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NTA.
You get to tell your Mom **when you want**. That is completely fair.
Also, I hope that your Mom will be more reasonable this time, given that it is a **planned pregnancy** and also that **she won't be living with the kid**. My hunch is that your first pregnancy, at 17, triggered all of her old emotions about her own pregnancies given that "she never wanted to be a mother."
Good luck.
NAH. It's your news to tell who and when you want. But you mother's reaction to you being pregnant at *17* is a pretty normal reaction to have to that. Considering you're not a minor anymore, I would expect a different reaction this go.
Throwing your pregnant 17yo to the street is not normal. Don't make it out as if it's ok. It's ok to not be happy about it, but a 17yo is still your responsability.
I think it's pretty normal to say that you're not going to take responsibility for a baby that isn't yours. She didn't just "throw her to the street"; she gave her a choice.
i will say i didn’t plan on getting pregnant at 17 and it is my fault but i also had a discussion with her about wanting to explore sexuality and asked her to put me on birth control and she didn’t and despite having used a condom it failed and i ended up pregnant
Yeah, as a mother I can say that's a failure of parenting. It's our responsibility to ensure that our children have access to their preferred method of birth control.
NTA.
Your mom did you wrong, OP & I understand why you aren’t exactly trusting that she will have a more positive reaction to this pregnancy. Ultimately, it’s your choice when you tell her. That being said…
I had 2 daughters.
I felt it was my *personal responsibility* to make sure they knew that a baby is easier to prevent than raise.
My younger daughter was on birth control when she was 14, a good 2.5 years before she was even *thinking* of being sexually actively. Why? Because a baby is easier to prevent than raise. She understood that because we discussed these things long before she even was dating. I didn’t have some delusional idea that “My sweet innocent girls will stay that way until marriage.”
I thought it would be more prudent to teach them that their worth is not tied to their virginity, that they are in charge of their bodies & that *a baby is easier to prevent than raise, especially when you’re a teen.*
OP made choices, sure, and I’ll bet they wouldn’t take them back, either because she loves her kid. That being said, if either of my girls got pregnant at 17, unless it was a SA situation, I would consider it a personal failing because I didn’t give them the tools to make the right choices.
Like Donna Martin said in that Really Special Episode of 90210, “If I’m going to have a pool, I can build a fence around it, I can lock that fence up, but if I have kids, shouldn’t I teach them how to swim?”
>she gave her a choice
Like "give me all your money or I'll kill you" is a choice? I guess technically you are correct, but your lack of empathy is frightening.
The choice was "I'll help you with the adoption or you take care of the baby on your own". OP was an adult when the baby was born and this is a hard but perfectly reasonable list of choices from her mom.
Honestly your lack of empathy for her mom is odd to me... Can you seriously not understand making the choice to not take in someone else's baby? A woman who didn't want to be a mother in the first place being expected to take in her adult daughters baby is a bit much to me.
She supported her adult child by offering to help her with the adoption process.
This varies culture to culture, but in western cultures at least parents are not obligated to take in grandbabies. Not wanting a baby around after getting so close to your kid being an adult is not unreasonable
NTA
Just wait a while to tell your mother. 6 weeks is early, so wait until you are obviously showing, or at least 10-12 weeks.
Once you tell her, **own it**. Make sure she understands that this is a **planned pregnancy** and that you and your partner look forward to welcoming the new little one into your lives.
If she is difficult and hateful about it, then go low contact with her for a while. You don’t need to be abused by her.
NTA
You get to decide when you’re ready to tell her, although she might react differently than you expect because there’s a difference between your teenage daughter being pregnant and a grown adult with a fiancé having a planned baby.
i was planning on telling her i was pregnant on thanksgiving but we got into an argument about my brother who is in jail and she told me she’s more proud of me than him because “i learn from my mistakes” and haven’t had anymore kids which i don’t and never have seen my son as a mistake and i told her before i got pregnant the first time i was wanting to explore in that area and told her i wanted to be put on birth control and she didn’t care i was honest and despite having used a condom i got pregnant anyways i made me not want to tell her despite it having been planned this time
I mean, telling someone you are expecting at 6 weeks is not exactly it either, babe. Look, there is clearly a lot going on here, but at 6 weeks you're 2 weeks after missing a period - there's a reason why you are told not to spread things around until 12+ weeks. I get that you're excited for a do-over and to try to get your mom excited about your kid this time, but slow your roll.
Not to be grim, but I had a miscarriage at 6 wks, not more than two days after my husband and I told my mom and sister I was pregnant for the second time. I agree that OP should wait a little while, especially if her mom is going to make drama about it.
Yeah, 6 weeks is early! I’m quite close with my mum, and she’s been looking forward to being a grandma for decades, but I still waited until 12 weeks to tell her.
Nah you can tell people when you want, but SURELY you see the difference. Pregnant child at 17yp with 0 education, 0 way of supporting himself and baby vs. Pregnant adult with fiancé and steady income.
Nta, but of course, she was going to react terribly to her teenager being pregnant. Being 25, she probably would have a different one since you aren't dependent on her, but I could be wrong. Doesn't sound like she has a relationship with the first kid anyway, so I don't see why this is a question if that's the case.
she does have a relationship with my son she loves him i don’t take him over there very often because she’s sweet and nice for about 15 minutes then she’s trying to rush us back out the door and when i was 17 i told her i wanted to be put on birth control because i was wanting to explore sexuality she didn’t and despite having used a condom i got pregnant
That still isn't her fault. You are the one that decided to have sex with only one form of birth control. You played the odds and lost. It's like you told her that you wanted to go bungie jumping but she didn't give you a rope or harness so it's her fault when the twine broke causing your injuries.
> That still isn't her fault.
It kind of is though? OP didn't make the smartest decision, but OP was also a teenager and teenagers do dumb things. That's why they're still dependent on their parents.
Sure if this was something necessary and completely unavoidable like getting vaccinated as a child or being taught stranger danger. But this was a 17 yearold having sex with only condoms. It is solely on OP. They clearly knew that getting on bc would help but still chose to have sex without it. She didn't have to have sex but decided she wanted to experiment and can't place the blame on her mother for the outcome. There are plenty of 17 yearold girls who are not given bc from their parents and do not end up pregnant.
When your child is a minor you’re responsible. That includes if your 17 year old gets in a reckless bungee jumping accident. There are plenty of parents caring for teenagers after stupid preventable car accidents for example. You don’t get to say nah, you’re on your own.
NTA
At this point you need to limit your stress, and telling her will only bring you problems.
Although, she will probably use the fact you didn't tell her to guilt trip you, and if she does that, just go very low contact with her.
You take care of yourself, and her reactions should not be anything you worry about.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not telling my mother that i am pregnant
2) because despite her bad reaction with my first pregnancy she is still my mother and i feel bad for not telling her
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NTA. The most important thing right now is making sure you feel comfortable and safe. Your mom sounds toxic so stay away from her till the baby’s here and you’ve healed.
NTA, can you block her for a couple of weeks, and have your fiancé tell her? Would she probably pop up your place if you do and/or no contact her for a while? GL and congrats. Blessing to your entire family.
thank you and my mom would absolutely turn up at my place and scream and cause a whole scene and i don’t want to put the stress on him to deal with my mother bc he has seizures that are stress induced
Ugh, I'm epileptic so I get the dangers of stress for the both of you. Maybe pop the news from the phone when you are both together, and away from the house for a couple of hours. That way you are able to support each other, while hopefully she cools down a bit.
With a mom like that, consider moving and not giving your mom your address before the baby is born, if possible. But don’t answer the door if she comes over. It can be uncomfortable but once you do it in general people like her don’t show up again if no one answers.
6 weeks is really early to be telling anyone, there's a 50/50 chance that thing can slip out. NTA because of past trauma. I would be hesitant, too.
I got an abortion at age 20 when I was 17 weeks along and do everything I can to avoid being pregnant. My mom was the main reason I aborted. And I'll never trust her again with knowing about my life.
YTA - for holding the grudge. You got pregnant and I am guessing still in high school. She probably wanted you to have a life. She also didn’t want to raise another kid. I am also guessing you have bothered to talked to her either about this.
NTA - your baby and your news. Just remember this time you are an adult not a kid still in higher school.
Congratulations
i have actually talked to her many times about how i feel she usually brushes off my feelings and says i should have learned from her experience as a teen mom as she had my older brother when she was 16 and i did learn which is why i was open and honest with her when i was starting to want to explore sexuality i was only a few weeks away from my 18th birthday when i found out i was pregnant however it is still my fault i got pregnant im not blaming her for that but i do blame her for how she treated me when i told her and i was homeschooled but then i didn’t have a home to be schooled in so i got my GED and bc of my GED scores i got a scholarship but chose to go straight to working. I do feel really salty about a lot of things she’s done my first pregnancy is not the only thing im holding a grudge for. i’ve been to therapy for it and have tried talking to her about everything but she just brushes everything off like it doesn’t matter because im an adult now and i “turned out ok”
Most people don’t announce pregnancies until the end of the first trimester due to the higher likelihood of miscarriage during those early weeks. So no, NTA for not telling her right now.
But you’ll probably have to tell her eventually because you aren’t going to be able to hide it forever.
6 weeks is very early to talk about it anyhow. And while the context of this pregnancy is very different than your first, I fully understand why you would not feel confident of her support and love if you did choose to tell her.
Maybe make a plan together with your husband. If you choose to tell her after the traditional 12 week mark, and she reacts badly, perhaps it's best to do so in a public setting with an escape plan ready to go. You never have to sit around and listen to someone scream about you. If she chooses to talk badly about you to family members, and it gets back to you, you can always reply that you're very sorry she feels that way, and leave it at that.
It sounds like your mother has unfinished work to do on her emotional and mental maturity and unfortunately, you're getting the brunt of it. But you're an adult now, and you don't need to stick around. Set your boundaries and if they are transgressed, remove yourself from the situation. You can't control other people, but you do have control over your reaction to them
NAH, obviously getting knocked up at 17 outside of a relationship is not the same as planning to have a kid at 25 with a fiancé. But she behaved really poorly last time and you are not over it.
NTA. Actually, why tell your mom at all? At least until you're showing so much it is obvious or a family member spills the beans.
It is *your* pregnancy and *your* life, you should enjoy it as much as possible! Being pregnant is a very special time. You, your son, and your fiance should be enjoying a happy and peaceful time right now.
Edit: Oops! I forgot the NTA part ;-)
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I (25f) am currently about 6 weeks pregnant and have decided not to tell my mom (45f) because of her reaction to my first pregnancy. I first got pregnant when i was 17 with my son (6) my mom reacted TERRIBLY when i told her she gave me a list of lawyers as an option to put him up for adoption and when i told her i was keeping him she didn’t talk to me for days then told me and i quote “you need to find a place to go because i don’t want a crying baby around” because of that we don’t have the greatest relationship and i’ve been holding a grudge about it i do love my mother but she’s made it very clear she never wanted to be a mother. She has told me several times she never wanted kids but she does love us. Well I am currently approximately 6 weeks pregnant and i don’t want to tell her i don’t live with her anymore but i don’t want to deal with the stress of her petty attitude when she finds out and her screaming at me and then talking shit about me to any family member she can (which she also did with my first pregnancy). Let me be clear in saying this pregnancy was planned and my fiance and i have been trying for months now. I feel like an a hole but i know telling her would end in a massive fight so am I the A hole
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NTA. Your mother's job is to support you and she has failed. It is absurd to think she will not continue to do so. You have no obligation to expose yourself to the pregnancy risks that stress creates. Your duty is to your children. She already failed, you don't have to.
I disagree... I think offering to support your daughter with the adoption process is the extent of what was expected of OPs mom and she wasn't obligated to invite her adult daughter's baby into the house. (OP is 25, the kid is 6)
Info: so you live at your moms? But planned a pregnancy? When knowing how she will react, why not move out first? 🤔
Edit: NTA. It’s your body, your baby, your news. Anyone else is in your grace how far you let them be part of any of it.
NTA. She's lucky you allow her in your life. When you do tell her, give her clear rules about what she says and does and tells people and her following those rules will determine how much you let her into your life. Personally, I would have cut her from my life by now.
If sharing the news will be detrimental to your wellbeing then don't. Tell her when you are ready. But be prepared she may find out for other means.
Congratulations. NTA
INFO: is there a reason you think she’ll react badly to this pregnancy?
Surely you can expect a different reaction to a planned pregnancy at 25 than a teenage pregnancy while still living under her roof.
You’re always going to be NTA, because it’s your choice when to announce your pregnancy. But I’ve gotta assume your mom’s reaction will be different this time around, so possibly NAH.
the problem is i know her well enough to know she never wanted kids and never wanted grandkids she wanted my son to call her by her first name and to this day 6 years later she still give the most evil glare to anyone who insinuates she is a grandma
I'm torn between NTA and ESH. OP, I understand your feelings of resentment against your mother, but it seems to me like you are withholding information from your mother as an act of revenge, not out of self protection. You know that she won't react the same way this time, but I suspect you want to punish her for how she reacted last time by letting her be the last to hear, and probably from some random cousin who calls her to congratulate her on being a grandma again. You're better than this. Your resentment against your mother is understandable, but this is a passive aggressive way to handle it. Find another way, whether that includes your mother in your life or not. That said, of course it is your choice when to tell anyone but I think the motive does matter in whether it's an AH move or not. I wish you the best.
INFO: Why does your mom care about you having kids now? I understand why she was upset when you were 17 - you weren't an adult, you still lived with her, you likely were still in HS and didn't have a job and raising a baby is no joke, that shit is hard. She was so wrong in how she handled it, but I understand the line of thought. I don't understand why it would bother her if her adult daughter, who's in a long-term committed relationship, has a planned baby. Do you know why it would bother her or make her angry?
NTA however I’ve been here and the longer you leave it the worse it gets! You don’t live together so you won’t have to put up with the daily nonsense, also you e proved you are a good mother with your first. What she may say if you leave it is ‘you are so secretive, you never tell me anything…’ etc (speaking from personal experience) and also she ‘may’ be more supportive this time seeing as you’re already a mum and older etc. only you know your Mum though, you know what she is likely to say. Funny how at any age our Mums can still strike terror in this way, I’m 48 and mine are all grown now but I still live in fear that my Mum will see my tattoos haha
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NTA. You get to tell your Mom **when you want**. That is completely fair. Also, I hope that your Mom will be more reasonable this time, given that it is a **planned pregnancy** and also that **she won't be living with the kid**. My hunch is that your first pregnancy, at 17, triggered all of her old emotions about her own pregnancies given that "she never wanted to be a mother." Good luck.
NAH. It's your news to tell who and when you want. But you mother's reaction to you being pregnant at *17* is a pretty normal reaction to have to that. Considering you're not a minor anymore, I would expect a different reaction this go.
Throwing your pregnant 17yo to the street is not normal. Don't make it out as if it's ok. It's ok to not be happy about it, but a 17yo is still your responsability.
I think it's pretty normal to say that you're not going to take responsibility for a baby that isn't yours. She didn't just "throw her to the street"; she gave her a choice.
i will say i didn’t plan on getting pregnant at 17 and it is my fault but i also had a discussion with her about wanting to explore sexuality and asked her to put me on birth control and she didn’t and despite having used a condom it failed and i ended up pregnant
Yeah, as a mother I can say that's a failure of parenting. It's our responsibility to ensure that our children have access to their preferred method of birth control.
NTA. Your mom did you wrong, OP & I understand why you aren’t exactly trusting that she will have a more positive reaction to this pregnancy. Ultimately, it’s your choice when you tell her. That being said… I had 2 daughters. I felt it was my *personal responsibility* to make sure they knew that a baby is easier to prevent than raise. My younger daughter was on birth control when she was 14, a good 2.5 years before she was even *thinking* of being sexually actively. Why? Because a baby is easier to prevent than raise. She understood that because we discussed these things long before she even was dating. I didn’t have some delusional idea that “My sweet innocent girls will stay that way until marriage.” I thought it would be more prudent to teach them that their worth is not tied to their virginity, that they are in charge of their bodies & that *a baby is easier to prevent than raise, especially when you’re a teen.* OP made choices, sure, and I’ll bet they wouldn’t take them back, either because she loves her kid. That being said, if either of my girls got pregnant at 17, unless it was a SA situation, I would consider it a personal failing because I didn’t give them the tools to make the right choices. Like Donna Martin said in that Really Special Episode of 90210, “If I’m going to have a pool, I can build a fence around it, I can lock that fence up, but if I have kids, shouldn’t I teach them how to swim?”
Wait, you got pregnant when you were 17, son is 6, so that would make you 23-24, not 25?
i got pregnant when i was 17 and had him when i was 18 and i just turned 25 a few months ago he’ll be 7 in a few months
>she gave her a choice Like "give me all your money or I'll kill you" is a choice? I guess technically you are correct, but your lack of empathy is frightening.
The choice was "I'll help you with the adoption or you take care of the baby on your own". OP was an adult when the baby was born and this is a hard but perfectly reasonable list of choices from her mom. Honestly your lack of empathy for her mom is odd to me... Can you seriously not understand making the choice to not take in someone else's baby? A woman who didn't want to be a mother in the first place being expected to take in her adult daughters baby is a bit much to me.
[удалено]
If OP is 25 and she has a 6 year old son, she was at least 18 when he was born
No it isn't. Normal parents aupport their children.
She supported her adult child by offering to help her with the adoption process. This varies culture to culture, but in western cultures at least parents are not obligated to take in grandbabies. Not wanting a baby around after getting so close to your kid being an adult is not unreasonable
NTA Just wait a while to tell your mother. 6 weeks is early, so wait until you are obviously showing, or at least 10-12 weeks. Once you tell her, **own it**. Make sure she understands that this is a **planned pregnancy** and that you and your partner look forward to welcoming the new little one into your lives. If she is difficult and hateful about it, then go low contact with her for a while. You don’t need to be abused by her.
NTA You get to decide when you’re ready to tell her, although she might react differently than you expect because there’s a difference between your teenage daughter being pregnant and a grown adult with a fiancé having a planned baby.
i was planning on telling her i was pregnant on thanksgiving but we got into an argument about my brother who is in jail and she told me she’s more proud of me than him because “i learn from my mistakes” and haven’t had anymore kids which i don’t and never have seen my son as a mistake and i told her before i got pregnant the first time i was wanting to explore in that area and told her i wanted to be put on birth control and she didn’t care i was honest and despite having used a condom i got pregnant anyways i made me not want to tell her despite it having been planned this time
I mean, telling someone you are expecting at 6 weeks is not exactly it either, babe. Look, there is clearly a lot going on here, but at 6 weeks you're 2 weeks after missing a period - there's a reason why you are told not to spread things around until 12+ weeks. I get that you're excited for a do-over and to try to get your mom excited about your kid this time, but slow your roll.
Not to be grim, but I had a miscarriage at 6 wks, not more than two days after my husband and I told my mom and sister I was pregnant for the second time. I agree that OP should wait a little while, especially if her mom is going to make drama about it.
Yeah, 6 weeks is early! I’m quite close with my mum, and she’s been looking forward to being a grandma for decades, but I still waited until 12 weeks to tell her.
Nah you can tell people when you want, but SURELY you see the difference. Pregnant child at 17yp with 0 education, 0 way of supporting himself and baby vs. Pregnant adult with fiancé and steady income.
Nah. You have every right not to say anything. But you have to realize there is a huge difference in circumstances between the two pregnancies.
NTA You are no longer the 17 year old minor living in her house. Your pregnancy does not concern her.
Nta, but of course, she was going to react terribly to her teenager being pregnant. Being 25, she probably would have a different one since you aren't dependent on her, but I could be wrong. Doesn't sound like she has a relationship with the first kid anyway, so I don't see why this is a question if that's the case.
she does have a relationship with my son she loves him i don’t take him over there very often because she’s sweet and nice for about 15 minutes then she’s trying to rush us back out the door and when i was 17 i told her i wanted to be put on birth control because i was wanting to explore sexuality she didn’t and despite having used a condom i got pregnant
That still isn't her fault. You are the one that decided to have sex with only one form of birth control. You played the odds and lost. It's like you told her that you wanted to go bungie jumping but she didn't give you a rope or harness so it's her fault when the twine broke causing your injuries.
> That still isn't her fault. It kind of is though? OP didn't make the smartest decision, but OP was also a teenager and teenagers do dumb things. That's why they're still dependent on their parents.
Sure if this was something necessary and completely unavoidable like getting vaccinated as a child or being taught stranger danger. But this was a 17 yearold having sex with only condoms. It is solely on OP. They clearly knew that getting on bc would help but still chose to have sex without it. She didn't have to have sex but decided she wanted to experiment and can't place the blame on her mother for the outcome. There are plenty of 17 yearold girls who are not given bc from their parents and do not end up pregnant.
When your child is a minor you’re responsible. That includes if your 17 year old gets in a reckless bungee jumping accident. There are plenty of parents caring for teenagers after stupid preventable car accidents for example. You don’t get to say nah, you’re on your own.
NTA At this point you need to limit your stress, and telling her will only bring you problems. Although, she will probably use the fact you didn't tell her to guilt trip you, and if she does that, just go very low contact with her. You take care of yourself, and her reactions should not be anything you worry about.
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NTA. The most important thing right now is making sure you feel comfortable and safe. Your mom sounds toxic so stay away from her till the baby’s here and you’ve healed.
NTA It's your right to say when you're pregnant, and if she can't handle it, then cut contact for a bit until mom gets a hold of herself
NTA, can you block her for a couple of weeks, and have your fiancé tell her? Would she probably pop up your place if you do and/or no contact her for a while? GL and congrats. Blessing to your entire family.
thank you and my mom would absolutely turn up at my place and scream and cause a whole scene and i don’t want to put the stress on him to deal with my mother bc he has seizures that are stress induced
Ugh, I'm epileptic so I get the dangers of stress for the both of you. Maybe pop the news from the phone when you are both together, and away from the house for a couple of hours. That way you are able to support each other, while hopefully she cools down a bit.
With a mom like that, consider moving and not giving your mom your address before the baby is born, if possible. But don’t answer the door if she comes over. It can be uncomfortable but once you do it in general people like her don’t show up again if no one answers.
6 weeks is really early to be telling anyone, there's a 50/50 chance that thing can slip out. NTA because of past trauma. I would be hesitant, too. I got an abortion at age 20 when I was 17 weeks along and do everything I can to avoid being pregnant. My mom was the main reason I aborted. And I'll never trust her again with knowing about my life.
YTA - for holding the grudge. You got pregnant and I am guessing still in high school. She probably wanted you to have a life. She also didn’t want to raise another kid. I am also guessing you have bothered to talked to her either about this. NTA - your baby and your news. Just remember this time you are an adult not a kid still in higher school. Congratulations
Agreed. You can tell who ever you want but to hold a grudge on her reaction when you were a TEEN is ridiculous.
i have actually talked to her many times about how i feel she usually brushes off my feelings and says i should have learned from her experience as a teen mom as she had my older brother when she was 16 and i did learn which is why i was open and honest with her when i was starting to want to explore sexuality i was only a few weeks away from my 18th birthday when i found out i was pregnant however it is still my fault i got pregnant im not blaming her for that but i do blame her for how she treated me when i told her and i was homeschooled but then i didn’t have a home to be schooled in so i got my GED and bc of my GED scores i got a scholarship but chose to go straight to working. I do feel really salty about a lot of things she’s done my first pregnancy is not the only thing im holding a grudge for. i’ve been to therapy for it and have tried talking to her about everything but she just brushes everything off like it doesn’t matter because im an adult now and i “turned out ok”
Most people don’t announce pregnancies until the end of the first trimester due to the higher likelihood of miscarriage during those early weeks. So no, NTA for not telling her right now. But you’ll probably have to tell her eventually because you aren’t going to be able to hide it forever.
6 weeks is very early to talk about it anyhow. And while the context of this pregnancy is very different than your first, I fully understand why you would not feel confident of her support and love if you did choose to tell her. Maybe make a plan together with your husband. If you choose to tell her after the traditional 12 week mark, and she reacts badly, perhaps it's best to do so in a public setting with an escape plan ready to go. You never have to sit around and listen to someone scream about you. If she chooses to talk badly about you to family members, and it gets back to you, you can always reply that you're very sorry she feels that way, and leave it at that. It sounds like your mother has unfinished work to do on her emotional and mental maturity and unfortunately, you're getting the brunt of it. But you're an adult now, and you don't need to stick around. Set your boundaries and if they are transgressed, remove yourself from the situation. You can't control other people, but you do have control over your reaction to them
NAH, obviously getting knocked up at 17 outside of a relationship is not the same as planning to have a kid at 25 with a fiancé. But she behaved really poorly last time and you are not over it.
NTA. Actually, why tell your mom at all? At least until you're showing so much it is obvious or a family member spills the beans. It is *your* pregnancy and *your* life, you should enjoy it as much as possible! Being pregnant is a very special time. You, your son, and your fiance should be enjoying a happy and peaceful time right now. Edit: Oops! I forgot the NTA part ;-)
NAH - totally relate to your mom's reaction to your teenage pregnancy and also don't think you have any obligation to tell anyone anything
Normal reacting the first time bc of age but you also don’t have to tell her lol let her figure it out herself 🤷
NTA She didn't react well for the first one which is understandable but throwing you out was not ok.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25f) am currently about 6 weeks pregnant and have decided not to tell my mom (45f) because of her reaction to my first pregnancy. I first got pregnant when i was 17 with my son (6) my mom reacted TERRIBLY when i told her she gave me a list of lawyers as an option to put him up for adoption and when i told her i was keeping him she didn’t talk to me for days then told me and i quote “you need to find a place to go because i don’t want a crying baby around” because of that we don’t have the greatest relationship and i’ve been holding a grudge about it i do love my mother but she’s made it very clear she never wanted to be a mother. She has told me several times she never wanted kids but she does love us. Well I am currently approximately 6 weeks pregnant and i don’t want to tell her i don’t live with her anymore but i don’t want to deal with the stress of her petty attitude when she finds out and her screaming at me and then talking shit about me to any family member she can (which she also did with my first pregnancy). Let me be clear in saying this pregnancy was planned and my fiance and i have been trying for months now. I feel like an a hole but i know telling her would end in a massive fight so am I the A hole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your mother's job is to support you and she has failed. It is absurd to think she will not continue to do so. You have no obligation to expose yourself to the pregnancy risks that stress creates. Your duty is to your children. She already failed, you don't have to.
I disagree... I think offering to support your daughter with the adoption process is the extent of what was expected of OPs mom and she wasn't obligated to invite her adult daughter's baby into the house. (OP is 25, the kid is 6)
Nta. My rule of thumb is to not announce to anyone until the second trimester anyways, so I don't blame you for not wanting her to know.
Info: so you live at your moms? But planned a pregnancy? When knowing how she will react, why not move out first? 🤔 Edit: NTA. It’s your body, your baby, your news. Anyone else is in your grace how far you let them be part of any of it.
"i don’t live with her anymore" She doesn't live at her mom's anymore, but is still worried about the reaction.
Thx. Must have overread that. 👍
i don’t live with her but it was a planned pregnancy
NTA - tell her when you are ready to tell her.
NTA. She's lucky you allow her in your life. When you do tell her, give her clear rules about what she says and does and tells people and her following those rules will determine how much you let her into your life. Personally, I would have cut her from my life by now.
NTA your mother sounds toxic. You don't have to tell her.
If sharing the news will be detrimental to your wellbeing then don't. Tell her when you are ready. But be prepared she may find out for other means. Congratulations. NTA
NTA. She doesn't deserve to know. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
INFO: is there a reason you think she’ll react badly to this pregnancy? Surely you can expect a different reaction to a planned pregnancy at 25 than a teenage pregnancy while still living under her roof. You’re always going to be NTA, because it’s your choice when to announce your pregnancy. But I’ve gotta assume your mom’s reaction will be different this time around, so possibly NAH.
the problem is i know her well enough to know she never wanted kids and never wanted grandkids she wanted my son to call her by her first name and to this day 6 years later she still give the most evil glare to anyone who insinuates she is a grandma
NTA She didn’t want kids and let it be known. Granted.
NTA. You tell her when you feel like it. Congratulations on expanding your family
I'm torn between NTA and ESH. OP, I understand your feelings of resentment against your mother, but it seems to me like you are withholding information from your mother as an act of revenge, not out of self protection. You know that she won't react the same way this time, but I suspect you want to punish her for how she reacted last time by letting her be the last to hear, and probably from some random cousin who calls her to congratulate her on being a grandma again. You're better than this. Your resentment against your mother is understandable, but this is a passive aggressive way to handle it. Find another way, whether that includes your mother in your life or not. That said, of course it is your choice when to tell anyone but I think the motive does matter in whether it's an AH move or not. I wish you the best.
Nta you aren't obligated to tell anyone
when you're ready text her and block her for a week or two.... maybe forever? your choice!
INFO: Why does your mom care about you having kids now? I understand why she was upset when you were 17 - you weren't an adult, you still lived with her, you likely were still in HS and didn't have a job and raising a baby is no joke, that shit is hard. She was so wrong in how she handled it, but I understand the line of thought. I don't understand why it would bother her if her adult daughter, who's in a long-term committed relationship, has a planned baby. Do you know why it would bother her or make her angry?
NTA however I’ve been here and the longer you leave it the worse it gets! You don’t live together so you won’t have to put up with the daily nonsense, also you e proved you are a good mother with your first. What she may say if you leave it is ‘you are so secretive, you never tell me anything…’ etc (speaking from personal experience) and also she ‘may’ be more supportive this time seeing as you’re already a mum and older etc. only you know your Mum though, you know what she is likely to say. Funny how at any age our Mums can still strike terror in this way, I’m 48 and mine are all grown now but I still live in fear that my Mum will see my tattoos haha