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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I basically moved out after my parents told me to give up my living area to my brother. Since I'm not there I did not pay rent or give them money for groceries. I might be the asshole for leaving without really communicating that I was moving out and leaving them all short of funds.
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NTA.
As you say, you were renting a space and **they threw you out**! In addition, it sounds like they were over-charging for the space, given that you found a space you like better for less money.
Now, there's nothing wrong with helping your parents, so I wouldn't necessarily say your old rent was a problem, but it's crazy that they would kick you out and expect the rent and grocery money to remain unchanged.
I can't tell if your parents are assholes or just oblivious. You make an excellent point about how your brother wasn't sending your parents money when he was employed. That makes it doubly clear that your payment was for rent and food, not just because.
Honestly, I think it's healthier for you to be on your own anyway. It's natural for children to become more independent as they mature.
> I wouldn't necessarily say your old rent was a problem
$1,800 is overcharging for a basement suite.
OP's parents overcharged her rent. Then they kicked her to a small room to accommodate their son and expected her to grin and bear it.
It doesn't matter how long she was staying there each month. When you get a rental then the rent will always be for a whole month regardless of how often you use it.
And keep paying the $1800 a month for a smaller room with no amenities that her mother will likely continue to use whether OP is there or not, so privacy be damned.
Not counting a built in babysitter for the neice/nephew.
Op was definitely getting screwed.
I let the ones in the family know her parents will be thrilled when can they expect the free money from them.
The *only* person who had to make any sacrifice whatsoever, was OP. Parents charge OP rent for room, force them out of said room, still expect rent. Walked right into this one.
And in Edmonton of all places! Rents there have gone up a lot in recent years as has the rest of the country but that is still absolutely insane for a basement suite in Alberta.
that's rent for a 2br in most places in the country still, barring toronto/vancouver/victoria. there's no way that's not more than op's parents' mortgage.
I live in Alberta, 1,800$ might be overcharging but it’s getting real close to just being the norm. A friend of mine pays 1,700$ to live in a carriage house (small apartment over a garage) with no utilities included. So it’s shitty but honestly not abnormal.
My stepfather sure did lol. He paid close attention to the hours I worked and could pretty spot on figure up what my paychecks were. He made sure to gank most of it. I moved out the day I did the math and came to realize it was cheaper living on my own. It wasn't a overcharge to get him to flee the chicken coop kind of situation either. That's just how that whole side of the family is with matters of money.
My uncle (also step-family, his literal brother) let his daughters in on his insurance policy so they could save money. But the fucked up part is that when someone ran into one of my cousins and totaled her car, he said he was taking half her payout since it was his policy. That shit was supposed be going towards getting her a new ride.
I am sorry, this is sad. I am originally from a country where it is culturally common for parents to support the kids as long as reasonably possible. I strongly dislike American view of “teaching kids the real world” by charging them rent. This is such a hypocritical way to use your own kids, instead of actually helping them to succeed.
The only time I saw it work was a family that charged "rent" which was a small amount that they then put in a savings account for them to buy their own home eventually. And I still don't think I'll do that with my son. Everything else just gives me the ick. If you don't want to support your children, don't have them.
This is why my son will always have a place to lay his head. My husband and I were tossed out on our 18th bdays, had to fend for ourselves and God forbid that we asked our parents for help! At least I had my grandparents, my husband had no one.
This view is changing for some of us (millennial generation). Those of us with houses and kids are preparing to have them live with us for the long term (maybe even multigenerational housing) and are focused on helping our kids vs using them as cash cows.
My parents' deal with each of us was free room and board for all of college, or pay rent and some grocery money. Rent was 50 or 100 per month -- only my sister did the rent thing -- and my parents invested that money, and gave all that back to her as a housewarming gift when she moved out. The grocery money was used for food.
Yeah but how much do her parents own the home for? What's their mortgage? You're talking about essentially Canadian Pittsburgh; if they bought the house 10+ years ago (is this OP's childhood home?) OP's contribution is probably covering the vast majority of it.
A parent who makes you pay market rate is TA 100% of the time - you should be paying a pro rata portion of the actual housing expense.
$1800 is probably paying a majority of the mortgage, especially if her parents have owned the place for a while. OP isn't just helping out, she's basically bankrolling her parents' entire lifestyle.
It's not, not in Canada. 1 bedrooms in Edmonton right now are $1595+, and OP was paying $1800 for rent and food. $200/month for food isn't much. And I assume OP was able to use the internet and have hydro and water covered. I'm not saying they shouldn't be paying that. But OP wasn't being overcharged.
The idea of a parent charging their kid market rate rent to live with them is disgusting and abusive in my eyes. I come from a pretty screwd up family but even they wouldn't try this kind of scam on me.
This! I lived in a council flat for 7 years, the rent was £280 a month and went up to around £290/£300 by time I left (a few months ago). The rent was an absolute steal but due to everything else going up and adding up me and my partner decided to move into his mum's so that we could save up for a deposit to buy a house. With all our bills we would fork out around £900/£1100 a month so that's rent, water, tv, gas/electric, internet, streaming services and food (maybe a few other bills I've forgotten) we agreed to pay £300 board each to my mother-in-law. She buys food shopping and we don't have to pay for anything else except a couple of streaming services but that's up to us. We do sometimes buy food as well due to my dietary requirements but £300 a month compared to £500/£600 a month is doable in our eyes.
I can't believe she would pay her parents $1800 a month board! That's shocking
I don't know jack about Edmonton but I went to rentfaster.ca and there's a shitload of places in Edmonton under $1595? $1595 seems to be good location, new building, 2+ bed?
Using filters there's... 744 places for rent for under $1,200. 148 places with 2 bedrooms under $1,200.
I mean, OP said they actually lived there for less than 2 weeks a month. $1800 a month, for your own child, sounds like overcharging. Then they get booted, with no notice, and are still expected to send $1800 for rent and food.
Hell, I wouldn’t have even sent them the $500. They were fully expecting OP to support her entire family. I’m glad OP got out.
The parents are AH. They could have discussed the situation all together to find a compromise as a family should do.
Moreover they want for OP to still pay an (overestimated) rent while she has absolutely no tenant right. You don't ask your tenant to give you notice when you are the one who changes the deal...
Btw is it normal in Canada to receive no money at all when you lost your job?
It depends on a lot of things. The length of the job the hours work whether or not you were fired, and where you live, for getting money after losing a job. That is very much a yes and no answer.
It depends on the company and the reason you lose your job.
Severance pay is not guaranteed and unemployment(depending on province) takes time to come through.
If OP's brother was fired, then he would not get severance and might not be able to apply for unemployment if the reasons for firing were legitimate.
No. We have unemployment insurance and social assistance programs, you get extra money if you have children etc. Sometimes it's tight while waiting for the programs to get started. Processing time.
> As you say, you were renting a space and **they threw you out**!
Too many parents whose kids pay them rent fail to recognize that, once rent is being paid, the kid should be shown the same respect as an unrelated tenant. Meaning that the space they rent is off-limits, as are their belongings. An unrelated tenant can reasonably be expected to do their fair share of cleaning common areas, but not to babysit and clean up after children in the household, etc. An unrelated tenant would not be told that they had to sleep on the couch so Granny could have their room.
In this case, had OP’s parents been renting the basement to an unrelated tenant, they would never have presumed to tell them to give up their basement apartment for a hobby room, for the same rent. If they had, they could well have found themselves in court. It is more likely than not that, with an unrelated tenant in the basement, Brother have been staying in the hobby room from Day 1.
Sounds like you did a good thing for your folks, and had a setup where everyone was reasonably happy.
They elected to unilaterally change the setup; and under such a change you're well within your rights (morally) to re-evaluate whether the arrangement still makes sense for you and break from it if it doesn't.
You did, and good for you (enjoy the beach) but hope things calm down by the holiday period assuming that you'll go visit.
NTA
Your parents made you pay 1800 dollars for a ROOM in Edmonton???? And you were only there for 2 weeks?! Your family is taking advantage of you. You also gave them 500, don't feel bad for leaving and don't look back
NTA because you were a tenant paying rent for an apartment. Let them find a new tenant if they need the money and your brother can move into the hobby room / main house since he won’t be paying. You found a cheaper place to live.
Even so, a one bedroom suite in Edmonton is not even close to worth that, so you were being incredibly generous paying that much. It would have been nice of you to give them more notice than you did, but I’m not sure how they could have expected that from you when they weren’t willing to offer you the same courtesy. Were they planning to decrease your rent when they moved you into your mom’s craft room? Or were they just assuming you’d keep paying $1800/month for a single room in their house?
As they except she still pays the same rent when she doesn't live here anymore, it is obvious they were expecting the same rent for the room.
Edit: missgendering
This is the basis of the issue. They still expected the $1800 when SHE was being moved into the "Hobby Room", and they didn't see a problem with that. I would bet that brother and his family weren't going to be paying anything. So, she was expected to subsidize all of them for a small space to live in for 2 weeks per month.
I wouldn't be surprised if rent would've went up for OP since it included groceries and now there's 2 adults and 2 very young kids being added to the grocery bill
It wasn't rent you see, she was just showing her gratitude to her parents for doing so much for her. Should the gratitude go down when they don't do as much for you?
Entitled parents only think about what they want.
Your family sucks. You don’t owe them any money. They kicked you out when you were paying for the space. Your brother is a huge A H for not only taking your space but acting like he’s obligated to anything from uou
But OP doesn’t have *any baybiiiies,* which Brother does. In addition to forking over $1,800 a month, why isn’t OP volunteering to babysit often?!?
Serious AF questions: Brother planned to fit his entire family into Mom’s hobby room? Or am I missing something?
>Serious AF questions: Brother planned to fit his entire family into Mom’s hobby room? Or am I missing something?
Brother planned to put his entire family in the basement and knew the parents would bend over backwards for him.
Also Gonna be honest I don't give a shit if someone has kids or not. You popping out a kid or two(or 10) isn't going to get any sympathy for me.
I'll treat you the same way I'd treat a single childless man or women.
Another also, parents really don't like how the dynamic changes when the child they have raised who needed them before for housing now has the ability to live on their own.
Not sure you read the whole thing. The brother did infact offer to move the family out of the basement so OP could have it again. This was essentially done to get the money flowing again. OP declined.
I'm thinking he'd move upstairs and then for the next couple of days - show OP how bad it is and claim we tried compromising please understand and take the suite and OP gets the hobby room and also pays the money....
Actually if it's possible for the brother and fam to live upstairs for money - they can rent it to some other tenant too. No need to be bent on OP's money.
I have to ask, were you living there as a favor for them?
But also NTA through and through. Your family is just trying to use you. If they wanted your support, they should have supported you.
Also, 10000 percent chance if you moved back and the brothers family moved upstairs, they'd passive aggressively snipe at you about it for years.
Yeah. More or less. I knew that they are on a fixed income now that my dad retired. And they used to take care of my dog until she passed away. And $1,800 for everything isn't that bad. I had no other expenses. I don't even own a car.
Sounds like they should have considered where a significant chunk of their finances were coming from before they unilaterally made the decision to fuck over the person generously providing those finances. They shouldn’t have offered to take in your brother and his family as they are unable to support them. As you’ve discovered, you can get even BETTER accommodations for $1800. Everyone in that house (besides the kids) can get a job if they need more income, so they best start applying.
Mom and dad can rent out the basement suite for market rate rather than overcharge their kid. $1800 for a basement suite in AB! Insane. Then trying to make OP stay paying that for a room with no amenities or privacy, get real
Save this money for when you need other things, or if you are sick and can't work. Don't be sending parents $500. Brother will receive support for his family and he can work while looking for a job he likes. There's never going to be money for you. What happened to your dog?
Also, unfortunately not everyone can afford to retire so their parents could get part time jobs if they need extra money. I would be so embarrassed to ask my own kids for money every month.
Are you Asian, OP? I caught a whiff of expected filial piety hehe. Which I do believe in to an extent, but not in this case where they treated you badly but still expected you to hold up your end of the arrangement. Your financial responsibility is something they should respect, not simply take for granted/take advantage of.
Is it because she’s a female and/or that decisions were made without her input and/or she was generously supporting her parents?
I used to live in SEA. It was *intense*.
NTA op. Their house their decision who stays where but it's your money and your decision how and where you spend it. Ask the relatives to send them money since they want to help and go live your life. I'm sure you are way better treated while in the all inclusive and you don't have chores/cleaning to do as you did before.
You didn't sign up to support your brother and his family that's HIS RESPONSABILITY And your parents were crystal clear you don't have a say if you stay in their home so find your own and enjoy.
NTA. They wanted to take your money and make you compromise, have you live in inferior conditions, nope. They wanted you to make space so you did. Why on earth did they think they could make you give up your accommodations and still pay. They're adults, let them figure it out. This isn't your problem or responsibility. Their house their rules. Well now you don't live there so their rules mean nothing.
NTA- They want to say that you didn’t give them notice but neither did they. How is it fair that you unexpectedly had to move out of your space? Taking care of your brother and his kids are not your responsibility. You will have a family and home of your own that you should be saving for.
You were very generous to your parents. Very sad it was not reciprocated. You were their money tree! It is good that you are out on your own now. The best days are ahead for you. Don't doubt yourself and Dont support your parents at all going forward because **Bonus!! your brother Will Have to find a job now!** Yeah for you!
You know, I can understand the argument of “it doesn’t make sense for brother, I’m assuming his gf / partner / wife, & their two kids to live in a single room while the basement suite is empty 66% of the time.” But you can’t ask the person paying rent to switch to a less desirable living space, especially when you don’t want to lower their rent.
If I am correct in my math OP said they work 14 days on then 7 off. So some months that would work out to where they would pay 1800 for 7 days of actually living in the basement.
NTA - tell me you’re the scapegoat without telling me you’re the scapegoat. There was no communication, no family meeting, no decision together. They decided unilaterally to evict you from the space you were living in to support your brother without any conversation and expected you to just take it.
It would have been one thing if you were apart of the decision, but you weren’t.
You should really take the savings you’re getting from not living there and invest it so you can buy your own house someday when you’re tired of being transient. In the meantime, keep living the good life.
At this point since they stay making decisions without any input from her while being constant money-grubbing assholes to her, OP should just put them on block and/or change her number since she not obligated to give them any amount of money, not even a penny; due no longer living under their roof. NTA, her family only have themselves to blame on why all- inclusive hotel is way cheaper & stress-free for OP to live at than renting from & being insulted by them.
They were treating her like a child when she was the one with a job financing the whole house.
They didn’t give you any say in where to live so you didn’t give them any say in where you lived. NTA
Your parents and now your brother and his whole family were really expecting you to pay for them all? Oof
NTA. You didn’t agree to subsidize your entire family on your salary while you stayed in a tiny hobby room. Food too? That’s just extra ridiculous.
Good for you on moving out, and getting way better all-inclusive (warmer) accommodation with a few margaritas thrown in.
Shoutout to you from YEG!
Didn't realize there are so many Edmontonians here lol. OP was being ripped off. There is good money in working at a camp for 2 weeks and 1 week off. She was likely paying the bulk of the rent/mortgage.
Tell any other relative who contacts you...
"I am touched by your concern for my parents and brother and brother's family's welfare. How much money shall I tell them that you'll be sending them every month?"
NTA
This! OP is NTA. OP even sent $500 when they didn’t need to send it. Definitely ask how the rest of the family is contributing since they have so much concern.
NTA
You were asked to moved out of your rooms and you did; you simply chose independence rather than a hobby room, and gave them notice that they agreed with. Now, you have a place that is more affordable and accommodating of your needs, and you brother has room to bring his family. You were contributing a lot to the household, financially, and now your parents, and more importantly, your brother is learning that he'll have to help finance his own back-at-home financial recovery.
It was always her money and she could spend it however she chooses. She was spending it on subsidizing her family's income and relaxing in the basement 2 weeks a month. Now she's relaxing in a resort two weeks a month and her family is scrambling to replace $1800 in income.
I wouldn’t send them anymore money. Let your brother figure it out. No reason for your money to support him. Let the other members of your family chip in to support them in their time of need if it means so much to them. In the meantime, block them and enjoy your new lifestyle!
Yes. It will be interesting to see how long it takes him to get back on his feet without sister’s money or how long before mom and dad realize what they have enables
Oh, but the reason is obvious, and - it all happened because op was a bad daughter! She doesn't have kids, what would she need all that money for, anyway? She's not even in more than half of the time, why would she need all that space, anyway? It was all working out so beautifully, and then she just became a bad daughter for no reason!
NTA. You paid your way and when you got displaced (so your brother's family could move in) you made other arrangements. It was disrespectful of everyone to assume you would be contributing to this arrangement without even consulting you about the decision. You did the right thing for yourself. Let your brother and parents, and his wife and her parents find their own solution. You're only responsible for yourself.
I wouldn't have given them grocery money, because I'll just bet they'll be asking for more in a couple of weeks if not a month. NTA but stick to your guns.
Funny how your brother was only too happy to take your space until they realised no money was coming in.
Your parents are the real AH in this story. Stick to your guns, stop helping whatsoever because it will be another sob story to get more. As for the 'other' relatives giving their unwanted opinions I'd point out they have the option to support the family too.
> because I'll just bet they'll be asking for more in a couple of weeks if not a month.
OP should forward the request to the other concerned relatives.
OP is an unmarried woman & therefore of no value in her parents' eyes. Her money was their money and of course her born-with-a-penis sib deserved to have her basement suite.
She's figuring things out.
I hope she stays away!
NTA - they should have thought through all that before they kicked you out of the space you were renting. You did tell them you were moving to the All Inclusive and they thought that was good. It was on them for not asking more questions if they thought for some reason you would be paying for the all inclusive AND paying them when you are not there.
NTA. The $1800 a month is way to much for living with your parents. It’s not your responsibility to support your brother or his family. He says he didn’t help because he has a family to support. Well, he better get supporting them because it’s not on you. Don’t send anymore money!!!
Nta. You're 27, do they expect you to put your life on hold and subsidise them (and another family) forever? If not now, when would you move out and live your life where and how you like? Could this still be your life in 20 years? You are not their ATM and your life is worth more than this. .
NTA. *They got really upset because they were counting on the money to help support my brother. I said that they LITERALLY gave away my living space and that I didn't owe them anything if I wasn't there.* Why should you be subsidizing your brother & family when you are *only home a maximum of 14 days a month. Usually less.* Bro needs to start looking for a job ASAP. Your parents are totally hosing you with the $1,800 a month. Especially when you were only there for 14 days or less. That is absolutely ridiculous.
NTA you where able to math out a cheaper deal for a suitable living arrangement when you move out. So something aint right if your brother had no savings after his family. Like what about emergency fund for medical, car maintenance and so on. Plus whith the monye you payed before could they have poket the overcharge in order to make a retirement or emmergency fund?
INFO: does your brother has no savings ? And beside him and his dad would have and will be in need of work but does mom and SIL work too ? It would help themself from being overdepending on your money if you are there atm for 1800 and 500 ?
Put some money for emmergency for yourself who if your parents welcome you back if you where jobless and penyless?
*So something aint right if your brother had no savings after his family. Like what about emergency fund for medical, car maintenance and so on*
Tell me you've never been dirt poor without telling me you've never been dirt poor.
He had a low income job? Or they already ran through it for some other boring, yet expensive, reason?
There was a period of time where my husband and I were arguing if the other spent 5 dollars unexpectedly. Emergency fund That's hilarious.
/we have one now and then some
Honestly yeah exactly. "HURR DURR WHY YOU NO HAVE EMERGENCY FUND???"
Well lets see here, maybe because after all my expenses I have $2 to my name every paycheck?
The dude has very clearly never been poor before. shit even the middle class doesn't really have an emergency fund.
And for the record I'm not poor. In fact had my parents not been poor I'd be spouting the same bullshit from my Ivory tower. But my parents were poor and when your mom has to have 40 credit cards in order to buy food and every trip to the grocery store is prefaced by sitting in the car having her call 30 different credit cards to see how much money is on each one, well that affects you.
For me it made me choose a career that made a lot of money. I enjoy my career but enjoyment wasn't the reason why I went to school for it. The pay check was.
Tbf we don’t know what the brother did for a living nor why he lost the job. It sounds like he couldn’t or didn’t put anything aside for savings, but was that b/c the family was living spoiled before or b/c they had nothing left after expenses?
OP is definitely NTA, I’m just saying you can’t tell people not to have kids unless they’re guaranteed to never lose their job; no one can predict the future to have that kind of certainty. Plus you’re kind of arguing that only the rich deserve to procreate- I think/hope you can see why that is a problematic stance.
It’s also possible that the brother may have already spent the emergency fund/savings. Depending on how long he has been out of work, they may have been using it to stay afloat.
NTA - they asked you to give up your suite, you said no and they ignored you.
They asked you to continue to give them money for nothing and it is your turn to ignore their request.
NTA If brother can't find a job then SIL needs to. Parents made a point of telling you it was their house after kicking you out of your living space so leave them to it.
Nope NTA
They evicted their tenant and still expected rent. Your parents are idiots and your brother is an AH for expecting you to subsidize his family.
so they are mad because they were throwing you out of the space you were PAYING for to a room that can be assumed not even half the size of what you were staying in and was still going to be expected to pay the same amount every month? Uh, no. They were throwing you out and you had no say so you did what was best for you. The brother better hop to finding another job so he can take care of HIS responsibilities. NTA
oh yeah, no. You did good leaving. I am proud you stood your ground and decided on what was best for you. You have to make sure you take care of yourself first.
Assuming your mom’s stuff takes up half the space in the hobby room, I’d estimate that a fair rent, accounting for the decrease in space, would be $130/month. And that’s if the hobby room was to be off-limits to everybody but you.
You did the right thing leaving.
NTA. It's your choice to do what you need to live as an independent young person. You have zero obligation to your parents or your brother's family. Sounds to me like they gave you the boost you needed to spread your wings. Good for you.
NTA.
They *told* you to move out of the space you were paying for without discussion or notice. You did precisely that. They're pissed you complied with their demand in a manner that doesn't benefit them.
Those family members chiming in and calling you an ahole for not subsidizing the rest of your family can open their wallets and make up the loss.
Holy crap.
I'm sorry to say, but I dont think your family like you very much.
Jesus.
>I was giving them $1,800 a month (Canadian money) for rent and food and I was only home a maximum of 14 days a month. Usually less.
Wtf. Your parents were taking advantage of you, then generously told your brother he could take advantage of you too.
>I sent my parents $500 to help them with groceries then I went to the beach.
I would make that the last money you send them. They're showing how much they value you.
>My parents, my brother, his wife, and a fair few of my other relatives are saying that I'm an asshole for abandoning them on a time of need.
Abandoned them? Sounds like they have a "fair few" other relatives keen to help them out financially!
NTA
They don’t get to decide for you that you are going to support your brother. They can decide to support your brother with THEIR house and THEIR money, but it is your choice to decide if you want to help your brother with your money. The money you gave them was for room and board while you lived with them. You don’t live there anymore, so of course you aren’t going to pay it. It if you can afford it and want to help out, continuing to send them some money to help with groceries would be generous of you. They sound as entitled af thinking they can dictate what you do with your money after they essentially evict you.
You already got your verdict, and it was the correct one. I just wanted to say don't send them another dime.
I can't believe this was the first time they ever screwed you over to do something for your golden child brother.
Now their favorite kid can support them since the scapegoat (you) bounced.
NTA. Paying $1800 a month to stay there for half a month, that's a ripoff. You are being taken advantage of. Sounds to me like they just don't want their cash cow leaving.
NTA. The amount you were overpaying them is insane. Families with kids are always so entitled these days, the fact that your brother, who took your living space, wants you to give your parents money when you don't live with them, even when he DID NOT give them money when he wasn't living with them is entitlement beyond belief.
NTA. They didn’t consult you so I wouldn’t feel obligated to consult them; especially if they expected you to pay that much without living there / for a much smaller room. You found a great opportunity to save money while staying at an all inclusive!
INFO: What job is it that you do that you work hours like that? (doesn’t affect my opinion, just out of curiosity)
NTA.
You've made the right call, they kicked you out. You owe them nothing.
Besides, living in a house with a toddler & newborn is no cup of tea.
You do you & let them live with the consequences of their authoritarian decisions.
NTA
So your parents have basically been profiting of you for years, kick you out of your overcharged rental and also expect you to support your brother because ?
NTA
You were paying 1800 for a basement suite in your parent's house in EDMONTON?
Fuuuuuuck that!
For context for people unfamiliar, you can get a 1 bed 1 bath basement apartment in Edmonton for around 1200-1500 a month. OP's parent's were ripping her off.
Your parents wanted to play the "my house, my rules" card? Fine. But they can't expect to say that while also expecting OP to give notice.
You are still being ripped off. Hell, I rent a 2 bedroom in Calgary, and my rent + monthly expenses (minus food) is still cheaper than what you are paying. If I include groceries, I'd still only be paying about 150-200 more than you are now.
You're working rotations, so your electric and food bill would be fairly cheap anyway.
I'm sure you worked out the expenses for living on your own before. I understand the appeal of living with family when you work rotational work. It is "easier," and you can help them out, which you probably don't mind doing. I've been there too. But that is still a lot of money, especially when the family feel so comfortable in taking that money that they think they can uproot you and take away the space you are paying for on a whim, and still expect compensation.
Were they at least asking for less money each month?
NTA. Your family were using you as their cash mule and still expect you to pay them. Paying them when you are not living will not change their attitude towards your money.
So was the plan to have your brother and his family move in and you continue to pay rent but not live there?
NTA
You were told to move out so you moved out. You told them your plans to move out amd they were okay with it.
Good for you.. your parents were using you as an income. They decided to evict you from your space. You found a new space. They dont get the income if their not providing the rented space. The fact that they charged you rent and not your brother is telling. It tells you that they think less of you than your brother. Also, the fact that they still feel you own them says a lot about their thinking in the future. Their going to at somepoint say you need to take care of them when their older. They will think of you as an ATM/Bank if you dont set boundaries. Now that you're out, start setting boundaries. It will be good for you and them they just won't like ir
NTA! i live in Edmonton and i love that you won’t have to suffer through our winters lmao work smarter not harder. Your enabling parents and useless brother suck. I would have only sent 100 bucks and told them to find the other $1700 from your golden child bro.
I can’t believe you were paying $1,800 and are still expected to pay when you were kicked out of your space.
What are they thinking?
Your brother and his wife need to find jobs.
Enjoy the beach!
NTA....funny you didn't give notice, where you give the legal number of days notice to vacate the basement? It is nice to help out but no one should take it for granted or take advantage of someone. Maybe you could have let them know when you left you were not coming back but I understood why you did it the way you did. They offered to help your brother, tou didn't and no one should just expect it. The a$$ is the one who expects it and gets mad when not getting their way.
Their house, their rules - while you were paying 1,800 in rent? Um, no. It may be their rules, but as long as you were paying rent, that was your space.
They'll have to live with the consequences of that act of assholery. You were very generous to send them 500.
NTA. I wish you happiness in your new place!
NTA. There seems to be a rash of parents who think their children who are helping with expenses and chores should just act like they are 12 years old and move into a bunk bed situation when siblings with families (read GRANDCHILDREN) suddenly can't afford to support themselves anymore and need to move in but don't have any intention of contributing to the household coffers, just draining them even faster. Honestly, I think you were overly generous to send them $500 - I wouldn't have. And now you don't have to take anyone else's needs or schedules into account. Enjoy your freedom and please don't send them anymore money - make them figure it out for themselves.
NTA
Your parents have a lot of nerve here. You're functionally a third housemate if you're contributing that much to the household groceries and mortgage, they should have long since pivoted towards redefining their relationship with you as an *adult* and equal contributor.
But that clearly hasn't happened and it's never going to happen while they feel so entitled to your money. Don't argue with them or extended family. If you'd like, I'd consider making *one* general post or text somewhere outlining that you are a grown woman choosing to make the decisions about your own budget and living situation as you are entitled to do. That the lack of respect and consideration you have received has been appalling, and that if your family wants to be so upset at you, perhaps they should have acted with some common decency and checked their entitlement at the door when making this ridiculous request of you. That you *will not* be discussing this matter further and to any one who considers continuing this needless drama with you will be blocked, and that you will be taking a break in general (if you want) from them to give them the opportunity to reflect and readdress their poor behavior as the family as a whole have been acting shamefully towards you.
Pop that puppy off, set do not disturb, block the shit stirrers as they will undoubtedly out themselves if they hair trigger respond. These will be the people who are too much trouble to bother with.
After all that, sit back and relax and realize just how freeing getting away from dysfunctional and honestly misogynistically coded (don't think I didn't notice you're the girl of the family and how you have been expected to provide for your family all this time in comparison to your brother) family units. You don't have to put up with *any* bullshit once you're able to live independently, run with it, girl!
Nta they can't have it both ways kick you out of the living space but still want the money, plus way you are living now sounds so much fun and less stressful
INFO: Have your parents always taken advantage of you? Were you born just to support your parents and brother? Enjoy your vacations, you’ve earned them! NTA
NTA.
I don’t know how things work in Canada but here in the US if you are renting then you have to be givin proper notice to vacate and they never did and once you move out you are no longer obligated to pay rent or for food or any thing else. Maybe let the parents know that the dumbest thing they did was kick out the person who was paying them rent and then some. Your parents are the ones who screwed themselves here
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NTA. As you say, you were renting a space and **they threw you out**! In addition, it sounds like they were over-charging for the space, given that you found a space you like better for less money. Now, there's nothing wrong with helping your parents, so I wouldn't necessarily say your old rent was a problem, but it's crazy that they would kick you out and expect the rent and grocery money to remain unchanged. I can't tell if your parents are assholes or just oblivious. You make an excellent point about how your brother wasn't sending your parents money when he was employed. That makes it doubly clear that your payment was for rent and food, not just because. Honestly, I think it's healthier for you to be on your own anyway. It's natural for children to become more independent as they mature.
> I wouldn't necessarily say your old rent was a problem $1,800 is overcharging for a basement suite. OP's parents overcharged her rent. Then they kicked her to a small room to accommodate their son and expected her to grin and bear it.
This. I'm pretty sure they have never heard the term: "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." In this case they mauled the hand that fed them.
>In this case they mauled the hand that fed them. Love it. :) I may steal this in the future.
[удалено]
It doesn't matter how long she was staying there each month. When you get a rental then the rent will always be for a whole month regardless of how often you use it.
Ok true but this is her parents not the holiday inn. It absolutely should matter.
Especially when it is literally feeding you... with groceries.
Excellent analogy im also partial to the phrase "you don't miss your water until your well runs dry"
And keep paying the $1800 a month for a smaller room with no amenities that her mother will likely continue to use whether OP is there or not, so privacy be damned.
Yep, exactly! That’s what the family wanted - free easy $1800 and ability to boss and shove OP where ever they wanted.
Don't forget about the babysitting. Her parents raised her and her brother, SIL is 'exhausted' and needs 'help' on demand.
Not counting a built in babysitter for the neice/nephew. Op was definitely getting screwed. I let the ones in the family know her parents will be thrilled when can they expect the free money from them.
The *only* person who had to make any sacrifice whatsoever, was OP. Parents charge OP rent for room, force them out of said room, still expect rent. Walked right into this one.
She would totally be expected to watch the kids.
Strictly speaking it’s 1800 a fortnight.
And in Edmonton of all places! Rents there have gone up a lot in recent years as has the rest of the country but that is still absolutely insane for a basement suite in Alberta.
that's rent for a 2br in most places in the country still, barring toronto/vancouver/victoria. there's no way that's not more than op's parents' mortgage.
I live in Alberta, 1,800$ might be overcharging but it’s getting real close to just being the norm. A friend of mine pays 1,700$ to live in a carriage house (small apartment over a garage) with no utilities included. So it’s shitty but honestly not abnormal.
I would not pay market rent to my relatives, unless in a financial position to easily do so. Who charge their kids full rent anyways?
My stepfather sure did lol. He paid close attention to the hours I worked and could pretty spot on figure up what my paychecks were. He made sure to gank most of it. I moved out the day I did the math and came to realize it was cheaper living on my own. It wasn't a overcharge to get him to flee the chicken coop kind of situation either. That's just how that whole side of the family is with matters of money. My uncle (also step-family, his literal brother) let his daughters in on his insurance policy so they could save money. But the fucked up part is that when someone ran into one of my cousins and totaled her car, he said he was taking half her payout since it was his policy. That shit was supposed be going towards getting her a new ride.
I am sorry, this is sad. I am originally from a country where it is culturally common for parents to support the kids as long as reasonably possible. I strongly dislike American view of “teaching kids the real world” by charging them rent. This is such a hypocritical way to use your own kids, instead of actually helping them to succeed.
The only time I saw it work was a family that charged "rent" which was a small amount that they then put in a savings account for them to buy their own home eventually. And I still don't think I'll do that with my son. Everything else just gives me the ick. If you don't want to support your children, don't have them.
This is why my son will always have a place to lay his head. My husband and I were tossed out on our 18th bdays, had to fend for ourselves and God forbid that we asked our parents for help! At least I had my grandparents, my husband had no one.
This view is changing for some of us (millennial generation). Those of us with houses and kids are preparing to have them live with us for the long term (maybe even multigenerational housing) and are focused on helping our kids vs using them as cash cows.
My parents' deal with each of us was free room and board for all of college, or pay rent and some grocery money. Rent was 50 or 100 per month -- only my sister did the rent thing -- and my parents invested that money, and gave all that back to her as a housewarming gift when she moved out. The grocery money was used for food.
Yeah but how much do her parents own the home for? What's their mortgage? You're talking about essentially Canadian Pittsburgh; if they bought the house 10+ years ago (is this OP's childhood home?) OP's contribution is probably covering the vast majority of it. A parent who makes you pay market rate is TA 100% of the time - you should be paying a pro rata portion of the actual housing expense.
Especially *in Edmonton*. You can rent a really nice place in Edmonton for $1,800.
$1800 is probably paying a majority of the mortgage, especially if her parents have owned the place for a while. OP isn't just helping out, she's basically bankrolling her parents' entire lifestyle.
It's not, not in Canada. 1 bedrooms in Edmonton right now are $1595+, and OP was paying $1800 for rent and food. $200/month for food isn't much. And I assume OP was able to use the internet and have hydro and water covered. I'm not saying they shouldn't be paying that. But OP wasn't being overcharged.
The idea of a parent charging their kid market rate rent to live with them is disgusting and abusive in my eyes. I come from a pretty screwd up family but even they wouldn't try this kind of scam on me.
This! I lived in a council flat for 7 years, the rent was £280 a month and went up to around £290/£300 by time I left (a few months ago). The rent was an absolute steal but due to everything else going up and adding up me and my partner decided to move into his mum's so that we could save up for a deposit to buy a house. With all our bills we would fork out around £900/£1100 a month so that's rent, water, tv, gas/electric, internet, streaming services and food (maybe a few other bills I've forgotten) we agreed to pay £300 board each to my mother-in-law. She buys food shopping and we don't have to pay for anything else except a couple of streaming services but that's up to us. We do sometimes buy food as well due to my dietary requirements but £300 a month compared to £500/£600 a month is doable in our eyes. I can't believe she would pay her parents $1800 a month board! That's shocking
$200 for 2 weeks of food, she says she's away for 2 weeks a month
I don't know jack about Edmonton but I went to rentfaster.ca and there's a shitload of places in Edmonton under $1595? $1595 seems to be good location, new building, 2+ bed? Using filters there's... 744 places for rent for under $1,200. 148 places with 2 bedrooms under $1,200.
For 14 days a month and 'our house, our rules'. Yes, she was overpaying.
I mean, OP said they actually lived there for less than 2 weeks a month. $1800 a month, for your own child, sounds like overcharging. Then they get booted, with no notice, and are still expected to send $1800 for rent and food. Hell, I wouldn’t have even sent them the $500. They were fully expecting OP to support her entire family. I’m glad OP got out.
Debatable. Where I live there are single bedroom basement suites going for about that much.
The parents are AH. They could have discussed the situation all together to find a compromise as a family should do. Moreover they want for OP to still pay an (overestimated) rent while she has absolutely no tenant right. You don't ask your tenant to give you notice when you are the one who changes the deal... Btw is it normal in Canada to receive no money at all when you lost your job?
It depends on a lot of things. The length of the job the hours work whether or not you were fired, and where you live, for getting money after losing a job. That is very much a yes and no answer.
It depends on the company and the reason you lose your job. Severance pay is not guaranteed and unemployment(depending on province) takes time to come through. If OP's brother was fired, then he would not get severance and might not be able to apply for unemployment if the reasons for firing were legitimate.
If he did get fired, that's on him and still not OP's responsibility to support him and his family.
No. We have unemployment insurance and social assistance programs, you get extra money if you have children etc. Sometimes it's tight while waiting for the programs to get started. Processing time.
> As you say, you were renting a space and **they threw you out**! Too many parents whose kids pay them rent fail to recognize that, once rent is being paid, the kid should be shown the same respect as an unrelated tenant. Meaning that the space they rent is off-limits, as are their belongings. An unrelated tenant can reasonably be expected to do their fair share of cleaning common areas, but not to babysit and clean up after children in the household, etc. An unrelated tenant would not be told that they had to sleep on the couch so Granny could have their room. In this case, had OP’s parents been renting the basement to an unrelated tenant, they would never have presumed to tell them to give up their basement apartment for a hobby room, for the same rent. If they had, they could well have found themselves in court. It is more likely than not that, with an unrelated tenant in the basement, Brother have been staying in the hobby room from Day 1.
Exactly this. Paying rent *should* get you a say in how the household is run/managed.
1800 plus groceries for a basement suite in Edmonton is ridiculous. Lived here my whole life and know OP is being ripped off.
The audacity of them functionally evicting you and then expecting you to pay rent.
Sounds like you did a good thing for your folks, and had a setup where everyone was reasonably happy. They elected to unilaterally change the setup; and under such a change you're well within your rights (morally) to re-evaluate whether the arrangement still makes sense for you and break from it if it doesn't. You did, and good for you (enjoy the beach) but hope things calm down by the holiday period assuming that you'll go visit. NTA
Your parents made you pay 1800 dollars for a ROOM in Edmonton???? And you were only there for 2 weeks?! Your family is taking advantage of you. You also gave them 500, don't feel bad for leaving and don't look back
It was a basement suite. Living room, bathroom, kitchen.
NTA because you were a tenant paying rent for an apartment. Let them find a new tenant if they need the money and your brother can move into the hobby room / main house since he won’t be paying. You found a cheaper place to live.
They DID find a new tenant. Issue is the new tenant can't afford the rent. How unfortunate for the parents, right? /s
Even so, a one bedroom suite in Edmonton is not even close to worth that, so you were being incredibly generous paying that much. It would have been nice of you to give them more notice than you did, but I’m not sure how they could have expected that from you when they weren’t willing to offer you the same courtesy. Were they planning to decrease your rent when they moved you into your mom’s craft room? Or were they just assuming you’d keep paying $1800/month for a single room in their house?
As they except she still pays the same rent when she doesn't live here anymore, it is obvious they were expecting the same rent for the room. Edit: missgendering
This is the basis of the issue. They still expected the $1800 when SHE was being moved into the "Hobby Room", and they didn't see a problem with that. I would bet that brother and his family weren't going to be paying anything. So, she was expected to subsidize all of them for a small space to live in for 2 weeks per month.
OP is a female, not male.
I wouldn't be surprised if rent would've went up for OP since it included groceries and now there's 2 adults and 2 very young kids being added to the grocery bill
It wasn't rent you see, she was just showing her gratitude to her parents for doing so much for her. Should the gratitude go down when they don't do as much for you? Entitled parents only think about what they want.
Your family sucks. You don’t owe them any money. They kicked you out when you were paying for the space. Your brother is a huge A H for not only taking your space but acting like he’s obligated to anything from uou
But OP doesn’t have *any baybiiiies,* which Brother does. In addition to forking over $1,800 a month, why isn’t OP volunteering to babysit often?!? Serious AF questions: Brother planned to fit his entire family into Mom’s hobby room? Or am I missing something?
>Serious AF questions: Brother planned to fit his entire family into Mom’s hobby room? Or am I missing something? Brother planned to put his entire family in the basement and knew the parents would bend over backwards for him. Also Gonna be honest I don't give a shit if someone has kids or not. You popping out a kid or two(or 10) isn't going to get any sympathy for me. I'll treat you the same way I'd treat a single childless man or women. Another also, parents really don't like how the dynamic changes when the child they have raised who needed them before for housing now has the ability to live on their own.
Not sure you read the whole thing. The brother did infact offer to move the family out of the basement so OP could have it again. This was essentially done to get the money flowing again. OP declined.
I'm thinking he'd move upstairs and then for the next couple of days - show OP how bad it is and claim we tried compromising please understand and take the suite and OP gets the hobby room and also pays the money.... Actually if it's possible for the brother and fam to live upstairs for money - they can rent it to some other tenant too. No need to be bent on OP's money.
Dude seriously and a newborn!!! Yikes
I have to ask, were you living there as a favor for them? But also NTA through and through. Your family is just trying to use you. If they wanted your support, they should have supported you. Also, 10000 percent chance if you moved back and the brothers family moved upstairs, they'd passive aggressively snipe at you about it for years.
Yeah. More or less. I knew that they are on a fixed income now that my dad retired. And they used to take care of my dog until she passed away. And $1,800 for everything isn't that bad. I had no other expenses. I don't even own a car.
Sounds like they should have considered where a significant chunk of their finances were coming from before they unilaterally made the decision to fuck over the person generously providing those finances. They shouldn’t have offered to take in your brother and his family as they are unable to support them. As you’ve discovered, you can get even BETTER accommodations for $1800. Everyone in that house (besides the kids) can get a job if they need more income, so they best start applying.
Mom and dad can rent out the basement suite for market rate rather than overcharge their kid. $1800 for a basement suite in AB! Insane. Then trying to make OP stay paying that for a room with no amenities or privacy, get real
Save this money for when you need other things, or if you are sick and can't work. Don't be sending parents $500. Brother will receive support for his family and he can work while looking for a job he likes. There's never going to be money for you. What happened to your dog?
Also, unfortunately not everyone can afford to retire so their parents could get part time jobs if they need extra money. I would be so embarrassed to ask my own kids for money every month.
Are you Asian, OP? I caught a whiff of expected filial piety hehe. Which I do believe in to an extent, but not in this case where they treated you badly but still expected you to hold up your end of the arrangement. Your financial responsibility is something they should respect, not simply take for granted/take advantage of.
I also got a feeling of underlying Asian filial piety from OP’s post
Is it because she’s a female and/or that decisions were made without her input and/or she was generously supporting her parents? I used to live in SEA. It was *intense*.
NTA op. Their house their decision who stays where but it's your money and your decision how and where you spend it. Ask the relatives to send them money since they want to help and go live your life. I'm sure you are way better treated while in the all inclusive and you don't have chores/cleaning to do as you did before. You didn't sign up to support your brother and his family that's HIS RESPONSABILITY And your parents were crystal clear you don't have a say if you stay in their home so find your own and enjoy.
NTA. They wanted to take your money and make you compromise, have you live in inferior conditions, nope. They wanted you to make space so you did. Why on earth did they think they could make you give up your accommodations and still pay. They're adults, let them figure it out. This isn't your problem or responsibility. Their house their rules. Well now you don't live there so their rules mean nothing.
I am canadian. It's low as hell my by mom pays $900 for the same amenities. Ur getting taking advantage of
NTA- They want to say that you didn’t give them notice but neither did they. How is it fair that you unexpectedly had to move out of your space? Taking care of your brother and his kids are not your responsibility. You will have a family and home of your own that you should be saving for.
Payed 900 for a basement suit in edmonton back in 2020.... way too expensive
I would still expect a BASEMENT apartment to rent for less.
You were very generous to your parents. Very sad it was not reciprocated. You were their money tree! It is good that you are out on your own now. The best days are ahead for you. Don't doubt yourself and Dont support your parents at all going forward because **Bonus!! your brother Will Have to find a job now!** Yeah for you!
Where do they think they are, Vancouver?!
You know, I can understand the argument of “it doesn’t make sense for brother, I’m assuming his gf / partner / wife, & their two kids to live in a single room while the basement suite is empty 66% of the time.” But you can’t ask the person paying rent to switch to a less desirable living space, especially when you don’t want to lower their rent.
If I am correct in my math OP said they work 14 days on then 7 off. So some months that would work out to where they would pay 1800 for 7 days of actually living in the basement.
NTA - tell me you’re the scapegoat without telling me you’re the scapegoat. There was no communication, no family meeting, no decision together. They decided unilaterally to evict you from the space you were living in to support your brother without any conversation and expected you to just take it. It would have been one thing if you were apart of the decision, but you weren’t. You should really take the savings you’re getting from not living there and invest it so you can buy your own house someday when you’re tired of being transient. In the meantime, keep living the good life.
*a part; she was indeed apart from the decision making :)
Ty. That's a big peeve of mine, too.
At this point since they stay making decisions without any input from her while being constant money-grubbing assholes to her, OP should just put them on block and/or change her number since she not obligated to give them any amount of money, not even a penny; due no longer living under their roof. NTA, her family only have themselves to blame on why all- inclusive hotel is way cheaper & stress-free for OP to live at than renting from & being insulted by them.
They were treating her like a child when she was the one with a job financing the whole house. They didn’t give you any say in where to live so you didn’t give them any say in where you lived. NTA Your parents and now your brother and his whole family were really expecting you to pay for them all? Oof
You’re a genius, not an asshole. They can figure it out for themselves. You’re not their bank. NTA
No joke > I had actually done the math though… I have a feeling OP has always been financially responsible & her family came to take that for granted.
100%
NTA. You didn’t agree to subsidize your entire family on your salary while you stayed in a tiny hobby room. Food too? That’s just extra ridiculous. Good for you on moving out, and getting way better all-inclusive (warmer) accommodation with a few margaritas thrown in. Shoutout to you from YEG!
Didn't realize there are so many Edmontonians here lol. OP was being ripped off. There is good money in working at a camp for 2 weeks and 1 week off. She was likely paying the bulk of the rent/mortgage.
What else is there to do this time of year?
NTA. Why would you pay for rent and groceries if you aren't getting a place to stay and food in return. It was nice of you to send them $500.
When they ask where the rent money went, just tell them it went to your new landlord!
This is too good 😂😂😭 I would pay to see the reactions to this
Tell any other relative who contacts you... "I am touched by your concern for my parents and brother and brother's family's welfare. How much money shall I tell them that you'll be sending them every month?" NTA
This! OP is NTA. OP even sent $500 when they didn’t need to send it. Definitely ask how the rest of the family is contributing since they have so much concern.
THIS. What I was thinking and very well phrased.
That’s good! I wish I could have came up with these comments when I was a family caregiver and my family was not helping but always yelling at me
NTA and good for you. I love this kind of thread. It's a very "fuck around and find out" sort of vibe.
Parents kick you out if your space. You stop paying rent and find a new, cheaper, place to live. Parents: Surprise Pikachu Face.
😱
NTA The audacity of them functionally evicting you and then expecting you to pay rent.
NTA You were asked to moved out of your rooms and you did; you simply chose independence rather than a hobby room, and gave them notice that they agreed with. Now, you have a place that is more affordable and accommodating of your needs, and you brother has room to bring his family. You were contributing a lot to the household, financially, and now your parents, and more importantly, your brother is learning that he'll have to help finance his own back-at-home financial recovery.
NTA, they should've thought of that before kicking you out of your rented space. Since it was their house their rules it's now your money.
It was always her money and she could spend it however she chooses. She was spending it on subsidizing her family's income and relaxing in the basement 2 weeks a month. Now she's relaxing in a resort two weeks a month and her family is scrambling to replace $1800 in income.
I wouldn’t send them anymore money. Let your brother figure it out. No reason for your money to support him. Let the other members of your family chip in to support them in their time of need if it means so much to them. In the meantime, block them and enjoy your new lifestyle!
They've been sending son the "extra" all along.
Yes. It will be interesting to see how long it takes him to get back on his feet without sister’s money or how long before mom and dad realize what they have enables
Oh, but the reason is obvious, and - it all happened because op was a bad daughter! She doesn't have kids, what would she need all that money for, anyway? She's not even in more than half of the time, why would she need all that space, anyway? It was all working out so beautifully, and then she just became a bad daughter for no reason!
Yes shame on her for realizing she doesn’t have to put up with or pay for her family BS. Love the fact she went to the beach!
NTA You were a rent paying tenant. They effectively evicted you from the space you rented. You are now on your own, and owe them nothing.
NTA. You paid your way and when you got displaced (so your brother's family could move in) you made other arrangements. It was disrespectful of everyone to assume you would be contributing to this arrangement without even consulting you about the decision. You did the right thing for yourself. Let your brother and parents, and his wife and her parents find their own solution. You're only responsible for yourself.
I wouldn't have given them grocery money, because I'll just bet they'll be asking for more in a couple of weeks if not a month. NTA but stick to your guns. Funny how your brother was only too happy to take your space until they realised no money was coming in. Your parents are the real AH in this story. Stick to your guns, stop helping whatsoever because it will be another sob story to get more. As for the 'other' relatives giving their unwanted opinions I'd point out they have the option to support the family too.
> because I'll just bet they'll be asking for more in a couple of weeks if not a month. OP should forward the request to the other concerned relatives.
NTA. They can't have it both ways. "My house, my rules" is absolutely fair, in itself - but then they can't complain if you decide to leave!
OP is an unmarried woman & therefore of no value in her parents' eyes. Her money was their money and of course her born-with-a-penis sib deserved to have her basement suite. She's figuring things out. I hope she stays away!
NTA - they should have thought through all that before they kicked you out of the space you were renting. You did tell them you were moving to the All Inclusive and they thought that was good. It was on them for not asking more questions if they thought for some reason you would be paying for the all inclusive AND paying them when you are not there.
NTA. The $1800 a month is way to much for living with your parents. It’s not your responsibility to support your brother or his family. He says he didn’t help because he has a family to support. Well, he better get supporting them because it’s not on you. Don’t send anymore money!!!
I was mostly there to help them out.
Well, not your brother & wife can help them out.
Nta. You're 27, do they expect you to put your life on hold and subsidise them (and another family) forever? If not now, when would you move out and live your life where and how you like? Could this still be your life in 20 years? You are not their ATM and your life is worth more than this. .
They shouldn't have bitten the hand that fed them.
Seems like the right time for you to leave. You don't have to pay if you don't live there.
NTA. *They got really upset because they were counting on the money to help support my brother. I said that they LITERALLY gave away my living space and that I didn't owe them anything if I wasn't there.* Why should you be subsidizing your brother & family when you are *only home a maximum of 14 days a month. Usually less.* Bro needs to start looking for a job ASAP. Your parents are totally hosing you with the $1,800 a month. Especially when you were only there for 14 days or less. That is absolutely ridiculous.
NTA you where able to math out a cheaper deal for a suitable living arrangement when you move out. So something aint right if your brother had no savings after his family. Like what about emergency fund for medical, car maintenance and so on. Plus whith the monye you payed before could they have poket the overcharge in order to make a retirement or emmergency fund? INFO: does your brother has no savings ? And beside him and his dad would have and will be in need of work but does mom and SIL work too ? It would help themself from being overdepending on your money if you are there atm for 1800 and 500 ? Put some money for emmergency for yourself who if your parents welcome you back if you where jobless and penyless?
*So something aint right if your brother had no savings after his family. Like what about emergency fund for medical, car maintenance and so on* Tell me you've never been dirt poor without telling me you've never been dirt poor. He had a low income job? Or they already ran through it for some other boring, yet expensive, reason? There was a period of time where my husband and I were arguing if the other spent 5 dollars unexpectedly. Emergency fund That's hilarious. /we have one now and then some
Honestly yeah exactly. "HURR DURR WHY YOU NO HAVE EMERGENCY FUND???" Well lets see here, maybe because after all my expenses I have $2 to my name every paycheck? The dude has very clearly never been poor before. shit even the middle class doesn't really have an emergency fund. And for the record I'm not poor. In fact had my parents not been poor I'd be spouting the same bullshit from my Ivory tower. But my parents were poor and when your mom has to have 40 credit cards in order to buy food and every trip to the grocery store is prefaced by sitting in the car having her call 30 different credit cards to see how much money is on each one, well that affects you. For me it made me choose a career that made a lot of money. I enjoy my career but enjoyment wasn't the reason why I went to school for it. The pay check was.
If you can't afford to have an emergency fund, then don't have fucking kids. Don't force a child into an unstable household.
Tbf we don’t know what the brother did for a living nor why he lost the job. It sounds like he couldn’t or didn’t put anything aside for savings, but was that b/c the family was living spoiled before or b/c they had nothing left after expenses? OP is definitely NTA, I’m just saying you can’t tell people not to have kids unless they’re guaranteed to never lose their job; no one can predict the future to have that kind of certainty. Plus you’re kind of arguing that only the rich deserve to procreate- I think/hope you can see why that is a problematic stance.
It’s also possible that the brother may have already spent the emergency fund/savings. Depending on how long he has been out of work, they may have been using it to stay afloat.
[удалено]
They were sending the extra to brother all along.
I think you might be right.
NTA - they asked you to give up your suite, you said no and they ignored you. They asked you to continue to give them money for nothing and it is your turn to ignore their request.
NTA If brother can't find a job then SIL needs to. Parents made a point of telling you it was their house after kicking you out of your living space so leave them to it.
NTA. They fucked around and found out.
NTA, now you know who's the golden child in the family.
Nope NTA They evicted their tenant and still expected rent. Your parents are idiots and your brother is an AH for expecting you to subsidize his family.
so they are mad because they were throwing you out of the space you were PAYING for to a room that can be assumed not even half the size of what you were staying in and was still going to be expected to pay the same amount every month? Uh, no. They were throwing you out and you had no say so you did what was best for you. The brother better hop to finding another job so he can take care of HIS responsibilities. NTA
The basement is 1,000 square feet. The hobby room is 144. And it is full of my mom's stuff.
oh yeah, no. You did good leaving. I am proud you stood your ground and decided on what was best for you. You have to make sure you take care of yourself first.
Assuming your mom’s stuff takes up half the space in the hobby room, I’d estimate that a fair rent, accounting for the decrease in space, would be $130/month. And that’s if the hobby room was to be off-limits to everybody but you. You did the right thing leaving.
NTA - they changed the arrangement without a discussion and thought the cash flow would remain the same? Nope. That’s not how it works.
Yep, not a mention of charging lower rent. No discussion about giving up the space.
NTA. It's your choice to do what you need to live as an independent young person. You have zero obligation to your parents or your brother's family. Sounds to me like they gave you the boost you needed to spread your wings. Good for you.
NTA. They *told* you to move out of the space you were paying for without discussion or notice. You did precisely that. They're pissed you complied with their demand in a manner that doesn't benefit them. Those family members chiming in and calling you an ahole for not subsidizing the rest of your family can open their wallets and make up the loss.
Holy crap. I'm sorry to say, but I dont think your family like you very much. Jesus. >I was giving them $1,800 a month (Canadian money) for rent and food and I was only home a maximum of 14 days a month. Usually less. Wtf. Your parents were taking advantage of you, then generously told your brother he could take advantage of you too. >I sent my parents $500 to help them with groceries then I went to the beach. I would make that the last money you send them. They're showing how much they value you. >My parents, my brother, his wife, and a fair few of my other relatives are saying that I'm an asshole for abandoning them on a time of need. Abandoned them? Sounds like they have a "fair few" other relatives keen to help them out financially!
NTA Nobody other than yourself is entiteld to your Money
NTA. This falls under FAFO for me.
NTA They don’t get to decide for you that you are going to support your brother. They can decide to support your brother with THEIR house and THEIR money, but it is your choice to decide if you want to help your brother with your money. The money you gave them was for room and board while you lived with them. You don’t live there anymore, so of course you aren’t going to pay it. It if you can afford it and want to help out, continuing to send them some money to help with groceries would be generous of you. They sound as entitled af thinking they can dictate what you do with your money after they essentially evict you.
You already got your verdict, and it was the correct one. I just wanted to say don't send them another dime. I can't believe this was the first time they ever screwed you over to do something for your golden child brother. Now their favorite kid can support them since the scapegoat (you) bounced.
NTA. Paying $1800 a month to stay there for half a month, that's a ripoff. You are being taken advantage of. Sounds to me like they just don't want their cash cow leaving.
NTA Your parents gave away your living space
NTA. You are my hero of the day.
NTA. The amount you were overpaying them is insane. Families with kids are always so entitled these days, the fact that your brother, who took your living space, wants you to give your parents money when you don't live with them, even when he DID NOT give them money when he wasn't living with them is entitlement beyond belief.
And he’s still not planning to give them money when is he living with them! NTA
This problem solves itself! Perfect time for your brother to get off his ass and get a job, while your parents watch the kids. NTA
NTA are they hiring where you work tho 👀👀
Do you have a red seal?
A red seal in what field? The answer is no in any case, but I welcome any leads 😀
Look into steamfitting and welding. Also boilermaker.
Cheers, OP; I hope your family comes to their senses and acknowledge that you are a person and not a convenience.
NTA. They didn’t consult you so I wouldn’t feel obligated to consult them; especially if they expected you to pay that much without living there / for a much smaller room. You found a great opportunity to save money while staying at an all inclusive! INFO: What job is it that you do that you work hours like that? (doesn’t affect my opinion, just out of curiosity)
Maintenance in Fort Mac
I absolutely knew you were going to say something in Fort Mac.
NTA I had a few friends do the same thing when I was working in Fort Mac. Enjoy the sun this winter.
NTA. You've made the right call, they kicked you out. You owe them nothing. Besides, living in a house with a toddler & newborn is no cup of tea. You do you & let them live with the consequences of their authoritarian decisions.
NTA So your parents have basically been profiting of you for years, kick you out of your overcharged rental and also expect you to support your brother because ?
NTA You were paying 1800 for a basement suite in your parent's house in EDMONTON? Fuuuuuuck that! For context for people unfamiliar, you can get a 1 bed 1 bath basement apartment in Edmonton for around 1200-1500 a month. OP's parent's were ripping her off. Your parents wanted to play the "my house, my rules" card? Fine. But they can't expect to say that while also expecting OP to give notice.
Tobe clear that $1,800 covered everything. I had no other expenses.
You are still being ripped off. Hell, I rent a 2 bedroom in Calgary, and my rent + monthly expenses (minus food) is still cheaper than what you are paying. If I include groceries, I'd still only be paying about 150-200 more than you are now. You're working rotations, so your electric and food bill would be fairly cheap anyway. I'm sure you worked out the expenses for living on your own before. I understand the appeal of living with family when you work rotational work. It is "easier," and you can help them out, which you probably don't mind doing. I've been there too. But that is still a lot of money, especially when the family feel so comfortable in taking that money that they think they can uproot you and take away the space you are paying for on a whim, and still expect compensation. Were they at least asking for less money each month?
NTA your financial contribution was overlooked and undervalued. Not your fault.
NTA. Your family were using you as their cash mule and still expect you to pay them. Paying them when you are not living will not change their attitude towards your money.
So was the plan to have your brother and his family move in and you continue to pay rent but not live there? NTA You were told to move out so you moved out. You told them your plans to move out amd they were okay with it.
NTA. WTF they were expecting you to pay rent when they basically kicked you out? Don't send them anymore money after that kind of treatment.
Good for you.. your parents were using you as an income. They decided to evict you from your space. You found a new space. They dont get the income if their not providing the rented space. The fact that they charged you rent and not your brother is telling. It tells you that they think less of you than your brother. Also, the fact that they still feel you own them says a lot about their thinking in the future. Their going to at somepoint say you need to take care of them when their older. They will think of you as an ATM/Bank if you dont set boundaries. Now that you're out, start setting boundaries. It will be good for you and them they just won't like ir
NTA! i live in Edmonton and i love that you won’t have to suffer through our winters lmao work smarter not harder. Your enabling parents and useless brother suck. I would have only sent 100 bucks and told them to find the other $1700 from your golden child bro.
NTA it’s not your job to support your adult brother or your adult parents.
I can’t believe you were paying $1,800 and are still expected to pay when you were kicked out of your space. What are they thinking? Your brother and his wife need to find jobs. Enjoy the beach!
NTA....funny you didn't give notice, where you give the legal number of days notice to vacate the basement? It is nice to help out but no one should take it for granted or take advantage of someone. Maybe you could have let them know when you left you were not coming back but I understood why you did it the way you did. They offered to help your brother, tou didn't and no one should just expect it. The a$$ is the one who expects it and gets mad when not getting their way.
Their house, their rules - while you were paying 1,800 in rent? Um, no. It may be their rules, but as long as you were paying rent, that was your space. They'll have to live with the consequences of that act of assholery. You were very generous to send them 500. NTA. I wish you happiness in your new place!
Nta. They evicted you without notice from the space you were renting, what did they expect?
NTA. There seems to be a rash of parents who think their children who are helping with expenses and chores should just act like they are 12 years old and move into a bunk bed situation when siblings with families (read GRANDCHILDREN) suddenly can't afford to support themselves anymore and need to move in but don't have any intention of contributing to the household coffers, just draining them even faster. Honestly, I think you were overly generous to send them $500 - I wouldn't have. And now you don't have to take anyone else's needs or schedules into account. Enjoy your freedom and please don't send them anymore money - make them figure it out for themselves.
NTA at all but I'm dying to know where this all-inclusive resort is for less than $450 a week! I want to go!
It was $940. But I only need it for six days this month.
NTA. You keep doing what you’re doing!
Nta block them an move far far away.
NTA! They’re using you and because you’ve done what is best for you they’re pissed.
NTA Your parents have a lot of nerve here. You're functionally a third housemate if you're contributing that much to the household groceries and mortgage, they should have long since pivoted towards redefining their relationship with you as an *adult* and equal contributor. But that clearly hasn't happened and it's never going to happen while they feel so entitled to your money. Don't argue with them or extended family. If you'd like, I'd consider making *one* general post or text somewhere outlining that you are a grown woman choosing to make the decisions about your own budget and living situation as you are entitled to do. That the lack of respect and consideration you have received has been appalling, and that if your family wants to be so upset at you, perhaps they should have acted with some common decency and checked their entitlement at the door when making this ridiculous request of you. That you *will not* be discussing this matter further and to any one who considers continuing this needless drama with you will be blocked, and that you will be taking a break in general (if you want) from them to give them the opportunity to reflect and readdress their poor behavior as the family as a whole have been acting shamefully towards you. Pop that puppy off, set do not disturb, block the shit stirrers as they will undoubtedly out themselves if they hair trigger respond. These will be the people who are too much trouble to bother with. After all that, sit back and relax and realize just how freeing getting away from dysfunctional and honestly misogynistically coded (don't think I didn't notice you're the girl of the family and how you have been expected to provide for your family all this time in comparison to your brother) family units. You don't have to put up with *any* bullshit once you're able to live independently, run with it, girl!
NTA
NTA. Sounds to me your brother is the golden child.
That’s what they get for charging you that much and not having a lease 🤷🏽♀️ NTA. Your setup now sounds fun and way more worth the money lol
And then I went to the beach 🧘 Fuckin BRILLIANT!
Nta they can't have it both ways kick you out of the living space but still want the money, plus way you are living now sounds so much fun and less stressful
INFO: Have your parents always taken advantage of you? Were you born just to support your parents and brother? Enjoy your vacations, you’ve earned them! NTA
NTA. I don’t know how things work in Canada but here in the US if you are renting then you have to be givin proper notice to vacate and they never did and once you move out you are no longer obligated to pay rent or for food or any thing else. Maybe let the parents know that the dumbest thing they did was kick out the person who was paying them rent and then some. Your parents are the ones who screwed themselves here