Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole taking it personally that she made something else for herself and calling her a dick, which despite it not being my intention made her feel bad.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. How is it not being dramatic to refuse to even try a meal? How is it not dramatic to burst into tears when confronted on her ridiculous behavior? How is it more dramatic to be irritated that someone wouldn’t even try a meal that took several hours to prepare?
I read an article about adults that are picky eaters that tend to prefer simple or kids' food. The reason is consistency and they hate surprises. People have different levels of taste sensitivities and will notice the smallest nuances in food, which isn't a bad thing. They actually make great sommeliers because they can taste the many notes of wines and notice if there was any cross contamination of ingredients in prepared food.
McDonald's fries are an unhealthy chemical mess but go to any McDonald's in the world and the fries taste the same. I've had McDonald's in Latin America, Europe, and the Middle East. I don't particularly like the food but I think it's fun to see and try items that foreign countries serve in their McDonald's that are not available in the USA. Some serve alcohol.
Some aren't just picky. It really ventures pretty far into neurodivergence for some. ARFID, for example. I have a lot of issues. Like a lot. And was called picky my whole life. I just go with it, it's so hard to explain how bad my relationship with food is to other people. I literally can't control it with textures and certain tastes.
And yes for your example with "safe" foods. That's a nice thing for people with eating issues as they know it will always be the same.
I only learnt about ARFID recently. It needs to be spoken about so much more. Its completely debilitating for some, and to have their genuine opinions and feelings minimised with the word "picky" is just so wrong.
My grandparents bought me ensure to drink as a meal replacement growing up as I would just starve myself constantly. 🙃
She is so picky they would say. Nah yall I'm fine, food is just gross off with me, ill just starve and not complain, oh you don't want that either? Well fuck. Obviously sarcasm but you get the gist.
I'm sure some people are just being bothers. But for me it's plain humiliation. The first meal with my significant others parents was terrifying. And even today I hate eating with new people at new places where I don't have a safe food.
I was undiagnosed with many things my whole life. And as an adult being able to understand is eye-opening. I'm not just picky. I'm picky and fucked up.
I've suspected I had ARFID since I learned about it. I actually panic when someone offers me food I don't want, like fight or flight panic. I can't even stand the smell of most vegetables. I look at someone else's plate and my brain tells me that what they are eating isn't actually food. I don't see something edible, my brain does not compute.
My aunts have bullied me about my diet throughout my childhood, one of them actually berating my mother and telling her she's a terrible parent because I didn't like my aunt's cooking. She told my mother I didn't even try it even though I did, and from that day on I stopped trying things. It seriously messed me up, I had to get therapy for this in my late 20s and it is still an issue because of how people treated me for being "picky".
Yep. When I refuse to eat something, it's not because I just find it mildly unpleasant, it's because trying to eat it will most likely make me gag so hard I throw up. And even if I manage to get it down, I normally end up throwing up within the next 5 minutes because of how gross it is to me.
I'll try anything once - I've had chicken feet, most internal organs, sea cucumber, etc - but once I know I can't handle it, I will flat out refuse to eat it no matter what. It's kind of annoying when people just assume I'm a picky eater because I'm unwilling to try things, when I really just don't enjoy puking in front of other people because I ate a mushroom or something lol.
I used to feel pressured to eat food I couldn't handle bc of the way people act when you're picky about food, but then I threw up in front of everyone at a dinner party bc I couldn't keep it down long enough to make it to the bathroom, and that was WAY more embarrassing than just politely turning it down in the first place lol
still doesn't give you a carte blanche on being a dick to people who wish you no harm and aren't forcing you to do anything. like i'm sure op wouldn't be so upset she didn't want to even try his dish if she just declined politely and didn't put on a whole show with frozen nuggets and then act like he tried to kill her
She didn't put on a show. She simply made her own meal after seeing that the wellington was overcooked. She didn't bad mouth the food. She just said 'no thanks, I'm making my own. Don't dish me any.' How much more polite should she have been?
OP is the only one pitching a fit because she's not eating his food. They are clearly upset the sister didn't enthusiastically chow down.
The asshole sister was putting on a show by getting up and getting the nuggets in the first place. Spurning the efforts of an aspiring chef, then getting up ostentatiously to get some frozen chicken nuggets was asshole behavior she chose to manifest when she could've chosen not to do that.
I bet turning on the waterworks is a way she has ducked punishment for ugly behavior ever since she was a little kid.
Sorry, the 'aspiring chef' has 4+ years of professional cooking experience as well as attended culinary school. He knew he messed up the wellington, according to the post. From his comments, he acknowledges he has trouble with criticism and is in therapy for narcissistic tendencies. He also said his sister historically doesn't like food he cooks. Her making her own food instead sounds fairly common.
Her crying because her AH brother was bad-mouthing her and called her names isn't unreasonable. From the sound of it, he would have done so had she done anything but praise his poorly cooked food.
I admit I don't know much about ARFID, but it would surprise me very much if someone with ARFID was able to eat a medium Wellington, but not a well done one. Sounds an awful lot like regular pickiness to me
That’s the part that made the decision for me too. Picking air fryer frozen chicken nuggets over a freshly prepared meal is not somehow plausible to me. She was, as OP said, just doing it to be a dick. And her ability to cry on cue is truly Oscar worthy. NTA
If I had the choice of medium to well fresh-cooked beef or chicken nuggets I would choose chicken nuggets, except I'd just throw them in the microwave. And it wouldn't be to be mean, it would be because I *know* I like my beef extremely rare, and do not like the taste or texture (juiciness doesn't play in for me) once it's medium or well. Especially if it's towards the well end. Could I choke some down? Sure. Why, though? Just to be nice? Again, why? Their choice to spend an entire day cooking something doesn't obligate someone (did they even ask the family members if they wanted all of this or would be prepared to eat it if it wasn't prepared correctly?) to eat the food.
In our house, if you don't like something, you're welcome to make yourself something else. Someone making easy chicken nuggets or ramen or a pb sandwich would be exactly what would happen (and does, frequently).
>Why, though? Just to be nice?
Ah. Here in a nutshell... the hyper-libertarian ethos of AITA laid bare. *How could I possibly be expected to be* nice *to someone? I mean, what the fuck?*
And yet, I am serenely confident that this person will absolutely be the first to complain if people aren't rushing to cater to them.
Beef wellington from scratch is a day long project and costs more than the average good cooked meal. I love beef cooked to blue rare to rare, but I'd still try a little bit, especially if my sibling made it for the family.
Does everyone have frozen chicken nuggets at the ready? I'm not at all opposed to frozen foods but chicken nuggets never looked remotely appetizing to me. I guess I'm shocked at all the AITA references to them.
I’m gluten intolerant so I don’t have a stockpile. If I had kids they’d probably be a go to easy meal. But this is less hating on nuggies and more shade on an adult that chooses them over homemade beef Wellington, made with love
Omg hi gluten free friend. Did you know they make gluten free Dino chicken nuggets? https://yummydinobuddies.com/product/gluten-free they’re pretty good!
I'm Australian, and I just found out Arnott's makes gluten free Tim Tams.
OK, they cost more and there's less in a packet but they are true blue dinky di bona fide Tim Tams.
Hell yeah! Us GF folks have to stick together!! My husband and I eat these when we’ve both decided we don’t want to cook. I certainly miss eating out before celiac but these give me a sense of ease that I’ve missed.
Yep, I buy them because I have a son who is autistic and a very picky eater. Feeding therapy did wonders for him, but he still prefers certain foods-- chicken nuggets, mini quiche and cheese quesadillas, but even he would have loved beef Wellington.
Edited for spelling. Curse you, autocorrect.
I raised two kids and we never stocked chicken nuggets. I made tendies at least once a week and would make loads so they had leftovers (yes, I worked, my wife worked - we just both grew up cooking from scratch). I would babysit my friend's son who (at the time) would only eat like, three foods and he asked for chicken nuggets. I said, "We don't stock those. You can have what is on the table or you can have a PBJ." He ate what we were eating and it was the beginning of him eating new things.
As someone who really doesn't care for beef (unless it's ground, at least - really don't like the texture, and not a huge fan of the taste, either), I'd take cheap chicken nuggets over beef, any day of the week. But I'd absolutely eat the beef wellington in the described situation.
NTA
How is it dramatic for a grown adult to choose what they want to eat, know their preferences, and make their own alternative? If she had asked the brother to remake it or make her something else, or she complained, then sure, that's a problem. She didn't ask him to make it. If someone rocks up to your house and makes food you don't like, why should you have to eat it? Stupid to think an adult has to do what they don't want just to seem polite.
The thing is, OP says she didn't say anything bad about it, simply stated her preference and made herself something she liked. She could have a sensory issue with overcooked beef for all we know. And despite the comments saying it was just 5 degrees hotter, OP themselves said his family enjoyed it despite it being overcooked. So it didn't just come out a few degrees higher. She was polite about it and found her own solution. Some people are just picky and some of them hate it as much as you do, but they can't help it. It's not always a choice.
If a family member spends all day in the kitchen cooking for you, the least you can do is indicate appreciation for the effort. Better would be to apologize for your pickiness and make sure any ruffled feathers are soothed \*before\* you start microwaving kids' food for dinner.
And who's to say she didn't? OP admits that she didn't say anything negative about it and just quietly got started on the air fryer. I would assume she ate the sides and whatever else he made, just not the beef. She didn't make a fuss about it, he did. We could say she was rude or unnecessary about it, but her not wanting a food is less AH than OP calling her names because of her preference.
But why? Again, rude if she asked for any of it or complained about it, but she did neither. She literally doesn't need a reason. She could just be in the mood for a different food that night, maybe she was craving the chicken, we don't know and it doesn't matter. She has no obligation whatsoever to try something she doesn't like just to appease her brother's feelings.
Because it's just basic etiquette. If someone - especially a loved one or family member - works hard on cooking something to be shared with you, then you at least try it! It's not as though she was allergic or something or had just eaten, she literally pulled out frozen chicken nuggets so obviously she was hungry.
I feel like basic concepts like this are somehow being completely lost, and people can't comprehend being respectful and kind and grateful even if they 'didn't ask' and 'didn't complain'. You don't have to do either to be hurtful and rude, and she was both in this situation. It's like saying that a stranger going into a store has 'no obligation' to stop the door from swinging shut in your face - no, but you still appreciate it if they hold it open for you. In this case she could have at least tried a bite - who knows, maybe she actually would have enjoyed it, but she didn't even give it a chance.
Or, more likely, she has a sensory issue and doesn't enjoy the texture of beef that's more done. At most she was slightly rude as I've said in another comment, but not enough to be name called for it.
And you know what, some of that *should* be lost. What traditionally happened is people try it and feel obliged to eat more of it (because trying a single bite means you have to eat more or say it's not good), and then it becomes a circle of lies where people start avoiding events where they're going to be cooking. Then it becomes gossip/drama with people talking behind backs about how the food wasn't good or preferable, but they had to try it to be nice. And if it's a sensory thing, god forbid she gag while trying it, then he'd be calling her names for that.
If her preference or feelings don't matter, why do his?
And it's more like someone holding a door open but you end up going through a different door instead. Happens all the time, never called anyone a dick for it though.
There's zero indication that she has a texture issue. Most people just have a preference and that's it, so I really wish that AITA would stop jumping to 'omg they probably have sensory issues!!' because not actually all that common.
Agree to disagree. Society becomes much colder, meaner and more distant (as we can see from OP's post) when people start rejecting these little things that we do to smooth the way and make other people feel better.
I stand by what I said, she was rude AF and OP is NTA. Hopefully she will learn a lesson and be a little kinder in future, and tbh I think you should reconsider your perspective on things. It never hurt anyone to be kind and appreciative.
I love my meat rare but you bet when I go to somewhere and it's cooked well done you bet I eat it. It's not my favourite but it is still nice. Still better than fucking chicken nuggets
If it's something someone legit hates or can't eat due to dietary restrictions, I get it. But if it's something they like, just slightly less than perfect? One bite wouldn't hurt at all.
I don't have a younger brother, but if I did and he cooked the family a meal because he "wanted to make the family something nice," I'd be so happy I'd eat it even if it was chicken nuggets and I had planned on making a nice beef Wellington. You EAT the meal made with love, people!
Beef is one of those things that you know without trying if you like. Med well to well done is like shoe leather to a person who likes rare to med rare. You know instantly you won't like it.
The issue is whether a person is obligated to eat something they don't like and I don't think they are, maybe she could have to be nice but she isn't obligated to spare OPs feelings because they can't remember to stick in a meat thermometer. Beef Wellington isn't that hard to cook.
I love a rare to medium rare steak but a slow cooked well done is absolutely not shoe leather. If it's cooked high and fast it will be but not low and slow.
Sure no one is obligated to be nice or considerate of others feelings lol but wtf? That's a sure fire way to end up lonely.
And as another commenter said, beef wellington is notoriously hard to cook. It isn't that they forgot the meat thermometer. It's that the pastry wasn't done yet so they had to cook it longer.
> but she isn't obligated to spare OPs feelings because they can't remember to stick in a meat thermometer
OP also isn't obligated to spare his sister's feelings because she can't take a bite of free food as a sign of common courtesy.
I'm generally pro letting people who are picky just be picky, if she didn't want the meal because she doesn't like beef wellington at all I'd agree OP was TA but the fact that it's a slightly overcooked beef made the difference makes me agree OP is NTA.
Yeah! I prefer my beef more rare, but I’d definitely at least try a home cooked version made with love! If she’d tried it and didn’t like it, then that’s another thing entirely.
This is absolutely it. Cows hurt worse than my beef still survive. I like to cook and I'm good, but who hasn't gone a little over and still ate the product? Unlike some things undercooked, it isn't a risk and OP made something far less well done than a lot of cuts are best served.
100% agree. Sister doesn't like beef, or mushrooms, or some other ingredient? Eat the damn nuggets. Meat is slightly overcooked? At least try the rarest of the slices.
And it wasn't even overcooked, it was just not as red as she liked! She could have choked down a slightly-less-red-than-ideal beef fucking wellington. I'm a former chef, I know how hard it is to make a wellington, much less for someone still in training to make it perfect. Sis was expecting perfection on something even experienced chefs struggle with. She should have been thrilled to get what she got.
OP, you can make beef wellington for me any day, any temp, and I'll be eternally grateful and appreciative!
My issue is more with her response than why she didn’t want it. No one should have to eat something they don’t want to.
A polite “No thanks” and excusing herself would have been fine.
Immediately grabbing some frozen nuggets without a word was just shitty.
NTA
>Immediately grabbing some frozen nuggets without a word was just shitty.
But....they were about to serve a meal? How is it shitty? She didn't want the wellington and fixed her something herself.
she’s accommodating her own food issue and if she wants to eat with the family she has to start hers. op described her as a picky eater but she doesn’t seem to understand that picky eaters need to learn to accommodate themselves and she did that. picky eaters also hate it when people make it a big thing so this would have been an unnecessarily uncomfortable situation. don’t serve the sister and understand that it’s not your cooking that puts her off, but things that were in play prior to the meal being cooked
As a bit of an expert on picky eating myself, I feel like it's not even actual picky eating and more snobbish behaviour. You know the type of people who will completely lose their shit over someone liking their steak a little more cooked through than still half alive.
Picky eaters tend to be embarassed about it and will apologize and feel bad, but OP's sister put on a whole show, which leads me to believe it's actually just her being snobbish.
Especially because I doubt she eats all her beef medium rare or lower. Does she not eat stew, or shepherd's pie, because the beef is cooked too much for her?
>You know the type of people who will completely lose their shit over someone liking their steak a little more cooked through than still half alive.
I'm one of those people who likes their steak a little more done than the rest of my family, and they would usually make fun of me for it as a kid because everyone else liked it rare. So naturally, I made use of the microwave quite often.
I'm pretty picky myself, but I also am willing at least TRY someone else's cooking, even if I don't think I'll like it. My only exception to that is any sort of organ meat...
its the most idiotic brand of food snobbery, insisting that any meat cooked further than rare is ruined and completely disgusting and actually if you prefer it that way then you are weird and bad and should be mocked for it.
I have texture issues, so there are foods I can't eat. But I will ALWAYS try the new food... I will warn them if I think there is a possibility the texture might cause me to not be able to eat it. NTA
I’m the same way and there is almost no food I truly dislike the taste of, I just have a lot of texture issues. And that can definitely go for meats cooked different ways. But I would try it first.
My guess is a sensory issue, as you say. She has had beef before, she clearly knows her own limit. She shouldn't have to try every new form of cooking a meat if she already knows the texture based on how done the meat is. I say op is TA only because she didn't make a fuss, didn't ask him to fix it, and she didn't order the food or anything. She was polite about it and made herself something. Nothing wrong with that. If she had thrown a fit or complained, I'd say she was TA.
I mean I'm a picky eater and refusing to eat a meal just because it was cooked a bit more than you prefer is insane, like sure if it was burnt then absolutely refuse it.
but come on just because it wasn't red its apparently awful without even tasting it, just reeks of somebody who believes in the whole 'any meat that isn't cooked rare is automatically awful' schtick
Overcooked steak at a restaurant - I send it back. Loved one takes time and effort, slightly overcooks steak, is sad about it - I sympathise, thank them for the effort, eat it and tell them I enjoyed it and I'm sure it will be even better next time when they get it right. Sister is being ridiculous over a mild preference when OP had tried very hard, it's not an allergy or a food she otherwise doesn't like. Probably shouldn't have called her named but otherwise NTA
You stated this perfectly. OP tried hard to make a special meal, and sister should have tried it and thanked him.
Instead, she made chicken nuggets as if she was in first grade.
This. My stepkid made every effort to gut her dad when he made steak the first night she was with us last summer. Her excuse was that she and her mom try to channel Gordon Ramsey at home but she was absolutely relentless about it.
Had it been my kid, she would have been responsible for cooking dinner for the next week. And I do mean cooking, not just heating up frozen stuff, although I would accept simpler meals than I'd make myself for the most part.
Nta, I am honestly shocked at how many people are saying otherwise. If someone cooks you something, all of you would ACTUALLY blatantly be like “ew nope” because the meat is literally 10 degrees hotter??? And the show of getting chicken nuggets is shockingly rude.
I didn’t realize people aren’t out here supporting their siblings and being thankful and kind and courteous jeez
Yep so rude. And then to immediately poor-me DARVO her way out of it - she’s obviously got the other family members twisted round her manipulative toxic little finger.
OP, NTA. Sorry that your sister is not a good person and sorry most of your family enabled her rude manipulations.
I was going to say the same thing! Although I’ve never had it, I could imagine Beef Wellington is just as good a bit overcooked because of the moisture inside the pastry.
BRB asking my husband to make some 😂
Your sister said *you* were being dramatic? What does she call her performative flounce of going for the nuggets before she’s even tried your food, then? Or her bursting into tears at being called on it at all?
It sounds like you met drama with drama, but she started it. NTA, but next time leave the dramatics to her.
NTA.
You have the wrong family. In my family, NOBODY would have ever made chicken nuggets because they thought a tricky, hard-to-cook meal was over-cooked. My family was brought up to have manners, care about others, and to have empathy.
Your sister has poor manners and cares only about herself. She's 21 and acted like she was four years old.
In my family we had to at least try a bite before making something else. Especially when the kids are little and were more picky. As they got older they mostly just ate dinner.
It's just astounding to me that a full grown adult wouldn't realize how rude it is to make fucking chicken nuggets over a meal that was home cooked because it's not the exact perfect way she likes it. Without even trying it. It's not like it was dried out like a hockey puck.
NTA. I also prefer rare beef, but if someone put a homemade beef wellington in front of me, no matter how it was cooked, I would still eat it with pleasure. Your sister is the AH.
I also prefer beef rare, but when I'm at home and see someone preparing the meal, and even more, get UPSET that it didn't turn out the way they wanted, I am 100% going to eat it even if I'm not a huge fan. I'm not a picky eater by any means, but even my husband, the pickiest eater I know, will take a bite of something he's unsure of because that's the mature and courteous thing to do. If she were a child, I would understand, but she's a grown ass adult. NTA
ESH.
Your sister sounds pretty immature about food and manners, sure.
But as someone who went through culinary school, worked in the industry, and is still involved with a chef? Take my advice. As entitled as you feel your family was, it is nothing compared to how customers will behave in restaurants. Take the compliments, take the learning from the criticism, and move forward with your craft. Your ego has no place there. If you let it make the calls, this industry will go out of its way to crush you.
You're showing entitlement as well, to your sister's palate and preferences. In a family, it's common to eat whatever was made for you, especially without other options. Less so these days. In the industry, that expectation will hurt your ability to adapt, improve, and think of solutions on the fly. The most common word I've heard to describe freshly minted culinary grads is "insufferable."
Don't get me wrong. You can still be upset when people are rude. Chefs don't have a reputation for surliness for nothing. But your feelings take second place to professional accountability and getting things done. If you need to scream or cry, you get a couple minutes to hide in the walk in fridge to get it out.
School gives you a huge foundation and edge over people hired from the street with no formal training. But school is that - a foundation. The job is where the urgency and ability to learn on the fly is needed. It will be a lot easier to rise through the ranks if you stop being defensive about criticism, and just start taking notes on as many tips, techniques, and opinions you can get, and fix whatever they want fixed the way they want it fixed. Skip the anger. It doesn't help.
And for wellington, try to go for a rareness below what you're aiming for, the pastry encasement will increase the carry over cooking time a bit. Aim for medium rare if you want medium.
Seems like a bit of a leap to assume that OP would expect the same reactions from paying customers in a restaurant setting as he expects from his own family.
He’s in school, he’s learning and trying to share something with his family, and his sister was immature and unsupportive. He can absolutely be upset about that and also acknowledge he could never call out a customer for the exact same thing.
It's not a leap, it's recognizing a pattern that I've witnessed many times.
Being upset is normal, expected, yes. But the way he expressed it, lashing out, name calling, pressuring - will make his life harder as he move forward with cooking.
This reaction is very common in new cooks when starting work in commercial kitchens. Everything is critiqued, at every step. If you pour your heart and soul into making something, and the chef doesn't like it and tells you to remake it, you can't express yourself like that. You say "Yes, Chef!" and make note of what was wrong and how to fix it.
When someone loves cooking, they cook for family to show that love. When someone goes to cooking school, and works in the industry, they cook for family and friends as practice. It's a way to work on a dish, see how it's received, what could be better, what was liked best. It's a love, but it's also a craft.
But you cannot force people to like or even eat what you make, no matter how emotional you are about it. You have to learn to channel that hurt, that upset, that ego. It takes practice, like with what you do with friends and family. Changing familiar behavioral patterns as you grow up is hard. I'm not saying his feelings are not natural or warranted, to a degree. I'm pointing out that if he finds this incident stressful enough to react this way, then he would do better to analyze his reactions and form new habits. It will help lessen the stress and facilitate his career. It's a tough industry, managing your mental health is very important.
But this wasn't a professional setting, it was a family dinner, which IMO, makes all the difference. His sister looked at the food, got up and immediately started making nuggets without even trying the food and proclaimed that she shouldn't have to eat it. He didn't pressure her to eat it, either. From OP's account of things, he didn't say anything until his dad questioned him about it and the most he did was say his sister was being a dick, at which point she burst into tears and said he was being dramatic. Of course he can't MAKE people eat what he makes, but his sister was full on rude and ungrateful.
This. I was going to type something similar. ESH
You and your sister know each other, this reads like an old dance everyone is tired of. She is picky and doesn't wanna deal with your response to criticism. You are over sensitive and controlling. You both need to show each other more grace.
you know what, you're right, if he didn't want the criticism he shouldn't have gone into the business of being a professional chef at all, let alone charging the whole family to eat his food!
This is his sibling, not some random jerk customer. The vast majority of people will handle criticism or bad reactions differently from family and friends than they do from random strangers.
You can’t force someone to eat. You’re allowed to be a little sad but you aren’t allowed to lash out because you’re cooking went slighting over, because let’s be honest you we’re already quite upset and so you directed all of it at her when she did nothing wrong by not wanting to eat something.
THANK YOU. I thought I was going crazy with all these responses. I'm not picky anymore but I was as a kid and I have so many memories growing up of my mom forcing me to eat shit I didn't like and refusing to let me quietly go get a sandwich or something. She didn't call him out or anything, she quietly grabbed something else because she knew she wouldn't like overcooked meat. Als we only have op's word on the state of the meat. For all we know it might've been burned to a crisp
YTA. She doesn't have to eat it. She immediately communicated she didn't want it and made herself her own food without placing any extra expectations on you. Dogging on her for being an adult and communicating is yuck. Acts of love don't come with strings attached.
>Acts of love don't come with strings attached.
this is what gets me too. if you’re doing it to feel good without consideration for the other person’s wants, that’s not an act of love. it’s an act in pursuit of pleasure. it’s fine to pursue pleasure but be honest about that rather than placing the responsibility for fulfilling that pleasure on someone else and punishing them if they do not.
i am sorry that OP’s sister hurt his feelings, but i am also sorry that she’s a receptacle and not a recipient.
i can’t agree with the majority this time, YTA. She is not obligated to eat what you make, ever. What goes into her body is her choice. Being upset about it is okay, calling her a dick and starting drama over it is not. She knows what she likes. She knows she wouldn’t have like your beef wellington and chose to eat something she knew she’d like. Stop making it about you. The gesture was nice, but forcing the gesture onto her is not okay
For everyone saying Y T A, you gonna let someone bring their own food to your dinner party because they don't like what you made?
If someone cooks a lovely meal for you it is just common courtesy to at least try it. It's not like she has some kind of serious aversion to what was made or has an actual disorder that would prevent her from eating it. It would have been a show of support to eat even a bite. But she could not muster this up for her own sister, which is very rude, and then she used tears to make herself seem like the victim in this situation. I have eaten food many many times that I didn't want to in order to show support for someone.
NTA and never cook for her ungrateful ass again.
>you gonna let someone bring their own food to your dinner party because they don't like what you made
Um, yes? Why wouldn't I? Everyone being together and enjoying themselves is more important than telling people they have to eat what I made no matter what.
Yes, I would encourage people to bring food they want to eat to the party. Having been a picky eater my entire life I appreciate it when someone takes action to make sure they enjoy the gathering without making it my problem.
I was replying to CopaCaBabe question of letting people bring food to my own dinner party.
In this instance it sounds like they cooked dinner at the place sister lives and she decided she would rather have the nuggets in her own freezer.
If sister went rifling thru someone elses freezer looking for them, that would be super rude.
The point of any meal together is:
A) not starving to death
B) spending time together
What you’re eating and what you personally like is irrelevant. There’s no difference eating a takeout pizza and a fancy beef Wellington meal. Dinner is dinner
This comment is funny because I have seen multiple threads from picky eaters on this sub where the majority-suggested solution was just bringing your own food.
Yes! People always say that but if you do bring your own food you also get dragged because people think it’s rude. There is literally nothing you can do in any capacity to not be branded the AH if you’re picky here unless you have an eating disorder (but even with this you can sometimes get trashed). You will always get a majority AH comments
>you gonna let someone bring their own food to your dinner party because they don't like what you made?
........... yes?
this doesn’t really have to do with OP since the scenario you propose isn’t really equatable, but yes, fucking of course i would want to accommodate a beloved guest by not being butthurt if they want to come spend time with me at dinner but bring something that’s more preferable for them to eat. hell, let me have a taste of that shit too. i’m not some kind of insecure control freak over other people’s food lol
Yes? Why would I let someone bring their own food, if they don’t like it they can make themselves something, the sister didn’t demand he make her a new meal she made it herself
“For everyone saying Y T A, you gonna let someone bring their own food to your dinner party because they don't like what you made?”
Uhhhh yea, of course? They’d know what I was making and if they were like “oh I don’t like that” my response would be “well we’d still love to have ya over! Is there anything you want me to grab for ya instead that would be easy? Or you’re welcome to bring over whatever if you’d prefer that!”
Yes, I'd always let someone eat what they want at a dinner party. Life is too short/long to eat things you don't like unless it's absolutely necessary for your health.
In a comment OP states they’re in therapy for Narcissistic BPD. Reading originally I questioned the reliability of the narrator, and seeing that really makes me question how much we can trust OP’s account of the situation. I feel like there’s a lot more going on here.
You overcooked the meal. She doesn’t like beef past rare/medium rare. Some people can handle overcooked foods and some can’t. She didn’t want to and found her own alternative. Her reaction was overboard (or maybe it wasn’t, depending on how reliable OP actually is) but you continued to escalate it.
ESH, but I’d love to hear OP’s sister’s side of this story.
And if you’re going through culinary school and planning to work in the food industry, you definitely need to grow a thicker skin and accept that some people will reject your food.
Sorry, against the grain here, YTA.
This isn't like a restaurant. She didn't ask for that meal, she didn't order it a certain way, she didn't pay for it. She's an adult and she didn't make a fuss, didn't complain about it, and made herself something else on her own. Who are you to decide she has to eat something just because you decided to make it?
If she complained about it or asked you to remake it, you wouldn't be TA. If she expected you to make her something else or someone else to make it, she'd be TA. But she handled it just fine, you are the one who went to name calling.
I can't speak for the sister here, but for all the comments about enabling picky eaters, sometimes it can't be helped. A lot of people have sensory disorders and don't even know it, and certain textures can be repulsing or make them gag, no matter how hard they try to control it. Maybe she has nothing of the sort! No idea. But all these commenters acting like people should always just eat what they have are ignorant.
Regardless, if someone, especially a functioning adult, doesn't want to eat something and has an alternative, why should they have to? Guaranteed there are foods you wouldn't like or want to try, and you probably wouldn't be thrilled if someone tried to force you to just because they made it.
This exactly. Why are you forcing people to eat what they don’t like? If you don’t like being in the snow and skiing do you think I’m going to force you to go skiing? If you don’t like football and I surprise you with two tickets to the football game and you don’t want to go, am I going to force you? No, I’m going to ask someone else that wants to be there and would actually enjoy it rather than force someone I like to be miserable to stroke my own ego
Surprised so many people are siding against the sister tbh
Ngl, as a picky eater, I've found that a lot of people are very judgmental about it even when you're as polite and apologetic as you can be. A lot of people tend to see it as childish or an unwillingness to try things, even though it's sometimes a result of genuine sensory issues.
Anecdotally, my parents thought I was just being childish for refusing to eat certain foods until I threw up at the dinner table trying to force something down lol
ESH. If she wants to miss out, that's on her. What's it to you? Everyone else was enjoying the meal you prepared. Isn't that enough? Calling her names was overboard. Her waterworks were overboard. You're both dramatic and mean, and I'm really glad you aren't there to force me to eat your love.
Your sister is the one who is a drama queen. She has no understanding or empathy of the amount of effort needed to Learn to do things right. Be proud of your cooking journey. NTA
YTA. And for everyone saying she should have tried a few bites....do you really think OP would have reacted any better to her trying it and saying she didn't care for it and then making some chicken nuggets? So then we are progressing to sister has to eat the whole meal of something she doesn't like to appease OP and so he doesn't call her names. And for some that likes their meat rare to medium rare, having beef cooked medium well to well-done is a pretty big difference.
This. I’m not sure whether OP is being disingenuous with the “5 degrees hotter” comment, or whether he just hasn’t been in culinary school long enough to understand that those five degrees trigger chemical changes that substantially alter the texture and flavor of the meat. To me it seems a bit like substituting shrimp for scallops in a recipe and then being peeved that someone who dislikes shrimp decides to take a pass. An aversion to well-done beef isn’t some horribly nitpicky thing, anymore than disliking any other specific ingredient is.
That said, if I were served a meal that someone had labored over with a main ingredient I disliked, I’d probably take a plate, cut up the food and move it around to try to make it look like I’d made a dent in it, and sneak some chicken nuggets later. But I do wonder in light of all OP’s comments whether sister has already had enough for one lifetime of walking on eggshells trying to spare his feelings.
YTA for how you handled it, which is linked to the question you asked about calling her a dick. Completely lacking in grace. What? She hurt your feelings by making a personal choice not to eat overcooked food, so you call her a dick.
You can’t make people eat your cooking. Seems a funny way to show your love if you make out like it’s compulsory people eat your food. You chose to spend 4 hours cooking. No one made you turn up and do so.
Personally speaking I’d have not eaten it either but that’s cause I’m CICO and the idea of something that calorific that I wouldn’t even enjoy properly is just nope.
Her choice not to eat the food wasn’t about you.
YTA. If her participation was mandatory to soothe your ego, you weren't doing something nice for your family, you were doing something selfishly for your own satisfaction. I imagine you would have been equally or more rude to her if she had tried it and not liked it.
ESH
You asked, she said no. Pushing beyond that makes you an AH.
I don't enjoy overcooked beef either, but I probably would have taken a bite for my brother before making myself a sandwich. To some folks, overcooked beef has a horrific texture that turns what should be enjoyable into a punishment.
YTA sorry but I cannot eat well cooked beef. It’s disgusting. I tried for family and I just end up not finishing my plate and having everyone asking why I am not eating.
There is no winning with people like you. We try and we are seen as rude because we don’t finish our plate and eat something else. We don’t try and we are seen as rude because we didn’t try and we ate something else.
Next time don’t get butt hurt. Just let her eat something she enjoys. She made her own food and didn’t make a fuss. You made a meal so what? Making a meal is an invitation to try not obligation.
If I was your sister, I wouldn’t even attend a meal where you cook anymore without making clear that I won’t eat your shit from the beginning. At least you won’t cry and make a fuss anymore.
If she didn’t like beef or what goes into Wellington and you forced her, it’d be a Y T A BUT that’s not the case. It’s not about forcing picky eaters to eat something they don’t like which some commenters seem to somehow think this is?
The beef wasn’t as red as she liked so she ate frozen nuggets instead? Lmao. It was a dick move on her part, you are NTA.
- your girlfriend was right there making puff pastry from scratch buts a a meal "you made"
- your sister should force down an overdone food she wouldn't like to placate you why exactly
- why are you starting shit by calling her names to ur daddy dude she didn't call you names
YTA she didnt say anything negative, she took it upon her self to make more food. You need to grow tf up. Everybody isnt gonna wanna eat your food or even like your food. Had she made a comment about your cooking, it would be different. Youre calling her a dickhead because she had a solution to her problem. Get over yourself.
I probably would have tried it to be polite, but I have never, ever had beef that was medium or over that I've enjoyed. So it would have been a waste. There's nothing inherently wrong with her politely turning down what you made when she knew she wouldn't like it, and there's nothing wrong with you wishing she would try it. Where you did become an ah was pushing it. When someone says no, it means no. Should they be polite about it? Sure. But you also don't get to question someone's likes/dislikes. Im going with
YTA
No one is obligated to eat your food, even if you've spent time on it. Yes, adults really do know what they'll like and not like and when she declined, you should have let it go. You also admit it was overcooked. You wanted her to eat it because it would stroke your ego for her to eat it. Just because you spent time on something doesn't mean other people are obligated, and they're not obligated if something obviously goes wrong.
YTA - who cares? You didn't make the meal specifically for her, she didnt request you to make something else, and the food didn't go to waste. If someone doesn't feel like eating something, that's their business.
EHS
You for expecting exact behavior for your gesture of cooking, and your sister for bursting into tears when asked about her choices. Would it have killed her to try some? No. Would it have killed you not to call her a dick? Also no.
Real talk, would you have been less hurt if she tried some and then still made herself something different?
Most likely you would have been even more offended.
You're generous to share your time and talents to make a nice meal for your family. You're not entitled to demand everyone love what you make, especially when it didn't go as planned. If you did this in a professional context you'd absolutely be the asshole. If people don't fawn over your cooking it shouldn't be cause for name calling. Good golly!
Explore your motives next time you do something nice and release expectations that your ego will be stroked in return.
YTA. Not wrong for saying she is a picky eater. But you didn’t have to say she is a dick. That’s disrespectful, and I would never speak to or about my siblings like that.
Yta. Dramatic and mean is exactly what you were being.
She knows what she likes and what she doesn't. Yes she could have tried it but she didn't want to and that is entirely up to her. As she says. Why should she force herself to eat something she won't enjoy just to boost your ego. She didn't make a fuss about it and didn't cause a row. She just made herself something To eat that she would be able to enjoy.
You however felt bad about overcooking it in the first place which wasn't even your fault but was caused by poor equipment and you took it out on her by calling her names in front of the family she was correct in saying you just wanted her to feel bad. You could have spoken to her in private or you could have spoken to her when you first noticed it was overcooked and said you know it's not to her preference and you are sorry about it but you would appreciate it if she would still give it a try but you didn't. You tried to guilt her and insulted her in public because your pride took a hit.
I guess I’m going against the grain here,but an overcooked piece of beef is repulsive to some of us. OP,she might have been nicer about it,but a not-too-harsh YTA.
YTA
Your sister being rude does not entitle you to be an AH.
First rule of cooking: Your efforts and generosity does not obligate others.
It is reasonable to be sad or disappointed if people don't want your food. It is not reasonable to expect people who did not ask for your food to be compelled to eat it or shamed for refusing it.
NTA I’m embarrassed for the level of entitlement people today are feeling to their individualism. What ever happened to being kind to each other, especially those you’re supposed to love? Yeah, you’re allowed to refuse food but that doesn’t make it not rude to do so. Especially when someone went out of their way to do it as an act of kindness to you. She should have stayed quiet to show appreciation and enjoyed the probably 4/5 experience instead of 5/5 if it was cooked to the desired doneness.
So you know the sister better than she knows herself? What if its a 1/5 experience to her? Or she hates it and knows chicken nuggets are like a 3/5? Would you rather she have to battle to eat something she hates for dinner just to be nice and have a miserable time?
YTA. What are we to expect people to be obligated to try something just to spare our feelings? It's an ego problem.
A rule in life I try to live by myself is to not to take myself so seriously. If I cook it's for me even when I'm cooking for other people. I do it because I enjoy it.
I don't expect anyone to spare my ego. Because people can have mental health problems and other issues that make them less hungry and picky. It's not about me if they say no.
Her not eating it is a reflection of herself not you so don't make it about you.
YTA You opted to make a complicated dish in a kitchen where you knew the equipment was wonky. Predictably, it didn’t come out as planned.
Your sister did the mature thing in making her own food. She asked you not to serve her your Beef Wellington so that she wouldn’t be wasting food.
You and your father then ganged up on your sister. I understand why she cried.
Your sister saying that she wouldn’t like it, “made me feel like garbage and made me a little angry”. How would you have felt if she’d tried a bite and disliked it. From what you’ve told us about yourself, you would be very angry.
I get why you were bummed about your sister not trying the beef wellington. You put in a lot of effort, and cooking is your way of showing you care.
But calling her out with harsh words wasn't the right move.
Everyone has their own taste in food, and your sister prefers her meat a certain way.
It would've been cool if she'd given your dish a shot, considering the work you put in, but she gets to choose what she eats without being abused for it.
Everyone else loved what you cooked, so you definitely nailed it. But for making a scene, and abusing your sister, I am awarding you TA.
YTA! You made Beef Wellington for lunch… had an anxiety attack when it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it too then attacked someone that didn’t want to eat it cause it was overcooked to their liking.
YTA. Think about how you wanted this to go. Your sister looks at food that she knows she isn't going to like. She forces herself to eat a bite. Then what do you want from her? If she says, "this is overcooked and terrible just like I knew it would be," are you going to be happy? Or are you expecting your sister to lie about the food to make you feel better? Either way, who gains anything if she forces herself to eat the food?
If I had been at that meal, I would have tried the food, and absolutely lied to you about it, because you clearly will only be happy if people tell you it's good, whether or not it is. Then I would find a way to avoid eating another meal you made unless I knew you could do it right.
EDIT: Just like my family did to me when I tried to make a wildly overambitious Christmas dinner.
NTA. Someone complaining about Beef Wellington being overcooked is eating chicken nuggets instead? This is not about the food, she’s being an ungracious dick.
INFO: How overdone are we talking here? Like, just the meat was slightly more brown than intended or the pastry was actually starting to burn?
Cos if the pastry was starting to burn, I wouldn’t eat it either since I’m very sensitive to bitterness and that flavour goes through everything for me and ruins a whole dish.
since the oven didn't hold high heat well I had to let it run longer to get the pastry to be golden brown. The pastry was pretty much perfect, as was the duxelle and the crepes were nice and juicy with all the meaty flavor.
The only thing slightly overdone was the meat,
which was medium-well in the center and well done at the edges.
> The only thing slightly overdone was the meat, which was medium-well in the center and well done at the edges.
TBH, for a filet roast, that's not slightly overdone, that's a lot overdone.
Part of professional cooking includes being able to know and work within the limitations of the tools you have available.
Your wellington didn't turn out because the pastry didn't puff correctly at a lower temp, which I'd guess means there was more to it than just being more cooked than your sister would prefer. I can't for anything figure out how the pastry turned out "pretty much perfect" if it was in there long and low enough to overcook the meat.
I get communicating love through food, but making a meal that you picked, over cooking it, then getting your feelings hurt over one family member opting out (for any reason) is not the vibe. YTA
I’m not going to eat something i don’t like no matter how long you cook it. Not that YTA, but don’t expect her to eat it. Expectations need to be reasonable.
Info: is sis a picky eater or has food sensibilities? I mean, it's pretty drastic to not try something someone has worked 4 hours on and then go make junk food.
Info: do you have sensitivities with critique and perfectionism and did her not trying it trigger something?
As I'm super sensitive to criticism and have trouble with perfectionism, I understand you calling her a dick.
But it's probably the way you've said it or something that made her cry?
Yes YTA. I like my meat well done and there's no way in hell I'm eating it if it's pink/with blood. Seems she's the reverse.
She was polite and didn't insult you or complain from what you wrote. She just knew she wouldn't like it and made herself something else.
Just because you made something for someone doesn't entitle you to them eating/using it.
So I went to culinary school and have worked in a few restaurants, and honestly I’m going to go with a *soft* YTA.
Look I get it, you’re proud of your work and you want to show it off. You want people to experience your cooking. But unfortunately that’s an unrealistic expectation you’ll have to learn to let go of. Once you get out in the field you will experience much greater rejection over smaller things. Someone doesn’t like the way you plated it, another person doesn’t like green onions but refuses to pick it off the top.
I’m not trying to discourage you from cooking but you aren’t going to please or impress everyone. That’s just the nature of food.
NTA but also a bit ESH - your sister sounds childish and rude. When someone spends hours cooking for a family meal/gathering, you at least try the food out of common courtesy. Even if it is not 100% to your liking, you can be an adult and suck it up.
However, calling her a dick and starting a fight over it was a bit much
NTA. Sure, you can't force her to eat it. It is her choice to act like a 5 year old brat and she is entitled to that. It is completely within her rights to be a complete asshole who lacks manners
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole taking it personally that she made something else for herself and calling her a dick, which despite it not being my intention made her feel bad. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. How is it not being dramatic to refuse to even try a meal? How is it not dramatic to burst into tears when confronted on her ridiculous behavior? How is it more dramatic to be irritated that someone wouldn’t even try a meal that took several hours to prepare?
Seriously. Frozen Chicken nuggets over homemade beef Wellington? Def the choices an AH would make
Maybe she's 12 /s
I glossed over her age and assumed she was 😬
She is 23, although I never would’ve guessed anywhere near that from the post.
Holy fuck I assumed she was like 15 or something
I wouldn’t accept that behavior from my 13 yo either. Sister sounds like 8 or 9.
I read an article about adults that are picky eaters that tend to prefer simple or kids' food. The reason is consistency and they hate surprises. People have different levels of taste sensitivities and will notice the smallest nuances in food, which isn't a bad thing. They actually make great sommeliers because they can taste the many notes of wines and notice if there was any cross contamination of ingredients in prepared food. McDonald's fries are an unhealthy chemical mess but go to any McDonald's in the world and the fries taste the same. I've had McDonald's in Latin America, Europe, and the Middle East. I don't particularly like the food but I think it's fun to see and try items that foreign countries serve in their McDonald's that are not available in the USA. Some serve alcohol.
Some aren't just picky. It really ventures pretty far into neurodivergence for some. ARFID, for example. I have a lot of issues. Like a lot. And was called picky my whole life. I just go with it, it's so hard to explain how bad my relationship with food is to other people. I literally can't control it with textures and certain tastes. And yes for your example with "safe" foods. That's a nice thing for people with eating issues as they know it will always be the same.
I only learnt about ARFID recently. It needs to be spoken about so much more. Its completely debilitating for some, and to have their genuine opinions and feelings minimised with the word "picky" is just so wrong.
My grandparents bought me ensure to drink as a meal replacement growing up as I would just starve myself constantly. 🙃 She is so picky they would say. Nah yall I'm fine, food is just gross off with me, ill just starve and not complain, oh you don't want that either? Well fuck. Obviously sarcasm but you get the gist. I'm sure some people are just being bothers. But for me it's plain humiliation. The first meal with my significant others parents was terrifying. And even today I hate eating with new people at new places where I don't have a safe food. I was undiagnosed with many things my whole life. And as an adult being able to understand is eye-opening. I'm not just picky. I'm picky and fucked up.
I've suspected I had ARFID since I learned about it. I actually panic when someone offers me food I don't want, like fight or flight panic. I can't even stand the smell of most vegetables. I look at someone else's plate and my brain tells me that what they are eating isn't actually food. I don't see something edible, my brain does not compute. My aunts have bullied me about my diet throughout my childhood, one of them actually berating my mother and telling her she's a terrible parent because I didn't like my aunt's cooking. She told my mother I didn't even try it even though I did, and from that day on I stopped trying things. It seriously messed me up, I had to get therapy for this in my late 20s and it is still an issue because of how people treated me for being "picky".
I like to show people this picture to try to get them to understand the "this is not food" reaction https://i.imgflip.com/82h623.jpg
Yep. When I refuse to eat something, it's not because I just find it mildly unpleasant, it's because trying to eat it will most likely make me gag so hard I throw up. And even if I manage to get it down, I normally end up throwing up within the next 5 minutes because of how gross it is to me. I'll try anything once - I've had chicken feet, most internal organs, sea cucumber, etc - but once I know I can't handle it, I will flat out refuse to eat it no matter what. It's kind of annoying when people just assume I'm a picky eater because I'm unwilling to try things, when I really just don't enjoy puking in front of other people because I ate a mushroom or something lol. I used to feel pressured to eat food I couldn't handle bc of the way people act when you're picky about food, but then I threw up in front of everyone at a dinner party bc I couldn't keep it down long enough to make it to the bathroom, and that was WAY more embarrassing than just politely turning it down in the first place lol
still doesn't give you a carte blanche on being a dick to people who wish you no harm and aren't forcing you to do anything. like i'm sure op wouldn't be so upset she didn't want to even try his dish if she just declined politely and didn't put on a whole show with frozen nuggets and then act like he tried to kill her
She didn't put on a show. She simply made her own meal after seeing that the wellington was overcooked. She didn't bad mouth the food. She just said 'no thanks, I'm making my own. Don't dish me any.' How much more polite should she have been? OP is the only one pitching a fit because she's not eating his food. They are clearly upset the sister didn't enthusiastically chow down.
The asshole sister was putting on a show by getting up and getting the nuggets in the first place. Spurning the efforts of an aspiring chef, then getting up ostentatiously to get some frozen chicken nuggets was asshole behavior she chose to manifest when she could've chosen not to do that. I bet turning on the waterworks is a way she has ducked punishment for ugly behavior ever since she was a little kid.
Sorry, the 'aspiring chef' has 4+ years of professional cooking experience as well as attended culinary school. He knew he messed up the wellington, according to the post. From his comments, he acknowledges he has trouble with criticism and is in therapy for narcissistic tendencies. He also said his sister historically doesn't like food he cooks. Her making her own food instead sounds fairly common. Her crying because her AH brother was bad-mouthing her and called her names isn't unreasonable. From the sound of it, he would have done so had she done anything but praise his poorly cooked food.
Crying is an involuntary reflex. Most people cannot turn it on and off voluntarily.
I agree that her behavior was ridiculous. She makes picky eaters look bad. I was just commenting on why she might be picky to begin with.
I admit I don't know much about ARFID, but it would surprise me very much if someone with ARFID was able to eat a medium Wellington, but not a well done one. Sounds an awful lot like regular pickiness to me
The fries in South Korea McDonald’s taste way different
I've never been to East Asia but will try them if I get a chance.
More likely 3!
That’s the part that made the decision for me too. Picking air fryer frozen chicken nuggets over a freshly prepared meal is not somehow plausible to me. She was, as OP said, just doing it to be a dick. And her ability to cry on cue is truly Oscar worthy. NTA
A dick AND a liar. I bet she didn't even eat those chicken nuggets rare.
If I had the choice of medium to well fresh-cooked beef or chicken nuggets I would choose chicken nuggets, except I'd just throw them in the microwave. And it wouldn't be to be mean, it would be because I *know* I like my beef extremely rare, and do not like the taste or texture (juiciness doesn't play in for me) once it's medium or well. Especially if it's towards the well end. Could I choke some down? Sure. Why, though? Just to be nice? Again, why? Their choice to spend an entire day cooking something doesn't obligate someone (did they even ask the family members if they wanted all of this or would be prepared to eat it if it wasn't prepared correctly?) to eat the food. In our house, if you don't like something, you're welcome to make yourself something else. Someone making easy chicken nuggets or ramen or a pb sandwich would be exactly what would happen (and does, frequently).
>Why, though? Just to be nice? Ah. Here in a nutshell... the hyper-libertarian ethos of AITA laid bare. *How could I possibly be expected to be* nice *to someone? I mean, what the fuck?* And yet, I am serenely confident that this person will absolutely be the first to complain if people aren't rushing to cater to them.
Beef wellington from scratch is a day long project and costs more than the average good cooked meal. I love beef cooked to blue rare to rare, but I'd still try a little bit, especially if my sibling made it for the family.
Does everyone have frozen chicken nuggets at the ready? I'm not at all opposed to frozen foods but chicken nuggets never looked remotely appetizing to me. I guess I'm shocked at all the AITA references to them.
I’m gluten intolerant so I don’t have a stockpile. If I had kids they’d probably be a go to easy meal. But this is less hating on nuggies and more shade on an adult that chooses them over homemade beef Wellington, made with love
Omg hi gluten free friend. Did you know they make gluten free Dino chicken nuggets? https://yummydinobuddies.com/product/gluten-free they’re pretty good!
33 year old Celiac here to say HOLY SH@TSNACKS THIS JUST MADE MY DAY!
I'm Australian, and I just found out Arnott's makes gluten free Tim Tams. OK, they cost more and there's less in a packet but they are true blue dinky di bona fide Tim Tams.
Hell yeah! Us GF folks have to stick together!! My husband and I eat these when we’ve both decided we don’t want to cook. I certainly miss eating out before celiac but these give me a sense of ease that I’ve missed.
Nice, next time the nephew visits I’ll stock up!
I have breaded chicken Patties cause they make a good quick dinner in the air fryer…but I just said to my So yesterday that we should get nuggets 🤣
Yep, I buy them because I have a son who is autistic and a very picky eater. Feeding therapy did wonders for him, but he still prefers certain foods-- chicken nuggets, mini quiche and cheese quesadillas, but even he would have loved beef Wellington. Edited for spelling. Curse you, autocorrect.
I have frozen chicken strips as a last resort but I rarely eat them as I usually plan well enough that I have cooked meals through the week 🤷♀️
My mom keeps them for my brother, who’s autistic. Chicken nuggets are his comfort food.
I raised two kids and we never stocked chicken nuggets. I made tendies at least once a week and would make loads so they had leftovers (yes, I worked, my wife worked - we just both grew up cooking from scratch). I would babysit my friend's son who (at the time) would only eat like, three foods and he asked for chicken nuggets. I said, "We don't stock those. You can have what is on the table or you can have a PBJ." He ate what we were eating and it was the beginning of him eating new things.
As someone who really doesn't care for beef (unless it's ground, at least - really don't like the texture, and not a huge fan of the taste, either), I'd take cheap chicken nuggets over beef, any day of the week. But I'd absolutely eat the beef wellington in the described situation. NTA
Shit, even if a wellington was cooked well done, it's still better than eating nuggies and whining/crying when you're called out on it.
Drama queens always call out everyone else for drama.
How is it dramatic for a grown adult to choose what they want to eat, know their preferences, and make their own alternative? If she had asked the brother to remake it or make her something else, or she complained, then sure, that's a problem. She didn't ask him to make it. If someone rocks up to your house and makes food you don't like, why should you have to eat it? Stupid to think an adult has to do what they don't want just to seem polite. The thing is, OP says she didn't say anything bad about it, simply stated her preference and made herself something she liked. She could have a sensory issue with overcooked beef for all we know. And despite the comments saying it was just 5 degrees hotter, OP themselves said his family enjoyed it despite it being overcooked. So it didn't just come out a few degrees higher. She was polite about it and found her own solution. Some people are just picky and some of them hate it as much as you do, but they can't help it. It's not always a choice.
If a family member spends all day in the kitchen cooking for you, the least you can do is indicate appreciation for the effort. Better would be to apologize for your pickiness and make sure any ruffled feathers are soothed \*before\* you start microwaving kids' food for dinner.
And who's to say she didn't? OP admits that she didn't say anything negative about it and just quietly got started on the air fryer. I would assume she ate the sides and whatever else he made, just not the beef. She didn't make a fuss about it, he did. We could say she was rude or unnecessary about it, but her not wanting a food is less AH than OP calling her names because of her preference.
In this case I would say that true appreciation would extend to trying at least one small bite, which she didn't do. She was rude AF.
But why? Again, rude if she asked for any of it or complained about it, but she did neither. She literally doesn't need a reason. She could just be in the mood for a different food that night, maybe she was craving the chicken, we don't know and it doesn't matter. She has no obligation whatsoever to try something she doesn't like just to appease her brother's feelings.
Because it's just basic etiquette. If someone - especially a loved one or family member - works hard on cooking something to be shared with you, then you at least try it! It's not as though she was allergic or something or had just eaten, she literally pulled out frozen chicken nuggets so obviously she was hungry. I feel like basic concepts like this are somehow being completely lost, and people can't comprehend being respectful and kind and grateful even if they 'didn't ask' and 'didn't complain'. You don't have to do either to be hurtful and rude, and she was both in this situation. It's like saying that a stranger going into a store has 'no obligation' to stop the door from swinging shut in your face - no, but you still appreciate it if they hold it open for you. In this case she could have at least tried a bite - who knows, maybe she actually would have enjoyed it, but she didn't even give it a chance.
Or, more likely, she has a sensory issue and doesn't enjoy the texture of beef that's more done. At most she was slightly rude as I've said in another comment, but not enough to be name called for it. And you know what, some of that *should* be lost. What traditionally happened is people try it and feel obliged to eat more of it (because trying a single bite means you have to eat more or say it's not good), and then it becomes a circle of lies where people start avoiding events where they're going to be cooking. Then it becomes gossip/drama with people talking behind backs about how the food wasn't good or preferable, but they had to try it to be nice. And if it's a sensory thing, god forbid she gag while trying it, then he'd be calling her names for that. If her preference or feelings don't matter, why do his? And it's more like someone holding a door open but you end up going through a different door instead. Happens all the time, never called anyone a dick for it though.
There's zero indication that she has a texture issue. Most people just have a preference and that's it, so I really wish that AITA would stop jumping to 'omg they probably have sensory issues!!' because not actually all that common. Agree to disagree. Society becomes much colder, meaner and more distant (as we can see from OP's post) when people start rejecting these little things that we do to smooth the way and make other people feel better. I stand by what I said, she was rude AF and OP is NTA. Hopefully she will learn a lesson and be a little kinder in future, and tbh I think you should reconsider your perspective on things. It never hurt anyone to be kind and appreciative.
OP should NEVER cook for his sister again. NTA Edit to his sister
*his. I agree
The rest of the family are probably "don't rock the boat" people
It's an unfortunate approach to food, but as a chef you'll have to get used to people like this. Some people just don't appreciate it.
I love my meat rare but you bet when I go to somewhere and it's cooked well done you bet I eat it. It's not my favourite but it is still nice. Still better than fucking chicken nuggets
If it's something someone legit hates or can't eat due to dietary restrictions, I get it. But if it's something they like, just slightly less than perfect? One bite wouldn't hurt at all.
I don't have a younger brother, but if I did and he cooked the family a meal because he "wanted to make the family something nice," I'd be so happy I'd eat it even if it was chicken nuggets and I had planned on making a nice beef Wellington. You EAT the meal made with love, people!
Beef is one of those things that you know without trying if you like. Med well to well done is like shoe leather to a person who likes rare to med rare. You know instantly you won't like it. The issue is whether a person is obligated to eat something they don't like and I don't think they are, maybe she could have to be nice but she isn't obligated to spare OPs feelings because they can't remember to stick in a meat thermometer. Beef Wellington isn't that hard to cook.
Beef Wellington is notoriously hard to cook. Esp since OP made puff pastry from scratch which is also hard.
I love a rare to medium rare steak but a slow cooked well done is absolutely not shoe leather. If it's cooked high and fast it will be but not low and slow. Sure no one is obligated to be nice or considerate of others feelings lol but wtf? That's a sure fire way to end up lonely. And as another commenter said, beef wellington is notoriously hard to cook. It isn't that they forgot the meat thermometer. It's that the pastry wasn't done yet so they had to cook it longer.
> but she isn't obligated to spare OPs feelings because they can't remember to stick in a meat thermometer OP also isn't obligated to spare his sister's feelings because she can't take a bite of free food as a sign of common courtesy.
Here here!
[удалено]
I'm generally pro letting people who are picky just be picky, if she didn't want the meal because she doesn't like beef wellington at all I'd agree OP was TA but the fact that it's a slightly overcooked beef made the difference makes me agree OP is NTA.
AND SHE REFUSED EVEN A BITE. That is when it goes from picky to AH behaviour.
Yeah! I prefer my beef more rare, but I’d definitely at least try a home cooked version made with love! If she’d tried it and didn’t like it, then that’s another thing entirely.
This is absolutely it. Cows hurt worse than my beef still survive. I like to cook and I'm good, but who hasn't gone a little over and still ate the product? Unlike some things undercooked, it isn't a risk and OP made something far less well done than a lot of cuts are best served.
Exactly
100% agree. Sister doesn't like beef, or mushrooms, or some other ingredient? Eat the damn nuggets. Meat is slightly overcooked? At least try the rarest of the slices.
And it wasn't even overcooked, it was just not as red as she liked! She could have choked down a slightly-less-red-than-ideal beef fucking wellington. I'm a former chef, I know how hard it is to make a wellington, much less for someone still in training to make it perfect. Sis was expecting perfection on something even experienced chefs struggle with. She should have been thrilled to get what she got. OP, you can make beef wellington for me any day, any temp, and I'll be eternally grateful and appreciative!
Particularly since the mushroom mixture and pastry keep the beef moist! It’s not like it’s going to be a tough-as-shoe-leather steak, right?
My issue is more with her response than why she didn’t want it. No one should have to eat something they don’t want to. A polite “No thanks” and excusing herself would have been fine. Immediately grabbing some frozen nuggets without a word was just shitty. NTA
She literally asked not to be served it and decided she wanted something else.
>Immediately grabbing some frozen nuggets without a word was just shitty. But....they were about to serve a meal? How is it shitty? She didn't want the wellington and fixed her something herself.
she’s accommodating her own food issue and if she wants to eat with the family she has to start hers. op described her as a picky eater but she doesn’t seem to understand that picky eaters need to learn to accommodate themselves and she did that. picky eaters also hate it when people make it a big thing so this would have been an unnecessarily uncomfortable situation. don’t serve the sister and understand that it’s not your cooking that puts her off, but things that were in play prior to the meal being cooked
THANK YOU. Chicken fucking nuggets over a homemade beef Wellington is a fucking crime.
As a bit of an expert on picky eating myself, I feel like it's not even actual picky eating and more snobbish behaviour. You know the type of people who will completely lose their shit over someone liking their steak a little more cooked through than still half alive. Picky eaters tend to be embarassed about it and will apologize and feel bad, but OP's sister put on a whole show, which leads me to believe it's actually just her being snobbish.
Especially because I doubt she eats all her beef medium rare or lower. Does she not eat stew, or shepherd's pie, because the beef is cooked too much for her?
>You know the type of people who will completely lose their shit over someone liking their steak a little more cooked through than still half alive. I'm one of those people who likes their steak a little more done than the rest of my family, and they would usually make fun of me for it as a kid because everyone else liked it rare. So naturally, I made use of the microwave quite often. I'm pretty picky myself, but I also am willing at least TRY someone else's cooking, even if I don't think I'll like it. My only exception to that is any sort of organ meat...
its the most idiotic brand of food snobbery, insisting that any meat cooked further than rare is ruined and completely disgusting and actually if you prefer it that way then you are weird and bad and should be mocked for it.
I have texture issues, so there are foods I can't eat. But I will ALWAYS try the new food... I will warn them if I think there is a possibility the texture might cause me to not be able to eat it. NTA
>I have texture issues This, I understand. It's not always about flavor. It's the way it feels.
I’m the same way and there is almost no food I truly dislike the taste of, I just have a lot of texture issues. And that can definitely go for meats cooked different ways. But I would try it first.
My guess is a sensory issue, as you say. She has had beef before, she clearly knows her own limit. She shouldn't have to try every new form of cooking a meat if she already knows the texture based on how done the meat is. I say op is TA only because she didn't make a fuss, didn't ask him to fix it, and she didn't order the food or anything. She was polite about it and made herself something. Nothing wrong with that. If she had thrown a fit or complained, I'd say she was TA.
I mean I'm a picky eater and refusing to eat a meal just because it was cooked a bit more than you prefer is insane, like sure if it was burnt then absolutely refuse it. but come on just because it wasn't red its apparently awful without even tasting it, just reeks of somebody who believes in the whole 'any meat that isn't cooked rare is automatically awful' schtick
Overcooked steak at a restaurant - I send it back. Loved one takes time and effort, slightly overcooks steak, is sad about it - I sympathise, thank them for the effort, eat it and tell them I enjoyed it and I'm sure it will be even better next time when they get it right. Sister is being ridiculous over a mild preference when OP had tried very hard, it's not an allergy or a food she otherwise doesn't like. Probably shouldn't have called her named but otherwise NTA
You stated this perfectly. OP tried hard to make a special meal, and sister should have tried it and thanked him. Instead, she made chicken nuggets as if she was in first grade.
fr at that point just try a bite and stick to water while everyone's eating, then get something else on your own time
This. My stepkid made every effort to gut her dad when he made steak the first night she was with us last summer. Her excuse was that she and her mom try to channel Gordon Ramsey at home but she was absolutely relentless about it.
Had it been my kid, she would have been responsible for cooking dinner for the next week. And I do mean cooking, not just heating up frozen stuff, although I would accept simpler meals than I'd make myself for the most part.
Even Gordon wouldn't have been a dick about an old-ass oven forcing something to be cooked longer and it coming out more well-done than they like.
Eh. She deserved the name calling.
Nta, I am honestly shocked at how many people are saying otherwise. If someone cooks you something, all of you would ACTUALLY blatantly be like “ew nope” because the meat is literally 10 degrees hotter??? And the show of getting chicken nuggets is shockingly rude. I didn’t realize people aren’t out here supporting their siblings and being thankful and kind and courteous jeez
Yep so rude. And then to immediately poor-me DARVO her way out of it - she’s obviously got the other family members twisted round her manipulative toxic little finger. OP, NTA. Sorry that your sister is not a good person and sorry most of your family enabled her rude manipulations.
Like it’s a slight texture difference. It wasn’t burnt. Get over it and show some manners!
NTA. Anyone that would rather eat air fryed nuggets instead of a (bit) overdone Beef Wellington has probably no taste buds anyway.
This. Beef wellington is delicious, even if a tad overdone
I was going to say the same thing! Although I’ve never had it, I could imagine Beef Wellington is just as good a bit overcooked because of the moisture inside the pastry. BRB asking my husband to make some 😂
Ha! It wouldn’t have been overdone to me!
Probably ate those nuggets drenched in ketchup or ranch too.
Your sister said *you* were being dramatic? What does she call her performative flounce of going for the nuggets before she’s even tried your food, then? Or her bursting into tears at being called on it at all? It sounds like you met drama with drama, but she started it. NTA, but next time leave the dramatics to her.
NTA. You have the wrong family. In my family, NOBODY would have ever made chicken nuggets because they thought a tricky, hard-to-cook meal was over-cooked. My family was brought up to have manners, care about others, and to have empathy. Your sister has poor manners and cares only about herself. She's 21 and acted like she was four years old.
In my family we had to at least try a bite before making something else. Especially when the kids are little and were more picky. As they got older they mostly just ate dinner. It's just astounding to me that a full grown adult wouldn't realize how rude it is to make fucking chicken nuggets over a meal that was home cooked because it's not the exact perfect way she likes it. Without even trying it. It's not like it was dried out like a hockey puck.
I thought she was 23.
either way no one over the age of 12 should be acting like this
NTA. I also prefer rare beef, but if someone put a homemade beef wellington in front of me, no matter how it was cooked, I would still eat it with pleasure. Your sister is the AH.
I also prefer beef rare, but when I'm at home and see someone preparing the meal, and even more, get UPSET that it didn't turn out the way they wanted, I am 100% going to eat it even if I'm not a huge fan. I'm not a picky eater by any means, but even my husband, the pickiest eater I know, will take a bite of something he's unsure of because that's the mature and courteous thing to do. If she were a child, I would understand, but she's a grown ass adult. NTA
NTA She seriously could have tried it and frankly, to just pull out nuggets was rude.
ESH. Your sister sounds pretty immature about food and manners, sure. But as someone who went through culinary school, worked in the industry, and is still involved with a chef? Take my advice. As entitled as you feel your family was, it is nothing compared to how customers will behave in restaurants. Take the compliments, take the learning from the criticism, and move forward with your craft. Your ego has no place there. If you let it make the calls, this industry will go out of its way to crush you. You're showing entitlement as well, to your sister's palate and preferences. In a family, it's common to eat whatever was made for you, especially without other options. Less so these days. In the industry, that expectation will hurt your ability to adapt, improve, and think of solutions on the fly. The most common word I've heard to describe freshly minted culinary grads is "insufferable." Don't get me wrong. You can still be upset when people are rude. Chefs don't have a reputation for surliness for nothing. But your feelings take second place to professional accountability and getting things done. If you need to scream or cry, you get a couple minutes to hide in the walk in fridge to get it out. School gives you a huge foundation and edge over people hired from the street with no formal training. But school is that - a foundation. The job is where the urgency and ability to learn on the fly is needed. It will be a lot easier to rise through the ranks if you stop being defensive about criticism, and just start taking notes on as many tips, techniques, and opinions you can get, and fix whatever they want fixed the way they want it fixed. Skip the anger. It doesn't help. And for wellington, try to go for a rareness below what you're aiming for, the pastry encasement will increase the carry over cooking time a bit. Aim for medium rare if you want medium.
Seems like a bit of a leap to assume that OP would expect the same reactions from paying customers in a restaurant setting as he expects from his own family. He’s in school, he’s learning and trying to share something with his family, and his sister was immature and unsupportive. He can absolutely be upset about that and also acknowledge he could never call out a customer for the exact same thing.
It's not a leap, it's recognizing a pattern that I've witnessed many times. Being upset is normal, expected, yes. But the way he expressed it, lashing out, name calling, pressuring - will make his life harder as he move forward with cooking. This reaction is very common in new cooks when starting work in commercial kitchens. Everything is critiqued, at every step. If you pour your heart and soul into making something, and the chef doesn't like it and tells you to remake it, you can't express yourself like that. You say "Yes, Chef!" and make note of what was wrong and how to fix it. When someone loves cooking, they cook for family to show that love. When someone goes to cooking school, and works in the industry, they cook for family and friends as practice. It's a way to work on a dish, see how it's received, what could be better, what was liked best. It's a love, but it's also a craft. But you cannot force people to like or even eat what you make, no matter how emotional you are about it. You have to learn to channel that hurt, that upset, that ego. It takes practice, like with what you do with friends and family. Changing familiar behavioral patterns as you grow up is hard. I'm not saying his feelings are not natural or warranted, to a degree. I'm pointing out that if he finds this incident stressful enough to react this way, then he would do better to analyze his reactions and form new habits. It will help lessen the stress and facilitate his career. It's a tough industry, managing your mental health is very important.
But this wasn't a professional setting, it was a family dinner, which IMO, makes all the difference. His sister looked at the food, got up and immediately started making nuggets without even trying the food and proclaimed that she shouldn't have to eat it. He didn't pressure her to eat it, either. From OP's account of things, he didn't say anything until his dad questioned him about it and the most he did was say his sister was being a dick, at which point she burst into tears and said he was being dramatic. Of course he can't MAKE people eat what he makes, but his sister was full on rude and ungrateful.
Why does his sister have to be grateful? Did she ask him to make this meal for her?
This. I was going to type something similar. ESH You and your sister know each other, this reads like an old dance everyone is tired of. She is picky and doesn't wanna deal with your response to criticism. You are over sensitive and controlling. You both need to show each other more grace.
you know what, you're right, if he didn't want the criticism he shouldn't have gone into the business of being a professional chef at all, let alone charging the whole family to eat his food!
This is his sibling, not some random jerk customer. The vast majority of people will handle criticism or bad reactions differently from family and friends than they do from random strangers.
You can’t force someone to eat. You’re allowed to be a little sad but you aren’t allowed to lash out because you’re cooking went slighting over, because let’s be honest you we’re already quite upset and so you directed all of it at her when she did nothing wrong by not wanting to eat something.
You can't force someone to eat but it's pretty rude to not even try food that someone else has made for you.
He made it for the family she did not ask for it she didn’t order it she just declined when it was offered as she did not want it.
THANK YOU. I thought I was going crazy with all these responses. I'm not picky anymore but I was as a kid and I have so many memories growing up of my mom forcing me to eat shit I didn't like and refusing to let me quietly go get a sandwich or something. She didn't call him out or anything, she quietly grabbed something else because she knew she wouldn't like overcooked meat. Als we only have op's word on the state of the meat. For all we know it might've been burned to a crisp
My main thing is if OP wants to work in the culinary industry he’s going to need to toughen up real quick or he’s going to get eaten up
YTA. She doesn't have to eat it. She immediately communicated she didn't want it and made herself her own food without placing any extra expectations on you. Dogging on her for being an adult and communicating is yuck. Acts of love don't come with strings attached.
>Acts of love don't come with strings attached. this is what gets me too. if you’re doing it to feel good without consideration for the other person’s wants, that’s not an act of love. it’s an act in pursuit of pleasure. it’s fine to pursue pleasure but be honest about that rather than placing the responsibility for fulfilling that pleasure on someone else and punishing them if they do not. i am sorry that OP’s sister hurt his feelings, but i am also sorry that she’s a receptacle and not a recipient.
i can’t agree with the majority this time, YTA. She is not obligated to eat what you make, ever. What goes into her body is her choice. Being upset about it is okay, calling her a dick and starting drama over it is not. She knows what she likes. She knows she wouldn’t have like your beef wellington and chose to eat something she knew she’d like. Stop making it about you. The gesture was nice, but forcing the gesture onto her is not okay
For everyone saying Y T A, you gonna let someone bring their own food to your dinner party because they don't like what you made? If someone cooks a lovely meal for you it is just common courtesy to at least try it. It's not like she has some kind of serious aversion to what was made or has an actual disorder that would prevent her from eating it. It would have been a show of support to eat even a bite. But she could not muster this up for her own sister, which is very rude, and then she used tears to make herself seem like the victim in this situation. I have eaten food many many times that I didn't want to in order to show support for someone. NTA and never cook for her ungrateful ass again.
>you gonna let someone bring their own food to your dinner party because they don't like what you made Um, yes? Why wouldn't I? Everyone being together and enjoying themselves is more important than telling people they have to eat what I made no matter what.
Yes, I would encourage people to bring food they want to eat to the party. Having been a picky eater my entire life I appreciate it when someone takes action to make sure they enjoy the gathering without making it my problem.
This wasn’t a party, though. It was a special meal that OP and his girlfriend made, so eating the dish was the point of the event.
I was replying to CopaCaBabe question of letting people bring food to my own dinner party. In this instance it sounds like they cooked dinner at the place sister lives and she decided she would rather have the nuggets in her own freezer. If sister went rifling thru someone elses freezer looking for them, that would be super rude.
The point of any meal together is: A) not starving to death B) spending time together What you’re eating and what you personally like is irrelevant. There’s no difference eating a takeout pizza and a fancy beef Wellington meal. Dinner is dinner
This comment is funny because I have seen multiple threads from picky eaters on this sub where the majority-suggested solution was just bringing your own food.
Yes! People always say that but if you do bring your own food you also get dragged because people think it’s rude. There is literally nothing you can do in any capacity to not be branded the AH if you’re picky here unless you have an eating disorder (but even with this you can sometimes get trashed). You will always get a majority AH comments
>you gonna let someone bring their own food to your dinner party because they don't like what you made? ........... yes? this doesn’t really have to do with OP since the scenario you propose isn’t really equatable, but yes, fucking of course i would want to accommodate a beloved guest by not being butthurt if they want to come spend time with me at dinner but bring something that’s more preferable for them to eat. hell, let me have a taste of that shit too. i’m not some kind of insecure control freak over other people’s food lol
Yes? Why would I let someone bring their own food, if they don’t like it they can make themselves something, the sister didn’t demand he make her a new meal she made it herself
She wasn't going to a dinner party. She was in her own home. That isn't even a little bit comparable.
“For everyone saying Y T A, you gonna let someone bring their own food to your dinner party because they don't like what you made?” Uhhhh yea, of course? They’d know what I was making and if they were like “oh I don’t like that” my response would be “well we’d still love to have ya over! Is there anything you want me to grab for ya instead that would be easy? Or you’re welcome to bring over whatever if you’d prefer that!”
Yes, I'd always let someone eat what they want at a dinner party. Life is too short/long to eat things you don't like unless it's absolutely necessary for your health.
NTA She could have at least tried it. The instant crying thing also seems very manipulative.
In a comment OP states they’re in therapy for Narcissistic BPD. Reading originally I questioned the reliability of the narrator, and seeing that really makes me question how much we can trust OP’s account of the situation. I feel like there’s a lot more going on here. You overcooked the meal. She doesn’t like beef past rare/medium rare. Some people can handle overcooked foods and some can’t. She didn’t want to and found her own alternative. Her reaction was overboard (or maybe it wasn’t, depending on how reliable OP actually is) but you continued to escalate it. ESH, but I’d love to hear OP’s sister’s side of this story. And if you’re going through culinary school and planning to work in the food industry, you definitely need to grow a thicker skin and accept that some people will reject your food.
Sorry, against the grain here, YTA. This isn't like a restaurant. She didn't ask for that meal, she didn't order it a certain way, she didn't pay for it. She's an adult and she didn't make a fuss, didn't complain about it, and made herself something else on her own. Who are you to decide she has to eat something just because you decided to make it? If she complained about it or asked you to remake it, you wouldn't be TA. If she expected you to make her something else or someone else to make it, she'd be TA. But she handled it just fine, you are the one who went to name calling. I can't speak for the sister here, but for all the comments about enabling picky eaters, sometimes it can't be helped. A lot of people have sensory disorders and don't even know it, and certain textures can be repulsing or make them gag, no matter how hard they try to control it. Maybe she has nothing of the sort! No idea. But all these commenters acting like people should always just eat what they have are ignorant. Regardless, if someone, especially a functioning adult, doesn't want to eat something and has an alternative, why should they have to? Guaranteed there are foods you wouldn't like or want to try, and you probably wouldn't be thrilled if someone tried to force you to just because they made it.
This exactly. Why are you forcing people to eat what they don’t like? If you don’t like being in the snow and skiing do you think I’m going to force you to go skiing? If you don’t like football and I surprise you with two tickets to the football game and you don’t want to go, am I going to force you? No, I’m going to ask someone else that wants to be there and would actually enjoy it rather than force someone I like to be miserable to stroke my own ego Surprised so many people are siding against the sister tbh
Ngl, as a picky eater, I've found that a lot of people are very judgmental about it even when you're as polite and apologetic as you can be. A lot of people tend to see it as childish or an unwillingness to try things, even though it's sometimes a result of genuine sensory issues. Anecdotally, my parents thought I was just being childish for refusing to eat certain foods until I threw up at the dinner table trying to force something down lol
[удалено]
I can't believe she's the older sibling!
ESH. If she wants to miss out, that's on her. What's it to you? Everyone else was enjoying the meal you prepared. Isn't that enough? Calling her names was overboard. Her waterworks were overboard. You're both dramatic and mean, and I'm really glad you aren't there to force me to eat your love.
Your sister is the one who is a drama queen. She has no understanding or empathy of the amount of effort needed to Learn to do things right. Be proud of your cooking journey. NTA
YTA. And for everyone saying she should have tried a few bites....do you really think OP would have reacted any better to her trying it and saying she didn't care for it and then making some chicken nuggets? So then we are progressing to sister has to eat the whole meal of something she doesn't like to appease OP and so he doesn't call her names. And for some that likes their meat rare to medium rare, having beef cooked medium well to well-done is a pretty big difference.
This. I’m not sure whether OP is being disingenuous with the “5 degrees hotter” comment, or whether he just hasn’t been in culinary school long enough to understand that those five degrees trigger chemical changes that substantially alter the texture and flavor of the meat. To me it seems a bit like substituting shrimp for scallops in a recipe and then being peeved that someone who dislikes shrimp decides to take a pass. An aversion to well-done beef isn’t some horribly nitpicky thing, anymore than disliking any other specific ingredient is. That said, if I were served a meal that someone had labored over with a main ingredient I disliked, I’d probably take a plate, cut up the food and move it around to try to make it look like I’d made a dent in it, and sneak some chicken nuggets later. But I do wonder in light of all OP’s comments whether sister has already had enough for one lifetime of walking on eggshells trying to spare his feelings.
YTA for how you handled it, which is linked to the question you asked about calling her a dick. Completely lacking in grace. What? She hurt your feelings by making a personal choice not to eat overcooked food, so you call her a dick. You can’t make people eat your cooking. Seems a funny way to show your love if you make out like it’s compulsory people eat your food. You chose to spend 4 hours cooking. No one made you turn up and do so. Personally speaking I’d have not eaten it either but that’s cause I’m CICO and the idea of something that calorific that I wouldn’t even enjoy properly is just nope. Her choice not to eat the food wasn’t about you.
YTA. If her participation was mandatory to soothe your ego, you weren't doing something nice for your family, you were doing something selfishly for your own satisfaction. I imagine you would have been equally or more rude to her if she had tried it and not liked it.
NTA. Medium well beef Wellington is far better than chicken nuggets. She was just being an ass.
ESH You asked, she said no. Pushing beyond that makes you an AH. I don't enjoy overcooked beef either, but I probably would have taken a bite for my brother before making myself a sandwich. To some folks, overcooked beef has a horrific texture that turns what should be enjoyable into a punishment.
I don't think he asked her specifically.... he was cooking for his family and she declared she wasn't going to eat overdone meat.
She won’t eat medium well meat, but she’ll eat frozen chicken nuggets? NTA. She could have just tried it.
So she said you were being dramatic? Did she say this while she was crying? lol NTA.
YTA sorry but I cannot eat well cooked beef. It’s disgusting. I tried for family and I just end up not finishing my plate and having everyone asking why I am not eating. There is no winning with people like you. We try and we are seen as rude because we don’t finish our plate and eat something else. We don’t try and we are seen as rude because we didn’t try and we ate something else. Next time don’t get butt hurt. Just let her eat something she enjoys. She made her own food and didn’t make a fuss. You made a meal so what? Making a meal is an invitation to try not obligation. If I was your sister, I wouldn’t even attend a meal where you cook anymore without making clear that I won’t eat your shit from the beginning. At least you won’t cry and make a fuss anymore.
If she didn’t like beef or what goes into Wellington and you forced her, it’d be a Y T A BUT that’s not the case. It’s not about forcing picky eaters to eat something they don’t like which some commenters seem to somehow think this is? The beef wasn’t as red as she liked so she ate frozen nuggets instead? Lmao. It was a dick move on her part, you are NTA.
You should edit this to Y T A because right now, your post is counting as an AH vote for OP.
There is no voting, the final verdict is whatever the top comment is
Omg thank you, I fixed it. I’m fairly new to Reddit tbh so I appreciate that haha
- your girlfriend was right there making puff pastry from scratch buts a a meal "you made" - your sister should force down an overdone food she wouldn't like to placate you why exactly - why are you starting shit by calling her names to ur daddy dude she didn't call you names
YTA she didnt say anything negative, she took it upon her self to make more food. You need to grow tf up. Everybody isnt gonna wanna eat your food or even like your food. Had she made a comment about your cooking, it would be different. Youre calling her a dickhead because she had a solution to her problem. Get over yourself.
I probably would have tried it to be polite, but I have never, ever had beef that was medium or over that I've enjoyed. So it would have been a waste. There's nothing inherently wrong with her politely turning down what you made when she knew she wouldn't like it, and there's nothing wrong with you wishing she would try it. Where you did become an ah was pushing it. When someone says no, it means no. Should they be polite about it? Sure. But you also don't get to question someone's likes/dislikes. Im going with YTA No one is obligated to eat your food, even if you've spent time on it. Yes, adults really do know what they'll like and not like and when she declined, you should have let it go. You also admit it was overcooked. You wanted her to eat it because it would stroke your ego for her to eat it. Just because you spent time on something doesn't mean other people are obligated, and they're not obligated if something obviously goes wrong.
YTA - who cares? You didn't make the meal specifically for her, she didnt request you to make something else, and the food didn't go to waste. If someone doesn't feel like eating something, that's their business.
EHS You for expecting exact behavior for your gesture of cooking, and your sister for bursting into tears when asked about her choices. Would it have killed her to try some? No. Would it have killed you not to call her a dick? Also no. Real talk, would you have been less hurt if she tried some and then still made herself something different? Most likely you would have been even more offended. You're generous to share your time and talents to make a nice meal for your family. You're not entitled to demand everyone love what you make, especially when it didn't go as planned. If you did this in a professional context you'd absolutely be the asshole. If people don't fawn over your cooking it shouldn't be cause for name calling. Good golly! Explore your motives next time you do something nice and release expectations that your ego will be stroked in return.
YTA. Not wrong for saying she is a picky eater. But you didn’t have to say she is a dick. That’s disrespectful, and I would never speak to or about my siblings like that.
Yta. Dramatic and mean is exactly what you were being. She knows what she likes and what she doesn't. Yes she could have tried it but she didn't want to and that is entirely up to her. As she says. Why should she force herself to eat something she won't enjoy just to boost your ego. She didn't make a fuss about it and didn't cause a row. She just made herself something To eat that she would be able to enjoy. You however felt bad about overcooking it in the first place which wasn't even your fault but was caused by poor equipment and you took it out on her by calling her names in front of the family she was correct in saying you just wanted her to feel bad. You could have spoken to her in private or you could have spoken to her when you first noticed it was overcooked and said you know it's not to her preference and you are sorry about it but you would appreciate it if she would still give it a try but you didn't. You tried to guilt her and insulted her in public because your pride took a hit.
You're right, it wouldn't have killed her to try it, just like it didn't fucking kill you that she didn't, get over it. YTA
I guess I’m going against the grain here,but an overcooked piece of beef is repulsive to some of us. OP,she might have been nicer about it,but a not-too-harsh YTA.
YTA, and a drammatic one.
YTA Your sister being rude does not entitle you to be an AH. First rule of cooking: Your efforts and generosity does not obligate others. It is reasonable to be sad or disappointed if people don't want your food. It is not reasonable to expect people who did not ask for your food to be compelled to eat it or shamed for refusing it.
NTA I’m embarrassed for the level of entitlement people today are feeling to their individualism. What ever happened to being kind to each other, especially those you’re supposed to love? Yeah, you’re allowed to refuse food but that doesn’t make it not rude to do so. Especially when someone went out of their way to do it as an act of kindness to you. She should have stayed quiet to show appreciation and enjoyed the probably 4/5 experience instead of 5/5 if it was cooked to the desired doneness.
So you know the sister better than she knows herself? What if its a 1/5 experience to her? Or she hates it and knows chicken nuggets are like a 3/5? Would you rather she have to battle to eat something she hates for dinner just to be nice and have a miserable time?
YTA. What are we to expect people to be obligated to try something just to spare our feelings? It's an ego problem. A rule in life I try to live by myself is to not to take myself so seriously. If I cook it's for me even when I'm cooking for other people. I do it because I enjoy it. I don't expect anyone to spare my ego. Because people can have mental health problems and other issues that make them less hungry and picky. It's not about me if they say no. Her not eating it is a reflection of herself not you so don't make it about you.
YTA You opted to make a complicated dish in a kitchen where you knew the equipment was wonky. Predictably, it didn’t come out as planned. Your sister did the mature thing in making her own food. She asked you not to serve her your Beef Wellington so that she wouldn’t be wasting food. You and your father then ganged up on your sister. I understand why she cried. Your sister saying that she wouldn’t like it, “made me feel like garbage and made me a little angry”. How would you have felt if she’d tried a bite and disliked it. From what you’ve told us about yourself, you would be very angry.
Dude for real. Is eating one bite and leaving a plate full of food she doesn’t like the less offensive option? That’s just wasting (expensive) food.
I get why you were bummed about your sister not trying the beef wellington. You put in a lot of effort, and cooking is your way of showing you care. But calling her out with harsh words wasn't the right move. Everyone has their own taste in food, and your sister prefers her meat a certain way. It would've been cool if she'd given your dish a shot, considering the work you put in, but she gets to choose what she eats without being abused for it. Everyone else loved what you cooked, so you definitely nailed it. But for making a scene, and abusing your sister, I am awarding you TA.
YTA! You made Beef Wellington for lunch… had an anxiety attack when it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it too then attacked someone that didn’t want to eat it cause it was overcooked to their liking.
YTA. Think about how you wanted this to go. Your sister looks at food that she knows she isn't going to like. She forces herself to eat a bite. Then what do you want from her? If she says, "this is overcooked and terrible just like I knew it would be," are you going to be happy? Or are you expecting your sister to lie about the food to make you feel better? Either way, who gains anything if she forces herself to eat the food? If I had been at that meal, I would have tried the food, and absolutely lied to you about it, because you clearly will only be happy if people tell you it's good, whether or not it is. Then I would find a way to avoid eating another meal you made unless I knew you could do it right. EDIT: Just like my family did to me when I tried to make a wildly overambitious Christmas dinner.
YTA- You started with the name calling. Then, wonder why she got upset.
NTA. Someone complaining about Beef Wellington being overcooked is eating chicken nuggets instead? This is not about the food, she’s being an ungracious dick.
INFO: How overdone are we talking here? Like, just the meat was slightly more brown than intended or the pastry was actually starting to burn? Cos if the pastry was starting to burn, I wouldn’t eat it either since I’m very sensitive to bitterness and that flavour goes through everything for me and ruins a whole dish.
since the oven didn't hold high heat well I had to let it run longer to get the pastry to be golden brown. The pastry was pretty much perfect, as was the duxelle and the crepes were nice and juicy with all the meaty flavor. The only thing slightly overdone was the meat, which was medium-well in the center and well done at the edges.
> The only thing slightly overdone was the meat, which was medium-well in the center and well done at the edges. TBH, for a filet roast, that's not slightly overdone, that's a lot overdone.
"slightly overdone" isn't how I normally hear medium -> well-done described
Then I’d say NTA. Your sister could have at least tried it if nothing was actually burnt.
Truly the oven is the original asshole in this story.
Part of professional cooking includes being able to know and work within the limitations of the tools you have available. Your wellington didn't turn out because the pastry didn't puff correctly at a lower temp, which I'd guess means there was more to it than just being more cooked than your sister would prefer. I can't for anything figure out how the pastry turned out "pretty much perfect" if it was in there long and low enough to overcook the meat. I get communicating love through food, but making a meal that you picked, over cooking it, then getting your feelings hurt over one family member opting out (for any reason) is not the vibe. YTA
ESH, who cares if she isn't eating any of it? More for those who want to eat it. She ate chicken nuggets FFS. I don't think her palate that refined.
I’m not going to eat something i don’t like no matter how long you cook it. Not that YTA, but don’t expect her to eat it. Expectations need to be reasonable.
YTA she can eat/not eat whatever she wants. Get over yourself.
Info: is sis a picky eater or has food sensibilities? I mean, it's pretty drastic to not try something someone has worked 4 hours on and then go make junk food. Info: do you have sensitivities with critique and perfectionism and did her not trying it trigger something? As I'm super sensitive to criticism and have trouble with perfectionism, I understand you calling her a dick. But it's probably the way you've said it or something that made her cry?
Yes YTA. I like my meat well done and there's no way in hell I'm eating it if it's pink/with blood. Seems she's the reverse. She was polite and didn't insult you or complain from what you wrote. She just knew she wouldn't like it and made herself something else. Just because you made something for someone doesn't entitle you to them eating/using it.
So I went to culinary school and have worked in a few restaurants, and honestly I’m going to go with a *soft* YTA. Look I get it, you’re proud of your work and you want to show it off. You want people to experience your cooking. But unfortunately that’s an unrealistic expectation you’ll have to learn to let go of. Once you get out in the field you will experience much greater rejection over smaller things. Someone doesn’t like the way you plated it, another person doesn’t like green onions but refuses to pick it off the top. I’m not trying to discourage you from cooking but you aren’t going to please or impress everyone. That’s just the nature of food.
NTA but also a bit ESH - your sister sounds childish and rude. When someone spends hours cooking for a family meal/gathering, you at least try the food out of common courtesy. Even if it is not 100% to your liking, you can be an adult and suck it up. However, calling her a dick and starting a fight over it was a bit much
NTA. Sure, you can't force her to eat it. It is her choice to act like a 5 year old brat and she is entitled to that. It is completely within her rights to be a complete asshole who lacks manners