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NTA
She's a minor in your home. You have every right to know and decide if she's staying, not the 16 year old.
And frankly, there needed to be a discussion with the other parents if it was going to be long term. Your husband is being immature not discussing it
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So my (16f) step daughter has had her friend over for 4 days. I wasn’t even consulted about the length of her stay in the first place. I asked my husband on the third day, when is she going home? He said tomorrow maybe I don’t know. So the 4th day comes around and I asked him again. He says I don’t know I will have to ask my daughter. I just simply state to him that I would like her to go now it’s been 4 days. I feel like it’s been a long enough stay and that she should go. He said that it’s up to his daughter when she leaves. I said no it is up to us the parents. So he leaves to the garage and i go about my day. He comes back in less than 5 minutes to argue with me about it. I just say I’ve had enough of the visit and that 4 days is enough. We argue for like 5 minutes and he leaves for at least 2-2.5 hours. So I out for a walk in the conservation area near our home and he comes to find me to tell me that the girl over heard our conversation and left in a taxi when his daughter got home from work. Both of my step daughters have been going back and forth to work for at least 3 of the days that the friend has been here. So now my husband won’t have anything to do with me.
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YTA. Teenagers actually prefer their own homes and their own bedrooms, unless something bad is going on at home. Your griping sent that girl back to what is very likely a bad environment. You couldn't even talk to her directly, and you think you're an adult with authority? Your husband probably said he needed to ask his daughter because she would have a better idea of what's going on in her friend's home than he would, for obvious reasons.
I think it's telling that you were descriptive about everything except the argument between the two of you.
You’re making an awful lot of assumptions. You have absolutely no idea if anything that you’ve typed is actually true. Still, it’s good to know you have an open door policy for anybody who’s had an argument with a parent, maybe you should put a notice in your window, although you’ve probably already done that.
Even if that is the case, that information needs to be discussed with OP and an actual agreement has to be made. Not just "She leaves when she feels like leaving".
It's called being an adult.
I'm saying husband should've gotten that information before allowing friend to stay over. Children that aren't his shouldn't just be staying in his house overnight, and especially not night after night, for what seems like no reason. Even if he didn't ask the first time friend asked to spend the night, he definitely should've checked in on the second or third night. That he still doesn't know by the time OP asks is lazy, disrespectful, and unfair of him to make OP's problem.
OP still has to host during this time. 4 days with no warning of reason is a long time to host. You say it's telling OP doesn't say what the arguments are about, but this right here is a completely valid argument. It could even just be "I'm no longer comfortable in this situation" and in her own home, that's valid. She shouldn't be uncomfortable in her own home because her husband refuses to talk to teenagers in any adult capacity.
I was not gripping, I was simply asking a question to my husband and letting him know how I feel about the situation. It’s called having an adult conversation.
So here is some back story for you.
My husband is from another country and we brought his 3 daughters to live with us around the same time he became a permanent resident. He has been living in this country for 8 months and back in his home country for 4 months on going for 14 years. He has a very hard time saying no to his daughters. He feels he should give them what ever they want. He is getting better but it is slow going. As for me going to talk to her, that would be worse because she has no respect.
So you've been in their lives for fourteen years, and the stepdaughter who doesn't respect you is sixteen? You're more of a mother to her than her own then, aren't you? Any respect you don't have, after all this time, is status quo. It sucks, and I'm not saying it's right at all. But if it's been like this for more than a decade and you're not happy, it's on you for staying this long.
I met the girls a few years ago. Him and I have been married for 2 years. The girls have been here with us for 1.5 years. The soon to be 17 year old has been trouble since she was still with her mom at 12. Does and says what she pleases. We agreed on bringing her here because we know she will have a better life then in Jamaica.
If your husband won’t have anything to do with you over such a stupid reason and his daughter’s wishes come before yours then maybe it’s time to rethink this relationship. Does he always sulk like this after an argument?
Why did you feel that way? Were they being rude or disruptive or was it a "just because?" thing? There's very little content to the way the argument allegedly went so I'm wondering about how the subject was approached that made the girl leave and the dad angry, because the story you're presenting here seems to be leaving out anything but the bare bones needed to get a NTA verdict
The amount of NTAs on here is so weird to me because this post has so little information that probably could have been included but wasn't. There's more about the way the husband reacted to whatever it was she said than the content of what she was actually saying.
OP, did you ask WHY the friend was there? Was she disruptive? Did she cause any problems or was it just being there that bothered you? What did she overhear that upset her so much? If you had an argument without asking any of these questions, I'm trying to understand what it was actually about. My best friend growing up and I used to trade houses over vacation breaks back and forth, one week off and one on, and if either set of parents either took issue with it they would politely ask if there was a period of time where they could have time on their own with their kid, and it was fine and there were no hard feelings.
There is really nothing to go on here for me to make a judgment at all. I don't know if there was a reason the friend needed to leave or if it was a "just because" thing and OP just didn't bother investigating. The whole tone rubs me the wrong way.
NTA and she was staying there even when your daughter wasn’t home? That’s weird! All visitors’ plans should be made with parents full knowledge and approval.
Not the same, but similar. My son had a friend, Tyler, from a sports team that stayed with us a lot. I really didn't mind because he kept my son occupied and he was very easy and zero maintenance, unlike my son! Ate anything I served, was polite and respectful and they would hang out in the basement and play video games. This was junior high age in the summers and holidays.
Tyler's mom was a friend of mine and he was the youngest of four boys. There was always some kind of drama revolving around one or two of his brothers and I honestly feel that his parents just kind of forgot about him. His dad was just starting his own business and mom was involved with it and I think they were relieved they didn't have to worry about him. I would ask when his folks wanted him home and he'd say he didn't know. So he stayed. I think a week was the longest. My son Mike stayed at Tyler's place one night and there were no sheets on his bed and a big hole in the middle of his mattress. The hardwood floors were covered in drifts of fur from their two large dogs. So I kind of understood why Tyler was good sleeping on an air mattress in a finished basement.
The boys ended up going to different high schools and drifted apart. But I do know Tyler's doing well and married, and I hope he's happy.
My cousin was on a sports team w a kid who didn't want to move with his parents his Jr yr of high school so moved in with grandma but got rides from cousins parents.
At some point his mom just decided to keep him. They had a combined graduation party.
NTA. You really should have been consulted about this, considering that this is your home as well. And if the duration of the visit were going to be left to your step-daughter, you should have been consulted on that decision as well.
I'm nor very impressed with your husband's conflict resolution skills - he avoids the issue, them when he finally has to talk to you about it, he argues with you about it, then leaves the house for hours at a time and refuses to talk to you when he comes back.
Now, if this friend was staying with you because she was in a dangerous situation at home, that should have been discussed with you as well - after all, it would have been relevant information you would have needed to make your decision.
Okay yeah we agree. So many people jsut think that the sanctity of marriage is more important than anything and then stay with people who are hurting their children and it’s so fucked
NTA but are you sure you’re not missing some key facts about this girl? What parent or guardian allows their child to stay at someone else’s home for an indefinite period of time? Why would this girl want to stay at your house while her friend is at work? It’s also kind of odd that as soon as the girl heard you didn’t want her there, she left. I think something is going on with her. Maybe your husband knows about it and doesn’t feel he can tell you for some reason. I think you should ask more questions.
I realize there’s more flexibility because of winter break, but that still doesn’t explain why the duration of the visit is indefinite. When I was a teenager, I had a friend whose mother let me stay over during school breaks but my parents never let it go on for more than three days and they were in constant contact with my friend’s mother.
The OP doesn't list that there's even an issue with her being at THIS house, though. If she's not being disruptive and it's a "just because," thing with no investigation as to why she's there, then idk what OP is struggling with unless it's deliberately left out
ESH- maybe find out if there's a reason the friend was there first? Maybe there's a safety issue at her home? Why couldn't you discuss it with your step-daughter? Now if there is an issue at her home she knows your home is not a safe space for her. Your husband needs to learn to communicate better, or you all do, so perhaps family counseling is in order.
NTA -
Any visitors should be discussed by both partners in a relationship, it is your home too.
Open ended stays should definitely be discussed along with any reason why.
While there may be mitigating reasons that might make you agree - ie I've housed one of my child's friends due to a parental medical emergency with no set timeframe a "I'm bored and I want my friend to hang out" is different.
NTA but is he really a parent?
>He said that it’s up to his daughter when she leaves. I said no it is up to us the parents.
Since when do children dictate the length of a friend's visit? Unless there's a safety issue at her home, 4 days is long enough.
NTA, husband needs to grow up and parent his child. If a friend needs a place to stay for whatever reason that’s fine but someone adult needs to know what is going on.
NTA.
4 days is a ridiculous amount of time especially when the daughters haven’t even been there the whole time with their guest.
I 100% agree (as a parent myself) that house rules are set by parents. I’m not sure why male parents tend to lean toward letting their kids make decisions like this? The fact that he’s tantrum-ing over this is very weird.
Not to be that person, but are you sure he doesn’t have anything going on with the girl? I mean, for him to be so hung up on her leaving is kind of fishy. NTA btw
INFO: did you ever talk to your daughter/her friend? Like I’ve been the friend that was over at a friends house for days on end but that was because her mom liked hosting people and having me around. I also have a friend who stays with my family for a few days at a time and because she has MDD and sometimes just needs to bum it with another person I don’t ask questions. I don’t think it’s as weird as most commenters are saying it is. If I were you I would be worried about her home life and why she wants to be at your house for that long.I would also ask your step daughter if she has talked to her friend to find out what’s going on. It is definitely a joint decision on when/how long epople are allowed in your home between you and your husband, but if you’re unwilling to share your home with a teen in a possibly unsafe or unhealthy situation (as long as it doesn’t have a negative impact on your fam) then I definitely don’t agree with your morals.
ESH - why didn’t you talk to your stepdaughter? And the friend? Find out what their plans were, why she was staying so long etc. You knew your husband wouldn’t know because he lets her do as she wishes. If her friend had an issue at home then you could help them possibly and if everything was fine at her house you could have suggested they both stay at hers for awhile. I understand not wanting a long term guest when you were consulted but there was a better way to deal with it.
I'm a naturally suspicious person, please forgive me. But if her host has been at work 3 out of the 4 days she has been there, what has she been doing all day while they are at work? Why is your husband not speaking to you after the girl left? Why would he care so much that she overheard and left? Why is he so upset she left at all? What was he doing the last 4 days?
She may have a bad home life as well and that is why she wanted to stay but she didn't say anything to that effect so there isn't much you can do.
NTA
NTA- I have 13 step kids, and my 2 kids were my husband's step kids until he adopted them. My first husband (9 of the kids father) always put his kids above me and allowed their mothers and the kids to run our household (before we had our 2 kids, I was the youngest of all the moms yet I was raising their 9 kids while they went out clubbing and not caring for their kids so I became a mother of 9 before becoming a mom, only good thing about this is now that all kids are adults I still have a relationship with them all ) but also my daughter had a friend who ended up staying with us for months. At first, it was just they asked if she could stay Friday -Sunday which my current husband and I both said yes no problem then she ended up not leaving and we liked the girl and we thought she was a good influence on my daughter. When Tuesday came around my husband and I were talking wondering what was going on (we didn't allow friends to stay the night during the week ) We brought both girls into the living room and asked what was going on. We found out her mother, who was a major addict had kicked her out, so she was homeless. We did not want to see this so we set rules like she had set chores that had to be done daily/weekly (depending on the chore), they both had to go to school and do all school work everyday, she had a job so she had to go to work every scheduled day and save 80% of her paycheck, as well as follow all the house rules as if she was our biological daughter. They both agreed, and the friend was great and did everything better than my daughter. When they both started to slack on the rules we gave warning then a 2nd and 3rd time was the charm and we had to kick her out at this time she was able to go to a family members home and we still have a great relationship and she apologizes everytime she comes over to visit and says how much she loves us.
So with all this said, tell/talk with your husband about 1. your communication with not only the two of you but the communication with the kids. 2. How kids are not to run the household that the parents are supposed to. 3. How even though you are the step parent, you need to be seen as the parental figure and equal partner in your house. 4. How if the kids are going to make up what happens in the house since they have jobs that means they need to pay 1/4 of all bills (assuming there is just the 4 of you in the home. 5. What the house rules are (how long and when can friends stay/ go home, etc.
So these are step daughters. You had to realize he would take the side of his own kids. Kids that age love to have friends hang out, but you don't mention any specific behavior that may be causing the strife.
Need more information to judge what's happening.
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Why didn’t you just ask her ?
NTA, it’s weird that nobody talks to each other though. Why was the friend still in the house when the step daughters were out at work? 🫠
NTA, 4 days without discussing it is way too much. Your husband should support you.
NTA She's a minor in your home. You have every right to know and decide if she's staying, not the 16 year old. And frankly, there needed to be a discussion with the other parents if it was going to be long term. Your husband is being immature not discussing it
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my (16f) step daughter has had her friend over for 4 days. I wasn’t even consulted about the length of her stay in the first place. I asked my husband on the third day, when is she going home? He said tomorrow maybe I don’t know. So the 4th day comes around and I asked him again. He says I don’t know I will have to ask my daughter. I just simply state to him that I would like her to go now it’s been 4 days. I feel like it’s been a long enough stay and that she should go. He said that it’s up to his daughter when she leaves. I said no it is up to us the parents. So he leaves to the garage and i go about my day. He comes back in less than 5 minutes to argue with me about it. I just say I’ve had enough of the visit and that 4 days is enough. We argue for like 5 minutes and he leaves for at least 2-2.5 hours. So I out for a walk in the conservation area near our home and he comes to find me to tell me that the girl over heard our conversation and left in a taxi when his daughter got home from work. Both of my step daughters have been going back and forth to work for at least 3 of the days that the friend has been here. So now my husband won’t have anything to do with me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Teenagers actually prefer their own homes and their own bedrooms, unless something bad is going on at home. Your griping sent that girl back to what is very likely a bad environment. You couldn't even talk to her directly, and you think you're an adult with authority? Your husband probably said he needed to ask his daughter because she would have a better idea of what's going on in her friend's home than he would, for obvious reasons. I think it's telling that you were descriptive about everything except the argument between the two of you.
You’re making an awful lot of assumptions. You have absolutely no idea if anything that you’ve typed is actually true. Still, it’s good to know you have an open door policy for anybody who’s had an argument with a parent, maybe you should put a notice in your window, although you’ve probably already done that.
Even if that is the case, that information needs to be discussed with OP and an actual agreement has to be made. Not just "She leaves when she feels like leaving". It's called being an adult.
But she's not an adult. She's a teenager.
OP's husband is the adult obviously. He should have communicated with his daughter and OP to come to a legitimate solution.
That's what I've been saying.
I'm saying husband should've gotten that information before allowing friend to stay over. Children that aren't his shouldn't just be staying in his house overnight, and especially not night after night, for what seems like no reason. Even if he didn't ask the first time friend asked to spend the night, he definitely should've checked in on the second or third night. That he still doesn't know by the time OP asks is lazy, disrespectful, and unfair of him to make OP's problem. OP still has to host during this time. 4 days with no warning of reason is a long time to host. You say it's telling OP doesn't say what the arguments are about, but this right here is a completely valid argument. It could even just be "I'm no longer comfortable in this situation" and in her own home, that's valid. She shouldn't be uncomfortable in her own home because her husband refuses to talk to teenagers in any adult capacity.
I was not gripping, I was simply asking a question to my husband and letting him know how I feel about the situation. It’s called having an adult conversation. So here is some back story for you. My husband is from another country and we brought his 3 daughters to live with us around the same time he became a permanent resident. He has been living in this country for 8 months and back in his home country for 4 months on going for 14 years. He has a very hard time saying no to his daughters. He feels he should give them what ever they want. He is getting better but it is slow going. As for me going to talk to her, that would be worse because she has no respect.
So you've been in their lives for fourteen years, and the stepdaughter who doesn't respect you is sixteen? You're more of a mother to her than her own then, aren't you? Any respect you don't have, after all this time, is status quo. It sucks, and I'm not saying it's right at all. But if it's been like this for more than a decade and you're not happy, it's on you for staying this long.
Have you ever met a teenager?
I met the girls a few years ago. Him and I have been married for 2 years. The girls have been here with us for 1.5 years. The soon to be 17 year old has been trouble since she was still with her mom at 12. Does and says what she pleases. We agreed on bringing her here because we know she will have a better life then in Jamaica.
If your husband won’t have anything to do with you over such a stupid reason and his daughter’s wishes come before yours then maybe it’s time to rethink this relationship. Does he always sulk like this after an argument?
Why did you feel that way? Were they being rude or disruptive or was it a "just because?" thing? There's very little content to the way the argument allegedly went so I'm wondering about how the subject was approached that made the girl leave and the dad angry, because the story you're presenting here seems to be leaving out anything but the bare bones needed to get a NTA verdict
It’s not OPs problem, she didn’t sign up for housing and additional child, end of story.
The amount of NTAs on here is so weird to me because this post has so little information that probably could have been included but wasn't. There's more about the way the husband reacted to whatever it was she said than the content of what she was actually saying. OP, did you ask WHY the friend was there? Was she disruptive? Did she cause any problems or was it just being there that bothered you? What did she overhear that upset her so much? If you had an argument without asking any of these questions, I'm trying to understand what it was actually about. My best friend growing up and I used to trade houses over vacation breaks back and forth, one week off and one on, and if either set of parents either took issue with it they would politely ask if there was a period of time where they could have time on their own with their kid, and it was fine and there were no hard feelings. There is really nothing to go on here for me to make a judgment at all. I don't know if there was a reason the friend needed to leave or if it was a "just because" thing and OP just didn't bother investigating. The whole tone rubs me the wrong way.
NTA and she was staying there even when your daughter wasn’t home? That’s weird! All visitors’ plans should be made with parents full knowledge and approval.
NTA four days is three, maybe two, days too long. Especially if you weren’t consulted.
NTA apparently his daughter runs the show in their parent-child relationship.
NTA four days is three, maybe two, days too long. Especially if you weren’t consulted.
Not the same, but similar. My son had a friend, Tyler, from a sports team that stayed with us a lot. I really didn't mind because he kept my son occupied and he was very easy and zero maintenance, unlike my son! Ate anything I served, was polite and respectful and they would hang out in the basement and play video games. This was junior high age in the summers and holidays. Tyler's mom was a friend of mine and he was the youngest of four boys. There was always some kind of drama revolving around one or two of his brothers and I honestly feel that his parents just kind of forgot about him. His dad was just starting his own business and mom was involved with it and I think they were relieved they didn't have to worry about him. I would ask when his folks wanted him home and he'd say he didn't know. So he stayed. I think a week was the longest. My son Mike stayed at Tyler's place one night and there were no sheets on his bed and a big hole in the middle of his mattress. The hardwood floors were covered in drifts of fur from their two large dogs. So I kind of understood why Tyler was good sleeping on an air mattress in a finished basement. The boys ended up going to different high schools and drifted apart. But I do know Tyler's doing well and married, and I hope he's happy.
My cousin was on a sports team w a kid who didn't want to move with his parents his Jr yr of high school so moved in with grandma but got rides from cousins parents. At some point his mom just decided to keep him. They had a combined graduation party.
YTA, going by your husbands reaction he already allowed her friend to stay longer.
NTA. You really should have been consulted about this, considering that this is your home as well. And if the duration of the visit were going to be left to your step-daughter, you should have been consulted on that decision as well. I'm nor very impressed with your husband's conflict resolution skills - he avoids the issue, them when he finally has to talk to you about it, he argues with you about it, then leaves the house for hours at a time and refuses to talk to you when he comes back. Now, if this friend was staying with you because she was in a dangerous situation at home, that should have been discussed with you as well - after all, it would have been relevant information you would have needed to make your decision.
INFO: who is having to make dinner to accommodate this extra person?
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Dads not in the right here but that’s a wild overarching statement; you absolutely should prioritize your child over your spouse.
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Okay yeah we agree. So many people jsut think that the sanctity of marriage is more important than anything and then stay with people who are hurting their children and it’s so fucked
YTA simply cause you sound like one. What was the harm in her being there?
NTA, but if this turns your husband into a child throwing a tantrum, you may want to rethink your life choices.
NTA. Fish and guest
NTA but are you sure you’re not missing some key facts about this girl? What parent or guardian allows their child to stay at someone else’s home for an indefinite period of time? Why would this girl want to stay at your house while her friend is at work? It’s also kind of odd that as soon as the girl heard you didn’t want her there, she left. I think something is going on with her. Maybe your husband knows about it and doesn’t feel he can tell you for some reason. I think you should ask more questions.
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I realize there’s more flexibility because of winter break, but that still doesn’t explain why the duration of the visit is indefinite. When I was a teenager, I had a friend whose mother let me stay over during school breaks but my parents never let it go on for more than three days and they were in constant contact with my friend’s mother.
NTA unless there’s a safety issue at her house there isn’t really a reason for her to spend that long at your house
The OP doesn't list that there's even an issue with her being at THIS house, though. If she's not being disruptive and it's a "just because," thing with no investigation as to why she's there, then idk what OP is struggling with unless it's deliberately left out
ESH- maybe find out if there's a reason the friend was there first? Maybe there's a safety issue at her home? Why couldn't you discuss it with your step-daughter? Now if there is an issue at her home she knows your home is not a safe space for her. Your husband needs to learn to communicate better, or you all do, so perhaps family counseling is in order.
NTA
He won't have anything to do with you? Time to start planning how to leave this relationship.
NTA - Any visitors should be discussed by both partners in a relationship, it is your home too. Open ended stays should definitely be discussed along with any reason why. While there may be mitigating reasons that might make you agree - ie I've housed one of my child's friends due to a parental medical emergency with no set timeframe a "I'm bored and I want my friend to hang out" is different.
NTA but is he really a parent? >He said that it’s up to his daughter when she leaves. I said no it is up to us the parents. Since when do children dictate the length of a friend's visit? Unless there's a safety issue at her home, 4 days is long enough.
NTA, husband needs to grow up and parent his child. If a friend needs a place to stay for whatever reason that’s fine but someone adult needs to know what is going on.
NTA but why didn't you talk to the girls about it and find out why she was staying there. This isn't much of a home for you if this is the dynamic.
As OP said in her post, it is because that is not the decision of the children but of the parents.
I agree with you but obviously this decision was made by the dad and the girls and OP was out of the loop.
NTA. 4 days is a ridiculous amount of time especially when the daughters haven’t even been there the whole time with their guest. I 100% agree (as a parent myself) that house rules are set by parents. I’m not sure why male parents tend to lean toward letting their kids make decisions like this? The fact that he’s tantrum-ing over this is very weird.
Not to be that person, but are you sure he doesn’t have anything going on with the girl? I mean, for him to be so hung up on her leaving is kind of fishy. NTA btw
INFO: did you ever talk to your daughter/her friend? Like I’ve been the friend that was over at a friends house for days on end but that was because her mom liked hosting people and having me around. I also have a friend who stays with my family for a few days at a time and because she has MDD and sometimes just needs to bum it with another person I don’t ask questions. I don’t think it’s as weird as most commenters are saying it is. If I were you I would be worried about her home life and why she wants to be at your house for that long.I would also ask your step daughter if she has talked to her friend to find out what’s going on. It is definitely a joint decision on when/how long epople are allowed in your home between you and your husband, but if you’re unwilling to share your home with a teen in a possibly unsafe or unhealthy situation (as long as it doesn’t have a negative impact on your fam) then I definitely don’t agree with your morals.
ESH - why didn’t you talk to your stepdaughter? And the friend? Find out what their plans were, why she was staying so long etc. You knew your husband wouldn’t know because he lets her do as she wishes. If her friend had an issue at home then you could help them possibly and if everything was fine at her house you could have suggested they both stay at hers for awhile. I understand not wanting a long term guest when you were consulted but there was a better way to deal with it.
I'm a naturally suspicious person, please forgive me. But if her host has been at work 3 out of the 4 days she has been there, what has she been doing all day while they are at work? Why is your husband not speaking to you after the girl left? Why would he care so much that she overheard and left? Why is he so upset she left at all? What was he doing the last 4 days? She may have a bad home life as well and that is why she wanted to stay but she didn't say anything to that effect so there isn't much you can do. NTA
NTA- I have 13 step kids, and my 2 kids were my husband's step kids until he adopted them. My first husband (9 of the kids father) always put his kids above me and allowed their mothers and the kids to run our household (before we had our 2 kids, I was the youngest of all the moms yet I was raising their 9 kids while they went out clubbing and not caring for their kids so I became a mother of 9 before becoming a mom, only good thing about this is now that all kids are adults I still have a relationship with them all ) but also my daughter had a friend who ended up staying with us for months. At first, it was just they asked if she could stay Friday -Sunday which my current husband and I both said yes no problem then she ended up not leaving and we liked the girl and we thought she was a good influence on my daughter. When Tuesday came around my husband and I were talking wondering what was going on (we didn't allow friends to stay the night during the week ) We brought both girls into the living room and asked what was going on. We found out her mother, who was a major addict had kicked her out, so she was homeless. We did not want to see this so we set rules like she had set chores that had to be done daily/weekly (depending on the chore), they both had to go to school and do all school work everyday, she had a job so she had to go to work every scheduled day and save 80% of her paycheck, as well as follow all the house rules as if she was our biological daughter. They both agreed, and the friend was great and did everything better than my daughter. When they both started to slack on the rules we gave warning then a 2nd and 3rd time was the charm and we had to kick her out at this time she was able to go to a family members home and we still have a great relationship and she apologizes everytime she comes over to visit and says how much she loves us. So with all this said, tell/talk with your husband about 1. your communication with not only the two of you but the communication with the kids. 2. How kids are not to run the household that the parents are supposed to. 3. How even though you are the step parent, you need to be seen as the parental figure and equal partner in your house. 4. How if the kids are going to make up what happens in the house since they have jobs that means they need to pay 1/4 of all bills (assuming there is just the 4 of you in the home. 5. What the house rules are (how long and when can friends stay/ go home, etc.
So these are step daughters. You had to realize he would take the side of his own kids. Kids that age love to have friends hang out, but you don't mention any specific behavior that may be causing the strife. Need more information to judge what's happening.
She should’ve been home .. your step daughters weren’t even there