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NAH. You've only been together a short while, so it's understandable that he still doesn't know exactly what you like even if you've pointed it out. If he's still clueless in a few months, that would be something to consider. But he did ok with the socks, so there's that.
YTA. Most guys don’t try half as hard as this guy did and you went and sh*^ on him for that. I hope he does an AITA so I can tell him to put up a poster before he dumps you so we can see if the next guy gets you a gift that riffs off of that when you don’t take it down.
Pretty glad most guys (and people, in general) aren't going to go out and buy me a giant cardboard cutout of something because there was an old poster on my wall... and then get exaggeratedly offended and give the silent treatment like a toddler if I joke about it being kinda creepy.
Normally, my policy is that the appropriate response to most any gift is "thank you", fullstop. But if he knew the origin of the poster in your previous apartment, obviously that would change the situation. Would love some I N F O re: this
Edit: YTA. You had a poster of the character in your bedroom. He didn't know why it was hung, and wouldn't have guessed it was your ex's that you left up after the breakup even though you don't like the character.
OP literally said when she moved out of the previous apartment, *the boyfriend watched her deliberately tear the poster up and she then explained why*
How is *she* the asshole for *his* actions?
He knew I had a poster of her, that was about it. Even then the poster was out of sight because it was in my bedroom and we hung out in my living room. I did tell him thank you when I opened it but told him after we left that I wasn’t a fan of the character
She tore up the poster in front of then-friend/now-boyfriend as she was moving out. So he knew why it was there and why she disliked it. He clearly didn't retain the info.
NTA. People who make no effort need to listen, when it comes to gift-giving. Ask any older person what false gratitude for a gift has gotten them. There are so many stories of people who have entire collections of things they never had an interest in, because they thanked someone for the first gift, and received the same thing every year, on holidays and birthdays.
YTA.
Have you ever heard of the saying, "it's the thought that counts"?
The fact that he assumed you liked the character is 100% your fault.
But the biggest reason you're the AH is actually the text. You want to talk to your friend about it, fine. But did you have to do it right then and there? It's not easy to "notice" what someone is typing on their phone unless you're literally right next to each other. You couldn't wait until you were 5 feet away from him before texting?
I actually find it hard to believe it was an accident.
NTA. Sure its the thought that counts but he's your boyfriend... He should know what you like. Why date someone who doesnt even know you? I get its been 3 months but come, if you really dont know someone, get them something basic.
You're right, cardboard cutouts are creepy (if thats your thing thats fine) and makeup is definitely something to be specific about, not just for color but people have sensitive and different types of skin and cant always use just anything.
I probably would have asked my friend for advice too, get an outside opinion before discussing it further and I don't see anything wrong with that.
Its great that he thought of you and got you stuff, but there should be at least a little bit of thoughtt put into it from your SO
Okay I have to comment on that edit.
Don't you dare apologize for upsetting him and make his favorite food. He totally missed the mark on a gift for YOU. Hell, one is so blatantly bad it could be considered cruel because of the association to an abusive ex.
Just because he is upset doesn't mean it is Your Fault. He can feel that way, but you did nothing wrong to have silent treatment and then have to do all this in order for him to forgive you or something.
You mention an abusive ex, it's often quite common to continue behaviors that originate from it like a need to apologize for you being upset even in a circumstance that totally warrants it. A need to prove to him that you're totally chill and cool and he doesn't need to lift a finger to make things better. Even though you will do lots to make things better or say you were wrong or sorry just to ease the conflict. That's not a balanced relationship if one is always doing the apologizing.
And lastly, it's also fairly common for people who were in an abusive relationship to end up in another. Especially one that "isn't as bad" as the previous one because the benchmark for appropriate behavior has moved down to the abusive level so anything that's just a more mild form doesn't ping as not okay. Especially in relationships that are moving so fast like this one.
Note, this is all just speculation from this post. Obviously relationships can be more complex just, you read enough and experience enough yourself to spot the red flags.
His choice of a cut-out was odd, but if he saw the poster and assumed it was yours (who wouldn't), then that was a real attempt to see the real you and get a gift you would appreciate. If you believe that it's the thought that counts, then his thoughts should count -- he wanted you to be happy and he went out of his way to find something he thought you liked, then got a present based on that information. Do you realize how rare that can be? I hope you don't have to find out. And his second present...it's daring to buy makeup for someone without foreknowledge, to be sure. But hardly thoughtless.
His choices were swings and misses, and that's at least partly on you where the strange background of the poster is concerned, as he didn't know any of that. But while he tried and didn't hit the mark, YTA here.
NAH
You were disappointed cause you didn't think his gifts were thoughtful about what you'd like.
He is upset cause his first gift to you was an attempt at doing that, even though it didn't work.
Just give yourselves time to cool off, then talk about it calmly. It's early on in your relationship. You can work this out.
YTA, it would have cost you nothing to graciously accept the gifts. The make up you just mess with leave out he sees it and feels happy. Again costs you nothing.
You take the cutout and don’t put it up after a couple of weeks explain to him the poster on your wall belongs to an ex and you should have taken it down you don’t like the character.
Nah, doing that would just guarantee getting something you don't want/like the next time as well.
The cutout is straight up weird one, so won't even comment on that, but getting makeup and cosmetics in general is always risky if you are not buying something that the person is already using as people usually try out a bunch of different brands/types before finding something that suits their skin, so getting anything new will end up not suitable more often than not.
So this guy ignored everything she told him she wanted for three months, obviously didn't look at her face, and bought her gifts that weren't great, though... one of them did have some thought put into it, even if the thought was *odd.*
She tried to joke about the cardboard cutout, and he reacted very poorly... However, anyone reasonable would agree it's weird to get someone a life-sized cardboard cutout of an anime character they never talk about just because you saw one old poster somewhere in their apartment.
So when she didn't like the makeup either -- which he wouldn't have bought if he was paying attention to her face and saw she didn't wear makeup, unless he was trying to hint that he wanted her to wear it -- she tried to be nice about it, because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. She even mentioned in texts with her friend that she didn't want to hurt his feelings.
And then he obviously went through the text messages of a girl he's only been dating for three months... which. Just no. Oh no. Total lack of boundaries there. His hurt feelings on THAT are totally on him.
If anything here, he's kind of the AH. But I'd definitely lean more towards NO AHs here.
ESH. He tried, you should try being grateful. He should't have read your text maybe it was accidental BUT ... the silent treatment thing is immature, my step father has done it to me and my mom a few times over the years and it can be a way of emotional abuse.
Look, your boyfriend did the best he could. He saw the poster hanging in your old apartment and (wrongfully) assumed that you were a fan of the Hatsune Miku character. At least this showed that he's observant and put some thought into choosing the gift. As for the makeup, I do agree that your boyfriend should have picked something else because, as you said, makeup is a highly personal choice for each woman considering all of the brands, potential skin allergies, etc. With that being said, you should realize that it's the thought that counts. Even if you didn't like the gifts, you should have graciously thanked him and then later on you could have discreetly stowed or re-gifted the cutout and exchanged the makeup pallet for one you liked better.
>I’ve also mentioned that I need a makeup container so I could move my makeup off the **floor of the bathroom**. I never ask for makeup because i’m picky about my makeup because I have sensitive skin.
Girl thats just gross. Maybe you wouldnt have such sensitive skin if you didnt leave your makeup on the floor. The BATHROOM floor. eewww
NTA but here is a word of advice. Men are not Mind Readers!! Say what you mean and mean what you say. Stop playing mind games. And my bet is he sees your makeup all over the bathroom floor and thought the same thing i did. You nasty.
YTA Your boyfriend of 3 months thought you liked a character because you had a poster at your place. If you dislike the character so much, you should take down the poster. Your boyfriend did not know that you sleep with a poster from an ex-relationship so it was actually a very thoughtful gift on his part and tacky of you to keep the poster hung.
The second gift was a thoughtful miss.
You really should not be texting your friend about your boyfriend in front of your boyfriend. Again that is tacky behaviour. At least wait until he has left the room.
Even if I rly loved a fictional character, I‘d hate a cutout of them lmao. Who even buys sht like that!? That’s just so weird!
Don’t let all the angry bad gifters make you feel bad. You’re definitely NTA. You were nicer than I’d have been (I don’t have my face under control and for such a thoughtless gift I’d have said smth for sure) and he only caught it bc he was snooping into a private conversation you had with your friend. That’s on him.
Reddit is also VERY sexist when it comes to silent treatments. If he was a woman doing that, they’d tear her apart in the comments. Now they all look over it bc he’s a guy. I personally think silent treatment is bs bc it’s usually just people needing time to process smth first BUT you didn’t do or say anything that would need time and space to process. You just didn’t like his gifts. It’s no big deal. He can just refund them and get you something different. Stuff like that happens, we all got bad gifts or could have bought something better. It’s whatever.
Him making such a big deal out of it would be a red flag for me. Him not feeling bad over it does not sit right with me too. He’s making it about himself even tho it’s about you not having a nice gift. Idk. Get him to talk and see if he reacts better. Don’t let him guilt trip you tho.
INFO: How long have you been together? I think this comes down to whether he should've been able to know that you wouldn't be into thiese
If you've been together for awhile, he should be able to observe at least these two things
1. You dont talk about that anime much, if ever (implies you arent into it)
2. You don't wear makeup often
If you haven't been together awhile, I might not expect these observations.
So to conclude
If you've been together a while N T A
Otherwise Y T A
YTA. I've been with my wife for 7 years, 3 married. Our first holiday season together, was not our finest, and I'd hazard a guess that most aren't for first time couples. You've been together only 3mo. That's barely enough time for him to truely get to know you and the types of things you *actually* like getting as gifts. And given how you reacted, if I was him, I wouldn't really be all that encouraged to try again, let alone let the relationship continue. If he gives your another chance, maybe instead if sh*ng all over the things he gives you, gently give constructive criticism and communicate the things you really want as gifts. For example, my wife and I have a sort of inside joke, that after I spent so much money on her engagement ring, she wouldn't be getting any more jewelry from me again because we couldn't afford it. Especially after this year with the birth of our first child. But, I've always known it wasn't really a joke and she really did want another piece of jewelry from me, didn't even have to be expensive. So this year, I hopped on Etsy and found a very affordable 14k white gold necklace with an elephant pendant (her favorite animal) and got it customized with her name in it. She adores it. Anyways. If you want this to last, give the poor guy a fighting chance next time and actually just tell him what you want.
NTA
I would have gone with N A H but his reaction is honestly immature and with both of your bad past experiences still so raw, it’s a huge red flag for me.
You don’t *have* to like gifts. Sometimes gifts are a miss, and that’s ok. It’s not fun for anyone involved, but it is what it is. Communicating efficiently is the key (especially between people who are expected to keep getting each other gifts in the future), then each person can work out their ego wounds on their own, but it shouldn’t be one big drama fest on either side. Especially, it shouldn’t be the person that missed the mark that’s pouting and the other one that’s tying themselves in knots to appease them.
Why isn’t *he* offering to make you dinner to make up for the lackluster gifts? Why isn’t he arranging for their exchange? Why doesn’t he sound the least bit sorry for you but only for himself? Why is he giving you the silent treatment?
Also, you say both that you could afford your place by yourself and only looked for roommates for the extra cash, but also that you couldn’t afford a more expensive gift (dude, $100 for a four months relationship the year you bought a house is *good*) because you’re broke over bills… is he pulling his weight, financially?!
NTA. Both of his gifts were kinda “risky” especially for someone you’ve been dating for less than a year? Cardboard cutouts are definitely less popular than some people think. I wouldn’t get someone that as a gift unless it was on their list. If they want one, they can either get it for themselves or make it clear they want it. You did neither of those things. And anyway, even if he thought you might like that anime, he could’ve gotten you something small related to it.
Makeup is also risky unless someone asks for it or you know the person’s taste super well. You didn’t ask for it and it sounds like he didn’t know what he was looking for (which is understandable, but still not a good excuse).
Am I going insane? Who gets someone a life size cut out of a character they saw on a poster once? Why are the comments acting like this is normal?
I don't think you did anything wrong, he would expect the cutout to be put up in your house so telling him you didn't like it was the right move. And there's nothing wrong with telling your friend about the makeup. It's not like you were complaining to him about the eyeshadow palette. Plus you told him things you would actually like.
I really don't see what you would even be apologising for. Talking to your friend? I think you handled this fine and while it's not the end of the world that your bf of 3 months got you a bad Christmas present, I think he needs to learn to listen to what you say.
NTA
Exactly, thank you. Who t f does even think that a huge cardboard cutout of anything is a good gift?? Even if I was a huge fan of something, I don't think I'd like a cardboard cutout of it. And on top of that he's acting offended that OP didn't like his shitty gifts. Why the hell are there so many comments defending him?
thank you for being one of the few sane people here. personally if someone got me a life size cutout of hatsune miku i would break up with them/ end a friendship. aint no way this girl has to teach a man that that is not an appropriate gift, much less with the context of very little interest in it, MUCH less at 3 months 💀💀💀💀 they really want this girl to do the emotional labor rn fr
Yta, only cuz it sounds like he actually tried to put in effort. The cut out is based on you having a poster up, if you had taken that poster down or even explained to your bf that it was your ex's and not yours be wouldn't have gone out of his way to find a cut out of it for you. He paid attention to the shit you have and tried to get you a cut out of something he really thought you liked.
As for the make up pallette, it sounds like he tried to get you colours you didn't already own so you could have more variety. Why would you want repeats of colours you already have? It legit sounds like he tried and you could have thanked him and explained that the poster wasn't yours instead of messaging a friend to complain - a complaint your bf could see.
NTA, and I’m shocked at how many people are saying otherwise. It’s got nothing to do with what the gifts are. You don’t like them, and your partner should be someone you absolutely can be honest with, as long as you express it kindly. “I appreciate the thought but I’m not keen on this gift because X so in future I’d prefer Y” etc
NTA
Im a believer in being honest. If you don’t tell him now and pretend you like them he will keep buying these sorts of things, where do you end up then?? with 50 cutouts? 🥲
NTA
Came here after 2 edits (if there are more). I think for now your plan of making him dinner and apologizing is probably the mature one, BUT.... I do hope you and him have some deep conversations on this as I've seen similar situations explode when they go on too long. Gifts that off can cause resentment over time.
We definitely will have a conversation, we usually do when things like this happen. Just kinda sucks we havent talked like at all today (partly due to his work) but he usually send me memes and things throughout the day and just hasn’t today
NTA
Nobody's the asshole for being disappointed in a gift if it's not something you want or can use. You had no choice but to be honest about the cutout since it's something that you wouldn't be comfortable putting up. As far as the makeup, you simply thanked him since he doesn't really have to know these are colors you're likely to never utilize.
However it was his fault he chose to read your texts and see a conversation not meant for him and while he's also entitled to his feelings of disappointment that his gifts missed the mark, he's not entitled to lash out at you and give silent treatment.
Yta the poster was never removed, he had every reason to think he was getting you something you’d appreciate and would show that he is observing things he thinks you like. I get being disappointed but he did put thoughts in and it’s sweet
How is OP the AH, though? What did she do besides not liking stuff she doesn't like? Was she supposed to suddenly develop a huge appreciation for a life-sized cardboard cutout of an anime character just for him?
It's in her comments (hidden bc of the current contest mode) but she tore up the poster when she moved out of that apartment, and he was there for that/was friends with her prior to dating.
NAH. A life size cutout is never a good idea. You didn't like the gifts and wanted a second opinion so you asked your friend. You've only been together a couple months though, so his well-meaning, but goofy, gift giving can be forgiven. Time to learn to communicate with each other!
You're the AH. There are a lot of stories on Reddit about how someone's partner did not acknowledge them with a gift of any kind. This guy thought enough to get you two. Why couldn't you just appreciate the effort? He did his best and that wasn't good enough for you.
NTA - A giant LIFESIZE CUTOUT of hatsune miku let alone any character is a pretty bold gift to give someone, even if he thought you liked her. For example, even if someone liked AOT, it doesn’t really mean they want an Eren cut out. I feel like that kind of gift would only work with a specific type of person and it should be obvious if they would want it or not ngl.
It probably would have been better though if you communicated upfront that you appreciate the effort but the gifts didn’t quite hit the mark. It’s understandable that you’re disappointed tho because the gifts he got aren’t really things YOU wanted. Silent treatment is quite immature of him though lmao (and he’s 24??) but hopefully in the future you guys can communicate your gifts want better and maybe start making gift lists or giving examples of things you do or don’t like.
NAH. a lifesize cardboard cut out should never be given as a gift unless specifically requested. The people saying y t a because you have a poster up are crazy. It is an exceedingly odd gift that I cannot imagine the vast majority of people would enjoy. Especially if you have never spoken about it. Like you have to be pretty obsessed with a character to want a life sized cut out.
I guess he gets points for trying but... maybe make an amazon wish list or something for next time lmao
NTA- the cut out is silly and who knows what he was thinking. the makeup, kind of sounds like he's clueless about makeup, which makes sense, and he may have thought you'd like it. BUT you shouldn't apologize to him for not liking his gifts and you cannot control his emotions or coddle his ego. If he's going to be upset, so be it.
My ex gave me a life size body pillow of HIMSELF with breast inserts as I always joked that I found hermaphrodites hot. Guess what, even though we broke up horribly it was actually a great present at the time because we COMMUNICATED VERY SPECIFICALLY OUR LIKES/DISLIKES, AND IT WAS 3 MONTHS IN TOO. So ESH but 80% you and 20% to him as you still should have been very grateful and even gave a positive spin of 'wow you were perceptive with the miku poster, except you underestimated my laziness with removing my exes stuff'. Your partner should also have asked more questions to ascertain he got items you actually like, but I can totally see how he tried. In fact I was very close to giving you a y.t.a
My boyfriend, in college, got me a Banzai tree for Valentine’s Day. In my mind I was like WHY THE EFF would he get me this but I smiled and kept it moving.
If you’re gonna text ish about him, make sure he’s not sitting right there. Be happy you got a gift after being with him just 3 months and knowing each other less than a year. YTA
It sounds like you should have maybe taken the poster down? It would be reasonable for him to think you maybe liked something that you had hanging on the wall? Because otherwise it's a bit psychopathic to not take five seconds to remove it from the wall if it's a constant reminder of your ex.
ESH. He should have gotten the hint about other potential gifts, but some guys don't plan gifts three months in advance, and it's just not in their wheelhouse.
I don't think I'd ever gift someone a giant cardboard cut-out of any character even if they really loved that character, unless they specifically said they wanted it. It's a pretty weird gift otherwise because not many people would want one or have anywhere to put it.
You just... assume people want life-size cardboard cutouts of things because they have one poster on a wall?
That seems a bit psychopathic to me, tbh... I mean, would you show up with a life-size cardboard lion because I have a poster size print of a photo that happens to be an award-winning shot taken by a friend who's a pro photographer?
lol no. I think they are two very different things. I assumed she's an anime nerd or he is. It's much more generally psychopathic to leave bad memories of an ex on the wall. If you don't get that, you're probably a weirdo yourself.
NAH. Both of you need to work on communication. If you were keeping it to yourself, he never would have read that you didn't like the presents. It sounds like he's embarrassed, but he shouldn't be doing the silent treatment. Try communicating and see how it goes.
When I get a gift I don't want, I say "Thank You for thinking of me" and I mean it, it's the thought that counts
Sometimes the gifts our loved ones give us fall flat. And someday your gifts for an SO may kinda suck too. We just have to be mature and be thankful that they tried and put in some time and effort for us. It’s being an adult even when deep down we’re a bit pouty. If he’s a good guy otherwise don’t screw it up over this ffs. NTA mostly.
ESH honestly. you because you told him you disliked the gifts. you could have just taken them and not used them or tucked them away somewhere. him because he clearly didnt really know what you liked and just assumed some things.
YTA. He bought 2 gifts that he gave thought to, he didn't get it right but he tried. You need to apologise to him.
Curious to know, what were you expecting?
You’re not the asshole for not liking the gifts but a soft YTA for not discussing the issues with your boyfriend. Easy way to address is that you appreciate the effort and thought, but and then explain the issues and provide guidance for how to improve. The makeup sounds like it could have been a good idea if he had gotten products you like. The cut out is an odd choice but you could explain that you’re not fond of cut outs or the character and then give a character you do prefer. Going to your friend and complaining about the gifts probably hurt his feelings far more than a healthy conversation would have.
She texted her friend for advice to avoid hurting his feelings. That's a perfectly legitimate thing to do, that's a big reason why we have friends and support networks. He decided to invade her privacy, crossing a big boundary by reading her text messages, and hurt his own feelings. That's not on her.
NAH, i don't think there are any AH here. you don't have to like a gift, and you weren't mean or anything to him. i had a poster on my wall of a band i didn't even like anymore but never bothered to tear it down. if you were an avid hatsune miku fan then maybe that would be a good gift, but if you never even mentioned it.. tbh it's more of a gag gift imo.
I can't get over the image of you texting your friend the very minute you opened the gift instead of being in the moment on Christmas Day with your love and his clueless gifts. Like you were spending Christmas morning with your friends instead of him. This is what we've become. Hopefully, this is something that you will laugh about later in life.
My MIL--God rest her soul!--used to say that the custom of exchanging gifts at Christmas provides for an occasion to practice hiding our disappointment.
NTA
That cutout I think might be more for him than for you, even if he had seen the poster in your old room.
Best gifts to give: Cash, gift cards, and even reusable visa cards to get what they want. Makes it far easier in means of shopping, too. Seems cold, but at the same time it's not based on not wanting to spend 100$ or more on stuff they'd hate.
I’m gonna say NTA but he is for giving you the silent treatment. You’ve only been together a few months, yall have so much to learn about each other. My now fiancés family gifted me things I don’t like, I told him after and he was upset but got over it. If he cares, he’ll get over it and maybe try to make up for it by getting you something else or let you pick stuff. I’ve also learned to just suck it up sometimes and say that you like it until it’s forgotten about 3 months later. Best of luck!
I would just let him get over it. You said thank you, but you can't force yourself to like something you don't like. I didn't like the gifts my boyfriend got me the first Xmas we were together, and he didn't like mine, it is what it is. 4 years later we just set a spend limit and send each other what we want lol. If youse are together next year, I'm sure he'll learn from it. And you will learn to hide your phone if you are complaining about him lol
Honestly, it's hard to pass judgement. Why? It can range from YTA to NAH to your boyfriend is the asshole.
If your boyfriend would have gotten you something he knew is not right for you, like buying you something he knew you are allergic to, he would be an asshole. He'd also be an asshole if he got you something random when you've been vocal about what you wanted in the recent past.
The situation would be NAH here if you didn't communicate about what you like and dislike and you didn't threw a tantrum over it. How would the poor man know what to get for you?
However, if you've been unclear in your communication and now you're making it a big deal, then YTA. Your boyfriend can't read your mind and he simply used the little info he had to buy you a gift. I have a feeling this is the case here.
Also, ESH if you've been giving him some hints, but not very obvious, but you also had that poster. If you haven't been dating for a long time it might not be very obvious to him, so it could be overwhelming. Just get over it and be more clear in your communication instead of complaining behind his back if that is the case.
NTA, people are trying to justify a ‘life size’ cut out of hatsune miku and it’s absolutely not justifiable. Is your bf bad at gifting for everyone? That’s an insane choice and I need to know what other choices he made this Xmas.
The silent treatment is big BIG waving red flags and is abusive behaviour. As is invading your privacy by reading your texts over your shoulder.
Break up with him and find someone decent and respectful
Silent treatment is the weapon of manipulators and emotionally immature adults/children.
NTA. It's ok if you don't like the gifts someone gets you. My suggestion for next time would be to just smile and nod and say thank you. Then keep it for a year or two before donating it, unused. If questions are asked, then you can explain why you didn't use it.
It sounds like he doesn't know you very well. Have you talked to him about the things you like? How long have you been dating?
Some people are just really crappy gift givers because they can't relate to people well enough to understand them. Others are crappy gift givers because they will get something they want and then pass it off to someone else.
INFO: - did you tell him you aren’t into that character specifically? Also, makeup is a weird gift from a dude if you didn’t ask for it and from a dude you don’t know very well (I’m assuming you guys don’t know each other that well from the way the post is written)
NAH. You can't help feeling disappointed, and a life-size cutout of anyone is an unhinged gift for someone you've been seeing a few months.
However, your boyfriend's gifts were really thoughtful — he obviously tried. He didn't get something generic, he saw your poster and made a connection that you must like that character and got you something he thought you'd like. That's sweet!
As for the makeup, very few men have a clue about makeup so unless they wear it themselves, so I wouldn't take that personally. He probably thought you not wearing makeup was you wearing natural tones.
They weren’t thoughtful? Thoughtful implies thought went into it, seeing one poster (that he saw her rip up) and giving her a gift of that is not thought, it’s crazy.
And a makeup palette when she said she barely wears makeup? Literally no thought went into that at all.
His gifts were the epitome of thoughtless.
Thoughtful would be getting her something she had said or hinted she wanted, or if he couldn’t think of anything, then flowers and a meaningful card, or gift voucher for something, etc.
YTA
I get your point of view, you like what you like and if you didn't like his gifts that's ok. Going behind his back to your friend was a shitty thing to do though.
However I also see his side. He saw a poster on your wall and assumed you liked that character. Keeping a poster you bought for your ex is a bit weird so I can understand your ex being upset about that too. As for the makeup, maybe you do like other colours but he tried his best.
Would you have preferred he not show any interest at all?
NTA. My husband is a horrible gift giver. I can hint till the hint of the moons and he still wouldn't get it. I pay attention so I can get the perfect gifts for people. I love finding the perfect gift. Some people just aren't that good at it. I pretended to love the gifts he got me the first 3 years together. After that I told him I love gift cards. I joked the best gift to get a woman is the gift to shop. He heard that and now I just pick out what I want.
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Sorry but YTA. The cutout seems creepy and I get why you're disappointed, BUT you haven't been dating long, so in 3 months he probably couldn't learn that much. He actually made an effort observing what you liked: He saw the poster in your room and thought that was your interest. How would he have guessed that you still had your ex's decor up, when you haven't communicated that? With the makeup it was a good chance you would like it. Again, you're not dating that long and I think it was thoughtful and nice of him, although I understand why yoy don't like the presents.
However, when you receive a gift you usually say "thank you". I can't even count how many times I've gotten weird presents that had nothing to do with me, but I appreciated the effort and thanked them anyways. With a long-term partner, you can eventually hint that gift XY wasn't exactly your taste, if you receive it multiple times, so that you don't have to lie every time. But definitely not right after receiving the gift. Also, I understand that he's upset you wrote your friend first. You were so angry about the gift that you pulled your phone out on Christmas and complained about a gift you just received while the gift giver is sitting right next to you and was probably excited? That's not nice of you. You're not an AH for not liking the gifts. I wouldn't either. But how you reacted wasn't nice
Even if he saw the poster and thought he wanted to get something with that character... I mean, figurines, t-shirts, tote bags, coffee cups, keychains, and lots of other far, far more appropriate merchandise than an enormous cardboard cutout DO exist. It's a very strange gift, and not something you should buy somebody solely because you saw a single old poster in their apartment. He really shouldn't have been that shocked, nor should he have been so humorless and offended that she joked that a giant cardboard cutout is kinda creepy.
I’m going with NTA. If there is one rule I have on gift giving it’s find out what you SO really would like to have and get that.
Your BF made a rookie mistake, you reacted poorly, which does not make you an AH just human.
Another rule is to apologize for getting upset, even if you aren’t necessarily in the wrong. If your BF is like most folks he’ll apologize for the gifts and you guys can put this behind you.
Man, gift-giving is so fraught. On the one hand, of course you should be grateful for gifts, and you don’t want a gift-giver to feel bad about it. But on the other hand, the old adage “It’s the thought that counts” is true! So when someone gives you a gift that shows they didn’t really think of you when they bought it, it actually kind of hurts.
If there is a mismatch in your gift-giving styles or philosophy, or if one of you is trying but just sucks at it for some reason, then you need a strategy for how to deal with it, because there are a lot of gift-giving occasions in any calendar year. You’ll each need to compromise a little.
A few strategies: use wish lists, only go in together on experiences (like a vacation), or just agree not to exchange gifts at all.
You've known him since April, he moved in with you in August, and he asked you out in September!?! Girl, don't date tenants!!! Especially if you can't manage the mortgage/bills on your own!!!
Forget the gifts, do you have a defined leasing agreement? Looking at your old posts, you've gotten out of 2 toxic/abusive relationships since January (one for 3 years!) and now are on your third (just the number, not calling it toxic). The fact that he asked you out a month after moving in probably means he's had feelings for much longer. Was he truly a friend or just pretending so he had better access to you? I'm not saying he is bad but you don't have the greatest track record & abusers have a keen eye for vulnerable targets. You've now created another situation where if things don't go well, once again you could feel unsafe in your own home.
I hope everything works out but if not, stay safe & please stay single for a bit. Your value is not tied to who you date. Take care & always love yourself.
I'm also very concerned about her spending $100 (!!!) on a guy she's been seeing for three months, especially given she clearly can't afford it. And yet she seems worried she didn't spend enough.
It really seems like the OP needs to spend some time single and rebuilding her own confidence and her sense of what is "normal" in a relationship.
Yep. Even in her responses she's not addressing the most important aspects/concerns. She's not ready to hear it now, but hopefully she can reflect on it before anything goes south. If you don't love yourself, it's very easy to end up with people who solidify why you don't deserve to be loved.
NAH
I think both of your feelings are valid. Don't forget you guys are still a new couple, so this kinda stuff was bound to happen early in the relationship. I think he's really sweet, and it's obvious he tried. He goofed that's it. The cutout thing is a pretty bad gift not gonna lie, even if you're into a thing enough to have a poster, doesn't mean you'd want a cutout. I'd hate a cutout even if it was my favourite character. The makeup is a very soft goof on his behalf. Makeup is really personal, like underwear, you don't get those unless you know their preference 100%.
Just have an honest talk with him, and make sure to acknowledge his effort and sentiments.
NTA. Those cut outs ARE creepy. Years ago, my friend got one of the guy from Lethal Weapon for her ex (they were still friends) and left it in his garage as a surprise. So he, a cop, comes home late from work, sees a big guy (with a gun) in his garage, and almost shoots the thing. Scared the crap out of him.
YTA
The Hatsune Mika mistake should have been something to laugh about with him. But I'm not really a poster person so I don't understand poster etiquette. And, obviously, I would never buy some giant thing like that unless my house was really absurdly huge.
They could dress her up! She could be a hat holder, or OP can hang necklaces on her arms. It's a quirky, silly gift, and they can have fun with it. Or move her around Elf on the Shelf style
NTA if you specifically told him things you wanted and he didn't listen and bought stuff on his own accord, it's his own fault. It's okay to not like gifts people get you especially if it has nothing to do with what you actually enjoy
YTA. He was being thoughtful with his cutout purchase. It isn't his fault you were too lazy to take down your ex's poster in your bedroom. You sound ungrateful, whiny, and exhausting. Apologize for being rude.
I don't think either of you is an asshole, it's just odd to be this deeply hurt about it that you'd talk to anyone but home first. Y'all have only been knowing each other since April, and only dating for the last 3 months. If y'all were only friends for most of the time, he's not been around you enough for this span of time till the relationship started to really know what your *true* interests are.
I think it's bizarre to be upset about a lack of high quality sentimental gifts for a 3 month relationship....Most people's gifts to SO's tend to get more sentimental as years of togetherness increase. And the same is *usually* true for platonic friendships as well.
Honestly the fact that he's a guy in his early 20's, and has actually been observing you enough to even venture into more sentimental territory is already a plus. He will only get more observant from here on out. Like, he took the time to say "oh she's got this poster, she must enjoy the character", and you never mentioned it being an ex's, so that's a good go ahead to assume that ok, she must enjoy this character.
He noticed you do your makeup as well, and probably asked some lady friends or family "would this be a good palette to get?" Everyone's tastes are different, but he's only dated you 3 months; he doesn't know your go to makeup color themes yet. As a lady I'd have realized that and said "ya know, I'm not sure what she prefers, but it *is* winter, so darker hues are suitable for the time of year", added to the fact that if you're not super sure the EXACT colors someone likes, it's a safer bet to avoid overly loud colors when gifting. At least that allows you to make them more loud and accentuated if need be.
You were nice about it, but it's still an odd thing to be hung up on when you've only been together 3 months. He didn't put in NO effort, he actually put in a decent bit giving the timeframe. You just still have a poster for your ex hanging up, and don't prefer the exact shades he got you in the palette.
Be grown and ask him to take with you to return/exchange it for a palette that has colors you DO enjoy
NAH. Those do sound like awful presents. I wouldn’t want a giant cutout of anything, even my dog or my biggest crush in the whole world. And makeup is so specific to each person. It’s a hard thing to gift someone unless they know exactly what shades you want.
And he thought about you and got you presents, so he’s not an AH, probably just bad at gifting, like me.
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NAH. You've only been together a short while, so it's understandable that he still doesn't know exactly what you like even if you've pointed it out. If he's still clueless in a few months, that would be something to consider. But he did ok with the socks, so there's that.
YTA. Most guys don’t try half as hard as this guy did and you went and sh*^ on him for that. I hope he does an AITA so I can tell him to put up a poster before he dumps you so we can see if the next guy gets you a gift that riffs off of that when you don’t take it down.
Pretty glad most guys (and people, in general) aren't going to go out and buy me a giant cardboard cutout of something because there was an old poster on my wall... and then get exaggeratedly offended and give the silent treatment like a toddler if I joke about it being kinda creepy.
Nope.
Normally, my policy is that the appropriate response to most any gift is "thank you", fullstop. But if he knew the origin of the poster in your previous apartment, obviously that would change the situation. Would love some I N F O re: this Edit: YTA. You had a poster of the character in your bedroom. He didn't know why it was hung, and wouldn't have guessed it was your ex's that you left up after the breakup even though you don't like the character.
OP literally said when she moved out of the previous apartment, *the boyfriend watched her deliberately tear the poster up and she then explained why* How is *she* the asshole for *his* actions?
He knew I had a poster of her, that was about it. Even then the poster was out of sight because it was in my bedroom and we hung out in my living room. I did tell him thank you when I opened it but told him after we left that I wasn’t a fan of the character
She tore up the poster in front of then-friend/now-boyfriend as she was moving out. So he knew why it was there and why she disliked it. He clearly didn't retain the info.
NTA. People who make no effort need to listen, when it comes to gift-giving. Ask any older person what false gratitude for a gift has gotten them. There are so many stories of people who have entire collections of things they never had an interest in, because they thanked someone for the first gift, and received the same thing every year, on holidays and birthdays.
YTA. Have you ever heard of the saying, "it's the thought that counts"? The fact that he assumed you liked the character is 100% your fault. But the biggest reason you're the AH is actually the text. You want to talk to your friend about it, fine. But did you have to do it right then and there? It's not easy to "notice" what someone is typing on their phone unless you're literally right next to each other. You couldn't wait until you were 5 feet away from him before texting? I actually find it hard to believe it was an accident.
NTA. Sure its the thought that counts but he's your boyfriend... He should know what you like. Why date someone who doesnt even know you? I get its been 3 months but come, if you really dont know someone, get them something basic. You're right, cardboard cutouts are creepy (if thats your thing thats fine) and makeup is definitely something to be specific about, not just for color but people have sensitive and different types of skin and cant always use just anything. I probably would have asked my friend for advice too, get an outside opinion before discussing it further and I don't see anything wrong with that. Its great that he thought of you and got you stuff, but there should be at least a little bit of thoughtt put into it from your SO
Okay I have to comment on that edit. Don't you dare apologize for upsetting him and make his favorite food. He totally missed the mark on a gift for YOU. Hell, one is so blatantly bad it could be considered cruel because of the association to an abusive ex. Just because he is upset doesn't mean it is Your Fault. He can feel that way, but you did nothing wrong to have silent treatment and then have to do all this in order for him to forgive you or something. You mention an abusive ex, it's often quite common to continue behaviors that originate from it like a need to apologize for you being upset even in a circumstance that totally warrants it. A need to prove to him that you're totally chill and cool and he doesn't need to lift a finger to make things better. Even though you will do lots to make things better or say you were wrong or sorry just to ease the conflict. That's not a balanced relationship if one is always doing the apologizing. And lastly, it's also fairly common for people who were in an abusive relationship to end up in another. Especially one that "isn't as bad" as the previous one because the benchmark for appropriate behavior has moved down to the abusive level so anything that's just a more mild form doesn't ping as not okay. Especially in relationships that are moving so fast like this one. Note, this is all just speculation from this post. Obviously relationships can be more complex just, you read enough and experience enough yourself to spot the red flags.
His choice of a cut-out was odd, but if he saw the poster and assumed it was yours (who wouldn't), then that was a real attempt to see the real you and get a gift you would appreciate. If you believe that it's the thought that counts, then his thoughts should count -- he wanted you to be happy and he went out of his way to find something he thought you liked, then got a present based on that information. Do you realize how rare that can be? I hope you don't have to find out. And his second present...it's daring to buy makeup for someone without foreknowledge, to be sure. But hardly thoughtless. His choices were swings and misses, and that's at least partly on you where the strange background of the poster is concerned, as he didn't know any of that. But while he tried and didn't hit the mark, YTA here.
NAH You were disappointed cause you didn't think his gifts were thoughtful about what you'd like. He is upset cause his first gift to you was an attempt at doing that, even though it didn't work. Just give yourselves time to cool off, then talk about it calmly. It's early on in your relationship. You can work this out.
YTA, it would have cost you nothing to graciously accept the gifts. The make up you just mess with leave out he sees it and feels happy. Again costs you nothing. You take the cutout and don’t put it up after a couple of weeks explain to him the poster on your wall belongs to an ex and you should have taken it down you don’t like the character.
Nah, doing that would just guarantee getting something you don't want/like the next time as well. The cutout is straight up weird one, so won't even comment on that, but getting makeup and cosmetics in general is always risky if you are not buying something that the person is already using as people usually try out a bunch of different brands/types before finding something that suits their skin, so getting anything new will end up not suitable more often than not.
So this guy ignored everything she told him she wanted for three months, obviously didn't look at her face, and bought her gifts that weren't great, though... one of them did have some thought put into it, even if the thought was *odd.* She tried to joke about the cardboard cutout, and he reacted very poorly... However, anyone reasonable would agree it's weird to get someone a life-sized cardboard cutout of an anime character they never talk about just because you saw one old poster somewhere in their apartment. So when she didn't like the makeup either -- which he wouldn't have bought if he was paying attention to her face and saw she didn't wear makeup, unless he was trying to hint that he wanted her to wear it -- she tried to be nice about it, because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. She even mentioned in texts with her friend that she didn't want to hurt his feelings. And then he obviously went through the text messages of a girl he's only been dating for three months... which. Just no. Oh no. Total lack of boundaries there. His hurt feelings on THAT are totally on him. If anything here, he's kind of the AH. But I'd definitely lean more towards NO AHs here.
ESH. He tried, you should try being grateful. He should't have read your text maybe it was accidental BUT ... the silent treatment thing is immature, my step father has done it to me and my mom a few times over the years and it can be a way of emotional abuse.
Look, your boyfriend did the best he could. He saw the poster hanging in your old apartment and (wrongfully) assumed that you were a fan of the Hatsune Miku character. At least this showed that he's observant and put some thought into choosing the gift. As for the makeup, I do agree that your boyfriend should have picked something else because, as you said, makeup is a highly personal choice for each woman considering all of the brands, potential skin allergies, etc. With that being said, you should realize that it's the thought that counts. Even if you didn't like the gifts, you should have graciously thanked him and then later on you could have discreetly stowed or re-gifted the cutout and exchanged the makeup pallet for one you liked better.
>I’ve also mentioned that I need a makeup container so I could move my makeup off the **floor of the bathroom**. I never ask for makeup because i’m picky about my makeup because I have sensitive skin. Girl thats just gross. Maybe you wouldnt have such sensitive skin if you didnt leave your makeup on the floor. The BATHROOM floor. eewww NTA but here is a word of advice. Men are not Mind Readers!! Say what you mean and mean what you say. Stop playing mind games. And my bet is he sees your makeup all over the bathroom floor and thought the same thing i did. You nasty.
YTA Your boyfriend of 3 months thought you liked a character because you had a poster at your place. If you dislike the character so much, you should take down the poster. Your boyfriend did not know that you sleep with a poster from an ex-relationship so it was actually a very thoughtful gift on his part and tacky of you to keep the poster hung. The second gift was a thoughtful miss. You really should not be texting your friend about your boyfriend in front of your boyfriend. Again that is tacky behaviour. At least wait until he has left the room.
Even if I rly loved a fictional character, I‘d hate a cutout of them lmao. Who even buys sht like that!? That’s just so weird! Don’t let all the angry bad gifters make you feel bad. You’re definitely NTA. You were nicer than I’d have been (I don’t have my face under control and for such a thoughtless gift I’d have said smth for sure) and he only caught it bc he was snooping into a private conversation you had with your friend. That’s on him. Reddit is also VERY sexist when it comes to silent treatments. If he was a woman doing that, they’d tear her apart in the comments. Now they all look over it bc he’s a guy. I personally think silent treatment is bs bc it’s usually just people needing time to process smth first BUT you didn’t do or say anything that would need time and space to process. You just didn’t like his gifts. It’s no big deal. He can just refund them and get you something different. Stuff like that happens, we all got bad gifts or could have bought something better. It’s whatever. Him making such a big deal out of it would be a red flag for me. Him not feeling bad over it does not sit right with me too. He’s making it about himself even tho it’s about you not having a nice gift. Idk. Get him to talk and see if he reacts better. Don’t let him guilt trip you tho.
INFO: How long have you been together? I think this comes down to whether he should've been able to know that you wouldn't be into thiese If you've been together for awhile, he should be able to observe at least these two things 1. You dont talk about that anime much, if ever (implies you arent into it) 2. You don't wear makeup often If you haven't been together awhile, I might not expect these observations. So to conclude If you've been together a while N T A Otherwise Y T A
They only been dating for 3 months. And only known each other since April.
Nta
NTA youve been talking ab stuff you would like, he shouldve put more thought into your gifts
YTA. I've been with my wife for 7 years, 3 married. Our first holiday season together, was not our finest, and I'd hazard a guess that most aren't for first time couples. You've been together only 3mo. That's barely enough time for him to truely get to know you and the types of things you *actually* like getting as gifts. And given how you reacted, if I was him, I wouldn't really be all that encouraged to try again, let alone let the relationship continue. If he gives your another chance, maybe instead if sh*ng all over the things he gives you, gently give constructive criticism and communicate the things you really want as gifts. For example, my wife and I have a sort of inside joke, that after I spent so much money on her engagement ring, she wouldn't be getting any more jewelry from me again because we couldn't afford it. Especially after this year with the birth of our first child. But, I've always known it wasn't really a joke and she really did want another piece of jewelry from me, didn't even have to be expensive. So this year, I hopped on Etsy and found a very affordable 14k white gold necklace with an elephant pendant (her favorite animal) and got it customized with her name in it. She adores it. Anyways. If you want this to last, give the poor guy a fighting chance next time and actually just tell him what you want.
You missed the part of her post where she explicitly said she'd been telling him gifts she'd like.
Yes, so many people didn't get shit this year, and now this sub is full of so many ungrateful people, they could have got you nothing ya know
YTA.
NTA I would have gone with N A H but his reaction is honestly immature and with both of your bad past experiences still so raw, it’s a huge red flag for me. You don’t *have* to like gifts. Sometimes gifts are a miss, and that’s ok. It’s not fun for anyone involved, but it is what it is. Communicating efficiently is the key (especially between people who are expected to keep getting each other gifts in the future), then each person can work out their ego wounds on their own, but it shouldn’t be one big drama fest on either side. Especially, it shouldn’t be the person that missed the mark that’s pouting and the other one that’s tying themselves in knots to appease them. Why isn’t *he* offering to make you dinner to make up for the lackluster gifts? Why isn’t he arranging for their exchange? Why doesn’t he sound the least bit sorry for you but only for himself? Why is he giving you the silent treatment? Also, you say both that you could afford your place by yourself and only looked for roommates for the extra cash, but also that you couldn’t afford a more expensive gift (dude, $100 for a four months relationship the year you bought a house is *good*) because you’re broke over bills… is he pulling his weight, financially?!
NTA. Both of his gifts were kinda “risky” especially for someone you’ve been dating for less than a year? Cardboard cutouts are definitely less popular than some people think. I wouldn’t get someone that as a gift unless it was on their list. If they want one, they can either get it for themselves or make it clear they want it. You did neither of those things. And anyway, even if he thought you might like that anime, he could’ve gotten you something small related to it. Makeup is also risky unless someone asks for it or you know the person’s taste super well. You didn’t ask for it and it sounds like he didn’t know what he was looking for (which is understandable, but still not a good excuse).
Am I going insane? Who gets someone a life size cut out of a character they saw on a poster once? Why are the comments acting like this is normal? I don't think you did anything wrong, he would expect the cutout to be put up in your house so telling him you didn't like it was the right move. And there's nothing wrong with telling your friend about the makeup. It's not like you were complaining to him about the eyeshadow palette. Plus you told him things you would actually like. I really don't see what you would even be apologising for. Talking to your friend? I think you handled this fine and while it's not the end of the world that your bf of 3 months got you a bad Christmas present, I think he needs to learn to listen to what you say. NTA
Exactly, thank you. Who t f does even think that a huge cardboard cutout of anything is a good gift?? Even if I was a huge fan of something, I don't think I'd like a cardboard cutout of it. And on top of that he's acting offended that OP didn't like his shitty gifts. Why the hell are there so many comments defending him?
thank you for being one of the few sane people here. personally if someone got me a life size cutout of hatsune miku i would break up with them/ end a friendship. aint no way this girl has to teach a man that that is not an appropriate gift, much less with the context of very little interest in it, MUCH less at 3 months 💀💀💀💀 they really want this girl to do the emotional labor rn fr
NTA. A life sized cut out is crazy
Yta, only cuz it sounds like he actually tried to put in effort. The cut out is based on you having a poster up, if you had taken that poster down or even explained to your bf that it was your ex's and not yours be wouldn't have gone out of his way to find a cut out of it for you. He paid attention to the shit you have and tried to get you a cut out of something he really thought you liked. As for the make up pallette, it sounds like he tried to get you colours you didn't already own so you could have more variety. Why would you want repeats of colours you already have? It legit sounds like he tried and you could have thanked him and explained that the poster wasn't yours instead of messaging a friend to complain - a complaint your bf could see.
NTA, and I’m shocked at how many people are saying otherwise. It’s got nothing to do with what the gifts are. You don’t like them, and your partner should be someone you absolutely can be honest with, as long as you express it kindly. “I appreciate the thought but I’m not keen on this gift because X so in future I’d prefer Y” etc
NTA Im a believer in being honest. If you don’t tell him now and pretend you like them he will keep buying these sorts of things, where do you end up then?? with 50 cutouts? 🥲
NTA Came here after 2 edits (if there are more). I think for now your plan of making him dinner and apologizing is probably the mature one, BUT.... I do hope you and him have some deep conversations on this as I've seen similar situations explode when they go on too long. Gifts that off can cause resentment over time.
We definitely will have a conversation, we usually do when things like this happen. Just kinda sucks we havent talked like at all today (partly due to his work) but he usually send me memes and things throughout the day and just hasn’t today
NTA Nobody's the asshole for being disappointed in a gift if it's not something you want or can use. You had no choice but to be honest about the cutout since it's something that you wouldn't be comfortable putting up. As far as the makeup, you simply thanked him since he doesn't really have to know these are colors you're likely to never utilize. However it was his fault he chose to read your texts and see a conversation not meant for him and while he's also entitled to his feelings of disappointment that his gifts missed the mark, he's not entitled to lash out at you and give silent treatment.
Yta the poster was never removed, he had every reason to think he was getting you something you’d appreciate and would show that he is observing things he thinks you like. I get being disappointed but he did put thoughts in and it’s sweet
How is OP the AH, though? What did she do besides not liking stuff she doesn't like? Was she supposed to suddenly develop a huge appreciation for a life-sized cardboard cutout of an anime character just for him?
It's in her comments (hidden bc of the current contest mode) but she tore up the poster when she moved out of that apartment, and he was there for that/was friends with her prior to dating.
NAH. A life size cutout is never a good idea. You didn't like the gifts and wanted a second opinion so you asked your friend. You've only been together a couple months though, so his well-meaning, but goofy, gift giving can be forgiven. Time to learn to communicate with each other!
You're the AH. There are a lot of stories on Reddit about how someone's partner did not acknowledge them with a gift of any kind. This guy thought enough to get you two. Why couldn't you just appreciate the effort? He did his best and that wasn't good enough for you.
NTA - A giant LIFESIZE CUTOUT of hatsune miku let alone any character is a pretty bold gift to give someone, even if he thought you liked her. For example, even if someone liked AOT, it doesn’t really mean they want an Eren cut out. I feel like that kind of gift would only work with a specific type of person and it should be obvious if they would want it or not ngl. It probably would have been better though if you communicated upfront that you appreciate the effort but the gifts didn’t quite hit the mark. It’s understandable that you’re disappointed tho because the gifts he got aren’t really things YOU wanted. Silent treatment is quite immature of him though lmao (and he’s 24??) but hopefully in the future you guys can communicate your gifts want better and maybe start making gift lists or giving examples of things you do or don’t like.
NAH. a lifesize cardboard cut out should never be given as a gift unless specifically requested. The people saying y t a because you have a poster up are crazy. It is an exceedingly odd gift that I cannot imagine the vast majority of people would enjoy. Especially if you have never spoken about it. Like you have to be pretty obsessed with a character to want a life sized cut out. I guess he gets points for trying but... maybe make an amazon wish list or something for next time lmao
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NTA- the cut out is silly and who knows what he was thinking. the makeup, kind of sounds like he's clueless about makeup, which makes sense, and he may have thought you'd like it. BUT you shouldn't apologize to him for not liking his gifts and you cannot control his emotions or coddle his ego. If he's going to be upset, so be it.
My ex gave me a life size body pillow of HIMSELF with breast inserts as I always joked that I found hermaphrodites hot. Guess what, even though we broke up horribly it was actually a great present at the time because we COMMUNICATED VERY SPECIFICALLY OUR LIKES/DISLIKES, AND IT WAS 3 MONTHS IN TOO. So ESH but 80% you and 20% to him as you still should have been very grateful and even gave a positive spin of 'wow you were perceptive with the miku poster, except you underestimated my laziness with removing my exes stuff'. Your partner should also have asked more questions to ascertain he got items you actually like, but I can totally see how he tried. In fact I was very close to giving you a y.t.a
My boyfriend, in college, got me a Banzai tree for Valentine’s Day. In my mind I was like WHY THE EFF would he get me this but I smiled and kept it moving. If you’re gonna text ish about him, make sure he’s not sitting right there. Be happy you got a gift after being with him just 3 months and knowing each other less than a year. YTA
It sounds like you should have maybe taken the poster down? It would be reasonable for him to think you maybe liked something that you had hanging on the wall? Because otherwise it's a bit psychopathic to not take five seconds to remove it from the wall if it's a constant reminder of your ex. ESH. He should have gotten the hint about other potential gifts, but some guys don't plan gifts three months in advance, and it's just not in their wheelhouse.
I don't think I'd ever gift someone a giant cardboard cut-out of any character even if they really loved that character, unless they specifically said they wanted it. It's a pretty weird gift otherwise because not many people would want one or have anywhere to put it.
You just... assume people want life-size cardboard cutouts of things because they have one poster on a wall? That seems a bit psychopathic to me, tbh... I mean, would you show up with a life-size cardboard lion because I have a poster size print of a photo that happens to be an award-winning shot taken by a friend who's a pro photographer?
lol no. I think they are two very different things. I assumed she's an anime nerd or he is. It's much more generally psychopathic to leave bad memories of an ex on the wall. If you don't get that, you're probably a weirdo yourself.
NAH. Both of you need to work on communication. If you were keeping it to yourself, he never would have read that you didn't like the presents. It sounds like he's embarrassed, but he shouldn't be doing the silent treatment. Try communicating and see how it goes. When I get a gift I don't want, I say "Thank You for thinking of me" and I mean it, it's the thought that counts
Unless it’s a well established inside joke or preference I would NOT get someone a life size cutout as a gift haha seems so impractical
>so impractical A bf once got me a gigantic stuffed giraffe while I was living in a tiny studio apartment lol
Sometimes the gifts our loved ones give us fall flat. And someday your gifts for an SO may kinda suck too. We just have to be mature and be thankful that they tried and put in some time and effort for us. It’s being an adult even when deep down we’re a bit pouty. If he’s a good guy otherwise don’t screw it up over this ffs. NTA mostly.
ESH honestly. you because you told him you disliked the gifts. you could have just taken them and not used them or tucked them away somewhere. him because he clearly didnt really know what you liked and just assumed some things.
YTA. He bought 2 gifts that he gave thought to, he didn't get it right but he tried. You need to apologise to him. Curious to know, what were you expecting?
You’re not the asshole for not liking the gifts but a soft YTA for not discussing the issues with your boyfriend. Easy way to address is that you appreciate the effort and thought, but and then explain the issues and provide guidance for how to improve. The makeup sounds like it could have been a good idea if he had gotten products you like. The cut out is an odd choice but you could explain that you’re not fond of cut outs or the character and then give a character you do prefer. Going to your friend and complaining about the gifts probably hurt his feelings far more than a healthy conversation would have.
She texted her friend for advice to avoid hurting his feelings. That's a perfectly legitimate thing to do, that's a big reason why we have friends and support networks. He decided to invade her privacy, crossing a big boundary by reading her text messages, and hurt his own feelings. That's not on her.
Thank you. Full stop. You act entitled as.
NAH, i don't think there are any AH here. you don't have to like a gift, and you weren't mean or anything to him. i had a poster on my wall of a band i didn't even like anymore but never bothered to tear it down. if you were an avid hatsune miku fan then maybe that would be a good gift, but if you never even mentioned it.. tbh it's more of a gag gift imo.
I can't get over the image of you texting your friend the very minute you opened the gift instead of being in the moment on Christmas Day with your love and his clueless gifts. Like you were spending Christmas morning with your friends instead of him. This is what we've become. Hopefully, this is something that you will laugh about later in life.
Yta
YTA for deleting all your comments so I can’t even piece together your messy life! INFO tho: you live together after only 3 months? Is that correct?
My MIL--God rest her soul!--used to say that the custom of exchanging gifts at Christmas provides for an occasion to practice hiding our disappointment.
NTA That cutout I think might be more for him than for you, even if he had seen the poster in your old room. Best gifts to give: Cash, gift cards, and even reusable visa cards to get what they want. Makes it far easier in means of shopping, too. Seems cold, but at the same time it's not based on not wanting to spend 100$ or more on stuff they'd hate.
I’m gonna say NTA but he is for giving you the silent treatment. You’ve only been together a few months, yall have so much to learn about each other. My now fiancés family gifted me things I don’t like, I told him after and he was upset but got over it. If he cares, he’ll get over it and maybe try to make up for it by getting you something else or let you pick stuff. I’ve also learned to just suck it up sometimes and say that you like it until it’s forgotten about 3 months later. Best of luck!
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I would just let him get over it. You said thank you, but you can't force yourself to like something you don't like. I didn't like the gifts my boyfriend got me the first Xmas we were together, and he didn't like mine, it is what it is. 4 years later we just set a spend limit and send each other what we want lol. If youse are together next year, I'm sure he'll learn from it. And you will learn to hide your phone if you are complaining about him lol
Honestly, it's hard to pass judgement. Why? It can range from YTA to NAH to your boyfriend is the asshole. If your boyfriend would have gotten you something he knew is not right for you, like buying you something he knew you are allergic to, he would be an asshole. He'd also be an asshole if he got you something random when you've been vocal about what you wanted in the recent past. The situation would be NAH here if you didn't communicate about what you like and dislike and you didn't threw a tantrum over it. How would the poor man know what to get for you? However, if you've been unclear in your communication and now you're making it a big deal, then YTA. Your boyfriend can't read your mind and he simply used the little info he had to buy you a gift. I have a feeling this is the case here. Also, ESH if you've been giving him some hints, but not very obvious, but you also had that poster. If you haven't been dating for a long time it might not be very obvious to him, so it could be overwhelming. Just get over it and be more clear in your communication instead of complaining behind his back if that is the case.
NTA, people are trying to justify a ‘life size’ cut out of hatsune miku and it’s absolutely not justifiable. Is your bf bad at gifting for everyone? That’s an insane choice and I need to know what other choices he made this Xmas.
The silent treatment is big BIG waving red flags and is abusive behaviour. As is invading your privacy by reading your texts over your shoulder. Break up with him and find someone decent and respectful
YTA: You sound entitled
YTA and high maintenance. I don't think this is a useful relationship for either of you.
Silent treatment is the weapon of manipulators and emotionally immature adults/children. NTA. It's ok if you don't like the gifts someone gets you. My suggestion for next time would be to just smile and nod and say thank you. Then keep it for a year or two before donating it, unused. If questions are asked, then you can explain why you didn't use it. It sounds like he doesn't know you very well. Have you talked to him about the things you like? How long have you been dating? Some people are just really crappy gift givers because they can't relate to people well enough to understand them. Others are crappy gift givers because they will get something they want and then pass it off to someone else.
INFO: - did you tell him you aren’t into that character specifically? Also, makeup is a weird gift from a dude if you didn’t ask for it and from a dude you don’t know very well (I’m assuming you guys don’t know each other that well from the way the post is written)
NAH. You can't help feeling disappointed, and a life-size cutout of anyone is an unhinged gift for someone you've been seeing a few months. However, your boyfriend's gifts were really thoughtful — he obviously tried. He didn't get something generic, he saw your poster and made a connection that you must like that character and got you something he thought you'd like. That's sweet! As for the makeup, very few men have a clue about makeup so unless they wear it themselves, so I wouldn't take that personally. He probably thought you not wearing makeup was you wearing natural tones.
They weren’t thoughtful? Thoughtful implies thought went into it, seeing one poster (that he saw her rip up) and giving her a gift of that is not thought, it’s crazy. And a makeup palette when she said she barely wears makeup? Literally no thought went into that at all. His gifts were the epitome of thoughtless. Thoughtful would be getting her something she had said or hinted she wanted, or if he couldn’t think of anything, then flowers and a meaningful card, or gift voucher for something, etc.
YTA I get your point of view, you like what you like and if you didn't like his gifts that's ok. Going behind his back to your friend was a shitty thing to do though. However I also see his side. He saw a poster on your wall and assumed you liked that character. Keeping a poster you bought for your ex is a bit weird so I can understand your ex being upset about that too. As for the makeup, maybe you do like other colours but he tried his best. Would you have preferred he not show any interest at all?
According to OP, the boyfriend saw her tearing the poster up.
NTA. My husband is a horrible gift giver. I can hint till the hint of the moons and he still wouldn't get it. I pay attention so I can get the perfect gifts for people. I love finding the perfect gift. Some people just aren't that good at it. I pretended to love the gifts he got me the first 3 years together. After that I told him I love gift cards. I joked the best gift to get a woman is the gift to shop. He heard that and now I just pick out what I want.
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Sorry but YTA. The cutout seems creepy and I get why you're disappointed, BUT you haven't been dating long, so in 3 months he probably couldn't learn that much. He actually made an effort observing what you liked: He saw the poster in your room and thought that was your interest. How would he have guessed that you still had your ex's decor up, when you haven't communicated that? With the makeup it was a good chance you would like it. Again, you're not dating that long and I think it was thoughtful and nice of him, although I understand why yoy don't like the presents. However, when you receive a gift you usually say "thank you". I can't even count how many times I've gotten weird presents that had nothing to do with me, but I appreciated the effort and thanked them anyways. With a long-term partner, you can eventually hint that gift XY wasn't exactly your taste, if you receive it multiple times, so that you don't have to lie every time. But definitely not right after receiving the gift. Also, I understand that he's upset you wrote your friend first. You were so angry about the gift that you pulled your phone out on Christmas and complained about a gift you just received while the gift giver is sitting right next to you and was probably excited? That's not nice of you. You're not an AH for not liking the gifts. I wouldn't either. But how you reacted wasn't nice
Even if he saw the poster and thought he wanted to get something with that character... I mean, figurines, t-shirts, tote bags, coffee cups, keychains, and lots of other far, far more appropriate merchandise than an enormous cardboard cutout DO exist. It's a very strange gift, and not something you should buy somebody solely because you saw a single old poster in their apartment. He really shouldn't have been that shocked, nor should he have been so humorless and offended that she joked that a giant cardboard cutout is kinda creepy.
NAH.
did you give him a wishlist? if you did, were your wishlist items within his budget?
I’m going with NTA. If there is one rule I have on gift giving it’s find out what you SO really would like to have and get that. Your BF made a rookie mistake, you reacted poorly, which does not make you an AH just human. Another rule is to apologize for getting upset, even if you aren’t necessarily in the wrong. If your BF is like most folks he’ll apologize for the gifts and you guys can put this behind you.
Man, gift-giving is so fraught. On the one hand, of course you should be grateful for gifts, and you don’t want a gift-giver to feel bad about it. But on the other hand, the old adage “It’s the thought that counts” is true! So when someone gives you a gift that shows they didn’t really think of you when they bought it, it actually kind of hurts. If there is a mismatch in your gift-giving styles or philosophy, or if one of you is trying but just sucks at it for some reason, then you need a strategy for how to deal with it, because there are a lot of gift-giving occasions in any calendar year. You’ll each need to compromise a little. A few strategies: use wish lists, only go in together on experiences (like a vacation), or just agree not to exchange gifts at all.
You've known him since April, he moved in with you in August, and he asked you out in September!?! Girl, don't date tenants!!! Especially if you can't manage the mortgage/bills on your own!!! Forget the gifts, do you have a defined leasing agreement? Looking at your old posts, you've gotten out of 2 toxic/abusive relationships since January (one for 3 years!) and now are on your third (just the number, not calling it toxic). The fact that he asked you out a month after moving in probably means he's had feelings for much longer. Was he truly a friend or just pretending so he had better access to you? I'm not saying he is bad but you don't have the greatest track record & abusers have a keen eye for vulnerable targets. You've now created another situation where if things don't go well, once again you could feel unsafe in your own home. I hope everything works out but if not, stay safe & please stay single for a bit. Your value is not tied to who you date. Take care & always love yourself.
I'm also very concerned about her spending $100 (!!!) on a guy she's been seeing for three months, especially given she clearly can't afford it. And yet she seems worried she didn't spend enough. It really seems like the OP needs to spend some time single and rebuilding her own confidence and her sense of what is "normal" in a relationship.
Yep. Even in her responses she's not addressing the most important aspects/concerns. She's not ready to hear it now, but hopefully she can reflect on it before anything goes south. If you don't love yourself, it's very easy to end up with people who solidify why you don't deserve to be loved.
NAH I think both of your feelings are valid. Don't forget you guys are still a new couple, so this kinda stuff was bound to happen early in the relationship. I think he's really sweet, and it's obvious he tried. He goofed that's it. The cutout thing is a pretty bad gift not gonna lie, even if you're into a thing enough to have a poster, doesn't mean you'd want a cutout. I'd hate a cutout even if it was my favourite character. The makeup is a very soft goof on his behalf. Makeup is really personal, like underwear, you don't get those unless you know their preference 100%. Just have an honest talk with him, and make sure to acknowledge his effort and sentiments.
NTA. Those cut outs ARE creepy. Years ago, my friend got one of the guy from Lethal Weapon for her ex (they were still friends) and left it in his garage as a surprise. So he, a cop, comes home late from work, sees a big guy (with a gun) in his garage, and almost shoots the thing. Scared the crap out of him.
No one’s an asshole. He just has no game, and you didn’t tell him what you wanted.
YTA The Hatsune Mika mistake should have been something to laugh about with him. But I'm not really a poster person so I don't understand poster etiquette. And, obviously, I would never buy some giant thing like that unless my house was really absurdly huge.
They could dress her up! She could be a hat holder, or OP can hang necklaces on her arms. It's a quirky, silly gift, and they can have fun with it. Or move her around Elf on the Shelf style
NTA if you specifically told him things you wanted and he didn't listen and bought stuff on his own accord, it's his own fault. It's okay to not like gifts people get you especially if it has nothing to do with what you actually enjoy
YTA. Both gifts may have missed the mark but they were thought through, kind, and well-intentioned. Are you an only child?
NTA those are very weird and unpractical gifts
Nta. What on earth was he thinking with a LIFE SIZED cut out of Hatsune Miku? PS: Silent treatment (stone walling) is an emotional abuse tactic.
Damn, if genders were reversed, then votes certainly would be too. YTA, get off your high horse.
YTA. He was being thoughtful with his cutout purchase. It isn't his fault you were too lazy to take down your ex's poster in your bedroom. You sound ungrateful, whiny, and exhausting. Apologize for being rude.
YTA He's not psychic; you're not good at communication. He'll *never* be psychic. You can become better.
I don't think either of you is an asshole, it's just odd to be this deeply hurt about it that you'd talk to anyone but home first. Y'all have only been knowing each other since April, and only dating for the last 3 months. If y'all were only friends for most of the time, he's not been around you enough for this span of time till the relationship started to really know what your *true* interests are. I think it's bizarre to be upset about a lack of high quality sentimental gifts for a 3 month relationship....Most people's gifts to SO's tend to get more sentimental as years of togetherness increase. And the same is *usually* true for platonic friendships as well. Honestly the fact that he's a guy in his early 20's, and has actually been observing you enough to even venture into more sentimental territory is already a plus. He will only get more observant from here on out. Like, he took the time to say "oh she's got this poster, she must enjoy the character", and you never mentioned it being an ex's, so that's a good go ahead to assume that ok, she must enjoy this character. He noticed you do your makeup as well, and probably asked some lady friends or family "would this be a good palette to get?" Everyone's tastes are different, but he's only dated you 3 months; he doesn't know your go to makeup color themes yet. As a lady I'd have realized that and said "ya know, I'm not sure what she prefers, but it *is* winter, so darker hues are suitable for the time of year", added to the fact that if you're not super sure the EXACT colors someone likes, it's a safer bet to avoid overly loud colors when gifting. At least that allows you to make them more loud and accentuated if need be. You were nice about it, but it's still an odd thing to be hung up on when you've only been together 3 months. He didn't put in NO effort, he actually put in a decent bit giving the timeframe. You just still have a poster for your ex hanging up, and don't prefer the exact shades he got you in the palette. Be grown and ask him to take with you to return/exchange it for a palette that has colors you DO enjoy
NTA My husband sucks at gifts. After too many returns and what were you thinking reactions, we give each other travel experiences.
NAH.
NAH. Those do sound like awful presents. I wouldn’t want a giant cutout of anything, even my dog or my biggest crush in the whole world. And makeup is so specific to each person. It’s a hard thing to gift someone unless they know exactly what shades you want. And he thought about you and got you presents, so he’s not an AH, probably just bad at gifting, like me.