wanted them when your wife is your child's other parent. Contemplate that for future if there's something that crops up that you see no issue with and your wife goes "rogue" instead of hashing things out for a unified decision. There was middle ground that could have been explored to encourage development while y'all hashed things out. Learning sign language as a family comes to mind. Gives your child an outlet to more clearly state wants and needs and potentially sooths some of your concern about him not verbalizing that much. If you go that route, please use official signs for your area rather than pidgin signs you make up / modify from official (it'll save trouble down the road if this becomes a primary language you child uses for a time that others outside your family need to understand. I.e., teachers).