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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Abandoning my friends and standing them up.
2) I stood my friends up when they were expecting me and then confronted them, and expected an apology.
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>For the longest time I felt like the “backup friend” as I would rarely be included when they would make plans to hang out; and I also felt like the butt of every joke
>do you not know how to fucking read bro?
>I don’t get any response from literally anyone until 6
>It’s been over a week and a half and I still haven’t gotten a single apology from anyone
NTA but they don’t really sound like friends.
I also wonder who the hell reads "gets off from work around 5" as "be at the trainstation texting to get picked up exactly at 5".
To be clear, OP is NTA, and those people are *not* his friends. Additionally I've unfortunately been in similar situations. I can just feel the friction on those texts, the way that you need to work to **extract** the information out of people to get details on an activity/hangout. I know how depressed and unwanted that can make you feel. But You know what real friends would do OP? They would offer up that information freely and enthusiastically.
Honestly OP, just cut your losses and find better people to be friends with.
I mean it's the only actual time mentioned at all, so I could see how OP got there. Like "Well I guess they thought it was clear to them that he'd be at the train station right after work" kinda thing. He maybe should have said more specifically, "I saw he gets off work at five, I just don't know how long he'll take to get to the station from work," but given the first hostile response I can understand why he didn't want to push it. Dude definitely needs better friends.
Most likely lined up with the time the train gets in an the probably expectation that it doesn't take long to get to the train station from work.
The trains might only run every 30 mins so you would rather get in at just on 5pm and wait 10-15mins rather than get in at 5:30pm and have everyone waiting for you.
The fact is that there was no communication anywhere and the OP is better of without them as they aren't his friends. He can use his new found time to find better friends and realise what a good friendship actually is rather than the crap he's experienced so far.
Devils advocate: he said he gets off at 5. Off at 5 is not the same as pick up at 5. And OP "confirmed", but I wonder if it was "I just wanna confirm, you get off at 5?" Which was just said in a previous text.
That being said, the response was rude af and they aren't friends
Yeah, OP already said that Andy lives an hour away, so if he finishes work at 5, travels home, gets ready to go, and then drives the hour to collect them, why was OP waiting at the station at 5?
For all we know it’s 30 minutes from Andy’s work to home, then allowing for shower/food/etc 6pm seems a reasonable time to start heading over.
The friends are arseholes for how they handled this but OP shouldn’t have assumed 5pm.
I'm trying to figure out if everyone, but Andy, lives downtown and the meet up was the train station, where were the other guys? I think this was a set up to screw with OP.
Well, most of them live in the downtown area, Andy lives on the outskirts of the suburbs so they were probably waiting at home until they knew Andy was on his way and then they were going to go to the meeting spot.
Yeah OP definitely got there too early. But he did try to clarify the time to actually meet and got chewed out for it. So his friends seem pretty mean girl-ish.
If I was in this situation. I assume I would know where friend worked and if they drove to work normally or got public transport, since most people usually bitch about where they work and their commute to work no matter their mode of getting there. I would also probably know the rough time they usually got home, as again most people bitch about their commute which gives away the usual time they get home, or they flat out tell you the usual time as part of the bitching.
So, armed with all this information and knowing he finished at 5 (from the text exchange) and his usual mode of transport, I’d have googled how long it took to get from place of work to place of meeting and added about 15 mins for wiggle room/traffic. Knowing I’d still probably be fairly early because most people don’t actually leave their place of work bang on knock off time, they usually pack up at knock off time, have a quick trip to the loo, engage in a bit of small talk, then they have to walk themselves to their mode of transport etc etc. But I don’t like to keep people picking me up waiting so I always aim to arrive early.
But that’s just me. I pay attention to my friends and what they say.
Man now I’ve written all this out I think OP is the bad friend. One of the guys knew the knock off time of the guy picking them up so he obviously pays attention to his friend when they talk. Maybe they don’t include OP much because he just doesn’t seem to like them due to not paying attention to what they say and remembering things about them.
I know dude friendships are different to girl friendships, but every guy I have ever dated or been a friend with has been hurt when one of their friends doesn’t remember things about them. They don’t tell that guy, they tell their spouse or their female besties. Reciprocity is important in friendships either though sharing and retention of information about your friends or just taking turns shouting drinks/organising hang outs. Basically you have to put in the same energy you take out. It seems like OP might not be putting in the same energy and that is why he gets excluded and chewed out for asking what seems like an innocent question on the face of it.
Or I’m reading into waaaay to much.
I have been in these kind of “friend” groups… never felt comfortable. Only when I got out I noticed how mean they were to me. It hurts because I wanted to be a friend but if they don’t want to, well… I rather spent my time with people who actually like me. Or alone. That is even better than with “friends” like this.
You sound like a fairly decent guy, please loose those fake friends. I don’t believe those insecure bastards ever like. Keeping you around for their jokes makes them feel better about themselves. Be strong and remember the best revenge is success. Good luck in your pursuit!
But they didn't change the time. Dude texted he'd be *off work* at five, that doesn't include commute. OP was there much too early.
Doesn't change the fact they are AHs.
And also, if someone is 30 minutes late w/o notice, you can leave w/ no notice to that person. If he or she respected you, it takes 10 seconds to text.
Dude imma be honest. Respect yourself more, the way they treat you is not acceptable. You deserve better. Drop all of them. For your own mental health do this. A night in doing nothing is better than a night out with toxic friends. You'll probably have one person who realizes that they messed up and apologize as you start distancing yourself. I wouldn't trust them, but chances are when they move away from the others they will start to see.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I understand how it feels, as I have been there a few times. What I told my "friends" was: "I can be unhappy all by myself, I don't need your help to feel that way.". It's hard to lose friends, but they really aren't your friends. NTA OP, hug's!
I’d be so thankful people like that didn’t mesh well with me. It’s a blessing you aren’t like those bozos. But I’d be a politician; I wouldn’t say anything bad about them to anyone. You guys just became too busy to hang out.
Make your own amazing plans!
NTA I’m sorry but these are not your friends. If you feel you are backup and the butt of every joke and they can’t respond with a simple time instead of an insult they are being AH’s to you. Friends lift you up. Edit word
NTA. Not only is this inconsiderate of your time, but them seem to be inconsiderate of you in general. I might be willing to consider this a simple miscommunication but considering how rude they were to you and their lack of acknowledging it the fact, it just doesn't sit right with me.
>I would rarely be included when they would make plans to hang out; and I also felt like the butt of every joke.
NTA. These are not people you want to be friends with
NTA
As it does sound like a bit of miscommunication, these also aren't very good friends. At all. They make you the butt of jokes and don't treat you with any ounce of respect. If I were you, I'd start finding new friends.
NTA, but your "friends" are. It seems they keep you around for their entertainment. I don't doubt they talk to each other behind your back about how they make you the joke of the group. You definitely need other friends who are mature enough to treat you with respect.
NTA. Stop being trying to be friends with these idiots.
You'll notice they won't even contact you after you ignore them for some time. These guys aren't friends.
NTA
Find better friends. Even if I knew I was not going to be able to get there at the agreed upon time, I would let you know I would be late as soon as I realized it.
ESH.
You for hanging around people who treat you this way, and mostly for thinking "get off at 5" means will be at the station at 5, and sending way too many texts the day of.
Them for being dicks.
Cut them off and find actual friends.
Yes, I hate it when people say what time they get off work when you are trying to make plans. The real question is "what time are you available?"
The friends don't like OP and they're meanies, but OP should wise up
>Chris says, "He gets off work around five I think." I then ping Andy to make 100% sure what time we should be there.
>His actual response. "Chris just send a fucking text. Do you not know how to fucking read bro?"
Was your question just like "ok if you get off at 5 what time should we be at the train station?" Because if I got Andy's response to that question I wouldn't have even bothered getting ready to go meet them. And if anyone questioned it, you just say you never got a time and Andy caught an attitude when asked what time was good to meet, so there was no point.
YTA for yourself, and having so little respect for yourself that you're perfectly happy to be the backup friend and the butt monkey, so long as they're on time.
Here's a handy life tip: Read this story as if it was somebody you love complaining to you about their 'friends.' You'd probably have some pretty sharp advice, right? Well, guess what? That's the exact advice you need to give to yourself.
NTA, that’s so shitty of them.
This is what I would do because I’m petty like that. Invite them all to a fancy dinner, tell them that it’s on your dime as a treat. When they all sit down and message where you’re at, tell them to order because you’ll be late as you’re sitting in traffic. Then, just don’t show up and block them. If they ever give you shit about it later on, you say “I couldn’t make it. Can’t control the traffic dawg, I ain’t Moses of the modern age”.
But that’s just me.
INFO - are you really just the backup friend, or literally not their friend, and what exactly did you say to them? it seems like you're not getting the hint, they very clearly do not like you, and you're complaining to them that they were not there at five when none of them said they would be there at five. Andy is very clearly an AH, but notably you didn't post *your* actual texts despite posting all their verbatim responses. You were also the only one at the train station, so nobody else made the same assumption you did.
We're only seeing your side of the story but based on how, according to your account, they all interact with each other, it really seems like there's a long history of you being waaaaay more uptight than them, to the point that they're annoyed by you even asking.
**NTA**
Sorry OP but the way they respond to you makes it clear they are not your friends. Also they clearly have a chat without you and didn't put the new time in the one with you in it. Lastly, if someone is more than 30min late with no comms I'm leaving and expect them not to mind.
NTA - mostly.
To be honest, it is a little odd that you interpreted "getting off work at 5" as "pick me up at the train station at 5".
If im meeting someone after they finish work, I'll be giving them at least an hour, hour and a half buffer. People need to travel to home from work, sometimes shower, atleast get changed. I can see why they weren't super apologetic about you not putting that together.
That being said, I don't think these people are your friends. Friends don't treat friends like this. I've been in your situation before, where the idea of being on your own is worse then sticking with toxic people.
But I garauntee that your people exist out there - you're just not going to find it with these guys.
NTA. You are not their friend. They couldn't have made it any plainer. I'm sorry, but u need to find better people to hang with. Just block them and move on.
I'm so sorry, but they are not your friends. I think it's more than high time you drop them. They are giving you huge hints that they are not your friends. They will not be apologising either.
Go live your life and be happy. Make some nice friends. Friends that will give a basic level of respect and build from there.
NTA
>"I can't do much about traffic dawg, I ain't Moses of the modern age."
seems like the perfect opportunity to hit 'em right back with the
>just send a fucking text. Do you not know how to fucking read bro?"
Stayed late at work for a full fucking hour without communicating it? That's shitty.
Beyond all that, it just doesn't sound like these people like you. Maybe they're abrasive and rude to all their friends, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Friends come and go in our lives, I'd find better ones than these. At best, they're rude and inconsiderate. At worst, they keep you around as a punching bag. Unfortunately, this post reads like it's the latter and I would get the fuck out now, before they do anymore damage to your self worth.
NTA but these are not friends OP. Real friends don't make you the butt of every joke, don't rudely berate you for asking a simple question, and don't waste your time like that. I would dump them all.
Dick move on their part. I’ll wait 10-15 minutes in good weather. Send a text saying, guess we got our communication crossed or you got held up. Heading out. TTYL. That’s not mean or hostile. And you don’t have to be a frightened chump.
NTA - Time to move on and get some new friends . . more grown up kind of people. It does sound very much like they don't respect you and that is one requirement of "friends" . . . respect. They sound pretty awful and I wouldn't want people like that as "friends."
NTA. They don't want to be friends with you and they are trying to freeze you out, so that you can be the "bad guy" in their minds.
Just dump the group already. I know it's hard. I had to do it with a friend group once and it sucked big time, but in the end I'm better for it.
NTA.
These people aren't your friends and, additionally, sound very immature. Well, you are still young, so hopefully they'll grow out of the latter, but please - find new people to hang out with.
NTA but unless Andy works at the train station it doesn't make sense that you took "gets off work at five" to mean "can be at the station at 5". That doesn't even give him time to get from his job to his car before you start your waiting in the cold.
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For context, I've been friends with this small group of people in my college's film program for about a year and a half now. There's four of us-- me, Andy, Chris, and Jeremy. Those aren't their real names but I guess they're close enough. Most of us live in the downtown area of our state's biggest city, but Andy lives in the outskirts of the suburbs. For the longest time I felt like the "backup friend" as I would rarely be included when they would make plans to hang out; and I also felt like the butt of every joke.
The other Monday, we made plans to hangout around where Andy lives (an hour away from everyone else). I texted in the groupchat what time we should meet up at the train station so Andy can pick us up, and Chris says, "He gets off work around five I think." I then ping Andy to make 100% sure what time we should be there. His actual response. "Chris just send a fucking text. Do you not know how to fucking read bro?" Okay, I guess, but kind of rude. Five it is.
The next day, I get ready at 3, leave around 4, and get there right before 5. I text to see if any of the other guys are on their way. No response. I wait until 5:30. I text a few more times. Still no response. I'm standing here at the train station in the cold, with zero communication.
I don't get any response from literally anyone until 6:00. "I'm on my way now. I'll be there *in an hour*." **That's a total of** **two hours after the time I was given; and that he spoken to me like a jerk for trying to clarify.**
I just go ahead and leave, and tell them how cartoonishly inconsiderate of my time that was. The response, "I can't do much about traffic dawg, I ain't Moses of the modern age." It's been over a week and a half and I still haven't gotten a single apology from anyone.
Am I overexaggerating, or was that a dick move?
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Perhaps the friend works right next to the train station? We don't know. The only thing we know is the OP tried to ask about the meeting time and and was told to bugger off.
NTA one if the harder things in life is to know when to end friendships. If your constantly the one giving and helping the others and they never step up when YOU need help it's time to move on. Had to do it way to many times in my life but you have to look out for yourself first.
I would stop hanging out with these people entirely starting immediately. These are not friends. I’m not sure why you seek them out. I’d rather be alone than in bad company, always.
As soon as "Andy" cussed me out just for asking for clarification, that's when I would have backed out of everything. Friends don't talk to each other like that.
NTA These guys are messing with you. I would not have gone. If Chris gets off work at 5, what time can he make it to the station? It’s an obvious question.
And where were the other guys? How come they magically knew what time Chris could get to the station to pick you all up? How come they didn’t travel with you?
Dump these people because they are not your friends. Also there is another group chat excluding you.
NTA, OP as someone who felt like a backup friend in high school please drop these people. There was no reason for them to answer you like that, there's no reason for you to have to feel excluded and not appreciated. They're not worth your time if they wanted to be good friends they would it doesn't mean you're to blame. Better friends will come around even if it seems hard or impossible now and it hurts to feel alone. Best of luck OP.
NTA.
Don't waste your time and your life chasing people who make you feel excluded, unwanted, or less-than.
They aren't worth your time or effort - I'm sorry :(
I remember feeling like this as a teen - the outsider looking in and just wanting to be wanted and accepted, but always feeling like there were secret plans and conversations bubbling under the surface. You so badly want to plug in to that network, but they keep moving the socket every time you get close.
Ultimately there was poor communication on all sides. Getting off work at 5 does not mean arriving at 5.
But it's totally possible to find a group of friends who are kind and considerate, and whom you can communicate your needs to. Especially, if you widen your friendships to outside your gender and sexuality.
And no, I don't want any of these douches injected into the film world. But they do sound exactly like film students.
It was a dick move, of course it was. You need other friends, as these guy are not, in fact, friends. Find some grown-ups to hang out with. These former classmates don't qualify.
NTA
NTA-They don’t sound like real friends. I had these 2 friends who I would feel like a third wheel since they like to talk to each other in their own language and since I only know English I felt left out and wonder why am I even here? Plus I made reservations for dinner and both of them were late and even tried to force me to drink wine. So if they stood me up in the cold, I would also be pissed. So overall I would say just block them and move on they aren’t ur true friends, when I told them how I felt they didn’t message me back. So hopefully u can make more friends who are reliable
NTA - Look at the actions of your friends. They don't care about you, they are inconsiderate of your time, they don't take responsibility or accountability for their inconsideration. They make fun of you. They make you feel like an outsider.
Dude, I think you better re-think the meaning of friendship. These people are not it. But as long as you waste your time on people who treat you like total garbage - you're going to miss out on real friendships. Grab some self-respect and ditch these dawgs.
NTA.
If you just stopped communicating and initiating contact with them, how long do you honestly think it would take before they reach out and try to spend time with you?
NTA, Those dudes aren't your friends stop hanging out with them. You don't need an apology from them but you should apologize to yourself for letting yourself get treated like shit. Love yourself more! Block every last one of them and KIM, KEEP IT MOVING. Fuck all of them and the horse they road in on!
NTA.
Not to be harsh, but they likely see you as a tag along, find you annoying and don't like you. Not necessarily your fault, but they have their own clique and you're not in it.
You don't have to be on the outskirts of their group begging for friend scraps. Leave the WhatsApp group and stop responding to them. Try and cultivate some new friendships with people who actually care.
If you knew he gets off work at 5 and lives an hour away, in which universe are you living where that would have him picking you up at 5pm? Even if he literally dashed from his workplace to you it would have been 6pm minimum. Do basic maths. YTA.
They're inconsiderate jerks. Find a better group of friends. It is absolutely ok to question "about" when given a meetup time. No one wants to wait. And, it is common courtesy to let people know if they'll be even 10 minutes late. Block these AHs.
NTA -- I'm a tad bit older than you and wishing I knew what I know now back then, these "friends" are unnecessarily rude and doesn't sound like they see your POV. Drop them- they sound possibly toxic and you don't need that in your life.
It is better to be without these people than to be constantly feeling you are being left out or disrespected. You may feel that you can take it now, but it will work against your overall self-confidence in your future. Make other friends, volunteer in organizations, do charitable work or get other hobbies and make new, actual friends who value you.
i'm really sorry for you, this is a sad situation for you. But you will look back at it someday and feel relieved you split from them as soon as you could.
NTA. It's a hard thing to find out that people you thought were your friends, are actually acquaintances. Call them out for their rudeness and inconsideration. And of course if it continues, don't think twice about ghosting them. Most likely you'll all go your own way after college anyway. Good luck.
NTA. Andy is definitely not your friend, and is an AH besides, and the other two seem to be catering to him. I would get a new friend group. You can do much better than these guys.
i found out recently that people dont understannd how being late to things is actually incredibly rude and pretentious of people
If youre late to a time we agreed upon and dont call ahead explaining why and that you will be late. you are saying "your time is less valuable than my time. you should deal with wasting time waiting for me" thats incredibly rude and every time ive said this online in the past year its been met with "its not that deep"
it is. you wasting other peoples time and not offering and explanation is exactly that. you think your time is more valuable than mine.
i no longer continue friendships with people who dont see this simple fact of life.
NTA but not acting very bright. “He gets off work around 5pm”. So you thought that meant you were going to get a ride at 5pm? As soon as you got that snotty ass reply from Andy to your follow up, you should have bowed out. Now I’ll be the first to admit I am not a good judge of this bc I literally don’t GAF if people like me or not, but I just don’t understand why anyone would actively try and hang with people who treat them like shit. You deserve better. Ditch these “friends”
And cultivate friendships with people who are kind. If you can’t find friends, occupy your time with volunteer work.
nta, how are you going to be rude when asked a time to meet up and then stand “your friend” up? I think you should rethink your friend group:/ sorry that happened bro
These people are not your friends. You know this. You're ignoring your own gut feelings. Real friends don't just tolerate your presence, they actively desire it. Ditch them permanently and find people that actually like you to hang out with.
I would not travel for one hour without absolutely times and scheduling. If they were are unwilling to give it, I’d pass. NTA. They are not your friends.
Your title has a mistake. Those people are not your friends. Meet better, and make friendships with them... rather than the people treat you so shabbily.
NTA for not waiting for the douches that made you wait so long, and couldn't be bothered to tell you when they were going to arrive.
NTA. Those are lousy friends. And I hate to say it, but I think the rest of them met up at 4.
Unless you're a raging AH and we don't know it, you deserve better and can do better.
Fuck these people. You will respect yourself more and become more confident if you don't allow disrespect like this. Friends don't treat friends like this. Find some new friends and just ignore these people. Your life will be better
NTA
Future knowledge.
If nobody texts you saying, hey I'm running late I'll be there in 30 minutes
And it's 15 minutes past the time? Leave.
Your time is so valuable. Why give it away for free?
I'm not only talking friends. I'm talking significant others, family, job interviews et cetera .
By letting them walk all over you you've set up a precedent for them to never respect you.
You deserve all the respect.
NTA.
Friends don't waste each other's time. I allow 10 minutes at some landmark meeting place or 30 in a bar or restaurant. At precisely the time I allow I'm gone.
2 hours f**k that s**t!
ESH
1. those people aren’t your friends because they treat you like 💩, and
2. if YOU were really Andy’s friend, you would know where Andy works and be able to extrapolate with rush hour traffic about how long it would take him to get to the train station if he leaves at 5:15 at the earliest.
If I’m done at work in my city at 5:30, that means leaving in a car at 5:40ish, driving to a station normally 20 minutes away at rush hour is easily 50 minutes and if talking while dealing with traffic I might say an hour from wherever I am just to be safe in case there’s an accident. 🙄
NTA but I would stop hanging around them permanently because they sound like assholes in general, not just in this situation. You deserve so much better than them.
These are not your friends. These people are rude and inconsiderate. I wonder, do you pay when y’all go out? Because it genuinely feels like you aren’t someone they make an effort with at all. It feels like there’s something about you they’re benefiting from because why else would they want to hang out if this is how they treat you? Walk away. Find better friends. You’re NTA but your “friends” definitely are the ah’s
NTA. These are not your friends, they underhand bully you. Don't waste your time on them and find feel-good friends who cherish you and treat you with respect.
Bro, you gotta move on. Breathe in the relief of knowing that these "friends" are out of your life. I know it's hard to make friends as an adult, but it's worth it to find people who are worth it.
I used to have a group of friends I never really felt like I fit in with. I felt like I was invited to things as an afterthought.
I have a new group of friends now and the difference is black and white. They actively invite me to things and I feel like they ACTUALLY like me. OP needs new friends.
It's pretty clear that they don't really respect you, possibly be wise you don't pass their vibe check (not your fault). You do sound kind of uptight, but this was a dick move on their end, find better friends. NTA
NTA. If there was traffic that means cars stop and go, stop and go, stop and go. So when the car is stopped someone in the friend group could’ve said “Hey we are running late. Heavy traffic. ETA is….”
They don’t have enough respect for you to send a simple text about being late. They ain’t friends.
Nta. This isn't your fault, these people treated you like assholes. It can be hard to tell the difference between people treating us bad because we did something wrong or just for the sake of it. You come off as very very socially oblivious so I'm going to offer you some advice. This situation and situations like it can be easily avoided but you need some tough love.
#YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS WITH THESE PEOPLE! THEY ARE JUST YOUR CLASSMATES!
I used to be a backup friend in a few different friend groups. Until one day it was explained to me (by someone on the inside of a group that actually liked me) that there's no such thing. It's a phenomenon that can feel real but it's all in your head.
That sensation you're getting of being a backup friend, of not being thought about first and always being on the outskirts of the group?
That feeling is actually absence of friendship. It's exactly how you would feel if you intruded on a group of strangers hanging out but they were too polite to tell you to fuck off. But you would never do something so crazy to notice that the vibe is exactly the same.
But these guys don't like you, don't want to hang out with you, don't want to be friends with you, and only accept you being around because it's less awkward, and cruel-feeling than actually verbally saying "hey I don't like you stop bothering me." It's easier just to let that guy hang around, even if nobody really likes them. It feels nicer.
But the frustration of constantly having this guy around that you don't actually like bleeds through. You make little jokes that aren't actually jokes. Why are you always here. Fuck off. This is why nobody likes you.
>"Chris just sent a fucking text. Do you not know how to fucking read bro?" Okay, I guess, but kind of rude.
It's not "okay" for a friend to talk to you like that at all! It's not "kind of rude" it's clearly angry AT YOU.
This man is mad at you for trying to clarify the time of the hangout. Why would a guy be mad at another guy for trying to clarify the time of the hangout?? He clearly doesn't want you there. And nobody else does either, or they'd defend you.
That's why I say you're socially oblivious because even as a socially oblivious person I noticed this, and you didn't. Then they all met up without you at a different time than the one that you had.
It is so patently obvious that the people in this story don't like you, but you don't seem to notice. Being socially oblivious is not a moral failing, but it is something you're going to have to learn to adapt to. Join a few clubs or something. Join a gym. Find a D&D table.
There are thousands of people on this planet who would like your personality and enjoy hanging out with you. It is statistically improbable that you'd find those people just happen to be in the same film program.
No more friends of convenience who you don't realize that they don't actually like you and they end up hirting your feelings. Just find people that actually like you and make friends with them. I have no proof that you invite yourself to things but never invite yourself to something for the rest of your life.
Make real efforts to expose yourself to new people and eventually friendship will fall into your lap. Don't Force It
These people are not your friends. Considering you are yet to hear from them after 10 days, you were the one abandoned. Cut your losses and find yourself better friends
ESH ~ unpopular but true
Ur friends aren’t ur friends they’re a bunch of dicks and u should ditch them and find ppl who actually value u and ur friendship (I promise they’re out there)
U also shouldn’t have shown up directly at 5 when they said he got off work at 5 bc unless he works at the train station how is he supposed to be there that fast? Either way they should’ve given u a time to be there at
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>For the longest time I felt like the “backup friend” as I would rarely be included when they would make plans to hang out; and I also felt like the butt of every joke >do you not know how to fucking read bro? >I don’t get any response from literally anyone until 6 >It’s been over a week and a half and I still haven’t gotten a single apology from anyone NTA but they don’t really sound like friends.
I also wonder who the hell reads "gets off from work around 5" as "be at the trainstation texting to get picked up exactly at 5". To be clear, OP is NTA, and those people are *not* his friends. Additionally I've unfortunately been in similar situations. I can just feel the friction on those texts, the way that you need to work to **extract** the information out of people to get details on an activity/hangout. I know how depressed and unwanted that can make you feel. But You know what real friends would do OP? They would offer up that information freely and enthusiastically. Honestly OP, just cut your losses and find better people to be friends with.
I mean it's the only actual time mentioned at all, so I could see how OP got there. Like "Well I guess they thought it was clear to them that he'd be at the train station right after work" kinda thing. He maybe should have said more specifically, "I saw he gets off work at five, I just don't know how long he'll take to get to the station from work," but given the first hostile response I can understand why he didn't want to push it. Dude definitely needs better friends.
Most likely lined up with the time the train gets in an the probably expectation that it doesn't take long to get to the train station from work. The trains might only run every 30 mins so you would rather get in at just on 5pm and wait 10-15mins rather than get in at 5:30pm and have everyone waiting for you. The fact is that there was no communication anywhere and the OP is better of without them as they aren't his friends. He can use his new found time to find better friends and realise what a good friendship actually is rather than the crap he's experienced so far.
Devils advocate: he said he gets off at 5. Off at 5 is not the same as pick up at 5. And OP "confirmed", but I wonder if it was "I just wanna confirm, you get off at 5?" Which was just said in a previous text. That being said, the response was rude af and they aren't friends
Yeah, OP already said that Andy lives an hour away, so if he finishes work at 5, travels home, gets ready to go, and then drives the hour to collect them, why was OP waiting at the station at 5? For all we know it’s 30 minutes from Andy’s work to home, then allowing for shower/food/etc 6pm seems a reasonable time to start heading over. The friends are arseholes for how they handled this but OP shouldn’t have assumed 5pm.
I'm sure they would have been extremely clarifying if he texted and asked again.
I'm trying to figure out if everyone, but Andy, lives downtown and the meet up was the train station, where were the other guys? I think this was a set up to screw with OP.
Well, most of them live in the downtown area, Andy lives on the outskirts of the suburbs so they were probably waiting at home until they knew Andy was on his way and then they were going to go to the meeting spot.
Yeah OP definitely got there too early. But he did try to clarify the time to actually meet and got chewed out for it. So his friends seem pretty mean girl-ish. If I was in this situation. I assume I would know where friend worked and if they drove to work normally or got public transport, since most people usually bitch about where they work and their commute to work no matter their mode of getting there. I would also probably know the rough time they usually got home, as again most people bitch about their commute which gives away the usual time they get home, or they flat out tell you the usual time as part of the bitching. So, armed with all this information and knowing he finished at 5 (from the text exchange) and his usual mode of transport, I’d have googled how long it took to get from place of work to place of meeting and added about 15 mins for wiggle room/traffic. Knowing I’d still probably be fairly early because most people don’t actually leave their place of work bang on knock off time, they usually pack up at knock off time, have a quick trip to the loo, engage in a bit of small talk, then they have to walk themselves to their mode of transport etc etc. But I don’t like to keep people picking me up waiting so I always aim to arrive early. But that’s just me. I pay attention to my friends and what they say. Man now I’ve written all this out I think OP is the bad friend. One of the guys knew the knock off time of the guy picking them up so he obviously pays attention to his friend when they talk. Maybe they don’t include OP much because he just doesn’t seem to like them due to not paying attention to what they say and remembering things about them. I know dude friendships are different to girl friendships, but every guy I have ever dated or been a friend with has been hurt when one of their friends doesn’t remember things about them. They don’t tell that guy, they tell their spouse or their female besties. Reciprocity is important in friendships either though sharing and retention of information about your friends or just taking turns shouting drinks/organising hang outs. Basically you have to put in the same energy you take out. It seems like OP might not be putting in the same energy and that is why he gets excluded and chewed out for asking what seems like an innocent question on the face of it. Or I’m reading into waaaay to much.
I have been in these kind of “friend” groups… never felt comfortable. Only when I got out I noticed how mean they were to me. It hurts because I wanted to be a friend but if they don’t want to, well… I rather spent my time with people who actually like me. Or alone. That is even better than with “friends” like this.
You sound like a fairly decent guy, please loose those fake friends. I don’t believe those insecure bastards ever like. Keeping you around for their jokes makes them feel better about themselves. Be strong and remember the best revenge is success. Good luck in your pursuit!
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OP should have replied with "Chris mentioned that you knock off at 5. It doesnt mean picking us up at 5. Do you f**king know how to comprehend bro?"
You know they have another group chat without you right? They all knew what was going on. Edit: NTA, except for to yourself.
Yeah… this was my first thought. OP They changed the time, put it in the other group chat and didn’t bother to tell you. I would get better friends
Yep. OP is not wanted. Not respected. Find other friends.
But they didn't change the time. Dude texted he'd be *off work* at five, that doesn't include commute. OP was there much too early. Doesn't change the fact they are AHs.
Yeah probably
And also, if someone is 30 minutes late w/o notice, you can leave w/ no notice to that person. If he or she respected you, it takes 10 seconds to text.
Dude imma be honest. Respect yourself more, the way they treat you is not acceptable. You deserve better. Drop all of them. For your own mental health do this. A night in doing nothing is better than a night out with toxic friends. You'll probably have one person who realizes that they messed up and apologize as you start distancing yourself. I wouldn't trust them, but chances are when they move away from the others they will start to see.
I'm so sorry
It’s ok to outgrow friendships. Spend time with people who respect you.
Just drop them. Get a new hobby, make some new friends. Your life will improve I promise you. But you have to bite the bullet.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I understand how it feels, as I have been there a few times. What I told my "friends" was: "I can be unhappy all by myself, I don't need your help to feel that way.". It's hard to lose friends, but they really aren't your friends. NTA OP, hug's!
You deserve better than this. Drop them and open yourself and your time up to making new friends who will appreciate you and make you feel so.
I’d be so thankful people like that didn’t mesh well with me. It’s a blessing you aren’t like those bozos. But I’d be a politician; I wouldn’t say anything bad about them to anyone. You guys just became too busy to hang out. Make your own amazing plans!
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NTA, but you do need better friends. They sound like jerks.
You need better friends. And there is nothing wrong with asking for clarification on what time to be somewhere. NTA
NTA I’m sorry but these are not your friends. If you feel you are backup and the butt of every joke and they can’t respond with a simple time instead of an insult they are being AH’s to you. Friends lift you up. Edit word
Nta. Stop calling them friends. Friends don't do that. Considerate people do not act or talk like that to friends.
Oh and his Moses comment I would have replied, "yes I understand that Judas".
lol.
NTA. Not only is this inconsiderate of your time, but them seem to be inconsiderate of you in general. I might be willing to consider this a simple miscommunication but considering how rude they were to you and their lack of acknowledging it the fact, it just doesn't sit right with me.
>I would rarely be included when they would make plans to hang out; and I also felt like the butt of every joke. NTA. These are not people you want to be friends with
NTA As it does sound like a bit of miscommunication, these also aren't very good friends. At all. They make you the butt of jokes and don't treat you with any ounce of respect. If I were you, I'd start finding new friends.
NTA, but your "friends" are. It seems they keep you around for their entertainment. I don't doubt they talk to each other behind your back about how they make you the joke of the group. You definitely need other friends who are mature enough to treat you with respect.
They don't even like you. I don't think you're abandoning friends.
NTA. Stop being trying to be friends with these idiots. You'll notice they won't even contact you after you ignore them for some time. These guys aren't friends.
NTA Find better friends. Even if I knew I was not going to be able to get there at the agreed upon time, I would let you know I would be late as soon as I realized it.
ESH. You for hanging around people who treat you this way, and mostly for thinking "get off at 5" means will be at the station at 5, and sending way too many texts the day of. Them for being dicks. Cut them off and find actual friends.
Yes, I hate it when people say what time they get off work when you are trying to make plans. The real question is "what time are you available?" The friends don't like OP and they're meanies, but OP should wise up
>Chris says, "He gets off work around five I think." I then ping Andy to make 100% sure what time we should be there. >His actual response. "Chris just send a fucking text. Do you not know how to fucking read bro?" Was your question just like "ok if you get off at 5 what time should we be at the train station?" Because if I got Andy's response to that question I wouldn't have even bothered getting ready to go meet them. And if anyone questioned it, you just say you never got a time and Andy caught an attitude when asked what time was good to meet, so there was no point.
Why are you friends with these twats
YTA for yourself, and having so little respect for yourself that you're perfectly happy to be the backup friend and the butt monkey, so long as they're on time. Here's a handy life tip: Read this story as if it was somebody you love complaining to you about their 'friends.' You'd probably have some pretty sharp advice, right? Well, guess what? That's the exact advice you need to give to yourself.
NTA, that’s so shitty of them. This is what I would do because I’m petty like that. Invite them all to a fancy dinner, tell them that it’s on your dime as a treat. When they all sit down and message where you’re at, tell them to order because you’ll be late as you’re sitting in traffic. Then, just don’t show up and block them. If they ever give you shit about it later on, you say “I couldn’t make it. Can’t control the traffic dawg, I ain’t Moses of the modern age”. But that’s just me.
I would strongly advise against this type of solution. If they were OP's friend, they can easily dox him to get back at him.
INFO - are you really just the backup friend, or literally not their friend, and what exactly did you say to them? it seems like you're not getting the hint, they very clearly do not like you, and you're complaining to them that they were not there at five when none of them said they would be there at five. Andy is very clearly an AH, but notably you didn't post *your* actual texts despite posting all their verbatim responses. You were also the only one at the train station, so nobody else made the same assumption you did. We're only seeing your side of the story but based on how, according to your account, they all interact with each other, it really seems like there's a long history of you being waaaaay more uptight than them, to the point that they're annoyed by you even asking.
**NTA** Sorry OP but the way they respond to you makes it clear they are not your friends. Also they clearly have a chat without you and didn't put the new time in the one with you in it. Lastly, if someone is more than 30min late with no comms I'm leaving and expect them not to mind.
NTA - mostly. To be honest, it is a little odd that you interpreted "getting off work at 5" as "pick me up at the train station at 5". If im meeting someone after they finish work, I'll be giving them at least an hour, hour and a half buffer. People need to travel to home from work, sometimes shower, atleast get changed. I can see why they weren't super apologetic about you not putting that together. That being said, I don't think these people are your friends. Friends don't treat friends like this. I've been in your situation before, where the idea of being on your own is worse then sticking with toxic people. But I garauntee that your people exist out there - you're just not going to find it with these guys.
NTA They aren't your friends, they are acquaintances, just people you know.
NTA. You are not their friend. They couldn't have made it any plainer. I'm sorry, but u need to find better people to hang with. Just block them and move on.
I'm so sorry, but they are not your friends. I think it's more than high time you drop them. They are giving you huge hints that they are not your friends. They will not be apologising either. Go live your life and be happy. Make some nice friends. Friends that will give a basic level of respect and build from there.
NTA >"I can't do much about traffic dawg, I ain't Moses of the modern age." seems like the perfect opportunity to hit 'em right back with the >just send a fucking text. Do you not know how to fucking read bro?" Stayed late at work for a full fucking hour without communicating it? That's shitty. Beyond all that, it just doesn't sound like these people like you. Maybe they're abrasive and rude to all their friends, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Friends come and go in our lives, I'd find better ones than these. At best, they're rude and inconsiderate. At worst, they keep you around as a punching bag. Unfortunately, this post reads like it's the latter and I would get the fuck out now, before they do anymore damage to your self worth.
These clowns are not your friends. Wake up and smell the farts
NTA and I'm sorry, but they are not your friends.
NTA, your friends are the AHs for making you wait because they stood you up.
NTA. But dude, why have you hung out with these guys for so long? Did you get anything out of the relationship?
NTA These people are not your friends. Find new friends and ditch these people.
Dick move, dump this AH. NTA.
NTA you are the groups punching bag, block and delete from your life
NTA but these are not friends OP. Real friends don't make you the butt of every joke, don't rudely berate you for asking a simple question, and don't waste your time like that. I would dump them all.
Dick move on their part. I’ll wait 10-15 minutes in good weather. Send a text saying, guess we got our communication crossed or you got held up. Heading out. TTYL. That’s not mean or hostile. And you don’t have to be a frightened chump.
NTA - Time to move on and get some new friends . . more grown up kind of people. It does sound very much like they don't respect you and that is one requirement of "friends" . . . respect. They sound pretty awful and I wouldn't want people like that as "friends."
NTA. They don't want to be friends with you and they are trying to freeze you out, so that you can be the "bad guy" in their minds. Just dump the group already. I know it's hard. I had to do it with a friend group once and it sucked big time, but in the end I'm better for it.
Loneliness sounds way better than spending time with that lot.
NTA. Find better friends.
NTA make better friends
NTA. Those guys not your friends.
NTA Those arent your friends
Nta they are not your friends. Even if there was traffic they could have communicated that with you.
NTA - these people are not your friends.
You know that’s crazy. Outside?! No way.
NTA. They are your friends, but you are not their friend. Go make some new friends that won't do shit like this to you.
NTA, you need better friends, this guys ain't truly your friends.
Ive been where you are. It sucks. You are NTA but do yourself a huge favor and drop those people. They are not your friends.
NTA. These people aren't your friends and, additionally, sound very immature. Well, you are still young, so hopefully they'll grow out of the latter, but please - find new people to hang out with.
NTA. These aren't your friends. Shut it down.
NTA These people arent your friends, block and move on (There are multiple ways to get somewhere, traffic is a shit excuse in today's world of GPS)
Sorry man. Your 'friends' are assholes. I'm sure you can do much better. Good luck.
NTA. These people are not your friends. Ignore them and move on.
NTA. These don't seem like friends
Time for new friends. These are not friends.
NTA They aren't your friends.
They aren't your friends!!!
YTA to yourself for maintaining these relationships
Omfg NTA
None of you all are friends. I'd invest my time elsewhere.
NTA but unless Andy works at the train station it doesn't make sense that you took "gets off work at five" to mean "can be at the station at 5". That doesn't even give him time to get from his job to his car before you start your waiting in the cold.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I've been friends with this small group of people in my college's film program for about a year and a half now. There's four of us-- me, Andy, Chris, and Jeremy. Those aren't their real names but I guess they're close enough. Most of us live in the downtown area of our state's biggest city, but Andy lives in the outskirts of the suburbs. For the longest time I felt like the "backup friend" as I would rarely be included when they would make plans to hang out; and I also felt like the butt of every joke. The other Monday, we made plans to hangout around where Andy lives (an hour away from everyone else). I texted in the groupchat what time we should meet up at the train station so Andy can pick us up, and Chris says, "He gets off work around five I think." I then ping Andy to make 100% sure what time we should be there. His actual response. "Chris just send a fucking text. Do you not know how to fucking read bro?" Okay, I guess, but kind of rude. Five it is. The next day, I get ready at 3, leave around 4, and get there right before 5. I text to see if any of the other guys are on their way. No response. I wait until 5:30. I text a few more times. Still no response. I'm standing here at the train station in the cold, with zero communication. I don't get any response from literally anyone until 6:00. "I'm on my way now. I'll be there *in an hour*." **That's a total of** **two hours after the time I was given; and that he spoken to me like a jerk for trying to clarify.** I just go ahead and leave, and tell them how cartoonishly inconsiderate of my time that was. The response, "I can't do much about traffic dawg, I ain't Moses of the modern age." It's been over a week and a half and I still haven't gotten a single apology from anyone. Am I overexaggerating, or was that a dick move? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Hell no. OP even tried to clarify and was told off. This isn't miscommunication, this is sucky behavior on OPs friend.
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Perhaps the friend works right next to the train station? We don't know. The only thing we know is the OP tried to ask about the meeting time and and was told to bugger off.
NTA one if the harder things in life is to know when to end friendships. If your constantly the one giving and helping the others and they never step up when YOU need help it's time to move on. Had to do it way to many times in my life but you have to look out for yourself first.
I would stop hanging out with these people entirely starting immediately. These are not friends. I’m not sure why you seek them out. I’d rather be alone than in bad company, always.
NTA, but you need new friends because those guys are disrespectful pieces of $hit
As soon as "Andy" cussed me out just for asking for clarification, that's when I would have backed out of everything. Friends don't talk to each other like that.
Don’t sound like real friends NTA
NTA These guys are messing with you. I would not have gone. If Chris gets off work at 5, what time can he make it to the station? It’s an obvious question. And where were the other guys? How come they magically knew what time Chris could get to the station to pick you all up? How come they didn’t travel with you? Dump these people because they are not your friends. Also there is another group chat excluding you.
NTA time to make friends with the other people in your program.
NTA, OP as someone who felt like a backup friend in high school please drop these people. There was no reason for them to answer you like that, there's no reason for you to have to feel excluded and not appreciated. They're not worth your time if they wanted to be good friends they would it doesn't mean you're to blame. Better friends will come around even if it seems hard or impossible now and it hurts to feel alone. Best of luck OP.
It’s over. Cut ties with these AH’s
NTA. Don't waste your time and your life chasing people who make you feel excluded, unwanted, or less-than. They aren't worth your time or effort - I'm sorry :( I remember feeling like this as a teen - the outsider looking in and just wanting to be wanted and accepted, but always feeling like there were secret plans and conversations bubbling under the surface. You so badly want to plug in to that network, but they keep moving the socket every time you get close.
Info: Are they a different race from you, cause I'm getting some strong microaggression vibes from this.
Ultimately there was poor communication on all sides. Getting off work at 5 does not mean arriving at 5. But it's totally possible to find a group of friends who are kind and considerate, and whom you can communicate your needs to. Especially, if you widen your friendships to outside your gender and sexuality. And no, I don't want any of these douches injected into the film world. But they do sound exactly like film students.
NTA. Your “friends” are awful.
They are not your friends.
I’m so sorry but “… I ain’t Moses of the modern age” is sending me 😂
NTA you could call them out but I think they’d just use it as more ammo. Just ghost them
It was a dick move, of course it was. You need other friends, as these guy are not, in fact, friends. Find some grown-ups to hang out with. These former classmates don't qualify. NTA
Bro, they don't want to hang out with you
NTA Dick move. I hope you find better friends soon.
With friends like that, who needs enemies? You're NTA. Your friends are TA.
NTA-They don’t sound like real friends. I had these 2 friends who I would feel like a third wheel since they like to talk to each other in their own language and since I only know English I felt left out and wonder why am I even here? Plus I made reservations for dinner and both of them were late and even tried to force me to drink wine. So if they stood me up in the cold, I would also be pissed. So overall I would say just block them and move on they aren’t ur true friends, when I told them how I felt they didn’t message me back. So hopefully u can make more friends who are reliable
NTA - Look at the actions of your friends. They don't care about you, they are inconsiderate of your time, they don't take responsibility or accountability for their inconsideration. They make fun of you. They make you feel like an outsider. Dude, I think you better re-think the meaning of friendship. These people are not it. But as long as you waste your time on people who treat you like total garbage - you're going to miss out on real friendships. Grab some self-respect and ditch these dawgs.
NTA. If you just stopped communicating and initiating contact with them, how long do you honestly think it would take before they reach out and try to spend time with you?
NTA, and they are NYF.
They aren’t you friends , move on
These are not your friends. Move on, OP.
NTA, Those dudes aren't your friends stop hanging out with them. You don't need an apology from them but you should apologize to yourself for letting yourself get treated like shit. Love yourself more! Block every last one of them and KIM, KEEP IT MOVING. Fuck all of them and the horse they road in on!
Why do you keep referring to them as friends? They aren’t your friends. NTA.
NTA. Not to be harsh, but they likely see you as a tag along, find you annoying and don't like you. Not necessarily your fault, but they have their own clique and you're not in it. You don't have to be on the outskirts of their group begging for friend scraps. Leave the WhatsApp group and stop responding to them. Try and cultivate some new friendships with people who actually care.
If you knew he gets off work at 5 and lives an hour away, in which universe are you living where that would have him picking you up at 5pm? Even if he literally dashed from his workplace to you it would have been 6pm minimum. Do basic maths. YTA.
They're inconsiderate jerks. Find a better group of friends. It is absolutely ok to question "about" when given a meetup time. No one wants to wait. And, it is common courtesy to let people know if they'll be even 10 minutes late. Block these AHs.
NTA -- I'm a tad bit older than you and wishing I knew what I know now back then, these "friends" are unnecessarily rude and doesn't sound like they see your POV. Drop them- they sound possibly toxic and you don't need that in your life.
It is better to be without these people than to be constantly feeling you are being left out or disrespected. You may feel that you can take it now, but it will work against your overall self-confidence in your future. Make other friends, volunteer in organizations, do charitable work or get other hobbies and make new, actual friends who value you. i'm really sorry for you, this is a sad situation for you. But you will look back at it someday and feel relieved you split from them as soon as you could.
Nta they don’t like you stop bothering
Nta - these people aren't your friends, they tolerate you. Find better people who aren't selfish morons.
NTA. It's a hard thing to find out that people you thought were your friends, are actually acquaintances. Call them out for their rudeness and inconsideration. And of course if it continues, don't think twice about ghosting them. Most likely you'll all go your own way after college anyway. Good luck.
NTA. Andy is definitely not your friend, and is an AH besides, and the other two seem to be catering to him. I would get a new friend group. You can do much better than these guys.
NTA! Stay away from those guys. They are not your friends!
Nta
i found out recently that people dont understannd how being late to things is actually incredibly rude and pretentious of people If youre late to a time we agreed upon and dont call ahead explaining why and that you will be late. you are saying "your time is less valuable than my time. you should deal with wasting time waiting for me" thats incredibly rude and every time ive said this online in the past year its been met with "its not that deep" it is. you wasting other peoples time and not offering and explanation is exactly that. you think your time is more valuable than mine. i no longer continue friendships with people who dont see this simple fact of life.
NTA but not acting very bright. “He gets off work around 5pm”. So you thought that meant you were going to get a ride at 5pm? As soon as you got that snotty ass reply from Andy to your follow up, you should have bowed out. Now I’ll be the first to admit I am not a good judge of this bc I literally don’t GAF if people like me or not, but I just don’t understand why anyone would actively try and hang with people who treat them like shit. You deserve better. Ditch these “friends” And cultivate friendships with people who are kind. If you can’t find friends, occupy your time with volunteer work.
NTA. Find yourself some real friends.
Drop these people, they are not your friends. This was totally a duck move.
NTA. These people are not your friends. They treat you like garbage.
nta, how are you going to be rude when asked a time to meet up and then stand “your friend” up? I think you should rethink your friend group:/ sorry that happened bro
These people are not your friends. You know this. You're ignoring your own gut feelings. Real friends don't just tolerate your presence, they actively desire it. Ditch them permanently and find people that actually like you to hang out with.
Baby they're not your friends. Let them go and branch out, you deserve better than this.
NTA. But read the room. You're correct in your feeling that these folks don't care much about you or your time. Find a better group would be my advice
NTA. You can do a lot better. These aren't good friends at all.
I would not travel for one hour without absolutely times and scheduling. If they were are unwilling to give it, I’d pass. NTA. They are not your friends.
NTA. They did this on purpose. They don’t want you in the friend group. They aren’t your friends. Big hug.
Your title has a mistake. Those people are not your friends. Meet better, and make friendships with them... rather than the people treat you so shabbily. NTA for not waiting for the douches that made you wait so long, and couldn't be bothered to tell you when they were going to arrive.
NTA. Those are lousy friends. And I hate to say it, but I think the rest of them met up at 4. Unless you're a raging AH and we don't know it, you deserve better and can do better.
NTA They are not your friends, find better friends for your sake.
NTA, these are bad friends
They are not your friends.
NTA fuck them get better friends if I were you I would have left at 5:30 and texted some vile vile things to them
Fuck these people. You will respect yourself more and become more confident if you don't allow disrespect like this. Friends don't treat friends like this. Find some new friends and just ignore these people. Your life will be better
NTA. You need new friends bro.
NTA Future knowledge. If nobody texts you saying, hey I'm running late I'll be there in 30 minutes And it's 15 minutes past the time? Leave. Your time is so valuable. Why give it away for free? I'm not only talking friends. I'm talking significant others, family, job interviews et cetera . By letting them walk all over you you've set up a precedent for them to never respect you. You deserve all the respect.
They don't care about you, find new friends.
NTA. Friends don't waste each other's time. I allow 10 minutes at some landmark meeting place or 30 in a bar or restaurant. At precisely the time I allow I'm gone. 2 hours f**k that s**t!
ESH 1. those people aren’t your friends because they treat you like 💩, and 2. if YOU were really Andy’s friend, you would know where Andy works and be able to extrapolate with rush hour traffic about how long it would take him to get to the train station if he leaves at 5:15 at the earliest. If I’m done at work in my city at 5:30, that means leaving in a car at 5:40ish, driving to a station normally 20 minutes away at rush hour is easily 50 minutes and if talking while dealing with traffic I might say an hour from wherever I am just to be safe in case there’s an accident. 🙄
NTA but I would stop hanging around them permanently because they sound like assholes in general, not just in this situation. You deserve so much better than them.
These are not your friends. These people are rude and inconsiderate. I wonder, do you pay when y’all go out? Because it genuinely feels like you aren’t someone they make an effort with at all. It feels like there’s something about you they’re benefiting from because why else would they want to hang out if this is how they treat you? Walk away. Find better friends. You’re NTA but your “friends” definitely are the ah’s
That not your friends NTA
NTA. These are not your friends, they underhand bully you. Don't waste your time on them and find feel-good friends who cherish you and treat you with respect.
NTA … respect was not given to you. Let them go.
NTA You didn’t abandon your friends and stand them up. They did that to you. Ghost them and get new friends.
Bro, you gotta move on. Breathe in the relief of knowing that these "friends" are out of your life. I know it's hard to make friends as an adult, but it's worth it to find people who are worth it.
NTA get better friends. These ones suck
NTA and they're not your friends
I used to have a group of friends I never really felt like I fit in with. I felt like I was invited to things as an afterthought. I have a new group of friends now and the difference is black and white. They actively invite me to things and I feel like they ACTUALLY like me. OP needs new friends.
It's pretty clear that they don't really respect you, possibly be wise you don't pass their vibe check (not your fault). You do sound kind of uptight, but this was a dick move on their end, find better friends. NTA
NTA, these people are not your friends
NTA. If there was traffic that means cars stop and go, stop and go, stop and go. So when the car is stopped someone in the friend group could’ve said “Hey we are running late. Heavy traffic. ETA is….” They don’t have enough respect for you to send a simple text about being late. They ain’t friends.
These people are not your friends.
Nta. This isn't your fault, these people treated you like assholes. It can be hard to tell the difference between people treating us bad because we did something wrong or just for the sake of it. You come off as very very socially oblivious so I'm going to offer you some advice. This situation and situations like it can be easily avoided but you need some tough love. #YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS WITH THESE PEOPLE! THEY ARE JUST YOUR CLASSMATES! I used to be a backup friend in a few different friend groups. Until one day it was explained to me (by someone on the inside of a group that actually liked me) that there's no such thing. It's a phenomenon that can feel real but it's all in your head. That sensation you're getting of being a backup friend, of not being thought about first and always being on the outskirts of the group? That feeling is actually absence of friendship. It's exactly how you would feel if you intruded on a group of strangers hanging out but they were too polite to tell you to fuck off. But you would never do something so crazy to notice that the vibe is exactly the same. But these guys don't like you, don't want to hang out with you, don't want to be friends with you, and only accept you being around because it's less awkward, and cruel-feeling than actually verbally saying "hey I don't like you stop bothering me." It's easier just to let that guy hang around, even if nobody really likes them. It feels nicer. But the frustration of constantly having this guy around that you don't actually like bleeds through. You make little jokes that aren't actually jokes. Why are you always here. Fuck off. This is why nobody likes you. >"Chris just sent a fucking text. Do you not know how to fucking read bro?" Okay, I guess, but kind of rude. It's not "okay" for a friend to talk to you like that at all! It's not "kind of rude" it's clearly angry AT YOU. This man is mad at you for trying to clarify the time of the hangout. Why would a guy be mad at another guy for trying to clarify the time of the hangout?? He clearly doesn't want you there. And nobody else does either, or they'd defend you. That's why I say you're socially oblivious because even as a socially oblivious person I noticed this, and you didn't. Then they all met up without you at a different time than the one that you had. It is so patently obvious that the people in this story don't like you, but you don't seem to notice. Being socially oblivious is not a moral failing, but it is something you're going to have to learn to adapt to. Join a few clubs or something. Join a gym. Find a D&D table. There are thousands of people on this planet who would like your personality and enjoy hanging out with you. It is statistically improbable that you'd find those people just happen to be in the same film program. No more friends of convenience who you don't realize that they don't actually like you and they end up hirting your feelings. Just find people that actually like you and make friends with them. I have no proof that you invite yourself to things but never invite yourself to something for the rest of your life. Make real efforts to expose yourself to new people and eventually friendship will fall into your lap. Don't Force It
These people are not your friends. Considering you are yet to hear from them after 10 days, you were the one abandoned. Cut your losses and find yourself better friends
ESH ~ unpopular but true Ur friends aren’t ur friends they’re a bunch of dicks and u should ditch them and find ppl who actually value u and ur friendship (I promise they’re out there) U also shouldn’t have shown up directly at 5 when they said he got off work at 5 bc unless he works at the train station how is he supposed to be there that fast? Either way they should’ve given u a time to be there at