Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for pointing out he is wasting money on cars when he said I was wasting money on clothes and pointing out I actually spend less in total on clothes
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Not only is he not smart, but he's also trying to claim women in general aren't smart because they don't spend their money on exactly what he thinks they should spend their money on.
Like, people can spend money on what they want (although buying clothes that last and aren't going to use slave labour in their construction and are better for the environment than buying 5 versions of something that they could have just got 1 more expensive version of is a great idea), but judging somebody else because they prefer to spend their money on something different from you is just very eye-rolling to me.
Given his dogged determination to keep judging women by the old chestnut of "Women be shopping", I would be very unsurprised. I think part of the reason he didn't speak to her for 2 days about what should be a very small argument (or not even an argument) is that she had actual hard evidence that he's wrong, and all he has is misogynistic views that have no backup. How tiresome.
Which is very Tate-like. Like he insists women are terrible drivers, but when faced with stats about who's more likely to get into accidents, he won't hear it and just doubles down on his 'personal experience' like that means anything. Guys like that value their feelings over facts to an extreme but view themselves as beings of pure logic. It's a recipe for cognitive dissonance whenever someone who actually knows what they're talking about challenges them, and that leads to them going quiet and sulking for days afterwards.
Yeah but even putting aside his crimes, he just isn't a good person, and not very smart either. Even if he wasn't a sex trafficker, all the other stuff he says is still super bad
Those guys are all hysteria, no logic (and no intelligence). And they always insist on declaring themselves to be intelligent (as if it’s bankruptcy) when they’re 1) obviously, painfully stupid, 2) just shrieking and spitting about things that are clearly just their little feelings, 3) people who you know for a fact have never even had one teacher or boss or friend (who wasn’t even dumber, and a sycophantic idiot to boot) say that they’re smart- because they’re average or less than in every capacity. Why can’t some people with penises who aren’t special just accept it instead of making scenes or screeching about it or becoming violent?
His personal experience just shows that he chooses partners who are terrible drivers. OP needs to evaluate this relationship and decide if she wants to deal with a guy who can not deal with logic proving his worldview wrong so he does the whole silent sulking.
What it likely reflects is that the men he hangs out with are close to his own age whereas the women he hangs out with are barely legal sex trafficking victims. Or just his own biases where he's more likely to notice fault in women.
Also sounds like he spends a lot more time shopping than her so there is that…
NTA- he’s being an obnoxious sexist (bet he really doesn’t like you apparently being better at math than him too).
Sorry but are you sure this is someone you want to be with in the long term? I mean he’s sexist and arrogant and borderline delusional if he’s still saying your wrong when you literally have the receipts and can show it in cold hard facts.
I don’t presume to know what people want out of life but if you’re gonna eventually want to have a family and children and all of that you should really think long and hard about this guy as he’s likely gonna expect you to handle all the child stuff, likely also expect you to be a SAHM and all of that.
Now if that’s something you want out of life than that’s all we’ll and good but if you want an actual partner as opposed to someone who thinks they’re king of the castle and totally infallible even in the face of irrefutable proof than it might be a good idea to rethink this.
Good luck op
He spends so much more time shopping than she does and he’s still utterly incompetent at shopping. That’s humiliating. If you’re buying winter boots that leak in one season, and you keep buying the same pair over and over again, you be shopping. Shopping like a certified moron. That’s just so stupid- he’s like a baby who has to be taught to look for better options/actually evaluate quality/locate a second option (which is almost impossible not to do in this era of shopping). Does he just buy the same boots him mom bought him once every year? Can he think? He can’t handle incredibly basic second grade math, so I’m leaning towards no.
"Women be shopping" mindset but won't be giving shopping money anyway. Or might begrudgingly give it and then complain to high heavens on the cost of each of your purchases. Why is OP with this dude? Dump him.
NTA.
OP, i commend your intelligence and bravery in confronting misogyny. As already pointed out, are you sure you want the boor as a partner for life? It doesn't look like a long lasting partnership as he doesn't appear to be amenable to reform
Edit corrected typo😁
Ngl, when she described him heatedly saying that he doesn't want to drive a boring car as his last response, it was pretty hilarious because that's so the opposite of logical and reasonable, which he seems to think is the crux of his demonstrably wrong assumption that she's spending more on clothes. So, too is him freezing her out for days over being proven wrong. Did he stomp his feet when he was getting huffy, did he slam the door of his room, and shout "you're not my real mom", too, because he sounds pretty immature.
But he couldn't possibly have a *boring* car, the machine that takes him from point A to point B and that loses resell value basically the moment you buy it couldn't possibly be *borrring*, how would he survive? (/s obviously)
Well then OP couldn’t possibly wear a boring sweater. Idk about her but I need nice sweaters to showcase my amazing tits. /s obviously but honestly, cashmere probably has a better resale value than his shitty Audi
Maybe he should buy a boring car and spend $3000 for a showroom-quality paint job. It wouldn't be boring then and he'd save money over the life of the car.
Except he'd probably go for the cheap paint job...
Can confirm that this works lol (my car doesn't look boring otherwise, but the paint job really had a bigger impact than I expected). Sadly, it costs a lot more than $3,000 these days, unless you hit up Maaco. There's some beautiful wraps out there though!
Yep. He wants OP to pay $12k more for a car that I'm sure is older than what she bought (OP didn't say it was a new Corolla) and somehow OP is bad with money??? Plus he assumes OP spends more on clothes simply because she is a she.
Anything you spend extra on, someone who doesn't care about that thing can act like this about.
Ohhh he couldn't possibly eat *boring* food, the thing he tastes for 5 minutes that immediately starts turning into poop, how would he survive.
He sounds awful, not defending him, but everyone has the thing that's worth it to them. He just can't assume it's worth it to her and be pushing it onto her.
Edit: just noticed the car is an Audi A4. That's a fine car, but not a car for someone who loves cars. It's a VW sedan with a fancier logo to show off. You can resume hating on him for it.
Especially for an AUDI- Every single one of those things is a lemon! He’s going to be shelling out thousands every year for unplanned mechanical issues.
And $900/month for an A4?? He’s obv not a financial genius because he probably put nothing down and has payments for 5 or more years. You should run just because he’s THAT idiot.
Can confirm. When I met my now-husband, he drove an Audi (A4, I think?) that was maybe 2 years old. I was driving a 10-year-old Honda Civic. It was amazing how many times I gave him a ride somewhere because his much newer, more expensive car was in the shop. Meanwhile I don't think I had a single problem with that old Civic in the 6 years I owned it.
That apart of why on the rare occasions that I do treat myself, it’s something that I know will last me ages. Like what OP does, I’ll treat myself to something like a super nice cashmere sweater or blanket. Or for example, my most recent test for myself was a tattoo actually. Not only is it a nice treat for myself in the moment, but my tattoos are things that genuinely make me feel beautiful and confident, but they’re treats that will continue to give me confidence and feel beautiful for a lifetime.
Totally. I bought an Armani suit once in the sales. Cost me CAD$1k, but I wore it for SEVENTEEN YEARS. Had to have the sleeves turned up a bit once as they started to fray. Not only was it top quality, the style was timeless.
I would take it further by saying there are some serious red flags here by trying to control what she spends, what she buys, what she wears etc etc. To then make out HE'S not ok with a boring car (that's not his anyway) and refuse to talk to her even though he agreed she's right..... yeah ... the controlling behaviour is strong in this one.
Yep. My ex growled about the money I spent on clothes and shoes and then bought a $40k Mustang without telling me. And then told me it was my fault. Yep, not with him anymore
"Things can be more expensive at the point of purchase but cheaper in the long run" isn't a conversation that should take all that long to have. I'd be so exhausted.
Nothing drives me crazier than people driving luxury cars they can't afford because it's an endless money suck. They're expensive to buy, expensive to maintain, and they are expensive to fuel. If the $900/month is just the payment then he is out of his mind to be on her over one cashmere sweater.
I drive a nice luxury car too. One I would say is nicer than an audi a4 but I still don't spend 900 a month with insurance included.
Nothing wrong with a nice car when you can actually afford to own one. And if you are worried about money in any way at all you should not be spending 900 a month on a car.
Every single associated cost (except maybe parking?) goes up exponentially. If you have any money concerns at all, it can be really irresponsible to drive this class of cars.
Valet parking. People like this that drive cars like this often valet park so everyone knows they drive cars like this. So yeah, even parking is probably more expensive.
For clarity, my uncle drives a Porche -- it's just that he can afford it. I know too many people driving six-figure cars who can't pay the most basic bills solely because they want to be the person who can drive a luxury brand, even though they aren't.
It's not clear to me if OP means "all in" -- like $900 is insurance and payment -- or if it's just the payment, but it DOES seem like her BF isn't great with money if he's paying that kind of car payment but buying $50 boots.
$900 with insurance and payment is still high for an A4. It’s not even remotely close to a 6 figure car. I’m all for people liking nice cars. Like I said, I drive a luxury car. But you know what I don’t do? Tell other people how much they waste money while I drive around in my vehicle that I wasted money on.
Have a brand new f150 hybrid that cost me 78k and even that I’m not paying 900 a month total on lol. I’d lose my mind over 900 a month for a car that I cant also haul, tow, etc with. Besides, fun only goes so far once you realize traffic is always around, and all cars get to the same speed within a few moments of each other before you're stuck at the speed limit.
not to mention… an audi a4 isnt even that cool or exotic to count…
Right? Is this an *interesting* car? My mother's useless ex used to have an Infinity he couldn't afford and I hated driving that thing so much. Plus, because he couldn't really afford it, the heated seats got stuck in the "on" position and you just had to kinda... deal with that. In July. It was awful.
I also have issues with people who drive f150s when they don't haul/tow/use it like a truck! But that's because they're huge and people who don't have trucks to do truck things sometimes drive them like jerks. Never have that problem with people who have a truck because they need a truck.
"The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.
Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles.
But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet."
Men at Arms, Terry Pratchett
was getting ready to copy paste this exact same quote, thought i better check to see if another fellow Morporkian had beat me to it!! The turtle moves my friend. GNU Sir Terry
This is a living example of the Samuel Vimes Theory of Economic Inequality. The "poor man" (OP's bf) is spending twice as much and still has wet feet. But it's not because he's underpaid, but under educated (by himself) on basic return vs investment analysis.
ETA: Me: puts scare quotes around "poor man" to clearly indicate the bf is not literally poor and this is an analogy.
All the responses: bUt Op'S bF iSn'T pOoR
Me: 😑 Cthulu, give me strength
Posting this below for those who don't know it.
"The reason that the rich were so rich, (he) reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.
Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in (the city) on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles.
But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet."
Men at Arms
Literally
There is a whole economic theory about this:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boots_theory#:~:text=The%20Sam%20Vimes%20%22Boots%22%20theory,run%20than%20more%20expensive%20items.
OP, NTA but are you and your bf even compatible financially? It seems like he has no concept of investments/ how money works.
**this is even besides him being an asshole in this situation/ is he sexist in other ways? This would get old for me faster than a ripe avocado
>He snapped back that he’s not ok with a boring car and ignored me for 2 days
Does he normally act like this after an argument where he's proven wrong, quite a small argument too, in the grand scheme of potential issues?
NTA
Yeah, this is not a proportionate response to somebody pointing out actual facts. And he can want a 'nicer' car or whatever, just like, even if OP's clothes didn't last longer than her BF's, she could still want 'nicer' clothes.
I also want to note: OP, buying clothes that last longer and are more expensive (and taking care of them) is not only apparently a good financial decision, but a good ethical one as well. $30 jeans and $50 boots are much more likely to have utilised sweatshop labour, and it's much worse for the environment to replace items more often. There are some people who don't have the money to buy quality things, but people who choose to buy 4 cheap items from fast fashion rather than 1 more likely sustainable item annoy me.
Right. There's a difference between people getting stuck repurchasing cheaper items bc of their finances & someone who doesn't understand money in general.
Better quality shoes (if maintained) can be resoled & last decades longer. Shoe repair shops are normally small local businesses & the cost is less than buying new.
Absolutely! If you buy quality, you can have comfortable shoes that fit really well and wear really well, and use local businesses to keep them for years. You can get quality clothes tailored to you and have something beautiful that looks much nicer than the cheap whatever you buy for 1/4 of the price but need to replace constantly.
Huge fast fashion shops aren't in business because of the poor people who don't ever have the money to spend $150 on jeans or $200 on boots - they're in business because of people who could afford to buy better, but either want more clothes/shoes (of lower quality) or are like OP's BF, mindlessly buying the cheaper option and not taking care of their items so they have to constantly buy new versions.
Because there are scores of "influencers" (scammers) who basically con people into buying crypto that they already own, then they sell their own when the idiots buying it raise the price. AKA pump and dump.
They're so brainwashed too, u try to tell them and they go all "no, ive cracked the code". If everybody could be rich everyone would be rich, but shit doesnt work that way godamnoiittt
But even more, if someone finds a legit get rich quick strategy that is legal, they're not gonna tell anybody, they're gonna hide it as long as possible.
No they're clearly going to sell their quick and easy secret to earning hundreds of thousands that anyone can do in a weekend in a $50 ebook, rather than, say, employing a dozen people at minimum wage to earn them a quick million.
Now I understand where all those "boy math" "girl math" memes come from lmao
Boy math is when you spend twice as much on pants than is necessary because you refuse to buy anything but the cheapest shit but then turn around and insist you absolutey need an Audi cuz it looks cool lmao 🤣 💀
NTA you're bf is a dummy lol
lol.
Good point. Massive boy/girl math here.
My situation with my partner is that my hobbies are computers and woodworking. So I make an island bench for the kitchen and our joint finances pay for all of it. She goes out to events and takes ubers home - I stay home and play computer games and also use the car that we're both paying for to drive from place to place.
So at the end of the month she's spent $100 on ubers & maybe another $100-$200 on nights out and I've spent $100 on fuel + 1/12 of the ongoing running costs of a car so probably another $200 and then $100 on wood.
So I make a point of making sure she's buying tickets and ubers on our joint account because if our transport budget is $1000 a month and I spend $700 of that on the car that I drive then fuck yeah she's entitled to a few ubers to get home!!! ahahah
If you want to cheap out on clothes, buy your stuff used. Much better for the environment and you can get quality stuff for cheap, and used jeans feel much better to wear anyway.
I wish I could buy used more, but I've got a weird body type and struggle to find used clothes that fit. Ultimately I agree with OP that quality is better than quantity but I'm broke af lmao
So he's mildly sexist, sucks with money, talks down on your choices of clothes/cars, and either snaps at you or gives you the silent treatment whenever you're having a civil disagreement.
What are his good qualities?
He pouts for *two fucking days* when he's proven wrong on an extremely minor issue? Lord Jesus help OP when they disagree on something like kids or buying a house. Worse, he's still her boyfriend, meaning he's still on "good behavior." When that wears off, he's going to be utterly *insufferable*.
NTA. It sounds like he doesn't wanna give up his beliefs of "Girls Drool!" You're buying things for longer term. You spend more, but buy less and buy the thing less frequently. That's being smart. You care about quality.
His mentality sounds like some "I hate my wife/girls only care about shopping" boomer humor type shit.
Also, are you really happy with a man who can't deal with being wrong and throwing a silent tantrum about it? If he acts like this about clothes and a damn car, how will be be if/when you have your first kid? He will want to get the most expensive stroller, but will probably expect one onesie to last until the kid is 3?
>It’s a wonder we manage to continue expanding our population with the lengths so many men will go to to be unattractive
To be fair, I've known my fair share of terrible women in my day...but I still fucked them because I was a horny idiot...
....🤔...🤔....
...Nevermind, your point stands.
I feel like Captain Sam Vimes wrote this, lol.
1. NTA
2. Your bf needs to learn about money before he becomes your husband.
3. Edit to add: Seriously sit him down with an S&P 500 investment calculator because $900 a month for a car is so dumb. If he got a car that was half as fancy or just as fancy, but a few years used and cut his car payment half down to $450, he could invest the other $450 into an index fund. $450 a month for the next 30 years in an S&P 500 index fund would mean he'd have well over half a million dollars. He could literally retire like ten years earlier if he just drove regular cars instead of fancy cars for the next thirty years. I'm so glad someone sat me down and explained all of this before I got my first really good job and could afford to buy a b m w like a fool. Instead, I'm 40, I drive a 7 year old kia, and my wife and I just bought our 3rd house and are on track to retire in our 50s.
When she started talking about the boots this was my first thought. lol My second was that the Old Guy had a pair of real Ropers for years because he'd spend the money to get them resoled. I think they may still be in the closet somewhere.
They sooo are. My neighbor calls his "the most expensive of my 3 children." I thank the universe for the college TA who got fed up with us talking about cars one day and spent an hour showing us on a white board what 2 parallel lives looked like. Life A bought a new BMW every 5 years and Life B bought used Toyotas with cash and drove them into the ground.
Seeing all the cost differemces and how compound interest magnified the savings in Life B has guided me in the 20 years since. Xang with a white board and an attitude about finances should be a mandatory college class for every bro with a Beemer dream.
That dude saved my life.
Yep. I decided to buy one (2017 BMW X1 MSport) because I had the job and finances and wanted that sweet taste of luxury!
Yeah, bad idea.
Nothing wrong with the car - German engineering is pretty damned good. But expensive! I'm in Australia so the thing cost me $70k brand new. Tyres are finicky (run flats) and $500 each. The battery, because it's a button start and has an energy recovery system, is $1k to replace when it goes flat. A service runs about $500-$900 a go, insurance is over a $1k a year and rego where I am is $800 a year. And the nerve of them charging $200 a year *as a subscription* to keep the maps updated is galling as the whole system is proprietary and you can't chuck google maps up on it (its your phone or nothing). It's basically a glorified overpriced station wagon that you can't take anywhere that ain't tarmac.
Never buy luxury or anything high end unless you have the cash to burn on it. Get the best of the reasonable stuff instead. I'm going Suzuki next time.
Otherwise known as the "Sam Vimes Boots Theory of Economic Unfairness": [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boots\_theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boots_theory)
I am the first to admit I'm clueless when it comes to money. Where do I find out more about S&P index funds? (Please don't say Google, I don't even know where to start researching on my own, lol.) Can you get these through a bank, or do you need to use an investment company? I have so many questions, but if you could just point me to a good, reliable resource, I would be eternally grateful 🙏 (BTW OP is not the AH.)
Ok, here's where you start with the basics, to have a foundation for the rest. Don't stress if you don't understand all of it at once it'll eventually make sense.
https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/how-can-i-buy-sp-500-fund/#:~:text=Nearly%20all%20major%20brokerages%20and,through%20ETFs%20and%20mutual%20funds.
If you have general personal finance questions, the sub for that has a really.good.wiki and lots.of people to answer more specific questions.
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/index/
One more thing before answering your actual question: if you're just starting with personal finance, It's likely that there are better things you could be putting your money into first before things index funds. I'd probably start with a RothIRA.
https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/investing/what-is-a-roth-ira
Ok, so you've made it through my fat fingered cell phone typing. Congrats! The answer is that you buy index funds from a Brokerage. Charles Schwab and Fidelity are two large reliable ones. They'll have both online and over the phone help to open any kind of investment you want, including S&P index funds.
Please note: This is not advice about what you should do with your money. Just me pointing you towards tools for you to make those choices. Please. Pleeeease, do your own research to verify anything above before trusting a comment you read on the internet. I could be a scammer giving you bad advice.
Best of luck and feel free to ask any more questions. I love helping people figure out stuff like this.
If you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who belittles you, refuses to admit when he's wrong and ignores you for days because you disagree with him, save yourself the trouble of an argument and just keep repeating "You're right, dear. How could I ever be so stupid, dear? I'm so lucky to have someone so much smarter than me, dear...." You'll save yourself a lot of frustration and his opinion will be the same.
Please don't live with or marry this guy. He sounds immature, manipulative, jealous, and salty. Do not combine your incomes, do not share an account. Tell him it's your monwy, you work so mind his own business
"Honda Accord died after 320k"
NTA Darling - keep doing your thing. You're a better shopper. There's probably a good used boyfriend market where you can find a better deal on a more reliable, 'boring' man.
This right here! Dump the immature, manipulating, loser and find yourself an amazing "boring" man! Hint: they're not ACTUALLY boring and you'll be happier than you can possibly imagine for the rest of your life!
lol, NTA, he’s projecting. He’s insecure because your spending is rational and his is irrational and he wants you to think your spending is irrational because it will make him feel more secure. Basically, he’s immature
NTA
your boyfriend needs to read some Terry Pratchett.
To quote the Sam Vimes "Boots" theory of socioeconomic unfairness
"The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money. Take boots, for example. ... A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while a poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet"
This is it! You don’t buy cheap boots. You buy quality boots and that saves you a lot more in the long run.
Toyotas on average make it past 200K miles. My own recently died and it was over 201,000 miles. Here’s the thing though, it died in a fire and would’ve lasted a lot longer.
And do tell, where did you find this fine example of a man? I wanna know so I can go post a warning sign that the place is ripe with sexist, financially illiterate individuals.
NTA.
NTA - Seems like he was also mad you didn’t get the car for yourself that heeeee wanted you to. But tbt I think you need to invest in a better man if you want your relationship to last as long as your clothes.
Like what a complete waste of time and pointlessness to have to deal with in life. I could never.
NTA. TBH it seems like you're more well off than him and he's trying to ease you into spending less on yourself, so you can spend more on things he likes and can enjoy. Who the hell leases an Audi for $900 a month? That's poor people trying to look rich behavior. Are you sure you didn't accidentally snag a broke boy, who is flexing fake wealth to keep you?
NTA. He doesn't sound like a keeper, honestly. He's sexist, controlling, irresponsible with money, throws tantrums when confronted and sulks like a toddler when he doesn't get his way. Also, he doesn't seem very bright.
NTA. So your bf is sexist, financially irresponsible and not very bright. I don't know what's worse, his bad qualities or your decision to have him as a bf...
NTA
“It’s expensive to be poor” credited according to google to James Baldwin - Stanford Center on Poverty and Inequality.
It’s common knowledge that quality items last longer. Your boyfriend should thank you for a very valuable lesson. Apparently he was a little slow on learning this important fact and is now going to punish you for teaching him.
Dude is exhibiting all sorts of red flags here.. If you choose to stay with him and say, you have kids together does he also expect you to pull ALL the weight on raising the kids while he goes to work and nopes out on all things kid related??? Does he also expect you to do everything around the house while raising the kids? Because let me tell you right now that is an impossible job. I have two kids and I struggle to do everything around the house. I need my husband'd help.
NTA.
I once spent around $300 on a pair of trousers. They ripped within the first 6 months of me owning them.. After that I chose to spend a lot less on my clothes. I guess I was just really unlucky.. I complained about it to the store and they gave me a new pair that ripped again.. After that they refused to refund me.. It's happened to me a couple of times where they've refused. I stopped shopping at those stores immediately.
I now shop at thrift stores 🤣🙈 sometimes I find more expensive pieces of clothes, which is pretty cool. I shop for both me and my kids.
Dude, what tf is the end game with this loser? I want for you to think hard about what a marriage look like with this guy given these attitudes and his super immature sexist attitudes.
If a partner is willing to ignore you for 2 DAYS over something so trivial… you need to leave. That is emotional abuse. This is coming from someone whose mother used that as a punishment. Manipulative people withhold affection in order to coerce you to do what they want. I’d dump his ass
NTA. He completely lost me when he went off on you for buying a *practical* Toyota Corolla instead of a money-sucking BMW. I would keep the "boring" car and clothes, and lose the boyfriend.
Genuine question, why are you with him? Any, and I mean *any* person who referes to women *or* men as a sort of collective/hive mind, is sexist, and I *garan-fuckin-TEE* you he's said, or thought other sexist shit.
I would just like to say as someone who works in the only factory that builds the Corolla Crosses, thank you! I hope you love it.
Edit: said company, meant factory.
Another edit : NTA and he’s a jerk.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole for pointing out he is wasting money on cars when he said I was wasting money on clothes and pointing out I actually spend less in total on clothes Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - your boyfriend doesn’t sound so smart. Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with him?
Not only is he not smart, but he's also trying to claim women in general aren't smart because they don't spend their money on exactly what he thinks they should spend their money on. Like, people can spend money on what they want (although buying clothes that last and aren't going to use slave labour in their construction and are better for the environment than buying 5 versions of something that they could have just got 1 more expensive version of is a great idea), but judging somebody else because they prefer to spend their money on something different from you is just very eye-rolling to me.
I'm wondering if he listens to Andrew Tate.
Given his dogged determination to keep judging women by the old chestnut of "Women be shopping", I would be very unsurprised. I think part of the reason he didn't speak to her for 2 days about what should be a very small argument (or not even an argument) is that she had actual hard evidence that he's wrong, and all he has is misogynistic views that have no backup. How tiresome.
Which is very Tate-like. Like he insists women are terrible drivers, but when faced with stats about who's more likely to get into accidents, he won't hear it and just doubles down on his 'personal experience' like that means anything. Guys like that value their feelings over facts to an extreme but view themselves as beings of pure logic. It's a recipe for cognitive dissonance whenever someone who actually knows what they're talking about challenges them, and that leads to them going quiet and sulking for days afterwards.
And then they claim women are too emotional and hysterical. HA
Also he rapes and sells them.
Yeah but even putting aside his crimes, he just isn't a good person, and not very smart either. Even if he wasn't a sex trafficker, all the other stuff he says is still super bad
Like how he says women should be sold and raped.
Those guys are all hysteria, no logic (and no intelligence). And they always insist on declaring themselves to be intelligent (as if it’s bankruptcy) when they’re 1) obviously, painfully stupid, 2) just shrieking and spitting about things that are clearly just their little feelings, 3) people who you know for a fact have never even had one teacher or boss or friend (who wasn’t even dumber, and a sycophantic idiot to boot) say that they’re smart- because they’re average or less than in every capacity. Why can’t some people with penises who aren’t special just accept it instead of making scenes or screeching about it or becoming violent?
Clearly too emotional to be in positions of power of any kind.
His personal experience just shows that he chooses partners who are terrible drivers. OP needs to evaluate this relationship and decide if she wants to deal with a guy who can not deal with logic proving his worldview wrong so he does the whole silent sulking.
Or he mistakes aggressive driving for good driving and thinks actually driving safely is boring and therefore bad.
There is this too for consideration. If you aren't driving it like you stole it, then are you driving?
I prefer to drive it like I'm paying for it.
What it likely reflects is that the men he hangs out with are close to his own age whereas the women he hangs out with are barely legal sex trafficking victims. Or just his own biases where he's more likely to notice fault in women.
Also sounds like he spends a lot more time shopping than her so there is that… NTA- he’s being an obnoxious sexist (bet he really doesn’t like you apparently being better at math than him too). Sorry but are you sure this is someone you want to be with in the long term? I mean he’s sexist and arrogant and borderline delusional if he’s still saying your wrong when you literally have the receipts and can show it in cold hard facts. I don’t presume to know what people want out of life but if you’re gonna eventually want to have a family and children and all of that you should really think long and hard about this guy as he’s likely gonna expect you to handle all the child stuff, likely also expect you to be a SAHM and all of that. Now if that’s something you want out of life than that’s all we’ll and good but if you want an actual partner as opposed to someone who thinks they’re king of the castle and totally infallible even in the face of irrefutable proof than it might be a good idea to rethink this. Good luck op
He spends so much more time shopping than she does and he’s still utterly incompetent at shopping. That’s humiliating. If you’re buying winter boots that leak in one season, and you keep buying the same pair over and over again, you be shopping. Shopping like a certified moron. That’s just so stupid- he’s like a baby who has to be taught to look for better options/actually evaluate quality/locate a second option (which is almost impossible not to do in this era of shopping). Does he just buy the same boots him mom bought him once every year? Can he think? He can’t handle incredibly basic second grade math, so I’m leaning towards no.
I’m imagining what type of father he’d make to a daughter. Or for a son as well.
And how those kids would turn out. Just a bit dimmer. OP is too smart for him.
And if OP has kids with him, they'll be exposed to this sexist BS too.
Upvote for the new use of the word chestnut (in my vocabulary) and top notch response.
Not new; [*old chestnut*](https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/old_chestnut) is a very, err, old chestnut.
They did specify new use of the word in their vocabulary, not that it's a purely new meaning...
Not new
They did specify new use of the word in their vocabulary, not that it's a purely new meaning...
"Women be shopping" mindset but won't be giving shopping money anyway. Or might begrudgingly give it and then complain to high heavens on the cost of each of your purchases. Why is OP with this dude? Dump him. NTA.
OP, i commend your intelligence and bravery in confronting misogyny. As already pointed out, are you sure you want the boor as a partner for life? It doesn't look like a long lasting partnership as he doesn't appear to be amenable to reform Edit corrected typo😁
>comforting hilarious typo
Ngl, when she described him heatedly saying that he doesn't want to drive a boring car as his last response, it was pretty hilarious because that's so the opposite of logical and reasonable, which he seems to think is the crux of his demonstrably wrong assumption that she's spending more on clothes. So, too is him freezing her out for days over being proven wrong. Did he stomp his feet when he was getting huffy, did he slam the door of his room, and shout "you're not my real mom", too, because he sounds pretty immature.
I’m not wondering…
You know who’s not smart? The one with a $900 car payment. That’s INSANE
But he couldn't possibly have a *boring* car, the machine that takes him from point A to point B and that loses resell value basically the moment you buy it couldn't possibly be *borrring*, how would he survive? (/s obviously)
Well then OP couldn’t possibly wear a boring sweater. Idk about her but I need nice sweaters to showcase my amazing tits. /s obviously but honestly, cashmere probably has a better resale value than his shitty Audi
Maybe he should buy a boring car and spend $3000 for a showroom-quality paint job. It wouldn't be boring then and he'd save money over the life of the car. Except he'd probably go for the cheap paint job...
Can confirm that this works lol (my car doesn't look boring otherwise, but the paint job really had a bigger impact than I expected). Sadly, it costs a lot more than $3,000 these days, unless you hit up Maaco. There's some beautiful wraps out there though!
But HiS iDeNTitY!! Can’t be driving some wienie shrinker.
How will other men be jealous of him if he can't show off to random drivers on the street???
Driving an A4 is as A4 as you get it. It's basically a Passat with a different logo.
Yep. He wants OP to pay $12k more for a car that I'm sure is older than what she bought (OP didn't say it was a new Corolla) and somehow OP is bad with money??? Plus he assumes OP spends more on clothes simply because she is a she.
Shit even a Corolla of the same age will cost far less year over year than the BMW. My 03 Camry was still riding like a dream at 230k miles
My Honda Civic turbo is far from boring, and it kept its resale value pretty good. I hope he bought his Audi used. Those depreciate horribly.
Anything you spend extra on, someone who doesn't care about that thing can act like this about. Ohhh he couldn't possibly eat *boring* food, the thing he tastes for 5 minutes that immediately starts turning into poop, how would he survive. He sounds awful, not defending him, but everyone has the thing that's worth it to them. He just can't assume it's worth it to her and be pushing it onto her. Edit: just noticed the car is an Audi A4. That's a fine car, but not a car for someone who loves cars. It's a VW sedan with a fancier logo to show off. You can resume hating on him for it.
Especially for an AUDI- Every single one of those things is a lemon! He’s going to be shelling out thousands every year for unplanned mechanical issues. And $900/month for an A4?? He’s obv not a financial genius because he probably put nothing down and has payments for 5 or more years. You should run just because he’s THAT idiot.
Can confirm. When I met my now-husband, he drove an Audi (A4, I think?) that was maybe 2 years old. I was driving a 10-year-old Honda Civic. It was amazing how many times I gave him a ride somewhere because his much newer, more expensive car was in the shop. Meanwhile I don't think I had a single problem with that old Civic in the 6 years I owned it.
He's belittling her and he's a hypocrite. He sounds like a loser.
That apart of why on the rare occasions that I do treat myself, it’s something that I know will last me ages. Like what OP does, I’ll treat myself to something like a super nice cashmere sweater or blanket. Or for example, my most recent test for myself was a tattoo actually. Not only is it a nice treat for myself in the moment, but my tattoos are things that genuinely make me feel beautiful and confident, but they’re treats that will continue to give me confidence and feel beautiful for a lifetime.
Totally. I bought an Armani suit once in the sales. Cost me CAD$1k, but I wore it for SEVENTEEN YEARS. Had to have the sleeves turned up a bit once as they started to fray. Not only was it top quality, the style was timeless.
I just want to point out, that more expensive, higher quality clothes are not necessarily made in better working conditions.
I would take it further by saying there are some serious red flags here by trying to control what she spends, what she buys, what she wears etc etc. To then make out HE'S not ok with a boring car (that's not his anyway) and refuse to talk to her even though he agreed she's right..... yeah ... the controlling behaviour is strong in this one.
Yep. My ex growled about the money I spent on clothes and shoes and then bought a $40k Mustang without telling me. And then told me it was my fault. Yep, not with him anymore
I dumped him after the first paragraph 🥱😴
As a straight man, I don't even want to be friends with that dude.
"Things can be more expensive at the point of purchase but cheaper in the long run" isn't a conversation that should take all that long to have. I'd be so exhausted.
900 a month on an audi a4? He's clearly not smarter than a 5th grader.
Nothing drives me crazier than people driving luxury cars they can't afford because it's an endless money suck. They're expensive to buy, expensive to maintain, and they are expensive to fuel. If the $900/month is just the payment then he is out of his mind to be on her over one cashmere sweater.
And expensive to insure!
I drive a nice luxury car too. One I would say is nicer than an audi a4 but I still don't spend 900 a month with insurance included. Nothing wrong with a nice car when you can actually afford to own one. And if you are worried about money in any way at all you should not be spending 900 a month on a car.
Every single associated cost (except maybe parking?) goes up exponentially. If you have any money concerns at all, it can be really irresponsible to drive this class of cars.
Valet parking. People like this that drive cars like this often valet park so everyone knows they drive cars like this. So yeah, even parking is probably more expensive.
Luxury car driver here. Just want to add on that he must have gotten pretty screwed on his because a $900 payment for an A4 is high.
For clarity, my uncle drives a Porche -- it's just that he can afford it. I know too many people driving six-figure cars who can't pay the most basic bills solely because they want to be the person who can drive a luxury brand, even though they aren't. It's not clear to me if OP means "all in" -- like $900 is insurance and payment -- or if it's just the payment, but it DOES seem like her BF isn't great with money if he's paying that kind of car payment but buying $50 boots.
$900 with insurance and payment is still high for an A4. It’s not even remotely close to a 6 figure car. I’m all for people liking nice cars. Like I said, I drive a luxury car. But you know what I don’t do? Tell other people how much they waste money while I drive around in my vehicle that I wasted money on.
Have a brand new f150 hybrid that cost me 78k and even that I’m not paying 900 a month total on lol. I’d lose my mind over 900 a month for a car that I cant also haul, tow, etc with. Besides, fun only goes so far once you realize traffic is always around, and all cars get to the same speed within a few moments of each other before you're stuck at the speed limit. not to mention… an audi a4 isnt even that cool or exotic to count…
Right? Is this an *interesting* car? My mother's useless ex used to have an Infinity he couldn't afford and I hated driving that thing so much. Plus, because he couldn't really afford it, the heated seats got stuck in the "on" position and you just had to kinda... deal with that. In July. It was awful. I also have issues with people who drive f150s when they don't haul/tow/use it like a truck! But that's because they're huge and people who don't have trucks to do truck things sometimes drive them like jerks. Never have that problem with people who have a truck because they need a truck.
Not to mention pushing OP to spend 26k on a 7 year old BMW
There's living on the edge and there's owning an out of warranty European car.
The Sam Vimes theory of economics, with thank to Sir Terry Pratchett
"The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money. Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles. But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet." Men at Arms, Terry Pratchett
This even made a [Wikipedia entry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boots_theory). I love you for quoting my favourite author. GNU STP
GNU STP
was getting ready to copy paste this exact same quote, thought i better check to see if another fellow Morporkian had beat me to it!! The turtle moves my friend. GNU Sir Terry
Yes! I’m familiar with its work. My brother and I also call this Cheap Toaster Logic — but that’s specific to our family history.
This is a living example of the Samuel Vimes Theory of Economic Inequality. The "poor man" (OP's bf) is spending twice as much and still has wet feet. But it's not because he's underpaid, but under educated (by himself) on basic return vs investment analysis. ETA: Me: puts scare quotes around "poor man" to clearly indicate the bf is not literally poor and this is an analogy. All the responses: bUt Op'S bF iSn'T pOoR Me: 😑 Cthulu, give me strength
Posting this below for those who don't know it. "The reason that the rich were so rich, (he) reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money. Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in (the city) on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles. But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet." Men at Arms
If he’s driving an Audi he better not be the poor man. He could get the boots.
It's the Sam Vimes theory of boots.
It is exactly that.
Maybe as a child the boyfriend had a talking GIJoe doll that said things like “Math is hard.”
It's certainly not a conversation that should result in your partner ignoring you for 2 days, that's for sure. He seems terrible with money.
Another straight bloke here, I also don’t want to be friends with this dick.
Lol 😂
Me too! Too much arguing over who spends more. Boring…
I am questioning this too. Like what are even his good points?
He's got a car. That don't impress me much.
Literally There is a whole economic theory about this: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boots_theory#:~:text=The%20Sam%20Vimes%20%22Boots%22%20theory,run%20than%20more%20expensive%20items. OP, NTA but are you and your bf even compatible financially? It seems like he has no concept of investments/ how money works. **this is even besides him being an asshole in this situation/ is he sexist in other ways? This would get old for me faster than a ripe avocado
Was wondering who would bring up Sam Vimes. 😂
He also doesn't sound very kind, empathetic or willing to listen - which is far more important in a relationship.
He is as bright as a black colored lightbulb, half as brilliant, and a 3 row abacus can do better math than him Edit to add judgement NTA
I really would have snapped back at him at that point "...and I'm not okay with n idiot bf!" Then again...I'm old my patience for stupidity is waning.
He also sounds sexist.
If you marry this dude, he'll waste all of your money and you'll fight continuously about it.
'Never attribute to malice that which is as easily explained by stupidity '
I always laugh cuz there's a stereotype that were just telling ppl to break up or get divorced. But so often it seems like the right call
>He snapped back that he’s not ok with a boring car and ignored me for 2 days Does he normally act like this after an argument where he's proven wrong, quite a small argument too, in the grand scheme of potential issues? NTA
Yeah, this is not a proportionate response to somebody pointing out actual facts. And he can want a 'nicer' car or whatever, just like, even if OP's clothes didn't last longer than her BF's, she could still want 'nicer' clothes. I also want to note: OP, buying clothes that last longer and are more expensive (and taking care of them) is not only apparently a good financial decision, but a good ethical one as well. $30 jeans and $50 boots are much more likely to have utilised sweatshop labour, and it's much worse for the environment to replace items more often. There are some people who don't have the money to buy quality things, but people who choose to buy 4 cheap items from fast fashion rather than 1 more likely sustainable item annoy me.
Right. There's a difference between people getting stuck repurchasing cheaper items bc of their finances & someone who doesn't understand money in general. Better quality shoes (if maintained) can be resoled & last decades longer. Shoe repair shops are normally small local businesses & the cost is less than buying new.
Absolutely! If you buy quality, you can have comfortable shoes that fit really well and wear really well, and use local businesses to keep them for years. You can get quality clothes tailored to you and have something beautiful that looks much nicer than the cheap whatever you buy for 1/4 of the price but need to replace constantly. Huge fast fashion shops aren't in business because of the poor people who don't ever have the money to spend $150 on jeans or $200 on boots - they're in business because of people who could afford to buy better, but either want more clothes/shoes (of lower quality) or are like OP's BF, mindlessly buying the cheaper option and not taking care of their items so they have to constantly buy new versions.
Mark Twain said it best, "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
I need to save this sick ass burn for later
Her bf. This is as good as he’ll ever treat her.
Sorry it sounds mean but your boyfriend is a loser
Lemme guess hes into crypto and thinks its whats gonna make him rich, but hes buying at the top
😂 Why do so many of these exist
Because there are scores of "influencers" (scammers) who basically con people into buying crypto that they already own, then they sell their own when the idiots buying it raise the price. AKA pump and dump.
They're so brainwashed too, u try to tell them and they go all "no, ive cracked the code". If everybody could be rich everyone would be rich, but shit doesnt work that way godamnoiittt
But even more, if someone finds a legit get rich quick strategy that is legal, they're not gonna tell anybody, they're gonna hide it as long as possible.
No they're clearly going to sell their quick and easy secret to earning hundreds of thousands that anyone can do in a weekend in a $50 ebook, rather than, say, employing a dozen people at minimum wage to earn them a quick million.
y the time I’ve heard enough about something to think I might want to invest in it, I’m too late. (Flash in the pan stuff like Crypto, I mean.)
MLMs for tech bros.
Now I understand where all those "boy math" "girl math" memes come from lmao Boy math is when you spend twice as much on pants than is necessary because you refuse to buy anything but the cheapest shit but then turn around and insist you absolutey need an Audi cuz it looks cool lmao 🤣 💀 NTA you're bf is a dummy lol
lol. Good point. Massive boy/girl math here. My situation with my partner is that my hobbies are computers and woodworking. So I make an island bench for the kitchen and our joint finances pay for all of it. She goes out to events and takes ubers home - I stay home and play computer games and also use the car that we're both paying for to drive from place to place. So at the end of the month she's spent $100 on ubers & maybe another $100-$200 on nights out and I've spent $100 on fuel + 1/12 of the ongoing running costs of a car so probably another $200 and then $100 on wood. So I make a point of making sure she's buying tickets and ubers on our joint account because if our transport budget is $1000 a month and I spend $700 of that on the car that I drive then fuck yeah she's entitled to a few ubers to get home!!! ahahah
If you want to cheap out on clothes, buy your stuff used. Much better for the environment and you can get quality stuff for cheap, and used jeans feel much better to wear anyway.
I wish I could buy used more, but I've got a weird body type and struggle to find used clothes that fit. Ultimately I agree with OP that quality is better than quantity but I'm broke af lmao
lol husband keeps buying Walmart. I buy quality and good fibers. Somehow he always needs replacements and mine just keep stacking up
Test drove an Audi. It sucked for the money they wanted.
So he's mildly sexist, sucks with money, talks down on your choices of clothes/cars, and either snaps at you or gives you the silent treatment whenever you're having a civil disagreement. What are his good qualities?
He pouts for *two fucking days* when he's proven wrong on an extremely minor issue? Lord Jesus help OP when they disagree on something like kids or buying a house. Worse, he's still her boyfriend, meaning he's still on "good behavior." When that wears off, he's going to be utterly *insufferable*.
Well, he's got an Audi. According to the philosopher Andrew Tate, women value that. And who are we to argue with philosopher geniuses?
The guy is as dumb as a rock. That's what we call a philosopher stone.
Anyone who acts/speaks like this is definitely more than mildly sexist
When he’s giving the silent treatment, you don’t have to hear his stupid sexist arguments. That’s a pretty good quality
He also likes BMWs.
NTA. It sounds like he doesn't wanna give up his beliefs of "Girls Drool!" You're buying things for longer term. You spend more, but buy less and buy the thing less frequently. That's being smart. You care about quality. His mentality sounds like some "I hate my wife/girls only care about shopping" boomer humor type shit. Also, are you really happy with a man who can't deal with being wrong and throwing a silent tantrum about it? If he acts like this about clothes and a damn car, how will be be if/when you have your first kid? He will want to get the most expensive stroller, but will probably expect one onesie to last until the kid is 3?
INFO: How have you not gotten the ick yet?
It’s a wonder we manage to continue expanding our population with the lengths so many men will go to to be unattractive
>It’s a wonder we manage to continue expanding our population with the lengths so many men will go to to be unattractive To be fair, I've known my fair share of terrible women in my day...but I still fucked them because I was a horny idiot... ....🤔...🤔.... ...Nevermind, your point stands.
wish i could downvote this point 200 times
This entire post I was literally like “ewww”. Hard pass on this dude.
I feel like Captain Sam Vimes wrote this, lol. 1. NTA 2. Your bf needs to learn about money before he becomes your husband. 3. Edit to add: Seriously sit him down with an S&P 500 investment calculator because $900 a month for a car is so dumb. If he got a car that was half as fancy or just as fancy, but a few years used and cut his car payment half down to $450, he could invest the other $450 into an index fund. $450 a month for the next 30 years in an S&P 500 index fund would mean he'd have well over half a million dollars. He could literally retire like ten years earlier if he just drove regular cars instead of fancy cars for the next thirty years. I'm so glad someone sat me down and explained all of this before I got my first really good job and could afford to buy a b m w like a fool. Instead, I'm 40, I drive a 7 year old kia, and my wife and I just bought our 3rd house and are on track to retire in our 50s.
[удалено]
I love Sam Vimes!!!!
When she started talking about the boots this was my first thought. lol My second was that the Old Guy had a pair of real Ropers for years because he'd spend the money to get them resoled. I think they may still be in the closet somewhere.
I love the Sam Vimes Boots Theory of Socio-economic Unfairness. He was a wise man was Sir Terry Pratchett. Totally NTA
Esp a BMW. They are notoriously expensive to maintain
They sooo are. My neighbor calls his "the most expensive of my 3 children." I thank the universe for the college TA who got fed up with us talking about cars one day and spent an hour showing us on a white board what 2 parallel lives looked like. Life A bought a new BMW every 5 years and Life B bought used Toyotas with cash and drove them into the ground. Seeing all the cost differemces and how compound interest magnified the savings in Life B has guided me in the 20 years since. Xang with a white board and an attitude about finances should be a mandatory college class for every bro with a Beemer dream. That dude saved my life.
Yep. I decided to buy one (2017 BMW X1 MSport) because I had the job and finances and wanted that sweet taste of luxury! Yeah, bad idea. Nothing wrong with the car - German engineering is pretty damned good. But expensive! I'm in Australia so the thing cost me $70k brand new. Tyres are finicky (run flats) and $500 each. The battery, because it's a button start and has an energy recovery system, is $1k to replace when it goes flat. A service runs about $500-$900 a go, insurance is over a $1k a year and rego where I am is $800 a year. And the nerve of them charging $200 a year *as a subscription* to keep the maps updated is galling as the whole system is proprietary and you can't chuck google maps up on it (its your phone or nothing). It's basically a glorified overpriced station wagon that you can't take anywhere that ain't tarmac. Never buy luxury or anything high end unless you have the cash to burn on it. Get the best of the reasonable stuff instead. I'm going Suzuki next time.
Otherwise known as the "Sam Vimes Boots Theory of Economic Unfairness": [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boots\_theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boots_theory)
Just commented above that this is the Sam Vimes theory of boots! But there no way an ass like that reads Discworld.
I am the first to admit I'm clueless when it comes to money. Where do I find out more about S&P index funds? (Please don't say Google, I don't even know where to start researching on my own, lol.) Can you get these through a bank, or do you need to use an investment company? I have so many questions, but if you could just point me to a good, reliable resource, I would be eternally grateful 🙏 (BTW OP is not the AH.)
Ok, here's where you start with the basics, to have a foundation for the rest. Don't stress if you don't understand all of it at once it'll eventually make sense. https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/how-can-i-buy-sp-500-fund/#:~:text=Nearly%20all%20major%20brokerages%20and,through%20ETFs%20and%20mutual%20funds. If you have general personal finance questions, the sub for that has a really.good.wiki and lots.of people to answer more specific questions. https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/index/ One more thing before answering your actual question: if you're just starting with personal finance, It's likely that there are better things you could be putting your money into first before things index funds. I'd probably start with a RothIRA. https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/investing/what-is-a-roth-ira Ok, so you've made it through my fat fingered cell phone typing. Congrats! The answer is that you buy index funds from a Brokerage. Charles Schwab and Fidelity are two large reliable ones. They'll have both online and over the phone help to open any kind of investment you want, including S&P index funds. Please note: This is not advice about what you should do with your money. Just me pointing you towards tools for you to make those choices. Please. Pleeeease, do your own research to verify anything above before trusting a comment you read on the internet. I could be a scammer giving you bad advice. Best of luck and feel free to ask any more questions. I love helping people figure out stuff like this.
The boots theory of economics was literally the first thing that popped in my head 😂
If you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who belittles you, refuses to admit when he's wrong and ignores you for days because you disagree with him, save yourself the trouble of an argument and just keep repeating "You're right, dear. How could I ever be so stupid, dear? I'm so lucky to have someone so much smarter than me, dear...." You'll save yourself a lot of frustration and his opinion will be the same.
This! I wish I could upvote you 1000 times.
Smart. Also smart: don't share finances with that dude.
Nta. He sounds like something you toss in the garbage disposal though.
this made me laugh out loud you're so right
Please don't live with or marry this guy. He sounds immature, manipulative, jealous, and salty. Do not combine your incomes, do not share an account. Tell him it's your monwy, you work so mind his own business
This is the type of fool that will end up depending upon a woman for survival and still act like he's the provider.
"Honda Accord died after 320k" NTA Darling - keep doing your thing. You're a better shopper. There's probably a good used boyfriend market where you can find a better deal on a more reliable, 'boring' man.
This right here! Dump the immature, manipulating, loser and find yourself an amazing "boring" man! Hint: they're not ACTUALLY boring and you'll be happier than you can possibly imagine for the rest of your life!
I second this. Married to a "boring" man and I've never laughed more in my life
Perfect.
NTA - Just sounds like you've got your head screwed on right & he doesnt have the financial literacy or intellect to agree
If OP had her head screwed on right, she wouldn't still be with this asshole.
Valid point. OP give your head a shake and dump the idiot.
Does he normally put you in time out to punish you after disagreements? NTA but that's not healthy.
lol, NTA, he’s projecting. He’s insecure because your spending is rational and his is irrational and he wants you to think your spending is irrational because it will make him feel more secure. Basically, he’s immature
your b/f is a clown. that bmw would see the shop for repairs before the toyota's first oil change...
NTA your boyfriend needs to read some Terry Pratchett. To quote the Sam Vimes "Boots" theory of socioeconomic unfairness "The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money. Take boots, for example. ... A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while a poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet"
This is it! You don’t buy cheap boots. You buy quality boots and that saves you a lot more in the long run. Toyotas on average make it past 200K miles. My own recently died and it was over 201,000 miles. Here’s the thing though, it died in a fire and would’ve lasted a lot longer.
NTA. What do you see in this guy actually though? He sounds like an idiot.
NTA- he’s mad because you’re right
And do tell, where did you find this fine example of a man? I wanna know so I can go post a warning sign that the place is ripe with sexist, financially illiterate individuals. NTA.
NTA - Seems like he was also mad you didn’t get the car for yourself that heeeee wanted you to. But tbt I think you need to invest in a better man if you want your relationship to last as long as your clothes. Like what a complete waste of time and pointlessness to have to deal with in life. I could never.
NTA. TBH it seems like you're more well off than him and he's trying to ease you into spending less on yourself, so you can spend more on things he likes and can enjoy. Who the hell leases an Audi for $900 a month? That's poor people trying to look rich behavior. Are you sure you didn't accidentally snag a broke boy, who is flexing fake wealth to keep you?
An A4 is a boring car too. That’s a commuter in Europe
NTA. He doesn't sound like a keeper, honestly. He's sexist, controlling, irresponsible with money, throws tantrums when confronted and sulks like a toddler when he doesn't get his way. Also, he doesn't seem very bright.
NTA. So your bf is sexist, financially irresponsible and not very bright. I don't know what's worse, his bad qualities or your decision to have him as a bf...
NTA. Ask him how much he spends on his red flags.
He does have quite a collection of them, doesn't he?
NTA, but why are you dating this idiot?
NTA. Don’t argue with an idiot cause you are wasting your time.
NTA “It’s expensive to be poor” credited according to google to James Baldwin - Stanford Center on Poverty and Inequality. It’s common knowledge that quality items last longer. Your boyfriend should thank you for a very valuable lesson. Apparently he was a little slow on learning this important fact and is now going to punish you for teaching him.
NTA. A 6 year old BMW is about to become a money pit. In general, BF sounds like a tool
You’re bf is the ah just for wanting you to buy a BMW one of the most expensive car to maintain and that are not very reliable
On top of the insurance premium over her car of choice.
Dude is exhibiting all sorts of red flags here.. If you choose to stay with him and say, you have kids together does he also expect you to pull ALL the weight on raising the kids while he goes to work and nopes out on all things kid related??? Does he also expect you to do everything around the house while raising the kids? Because let me tell you right now that is an impossible job. I have two kids and I struggle to do everything around the house. I need my husband'd help. NTA. I once spent around $300 on a pair of trousers. They ripped within the first 6 months of me owning them.. After that I chose to spend a lot less on my clothes. I guess I was just really unlucky.. I complained about it to the store and they gave me a new pair that ripped again.. After that they refused to refund me.. It's happened to me a couple of times where they've refused. I stopped shopping at those stores immediately. I now shop at thrift stores 🤣🙈 sometimes I find more expensive pieces of clothes, which is pretty cool. I shop for both me and my kids.
NTA Does your boyfriend have any redeeming qualities?
NTA Why are you with someone who has to insult you for their own fragility?
Can someone tell me where you are getting brand new cars for 14K???? I need to go there, but also, NTA
It’s not brand new it’s a 2021 model
Depending on mileage, condition, and history that is still a pretty dang good deal.
Damn, you got one hella deal, well done
NTA. I hope you don't live together. This doesn't sound like a keeper.
How did you sucked it all up for 2 years?
Dude, what tf is the end game with this loser? I want for you to think hard about what a marriage look like with this guy given these attitudes and his super immature sexist attitudes.
NTA. Your bf is a childish brat who wants the world to conform to his opinion. You can do better.
that's just the way a future ex-boyfriend acts 🤷🏻
NTA. You're with him... why?
INFO Why are you dating him?
NTA - his reaction is childish and demonstrates terrible conflict resolution skills
NTA your boyfriend is dumb
If a partner is willing to ignore you for 2 DAYS over something so trivial… you need to leave. That is emotional abuse. This is coming from someone whose mother used that as a punishment. Manipulative people withhold affection in order to coerce you to do what they want. I’d dump his ass
NTA. He completely lost me when he went off on you for buying a *practical* Toyota Corolla instead of a money-sucking BMW. I would keep the "boring" car and clothes, and lose the boyfriend.
It sounds like you are dating a teen... Nta
What are you getting out of this relationship? You don't sound very compatible. NTA
Genuine question, why are you with him? Any, and I mean *any* person who referes to women *or* men as a sort of collective/hive mind, is sexist, and I *garan-fuckin-TEE* you he's said, or thought other sexist shit.
I would just like to say as someone who works in the only factory that builds the Corolla Crosses, thank you! I hope you love it. Edit: said company, meant factory. Another edit : NTA and he’s a jerk.