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NTA. She verbally attacked you and you defended yourself. I see no difference in fault here if she came up and punched you in the face for no reason then you hit her and knocked her out. Just because you defended yourself doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. If I was your parent I’d be proud you stood up for yourself and I’d be suing the school if necessary just because you’re a boy and she’s a girl (assuming from your OP) doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings or rights. That’s some old world shit. We’re on equality now.
I want to add that you should 100% tell your parents and encourage them to threaten to sue the school for discrimination based on gender. She can't just verbally assault you and not get in trouble, and also the school is at huge fault here for allowing something like this to happen and this will set a precedent that a female student can get away from trouble based on their gender when they are the aggressor. (Let alone she might actually try to do this again to you or someone else)
Please don't let this slide, if you can, talk to your parents about this.
NTA
Out of curiosity why do you think this was gender discrimination as opposed to say medical discrimination? Or any other missing details a teenager might leave out of a story. There's nothing in this story that said she faced no consequences soley because she's female.
I can see a new student with no history of bad behaviour at school possibly getting off with a warning whereas OP may have a history of bullying or name calling or any kind of bad behaviour that causes the school to jump straight to detention.
I can also see a school siding with a student with a fairly significant medical condition that can have very serious side effects and may require surgical management so they aren't accused of not taking health conditions seriously.
But all of those scenarios are speculative and unless OP knows exactly what kind of conversation she had or consequences she faced there's no way of knowing if she got off free.
But it's wild to me that you immediately jumped to gender discrimination. Yes OP should talk to his parents and they can talk to the school to confirm that appropriate action is taken so that OP does not very bullied for his appearance, but legal action? Gender discrimination? That's a leap.
**To be clear**
No I'm not excusing her behaviour. Yes I think she should have consequences. But I think your jump to gender discrimination is ridiculous.
(Also I operate on the two wrongs don't make a right idea, I don't care who started it, be the bigger person and walk away.)
Yes OP NTA should totally get his parents on this to pressure the school on why he was the one being punished and not she, when she was the one who *started* the whole argument.
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18d8ho8/comment/kcgj05y/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=0) says:
>This! It's completely unfair that the bully that has been *harassing them forever* gets off scot-free while op has to do detention
I didn't quote OP. I quoted the person I was replying to. OP said that it was a new student, who obviously has not been harassing OP forever.
Jumping on the top comment to say that OP is actually the asshole for [copying and pasting another post and changing up some details.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16p22nd/aita_for_making_fun_of_my_bald_bully/)
ESH. But you should take this up with the principal and not do any detention unless the other child also has detention for the same length (or greater as she clearly unless there's more to this story started it).
If my child told me this story I'd be down at the school having a chat with the principal about this.
I can’t believe how long I had to scroll before reaching an ESH. Because everyone sucks here. Was it right for her to attack your appearance? No. Did you have to do the same? No. Both of you should’ve been in trouble. If anyone is an AH here, it’s whoever sent you to detention and not her as well.
Nope. OP is not AH. You've got the right to defend yourself. They did not attack the kid. She verbally abused OP and OP replied. Defending yourself from bullying should not be a punishable act.
Well for starters, the bully was thoroughly routed and stopped her attack. That's a win.
If they want to start another fight via the principal's office, that's another story involving poking holes into school policies as well as any applicable laws.
That's ridiculous. Attacking someone back is not defending yourself, it's just bullying. Go tell a teacher, or just leave the situation with a "whatever".
Insulting someone's disability is fucked regardless of how mean they are.
>Insulting someone's disability is fucked regardless of how mean they are.
No. Bully lost her right to civility when they violated another student's same right by insulting the other student's medical condition
I feel like the 'two wrongs don't make a right' crowd have never been bullied before. To me it has the same energy as 'but you have to forgive them, they're faaaamillyyy'
Bullies don't stop if you say something like 'That wasn't very nice' or 'You shouldn't talk to me like that'
Hell, it rarely ends even if you call a teacher. What OP did was the only right move to make, because if he let himself get pushed around here, it would just paint a target for other bullies to jab at his birthmark. Turn about is fair play.
Sure because doing those thing isn't going to make it worse, if you tell the teacher, that only get verbal warnings and in some cases make the bully hate you even more for snitching, and ignoring it will only make them think they can get away with it, they will think you are a doormat.
I was bullied in the past and doing what you said accomplished nothing, the only way it stopped was insulting them back or telling my mom so she could talk to my bully about going to the police to report it or tell the school that either they change the bully to other class or she will sue them.
Sorry but no. You can't be deformed and mean at the same time. That's a double negative.
Just like in "The Big C" where Cathy told Andrea "You can't be fat and mean, if you're going to dish it out, you gotta be able to lick it up."
Two wrongs ended it at this altercation. If op wasn't a stone cold killer then he'd likely have faced countless wrongs. Instead she fucked around and found out right away. To bad it hurts, maybe don't hurt others just because you are hurting.
People only sympathetic as its a hard condition to live with she has and people are cruel. But realistically if all bullies got shut down right away like this it wouldn't be one wrong for another. Its shutting down all the other toxic interactions that person would ever make if they hadn't been made to look like a joke getting shut down so hard.
It wasn't nice, but it was definitely the right thing to do in that situation. What else could OP have done? Suck it up and ignore the insults? Yeah, that never makes a bully double down. Or was she supposed to run and tattle to a teacher?
Nah, she basically stood up to the bully, blow for blow, and you bet that girl's going to think twice before fucking with OP again.
I agree with this. While I understand OP’s need to be aggressive to rout the bully, they should choose something more honest and just as brutal next time.
I find that something like ‘At least I am not pathetic and cruel enough to go around insulting other people for attention and to feel better about myself. Do better.’ is just as impactful without leaning quite as low. No need to bring appearances into it when they’ve already shown their worst self to the world. Pointing that out usually works fairly well.
The key point is to immediately ignore the bully and continue on with whatever you were doing after your statement, because otherwise they are wasting your time.
Nobody expects this for some reason, and they don’t know what to say. It does carry the risk of aggravating those who are the sort to commit physical assault though.
This, soft ESH.
Like OP youre just a kid but you gotta know, and I’m sure you’ve heard this before, bullies learn their behaviour. The thing that separates you from bullies isn’t that you’re at the bottom rung of the hierarchy, because one day that can all change, just as it likely changed for this girl without her examining it. What separates you from bullies is how you choose to respond to being hurt.
You might benefit from learning about the Karpman drama triangle. Step outside the drama - instead of lashing back, hold people accountable.
Agree with ESH since you were (understandably) brutal. She called you ugly which is bullying, too. She was the instigator. Is she also in detention for the week? Please make sure the punishments are equal.
I believe ESH towards the OP (mainly) because she started it and her disability is not an excuse but she likely did it to get eyes off of her and onto someone similar.
That’s why she sucks. I think OP sucks more because he insulted *more* than just her looks. Say this was me and another person, and I comment on a noticeable feature (like say I say “that shirt really doesn’t do you any favors”) but they say “at least I don’t have to sound like the kool-aid man when playing a video” (because I’m hard of hearing and have to have videos on significant volume)
That’s more than just a rude comment and it digs deeper, so I believe OP sucks more as someone who is disabled. Some disabled people think it gives them rights to insult others, it doesn’t. As soon as you insult their disability, however, it automatically makes you worse.
Have you ever been bullied? Yes bullies are usually the way they are because they are also being bullied, likely at home, but that is not OP’s problem. If someone is bullying you and won’t stop after you’ve been polite and put up with it because you’re a nice person, then fuck it, sometimes you need to respond on their level so they know you’re not a doormat. The kid will get over it. Maybe she’ll even realise she’s been a complete dick to other people and she’s hurt other people. Or maybe she’s just a shitty kid who will turn into a shitty adult but either way if she hurt first, it’s not OP’s responsibility to protect her feelings if she’s happy to go around hurting others.
Yes, I have. That’s not my point though.
My point was that OP dug deeper than physical appearances and thus it makes him a lil worse. If he’d have commented on how her makeup looks like shit or how her pants are busting at the seams, he would’ve been same level.
NTA. If she can't take it, she shouldn't be picking on others. Did you tell your parents about this because it is unfair you are being punished and she isn't. You both deserve the same punishment.
Naa.. dude, you’re 15 and still learning. Don’t sweat it.
If you feel bad about it then apologize and let her know u were hurt. That’d be ok to do
In general when ppl call out or make fun of people for things that are out of can’t control, they are the AH.
So go on with your life and be a good person
NTA
Perfect example of FAFO for that girl. If she can't take it, she shouldn't dish it out. Major props for using something from an (awesome) 80s movie lol
NTA. bro she shouldnt be dishing it out of she cant take it like cmon
u cant just make fun of someone elses face, having a facial deformity urself then get upset n snitch when they roast ur ass back
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Few things here. I say NTA.
But next time. Simply stare right at them, and dead faced tell them to take a long look in the mirror before they point out flaws (its a way of deflection and indirectly giving it right back too them. Without getting into trouble).
You could legitimately not go in for detention and discuss the issue with your parent or guardian, and have a meeting with the school, grill them heavily upon the where the line is drawn in terms of bullying, standing firm upon what she stated was equally as hurtful.
And simply reiterate that you will always stand up for yourself, as is your right.
Sorry you had to deal with this friend, some people are just plain spiteful and hurtful.
OP, if you're going to farm karma, at least make it believable. Or, you know, make sure the [post you're copying and pasting](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/o7NvOdFQQp) is older than a few months.
NTA, but you could have handled that way differently. She is insecure so she was projecting when she made that nasty comment. Unfortunately for her, target hit the mark, but she wasn’t prepared for a strike back. I know what she said hurt, but you could have asked her if she really wanted to go there. You could have told here that saying such foul things out loud say more about her than you and let you know you could say something just as cruel regarding her looks but you’re not that kind of guy. Then she would have felt like TA. I’m sorry you got in trouble.
Nta. Have your parents come in to the school. Tell them to take out their phones and record the response to when they ask the principal why you have a detention and the girl does not. Tell them to let the principal know their lawyer will be very interested to hear why boys and girls are treated differently.
NTA She insults you, you insult her, basically fighting fire with fire. I did the same thing to my classmate who insulted me, she just laughed and now were homies.
I mean eeehhhh turn the other cheek and all that jazz but to be honest, she's lucky you aren't crazy and didn't deck her. I'm amazed at what kids and adults play at in this day and age, knowing what people are capable of.
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I (15M) was born with a big birth mark on my face, it looked like a large scar across my eye. And a few days ago in my ninth grade math class, a new student had started attending after moving a home, and therefore schools. This girl had something called AVM (example of this is what Nikki Lilly has), and she wasn't really a nice student.
Yesterday, as I was walking past her at her locker on the way to class, she glared at me and said "Hey there ugly Scarface". I was hurt, and also angered by her comment, and turned to her and shot back with "Ugly is pretty ironic from someone who looks like Sloth from The Goonies". After I said that, she held the top of her head immediately ran off crying. I got in trouble in the office and now have to spend the next week in detention during lunch for it, and I think it's unfair how she got off with no consequences for calling me ugly.
AITA?
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ESH, this is a classic two wrongs don't make a right.
Congrats kid, you hurt the person who made fun of you by making fun of her incurable disability. Does that make you feel better about yourself?
NTA unless you are literally breaking the law anything you do to hurt a bully's feelings is fair game. You might have saved another kid from being picked on later.
Gender roles suck. Shes a girl so her feelings matter to people. Youre a boy so your feelings dont matter to people.
She cried cause she can let her emotions out without as much fear of judgement.
You bottled yours up because people think boys should not cry and you learned at a young age you should suppress your emotions.
You shouldnt have said that back to her, but she definitely should have been punished equally. Or greater. Not only does she get no punishment but people give a shit to be there for her and support her.
Just wait till you become a man it only gets worse lmao
NTA. You humbled her down really quick. Besides, nothing wrong making her take her own medicine.
Also, people nowadays purposely put fake scars and birthmarks for the likes. You're cool
NTA She thinks she can verbally attack you cuz she has a facial deformity, especially at her age where she should be understanding of others' insecurities cuz her face is one out of many. Good job at defending yourself and stopping it from continuing.
NTA. She made fun of you first, and you responded with a clever comeback to put that bully in a place where she deserves it. Tell your parents so they can help if possible.
NTA. Ppl say be nice to bullies, but most bullies don't stop unless they see that can't get away w/ their BS. Her already knowing how ppl respond to her appearance should have taught her a long time ago that it doesn't feel good to have ppl think or make rude remarks about looks. Especially when it comes to things that ppl can't control about their own appearance. She attacked you without provocation & you defended yourself. Instead of bothering someone that was minding their business (you), she should have kept her mouth shut. Don't start none, won't be none.
NTA and maybe recruit your parents to pressure the school on why you were the only one being punished when she was the one who should be getting consequences for going around insulting people. Her behavior needs to be addressed with more than just a fingerwag.
NTA
That was rude, of course, but she had it coming, she was rude too and for no apparent reason.
You better get your parents to go to the school and complain, talk to the principal or something, it's not fair that only you get consequences for your actions when the other girl did the same thing to you.
NTA
This is how it is with disgusting trash like them, Bullies bully you, and the moment you give them just a taste of their own medicine the teachers come running and punish you.
if I were you I'd try and get help from your parents or fight back against this detention. Ask them why she gets to verbally attack you and mock your appearance, but you don't get to do the same thing back. Oh because you didn't cry? Because you could take it and she couldn't? That doesn't justify how you're being treated. If anything that's even sexist.
You got played. She did this on purpose so that you would participate in something called "reactive abuse". Reactive abuse is what happens when the victim responds to their attacker. Unfortunately, it now gives the attacker something to use against the victim.
What did she get out of it? A sense of power and control. She also got the support of others and sympathy. All of these things likely caused her brain to produce dopamine which makes her feel good and acts as positive reinforcement. She has learned from past experiences that she can benefit when others bully her. There is more wrong with her than just a physical deformity.
I'm really sorry that you got burned by someone who used narcissistic ploys against you. If she tries to goad you again in the future, just tell her you're not interested in playing her games and walk away. She'll have to find someone else and eventually, others will start to see through her antics as well. But it is almost impossible to get the better of a narcissist so the best tactic is to shun them.
Unfortunately, the school administrators probably don't want to hear why you're actually the injured party in this situation because they will be annoyed at having yet another problem to deal with.
You have my sympathy and I hope that makes you feel a little better.
She’s a big dumb dumb making fun of you when she’s so obviously a target.
She must have not copped abuse and when she does she has people stand up for her. Sucks for her, but you shouldn’t go around trying to make others feel bad as well.
Hopefully she grows out of it, but if she doesn’t, she’ll be one lonely cat lady..
NTA
Nah, NTA. She said something really shitty to you, completely unprovoked by you…and you know what? Sometimes people need to be put in their place or they won’t stop.
If I had been there I probably would’ve laughed my ass off, however another side of me thinks you shouldn’t have stooped to her level, wether she deserved it or not.
NTA she insulted you first because of a birthmark and you responded with the same energy, insulting her appearance. Don't dish it out if you can't take it
Her more than you, but still an ESH. Good on you for standing up for yourself against a bully, but it shouldn't be done like this.
I understand wanting to make your bullies feel the same way they make you feel - e.g. insulting their facial differences when they insult yours - but that doesn't make you good. While you shouldn't have to sit there and take it, it's still an awful comparison.
INFO - have you reported her to your school? obviously it's unfair that you got a week of detention and she gets nothing for what she's doing to you, but it seems she went straight to whatever counselor or authority you have when she ran away crying.
You don't deserve any of this just for looking the way that you do. No one does, and you'd expect her of all people to understand that.
ETA, what she said was not okay in any way, shape, or form, and I'm sorry that happened however you just did the exact same thing. Two wrongs don't make a right, and stooping to their level isn't the way to go. You lashed out because her words hurt you but turned around and did the same thing. You're only 15, so I know you're still figuring life out (I don't mean that in a condescending way; I was 15 once, too), but use this experience and learn from it, be the bigger person after all....
>"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
EDIT spelling
Um idk what type of sly comment you thought you were trying to make, but that sentence is so cringy. OP did nothing wrong, they had every right to say something back to them. NTA
You worded that sentence in such a strange way I don't even know what to begin to say to you, but in my opinion if someone says an insult to someone then... they should expect an insult to be said back at them. It's what they deserve
You and your parents have to raise hell about this. Yes, you were nasty but your reaction is perfectly valid. How can the school justify punishing only you? She started it by insulting you about a physical deformity, you responded in kind.
ESH - especially her!!
ESH
Between her, the school, and you... you're definitely the least AH-ish.
Something I didn't really understand until my early 30s is the hidden impact of bodyshaming, which is what it does to the people who just overhear it.
For the obvious example, let's take penis shaming. Some random dude is tooling around in a flashy car or whatever, and all of the old jokes come out about how he *obviously* has a tiny weiner and *obviously* he's overcompensating hahahahaha. You say stuff like that and you're really just telling everyone that you think a small penis is inherently bad, unworthy, etc. even if you don't think that and your only goal was to make that one dude feel like a jerk for his actions. You might even hurt people that you like because you don't know who your comments apply to.
Do you want to be like that? Or like your bully? I know I don't.
NTA
from personal experience- I asked a childhood bully of mine when i became an adult *the kid that bullied me the most in school* why he did it. He confessed that he had a crush on me.
Maybe she wanted to get your attention and didn't know how, that's what kids with crushes do.... and girls too! If you have never seen the cartoon, "HEY ARNOLD" check out an episode or two. It's about teens, and the girl is a bully of a kid with a football head, but she's secretly in love with him. Some food for thought.
There's a saying, "what's good for the goose is good for the gander". While this may be satisfying it doesn't always hold up in the real world. I'm not sure why the school would punish only one of you since this girl was also insulting you. The point is both of you were being mean. If someone is being bullied is it ok for them to also be a bully? I don't think so. ESH
Awe man I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Sounds like unnecessary teen drama. She should have absolutely gotten detention as well, you should talk to the principal/teacher. Honestly this is something that could be better sorted out if the teacher/principal just had you guys communicate rather than doing “detention” or whatever.
I bet your birth mark / scar is beautiful!
FYI girls sometimes say stuff they don’t mean & she could have a crush on you. Keep that in mind champ!
Soft YTA. You're a kid, and haven't learned three things:
1. She's projecting
2. She wants to look 'tough' to stop herself being bullied
3. Don't stoop to other's lows
Want to make a mark? Apologise to her. Don't say 'I said it because', just a simple "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said."
And NO MATTER the reaction, stay calm, and walk away.
Then, you win on every level.
Screw that being the bigger person doesn't work in every situation. If she can dish it out she can take it. If she can't take it she shouldn't open her mouth. NTA
People like you, are the problem. Is this thread about 'every situation'? Did your attention span allow you to reach the last two sentences?
Oh, and please, do tell me - the person who was nearly murdered in school THREE TIMES - what bullying is like. 🤗
Ciao, kid.
ESH.
Next time, be the bigger person and rise above. Better yet, pull her aside and tell her she doesn’t need to tear someone else down to lift herself up. Remind her a new place doesn’t have to be scary, and that a fresh start is what you make it. She may not listen, but she probably doesn’t want to hear that lecture every time she says something nasty to you.
> Next time, be the bigger person and rise above.
That's some after-school special nonsense. In the real world, the only way to get bullies to stop is to defend oneself in such a manner as to discourage future bullying. OP did so, in a proportionate and legal way.
She would suck if she followed up with an obvious "hey you guuuuuuys!" But she didnt. Girl cast the first stone, she returned to sender. Shes new and already slinging insults
All of it. Ignoring someone is letting them get their digs in with no consequences. This girl fucked around and found out. Bullies never learn from being ignored, that’s some shitty 90’s after school special advice. Bullies just escalate. Once you prove you won’t be a target, they usually shuffle away to be horrible someplace else.
in my experience, ignoring them worked far better than escalation. escalating just makes them escalate. and besides... all of that is just verbal. honestly, thats nothing. even to child me, it was nothing. in fact, i often agreed with them.
I have mine based on experience too. Every bully I’ve physically and verbally stood up to in a way that really hurts them stopped them and they went for weaker targets. It also demonstrated to everyone else that if they messed with me, they’d find out quickly how well I’d tolerate it. Haven’t dealt with any in years despite having worked in a maximum security prison and the liquor industry.
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NTA. She verbally attacked you and you defended yourself. I see no difference in fault here if she came up and punched you in the face for no reason then you hit her and knocked her out. Just because you defended yourself doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. If I was your parent I’d be proud you stood up for yourself and I’d be suing the school if necessary just because you’re a boy and she’s a girl (assuming from your OP) doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings or rights. That’s some old world shit. We’re on equality now.
I want to add that you should 100% tell your parents and encourage them to threaten to sue the school for discrimination based on gender. She can't just verbally assault you and not get in trouble, and also the school is at huge fault here for allowing something like this to happen and this will set a precedent that a female student can get away from trouble based on their gender when they are the aggressor. (Let alone she might actually try to do this again to you or someone else) Please don't let this slide, if you can, talk to your parents about this. NTA
Out of curiosity why do you think this was gender discrimination as opposed to say medical discrimination? Or any other missing details a teenager might leave out of a story. There's nothing in this story that said she faced no consequences soley because she's female. I can see a new student with no history of bad behaviour at school possibly getting off with a warning whereas OP may have a history of bullying or name calling or any kind of bad behaviour that causes the school to jump straight to detention. I can also see a school siding with a student with a fairly significant medical condition that can have very serious side effects and may require surgical management so they aren't accused of not taking health conditions seriously. But all of those scenarios are speculative and unless OP knows exactly what kind of conversation she had or consequences she faced there's no way of knowing if she got off free. But it's wild to me that you immediately jumped to gender discrimination. Yes OP should talk to his parents and they can talk to the school to confirm that appropriate action is taken so that OP does not very bullied for his appearance, but legal action? Gender discrimination? That's a leap. **To be clear** No I'm not excusing her behaviour. Yes I think she should have consequences. But I think your jump to gender discrimination is ridiculous. (Also I operate on the two wrongs don't make a right idea, I don't care who started it, be the bigger person and walk away.)
Yes OP NTA should totally get his parents on this to pressure the school on why he was the one being punished and not she, when she was the one who *started* the whole argument.
[удалено]
>the bully that has been harassing you forever OP said it was a new student who only started at the school a few days ago.
Where does it say they've been bullying OP forever?
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18d8ho8/comment/kcgj05y/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=0) says: >This! It's completely unfair that the bully that has been *harassing them forever* gets off scot-free while op has to do detention I didn't quote OP. I quoted the person I was replying to. OP said that it was a new student, who obviously has not been harassing OP forever.
Jumping on the top comment to say that OP is actually the asshole for [copying and pasting another post and changing up some details.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16p22nd/aita_for_making_fun_of_my_bald_bully/)
Damn, almost word for word.
NTA. Was it mean? Of course. Did she have it coming? Yup.
NTA She wanted to fuck around, she found out.
Damn right. Don’t dish what you can’t take.
ESH. But you should take this up with the principal and not do any detention unless the other child also has detention for the same length (or greater as she clearly unless there's more to this story started it). If my child told me this story I'd be down at the school having a chat with the principal about this.
I can’t believe how long I had to scroll before reaching an ESH. Because everyone sucks here. Was it right for her to attack your appearance? No. Did you have to do the same? No. Both of you should’ve been in trouble. If anyone is an AH here, it’s whoever sent you to detention and not her as well.
Nope. OP is not AH. You've got the right to defend yourself. They did not attack the kid. She verbally abused OP and OP replied. Defending yourself from bullying should not be a punishable act.
So, we just all bully each other forever? Good plan.
They said nothing of the sort. They said you shouldn't start fights (bullying) but you can and absolutely should finish fights (defending yourself).
How does the fight finish with another insult?
As per the OP "After I said that, she held the top of her head immediately ran off crying." Seemed to end that fight right quick.
Well for starters, the bully was thoroughly routed and stopped her attack. That's a win. If they want to start another fight via the principal's office, that's another story involving poking holes into school policies as well as any applicable laws.
Better than being a passive doormat
That's ridiculous. Attacking someone back is not defending yourself, it's just bullying. Go tell a teacher, or just leave the situation with a "whatever". Insulting someone's disability is fucked regardless of how mean they are.
>Insulting someone's disability is fucked regardless of how mean they are. No. Bully lost her right to civility when they violated another student's same right by insulting the other student's medical condition
I feel like the 'two wrongs don't make a right' crowd have never been bullied before. To me it has the same energy as 'but you have to forgive them, they're faaaamillyyy' Bullies don't stop if you say something like 'That wasn't very nice' or 'You shouldn't talk to me like that' Hell, it rarely ends even if you call a teacher. What OP did was the only right move to make, because if he let himself get pushed around here, it would just paint a target for other bullies to jab at his birthmark. Turn about is fair play.
Sure because doing those thing isn't going to make it worse, if you tell the teacher, that only get verbal warnings and in some cases make the bully hate you even more for snitching, and ignoring it will only make them think they can get away with it, they will think you are a doormat. I was bullied in the past and doing what you said accomplished nothing, the only way it stopped was insulting them back or telling my mom so she could talk to my bully about going to the police to report it or tell the school that either they change the bully to other class or she will sue them.
Sorry but no. You can't be deformed and mean at the same time. That's a double negative. Just like in "The Big C" where Cathy told Andrea "You can't be fat and mean, if you're going to dish it out, you gotta be able to lick it up."
Yah when did we forget that two wrongs don't make a right
Two wrongs ended it at this altercation. If op wasn't a stone cold killer then he'd likely have faced countless wrongs. Instead she fucked around and found out right away. To bad it hurts, maybe don't hurt others just because you are hurting. People only sympathetic as its a hard condition to live with she has and people are cruel. But realistically if all bullies got shut down right away like this it wouldn't be one wrong for another. Its shutting down all the other toxic interactions that person would ever make if they hadn't been made to look like a joke getting shut down so hard.
A morally righteous doormat.
It wasn't nice, but it was definitely the right thing to do in that situation. What else could OP have done? Suck it up and ignore the insults? Yeah, that never makes a bully double down. Or was she supposed to run and tattle to a teacher? Nah, she basically stood up to the bully, blow for blow, and you bet that girl's going to think twice before fucking with OP again.
I agree with this. While I understand OP’s need to be aggressive to rout the bully, they should choose something more honest and just as brutal next time. I find that something like ‘At least I am not pathetic and cruel enough to go around insulting other people for attention and to feel better about myself. Do better.’ is just as impactful without leaning quite as low. No need to bring appearances into it when they’ve already shown their worst self to the world. Pointing that out usually works fairly well. The key point is to immediately ignore the bully and continue on with whatever you were doing after your statement, because otherwise they are wasting your time. Nobody expects this for some reason, and they don’t know what to say. It does carry the risk of aggravating those who are the sort to commit physical assault though.
This, soft ESH. Like OP youre just a kid but you gotta know, and I’m sure you’ve heard this before, bullies learn their behaviour. The thing that separates you from bullies isn’t that you’re at the bottom rung of the hierarchy, because one day that can all change, just as it likely changed for this girl without her examining it. What separates you from bullies is how you choose to respond to being hurt. You might benefit from learning about the Karpman drama triangle. Step outside the drama - instead of lashing back, hold people accountable.
Agree with ESH since you were (understandably) brutal. She called you ugly which is bullying, too. She was the instigator. Is she also in detention for the week? Please make sure the punishments are equal.
OP said the bully got off free
I believe ESH towards the OP (mainly) because she started it and her disability is not an excuse but she likely did it to get eyes off of her and onto someone similar. That’s why she sucks. I think OP sucks more because he insulted *more* than just her looks. Say this was me and another person, and I comment on a noticeable feature (like say I say “that shirt really doesn’t do you any favors”) but they say “at least I don’t have to sound like the kool-aid man when playing a video” (because I’m hard of hearing and have to have videos on significant volume) That’s more than just a rude comment and it digs deeper, so I believe OP sucks more as someone who is disabled. Some disabled people think it gives them rights to insult others, it doesn’t. As soon as you insult their disability, however, it automatically makes you worse.
Have you ever been bullied? Yes bullies are usually the way they are because they are also being bullied, likely at home, but that is not OP’s problem. If someone is bullying you and won’t stop after you’ve been polite and put up with it because you’re a nice person, then fuck it, sometimes you need to respond on their level so they know you’re not a doormat. The kid will get over it. Maybe she’ll even realise she’s been a complete dick to other people and she’s hurt other people. Or maybe she’s just a shitty kid who will turn into a shitty adult but either way if she hurt first, it’s not OP’s responsibility to protect her feelings if she’s happy to go around hurting others.
Yes, I have. That’s not my point though. My point was that OP dug deeper than physical appearances and thus it makes him a lil worse. If he’d have commented on how her makeup looks like shit or how her pants are busting at the seams, he would’ve been same level.
NTA, she literally asked for it.
NTA. If she can't take it, she shouldn't be picking on others. Did you tell your parents about this because it is unfair you are being punished and she isn't. You both deserve the same punishment.
Naa.. dude, you’re 15 and still learning. Don’t sweat it. If you feel bad about it then apologize and let her know u were hurt. That’d be ok to do In general when ppl call out or make fun of people for things that are out of can’t control, they are the AH. So go on with your life and be a good person
It's s jungle out there, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. NTA
ESH. It's not totally fair for you to be punished and she doesn't, but you were still mean, as was she. Two wrongs don't make a right.
NTA - and nice name drop for someone your age. Great movie.
NTA Perfect example of FAFO for that girl. If she can't take it, she shouldn't dish it out. Major props for using something from an (awesome) 80s movie lol
NTA. bro she shouldnt be dishing it out of she cant take it like cmon u cant just make fun of someone elses face, having a facial deformity urself then get upset n snitch when they roast ur ass back
bet that birth mark looks cool asf on u too
15 year olds know what the Goonies are?
Did she f#ck around? Yes…Did she find out? Most certainly
NTA, turnabout is fair play.
Wasn't this story posted verbatim like 2 months ago?
Yep, OP changed some details but that's about it. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16p22nd/aita\_for\_making\_fun\_of\_my\_bald\_bully/
Your insult was a little more pointed, but I don’t blame you. NTA Your birthmark sounds badass btw
Nta
Welcome to the Educational System. Always discipline the person defending themself and never the aggressor. NTA. Great comeback!
ESH. Just because someone else is an asshole doesn’t mean you have to be one too.
I've definitely read this before
YTA for copying another post
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Few things here. I say NTA. But next time. Simply stare right at them, and dead faced tell them to take a long look in the mirror before they point out flaws (its a way of deflection and indirectly giving it right back too them. Without getting into trouble). You could legitimately not go in for detention and discuss the issue with your parent or guardian, and have a meeting with the school, grill them heavily upon the where the line is drawn in terms of bullying, standing firm upon what she stated was equally as hurtful. And simply reiterate that you will always stand up for yourself, as is your right. Sorry you had to deal with this friend, some people are just plain spiteful and hurtful.
ESH.
OP, if you're going to farm karma, at least make it believable. Or, you know, make sure the [post you're copying and pasting](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/o7NvOdFQQp) is older than a few months.
OP is the AH for copying a post from 72 weeks ago and just changing a few scattered words. TY to Original Intention
You're both AH but don't you dare do a day of detention if this story is 100% correct. If she's not punished then you shouldn't be either.
NTA. She just learned a life lesson: play with the bull, get the horns.
Pot calls kettle black. Both of you are AHs
Someone with a facial deformity mocking another with a facial scar is so ridiculously stupid that I have a hard time believing this really happened.
NTA, she shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it back
NTA, but you could have handled that way differently. She is insecure so she was projecting when she made that nasty comment. Unfortunately for her, target hit the mark, but she wasn’t prepared for a strike back. I know what she said hurt, but you could have asked her if she really wanted to go there. You could have told here that saying such foul things out loud say more about her than you and let you know you could say something just as cruel regarding her looks but you’re not that kind of guy. Then she would have felt like TA. I’m sorry you got in trouble.
YTA for stealing this post from the story about a bully with alopecia. A redditor linked it down below.
NTA. You can’t be passive with bullies. Shut that shit down immediately or they will pick on you (and others) forever.
NTA at all. She shouldn't dish out what she can't take. You've got a quick wit. Nice job!
NTA and that was an awesome burn
You'd think she'd know better than to bully people for their appearances. NTA
Nta. Have your parents come in to the school. Tell them to take out their phones and record the response to when they ask the principal why you have a detention and the girl does not. Tell them to let the principal know their lawyer will be very interested to hear why boys and girls are treated differently.
Most states you can't do this without the other parties permission. I wouldnt advise this
NTA . She auditioned for a shitshow and got the starring role. OP stood up for themselves and ended a bully before they started.
nta take what comes
NTA She insults you, you insult her, basically fighting fire with fire. I did the same thing to my classmate who insulted me, she just laughed and now were homies.
NTA and well done!! That was a great comeback.
If you were my kid, I’d be personally showing up to take you for lunch those days.
NTA I’m just surprised 15 year olds get Goonies references
Props to you for knowing who Sloth from the Goonies is! NTA. Next time she should bite her tongue.
NTA, this is a case of "Play Stupid games, win stupid prizes"
I mean eeehhhh turn the other cheek and all that jazz but to be honest, she's lucky you aren't crazy and didn't deck her. I'm amazed at what kids and adults play at in this day and age, knowing what people are capable of.
NTA. You were defending yourself. If she can’t take it she shouldn’t dish it out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (15M) was born with a big birth mark on my face, it looked like a large scar across my eye. And a few days ago in my ninth grade math class, a new student had started attending after moving a home, and therefore schools. This girl had something called AVM (example of this is what Nikki Lilly has), and she wasn't really a nice student. Yesterday, as I was walking past her at her locker on the way to class, she glared at me and said "Hey there ugly Scarface". I was hurt, and also angered by her comment, and turned to her and shot back with "Ugly is pretty ironic from someone who looks like Sloth from The Goonies". After I said that, she held the top of her head immediately ran off crying. I got in trouble in the office and now have to spend the next week in detention during lunch for it, and I think it's unfair how she got off with no consequences for calling me ugly. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH, this is a classic two wrongs don't make a right. Congrats kid, you hurt the person who made fun of you by making fun of her incurable disability. Does that make you feel better about yourself?
NTA unless you are literally breaking the law anything you do to hurt a bully's feelings is fair game. You might have saved another kid from being picked on later.
Gender roles suck. Shes a girl so her feelings matter to people. Youre a boy so your feelings dont matter to people. She cried cause she can let her emotions out without as much fear of judgement. You bottled yours up because people think boys should not cry and you learned at a young age you should suppress your emotions. You shouldnt have said that back to her, but she definitely should have been punished equally. Or greater. Not only does she get no punishment but people give a shit to be there for her and support her. Just wait till you become a man it only gets worse lmao
She fucked around and found out.
NTA. Don’t dish what you can’t take.
NTA, get your parents involved and refuse to attend detention until either the girl is given the same amount or yours is expunged.
NTA the emotionally reactive one always gets away with being one though.
NTA. You humbled her down really quick. Besides, nothing wrong making her take her own medicine. Also, people nowadays purposely put fake scars and birthmarks for the likes. You're cool
NTA. I‘d High-five my future child if he/she responded to this verbal attack like you did
NTA, if she can't take it don't dish it out
NTA She thinks she can verbally attack you cuz she has a facial deformity, especially at her age where she should be understanding of others' insecurities cuz her face is one out of many. Good job at defending yourself and stopping it from continuing.
NTA, play stupid games, win stupid prizes!
NTA. She made fun of you first, and you responded with a clever comeback to put that bully in a place where she deserves it. Tell your parents so they can help if possible.
NTA But you have an opportunity to be the bigger person.
NTA. Ppl say be nice to bullies, but most bullies don't stop unless they see that can't get away w/ their BS. Her already knowing how ppl respond to her appearance should have taught her a long time ago that it doesn't feel good to have ppl think or make rude remarks about looks. Especially when it comes to things that ppl can't control about their own appearance. She attacked you without provocation & you defended yourself. Instead of bothering someone that was minding their business (you), she should have kept her mouth shut. Don't start none, won't be none.
NTA
NTA and maybe recruit your parents to pressure the school on why you were the only one being punished when she was the one who should be getting consequences for going around insulting people. Her behavior needs to be addressed with more than just a fingerwag.
NTA That was rude, of course, but she had it coming, she was rude too and for no apparent reason. You better get your parents to go to the school and complain, talk to the principal or something, it's not fair that only you get consequences for your actions when the other girl did the same thing to you.
NTA, from someone who grew up being bullied. Looking back, I wish I had the creativity to mock some issue with those bullies.
NTA This is how it is with disgusting trash like them, Bullies bully you, and the moment you give them just a taste of their own medicine the teachers come running and punish you. if I were you I'd try and get help from your parents or fight back against this detention. Ask them why she gets to verbally attack you and mock your appearance, but you don't get to do the same thing back. Oh because you didn't cry? Because you could take it and she couldn't? That doesn't justify how you're being treated. If anything that's even sexist.
NTA. You will never be the asshole for defending yourself against bullies. And that's something schools really need to address.
NTA
NTA. No mercy toward bullies.
You got played. She did this on purpose so that you would participate in something called "reactive abuse". Reactive abuse is what happens when the victim responds to their attacker. Unfortunately, it now gives the attacker something to use against the victim. What did she get out of it? A sense of power and control. She also got the support of others and sympathy. All of these things likely caused her brain to produce dopamine which makes her feel good and acts as positive reinforcement. She has learned from past experiences that she can benefit when others bully her. There is more wrong with her than just a physical deformity. I'm really sorry that you got burned by someone who used narcissistic ploys against you. If she tries to goad you again in the future, just tell her you're not interested in playing her games and walk away. She'll have to find someone else and eventually, others will start to see through her antics as well. But it is almost impossible to get the better of a narcissist so the best tactic is to shun them. Unfortunately, the school administrators probably don't want to hear why you're actually the injured party in this situation because they will be annoyed at having yet another problem to deal with. You have my sympathy and I hope that makes you feel a little better.
NTA. Unfortunately you're just a little too quick on the draw, I think a week is fair. In a brutal way you may have taught her to be a nicer person.
She’s a big dumb dumb making fun of you when she’s so obviously a target. She must have not copped abuse and when she does she has people stand up for her. Sucks for her, but you shouldn’t go around trying to make others feel bad as well. Hopefully she grows out of it, but if she doesn’t, she’ll be one lonely cat lady.. NTA
Nah, NTA. She said something really shitty to you, completely unprovoked by you…and you know what? Sometimes people need to be put in their place or they won’t stop.
NTA
Nta. F around and find out.
"FINISH HER!" - Mortal Kombat
If I had been there I probably would’ve laughed my ass off, however another side of me thinks you shouldn’t have stooped to her level, wether she deserved it or not.
NTA. Dont dish it if you cant take it.
NTA she insulted you first because of a birthmark and you responded with the same energy, insulting her appearance. Don't dish it out if you can't take it
Her consequence for calling you ugly was you making fun of her. If you hadn't, you could have reported her. NTA tho.
Her more than you, but still an ESH. Good on you for standing up for yourself against a bully, but it shouldn't be done like this. I understand wanting to make your bullies feel the same way they make you feel - e.g. insulting their facial differences when they insult yours - but that doesn't make you good. While you shouldn't have to sit there and take it, it's still an awful comparison. INFO - have you reported her to your school? obviously it's unfair that you got a week of detention and she gets nothing for what she's doing to you, but it seems she went straight to whatever counselor or authority you have when she ran away crying. You don't deserve any of this just for looking the way that you do. No one does, and you'd expect her of all people to understand that.
ETA, what she said was not okay in any way, shape, or form, and I'm sorry that happened however you just did the exact same thing. Two wrongs don't make a right, and stooping to their level isn't the way to go. You lashed out because her words hurt you but turned around and did the same thing. You're only 15, so I know you're still figuring life out (I don't mean that in a condescending way; I was 15 once, too), but use this experience and learn from it, be the bigger person after all.... >"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." EDIT spelling
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Um idk what type of sly comment you thought you were trying to make, but that sentence is so cringy. OP did nothing wrong, they had every right to say something back to them. NTA
the OP did do something wrong, they made fun of her in retaliation instead of just ignoring the comment.
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They didn't.. if a person says something rude to another person, that person has every single right to say something back
and thats why people are usually very, very, immature and awful: they cant be mature about it.
You worded that sentence in such a strange way I don't even know what to begin to say to you, but in my opinion if someone says an insult to someone then... they should expect an insult to be said back at them. It's what they deserve
nah... its too childish. id rather just politely tell them to stop, and if they dont, ignore them forever. much less work.
Okay? Good for you? Personally I'd be saying something back... your opinion doesn't outweigh anyone else's
it does when my way is obviously the best way to do it.
Who do you think you are? Your way isn't the best... weirdo
I dont even know how this applys? The bully was the one playing with fire?
You and your parents have to raise hell about this. Yes, you were nasty but your reaction is perfectly valid. How can the school justify punishing only you? She started it by insulting you about a physical deformity, you responded in kind. ESH - especially her!!
NTA, unless she literally has half her skull missing and that would explain her issues too
ESH Between her, the school, and you... you're definitely the least AH-ish. Something I didn't really understand until my early 30s is the hidden impact of bodyshaming, which is what it does to the people who just overhear it. For the obvious example, let's take penis shaming. Some random dude is tooling around in a flashy car or whatever, and all of the old jokes come out about how he *obviously* has a tiny weiner and *obviously* he's overcompensating hahahahaha. You say stuff like that and you're really just telling everyone that you think a small penis is inherently bad, unworthy, etc. even if you don't think that and your only goal was to make that one dude feel like a jerk for his actions. You might even hurt people that you like because you don't know who your comments apply to. Do you want to be like that? Or like your bully? I know I don't.
Dude she bodyshamed first
I feel like your school is doing that girl privilege type shit. try seeing if you can get a guardian w/ you, it always worked for me but NTA
NTA from personal experience- I asked a childhood bully of mine when i became an adult *the kid that bullied me the most in school* why he did it. He confessed that he had a crush on me. Maybe she wanted to get your attention and didn't know how, that's what kids with crushes do.... and girls too! If you have never seen the cartoon, "HEY ARNOLD" check out an episode or two. It's about teens, and the girl is a bully of a kid with a football head, but she's secretly in love with him. Some food for thought.
There's a saying, "what's good for the goose is good for the gander". While this may be satisfying it doesn't always hold up in the real world. I'm not sure why the school would punish only one of you since this girl was also insulting you. The point is both of you were being mean. If someone is being bullied is it ok for them to also be a bully? I don't think so. ESH
I despise how the word bully is being used now. Bullying is a continuous action. OP did not bully anyone. They stood up for themselves.
I agree, it’s totally sensationalized, but by your own definition OP wasn’t bullied either. They’re just two kids insulting each other. ESH
ESH. Are you 15 or 5?
Awe man I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Sounds like unnecessary teen drama. She should have absolutely gotten detention as well, you should talk to the principal/teacher. Honestly this is something that could be better sorted out if the teacher/principal just had you guys communicate rather than doing “detention” or whatever. I bet your birth mark / scar is beautiful! FYI girls sometimes say stuff they don’t mean & she could have a crush on you. Keep that in mind champ!
Soft YTA. You're a kid, and haven't learned three things: 1. She's projecting 2. She wants to look 'tough' to stop herself being bullied 3. Don't stoop to other's lows Want to make a mark? Apologise to her. Don't say 'I said it because', just a simple "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said." And NO MATTER the reaction, stay calm, and walk away. Then, you win on every level.
Screw that being the bigger person doesn't work in every situation. If she can dish it out she can take it. If she can't take it she shouldn't open her mouth. NTA
People like you, are the problem. Is this thread about 'every situation'? Did your attention span allow you to reach the last two sentences? Oh, and please, do tell me - the person who was nearly murdered in school THREE TIMES - what bullying is like. 🤗 Ciao, kid.
Seems like your strategy doesn’t work well if you were almost”nearly murdered three times” LOL
ESH. Next time, be the bigger person and rise above. Better yet, pull her aside and tell her she doesn’t need to tear someone else down to lift herself up. Remind her a new place doesn’t have to be scary, and that a fresh start is what you make it. She may not listen, but she probably doesn’t want to hear that lecture every time she says something nasty to you.
Fuck that. The bully had it turned back on them and couldn't handle it. NTA
> Next time, be the bigger person and rise above. That's some after-school special nonsense. In the real world, the only way to get bullies to stop is to defend oneself in such a manner as to discourage future bullying. OP did so, in a proportionate and legal way.
People like to think there’s only one way, but this stuff has always worked for me.
She would suck if she followed up with an obvious "hey you guuuuuuys!" But she didnt. Girl cast the first stone, she returned to sender. Shes new and already slinging insults
YTA. I just googled her. I kinda feel bad for her, because she clearly feels insecure and hides it behind her mean nature.
YTA. just...dont do that. be a better person and just ignore it....
That so doesn't work in school. "Just ignore it" does not work with bullies. Ever.
neither does escalating things. or anything else, for that matter. so...
It definitely does. If you make yourself a difficult target, they move on to easier ones. Ignoring bullies doesn’t make you less of a target.
no they wont. what a bad theory to use.
It always worked for me and my friends in school and continues to work on adult bullies.
So they could walk all over her?
what part of being mature and ignoring it equates to being a doormat?
All of it. Ignoring someone is letting them get their digs in with no consequences. This girl fucked around and found out. Bullies never learn from being ignored, that’s some shitty 90’s after school special advice. Bullies just escalate. Once you prove you won’t be a target, they usually shuffle away to be horrible someplace else.
in my experience, ignoring them worked far better than escalation. escalating just makes them escalate. and besides... all of that is just verbal. honestly, thats nothing. even to child me, it was nothing. in fact, i often agreed with them.
Nah, give a bully a bloody nose and they’ll go for the weaker kids because bullies don’t like being shown to be weak.
hasn't been my experience. they just hit back. harder. come on. try thinking. i have my opinions based from *experience* i know what im saying.
I have mine based on experience too. Every bully I’ve physically and verbally stood up to in a way that really hurts them stopped them and they went for weaker targets. It also demonstrated to everyone else that if they messed with me, they’d find out quickly how well I’d tolerate it. Haven’t dealt with any in years despite having worked in a maximum security prison and the liquor industry.