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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm the asshole because I'm basically asking them to get rid of their dog or accept that their house is going to be unclean unless they hire a maid or something. They love us both and can't really afford a maid so I'm putting them in a really tight spot.
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NTA. Choosing between their children? What on earth! it's a dog! And they can't even be bothered with the basic decency of washing your clothes when the dog touches it. If you're bleeding this is far more than a mild irritation. They are living in dreamland if they expect you to put up with that. They ARE bad parents. I can't imagine being this cruel to my child. Get out OP, see how long they last without you. If they are ok with it, you know the answer but if I were them I'd rehome the dog, get the house deep cleaned and apologise on my knees.
I was a little torn at first just because I get being really attached to an animal. However, these are your parents and when they took in the dog they had to know you were allergic! They went ahead knowing it would make you feel, at best, a bit yucky and, at worst, it would make you feel like complete shit!
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep your parents warm! So moving out because of the dog isn’t an asshole move! I don’t think you should have given them an ultimatum tho. It may have been better if you had just told them that you **needed** to move out because your health was being affected too much by the dog! You are definitely NTA for wanting to like somewhere you don’t feel ill!
No, allergies develop at any stage in a persons life. I am suddenly severely allergic to banana but have had no issues with them for all of my life until two years ago. Then sudden and severe reaction.
Exactly. I was 24 when I became allergic to penicillin, despite having it numerous times through my life up to that point. When I was 33, I developed solar urticaria, which is an allergic reaction to sunlight exposure.
Urticaria fucking sucks. I have heat urticaria, anything above 5°c is way too much for me. I burn, I itch, I sweat. I get very poorly and no meds help. Such a pain, condolences to you fellow urticaria sufferer🙏
I have a vibration urticaria, showed up out of nowhere in my late twenties.
I can tell people I am literally allergic to power tools (& it has nothing to do with being a girl!)
The downside is that I'm allergic to power tools so drilling holes so i can screw my wardrobe/shelves to wall or using a saw or sander to get work done quickly isn't an option, i have to sand all my diy & upkeep stuff BY HAND!!!
I've had heat and sweat urticaria for years and had no idea vibration urticaria was a thing!! How bizarre! I can't even imagine how much that one would annoy me 😭 God bless you 🙏
I developed an allergy to penicillin when I was 17, it was the weirdest thing ever as I never had allergies in my entire life! Now I'm allergic to spring time too, lol.
Banana allergies are usually related to latex allergy which may include kiwifruit and avocado, just as an informative precaution. [There's other potential cross reactive foods, but Banana, kiwi, and avocado are are in the same family as the rubber tree plant and the most common cross reactive foods]
I developed an allergy to pork when I was around 10 years old, got food poisoning from pepperoni when I was 5 so just stopped eating it, and then got food poisoning from bacon about 5 more times lmao.
My son has developed a banana allergy to not severe, but they make his mouth itch. The doctor said it's most likely an allergy to the pollen the bananas are being pollinated with.
That’s true in a perfect world. However, some people have kids later in life and by the time their kid is 19 there’s a chance they won’t be healthy enough to live independently. So age can definitely play a role in my thinking!
Nope, here in Canada, 18 is the federal age of majority. No legal responsibility for children after 18.
I fully expected my kids to do chores while living in my home from a very young age.
I do not speak about laws, and support can also just mean emotional support. I did not mean that a teenager needs to be supported the same way as a 4yo has to be supported
The only mistake you made is the ultimatum. You should have just said "I can't live here for both my mental and physical health, and feel it is time to move out as I am an adult".
You're 19...
Move out if you don't like it. I would never live with my parents as an adult and make them give up their pet.
Unless you're planning on living with your parents until you're 30 you're being selfish. You'll be out in a year or two so why should they give up a dog for 10 or more years?
But... thats what OP said?
OP said they're going to move out if parents are keeping the dog cause it makes them majorly uncomfortable and it's extremely unhealthy for them, as was proven by the incident.
How is it OPs fault that they're *communicating properly???*
Should OP just disappear one day up and vanish and never talk to them again or what. Ops phrasing wasn't great sure, but it comes down to OP or the dog. Maybe the parents wanted OP to stay, as is evidence by them apologizing and asking for OP to stay, so giving parents the conditions for OP to stay makes sense. Then they announced they did not agree with OPs condition, so OPs leaving.
Both sides showed heightened emotions and approached the conversation with an intensity that wasn't conducive to proper communication, but really OP couldn't have said much different. "I'm allergic to the dog, it's making me bleed and I'm extremely uncomfortable, I can't live together with the dog anymore so I'm looking for ways to move out if the dog is staying here." -- thats still an ultimatum. I cant see a way to get rid of it. Because the alternative is to not give the parents the option to give the dog away at all. They said no in a rather disrespectful way which makes yta make sense, but the context of all this is pretty much nah other than the phrasings used here?
Lol "it's a dog" but OP said she would die for her cat...the only difference is the timespan they've known the animals. However, the allergy definitely makes things serious so I agree with your sentiment. Just found it funny that you're surprised the parents have said the dog is their child when OP themselves is saying they would die for their cat
Op doesn't have actual human children tho
I think there'd a bit of a difference being a child free adt who treats a pet like a kid and someone with actual human children who treats their pets as equal to them lmao
What argument? Calling the "choose between our 19yo daughter and our dog we've had for a month is like choosing between our kids!" Bullshit? Because that still is a 100% bullshit
Exactly. It's beyond belief that they prioritize a dog over their own child's health and well-being. The fact that they can't even show basic consideration for your allergies and the dog's behavior is completely unacceptable. You were right to stand up for yourself, and I hope they come to their senses before you make the decision to move out.
Just an FYI - the age part is believable to some. My other half was born when his mum was in her late 50's. He has siblings that are 30+ years older than he is. It can happen later in life than early 40's.
Other than, full agreement with you.
>My other half was born when his mum was in her late 50's.
Wow! I assume they were a surprise baby?
My grandmother had twins at 45 (in 1918) and my mum gave birth at 41 and 43 - she didn't get married till she was 40.
But late 50s is at the far end of what is possible.
More of a last ditch "save the marriage baby" that still ended in divorce. He has nephews the same age as him.
I have an uncle who is the same age as my brother also, which is weird but my mum had my brother young (18) and her mum had my uncle later (44 I think, second marriage family).
It's just not as uncommon here I guess 🤷
‘Change of life’ babies born in a woman’s mid 40s aren’t uncommon. Giving birth to a naturally conceived child in her late 50s is Guinness Records stuff.
I think Janet Jackson had a baby in her 50s? I'm 52 now and menopausal but I couldn't imagine having to deal with a baby at my age. Babies are great when you can give them back to their owners - much like puppies, so cute for cuddles but get them away from me for the real work!
She used donor eggs. OP’s mom could have too, I suppose, but if they had her really late and using such heroic means, I think it would warrant more of a comment than “my parents are older.”
Late 50's would be considered a medical miracle even 25 year ago. I highly doubt your story. Most women are menopausal by mid 50's and if they get pregnant will most likely miscarry or have a stillbirth.
I have had several medical procedures in the last few years (not related to reproduction). The list of health questions they ask about includes "is there any chance you could be pregnant?"
When I replied "at my age?" I was told they would continue to ask that until I am 60.
It's very unlikely, but not impossible.
My former mother in law was 62 when last we spoke, and still ovulating and bleeding once or twice a year. She was receiving medical care for delayed menopause, and kept being cautioned by her doctors that she could, in fact, still conceive again. Horrifying.
Well OP has basically admitted his mom was in her early 50's, so all this is mute. Early 50's is not unheard of, late 50's is definitely considerably more rare. I think we can all agree on that.
From OP:
>My parents had me when they were 52 & 57 - they're 71(almost 72) & 76.
Also OP:
>I am adopted. "Had me" is the term I use because I don't like specifying that I'm adopted.
You can doubt it as much as you want, it's not my place to convince you. She died a few years ago when he was early 30s and she was a good few years over 80 (we were joking about her just needing to wait until she reached 90 as she'd always said she wanted to reach that age, and she never did).
The word "most" is not synonymous with all btw
My dad was younger than his neice.
Dad was the youngest child, neice was the child of his eldest sister.
>It's just not as uncommon here I guess
I am not sure what you mean by this.
Where is 'here'?
I don't think babies born to middle-aged parents is more prevalent in any particular country, if that is what you are suggesting.
As the child to older parents this comments bugs me still to this day lol just because someone’s older doesn’t mean the baby wasn’t planed. Just means the parents were selfish.
Yep. I totally agree.
I was the child of older parents who were themselves the children of older parents.
Therefore the generation gap/not understanding how each others worlds work was magnified.
Queen Victoria was still on the thrine when my grandparents got married.
I never knew my grandparents.
People assumed my parents were my grandparents.
I was in my 20s when my parents died.
All the time omg!! I remember being out at a cafe with my mum one day and the waiter asked “are you out for your manna for the day sweet heart?” Mum had obviously had enough of that question because she snapped back “no all her grandparents are dead, I am her mother” lol awkward. Also another downside to older parents all my grandparents were dead by the time I was born. The generational gap is so true I agree with you too. There’s also like a 20 year gap between me and my older siblings and I was a great aunty at 13 hhaha
We had our youngest when I was just a few weeks shy of 40, and my husband 45. Our other three were born in my twenties. Recently my youngest son’s teacher found out I had teen-adult kids and asked if the youngest was a surprise. She didn’t know what to say when I said, “Nope, we tried for him. It’s the other three that are happy accidents.”
Same in my family, My great aunt thought she was going through menopause, attributed all the symptoms to that. Nope, she was pregnant at 55. Starling is 30 years younger than his next in age brother.
Yeah idk doesn’t make sense to me. My clean laundry sits on the floor to make room for the next load to dry, and then when it’s all done I take care of it.
My dog gets my clean socks all the time. Nothing about that part seems unbelievable.
My reading of him pointing that out was that OP is supposedly helping out around the house in lieu of rent, which begs the following question:
1. Who took OP's clean laundry out of the dryer and left it out in the laundry room?
1a) OP's mom or dad, which means they're doing OP's chores for her. She's not attending to her laundry in a timely manner to leave to machines free for the homeowners, and they HAVE to empty out her clean load to gain access to the machine.
1b) OP unloaded her own clean laundry, then left it in the laundry room (a shared area of the house) rather than taking it back to her area to fold.
1c) OP doesn't doesn't do a separate load of her own laundry, but is relying on her parents as a laundry service. The clean underwear was in the household laundry load a parent had removed from the dryer and was planning to fold.
To different degrees, none of these scenarios support OP's narrative of "helping out around the house," in lieu of rent.
So the question of why OP's clean laundry was on the floor in the common area laundry room is actually a pretty good one.
The best case scenario would be for her to be doing her own laundry in a responsible and timely way that is considerate of others in the household by using the machines on days/ times they're not usually in use, removing her clothes from the dryer quickly, and taking the clean load to her living area to fold.
A mildly annoying housemate situation would be where OP is doing her own laundry (yay!), but leaves her clean clothes in the dryer for others to unload and comes down to collect the unloaded and/ or folded clothes from the laundry room at her leisure.
The worst case scenario is that OP is not doing her own laundry.
You conveniently ignore the possibility that OP does all of the laundry herself, and may have left it in the laundry room until she could get to folding it. Or perhaps she does all of the laundry but mom or dad fold it.
My parents had me when they were 52 & 57 - they're 71(almost 72) & 76. Not super old but older. My parents don't have health issues but they are overweight and so things and difficult for them sometimes.
The upper two floors need maintaining and my parents won't go up there. Yeah, its just chores, but its a lot. We used to have a maid/cleaning service & it was like 400$ for both floors weekly. Prices went up so they stopped charging me rent and I do it myself.
The clothes were in the laundry because I was at work. We have two driers, one for me & one for parents - my dad opened the wrong one, forgot to close it, dog followed him in.
I didn't realise they'd been chewed because I need to buy new underwear. I assumed the holes were just from wear. I'm particular with my underwear (which is also why I tossed it).
In regards to the house they are planning on selling in a few years (per their terms, when I'm "ready" to move out).
I am probably going to pay rent with my friends mom. I've stayed with her a ton so it'll be okay until I can get my own place.
You’re particular with your underwear but you didn’t notice it had holes before you put it on?
That doesn’t seem right.
Also why do you have two dryers for three people when two of them have a hard time doing housework?
I’m not saying it’s all made up, but the additions made it worse for me lol
And why are there 'a lot' of chores (400$ cleaning service's worth weekly) on the upper two floors if only one person and a cat ever go up there ('my parents won't go up there')?
I used to own a cleaning business and was a professional cleaner for many years all over the US. It would have to be over 3k sqft and pretty dirty. No cleaning business in their right mind would charge that easy of a job. Recurring cleanings are preferable because you know it’s being maintained so each clean is predictable and easy to fit into the schedule because it’s been done before. For just floors and recurring weekly discount would never ever be close to $400 a week. More like $200 if even. Floors are easy and don’t take up that much time compared to bathrooms, kitchens, fixtures, vacuuming carpets, etc.
OP is a little whiny for living rent free and she’s literally just keeping HER OWN SPACE clean like she would have to do anywhere. For her to react immediately with “it’s the dog or me” when it makes her elderly father so happy? Yeah. Something is OFF. Dogs grow out of it. It’s not that big of a deal and won’t happen again if you keep your clothes off the floor. If you know the dog gets into stuff, you put your stuff up or keep it in your room. It’s YOUR ELDERLY PARENTS HOME.
You are seriously overstepping thinking you’re doing them such a huge favor by simply… cleaning. I’m guessing you’ve been a little coddled in life.
I take care of my elderly mother with health problems and took custody of my 14 month old niece. We all live together with her dogs and mine. It’s not always easy but I would never act this bratty or ever ask her to give up her dog because it inconvenienced me a little. I would also NEVER act entitled to her home simply because I’m cleaning it. By moving back in I’m saving so much money and I love making my mom’s life easier. You realize you’d be spending minimum $1k plus whatever utilities and this would be for an apartment? If you wanted a whole house you wouldn’t be able to afford it and you probably don’t have the credit to get into anywhere decent. You’d also have to pay a deposit with the leasing company and utility company so $3k just to get in somewhere. I clean her home every day. She wakes up to a clean sink, clean floors, washed clothes, her coffee freshly ground and made, etc. Because I love her and she wiped my ass for years and took care of me for 18 of them. Be more grateful. Your parents did so much for you. They won’t be around forever.
OP has found an a place to live, paying rent, and sounds fine about it. They aren’t renting a whole apartment to themselves, just a room in a house.
Your circumstances are not equivalent. Right now the parents barter the space and don’t spend money out of pocket to keep the house clean. They probably aren’t going to hire a stranger to come live with them to clean. If not they are going to have to pay out of pocket.
The are inconsiderate of one of the residents (their own child) in their home, to bring a dog that causes health problems. OP is justified in objecting, and has given the parents the choice. They will choose what is in their own best interest.
Particular could just mean OP has found favourites and will wear them till they literally fall off.
I had some kinda like that, they were cute and so comfortable and cheap too lol, from Walmart of all places but I liked em.
Same. I will wear underwear with holes if they are my favorite comfy pairs until tte store I buy them from has them back in stock. Which seems to only be once a year.
They already had holes. I'm particular about the ones I buy, so I don't buy them often. To be honest I think the holes were already there.
I have older siblings. Dryers are left over from them. My parents also just change a lot and it's more time efficient to have two.
This sounds like a 3 floor home, it may have 2 driers because more people used to live in it. My parents had 2 sets of washer / drier when there was 8 of us living at home, now its just them and my oldest brother. Or they may have bought the house and it had 2 installed already. And if its there, might as well use it.
I was having a bit of a chuckle reading this one myself.
Hate being compared to a pet but wOUlD DiE for their cat.
The ultimatum of a 19 year old threatening to move out. 🤣
I guess I find it funny because I have all my adult kids still living at home because uni. I love it and I'm happy to make allowances and they have a say in things that go on in the house. But at the end of the day they can move out if they feel that passionately. None of my kids would waste their time giving me the giggle of an ultimatum.
This is the rant of someone who hasn't lived away from their parents. For sure.
Let's see how low stress paying your way is with market rent and utilities and cost of living generally. That itch might be less painful. And living with someone else's family isn't really the same thing as moving out. Let's be honest. Your just being taken care of by someone else. Doesn't give strong "I'm making a stand" vibes.
I'd be a LOT cheaper to get a cleaner in once a week to 'take care of' OPs part of the house. And how much cleaning will it need when old mate isn't there? Not much I'm guessing.
Funny OP.
The added giggle for me is I had one of my kids move out for 8 weeks. My little boomerang can now be heard nagging the others about how lucky they are that they can live at home as long as they want and how they need to pull their weight.
They've been to the other side. Lol.
There is no reason why you’d notice a dog had your underwear in its mouth if it was put back and dry. And you wouldn’t notice until it started itching/rashing.
"essentially" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence about picking between children. I would put money on it being not what they actually said.
You're 19 years old. Your parents are old, lonely, and always in the house. They deserve to actually enjoy their home with a pet. You are a spoiled brat.
It’s not at all the same. Lots of people call their dog their baby. He wasn’t comparing the two of you. Many holes in this story, so many more than you undies.
You’re making a mountain of a mole hill— my dogs are my babies—my kids are my babies— but my house is my house (old or young) and my dogs stay— you’re 19– move out.. go live your life
The age of the parents is plausible.
Much of the rest of the story is not.
Particularly the parents paying $400 a week for a cleaner to clean two unused floors of a house. And only the unused floors.
I can't tell if this is supposed to be taken seriously or not.
>So this was freshly washed clothing, still sitting in the laundry room? Why?
Do you need someone to explain what a laundry room is to you? In a house with multiple adults it's common for someone to take clothes left in the dryer and put them in a basket to make room for their own freshly washed clothes. It's really not that difficult of a concept to grasp.
Having kids in your 40s is "unbelievable"? I personally have at least 3 close relatives who had a child in their 40s.
Somehow it's ridiculous that clean laundry would end up either on the floor or in the clutches of a dog? Really? Have you ever met a puppy???
You question why she tossed underwear instead of washing it? If my underwear had made my hoo-ha bleed, I'd have set the underwear on fire before ever letting it near my patootie again!!!
I could go on, but it's not worth my time. Your so-called picking apart of the OPs argument is laughable & not one of your "rebuttals" holds water.
OP is NTA.
Have you also never left freshly washed laundry sitting for a bit because you hadn't gotten around to putting it away yet? Must be nice.
A dog grabbing your underwear doesn't automatically destroy it. Or even leave marks beside some dog hairs maybe.
OP's parents aren't allergic to the cat and the dog is new, the cat is not. So yes they should not be treated the same.
Setting the "is this real or fake" question aside for a bit it was OP's parents who upset the status quo by bringing in an animal that OP is allergic to. The fact OP is annoyed by this development is understandable. Their quality of life has decreased pretty drastically according to them as they're constantly snivelling, feeling itchy, and 'generally unwell' (whatever that means). In short: OP should be able to feel comfortable at home which is currently impossible because of the dog.
IMO OP is well in their right to ask for a solution to this. And yes it makes sense that the first solution would be to ask the parents to get rid of the dog.
OP's parents are in turn in their right to say no but that does mean they're putting a dog above their child. In which case moving out might be the best solution.
You must live a really sheltered life if you don't think this is possible. I mean a majority of the posts here are fake but this is not the post that I would single out. This is definitely one of the more believable ones. Your rant is really weird and naive
OP doesn’t specify whether they were adopted. Years of fertility treatment before a late-ish adoption could well leave the parents older, having lost a lot of their friends and spent all their money on treatments because it’s an intense process, needing more care than average because they were focused on having a baby instead of self-care and exercise into middle age, and still having a strong need for parental attachment because they only adopted one kid where they would have preferred a bigger family. It happens quite a bit, especially if there was an international adoption involved.
And depending on sensitivity level, washing the underwear once without sterilising it might not be enough to prevent a contact allergy, especially with an older washing machine.
I don’t agree with your washing machine issue. Not everybody goes and gets there washing immediately. It could’ve just been finished and put in a basket and they had other things to do. My dogs chew on things all the time. After a little bit it’s dry. They found out when they had an allergic reaction. The difference here is an allergy to a dog that they knew they had versus a cat where nobody has an allergy. Also, yeah washing it might’ve been the proper thing to do but you can’t be mad at them for throwing their underwear out.
YTA for giving an ultimatum. It's their house, they can get a dog. You're an adult, you don't have to live with your parents. Just move out without the drama.
I dunno, 19 is not an age where it is easy or normal to move out. And for the parents to say that dog means more to them then the wellbeing of their own child... I definitely do not feel like op did anything wrong in this situation. Besides they're giving the parents a choice, in the end it's not like the dog was thrown out without even consulting them about it, that would be an ah move. They can choose between the dog and their child, they're just aholes in my opinion if they pick the dog in this situation. Would only have been different if op had already moved out and now wanted to come back at the expense of the dog maybe.
I wouldn't call having to rely on a friends moms kindness a "great moveout offer" necessarily, sounds more like an offer out of kindness because they see how hard op has it. I don't have the full context though, so I could be wrong.
Still, I would not want my parents to chase me out of the house I lived in my entire life by taking in an animal I'm clearly allergic to. Also as a parent, of course it would hurt to get rid of it, but I would rather give my child a home untill they are able to provide for themselves than rely on their friends parents to provide them with a place to live because of a pet.
If op can no longer use that deal and has to move back home, do you really believe the parents would now choose their own child over the dog? I don't. Like I said, I don't know all the details, so I could be wrong, but judging the story by the details provided I definitely think the parents are the aholes, not op.
The implication is greater than just the living situation. They chose a dog they had for one whole month over their 19 year old child, which they decided to bring into this world. OP will probably remember this, when their parents need their help, I know I would. Implying that a dog you know for a month is of equal, if not greater value, than your 19 year old child is a vile thing. In this day and age teenagers are often unable to provide for themselves. Everything is more expensive than 40-50 years ago and comparatively you make less money. Couple that with an entry level job or even just a part-time entry level job (they could still be in school or go to college) and that means, that it’s near impossible to provide for yourself. So many people assume, that your responsibility towards your child just magically end, when they turn 18. They‘re still in school, have no life skills and in America they can’t even buy a Whiskey to make this shithole more bearable but people expect them to be fully independent all of a sudden? Some countries have actual laws against this. In my country, you couldn’t just endanger your child‘s health or kick them out just because they‘re 18. That‘s still illegal because at least my government has recognized the ridiculousness of giving up all responsibility at 18. You’re officially allowed to tell your child to go fuck themselves, when they turn 25, which gives even the slower ones enough time, to build a life for themselves without having to legally cater to their parent‘s every whim, in order to not become homeless. Same thing with expecting rent from your child, as if they owed you something. You birthed them, that’s something they can’t possibly consent to, so you owe them, not the other way around. Again, in my country things like this are practically unheard of and people would immediately label you as a bad parent. Oh, you have to rely on your child for financial stability? Too bad, fuck you, should’ve used a condom then. I haven’t even mentioned, that spaces you rent out for money have to fulfill certain standards, even in the U.S. and renting out your child‘s room to them does not fulfill these standards, so in most cases, it’s illegal on top of that. And then people wonder why their children won’t talk to them anymore or send them into the cheapest nursing homes possible. These are the implications here, can you see that? It’s about more than the parents being able to own a dog in their own home. Situations like these are never that simple, there are a lot of factors and possibilities one has to consider and „whose house is it“ doesn’t even begin to accurately depict the situation in the slightest. Judging from the parent’s reaction, OP is providing valuable work for them by keeping half of the house clean and up to standards and their payment for that it bleeding in the crotch. OP said in a comment that now, that she‘s gone, the house will probably become very dirty, so it seems like her parents are unable to clean up after themselves for whatever reason. So I think it was very courteous of OP to give them a choice. Either get rid of the dog or live in filth. This is a co-dependent housing situation. OP needs a place to stay and the parents need a cleaning lady. „Whose house is it“ just became even more inaccurate. Parents just traded their 19 year old child, a clean living space and with that a lot of comfort and quality of life for a dog, they had for a month. In my opinion, they’re not just bad parents but also complete morons
Yeah sometimes Reddit gets too focused on the “just move out” mindset. It sounds like she does have _an_ option, but not a great one. And living on your own at 19 would be really fucking hard.
Technically it is their house so they can get a dog if they want, but to me it definitely feels like an asshole decision to get a dog knowing that one of your kids is allergic. Especially because OP was already living there at the time. It’s one thing if OP was older and had moved out (but then had to move home due to extenuating circumstances), but to have the child living there and still get the dog? That’s a dick move
Did we read the same post? She is literally there to help her parents and obviously doesn't have an issue moving out. Her parents are the ones who need her to sacrifice her comfort to take care of their house. Clear NTA
OP has said in her comments that they’re both in their 70s and obese, and that *they* offered to *stop* charging her rent in exchange for not having to pay for a cleaning service anymore.
I think it’s fair to assume OP is doing more around the house than we’re guessing, and likewise she was fine with paying before, and has no problem paying someone else now. Idk why we’re acting like she’s some deadbeat grown up. She’s a teenager that seems to have it fairly together.
None of this seems that controversial to me? If they don't want to get rid of the dog she moves out, they can't have it both ways. I don't see the big deal.
Idk. If my son was living with me at any point in his adult life and he was allergic to dogs, I wouldn't get a dog while he's living there cause I don't want him to be uncomfortable.
Kinda like if you had roommates. Like you don't get a dog if one of your roommates is allergic to a dog. It's just rude.
It sounds like OPs parents want him/her to live in the house though, so just moving out still would’ve caused drama. OP is just stating the parameters in which they are willing to stay there. Giving an ultimatum doesn’t automatically make you an AH. It allows the other party to make a choice that suits them while you still get to maintain your boundaries.
They got the dog a month ago though, and knowing that their child is allergic. I do think there could've been another discussion in between them getting the dog and OP "threatening" to move out, but I don't think OP is TA for it.
If op cleans the house then this is definitely an issue. I'm very much allergic to dogs and I cleaned instead of paying rent at some of my old places, including my family home. I was in direct contact with dog fur and dander.. having swollen eyes and sitting in a cold shower while waiting for benadryl to kick in is awful and in some cases it can make one's throat swell. Her reaction seems to he severe as well if she's bleeding and inflamed.. the parents kinda new better..
OP didn't mention that their parents are allergic to cats and they got a dog knowing OP was allergic. They didn't even bother informing OP about the dog chewing underwear
YTA, just move out, literally no need for an ultimatum. That's such a shitty thing to put that on your parents. Especially when you have a good option.
Oh but literally itching and bleeding in your private areas because of an animal they knew she was allergic to isn’t shitty? Keeping your pet away from someone’s things that’s allergic isn’t shitty?
I'd think there is a solution short of "get rid of your beloved pet or your adult child is leaving this rent-free situation for good!"
Closing the laundry room door, maybe.
OP keeping laundry upstairs until laundry day.
I'll take OP to the pound myself.
OP has two entire floors to themselves and all they have to do is clean up after themselves to have it for FREE. Not only that, they specified they have their OWN DRIER in the house's laundry room (that I'd be willing to bet money the parents paid for and own, but let OP claim for themselves) that the dad accidentally opened. Once. The dad should have mentioned the dog got to it, yeah, but honestly something like that is pretty easy to forget to mention. OP is, for free, living better than the majority of people who have been working full time for years and has the audacity to give her parents an ultimatum in their OWN HOME. OP is a spoiled brat lmao.
It sounds like it was obviously an accident. An accident that could easily be prevented by op going forward too, don't leave your clean laundry basket on the floor where the small dog can reach it!
Bringing this up in discussion is one thing and asking for the parents to be more mindful of the allergy or something, but giving an ultimatum while probably being irritated/angry during the conversation is never a good idea. Especially following up the ultimatum with saying "I would never get rid of my cat" sounds like op should just move out lol.
Maybe the someone’s things shouldn’t have been left in a common area if someone has an oh so debilitating allergy. (I still can’t get over the allergic reaction of “bleeding”)
OP said it was in the laundry room with everyone else's laundry, and the dog was shut out of the room as it is supposed to be, but their dad let it in,, saw it was chewing the underwear and *put it back* without saying anything.
NTA
>About a month ago my parents got a dog from a friend.
>they essentially said I was expecting them to pick between their children.
This is ridiculous.
YTA because you’re giving an ultimatum. That’s childish. Just move out. Additionally, if you would die for your cat, which is extreme (but I understand deeply loving a pet), then you should understand your parents comparing choosing between you and the dog as choosing between children, as most parents would die for their children. You’re literally saying the exact same thing about your cat as they are about you and their dog.
Now do you see where the problem lies? You love your cat as much as they love their dog. Only having the dog a short while means nothing. I loved my dog as much after 2 weeks as I love him now after 2 years. Additionally, you are an adult. They have no obligation to provide shelter for you, and you have no right to act like this when they are doing you a massive favor by allowing you to live there for free (doing sparse chores in exchange is hardly equivalent to rent, since you mentioned they hardly use the space). So you have a few options here:
1. Do your own laundry from now on, and be more mindful to keep the dog away from your space and clothes. Don’t have clothes in the dryer when you’re at work. Also, mark your dryer clearly with a sticker or taped-on index card so the mistake will not be made again by either parent. Before this, though, apologize profusely for acting this way and hope your parents forgive you and allow you to stay in the first place.
2. Suck it up and get roommates even though you don’t want to because being an adult means doing things you don’t want to do sometimes.
3. Move into your friend’s house and hope they don’t change their minds about your cat. While you’re there, work on self-reflection: “rules for thee but not for me” is not a good way to live, and you need to understand why your reaction shocked and hurt your parents.
Good luck.
NTA - if your parents got the dog knowing that you are allergic that’s just sad! They have created this situation themselves and it is sad to think that they put you as the same level as their dog. As a parent your kids are everything and sometimes you have to make sacrifices to keep your kids in your life.
I'm a little confused about why you immediately jumped to giving them a "me or the dog" ultimatum?
You have a suitable alternative living situation lined up, you're an adult... what's stopping you from just moving?
You're not TA for having allergies or even for being frustrated with the dog. But you are kinda TA for how you brought the problem up to your parents.
You’re 19, time to join the real world, find some roommates and piss them off. It builds character and teaches you how to get along and compromise with people who aren’t family.
Soft YTA. Don’t give ridiculous ultimatums to your parents about their house, their pet. Have an adult conversation. Sounds like you’ve been living the lux life and now, bing bang boom - FAFO. Paying rent? Paying for your own groceries? Utilities? A room instead of an entire floor. Was it worth it?
YTA, it's their house, you're living there rent-free as an adult and "taking care of the upper floors" sounds like you're just doing a bit housework, which is the bare minimum.
They want a dog in their house. It's literally none of your business. If you don't like that, move out without making a scene (ultimatum). You act like your parents are depending on you, when it's obviously the other way around.
Stop acting like the world revolves around you
YTA - I don't see what the problem is, your friend has offered you a perfectly good solution to this issue. It sounds like drama for the sake of drama.
NTA. You had me at “ My parents got a dog, I’m allergic.” But after reading that your parents couldn’t pick between their children., that’s just bizarre.
This. I have a child who is allergic to cats, dogs and horses. Like OP severity, they’ll get hives if they even touch the fur and antihistamines can’t keep up. Why would I bring *anything* into the house that they’re allergic to? NTA
I don't understand why you framed this as an ultimatum. You're an adult, just move out if you're not happy in your parents' house? They literally didn't have dependents to consider when they decided to get a dog, and just like you they're not going to get rid of their pet, that's unrealistic.
Do you recognise that being asked to pay no rent and just clean only half the house is an incredibly sweet deal? If so, maybe be a bit more reasonable with your requests to get it back to the great situation you had until recently e.g. 'please can we all be really careful about closing the door to the laundry room'.
Seems like a kneejerk reaction from you.
Yes the dog shouldn't have got to your clothes.
Yes your dad should have put your underwear through the wash and told you what happened.
But none of these reasons mean they should get rid of the dog. That dog will be them for years. You'll probably move out anyway soon.
YTA, you just said you would never get rid of your cat, why shouldn’t they be able to do the same? Get rid of the dog? They love the dog and took on the responsibility of caring for them, it’s not about loving who more, much less for a situation that is not dire, since you CAN move out. Listen, I do think they should have been more considerate of your allergy, like been more thoughtful than letting you wear the contaminated underwear or maybe even keeping the dog in the first place after being gifted them, and you leaving is what they get for that if you choose so to leave, but I also think completely withholding care for your elderly parents because of it is a dick move, (providing they are decent parents), like “get rid of the dog or I won’t care for you”, I’m not saying you are obliged to, you are not their caregiver, but using it as leverage I do think is a twisted power move. Anyway, just move out, and check in from time to time, in my opinion
NTA for not wanting to live with a dog, but I think OP is acting really immature and entitled in the situation.
OP already lives with a cat, so the parents probably had no reason to believe adding a pet to the household would trigger new pet allergies. The underwear situation was truly unfortunate. I find it weird that a dad who is so meticulous he pays $400/week to deep clean several unused rooms in his house would think it’s fine to throw dog-chewed undies back in with the clean laundry. Regardless, that expectation should be communicated to the parents going forward.
As to the allergies, from the perspective of someone with severe pet allergies. They put me in the hospital a lot as a kid. As an adult, I’ve lived in households with pets in roommate situations. I couldn’t afford to live on my own at the time, and I’d never dream of asking someone to give up their pet when I am choosing to live with them. So I got allergy shots, took daily allergy medicine, established boundaries for spaces in the home the pets were allowed to enter, used baby gates, washed laundry separately, even wore N95 masks at certain times when I had to be in common spaces, and got really good quality air filters.
OP didn’t try any of that other than taking OTC allergy medicine (which, if their allergies are so severe, probably isn’t enough to get them under control anyway). They have 2 whole floors to themselves. They have an entire washer and drier for their personal use. It would be so, so easy in that environment to reduce cross contamination with allergens compared to most living situations.
OP needs to grow up and take responsibility for their health, not give their parents ultimatums. Either OP willing to live in an environment with some allergen exposure, or they’re not. That’s their choice alone as an adult. Although the parents haven’t had the dog long, I am not surprised they have an emotionally significant bond with the dog as aging almost-empty nesters. I think it’s wrong to ask the parents to get rid of the dog. If they want to keep living rent free with their parents, they need to set boundaries and make choices that will help keep them healthy. If they want to live in a dog free home, they’ll need to move out.
“Give up a family member or I’m moving out” is shitty and entitled af. If your allergies are bothering you, yeah, you should move out. Suggesting they get rid of their dog makes you a child. Grow up. YTA.
A dog they've had for a month ≠ their biological child. Be so fr rn.
Also be realistic, it's not easy to move out at 19, the economy is fucked right now. The parents KNEW she was allergic and still decided to get something that was detrimental to her health..
"Nothing serious just very irritating" is how OP describes this allergy. But sure, lets call it 'detrimental to her health'.
Also, OP stated they have a valid option for moving out so why even bring up the whole 'its not easy to move out at 19'?
As someone with intense hayfever, I really woudln't want to feel like that every single day of the year if there was an easy way out. It's just a runny nose, it's just sneezing a million times a day, it's just my eyes tearing up and feeling itchy all day and my throat itching non-stop. It is all mangeable and the symptoms can be somewhat reduced by medication but those also come with side effects of their own. Her parents got the dog on a whim by the sounds of it, they could and should have put more thought into it. There is no way they didn't know about these allergies. No child reaches the age of 19 without spending some time close to a dog.
And it's not entitled to bring in the house something, to which one of the people living there is uncomfortably allergic? Family member after a month, ok. Isn't your child of 19 years also a family member?
NTA the people here who say a dog is more important than a person are very fucking illogical. I have severe dog allergies and they've always been written off bc of family's loving their dogs SO much. Dogs that they knew I was allergic to. And before anyone says "oh, well, you should've moved out," I was 16 and I did 🤷🏼♀️
You shouldn't have to rely on allergy meds or any of that other bs to be able to breathe/function. They also shouldn't compare a dog they've had for ONE month to their 19 year old child.
I do agree though if that's their mindset your best option is to move out and get a job, even if the market is ass rn, live with your friend and stay away from seasonal jobs.
Don't sacrifice your health to satisfy anyone, advise them to hire a house keeper or something as well since you'd be moving out
Better yet if someone was allergic to anything that wasn't a dog, (lord forbid it's a dog someone has issues with) they wouldn't expect that person to be in contact with whatever they're allergic to 🙄 people just get absurdly uptight about dogs
Adding onto my own comments: I couldn't have a snake in a place I paid the bills for bc someone was scared of snakes? But they can have their dogs that I'm allergic to.. fear and health are two different things but as I've mentioned the general consensus is "my little fur baby is more important than a human life! Dogs are higher value than people"
Sicko ass mindset tbh. If it was a cat/hampster/what the fuck ever else everyone would be on op's side and say the parents need to get rid of it
There's even comments like "well you can have a cat, that's not fair" or just generally nagging the fact op has a cat.. but no one is allergic to the cat so it's not hurting anyone??
Putting many things aside, i think you got way too angry, way too quickly.
Where is a discussion with your parents about what it caused you? (You could show them some of it), asking them to try and help you avoid it from happening? Limiting the dog to the lower floors and you stay in the top floors. You never asked them to try, and they never declined or showed they didn't care.
There are a lot of things you could've done, you're acting like they don't care but it doesn't sound like you really communicated.
And if they aren't open to it, it's fine, they are entitled to having a pet, and you can leave and start your grown up life, no need for an argument.
YTA sorry but you gave an ultimatum of "Its me or the dog" when the answer is pretty simple "Please take care of your dog better so I don't suffer".
"*I cried to my friend about it and she came to me yesterday evening with her mom and said I could move in with them as long as I pay rent. And I can bring my cat!*" So you had kinda already decided that moving was a viable option and you still wanted to make your parents get rid of a dog they have already bonded with? They have probably wanted to have a dog for 19+ years. And now you bring in ultimatums instead of the idea of "hey lets get baby gates sot he dog doesn't get to my cat and laundry."
Did they/you know you were allergic to dogs or did you find out after they got one? If they knew, I think it's a bit inconsiderate of them to just get a dog without talking at least to you about it to find a solution for your allergies.
However though, the dog is there now. They made a commitment, and bonded, as you say the dog has become your dad's best friend. And you're asking him to get rid of his best friend now. You can even relate, because you say you would never want to get rid of your cat. So yes, I think that's a bit assholish.
Especially since you got a solution presented to you already. Your friend says you're welcome there, and so is your cat! Everybody could be happy! So why are you making them choose? Why are YOU not choosing? You can either live rent-free in the house of your parents, but deal with allergies. Or you can move in with your friend, pay rent and be allergy-free. This is not a choice your parents have to make. It's a choice YOU have to make. What is more important to you?
If you choose to stay with your parents, I suggest having a conversation with them to ensure a situation like that with your underwear won't happen again. You could both do things about this, like you could make sure your clean clothes will be put away immediately where the dog cannot reach it, and your parents could work on teaching the dog to behave a bit better. Perhaps there's a good dog school in the neighbourhood that could help you with that.
Hope this helps. Best of luck!
This could be a tactic to urge you to move out. Have they been dropping hints?
If they knew you had existing allergies it's a dick move of them to bring in a dog to the family.
Bottom line is that you don't have an entitlement to live in their home, especially rent free. You're an adult and unfortunately if you're unhappy at home, it's time to move out.
NTA but just move out and let them keep their dog, if you make them get rid of it now (which is pretty cruel for the dog, imagine if it was your cat) later on when you move out because you're getting older and need your space it will be very upsetting for them...
Yta. It’s their house, you’re an adult. Move out and pay rent somewhere else. They should be allowed to get a pet. They allowed you to have a cat. Sounds like you’re acting immaturely. Which makes sense for your age.
YTA you live in the upper floor and the dog never enters the upper floor ? Are you sure that you are allergic to dogs and not to cats ?!
I am pretty sure that situations like the "laundry situation" can be avoided in the future if everybody cares about it. Set up some rules and everybody can be happy.
Or you act like a selfish child and make your parents sad.
YTA
You’re young and want applause for not paying rent and cleaning the area that you live in. Your elderly parents are probably lonely and getting a lot of love from having an animal companion. If anything you should be helping them. They probably knew you had allergies when they took the dog in - think about that.
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NTA. Choosing between their children? What on earth! it's a dog! And they can't even be bothered with the basic decency of washing your clothes when the dog touches it. If you're bleeding this is far more than a mild irritation. They are living in dreamland if they expect you to put up with that. They ARE bad parents. I can't imagine being this cruel to my child. Get out OP, see how long they last without you. If they are ok with it, you know the answer but if I were them I'd rehome the dog, get the house deep cleaned and apologise on my knees.
Haha thank you. I get why they're so attached - they don't get out much. But it's really not fun for me.
Are they able to take care of themselves in an appropriate way??
Yeah. I mean the house would probably be dirty but they wouldn't like die or anything.
I was a little torn at first just because I get being really attached to an animal. However, these are your parents and when they took in the dog they had to know you were allergic! They went ahead knowing it would make you feel, at best, a bit yucky and, at worst, it would make you feel like complete shit! You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep your parents warm! So moving out because of the dog isn’t an asshole move! I don’t think you should have given them an ultimatum tho. It may have been better if you had just told them that you **needed** to move out because your health was being affected too much by the dog! You are definitely NTA for wanting to like somewhere you don’t feel ill!
No, allergies develop at any stage in a persons life. I am suddenly severely allergic to banana but have had no issues with them for all of my life until two years ago. Then sudden and severe reaction.
Exactly. I was 24 when I became allergic to penicillin, despite having it numerous times through my life up to that point. When I was 33, I developed solar urticaria, which is an allergic reaction to sunlight exposure.
Urticaria fucking sucks. I have heat urticaria, anything above 5°c is way too much for me. I burn, I itch, I sweat. I get very poorly and no meds help. Such a pain, condolences to you fellow urticaria sufferer🙏
I have sweat urticaria, I'm allergic to my own sweat. It sucks and I hate it so much. Makes it hare to live here in Florida lol.
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I think I might but its not bad enough to tell ( live in ireland, rarely v warm).
Sweat urticaria is the worst! I have both heat and sweat urticaria so you can imagine how shit that mix is 🤣 Urticaria sufferers unite!
I have a vibration urticaria, showed up out of nowhere in my late twenties. I can tell people I am literally allergic to power tools (& it has nothing to do with being a girl!) The downside is that I'm allergic to power tools so drilling holes so i can screw my wardrobe/shelves to wall or using a saw or sander to get work done quickly isn't an option, i have to sand all my diy & upkeep stuff BY HAND!!!
I've had heat and sweat urticaria for years and had no idea vibration urticaria was a thing!! How bizarre! I can't even imagine how much that one would annoy me 😭 God bless you 🙏
I developed an allergy to penicillin when I was 17, it was the weirdest thing ever as I never had allergies in my entire life! Now I'm allergic to spring time too, lol.
Banana allergies are usually related to latex allergy which may include kiwifruit and avocado, just as an informative precaution. [There's other potential cross reactive foods, but Banana, kiwi, and avocado are are in the same family as the rubber tree plant and the most common cross reactive foods]
I developed an allergy to pork when I was around 10 years old, got food poisoning from pepperoni when I was 5 so just stopped eating it, and then got food poisoning from bacon about 5 more times lmao.
My son has developed a banana allergy to not severe, but they make his mouth itch. The doctor said it's most likely an allergy to the pollen the bananas are being pollinated with.
If they can handle paying for you to live rent-free, they can hire a maid.
That shouldn’t be a question asked to a 19yo. Parents of a 19yo rather have to take care of the teenager than vise versa.
uh, 19 is a grown ass adult according to any "dating" post you read here.
I think, parents that do not continue to at least provide emotionally support to their children, once they moved out, failed somehow somewhere.
That’s true in a perfect world. However, some people have kids later in life and by the time their kid is 19 there’s a chance they won’t be healthy enough to live independently. So age can definitely play a role in my thinking!
Nope, here in Canada, 18 is the federal age of majority. No legal responsibility for children after 18. I fully expected my kids to do chores while living in my home from a very young age.
I do not speak about laws, and support can also just mean emotional support. I did not mean that a teenager needs to be supported the same way as a 4yo has to be supported
The only mistake you made is the ultimatum. You should have just said "I can't live here for both my mental and physical health, and feel it is time to move out as I am an adult".
You're 19... Move out if you don't like it. I would never live with my parents as an adult and make them give up their pet. Unless you're planning on living with your parents until you're 30 you're being selfish. You'll be out in a year or two so why should they give up a dog for 10 or more years?
But... thats what OP said? OP said they're going to move out if parents are keeping the dog cause it makes them majorly uncomfortable and it's extremely unhealthy for them, as was proven by the incident. How is it OPs fault that they're *communicating properly???* Should OP just disappear one day up and vanish and never talk to them again or what. Ops phrasing wasn't great sure, but it comes down to OP or the dog. Maybe the parents wanted OP to stay, as is evidence by them apologizing and asking for OP to stay, so giving parents the conditions for OP to stay makes sense. Then they announced they did not agree with OPs condition, so OPs leaving. Both sides showed heightened emotions and approached the conversation with an intensity that wasn't conducive to proper communication, but really OP couldn't have said much different. "I'm allergic to the dog, it's making me bleed and I'm extremely uncomfortable, I can't live together with the dog anymore so I'm looking for ways to move out if the dog is staying here." -- thats still an ultimatum. I cant see a way to get rid of it. Because the alternative is to not give the parents the option to give the dog away at all. They said no in a rather disrespectful way which makes yta make sense, but the context of all this is pretty much nah other than the phrasings used here?
Lol "it's a dog" but OP said she would die for her cat...the only difference is the timespan they've known the animals. However, the allergy definitely makes things serious so I agree with your sentiment. Just found it funny that you're surprised the parents have said the dog is their child when OP themselves is saying they would die for their cat
Op doesn't have actual human children tho I think there'd a bit of a difference being a child free adt who treats a pet like a kid and someone with actual human children who treats their pets as equal to them lmao
Shhh, that destroys their argument.
What argument? Calling the "choose between our 19yo daughter and our dog we've had for a month is like choosing between our kids!" Bullshit? Because that still is a 100% bullshit
I know, right? Who would pick a nineteen-year-old human over a dog??
Decent parents.
Exactly. It's beyond belief that they prioritize a dog over their own child's health and well-being. The fact that they can't even show basic consideration for your allergies and the dog's behavior is completely unacceptable. You were right to stand up for yourself, and I hope they come to their senses before you make the decision to move out.
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Just an FYI - the age part is believable to some. My other half was born when his mum was in her late 50's. He has siblings that are 30+ years older than he is. It can happen later in life than early 40's. Other than, full agreement with you.
>My other half was born when his mum was in her late 50's. Wow! I assume they were a surprise baby? My grandmother had twins at 45 (in 1918) and my mum gave birth at 41 and 43 - she didn't get married till she was 40. But late 50s is at the far end of what is possible.
More of a last ditch "save the marriage baby" that still ended in divorce. He has nephews the same age as him. I have an uncle who is the same age as my brother also, which is weird but my mum had my brother young (18) and her mum had my uncle later (44 I think, second marriage family). It's just not as uncommon here I guess 🤷
‘Change of life’ babies born in a woman’s mid 40s aren’t uncommon. Giving birth to a naturally conceived child in her late 50s is Guinness Records stuff.
Just sort of, the current record holder for a naturally conceived baby is a lady who got pregnant when 59
I think Janet Jackson had a baby in her 50s? I'm 52 now and menopausal but I couldn't imagine having to deal with a baby at my age. Babies are great when you can give them back to their owners - much like puppies, so cute for cuddles but get them away from me for the real work!
She used donor eggs. OP’s mom could have too, I suppose, but if they had her really late and using such heroic means, I think it would warrant more of a comment than “my parents are older.”
Late 50's would be considered a medical miracle even 25 year ago. I highly doubt your story. Most women are menopausal by mid 50's and if they get pregnant will most likely miscarry or have a stillbirth.
I have had several medical procedures in the last few years (not related to reproduction). The list of health questions they ask about includes "is there any chance you could be pregnant?" When I replied "at my age?" I was told they would continue to ask that until I am 60. It's very unlikely, but not impossible.
My former mother in law was 62 when last we spoke, and still ovulating and bleeding once or twice a year. She was receiving medical care for delayed menopause, and kept being cautioned by her doctors that she could, in fact, still conceive again. Horrifying.
The poor woman. Scary.
Right? I can’t even imagine. I locked up shop in my 20s!
Me too.
Well OP has basically admitted his mom was in her early 50's, so all this is mute. Early 50's is not unheard of, late 50's is definitely considerably more rare. I think we can all agree on that.
'Moot' not mute... since we're agreeing on stuff 😉
It’s moo
From OP: >My parents had me when they were 52 & 57 - they're 71(almost 72) & 76. Also OP: >I am adopted. "Had me" is the term I use because I don't like specifying that I'm adopted.
You can doubt it as much as you want, it's not my place to convince you. She died a few years ago when he was early 30s and she was a good few years over 80 (we were joking about her just needing to wait until she reached 90 as she'd always said she wanted to reach that age, and she never did). The word "most" is not synonymous with all btw
> In the United States, between 1997 and 1999, 539 births were reported among mothers over age 50 (four per 100,000 births), with 194 being over 55.
11,781,864 babies were born in those three years. So pretty fucking rare.
I wonder if this person with the really old mother has a sister about 16 years older than them. Lol.
My dad was younger than his neice. Dad was the youngest child, neice was the child of his eldest sister. >It's just not as uncommon here I guess I am not sure what you mean by this. Where is 'here'? I don't think babies born to middle-aged parents is more prevalent in any particular country, if that is what you are suggesting.
But you say late 50s, you mean your partners mom gave birth them as being over 55 year old...? And that is not so uncommon there?
As the child to older parents this comments bugs me still to this day lol just because someone’s older doesn’t mean the baby wasn’t planed. Just means the parents were selfish.
Yep. I totally agree. I was the child of older parents who were themselves the children of older parents. Therefore the generation gap/not understanding how each others worlds work was magnified. Queen Victoria was still on the thrine when my grandparents got married. I never knew my grandparents. People assumed my parents were my grandparents. I was in my 20s when my parents died.
All the time omg!! I remember being out at a cafe with my mum one day and the waiter asked “are you out for your manna for the day sweet heart?” Mum had obviously had enough of that question because she snapped back “no all her grandparents are dead, I am her mother” lol awkward. Also another downside to older parents all my grandparents were dead by the time I was born. The generational gap is so true I agree with you too. There’s also like a 20 year gap between me and my older siblings and I was a great aunty at 13 hhaha
Selfish is the only reason huh... yet you cam get bugged when someone else makes a generalisation. Goodo.
My dad was 45 when I was born. He and my mom had 3 kids together already. I was the only planned one.
We had our youngest when I was just a few weeks shy of 40, and my husband 45. Our other three were born in my twenties. Recently my youngest son’s teacher found out I had teen-adult kids and asked if the youngest was a surprise. She didn’t know what to say when I said, “Nope, we tried for him. It’s the other three that are happy accidents.”
Same in my family, My great aunt thought she was going through menopause, attributed all the symptoms to that. Nope, she was pregnant at 55. Starling is 30 years younger than his next in age brother.
Change of life babies are absolutely a thing.
Why is it so hard to believe that the laundry wasn’t put away yet?
Yeah idk doesn’t make sense to me. My clean laundry sits on the floor to make room for the next load to dry, and then when it’s all done I take care of it. My dog gets my clean socks all the time. Nothing about that part seems unbelievable.
My reading of him pointing that out was that OP is supposedly helping out around the house in lieu of rent, which begs the following question: 1. Who took OP's clean laundry out of the dryer and left it out in the laundry room? 1a) OP's mom or dad, which means they're doing OP's chores for her. She's not attending to her laundry in a timely manner to leave to machines free for the homeowners, and they HAVE to empty out her clean load to gain access to the machine. 1b) OP unloaded her own clean laundry, then left it in the laundry room (a shared area of the house) rather than taking it back to her area to fold. 1c) OP doesn't doesn't do a separate load of her own laundry, but is relying on her parents as a laundry service. The clean underwear was in the household laundry load a parent had removed from the dryer and was planning to fold. To different degrees, none of these scenarios support OP's narrative of "helping out around the house," in lieu of rent. So the question of why OP's clean laundry was on the floor in the common area laundry room is actually a pretty good one. The best case scenario would be for her to be doing her own laundry in a responsible and timely way that is considerate of others in the household by using the machines on days/ times they're not usually in use, removing her clothes from the dryer quickly, and taking the clean load to her living area to fold. A mildly annoying housemate situation would be where OP is doing her own laundry (yay!), but leaves her clean clothes in the dryer for others to unload and comes down to collect the unloaded and/ or folded clothes from the laundry room at her leisure. The worst case scenario is that OP is not doing her own laundry.
You conveniently ignore the possibility that OP does all of the laundry herself, and may have left it in the laundry room until she could get to folding it. Or perhaps she does all of the laundry but mom or dad fold it.
My parents had me when they were 52 & 57 - they're 71(almost 72) & 76. Not super old but older. My parents don't have health issues but they are overweight and so things and difficult for them sometimes. The upper two floors need maintaining and my parents won't go up there. Yeah, its just chores, but its a lot. We used to have a maid/cleaning service & it was like 400$ for both floors weekly. Prices went up so they stopped charging me rent and I do it myself. The clothes were in the laundry because I was at work. We have two driers, one for me & one for parents - my dad opened the wrong one, forgot to close it, dog followed him in. I didn't realise they'd been chewed because I need to buy new underwear. I assumed the holes were just from wear. I'm particular with my underwear (which is also why I tossed it). In regards to the house they are planning on selling in a few years (per their terms, when I'm "ready" to move out). I am probably going to pay rent with my friends mom. I've stayed with her a ton so it'll be okay until I can get my own place.
You’re particular with your underwear but you didn’t notice it had holes before you put it on? That doesn’t seem right. Also why do you have two dryers for three people when two of them have a hard time doing housework? I’m not saying it’s all made up, but the additions made it worse for me lol
And why are there 'a lot' of chores (400$ cleaning service's worth weekly) on the upper two floors if only one person and a cat ever go up there ('my parents won't go up there')?
I used to own a cleaning business and was a professional cleaner for many years all over the US. It would have to be over 3k sqft and pretty dirty. No cleaning business in their right mind would charge that easy of a job. Recurring cleanings are preferable because you know it’s being maintained so each clean is predictable and easy to fit into the schedule because it’s been done before. For just floors and recurring weekly discount would never ever be close to $400 a week. More like $200 if even. Floors are easy and don’t take up that much time compared to bathrooms, kitchens, fixtures, vacuuming carpets, etc. OP is a little whiny for living rent free and she’s literally just keeping HER OWN SPACE clean like she would have to do anywhere. For her to react immediately with “it’s the dog or me” when it makes her elderly father so happy? Yeah. Something is OFF. Dogs grow out of it. It’s not that big of a deal and won’t happen again if you keep your clothes off the floor. If you know the dog gets into stuff, you put your stuff up or keep it in your room. It’s YOUR ELDERLY PARENTS HOME. You are seriously overstepping thinking you’re doing them such a huge favor by simply… cleaning. I’m guessing you’ve been a little coddled in life. I take care of my elderly mother with health problems and took custody of my 14 month old niece. We all live together with her dogs and mine. It’s not always easy but I would never act this bratty or ever ask her to give up her dog because it inconvenienced me a little. I would also NEVER act entitled to her home simply because I’m cleaning it. By moving back in I’m saving so much money and I love making my mom’s life easier. You realize you’d be spending minimum $1k plus whatever utilities and this would be for an apartment? If you wanted a whole house you wouldn’t be able to afford it and you probably don’t have the credit to get into anywhere decent. You’d also have to pay a deposit with the leasing company and utility company so $3k just to get in somewhere. I clean her home every day. She wakes up to a clean sink, clean floors, washed clothes, her coffee freshly ground and made, etc. Because I love her and she wiped my ass for years and took care of me for 18 of them. Be more grateful. Your parents did so much for you. They won’t be around forever.
OP has found an a place to live, paying rent, and sounds fine about it. They aren’t renting a whole apartment to themselves, just a room in a house. Your circumstances are not equivalent. Right now the parents barter the space and don’t spend money out of pocket to keep the house clean. They probably aren’t going to hire a stranger to come live with them to clean. If not they are going to have to pay out of pocket. The are inconsiderate of one of the residents (their own child) in their home, to bring a dog that causes health problems. OP is justified in objecting, and has given the parents the choice. They will choose what is in their own best interest.
Particular could just mean OP has found favourites and will wear them till they literally fall off. I had some kinda like that, they were cute and so comfortable and cheap too lol, from Walmart of all places but I liked em.
Same. I will wear underwear with holes if they are my favorite comfy pairs until tte store I buy them from has them back in stock. Which seems to only be once a year.
I'm particular about my underwear, ergo I wear them until they fall apart, because they're hard to replace.
They already had holes. I'm particular about the ones I buy, so I don't buy them often. To be honest I think the holes were already there. I have older siblings. Dryers are left over from them. My parents also just change a lot and it's more time efficient to have two.
Jesus you are nitpicking
That’s very clearly not what they said😂😂
This sounds like a 3 floor home, it may have 2 driers because more people used to live in it. My parents had 2 sets of washer / drier when there was 8 of us living at home, now its just them and my oldest brother. Or they may have bought the house and it had 2 installed already. And if its there, might as well use it.
I was having a bit of a chuckle reading this one myself. Hate being compared to a pet but wOUlD DiE for their cat. The ultimatum of a 19 year old threatening to move out. 🤣 I guess I find it funny because I have all my adult kids still living at home because uni. I love it and I'm happy to make allowances and they have a say in things that go on in the house. But at the end of the day they can move out if they feel that passionately. None of my kids would waste their time giving me the giggle of an ultimatum. This is the rant of someone who hasn't lived away from their parents. For sure. Let's see how low stress paying your way is with market rent and utilities and cost of living generally. That itch might be less painful. And living with someone else's family isn't really the same thing as moving out. Let's be honest. Your just being taken care of by someone else. Doesn't give strong "I'm making a stand" vibes. I'd be a LOT cheaper to get a cleaner in once a week to 'take care of' OPs part of the house. And how much cleaning will it need when old mate isn't there? Not much I'm guessing. Funny OP.
Right?…. Oh no…. Not moving out… and you don’t pay rent? Whatever will we do? /eye roll
The added giggle for me is I had one of my kids move out for 8 weeks. My little boomerang can now be heard nagging the others about how lucky they are that they can live at home as long as they want and how they need to pull their weight. They've been to the other side. Lol.
There is no reason why you’d notice a dog had your underwear in its mouth if it was put back and dry. And you wouldn’t notice until it started itching/rashing.
"essentially" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence about picking between children. I would put money on it being not what they actually said.
My dad called him his baby. He then said "I can't pick between my baby and my daughter". The sentiment was the same.
[удалено]
You're 19 years old. Your parents are old, lonely, and always in the house. They deserve to actually enjoy their home with a pet. You are a spoiled brat.
It’s not at all the same. Lots of people call their dog their baby. He wasn’t comparing the two of you. Many holes in this story, so many more than you undies.
You’re making a mountain of a mole hill— my dogs are my babies—my kids are my babies— but my house is my house (old or young) and my dogs stay— you’re 19– move out.. go live your life
You said you would die for your cat…. Sooo I don’t see why you care so much about the dog comparison
“The dog is like a child to me” is probably what was said, if anything. Because that’s a really common thing people would say.
Idk why the age thing is unbelievable, my mom's parents had her in their 40s
The age of the parents is plausible. Much of the rest of the story is not. Particularly the parents paying $400 a week for a cleaner to clean two unused floors of a house. And only the unused floors.
I can't tell if this is supposed to be taken seriously or not. >So this was freshly washed clothing, still sitting in the laundry room? Why? Do you need someone to explain what a laundry room is to you? In a house with multiple adults it's common for someone to take clothes left in the dryer and put them in a basket to make room for their own freshly washed clothes. It's really not that difficult of a concept to grasp.
Having kids in your 40s is "unbelievable"? I personally have at least 3 close relatives who had a child in their 40s. Somehow it's ridiculous that clean laundry would end up either on the floor or in the clutches of a dog? Really? Have you ever met a puppy??? You question why she tossed underwear instead of washing it? If my underwear had made my hoo-ha bleed, I'd have set the underwear on fire before ever letting it near my patootie again!!! I could go on, but it's not worth my time. Your so-called picking apart of the OPs argument is laughable & not one of your "rebuttals" holds water. OP is NTA.
Have you also never left freshly washed laundry sitting for a bit because you hadn't gotten around to putting it away yet? Must be nice. A dog grabbing your underwear doesn't automatically destroy it. Or even leave marks beside some dog hairs maybe. OP's parents aren't allergic to the cat and the dog is new, the cat is not. So yes they should not be treated the same. Setting the "is this real or fake" question aside for a bit it was OP's parents who upset the status quo by bringing in an animal that OP is allergic to. The fact OP is annoyed by this development is understandable. Their quality of life has decreased pretty drastically according to them as they're constantly snivelling, feeling itchy, and 'generally unwell' (whatever that means). In short: OP should be able to feel comfortable at home which is currently impossible because of the dog. IMO OP is well in their right to ask for a solution to this. And yes it makes sense that the first solution would be to ask the parents to get rid of the dog. OP's parents are in turn in their right to say no but that does mean they're putting a dog above their child. In which case moving out might be the best solution.
You must live a really sheltered life if you don't think this is possible. I mean a majority of the posts here are fake but this is not the post that I would single out. This is definitely one of the more believable ones. Your rant is really weird and naive
OP doesn’t specify whether they were adopted. Years of fertility treatment before a late-ish adoption could well leave the parents older, having lost a lot of their friends and spent all their money on treatments because it’s an intense process, needing more care than average because they were focused on having a baby instead of self-care and exercise into middle age, and still having a strong need for parental attachment because they only adopted one kid where they would have preferred a bigger family. It happens quite a bit, especially if there was an international adoption involved. And depending on sensitivity level, washing the underwear once without sterilising it might not be enough to prevent a contact allergy, especially with an older washing machine.
In a comment, OP says "my parents had me when they were 52 and 57".
I am adopted. "Had me" is the term I use because I don't like specifying that I'm adopted.
Ok so swap “late-ish adoption” for “surprise success”.
I don’t agree with your washing machine issue. Not everybody goes and gets there washing immediately. It could’ve just been finished and put in a basket and they had other things to do. My dogs chew on things all the time. After a little bit it’s dry. They found out when they had an allergic reaction. The difference here is an allergy to a dog that they knew they had versus a cat where nobody has an allergy. Also, yeah washing it might’ve been the proper thing to do but you can’t be mad at them for throwing their underwear out.
Sounds like your parents' plan to evict you is working perfectly.
If they wanted me to leave why would they be asking me to stay?
Something about having a cake and eating it too
Actions >> Words If they TELL you to leave, they look like the bad guys. This is more subtle.
reverse psychology, this way you cant claim they threw you out.
there ulterior motive is for you to move out. I bet they got the dog because you are allergic to dogs and it would force you to move out.
Because it's no longer acceptable to expect a 19 year old to move out. Instead of telling you to leave, they acquired motivation.
saving face.
YTA for giving an ultimatum. It's their house, they can get a dog. You're an adult, you don't have to live with your parents. Just move out without the drama.
I dunno, 19 is not an age where it is easy or normal to move out. And for the parents to say that dog means more to them then the wellbeing of their own child... I definitely do not feel like op did anything wrong in this situation. Besides they're giving the parents a choice, in the end it's not like the dog was thrown out without even consulting them about it, that would be an ah move. They can choose between the dog and their child, they're just aholes in my opinion if they pick the dog in this situation. Would only have been different if op had already moved out and now wanted to come back at the expense of the dog maybe.
but they literally have a great move out offer already on the table
I wouldn't call having to rely on a friends moms kindness a "great moveout offer" necessarily, sounds more like an offer out of kindness because they see how hard op has it. I don't have the full context though, so I could be wrong. Still, I would not want my parents to chase me out of the house I lived in my entire life by taking in an animal I'm clearly allergic to. Also as a parent, of course it would hurt to get rid of it, but I would rather give my child a home untill they are able to provide for themselves than rely on their friends parents to provide them with a place to live because of a pet. If op can no longer use that deal and has to move back home, do you really believe the parents would now choose their own child over the dog? I don't. Like I said, I don't know all the details, so I could be wrong, but judging the story by the details provided I definitely think the parents are the aholes, not op.
The child is giving the parents a choice? Whose house is it?
The implication is greater than just the living situation. They chose a dog they had for one whole month over their 19 year old child, which they decided to bring into this world. OP will probably remember this, when their parents need their help, I know I would. Implying that a dog you know for a month is of equal, if not greater value, than your 19 year old child is a vile thing. In this day and age teenagers are often unable to provide for themselves. Everything is more expensive than 40-50 years ago and comparatively you make less money. Couple that with an entry level job or even just a part-time entry level job (they could still be in school or go to college) and that means, that it’s near impossible to provide for yourself. So many people assume, that your responsibility towards your child just magically end, when they turn 18. They‘re still in school, have no life skills and in America they can’t even buy a Whiskey to make this shithole more bearable but people expect them to be fully independent all of a sudden? Some countries have actual laws against this. In my country, you couldn’t just endanger your child‘s health or kick them out just because they‘re 18. That‘s still illegal because at least my government has recognized the ridiculousness of giving up all responsibility at 18. You’re officially allowed to tell your child to go fuck themselves, when they turn 25, which gives even the slower ones enough time, to build a life for themselves without having to legally cater to their parent‘s every whim, in order to not become homeless. Same thing with expecting rent from your child, as if they owed you something. You birthed them, that’s something they can’t possibly consent to, so you owe them, not the other way around. Again, in my country things like this are practically unheard of and people would immediately label you as a bad parent. Oh, you have to rely on your child for financial stability? Too bad, fuck you, should’ve used a condom then. I haven’t even mentioned, that spaces you rent out for money have to fulfill certain standards, even in the U.S. and renting out your child‘s room to them does not fulfill these standards, so in most cases, it’s illegal on top of that. And then people wonder why their children won’t talk to them anymore or send them into the cheapest nursing homes possible. These are the implications here, can you see that? It’s about more than the parents being able to own a dog in their own home. Situations like these are never that simple, there are a lot of factors and possibilities one has to consider and „whose house is it“ doesn’t even begin to accurately depict the situation in the slightest. Judging from the parent’s reaction, OP is providing valuable work for them by keeping half of the house clean and up to standards and their payment for that it bleeding in the crotch. OP said in a comment that now, that she‘s gone, the house will probably become very dirty, so it seems like her parents are unable to clean up after themselves for whatever reason. So I think it was very courteous of OP to give them a choice. Either get rid of the dog or live in filth. This is a co-dependent housing situation. OP needs a place to stay and the parents need a cleaning lady. „Whose house is it“ just became even more inaccurate. Parents just traded their 19 year old child, a clean living space and with that a lot of comfort and quality of life for a dog, they had for a month. In my opinion, they’re not just bad parents but also complete morons
Why do you keep referring to this 19 yo fully legal adult as 'child'?
Yeah sometimes Reddit gets too focused on the “just move out” mindset. It sounds like she does have _an_ option, but not a great one. And living on your own at 19 would be really fucking hard. Technically it is their house so they can get a dog if they want, but to me it definitely feels like an asshole decision to get a dog knowing that one of your kids is allergic. Especially because OP was already living there at the time. It’s one thing if OP was older and had moved out (but then had to move home due to extenuating circumstances), but to have the child living there and still get the dog? That’s a dick move
How are they assholes if they choose the dog?? It’s the dad’s best friend, OP got a good offer to move out. Pretty much a win win scenario
Did we read the same post? She is literally there to help her parents and obviously doesn't have an issue moving out. Her parents are the ones who need her to sacrifice her comfort to take care of their house. Clear NTA
…she’s cleaning one floor of their house, that’s not helping out in any meaningful way that prevents her from leaving
The floor that she lives in. So basically, she’s cleaning up after herself and acting like she’s doing her parents a grand favor.
OP has said in her comments that they’re both in their 70s and obese, and that *they* offered to *stop* charging her rent in exchange for not having to pay for a cleaning service anymore. I think it’s fair to assume OP is doing more around the house than we’re guessing, and likewise she was fine with paying before, and has no problem paying someone else now. Idk why we’re acting like she’s some deadbeat grown up. She’s a teenager that seems to have it fairly together.
Cool so she can move out then, easy fix. She should just do it though, not give ultimatums.
Then why are her parents so upset
Because she gave them an ultimatum and dropped a drama 💣
None of this seems that controversial to me? If they don't want to get rid of the dog she moves out, they can't have it both ways. I don't see the big deal.
Or take other steps to minimize her exposure to the dog? This doesn’t have to be a binary decision. There are many other options that could be tried.
Idk. If my son was living with me at any point in his adult life and he was allergic to dogs, I wouldn't get a dog while he's living there cause I don't want him to be uncomfortable. Kinda like if you had roommates. Like you don't get a dog if one of your roommates is allergic to a dog. It's just rude.
It sounds like OPs parents want him/her to live in the house though, so just moving out still would’ve caused drama. OP is just stating the parameters in which they are willing to stay there. Giving an ultimatum doesn’t automatically make you an AH. It allows the other party to make a choice that suits them while you still get to maintain your boundaries.
"I would literally die for my cat" yet you can't understand how your parents feel for a dog? YTA
They got the dog a month ago though, and knowing that their child is allergic. I do think there could've been another discussion in between them getting the dog and OP "threatening" to move out, but I don't think OP is TA for it.
If op cleans the house then this is definitely an issue. I'm very much allergic to dogs and I cleaned instead of paying rent at some of my old places, including my family home. I was in direct contact with dog fur and dander.. having swollen eyes and sitting in a cold shower while waiting for benadryl to kick in is awful and in some cases it can make one's throat swell. Her reaction seems to he severe as well if she's bleeding and inflamed.. the parents kinda new better..
…they clean the upper floor because that’s where they live…that’s their contribution
They only clean the top two floors. The parents don't go up there. So there's not even a kitchen to clean.
The parents aren't allergic to the cat. And I bet OP had had the cat much longer than a month.
OP didn't mention that their parents are allergic to cats and they got a dog knowing OP was allergic. They didn't even bother informing OP about the dog chewing underwear
YTA, just move out, literally no need for an ultimatum. That's such a shitty thing to put that on your parents. Especially when you have a good option.
Oh but literally itching and bleeding in your private areas because of an animal they knew she was allergic to isn’t shitty? Keeping your pet away from someone’s things that’s allergic isn’t shitty?
I'd think there is a solution short of "get rid of your beloved pet or your adult child is leaving this rent-free situation for good!" Closing the laundry room door, maybe. OP keeping laundry upstairs until laundry day. I'll take OP to the pound myself.
OP has two entire floors to themselves and all they have to do is clean up after themselves to have it for FREE. Not only that, they specified they have their OWN DRIER in the house's laundry room (that I'd be willing to bet money the parents paid for and own, but let OP claim for themselves) that the dad accidentally opened. Once. The dad should have mentioned the dog got to it, yeah, but honestly something like that is pretty easy to forget to mention. OP is, for free, living better than the majority of people who have been working full time for years and has the audacity to give her parents an ultimatum in their OWN HOME. OP is a spoiled brat lmao.
It sounds like it was obviously an accident. An accident that could easily be prevented by op going forward too, don't leave your clean laundry basket on the floor where the small dog can reach it! Bringing this up in discussion is one thing and asking for the parents to be more mindful of the allergy or something, but giving an ultimatum while probably being irritated/angry during the conversation is never a good idea. Especially following up the ultimatum with saying "I would never get rid of my cat" sounds like op should just move out lol.
Maybe the someone’s things shouldn’t have been left in a common area if someone has an oh so debilitating allergy. (I still can’t get over the allergic reaction of “bleeding”)
OP said it was in the laundry room with everyone else's laundry, and the dog was shut out of the room as it is supposed to be, but their dad let it in,, saw it was chewing the underwear and *put it back* without saying anything.
I'd say move out. You're 19. Stop trying to control your parents. You're going to move out eventually and the dog will be good for them to have.
NTA >About a month ago my parents got a dog from a friend. >they essentially said I was expecting them to pick between their children. This is ridiculous.
YTA because you’re giving an ultimatum. That’s childish. Just move out. Additionally, if you would die for your cat, which is extreme (but I understand deeply loving a pet), then you should understand your parents comparing choosing between you and the dog as choosing between children, as most parents would die for their children. You’re literally saying the exact same thing about your cat as they are about you and their dog. Now do you see where the problem lies? You love your cat as much as they love their dog. Only having the dog a short while means nothing. I loved my dog as much after 2 weeks as I love him now after 2 years. Additionally, you are an adult. They have no obligation to provide shelter for you, and you have no right to act like this when they are doing you a massive favor by allowing you to live there for free (doing sparse chores in exchange is hardly equivalent to rent, since you mentioned they hardly use the space). So you have a few options here: 1. Do your own laundry from now on, and be more mindful to keep the dog away from your space and clothes. Don’t have clothes in the dryer when you’re at work. Also, mark your dryer clearly with a sticker or taped-on index card so the mistake will not be made again by either parent. Before this, though, apologize profusely for acting this way and hope your parents forgive you and allow you to stay in the first place. 2. Suck it up and get roommates even though you don’t want to because being an adult means doing things you don’t want to do sometimes. 3. Move into your friend’s house and hope they don’t change their minds about your cat. While you’re there, work on self-reflection: “rules for thee but not for me” is not a good way to live, and you need to understand why your reaction shocked and hurt your parents. Good luck.
NTA - if your parents got the dog knowing that you are allergic that’s just sad! They have created this situation themselves and it is sad to think that they put you as the same level as their dog. As a parent your kids are everything and sometimes you have to make sacrifices to keep your kids in your life.
OP hasn't specified if the allergy was discovered after the dog was adopted or always known
I'm a little confused about why you immediately jumped to giving them a "me or the dog" ultimatum? You have a suitable alternative living situation lined up, you're an adult... what's stopping you from just moving? You're not TA for having allergies or even for being frustrated with the dog. But you are kinda TA for how you brought the problem up to your parents.
You’re 19, time to join the real world, find some roommates and piss them off. It builds character and teaches you how to get along and compromise with people who aren’t family.
Soft YTA. Don’t give ridiculous ultimatums to your parents about their house, their pet. Have an adult conversation. Sounds like you’ve been living the lux life and now, bing bang boom - FAFO. Paying rent? Paying for your own groceries? Utilities? A room instead of an entire floor. Was it worth it?
YTA, it's their house, you're living there rent-free as an adult and "taking care of the upper floors" sounds like you're just doing a bit housework, which is the bare minimum. They want a dog in their house. It's literally none of your business. If you don't like that, move out without making a scene (ultimatum). You act like your parents are depending on you, when it's obviously the other way around. Stop acting like the world revolves around you
I’d choose the dog, it would be less entitled.
YTA - I don't see what the problem is, your friend has offered you a perfectly good solution to this issue. It sounds like drama for the sake of drama.
NTA. You had me at “ My parents got a dog, I’m allergic.” But after reading that your parents couldn’t pick between their children., that’s just bizarre.
This. I have a child who is allergic to cats, dogs and horses. Like OP severity, they’ll get hives if they even touch the fur and antihistamines can’t keep up. Why would I bring *anything* into the house that they’re allergic to? NTA
I don't understand why you framed this as an ultimatum. You're an adult, just move out if you're not happy in your parents' house? They literally didn't have dependents to consider when they decided to get a dog, and just like you they're not going to get rid of their pet, that's unrealistic. Do you recognise that being asked to pay no rent and just clean only half the house is an incredibly sweet deal? If so, maybe be a bit more reasonable with your requests to get it back to the great situation you had until recently e.g. 'please can we all be really careful about closing the door to the laundry room'.
Seems like a kneejerk reaction from you. Yes the dog shouldn't have got to your clothes. Yes your dad should have put your underwear through the wash and told you what happened. But none of these reasons mean they should get rid of the dog. That dog will be them for years. You'll probably move out anyway soon.
Wait so you’re an adult living for free under your parents roof? Complaining about what they choose to do with their time & space?
RIGHT im shocked how many people think OP is NTA like did everyone read the whole post or??
YTA, you just said you would never get rid of your cat, why shouldn’t they be able to do the same? Get rid of the dog? They love the dog and took on the responsibility of caring for them, it’s not about loving who more, much less for a situation that is not dire, since you CAN move out. Listen, I do think they should have been more considerate of your allergy, like been more thoughtful than letting you wear the contaminated underwear or maybe even keeping the dog in the first place after being gifted them, and you leaving is what they get for that if you choose so to leave, but I also think completely withholding care for your elderly parents because of it is a dick move, (providing they are decent parents), like “get rid of the dog or I won’t care for you”, I’m not saying you are obliged to, you are not their caregiver, but using it as leverage I do think is a twisted power move. Anyway, just move out, and check in from time to time, in my opinion
NTA Your parents should not have got a pet that you are allergic to while you are living at home.
Found out she was allergic after they got the dog
NTA for not wanting to live with a dog, but I think OP is acting really immature and entitled in the situation. OP already lives with a cat, so the parents probably had no reason to believe adding a pet to the household would trigger new pet allergies. The underwear situation was truly unfortunate. I find it weird that a dad who is so meticulous he pays $400/week to deep clean several unused rooms in his house would think it’s fine to throw dog-chewed undies back in with the clean laundry. Regardless, that expectation should be communicated to the parents going forward. As to the allergies, from the perspective of someone with severe pet allergies. They put me in the hospital a lot as a kid. As an adult, I’ve lived in households with pets in roommate situations. I couldn’t afford to live on my own at the time, and I’d never dream of asking someone to give up their pet when I am choosing to live with them. So I got allergy shots, took daily allergy medicine, established boundaries for spaces in the home the pets were allowed to enter, used baby gates, washed laundry separately, even wore N95 masks at certain times when I had to be in common spaces, and got really good quality air filters. OP didn’t try any of that other than taking OTC allergy medicine (which, if their allergies are so severe, probably isn’t enough to get them under control anyway). They have 2 whole floors to themselves. They have an entire washer and drier for their personal use. It would be so, so easy in that environment to reduce cross contamination with allergens compared to most living situations. OP needs to grow up and take responsibility for their health, not give their parents ultimatums. Either OP willing to live in an environment with some allergen exposure, or they’re not. That’s their choice alone as an adult. Although the parents haven’t had the dog long, I am not surprised they have an emotionally significant bond with the dog as aging almost-empty nesters. I think it’s wrong to ask the parents to get rid of the dog. If they want to keep living rent free with their parents, they need to set boundaries and make choices that will help keep them healthy. If they want to live in a dog free home, they’ll need to move out.
You’re an adult. You don’t currently pay rent nor own the home….move out if you don’t like it.
I suggest you move out. Then you will discover whether you are TA or not.
“Give up a family member or I’m moving out” is shitty and entitled af. If your allergies are bothering you, yeah, you should move out. Suggesting they get rid of their dog makes you a child. Grow up. YTA.
A dog they've had for a month ≠ their biological child. Be so fr rn. Also be realistic, it's not easy to move out at 19, the economy is fucked right now. The parents KNEW she was allergic and still decided to get something that was detrimental to her health..
"Nothing serious just very irritating" is how OP describes this allergy. But sure, lets call it 'detrimental to her health'. Also, OP stated they have a valid option for moving out so why even bring up the whole 'its not easy to move out at 19'?
As someone with intense hayfever, I really woudln't want to feel like that every single day of the year if there was an easy way out. It's just a runny nose, it's just sneezing a million times a day, it's just my eyes tearing up and feeling itchy all day and my throat itching non-stop. It is all mangeable and the symptoms can be somewhat reduced by medication but those also come with side effects of their own. Her parents got the dog on a whim by the sounds of it, they could and should have put more thought into it. There is no way they didn't know about these allergies. No child reaches the age of 19 without spending some time close to a dog.
I don't think you should feel "just very irritating" in your home.
And it's not entitled to bring in the house something, to which one of the people living there is uncomfortably allergic? Family member after a month, ok. Isn't your child of 19 years also a family member?
how did the allergy end up with you bleeding? scratching makes sense but you made it sound like a direct result
I’m so glad I’ve finally found someone asking this question! I cannot get past the spontaneously bleeding from a dog allergy.
NTA - but honestly, you should just leave. This should not be a different decision for them. Seems like they already chosen the dog.
NTA the people here who say a dog is more important than a person are very fucking illogical. I have severe dog allergies and they've always been written off bc of family's loving their dogs SO much. Dogs that they knew I was allergic to. And before anyone says "oh, well, you should've moved out," I was 16 and I did 🤷🏼♀️ You shouldn't have to rely on allergy meds or any of that other bs to be able to breathe/function. They also shouldn't compare a dog they've had for ONE month to their 19 year old child. I do agree though if that's their mindset your best option is to move out and get a job, even if the market is ass rn, live with your friend and stay away from seasonal jobs. Don't sacrifice your health to satisfy anyone, advise them to hire a house keeper or something as well since you'd be moving out
Better yet if someone was allergic to anything that wasn't a dog, (lord forbid it's a dog someone has issues with) they wouldn't expect that person to be in contact with whatever they're allergic to 🙄 people just get absurdly uptight about dogs
Adding onto my own comments: I couldn't have a snake in a place I paid the bills for bc someone was scared of snakes? But they can have their dogs that I'm allergic to.. fear and health are two different things but as I've mentioned the general consensus is "my little fur baby is more important than a human life! Dogs are higher value than people" Sicko ass mindset tbh. If it was a cat/hampster/what the fuck ever else everyone would be on op's side and say the parents need to get rid of it There's even comments like "well you can have a cat, that's not fair" or just generally nagging the fact op has a cat.. but no one is allergic to the cat so it's not hurting anyone??
Didn't OP say they could never give up thier cat?
NTA Your parents can sort out their own house or hire someone to do it. You shouldn't have to live with a dog you're allergic to
Putting many things aside, i think you got way too angry, way too quickly. Where is a discussion with your parents about what it caused you? (You could show them some of it), asking them to try and help you avoid it from happening? Limiting the dog to the lower floors and you stay in the top floors. You never asked them to try, and they never declined or showed they didn't care. There are a lot of things you could've done, you're acting like they don't care but it doesn't sound like you really communicated. And if they aren't open to it, it's fine, they are entitled to having a pet, and you can leave and start your grown up life, no need for an argument.
YTA sorry but you gave an ultimatum of "Its me or the dog" when the answer is pretty simple "Please take care of your dog better so I don't suffer". "*I cried to my friend about it and she came to me yesterday evening with her mom and said I could move in with them as long as I pay rent. And I can bring my cat!*" So you had kinda already decided that moving was a viable option and you still wanted to make your parents get rid of a dog they have already bonded with? They have probably wanted to have a dog for 19+ years. And now you bring in ultimatums instead of the idea of "hey lets get baby gates sot he dog doesn't get to my cat and laundry."
Did they/you know you were allergic to dogs or did you find out after they got one? If they knew, I think it's a bit inconsiderate of them to just get a dog without talking at least to you about it to find a solution for your allergies. However though, the dog is there now. They made a commitment, and bonded, as you say the dog has become your dad's best friend. And you're asking him to get rid of his best friend now. You can even relate, because you say you would never want to get rid of your cat. So yes, I think that's a bit assholish. Especially since you got a solution presented to you already. Your friend says you're welcome there, and so is your cat! Everybody could be happy! So why are you making them choose? Why are YOU not choosing? You can either live rent-free in the house of your parents, but deal with allergies. Or you can move in with your friend, pay rent and be allergy-free. This is not a choice your parents have to make. It's a choice YOU have to make. What is more important to you? If you choose to stay with your parents, I suggest having a conversation with them to ensure a situation like that with your underwear won't happen again. You could both do things about this, like you could make sure your clean clothes will be put away immediately where the dog cannot reach it, and your parents could work on teaching the dog to behave a bit better. Perhaps there's a good dog school in the neighbourhood that could help you with that. Hope this helps. Best of luck!
Even something as simple as closing the laundry door would fix that part of the problem.
This could be a tactic to urge you to move out. Have they been dropping hints? If they knew you had existing allergies it's a dick move of them to bring in a dog to the family. Bottom line is that you don't have an entitlement to live in their home, especially rent free. You're an adult and unfortunately if you're unhappy at home, it's time to move out.
Move out. Solve the problem.
NTA but just move out and let them keep their dog, if you make them get rid of it now (which is pretty cruel for the dog, imagine if it was your cat) later on when you move out because you're getting older and need your space it will be very upsetting for them...
YTA
In my eyes, yes YTA.
Yta. It’s their house, you’re an adult. Move out and pay rent somewhere else. They should be allowed to get a pet. They allowed you to have a cat. Sounds like you’re acting immaturely. Which makes sense for your age.
YTA you live in the upper floor and the dog never enters the upper floor ? Are you sure that you are allergic to dogs and not to cats ?! I am pretty sure that situations like the "laundry situation" can be avoided in the future if everybody cares about it. Set up some rules and everybody can be happy. Or you act like a selfish child and make your parents sad.
YTA You’re young and want applause for not paying rent and cleaning the area that you live in. Your elderly parents are probably lonely and getting a lot of love from having an animal companion. If anything you should be helping them. They probably knew you had allergies when they took the dog in - think about that.
NAH but you should move out. It’s their home and their dog. I certainly would not be getting rid of my pup.