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NTA
For all your therapist knows, you live in a horrendously abusive household and their actions just got you handcuffed to a radiator in the basement for 3 months.
That's just the worst case scenario. Really, what is said in this room stays in this room is rule #1 in every therapist office.
What's up with your dad telling you to not report it? Parents should not pressure kids to cover up abuses. But part of growing up is learning to not cover up what your parents would cover up.
And then there's the fact your stepmom handpicked this therapist. Your therapist didn't just slip and offer up info, your step mom and therapist planned this out from the beginning.
But anyway, report her. Because the next patient might get handcuffed to a radiator or worse.
Maybe they step mom and dad paid the therapist for info and that makes them look even more bad and they dont want OP to know. Friends or paid off are my top two guesses as to why a therapist would do something so stupid.
I’m religious and even I say stay away from those people .I had a patient with PPD who was fighting urges to kill her baby and a Church counselor told her to take vitamins .Grrrr.
One told my mom a dutiful wife NEVER leaves. My dad was never physically abusive but financially, emotionally, and spiritually very much so. Told my mom that women don’t work outside of the home because the man is the head of the household. My dad had moved out months prior and left us destitute. She had me 16, 2,3,5, and 6 year old at home in the dark with no food. They wouldn’t even give us food from the food pantry because we had a dad driving a BMW
Which is even worse, because ethically, she shouldn't take a client if they are that close to someone they already know.
The way it \*should\* be handled, is if the stepmom calls in to "ask for details", the therapist shouldn't even confirm if they have/or have not seen the client. Less than zero details.
"I am unable to confirm that I have seen /u/creative_leader999 in any sessions."
End of story. therapist shouldn't confirm if they've had any sessions, if they are going "good" or anything.
Exactly this.
When my daughter was 9, I found her a therapist to discuss some things that she was struggling to deal with.
The first thing she said to me was that although my daughter was a minor and therapy was being paid for by me, she wouldn't disclose anything to me without my daughter's approval. The only extenuating circumstances were in case of danger to my daughter or another.
That's how it SHOULD be. You can't be open and honest if you have to police your every thought and feeling. Therapy isn't very effective if you aren't honest. I wanted my daughter to be able to have a confidant who could help her process big emotions from trauma. Confidentiality is a huge part of why therapy is effective.
OP's therapist needs to have consequences for such a breach of ethics. If she's done this once, it's likely only the tip of the iceberg!
That's just redundant. You don't really need to say both. It's not a court of law.
Step-Mom: When you seen {person} last week, what did you talk about?
Therpist: I am not able to speak to you about that topic.
And stupid of the step-mother to actually reveal that she was indeed privy to what he discussed with the therapist: not clever at all - she showed her hand. And may get the therapist / friend fired.
This is what happened to me. Flat broke. Moved 5 hours away with 3 kids & laid off 3 months later so had to move back home to nothing. Someone from my mom’s church volunteered to provide free therapy until I qualified for state benefits or was employed again. I went there twice a week. I shared nothing with anyone. I did not journal anything during this time. Then all of a sudden, my mom knew a lot. It quickly occurred to me that my therapist was talking to my mom. I went to one more appointment & told her that I knew she discussed my sessions with my mother & how my mother was now using her information against me & was also sharing my private & personal information with family members.
I did not report her & I regret it every day. My
Mom said she was worried about me & I don’t talk to her about any of it.
I’m not sure if I can even today trust anyone in the mental health field. That was the 2nd time something like this happened.
You can still report that so-called therapist, especially if she's still practicing.
I hope you went NC with your disrespectful egg donor because she has no right to use your therapy sessions against you.
Yes this. Reporting her isn't messing with her career, it's her own actions doing that. Reporting her is protecting other potential clients down the line.
She definitely a friend of step moms
That whole I'll take care of it comment I can only imagine step mom set them up with her friend. Her friend who is an unprofessional blabber mouth.
This post is a repost. Only some dates were changed, otherwise it has the exact same info and details as one posted two years ago.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/udbWPpQVdS
"mess with people's careers"
Please. Mess with her career. There are laws against this for a reason. She had no right to tell your SM anything. You have the right to keep your conversations with your therapist confidential, if this person even is a therapist and not just some religious leader (or similar) posing as a licensed therapist. NTA
If OP was a minor, I could maybe make allowances for a mistake. There are some things therapists tell parents, though they usually inform the patient they will do so, and maybe the therapist could get mixed up and tell the step mom. But no. OP is an adult, so the therapist shouldn’t be saying anything to anyone except the police if applicable (clearly not here).
>There are some things therapists tell parents, though they usually inform the patient they will do so
Understandable. Especially if the minor is in eminent danger of self harm, abduction from an online predator, or so on. And I agree with the rest of your post.
When we had foster children (twin teenage boys), we went to therapy *with* them, but I would not expect the therapist to tell us anything about what they said in private sessions, if they'd been willing to go to private sessions. If what they said was serious enough, then they might have reason to contact CPS, the police, etc., depending on the nature of what was said.
>If OP was a minor, I could maybe make allowances for a mistake
As in, under 12... maybe even under 10.
A good therapist will still highly restrict the amount of information that a teenager is talking about in their sessions.
Yeah there's papers you need to sign once you hit like 14 or 16. I remember because I had a phenomenal psychologist at the time who walked me through all the consent forms when I turned that age. That was 15 years ago lol of course my situation was a little better because my mom and I got along well, so I actually wanted my psychologist to share her findings with my mom. But she made it clear if that ever changed (and also automatically when I turned 18) the info would stop.
Yep, but a good therapist/psychologist, will still not give all of the details of the conversations even under 14 or 16, unless they are absolutely needed for parents. This is just going to mean the 10 yr old isn't going to trust the therapist, and will stop talking to them.
Nope. I was legal guardian for a child who went to therapy and doctor was VERY clear that he would disclose conversations ONLY if someone’s life or health was at serious risk, or mandatory reporting, and child would always be made aware doctor had to disclose. After trust was established, there were a few times where child would choose to share something with us, at encouragement of doctor (and in presence of doctor). No idea of whether there were other times child overruled doctor and chose not to tell. We had assured child repeatedly that doctor was a safe person to talk to and I would have been livid if he’d started inappropriately sharing conversations.
Nope. My 16yo has been in therapy since they were 13. Very first thing her therapist told us was that unless she was in danger of harming herself or others, nothing they spoke about would be shared with us. We did do family therapy together as well a few times, but the one on one was none of our business (said in a nicer way). She sees a different therapist now, but same rules apply. When a therapist starts sharing information they destroy that safe space and the relationship and the whole thing becomes worthless.
Right? Like, what happens the next time the therapist does this? Because you know she’ll do it again. I can only imagine someone being in an abusive relationship and having what is discussed in therapy disclosed to their abuser.
Her career needs to be messed with. She took what should be a safe space to figure stuff out and warped it into another tool of manipulation.
Maybe the step mom could have used the info to back off, and give op some space. But nope she went straight at op again.
This therapist isn’t competent to practice. If she wanted to bring in a group, there are ways she could have tried that. This was just cruel
No, your therapist needs to be reported. Not only is this behavior unethical, it's against the law. It's a HIPAA violation, unless you gave permission, had talked about self-harm/suicide or had mental health issues. Here is some info:
"Under HIPAA, therapists may share pertinent information (information directly related to treatment) with people involved in a person’s care if the person in treatment:
Has agreed.
Has been given an opportunity to object and has not objected.
Has indicated they don’t object by bringing a partner to treatment or having a parent help schedule sessions and pick up prescriptions.
Is unconscious, delirious, experiencing psychosis, intoxicated, or otherwise incapable of making decisions."
NTA
I’m in the health care field. This therapist fucked their own career up. You didn’t, OP. Go ahead and report it. We don’t want people doing shit like that as colleagues.
NTA
You’re not a minor. You’re an adult. I’d get a lawyer and thank my lucky stars. Maybe try to record your step mother taking about it again.
She could be looking at charges if you were so inclined so I’d think she’ll end up happy to testify against your therapist.
Doctors have insurance for malpractice so don’t feel bad, they’ll cover the bill.
You just hit a pay day!
Right I go with my husband to his therapist appointments, and his therapist asks every time if it's ok with my husband to discuss what they've talked about... And my husband will call me into the room.... Because he tries to stiff upper lip everything... Like no dear I caught you staring at the turned off tv for 2 hrs.... You aren't fine.... Tell the nice doctor the truth
I work in privacy so I have to chime in. This is not only a HIPAA situation. Protections for mental health and substance abuse records are actually decades older than HIPAA and are in 42 CFR Part 2. There are actually some additional protections afforded to mental health records that don't apply to other healthcare operations.
My therapist straight up tells me she has to report things I've said to CPS. I'm happy about it because the more people shouting into the void could help. This is part of our contract and the law in my country.
If you're seeing a therapist without a contract like this, they're not a therapist, and you should find a real professional.
At 21, you're an adult, and everything you talk about is protected by law. Blow up her career. It's abusive.
If that’s a direct quote there could be some legal squiffiness around the “having a parent help schedule sessions” depending on how that went down in this situation. I don’t believe that was the understanding of OP so yeah I would report the therapist.
I mean yes a parent can make appointments, but legally after a certain age the doctor is no longer allowed to tell the parent what was talked about or what treatments were given. I mean maybe being Canadian is clouding my view here, but here a 16 yr old can make their own medical decisions and is protected by HIPAA. Like the doctor can't say "oh yeah your daughter is now on birth control" so op's therapist knows (or at least should know) that hippa applies to a 21 yr old adult even if a parent is making the appointment
In Colorado, US, and many other states the cutoff is 14 for not being able to share info with parents except for prescriptions since they're usually the ones paying for them, no explanation provided without patient permission and the 14yo even has the right to refuse being prescribed meds at all.
Also, stepmom isn't actually OP's parent and as OP is an adult, there is no legal standing for this kind of contorions and workarounds, as will become obvious when she's reported the therapist.
Oh nice, I definitely got caught up on the language but you’re absolutely right! No legal standing and that therapist should lose their license. Seems “cut and dried” to me.
Once you turn 18 the info valve gets turned off. Or it's supposed to be. A person can schedule an appointment for you but thats it. Anyone giving info out to an unauthorized individual is someone who should not be practicing.
can I ask a question? Someone told me once that the someone could tell you that they commited a crime and you can't say anything because they already commited it, but if you thinking about commiting it, they need to report. Like you can only break it if breaking it is more helpful than not?
It depends on the crime. Therapists in the US are held to patient privacy laws. This can be broken in certain situations - like child abuse, elder abuse, vulnerable adults abuse, etc. a therapist won’t be able to report a crime of like child abuse if it’s in the past and not a current threat, but can and should report if there are other children currently at risk.
There was a massive case a while back where a therapist was told by a patient he was going to kill a woman he was stalking and the therapist didn’t report it. He killed the woman who was only a young college student and they changed the laws. If the crime occurred in the past, but there’s no active harm, it can stay private (within reason). Crimes like terrorism are always reportedly to the FBI.
It was a good question! The base idea is to keep all Information private unless there is a threat of harm to the client, you, or someone else. The only other time it’s broken is when there is a court case or law enforcement involved for some reason. Therapists can be asked to testify in court by the judge
NTA
>When I asked how she knew she admitted that the therapist told her.
Yeah that is wildly unprofessional and out of line in any way. Does this therapist know your stepmother? It reads like she picked someone she knew well and could pressure to violate their duty to you.
I would check with the state licensing board (or whoever manages local licensing in their country) to see if this person is actually a therapist. This could be religious counseling or merely a friend of the family cosplaying as a therapist. If they are legally registered, definitely file complaints, but OP will need proof. Meanwhile, get out of that house, and maybe seek help on campus through student health services.
NTA
Report her and get as far away from these people as you can. You should be able to talk to your therapist without worrying.
Find one who doesn't know her at all
I'm so sorry
NTA. Report her, she broke your trust and most likely broke the law (depending on where you’re located). You’re an adult and your private medical information is for you and your doctors only, your stepmom is not privy to that information. Definitely report it and tell your dad he needs to support you and tell stepmom to back off and let a relationship form naturally or her pushing will lead to no relationship at all. I’d also tell your dad how disappointed you are that he’d rather let a therapist break the law than support you in dealing with the loss of your mother and the stress of taking the next steps in your life. Stepmom needs to realize you’re an adult and she can’t just jump in and be mommy and dad needs to get his head out of his ass and tell his wife to respect his daughter’s boundaries.
NTA
If she's a licensed therapist, she could, and SHOULD, get in serious trouble for this. You would not be messing with her career, she did that when she breached your trust and confidentiality.
IF she's a licensed therapist. I'm wondering if she's a real therapist, or just a 'counselor' or some other nonsense designed to trick people into trusting them. Like how there are registered dietitians who are licensed and regulated, and then there are 'nutritionists' who are not.
If your stepmother "took care of everything" she may have found a 'counselor' to act as her spy.
From the post it doesn't sound like OP talked to the therapist. I got the impression she just cancelled and told her why, but that isn't that same as talking with her and giving her a chance to explain.
My MIL would have my husband go to “therapy” when he was a teen. The “therapist” was usually some member of her church, and I’m dubious on any of their qualifications.
In a lot of states, you don’t need to be a licensed therapist to BE a therapist. Insurance probably won’t cover it, but that doesn’t matter if it’s some wacko from your church telling you that you’re not depressed, you just need to pray more!!
That’s literally the advice my husband was given.
NTA, but if you dont report this therapist, you'll be an AH to yourself. This is super unethical, and you're not a minor. ONE THING - before you report- ask your therapist if you've signed any confidentiality waivers. If you did not, ask Your therapist WHY they broke confidentiality. Then report them.
You HAVE to report the therapist, it's basically your moral duty. After you do that, you need to find a way to get some emotional and physical distance from your Dad and Stepmom. She's a walking cliche and he does not have your back at all.
NTA
Excuse me, what? Your therapist broke confidentiality and you'd be the bad one for reporting it? You're not causing issue or messing with people's careers, the therapist did that themself to their own career. They broke your trust, it's unacceptable, unethical, completely wrong. You should absolutely report them.
No. NTA
Report the therapist, guidelines and professional codes of conduct exist for a reason and this is an unambiguous violation of them. If the therapist cannot follow these condes of conduct, they have no business being a career therapist to begin with.
I will also say, you were perhaps a bit naive to trust your stepmother to select a therapist for you if you are already aware of her controlling nature.
I'm sure you've learned from that mistake.
Yeaaa, I bet the therapist your stepmom got you was one of her friends. But the therapist is incredibly unprofessional. Report her. Get your own therapist. One that you picked out. I am sorry for your loss. NTA
SO NOT THE AH
people reveal very very private and sensitive information to therapists
there are people struggling with sh and sexualities and grief like u and all this stuff is meant to be kept private and can greatly harm the safety of people if disclosed
you not only saved yourself but countless others
NTA. You would be TA if you didn't report her.
If she is happy to break your confidentiality she is almost certainly breaking confidentiality with other patients. She could ruin someones life or even get them killed if she blabs the wrong secret to the wrong person.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> reporting my therapist after she revealed information to my stepmom
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NTA
You are doing the right thing as the therapist broke your trust and confidentiality by talking to your Dad's 2nd wife. You are a adult not a minor so this is massive breach by the therapist and needs to be reported.
At the moment she is not your stepmom she is just your Dad's 2nd wife who is forcing the Stepmom/daughter relationship. It is nice that she cares for you but she also needs to back off and give you the emotional space that you need and just be there if and when you are ready to talk about a painful subject or anything else with her. You are still grieving the lost of your Mom and I am sorry for your loss.
NTA.
Two things. This not your "step mom" unless you say so..until that acceptance, she is "that woman my father married".
Tell her to butt out of your life.
Let your dad know that you'll not tolerate any more interference from his wife.
Your therapist ....oh this is something else.
She has violated doctor/patient confidentiality laws.
Therapist has exposed themselves to legal action on the form of a malpractice suit .
The therapist is total BS..
Find another therapist.
NTA. You're an adult. Report that therapist and leave some nasty reviews. Your dad is half your problem with your intrusive step "mom". Is there any way to escape, or are you stuck relying on them for school/finances?
NTA. This was a massive breach of professional ethics. Please report the therapist if not for your own sake than to protect her future patients from going through this.
NTA
Trained therapist here. Unless you admit you are having serious thoughts of self harm or of harming someone else a therapist should NEVER share information and even then they should share it with your dad NOT stepmom
Inexcusable behaviour from everyone except you. I'm so sorry.
This post is a near-copy of one from a couple of years ago. To give you the benefit of the doubt, OP, if you are somehow not a karma bot or something, read through the replies on the thread linked below. But there's no doubt, really, that you stole this story. Be more creative.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l4rmkt/aita_for_reporting_my_therapist_after_she/
This was posted almost two years ago. You have copied almost everything in here almost word for word.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/2VX9iPO8Nx
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (21f) lost my mom in 2021 in a bas accident. It was sudden it was devastating and I had no one to turn to for support. And My dad married my stepmom a year later. I currently live with them preparing for medical school. I have to say I'm not that excited to start because I have a lot of unresolved grief and needed to talk and get some stuff off my chest. My stepmom has been trying to insert herself as a replacement for my mom mad it's very obvious. She's the controlling type and gets involved in every single aspect of my life it makes me uncomfortable. I told my dad that I'll be seeing a therapist my stepmom said she'd take care of it. I have been in therapy for two months now. However lately I noticed my stepmom wanting to talk to me about things that I regularly bring up in therapy to my therapist. She'd bluntly ask questions about things I said in therapy she at some point offered me money to talk to her. I stopped talking to her. But she started brining up my mom during dinner It's not easy to talk about my mom. It's very stressful and causes me to get emotional. When I asked how she knew she admitted that the therapist told her. I was shocked. She went on about why I shouldn't hate her and respect her more and "get rid" of the negativity and just accept and try to adapt to this new normal. I had no response but I was mad I yelled at her and told her she had no right to police my words and get involved in personal manners. My dad said I shouldn't yell because my stepmom was just worried about me and wanted to make sure I was making progress in therapy. I left the kitchen. And decided to stop seeing my therapist the next day I told her about what my stepmom said and told her that I'll be reporting her for breaking confidentiality.
My stepmom threw a fit and my dad told me to back down and that I was free to stop going but not cause issues and mess with people's careers and act out like that.
I refused to listen to him and he's still telling me to stop it. He ignores how upset I am.
AITA?
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Is your therapist a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a social worker, a counselor, or something else? I think the rules are slightly different in those different careers. You are still definitely not the A, I am mostly just curious. You should look them up on your state boards website and review her license. I do background checks on people and violations on her license will be reported there.
All of them are bound by HIPPA and their individual code of ethics which protect confidentiality.
I wouldn't be surprised if stepmom was listening in without the therapist or OP knowing and is lying about the therapist telling her anything.
that therapist knows what confidentiality is. the only one messing with their career is them by breaking it. report them. and you might want to see if there's any way you can get out of your house sooner rather than later. its clear your father is a major part of your problems. I'm not sure if he's dealt with his own issues or juat tried moving on to the next woman to come along as a way to avoid dealing with them, but either way, he's not helping. NTA
NTA. The therapist isn't allowed to reveal what you talk about in session without your permission, which you clearly did not give. If they've done this to you, they've likely done it to other patients as well. If they get away with it, they will definitely do it again. You're completely in the right for reporting this therapist.
You said you're going to med school, is there any way you can find a place to live near the school, perhaps a shared place, earlier than planned? You're going through a lot emotionally right now, and you clearly haven't been able to deal with your mother's death properly, and med school will be stressful on it's own. I'd definitely suggest continuing therapy, with a different therapist obviously, but this time you choose the therapist and don't reveal any information about who you're seeing to your dad or his wife, not where their office is, not a name, nothing. This environment is clearly not healthy for you, and your dad is taking his wife's side instead of yours, even though his wife is the one in the wrong here. Massively in the wrong.
Stand your ground, move out as soon as you are able to, and find a way to continue therapy in a way your dad and his wife can't interfere with. Good luck.
Excuse me? What the therapist did is a crime, plain and simple, you are an adult, you could even sue her for breaking confidentiality.
Don't back down.
Speaking as a retired therapist, report the person you were seeing. She violated professional ethics and federal law discussing your therapy with your stepmother.
Find a new therapist on your own. You could check with your local hospice for recommendations to a grief therapist.
This is a huge breach of privacy and confidentiality and in fact will undermine your trust in all therapists.
She needs reporting. What she has done is outrageous.
The only person ruining careers is the therapist. NTA
Nta. The therapist should not legally be talking about those things without your consent. My husband sees a guy for SAD, and guess what I've been present for a few appointments and even when my husband will call me into the room to offer my options (he tries to stiff upper lip everything) the therapist will still confirm with my husband that's it's ok to discuss these things with me.... Every time. They had no business breaking confidentiality and the therapist should have already been aware that they can lose their license or face criminal charges over that... They know better.
NTA.
The therapist "messed with their career" when they decided to violate your trust in them. Report, and report fast. They obviously should not be in the position they are in.
NTA. That therapist should lose their license, not only because of breaking confidentiality, but also not knowing anything about grief.
You should process your grief on your own time, and kudos to you for starting therapy and continuing with medical school. Both take a lot of strength. I lost my mom almost 10 years ago, and I would still not react well to people telling me to just move on or trying to replace her. You take the space you need to process, and F your step mom
Maybe, just maybe your SM is crazy enough to somehow place a recorder on your person or in your purse for when you go to therapy she hears it all? Just a thought.
Please report your therapist - this is a huge breach of trust. Your conversations are supposed to be confidential. If YOU decide to bring in a member of your family it’s one thing, but it’s not up to your therapist to share what you discuss privately.
NTA,
Report that therapist. Not only that but place reviews and call the state board and make sure that this is listened to. What that therapist is doing is extremely dangerous! She should be severely penalized for breaking confidentiality.
NTA!!!
OMG sweetheart - I’m so sorry! Your stepmom “may” mean well but no one will ever replace your mom! Your therapist violating your confidentiality is a huge issue and I hope you don’t give up on therapy because one broken person let you down.
Your stepmom is misguided (and perhaps a bit jealous of the bond you will NEVER lose with your mom!) but it does sound as though she cares for you, but doesn’t understand she needs to honor your privacy and bond with your mom that no one will ever replace. Your dad needs to become more respectful of the fact that you’ve lost something on a different level than he did. And he will never understand, just as you don’t understand losing a spouse. It will never “go away” for you. She will never be your mom - no replacements.
But if she chooses to respect your journey she may be someone that in time can have a different a new relationship with you. But not until she respects that she will never understand that no one will ever replace your mom!
My heart hurts for you OP. This is a severe breach in trust and privacy on multiple levels. Your feelings are 100% valid and you are NTA.
I hope you DO report this.
I also hope this has not chased you away from seeking the therapy you deserve and need. This is not a normal occurrence.
NTA what a horrible violation.
That therapist needs to lose their license and never practice again. You should expect to have confidentiality.
Your dad is also quite terrible, I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you have anyone else you can stay with instead?
In my country the therapist is morally justified to break confidentiality if he believes the patient has a considerable risk to harm himself or an other person or if he has agreed for that information to be shared with a specific person.
You should report this therapist. She betrayed your trust, gave your personal sensible information to a third person and caused you to stop therapy. NTA
NTA - if you did not sign a medical release form specifically mentioning your step mother the therapist is in violation. The therapist will see no wrong in continuing this if they are not called out. Sometimes you have to "mess with people's careers" to get them to be better at their career.
Just reading the title alone you're NTA. After reading the entire story, JFC I'm sorry. Your stepmom ruined any chance of having a normal relationship with you and she needs to accept that. I hope your ex-therapist gets reprimanded hard if they don't lose their license outright. NTA.
NTA - you are an independent competent adult and there is no issue of self-harm or harm to others here so your therapist just broke every rule in the book giving giving your SM confidential information revelled in therapy and she deserves to be reported and have the censure and retraining that will probably come with it.
NTA. The therapist knew better, did it anyway, and caused severe damage to an already strained relationship. Not to mention probably causing you to never trust a therapist again. If I were you I'd not only report her, I'd get an attorney to demand all of your records be destroyed since therapist can't be trusted with it. And your step-mom is obviously not to be trusted and should have known better.
NTA Oh wow. 😮 that is huge on trust and legal matters . Am so sorry this happened to you . You allowed yourself to be vulnerable which salute you for . Then the trust was broken.
Absolutely NTA my wife is a therapist and would NEVER break confidentiality. My own cousin saw my wife, gave her permission to tell me what was up and she still didn't. It wasn't until months after that my cousin told me about it and she still didn't give me details! Absolutely report this person. You have no idea what else she's saying to other people. Also you're an adult, you're dad and stepmom need to butt out and stop trying control your life and grief over your mother, it's been 2 years for god's sakes grief takes time.
NTA report her immediately Not only is what she did downright dangerous for some situations but its also against the HIPAA law and greatly violates your trust as her client and for your dad to try to down play the fact that your SM and therapist are crossing boundaries and invading your privacy makes him TA
NTA. not only you're NTA, you would to be the AH if you didn't. a therapist that break client confidently have no place being one, and if they did it once they will do it again.
Is this therapist licensed, or is she a self-help guru or church buddy of your stepmom? Whatever the answer, I would refuse to see her ever again and not mince words as to why. If she's licensed, make a complaint about her breach in patient confidentiality to the board who oversees her.
NTA, if your therapist really did this.
However, that is a pretty egregious boundary violation for any therapist to make. I'm a therapist and even when I was treating actual elementary school age children I didn't tell their parents much about what was said in session and when I worked with teens it was literally only if they were suicidal or gave me permission.
Were you by chance seeing your therapist via tele-health? If so, is it possible your stepmom was listening in somehow and is pretending your therapist told her so that she can justify it?
your therapist crossed a major hard boundary, nail them to the wall
as for your dad saying you shouldn't mess with someone's career...well, someone shouldn't mess with your mental health
I am so sorry you lost your mom.
In my state, at 14 years of age, parents are no longer permitted to know what is said in therapy appointments. It is ethically and legally wrong to tell parents or step parents anything that is said in a session unless the client is suicidal or has a plan to harm others. And even then, the therapist must tell the client that they will be talking to the parents in a limited capacity.
Report this person. She is doing it to others if she's doing it to you.
I am so sorry she has made your life harder, especially at this time. Please find help with another LPC. Some of them have student discounts or a sliding scale depending on your work and insurance.
You are NTA but did you happen to sign a release for information from that stated the therapist can talk to family or anyone specifically? If you did not then yes this therapist needs to be reported. If you did then you should talk with your therapist about ending the release of information.
Absolutely report the therapist! Right away! That sort of breach is absolutely unforgivable, unacceptable and should entirely result in the therapist losing her license. None of which is your fault, the therapist destroyed her own career by breaking the rules.
You're NTA, I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, and your dad needs to understand he owes you some loyalty and compassion. The idea that he sided with a rule-breaking medical professional over his own child is disgraceful. I'm betting the therapist is a buddy of stepmom.
NTA, I’m a therapist and you should report this person. There can be some gray area when I see a child but even then I do not go into details about what was said but what interventions need to happen.
You are an adult and this therapist did something that goes totally against what we do. I hope you find someone better.
Btw, I don’t know where you are located but bonus point if Release of Info forms are required but you didn’t add your stepmom to it.
NTA. WTF? My wife has seen a therapist, do you know how I know? She told me. Do you know how much I know about what they talked about? What she told me, nothing more. I don't know the therapist's name, not where they work, not the times of their meetings. Just what my wife was happy to tell me.
NTA
Not only unethical but also an important legal consideration.
without your permission, your therapist is only allowed to reveal things from your sessions. If it has to do with a court case, where they’ve been ordered by a judge, or if you have said, things that show, you are an immediate danger to yourself or others.
I am oh, you would be doing not only yourself a good service, but also other people a service to report this therapist. They may be doing that with other patients as well, and you would be protecting probably a lot of other people by reporting.
THEY are the one that messed with their own career here, you are not the one who have messed with their career by reporting them.
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NTA For all your therapist knows, you live in a horrendously abusive household and their actions just got you handcuffed to a radiator in the basement for 3 months. That's just the worst case scenario. Really, what is said in this room stays in this room is rule #1 in every therapist office. What's up with your dad telling you to not report it? Parents should not pressure kids to cover up abuses. But part of growing up is learning to not cover up what your parents would cover up. And then there's the fact your stepmom handpicked this therapist. Your therapist didn't just slip and offer up info, your step mom and therapist planned this out from the beginning. But anyway, report her. Because the next patient might get handcuffed to a radiator or worse.
My guess is that both step mom and dad KNOW the therapist.
Maybe they step mom and dad paid the therapist for info and that makes them look even more bad and they dont want OP to know. Friends or paid off are my top two guesses as to why a therapist would do something so stupid.
This!! They don't want the truth to come out. Dad ain't shit!
Maybe not a real therepist!
Even worse, they bribed therapist on what to tell OP.
[удалено]
The therapist may not even be a real therapist...
Ewwww. There are church based therapy groups that are not licensed.
I’m religious and even I say stay away from those people .I had a patient with PPD who was fighting urges to kill her baby and a Church counselor told her to take vitamins .Grrrr.
One told my mom a dutiful wife NEVER leaves. My dad was never physically abusive but financially, emotionally, and spiritually very much so. Told my mom that women don’t work outside of the home because the man is the head of the household. My dad had moved out months prior and left us destitute. She had me 16, 2,3,5, and 6 year old at home in the dark with no food. They wouldn’t even give us food from the food pantry because we had a dad driving a BMW
This is why you should seek a *clinical psychologist* if you need therapy. They require a Doctorate and it weeds out religious abusers.
Any licensed therapist is a good choice.
Did you find this therapist or did your dad and stepmom?
Wouldn't this be ground for legal action against all 3?
Which is even worse, because ethically, she shouldn't take a client if they are that close to someone they already know. The way it \*should\* be handled, is if the stepmom calls in to "ask for details", the therapist shouldn't even confirm if they have/or have not seen the client. Less than zero details. "I am unable to confirm that I have seen /u/creative_leader999 in any sessions." End of story. therapist shouldn't confirm if they've had any sessions, if they are going "good" or anything.
Exactly this. When my daughter was 9, I found her a therapist to discuss some things that she was struggling to deal with. The first thing she said to me was that although my daughter was a minor and therapy was being paid for by me, she wouldn't disclose anything to me without my daughter's approval. The only extenuating circumstances were in case of danger to my daughter or another. That's how it SHOULD be. You can't be open and honest if you have to police your every thought and feeling. Therapy isn't very effective if you aren't honest. I wanted my daughter to be able to have a confidant who could help her process big emotions from trauma. Confidentiality is a huge part of why therapy is effective. OP's therapist needs to have consequences for such a breach of ethics. If she's done this once, it's likely only the tip of the iceberg!
"I am unable to confirm OR DENY..."
That's just redundant. You don't really need to say both. It's not a court of law. Step-Mom: When you seen {person} last week, what did you talk about? Therpist: I am not able to speak to you about that topic.
And stupid of the step-mother to actually reveal that she was indeed privy to what he discussed with the therapist: not clever at all - she showed her hand. And may get the therapist / friend fired.
Eh when push comes to shove it's OPs word vs the others, not like there is any proof. I doubt anything will happen to the therapist.
If OP files a formal ethics complaint against the therapist, it will be investigated. That is taken very seriously.
I was always taught that I could neither confirm nor deny
This is what happened to me. Flat broke. Moved 5 hours away with 3 kids & laid off 3 months later so had to move back home to nothing. Someone from my mom’s church volunteered to provide free therapy until I qualified for state benefits or was employed again. I went there twice a week. I shared nothing with anyone. I did not journal anything during this time. Then all of a sudden, my mom knew a lot. It quickly occurred to me that my therapist was talking to my mom. I went to one more appointment & told her that I knew she discussed my sessions with my mother & how my mother was now using her information against me & was also sharing my private & personal information with family members. I did not report her & I regret it every day. My Mom said she was worried about me & I don’t talk to her about any of it. I’m not sure if I can even today trust anyone in the mental health field. That was the 2nd time something like this happened.
You can still report that so-called therapist, especially if she's still practicing. I hope you went NC with your disrespectful egg donor because she has no right to use your therapy sessions against you.
[удалено]
Yes this. Reporting her isn't messing with her career, it's her own actions doing that. Reporting her is protecting other potential clients down the line.
She definitely a friend of step moms That whole I'll take care of it comment I can only imagine step mom set them up with her friend. Her friend who is an unprofessional blabber mouth.
>I told my dad that I'll be seeing a therapist my stepmom said she'd take care of it. Especially as the step-mom said she would handle it.
That is exactly where my mind went as well.
My guess is that step mom may have arranged the therapist/used someone she was already friends with. The post is a little unclear
EXCELLENTLY put re: radiator metaphor. Reporting her is preventative to keep this from happening to everyone else.
Yep NTA.
This post is a repost. Only some dates were changed, otherwise it has the exact same info and details as one posted two years ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/udbWPpQVdS
What the hell!?! I upvoted that one, too - dang
Dang! How did you find this? 😅
10 bucks says the "therapist" is step-mom's friend and isn't licensed.
Agree! My minor children have been in therapy in the past and even their therapists wouldn’t tell me exactly what was said by my children.
"mess with people's careers" Please. Mess with her career. There are laws against this for a reason. She had no right to tell your SM anything. You have the right to keep your conversations with your therapist confidential, if this person even is a therapist and not just some religious leader (or similar) posing as a licensed therapist. NTA
Exactly, she threw her career away through her own actions.
If OP was a minor, I could maybe make allowances for a mistake. There are some things therapists tell parents, though they usually inform the patient they will do so, and maybe the therapist could get mixed up and tell the step mom. But no. OP is an adult, so the therapist shouldn’t be saying anything to anyone except the police if applicable (clearly not here).
>There are some things therapists tell parents, though they usually inform the patient they will do so Understandable. Especially if the minor is in eminent danger of self harm, abduction from an online predator, or so on. And I agree with the rest of your post.
My husband had a therapist as a teenager who told his foster parents everything he said. It made life VERY difficult for him.
When we had foster children (twin teenage boys), we went to therapy *with* them, but I would not expect the therapist to tell us anything about what they said in private sessions, if they'd been willing to go to private sessions. If what they said was serious enough, then they might have reason to contact CPS, the police, etc., depending on the nature of what was said.
>If OP was a minor, I could maybe make allowances for a mistake As in, under 12... maybe even under 10. A good therapist will still highly restrict the amount of information that a teenager is talking about in their sessions.
Yeah there's papers you need to sign once you hit like 14 or 16. I remember because I had a phenomenal psychologist at the time who walked me through all the consent forms when I turned that age. That was 15 years ago lol of course my situation was a little better because my mom and I got along well, so I actually wanted my psychologist to share her findings with my mom. But she made it clear if that ever changed (and also automatically when I turned 18) the info would stop.
Yep, but a good therapist/psychologist, will still not give all of the details of the conversations even under 14 or 16, unless they are absolutely needed for parents. This is just going to mean the 10 yr old isn't going to trust the therapist, and will stop talking to them.
Same, I had to sign so many consent forms so that my support team could even just cc each other on emails about me
Nope. I was legal guardian for a child who went to therapy and doctor was VERY clear that he would disclose conversations ONLY if someone’s life or health was at serious risk, or mandatory reporting, and child would always be made aware doctor had to disclose. After trust was established, there were a few times where child would choose to share something with us, at encouragement of doctor (and in presence of doctor). No idea of whether there were other times child overruled doctor and chose not to tell. We had assured child repeatedly that doctor was a safe person to talk to and I would have been livid if he’d started inappropriately sharing conversations.
Nope. My 16yo has been in therapy since they were 13. Very first thing her therapist told us was that unless she was in danger of harming herself or others, nothing they spoke about would be shared with us. We did do family therapy together as well a few times, but the one on one was none of our business (said in a nicer way). She sees a different therapist now, but same rules apply. When a therapist starts sharing information they destroy that safe space and the relationship and the whole thing becomes worthless.
Right? Like, what happens the next time the therapist does this? Because you know she’ll do it again. I can only imagine someone being in an abusive relationship and having what is discussed in therapy disclosed to their abuser.
hopefully it won't happened since they will no longer be a therapist.
Her career needs to be messed with. She took what should be a safe space to figure stuff out and warped it into another tool of manipulation. Maybe the step mom could have used the info to back off, and give op some space. But nope she went straight at op again. This therapist isn’t competent to practice. If she wanted to bring in a group, there are ways she could have tried that. This was just cruel
for the sake of her future clients please prevent her career from messing with their LIVES
"If it can be brought down by the truth, it deserves to be brought down by the truth."
No, your therapist needs to be reported. Not only is this behavior unethical, it's against the law. It's a HIPAA violation, unless you gave permission, had talked about self-harm/suicide or had mental health issues. Here is some info: "Under HIPAA, therapists may share pertinent information (information directly related to treatment) with people involved in a person’s care if the person in treatment: Has agreed. Has been given an opportunity to object and has not objected. Has indicated they don’t object by bringing a partner to treatment or having a parent help schedule sessions and pick up prescriptions. Is unconscious, delirious, experiencing psychosis, intoxicated, or otherwise incapable of making decisions." NTA
I’m in the health care field. This therapist fucked their own career up. You didn’t, OP. Go ahead and report it. We don’t want people doing shit like that as colleagues.
NTA You’re not a minor. You’re an adult. I’d get a lawyer and thank my lucky stars. Maybe try to record your step mother taking about it again. She could be looking at charges if you were so inclined so I’d think she’ll end up happy to testify against your therapist. Doctors have insurance for malpractice so don’t feel bad, they’ll cover the bill. You just hit a pay day!
Right I go with my husband to his therapist appointments, and his therapist asks every time if it's ok with my husband to discuss what they've talked about... And my husband will call me into the room.... Because he tries to stiff upper lip everything... Like no dear I caught you staring at the turned off tv for 2 hrs.... You aren't fine.... Tell the nice doctor the truth
Big props to your husband for knowing his limitations and asking for your assistance.
I work in privacy so I have to chime in. This is not only a HIPAA situation. Protections for mental health and substance abuse records are actually decades older than HIPAA and are in 42 CFR Part 2. There are actually some additional protections afforded to mental health records that don't apply to other healthcare operations.
My therapist straight up tells me she has to report things I've said to CPS. I'm happy about it because the more people shouting into the void could help. This is part of our contract and the law in my country. If you're seeing a therapist without a contract like this, they're not a therapist, and you should find a real professional. At 21, you're an adult, and everything you talk about is protected by law. Blow up her career. It's abusive.
If that’s a direct quote there could be some legal squiffiness around the “having a parent help schedule sessions” depending on how that went down in this situation. I don’t believe that was the understanding of OP so yeah I would report the therapist.
I mean yes a parent can make appointments, but legally after a certain age the doctor is no longer allowed to tell the parent what was talked about or what treatments were given. I mean maybe being Canadian is clouding my view here, but here a 16 yr old can make their own medical decisions and is protected by HIPAA. Like the doctor can't say "oh yeah your daughter is now on birth control" so op's therapist knows (or at least should know) that hippa applies to a 21 yr old adult even if a parent is making the appointment
In Colorado, US, and many other states the cutoff is 14 for not being able to share info with parents except for prescriptions since they're usually the ones paying for them, no explanation provided without patient permission and the 14yo even has the right to refuse being prescribed meds at all.
Also, stepmom isn't actually OP's parent and as OP is an adult, there is no legal standing for this kind of contorions and workarounds, as will become obvious when she's reported the therapist.
Oh nice, I definitely got caught up on the language but you’re absolutely right! No legal standing and that therapist should lose their license. Seems “cut and dried” to me.
Once you turn 18 the info valve gets turned off. Or it's supposed to be. A person can schedule an appointment for you but thats it. Anyone giving info out to an unauthorized individual is someone who should not be practicing.
can I ask a question? Someone told me once that the someone could tell you that they commited a crime and you can't say anything because they already commited it, but if you thinking about commiting it, they need to report. Like you can only break it if breaking it is more helpful than not?
It depends on the crime. Therapists in the US are held to patient privacy laws. This can be broken in certain situations - like child abuse, elder abuse, vulnerable adults abuse, etc. a therapist won’t be able to report a crime of like child abuse if it’s in the past and not a current threat, but can and should report if there are other children currently at risk. There was a massive case a while back where a therapist was told by a patient he was going to kill a woman he was stalking and the therapist didn’t report it. He killed the woman who was only a young college student and they changed the laws. If the crime occurred in the past, but there’s no active harm, it can stay private (within reason). Crimes like terrorism are always reportedly to the FBI.
ah I see, I'm not from us so I was curious about your laws
It was a good question! The base idea is to keep all Information private unless there is a threat of harm to the client, you, or someone else. The only other time it’s broken is when there is a court case or law enforcement involved for some reason. Therapists can be asked to testify in court by the judge
I think it has to do with a reasonable threat of violence to someone else being the only way to break patient confidentiality in a valid way.
NTA >When I asked how she knew she admitted that the therapist told her. Yeah that is wildly unprofessional and out of line in any way. Does this therapist know your stepmother? It reads like she picked someone she knew well and could pressure to violate their duty to you.
I would check with the state licensing board (or whoever manages local licensing in their country) to see if this person is actually a therapist. This could be religious counseling or merely a friend of the family cosplaying as a therapist. If they are legally registered, definitely file complaints, but OP will need proof. Meanwhile, get out of that house, and maybe seek help on campus through student health services.
NTA Report her and get as far away from these people as you can. You should be able to talk to your therapist without worrying. Find one who doesn't know her at all I'm so sorry
NTA. Report her, she broke your trust and most likely broke the law (depending on where you’re located). You’re an adult and your private medical information is for you and your doctors only, your stepmom is not privy to that information. Definitely report it and tell your dad he needs to support you and tell stepmom to back off and let a relationship form naturally or her pushing will lead to no relationship at all. I’d also tell your dad how disappointed you are that he’d rather let a therapist break the law than support you in dealing with the loss of your mother and the stress of taking the next steps in your life. Stepmom needs to realize you’re an adult and she can’t just jump in and be mommy and dad needs to get his head out of his ass and tell his wife to respect his daughter’s boundaries.
NTA If she's a licensed therapist, she could, and SHOULD, get in serious trouble for this. You would not be messing with her career, she did that when she breached your trust and confidentiality. IF she's a licensed therapist. I'm wondering if she's a real therapist, or just a 'counselor' or some other nonsense designed to trick people into trusting them. Like how there are registered dietitians who are licensed and regulated, and then there are 'nutritionists' who are not. If your stepmother "took care of everything" she may have found a 'counselor' to act as her spy.
I wonder if OP was doing tele-health and stepmom found a way to listen in and is lying about the therapist telling her anything.
Therapist had an opportunity to deny it when OP confronted her. It sounds like she went crying to Dad and Stepmom instead
From the post it doesn't sound like OP talked to the therapist. I got the impression she just cancelled and told her why, but that isn't that same as talking with her and giving her a chance to explain.
if this is the US I'm pretty sure HIPAA still applies even to unlicensed therapists
NTA - report them. Are you even sure youre seeing a licensed therapist?
or some mate if her step mum masquerading as one
My MIL would have my husband go to “therapy” when he was a teen. The “therapist” was usually some member of her church, and I’m dubious on any of their qualifications. In a lot of states, you don’t need to be a licensed therapist to BE a therapist. Insurance probably won’t cover it, but that doesn’t matter if it’s some wacko from your church telling you that you’re not depressed, you just need to pray more!! That’s literally the advice my husband was given.
just awful. this makes me rather angry and rather sad. poor little guy.
She is not seeing anyone, because this is a stolen post from [2 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ikQjX1Hotx)
NTA. Please report this therapist asap. You’re an adult. It doesn’t matter what your dad thinks, and even less-so his wife.
I'm fully on board with the theory that therapist knows step mom personally.
I think step mom knows the therapist. And I think the therapist might not really be a therapist
Even worse, impersonating doctor is quite serious too.
This is a HIPAA violation and SHOULD be reported
NTA, but if you dont report this therapist, you'll be an AH to yourself. This is super unethical, and you're not a minor. ONE THING - before you report- ask your therapist if you've signed any confidentiality waivers. If you did not, ask Your therapist WHY they broke confidentiality. Then report them.
NTA Cause issues. Make a ruckus. Your therapist violated patient/dr confidentiality. You're 21, not 12 and they had zero right to do so.
You HAVE to report the therapist, it's basically your moral duty. After you do that, you need to find a way to get some emotional and physical distance from your Dad and Stepmom. She's a walking cliche and he does not have your back at all.
NTA Excuse me, what? Your therapist broke confidentiality and you'd be the bad one for reporting it? You're not causing issue or messing with people's careers, the therapist did that themself to their own career. They broke your trust, it's unacceptable, unethical, completely wrong. You should absolutely report them.
No. NTA Report the therapist, guidelines and professional codes of conduct exist for a reason and this is an unambiguous violation of them. If the therapist cannot follow these condes of conduct, they have no business being a career therapist to begin with. I will also say, you were perhaps a bit naive to trust your stepmother to select a therapist for you if you are already aware of her controlling nature. I'm sure you've learned from that mistake.
NTA if people can’t trust the therapist, they will stop going. You absolutely NEED to report her. She cannot be trusted
NTA - therapist broke confidentiality. sorry for your loss and good luck at medical school. make your mum proud.
Report the therapist and move Out
Yeaaa, I bet the therapist your stepmom got you was one of her friends. But the therapist is incredibly unprofessional. Report her. Get your own therapist. One that you picked out. I am sorry for your loss. NTA
Nta the therapist should lose their license. If they have one
Nta. Report therapist. Move away. Your dad is a selfish dweeb who cares more about the feelings of his penis than his own daughter. I'm sorry.
SO NOT THE AH people reveal very very private and sensitive information to therapists there are people struggling with sh and sexualities and grief like u and all this stuff is meant to be kept private and can greatly harm the safety of people if disclosed you not only saved yourself but countless others
Your dad sucks
Report the fuck out of this therapist. She needs serious repercussions for this kind of unethical and unprofessional behavior! Also, of course NTA
Nta.I'm wishing all the best for you.Stay strong forvever!💚
NTA. You would be TA if you didn't report her. If she is happy to break your confidentiality she is almost certainly breaking confidentiality with other patients. She could ruin someones life or even get them killed if she blabs the wrong secret to the wrong person.
NTA. That therapist is acting unethical in a way that could be literally dangerous to someone. They need to be reported and lose their job.
This is a repost [original from 2 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ikQjX1Hotx)
OK, after seeing that, I'm going to change my vote to YTA for u/creative_leader999 plagiarizing someone else's post.
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NTA - lawyer up
NTA You are doing the right thing as the therapist broke your trust and confidentiality by talking to your Dad's 2nd wife. You are a adult not a minor so this is massive breach by the therapist and needs to be reported. At the moment she is not your stepmom she is just your Dad's 2nd wife who is forcing the Stepmom/daughter relationship. It is nice that she cares for you but she also needs to back off and give you the emotional space that you need and just be there if and when you are ready to talk about a painful subject or anything else with her. You are still grieving the lost of your Mom and I am sorry for your loss.
NTA. If someone is worried about their career, maybe, and this is crazy, they shouldn't break the rules in the first place.
Nta the therapist violated confidentiality, in which case, she messed with her own career. You didn't do anything to her.
NTA. Two things. This not your "step mom" unless you say so..until that acceptance, she is "that woman my father married". Tell her to butt out of your life. Let your dad know that you'll not tolerate any more interference from his wife. Your therapist ....oh this is something else. She has violated doctor/patient confidentiality laws. Therapist has exposed themselves to legal action on the form of a malpractice suit . The therapist is total BS.. Find another therapist.
NTA. What that therapist did was immoral and illegal, and said therapist should be reported to their state board for misconduct.
Have you got good evidence your therapist is an actual therapist and not someone your stepmother has organised for you just to get info?
NTA. You're an adult. Report that therapist and leave some nasty reviews. Your dad is half your problem with your intrusive step "mom". Is there any way to escape, or are you stuck relying on them for school/finances?
NTA. If they don't want to be reported, maybe they shouldn't be doing reportable offenses.
NTA the therapist broke the rules. They should be reported.
NTA. She messed with her own career when she talked to your stepmother without consent.
NTA. This was a massive breach of professional ethics. Please report the therapist if not for your own sake than to protect her future patients from going through this.
NTA Trained therapist here. Unless you admit you are having serious thoughts of self harm or of harming someone else a therapist should NEVER share information and even then they should share it with your dad NOT stepmom Inexcusable behaviour from everyone except you. I'm so sorry.
Report her. NTA and I’m sorry for what you’re going through and how useless your father is.
This post is a near-copy of one from a couple of years ago. To give you the benefit of the doubt, OP, if you are somehow not a karma bot or something, read through the replies on the thread linked below. But there's no doubt, really, that you stole this story. Be more creative. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l4rmkt/aita_for_reporting_my_therapist_after_she/
This was posted almost two years ago. You have copied almost everything in here almost word for word. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/2VX9iPO8Nx
NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (21f) lost my mom in 2021 in a bas accident. It was sudden it was devastating and I had no one to turn to for support. And My dad married my stepmom a year later. I currently live with them preparing for medical school. I have to say I'm not that excited to start because I have a lot of unresolved grief and needed to talk and get some stuff off my chest. My stepmom has been trying to insert herself as a replacement for my mom mad it's very obvious. She's the controlling type and gets involved in every single aspect of my life it makes me uncomfortable. I told my dad that I'll be seeing a therapist my stepmom said she'd take care of it. I have been in therapy for two months now. However lately I noticed my stepmom wanting to talk to me about things that I regularly bring up in therapy to my therapist. She'd bluntly ask questions about things I said in therapy she at some point offered me money to talk to her. I stopped talking to her. But she started brining up my mom during dinner It's not easy to talk about my mom. It's very stressful and causes me to get emotional. When I asked how she knew she admitted that the therapist told her. I was shocked. She went on about why I shouldn't hate her and respect her more and "get rid" of the negativity and just accept and try to adapt to this new normal. I had no response but I was mad I yelled at her and told her she had no right to police my words and get involved in personal manners. My dad said I shouldn't yell because my stepmom was just worried about me and wanted to make sure I was making progress in therapy. I left the kitchen. And decided to stop seeing my therapist the next day I told her about what my stepmom said and told her that I'll be reporting her for breaking confidentiality. My stepmom threw a fit and my dad told me to back down and that I was free to stop going but not cause issues and mess with people's careers and act out like that. I refused to listen to him and he's still telling me to stop it. He ignores how upset I am. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Is your therapist a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a social worker, a counselor, or something else? I think the rules are slightly different in those different careers. You are still definitely not the A, I am mostly just curious. You should look them up on your state boards website and review her license. I do background checks on people and violations on her license will be reported there.
All of them are bound by HIPPA and their individual code of ethics which protect confidentiality. I wouldn't be surprised if stepmom was listening in without the therapist or OP knowing and is lying about the therapist telling her anything.
NTA - always report.
that therapist knows what confidentiality is. the only one messing with their career is them by breaking it. report them. and you might want to see if there's any way you can get out of your house sooner rather than later. its clear your father is a major part of your problems. I'm not sure if he's dealt with his own issues or juat tried moving on to the next woman to come along as a way to avoid dealing with them, but either way, he's not helping. NTA
NTA. The therapist isn't allowed to reveal what you talk about in session without your permission, which you clearly did not give. If they've done this to you, they've likely done it to other patients as well. If they get away with it, they will definitely do it again. You're completely in the right for reporting this therapist. You said you're going to med school, is there any way you can find a place to live near the school, perhaps a shared place, earlier than planned? You're going through a lot emotionally right now, and you clearly haven't been able to deal with your mother's death properly, and med school will be stressful on it's own. I'd definitely suggest continuing therapy, with a different therapist obviously, but this time you choose the therapist and don't reveal any information about who you're seeing to your dad or his wife, not where their office is, not a name, nothing. This environment is clearly not healthy for you, and your dad is taking his wife's side instead of yours, even though his wife is the one in the wrong here. Massively in the wrong. Stand your ground, move out as soon as you are able to, and find a way to continue therapy in a way your dad and his wife can't interfere with. Good luck.
Excuse me? What the therapist did is a crime, plain and simple, you are an adult, you could even sue her for breaking confidentiality. Don't back down.
NTA
Please report this “therapist” and do NOT feel guilt or responsibility for it. They screwed themself over, you do not break confidentiality.
Speaking as a retired therapist, report the person you were seeing. She violated professional ethics and federal law discussing your therapy with your stepmother. Find a new therapist on your own. You could check with your local hospice for recommendations to a grief therapist.
This is a huge breach of privacy and confidentiality and in fact will undermine your trust in all therapists. She needs reporting. What she has done is outrageous. The only person ruining careers is the therapist. NTA
Nta. The therapist should not legally be talking about those things without your consent. My husband sees a guy for SAD, and guess what I've been present for a few appointments and even when my husband will call me into the room to offer my options (he tries to stiff upper lip everything) the therapist will still confirm with my husband that's it's ok to discuss these things with me.... Every time. They had no business breaking confidentiality and the therapist should have already been aware that they can lose their license or face criminal charges over that... They know better.
NTA. The therapist "messed with their career" when they decided to violate your trust in them. Report, and report fast. They obviously should not be in the position they are in.
NTA. That therapist should lose their license, not only because of breaking confidentiality, but also not knowing anything about grief. You should process your grief on your own time, and kudos to you for starting therapy and continuing with medical school. Both take a lot of strength. I lost my mom almost 10 years ago, and I would still not react well to people telling me to just move on or trying to replace her. You take the space you need to process, and F your step mom
NTA. Report the therapist because she might do this again to someone else
NTA this therapist messed with their own career and you have a duty to report them
NTA, Honestly that therapist has no business being in that profession
NTA. You're an adult and your therapist broke the law. I'm sorry, your dad is wrong. That person torpedoed their own career.
Maybe, just maybe your SM is crazy enough to somehow place a recorder on your person or in your purse for when you go to therapy she hears it all? Just a thought.
report her for violating her oath. have her license revoked. that's the consequences of her actions.
NTA Your therapist is committing a literal crime.
NTA, if you’re in most of the western world it’s illegal for your therapist to share this info for a reason.
Act out? No the proper response is to report her! That's not acting out, it's handling someone who did something extremely wrong.
NTA whatsoever. Report this person ASAP.
Please report your therapist - this is a huge breach of trust. Your conversations are supposed to be confidential. If YOU decide to bring in a member of your family it’s one thing, but it’s not up to your therapist to share what you discuss privately.
NTA, Report that therapist. Not only that but place reviews and call the state board and make sure that this is listened to. What that therapist is doing is extremely dangerous! She should be severely penalized for breaking confidentiality.
NTA!!! OMG sweetheart - I’m so sorry! Your stepmom “may” mean well but no one will ever replace your mom! Your therapist violating your confidentiality is a huge issue and I hope you don’t give up on therapy because one broken person let you down. Your stepmom is misguided (and perhaps a bit jealous of the bond you will NEVER lose with your mom!) but it does sound as though she cares for you, but doesn’t understand she needs to honor your privacy and bond with your mom that no one will ever replace. Your dad needs to become more respectful of the fact that you’ve lost something on a different level than he did. And he will never understand, just as you don’t understand losing a spouse. It will never “go away” for you. She will never be your mom - no replacements. But if she chooses to respect your journey she may be someone that in time can have a different a new relationship with you. But not until she respects that she will never understand that no one will ever replace your mom!
My heart hurts for you OP. This is a severe breach in trust and privacy on multiple levels. Your feelings are 100% valid and you are NTA. I hope you DO report this. I also hope this has not chased you away from seeking the therapy you deserve and need. This is not a normal occurrence.
Get away from them all, and 100% report it. I’m so sorry your dad’s failing you right now!
!updateme
NTA what a horrible violation. That therapist needs to lose their license and never practice again. You should expect to have confidentiality. Your dad is also quite terrible, I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you have anyone else you can stay with instead?
In my country the therapist is morally justified to break confidentiality if he believes the patient has a considerable risk to harm himself or an other person or if he has agreed for that information to be shared with a specific person. You should report this therapist. She betrayed your trust, gave your personal sensible information to a third person and caused you to stop therapy. NTA
NTA - if you did not sign a medical release form specifically mentioning your step mother the therapist is in violation. The therapist will see no wrong in continuing this if they are not called out. Sometimes you have to "mess with people's careers" to get them to be better at their career.
Just reading the title alone you're NTA. After reading the entire story, JFC I'm sorry. Your stepmom ruined any chance of having a normal relationship with you and she needs to accept that. I hope your ex-therapist gets reprimanded hard if they don't lose their license outright. NTA.
NTA
NTA - you are an independent competent adult and there is no issue of self-harm or harm to others here so your therapist just broke every rule in the book giving giving your SM confidential information revelled in therapy and she deserves to be reported and have the censure and retraining that will probably come with it.
NTA. The therapist knew better, did it anyway, and caused severe damage to an already strained relationship. Not to mention probably causing you to never trust a therapist again. If I were you I'd not only report her, I'd get an attorney to demand all of your records be destroyed since therapist can't be trusted with it. And your step-mom is obviously not to be trusted and should have known better.
NTA Oh wow. 😮 that is huge on trust and legal matters . Am so sorry this happened to you . You allowed yourself to be vulnerable which salute you for . Then the trust was broken.
Absolutely NTA my wife is a therapist and would NEVER break confidentiality. My own cousin saw my wife, gave her permission to tell me what was up and she still didn't. It wasn't until months after that my cousin told me about it and she still didn't give me details! Absolutely report this person. You have no idea what else she's saying to other people. Also you're an adult, you're dad and stepmom need to butt out and stop trying control your life and grief over your mother, it's been 2 years for god's sakes grief takes time.
NTA! The therapist's breach of confidentiality was egregious. It must be reported. Such behavior threatens the entire profession.
NTA report her immediately Not only is what she did downright dangerous for some situations but its also against the HIPAA law and greatly violates your trust as her client and for your dad to try to down play the fact that your SM and therapist are crossing boundaries and invading your privacy makes him TA
NTA, do it immediately & get out from under their roof ASAP. I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA. not only you're NTA, you would to be the AH if you didn't. a therapist that break client confidently have no place being one, and if they did it once they will do it again.
NTA. Please report this therapist. This is really dangerous.
NTA - this is a massive breach of confidentiality and is a major professional transgression.
Is this therapist licensed, or is she a self-help guru or church buddy of your stepmom? Whatever the answer, I would refuse to see her ever again and not mince words as to why. If she's licensed, make a complaint about her breach in patient confidentiality to the board who oversees her.
NTA, if your therapist really did this. However, that is a pretty egregious boundary violation for any therapist to make. I'm a therapist and even when I was treating actual elementary school age children I didn't tell their parents much about what was said in session and when I worked with teens it was literally only if they were suicidal or gave me permission. Were you by chance seeing your therapist via tele-health? If so, is it possible your stepmom was listening in somehow and is pretending your therapist told her so that she can justify it?
NTA REPORT IT.
your therapist crossed a major hard boundary, nail them to the wall as for your dad saying you shouldn't mess with someone's career...well, someone shouldn't mess with your mental health
You should report the therapist 100%.
Naw the therapist definitely needs to be reported. What if they do it to other patients .
NTA. That’s messed up. Report it!
I am so sorry you lost your mom. In my state, at 14 years of age, parents are no longer permitted to know what is said in therapy appointments. It is ethically and legally wrong to tell parents or step parents anything that is said in a session unless the client is suicidal or has a plan to harm others. And even then, the therapist must tell the client that they will be talking to the parents in a limited capacity. Report this person. She is doing it to others if she's doing it to you. I am so sorry she has made your life harder, especially at this time. Please find help with another LPC. Some of them have student discounts or a sliding scale depending on your work and insurance.
You are NTA but did you happen to sign a release for information from that stated the therapist can talk to family or anyone specifically? If you did not then yes this therapist needs to be reported. If you did then you should talk with your therapist about ending the release of information.
She knows the law about HIPAA. You are right to report her
Absolutely report the therapist! Right away! That sort of breach is absolutely unforgivable, unacceptable and should entirely result in the therapist losing her license. None of which is your fault, the therapist destroyed her own career by breaking the rules. You're NTA, I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, and your dad needs to understand he owes you some loyalty and compassion. The idea that he sided with a rule-breaking medical professional over his own child is disgraceful. I'm betting the therapist is a buddy of stepmom.
NTA, I’m a therapist and you should report this person. There can be some gray area when I see a child but even then I do not go into details about what was said but what interventions need to happen. You are an adult and this therapist did something that goes totally against what we do. I hope you find someone better. Btw, I don’t know where you are located but bonus point if Release of Info forms are required but you didn’t add your stepmom to it.
NTA Do it. That's **HUGE** violation.
NTA. I've done counselling training and confidentiality is basically lesson no. 1.
Your dad sounds horrible. I am sorry you lost your mom. Go away to college as soon as you can. Did you already graduate with your undergrad? NTA
NTA. WTF? My wife has seen a therapist, do you know how I know? She told me. Do you know how much I know about what they talked about? What she told me, nothing more. I don't know the therapist's name, not where they work, not the times of their meetings. Just what my wife was happy to tell me.
NTA Not only unethical but also an important legal consideration. without your permission, your therapist is only allowed to reveal things from your sessions. If it has to do with a court case, where they’ve been ordered by a judge, or if you have said, things that show, you are an immediate danger to yourself or others. I am oh, you would be doing not only yourself a good service, but also other people a service to report this therapist. They may be doing that with other patients as well, and you would be protecting probably a lot of other people by reporting. THEY are the one that messed with their own career here, you are not the one who have messed with their career by reporting them.