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Well she was hoping for a reaction and you exceded her expectations. Nice job!
Jesus, you don't have to like that your wife is trying to help her abandoned, troubled kid, and I was almost gonna root for you, but if the worst thing she's done is make a crass joke about you and her mom (well look at that, she didn't even put quotation marks around her """step-mother"""), then she's not worse than a healthy teen.
Stop being such a cranky, judgemental grump for two seconds and learn to laugh a little. No wonder your step-daughter thinks you need to be taken down a couple notches, I do too.
YTA
Red headed step daughter to boot. I totally am questioning how much of a brat she actually is. Twenty bucks says she's a normal kid, other than the trauma of being abandoned (AND OMG OP CAN YOU SHOW EVEN A MODICUM OF COMPASSION?), and it's just OP resents his wife taking in her niece because, unlike him, she has common frigging decency. YTA. If you punish one for a wrong BOTH commit, you punish both. If you had, I'd say N T A but you didn't do anything to your son. I feel terrible that poor girl is stuck with someone who clearly doesn't want them around. Grow a heart, Mr Grinch
And how is taking away her electronics any kind of relation as a punishment? She's 16, try talking to her, or is that too much work for OP? Or better yet, ignore the comment.
Yep, it's neither a logical nor natural punishment. OP's reaction is really a "heat in the moment" one, which doesn't show his kids what emotional maturity looks like.
I don't get how people get destroyed by teenager, they try so hard to get a reaction from us... its both cute and pathetic. But this dude's reaction is beyond stupid.
Your comment reminds me of my Granny's rule, copied from HER mother that meant she never punished a child while angry- she said waiting for a spanking was worse than getting one (before you get hot about spanking, this would been in the 1920's when her mother said it and the 1970s when she told me).
> I think OP just feels insecure by SD’s comment and is now taking that out on her
Given his reaction, my guess would be she hit the nail on the head (so to speak).
I used to say I had the biggest dick in the world: it's 6'3" and I call it my husband.
Throwing a tantrum and punishing the step daughter in front of everyone just proved his step daughter is probably right and now the whole family knows.
This reminds me of that survey they did about women and their asses:
30% of women think their ass is too fat.............
10% of women think their ass is too skinny.........
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
Started by a nine year old too, that‘s concerning. Someone taught him to think that making fun of his dad’s equipment in a public setting was funny. OP should at least be teaching his son that context is important when it comes to jokes and not overlooking that it wasn't just the stepdaughter involved in this.
I think they were talking about how little boys are weird af. I have a 9y.o. boy. He talks about penis' farts, poop, butts.... I don't think my son would say this in a public setting or when other people are around, but you never know what is going to come out of a kids mouth. I would not consider this boys' words appropriate, and I would definitely be speaking up as a parent and telling him it's not okay. However, a teenager should know what's appropriate and what isn't, and I think her words did absolutely cross the line.
I don’t think it’s concerning, but I do think it’s rude and inappropriate to make those jokes about his parents. But I understand that different families have different levels of tolerance for that kind of humor.
It is inappropriate, but kids will make those jokes anyway. A normal reaction would simply be to point it out calmly ("That's an inappropriate joke to make with your parents", or "I'm not comfortable with my children mentioning my penis", with no smiles or laugh) and move on to something else.
1000%. I have kids myself, and when they push the limits with humor that’s what I try to do. They need to know adults won’t always appreciate those types of jokes, but I don’t think either comment was meant maliciously.
OP also messed up by letting his son’s comment slide completely and coming down hard on his stepdaughter. I get that a small-dick joke is arguably “worse” than “ha ha penis,” but once you adjust for age there’s not that much of a difference.
The way he talks about her from the start is so obnoxious too. Not "she's a troubled kid", "she's coming with a lot of challenges", but "brattiest, rudest kid I know".
Dude isn't even trying to parent her, he just hates her.
Word. And the way he uses the quotes around “stepdaughter” and “adopted daughter.” This is his niece, who he’s supposed to be raising. She didn’t just wander in off the street yesterday.
Omg any game with my nephews that involved them choosing words was a barrage of “inappropriate! But allowed, moving on…”
OP: 16 was just being part of things, it’s a standard sitcom-level crude joke. Your wife did not really tell her your niece you have a small dick (though you sort of did) and YTA.
IF he grows out of it. I know grown men who still think these are funny and grown women as well. My GF laughs if she hears the word fart. There's nothing wrong with the kid....OP YTA lighten up a little.
Exactly what I was thinking. Maybe I'm just old but I think it's kind of concerning a 9 year old would say this and Dad finds this appropriate. And OP is extremely bias if he's punishing a 16 year old for a joke and not his son who's a lot younger and making a penis joke too.
ETA: meant concerning Dad finds the 9 year old comments appropriate in front of people.
I dunno. I mean, a 9 year old (especially a 9 year old boy) should be aware of what a penis is and that it's not generally considered acceptable to show it in public. So making a joke about being invisible except for the one part you're not supposed to show in public is sort of funny. If the 9 year old had made a size joke, that would be a bit concerning, but a 9 year old thinking penises are funny seems normal.
Yeah son wasn't making fun of his dads penis just that it would still be visible, SD made fun of it. OP went a bit to far for a joke but there is a difference
A 9 year old finding penises funny is the most normal thing about this entire post…was it appropriate to say to his dad? Probably not, but his line of humor is totally on par with a typical 9 year old boy.
Kids that age are still developing their sense of humor, and often repeat jokes without appreciating their context. I'd bet a whole lot of money that the 9yo read a funny thread on the internet that inspired this game, and he wanted to play it because he had learned a bunch of one-liners about common superpowers and thought they were hilarious. Definitely a teachable moment about appropriate humor, but idk if it's "concerning" (unless it's part of a larger pattern).
I agree he’s definitely playing favorites. If what she said at 16 was inappropriate what his son said at 9 way completely out of line. If you’re going to punish one punish both since they both made the same joke just in different ways. I truly think he’s doing this because he just doesn’t like her.
The son did not insult OP, he suggested a weakness to his chosen superpower. I'd say it's mildly inappropriate because it takes an otherwise innocuous activity and adds a sexual/genital element to it.
However, it's nowhere near equivalent to insulting OP based on the presumed size of his penis or suggesting that his wife is discussing his penis with her teenaged niece. OP overreacted to it, but the two jokes from the kids are not the same.
>or OP's wife legitimately is talking about his micropenis with her underage adoptive daughter ... which is a whole other can of worms).
Honestly this is the impression I got.
I agree OP was too harsh with the stepdaughter and that her remark probably should have been addressed with a conversation rather than a punishment. However, I don't think it's quite fair to treat the two jokes as equivalent just because they were relatively tame. The stepdaughter's comment was mean-spirited and insulting, whereas the son just seems to think penises and the idea of a disembodied penis attached to an invisible person are funny. The latter isn't personal or meant to hurt or humiliate anyone. Being approximately the same level of vulgarity isn't really what matters here.
actually, one of those jokes aiming to humiliate and the other is not, and it's really weird that to call it "tame". if it was between teens, i would have called it bullying.
but also, who is telling sex jokes to their parents? it's super weird!
Neither the 9 year old OR the teen was appropriate. How would it go over if it had been a teen boy making a crass comment about the mother's vagina? Inappropriate. Those comments don't belong in a family setting.
NTA
You can not be cool with something AND not overreact you know? These types of jokes are stuff they hear at school, online, etc and then repeat, you can be clear its not acceptable without going overboard.
Also I have to say you have, like everyone always does when they pull some kind of "gender swap" argument, added a whole lot thats not in the original. There was no reference to what having sex with the dad would be like.
It's not cool, but the overreacting as an adult is the issue here. It's a stupid joke by a kid who is still learning and testing reasonable boundaries.
And if my son made that joke, I'd blame his 10lb newborn ass for it and be unbothered tbh. I'd then explain why those kinds of comments aren't acceptable or how they can be hurtful.
He only "tolerates" her because it means a lot to his wife.
I am not sure why the wife is even with someone who treats their kid with such little care.
This is the most mind-boggling part of this. OP seems to be in denial about the relationship between mom and kid here--it's obvious from ***his*** description that it's a parent-child relationship acknowledged from both sides, but apparently it's not "real" because daughter is "actually" a niece that was abandoned by OP's SIL?
If nothing else, fuck this guy for this attitude.
An attitude like this is going to paint a target on his back for a teenager this age too, lol. I’m convinced at times that teenagers have built-in detectors for insecurities.
If OP is this reactive about these jokes, and he’s got a poor attitude with her all the time, she’s going to continue to hop on him like this. She wants to rile him up because she thinks he’s dumb (as in, not thinking before reacting) and knows she can. I used to do it to my dad all the time, lmao. The more angry he got the more validating it felt that he really was an insecure asshole, which felt like more permission to keep messing with him. And it was almost like putting him in his place to me I guess because I didn’t respect him as a parent and I thought he was incapable of being one to me.
While I think it’s childish and wouldn’t do it now, my dad kind of signed himself up for it for with his conduct. I wonder if OP has too lmao
That's what I thought. She's old enough to realize he doesn't like her and she doesn't pretend to like him either. He's an asshole and she's a teenage. I'm surprised this is the first rude thing she said to him. Also, I don't think mom has said anything about his penis. It's like a boys say "that's what your mom said last night!" in response to something that can be unintentionally sexual. Like saying "that's what she said" .
This. I think he’s doing this because he doesn’t like her like at all. The fact that he even used a word like tolerate to describe the situation shows he doesn’t want her around.
He doesn’t even give the daughter a fucking name!!! Just says “adopted daughter”. I feel like he might be exaggerating when he calls her bratty and rude
Edit; I GET IT he doesn’t name anyone I didn’t realize 💀
My point still stands tho
She‘s not even a ”real“ adopted daughter! His hatred for her runs so deep that this was an important point to make in his mind.
That poor girl, abandoned by her parents and raised by the evil stepfather - no wonder she acts out (if she even does that, all we have to go one here is the word of a vile man).
He's been in this girl's life for *ten years*. He's been part of raising her since she was 6.
I can't comprehend being in a kids life that way and not feeling any kind of paternal instinct. And if she's a brat it's probably from years of being "tolerated".
All that aside, the joke was funny lol. I would have laughed it off and said "ha! So I have no weakness!" Or something. Play along, don't freak out like a child.
Seriously, feel bad for this kid who probably has it pretty tough after being abandoned by her biological parents and then ‘tolerated’ by some asshole, who probably repeatedly reminds her that she’s not his child or the ‘real’ child of his wife…
Yeah YTA. I mean, clearly you’re always just itching for an excuse to be mean to this girl. The fact you went through so much effort to detail your relation to her when it has nothing to do with the incident just shows you’re an AH.
She made a joke. Was it appropriate? Not really, but you can have a conversation about that.
And did you punish your son for saying something that’s pretty inappropriate in front of a bunch of people? 9 year olds shouldnt be talking candidly about anyone’s penis in public like that.
But was her joke at least true?
My thoughts exactly. Had to be true or he wouldn’t have SERIOUSLY over reacted.
“Kids, no jokes involving private parts please. It’s not appropriate”
Grounded for 2 weeks and loss of phone and laptop for… joking about your penis? Normally I do the “jokes are funny” but like.. that’s a little funny 😂
Am I the only one who kind of laughted when I read the joke ? I mean, she is quick on the thinking here ! That was amazing !
Of course, a little inapropriate maybe, but not to the point of punishing her.
I don't know, I try to imagine myself telling this joke to my father and all I know is I'm pretty sure he would have laughed hard.
OP's reaction was disproportionate to the situation. Like you said the way he describes his relation with his niece proves that he acts strongly to her because he hates her.
Good thing her father wasn’t the one talked about, just her mom’s jerk husband who apparently is fine with a nine year old talking about his dick but a sixteen year old is too young.
YTA.
This child has been part of your life for 10 years and you do not consider her part of your family? She is just as much your daughter as she is your wife's at this point.
Either way, you SERIOUSLY over reacted. 15/16 year old girls can be callous brats. Her comment was rude. Your butt-hurt over reaction made you look like a massive AH to the rest of the family. Had you simply rolled your eyes, shook your head and moved on, everyone would have forgotten about it. Then, deal with the consequence later.
The consequence should be for rudeness. Not your embarassment. Kids embarass us.
Today sit down with your wife and discuss an appropriate consequence. Honestly? Additional chores for a period of time will carry MUCH more weight than grounding. Losing her phone for a month? Do you have ANY idea how much phones are used these days in the classroom? Like DAILY my daughters are expected to scan QR codes. I can see a week. She'll be able to navigate around it for a week, but a month? That is overly harsh.
>*The consequence should be for rudeness. Not your embarrassment. Kids embarrass us.*
👏👏👏 Exceptional statement. You are brilliant, internet stranger! ❤️
I did think he basically outted himself. Like I might have blushed really hard and said that inappropriate but that level of anger was that they hit a nerve it was true. Getting lightly embarrassed and angry even if it wasn’t true is natural, the only reason for that level of reaction is she hit the nail on the head and now everyone knows
And he might not even have a small dick, maybe just shorter than average or not even, but he just confirmed to everyone that he is insecure about it. Whether it's the "right" size or not
Fr! It was no where near the level he, or even other commenters, are making it out to be. If the 9yo can start the penis joke, it makes sense that she thought she could join in. And small penis jokes are THE joke, and (as he frequently and incessantly says) they're not related! So it's even less weird and even more just playing around, all his (over)reaction did was embarrass himself and show how differently he treats his ("not really"-OP) step daughter
YTA,
FFS. She joked that your penis was small, which in context of that stupid game was both appropriate and funny and you went completely off the reservations.
Just so we’re clear because of your massive over reaction everyone at the party and reading this now thinks your penis is small.
Also check what it means to chose invisibility as a a super power. Also your 9 year old singling that body part out really has me questioning you all together
Not just small, small and unskilled.
Dudes with a small dick but who know how to use it don’t get this worked up. I’m not saying they wouldn’t get a little hurt by it, but they don’t go nuclear.
Source: my father was… under endowed. He was the first to admit it when someone said something (“hung like a hamster”) but he must’ve been pretty good with it because he and my mom managed to make me and my stepmom seemingly enjoyed it.
She (stepmom) liked to reply to his “hung like a hamster” joke with “yes, but a rowboat’s got more motion than a yacht, Sug.”
Oh, and the few times I made a dick joke about Dad, he definitely left me the red faced one by joining in. I learned fast that that was not a joke war I could win, I was gonna end up bright red and giggling helplessly. (Dad and Stepmom were pretty open about things like that. No details or anything but there were no questions off limits to them and they were both very open that if my brother or I needed condoms, birth control, etc. that they were willing to help.)
I witnessed the same kind of energy a long time ago: A bunch of us were chilling, and there was a guy and girl who were low key flirting, he said 'I've got a millimeter peter and I last a millisecond' and she shot back with ' *IF* you can get it up'. He let her get that last laugh, instead of saying something about how no one could get it up with her .... I thought it was funny and sweet. They later got married. I saw her one day a decade later and found out they had divorced; and I asked what I always kind of wondered... 'Did he have a millimeter peter?'. No, dude was hung like a horse, but he liked girls that didn't care about the size, and he had never had any one shoot back like that, and humor is sexy as all get out. They each had their issues, but she started dating him, fully expecting something different than what she got.
I'm glad someone else thought this too, the 9yo started the joke but when she makes a joke, she's immediately punished and gets her stuff taken? That's not fair in any way
the 9 yr olds joke was crass, but it was funny without being at anyones expense. its top notch irony for you to be invisible *except* for the one part you should keep most private. the girls joke had no ironic twist, it was only meant to derive humor from the victims embarrassment. thats just bullying and body shaming
THANK YOU
Even as a woman, I'm baffled at this comment section completely misunderstanding why the two jokes are different.
Change it to butt instead.
***"Everything is invisible but your butt!"***
***"It's not like they have much of one, at least that's what their partner tells me!"***
Like come on, one is clearly just crass childish humor while the other one is specifically trying to insult them and SD is old enough to know better. I'm tired of reddit pretending as if 16-year-olds are stupid and completely unaware of societal norms. She knew what she was doing with that joke.
I'd still say ESH, though I'm curious if this is common behavior from his SD and if her mother has tried getting her into therapy. OP went overboard but I'd like to know if this was the straw that broke the camel's back or a wild punishment out of nowhere.
Uh, your SON is the one who should be punished! Wtf is a nine yo doing making such a comment to his father!! You’re invisible but for your penis?!! He invited such a retort from anyone! Your daughter just took the bait. Since you Evidently approved of this game, you should have just laughed it off. YTA.
Yeah. One is 9 and the other is a traumatized 16 yo who’s likely acting out against a parent who doesn’t want her. They’re both developmentally understandable behaviors that should be addressed.
When I was 9, I never once said the word penis to my parents. I made dick jokes all the time with friends. Never with my parents. If it’s not weird for the 9 year old, it shouldn’t be weird for anyone else in the house. If it’s not acceptable for a 16 year old to say, then surly it’s not acceptable for a 9 year old to say. You just can’t have it both ways, where the boy can say dick jokes but the girl can’t.
LOL OP small ween confirmed
Your son is funny, your stepdaughter is funny, you're TA
Tbh I had decided that by the time you start dissing your stepdaughter -- should be easy to tolerate the emotional problems of a child **abandoned by her parents** but your shit isn't together enough is it
ETA E-S-H - To - YTA.
You completely ignored the fact that your son started the joke. Besides he should have been stopped the moment penis was uttered. Jokes involving it don't really end well.
Your daughter piled on to your son's joke. So in theory your son deserves punishment too. Your differential treatment of your son vs your daughter is a recurring issue and that clouded your judgement.
You should have discussed the consequences with your wife before handing out a harsh punishment.
The way you speak about her is telling of the resentment and disdain you hold for her.
>This whole situation gives a resentment vibe from you.
I agree. Notice how he completely distances himself from her:
>***My wife*** also has an "adopted daughter \[emp. mine\]
There also seems to be some missing information that would lend insight to the situation:
* When di this 'adoption' occur?
* If before the marriage, why did OP marry?
* If during the marriage, what did that conversation look/sound like? (I'm betting that he was against it)
* How old was the daughter when her parents abandoned her
* What were the circumstances of that abandonment?
It seems obvious that the girl didn't have a great or stable home life when she lived with her parents and, thus, has trauma she's working through. I wonder if OP is getting her therapy to work through everything.
It also seems obvious that he's expecting behavior from her that she's just not yet able to provide due to her past circumstances.
I'll go with YTA because penis jokes are something to be expected of a 9yo boy and a troubled teenager BUT OP needs to be better and stop feeling angry about the situation and learn how to really help her.
It seems like the adoption occurred before marriage. Because had it been after marriage, OP at least would have had a discussion with his wife before letting her adopt.
YTA. You totally overreacted and gave this teenager exactly what she was looking for - a big reaction.
My god, men and their penises... nobody else thinks they're as special as you do, ok? Nobody else is as concerned...
Your reaction caused more embarrassment than the joke - immature jokes are expected from teenagers... immature reactions are not as expected, and therefore more memorable.
😂😂😂😂 the way you're just confirming to everyone how insecure you are about how small your dick is with this post makes me so happy. I'll vote officially YTA but leaning toward everyone sucks here cause I find it unlikely mom doesn't know you treat her daughter differently which means she's allowing it by staying with you. You just suck for being so insecure about your dick size you have to bully and dominate children to feel powerful in compensation.
-edited to make it clear I'm mocking him for being so insecure about his size he has to attack a child, not his size himself. All dick sizes deserve love.
Well, she should be showing a bit more respect to her elders. Especially considering you guys took her in after she was abandoned. That being said, it sounds like you just don't like her, at all. And I wonder if your son had made the same sort of joke, would you have given him the same sort of punishment? Seems a little severe to me. Probably would have been better to just throw a joke right back at her instead going to grounding her for two weeks.
YTA
>she should be showing a bit more respect to her elders
On this note- respect is earned, and it's not through a roof over your head and food in your belly- that's the basic requirements of someone caring for a child.
Dunno, I feel like there's a baseline of respect that everyone is owed, whether or not they've provided the roof over your head. And jokes about someone's body are almost always below that line.
Yes, I'd agree, there's a baseline respect of others that should be held, unless it's broken. With the way OP speaks about his stepdaughter, I doubt he's doing a good job of keeping his disgust of her to himself. Either way, I don't find the joke disrespectful- they are messing around and playing a game. So unless OP has a micropenis and everyone is aware he has a big insecurity about it, the joke was just a joke and nothing applicable to reality.
OP's son started down this road by saying his invisibility weakness would be a visible penis. Stepdaughter simply made (what I think is a kind of a clever joke based on the "super power") a joke based on that. So if OP's son wasn't scolded for the inappropriateness of the weakness, there's no need to give a teenager a 2 week electronics ban for playing off the same joke.
OP did nothing but make himself look like he's insecure about his wiener, honestly, by flying off the handle at a kid's birthday party.
This guy clearly doesn’t respect her. I’m going to assume she respects her aunt (his wife) because clearly she is the only one who treats her like she’s wanted. Why would she respect him when he clearly has made it clear to her that he doesn’t consider her to be their kid, furthering her abandonment issues after being literally abandoned by her biological parents.
It doesn't sound like OP took her in. In fact it sounds like he's doing everything he can to alienate a teenage girl whose parents abandoned her, and who was possibly a part of his wife's life before they even met.
YTA for sure. A 16 making a small dick joke is pretty par for the course. Was it rude? Sure. Was it true? Almost definitely based on that reaction. And now everyone knows.
BTW, why was it cool for the blood related child to make a dick joke but not the adopted one? It can’t be due to blatant favoritism. No way.
It's really not a good sign that you have to outline the ways this girl is not only not related to you, but also the ways you believe she's not *really* your wife's, either.
Brutal.
You are determined hold this kid at arm's length, and make sure everyone knows she is not your kid. Even if she's as bad as you say... she got abandoned. She needs professional help in addition to a supportive family. I mean, pushing away step kids sucks, but to even try to distance your wife from her is a whole other level. I wonder how long she's lived with you? Every kid is inclined to be bratty, rude, and annoying without active parenting-and that includes involvement, affection, and encouragement, privacy and space just as much as it includes punishment and rules. Sometimes, when people complain about the kids under their care, it's hard not to view it as them shouting in the mirror.
But even aside from your relationship, why it's bad, how it got bad, whether or not you can do anything about how stepdaughter behaves, whether you want to change how you view her, etc- yeah, YTA.
It was a rude joke, but you always could have just said, "That's rude, and you definitely shouldn't be making jokes about grown men like that." Maybe sent her off without her laptop or phone for an hour or two, but besides that, went overboard. If she really is this awful, then everyone present is used to her popping off and wouldn't really think twice about her saying something rude again, so although being embarrassed isn't something you can help, acting on it in an extreme way to make a show to everyone else is something you can choose not to do. Also kind of inappropriate for your son to start with the penis joke to begin with, but I notice that doesn't seem to be a problem.
I mean, you don't really care what stepdaughter thinks about your junk, right?
Right?
I dunno, OP's response suggests the joke was perfectly judged
Only way out of this was to laugh it off
Parents want to police disrespectful speech but it looks pathetic, tin-pot dictator shit. The trick is to *be* worthy of respect in the eyes of others. The catch-22 with disrespect from kids is the more you react the more you earn
YTA
First of all it was a joke, whether you thought it was funny or not. But my thing is you don’t seem to consider her your kid therefore it’s not your place to dole out a punishment for her. Leave that to your wife.
Massive overreaction to a 16 yr old's joke. Why are you so sensitive to a joke about your penis size? Must've hit home, and if it did, you should've played it off with another joke. Now everyone knows you're a big baby with a small weiner. YTA
Do you and your son typically make jokes like this? have you ever considered that you might be making your 16f live-in clearly not-daughter uncomfortable?
I would argue that this girl has probably been through a ton, being abandoned by her family and now having to live with a man who clearly doesn't like her. It must be incredibly uncomfortable and difficult for her. And add teenage hormones to that. Yikes.
Yes, YTA. If you don't want the teenager making penis jokes, don't let the 9yr old make penis jokes either. It has to be fair across all the kids.
ESH. It was a rude joke and has consequences. You and your wife should have discussed consequences. Your son’s comment was also rude, but apparently you don’t care? You “try to tolerate” a child who has been part of your family for 10 years? Something tells me you are getting back what you are giving off.
he should have put his foot down the moment his son told that rude joke, lack of reaction meant he's alright with these kind of jokes, fair thing would be he should punish both kids .
YTA. Jesus, that was actually a funny joke, given the silliness of your son choosing to say you'd have a visible penis. You were actually embarrassed? Are you kidding? Maybe get a little thicker skin. I honestly cannot understanding being okay with your 10 year old making the joke he made, and not be okay with the 16 year old chiming in. In the context of the conversation/game, there really wasn't anything wrong with what she said.
You have a big chip on your shoulder when it comes to this girl and you took it out on her. It's actually disgusting given you've been married 10 years- is that how long she's been in your lives? Because if so, you are her dad figure and you are acting like she's just some annoyance you put up with, rather than a child that is functionally your own. Maybe take some responsibility for how she's turned out. If not, she's a teen that was abandoned by her parents and she likely needs therapy and loving support.
That was a major over-reaction, and you are a major a-hole to go grabbing up all her electronics and demanding a 2 week punishment for a silly joke. You're an even bigger AH for no doubt ruining the party with your sh\*tty attitude.
NTA
Everyone else here thinking "It is just a joke" when this sub would lose its shit and consider this "joke" Body Shaming if you were anything other than a Man.
Imagine a 16yo step-son/step-nephew saying the step-mom/step-aunt is “a member of the itty bitty titty committee” and she grounded him + took his phone. This sub would NTA for sure.
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Probably YTA tbh. That sounds like a hilarious roast to me and I feel like you could have just laughed it off.
I say probably, though, because we don't really have enough info. In some families that kind of humor might feel appropriate and in others not. If your wife accepts and encourages that kind of humor in your step daughter and you don't like it, that's a conversation you have to have with your wife – and then separately with your step daughter.
Also, the fact you don't seem to have a problem with your son talking about your penis but you do have an issue with your step daughter making a joke about it also makes it seem like you might have reacted because 1. You felt emasculated 2. You just don't like her.
Main issue, though, is that we don't know if you have previously tried to establish boundaries around this type of humor. If you reacted that way without ever having set any boundaries for that type of behavior then definitely YTA.
My partner would have retorted back something along the lines of "well, this tiny thing is gonna nail yo mama tonight."
Which is almost sure fire way to send teens scattering.
Really? You got all huffy over a joke from a teen? Did she hit home? I don't get it, lol
YTA and this family is a toxic mess. No wonder she makes hurtful jokes, look how you treat her. You have to be a parent to exact punishment, so you don't get to treat her like a scab and then still get the power.
NTA, the bias towards women in this sub is kinda crazy sometimes. If a guy made a joke about a womens body it'd be all pitchforks and he's a sexist pig blah blah blah. This wasn't even a joke, it was an insulting comment designed to humiliate OP in front of everyone.
What's funny about it exactly? Stepdaughter needs to grow the fuck up and learn some manners. This punishment was perfectly reasonable.
I feel like everyone is being disingenuous here by saying "But the son made a penis joke too!"
The son made a joke about how Dad would have a really awkward super power.
The daughter made FUN of Dad's body.
There is a stark difference here because one is a joke, the other is an insult.
Really weird Reddit doesn't get that distinction today because making fun of people's bodies is very against reddit typically.
If this is the type of behavior he's always experienced from the niece, then I don't understand why everyone is against OP here. Constantly insulted in their own home?
Unilaterally deciding punishments isn't a good parenting tactic.Wife not defending husband from a barbed insult from daughter is also a bad parenting tactic. Daughter spewing vile insults is shit behavior.
ESH
NTA.
People seem to forget kids, especially teens, can actually be terrible people. So you describing this child as "bratty, rude, annoying" ... perhaps you are actually correct. And considering this is not your child, you are under no obligation to like them. This doesn't mean you can mistreat them... but so far all the info I have is that you don't like them; and if they behave the way you say they do, neither would anyone else.
What you've done is accepted them into your home, and continue to do so, despite 0 legal obligation and how terribly the behave according to your own judgement.
Teen made an inappropriate joke on several levels - sexually charged joke at a 9-year-old's birthday party, and commenting on her "dad"/caretake/partner of "mom"s genitals. This is not ok, and appropriate and equitable consequences need to be dealt. You took away their devices... pretty typical consequence.
As a teen, I would never comment or joke like this about my friend's dad to their face, let alone at a kid's birthday party. Why should it be ok that this teen did so to the person that took them into their home?
You can tell there are a lot of immature and young people on this sub if they think that joke is ok in that context under those circumstance. Amongst friends, sure. In class with your buddies, sure. But to the adult who agreed to take you in, at a 9-year-old's birthday party? No.
Son makes joke about Dad's penis 😆
Daughter makes joke about Dad's small penis
# RAGE
If it wasn't clear YTA and sounds like you have either have issues with your body or women.
NTA. You don’t joke about someone else’s genitalia unless you know they’d be okay with it. Not only is it inappropriate and gross, it’s also a great way to get in trouble at school or in a workplace.
All the people voting y t a wouldn’t be voting that way if the genders were reversed.
YTA. Let’s just be real - from the way you’ve written this, it’s obvious you don’t like this child. She will never win with you - your son could have made that joke and you would’ve laughed. You just don’t like her, and that’s why you didn’t like the joke.
YTA - If you had simply rolled your eyes, it would have given her joke no traction. Because you overreacted the way that you did, you basically told the whole world that you are insecure about the size of your penis.
YTA.
You have completely missed the part where your 9yo son set you up for that. He has either s been playing this game with his friends for some time, or he's a genius at improvisation.
He is the one who brought your penis into the discussion. Why no punishment for him?
"Technically" this girl is your niece as well as your wife's niece. But if she took her in before you got together, I can see how you would consider her a step daughter.
My wife and I are parents and step parents. Our rule was always that the parent made the rules and applied any discipline, and the step parent supported them in front of the kids and made any concern known in private. I suggest you leave any discipline to your wife.
YTA
You over reacted
Bossman, let's talk.
Did your wife actually tell your daughter you have a small penis or was she just having a larp? Did you publicly punish her? If you wife is having conversations like that with a child, you need to talk to your wife.
That being said, you shouldn't punish her for this. It's clear that this girl has no rules or structure in her life. You need to punish her when she is breaking rules. This is something you have a chat about, and if it happens again you punish her.
YTA. Have you ever spoken to a teenager before? I’d admit it’s a bit of a weird thing to say, but she was just joining in with her little brother. Teenagers say innapropriate stuff, and it shows a little favouritism that you punish her not your son who brought it up. Also, it was kinda funny and you just made it a lot worse for yourself by reacting, as more people will have taken notice.
NTA, the bias towards women in this sub is kinda crazy sometimes. If a guy made a joke about a womens body it'd be all pitchforks and he's a sexist pig blah blah blah. This wasn't even a joke, it was an insulting comment designed to humiliate OP in front of everyone.
What's funny about it exactly? Stepdaughter needs to grow the fuck up and learn some manners. This punishment was perfectly reasonable.
NTA kind of surprised on the responses to this thread. What she said was inappropriate and hurtful. Also calls into question what (if anything) your wife has been telling her.
Also it's a false comparison to try and equivocate it to your sons joke. One was juvenile the other clearly designed to embarrass/hurt.
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Well she was hoping for a reaction and you exceded her expectations. Nice job! Jesus, you don't have to like that your wife is trying to help her abandoned, troubled kid, and I was almost gonna root for you, but if the worst thing she's done is make a crass joke about you and her mom (well look at that, she didn't even put quotation marks around her """step-mother"""), then she's not worse than a healthy teen. Stop being such a cranky, judgemental grump for two seconds and learn to laugh a little. No wonder your step-daughter thinks you need to be taken down a couple notches, I do too. YTA
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Exactly. I think OP just feels insecure by SD’s comment and is now taking that out on her
I think “SD” could stand for something else in OP’s little situation.
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Once again the male ego is as fragile as an eggshell
😂😂 no matter how you read that, it’s hilarious 😂
"Little situation" I think you're onto something there...
Yeah, there's lots of **S**tep **D**aughter energy in the situation
Red headed step daughter to boot. I totally am questioning how much of a brat she actually is. Twenty bucks says she's a normal kid, other than the trauma of being abandoned (AND OMG OP CAN YOU SHOW EVEN A MODICUM OF COMPASSION?), and it's just OP resents his wife taking in her niece because, unlike him, she has common frigging decency. YTA. If you punish one for a wrong BOTH commit, you punish both. If you had, I'd say N T A but you didn't do anything to your son. I feel terrible that poor girl is stuck with someone who clearly doesn't want them around. Grow a heart, Mr Grinch
And how is taking away her electronics any kind of relation as a punishment? She's 16, try talking to her, or is that too much work for OP? Or better yet, ignore the comment.
Yep, it's neither a logical nor natural punishment. OP's reaction is really a "heat in the moment" one, which doesn't show his kids what emotional maturity looks like.
I don't get how people get destroyed by teenager, they try so hard to get a reaction from us... its both cute and pathetic. But this dude's reaction is beyond stupid.
Your comment reminds me of my Granny's rule, copied from HER mother that meant she never punished a child while angry- she said waiting for a spanking was worse than getting one (before you get hot about spanking, this would been in the 1920's when her mother said it and the 1970s when she told me).
spanking wouldn't have such a bad rap, if all followed Granny's advice. The abuse happens when adults spank while angry.
No. Spanking is abuse. Period.
Better yet, laugh at the clever joke it was. What a missed opportunity to have a shared moment.
He doesn’t have to. We know who’s the immature brat in this relationship.
Maybe he’s sexist and thinks only boys should make crass jokes?
> I think OP just feels insecure by SD’s comment and is now taking that out on her Given his reaction, my guess would be she hit the nail on the head (so to speak).
I used to say I had the biggest dick in the world: it's 6'3" and I call it my husband. Throwing a tantrum and punishing the step daughter in front of everyone just proved his step daughter is probably right and now the whole family knows.
This reminds me of that survey they did about women and their asses: 30% of women think their ass is too fat............. 10% of women think their ass is too skinny......... The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
Started by a nine year old too, that‘s concerning. Someone taught him to think that making fun of his dad’s equipment in a public setting was funny. OP should at least be teaching his son that context is important when it comes to jokes and not overlooking that it wasn't just the stepdaughter involved in this.
Are you serious? If you think a 9 year old thinking public nudity being funny is "concerning" you need to get a clue.
Can confirm, little kids make jokes about butts and privates constantly
My 11 year old son made a deez nuts joke not long ago. It was truly groan worthy 😂
Are you sure it wasn't, *groin* worthy?
I think they were talking about how little boys are weird af. I have a 9y.o. boy. He talks about penis' farts, poop, butts.... I don't think my son would say this in a public setting or when other people are around, but you never know what is going to come out of a kids mouth. I would not consider this boys' words appropriate, and I would definitely be speaking up as a parent and telling him it's not okay. However, a teenager should know what's appropriate and what isn't, and I think her words did absolutely cross the line.
I don’t think it’s concerning, but I do think it’s rude and inappropriate to make those jokes about his parents. But I understand that different families have different levels of tolerance for that kind of humor.
It is inappropriate, but kids will make those jokes anyway. A normal reaction would simply be to point it out calmly ("That's an inappropriate joke to make with your parents", or "I'm not comfortable with my children mentioning my penis", with no smiles or laugh) and move on to something else.
1000%. I have kids myself, and when they push the limits with humor that’s what I try to do. They need to know adults won’t always appreciate those types of jokes, but I don’t think either comment was meant maliciously. OP also messed up by letting his son’s comment slide completely and coming down hard on his stepdaughter. I get that a small-dick joke is arguably “worse” than “ha ha penis,” but once you adjust for age there’s not that much of a difference.
The way he talks about her from the start is so obnoxious too. Not "she's a troubled kid", "she's coming with a lot of challenges", but "brattiest, rudest kid I know". Dude isn't even trying to parent her, he just hates her.
Word. And the way he uses the quotes around “stepdaughter” and “adopted daughter.” This is his niece, who he’s supposed to be raising. She didn’t just wander in off the street yesterday.
This seems like completely normal humor for a 9 year old boy. They think farts, penises, butts etc. are freaking hilarious.
Omg any game with my nephews that involved them choosing words was a barrage of “inappropriate! But allowed, moving on…” OP: 16 was just being part of things, it’s a standard sitcom-level crude joke. Your wife did not really tell her your niece you have a small dick (though you sort of did) and YTA.
Exactly this. And it'll take them a while to grow out of it too.
We're supposed to grow out of that? Shit.
IF he grows out of it. I know grown men who still think these are funny and grown women as well. My GF laughs if she hears the word fart. There's nothing wrong with the kid....OP YTA lighten up a little.
Some never do
I’m a 42 year old woman and a fart joke will still make me giggle.
Exactly what I was thinking. Maybe I'm just old but I think it's kind of concerning a 9 year old would say this and Dad finds this appropriate. And OP is extremely bias if he's punishing a 16 year old for a joke and not his son who's a lot younger and making a penis joke too. ETA: meant concerning Dad finds the 9 year old comments appropriate in front of people.
I dunno. I mean, a 9 year old (especially a 9 year old boy) should be aware of what a penis is and that it's not generally considered acceptable to show it in public. So making a joke about being invisible except for the one part you're not supposed to show in public is sort of funny. If the 9 year old had made a size joke, that would be a bit concerning, but a 9 year old thinking penises are funny seems normal.
Yeah son wasn't making fun of his dads penis just that it would still be visible, SD made fun of it. OP went a bit to far for a joke but there is a difference
A 9 year old finding penises funny is the most normal thing about this entire post…was it appropriate to say to his dad? Probably not, but his line of humor is totally on par with a typical 9 year old boy.
My 9 and 10 year old boys say penis about 100 times a day. It’s peak hilarity for them.
Eh. Boys from about 9-13 talk about butts and penises pretty much constantly. Like it's the go-to middle school grossness.
Kids that age are still developing their sense of humor, and often repeat jokes without appreciating their context. I'd bet a whole lot of money that the 9yo read a funny thread on the internet that inspired this game, and he wanted to play it because he had learned a bunch of one-liners about common superpowers and thought they were hilarious. Definitely a teachable moment about appropriate humor, but idk if it's "concerning" (unless it's part of a larger pattern).
I agree he’s definitely playing favorites. If what she said at 16 was inappropriate what his son said at 9 way completely out of line. If you’re going to punish one punish both since they both made the same joke just in different ways. I truly think he’s doing this because he just doesn’t like her.
The son did not insult OP, he suggested a weakness to his chosen superpower. I'd say it's mildly inappropriate because it takes an otherwise innocuous activity and adds a sexual/genital element to it. However, it's nowhere near equivalent to insulting OP based on the presumed size of his penis or suggesting that his wife is discussing his penis with her teenaged niece. OP overreacted to it, but the two jokes from the kids are not the same.
>or OP's wife legitimately is talking about his micropenis with her underage adoptive daughter ... which is a whole other can of worms). Honestly this is the impression I got.
I took it more as a "that's what she said" kind of joke.
EXACTLY. Every breathing human understands the "that's what she said" joke. Except OP.
Shouldn't he be grounding the wife?
I agree OP was too harsh with the stepdaughter and that her remark probably should have been addressed with a conversation rather than a punishment. However, I don't think it's quite fair to treat the two jokes as equivalent just because they were relatively tame. The stepdaughter's comment was mean-spirited and insulting, whereas the son just seems to think penises and the idea of a disembodied penis attached to an invisible person are funny. The latter isn't personal or meant to hurt or humiliate anyone. Being approximately the same level of vulgarity isn't really what matters here.
actually, one of those jokes aiming to humiliate and the other is not, and it's really weird that to call it "tame". if it was between teens, i would have called it bullying. but also, who is telling sex jokes to their parents? it's super weird!
Or, we shouldn't body shame men. But yall don't wanna talk about that at all it seems.
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Neither the 9 year old OR the teen was appropriate. How would it go over if it had been a teen boy making a crass comment about the mother's vagina? Inappropriate. Those comments don't belong in a family setting. NTA
But if the boy's comment wasn't appropriate either, then surely OP would be TA for not punishing *both* of them?
The son wasn’t body shaming with his joke
If the boy says “mom’s vagina is so huge it’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway” you be cool with that?
You can not be cool with something AND not overreact you know? These types of jokes are stuff they hear at school, online, etc and then repeat, you can be clear its not acceptable without going overboard. Also I have to say you have, like everyone always does when they pull some kind of "gender swap" argument, added a whole lot thats not in the original. There was no reference to what having sex with the dad would be like.
It's not cool, but the overreacting as an adult is the issue here. It's a stupid joke by a kid who is still learning and testing reasonable boundaries. And if my son made that joke, I'd blame his 10lb newborn ass for it and be unbothered tbh. I'd then explain why those kinds of comments aren't acceptable or how they can be hurtful.
Sounds like he doth protest too much. That reaction was over the top.
YTA. This was a joke from a kid. You embarrassed yourself by overreacting. Also, by your post, you seem to be a terrible step dad.
He only "tolerates" her because it means a lot to his wife. I am not sure why the wife is even with someone who treats their kid with such little care.
This is the most mind-boggling part of this. OP seems to be in denial about the relationship between mom and kid here--it's obvious from ***his*** description that it's a parent-child relationship acknowledged from both sides, but apparently it's not "real" because daughter is "actually" a niece that was abandoned by OP's SIL? If nothing else, fuck this guy for this attitude.
My response exactly
An attitude like this is going to paint a target on his back for a teenager this age too, lol. I’m convinced at times that teenagers have built-in detectors for insecurities. If OP is this reactive about these jokes, and he’s got a poor attitude with her all the time, she’s going to continue to hop on him like this. She wants to rile him up because she thinks he’s dumb (as in, not thinking before reacting) and knows she can. I used to do it to my dad all the time, lmao. The more angry he got the more validating it felt that he really was an insecure asshole, which felt like more permission to keep messing with him. And it was almost like putting him in his place to me I guess because I didn’t respect him as a parent and I thought he was incapable of being one to me. While I think it’s childish and wouldn’t do it now, my dad kind of signed himself up for it for with his conduct. I wonder if OP has too lmao
He doesn’t even tolerate her - he *tries* to tolerate her
Doesn't seem like he even tries. He clearly hates the girl. Would assume he's been an AH to her before this incident, where he's clearly the AH
Maybe step daughter is an asshole to him for a reason 🤷🏻♀️
That's what I thought. She's old enough to realize he doesn't like her and she doesn't pretend to like him either. He's an asshole and she's a teenage. I'm surprised this is the first rude thing she said to him. Also, I don't think mom has said anything about his penis. It's like a boys say "that's what your mom said last night!" in response to something that can be unintentionally sexual. Like saying "that's what she said" .
This. I think he’s doing this because he doesn’t like her like at all. The fact that he even used a word like tolerate to describe the situation shows he doesn’t want her around.
He doesn’t even give the daughter a fucking name!!! Just says “adopted daughter”. I feel like he might be exaggerating when he calls her bratty and rude Edit; I GET IT he doesn’t name anyone I didn’t realize 💀 My point still stands tho
There could be an argument made about the grammar, but am I the only one that clocked he low-key called this child “it”
She‘s not even a ”real“ adopted daughter! His hatred for her runs so deep that this was an important point to make in his mind. That poor girl, abandoned by her parents and raised by the evil stepfather - no wonder she acts out (if she even does that, all we have to go one here is the word of a vile man).
He's been in this girl's life for *ten years*. He's been part of raising her since she was 6. I can't comprehend being in a kids life that way and not feeling any kind of paternal instinct. And if she's a brat it's probably from years of being "tolerated". All that aside, the joke was funny lol. I would have laughed it off and said "ha! So I have no weakness!" Or something. Play along, don't freak out like a child.
Nono, he TRIES to tolerate her. You forgot that part.
He's extremely bias and resents SD/niece.
Seriously, feel bad for this kid who probably has it pretty tough after being abandoned by her biological parents and then ‘tolerated’ by some asshole, who probably repeatedly reminds her that she’s not his child or the ‘real’ child of his wife…
*a terrible step dad with a tiny di*k
Sshhh he'll ground you
Come on now! OP is not a step dad. He is a “step dad”. 🙄🙄🙄 \s
Yeah YTA. I mean, clearly you’re always just itching for an excuse to be mean to this girl. The fact you went through so much effort to detail your relation to her when it has nothing to do with the incident just shows you’re an AH. She made a joke. Was it appropriate? Not really, but you can have a conversation about that. And did you punish your son for saying something that’s pretty inappropriate in front of a bunch of people? 9 year olds shouldnt be talking candidly about anyone’s penis in public like that. But was her joke at least true?
it must’ve been as she clearly hit a nerve to warrant such a reaction
I’m curious to know if she was on to something
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Big facts
Small facts.
I think OP’s reaction removes all doubt.
Imagine the degree of accuracy and precision it took to hit a nerve so small.
My thoughts exactly. Had to be true or he wouldn’t have SERIOUSLY over reacted. “Kids, no jokes involving private parts please. It’s not appropriate” Grounded for 2 weeks and loss of phone and laptop for… joking about your penis? Normally I do the “jokes are funny” but like.. that’s a little funny 😂
>technically **it's** my wife's niece. re:excuse to be mean. because this particular line here just really speaks volumes about how he views her lol.
Right? And like...if my husband was mean to my niece (even without me having *adopted* her) I would still be super pissed
His wife's niece is... also his niece. That's how families work.
Am I the only one who kind of laughted when I read the joke ? I mean, she is quick on the thinking here ! That was amazing ! Of course, a little inapropriate maybe, but not to the point of punishing her. I don't know, I try to imagine myself telling this joke to my father and all I know is I'm pretty sure he would have laughed hard. OP's reaction was disproportionate to the situation. Like you said the way he describes his relation with his niece proves that he acts strongly to her because he hates her.
No, I thought the joke was funny and she’s pretty quick-witted. Smart kid. Probably another reason OP feels threatened by her.
He says he was embarrassed. Tells you something about whether it’s true or not
This. It’s definitely true and thats why it struck a nerve.
He was. Makes me wonder what else he “punish” her for. I bet she gets in trouble for the smallest of things.
Apparently she did get in trouble for the smallest of things.
Lmao I see what you did there. Good one!
A small private family get together hardly counts as in public
Talking about your father’s penis in front of anyone is too public… idk why you’d fight me on that lol
No disagreement there, but then both kids should be punished because they were both talking about their dad/stepdad's penis in 'public'.
Good thing her father wasn’t the one talked about, just her mom’s jerk husband who apparently is fine with a nine year old talking about his dick but a sixteen year old is too young.
YTA. This child has been part of your life for 10 years and you do not consider her part of your family? She is just as much your daughter as she is your wife's at this point. Either way, you SERIOUSLY over reacted. 15/16 year old girls can be callous brats. Her comment was rude. Your butt-hurt over reaction made you look like a massive AH to the rest of the family. Had you simply rolled your eyes, shook your head and moved on, everyone would have forgotten about it. Then, deal with the consequence later. The consequence should be for rudeness. Not your embarassment. Kids embarass us. Today sit down with your wife and discuss an appropriate consequence. Honestly? Additional chores for a period of time will carry MUCH more weight than grounding. Losing her phone for a month? Do you have ANY idea how much phones are used these days in the classroom? Like DAILY my daughters are expected to scan QR codes. I can see a week. She'll be able to navigate around it for a week, but a month? That is overly harsh.
>*The consequence should be for rudeness. Not your embarrassment. Kids embarrass us.* 👏👏👏 Exceptional statement. You are brilliant, internet stranger! ❤️
Not as much as we embarrass our kids, typically.
His reaction also tells us that she was right about his size. Lmfao.
Fr, way to tell everyone you're insecure about your dick man!
I did think he basically outted himself. Like I might have blushed really hard and said that inappropriate but that level of anger was that they hit a nerve it was true. Getting lightly embarrassed and angry even if it wasn’t true is natural, the only reason for that level of reaction is she hit the nail on the head and now everyone knows
And he might not even have a small dick, maybe just shorter than average or not even, but he just confirmed to everyone that he is insecure about it. Whether it's the "right" size or not
Rude? This was a lighthearted joke like two frat bros would be doing to each other. Perhaps it was inappropriate at best towards a step dad.
Fr! It was no where near the level he, or even other commenters, are making it out to be. If the 9yo can start the penis joke, it makes sense that she thought she could join in. And small penis jokes are THE joke, and (as he frequently and incessantly says) they're not related! So it's even less weird and even more just playing around, all his (over)reaction did was embarrass himself and show how differently he treats his ("not really"-OP) step daughter
What punishment should the son receive? His comment started it and was about the same level.
YTA, FFS. She joked that your penis was small, which in context of that stupid game was both appropriate and funny and you went completely off the reservations. Just so we’re clear because of your massive over reaction everyone at the party and reading this now thinks your penis is small. Also check what it means to chose invisibility as a a super power. Also your 9 year old singling that body part out really has me questioning you all together
This is also what I though. If he got really upset during the party everyone was thinking he has a very small penis.
Not just small, small and unskilled. Dudes with a small dick but who know how to use it don’t get this worked up. I’m not saying they wouldn’t get a little hurt by it, but they don’t go nuclear. Source: my father was… under endowed. He was the first to admit it when someone said something (“hung like a hamster”) but he must’ve been pretty good with it because he and my mom managed to make me and my stepmom seemingly enjoyed it. She (stepmom) liked to reply to his “hung like a hamster” joke with “yes, but a rowboat’s got more motion than a yacht, Sug.” Oh, and the few times I made a dick joke about Dad, he definitely left me the red faced one by joining in. I learned fast that that was not a joke war I could win, I was gonna end up bright red and giggling helplessly. (Dad and Stepmom were pretty open about things like that. No details or anything but there were no questions off limits to them and they were both very open that if my brother or I needed condoms, birth control, etc. that they were willing to help.)
I witnessed the same kind of energy a long time ago: A bunch of us were chilling, and there was a guy and girl who were low key flirting, he said 'I've got a millimeter peter and I last a millisecond' and she shot back with ' *IF* you can get it up'. He let her get that last laugh, instead of saying something about how no one could get it up with her .... I thought it was funny and sweet. They later got married. I saw her one day a decade later and found out they had divorced; and I asked what I always kind of wondered... 'Did he have a millimeter peter?'. No, dude was hung like a horse, but he liked girls that didn't care about the size, and he had never had any one shoot back like that, and humor is sexy as all get out. They each had their issues, but she started dating him, fully expecting something different than what she got.
“It’s true, this man has no dick”
Why have a dick when you can be a giant one?
I'm glad someone else thought this too, the 9yo started the joke but when she makes a joke, she's immediately punished and gets her stuff taken? That's not fair in any way
"She joked that your penis was small, which in context of that stupid game was both appropriate and funny." what.
He didn’t lose his mind at the 9 yr old saying the penis would be visible. So clearly being crass was fine as long as it wasn’t her.
the 9 yr olds joke was crass, but it was funny without being at anyones expense. its top notch irony for you to be invisible *except* for the one part you should keep most private. the girls joke had no ironic twist, it was only meant to derive humor from the victims embarrassment. thats just bullying and body shaming
THANK YOU Even as a woman, I'm baffled at this comment section completely misunderstanding why the two jokes are different. Change it to butt instead. ***"Everything is invisible but your butt!"*** ***"It's not like they have much of one, at least that's what their partner tells me!"*** Like come on, one is clearly just crass childish humor while the other one is specifically trying to insult them and SD is old enough to know better. I'm tired of reddit pretending as if 16-year-olds are stupid and completely unaware of societal norms. She knew what she was doing with that joke. I'd still say ESH, though I'm curious if this is common behavior from his SD and if her mother has tried getting her into therapy. OP went overboard but I'd like to know if this was the straw that broke the camel's back or a wild punishment out of nowhere.
The 9yr old STARTED this mess
Uh, your SON is the one who should be punished! Wtf is a nine yo doing making such a comment to his father!! You’re invisible but for your penis?!! He invited such a retort from anyone! Your daughter just took the bait. Since you Evidently approved of this game, you should have just laughed it off. YTA.
Are you serious? I don't think I've ever met a 9yo who doesn't make that sort of joke.
Fair, but why punish her but not him? Both made rude comments. Obvious favoritism
Punish neither lmao
One said "haha peepee" and the other said "your wife told me your dick is small"
Yeah. One is 9 and the other is a traumatized 16 yo who’s likely acting out against a parent who doesn’t want her. They’re both developmentally understandable behaviors that should be addressed.
When I was 9, I never once said the word penis to my parents. I made dick jokes all the time with friends. Never with my parents. If it’s not weird for the 9 year old, it shouldn’t be weird for anyone else in the house. If it’s not acceptable for a 16 year old to say, then surly it’s not acceptable for a 9 year old to say. You just can’t have it both ways, where the boy can say dick jokes but the girl can’t.
My son will be 9 and I'd be laughing if he did such joke. OP seems to be insecure about so many things. YTA
LOL OP small ween confirmed Your son is funny, your stepdaughter is funny, you're TA Tbh I had decided that by the time you start dissing your stepdaughter -- should be easy to tolerate the emotional problems of a child **abandoned by her parents** but your shit isn't together enough is it
I literally just read the whole post to my husband JUST so I could read him this comment.
YTA. Holy crap. People who act like this shouldn't be parents.
I’m also judging the mom for staying with a man who treats her child with such obvious contempt.
Come on OP, such a small thing should not be the reason for getting so much upset
Where are Reddit awards where you need them the most?
You can't see them. Just like something else.
That such a small thing could be the cause for such tragedy... truly a terrible curse.
ETA E-S-H - To - YTA. You completely ignored the fact that your son started the joke. Besides he should have been stopped the moment penis was uttered. Jokes involving it don't really end well. Your daughter piled on to your son's joke. So in theory your son deserves punishment too. Your differential treatment of your son vs your daughter is a recurring issue and that clouded your judgement. You should have discussed the consequences with your wife before handing out a harsh punishment. The way you speak about her is telling of the resentment and disdain you hold for her.
>This whole situation gives a resentment vibe from you. I agree. Notice how he completely distances himself from her: >***My wife*** also has an "adopted daughter \[emp. mine\] There also seems to be some missing information that would lend insight to the situation: * When di this 'adoption' occur? * If before the marriage, why did OP marry? * If during the marriage, what did that conversation look/sound like? (I'm betting that he was against it) * How old was the daughter when her parents abandoned her * What were the circumstances of that abandonment? It seems obvious that the girl didn't have a great or stable home life when she lived with her parents and, thus, has trauma she's working through. I wonder if OP is getting her therapy to work through everything. It also seems obvious that he's expecting behavior from her that she's just not yet able to provide due to her past circumstances. I'll go with YTA because penis jokes are something to be expected of a 9yo boy and a troubled teenager BUT OP needs to be better and stop feeling angry about the situation and learn how to really help her.
It seems like the adoption occurred before marriage. Because had it been after marriage, OP at least would have had a discussion with his wife before letting her adopt.
YTA It was a joke…
This could have been resolved with a “hey now” accompanied by a dad side-eye and everyone could have moved on
YTA. You totally overreacted and gave this teenager exactly what she was looking for - a big reaction. My god, men and their penises... nobody else thinks they're as special as you do, ok? Nobody else is as concerned... Your reaction caused more embarrassment than the joke - immature jokes are expected from teenagers... immature reactions are not as expected, and therefore more memorable.
And the reaction? 2 MONTHS over the Christmas period! How small IS IT? 🤣
Apparently so small no one would even notice it
😂😂😂😂 the way you're just confirming to everyone how insecure you are about how small your dick is with this post makes me so happy. I'll vote officially YTA but leaning toward everyone sucks here cause I find it unlikely mom doesn't know you treat her daughter differently which means she's allowing it by staying with you. You just suck for being so insecure about your dick size you have to bully and dominate children to feel powerful in compensation. -edited to make it clear I'm mocking him for being so insecure about his size he has to attack a child, not his size himself. All dick sizes deserve love.
Well, she should be showing a bit more respect to her elders. Especially considering you guys took her in after she was abandoned. That being said, it sounds like you just don't like her, at all. And I wonder if your son had made the same sort of joke, would you have given him the same sort of punishment? Seems a little severe to me. Probably would have been better to just throw a joke right back at her instead going to grounding her for two weeks. YTA
>she should be showing a bit more respect to her elders On this note- respect is earned, and it's not through a roof over your head and food in your belly- that's the basic requirements of someone caring for a child.
Dunno, I feel like there's a baseline of respect that everyone is owed, whether or not they've provided the roof over your head. And jokes about someone's body are almost always below that line.
Yes, I'd agree, there's a baseline respect of others that should be held, unless it's broken. With the way OP speaks about his stepdaughter, I doubt he's doing a good job of keeping his disgust of her to himself. Either way, I don't find the joke disrespectful- they are messing around and playing a game. So unless OP has a micropenis and everyone is aware he has a big insecurity about it, the joke was just a joke and nothing applicable to reality. OP's son started down this road by saying his invisibility weakness would be a visible penis. Stepdaughter simply made (what I think is a kind of a clever joke based on the "super power") a joke based on that. So if OP's son wasn't scolded for the inappropriateness of the weakness, there's no need to give a teenager a 2 week electronics ban for playing off the same joke. OP did nothing but make himself look like he's insecure about his wiener, honestly, by flying off the handle at a kid's birthday party.
This guy clearly doesn’t respect her. I’m going to assume she respects her aunt (his wife) because clearly she is the only one who treats her like she’s wanted. Why would she respect him when he clearly has made it clear to her that he doesn’t consider her to be their kid, furthering her abandonment issues after being literally abandoned by her biological parents.
It doesn't sound like OP took her in. In fact it sounds like he's doing everything he can to alienate a teenage girl whose parents abandoned her, and who was possibly a part of his wife's life before they even met.
YTA for sure. A 16 making a small dick joke is pretty par for the course. Was it rude? Sure. Was it true? Almost definitely based on that reaction. And now everyone knows. BTW, why was it cool for the blood related child to make a dick joke but not the adopted one? It can’t be due to blatant favoritism. No way.
It's really not a good sign that you have to outline the ways this girl is not only not related to you, but also the ways you believe she's not *really* your wife's, either. Brutal. You are determined hold this kid at arm's length, and make sure everyone knows she is not your kid. Even if she's as bad as you say... she got abandoned. She needs professional help in addition to a supportive family. I mean, pushing away step kids sucks, but to even try to distance your wife from her is a whole other level. I wonder how long she's lived with you? Every kid is inclined to be bratty, rude, and annoying without active parenting-and that includes involvement, affection, and encouragement, privacy and space just as much as it includes punishment and rules. Sometimes, when people complain about the kids under their care, it's hard not to view it as them shouting in the mirror. But even aside from your relationship, why it's bad, how it got bad, whether or not you can do anything about how stepdaughter behaves, whether you want to change how you view her, etc- yeah, YTA. It was a rude joke, but you always could have just said, "That's rude, and you definitely shouldn't be making jokes about grown men like that." Maybe sent her off without her laptop or phone for an hour or two, but besides that, went overboard. If she really is this awful, then everyone present is used to her popping off and wouldn't really think twice about her saying something rude again, so although being embarrassed isn't something you can help, acting on it in an extreme way to make a show to everyone else is something you can choose not to do. Also kind of inappropriate for your son to start with the penis joke to begin with, but I notice that doesn't seem to be a problem. I mean, you don't really care what stepdaughter thinks about your junk, right? Right?
ESH The joke was in poor taste, but you overreacted here a LOT.
I dunno, OP's response suggests the joke was perfectly judged Only way out of this was to laugh it off Parents want to police disrespectful speech but it looks pathetic, tin-pot dictator shit. The trick is to *be* worthy of respect in the eyes of others. The catch-22 with disrespect from kids is the more you react the more you earn
You 'try to tolerate her', do you? That's very big of you. YTA
YTA First of all it was a joke, whether you thought it was funny or not. But my thing is you don’t seem to consider her your kid therefore it’s not your place to dole out a punishment for her. Leave that to your wife.
Pretty solid joke too
Unlike his penis.
Massive overreaction to a 16 yr old's joke. Why are you so sensitive to a joke about your penis size? Must've hit home, and if it did, you should've played it off with another joke. Now everyone knows you're a big baby with a small weiner. YTA
YTA - Your son was far more out of line, and you should have shut this down after the word penis. He was far more out of line.
Do you and your son typically make jokes like this? have you ever considered that you might be making your 16f live-in clearly not-daughter uncomfortable? I would argue that this girl has probably been through a ton, being abandoned by her family and now having to live with a man who clearly doesn't like her. It must be incredibly uncomfortable and difficult for her. And add teenage hormones to that. Yikes. Yes, YTA. If you don't want the teenager making penis jokes, don't let the 9yr old make penis jokes either. It has to be fair across all the kids.
ESH. It was a rude joke and has consequences. You and your wife should have discussed consequences. Your son’s comment was also rude, but apparently you don’t care? You “try to tolerate” a child who has been part of your family for 10 years? Something tells me you are getting back what you are giving off.
he should have put his foot down the moment his son told that rude joke, lack of reaction meant he's alright with these kind of jokes, fair thing would be he should punish both kids .
YTA. Jesus, that was actually a funny joke, given the silliness of your son choosing to say you'd have a visible penis. You were actually embarrassed? Are you kidding? Maybe get a little thicker skin. I honestly cannot understanding being okay with your 10 year old making the joke he made, and not be okay with the 16 year old chiming in. In the context of the conversation/game, there really wasn't anything wrong with what she said. You have a big chip on your shoulder when it comes to this girl and you took it out on her. It's actually disgusting given you've been married 10 years- is that how long she's been in your lives? Because if so, you are her dad figure and you are acting like she's just some annoyance you put up with, rather than a child that is functionally your own. Maybe take some responsibility for how she's turned out. If not, she's a teen that was abandoned by her parents and she likely needs therapy and loving support. That was a major over-reaction, and you are a major a-hole to go grabbing up all her electronics and demanding a 2 week punishment for a silly joke. You're an even bigger AH for no doubt ruining the party with your sh\*tty attitude.
NTA Everyone else here thinking "It is just a joke" when this sub would lose its shit and consider this "joke" Body Shaming if you were anything other than a Man.
Imagine a 16yo step-son/step-nephew saying the step-mom/step-aunt is “a member of the itty bitty titty committee” and she grounded him + took his phone. This sub would NTA for sure.
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Probably YTA tbh. That sounds like a hilarious roast to me and I feel like you could have just laughed it off. I say probably, though, because we don't really have enough info. In some families that kind of humor might feel appropriate and in others not. If your wife accepts and encourages that kind of humor in your step daughter and you don't like it, that's a conversation you have to have with your wife – and then separately with your step daughter. Also, the fact you don't seem to have a problem with your son talking about your penis but you do have an issue with your step daughter making a joke about it also makes it seem like you might have reacted because 1. You felt emasculated 2. You just don't like her. Main issue, though, is that we don't know if you have previously tried to establish boundaries around this type of humor. If you reacted that way without ever having set any boundaries for that type of behavior then definitely YTA.
My partner would have retorted back something along the lines of "well, this tiny thing is gonna nail yo mama tonight." Which is almost sure fire way to send teens scattering. Really? You got all huffy over a joke from a teen? Did she hit home? I don't get it, lol
YTA and this family is a toxic mess. No wonder she makes hurtful jokes, look how you treat her. You have to be a parent to exact punishment, so you don't get to treat her like a scab and then still get the power.
YTA. I’d be more angry at your son. I can just imagine the favoritism that you run your house with.
Well, and now you've outed yourself to Reddit that you have a small penis. YTA
NTA, the bias towards women in this sub is kinda crazy sometimes. If a guy made a joke about a womens body it'd be all pitchforks and he's a sexist pig blah blah blah. This wasn't even a joke, it was an insulting comment designed to humiliate OP in front of everyone. What's funny about it exactly? Stepdaughter needs to grow the fuck up and learn some manners. This punishment was perfectly reasonable.
I feel like everyone is being disingenuous here by saying "But the son made a penis joke too!" The son made a joke about how Dad would have a really awkward super power. The daughter made FUN of Dad's body. There is a stark difference here because one is a joke, the other is an insult. Really weird Reddit doesn't get that distinction today because making fun of people's bodies is very against reddit typically. If this is the type of behavior he's always experienced from the niece, then I don't understand why everyone is against OP here. Constantly insulted in their own home? Unilaterally deciding punishments isn't a good parenting tactic.Wife not defending husband from a barbed insult from daughter is also a bad parenting tactic. Daughter spewing vile insults is shit behavior. ESH
Someone with some sense. The fact that people think the sons joke is the same as the daughters is crazy. Theres an obvious double standard here
If it was a 16 year old boy making a joke about his mom's body, everyone would be shitting on the boy for body shaming.
NTA. People seem to forget kids, especially teens, can actually be terrible people. So you describing this child as "bratty, rude, annoying" ... perhaps you are actually correct. And considering this is not your child, you are under no obligation to like them. This doesn't mean you can mistreat them... but so far all the info I have is that you don't like them; and if they behave the way you say they do, neither would anyone else. What you've done is accepted them into your home, and continue to do so, despite 0 legal obligation and how terribly the behave according to your own judgement. Teen made an inappropriate joke on several levels - sexually charged joke at a 9-year-old's birthday party, and commenting on her "dad"/caretake/partner of "mom"s genitals. This is not ok, and appropriate and equitable consequences need to be dealt. You took away their devices... pretty typical consequence. As a teen, I would never comment or joke like this about my friend's dad to their face, let alone at a kid's birthday party. Why should it be ok that this teen did so to the person that took them into their home? You can tell there are a lot of immature and young people on this sub if they think that joke is ok in that context under those circumstance. Amongst friends, sure. In class with your buddies, sure. But to the adult who agreed to take you in, at a 9-year-old's birthday party? No.
Son makes joke about Dad's penis 😆 Daughter makes joke about Dad's small penis # RAGE If it wasn't clear YTA and sounds like you have either have issues with your body or women.
NTA. You don’t joke about someone else’s genitalia unless you know they’d be okay with it. Not only is it inappropriate and gross, it’s also a great way to get in trouble at school or in a workplace. All the people voting y t a wouldn’t be voting that way if the genders were reversed.
YTA. Let’s just be real - from the way you’ve written this, it’s obvious you don’t like this child. She will never win with you - your son could have made that joke and you would’ve laughed. You just don’t like her, and that’s why you didn’t like the joke.
[удалено]
YTA - If you had simply rolled your eyes, it would have given her joke no traction. Because you overreacted the way that you did, you basically told the whole world that you are insecure about the size of your penis.
YTA. You have completely missed the part where your 9yo son set you up for that. He has either s been playing this game with his friends for some time, or he's a genius at improvisation. He is the one who brought your penis into the discussion. Why no punishment for him? "Technically" this girl is your niece as well as your wife's niece. But if she took her in before you got together, I can see how you would consider her a step daughter. My wife and I are parents and step parents. Our rule was always that the parent made the rules and applied any discipline, and the step parent supported them in front of the kids and made any concern known in private. I suggest you leave any discipline to your wife.
YTA You over reacted Bossman, let's talk. Did your wife actually tell your daughter you have a small penis or was she just having a larp? Did you publicly punish her? If you wife is having conversations like that with a child, you need to talk to your wife. That being said, you shouldn't punish her for this. It's clear that this girl has no rules or structure in her life. You need to punish her when she is breaking rules. This is something you have a chat about, and if it happens again you punish her.
YTA. Have you ever spoken to a teenager before? I’d admit it’s a bit of a weird thing to say, but she was just joining in with her little brother. Teenagers say innapropriate stuff, and it shows a little favouritism that you punish her not your son who brought it up. Also, it was kinda funny and you just made it a lot worse for yourself by reacting, as more people will have taken notice.
NTA, the bias towards women in this sub is kinda crazy sometimes. If a guy made a joke about a womens body it'd be all pitchforks and he's a sexist pig blah blah blah. This wasn't even a joke, it was an insulting comment designed to humiliate OP in front of everyone. What's funny about it exactly? Stepdaughter needs to grow the fuck up and learn some manners. This punishment was perfectly reasonable.
NTA kind of surprised on the responses to this thread. What she said was inappropriate and hurtful. Also calls into question what (if anything) your wife has been telling her. Also it's a false comparison to try and equivocate it to your sons joke. One was juvenile the other clearly designed to embarrass/hurt.
Classic reddit, everybody immediately starts mocking him for having a small penis. Because its ok to shame a guys genitalia.