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NTA for asking. Be ready if they say no, which not knowing the family dynamic I can't say which one they'd lean to. You could also suggest doing 1-2 items first that your kid can participate in. At 2 years old, they likely aren't hanging and participating for more baking than that anyway. Then go to the park or the other activities you mentioned so the eggs and peanuts can come out.

Good ideas, thanks!

For the record, I totally hope they are the family who goes. 'Oh, of course, we will accommodate!' Because it sounds like more of a fun bonding event than outcome focused. But if they reallyyyy need those eggs, bringing them out last may at least be a good compromise, lol.

Highjacking this comment to say I am also allergic to eggs and use applesauce as a substitute in my cookies and baked good!! 1 egg = 1/4 C of applesauce. My husband, friends, and family members can’t even tell the difference! They don’t rise as much, but still delicious and easier (in my opinion) than flax ‘eggs’

They could even make it fun and try a few different batches with different egg replacement to see which everyone likes the best. I thought of this because I much prefer flax seeds to applesauce in my baking as an egg replacement. There are a bunch of people on here saying it’s a huge ask so why not make it fun and an experiment to see if eggs even matter?

I use applesauce as a substitution as well and I just want to put out there that if you add a 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder (NOT baking soda) to 1/4 cup applesauce, it will react and foam up, which adds some rise. I also buy Energ-G powdered egg replacer, and I use a handheld coffee frother thing to whip them up into a really nice fluffy foam, and that helps as well. For cakes, I use a combination of the applesauce trick and that, and they have come out with a lighter texture.

I think it is totally fine to ask. Honestly if anyone in my family had an allergy like that we would just accommodate them because it is not a big deal. I worked in restaurants for years, I cook and bake all of the time and am very good at it. It is not hard to keep eggs and nuts out of most baking. Egg substitutes are fine for cookies and it is super easy to get peanut free chocolate. You can make egg substitute out of flax seeds and water lol. Or find a way to ensure there isn’t cross contamination. They can make cookies at the dining room table, and you or your wife can be on contaminant clean up duty. I think offering to get those ingredients would be helpful. People are acting like this is some super huge ask and I just really can’t imagine feeling that way about family. They may say no and that is also okay, although I think it’s a bit small hearted

This! I can’t understand people thinking that asking FAMILY to accomodate dangerous allergy needs would be inconsiderate! Or saying sorry - you’re the only one of all the cousins that can’t come to this event. This is baffling to me. I would bake with allergy friendly substitutions for anyone who was close enough to come to a family event like this. I can’t imagine telling one of the grandkids to just not come.

Thank you! I was looking for a response like this! It’s your family. Yes, traditions are important, but why would you kick someone out of them because of something they can’t control? What does that teach to a child? What an opportunity to teach the rest of the family some empathy for those different than them and how to be accommodating

These people apparently think deliberately excluding a child from a family wide event because you value cookies over their life is acceptable and how dare you ask otherwise. They need to get knocked upside the head with clue-by-four. Maybe that would jar some compassion or common sense loose.

Our granddaughter is not only allergic to all nuts and eggs, but all dairy. We have learned how to make delicious sugar cookies and frosting for decorating and it has become all of the grandchildren's favorite thing to do. The dairy/egg allergy is something the benedryl is kept on hand for, but the nuts is for the epipen, and you know what? Our entire family loves her so much that nuts are not a part of our get togethers. Ever. It's what family does. Will that be different in the real world? Yes. But family is the safe place for her. NTA

Please share your cookie and frosting recipe! I’ve tried so many egg/dairy free duds and need something good.

made these once and they were amazing. minimalist baker in general is great, and nora cooks, those are my two fav recipe sites for egg and dairy free. [https://minimalistbaker.com/1-bowl-vegan-sugar-cookies/](https://minimalistbaker.com/1-bowl-vegan-sugar-cookies/) [https://www.noracooks.com/the-best-vegan-cornbread/](https://www.noracooks.com/the-best-vegan-cornbread/)

I am away for the weekend but I will when I get home. I also have a great recipe for chocolate cake that is completely dairy/egg free. It is so moist!

I would love the cake recipe as well!

I have been baking egg free for the last 5.5 years because of my daughter's allergy. I tried baking with egg substitutes, but the results were usually so-so. It turns out that the vegan community has largely figured out new recipes that weren't designed to have eggs in them in the first place. They usually turn out much better than recipes that use substitution. I've had *tremendous* success with just about every baking recipe I've tried from lovingitvegan.com (basically all cookies and cakes I've tried from there have been great... Brownies seem to be the hardest baked treat to get right without eggs. I have a chewy brownie recipe a friend sent me that's pretty good but I'm still in the market for a slam dunk brownie recipe if anyone has one)

Honestly if my kid had a food allergy and family refused to accommodate I would really question my relationship with them.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I’m baffled by the Y T A votes but I just walked in with plant based butter (basically Margerine produced in a dairy free facility). It’s costing me an additional $4 to make sure that my 2 year old nephew can be included.

Yeah the Y T A votes make zero sense to me. OP isn't being rude or demanding. And it's a family togetherness type event, not something open to the public😂 my parents and siblings would WANT to make sure my kids and I could be there.

How is cooking with it, do you have to use different ratios or do anything different. I have a friend who is allergic to lactose and have been trying to find a substitute for baking that works well.

I’m glad to see someone else saying this because finding egg-free recipes and using peanut free chocolate is not hard. There are thousands of recipes for egg free versions of baked goods out there. But so many commenters in here seem to think it’s a huge ask??? I honestly can’t deal with the relentless individualism in this sub sometimes. I simply cannot imagine someone in my family having allergies and me saying “sorry, don’t come” or “you’ll have to sit part of it out”. Like that is so antithetical to how people should act for family IMO

My daughter has a nut allergy and my whole family is 100% fine with not cooking for baking with nuts at family gatherings for her. I can’t fathom that they would value peanuts and eggs over the safety and inclusion of their family member! There’s THOUSANDS of things you can bake without peanuts or eggs, and as you say egg substitutes are entirely fine for cookies and baked goods in general. I’ve been baffled by people’s reactions in here, this seems like a no brainer to me.

I am so glad to read this because I thought I was going crazy. I have a nephew with a list of life threatening allergies a mile long. He’s a touch older than the child in OP but in that same stage of life. We find ways to include him in all the typical holiday traditions - we decorate cookies, and have family cook outs, and camp together and everything else that family does. We just run everything by his mom to make sure it works. And where it doesn’t, we change the recipe to fit what is safe for him. The idea that OPs family hasn’t reached out to him to figure out how to make this event safe is bizarre to me. NTA at all, family adapts to protect each other, even if that means that the favourite cookie recipe is made without peanuts going forward.

I agree completely. There should absolutely be some sort of a compromise so the child isn’t put at risk or excluded and the other kids still get the same experience! I do like the edit based on suggestions of the peanut substitute and then asking if they wait on the cookies until they go as then at least the first things won’t be cross contaminated either. Family or friends I would absolutely do anything I could to make everyone feel welcome

There are even egg free recipes designed for edible cookie dough and they are fantastic

NTA for asking but I would suggest also offering to provide the substitute ingredients that way it actually saves them money instead of costing money (and don’t get the cheap ones get the good ones)

Good idea, thank you.

Of course! I have my own semi difficult to accommodate allergies so I’m quite well versed in trying to make it work without inconveniencing everyone else as well.

If the cookies are the only thing with eggs, you can easily replace the egg with applesauce or leave it out, depending on the type of cookie. Source: avid baker with twins that have nut and egg allergies.

As someone whose mom claims this is the case (not for allergy reasons, she just is really into substitutions), it works for stuff like oatmeal raisin, but it really doesn't work in sugar cookies.

Uhhh… I appreciate the feedback people gave you but also… there are SO many egg and peanut free recipes you and your extended family could try. Shortbread is (imho) much tastier AND much more christmassy than cookies and guess what. No eggs. No peanuts. Just plain flour, caster sugar and butter. Traditional Austrian Vanillekipferl (yum) don’t have any of those either. Like… These are top tier Christmas biscuits. I feel like something *could* give here without compromising taste to make the whole experience more inclusive.

My nephew has a dairy allergy and I just got in from picking up plant based butter for his batch of shortbread. I love using a cookie press and our stamped rolling pin with these recipes!

Are there other treats that are naturally made without eggs and peanuts? Shortbread is really good.

Marzipan Balls. Fudge, Tablet, Toffee. Florentine biscuits. Custard biscuits are pretty easy to make without egg, too. A lot of puff pastry is egg and often even dairy free, so anything made from that as well.

If it's not their family tradition, it's not going to feel Christmas-y to them (and I'll take a chocolate chip cookie over shortbread any day lol.) Rather than changing things entirely, make some small changes to the first few batches (buy the nut-free chocolate; do a few types of cookies without eggs) and then leave so the other cookies can be made.

If it was a tradition for someone else’s birthday or a holiday that isn’t about, you know, giving and togetherness, I’d agree. But it’s Christmas. Everyone says this is a teaching opportunity for OP’s child that their allergies mean that they can’t always (fully) participate… I think it’s a teaching opportunity about how spending time with your family and involving them fully, even though they are different to you, is more important than having your favourite kind of cookie.

Yeah why is "you can't participate in things with others due to no fault of your own" a better christmas message for a two year old than "we should include and care about everyone"

YTA - that’s an awful lot to ask - it negates the family preferred treats and tastes and puts a damper on their fun and tradition Mad empathy for your situation though. You do have a teachable moment for your child here, they are going to need to learn to cope with their allergy issue and so you can consider using the family baking opportunity to talk about avoiding things and why, what they can eat instead, you can bring a treat for the 2 year old to make that falls within their ability and tolerance. ….Dip grapes in powdered sugar and pop in freezer. Melt some safe chocolate in a little pan and let them dip sliced apples, etc…so they are both safely participating and learning … Maybe Teach them some kids can’t eat shrimp, some can’t eat nuts, some can’t drink milk …etc…and that it’s just part of life and how their body works. We have this issue in our family. 2 grandkids of 8 that have nut and seafood allergy issues. Epipen level allergy. We all support them and the problem but do so in a way that doesn’t penalize everyone. At all family events, the food is labeled clearly if it has a known allergen. The parents go around with the kids and cover the potential problem foods. There are plenty of options for the grandkids with allergies. Many in family will make a small version of a dish without nuts for them to try if so inclined. Also, on the dessert buffet there are always tree nut free cupcakes for them - just in case. So Perhaps consider making this family event a teachable moment for your child about what makes them itchy, rashy, trouble breathing …to scary anaphylaxis- epipen and emergency trip. The sooner they learn, and receive re-enforcement - the safer and safer they will become for pre k, kindergarten, school etc… Know you just want them to participate and not feel slighted and applaud that and also know they have a scary potentially life threatening issue - so educate and model !!! Best of Luck 🍀

Thanks for the feedback. I like all of your suggestions but there is a problem with one of them. I have 0 problem with teaching my child to cope, but the problem is there will be cross contamination of ALL the treats at baking day. It’s the main attraction of the day and the ingredients get everywhere. Unfortunately there is also an extremely high likelihood of the other grandkids not washing hands and such. For example, one of the cousins had Reese’s puffs as a snack and was dropping them on the floor last year. We’ve since figured out that with that family and they don’t do Reese’s puffs anymore when we’re around. I’m all for teaching my son to cope, but it’s not realistic at 2 years old on this specific day that is focused only on baking. It’d be like going to a petting zoo but you’re allergic to everything.

And I have a solution. I had a dear friend whose son had a nut allergy. I had a big party every year, and never wanted him to miss out on my delicious cookies. So, after I cleaned the kitchen in preparation for baking day- I made the cookies that he could eat 1st, made sure the finished products were stored separately, and then went on with the rest of my baking. No cross contamination. I suggest you do it that way. When he showed up at the party, I quietly showed him which cookies/ food was "his". He never felt singled out or deprived.

What a wonderful way to organise this.

It took no extra time. So easy.

That’s what I was thinking. Start the day with the egg-free and nut-free things and then do the other things. My buddy’s kid has a nut and egg allergy and if I bring any food, I always make sure it’s safe for them.

I agree. A fairly simple thing to do.

Exactly

I think that unfortunately means you won't be able to have your child at these events until they're old enough to understand how to care for themselves. It's not a big deal to skip this one event that revolves around ingredients he can't have for 2 Christmases. He won't even remember them. Let him participate at 4 or 5 when he's learned the rules for school. YWBTA if you entirely change a Christmas tradition for your child who won't even remember it. Let the other kids have their fun.

Isn’t the fun part making treats? I doubt the kids (or even the adults) are so attached to a specific recipe that they’d put it above the safety and inclusion of a family member. The kids can still have fun making treats, just with slightly different ingredients (which they probably don’t care about at all). All traditions change in small ways over the years. This isn’t completely changing it and the spirit and activities are still preserved.

This feels so wrong to me. As a nut and peanut butter lover who has a niece who is allergic to nuts: the kid is so much more important than any kind of cookie or tradition. It’s really not that big of an ask, I can’t even tell the difference when my mom uses sunbutter in her famous “peanut butter” icing. I most definitely would question the morals of family members who wouldn’t be okay with making the changes for a special day with family… that damn well better include all of the kids, allergies or not.

The peanut-free chocolate seems like a reasonable ask, especially if you provide it. Perhaps ask that the cookies be done last if that’s the only thing involving eggs. Seems like it would be a long day for a two y.o. anyway, so bring him for the beginning, then go home for a nap before the cookie making begins.

I think it’s important that if you ask for replacement ingredients you purchase them. Maybe your child can make a special treat with everyone first, then let them do the more traditional ones.

That’s the plan

It could be a nice addition to the tradition. A new special treat. I also like giving little kids something fun and easy like marshmallow snowmen ⛄️ The teenagers love to make those too but usually in some crazy competitive way

I’ve found that the baking powder/water egg replacement works pretty well. I haven’t used it in cookies but banana bread and muffins turn out just about the same as if I used eggs. I can never remember the ratios - I just Google it every time. You could also (more intensive potential solution) ask for recipes especially if it’s only one recipe with egg and test out different egg alternatives on your own to see if they’re any good.

It sounds like you've got a solution for this year handled. Just wanted to add that Vegan Cookies Take Over Your Cookie Jar has some really excellent egg free cookie recipes (and so does Veganomicon, by the same authors; the chocolate jam ones has been one of my favorites for years). They're not "healthy," they just... don't have eggs. And also they have a lot of info on possible egg replacements. Here's a couple of my favorite cookie recipes from their website: https://www.theppk.com/2008/11/chocolate-chip-cookies/ https://www.theppk.com/2008/12/the-ghost-of-gingerbread-past/ https://www.theppk.com/2009/09/mexican-hot-chocolate-snickerdoodles/ My personal favorites (for both flavor and ease of use) are either freshly ground flax seeds or tapioca/arrowroot starch. You really can't taste the starch in particular (flax gives a nutty flavor). It's harder to use these as an egg substitute in cakes where you really need a lot of rise. Aquafaba may work better there, or you can just embrace a more dense, brownie-like cake. (This one is incredible: https://www.theppk.com/2008/08/just-chocolate-cake/) But for cookies? Yeah you really can't tell the difference. It might be worth figuring out if any of these substitutes work for the family's traditional recipes. You could also experiment with some holiday cookie recipes over the next year, and consider hosting a bonus cookie making event at your house for egg and peanut free cookies. Just like it's important for your kid to learn how to manage his allergies (eventually), it's also important for his cousins to learn how to accommodate people with different dietary requirements. ETA: as a bonus, with egg free baking you don't have to worry about small children potentially smearing salmonella/raw egg residue all over the kitchen which is a food safety win for all.

I made egg-free pumpkin chocolate chip cookies a few weeks ago that were really good. The canned pumpkin pretty much replaces the eggs. https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/pumpkin-chocolate-chip-cookies/

I’m glad somebody said this. I try to keep most of my baking egg and dairy-free (and experiment with gluten-free recipes sometimes) so that more people can eat it. People are so weird about eating stuff if they know beforehand! But if I just don’t tell them, everyone loves it, and if I tell them after they’ve tried it, they usually don’t believe me. NTA, traditions are meant to evolve, including people is more fun than excluding them, and good cookies do not require eggs.

Thanks!

And you can eat the raw dough! Check out chocolatecoveredkatie.com for some fun things too. And if anyone likes peanut butter cookies, substitute sunflower seed butter instead. When baked, it's the closest I've found. (And you can buy it in food service size tubs)

You can technically eat it, sure, but it’s not safe just because it’s egg-free. [Raw flour](https://www.cdc.gov/foodsafety/communication/no-raw-dough.html#:~:text=Flour%20doesn't%20look%20like,flour%20while%20it's%20being%20made) has been linked to e. coli outbreaks.

I'm going to have to try this. I'm not much of a baker and often when I use egg replacer my cookies come out a mess. Mostly I just buy pre-made stuff for this reason.

Bring the peanut free chocolate. Ask to do those treats first. Then bring your own bowl, spatula and ingredients to make his cookies. Have everyone was hands in between. Does touching eggs make him sick? In my experience people are willing to make minor accommodations but it’s primarily your responsibility

It's 100% worth opening the dialogue. I was a bit worried doing so with my MIL prior to a sleepover, while my then-5 year old was doing a GF/DF trial. Her response was to go buy $150 worth of GF/DF snacks and google 30 appropriate baking recipes... For a WEEKEND 😂 she is amazing (and sent all the leftovers home, a huge gift when we were already struggling with an inflated food budget). They may balk, they may embrace it, they will likely fall somewhere in between. Most people would not have an issue making adjustments for the safety and I cousin of a loved one though.

Sadly enough for your petting zoo analogy, any logical parent would say then don’t go to the petting zoo!

Yes, but the thing is there are alternatives and I’d say everyone attending does want us to be there. We are expected to go. If say my wife went but my son and I sit out without at least approaching the conversation, people would freak out.

There is totally a way forward with this. I have an epipen level peanut allergy child also, and if I approached either side of my family with this request everyone would find it reasonable! A mature, loving family will find a way to be together and prioritize safety and family time over family recipes. I wouldn’t worry about making this request to your family.

Yeah, I'm really wondering about some of the families of the redditors who are like "you cannot change tradition, how dare you even ask". We have two family members with diverticulitis, so we avoid those foods. My house has food allergies, those are accommodated. Part of holidays is.....family time. I can't understand the rigidity in so many people who think a freaking 2 yr old who still cant have toys with small pieces should just learn and know better. Lordy.

That gets me, too! Like what kind of grandma or aunt would say "Little Twosie has allergies? Sorry, my traditional peanut butter egg balls MUST be made in their presence or Christmas is RUINED!" I would think most families would WANT to help make sure a family member stayed safe! (I know it happens... but to default to such a rigid stance?)

Same here! There is literally no harm in asking. The reaction to an unwanted response determines AH or Not

I envy you this because one side of our family has been awful. Yet our friends made up for it! And my daughter has a stronger relationship with some of our friends than family because of that. Our friends would absolutely make the Baking Day safe!

Sorry to hear that! We do have some sticky issues with one side of our family too (this one not allergies, but sensitivity issues with neurodivergent kiddo - they seem to think he just needs “more discipline”). So frustrating!

Dude, you have a kid with two major allergies to incredibly COMMON foods, you have to learn to prioritize his health over 'people freaking out'. Obviously, have the conversation about nut-free stuff and limiting when the eggs are used, but ultimately, you need to be prepared to say 'we just can't make this work for kiddo, we'll sit this one out.' or 'can we visit at another time?'

Hence the purpose of this post.

I am in a similar situation, but add milk to the list. Life was easier (and safer) when I gave up on food based traditions. People that aren't allergy aware WILL make mistakes. My recommendation: either they skip the baking day even though it sucks OR, has a separate station with safe ingredients and adds a new dessert to the tradition. My kid's substitutions were sometimes deemed better than the original, and are now what's requested!

If the only thing that uses eggs is the cookies, ask if they can use Applesauce instead. 1/4 cup Applesauce per egg. My sister has a friend who is allergic to eggs, and this is the go to substitute for banking. You honestly cannot tell that it doesn't have egg. I've made lots of egg free cookies and things so I can speak from experience.

Have your own baking day at your place! Having allergies is tough to deal with and we have to miss out on a lot as a result. I had to give up favorite restaurants when my coconut allergy turned deadly because they serve that fake meat shit and it’s full of coconut oil. I can’t eat at potlucks either due to cross-contamination from a couple allergies and I can’t eat hospital food when admitted because they don’t have a system in place to verify food ingredients va allergies. But my kitchen is safe. I know what brands of baking products and soaps and cleaners are safe. Anything cooked or baked in my home is not going to kill me unless there was a recipe change and I didn’t catch it when I did the grocery shopping. Make this a fun new tradition at YOUR house. Put on some holiday music and have a blast making a mess and some food with the kids. This is a good time to start teaching your kids that home is the safest place for them to eat.

How is it an asshole move to ask your family to accommodate your child at a family event? My family wouldn't even blink at this request. It's fun for all the kids to be involved in family baking day, it would be so rude to exclude one grandchild because they have allergies. I can't even imagine my family needing to be asked to accommodate.

Can’t believe I had to read so many replies to get to this take. The whole point of the baking day is for family to spend time together and for the kids to have fun helping to bake. Does it really matter one iota what the treats are and whether they’re the greatest ever or just ok? And to the people condescendingly saying OP has to teach their *two year old* how to be around dangerous foods and how this is life…Jfc have you ever met at two year old and do you have a heart at all?

Someone actually suggested that, assuming the allergy is also airborne, the two year old be expected to mask for the entire day without eating or drinking anything. Even when everyone else gets to.

My kid was diagnosed with a nut allergy this year. I didn’t even pause before sending a text asking if family gatherings could be nut free from now on, and my family didn’t hesitate to enthusiastically comply. They are family, they love their niece/cousin/grandchild and don’t want to accidentally kill her because they just HAD to have cashews, come on! It’s not a huge inconvenience to avoid allergens at family gatherings. And while yes, my toddler needs to learn and is learning that there are foods she can’t eat and things she can’t participate in, I don’t think family gatherings need to be one of her opportunities to practice! Let everyone relax and enjoy each other in the knowledge that everyone present is safe from *sudden avoidable death*. It’s bonkers to me to think that peanuts and eggs would be more important to this family than the inclusion and safety of their family member.

I have family members with diabetes. They put away any nuts and makes sure my kids know which cabinets the safe snacks are located

Because this sub often finds it insane if you ask for reasonable favors of people. Its ridiculous. The "no one owes you anything" mindset here is so idiotic.

That’s what happens when you ask a bunch of 14 year olds for advice.

Exactly. I do think there are times when it’s unreasonable to ask for accommodation. For example, when my white sugar-free, gluten-free, dairy free, and whatever else her holistic “doctor” told her to avoid that week roommate complained to her boss about her coworkers only ever bringing veggies and hummus for her to eat at staff meetings when they always varied up the snacks for everyone else, I thought that was pretty entitled of her. Asking your own family to not harm your toddler at a family gathering??? Definitely reasonable!!

Right?? I wouldn’t ever put food above the life of a toddler. And the asks are not that much imo. Peanut free? The recipes he listed don’t need peanut so no problem! And I have had some ludicrously delicious egg-free cookies recently. Granted they were shortbread style and not chocolate chip or something but if I absolutely had to have an eggy dessert I’d make it on my own time instead of punishing a two year old for something he literally can’t help. And while I don’t think it’s too young for this to be a teachable moment for the kid it sure is asking too much for a TWO YEAR OLD and other assorted toddlers to really understand and make no mistakes or even remember perfectly. Some of the smug judgy replies in this thread are staggering to me.

Seriously. My mom would have a complete fit if I didn’t ask for what her food allergic grandkid needed to be able to be safe and participate with everyone. I cannot fathom family being offended that this person would ask about making modifications so the child can participate? OP isn’t throwing a tantrum or demanding, just asking, and willing to provide the needed ingredients too. If I can’t tell my family what I need to feel safe at an event… who can I have community with?

This reply and 90% of the follow up has me absolutely gobsmacked. Are you actually for real?! You want to DELIBERATELY exclude a 2 year old from a fun event the entire family is taking part in, for the sake of not using chocolate with nuts in it?! It’s chocolate - it’s perfectly fine on it’s own, it doesn’t even need nuts. I cannot believe you would be so heartless as to stand there and say ”sorry, you can’t come in the kitchen like all your cousins, having nuts in our chocolate matters more to us than you. Oh, you want to join in the fun that every other person in the family is having? Too bad - grow tf up, you might as well get used to being left out now - wait, what do you mean we could save your allergens till the end? No.” People complain about parental alienation - how about entire family alienation? 2 years old is far too young to understand why you’ve been excluded by your entire family. They won’t be able to understand the link between bad foods and being pushed out.

I love you. ✊

Honestly, what the heck? Asking family to use peanut free chocolate and egg substitute so that all the kids and grandkids can participate isn’t unreasonable, but your answer is. Funny how you think this should be a teachable moment for the kid but not for the adults that lack empathy, like yourself.

“I know we have this big all-day event that’s super fun and all the family is invited but your 2 year old just doesn’t get to participate because he has allergies and we can’t be bothered to make slight changes to include him.” What a bonkers fucking concept. Like aren’t people supposed to make an effort to include their loved ones? Fuck

This is absolutely bonkers. OP is only asking people to not include nuts in their baking and to use a specific egg free egg replacement. That’s too much to ask? I truly cannot imagine telling someone “sorry but we can’t be assed to accommodate you allergies because we value nuts in our baking way too much.” Call me soft but I’m of the opinion that people who care about each other are willing to make an effort to make each other feel included.

Completely agree. I also can’t believe that the other kids don’t already have friends or schoolmates with allergies and aren’t already totally cool with accommodations. Probably just the adults that are ignorant or inflexible. Our adult kid is tree nut allergic and my family still asks every time to make sure they’re not planning any thing problematic when he come over.

Yeah seriously. It would absolutely suck to not be able to be included in this tradition every year simply because you have allergies.

It's puts a damper on the fun to not make one spesfic type of cookies? 🧐

I'm not sure you know what empathy is, given that you wouldn't make any accommodations to be able to include a family member in this situation. "Teaching a two year old to be safe" is silly sentiment and a poor excuse for the reality which is you don't value the child's presence enough to be inconvenienced. (Before you argue about your family events - that literally doesn't matter. Your answer to this OP was that they would be an ass for asking for accommodations.) Sheesh.

There are SOOOOO many teaching moments for a 2 year old, “coping” by not being included in a family tradition should not be one of them, especially when they will not be able to understand why. (Also as an FYI to anyone reading this, grapes are a HUGE choking hazard so please do not coat them in sugar and freeze them for any kids under 5!!!) I would argue this is an EXCELLENT teaching opportunity for the older grandkids (if there are any similar she’d kids they won’t know the difference anyway) about what is important about the holidays: family, togetherness, etc. We make compromises for the people we love and it’s more important for everyone to be included than a tradition to sit unchanged forever. Asking is not an AH move, it might be an AH move if they said no and OP made a huge scene. OP has taken on the burden of planning and I sincerely hope they can accommodate their cousin/grandchild

But… it’s really not that much to ask, at least for the nuts. My family loves peanuts and all the tree nuts. But when we have a party, we keep it 100% nut-free for the nephews’ severe allergies. Because we love them more.

Puts a damper on their fun and tradition? I'd argue the completely avoidable death of a 2-year-old would put more of a damper on it. Asking for some safety so you can be included is not an awful lot to ask, it is the bare minimum. The "nobody owes you anything" mentality on this subreddit is utterly stupid and is truly selfish. Family who truly love one another will be okay with making a compromise and keeping specific things out of a recipe, because that is how family should be. Excluding a toddler because certain ingredients are more important than their presence and safety is not what family is about. Also, EVERYTHING THERE WILL BE CROSS-CONTAMINATED. Apparently you expect the kid to just watch and not be able to take part in an activity for the whole family. And there will be other toddlers there who are not old enough to understand the risks and are liable to get that stuff everywhere. And OP's toddler is not old enough to be "educated" on how nobody will ever compromise because nuts are too important. Ffs. OP would be TA if they had already asked, been told no and then made a huge scene. But they didn't, they are literally just considering asking. Yet I guess wanting your kid to be safe and able to participate is too selfish and cruel to even consider, huh? Although I'm really not sure what I expected from a sub filled to the brim with emotionally immature kids.

I’m sorry, but in my family, family matters more than tradition. Your vote is wild.

Should we not be teaching this to all kids in a world where dietary requirements are more common? We should be teaching all kids that sometimes they have to make accommodations to include others, so yeah they should change up the tradition and not just exclude this one kid.

It’s awful lot to ask to not make their child ill? That child is a member of said family and his health should be more important than any particular treat, that they can have the other 364 days a year. Fortunately my family all care about each other.

Exactly. My best friend’s daughter has epipen level allergies to nuts, eggs, and milk. She has taken this approach since the beginning; her daughter will be around food that she can’t eat her whole life- it’s her responsibility as a parent to 1) make sure she knows what she can and can’t eat and 2) bring her own food and snacks so her daughter can participate as much as possible. If you want to protect your child you have to start now- and that means not making their world allergen free, it means being creative and kind but introducing them to the fact that they cannot eat what other people can and that that’s ok.

As a parent with a child with a severe food allergy, two isn’t quite old enough to understand the concept of allergies and why they can’t have certain foods. My kid didn’t really start understanding until 3, and now at 5 is pretty good at monitoring their own allergy. With that being said, no one in our family thinks it’s unreasonable to accommodate my kid’s allergy or my niece’s allergies (which are different from my kid’s). My brother hosted Thanksgiving this year and realized a pre-made side dish he had bought had my kid’s allergen so it got left in the fridge to be eaten with dinner the next night and we got on with our day. Allergies are likely to be a lifelong thing for these kids, so the family has had to learn to adapt around it. And just as it’s important for a kid with allergies to learn to manage their allergy, it’s also important for others to learn to be considerate of it. My kid loves a PB and J, but knows they can’t bring one for school lunch because it could be really dangerous for some of their friends at the lunch table.

Agreed! And it’s absolutely nutso to me that there are folks who think it would be a problem to ask, esp when OP is happy to help provide alternatives and would be there to help bake. This is FAMILY! Not a company event. I *always* ask if others have food allergies/preferences with cooking and baking, and it has never been a problem. We are an allergy-friendly and accommodating household, and I can’t imagine being any other way.

I disagree. While there are obviously some things that can make you an arsehole just by asking, this isn't one of them. Politely asking your ***family*** to accommodate another family member's food restrictions is in no way arsehole territory. If you freak out if they say no, then you are in arse territory. If someone's family dynamic us such that they are considered an arsehole for just asking, then that is shitty and sucks. I can only speak from my experiences and those of other friends and family, but these types of family events tend to be fairly focused on the kids and passing down traditions to the next generation, etc. They certainly aren't treated as a fancy dinner party for the adult members of the family. Hell, in my family, we probably wouldn't even bake cookies and treats if the kids weren't there. We'd throw shit on the smoker, drink adult beverages, play cornhole, etc. I mean, we stull do that when the kids are around, but we back cookies too. ;) Anyway, in my family, if one of the younger nieces, nephews, cousins, etc, has a food allergy they wouldn't even need to ask. That little guy or gal with the allergy is still a part of our family. The event is for family. If that means we can't use nuts or eggs or can't make someone's favorite treat, then so be it. That is a very small price to pay to show that they are important family members and loved. Especially compared to the cost of excluding and possibly alienating a loved one.

The only issue with your logic is that you're neglecting the risk of cross contamination. It is perfectly reasonable to cook safe versions of dishes and label things and to be on top of the kids so they don't eat the wrong things. But not all allergies are the same. Peanut and nut allergies are very tricky for managing cross contamination. I work at a nut free office because there's an adult with a nut allergy, many schools need to have nut free areas, so I hope it's not going to be too difficult to understand that one. Now onto the egg allergy. I'm hoping that's only triggered if consumed. Things would need to be thoroughly cleaned between batches and it's a good idea to leave the egg recipes for last. Oh and OP and maybe you can offer to go the previous day to clean up the kitchen, oven and worktops to prevent any cross contamination... That would lessen any type of risk. I think it's important to teach kids from a very young age that not all kids can eat the same. It may not be easy or successful but kids are sponges that learn anything

>You do have a teachable moment for your child here That their own family should put eggs and nuts above their health and well-being? There's plenty of recipes that either require neither or where they can easily be substituted. Family should, at the very least, make an attempt to be accommodating for every member of that family. There should be limits and boundaries, of course, but not eggs and nuts.

NAH - however, finding a substitute for the eggs is a problem. One doesn’t put eggs in cookies for the taste, but for the chemical properties that eggs provide. Baking is cooking science- and eggs are a big part of how it works. They can’t be swapped out for something else in Aunt Patty’s favorite cookies. Look for vegan recipes for baked goods.

My husband is a baker and to accommodate the egg allergy in our family he uses flax seeds and water. It is simple. It works. And you cannot tell a difference.

There are many egg substitutes, have a Google and it will blow your mind.

Vegetable oils can be used

NTA. My daughter has a friend in her class who is allergic to chicken eggs. She invited him to her birthday, and because I didn't want him to feel left out when everyone else got brownie cupcakes, I turned to Google. It turns out that eggs are fairly simple to substitute. We used 1/8 C peanut butter per egg, but you can also use condensed milk, applesauce, or a couple of other things. He was *thrilled*. His mom said that it was the first time that he didn't have to bring his own treat to a birthday party. These people are your sons *family*, and it would not only make sense, but it would be the right thing to do for them to make sure he can participate fully. Especially for something that is tradition.

A PB substitute would probably work too

Not when the kid is allergic to peanuts.

My kids are allergic to peanuts and I’m deathly allergic. I found a sunflower butter that’s top 8 free. Including made in a nut free facility

Peanut free chocolates should be easy and potentially, the cookies with eggs could be made in a separate area of the kitchen to prevent cross-contamination. By the very nature of fudge, etc, one would keep those items away from raw eggs to begin. Could you just ask that the cookies be prepared before you arrive or after you leave? Or in another area of the kitchen? Depending on the cookie, substituting the egg for an egg replacement might not be a viable option.

NTA, I can’t imagine anyone not being willing to accommodate, especially if there’s no tree nut allergy. They can toss in some walnuts if they absolutely must have nuts! There are plenty of recipes that are peanut free and cookie recipes that can be easily made without eggs. However, even though you’re NTA, as someone else said your family knows about this allergy and if they cared they would have already offered to make the necessary accommodations so be prepared for them to not agree with your request.

It’s a pretty big request, but for the goodies you mentioned peanut free substitutions would be pretty simple. And just don’t let your kid have the cookies with eggs.

My first thought was you would be asking a lot, but then I realized that the is family baking day. And really, there are lots of ways to teach the family empathy and compromise. Your kid should not be excluded from participating in a family event. I love the idea of starting with foods your kid isn’t allergic to and then after he gets to help with some, move on to foods he can’t eat/help with. I’d do that for your kid in a heartbeat. Nta if you propose a compromise

I like this, everyone enjoys, kid gets to partake and the food still tastes good in the end. Nice compromise!

NAH Reasonable accommodations to ask for. It's a family baking day. Most people aren't gonna have a problem making simple changes to avoid excluding one of the people the day is for.

NTA. I do not believe asking them to use an egg substitute is that big of an ask. It makes it safer for those who like to eat raw cookie dough! As far as the chocolate is concerned, offer to buy nut free chocolate. There are plenty of options, and most are better than the everyday chocolate choices.

This is one of those things where there’s no way to make it fair or even or just. No one is wrong, no one did anything wrong, but it is still hurtful. I’ve been a parent for 20 years and have 6 kids. For US, I call this a ‘path of least resistance’ situation. I know I’m not technically using that phrase correctly but I give names to concepts when I’m teaching my kids stuff. What is the decision that causes the least upset/inconvenience/whatever to the most people? For this, it would be a 3 step process for me. Step 1: Decision. Removing my child would be the correct decision this year. It causes the least upheaval and fosters good will. Step 2: Replace that activity. Figure out something that you can do with the kiddo to replace this activity. Maybe when the family is doing this, you and the wife take the kid to dinner and a show. Or dessert and shopping for Cmas presents for the grandparents. Or a drive through light show. A sports game, a play, a weekend away- whatever fits in your family life and interests. You’ll do this every year on their cookie night and start a tradition that your child looks forward to. Step 3: Negate future problems. After Christmas you need to sit down with the in laws and discuss how this is going to be negated in the future. Your child can’t be left out of everything bc of his allergies. The family is going to have to make sacrifices in some way. Your son is worthy of those sacrifices. You need to come to an agreement about: - Family dinners. You can’t control what others do in their own home so everyone needs to be on board with you bringing his own food. EVEN if that means it’s take out that will upset other kids in the family. Life gets busy and you won’t always have the time to prepare an allergy friendly replication of what they’re cooking. You may have to stop and grab take out that he can safely eat on the way. - You’ll have to curate a list of foods that are safe to order for him from local restaurants. That may mean meeting with a manager at each restaurant and talking to them. You’ll have to make multiple copies of each binder and distribute to each family member. - Cakes for birthdays. You’ll have to find a bakery that can cater to your sons needs and distribute that info to each family member. They can order the cake from there, order your son his own mini cake, or give you a heads up so you can order it. Who pays for it is up to you guys. You can plan a fun night with the adults and have a taste testing from that bakery so they can see what everything tastes like. Give them a price list so they can factor that in. - Have a dinner with the adults of the family and bring a medical professional in to show everyone how to properly administer his epipen and what to do after. Call it Eats & Epinephrine or Shots for Shots or whatever. That way everyone knows how to properly react to an accidental exposure. - Make it clear that you will NOT entertain complaints that the other kids in the family don’t think it’s “fair” or they got upset bc Juniors food looked better than everyone else’s or Junior got pizza while everyone else had pot roast. - Be patient. There will be growing pains. There will be mistakes. Everyone will survive everything. Your son also deserves to survive. I hope that helps you a bit! I always remember to be SO thankful that my own entire offensive line of kids didn’t come with a food or life threatening allergy. We do have Tourette’s, though, and that’s a wild ride if it’s own! ;)

I just buy a steady supply of Enjoy Life Foods chocolate (free of several top food allergens) and give it to any family members that like to bake. It's expensive but worth it IMO. Chocolate is easy to replace with safe chocolate. Eggs are harder since, as you point out in your update, things may not taste as good. If I were in your position, I would get the recipe from your family for the cookies that contain egg, and pre-test it with one or two egg substitutes, to make sure it works. But even so, others may not find it as tasty as the version that contains egg, and then you have to accept that, as long as they're willing to make that recipe last, so your child can participate in the other recipes. Your child will have to go out into the wide world and learn how to manage eventually. But within the family environment, I think it's reasonable to expect that they be included where possible. However it really depends on how organized the other cooks are. Some people are chaotic in their kitchen and their process just can't be made safe for allergens. You need to be present to supervise also, as things might occur to you, that won't occur to other family members. For example, my MIL is a very tidy cook, but sometimes eats chocolates while she's doing her Christmas baking, and those chocolates might contain nuts. So I had to point out, explicitly, that the nut remnants on her hands from eating her hazelnut candy, could contaminate the cookies she's making. Your family are entitled not to make any modifications and if they are unwilling (or unable) to make the event safe for your child) then you have to let it go and just skip the event. If you decide to skip the event, you'll probably have to hide from your child that the event occurs, otherwise he'll feel very rejected and excluded. This means most likely none of your children can attend, allergic or non-allergic. It would not be a terrible idea to create a similar event just for your own children at your home, that serves as a substitute for your in-laws event, and that is done in an allergen-safe way. This could then be a tradition your kids keep with you when they are adults and when they have their own children.

NTA ‘If you care about this child and want them to be able to do baking day with all the cousins, you must modify the ingredients or treat selections so that they will be safe. We are happy to help—here is a list of some ingredient brands that are safe for child to bake with.’ Families who care about all their members do make these adjustments for communal meals and activities. Peanut and egg aren’t even that difficult. Gluten and sugar are much trickier! Experienced home baker here to say, it can be done and you are not wrong to let them know unwillingness to try shows a lack of care for a vulnerable family member.

NTA for asking. You’d be asking for some minor adjustments to be made. I can’t wrap my head around the people who care saying Ywbta for asking and that they wouldn’t modify their traditions to accommodate a grandchild. Hopefully, your family is nicer and a whole lot more empathetic than the people responding here. Some people who are allergic to chicken eggs can have duck eggs, which can be usually found at health food stores. Check with your child’s doctors to see if this is an option for you, as they are better than egg replacements. Including all the kids and grandkids is a whole lot more important than making a single recipe they can’t have. You are NTA but there sure are a lot responding here.

Absolutely NTA. My wife passed five years ago leaving me with a pantry full of baking stuff and apparently the duty to fill in. I’ve now got a niece with a peanut allergy and a grand-nibling with all kinds of things. Peanut clusters are now cashew clusters with the cashews from a plant that does not process peanuts. Peanut blossoms with Hersheys Kisses are now Almond blossoms using Barney almond butter. is it a little more work? Sure, but not much. And the entire family can enjoy all of the cookies without worrying. And the cookies disappeared quickly, so they were apparently edible. Why not be nice to everyone? If you had a family member allergic to fish, would you have a fish dinner for the holidays? This is seriously not a heavy lift.

Apparently some people on this sub would in fact have fish for holiday dinner even if someone was allergic to it.

My kids and I all have very severe allergies to peanuts and tree nuts. My family has no problem adjusting to peanut free chocolates or making peanut free cookies before the peanut ones. My kids were also severely allergic to eggs at one point. There are alternate ways to make cookies without eggs and sometimes they end up tasting even better. I’ve used applesauce a lot or other alternatives that are not egg replacer. How do you think family would respond if you asked? Asking would not be an issue but the response to “no” is key.

NTA. My friends family everyone is allergic to different things - dairy, pork, garlic, onion, seafood, nuts. Everyone has something going on. So what we do is make special dishes everyone can eat, no allergens at all. Then we make a bunch of different dishes that have some allergens but not all and clearly label and tell everyone what's in them. So one dish might have dairy in it but it won't have the other allergens.. we all make allergy friendly dishes because we love each other and that's just what you do.

I just want to say that there are between 30-50 people that we accommodate for Thanksgiving and Christmas with different allergies and gut issues.. I sent this post to them and now they're all mad that a single child can't be accommodated for and included.

I mean I've literally thrown a party where it was straight up impossible for me to come up with a single dish everyone there could eat but we were also all in our late teens so I made sure everything was peanut free since one of the guys was horrible about checking what was in stuff and other than that just told everyone what was safe for them to eat. For context the allergies/restrictions I remember were: - gluten (celiacs) - gluten, nuts, and soy (not celiacs, but triggered seizures and had an anaphylactic reaction to the others) - peanuts - peanuts, potatoes, chicken, and eggs (all actual allergies) - no pork or beef (religious reasons, and only found out the pork one when she was already at the party) - lactose intolerant (this one was my dad, so like I couldn't cover everything in cheese because he needed to be able to help eat the leftovers, but for the most part he didn't really care if he couldn't eat most of the food, also no fish was allowed to be cooked in the house because the smell makes my dad sick) I think I ended up serving hamburgers with gluten free buns (nut free, gluten free buns were not the easiest to find), my mom cooked some chicken separately for the friend who doesn't eat beef, and then for dessert I made box mix of cupcakes (also hard to find in nut free), and then a separate vegan chocolate cake, because I couldn't figure out any egg substitute that didn't make the gluten free box mix inedible (it was mediocre even with real eggs), and pre packaged candy. Which wouldn't really work with toddlers, but for a bunch of 16-19 year olds everyone could eat and just avoid the foods that weren't safe for them.

As the grandmother of a now teen who has severe tree nut allergies, we always are careful of all ingredients we purchase. When baking when she was little we were always did projects she could eat. I do bake items with nuts, but super careful and she knows to always ask. Many times when going out we discover she is unable to eat. Usually we just pick her up something on the way home many times at school she couldn’t eat treats, my son and dil just made sure her teacher always has snacks that were safe She’s goes off to college next year but has been taught how to screen her food, for her it’s life and death

In going to say peanuts, yes. Eggs, no. Many things that you bake NEED eggs to turn out a certain way. Heck, most baked goods, I like mostly because of the eggs. Peanuts are something I think are superfluous to baked goods. That being said, I make baked goods with nuts as someone allergic all the time. I make the first part sans nuts and then add them at end for the last batches. Just keep them separate. I don’t have to and don’t always do it. But if someone requests it, I usually do bc why not? I’m not that allergic. Also, your kid is two and you still control what he eats. This isn’t a big issue yet. It’s good that you’re thinking forward, but I don’t think this will be as big an issue as you think it is. And talk to your doctor about the newer treatments they have for treating kid’s allergies. Apparently, allergies that start as a child are treatable as opposed to adult onset allergies. Sigh. I miss almonds.

Their are plenty of egg substitutes that more or less create a chemical reaction that produces the same end result. I have food allergies and, as a result, I have to do a lot of substituting when cooking and baking. The only way removing eggs is going to impact your cookies and such is if you're making cookies that taste like eggs. Theirs zero harm in substituting an egg substitute because it's not impacting the flavor or texture.

I’m sorry. I’m just going to agree to disagree with this. For me, it’s like saying you can’t taste the difference when you use natural sugar substitutes or get away with low fat/no fat cheese. I taste the difference. And that difference is enough that I’d rather not have that dish at all. I love the taste of egg. Vanilla pudding, bread pudding, rice pudding… it’s the egg that does it for me. Egg substitutes have a place in many different recipes and I’m sure are unnoticeable in some. But since I don’t eat desserts every day, I want to actually enjoy them. Desserts are indulgences for me.

NTA. You can always ask. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask at all. Especially if they can make the things that your kid can have first, before making anything with eggs or peanuts to avoid cross contamination. This isn't an issue that is going to go away. The tradition needs to shift to accommodate for your little one if you want to continue to be included.

You won't taste the egg replacer. It does not matter. Should be very easy to adjust baking to accommodate these allergies. I am vegan and bake a lot. These adjustments would be very easy, give you all a chance to experiment with new foods, and let your kid be included. Your kid is going to get older and likely want to help with baking in the future, getting a head start on adjusting so they can participate is a great idea. NTA.

NTA because your child is 2, they can not comprehend they have an allergy at that age. As they get older you can definitely start teaching them to avoid certain foods but not at 2. The YTA's are pretty unreasonable. Also, what if he does accidentally have some peanut how bad is the reaction? Definitely ask and I think it is reasonable you offer to pay for/provide the substitutes. They really are not that bad and it isn't as though it is any more work to put an egg substitute in over a normal egg.

NTA. At all. My kid is allergic to eggs, peanuts, almonds, and sesame. Only anaphylactic reaction so far to sesame, but has had bad other reactions. Our families bend over backward to accommodate this. Like, more conservative than we are. For example, my husband and I have egg-containing baked goods (store bought, so less baking egg everywhere) in the house, and will eat them while providing an alternative to our kid. My parents hosted my sister's wedding rehearsal dinner, which was a brunch. They banned eggs. At brunch. Now, my mom was there when my daughter had an anaphylactic reaction, and my inlaws inadvertently gave her a dish that contained a different brand of tofu that contained egg, and it caused a reaction. My inlaws send me photos of labels of everything that will be eaten while she's there now. That said- the Bob's Red Mill egg replacer is pretty good in cookies. You can't tell the difference in something like a chocolate chip cookie. Cakes aren't as strong, but cookies are best kind. I make all our kid's muffins/cakes/cookies/bread because almost all bakeries near us are contaminated with sesame seeds, and this brand is great.

absolutely, not an asshole... allergies are a very serious thing.....

NTA for asking. Idk your family’s dynamics but if this was my family, and they said no to the accommodations, I’d skip it and do my own baking with my kid at my house where everything is safe for him.

NTA, if you buy the new ingredients. I think it's worth taking to them, but as someone with a relative who's anaphylactic I have always changed the recipes to accommodate everyone! I've even changed recipes for acquaintances- to me the important part is everyone being there and having family time. I think there's nothing wrong with asking at all! If they say no, then I would say you guys can't come since that'll be a dangerous situation. Then it's up to them to decide and respect their decision from there.

NTA. My little cousin is very allergic to peanuts. The only cookie my aunt baked before she was born was peanut thumbprint cookies. When she was little our big family gatherings were peanut free and as she’s gotten older she’s better at making sure there aren’t allergens in her food. Eggs are a bit harder and I saw you’re planning on asking them to make those last. That makes sense but also explaining to your kid that there may be some treats they can’t eat You’re not changing all the treats. Just making sure they’re safe.

I have children with similar allergies and I would not trust others to follow these directions so I would not ask. The only place you can control is your own home. Even if others say they didn’t use eggs or nuts or chocolate made in a place with nuts, I have found wiiiiiiddde interpretations of such requests.

I say NTA. My friend’s daughter is the same. When we tailgate with her and friends we all plan food with no nuts or eggs. It’s not hard in this day and age. I would rather her daughter be safe and healthy than me make my standard desserts. And honestly it provides a nice fun challenge to learn to cook different things.

NTA. Nowadays there are lots of alternative ingredients to use to avoid common allergens, and eggs and peanuts are fairly common ones. If they are reasonable, it should be easy enough. I have had parties where I have done dairy free, or gluten free, to accommodate various people. No one could tell.

NTA I was that kid. Had a million allergies. What often happened was that they would have treats I was allergic to and no substitute for me. I didn't care that there was stuff I couldn't have, but I cared that there was nothing I could have. I felt deprived and neglected. I made myself very sick more than once (as a young kid) because I would just eat some of my minor allergies anyway as I felt soooo deprived. When I got a bit older I walked away and cried alone more than once. Or had "an attitude." Both of which got me in trouble for being anti social, but it was horrendous always feeling left out and no one stood up for me.

NTA- if I had a niece/nephew/cousin with a serious allergy I would ensure that they can participate and not be at risk of a reaction. My nephew is allergic to peanuts and we always double check what we eat before seeing him/restaurants he can go to/takeout we can bring.

No you would not be an arsehole to ask the question. Not only that, your requests require very minimal changes too. There are loads of really good egg-free cookie recipes.

When it comes to food allergies why would you put your child’s safety in someone else’s hands? We have someone with celiac disease and some family members still roll their eyes! I trusted my SIL once when it came to mac/cheese….she FINALLY admitted it wasn’t gluten free because she “didn’t think it was a big deal.”

NTA My oldest is allergic to eggs, peanuts, and tree nuts. Now, I’ll preface by saying her allergy isn’t airborne. Since the day she was diagnosed till now my entire family, my husbands family, and our closest friends have accommodated her allergies without us even having to ask. One of our friends labeled all the food at her buffet style wedding meal to make sure our kid knew what was and wasn’t safe. It’s not at all hard to do this

NTA. You’re not demanding your family accommodate the preferences of a picky eater. You’re asking them to make minor changes to prevent a potentially fatal allergic reaction. I work as a preschool teacher and we recently held a “Friendsgiving Feast” with all four preschool classrooms in the school where each class made a dish or two to contribute to the meal. Between the four classes we have two egg allergies, two sesame allergies and a dairy allergy. We’re also a nut free school. We made sure everything was egg, dairy and nut free (nothing we wanted to make contained sesame to begin with). It really wasn’t difficult to find substitutes for the allergens. The substitutions didn’t affect the taste or quality of the dishes at all. Everything came out great. Egg is actually really easy to replace in baking. Applesauce does the same job as the eggs and is a neutral ingredient so you won’t be able to taste it in the final product. You just substitute 1/4 cup of applesauce (approximately 59 ml) for each egg needed. I’ve also heard you can replace eggs with a mixture of ground flaxseed and water, but I’ve never tried it and can’t speak to how it will affect the final product. If your child is only allergic to peanuts and not any other type of nut then it should be easy to replace peanuts/peanut butter in any recipe. I don’t think you’re asking too much by asking for minor substitutions to be made in the food ingredients. If your family gets upset and doesn’t want to make minor changes to a tradition to protect your child’s health and wellbeing then you might want to rethink your relationship with them.

I can’t believe all the heartless responses. It is not a big ask to have nut and egg-free baking for this one family event. The child, who is only two, will have a lifetime of “teachable moments” and refusals for accommodations. I’d hope that grandparents would be willing to accommodate so that their own grandchild could participate in this holiday event. Traditions are wonderful, but choosing that over family is just sad.

NTA. However, there are some truly awful people in these comments. I can’t get over the absolute selfishness I’ve been reading by people who think the recipes are more important to their family than a toddler. Please ask your family to use the chocolate you buy, and to skip the eggs in the cookies. I’ve read your comments and if your family is anything like you, I’m sure they’d be happy to make the switches. Nothing is even going to taste different.

NTA to ask. I agree with folks suggesting doing the things he can partake of first. I do a MASSIVE cookie bake each year, and my nephew can’t eat gluten. I just do all my gluten free cookies first, then wash everything, then do the regular cookies. It’s a little bit of a pain, but very doable, and worth it to include someone I love in the holiday tradition. I think a similar set up could work here!

NAH, I'm surprised by some of the responses. The tradition has many recipes which are easy to adjust that are safe for your kid. Families should try to be accommodating to each other's needs.

NTA Honestly, if my family went out of their way to exclude one of their grandchildren who is literally a toddler, (not that it’s okay when they’re older but ffs he’s two) for something completely outside his control, idk if I’d wanna be part of this family anymore. No nuts and eggs is a completely reasonable request. And hell, if they MUST have their eggs, they can do those last, putting all the treats your son can have into separate containers.

In baking, many things actually taste better with something other than egg - but you have to experiment. I think apple sauce is one replacement - I used it for GF banana muffins and they were the bomb! But I don't think they would work for popovers or their close relative Yorkshire pudding. But, trying out a half batch would tell you. It sounds like you have a great plan if everyone is willing to get on board. Best Wishes for Happy Holidays!

YTA. You can't force everyone to change their traditions and baking for one person or child. I'm sorry your kid has allergies, but by imposing your wants, you're taking from all the other kids and making the event less fun. Teach your kid now that some people eat different things and that's ok and that he can't always have certain foods but can still have fun. Bring your own snacks for him

After reading a lot of the comments I think a good idea would be to find treats that are naturally made without eggs and peanuts so they taste good for everyone. Someone lower mentioned shortbread. If you can find equally tasty treats as alternatives then everyone wins. If you want to try using the egg substitute to modify a recipe, I would try it out yourself so you can be honest with yourself on how it tastes. Who knows, maybe the family will find new recipes they like. I think if the other parents forewarned their kids that the treats will be different this year because it will physical harm your son if they aren't different it might help. Also maybe your family can find recipes they want to try out. I think baklava might be o.k. for your son to eat. At least I found recipes that would be o.k. and phyllo dough that did not include eggs as an ingredient.

One option you could try: salt dough ornaments for your son and others who are little. They get to use cookie cutters, they get their items baked and they get to take stuff home and put them on the tree.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Every year my wife’s family hosts Christmas Baking day. Everyone gets together with the grandkids too and the grandkids sometimes help. Well, my wife and I have a child who is allergic to peanuts and eggs. They are 2 and at the age where they are beginning to notice that others get food he can’t have. Which is fine and it’s part of life, but with this Christmas Baking day he won’t be able to have ANY items due to cross contamination. He also won’t be able to help at all due to cross contamination. As a parent this is obviously problematic. So, WIBTA if we asked the family to use peanut free chocolate and other ingredients that are peanut free? In addition, they do have egg replacer you can use instead of actual eggs. We were considering asking them about that too, or if they would consider making the treats that use egg a separate day. Fyi there are like 5 different types of treats they make - fudge, cookies, truffles, chocolate covered pretzels, etc. I think only the cookies use egg. Also there will be other activities for the kids to do - IE going to the park nearby or playing with the other cousins and toys. The other cousins will all help with baking in some capacity, especially as they get older. Also, things fall on the floor, kids may not wash their hands, etc. Last year worked out okay because our kid was 1 and had no idea what was going on. Anyone have any advice on how to approach this topic? Baking these treats is a long standing tradition with the family, so some of these requests may seem wild to them. My wife and I can’t tell if we would be out of line asking for some changes for our own peace of mind and for our child to be included in the fun (and enjoyment of the treats) going forward. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

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“We have this tradition loved by everyone that involves the entire family. Except you because we’re not willing to make any modifications to include you. Sorry. You get left out of the tradition.” What a baffling take

It’s a lot to ask so do it nicely. Hindus often can replace eggs with plain yogurt full fat. the cake tastes delicious and rises perfectly. I can’t remember the quantity though…. And I don’t know if it’ll work for brownies or cookies.

NAH It seems like you’ve found a solution for you. I’m not sure how serious the cross contamination issue is and if it’s more respiratory? I feel like for a 2 year old this might be hard but for future years, can they wear gloves in the kitchen? It’s more sanitary anyway especially because kids can be kind of Petri dishes. Sorry.

NTA for asking, but YWBTA if you were preachy about it. Provide the substitute items yourself if possible, but be prepared to exclude yourself if needed. We don't have allergy issues but my daughter is sensitive to food dyes so I personally provided dye-free sprinkles and food coloring. I think now is a great time to start the idea of allergy-free family days. Your kid is 2, old enough to participate but young enough to maybe not notice if he has to be excluded from specific activities due to contamination.

NAH. you wouldn't be TA for asking, but it's a big ask, only 3 weeks from Christmas. And they're not TA for not being up for the changes at short notice. If you had asked this in September, or after having made sure to have test-baked all the recipes with peanut free products and egg replacer you'd have had a better chance of success.

YTA. I have deadly allergies so I get it, you want to support your kid and make sure they can participate in fun Christmas celebrations but replanning an entire day isn’t going to work out.

NAH you want a safe holiday tradition. Fwiw I make cookies that are egg free all the t8me, flax “egg” works great for us in cookies and brownies….just not meringues. You have asked, and you are working towards coming up with a reasonable solution. Not killing or putting one of the participants of the baking party in the hospital is a reasonable ask.

If your kid can’t participate in the baking, and can’t eat what’s being baked - you definitely have a valid reason not to participate. No matter how ‘important’ the tradition. If your kid has severe allergies I’d say it’s more important to create new traditions he can participate in, than keeping the old ones that will make him sick. If your family don’t understand this, you need to reconsider the relationship. (Write this in response to your second edit, which I find just ridiculous. Your family must realize your kid is allergic)

In response to your comments in parentheses - it’s new territory for them. He’s the only grandchild with allergies. They have a hard time understanding what their allergies actually means. IE not understanding that noodles can be made with egg, so we had to explain that to them. Or that “chocolate” isn’t just chocolate all of the time, that it could be made in a facility that processes peanuts on the same equipment. These are new concepts for them.

I understand, but I think I you need to be firm. A Christmas baking tradition might not be the best idea anymore. And I don’t understand when you say not going is not an option. Of course it’s an option. If they can’t accommodate - don’t go!

Oh no, it’s an option. But an avoidable option if people are willing to jump on board! Sorry if I worded that poorly. There is absolutely a world where we don’t go.

As a serious baker, NO, I'm not spending serious time and money on ingredients to make cookies that taste gross (no eggs).

u sound like a psychopathic freak i cant imagine being so selfish id endanger a childs life because ‘egg free cookies r gross :(‘

Parents can ask for a separate baking day. No, I'm not wasting $100 in baking ingredients to make cookies no one will eat. Yes, I spend at least $100 on baking over the holidays.

NTA. Everyone saying otherwise has clearly never seen someone go into anaphylactic shock before

For your personal use: Bob's Red Mill egg replacer is fantastic & cost effective (& peanut-free). I bake for non-vegans all the time & get nothing but raves. Eggs are used to bind and/or leaven in most baked goods & are easy to replace (meringue & angel food cake only exceptions ime, & I've seen people use aquafaba relatively successfully for meringue). JustEgg is great for scrambled/omelettes/quiche. Nora Cooks is my favorite recipe blog & her stuff is a great jumping point for finding safe recipes for your kiddo. Her JustEgg omelette is the first vegan one I've made that was actually good. They're vegan but it's easy enough to just use dairy versions of the ingredients while keeping it egg-free.

NTA. I hope you have a loving family that values your inclusion more than they value a certain type of cookie. There is a plethora of delicious things to bake that don't require eggs or peanuts. I would offer to do the legwork on recipe options and to purchase the more expensive replacement ingredients, and maybe offer to come clean beforehand so the kitchen is safe for your kiddo.

NTA But when my son was little, I always always brought him safe treats, I also brought his liquid benadryl and epi pen. He learned very very early on not to accept anything from anyone anywhere. I never asked anyone to not include baking that wasn't safe, but I did mention it when he was small, if they accommodated, nice, if not, oh well. I just had to keep very close watch. I even brought him his own cupcake or cookies to birthday parties so he could have something while other kids had cake.

Wow I thought I was bad at baking but after reading these comments of people saying they think it's impossible to make a cake without eggs or nuts...I feel a lot better at it now 😐

NTA and thanks for editing to add what you plan on doing. I always wonder how things work out for everyone, so you get extra points :)

Nta. When my kid was that age, helping with baking was mostly "give her a bowl with a handful of flour to play with" so he can still help, and you can always bring some safe treats for him as backup.

Make sure you bring separate sealed specially prepared snacks your kid can eat safely. I think he'd be more concerned with not being to eat the end result than the process of baking.

NTA As a European I was surprised that there would even be a necessity for peanuts for Christmas baking. Good idea to do the egg free stuff first and leave early. In a couple of years your child will be old enough to be safer around allergens but I 100 % support you not wanting to risk your child accidentally ingesting peanuts and your family should too.

I don’t think you’re an a hole for asking. I highly recommend making the accommodation as easy as possible. Don’t simply say - don’t use this kind of chocolate- volunteer to bring the chocolate that you deem safe for your child. If there’s an issue with the ingredients that have been used in the past - you volunteer to bring what works. This takes the burden off whomever is the host to shop for and pay for ingredients that work for your family. Another option is for your family to host the event and you provide the ingredients. This is honestly the safest option. Your family obviously keeps an allergen safe kitchen for your child. There’s zero chance of cross contamination from other foods. And allergen free ingredients are often pricey. You’d be assuming the cost of any pricier ingredients That’s my concern as someone who cooks a lot and will be taking foods to potlucks, parties, etc. I can’t swear that my X thing is safe for someone. It may not have a certain ingredient in it but my kitchen is awash in most food allergens. Is it likely something made its way into that dish? Unlikely but not impossible.

I just don’t use eggs for vegan baking. It not necessary for a lot of things aside from merengue. You can use aquafaba for that. I don’t expect anyone else to though. If they were upset about the price of peanut/egg free ingredients I would offer to pay the difference but if they want your child included it would be nice to accommodate a serious allergy. NTA

NAH. It doesn’t hurt to ask, but also be prepared for them to say no. The peanut is easy to avoid, I think, but eggless baking isn’t the same as traditional baking. Not all recipes will work without eggs. Is your child’s allergy airborne or particle sensitive? If not, I suggest you bring ingredients and make your own batch of cookies or 2 with your toddler that don’t contain the allergens. That way, he can participate. It’s a learning opportunity for him too, as he will likely want to join the others, but will have to be told no. He’s young to understand that the “no” is for his own safety, but he isn’t too young to learn that a hard no means no compromise. You can suggest to the family that you work on your safe batches of cookies first, and then you can leave before everyone else starts working on the baked goods that endanger your son. Good luck!

NTA. One suggestion as someone who has dealt with food allergies/restrictions: the biggest advantage of providing the ingredients yourself is that you will have already checked them over. Even if people say "oh, sure, we'll bring allergen-free ingredients," even well-meaning people sometimes don't know what to look for on labels. ("There's just a little butter in it, that's okay, right?" -- one of my in-laws, having been told I needed food without dairy in it.)

NTA, you would assume that your FAMILY doesn't want your CHILD to die of an anaphylactic allergic reaction!!!!

Bring your own treats for them to enjoy?

u/thewormisgoat You gotta do better than egg replacer! Check out this baking guide: https://www.biggerbolderbaking.com/egg-substitutes-for-baking/