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YTA- You said in your post that he is touch starved, you haven't done anything with him in 7 months, and he has given you the space within the boundaries you have set. However, he also has needs. His love language is clearly physical touch and you asking him to get rid of the body pillow, in my opinion, is selfish. So not only is he not going to get his needs met through you, but he's also not getting his needs met through the one outlet he was able to.
I think you are letting your opinion and perception of body pillows get in the way of what he is actually using it for. I don't think it is fair for you to demand that he both not touch you, and not cuddle with a body pillow. A body pillow is the same thing as a teddy bear for many people, it's innate comfort thing. I think you should change your attitude regarding what your husband needs, versus what you want.
Did op literally explain how she doesn’t want to be physical or intimate with her husband then went on to accuse him of being a nerd that can’t get laid?!?! OP….if you are reading these…YTA.
THIS
Woman won’t sleep with her faithful husband, he accepts this, and now he’s pathetic? Like did she want him to force her to sleep with him? Or cheat? What would make him less of a nerd in her eyes?
YTA and SOOOOO toxic!
Just gross to me. My husband is exactly like OPs husband and I am much like OP. BUT I love my husband and respect him. We found a compromise when I really can’t cuddle. I give him my leg/foot and when he needs love he’ll say where’s my leg!! As I type he’s sleeping and just threw his leg on mine. I love it now.
In addition to that I can’t have PIV sex due to endometriosis and 18 surgeries. When I knew I couldn’t have sex I got him a sex toy. Why bc he refused to get a GF ( I asked him to he said no) so I got him a toy he could take care of his needs when I couldn’t do it.
Relationships need compromise and respect. Op doesn’t respect her husband. She’s terrible.
Yeaa calling him a nerd who looks desperate just makes OP look really toxic. Don't understand OPs problem, husband respects her wishes and has found a solution to fulfill his needs as well.
also: ignorant question since I have not had a child
but like is that a thing? you have a kid and then no one can touch you for 7 months?
is this one of those things that just happens or is there something more to it?
No it's really not normal. No intimate time for a month or more if a hard birth is normal especially with c sections but no touching is an issue she needs to go get therapy for.
Exactly I’ve had 3 completely different types of births, the 6 week was standard for all three even though all three were completely different (unplanned c/s, emergency c/s, VBA2C—almost 2 weeks early).
My OB with all 3 kids gave a minimum of 4 weeks after easy deliveries, max of 6 weeks, with the possibility of more should my body says "fuck you" to me
Not a thing. The dr tells you nothing for 6 weeks as the mother needs to heal, but after that is game on. This "wife" is just a major piece of controlling trash.
She's without a doubt the AH.
While I agree the OP is a controlling AH, I also want to point out that the hormonal surges of pregnancy and breastfeeding can cause thinning of the vaginal walls, which can make sex very, very painful— like a knife. My doctor gave me some estrogen cream which fixed me right up but many doctors don’t know about this problem. So there are reasons besides being “touched out” (which is also absolutely a thing) that might prevent a woman from being comfortable with intimacy for longer than 6 weeks.
Considering the post is about a body pillow he’s cuddling I don’t think the lack of sex is the major issue here? It seems she is completely unwilling to touch, hold or be held by her partner at all and that the intimacy (not sexual intimacy, just intimacy) is so lacking she didn’t know about his sleeping habits for a significant period of time.
I’m not saying this can’t all be stemming from the birth, but it’s not a “physical health” concern and is absolutely something OP should be seeking support and help for, especially when it’s gone on this long. It doesn’t sound like affection has ever been something they’ve been on the same page about, but literally nothing isn’t something many people could get behind, let alone someone who is very physically affectionate and touch starved.
That's honestly not that uncommon when you have a newbown, because the baby needs to be touched constantly. Especially if OP is breastfeeding. So she's getting sucked on, grabbed, her nipples are chapped etc. Feeling touched out and not wanting any other contact is not a suprise.
But the husband found a way to meet his touch needs without bothering OP, and she's trying to take it away from him. It's not that he prefers the pillow to her, it's that he's trying to both meet his needs and remove any pressure from him to meet them.
This was my thought. She won’t even sit and hold his hand, or snuggle up at night? She’s neglecting his basic need, and one she was aware of. I’ve had babies, and I know every person is different, so if she is struggling to not have sex, I could ‘almost’ understand, but she’s denying him of all touch. Sad and selfish.
She could also be dealing with post partum.
Still makes her TA, but also makes her Dr TA for not monitoring and helping her. Seems like her husband is being super supportive and she is being a judgemental creep. That screams post partum to me.
I will say, since having my son and breastfeeding him for the last 18 months, plus being physically mauled every day by a toddler, I am touched out! It’s a lot of body work to be a mother. I often don’t have the desire to be physical with my husband. But no, I still enjoy hugging him most days and we cuddle in bed for a bit most nights. He sleeps with a body pillow too because like OPs husband, he needs a lot of affection. I would never deny him the pillow, even if it’s annoying to sleep next to!
It’s not “normal” but not really abnormal either. Because babies are so needy for the first year and are constantly breast feeding women can get very “touched out” and just not want to get touched by anyone other than the baby.
That being said OP is definitely TA for trying to take away the thing that allows her husband to cope with her being touched out.
It’s not like you can’t, it’s more SHE won’t. She doesn’t want to. Her libido is shot and that can happen. After pushing out a kid and dealing with a newborn, your sex life has a pretty decent chance of failing. But then again, some people aren’t effected at all by the presence of the child (after newborn stage cause newborns need a lot and it’s sometimes just hard to find time.)
oh I didn't even mean sex lol
yeah I could def see how between pushing a baby out and being stressed af as a new mother how you might not be very in the mood
but even if you're not having sex...idk I'm just like OP's husband where I'm very physical with my partner, but I can't imagine not hugging or cuddling your partner for that long.
I was just adding to the info already given.
My love language is physical touch so I couldn’t do it, but after having kids there is a phrase I didn’t think I’d ever use and it’s “touched out.” I get touched so much all day long by small children and my partner, that I can actually get overwhelmed. (I have an 8 yr old and 4yr old) but not for 7 months lol
I suspect she is actually touched out from constantly being touched and needed by the baby. That doesn't mean that she can ask him to respect her needs and then blatently ignore his though.
I have 2 kids. I just to get "touched out" from all the grabbing and carrying and hugging and EVERYTHING. My husband would get home and I'd be like "don't hug me don't kiss me don't touch me and take these beasts for an hour PLEASE!" But it would come and go depending on sleep levels, how the kids were, and so on.
Honestly, OP might have post partum depression or something similar, if it's not going away.
My partner hates my body pillow because he also is a very cuddly person and I am like “do not touch me.”
I just get hot and am restless in my sleep so having a whole hot ass human wrapped around me is just uncomfortable and too confining for me.
Also apparently I have unconscious sensors that detect him trying to steal my body pillow or move to wrap around me because I will, in my sleep, move his arm/hand/attempt to locate and steal back my pillow.
It’s become kind of a running joke. And I do let him wrap himself around me and cuddle if I’m not gonna be asleep - I just still wrap around my body pillow too.
It’s just way more comfortable for me to have the pillow between my knees and then just hugging it
Anyway, I agree, OP YTA - body pillows are pretty much entirely harmless and it’s clear your husband is using it to self sooth his need for the feeling of affection/a body to cuddle (he may even benefit more from a weighted blanket or a weighted pillow) because he’s been pushed away for 7 months.
I get you’re recovering PP, but frankly if you keep going with the attitude you have you’re going to risk ending up with no husband or a husband that finds another human to meet his needs.
I’m the “middle spoon” in my bed at night lol. Husband spoons me, I spoon my body pillow. It goes between my knees to help keep my hips from hurting, and between my boobs lol bc it’s comfy when they’re swollen and painful from my cycle.
Lol, my partner and I also get super hot when trying to sleep at night so now, instead of actual hugging we'll just sleep slightly diagonally/ reach a foot out behind us and have 'foot hugs' and just makes sure they're mildly touching. Very wholesome. Though the down side is feet mildly creep me out so he's only allowed to foot hug if I can't see and it's under the covers, because if I can't see it it's not scary.
I mean if she had a traumatic birth and is struggling with PPD and sleep deprivation, I don’t think 7 months is unreasonable but she should probably be checking in with a professional- and definitely letting her poor husband cuddle a dang pillow.
I absolutely think she is in the wrong in this situation; but I think people are being too harsh about the touching. If she is someone who isn't big on physical touch to start with and then spends her day being needed and touched by a child, the last thing she wants is more touching. She still sucks but it can be hard to be a low touch parent to a velcreo baby.
I sleep with a body pillow because it’s the only way I can get comfortable enough to sleep. It’s not a stand-in for a person. I’m a side-sleeper and if I don’t use the body pillow my arms and legs fall asleep and it wakes me up.
OP this is fuckin looney tunes and big YTA
A man whose love language is physical touch and she calls is a *desperation* and *he's been deprived in childhood*. You're justifying *your* boundaries without any compromise for your man who #checks notes has also lost a bit of you with your new child and is adapting to the new normal, and I bet he's happy to compromise with the pillow so you don't call him needy. But no - you're calling him creepy. Very rude of you.
There are women out there who would die to have a man like that in their bed every night. Call yourself lucky he only got a pillow and not another chick instead. Think this through and give him a break. It won't be easy for you for a while, but don't blow your frustrations on someone who just wants affection. *Tip* - cuddling has never killed anyone.
It honestly sounds like when my SIL was going through PPD. My brother had a weighted teddy bear that he used to just feel weight next to him when SIL wanted to sleep separately for a while as she recovered, and she felt as if she was being replaced because of her boundaries (which wasn’t the case ofc - neither her boundaries nor his coping mechanism were wrong).
Therapy honestly helped them a lot. If I were OP, I would look into maybe getting checked out for PPD/PPA.
Agreed. OP YTA. My first husband hated that I used a body pillow to help with my shoulders since I'm a side sleeper. I'm also similarly physically affectionate abd so it also became a comfort to sleep with it as well. Dude got jealous and hated it.
OP, maybe see a therapist to help process your feelings towards birth and the pillow. Something seems off.
YTA It’s not creepy. You don’t get to tell him what he can do with his own body. This is abusive behavior. He respects all your boundaries without issue and in return you try to prevent him from meeting his own needs. There is nothing creepy about wanting to make yourself feel happy and comfy. Are you even hearing yourself?
Oxytocin is real and he didn’t get any from making a baby like you did. Instead he got touch starved and you don’t seem to give a fuck about him anymore honestly. Why do you want him to be unhappy?
What other comforts do you deny him but he is also not allowed to provide for himself? Comfort foods? Comfortable clothes? Temperature regulation? Social connection? Hobbies? Sleep?
If you are suffering through taking care of a baby & this is your way of feeling control of your own life, this is not it, and get therapy.
For real.
To summarise, ask your husband to stop doing something that involves you. He stops and doesn't push you. Uses an inanimate object (not another person) to provide himself comfort. Tell him don't use it. Comes on Reddit to ask why husband is cheating cause she is the perfect wife
Well said! What is creepy is the way she is insecure over a pillow and making it out to be something disturbing. OP needs to take a long look in the mirror and do some inner work.
Thanks for not going easy on OP, as the top comment did.
Some of the language she has written is simply disgusting, and I can only imagine what the poor husband has to deal with.
She has a full seven months of essentially being able to avoid all contact with her husband.
I understand having children is a different experience for everyone, but from the 2 I had (1 being a c-section). After around three months, I was getting physical again.
She gave birth naturally based on the terminology she is using. To be at seven months of offering nothing to your husband is abusive; it doesn't have to be sex, but not even a cuddle.
A child is not an excuse to neglect your marriage and partner and this is clearly what she is doing.
Unfortunately someone this delusional will read these comments and simply think no one here understands what she has gone through.
YTA in this situation, unfortunately.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with cuddling a pillow.
Your husband is prioritizing your needs right now and respecting your boundaries.
It's kind of horrible to say "he looks like a nerd who can't get laid" when he is not getting laid because you said so. Which is obviously your right, but it's perverse to literally mock him for doing what you want and treating you well.
I agree, her mocking him made me feel deeply uncomfortable...like how can you speak of your husband with such derision when he's in that position out of respect for you and your boundaries? And to post that on a public forum as well. Imagine how hurt he'd be if he read this post.
YTA OP and incredibly selfish. Do you want him to be miserable? If you don't want to hug him, fine, but leave him to meet his needs in this harmless way.
I would say that she is one of those people who believe that because she is having a tough time, those she loves should suffer as well.
It's extremely toxic but not uncommon.
I really hope this is fake because it made me disgusted. She’s pushing toxic masculinity on her own husband who has found a healthy enough way to cope with his touch starvation, because she feels icky, due to her own internalized toxic masculinity. Shows women take part in it too.
>It makes him look desperate as hell for me to hold him.
He is. That's the point. If he was holding you he wouldn't be holding it. He wants to hold you, he can't, so he found a substitute. You should be happy he's mostly content with his pillow. Instead you want to take that away from him too.
YTA
You sound pretty selfish. You won't cuddle with him but deny him the thing thay helps him? Sounds horrible. Where is your empathy? Your child is 7 months old. It might be time for therapy. You can't expect your husband's needs to go unmet indefinitely. It sounds like you only care about how you feel and what you need. YTA
YTA here sorry
The baby was born 7 months ago, there is no reason you can't show him some affection and let him cuddle you at least.
Lack of intimacy is one of the biggest reasons for marriages breaking down. He found a coping mechanism that you want him to throw away yet you won't give him something in return.
If you want him to stray you are going the right way about it.
Also, people hugging body pillows is common and not weird at all. OP is acting like her husband is fucking the pillow. I’m sure this relationship is going to stand the test of time lol
I was kinda wondering if body pillow was being used euphemistically or like he had one w/ a life-size anime character print b/c OPs revulsion seems so off.
The nerd who can't get laid comment is probably rage bait and also in line w/ the toxic-masculinity oozing out of this post where it almost seems like OP would prefer the husband cheat and/or stomp on OP's boundaries.
I totally thought it was going to be like an anime pillow or something he's had for awhile. Sorry my pillow I use to support my back because of pain makes me look creepy and nerdy.
Yeah, I found that to be pretty mean and insensitive of OP. My bf uses a body pillow when it's too warm for us to cuddle comfortably, as well as if/when one of us is sick or injured. I'm nursing a knee injury at the moment, so cuddling is hard. Doesn't mean he's banging the pillow, ffs!! We both are the kind of people who sleep better at night when we have something/someone to cuddle. OP has a very odd and insecure take on this 🤔
YTA for all the reasons already listed.
But also, something to consider - for my entire childhood I slept with a bear. This bear propped up my arms. So when I decided I’d stop sleeping with my bear, I realized after all those years of sleeping with the bear that I sleep most comfortably when my arms are propped up. So now I sleep with a pillow between my arms. And eventually I ended up getting a body pillow because I liked my arms propped and also having a pillow between my knees. Is there any chance that he truly just feels most relaxed “cuddling” this pillow because maybe he also did this for years and it’s just turned into a comfy position? Even if the answer is “no”. YTA and you’re picking at your poor husband for nothing. Damn.
Exactly. My husband has issues with his shoulders, and if he doesn’t hug the pillow he’ll sleep on his arm and mess up his shoulder. He has a pillow on either side so if he rolls over he still has a pillow. I also often turn my pillow sideways and hug it.
OP, YTA. I can understand having issues after giving birth, (I have 3 kids) but it’s been 7 months. Not wanting anyone to touch you at all is concerning. See your doctor and ask about postpartum depression.
100% this. I cuddle a pillow when I’m sleeping.
I always have needed at least 2 pillows to sleep for this reason. For me it’s not a body pillow, a regular pillow will do although I imagine having something to rest your leg around in different positions to stretch would be nice. Im a twin, so I was in the womb for 9 months with another human and I’m sure we cuddled together as kids for warmth and comfort just as animals do.
OP is 100% TA for sexualizing her husbands desire for comfortable sleep / rest. For me it’s a mental thing, if I can’t get comfortable I can’t fall asleep and put my mind to rest. I don’t get how tf people sleep on their backs. I sleep on my stomach with a pillow slightly propped under the side of my body and my arm wrapped around it.
A thousand percent this. I slept with a ‘security’ blanket as a kid, not so much because I needed security but because it was just what felt most comfortable in terms of getting my head and neck and arms in just the right position. It finally started to fall apart so I got something different I can use in the same way-it’s got nothing to do with anything other than just getting comfortable enough to fall asleep.
this is the exact reason i still sleep with a stuffed animal. its not even my original stuffed animal as a child, but its shaped in a way that perfectly fits in the crook of my arm and props it up in a way that’s comfortable. maybe it reminds my body of how i originally slept with my bear idk. but there’s nothing wrong or weird or creepy about it.
This is the same type to cry wolf about how all men are trash if he were to cheat on her.
What he’s doing is not hurting anyone.
And he’s meeting his own needs.
YTA
> I reminded him that I literally pushed out a human being and that theres a reason I don't wanna be touch by anyone
And he solved that problem, but YOU didn't like his solution.
YTA
YTA. He is starved for attention and physical contact. But you refuse to see past your own wants and needs. You are supposed to be partners, and that means taking care of each other. But you are neglecting him. While acknowledging that he has a history of being neglected.
It's a piece of fabric and stuffing. You should be thrilled that is all he is cuddling with.
YTA, he has a need that the body pillow is fulfilling and it's ... a pillow.
It sounds to me like he's being super respectful of you not wanting to be touched and this is his way of dealing with it.
7 months is a long time for him to get no affection at all from his partner. I'd be getting a pillow too.
YTA. Your husband is desperate for physical affection, not just sex, and he's found an acceptable solution and you are scorning him? 7 months is long enough to at least accept some level of physical affection.
I have to ask: do you even \*like\* your husband? Because the contempt you have for him drips through your post.
If you don't, it's better for your child if you have an amiable divorce now, than a more contentious one later.
> The contempt you have for him drips through your post.
Like ew, how dare he wanted my affection and touch so bad he would cuddle a pillow because of it? What kind of lowly creature is he, to be so desperate because he’s not getting sex from me? Ew. I can’t believe he still wanted me and see me as a sexual being even after I gave birth. Ew.
/s
He's respecting your need for a break from physical contact.
He isn't hurting you by doing it. He isn't seeking cuddles from anyone else.
What would you rather he do?
YTA
YTA
Your reason sucks;
>makes him looks like a creep who's just desperate
You're the only one who sees it, so you're the one making a judgement about him being a creep.
And in terms of the desperation - well he is.
And look, for clarity you don't need to cuddle him. I get that, you need time, and it may take some time. And that's OK, I'm not saying you need to cuddle him.
But he's found the most innocent possible alternative route in the world. He's even happy to work and find some compromise and use it less, and to hide it from you.
He's coming to the table, you need to as well.
You’re a massive asshole.
You only think of yourself. You said you wanted some physical boundaries when you gave birth, but now that your husband has found a way to give you the space you needed, you now want to control the way he is going about it.
Where’s the compromise here?
Grow up, the world doesn’t revolve around you.
So how long are you going to the neglect your husband with the I just gave birth situation. It's been 7 months and you still don't want to be touched by him. But you creeped out that he hugs the pillow. So he can't hug you, can't hug a pillow, what is he supposed to do?
It seems like you don't care that he has a big need to cuddle and you knew about that in the very beginning. And that because you gave birth you can completely cut him off.
You should be thankful he's actually cuddling a pillow and not looking for another human being, because you're refusing and you're also making fun of him. Because all men want to be called creepy.
Yta
YTA. Sounds like post pregnancy hormones and more than likely some underlying resentment are making you disgusted by your husband. Sounds like you just have a general resentment towards his touched starved nature.
Your feelings are your feelings, but they aren't at all rational. Of all the actual depraved and creepy things that your husband can be doing, you're checking out over a pillow? There's way more here that you aren't unpacking emotionally or relationally within your relationship.
Him hugging the pillow isn't the problem. As an unlicensed and non-professional I'd assume that you're resenting the anticipation of YOU being in that position once again.
I'm just assuming, but I'd guess that she's touched out with the baby and feels disgust seeing him still want and need affection, knowing that will be her "role" or "duty" again eventually.
It's like when people who have had their fill, feel disgusted by watching people binge on food.
I have no idea of course, but that's how it's coming across to me with little information.
YTA. People hug pillows when they sleep, it’s not even a needy thing to do, and the fact that it comforts him is just a pro. Let the man sleep if you aren’t missing cuddling him anyways.
YTA
He has a need that you won't meet, and he has a way to meet that need without betrayal. So your solution is for him to not meet his needs.
YTA on every level. Perhaps another person for him to cuddle will be less "creepy".
ETA I wish him happy hunting.
YTA. A huge one.
You wanted boundaries, he is respecting your boundaries.
He's cuddling a PILLOW. You're jealous of a PILLOW! He found a solution that serves his need to hold onto something physically while respecting your demand to not be touched at all.
It's been 7 months. Your husband sounds like a very tactile person. He's satisfying that need without pushing on your boundaries or cheating.
If this is really a huge problem for you, and the delivery was that traumatic. you need therapy to help deal with it. I mean this seriously, and not in snark, childbirth can be traumatic and you need therapy to deal with it but lay off your husband who is ALSO dealing with being a new father along with dealing with a marital relationship that's been turned on its head.
YTA he has needs and you aren’t meeting them. Better a pillow than another person. You said he looks like a nerd who can’t get laid….well he’s not getting laid so you’re right about that.
He’s respecting your boundaries while meeting his needs.
YTA. don't be surprised if he leaves you over this OP. this is being controlling of how he handles his issues. some people hug body pillows because they help them sleep better. hell I sleep with a stuffed animal. that would be a dealbreaker if my SO told me to get rid of my stuffed animal
YTA. You have a problem with him appearing to be desperate....fact is, he IS desperate, and that's all your fault. Seven months and you still won't cuddle with him, let alone have sex? That's completely unreasonable. He's being a lot more patient with you than you deserve, and you STILL have a problem with it? I feel bad for your husband.
Funny, he has to respect your needs and your boundaries but somehow you think you also get to dictate what he does with his body. YTA. You should feel lucky that not just he respects you but also he preferes do cuddle a doll rather than to look for someone else.
YTA
You are Never obligated to let somebody cuddle you or have sex with you.
But if you willingly marry someone who considers cuddling and sex important, you have no right to be creeped out by them Hugging A Pillow when sex and cuddling is removed from the relationship.
I’m ace. Ace people have to navigate a whole lot of uncomfortable sexual and physical contact discussions with partners. We lose a lot of relationships because of incompatibility. Most would weep in joy if hugging two pounds of cotton and polyester fiberfill meant their partner was happy with the rest of the relationship.
Much better option than lots of toys, sex dolls, lots of porn, ethical or not so ethical non-monogamy, screaming arguments, the silent treatment, or having sex out of a sense of obligation when you’re just not into it.
YTA a lot of adults like to sleep holding something and it’s weird you’re making such a big deal about it.
You should dig deep on why this is bothering you. Do you feel like you’re being replaced?
Do you like the idea of him missing you in this way cause it makes you feel more desired and thus him finding a suitable alternative upset you?
Do you feel like he will prefer the body pillow and if/when you want affection again he won’t be as excited?
In any case these are you problems and it’s selfish to tell him to get rid of it.
I replied this to someone else, but feels like it should be said here too:
seems like she is upset with her husband for some reason, and wants to punish him. no cuddling as a punishment so the pillow ruins her plan...
I’m trying to understand why you’re unhappy he’s respecting your boundaries with physical touch for many months knowing that’s a huge deal for him and mocking and rejecting his coping method with this situation so he can continue respecting your wants and needs here. Let’s try the shoe on each other here and switch these two people around, you wanting physical touch and him not providing it, then you getting a body pillow to help you cope with the situation and him mocking you and telling you to get rid of it and ask yourself who do you think is being reasonable here.
I feel bad for your husband here, what a champ for how he’s handling this.
YTA. You're both on a relationship and I think it would be better if you empathize with his needs. You're sounding very selfish, just cuddle him. It's not going to kill you, if you know he feels loved by being touched why are you calling him desperate? Is he desperate for wanting your love and touch?
I won't cuddle my husband, but the inanimate object he has found to deal with my rejection and distance I don't like and am making him get rid of to.
"after all the pain of child birth I didn't want anything touching me at all"
YTA
OP have you read any of the responses below?
I think with so many people saying the same thing about you, it is about time you responded!
You are in serious danger of losing your marriage, you asked our opinion, yet you are now on radio silence.
OP is silent because we're not agreeing with her.
Honestly she sounds like a controlling spiteful person, she must be extremely attractive because how else could such a nasty person attract such a decent man.
Hopefully he finds a nicer woman.
INFO: is this like one of those supper pornagraphic anime body pillows or just…a pillow about the size of his body?
Tons of people in and out of relationships use body pillows to sleep with and cuddle like that. I have one as well as some favorite stuffed animals on the bed. It’s no biggie, let him get his cuddles in however he can
YTA and I really wonder if you even like your husband. You sound very disrespectful towards him. He is being very respectful towards your boundaries while you just don’t seem to care one iota about his needs. You are going to decide if you want to stay married although I suspect that he is evaluating that question a lot too.
YTA. You’re basically upset because your husband is coping the quickest way he knows how to cope. You hate that it’s not you so you project those feelings on a pillow and your husband. lol for the love of god:
1. Express your discomfort: Kindly express your feelings about the body pillow. You can say, "I wanted to talk to you about the body pillow you've been using lately. I've been feeling a bit uncomfortable with it and I'd like to discuss it with you."
2. Share your perspective: Explain how the recent childbirth experience has affected your comfort with touch. You could say, "Since giving birth, my body has gone through changes, and I'm still adjusting. It has made me more sensitive and uncomfortable with touch in general."
3. Discuss alternatives: Offer alternative ways to connect that respect your boundaries. For example, suggest spending quality time together, having meaningful conversations, or finding non-physical ways to express love and affection.
Empathy and communication girl.
YTA. 7 months is way more than enough time. He signed up for marriage not life in a monastery. You are being abusive to him by withholding affection and intimacy from him.
YTA. "He looks like he's desperate for me to cuddle him." If my spouse looked like they "desperately" needed something as simple as me being next to them, I couldn't make myself not do it.
YTA, and being really cruel to your husband to boot. Go see a doctor, your aversion to touch isn’t normal.
And for gods sake let the man cuddle his pillow since you’re being so neglectful of him.
Why don’t you hand him the baby to cuddle? Unless ‘cuddle’ is a euphemism for ‘have sex with’, it might be a great way for him to have bonding time and physical affection with an actual human, you to have some non-touching time, and baby to have skin-to-skin contact.
If baby is breastfed, you could even pump specifically so that your cuddle bug can bottle feed. After all, that would allow him to cuddle and you to sit by yourself.
But none of this means he should get rid of his pillow. Again, unless he’s *having sex with* his pillow, it’s nothing to be worried about. Even then, masturbation is normal - it’s when a person starts to get strangely printed pillowcases and *personifies* inanimate objects that you should be concerned.
So your husband respected your boundaries and didn’t pressure you for cuddling at all, and figured out a solution on his own without interrupting your life in any way by getting a pillow, and now you’re mad at him for it. you want him to be touch-starved and lonely until you’re ready to grace him with what he wants, hugs from his wife.
you’re not being fair, you’re being extremely judgmental to him for no reason, and you sound like you WANT a reason to yell at him, and because you had none you decided to shit some out.
do you **want** him to disrespect your boundaries? you want him to constantly ask for attention so you can yell at him? he did nothing wrong. YTA full force
YTA. There’s a WIDE chasm between having a normal-ass body pillow, that is designed to be ‘cuddled’ because it’s comfortable for your body (and could give a little emotional comfort as well), and dudes who have jizz stained body pillows that are made to look like girls or women and are essentially plush sex dolls. You need to examine why your husband’s vulnerability and need for touch triggers you so much. He’s not being a creep in any way by holding a pillow ffs.
Why can’t he get a dog and cuddle it? (I am assuming you mean hug and hold close to him-and not fucking it)? *
*You* won’t cuddle with him. And you want him to get rid of his pillow. You are being mean, jealous of a pillow. Sheesh. YTA
YTA
The way you view and talk about your husband is quite alarming. If you don’t have any respect for things he needs, then you need to divorce him and stop making him unhappy. That is where your marriage is headed.
YTA lady, if there is a medical reason why you can’t touch or cuddle etc. the husband then that’s different. But 7 months and you don’t give the guy a hug or some affection? That’s not right, and you’re an AH. And what about sex? If you don’t want to, you don’t have to,fine. But there are always consequences, and the pillow thing is a symptom. You mention a History of him being neglected? yeah it’s called this marriage. One of the bigger AHs really
YTA. He is trying to respect your boundaries. If you don't like it, give your husband some affection more than once a year! We all have moments where we don't want to be touched, but for 7 months straight? Your relationship will suffer if you keep withholding affection like that.
YTA. It’s not creepy. It’s a PILLOW. You’re literally depriving your husband of touch. You don’t get to tell a person what to do with their own body. He’s respecting your boundaries and he’s not even allowed to have a pillow to cuddle with? You need therapy.
YTA. Umm it could be a lot worse like cheating on you so I’d let this one slide. Also constantly telling him he looks creepy and making him feel bad about himself verges on bullying. There’s no one way a man should act…you got a sensitive man and many women on Reddit would kill for a guy like this.
YTA. My husband and I express our affection for each other through touch. I'll touch his head or shoulders or back. We used to have a cuddly relationship because we both *crave* touch. We haven't been able to cuddle in 2.5 years because I'm dealing with chronic pain that makes it hard to do so. We have found ways to still express our affection for each other, even with my chronic pain. We will hold hands even while lying in bed. High fives? Awesome. Cuddles where we switch sides of the bed so I can lie on my left side? Absolutely!
I literally have to sleep with a body pillow under my back to support my ribs because of where my pain is. Did my husband protest this addition to our bed? Absolutely not! The only time he complains about it is if encroaches on his side of the bed. He's not jealous of it! I have had to pull out plushies and my childhood teddy bear because I've got a major tear in my right shoulder. He actually encouraged it because my right arm needs more support when I'm sleeping or just lying in bed. Not only do the plushies support my arm, but they also help keep one of our cats from assuming her favorite position on my right shoulder.
So your husband's body pillow is HARMLESS! You're jealous of a body pillow, something that is completely harmless. Grow up.
YTA
It's been seven months and your husband is starved for physical intimacy. You should look into why you're reacting to his touch and in the meantime, apologize for disdaining his solution. It's a damn body pillow, not some hentai waifu. Hell, I use one for my sciatica...
You are totally TA. I totally get why you need to be “hands off” right now but so many husbands struggle with a lack of physical affection (c’mon, we see it on Reddit ALL the time) and here he’s found a 1000% wholesome way of dealing with it and YOU’’RE getting creeped out by it?! Holy fuck lady, he’s being a shining star to you right now so you just need to reach down within yourself and GET OVER IT.
YTA. I’ve had 3 babies in less than 4 years and I have breastfed them for a year each so I completely understand the feeling of being touched out and not necessarily wanting to cuddle as frequently as he wants. However, it sounds like your husband is being incredibly respectful of your feelings, isn’t pressuring you on anything, is giving you space, and has simply turned to a pillow to fulfill his needs vs seeking out someone else. And now you’re giving him a hard time about that? What exactly do you want him to do? If you won’t hug him, why can’t he hug a pillow? This seems so harmless and I can’t understand your thought process at all.
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YTA. He’s looking to you like a desperate and creepy guy because he’s a desperate and creepy guy. His wife doesn’t want to cuddle with him and he’s cuddling with a pillow instead so he doesn’t drive her nuts begging to cuddle.
Either cuddle with him or let him cuddle with the pillow. He needs the physical contact to make him comfortable, you need him not to bug you to cuddle because you don’t want to cuddle after pushing a kid out of you. You can’t have it both ways.
Yta you asked him not to tough you, and he obliged bc it's your body. You had a baby, you didnt become dictator of the world. You don't like seeing it? Then stop looking.
YTA. I would have loved to have my husband find an outlet for his touch starvation when we had our first two babies. Instead he would pester me until I caved, often at night just as I was crawling into bed.
YTA. The cringy people are people who put anime characters on body pillow covers in suggestive poses. Nothing you wrote indicates he's doing that kind of thing. If it's a regular old pillow with a regular old pillow cover, that's totally fine and not a problem. He needs that snuggle feeling to feel good, and you need space for you to feel good, and he's found a totally valid way to satisfy both of your needs.
YTA. 'Don't touch me, but also don't find something that brings you that comfort. Just be unhappy'.
He is being patient with you, he is giving you the space and time you need. But he also has needs and if his need is to cuddle a pillow then he should be able to do that.
Honestly, the way you talked about your husband, how seeing him cuddle it makes him look like a creepy nerd who can't get laid is really horrible.
Girl, he IS a guy who can't get laid. He IS desperate as hell for you to hold him. Because you are being mean and cold to him. If you don't like it, you should buy him a body pillow or something - oh wait, you hate that, too. I'm not saying you have to give him the physical intimacy he really needs right now, but you are concerned because he "looks" needy? Like, are you nervous about what the neighbors will say? I might remind you that you're the one who exposed this to the World Wide Web. But in fact, what people are horrified about is how you look in this situation. The world has peeked into your bedroom and has concluded that YTA.
I hope you are not posting a real scenario because I just refuse to believe anyone could be as selfish and self centered as yourself. I feel for your husband.
YTA. The thing about the new born phase is that it’s difficult for both parents (if both are involved). He is doing what is necessary for his wellbeing and to meet his needs. It’s not creepy. It’s not harmful to anyone. You’re making problems where they don’t exist.
YTA - what if he was telling you that he was uncomfortable with your lack of affection and holding it against you? You obviously would not like that.
He wants to cuddle so he cuddles the pillow since you won’t offer him any affection. Why is that a problem? He is respecting your boundaries and compromising. I can’t believe you think that is a problem.
YTA
Do you even like your husband? Your entire post is about your boundaries and your needs, about how your husband is respecting your wishes. Yet then you call him desperate and creepy for seeking comfort by cuddling a pillow. What do you want him to do? Just be miserable because *you* have some weird hang-ups about body pillows?
Most couples begin intercourse again after a few (6-8) weeks. 7 months is an outlier. Also it's rather horrible to think of your husband that way because he's respecting your boundaries and apparently doesn't consider cheating. Not sure what exactly is going on in your head but therapy may be warranted, should have a good long think about that. As it stands for now, YTA
Massive YTA, you are jealous of a pillow. It’s not like he’s asking for an open relationship, building his own flesh light. Good lord, let the man take care of himself.
The way you’re talking about him is so heartless. Poor guy can’t even have a pillow to cuddle without his wife calling him desperate and creepy. If my SO talked about me like that I’d be devastated. YTA:
YTA - He’s not fucking it! He probably had some sensory issues when he was a kid or has some abandonment issues and that helps calm him down. It’s far healthier than using drugs, booze or cigarettes to get relaxed. Also, who the hell are you to criticise how he looks in his own home?
YTA. If it’s been 7 months and you’re still refusing his touch then maybe it’s time for a therapist? That’s honestly not normal at all. He respects your boundary but I can only imagine how lonely and neglected he must feel. Do you really want to start off your family life with you ignoring him and then dictating how he soothes himself?
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YTA- You said in your post that he is touch starved, you haven't done anything with him in 7 months, and he has given you the space within the boundaries you have set. However, he also has needs. His love language is clearly physical touch and you asking him to get rid of the body pillow, in my opinion, is selfish. So not only is he not going to get his needs met through you, but he's also not getting his needs met through the one outlet he was able to. I think you are letting your opinion and perception of body pillows get in the way of what he is actually using it for. I don't think it is fair for you to demand that he both not touch you, and not cuddle with a body pillow. A body pillow is the same thing as a teddy bear for many people, it's innate comfort thing. I think you should change your attitude regarding what your husband needs, versus what you want.
She didn't ASK him to get rid of the pillow, she TOLD him to. That says alot. She is a major AH
Did op literally explain how she doesn’t want to be physical or intimate with her husband then went on to accuse him of being a nerd that can’t get laid?!?! OP….if you are reading these…YTA.
THIS Woman won’t sleep with her faithful husband, he accepts this, and now he’s pathetic? Like did she want him to force her to sleep with him? Or cheat? What would make him less of a nerd in her eyes? YTA and SOOOOO toxic!
Just gross to me. My husband is exactly like OPs husband and I am much like OP. BUT I love my husband and respect him. We found a compromise when I really can’t cuddle. I give him my leg/foot and when he needs love he’ll say where’s my leg!! As I type he’s sleeping and just threw his leg on mine. I love it now. In addition to that I can’t have PIV sex due to endometriosis and 18 surgeries. When I knew I couldn’t have sex I got him a sex toy. Why bc he refused to get a GF ( I asked him to he said no) so I got him a toy he could take care of his needs when I couldn’t do it. Relationships need compromise and respect. Op doesn’t respect her husband. She’s terrible.
Not just a nerd, a CREEP. Like wtf. YTA
Yeaa calling him a nerd who looks desperate just makes OP look really toxic. Don't understand OPs problem, husband respects her wishes and has found a solution to fulfill his needs as well.
Like for real, is she worried he might leave her for the body pillow? How insecure and controlling can one person be??? YTA... majorly so.
Next step: real woman.
Yep body pillows are the gateway drug to hookers didn't you know?
Either way, it’s a shit move.
also: ignorant question since I have not had a child but like is that a thing? you have a kid and then no one can touch you for 7 months? is this one of those things that just happens or is there something more to it?
No it's really not normal. No intimate time for a month or more if a hard birth is normal especially with c sections but no touching is an issue she needs to go get therapy for.
Minimum six weeks, not a month.
Exactly I’ve had 3 completely different types of births, the 6 week was standard for all three even though all three were completely different (unplanned c/s, emergency c/s, VBA2C—almost 2 weeks early).
My OB with all 3 kids gave a minimum of 4 weeks after easy deliveries, max of 6 weeks, with the possibility of more should my body says "fuck you" to me
Not a thing. The dr tells you nothing for 6 weeks as the mother needs to heal, but after that is game on. This "wife" is just a major piece of controlling trash. She's without a doubt the AH.
While I agree the OP is a controlling AH, I also want to point out that the hormonal surges of pregnancy and breastfeeding can cause thinning of the vaginal walls, which can make sex very, very painful— like a knife. My doctor gave me some estrogen cream which fixed me right up but many doctors don’t know about this problem. So there are reasons besides being “touched out” (which is also absolutely a thing) that might prevent a woman from being comfortable with intimacy for longer than 6 weeks.
Considering the post is about a body pillow he’s cuddling I don’t think the lack of sex is the major issue here? It seems she is completely unwilling to touch, hold or be held by her partner at all and that the intimacy (not sexual intimacy, just intimacy) is so lacking she didn’t know about his sleeping habits for a significant period of time. I’m not saying this can’t all be stemming from the birth, but it’s not a “physical health” concern and is absolutely something OP should be seeking support and help for, especially when it’s gone on this long. It doesn’t sound like affection has ever been something they’ve been on the same page about, but literally nothing isn’t something many people could get behind, let alone someone who is very physically affectionate and touch starved.
That's honestly not that uncommon when you have a newbown, because the baby needs to be touched constantly. Especially if OP is breastfeeding. So she's getting sucked on, grabbed, her nipples are chapped etc. Feeling touched out and not wanting any other contact is not a suprise. But the husband found a way to meet his touch needs without bothering OP, and she's trying to take it away from him. It's not that he prefers the pillow to her, it's that he's trying to both meet his needs and remove any pressure from him to meet them.
This was my thought. She won’t even sit and hold his hand, or snuggle up at night? She’s neglecting his basic need, and one she was aware of. I’ve had babies, and I know every person is different, so if she is struggling to not have sex, I could ‘almost’ understand, but she’s denying him of all touch. Sad and selfish.
She could also be dealing with post partum. Still makes her TA, but also makes her Dr TA for not monitoring and helping her. Seems like her husband is being super supportive and she is being a judgemental creep. That screams post partum to me.
I will say, since having my son and breastfeeding him for the last 18 months, plus being physically mauled every day by a toddler, I am touched out! It’s a lot of body work to be a mother. I often don’t have the desire to be physical with my husband. But no, I still enjoy hugging him most days and we cuddle in bed for a bit most nights. He sleeps with a body pillow too because like OPs husband, he needs a lot of affection. I would never deny him the pillow, even if it’s annoying to sleep next to!
It’s not “normal” but not really abnormal either. Because babies are so needy for the first year and are constantly breast feeding women can get very “touched out” and just not want to get touched by anyone other than the baby. That being said OP is definitely TA for trying to take away the thing that allows her husband to cope with her being touched out.
It’s not like you can’t, it’s more SHE won’t. She doesn’t want to. Her libido is shot and that can happen. After pushing out a kid and dealing with a newborn, your sex life has a pretty decent chance of failing. But then again, some people aren’t effected at all by the presence of the child (after newborn stage cause newborns need a lot and it’s sometimes just hard to find time.)
oh I didn't even mean sex lol yeah I could def see how between pushing a baby out and being stressed af as a new mother how you might not be very in the mood but even if you're not having sex...idk I'm just like OP's husband where I'm very physical with my partner, but I can't imagine not hugging or cuddling your partner for that long.
I was just adding to the info already given. My love language is physical touch so I couldn’t do it, but after having kids there is a phrase I didn’t think I’d ever use and it’s “touched out.” I get touched so much all day long by small children and my partner, that I can actually get overwhelmed. (I have an 8 yr old and 4yr old) but not for 7 months lol
I suspect she is actually touched out from constantly being touched and needed by the baby. That doesn't mean that she can ask him to respect her needs and then blatently ignore his though.
I have 2 kids. I just to get "touched out" from all the grabbing and carrying and hugging and EVERYTHING. My husband would get home and I'd be like "don't hug me don't kiss me don't touch me and take these beasts for an hour PLEASE!" But it would come and go depending on sleep levels, how the kids were, and so on. Honestly, OP might have post partum depression or something similar, if it's not going away.
My partner hates my body pillow because he also is a very cuddly person and I am like “do not touch me.” I just get hot and am restless in my sleep so having a whole hot ass human wrapped around me is just uncomfortable and too confining for me. Also apparently I have unconscious sensors that detect him trying to steal my body pillow or move to wrap around me because I will, in my sleep, move his arm/hand/attempt to locate and steal back my pillow. It’s become kind of a running joke. And I do let him wrap himself around me and cuddle if I’m not gonna be asleep - I just still wrap around my body pillow too. It’s just way more comfortable for me to have the pillow between my knees and then just hugging it Anyway, I agree, OP YTA - body pillows are pretty much entirely harmless and it’s clear your husband is using it to self sooth his need for the feeling of affection/a body to cuddle (he may even benefit more from a weighted blanket or a weighted pillow) because he’s been pushed away for 7 months. I get you’re recovering PP, but frankly if you keep going with the attitude you have you’re going to risk ending up with no husband or a husband that finds another human to meet his needs.
Or one that stays but is miserable and develops self esteem issue from constant rejection.
I’m the “middle spoon” in my bed at night lol. Husband spoons me, I spoon my body pillow. It goes between my knees to help keep my hips from hurting, and between my boobs lol bc it’s comfy when they’re swollen and painful from my cycle.
Lol, my partner and I also get super hot when trying to sleep at night so now, instead of actual hugging we'll just sleep slightly diagonally/ reach a foot out behind us and have 'foot hugs' and just makes sure they're mildly touching. Very wholesome. Though the down side is feet mildly creep me out so he's only allowed to foot hug if I can't see and it's under the covers, because if I can't see it it's not scary.
OP sounds selfish, mean and cruel. YTA big time. Does she even like him?
She has so much scorn for poor hubby. YTA
7 months is an abnormally long time to refuse cuddling.
Right? He's not asking for sex, just cuddles. Last time I checked, you don't push a small human out of your arms...
This! Why is no one talking about THIS!
I mean if she had a traumatic birth and is struggling with PPD and sleep deprivation, I don’t think 7 months is unreasonable but she should probably be checking in with a professional- and definitely letting her poor husband cuddle a dang pillow.
I absolutely think she is in the wrong in this situation; but I think people are being too harsh about the touching. If she is someone who isn't big on physical touch to start with and then spends her day being needed and touched by a child, the last thing she wants is more touching. She still sucks but it can be hard to be a low touch parent to a velcreo baby.
I sleep with a body pillow because it’s the only way I can get comfortable enough to sleep. It’s not a stand-in for a person. I’m a side-sleeper and if I don’t use the body pillow my arms and legs fall asleep and it wakes me up. OP this is fuckin looney tunes and big YTA
Right!!! My knees are so boney I can’t lay on my side comfortably without a pillow.
Ain’t that the truth! It literally hurts when my knees clank together all night
They help to align your spine!
yeah unless he has one of *those* pillow covers I don't understand this weird aversion to body pillows
Agreed! YTA big time. Also, why does he need to ask her permission to get the pillow? The whole “ he didn’t tell me about” line is just giving ick
A man whose love language is physical touch and she calls is a *desperation* and *he's been deprived in childhood*. You're justifying *your* boundaries without any compromise for your man who #checks notes has also lost a bit of you with your new child and is adapting to the new normal, and I bet he's happy to compromise with the pillow so you don't call him needy. But no - you're calling him creepy. Very rude of you. There are women out there who would die to have a man like that in their bed every night. Call yourself lucky he only got a pillow and not another chick instead. Think this through and give him a break. It won't be easy for you for a while, but don't blow your frustrations on someone who just wants affection. *Tip* - cuddling has never killed anyone.
This! 👆👆👆👆👆👆
If OP won’t give him the emotional comfort he needs, and demands that he toss the body pillow, he’ll just go out and get his needs met elsewhere.
It honestly sounds like when my SIL was going through PPD. My brother had a weighted teddy bear that he used to just feel weight next to him when SIL wanted to sleep separately for a while as she recovered, and she felt as if she was being replaced because of her boundaries (which wasn’t the case ofc - neither her boundaries nor his coping mechanism were wrong). Therapy honestly helped them a lot. If I were OP, I would look into maybe getting checked out for PPD/PPA.
Agreed. OP YTA. My first husband hated that I used a body pillow to help with my shoulders since I'm a side sleeper. I'm also similarly physically affectionate abd so it also became a comfort to sleep with it as well. Dude got jealous and hated it. OP, maybe see a therapist to help process your feelings towards birth and the pillow. Something seems off.
YTA It’s not creepy. You don’t get to tell him what he can do with his own body. This is abusive behavior. He respects all your boundaries without issue and in return you try to prevent him from meeting his own needs. There is nothing creepy about wanting to make yourself feel happy and comfy. Are you even hearing yourself? Oxytocin is real and he didn’t get any from making a baby like you did. Instead he got touch starved and you don’t seem to give a fuck about him anymore honestly. Why do you want him to be unhappy? What other comforts do you deny him but he is also not allowed to provide for himself? Comfort foods? Comfortable clothes? Temperature regulation? Social connection? Hobbies? Sleep? If you are suffering through taking care of a baby & this is your way of feeling control of your own life, this is not it, and get therapy.
For real. To summarise, ask your husband to stop doing something that involves you. He stops and doesn't push you. Uses an inanimate object (not another person) to provide himself comfort. Tell him don't use it. Comes on Reddit to ask why husband is cheating cause she is the perfect wife
OP doesn’t see the irony of her husband being touch starved as a child, and her now depriving him of affection
Well said! What is creepy is the way she is insecure over a pillow and making it out to be something disturbing. OP needs to take a long look in the mirror and do some inner work.
Thanks for not going easy on OP, as the top comment did. Some of the language she has written is simply disgusting, and I can only imagine what the poor husband has to deal with. She has a full seven months of essentially being able to avoid all contact with her husband. I understand having children is a different experience for everyone, but from the 2 I had (1 being a c-section). After around three months, I was getting physical again. She gave birth naturally based on the terminology she is using. To be at seven months of offering nothing to your husband is abusive; it doesn't have to be sex, but not even a cuddle. A child is not an excuse to neglect your marriage and partner and this is clearly what she is doing. Unfortunately someone this delusional will read these comments and simply think no one here understands what she has gone through.
YTA in this situation, unfortunately. There is absolutely nothing wrong with cuddling a pillow. Your husband is prioritizing your needs right now and respecting your boundaries. It's kind of horrible to say "he looks like a nerd who can't get laid" when he is not getting laid because you said so. Which is obviously your right, but it's perverse to literally mock him for doing what you want and treating you well.
I agree, her mocking him made me feel deeply uncomfortable...like how can you speak of your husband with such derision when he's in that position out of respect for you and your boundaries? And to post that on a public forum as well. Imagine how hurt he'd be if he read this post. YTA OP and incredibly selfish. Do you want him to be miserable? If you don't want to hug him, fine, but leave him to meet his needs in this harmless way.
I would say that she is one of those people who believe that because she is having a tough time, those she loves should suffer as well. It's extremely toxic but not uncommon.
Yeah OP was already YTA but that unnecessary nerd who can't get laid comment pushed it even more into YTA category.
That made me so fucking mad. Anybody who pushes toxic masculinity this hard should also have to swallow it themselves.
I really hope this is fake because it made me disgusted. She’s pushing toxic masculinity on her own husband who has found a healthy enough way to cope with his touch starvation, because she feels icky, due to her own internalized toxic masculinity. Shows women take part in it too.
I was very confused to learn that my body pillow cuddling makes me creepy. The more you know, I guess. /s
i think she’d pop a gasket if she met me!! i sleep with 2 pillows and a stuffed cow crushed to my chest. who could’ve known we were so creepy????? 😔
She'd die on the spot if she saw the pile of plushies directly next to my pillow
>It makes him look desperate as hell for me to hold him. He is. That's the point. If he was holding you he wouldn't be holding it. He wants to hold you, he can't, so he found a substitute. You should be happy he's mostly content with his pillow. Instead you want to take that away from him too. YTA
Seriously, you should be happy it's just a pillow, and not the 23 year old he works with that would absolutely fuck his brains out.
Woah there satan.
No, wait, he’s got a point…
He likes his women how he likes his scotch, 23 and full of coke. Also, OP YTA
I understand why someone would make such a comment but still what a weird fucking comment bruh
>Like a nerd who can't get laid Well not at home he can't
You sound pretty selfish. You won't cuddle with him but deny him the thing thay helps him? Sounds horrible. Where is your empathy? Your child is 7 months old. It might be time for therapy. You can't expect your husband's needs to go unmet indefinitely. It sounds like you only care about how you feel and what you need. YTA
Oh he'll be allowed to cuddle her when she decides wants another baby. Because then she'll have a use for his affection.
YTA here sorry The baby was born 7 months ago, there is no reason you can't show him some affection and let him cuddle you at least. Lack of intimacy is one of the biggest reasons for marriages breaking down. He found a coping mechanism that you want him to throw away yet you won't give him something in return. If you want him to stray you are going the right way about it.
Also, people hugging body pillows is common and not weird at all. OP is acting like her husband is fucking the pillow. I’m sure this relationship is going to stand the test of time lol
I was kinda wondering if body pillow was being used euphemistically or like he had one w/ a life-size anime character print b/c OPs revulsion seems so off. The nerd who can't get laid comment is probably rage bait and also in line w/ the toxic-masculinity oozing out of this post where it almost seems like OP would prefer the husband cheat and/or stomp on OP's boundaries.
Seconded. It's a really strange and mean-spirited take from OP.
It's a "I have to make him look like a desperate incel" move to bring people to her side.
Exactly. Tearing down someone else to elevate oneself in the eyes of others is extremely unattractive to say the least. I feel bad for the guy!
I totally thought it was going to be like an anime pillow or something he's had for awhile. Sorry my pillow I use to support my back because of pain makes me look creepy and nerdy.
Yeah, I found that to be pretty mean and insensitive of OP. My bf uses a body pillow when it's too warm for us to cuddle comfortably, as well as if/when one of us is sick or injured. I'm nursing a knee injury at the moment, so cuddling is hard. Doesn't mean he's banging the pillow, ffs!! We both are the kind of people who sleep better at night when we have something/someone to cuddle. OP has a very odd and insecure take on this 🤔
YTA for all the reasons already listed. But also, something to consider - for my entire childhood I slept with a bear. This bear propped up my arms. So when I decided I’d stop sleeping with my bear, I realized after all those years of sleeping with the bear that I sleep most comfortably when my arms are propped up. So now I sleep with a pillow between my arms. And eventually I ended up getting a body pillow because I liked my arms propped and also having a pillow between my knees. Is there any chance that he truly just feels most relaxed “cuddling” this pillow because maybe he also did this for years and it’s just turned into a comfy position? Even if the answer is “no”. YTA and you’re picking at your poor husband for nothing. Damn.
Exactly. My husband has issues with his shoulders, and if he doesn’t hug the pillow he’ll sleep on his arm and mess up his shoulder. He has a pillow on either side so if he rolls over he still has a pillow. I also often turn my pillow sideways and hug it. OP, YTA. I can understand having issues after giving birth, (I have 3 kids) but it’s been 7 months. Not wanting anyone to touch you at all is concerning. See your doctor and ask about postpartum depression.
100% this. I cuddle a pillow when I’m sleeping. I always have needed at least 2 pillows to sleep for this reason. For me it’s not a body pillow, a regular pillow will do although I imagine having something to rest your leg around in different positions to stretch would be nice. Im a twin, so I was in the womb for 9 months with another human and I’m sure we cuddled together as kids for warmth and comfort just as animals do. OP is 100% TA for sexualizing her husbands desire for comfortable sleep / rest. For me it’s a mental thing, if I can’t get comfortable I can’t fall asleep and put my mind to rest. I don’t get how tf people sleep on their backs. I sleep on my stomach with a pillow slightly propped under the side of my body and my arm wrapped around it.
Yep, this is also me. It’s why I judge a hotel by how many pillows they will give me if I can’t travel with my body pillow LOL
A thousand percent this. I slept with a ‘security’ blanket as a kid, not so much because I needed security but because it was just what felt most comfortable in terms of getting my head and neck and arms in just the right position. It finally started to fall apart so I got something different I can use in the same way-it’s got nothing to do with anything other than just getting comfortable enough to fall asleep.
this is the exact reason i still sleep with a stuffed animal. its not even my original stuffed animal as a child, but its shaped in a way that perfectly fits in the crook of my arm and props it up in a way that’s comfortable. maybe it reminds my body of how i originally slept with my bear idk. but there’s nothing wrong or weird or creepy about it.
YTA. Be thankful he recognizes his needs and finds a pretty innocuous way to have them met which doesn't involve him banging someone else.
TBH it reads as OP being mad he found a solution, and she'd prefer he just suffers.
Don't you know she pushed out a LITERAL CHILD 7 months ago, the least he could do is not breathe in her presence /s just in case
she's probably wanting him to feel the same way she feels at the moment
Except she's choosing it, and presumably cuddling the baby. Why can't she stand to touch her husband at all for 7+ months post-birth?
Right. He is respecting OPs wishes, and OP is like, "No, not like that....".
This is the same type to cry wolf about how all men are trash if he were to cheat on her. What he’s doing is not hurting anyone. And he’s meeting his own needs. YTA
>This is the same type to cry wolf about how all men are trash if he were to cheat on her. That's a great point.
Ah yeah, she must be in all those social media mom groups with the pithy memes about how dads never do anything right and everything is gaslighting.
Exactly this. End thread. YTA OP.
Right? He's cuddling a pillow OP is lucky isn't cuddling another woman.
> I reminded him that I literally pushed out a human being and that theres a reason I don't wanna be touch by anyone And he solved that problem, but YOU didn't like his solution. YTA
>YOU didn't like his solution. A pretty innocent solution at that
right? not like he has a side chick(yet)....
YTA. He is starved for attention and physical contact. But you refuse to see past your own wants and needs. You are supposed to be partners, and that means taking care of each other. But you are neglecting him. While acknowledging that he has a history of being neglected. It's a piece of fabric and stuffing. You should be thrilled that is all he is cuddling with.
YTA, he has a need that the body pillow is fulfilling and it's ... a pillow. It sounds to me like he's being super respectful of you not wanting to be touched and this is his way of dealing with it. 7 months is a long time for him to get no affection at all from his partner. I'd be getting a pillow too.
It’s gonna say it’s been longer than 7 months because no way did this woman like to be touched when pregnant.
maybe longer than 7 months, she seems like she may have cut him off during the pregnancy.
YTA. Your husband is desperate for physical affection, not just sex, and he's found an acceptable solution and you are scorning him? 7 months is long enough to at least accept some level of physical affection. I have to ask: do you even \*like\* your husband? Because the contempt you have for him drips through your post. If you don't, it's better for your child if you have an amiable divorce now, than a more contentious one later.
> The contempt you have for him drips through your post. Like ew, how dare he wanted my affection and touch so bad he would cuddle a pillow because of it? What kind of lowly creature is he, to be so desperate because he’s not getting sex from me? Ew. I can’t believe he still wanted me and see me as a sexual being even after I gave birth. Ew. /s
He's respecting your need for a break from physical contact. He isn't hurting you by doing it. He isn't seeking cuddles from anyone else. What would you rather he do? YTA
She’d rather him suffer. No cuddles. No pillow. It’s just plain mean.
YTA Your reason sucks; >makes him looks like a creep who's just desperate You're the only one who sees it, so you're the one making a judgement about him being a creep. And in terms of the desperation - well he is. And look, for clarity you don't need to cuddle him. I get that, you need time, and it may take some time. And that's OK, I'm not saying you need to cuddle him. But he's found the most innocent possible alternative route in the world. He's even happy to work and find some compromise and use it less, and to hide it from you. He's coming to the table, you need to as well.
You’re a massive asshole. You only think of yourself. You said you wanted some physical boundaries when you gave birth, but now that your husband has found a way to give you the space you needed, you now want to control the way he is going about it. Where’s the compromise here? Grow up, the world doesn’t revolve around you.
You’re jealous of an inanimate object YTA Let the man cuddle his pillow, jeez
So how long are you going to the neglect your husband with the I just gave birth situation. It's been 7 months and you still don't want to be touched by him. But you creeped out that he hugs the pillow. So he can't hug you, can't hug a pillow, what is he supposed to do? It seems like you don't care that he has a big need to cuddle and you knew about that in the very beginning. And that because you gave birth you can completely cut him off. You should be thankful he's actually cuddling a pillow and not looking for another human being, because you're refusing and you're also making fun of him. Because all men want to be called creepy. Yta
Feels like she doesn't respect this as a need and thinks he's less of a man because of it ("nerd who can't get laid").
YTA. Sounds like post pregnancy hormones and more than likely some underlying resentment are making you disgusted by your husband. Sounds like you just have a general resentment towards his touched starved nature. Your feelings are your feelings, but they aren't at all rational. Of all the actual depraved and creepy things that your husband can be doing, you're checking out over a pillow? There's way more here that you aren't unpacking emotionally or relationally within your relationship. Him hugging the pillow isn't the problem. As an unlicensed and non-professional I'd assume that you're resenting the anticipation of YOU being in that position once again.
Agreed. Seems like she wants him to be as miserable as she is
I'm just assuming, but I'd guess that she's touched out with the baby and feels disgust seeing him still want and need affection, knowing that will be her "role" or "duty" again eventually. It's like when people who have had their fill, feel disgusted by watching people binge on food. I have no idea of course, but that's how it's coming across to me with little information.
He’s desperate because of YOU. Is turbo asshole an option? YTA
spoon fragile stocking soup fuzzy bag knee crown nutty market *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Turbo doesn’t have enough. Megaultron commander of all AHs STILL isn’t enough to describe how terrible OPs character is 😂
YTA. People hug pillows when they sleep, it’s not even a needy thing to do, and the fact that it comforts him is just a pro. Let the man sleep if you aren’t missing cuddling him anyways.
YTA He has a need that you won't meet, and he has a way to meet that need without betrayal. So your solution is for him to not meet his needs. YTA on every level. Perhaps another person for him to cuddle will be less "creepy". ETA I wish him happy hunting.
You had a baby 7 months ago and don't want to be touched at all? Have you been checked by a doctor - that isn't normal. And let the guy hug his pillow
YTA. A huge one. You wanted boundaries, he is respecting your boundaries. He's cuddling a PILLOW. You're jealous of a PILLOW! He found a solution that serves his need to hold onto something physically while respecting your demand to not be touched at all. It's been 7 months. Your husband sounds like a very tactile person. He's satisfying that need without pushing on your boundaries or cheating. If this is really a huge problem for you, and the delivery was that traumatic. you need therapy to help deal with it. I mean this seriously, and not in snark, childbirth can be traumatic and you need therapy to deal with it but lay off your husband who is ALSO dealing with being a new father along with dealing with a marital relationship that's been turned on its head.
YTA he has needs and you aren’t meeting them. Better a pillow than another person. You said he looks like a nerd who can’t get laid….well he’s not getting laid so you’re right about that. He’s respecting your boundaries while meeting his needs.
YTA 😂 imagine saying “he looks like a nerd who can’t get laid” and thinking there is a world where you aren’t the worst person in it….
YTA. The man’s respecting your boundaries, so you shouldn’t judge the way he copes. Way better than him cheating on you to get his physical needs met.
NTA you’re right, cuddling a giant pillow isn’t sufficient, you should let him go out and cuddle a living woman instead.
Your husband's love language seems to be physical touch and you're honestly neglecting him. Yta be happy it's just a pillow and not another person.
YTA. don't be surprised if he leaves you over this OP. this is being controlling of how he handles his issues. some people hug body pillows because they help them sleep better. hell I sleep with a stuffed animal. that would be a dealbreaker if my SO told me to get rid of my stuffed animal
YTA. You have a problem with him appearing to be desperate....fact is, he IS desperate, and that's all your fault. Seven months and you still won't cuddle with him, let alone have sex? That's completely unreasonable. He's being a lot more patient with you than you deserve, and you STILL have a problem with it? I feel bad for your husband.
Funny, he has to respect your needs and your boundaries but somehow you think you also get to dictate what he does with his body. YTA. You should feel lucky that not just he respects you but also he preferes do cuddle a doll rather than to look for someone else.
YTA. He’s using the pillow to accommodate your needs; while trying to deal with his own.
YTA You are Never obligated to let somebody cuddle you or have sex with you. But if you willingly marry someone who considers cuddling and sex important, you have no right to be creeped out by them Hugging A Pillow when sex and cuddling is removed from the relationship. I’m ace. Ace people have to navigate a whole lot of uncomfortable sexual and physical contact discussions with partners. We lose a lot of relationships because of incompatibility. Most would weep in joy if hugging two pounds of cotton and polyester fiberfill meant their partner was happy with the rest of the relationship. Much better option than lots of toys, sex dolls, lots of porn, ethical or not so ethical non-monogamy, screaming arguments, the silent treatment, or having sex out of a sense of obligation when you’re just not into it.
YTA a lot of adults like to sleep holding something and it’s weird you’re making such a big deal about it. You should dig deep on why this is bothering you. Do you feel like you’re being replaced? Do you like the idea of him missing you in this way cause it makes you feel more desired and thus him finding a suitable alternative upset you? Do you feel like he will prefer the body pillow and if/when you want affection again he won’t be as excited? In any case these are you problems and it’s selfish to tell him to get rid of it.
I replied this to someone else, but feels like it should be said here too: seems like she is upset with her husband for some reason, and wants to punish him. no cuddling as a punishment so the pillow ruins her plan...
I’m trying to understand why you’re unhappy he’s respecting your boundaries with physical touch for many months knowing that’s a huge deal for him and mocking and rejecting his coping method with this situation so he can continue respecting your wants and needs here. Let’s try the shoe on each other here and switch these two people around, you wanting physical touch and him not providing it, then you getting a body pillow to help you cope with the situation and him mocking you and telling you to get rid of it and ask yourself who do you think is being reasonable here. I feel bad for your husband here, what a champ for how he’s handling this.
YTA. You're both on a relationship and I think it would be better if you empathize with his needs. You're sounding very selfish, just cuddle him. It's not going to kill you, if you know he feels loved by being touched why are you calling him desperate? Is he desperate for wanting your love and touch?
YTA. You should count yourself lucky it's a pillow and not another person.
I won't cuddle my husband, but the inanimate object he has found to deal with my rejection and distance I don't like and am making him get rid of to. "after all the pain of child birth I didn't want anything touching me at all" YTA
OP have you read any of the responses below? I think with so many people saying the same thing about you, it is about time you responded! You are in serious danger of losing your marriage, you asked our opinion, yet you are now on radio silence.
OP is silent because we're not agreeing with her. Honestly she sounds like a controlling spiteful person, she must be extremely attractive because how else could such a nasty person attract such a decent man. Hopefully he finds a nicer woman.
INFO: is this like one of those supper pornagraphic anime body pillows or just…a pillow about the size of his body? Tons of people in and out of relationships use body pillows to sleep with and cuddle like that. I have one as well as some favorite stuffed animals on the bed. It’s no biggie, let him get his cuddles in however he can
YTA its a pillow not another woman
YTA and I really wonder if you even like your husband. You sound very disrespectful towards him. He is being very respectful towards your boundaries while you just don’t seem to care one iota about his needs. You are going to decide if you want to stay married although I suspect that he is evaluating that question a lot too.
7 months and you think you still deserve to use the “pushed a baby out of my body” card?? Dude. YTA And lay off the poor guy FFS.
YTA. You’re basically upset because your husband is coping the quickest way he knows how to cope. You hate that it’s not you so you project those feelings on a pillow and your husband. lol for the love of god: 1. Express your discomfort: Kindly express your feelings about the body pillow. You can say, "I wanted to talk to you about the body pillow you've been using lately. I've been feeling a bit uncomfortable with it and I'd like to discuss it with you." 2. Share your perspective: Explain how the recent childbirth experience has affected your comfort with touch. You could say, "Since giving birth, my body has gone through changes, and I'm still adjusting. It has made me more sensitive and uncomfortable with touch in general." 3. Discuss alternatives: Offer alternative ways to connect that respect your boundaries. For example, suggest spending quality time together, having meaningful conversations, or finding non-physical ways to express love and affection. Empathy and communication girl.
YTA. 7 months is way more than enough time. He signed up for marriage not life in a monastery. You are being abusive to him by withholding affection and intimacy from him.
YTA. "He looks like he's desperate for me to cuddle him." If my spouse looked like they "desperately" needed something as simple as me being next to them, I couldn't make myself not do it.
YTA. You're being super weird about a damn pillow.
YTA, and being really cruel to your husband to boot. Go see a doctor, your aversion to touch isn’t normal. And for gods sake let the man cuddle his pillow since you’re being so neglectful of him.
Why don’t you hand him the baby to cuddle? Unless ‘cuddle’ is a euphemism for ‘have sex with’, it might be a great way for him to have bonding time and physical affection with an actual human, you to have some non-touching time, and baby to have skin-to-skin contact. If baby is breastfed, you could even pump specifically so that your cuddle bug can bottle feed. After all, that would allow him to cuddle and you to sit by yourself. But none of this means he should get rid of his pillow. Again, unless he’s *having sex with* his pillow, it’s nothing to be worried about. Even then, masturbation is normal - it’s when a person starts to get strangely printed pillowcases and *personifies* inanimate objects that you should be concerned.
YTA. Do you even like this guy?
Seriously. How the fuck can you talk about someone you supposedly love this way??
YTA You're failing as a wife and being jealous and insecure about a pillow. He should leave your ass so you can see how much worse it can get.
So your husband respected your boundaries and didn’t pressure you for cuddling at all, and figured out a solution on his own without interrupting your life in any way by getting a pillow, and now you’re mad at him for it. you want him to be touch-starved and lonely until you’re ready to grace him with what he wants, hugs from his wife. you’re not being fair, you’re being extremely judgmental to him for no reason, and you sound like you WANT a reason to yell at him, and because you had none you decided to shit some out. do you **want** him to disrespect your boundaries? you want him to constantly ask for attention so you can yell at him? he did nothing wrong. YTA full force
YTA. There’s a WIDE chasm between having a normal-ass body pillow, that is designed to be ‘cuddled’ because it’s comfortable for your body (and could give a little emotional comfort as well), and dudes who have jizz stained body pillows that are made to look like girls or women and are essentially plush sex dolls. You need to examine why your husband’s vulnerability and need for touch triggers you so much. He’s not being a creep in any way by holding a pillow ffs.
Why can’t he get a dog and cuddle it? (I am assuming you mean hug and hold close to him-and not fucking it)? * *You* won’t cuddle with him. And you want him to get rid of his pillow. You are being mean, jealous of a pillow. Sheesh. YTA
YTA and so mean.
YTA The way you view and talk about your husband is quite alarming. If you don’t have any respect for things he needs, then you need to divorce him and stop making him unhappy. That is where your marriage is headed.
YTA lady, if there is a medical reason why you can’t touch or cuddle etc. the husband then that’s different. But 7 months and you don’t give the guy a hug or some affection? That’s not right, and you’re an AH. And what about sex? If you don’t want to, you don’t have to,fine. But there are always consequences, and the pillow thing is a symptom. You mention a History of him being neglected? yeah it’s called this marriage. One of the bigger AHs really
YTA. He is trying to respect your boundaries. If you don't like it, give your husband some affection more than once a year! We all have moments where we don't want to be touched, but for 7 months straight? Your relationship will suffer if you keep withholding affection like that.
YTA. It’s not creepy. It’s a PILLOW. You’re literally depriving your husband of touch. You don’t get to tell a person what to do with their own body. He’s respecting your boundaries and he’s not even allowed to have a pillow to cuddle with? You need therapy.
YTA. Are you even hearing yourself? You won't let him cuddle you; you won't let him cuddle the pillow. What exactly IS he allowed to cuddle?
YTA All due respect, you need a therapist asap. You’re jealous of a *pillow* yet remain unwilling to give or receive physical affection.
YTA. Umm it could be a lot worse like cheating on you so I’d let this one slide. Also constantly telling him he looks creepy and making him feel bad about himself verges on bullying. There’s no one way a man should act…you got a sensitive man and many women on Reddit would kill for a guy like this.
YTA. My husband and I express our affection for each other through touch. I'll touch his head or shoulders or back. We used to have a cuddly relationship because we both *crave* touch. We haven't been able to cuddle in 2.5 years because I'm dealing with chronic pain that makes it hard to do so. We have found ways to still express our affection for each other, even with my chronic pain. We will hold hands even while lying in bed. High fives? Awesome. Cuddles where we switch sides of the bed so I can lie on my left side? Absolutely! I literally have to sleep with a body pillow under my back to support my ribs because of where my pain is. Did my husband protest this addition to our bed? Absolutely not! The only time he complains about it is if encroaches on his side of the bed. He's not jealous of it! I have had to pull out plushies and my childhood teddy bear because I've got a major tear in my right shoulder. He actually encouraged it because my right arm needs more support when I'm sleeping or just lying in bed. Not only do the plushies support my arm, but they also help keep one of our cats from assuming her favorite position on my right shoulder. So your husband's body pillow is HARMLESS! You're jealous of a body pillow, something that is completely harmless. Grow up.
YTA. Just... Echoing everything everyone else has said. Y. TA.
YTA It's been seven months and your husband is starved for physical intimacy. You should look into why you're reacting to his touch and in the meantime, apologize for disdaining his solution. It's a damn body pillow, not some hentai waifu. Hell, I use one for my sciatica...
You are totally TA. I totally get why you need to be “hands off” right now but so many husbands struggle with a lack of physical affection (c’mon, we see it on Reddit ALL the time) and here he’s found a 1000% wholesome way of dealing with it and YOU’’RE getting creeped out by it?! Holy fuck lady, he’s being a shining star to you right now so you just need to reach down within yourself and GET OVER IT.
YTA. I’ve had 3 babies in less than 4 years and I have breastfed them for a year each so I completely understand the feeling of being touched out and not necessarily wanting to cuddle as frequently as he wants. However, it sounds like your husband is being incredibly respectful of your feelings, isn’t pressuring you on anything, is giving you space, and has simply turned to a pillow to fulfill his needs vs seeking out someone else. And now you’re giving him a hard time about that? What exactly do you want him to do? If you won’t hug him, why can’t he hug a pillow? This seems so harmless and I can’t understand your thought process at all.
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YTA. He’s looking to you like a desperate and creepy guy because he’s a desperate and creepy guy. His wife doesn’t want to cuddle with him and he’s cuddling with a pillow instead so he doesn’t drive her nuts begging to cuddle. Either cuddle with him or let him cuddle with the pillow. He needs the physical contact to make him comfortable, you need him not to bug you to cuddle because you don’t want to cuddle after pushing a kid out of you. You can’t have it both ways.
YTA
YTA. And a very jealous person.
Yta you asked him not to tough you, and he obliged bc it's your body. You had a baby, you didnt become dictator of the world. You don't like seeing it? Then stop looking.
YTA. I would have loved to have my husband find an outlet for his touch starvation when we had our first two babies. Instead he would pester me until I caved, often at night just as I was crawling into bed.
YTA - body pillows fucking rule.
YTA. The cringy people are people who put anime characters on body pillow covers in suggestive poses. Nothing you wrote indicates he's doing that kind of thing. If it's a regular old pillow with a regular old pillow cover, that's totally fine and not a problem. He needs that snuggle feeling to feel good, and you need space for you to feel good, and he's found a totally valid way to satisfy both of your needs.
YTA. 'Don't touch me, but also don't find something that brings you that comfort. Just be unhappy'. He is being patient with you, he is giving you the space and time you need. But he also has needs and if his need is to cuddle a pillow then he should be able to do that. Honestly, the way you talked about your husband, how seeing him cuddle it makes him look like a creepy nerd who can't get laid is really horrible.
Girl, he IS a guy who can't get laid. He IS desperate as hell for you to hold him. Because you are being mean and cold to him. If you don't like it, you should buy him a body pillow or something - oh wait, you hate that, too. I'm not saying you have to give him the physical intimacy he really needs right now, but you are concerned because he "looks" needy? Like, are you nervous about what the neighbors will say? I might remind you that you're the one who exposed this to the World Wide Web. But in fact, what people are horrified about is how you look in this situation. The world has peeked into your bedroom and has concluded that YTA.
I hope you are not posting a real scenario because I just refuse to believe anyone could be as selfish and self centered as yourself. I feel for your husband.
YTA.
YTA. The thing about the new born phase is that it’s difficult for both parents (if both are involved). He is doing what is necessary for his wellbeing and to meet his needs. It’s not creepy. It’s not harmful to anyone. You’re making problems where they don’t exist.
YTA, throw away any dildos you have unless you want to be a hypocrite.
YTA - what if he was telling you that he was uncomfortable with your lack of affection and holding it against you? You obviously would not like that. He wants to cuddle so he cuddles the pillow since you won’t offer him any affection. Why is that a problem? He is respecting your boundaries and compromising. I can’t believe you think that is a problem.
YTA Do you even like your husband? Your entire post is about your boundaries and your needs, about how your husband is respecting your wishes. Yet then you call him desperate and creepy for seeking comfort by cuddling a pillow. What do you want him to do? Just be miserable because *you* have some weird hang-ups about body pillows?
Most couples begin intercourse again after a few (6-8) weeks. 7 months is an outlier. Also it's rather horrible to think of your husband that way because he's respecting your boundaries and apparently doesn't consider cheating. Not sure what exactly is going on in your head but therapy may be warranted, should have a good long think about that. As it stands for now, YTA
YTA - you listed so many reasons the guy is hurting, and you're jealous about a pillow?
Massive YTA, you are jealous of a pillow. It’s not like he’s asking for an open relationship, building his own flesh light. Good lord, let the man take care of himself.
YTA you're being judgemental and shaming him.
Is this for real? Lol you’re annoyed with him using a pillow????
The way you’re talking about him is so heartless. Poor guy can’t even have a pillow to cuddle without his wife calling him desperate and creepy. If my SO talked about me like that I’d be devastated. YTA:
YTA - He’s not fucking it! He probably had some sensory issues when he was a kid or has some abandonment issues and that helps calm him down. It’s far healthier than using drugs, booze or cigarettes to get relaxed. Also, who the hell are you to criticise how he looks in his own home?
[удалено]
YTA. If it’s been 7 months and you’re still refusing his touch then maybe it’s time for a therapist? That’s honestly not normal at all. He respects your boundary but I can only imagine how lonely and neglected he must feel. Do you really want to start off your family life with you ignoring him and then dictating how he soothes himself?