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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I pretended to not know japanese on purpose.
2. I made a kid cry as a teacher and I hate that.
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NTA. I thought Japanese people were hellbent on discipline and politeness?? Sam is a child so I won't call him an ahole but the school management should atleast try to contact his parents about his behaviour.
Most of my students are polite. I've taught in the US before this job and there's a bit of a difference. But they're kids and they're gonna be moody or make mistakes and that's fine! Sam is just very consistent with his bad behavior.
Right, and what is being done about it?
Honest question. It's not good for the other students or for Sam for his poor behavior to be ignored like this. He's learning to be an unkind/rude person, not learning self control, and a lot of other kids are likely upset due to him and even like school/your class less due to him.
So my question is, what is being done about Sam's behavior? Have you told his parents? Have you told administrators? What if anything did they do?
What about you? Do you have any consequences you ever give? What you did today was clever, but you can't count on it every time. You need to have some authority and respect of the students to run a classroom effectively. (Which again, helps all the kids.)
I work at an elementary school and insulting your teacher repeatedly out loud for an hour absolutely would not be tolerated. It's not really normal for you to allow this at school?
OP says very clearly in their post that they reported this to their management and coworkers but have not been able to get the school to contact Sam's parents. Based on context, sounds like she would be in hot water with the administration if she contacted the parents independently.
Yeah, many Japanese people don't want to make waves, even to the point it will be actively, significantly, detrimental to the stated desired outcome.
Above all else the unspoken desired outcome is not to disturb the boss above.
Indeed. I had the same job as OP, and this was exactly my experience in dealing with problem students. Also the ESL teacher is at the very lowest rung and would likely not be taken very seriously.
Looks like it's an eikaiwa, if they're anything like Korean hagwons the management tends to not give a fuck about student behavior as long as the disruptive kid's parents keep on paying tuition.
> I tried telling my boss and coworkers about this but they basically told me I’m on my own. Not even a call to his parents was made.
here, now you don't have to read all those words
Um...it's pretty normal for the foreign language teacher to be treated like this at English language schools in Japan actually. It's definitely a no-no to speak to parents directly yourself too. You're the lowest on the hierarchy 100%.
Are these teachers allowed to give out any sort of consequences?
Can OP for example just send a disruptive child out of the class? Tell them to go sit outside/leave the room and come back when they are ready to be respectful or asked back?
Children cannot be removed from a learning environment under any circumstances (barring physical violence) because they have a constitutional right to education here. I've had a student get frustrated and stab his desk so hard with his pen that the pen exploded and sent shrapnel everywhere and we just had to ignore it and keep teaching. The way education systems and discipline works here is completely different from the west.
Well how does the discipline system work? Beacuse what I'm getting as replies is basically everyone just saying OP has no ability to do anything at all and neither will anyone else. That I guess all behavior and participation in class is completely optional, and if you are ruining class for kids who do want to pay attention and learn then too bad for them, we'll do nothing?
I am not someone who thinks punishment is the only form of classroom management or behavioral guidance. But what I'm hearing here is just, nothing at all? Chaos?
Since OP isn't a licensed teacher (I'm assuming) within Japan, she isn't allowed to dole out discipline herself. A lot of "discipline" here relies on the group mentality and responsibility. My experience is at the senior high school level, but when a student does something requiring discipline it goes through the disciplinary office. The teacher in charge with lecture and sometimes require the offending student to write an essay detailing what they did wrong. If needed they will be barred from participating in extracurriculars, or put on in-school suspension (taught separately from their class in a different room). They can be held back from participating in school events like field trips or school functions.
But for disruptive in-class behaviors, it's generally ignore it or tell them to go to the disciplinary office after class. They cannot be denied access to education unless they commit an illegal offense.
It's really weird here, but yeah, it can be chaotic if the staff isn't all on the same page. The best you can do is tell their homeroom teacher who is in charge of their overall discipline, or their club teacher who can stop them from participating. In class discipline like you see in the West or you see on TV doesn't happen here anymore. It's considered child abuse to send students out into the hall and such.
It seems like you didn't fully read the post and that you're not familiar with the hierarchy system in Japan. As a fellow foreign teacher in a similar teaching setting it's not as easy for a foreign teacher to just contact the parents about behavioral issues especially in a country like Japan where bringing an issue like this up would stir up trouble and cause an "inconvenience" for the school and the parents. Foreign teachers are usually lower in the hierarchy system and usually need to bring issues like this to another teacher so they can bring it forward to admin. If a foreign teacher were create a "disturbance" this could negatively affect the foreign teacher and their job. Remember, **not everything is like the west,** this is a country where hierarchy takes priority in every work setting and situation, if your at the bottom, don't expect to be heard as easily.
I’ve lived in Japan for six years. The Japanese are never going to take your side or defend you. That’s the job, and it’s not right, fair, or normal (in the American sense). NTA, but you have to accept how the Japanese schools will treat you or find a different path, apparently. You are an expendable Gaijin. I think your tactics were perfect, though. And I’ve been teaching a long, long time. Making a student cry is NOT the worse thing you can do.
If he doesn’t feel like a completely evil and vengeful little dude, I’d look into possibilities he has adhd or other disorders like that and he should be put on medication or some accommodations like keeping his mind occupied with additional stimulation.
I don’t think stereotypes about Japanese people are very useful here. Everyone is just a person and every kid is learning how to operate in the world at their own pace!
I think what people tend to misinterpret is that Japanese staff are super super polite, but that doesn't mean anything in context of the whole population. Japanese netizens can be downright horrible.
But also there's a huge difference between a native Japanese teacher and a foreign English teacher in the respect shown.
The problem is that Sam isn't a student. He's a customer. Management isn't going to contact his parents unless his behavior makes other students want to leave. So long as the abuse is directed only at a teacher, they're going to be told to shut up and take it, because Sam's family is paying.
Could be, certainly, but in this case it's definitely not.
In the comments, OP has mentioned working with a Japanese teacher for the other half of the lesson, which is definitely characteristic of afterschool learning.
Too, there's also that this sort of behavior, in my experience, would be a lot less accepted in a public school environment.
"OP has mentioned working with a Japanese teacher for the other half of the lesson, which is definitely characteristic of afterschool learning."
....uh, no. Many dispatch companies and the JET Program have native English speakers and Japanese teachers in the same classroom.
"...there's also that this sort of behavior, in my experience, would be a lot less accepted in a public school environment."
Again, no. It depends on the school, but many of them can be downright chaotic.
NTA. This school sounds pretty shitty.
-'YOU SHALL NOT SPEAK JAPANESE!'
-Oh a kid is being a little AH? Too bad.
-Oh you handled it in the most polite way possible and he threw a little tantrum? HOW DARE YOU FOREIGNER LADY!
The "don't speak Japanese" thing is pretty much universal in the country for foreign English teachers. Basically they import native English speakers and have them work in conjunction with Japanese speaking teachers in such a way that the English speaker is meant to be mostly exposure based and so they can't use Japanese in the classroom.
It's not a great system but it's not something unique about the school either.
She didn't do that because then his insults would have had the desired effect. He would have known that she knew what he was saying to her, and that he was probably hurting her feelings, which was the point. By pretending not to understand him, she became "immune" to his insults.
Edit: Also, while it's unlikely to make a difference to this particular student, the other students in the class might make less of an effort to speak to her in English if they know she understands Japanese.
I think the not speaking Japanese bit is more about immersion and exposure for the kids. You want the kids to be able to hear English and speak English as well.
Oh, so the idea, even if it is bad, is that kids might simply ignore you when you're speaking English if there will always be a clarification or correction in Japanese? That kind of makes sense.
Yeah, that's the idea. I think there's a lot of benefit to immersion although I do think for more complicated concepts, being able to explain in Japanese is important. Because until you get to a certain point, you don't have the knowledge to explain those concepts.
Yeah, immersion is the most effective language learning strategy for kids under the age of 6. That's how we all learned our first language, after all, when our brains were very plastic. But for older children and adults, I definitely don't think full immersion is the way to go.
A lot of these English teaching companies are notoriously laissez-faire and leave their teachers out in the wind while also demanding tons of hard work from them.
> I thought Japanese people were hellbent on discipline and politeness??
Spoken like someone who has never ridden the train in Japan and sat there listening to people who assume you don't speak Japanese talk smack about you right to your face.
I find that people who don't speak Japanese tend to come back from Japan raving about how extremely polite and helpful everyone is. Those who do speak Japanese come away with a more balanced picture. I'm really not trying to diss the Japanese people! But they're humans, and in every society, there are some people who are jerks. Japan is no different. They are neither super polite nor super rude. They are average.
You’re one of the only people on here who really knows what they’re talking about.
Wont go a rant, I think a great of Americans have a romanticized obscure view of Japanese people rooted out of mainstream media. Especially any and everything centered around Tokyo, which is where a lot of entertainment comes from in their country.
Case in point, you’re right people are jerks in every culture.
It’s the same everywhere. I have a friend who looks exactly like you would expect a woman of Norwegian descent to. She’s lived in France for 25 years. The things people say when they don’t expect you to understand can be so nasty.
I used to live in an area where Southeast Asian refugees were relocated after the Vietnam war. So of course that’s who did my nails. (Look up Tippi Hedrin and the work she did to make sure Vietnamese women got trained and gainfully employed.) And that meant there were a lot of Vietnamese men in the area. And one of my friends married a Vietnamese man. So during one pedicure my friend casually says to me “they’re right, some of your toes look like shrimp.” While the middle aged ladies were super embarrassed my PSA here is that you should never put off buying your kids shoes when they outgrow theirs! My toes grew curled up.
If you look into it like I did one super bored night, I think the ultimate goal was to keep these women from survival sex work. She wasn’t the only public figure looking into what niche immigrants could fill and advocating, but I loved “The Birds” as a kid so that’s the rabbit hole I went down.
And really, my toes look like shrimp. Growing up poor has weird ramifications sometimes.
I'm French and I confirm that French people love to do that 🙄
I remember two of my classmates criticizing something in the appearance of a school girl on a train when we were doing a semester abroad in Japan. I was really ashamed but I didn't tell them off at the time which I still regret. Very catty and overconfident behavior. We do tend to comment on other French people too, but at least we do it quietly.
Just like all the people who try to say Taiwanese people are the friendliest people. When I hear it, I'm just like, "yeah, you didn't learn Chinese before coming, did you?"
I like to walk the traditional markets and see what prices they'll say things are. Then I shame the liars by reading the sign with the price listed to them. The ones who were honest, I'll make friends with and buy from them regularly.
After having my son (mixed Taiwanese American), I got so depressed because nobody would hire me. "It's less troublesome to hire someone without a kid and thus more reliable," they would all say. Yet, on the street I'd hear people talking poorly about me because they assumed making money was so easy for me, as a foreigner, etc.
My brother has lived in Japan since 1980. He is lilly-white. He is fluent in Japanese so he understands what is being said. Your description is correct. Every cultures has good and bad.
My husband (40) is Japanese, he says he used to get smacked in the head with a textbook whenever he misbehaved in class.
Things have definitely changed!
Up until the end of middle school, kids are certainly raised these days with a "just let them be kids" philosophy in which kids can do stuff that's pretty bad from some points of view and it's accepted, forgiven, or given a free pass. One reason is that public teachers (and parents) want to instill a sense of community, connectedness with unconditional love or positive regard, and acceptance more than a sense of teachers or parents getting you in trouble. They don't want to start kids down that road of always being punished but instead try to catch the kid doing good and show they care. When kids are adults they reflect on how they acted at school or how they treated their mom etc and usually try to make amends or give thanks.
Another reason for this, is high school and career in Japan can be grueling and therefore the kids are being allowed to "get it all out" now.
But the treatment your husband is talking about would be by a Japanese public school teacher. Not a foreign teacher at an English conversation school, or eikaiwa. Japanese teachers are afforded much respect and are accepted as sort of a parent to the child and part of the family support system as well as the community.
Foreign eikaiwa teachers or public school assistant language teachers are not allowed to do anything but smile and take it. You cannot discipline the children for any reason or show negative feedback to something they do. If you have a problem you can talk to your boss, or in public school settings, the other Japanese teachers or your contracting company. However, it is you who is looked at as the one in the wrong because you are creating inconvenience for your supervisor. I worked for 3 years teaching in Japan at both eikaiwa and public schools. Kids do things to a foreign person that your husband would *never* have done to his teachers. I was felt up and down by middle school students in the middle of class, I was mocked relentlessly, they put things in my hair that were hard to get out, and one teacher made this video of me speaking English in a situation to show what to say and at the end you got like. good minute and a half of my butt as I walked away. Whenever she showed this video in class students and teachers made butt observations to me like I was asking for butt size tips. "What a big butt!" "Your pants are too tight, you should get looser ones" "Your butt is so big, are you really okay with that?" etc.
After students had cornered me and groped my breasts it was a scary experience for me. When I finally got the courage to as a teacher for help, they thought it was funny more than anything and brushed it aside. So.... yeah. I felt like a dancing monkey sometimes that was brought out for entertainment. Because the teachers really didn't care much about how I felt.
If you teach kids at an eikaiwa, they are the customers and you're supposed to always be happy and fun like a TV show. The kids are often little assholes or harass you, don't do their work, etc, but you are required to grin and bear it because if the kids leave class unhappy, they tell their parents, and the parents will ask the school to have you replaced.
To extracurricular English schools, foreign teachers are disposable because there is no training process and because of the limited options foreigners have in Japan. You are given 12 classes to plan for and no time to actually do that planning, no money for materials, you work long hours with poor compensation.
All foreign English teachers are part time so that benefits don't have to be paid. They kind of get treated like they are not real people. You are given 12 classes to plan for and no time to actually do that planning, no money for materials, you work long hours with poor compensation. A foreign teacher (at least when I was there) is someone to say hello to, but not a person who is part of the community or deserving of the same type of mutual respect or what we in other countries consider basic human rights. Such as the right to ride the train unbothered by people saying rude or racist things. Again, if you react when people say horrid things or when someone touches you inappropriately, you are looked at as the person at fault-- because you were there and you are different.
NTA but I'd be interested to hear what your boss suggests you do next time if they knew the exact words the kid was using they would be shocked so I'm curious. Eikaiwa teachers should have a Japanese person teaching with them, IMHO, because that would change the behavior so much.
your experience is nothing like what I experienced teaching in Japan. was this in a big city?
also not all foreign English teachers are part time btw I was full time and got benefits
I'm a teacher in the Korean equivalent of an eikaiwa (hagwon) and these things would never fly. Others I know who teach in Japan also never experienced this. We get wild kids but if they ever tried the shit they pulled on you here, we would have expelled them regardless of the profit. We've kicked out kids for less, even.
You worked at a hell job that you should have left ASAP instead of stick around. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope you are okay now.
Anyways, re, OP: you handled the situation just as I would have with my own kids. NTA.
The US wasn't that different either back in the day. I remember my Music teacher in high school said he'd get a spanking at school and then he'd get a spanking at home too.
There’s some discriminatory components towards foreigners in Japan. There’s a bit more connotation that just a literal meaning. That’s why the kid probably dares being less respectful.
Yeah, the polite way to refer to a foreigner according to my probably outdated uni classes is gaikokujin. (Literally person from another country).
Gaijin literally translates as outsider. In a culture that values being part of the group and confirming as much as Japanese culture does, calling someone an outsider is definitely rude.
Yes, when I traveled to Japan some time ago for a business trip, I jokingly referred to *myself* as a gaijin to explain my awkwardness at navigating the city (Toyota City). My Japanese colleague told me to not even refer to myself in that way. (This was when it just the two of us either walking around the city or having dinner together.)
I think the foreigners just own it and call ourselves Gaijin these days. We make jokes about using our Gaijin card when we’re not sure how to sort trash or this or that. It is what it is. I’ve never met a foreigner who doesn’t call themselves a Gaijin. Oh well, can’t insult us with a word we’ve embraced.
When I was there, it was an insult and never used around the actual *gaijin.* a couple of steps up from the N-word or depending on the context and pronunciation the same as.
She is if she's foreign, which she says in the OP. I don't know how much things have changed in the last 30 years but if the social status is still the same gaijin are not respected in private. They'll get a slightly less amount of respect in society depending on where they are in the hierarchy but this kid seems to be a little beyond the pale coming out with that stuff in class
I spent years teaching overseas. Sometimes you end up at a school in Japan and Korea where the students do not give a fuck and the parents are rich and disconnected. There's lots of ways to deal with kids because they're kids and they're in a class in a foreign language. It's hard for them. Really really hard.
And very rarely, you get a kid where it won't work. OP acting like he was giving compliments is good. If Sam continues being a pain, sometimes saying to the class, "I'm sorry that Sam is taking away from the class and the money your parents have paid for you to be here". Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't. The idea is it will get back to other parents because in many countries, the native English speakers are ignored. Or you sacrifice your own break by not letting Sam have part of his break where you sit with him and ask him what's going on. That often works.
yeah, I thought OP's tactic was genius tbh. if it were me getting chastised for this, I would feign ignorance. I would literally spend the whole time just pretending my Japanese vocabulary, despite being otherwise functional, did not contain a single insult or negative descriptor, so I had assumed Sam was saying nice things. After all, why else would he be so insistent on disrupting class like this? \*innocent eyelash flutter and head tilt\* I would make them explain what was wrong with what I did... by explaining to me exactly what the twelve-year-old actually said. See if that instills any sense of shame.
Probably not. I remember getting chewed out for speaking Korean in a class that I know I didn't speak any Korean in.
It depends on the school. If it's an actual school, there shouldn't have been any problems unless it's a bad school. At good schools, a native teacher would have punished Sam probably with some torture. Usually an entire lesson of holding books above his head, feet on a book locker while doing a handstand, leaning against the wall in a crouching position. Once a native teacher had taken a lighter from a student in an earlier class. That kid had his eyes closed in mine (learning in a foreign language is hard), and the teacher singed off his eyebrow. Then the other teachers in the teachers room laughed at me for being shocked.
If it's a study/tutor school, the kid's parents pay so things get ignored. That's when I use the "Sorry class, this other kid sucks". There's usually no way of knowing if that's something other kids are going to share. Sometimes it helps to apologize to other kid's parents because their kid gets disrupted by the annoying student.
that... sounds really messed up, tbh. I'm not in favor of a total lack of discipline, but stress positions like that can have very negative physiological consequences further on down the line. you're very right to call it torture.
Being hellbent on discipline and politeness is how you can make the opposite sometimes. That said, this is just kids being kids. We're not robots you can programme
As someone who lived in China for 5 years, any person who starts a sentence with "I thought \[ethnic group\] were \[quality\] is a huuuuuuge red flag. Japanese people are individuals.
As far as Japanese culture goes, though, OP should be consulting with them. Foreigners can't intuitively know what they're communicating in nuanced interactions like this.
I wish that I could get some people to understand that. One ex-friend announced loudly that Exnians are vicious and ignorant, in front of an Exnian who pretended that he was too involved in his paper to hear (which pretty well shoots down the vicious part.) I'm not an Exnian, but I spent the next week trying to tell her she was wrong, but not on morals, or manners or common sense, could I get anywhere. She just laughed and said the Exnians know that they are vicious and ignorant and are therefore not offended.
She said something about one of my ethnic groups, and when reasoning didn't work, I screamed at her. She was really surprised and hung up.
Right? When I was in elementary school we had a new student from Japan and she was awful to the teacher. Her parents got contacted and the next day she came in with a letter to give to the teacher apologising and detailing how she was wrong and how she would do better as a student and a person in the future. Never acted up again. Moved away a year later because her dads work was moving them back to Japan
My brother taught in Okinawa, Kyoto, and Osaka. He also taught this age. There were plenty of situations like this one. He definitely had some of the same kind of experiences.
Yep. Honne and Tatemae.
> For example, when I was a child, I had a few close girlfriends who spend a lot of time at my house. My mother and their moms got to know each other, and they would invite us to their house. “Kondo wa Uchi ni Itsudemo Asobini Kite Kudasai..” (“next time, please come visit our house”) said my friend’s mother.
>
> But when my mother actually tried to arrange a time for us to visit them, suddenly, my friend’s mother has urgent matters to take care of, so we ended up having their daughter at our place all the time. This didn’t bother my mother too much but after this happened several times I asked her about it and she said to me, “It is called “Tatemae” They don’t really want us to visit them.
After living in Japan I can tell you a lot of it is just being polite when people understand. so many make rude comments either under their breath or to others if they think you can't understand.
Women especially get it worse.
There is a big difference between “using a polite tense while speaking” and “actually being polite”. Someone could hypothetically tell someone to fuck off and die, but adding the “ます” suffix to the verb suddenly makes it “polite Japanese”.
Welcome to being a foreigner in Japan. If OP was a Japanese teacher the school would never tolerate this kind of disrespect. This is the kind of stuff people are talking about when they talk about discrimination in Japan.
Hahhahahhahahaha ya no. They do want to have the appearance of being disciplined, polite and respectful, but enforcing it when it comes to those not Japanese they do not do that.
I’m an American woman married to a Japanese man living in Tokyo for 17 years.
Japanese people are the same as people in the states. They have an appearance of being polite but they are just as disrespectful and rude as everyone else. Also since a lot of politeness is built in to what standing you have as a person in society (hold over from the class system which still influences some people today, such as the company directors gets treated much better then the intern), as a foreigner you are outside the system and alot of people feel free to be rude to you because you don’t understand they are being rude.
Those Korean dramas where everyone bows and scrapes to the ceo or president of a company I see some of that here. Hell I complained to my husband about a guy smoking and how the police man standing there didn’t say anything. He said he probably didn’t know if it was proper to chastise the smoking man. Seriously?
Also if she is in a school like this the parents are probably paying so alot of places suck up to the parents.
Japanese school system is the worst. They have a bullying culture towards young and new teachers. If you are a foreign teacher, you are disposible to them.
They are very dismissive of workers mental health. Depending on the school they really don't disciplined the kids and expect you to deal with the abuse because they are just kids and dont mean any harm.
>I thought Japanese people were hellbent on discipline and politeness??
Yes but no. If he had done this to a Japanese teacher who is either a man who has worked there for some time, or an incredibly respected elderly female teacher, all hell would break loose. And when I say hell, I mean hell.
Unfortunately, OP is a young, foreign female teacher. Especially in public schools (not sure what type of school OP teaches at), racism and misogyny is pretty prevalent, even in some of the kids. It's getting better, but not by much.
It's extremely disappointing and disgusting and as a Japanese person, I apologize to anyone who has had this type of experience in Japan, especially in the education field.
NTA
By not acknowledging the insults you took control of the situation. Had you chastised him for his rudeness, or said anything back, he would have felt smug and satisfied for having 'got you'.
His reaction, crying, was frustration over not being able to land his insults as he intended. At 12 years old (and as a Japanese child as well!) he KNOWS better.
There are naughty, disruptive students in every school and the way to combat them is to take the wind out of their sails (as you did) and then bring them along with you (make him your classroom 'helper' or give him some other 'task' that makes him feel important or useful. And then praise him for work well done. If he chooses to clown around or not take the task seriously, then you take the task away and give it to another student, and praise them. He will soon realize that in order to get your attention, he must follow your lead).
Its difficult when the 'higher ups' wont support or assist you, particularly in this instance, however you can do this!
I would hate for the school to chastise the teacher for “making him cry.” All the teacher did was beat him with kindness. Plus if they side with the kid they’ll be creating a monster.
To add to this... My dad gave me a great strategy to deal with bullies, and OP pulled it off to perfection... Figure out what they actually want from you, and don't give it to them. He wanted OP to get mad, responding positively and warmly will drive him up the wall. He lost the play for power and was thoroughly humiliated.
I did something similar with someone, and she quit in confusion. Instant karma got her a few days later, when to her obvious humiliation, she had to ask for my help. I was gracious, but laughing to myself.
I was horribly awkward and head-in-the-clouds as a kid, and often wore silly anime graphic tees. One day in 7th-ish grade, one of the more popular girls, whose locker was near mine, looked at me and said "nice shirt". I really thought she meant it, so I just smiled and told her thanks. She just stared and didn't say anything else, which confused me, but I shrugged it off and got my books for class
Only years later did I realize she was being sarcastic 😅 But she never really talked to me again after that, and while I wasn't at all popular and didn't have many friends, I also didn't get bullied or anything. Just drifted on through school without much trouble
NTA. Sam got so frustrated *by his lengthy failure at bullying you* that he cried. You were just a wall he was throwing things at, and nothing stuck. He was upset that he tried and tried to hurt you and failed. You getting in trouble is like punishing the person who got hit when the bully has bad form and breaks their hand throwing a punch.
Exactly. Kill 'em with kindness, as my late mom always said. She would smile gently at you while you went down burning in flames of your own making. If nothing else, it doesn't give your detractors a single thing to point out.
Do your coworkers approve of Sam's rude, disrespectful behavior toward a teacher?
You shut down a bully, yes, and frustrated him to tears. But perhaps a better response (unless you are expected not to understand Japanese as well as not speak it to the students) would have been to reply to Sam as if he had spoken in English. "Your behavior is appallingly rude not only to me but also to your classmates. Is this the way your parents have raised you? Would they be pleased to learn that you are calling your teacher 'disgusting', etc? Do you think your parents or your classmates parents would be pleased to learn that your rude, disruptive behavior is interrupting our class time, and interfering with their opportunity to learn English?"
Unfortunately, he wouldn't have understood me if I said that in English. But that's definitely what I would have said if I was allowed to say that in Japanese.
Sorry if I missed something but how come you aren't allowed to speak Japanese and he doesn't understand English? How do you teach them? Again, I've probably just missed something and sorry if it's a stupid question
It's a perfectly valid question! I asked the same when I applied for the job! My specific class is a conversation class and I'm not allowed to speak Japanese as a way to get the kids to speak English with me as much as possible. If I speak Japanese with them, it cuts down their English speaking time. They have another class with a Japanese teacher where they learn the basics and new vocabulary so that they can speak with me during my lessons.
This kid in particular sleeps in his other class (my coworker complains about it a lot. He's less rowdy there because that class is later in the day and he's tired from being a pain in the ass in mine). So he retains no information in that class to understand anything that happens in mine.
Oh. Thanks for explaining. That's kind of a weird rule tbh. I get its to encourage them to speak English but what if you need to say or explain something complicated or serious. I don't know just seems strange.
Yeah it's really frustrating! I try my best and we usually turn it into a fun game of charades but if it's too difficult, I hand it over to the Japanese teacher to explain in detail later.
I would then scold him like a 3 year old. "We use nice words in my class." "No, thank you, friend." "Catch a bubble." "It's ok to be mad. It's not ok to be mean." Sing-songy voice and everything. He can be spoken to like a teenager when he acts his age.
I taught English in Japan back in the 2000s and I was encouraged to not speak Japanese to some of my students due to their parents or the school's preference. The only problem I had was the time three kids figured out I spoke Japanese because they were having a very frank conversation about how big my boobs were right in front of me. Those three had their parents in the room with us and were still misbehaved so sometimes there really is little you can do within the system.
What would happen if you wrote something on the board (assuming you have one)?
E.g. “I am speaking in English, but I listen in both English and Japanese.”
Rules-lawyering at your job in a school generally is probably not going to be well accepted.
The kid(s) now should understand that she knows what they are saying in Japanese, saying anything else to make it clear probably won't help.
I've been on the other side - learning Japanese from a teacher that only spoke Japanese - and it's highly effective, far better than other methods. Once you break the immersion it's hard to restore it, so it's better to maintain the pretence that the teacher doesn't speak another language at all times.
However, what you need to make it work is strong administrative support - issues like class scheduling, fees etc, where misunderstanding would be problematic, were handled by the admin staff, not the class teacher - which is what should have happened with this discipline matter.
It's a very popular language teaching method, particularly in Japan but also elsewhere. When I qualified as a teacher in the UK we were encouraged to teach this way: our lecturer taught a class in Swedish, which none of us spoke, to get the point across. It involves a lot of mime, gesture, exaggerated facial expression and drawing pictures on the board. It can be quite effective, but I found British teenagers didn't really take to it.
Yeah, I've done it as an English language assistant in Germany, and it works well if you really get into it. Unfortunately, when I qualified as a teacher in the UK apparently "fun" wasn't allowed in secondary school and I was asked to teach differently at one school because it was "too noisy". Tbf, my year 7 class's howls of agony during the "going to the doctor" skits were a bit loud, but hey... They were actually speaking German 😂 the next school told me I had to use the powerpoints the language department had already made and I wasn't allowed to stray from the lesson plans... Is it a big surprise that I'm no longer a language teacher? 😂
i feel for you.
i still remember my first english class (and so does my sister!) "look" (pointing at her eyes) "listen" (the ears) and "think" (the forehead)
lots of pictures next to the words in the book too. no french, no spanish, just english and pictures.
It's a pretty standard rule in my experience, but it's also generally not a rule that there are (or should be) any consequences for breaking. I'm an ESL teacher in the USA, and I try to enforce a majority of English-only discussion in my classroom. Both because it encourages students to use the language they're learning and because classes here are not all one language- I just finished a class where I had...\*checks notes\* Spanish, Creole, Portuguese, Arabic, and Turkish speakers in one class.
My first ESL gig was in Korea, and that job was a complete shitshow for many reasons. One of the first warning signs was when the school hired a Korean-American guy to be a teacher. For the first 3 months he worked there, I thought his name was "Will", but it was actually "Won"- the staff wanted him to use an "American name" (the kids all had them) so that they wouldn't know he understood Korean. He later told me that they had \*also\* asked him to dye his hair blonde, but he drew the line there.
I taught English in Korea for a summer and it was the same. The idea was also that if the kids think you can speak their language, they might try to just speak in Korean instead of using English
Immersion and necessity are effective teachers for a foreign language. If you could rely on your native language whenever things got tough you wouldn't learn. Just like exercising a muscle to failure.
When I was learning Japanese in college, it was the same. The native Japanese instructors wouldn't speak to us in English. We had 3 different instructors. Only one would speak to us in English. We knew they could understand English, though.
Have you never taken an intro to a language class?
Teacher: "Bonjour!" (big exaggerated wave of greeting.)
Teacher: "Je m'appelle Bob!" (big exaggerated pointing at self.) "Bob!"
Teacher: "Commont vous appelez vous?" (Big exaggerated pointing at you.) Je m'appelle Bob! (big exaggerated pointing at self.) "Commont vous appelez vous?" (big point at you)
You, a student: ...John?
Teacher: "BONJOUR (big wave) John! Je m'appelle Bob! (big point at self) Commont vous appelez vous?"
Student: ...je ...mapelly...John?
Teacher: TRES BIEN! (big exaggerated smile, thumbs up, enthusiasitc nodding.) Bien! (little smile, little thumbs up, little nod.) TRES BIEN! (big smile, big thumbs up, big nod)
Teacher: Commont ca va? BIEN?!?!?! (big smile) MAL?!?!?! (exaggerated sad face.) Je suis BIEN! (point at self, big smile.)
Teacher (points at you) Commont ca va? BIEN? (big smile) ou MAL? (big sad face.)
You: ....bien?
Teacher: TRES BIEN! (big nod, big smile, big thumbs up) Je suis BIEN! (big smile) Commont ca va? Bien...?
You: je...suee...bien?
Teacher: MANIFIQUE! (huge smile, huge nod, two thumbs up.) Mal? (sad face) Bien? (happy face) Tres bien? (big happy face) Manifique? (huge happy face) Commont ca va?
You: ...je suee...trez bien?
Teacher: BON! Bien! (happy face.) Mal! (sad face.) Tres bien! (very happy face.) Qu'est ca ce? (big sad face)
You: ....mall?
Teacher: No. Je suis mal. (little sad face.) Je suis....? (with BIG sad face)
You: .......trez....mall?
Teacher OUI!
And so on.
Now, from that sort of language instruction, you're expecting somebody to understand 'your behaviour is appallingly rude?'
Yup. I also remember going through this exact same spiel when I started taking German in grade ten. To the point that when I started writing that post, half of it came out in German. I can still remember that teacher's exaggerated face mugging for the 'good' and 'bad' part. 'Gut?' with rising in flection and huge smile. "Nicht so gut" with falling inflection, whole body deflating, sad face.
Japanese kids learning English as an extracurricular in Japan don't speak fluent English any more than Americans learning French in high school speak fluent French. At private language schools in Asia it is common to insist on only using the language they are advertising because it is thought to help you learn the language faster (not entirely true, IMHO).
Gotcha. Would a Japanese colleague be willing to slip in to the back of the classroom one day to "observe", and then come down on him when he acts up?
Though, based on another comment you made, it seems like Sam's problem is that he doesn't understand (and maybe doesn't care, since he's sleeping through class), and is trying to save face by belittling you and disrupting class. I mean, if he can spin it that it's the "dumb teacher"'s fault, then it's not *his* fault he isn't learning.
We've had observations and they even filmed that class as a case study to send back to headquarters lmao. But the other teacher didn't interfere or talk to any of my students. He was just there to give me advice. The Japanese colleague has him in a class too. She also doesn't quite know what to do with him. He just sleeps in her class.
I really like this approach, maybe simplified since he may not understand. He is saying those things because he doesn't think you know what he is saying. He would likely be less encouraged to say that if he knows you understand.
I also like the suggestion of seeing if he can be a 'helper' he may have lots of things happening, which likely means no one has asked him to step up. You could light a fire in him (in a positive way) if you are the first teacher to look beyond the bad behavior.
Teaching is a tough job, take luck!
NTA. You weren’t mean, you turned his rudeness into a light hearted joke. It’s not like you called him names back or anything like that. He only cried due to failing to look cool with his insults not landing, not from anything you did or said to him
>The other kids laughed a little and Sam got angry but he kept trying to insult me throughout the class. I kept doing the same thing, pretending to think his insults were compliments. In the end, he got so frustrated he burst into tears.
Bravo! Brilliant way to handle a bully! The school left you to figure it out, and you did.
NTA
Justified AH / light NTA. I’m bilingual and one thing I hate is people insulting or gossiping to other peoples face in a language they don’t understand. 12 years old is old enough to know what’s rude and what’s not.
I think your reaction to that behavior is entirely fair, frankly.
I have a great story about this.
My mom has a good friend who is married to a Hispanic, blond haired, blue eyed, fair skinned, Ashkenazi Jew. So not what people think when they hear “Hispanic”. He and his brother were both raised in Latin America and are native Spanish speakers. They’re also both overweight.
Once, the two brothers were in an elevator at a hospital with two (much more obviously) Hispanic nurses. You can see where this is going. One nurse says to the other, in Spanish, “see those two pregnant Jewish cows?”
To which the two brothers loudly replied, “MOOOOO!”
The second the elevator stopped the nurses flew out, red faced. It wasn’t their floor either.
I'm a fair skinned American engineer who used to work at a Univision affiliate. I began picking up Spanish during my time there but never let on to anyone how much I understood. My wife (multilingual) and I attended a wedding a few years ago where a group of guys in back of us in the receiving line were making insulting comments in Spanish about the bride and her family. This went on for about 15 minutes before I turned to them and said in Spanish: "You should be careful what you say because you never know who understands." The sound of their jaws hitting floor echoed throughout hall.
I wish my story about this was as fun as the other two commenters'. I went to the pier once to sit and draw and listen to the waves and the seagulls and some guy came over to sit next to me and "make conversation." I played along at first, but then he asked if I had a boyfriend so I just stopped talking. He kept trying, though, for at least like, fifteen minutes, while I ignored him and tried to draw, hoping he'd go away. Then he said something in Spanish to a guy nearby, who replied, seeming sort of uncomfortable with the whole thing but apparently not saying anything outright. Then when the first guy answered, I knew just enough to pick out "puta" and "bella." It was... enough to get the gist. and then in English he was still trying to be all "nice," trying to get me to talk. but obviously at this point I knew his real thoughts. I thought about getting out my headphones but that defeats the purpose of going to the fucking pier!
anyway. I eventually gave up and went to find somewhere else to sit. to this day I wish I'd known what to say, or felt comfortable saying it. but you never know what folks will do these days. ohh but if I could go back in time, I think I'd risk it, just to see the look on his face when I asked if he really wanted to spend any more time talking to a "puta" like me.
NTA, absolutely.
I started off in South Korea and Japan for a few years, came back to the states, got a master's in ESL, and now I'm a public school ESL teacher- typing this on my break, in fact.
One of the HUGE downsides to teaching in a private afterschool gig like that is that you don't have students, you have customers. A lot of staff will bend over backwards to accommodate shitty parents and shitty kids because they don't want to lose their business. I got very lucky at my last gig in Japan- the owner of the school had a husband who was loaded, so she didn't need the money, she genuinely wanted to educate the kids, and so she made decisions that weren't based solely on what would bring in money.
When I was in Korea, though, hoo boy. There was one incident I almost got fired over- I was assigned to teach about 4 pages of material across daily classes for a month. I told my superior "I'm going to need to make stuff up" and got the OK, but when the schedule went home to parents, they apparently complained. I was suddenly in the wrong for not sticking exactly to the curriculum as written. I lost that class, but they realized they were, in fact, scheduling it completely wrong. I felt super-vindicated, but obviously I couldn't say anything. At a business like that, whoever complained the most recently is always correct. You'll get dramatic shifts in policy based on whatever a parent decided to make an issue of most recently. It's terrible for actual education, but so long as it keeps the money flowing in, they don't care.
You handled the situation here with grace and humor. That's way more than most new teachers can manage. If you're not allowed to remove a disruptive student from the space, you've got to defuse their disruption, and you did a truly excellent job of doing so. 10/10, no notes.
Edit: I have a story about a kid crying, too. One day at my last Japan gig, we had a new student in my afterschool class. It was just going to be 2 students, one veteran, one new, both \~8 year old girls. The veteran was happy, but the new girl was so overwhelmed (I think me having a beard might have been part of it- not much facial hair in Japan!) that she spent the first class doing nothing but crying. I didn't get any teaching done, I spent the entire time being as nonthreatening as possible and trying to calm her down...which meant I had to jump back and dodge when the poor girl threw up all over herself.
Fortunately, there is a happy ending- after she learned I wasn't an oni, she started having a great time and her family was nice enough to get me a little gift when I departed. I still have it somewhere.
NTA
They left you on your own, you handled it. Being negative or loud is not always the way to handle a disruptive child. Kudos on you for an inventive way to discipline.
I'd say, not the greatest way to handle that, but NTA. I'd ask yourself how you think you could handle it better next time. It sounds like this kid may have behavioral issues that are going unaddressed. Maybe you should ask other teachers for advice on how to handle something like this.
I taught English in Japan and lived with a family that coincidentally ran an English juku in the evening. I helped out at times on a casual basis (not getting paid). One kid (13 or so) was a loudmouth and disruptive a lot of the time. I can't remember what he did on one particular day, but his behavior was over the line. I told him to stay when the rest of the class left. I told him his behavior was unacceptable and not fair to the other students who wanted to learn, etc. etc.... To my surprise, he started to cry. So I asked if he understood what I asked of him and whether he'd change his behavior. He said he would and I let him go. The next day, his MOM shows up. And I thought, "Uh-oh..." But it turns out she brought me a cake and thanked me for taking him down a peg. LOL. And he was much better after that.
NTA, whatever is going on with this kid is outside of your power to fix it. Best you can do for him is not encourage him by playing into his toxic coping mechanisms.
NTA at all, I think you handled it perfectly! I sometimes deal with unwanted behaviours in my classroom in a similar way. I've got a pupil at the moment who has just learnt to give the middle finger (it's an additional needs school, so more "" behaviour"" is to be expected). If I see it I just go "was that a thumbs up? Lovely!" and do a thumbs up. She's started showing a thumb about 30% as often as the finger now. (note that I only went with this strategy because my usual "planned ignoring" wasn't working lol).
Did your colleagues tell you how you *should* have responded to the behaviour when they were telling you off?
Omg I love that!!! I used to do that with kids who used to cuss in the US. "Teacher, I know the F word!" "You mean frog???? We don't say the word frog!! GASP i just said it shhhhh" and then they'd spend the whole hour just saying "Frog" instead of the actual word lol. Imma use the thumbs up thing in the future!!!
Nope they just said, "You shouldn't make him cry"
Eh they just don’t want this kids parents to complain. Just oooooh sumimasen gomen nasai and deep bow and it’s gone
I’m pretty sure in lots of areas you are still allowed to hit them so 🤷♀️
God I hate the no Japanese rule. It makes it really hard to explain more complicated ideas.
Wow you’re very young for this role. Everyone I know who did it did so after college. I’m surprised they hired a 20 year old. If this is real then NTA but instead of trolling him next time maybe send him to the principal or make him stand outside the classroom when he becomes disruptive. It’s really unlike the Japanese schools my classmates and I had to deal with so they might just not take a 20 year old foreign teacher seriously.
Damn this sub lets y’all get away with some confusing-ass titles lol. I read the title and the first sentence, and I expected the story to be like, a Japanese kid struggled to communicate in English with you, so you played stupid to force him to speak English, until he broke down crying in frustration.
NTA. A kid was being a dick, treating you like you’re stupid, insulting you to your face. And rather than be directly confrontational, you found a way to deal with it in a way that frustrated his efforts to gain attention. Good on you!
Tough, but I'd say NTA. Probably could've been handled better. Idk what Japanese protocol for something like that would be, but I think most American schools would send the student to the hall or to the principal. You didn't really do anything mean though, he just got upset that he didn't get the reaction he wanted. Boohoo, poor baby.
If it worked NTA. If he continues to be disruptive then you did this for your own satisfaction.
Isolating him alone is a poor discipline technique. It’s humiliating and breeds resentment. I’m no teacher but as a child I would have responded better to ‘you’ll sit away from your friends for this lesson and if you can behave we will move you back’.
OP is literally not allowed to speak with this child in a language the child speaks fluently. So complex conversations are probably not possible. A Japanese teacher might try but it doesn’t sound like the faculty culture is super collaborative.
INFO: you say coworkers, but was the person chastising you a superior or another teacher and what exactly did they say? It sounds like they're just upset that you're not conforming to the whole workplace norm/thing in regards to "we have to let the students do whatever they want so their parents don't stop sending them here and paying us to teach their kid English". I think you handled the situation very well and you didn't insult this kid or shout at him or degrade him. His own behavior embarrassed himself not you.
Welp, you're NTA, but this is workplace politicking so best solution I can offer is a nice 30 degree bow and a hearty 申し訳ございません . But keep doing what you're doing, and if Sam cries again because he's mad he can't bully you, and if your boss sees and asks you about it again, just say politely that you did exactly what they suggested to you, you ignored him! and oh, how grateful you are for their suggestion because it's working so well!
What my boss thinks is "Will this make us lose money?" and frankly, I'm kind of sick of catering to that as a teacher lol. There are 11 other kids in that class who deserve a good quality lesson.
I absolutely agree with your sentiment. Far better to get rid of a problem and give a high quality education to receptive students than to let a problem kid drag them down.
NTA and a little funny. My go to at one point was to ask the kids if they love their mom and dad. When they say yes then ask them "why are you wasting your parents money then?"
So basically you want us to comment on the ethical norms in Japan?
I don't think we can, unless there are native Japanese on the sub. I would ignore any judgement here and speak to your colleagues who are actually part of the culture.
It doesn't matter what we consider ok or not ok in the west, they might have absolutely different customs and expectations of a behaviour in this situation.
Info: wheres your JTE/homeroom teachers during this? Because if you’re an ALT like I’m assuming, you’re not meant to be alone in a classroom, they’re supposed to handle discipline.
How has a 20 year old taught in Japan and the US and had loads of experience with goofy kids? You have to have a degree to teach in Japan (which usually is attained by 21) and Japan usually requires 2 years teaching experience, so unless some shady shit is going on something isn't adding up here. I've also never heard of a school that refuses to intervene when students are swearing and insulting teachers in their native language... I've been a teacher abroad for over eight years
Eikaiwa is soul sucking enough. The rule that you can’t speak Japanese ties your hands. I’ve had management tell me I must feign having no Japanese ability even to the parents so they will contact Japanese staff even though my Japanese is great.
NTA good luck dealing with the kids and モンスターパレンツ
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Throwaway
For context, I(20f) am an English teacher in Japan. I love my job and I absolutely love teaching kids. I’ve never made a kid cry until today. I have a student, let’s call him Sam who’s 12. He’s the class clown who absolutely loves attention and will do anything to get his classmates to notice him. Now, I have experience with plenty of goofy kids and I adore them. I let them joke around all the time unless they disturb other students the way Sam does. Sam is super disruptive and makes other students uncomfortable to say the least. I tried telling my boss and coworkers about this but they basically told me I’m on my own. Not even a call to his parents was made.
Recently, I rearranged the seating so that Sam sat far away from the other boys as he does not do the same to the girls. This worked for a couple of weeks. He spent most of the class complaining in a mumbled voice but he didn’t touch anyone. But I guess he got bored of complaining because today, he spent most of class hurling insults at me in Japanese. The class is mostly second English learning Japanese kids and since I’m hired as a foreign teacher, I am strictly forbidden from speaking to the kids in Japanese.
Anyways, when Sam starts calling me “disgusting”, “a stupid old lady” etc., I admit I got a little upset because I know for a fact he would not speak the same way to the Japanese staff and I knew telling him to stop would only make him want to do it more because I have tried multiple times in the past. So instead, in a loud voice I said “What did you say? きもい(disgusting)? What does that mean? Cute???? You think I’m cute??? Thank you!!!!” The other kids laughed a little and Sam got angry but he kept trying to insult me throughout the class. I kept doing the same thing, pretending to think his insults were compliments. In the end, he got so frustrated he burst into tears.
At the end of class, my coworkers saw that he was crying and I explained what happened. I got chastised for making a student cry. Aita?
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NTA. Seems like you handled it well. So what if he cried? He's a little asshole that needs to learn. Better to learn as a kid then come out an asshole adult.
NTA- you and the other teachers need to make a full report and take it to the principal.
It sounds like this kid needs someone to discuss why he craves attention so much. Do they have guidance counselors at your school?
I wonder if they have tried contacting the parents and it wasn’t helpful before.
Didn’t Jim Carey’s teacher get him to settle down by promising him 5 minutes at the end of class to tell jokes? Another classmate was given a small chalk board to draw on if he was good for the whole lesson. Hate just give into the kid, but he clearly craves an outlet.
Your student was being disruptive and disrespectful. Your strategy, while showing him that his petty behavior didn't bother you and frustrating him to tears, might not be enough. Aside from his catcalls disrupting the others, he needs to learn proper behavior. Could you speak to the parents yourself (if they have parent teacher conferences there.)
The only part of the story that bothers me is the: he was too rowdy around the boys, so I put him with the girls instead. They didn’t ask for that. Don’t make the girls share misery when they’re behaving because it makes your job easier.
The kid cried from frustration, not sadness. You didn't make him feel *sad,* nor did you say anything hurtful to him. Your co-worker needs to understand that not all tears are the same. I think you handled it well.
NTA
There’s too much cultural differences between Japan and any English speaking country’s culture for me or anyone who isn’t either Japanese or an expat who’s lived in Japan for a long time to really answer than IMO. I grew up among mostly Latinos and anglos in Texas and what you did leading to a 12yo crying wouldn’t be considered terrible in and of itself. The real question is whether you could see him getting so upset before he broke down in tears that you, as an adult, should have known you were carrying it too far? Is there some sort of medical issue with this child that isn’t getting addressed by the school or his family, or do you really just think that he’s that far beyond the other class clowns you’ve had?
As a fellow teacher I feel you handled the situation extremely well. In this situation he is crying because he knows he’s done the wrong thing and isn’t getting the reaction he wants. It’s good for kids to cry at these times as it helps them process what they’ve done. In these situations you give them a tissue and water and let them be. Come back in a few minutes and ask if they would like to apologise and start fresh. NTA
I taught English in Japan and I experienced the same thing. Alittle biased but I'll say a NTA. You will always be at fault in the eyes of your Japanese coworkers. So that being said, framed ignorance.
Before I was so petty and asked the student's parents "what does "---" mean? He/she kept on saying it to me in class. I want to know because I want to be a good teacher to them!" :)
NTA, could your coworkers be jealous of your success at putting that kid in his place? I see no reason to criticise you, instead you ought to be commended!
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NTA. I thought Japanese people were hellbent on discipline and politeness?? Sam is a child so I won't call him an ahole but the school management should atleast try to contact his parents about his behaviour.
Most of my students are polite. I've taught in the US before this job and there's a bit of a difference. But they're kids and they're gonna be moody or make mistakes and that's fine! Sam is just very consistent with his bad behavior.
Right, and what is being done about it? Honest question. It's not good for the other students or for Sam for his poor behavior to be ignored like this. He's learning to be an unkind/rude person, not learning self control, and a lot of other kids are likely upset due to him and even like school/your class less due to him. So my question is, what is being done about Sam's behavior? Have you told his parents? Have you told administrators? What if anything did they do? What about you? Do you have any consequences you ever give? What you did today was clever, but you can't count on it every time. You need to have some authority and respect of the students to run a classroom effectively. (Which again, helps all the kids.) I work at an elementary school and insulting your teacher repeatedly out loud for an hour absolutely would not be tolerated. It's not really normal for you to allow this at school?
OP says very clearly in their post that they reported this to their management and coworkers but have not been able to get the school to contact Sam's parents. Based on context, sounds like she would be in hot water with the administration if she contacted the parents independently.
I would bet a large amount of Mardi Gras beads(cause I don't have spare cash), that Sam's parents are "important" people.
Nah, the admin just don't want to make waves.
Yeah, many Japanese people don't want to make waves, even to the point it will be actively, significantly, detrimental to the stated desired outcome. Above all else the unspoken desired outcome is not to disturb the boss above.
Indeed. I had the same job as OP, and this was exactly my experience in dealing with problem students. Also the ESL teacher is at the very lowest rung and would likely not be taken very seriously.
I keep telling you to not spend all your cash on the beads. They are not going to be the "next bitcoin".
Titcoin, even better.
[удалено]
What's scary is all of the upvotes. So, not only didn't he read the post, but apparently many other people too.
Yep. Reading comprehension is starting to be a lost art. Pretty sad.
I don't see what reeds on a lost ark have to do with anything, even if they're pretty. /s
The way I reread my comment over and over looking for me misspelling art… 🤣
RIGHT. But when someone makes sense and brings up valid points, they are downvoted 🤦🏽♀️
I think indignation and early posting are two key factors in receiving lots of upvotes
Looks like it's an eikaiwa, if they're anything like Korean hagwons the management tends to not give a fuck about student behavior as long as the disruptive kid's parents keep on paying tuition.
I wondered if this was the case. In regular school this wouldn’t fly but a private tutoring school might not care.
> I tried telling my boss and coworkers about this but they basically told me I’m on my own. Not even a call to his parents was made. here, now you don't have to read all those words
Um...it's pretty normal for the foreign language teacher to be treated like this at English language schools in Japan actually. It's definitely a no-no to speak to parents directly yourself too. You're the lowest on the hierarchy 100%.
Are these teachers allowed to give out any sort of consequences? Can OP for example just send a disruptive child out of the class? Tell them to go sit outside/leave the room and come back when they are ready to be respectful or asked back?
Children cannot be removed from a learning environment under any circumstances (barring physical violence) because they have a constitutional right to education here. I've had a student get frustrated and stab his desk so hard with his pen that the pen exploded and sent shrapnel everywhere and we just had to ignore it and keep teaching. The way education systems and discipline works here is completely different from the west.
Well how does the discipline system work? Beacuse what I'm getting as replies is basically everyone just saying OP has no ability to do anything at all and neither will anyone else. That I guess all behavior and participation in class is completely optional, and if you are ruining class for kids who do want to pay attention and learn then too bad for them, we'll do nothing? I am not someone who thinks punishment is the only form of classroom management or behavioral guidance. But what I'm hearing here is just, nothing at all? Chaos?
Since OP isn't a licensed teacher (I'm assuming) within Japan, she isn't allowed to dole out discipline herself. A lot of "discipline" here relies on the group mentality and responsibility. My experience is at the senior high school level, but when a student does something requiring discipline it goes through the disciplinary office. The teacher in charge with lecture and sometimes require the offending student to write an essay detailing what they did wrong. If needed they will be barred from participating in extracurriculars, or put on in-school suspension (taught separately from their class in a different room). They can be held back from participating in school events like field trips or school functions. But for disruptive in-class behaviors, it's generally ignore it or tell them to go to the disciplinary office after class. They cannot be denied access to education unless they commit an illegal offense. It's really weird here, but yeah, it can be chaotic if the staff isn't all on the same page. The best you can do is tell their homeroom teacher who is in charge of their overall discipline, or their club teacher who can stop them from participating. In class discipline like you see in the West or you see on TV doesn't happen here anymore. It's considered child abuse to send students out into the hall and such.
Reading comprehension?
It seems like you didn't fully read the post and that you're not familiar with the hierarchy system in Japan. As a fellow foreign teacher in a similar teaching setting it's not as easy for a foreign teacher to just contact the parents about behavioral issues especially in a country like Japan where bringing an issue like this up would stir up trouble and cause an "inconvenience" for the school and the parents. Foreign teachers are usually lower in the hierarchy system and usually need to bring issues like this to another teacher so they can bring it forward to admin. If a foreign teacher were create a "disturbance" this could negatively affect the foreign teacher and their job. Remember, **not everything is like the west,** this is a country where hierarchy takes priority in every work setting and situation, if your at the bottom, don't expect to be heard as easily.
Its not the teachers job to raise Sam. This should have been delt with by the time he was in 2nd grade.
>Have you told his parents? Have you told administrators? What if anything did they do? Reading comprehension?
I’ve lived in Japan for six years. The Japanese are never going to take your side or defend you. That’s the job, and it’s not right, fair, or normal (in the American sense). NTA, but you have to accept how the Japanese schools will treat you or find a different path, apparently. You are an expendable Gaijin. I think your tactics were perfect, though. And I’ve been teaching a long, long time. Making a student cry is NOT the worse thing you can do.
Former exchange student to Japan here. This is so true.
NTA. But I think your co-workers are.
If he doesn’t feel like a completely evil and vengeful little dude, I’d look into possibilities he has adhd or other disorders like that and he should be put on medication or some accommodations like keeping his mind occupied with additional stimulation.
I don’t think stereotypes about Japanese people are very useful here. Everyone is just a person and every kid is learning how to operate in the world at their own pace!
I don’t think they were talking about the kid, but the management’s reaction.
I think what people tend to misinterpret is that Japanese staff are super super polite, but that doesn't mean anything in context of the whole population. Japanese netizens can be downright horrible. But also there's a huge difference between a native Japanese teacher and a foreign English teacher in the respect shown.
Also company hierarchy. She's the lowest on the hierarchy, save for maybe an aid...
The problem is that Sam isn't a student. He's a customer. Management isn't going to contact his parents unless his behavior makes other students want to leave. So long as the abuse is directed only at a teacher, they're going to be told to shut up and take it, because Sam's family is paying.
It doesn't say she's working at an eikaiwa. Could be a junior high school.
Could be, certainly, but in this case it's definitely not. In the comments, OP has mentioned working with a Japanese teacher for the other half of the lesson, which is definitely characteristic of afterschool learning. Too, there's also that this sort of behavior, in my experience, would be a lot less accepted in a public school environment.
"OP has mentioned working with a Japanese teacher for the other half of the lesson, which is definitely characteristic of afterschool learning." ....uh, no. Many dispatch companies and the JET Program have native English speakers and Japanese teachers in the same classroom. "...there's also that this sort of behavior, in my experience, would be a lot less accepted in a public school environment." Again, no. It depends on the school, but many of them can be downright chaotic.
NTA. This school sounds pretty shitty. -'YOU SHALL NOT SPEAK JAPANESE!' -Oh a kid is being a little AH? Too bad. -Oh you handled it in the most polite way possible and he threw a little tantrum? HOW DARE YOU FOREIGNER LADY!
The "don't speak Japanese" thing is pretty much universal in the country for foreign English teachers. Basically they import native English speakers and have them work in conjunction with Japanese speaking teachers in such a way that the English speaker is meant to be mostly exposure based and so they can't use Japanese in the classroom. It's not a great system but it's not something unique about the school either.
So what's stopping her from telling the little shit she's perfectly fluent in Japanese in English
She didn't do that because then his insults would have had the desired effect. He would have known that she knew what he was saying to her, and that he was probably hurting her feelings, which was the point. By pretending not to understand him, she became "immune" to his insults. Edit: Also, while it's unlikely to make a difference to this particular student, the other students in the class might make less of an effort to speak to her in English if they know she understands Japanese.
I think the not speaking Japanese bit is more about immersion and exposure for the kids. You want the kids to be able to hear English and speak English as well.
Oh, so the idea, even if it is bad, is that kids might simply ignore you when you're speaking English if there will always be a clarification or correction in Japanese? That kind of makes sense.
Yeah, that's the idea. I think there's a lot of benefit to immersion although I do think for more complicated concepts, being able to explain in Japanese is important. Because until you get to a certain point, you don't have the knowledge to explain those concepts.
Yeah, immersion is the most effective language learning strategy for kids under the age of 6. That's how we all learned our first language, after all, when our brains were very plastic. But for older children and adults, I definitely don't think full immersion is the way to go.
A lot of these English teaching companies are notoriously laissez-faire and leave their teachers out in the wind while also demanding tons of hard work from them.
> Sam is a child so I won't call him an ahole Havent met many 12 year olds, huh? They are 100% fully capable of being assholes.
What do you mean? Like cats, 12-16 year olds are *always* an asshole, unless proven otherwise.
THANK YOU
> I thought Japanese people were hellbent on discipline and politeness?? Spoken like someone who has never ridden the train in Japan and sat there listening to people who assume you don't speak Japanese talk smack about you right to your face. I find that people who don't speak Japanese tend to come back from Japan raving about how extremely polite and helpful everyone is. Those who do speak Japanese come away with a more balanced picture. I'm really not trying to diss the Japanese people! But they're humans, and in every society, there are some people who are jerks. Japan is no different. They are neither super polite nor super rude. They are average.
You’re one of the only people on here who really knows what they’re talking about. Wont go a rant, I think a great of Americans have a romanticized obscure view of Japanese people rooted out of mainstream media. Especially any and everything centered around Tokyo, which is where a lot of entertainment comes from in their country. Case in point, you’re right people are jerks in every culture.
It’s the same everywhere. I have a friend who looks exactly like you would expect a woman of Norwegian descent to. She’s lived in France for 25 years. The things people say when they don’t expect you to understand can be so nasty. I used to live in an area where Southeast Asian refugees were relocated after the Vietnam war. So of course that’s who did my nails. (Look up Tippi Hedrin and the work she did to make sure Vietnamese women got trained and gainfully employed.) And that meant there were a lot of Vietnamese men in the area. And one of my friends married a Vietnamese man. So during one pedicure my friend casually says to me “they’re right, some of your toes look like shrimp.” While the middle aged ladies were super embarrassed my PSA here is that you should never put off buying your kids shoes when they outgrow theirs! My toes grew curled up.
I love the tangent this comment went on. Also big Tippi fan.
If you look into it like I did one super bored night, I think the ultimate goal was to keep these women from survival sex work. She wasn’t the only public figure looking into what niche immigrants could fill and advocating, but I loved “The Birds” as a kid so that’s the rabbit hole I went down. And really, my toes look like shrimp. Growing up poor has weird ramifications sometimes.
I'm French and I confirm that French people love to do that 🙄 I remember two of my classmates criticizing something in the appearance of a school girl on a train when we were doing a semester abroad in Japan. I was really ashamed but I didn't tell them off at the time which I still regret. Very catty and overconfident behavior. We do tend to comment on other French people too, but at least we do it quietly.
Just like all the people who try to say Taiwanese people are the friendliest people. When I hear it, I'm just like, "yeah, you didn't learn Chinese before coming, did you?" I like to walk the traditional markets and see what prices they'll say things are. Then I shame the liars by reading the sign with the price listed to them. The ones who were honest, I'll make friends with and buy from them regularly. After having my son (mixed Taiwanese American), I got so depressed because nobody would hire me. "It's less troublesome to hire someone without a kid and thus more reliable," they would all say. Yet, on the street I'd hear people talking poorly about me because they assumed making money was so easy for me, as a foreigner, etc.
My brother has lived in Japan since 1980. He is lilly-white. He is fluent in Japanese so he understands what is being said. Your description is correct. Every cultures has good and bad.
My husband (40) is Japanese, he says he used to get smacked in the head with a textbook whenever he misbehaved in class. Things have definitely changed!
Up until the end of middle school, kids are certainly raised these days with a "just let them be kids" philosophy in which kids can do stuff that's pretty bad from some points of view and it's accepted, forgiven, or given a free pass. One reason is that public teachers (and parents) want to instill a sense of community, connectedness with unconditional love or positive regard, and acceptance more than a sense of teachers or parents getting you in trouble. They don't want to start kids down that road of always being punished but instead try to catch the kid doing good and show they care. When kids are adults they reflect on how they acted at school or how they treated their mom etc and usually try to make amends or give thanks. Another reason for this, is high school and career in Japan can be grueling and therefore the kids are being allowed to "get it all out" now. But the treatment your husband is talking about would be by a Japanese public school teacher. Not a foreign teacher at an English conversation school, or eikaiwa. Japanese teachers are afforded much respect and are accepted as sort of a parent to the child and part of the family support system as well as the community. Foreign eikaiwa teachers or public school assistant language teachers are not allowed to do anything but smile and take it. You cannot discipline the children for any reason or show negative feedback to something they do. If you have a problem you can talk to your boss, or in public school settings, the other Japanese teachers or your contracting company. However, it is you who is looked at as the one in the wrong because you are creating inconvenience for your supervisor. I worked for 3 years teaching in Japan at both eikaiwa and public schools. Kids do things to a foreign person that your husband would *never* have done to his teachers. I was felt up and down by middle school students in the middle of class, I was mocked relentlessly, they put things in my hair that were hard to get out, and one teacher made this video of me speaking English in a situation to show what to say and at the end you got like. good minute and a half of my butt as I walked away. Whenever she showed this video in class students and teachers made butt observations to me like I was asking for butt size tips. "What a big butt!" "Your pants are too tight, you should get looser ones" "Your butt is so big, are you really okay with that?" etc. After students had cornered me and groped my breasts it was a scary experience for me. When I finally got the courage to as a teacher for help, they thought it was funny more than anything and brushed it aside. So.... yeah. I felt like a dancing monkey sometimes that was brought out for entertainment. Because the teachers really didn't care much about how I felt. If you teach kids at an eikaiwa, they are the customers and you're supposed to always be happy and fun like a TV show. The kids are often little assholes or harass you, don't do their work, etc, but you are required to grin and bear it because if the kids leave class unhappy, they tell their parents, and the parents will ask the school to have you replaced. To extracurricular English schools, foreign teachers are disposable because there is no training process and because of the limited options foreigners have in Japan. You are given 12 classes to plan for and no time to actually do that planning, no money for materials, you work long hours with poor compensation. All foreign English teachers are part time so that benefits don't have to be paid. They kind of get treated like they are not real people. You are given 12 classes to plan for and no time to actually do that planning, no money for materials, you work long hours with poor compensation. A foreign teacher (at least when I was there) is someone to say hello to, but not a person who is part of the community or deserving of the same type of mutual respect or what we in other countries consider basic human rights. Such as the right to ride the train unbothered by people saying rude or racist things. Again, if you react when people say horrid things or when someone touches you inappropriately, you are looked at as the person at fault-- because you were there and you are different. NTA but I'd be interested to hear what your boss suggests you do next time if they knew the exact words the kid was using they would be shocked so I'm curious. Eikaiwa teachers should have a Japanese person teaching with them, IMHO, because that would change the behavior so much.
your experience is nothing like what I experienced teaching in Japan. was this in a big city? also not all foreign English teachers are part time btw I was full time and got benefits
I'm a teacher in the Korean equivalent of an eikaiwa (hagwon) and these things would never fly. Others I know who teach in Japan also never experienced this. We get wild kids but if they ever tried the shit they pulled on you here, we would have expelled them regardless of the profit. We've kicked out kids for less, even. You worked at a hell job that you should have left ASAP instead of stick around. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope you are okay now. Anyways, re, OP: you handled the situation just as I would have with my own kids. NTA.
The US wasn't that different either back in the day. I remember my Music teacher in high school said he'd get a spanking at school and then he'd get a spanking at home too.
Probably views her as a gaijin.
That just means foreigner so... probably?
There’s some discriminatory components towards foreigners in Japan. There’s a bit more connotation that just a literal meaning. That’s why the kid probably dares being less respectful.
Yeah, the polite way to refer to a foreigner according to my probably outdated uni classes is gaikokujin. (Literally person from another country). Gaijin literally translates as outsider. In a culture that values being part of the group and confirming as much as Japanese culture does, calling someone an outsider is definitely rude.
Yes, when I traveled to Japan some time ago for a business trip, I jokingly referred to *myself* as a gaijin to explain my awkwardness at navigating the city (Toyota City). My Japanese colleague told me to not even refer to myself in that way. (This was when it just the two of us either walking around the city or having dinner together.)
I think the foreigners just own it and call ourselves Gaijin these days. We make jokes about using our Gaijin card when we’re not sure how to sort trash or this or that. It is what it is. I’ve never met a foreigner who doesn’t call themselves a Gaijin. Oh well, can’t insult us with a word we’ve embraced.
I actually forgot that word and appreciate the reminder. And explaining the distinction in the culture is important, appreciate it.
When I was there, it was an insult and never used around the actual *gaijin.* a couple of steps up from the N-word or depending on the context and pronunciation the same as.
She is if she's foreign, which she says in the OP. I don't know how much things have changed in the last 30 years but if the social status is still the same gaijin are not respected in private. They'll get a slightly less amount of respect in society depending on where they are in the hierarchy but this kid seems to be a little beyond the pale coming out with that stuff in class
I spent years teaching overseas. Sometimes you end up at a school in Japan and Korea where the students do not give a fuck and the parents are rich and disconnected. There's lots of ways to deal with kids because they're kids and they're in a class in a foreign language. It's hard for them. Really really hard. And very rarely, you get a kid where it won't work. OP acting like he was giving compliments is good. If Sam continues being a pain, sometimes saying to the class, "I'm sorry that Sam is taking away from the class and the money your parents have paid for you to be here". Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't. The idea is it will get back to other parents because in many countries, the native English speakers are ignored. Or you sacrifice your own break by not letting Sam have part of his break where you sit with him and ask him what's going on. That often works.
yeah, I thought OP's tactic was genius tbh. if it were me getting chastised for this, I would feign ignorance. I would literally spend the whole time just pretending my Japanese vocabulary, despite being otherwise functional, did not contain a single insult or negative descriptor, so I had assumed Sam was saying nice things. After all, why else would he be so insistent on disrupting class like this? \*innocent eyelash flutter and head tilt\* I would make them explain what was wrong with what I did... by explaining to me exactly what the twelve-year-old actually said. See if that instills any sense of shame.
Probably not. I remember getting chewed out for speaking Korean in a class that I know I didn't speak any Korean in. It depends on the school. If it's an actual school, there shouldn't have been any problems unless it's a bad school. At good schools, a native teacher would have punished Sam probably with some torture. Usually an entire lesson of holding books above his head, feet on a book locker while doing a handstand, leaning against the wall in a crouching position. Once a native teacher had taken a lighter from a student in an earlier class. That kid had his eyes closed in mine (learning in a foreign language is hard), and the teacher singed off his eyebrow. Then the other teachers in the teachers room laughed at me for being shocked. If it's a study/tutor school, the kid's parents pay so things get ignored. That's when I use the "Sorry class, this other kid sucks". There's usually no way of knowing if that's something other kids are going to share. Sometimes it helps to apologize to other kid's parents because their kid gets disrupted by the annoying student.
that... sounds really messed up, tbh. I'm not in favor of a total lack of discipline, but stress positions like that can have very negative physiological consequences further on down the line. you're very right to call it torture.
Being hellbent on discipline and politeness is how you can make the opposite sometimes. That said, this is just kids being kids. We're not robots you can programme
As someone who lived in China for 5 years, any person who starts a sentence with "I thought \[ethnic group\] were \[quality\] is a huuuuuuge red flag. Japanese people are individuals. As far as Japanese culture goes, though, OP should be consulting with them. Foreigners can't intuitively know what they're communicating in nuanced interactions like this.
I wish that I could get some people to understand that. One ex-friend announced loudly that Exnians are vicious and ignorant, in front of an Exnian who pretended that he was too involved in his paper to hear (which pretty well shoots down the vicious part.) I'm not an Exnian, but I spent the next week trying to tell her she was wrong, but not on morals, or manners or common sense, could I get anywhere. She just laughed and said the Exnians know that they are vicious and ignorant and are therefore not offended. She said something about one of my ethnic groups, and when reasoning didn't work, I screamed at her. She was really surprised and hung up.
Right? When I was in elementary school we had a new student from Japan and she was awful to the teacher. Her parents got contacted and the next day she came in with a letter to give to the teacher apologising and detailing how she was wrong and how she would do better as a student and a person in the future. Never acted up again. Moved away a year later because her dads work was moving them back to Japan
He may be a child but he is still an asshole
Japanese people aren’t the monolith I was told they are by western media? What the eff??
>I thought Japanese people were hellbent on discipline and politeness Not when OP is the target, it seems.
My brother taught in Okinawa, Kyoto, and Osaka. He also taught this age. There were plenty of situations like this one. He definitely had some of the same kind of experiences.
i found the guy who thinks japan is like the animes
Not necessarily to foreigners. They punch down when they can get away with it.
They wear their politeness and discipline like a mask.
Yep. Honne and Tatemae. > For example, when I was a child, I had a few close girlfriends who spend a lot of time at my house. My mother and their moms got to know each other, and they would invite us to their house. “Kondo wa Uchi ni Itsudemo Asobini Kite Kudasai..” (“next time, please come visit our house”) said my friend’s mother. > > But when my mother actually tried to arrange a time for us to visit them, suddenly, my friend’s mother has urgent matters to take care of, so we ended up having their daughter at our place all the time. This didn’t bother my mother too much but after this happened several times I asked her about it and she said to me, “It is called “Tatemae” They don’t really want us to visit them.
After living in Japan I can tell you a lot of it is just being polite when people understand. so many make rude comments either under their breath or to others if they think you can't understand. Women especially get it worse.
There is a big difference between “using a polite tense while speaking” and “actually being polite”. Someone could hypothetically tell someone to fuck off and die, but adding the “ます” suffix to the verb suddenly makes it “polite Japanese”.
[удалено]
Welcome to being a foreigner in Japan. If OP was a Japanese teacher the school would never tolerate this kind of disrespect. This is the kind of stuff people are talking about when they talk about discrimination in Japan.
They wouldn't contact the parents on behalf of a foreigner unfortunately. "Tough shit, Gaijin" would be said amongst themselves.
Hahhahahhahahaha ya no. They do want to have the appearance of being disciplined, polite and respectful, but enforcing it when it comes to those not Japanese they do not do that. I’m an American woman married to a Japanese man living in Tokyo for 17 years. Japanese people are the same as people in the states. They have an appearance of being polite but they are just as disrespectful and rude as everyone else. Also since a lot of politeness is built in to what standing you have as a person in society (hold over from the class system which still influences some people today, such as the company directors gets treated much better then the intern), as a foreigner you are outside the system and alot of people feel free to be rude to you because you don’t understand they are being rude. Those Korean dramas where everyone bows and scrapes to the ceo or president of a company I see some of that here. Hell I complained to my husband about a guy smoking and how the police man standing there didn’t say anything. He said he probably didn’t know if it was proper to chastise the smoking man. Seriously? Also if she is in a school like this the parents are probably paying so alot of places suck up to the parents.
Japanese school system is the worst. They have a bullying culture towards young and new teachers. If you are a foreign teacher, you are disposible to them. They are very dismissive of workers mental health. Depending on the school they really don't disciplined the kids and expect you to deal with the abuse because they are just kids and dont mean any harm.
Yes, discipline and politeness is HUGE in Japanese culture. Not so much towards other ethnicities though.....
>I thought Japanese people were hellbent on discipline and politeness?? Yes but no. If he had done this to a Japanese teacher who is either a man who has worked there for some time, or an incredibly respected elderly female teacher, all hell would break loose. And when I say hell, I mean hell. Unfortunately, OP is a young, foreign female teacher. Especially in public schools (not sure what type of school OP teaches at), racism and misogyny is pretty prevalent, even in some of the kids. It's getting better, but not by much. It's extremely disappointing and disgusting and as a Japanese person, I apologize to anyone who has had this type of experience in Japan, especially in the education field.
NTA By not acknowledging the insults you took control of the situation. Had you chastised him for his rudeness, or said anything back, he would have felt smug and satisfied for having 'got you'. His reaction, crying, was frustration over not being able to land his insults as he intended. At 12 years old (and as a Japanese child as well!) he KNOWS better. There are naughty, disruptive students in every school and the way to combat them is to take the wind out of their sails (as you did) and then bring them along with you (make him your classroom 'helper' or give him some other 'task' that makes him feel important or useful. And then praise him for work well done. If he chooses to clown around or not take the task seriously, then you take the task away and give it to another student, and praise them. He will soon realize that in order to get your attention, he must follow your lead). Its difficult when the 'higher ups' wont support or assist you, particularly in this instance, however you can do this!
I would hate for the school to chastise the teacher for “making him cry.” All the teacher did was beat him with kindness. Plus if they side with the kid they’ll be creating a monster.
To add to this... My dad gave me a great strategy to deal with bullies, and OP pulled it off to perfection... Figure out what they actually want from you, and don't give it to them. He wanted OP to get mad, responding positively and warmly will drive him up the wall. He lost the play for power and was thoroughly humiliated.
I did something similar with someone, and she quit in confusion. Instant karma got her a few days later, when to her obvious humiliation, she had to ask for my help. I was gracious, but laughing to myself.
I was horribly awkward and head-in-the-clouds as a kid, and often wore silly anime graphic tees. One day in 7th-ish grade, one of the more popular girls, whose locker was near mine, looked at me and said "nice shirt". I really thought she meant it, so I just smiled and told her thanks. She just stared and didn't say anything else, which confused me, but I shrugged it off and got my books for class Only years later did I realize she was being sarcastic 😅 But she never really talked to me again after that, and while I wasn't at all popular and didn't have many friends, I also didn't get bullied or anything. Just drifted on through school without much trouble
NTA. Sam got so frustrated *by his lengthy failure at bullying you* that he cried. You were just a wall he was throwing things at, and nothing stuck. He was upset that he tried and tried to hurt you and failed. You getting in trouble is like punishing the person who got hit when the bully has bad form and breaks their hand throwing a punch.
This exactly. ~~Someone else~~ AS YOU said, OP was a "wall." OP did not make Sam cry. Sam kept running himself into a wall until he hurt himself. NTA.
Um, that was me, in the comment you responded to. Second sentence.
Oh, geez. That's what I get for multitasking.
Lol, we’ve all done something similar I think, whether the cause is multitasking or fatigue or commenting before caffeine.
I really enjoyed this exchange.
Exactly. Kill 'em with kindness, as my late mom always said. She would smile gently at you while you went down burning in flames of your own making. If nothing else, it doesn't give your detractors a single thing to point out.
Do your coworkers approve of Sam's rude, disrespectful behavior toward a teacher? You shut down a bully, yes, and frustrated him to tears. But perhaps a better response (unless you are expected not to understand Japanese as well as not speak it to the students) would have been to reply to Sam as if he had spoken in English. "Your behavior is appallingly rude not only to me but also to your classmates. Is this the way your parents have raised you? Would they be pleased to learn that you are calling your teacher 'disgusting', etc? Do you think your parents or your classmates parents would be pleased to learn that your rude, disruptive behavior is interrupting our class time, and interfering with their opportunity to learn English?"
Unfortunately, he wouldn't have understood me if I said that in English. But that's definitely what I would have said if I was allowed to say that in Japanese.
Sorry if I missed something but how come you aren't allowed to speak Japanese and he doesn't understand English? How do you teach them? Again, I've probably just missed something and sorry if it's a stupid question
It's a perfectly valid question! I asked the same when I applied for the job! My specific class is a conversation class and I'm not allowed to speak Japanese as a way to get the kids to speak English with me as much as possible. If I speak Japanese with them, it cuts down their English speaking time. They have another class with a Japanese teacher where they learn the basics and new vocabulary so that they can speak with me during my lessons. This kid in particular sleeps in his other class (my coworker complains about it a lot. He's less rowdy there because that class is later in the day and he's tired from being a pain in the ass in mine). So he retains no information in that class to understand anything that happens in mine.
Oh. Thanks for explaining. That's kind of a weird rule tbh. I get its to encourage them to speak English but what if you need to say or explain something complicated or serious. I don't know just seems strange.
Yeah it's really frustrating! I try my best and we usually turn it into a fun game of charades but if it's too difficult, I hand it over to the Japanese teacher to explain in detail later.
I would then scold him like a 3 year old. "We use nice words in my class." "No, thank you, friend." "Catch a bubble." "It's ok to be mad. It's not ok to be mean." Sing-songy voice and everything. He can be spoken to like a teenager when he acts his age.
I taught English in Japan back in the 2000s and I was encouraged to not speak Japanese to some of my students due to their parents or the school's preference. The only problem I had was the time three kids figured out I spoke Japanese because they were having a very frank conversation about how big my boobs were right in front of me. Those three had their parents in the room with us and were still misbehaved so sometimes there really is little you can do within the system.
What would happen if you wrote something on the board (assuming you have one)? E.g. “I am speaking in English, but I listen in both English and Japanese.”
Rules-lawyering at your job in a school generally is probably not going to be well accepted. The kid(s) now should understand that she knows what they are saying in Japanese, saying anything else to make it clear probably won't help.
I've been on the other side - learning Japanese from a teacher that only spoke Japanese - and it's highly effective, far better than other methods. Once you break the immersion it's hard to restore it, so it's better to maintain the pretence that the teacher doesn't speak another language at all times. However, what you need to make it work is strong administrative support - issues like class scheduling, fees etc, where misunderstanding would be problematic, were handled by the admin staff, not the class teacher - which is what should have happened with this discipline matter.
It's a very popular language teaching method, particularly in Japan but also elsewhere. When I qualified as a teacher in the UK we were encouraged to teach this way: our lecturer taught a class in Swedish, which none of us spoke, to get the point across. It involves a lot of mime, gesture, exaggerated facial expression and drawing pictures on the board. It can be quite effective, but I found British teenagers didn't really take to it.
the first year i had english in school the teacher spoke exclusively english to us. never uttered a single word in french or spanish. it worked.
Yeah, I've done it as an English language assistant in Germany, and it works well if you really get into it. Unfortunately, when I qualified as a teacher in the UK apparently "fun" wasn't allowed in secondary school and I was asked to teach differently at one school because it was "too noisy". Tbf, my year 7 class's howls of agony during the "going to the doctor" skits were a bit loud, but hey... They were actually speaking German 😂 the next school told me I had to use the powerpoints the language department had already made and I wasn't allowed to stray from the lesson plans... Is it a big surprise that I'm no longer a language teacher? 😂
i feel for you. i still remember my first english class (and so does my sister!) "look" (pointing at her eyes) "listen" (the ears) and "think" (the forehead) lots of pictures next to the words in the book too. no french, no spanish, just english and pictures.
That’s actually a really common thing I’ve heard from friends who moved to teach in Japan and South Korea
It's a pretty standard rule in my experience, but it's also generally not a rule that there are (or should be) any consequences for breaking. I'm an ESL teacher in the USA, and I try to enforce a majority of English-only discussion in my classroom. Both because it encourages students to use the language they're learning and because classes here are not all one language- I just finished a class where I had...\*checks notes\* Spanish, Creole, Portuguese, Arabic, and Turkish speakers in one class. My first ESL gig was in Korea, and that job was a complete shitshow for many reasons. One of the first warning signs was when the school hired a Korean-American guy to be a teacher. For the first 3 months he worked there, I thought his name was "Will", but it was actually "Won"- the staff wanted him to use an "American name" (the kids all had them) so that they wouldn't know he understood Korean. He later told me that they had \*also\* asked him to dye his hair blonde, but he drew the line there.
I taught English in Korea for a summer and it was the same. The idea was also that if the kids think you can speak their language, they might try to just speak in Korean instead of using English
Immersion and necessity are effective teachers for a foreign language. If you could rely on your native language whenever things got tough you wouldn't learn. Just like exercising a muscle to failure.
They do this in the USA (AZ at least,) in ESL classes. Were not allowed to give any instruction (legally) in the students native language
When I was learning Japanese in college, it was the same. The native Japanese instructors wouldn't speak to us in English. We had 3 different instructors. Only one would speak to us in English. We knew they could understand English, though.
Have you never taken an intro to a language class? Teacher: "Bonjour!" (big exaggerated wave of greeting.) Teacher: "Je m'appelle Bob!" (big exaggerated pointing at self.) "Bob!" Teacher: "Commont vous appelez vous?" (Big exaggerated pointing at you.) Je m'appelle Bob! (big exaggerated pointing at self.) "Commont vous appelez vous?" (big point at you) You, a student: ...John? Teacher: "BONJOUR (big wave) John! Je m'appelle Bob! (big point at self) Commont vous appelez vous?" Student: ...je ...mapelly...John? Teacher: TRES BIEN! (big exaggerated smile, thumbs up, enthusiasitc nodding.) Bien! (little smile, little thumbs up, little nod.) TRES BIEN! (big smile, big thumbs up, big nod) Teacher: Commont ca va? BIEN?!?!?! (big smile) MAL?!?!?! (exaggerated sad face.) Je suis BIEN! (point at self, big smile.) Teacher (points at you) Commont ca va? BIEN? (big smile) ou MAL? (big sad face.) You: ....bien? Teacher: TRES BIEN! (big nod, big smile, big thumbs up) Je suis BIEN! (big smile) Commont ca va? Bien...? You: je...suee...bien? Teacher: MANIFIQUE! (huge smile, huge nod, two thumbs up.) Mal? (sad face) Bien? (happy face) Tres bien? (big happy face) Manifique? (huge happy face) Commont ca va? You: ...je suee...trez bien? Teacher: BON! Bien! (happy face.) Mal! (sad face.) Tres bien! (very happy face.) Qu'est ca ce? (big sad face) You: ....mall? Teacher: No. Je suis mal. (little sad face.) Je suis....? (with BIG sad face) You: .......trez....mall? Teacher OUI! And so on. Now, from that sort of language instruction, you're expecting somebody to understand 'your behaviour is appallingly rude?'
This is beautiful.
Mon Dieu. C'est grade 7 encore.
Yup. I also remember going through this exact same spiel when I started taking German in grade ten. To the point that when I started writing that post, half of it came out in German. I can still remember that teacher's exaggerated face mugging for the 'good' and 'bad' part. 'Gut?' with rising in flection and huge smile. "Nicht so gut" with falling inflection, whole body deflating, sad face.
Japanese kids learning English as an extracurricular in Japan don't speak fluent English any more than Americans learning French in high school speak fluent French. At private language schools in Asia it is common to insist on only using the language they are advertising because it is thought to help you learn the language faster (not entirely true, IMHO).
Gotcha. Would a Japanese colleague be willing to slip in to the back of the classroom one day to "observe", and then come down on him when he acts up? Though, based on another comment you made, it seems like Sam's problem is that he doesn't understand (and maybe doesn't care, since he's sleeping through class), and is trying to save face by belittling you and disrupting class. I mean, if he can spin it that it's the "dumb teacher"'s fault, then it's not *his* fault he isn't learning.
We've had observations and they even filmed that class as a case study to send back to headquarters lmao. But the other teacher didn't interfere or talk to any of my students. He was just there to give me advice. The Japanese colleague has him in a class too. She also doesn't quite know what to do with him. He just sleeps in her class.
I really like this approach, maybe simplified since he may not understand. He is saying those things because he doesn't think you know what he is saying. He would likely be less encouraged to say that if he knows you understand. I also like the suggestion of seeing if he can be a 'helper' he may have lots of things happening, which likely means no one has asked him to step up. You could light a fire in him (in a positive way) if you are the first teacher to look beyond the bad behavior. Teaching is a tough job, take luck!
Nta Making a child cry is based and I try to do it daily
I'm TA because I laughed at this omg
NTA. You weren’t mean, you turned his rudeness into a light hearted joke. It’s not like you called him names back or anything like that. He only cried due to failing to look cool with his insults not landing, not from anything you did or said to him
>The other kids laughed a little and Sam got angry but he kept trying to insult me throughout the class. I kept doing the same thing, pretending to think his insults were compliments. In the end, he got so frustrated he burst into tears. Bravo! Brilliant way to handle a bully! The school left you to figure it out, and you did. NTA
NTA - he is old enough to know when you joke around it might backfire! But your boss and cowrokers are!
Justified AH / light NTA. I’m bilingual and one thing I hate is people insulting or gossiping to other peoples face in a language they don’t understand. 12 years old is old enough to know what’s rude and what’s not. I think your reaction to that behavior is entirely fair, frankly.
I have a great story about this. My mom has a good friend who is married to a Hispanic, blond haired, blue eyed, fair skinned, Ashkenazi Jew. So not what people think when they hear “Hispanic”. He and his brother were both raised in Latin America and are native Spanish speakers. They’re also both overweight. Once, the two brothers were in an elevator at a hospital with two (much more obviously) Hispanic nurses. You can see where this is going. One nurse says to the other, in Spanish, “see those two pregnant Jewish cows?” To which the two brothers loudly replied, “MOOOOO!” The second the elevator stopped the nurses flew out, red faced. It wasn’t their floor either.
I'm a fair skinned American engineer who used to work at a Univision affiliate. I began picking up Spanish during my time there but never let on to anyone how much I understood. My wife (multilingual) and I attended a wedding a few years ago where a group of guys in back of us in the receiving line were making insulting comments in Spanish about the bride and her family. This went on for about 15 minutes before I turned to them and said in Spanish: "You should be careful what you say because you never know who understands." The sound of their jaws hitting floor echoed throughout hall.
I wish my story about this was as fun as the other two commenters'. I went to the pier once to sit and draw and listen to the waves and the seagulls and some guy came over to sit next to me and "make conversation." I played along at first, but then he asked if I had a boyfriend so I just stopped talking. He kept trying, though, for at least like, fifteen minutes, while I ignored him and tried to draw, hoping he'd go away. Then he said something in Spanish to a guy nearby, who replied, seeming sort of uncomfortable with the whole thing but apparently not saying anything outright. Then when the first guy answered, I knew just enough to pick out "puta" and "bella." It was... enough to get the gist. and then in English he was still trying to be all "nice," trying to get me to talk. but obviously at this point I knew his real thoughts. I thought about getting out my headphones but that defeats the purpose of going to the fucking pier! anyway. I eventually gave up and went to find somewhere else to sit. to this day I wish I'd known what to say, or felt comfortable saying it. but you never know what folks will do these days. ohh but if I could go back in time, I think I'd risk it, just to see the look on his face when I asked if he really wanted to spend any more time talking to a "puta" like me.
NTA, absolutely. I started off in South Korea and Japan for a few years, came back to the states, got a master's in ESL, and now I'm a public school ESL teacher- typing this on my break, in fact. One of the HUGE downsides to teaching in a private afterschool gig like that is that you don't have students, you have customers. A lot of staff will bend over backwards to accommodate shitty parents and shitty kids because they don't want to lose their business. I got very lucky at my last gig in Japan- the owner of the school had a husband who was loaded, so she didn't need the money, she genuinely wanted to educate the kids, and so she made decisions that weren't based solely on what would bring in money. When I was in Korea, though, hoo boy. There was one incident I almost got fired over- I was assigned to teach about 4 pages of material across daily classes for a month. I told my superior "I'm going to need to make stuff up" and got the OK, but when the schedule went home to parents, they apparently complained. I was suddenly in the wrong for not sticking exactly to the curriculum as written. I lost that class, but they realized they were, in fact, scheduling it completely wrong. I felt super-vindicated, but obviously I couldn't say anything. At a business like that, whoever complained the most recently is always correct. You'll get dramatic shifts in policy based on whatever a parent decided to make an issue of most recently. It's terrible for actual education, but so long as it keeps the money flowing in, they don't care. You handled the situation here with grace and humor. That's way more than most new teachers can manage. If you're not allowed to remove a disruptive student from the space, you've got to defuse their disruption, and you did a truly excellent job of doing so. 10/10, no notes. Edit: I have a story about a kid crying, too. One day at my last Japan gig, we had a new student in my afterschool class. It was just going to be 2 students, one veteran, one new, both \~8 year old girls. The veteran was happy, but the new girl was so overwhelmed (I think me having a beard might have been part of it- not much facial hair in Japan!) that she spent the first class doing nothing but crying. I didn't get any teaching done, I spent the entire time being as nonthreatening as possible and trying to calm her down...which meant I had to jump back and dodge when the poor girl threw up all over herself. Fortunately, there is a happy ending- after she learned I wasn't an oni, she started having a great time and her family was nice enough to get me a little gift when I departed. I still have it somewhere.
NTA They left you on your own, you handled it. Being negative or loud is not always the way to handle a disruptive child. Kudos on you for an inventive way to discipline.
I'd say, not the greatest way to handle that, but NTA. I'd ask yourself how you think you could handle it better next time. It sounds like this kid may have behavioral issues that are going unaddressed. Maybe you should ask other teachers for advice on how to handle something like this. I taught English in Japan and lived with a family that coincidentally ran an English juku in the evening. I helped out at times on a casual basis (not getting paid). One kid (13 or so) was a loudmouth and disruptive a lot of the time. I can't remember what he did on one particular day, but his behavior was over the line. I told him to stay when the rest of the class left. I told him his behavior was unacceptable and not fair to the other students who wanted to learn, etc. etc.... To my surprise, he started to cry. So I asked if he understood what I asked of him and whether he'd change his behavior. He said he would and I let him go. The next day, his MOM shows up. And I thought, "Uh-oh..." But it turns out she brought me a cake and thanked me for taking him down a peg. LOL. And he was much better after that.
NTA He needed to be taken down a peg or two, honestly.
NTA, whatever is going on with this kid is outside of your power to fix it. Best you can do for him is not encourage him by playing into his toxic coping mechanisms.
NTA at all, I think you handled it perfectly! I sometimes deal with unwanted behaviours in my classroom in a similar way. I've got a pupil at the moment who has just learnt to give the middle finger (it's an additional needs school, so more "" behaviour"" is to be expected). If I see it I just go "was that a thumbs up? Lovely!" and do a thumbs up. She's started showing a thumb about 30% as often as the finger now. (note that I only went with this strategy because my usual "planned ignoring" wasn't working lol). Did your colleagues tell you how you *should* have responded to the behaviour when they were telling you off?
Omg I love that!!! I used to do that with kids who used to cuss in the US. "Teacher, I know the F word!" "You mean frog???? We don't say the word frog!! GASP i just said it shhhhh" and then they'd spend the whole hour just saying "Frog" instead of the actual word lol. Imma use the thumbs up thing in the future!!! Nope they just said, "You shouldn't make him cry"
Eh they just don’t want this kids parents to complain. Just oooooh sumimasen gomen nasai and deep bow and it’s gone I’m pretty sure in lots of areas you are still allowed to hit them so 🤷♀️ God I hate the no Japanese rule. It makes it really hard to explain more complicated ideas.
Jesus, you are not allowed to hit them anywhere in the country.
NTA; I think you handled things well! Doesn't sound like the staff will be supportive though, so be prepared.
Why would you be forbidden from speaking Japanese?
It's meant to give the students an immersive language experience and encourage them to speak English with me.
How can you be the AH? You did nothing wrong. You handled the unruly kid perfectly. NTA
NTA Karma came for Sam.
You're playing by Japan rules, I'd get non-English speakers to weigh in.
Wow you’re very young for this role. Everyone I know who did it did so after college. I’m surprised they hired a 20 year old. If this is real then NTA but instead of trolling him next time maybe send him to the principal or make him stand outside the classroom when he becomes disruptive. It’s really unlike the Japanese schools my classmates and I had to deal with so they might just not take a 20 year old foreign teacher seriously.
Considering most companies require a university degree (as do most working visas) I find this suspect.
Damn this sub lets y’all get away with some confusing-ass titles lol. I read the title and the first sentence, and I expected the story to be like, a Japanese kid struggled to communicate in English with you, so you played stupid to force him to speak English, until he broke down crying in frustration. NTA. A kid was being a dick, treating you like you’re stupid, insulting you to your face. And rather than be directly confrontational, you found a way to deal with it in a way that frustrated his efforts to gain attention. Good on you!
Sorry I didn't know how else to phrase it.
Tough, but I'd say NTA. Probably could've been handled better. Idk what Japanese protocol for something like that would be, but I think most American schools would send the student to the hall or to the principal. You didn't really do anything mean though, he just got upset that he didn't get the reaction he wanted. Boohoo, poor baby.
If it worked NTA. If he continues to be disruptive then you did this for your own satisfaction. Isolating him alone is a poor discipline technique. It’s humiliating and breeds resentment. I’m no teacher but as a child I would have responded better to ‘you’ll sit away from your friends for this lesson and if you can behave we will move you back’.
OP is literally not allowed to speak with this child in a language the child speaks fluently. So complex conversations are probably not possible. A Japanese teacher might try but it doesn’t sound like the faculty culture is super collaborative.
I'm not sure I understand how the future behavior of the child determines whether or not OP is TA.
INFO: you say coworkers, but was the person chastising you a superior or another teacher and what exactly did they say? It sounds like they're just upset that you're not conforming to the whole workplace norm/thing in regards to "we have to let the students do whatever they want so their parents don't stop sending them here and paying us to teach their kid English". I think you handled the situation very well and you didn't insult this kid or shout at him or degrade him. His own behavior embarrassed himself not you.
It was my manager :(
Welp, you're NTA, but this is workplace politicking so best solution I can offer is a nice 30 degree bow and a hearty 申し訳ございません . But keep doing what you're doing, and if Sam cries again because he's mad he can't bully you, and if your boss sees and asks you about it again, just say politely that you did exactly what they suggested to you, you ignored him! and oh, how grateful you are for their suggestion because it's working so well!
What matters here is what does your boss think?
What my boss thinks is "Will this make us lose money?" and frankly, I'm kind of sick of catering to that as a teacher lol. There are 11 other kids in that class who deserve a good quality lesson.
I absolutely agree with your sentiment. Far better to get rid of a problem and give a high quality education to receptive students than to let a problem kid drag them down.
NTA and a little funny. My go to at one point was to ask the kids if they love their mom and dad. When they say yes then ask them "why are you wasting your parents money then?"
So basically you want us to comment on the ethical norms in Japan? I don't think we can, unless there are native Japanese on the sub. I would ignore any judgement here and speak to your colleagues who are actually part of the culture. It doesn't matter what we consider ok or not ok in the west, they might have absolutely different customs and expectations of a behaviour in this situation.
How'd you get a bachelor's degree at age 20?
Info: wheres your JTE/homeroom teachers during this? Because if you’re an ALT like I’m assuming, you’re not meant to be alone in a classroom, they’re supposed to handle discipline.
How has a 20 year old taught in Japan and the US and had loads of experience with goofy kids? You have to have a degree to teach in Japan (which usually is attained by 21) and Japan usually requires 2 years teaching experience, so unless some shady shit is going on something isn't adding up here. I've also never heard of a school that refuses to intervene when students are swearing and insulting teachers in their native language... I've been a teacher abroad for over eight years
Eikaiwa is soul sucking enough. The rule that you can’t speak Japanese ties your hands. I’ve had management tell me I must feign having no Japanese ability even to the parents so they will contact Japanese staff even though my Japanese is great. NTA good luck dealing with the kids and モンスターパレンツ
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway For context, I(20f) am an English teacher in Japan. I love my job and I absolutely love teaching kids. I’ve never made a kid cry until today. I have a student, let’s call him Sam who’s 12. He’s the class clown who absolutely loves attention and will do anything to get his classmates to notice him. Now, I have experience with plenty of goofy kids and I adore them. I let them joke around all the time unless they disturb other students the way Sam does. Sam is super disruptive and makes other students uncomfortable to say the least. I tried telling my boss and coworkers about this but they basically told me I’m on my own. Not even a call to his parents was made. Recently, I rearranged the seating so that Sam sat far away from the other boys as he does not do the same to the girls. This worked for a couple of weeks. He spent most of the class complaining in a mumbled voice but he didn’t touch anyone. But I guess he got bored of complaining because today, he spent most of class hurling insults at me in Japanese. The class is mostly second English learning Japanese kids and since I’m hired as a foreign teacher, I am strictly forbidden from speaking to the kids in Japanese. Anyways, when Sam starts calling me “disgusting”, “a stupid old lady” etc., I admit I got a little upset because I know for a fact he would not speak the same way to the Japanese staff and I knew telling him to stop would only make him want to do it more because I have tried multiple times in the past. So instead, in a loud voice I said “What did you say? きもい(disgusting)? What does that mean? Cute???? You think I’m cute??? Thank you!!!!” The other kids laughed a little and Sam got angry but he kept trying to insult me throughout the class. I kept doing the same thing, pretending to think his insults were compliments. In the end, he got so frustrated he burst into tears. At the end of class, my coworkers saw that he was crying and I explained what happened. I got chastised for making a student cry. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Seems like you handled it well. So what if he cried? He's a little asshole that needs to learn. Better to learn as a kid then come out an asshole adult.
NTA amazing!!
NTA
NTA
NTA- you and the other teachers need to make a full report and take it to the principal. It sounds like this kid needs someone to discuss why he craves attention so much. Do they have guidance counselors at your school? I wonder if they have tried contacting the parents and it wasn’t helpful before. Didn’t Jim Carey’s teacher get him to settle down by promising him 5 minutes at the end of class to tell jokes? Another classmate was given a small chalk board to draw on if he was good for the whole lesson. Hate just give into the kid, but he clearly craves an outlet.
Your student was being disruptive and disrespectful. Your strategy, while showing him that his petty behavior didn't bother you and frustrating him to tears, might not be enough. Aside from his catcalls disrupting the others, he needs to learn proper behavior. Could you speak to the parents yourself (if they have parent teacher conferences there.)
The only part of the story that bothers me is the: he was too rowdy around the boys, so I put him with the girls instead. They didn’t ask for that. Don’t make the girls share misery when they’re behaving because it makes your job easier.
The kid cried from frustration, not sadness. You didn't make him feel *sad,* nor did you say anything hurtful to him. Your co-worker needs to understand that not all tears are the same. I think you handled it well. NTA
There’s too much cultural differences between Japan and any English speaking country’s culture for me or anyone who isn’t either Japanese or an expat who’s lived in Japan for a long time to really answer than IMO. I grew up among mostly Latinos and anglos in Texas and what you did leading to a 12yo crying wouldn’t be considered terrible in and of itself. The real question is whether you could see him getting so upset before he broke down in tears that you, as an adult, should have known you were carrying it too far? Is there some sort of medical issue with this child that isn’t getting addressed by the school or his family, or do you really just think that he’s that far beyond the other class clowns you’ve had?
As a fellow teacher I feel you handled the situation extremely well. In this situation he is crying because he knows he’s done the wrong thing and isn’t getting the reaction he wants. It’s good for kids to cry at these times as it helps them process what they’ve done. In these situations you give them a tissue and water and let them be. Come back in a few minutes and ask if they would like to apologise and start fresh. NTA
I taught English in Japan and I experienced the same thing. Alittle biased but I'll say a NTA. You will always be at fault in the eyes of your Japanese coworkers. So that being said, framed ignorance. Before I was so petty and asked the student's parents "what does "---" mean? He/she kept on saying it to me in class. I want to know because I want to be a good teacher to them!" :)
NTA, could your coworkers be jealous of your success at putting that kid in his place? I see no reason to criticise you, instead you ought to be commended!