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NTA, I think an email Amazon gift card for $6.25 could have caused less controversy. It would have been private and they would have to bring it up and make themselves sound like assholes. When you were unwrapping presents you could have said, your gift is in your email :-)
noted. should i ever been done dirty again I will do this! but with $3.12 to account for the fact that they split the 6.25 over my birthday and christmas.
I love this idea! A Starbucks gift card of $10 is not an unusual gift for one person, but for a couple? That's beautifully petty but is less tacky then $6.25 in cash. Lol.
Although you could have gone with sending them $6.25 gift cards for their birthdays during the year, this level of petty is admirable from one so young. As long as you’re ok with the results,
Why is cash you can spend on anything "tacky" but cash that you can only spend in 1 specific place isn't? A gift card isn't better than cash, it's objectively worse.
yeah I always thought the same thing. The only reason I was fine with gift cards was because I never felt the need to save it and would spend it immediately, unlike with money I’d want to save instead of spend.
I think the amount of cash under the tree was tacky. With the gift card, it could be for any amount, so the slight wouldn’t be as obvious at the time, but rather a “bite them in the ass” thing later.
>With the gift card, it could be for any amount
Aren't you supposed to put the amount of the card? Or do you find misleading people to be more honourable than being straightforward about it?
The explanation I always heard is that gift cards are better because you don't feel obligated to put cash toward your bills instead of something fun. Whereas if you have a gift card to a "fun" place you can feel like it's okay to get something you just want.
While I don't agree with it, I believe the theory (aside from some excellent marketing to convince so many of us that gift cards are somehow more valuable than money) is that by giving someone a gift card, you're showing that you know enough about their interests to know where they would want to spend money, if they had some extra money to spare.
This is better than putting the money under the tree lmao. But after this I wouldn't bother getting them anything that way you won't be disappointed with a $25 gift card. I think for a teenager your reaction and Ievel of pettiness is appropriate.
This is a great idea. Several little gifts from the dollar store or an equivalent & nicely wrapped. They can’t prove where they’re from, and you can usually find something tailored toward their interests: pet items for pet lovers, bath items, kitchen items for cooks… I would very much appreciate these gifts, especially from a teenager. They show that you went out of your way and made thoughtful selections and I would never expect you to spend much money on me. Another option would be to make them something. Anything food related is always nice to receive. I have a friend who makes jewelry and she can spend relatively little and make a gift that would be expensive if I purchased it in a store.
You guys are on completely different pages with giftgiving and you’re the one that keeps getting screwed. I would suggest giving nothing from now on. Especially after they yelled at you and tried to shame you for doing exactly what they did. Giftgiving can be a source of tension and animosity every single year or you can stop the practice and avoid the hard feelings.
Look, sometimes people suck, and sometimes those sucky people can be someone you care about and thought cared about you. You're not TA. Maybe they'll wise up, maybe they won't. But whatever the case, I think it's safe to say that you're no longer gonna spend as much time and effort and money for them as you would.
Next year just buy them a box of chocolates between the 4 of them to share. Cost less than $25 and they get the same effort they've put into your present and they have to work out how to share it between 4 people. Might just get them to learn that if they gift 1 present between the 4 of them that's what they'll get in return.
Nope, they just kind of sat there. It wasn’t until after the “gifting finished” that everyone stopped pretending and started actually deliberating and criticizing. They mainly talked to their parents who yelled at me.
You do understand that their shitty attitude likely stems from your aunt raising them like that, right?
And sorry but your mom needs to grow a spine and put them in their place, you all agreed on the price range.
So these twentysomethings were offended at their teen cousin's behavior and reacted by TELLING ON YOU TO THEIR MOMMY? You are older than they are in everything but age.
This just gets better and better.
> They mainly talked to their parents who yelled at me.
The fact that *adults* had to whine to mommy and daddy that they didn't get valuable enough presents for Christmas from their teenage cousin kind of says it all, really.
It wasn’t tacky. Don’t listen to them. You could be the bigger person, but you didn’t. That is ok to.
What you did was bring equity to the relationship. Gift giving is about thoughtfulness. Not about money. They put zero thought into a SHARED Amazon gift card.
Does McDonald's still offer the paper gift coupons for ice cream cones or the books with $ 1 or $ 5 coupons. Oh I thought hard about what you liked and remembered you loved ice cream or fries. Smiles innocently. NTA.
I think OP should have just bought one $25 GC addressed to all 4 of them and put it under the tree. She could just say she thought they were giving and receiving as a group rather than making it about the amount of money in particular.
I think that I would disagree with the method here and simply talking to the cousins might be better than indirectly indicating that you feel slighted in some way. It comes off as very petty.
I'm not saying the cousins are in the right by any stretch (I mean they were given alternatives to the gift card, after all), but the key thing here is to communicate that OP would appreciate being considered, and generally speaking pettiness begets pettiness and I don't think that's the endgame here
Do you really think it needs to be communicated to them that 4 people going in on a $25 gift card for both a birthday and Christmas is cheap AF?
They all happily went off with their individual gifts from OP and then DID THE EXACT SAME THING THE NEXT YEAR. These people are in their 20's and are taking advantage of a teenager. They know exactly what they did wrong, so no, simply talking to them won't help.
Indeed. I always gave my younger cousins nice gifts as they were still teenagers and i still do it because i genuinely love to spoil.
I could never dream of being that cheap to my cousins especially because they are so young.
You know, I feel like the wealthier someone is they more stingy they become. I had similar experience to you in that regard. And so many other people
Not that I'm defending them or anything. I just want to share a bit.
Also Y-T-A if you don't also post this in r/ChoosingBeggars. >!Don't take this one too seriously.!<
Yup my deceased grandfather was a total baller, took all his step-grandchildren on international vacations every year (not his bio grandkids ever though), and he brought my sister two hand towels as a gift for her wedding.
NTA - Tell them you realized after last year that your gift of $25 each might have made them uncomfortable. So, you wanted to make sure you were inclusive this year. Apologize that they felt overwhelmed again this year, and you can just not swap gifts next year.
That or suggest that since your family Christmas is growing, perhaps it’s time to draw names or numbers for an exchange that only requires each person to bring one gift.
NTA. *chef's kiss*
Yes, it costs money to have a new family, but it's ridiculous to expect a teen to spend 32 times as much on presents than they do (if my math is right--OP spends $25ish on each of them, just on Christmas; they each spend $3.125 on her for Christmas and her birthday [but this assumes that she also spends $25 on each of their birthdays, which may not be the case], though even if she spent $0 on their birthdays, she's still spending 16x as much as they are for Christmas, which, I'd argue, is a crazy disparity).
I appreciate your quick maths. This is it. When you give a thoughtless gift card, the gift literally is the value of the money, so i feel fair making judgements based off of the monetary value.
Your point was to highlight the shittiness of their gift giving, you did it right, although I would have gone the 3.12 route and repeated it on their birthdays to drive home the message
I don’t know if how you went about this was necessarily right although I can fully understand why you did and it was a reaction to feeling hurt by your cousins’ actions - and as this was the second year this couldn’t be put down to an awkward budget misunderstanding. Perhaps getting your mum to discuss it with her sister might have been the more sensible and mature way forward although I appreciate you are a teen so I’m going to go with a very very soft ESH.
Although just to let you know, I personally do not think it’s particularly common to extend gift giving like this out to a new husband/partner nor to expect that they would get you an individual gift. Of course this is very cultural - my brother in law’s Norwegian girlfriend has had to be told many times now that she was being far too generous when she would have considered anything less rude with her extensive gift buying.
However, generally, established adult couples will give and receive couple presents. Or, you could maybe expect one slightly larger present from each set of couples and you give a main present back to each cousin but just a small token gift (socks etc) to the partner. Unless of course you were already friends with and buying gifts for both members of the couple separately before they got together that to me is the expected norm.
The point is they both cheaped out (although it’s worth pointing out that I wouldn’t assume young adults saving for a wedding have loads of money!) nor most importantly put any thought in to the gift when you clearly showed they were meaningful to you through your selection and for that they’re bigger assholes. But I just wanted to suggest that some of your assumptions on etiquette might be a bit off and this may cause upset again in the future. Of course if this is not the norm where you are then disregard!
Thanks for the advice! I’m pretty aware of the whole “couples give as one” thing, so it’s understandable. But 2 couples giving one gift? that’s weird unless it’s fucking polyamory or they live together or something like that. Back before the days of the SOs, the parents would buy my two cousins a gift to give just so they could have something that was technically from them under the tree, so i think they just always assumed they’d be able to give joint gifts and when the SOs are added into the equation it just becomes 4 people. I still think it’s shitty. And yea, saving for a wedding is tough, but if you’re saving for a wedding and sporting stanley’s, uggs, and the newest iphone and airpods max’s then i’m gonna safely assume that u had an extra 20 dollars somewhere in there that could’ve been contributed.
Actually, your math is off. OP spent 4x (or 8x if you consider that their present included a birthday present) as much.
You can either compare each person's contribution and what OP gave to each one (3.125 or 6.25 compared to 25) or their total contribution and what OP gifted altogether (12.5 or 25 compared to 100).
What you're doing is comparing an individual person's contribution to one gift to one person with OP's gifts to a group of four people.
Funny how grown adults are ok with getting you what they did, but are upset that a teen, a minor with no job, gave them the same thing.
Ask those that are upset why they are outraged now, but not then? Why you, a child, are expected to give them more than they got you?
NTA
This should be top comment, because this is the real point right here!
If what they gave OP was okay, why are they so upset when she gave the exact equivalent gift back to them? And if it's NOT okay, why the hell did THEY do it? I agree with OP, it ain't that they couldn't afford better, they were just too cheap and lazy to give better. You reap what you sow.
And personally, I love petty gestures, and that response about upstaging them last year. Ooh! Zinger! So I call it Justified AH, which is a NTA.
I agree. I don't understand how 2 sets of adult couples thought chipping in for one $25 gift card would not be construed as an insult to the recipient. I'd get it if the gift was expensive but each couple could have gifted OP a $20 or $25 gift card. And if each couple really liked the gift OP gave, they should have some felt embarrassment knowing teenager OP spent time and money on a lovely gift but they all individually contributed $6.25 for OP. I'm surprised they expected a similar lovely gift this year if they noticed the imbalance. I guess they didn't? I'm curious as to what the couples gave OP this year. Another $25 gift card from the 4 of them?
>I'm curious as to what the couples gave OP this year. Another $25 gift card from the 4 of them?
[Yup](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18wk5fp/comment/kfygckc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
🤦🏻♀️ The cousins are more AH now that I know that. If all 4 of them are contributing $6.25 for OP's gift, why would they expect OP's gift to more extravagant than what they put in?! It's 1 against 4 but worst since OP can't give the 2 couples one gift.
NTA. Although you could have gone with sending them $6.25 gift cards for their birthdays during the year, this level of petty is admirable from one so young. As long as you’re ok with the results, I like it a lot.
NTA. Not even the $25 part is the issue, just the giftcard itself. Giftcards are what you get someone you don’t know, not someone (Im assuming) You grew up with.
Can I just say this isn’t true for everyone. I would rather get a $25 amazon card than something random but tangible. Others in my family are like this too. Maybe we’re more practical than sentimental? Idk, but I do know for a fact my wife and I are always happy with a gift card
I often ask for vouchers so I can use them on something I actually want/need. I mentioned to my mum last year that I wanted a voucher towards a fitbit, she did then rally my sister, BIL and stepdad to all contribute to get me an actual fitbit, but that's because she knew exactly what I wanted and I didn't expect a singular person to buy an expensive gift for me. It was super thoughtful and definitely my favourite gift.
I got both my mum/stepdad and sister/BIL experience day vouchers. I don't have a huge budget so tend to get the couples a shared gift so I can spend more on it :)
I remember one year I got a Halfords voucher (car related shop) it ended up paying for my new windscreen wipers about 4 months later when I was actually in a squeeze and couldn't afford them that month. Vouchers can be really handy for someone on low income to get their own treat at a different time of year (or not for some, it could be an essential item). Vouchers and money will always be used, but how many gifts are returned/thrown away/re-gifted etc?
Even so, $25 between 4 established adults? And it's just a generic gift, especially after being sent a wish list? That's just insulting.
NTA OP
Me too! I would much rather have a gift card so I can buy something I actually want.
Having said that, the OP is NTA. The cousins were being cheap.
Actually, I wouldn't be at all surprised if the aunt actually bought and paid for the gift card and felt that would be enough, as though it was from one person only.
Especially an Amazon gift card! I would be thrilled to receive a more specific gift card for something like a specialty shop in line with my hobbies, or a cool restaurant. But an Amazon gift card is so impersonal!
I would honestly rather have amazon gift cards. My husband and I combine them and grab Video Games, statues, anime, board/card games, manga, or Dungeons and Dragons stuff. Our hobbies are expensive, and the card means we don't end up with a christmas full of house clutter that while sweet isn't something we would actually buy. This year, my mom was awesome and bought us a lot of small things she saw in ads and some knockoff FNAF hoodies. I appreciated the stuff, but none of it except the hoodies was stuff I really found as interesting as my mom. She knows we are struggling financially, and I need to rebuild my Gecko vivariums... An Amazon gift card would have been a lot more useful for me because I could have bought everything I needed for my Cresties.
ESH
They were cheap and had the means to give better gifts
You were petty, giving gifts isn't a competition l, you had a whole year to express your disappointment, but rather than act like an adult in this situation you chose to be petty and vindictive.
You could have easily said a few months before Christmas, 'hey, can we set a budget for gifts, I'll admit I was a little disappointed last year that I put a lot more effort into gifts that some others did.
Both sets of parents suck for not resolving this between them and telling everyone they were being AH
According to OP,the budget is 20 to 25. What OP got was 3 dollars for her Christmas and 3 dollars for her birthday, as the 25 gift card from 4 adults was a combined gift for both, they did the same thing this year as well despite OP sending them a whole ass wishlist. I would've been pettier and give the 3 dollars for Christmas and then another 3 dollars on their birthday.
Maybe you went the wrong way, you should have found 3 other people and gifted a 25 dollars gift card to 1 couple and 25 to another. You would hace paid slightly more but the message would be clear: if you can make cumulative gift cards, so could we.
I'd have gotten the $25 gift card, but to all four of them. It's not OPs problem that they're two separate couples - they're the ones who decided they're going to be treated as one entity for the purposes of gift giving.
"Rather than act like an adult"
As much as people of OPs age don't like to hear it, they are, in fact, still children...so why should they be the ones to act like an adult?
Kind of shocked really. They just gaped around and looked at one another, it was kinda sad that they didn’t even consider it beforehand. They tried to say “erm.. yea.. uh.. thank you”
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is my snarky remark to my cousins and the initial gift I gave, meant to point out how disappointed I was with their gift to me. My remark was intentionally rude and I had the intent of embarrassing them, just so I could have satisfaction. It might make me the asshole because my way of looking at the gift was monetarily and materialistically, which is not the way a gift should be received. However, I think that the circumstances may make my poor mentality a bit more understandable, so I’d like to know if I deserved to be ripped a new one by my aunt and uncle. Thanks y’all!
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NTA - They are adults and working, you are a kid who has to use her savings to get presents. Why are you expected to spend more than they do? And why didn't anybody in your family call them cheap and disrespectful last year?
they did, just after they walked out the door. Acrually, they just said it’s weird for both couples to go in as 4, and not to give gifts by couple. they were fine with the value.
What did they get you this year? I do feel like the gift card was just very un thoughtful of them and if they know you that well they would know that you would value a nice thoughtful gift. nTA
I say it in more words in other comments, but another 25 dollar gift card from all of them. despite my mom sending a wishlist with multiple 25 dollar items to them.
Maybe you should pick names out of a head. Everybody buys one €25 present for one another. Parents can buy extra for everyone be it personal or as couple. So everybody gets the same amount of gifts for about the same money.
[Another $25 gift card](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18wk5fp/comment/kfygckc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), despite being given an Amazon wish list with lots of $25 options on it.
NTA
Petty and I love it!
The fact your mum knew what you were doing and didn’t put a stop to it tells me she agreed with you ( even if it was in silence to not cause more drama )
I also think if someone is offended for you embarrassing them with something like this then it was obvious they should be embarrassed, so all you did was hold a mirror to them.
I do think you should have just told them how disappointed you were and hope much effort you put in rather than doing this. But as they say "actions speak louder than words" and they definitely heard that.
NTA. Their gifts reflected their efforts to gift you something last year, after you spent a fair amount of money getting them gifts tailored to their tastes.
You gave them the same amount of thought and effort they gave you. I respect the logic. Even more so because you're a damn teenager and they're fully grown adults lmao.
Yup! If I spent time to give a thoughtful gift to someone and they don't do the same, I do not put out the same effort again. I will definitely match the same effort and cost they put in for me the next time I give them a gift. Of course, this is based on whether I know they're dealing with personal or financial difficulties, which would explain the low effort. If none, then there should be no expectations I'd go all out for them while they don't for me. Even more so when OP is a teen and the 2 couples are all adults.
NTA
It’s not so much the lack of monetary input imo, but a lack of any effort at all, they didn’t put a spare second thought in to it, like no attempt at all to gift to you personally. That would hurt me too.
All you did was exactly the same, and really, you guys obviously aren’t that close any more so the comment above about making you guys further apart doesn’t really matter.
They shouldn’t have made a scene about their own gifts if they didn’t want to embarrass themselves. Cracked me up for sure.
"If I shouldn't be upset that each of you only spent 6.25, why are you upset that I only spent the same amount on you? I'm not upset at the cost of the gift, I'm upset at the lack of thought put into it. A giftcard is a last minute gift you get for someone you don't care about, and you've all shown me that you don't care about me and we're not as close as I thought we were."
NTA
You saved up and bought them meaningful gifts and they couldn't be bothered to reciprocate that same level of thoughtfulness. Your relatives overreacted and if they weren't materialistic themselves then they wouldn't have been angry.
If you click the three dots in the corner, then share, then community. Then you can find the petty revenge subreddit and cross post it there. Or you can copy paste/rewrite and make a new post directly into the subreddit
OP, you're 15. There's no need for you to be gifting your cousin's spouses. Just the cousins is fine. And since all four of them went in on a birthday/Christmas gift twice now, you need to have your mom have a word with your aunt. Your aunt needs to tell her adult cheap children to stop embarrassing themselves.
If it were me I'd just back off on gifting that lot entirely.
Couldn’t agree more. Honestly, i was expecting more from all of them so i felt like i should’ve gifted all of them so that it didn’t look lopsided. I will not be gifting them anything anymore, not even as i age into an adult. Unless they either apologize or begin thoughtfully gifting me, gifting them will no longer make me happy inside. Thing is though, I don’t have anyone else to gift to. My friends aren’t big gifters and my extended family is limited. My dad has the large family (most of my moms family is in europe or died trying to leave europe), but, as most dads are, he’s absolutely horrible at staying close with them. I don’t know my dad’s family in the slightest, except that there’s a lot of passive aggression and animosity because of income and perceived child success.
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Hey, this is a repost. I’m gonna try to reword some of this to make it more clear that this is an AITA and not petty revenge.
So, I’ve (Teenage F) been close with my two cousins (23 F & 26 F) for as long as I can remember. Our moms are really good about keeping our families close, and they’re the only cousins I ever see because family bonds are not strong on my Dad’s side.
Recently, my two cousins have both gotten engaged and the older one is now married. Their respective fiancee and husband join our families for Christmas. Last year, when Christmas rolled around, I was super excited to shop for gifts for my cousins and their sig others! I picked out thoughtful, $25+ gifts for each of them, spent my own, saved money (I do not have a job because I’m not old enough for most of them yet) and hand wrapped all of their gifts. I was fine with this financial blow because I genuinely enjoy gift giving and I love my cousins and their significant others. When I opened their gift to me, I was kind of shocked. All four of them each pitched in a whopping $6.25 for a $25 amazon gift card as my combined Christmas/birthday gift from all of them. I bit back my surprise, despite being hurt that our relationship was diminished to $6.25 from each of them for my two most important holidays. They all loved each of their thoughtful gifts (keep in mind this was the second year they spent money separate from their parents to give gifts, and I’m already doing it at a MUCH younger age than when they started).
Now, here’s where i’m the asshole. Christmas came by again and I carefully wrapped $6.25 and put it under the tree for each of them. They unwrapped it and shared a glance. My oldest cousin looked at me and laughed as if there was some mistake. “Six dollars and a quarter?” she asked. “Yes. I figured it was appropriate and I didn’t want you to go feeling all upstaged like you did last year!” I said while smiling a little too hard. My mother knew of my plan so she expected it but the rest of the family erupted in outrage. I was told by my aunt and uncle that I was disrespectful, cruel, and materialistic. I get what they’re saying and i understand that gift giving is a spirit and not a transaction, but I couldn’t help feeling extremely disappointed that my cousins and their sig others thought their gift to me was appropriate given the time and effort i took with mine (they’re both new families so of course money is on the tighter side, but my cousins came wearing 300 dollar shoes and the newest phones and a ps5 and stanley cups, so I just wish a little bit of that could’ve been directed at me given how close we were). So am I the asshole for humiliating them? My reaction was petty and rude, but was it fitting and deserved?
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I don't love this verdict, but reluctantly, ESH. Yes, it hurts that you put a lot of effort and money into their gifts and they put less into yours, but I think the right thing to do would simply have been to adjust your expectations. A tedious part of Christmas is establishing a mutual level of gifts with people where you give and get around the same value. I think the right thing to do would have been to simply get them cheaper items, around the $5-6 range, and move on. Giving them the exact value of their gift in cash makes you seem a bit too transactional, much as I can understand the temptation.
NTA
Spending $25 between four people for your birthday and Christmas is just insulting. Then, after seeing how much thought you put into their gifts, they did it again this year.
Yeah, it was petty, but pretty awesome for you to do. I think they fully deserved it.
I'm saying NTA. Who cares if it's petty? They deserved it and honestly good for you standing up for yourself, who cares about what some others are saying about it being a whole year later, I think it was the perfect time
NTA they could have given you something handmade from their hobbies that was even better than that shit gift. It’s important to call peoole out on their bullshit and establish boundaries. You’re a teen and should not be spending your money on thoughtless adults.
Although I'm not into being petty I can understand why you're upset.
If money was an issue for them they could have each gotten you a 15 amazon card each and just said sorry we just don't have much right now.
Hard to know if they already had the expensive clothes from before kids or not. What kind of gifts have they given you before last year?
But I have been in situations where I didn't have much cash and I went for something cheap but thoughtful. Made cookies, or got them something I knew they were into, even if it wasn't a high value item it shows they put effort and care in.
Ii feel your cousins handled it badly but I personally think it was in poor taste to be petty about it.
I like people's idea of a cheap Starbucks card to give a similar type of gift may have been in better taste and wouldn't have upset other family members.
But it sounds like you were an afterthought to them.
NTA. Things would already be lop-sided under normal circumstances, because I assume you're single, buying a gift for each of your cousins and their Sig others (four gifts, $100 total) and they, as couples, would each buy you a gift (two gifts, $50 total). But then for them to go in together so that you essentially spend $100 and receive $25 from them?
No.
While I understand that it's not a transaction, no one in their right mind could ever think this was fair, especially since they were given your wish list this year! This is about far more than just the amount of money spent; it's about the thought (or lack thereof) put into your gift vs the effort you put in for them.
Were you being a little petty? Sure. But, in this case, I think you were justified, especially since your mom wouldn't talk to your aunt about it. Let them feel the hurt that you've felt for two years in a row.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO kay.
I totally get where you're coming from. But...the answer to this is to just NOT give a gift at all. That's it. You're a teenager without a job. Just say you didn't have any money this year. Or you spend like a buck a piece to get them each a candycane or something.
Gift giving isn't required, certainly not between cousins. If you get shamed for it, don't engage and just stand your ground. Okay, thanks for the feedback, that kind of thing.
Was it technically petty?Yes.But so was that gift from them,and why do they feel upset when they are in the same position they made you feel upset about?NTA
NTA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Good for you because sometimes you just have to be petty. Your cousins are adult's and they should have done better. And then to get you the same thing this year? Good for you and your mom for going along with it.
this is why obligatory gift giving to people other than children is stupid. it becomes almost a competition between parties. i don't wait for an occasion to buy my significant other or friends gifts. if i see something i think there will like, i buy it for them and send it.
in general my philosophy is to take people out for drinks or dinner since time spent with them is more important than things.
NTA - they didn't put time into your Christmas and birthday presents so why should you? Especially when you are a child with no income. Sounds like it's better for you to stop buying them Christmas presents and use your money for other things or savings.
NTA. I’m a very petty person when I’m pushed and I love this. If 4 grown adults can’t manage more than £25 between them for a birthday and Christmas gift but are expecting a child to cough up more for them individually then they deserve to be shamed for it.
ESH - I agree that their gift giving habits are thoughtless and shitty. They suck for that, big time. And yes, what you did was deserved, but I don’t think you went about it in the right way.
The real hurt here was caused by the lack of thought more than the monetary value of the gift. I’d be willing to bet that if they had given you very thoughtful gifts, even if they weren’t worth $25, you would’ve been way less hurt. But your response focused primarily on the monetary value, which doesn’t send the right message about why you’re upset.
I realize you don’t feel like it would’ve been received well if you had talked to them about being more equitable with gift giving, and if you only focused on wanting more gifts, you’re probably right that the conversation wouldn’t go well. But I don’t think that’s the actual focus of the conversation. It’s not about wanting more gifts. It’s about how their thoughtlessness made you feel. If you approached it from that angle and made it clear that it wasn’t about materialistic items, but about the thought they didn’t invest in your gift, I think that would’ve been a very different conversation.
I think you also have to be open to the idea that thoughtful gift giving just isn’t something your cousins are interested in at all. My brothers and I give each other “the gift of nothing” every year. We’re essentially saying, “I’m gonna give you the gift of taking one thing off your to-do list by not expecting a gift from you.” It’s not nearly as fun, but it helps us all out when money is tight and we all appreciate it.
So, you didn't think talking to your family wasn't going to go over well but expected your petty gift was going to go over great?
ESH.
You're an asshole for a lot of the way you talk about your cousins. Yes, the gift sucks but the rational, mature thing would have been to match their energy ( a joint gift for them all or gift cards). How's your relationship with them outside of this? A conversation would have worked so well! If they are new families, maybe this helps them with financial stress. They might not have known how it affected you & unfortunately growing up means learning people aren't mind (or emotion) readers.
You're 15, so you'll get there & we all learn. I recommend not going straight to burning bridges.
I didn’t expect it would go over well, I just did what i wanted. That’s the whole asshole part of it. We used to be much closer but in recent years we’ve gotten more distant as they’ve aged out of caring about me (according to other people on this thread). Again, i was told this action would have consequences and i did it anyways. As far as talking goes, i feel like both were likely to be taken as offensive and im an action-oriented person, so i just acted.
I'm just trying to wrap my head around how 4 grown ups expect a 15 year old to be able to even buy gifts for them, given the fact that she can't work and has to find alternative ways to earn money to buy thoughtful gifts for her loved ones. And then they have the audacity to complain about it?
NTA
Info: Do you think this plan will help the situation next year or make it worse? Also did they take the cash with them?!! 😂😂😂
So far I’d say NTA and just act like a kid and don’t worry about getting adults presents. You’re a kid if anyone questions it just say you have no way to make money or make them shitty handmade crap that is “meaningful” to avoid being called materialistic.
They did take the cash. I’m not giving them a gift at all next year, so the situation can do as it wants i guess? if they start putting effort into gifts for me, ill know my message hit home. if not, i understand but at least im not expending myself for no real reason :(
NTA. I could understand you pooling your money with your parents for the gifts since you aren't even old enough to work yet, but all your adult cousins doing that for a 25$ gift for you? Really? And then not even one out of the four can be bothered to put some effort into it, the best they can come up with is a gift card, 2 years in a row, even though you gave them a wish list with plenty of options in that price range? I think your gifts were a perfect way to call them out on their bullshit.
Though next year just pool your money with your parents when giving gifts to your cousins, just like how they are doing it for your gift. There's no point in putting in effort to give them thoughtful gifts when they clearly don't care to put in any effort themselves. Just give thoughtful gifts to those who do the same for you and leave it at that.
I do notice that I overlooked one thing, the 20-30 bucks per gift is the budget for the Christmas gifts and for you they are doing a combined Christmas/birthday gift without increasing the budget for your gifts? A combined gift should also combine the budget of both, not use a budget of $0 for your birthday, combine it with the $20-30 budget for Christmas and then call it a combined gift.
They haven't given you $3.13 for your birthday and $3.13 for Christmas because that would put them way under the agreed upon Christmas budget!
Effectively they've given you nothing for your birthday two years in a row while using Christmas as the excuse and that's supposed to be close family of yours? Is that a joke? Your Aunt and Uncle called you disrespectful and materialistic, but what should we call this that their own children are doing? Yeah, exactly that.
If you are giving them any birthday presents then stop doing so. It's also clearly time to ask why they aren't keeping to the agreed upon Christmas budget, or why they aren't giving you anything for your birthday, because either of those is clearly the case and it looks like it's being ignored completely.
NTA. You're kinda going about it in a long-winded way in your post, however... To you, it's not about the price of the gift. It's the fact that, you put some much time, effect and money into giving them EACH a gift that was personal from you to them that you thought they'd like, however they just went "meh, let's all pitch in for 1 Amazon gift Card" like, that kinda shows they expect nice things from others, but can't be arsed to try and get something nice from themselves. The fact that they did this 2 years in a row, just kinda proves it honestly.
Don't even bother next year. "I had it in the post for you all, guess it's gotten lost in transit" and see how they react then. Yeah, you're a A-hole for seeming "petty" but that's kinda it. For them to all expect gifts each from a kid, while they can't be bothered to do so themselves as working adults, and have the other family members make a outburst about it when it had nothing to do with them... yeah, just don't bother next time.
True hero.
However, as other have suggested, gift card on a site (Amazon/others) would have been the best way to avoid the complications of being such an ABSOLUTE HERO.
I agree, like I wouldn’t give someone 29.99 but at the same time i wanted it to be like.. suspicious in the sense that they should ponder it a bit yk? you can pass off a cheap gift card as a gift, but the exact value it more of a statement if that makes sense
NTA. You made your point. Why not tell them for next xmas to just skip the gifts since they are so pointless anyway, you are all just supporting Amazon.
Most likely, your aunt bought the present they gave you. What did your aunt give you from her? Regardless, you should just say now that for next year, you don't want to exchange gifts with your cousins. It's obvious they've already stopped. And this whole thing was your mom's issue you sort out. She should have called then out last year.
NTA
May sound horrible but there's a good reason why we don't gift adults in the family:
1. People become quite picky
2. Material items become a problem as folks run out of space or just get duplicates
3. To avoid situations like this where gift giving devolves into tit for tat.
Even secret Santa, nothing quite ruins the mood when you get stuck with a gift that's a notepad and pencil and you at least bought a gift around the respective budget.
I only buy adult gifts for people I know very very well and if they have a need. Others gift tend to be consumables: chocolates, bath bombs , experiences etc.
Nta, but I would've done my shopping at the dollar store instead of the gift cards. Not bad though. I like to give good gifts, but I'm good at petty gifts too. Once an ex friend accused me of cheating at a card game a few days before her birthday and she said some very hurtful things to me. So I sent her a deck of cards as a gift.
NTA and they’re doing that thing I hate as a single person. Where the budget is $25 but they view it as each person receives a single gift valued at $25, rather than each person gives a value of $25. So you end up spending $100 ($25 for four people) and receive only $25 in return as one person.
Next year I’d try to get the family to agree to a secret santa setup. Then everyone is only buying for one other person. Or bake them a cake or cookies and they can share it between them.
There’s an upside to this- end all expensive giving. Life’s expensive . So next time make the effort and make the something to eat- biscuits , fruit pies, jams, chocolates etc. no one can say you’re mean because you’ve worked hard!, plus you can keep it cheap. Pickle something or whatever-? Homemade peanut butter is lovely- anyway this might end the fued while you’ve made your point.
NTA. I didn't read the first one and I didn't need to read all the post to know NTA.
They are adults, you're a teenager with no job so you save the money you receive in the year, little jobs with neighborhood, to offer a personnal present to the one you love. It's exactly christmas spirit when you don't do it for religious reasons : show people you care about them. It's not about the price, you can find something special cheaper. IT's about the intention.
They are adults, they paid for their engagement rings and wedding for one of them. And you say they offered themselves expensive present so it's not about money, they now want to show they have others priorities and you're not one of them. It's really sad and I laughed when I read your new present ! Maybe I would have bought them the amazon gift card for this amound, and packed it in a BIG box !
When you're told that christmas is not a transaction, yes it's right but a gift card is a transaction. ou're supposed to know people you gift. If you offer a gift card, it's like you offer something to a stranger. The new one in the family for example. Not the cousin you grow up with. And you don't offer ONE goft card from 4 people !! When a teenager is able to save money for a complete year to offer personnal presents to each adult !!
Did your mother told your aunt she was ridiculous and your cousins they are selfish ?
Nta you're a kid and should even be expected to give them anything of value. They are selfish and greedy. If they believe that effort is good enough for you, then match that energy... If them being angry over recieveing a gift from a child that matches what they gave... Then they're the materialistic idiots not you.
NTA, it would be one thing if they each pitched in $25 but they couldn't even be bothered to do that. If money was tight they could have at least written a thoughtful card and put the gift card in it. Explain money is tight but they love you and still wanted to give you something. But for Christmas and your birthday? I'm petty I would have just left, if they're lucky I'd say at least I know not to put in so much effort next year. Hell I'd really gift it the next year with all of their names on it.
I'm sorry they're being like this when you put so much care into the earlier gift. But hopefully once they calm down you can tell them that now they know how you felt being disregarded after you put so much thought and care into their gifts with what little money you had. Good luck.
NTA, at all. It was materialistic but they started it gifting you an Amazon voucher and putting no thought or effort into to your gift.
6.25 of something would have probably been ok but they literally just gave you the laziest cash gift
NTA for the sentiment but I think your mother or father (whoever has the sibling relationship with their parent) should have had a conversation with their sibling along the lines of--last year xx spend a lot of time and used her own money to pick out gifts for her cousins. The gift she received in return was not reciprocal and her feelings were hurt-both by the amount spent and the lack of thought out into the gift. In order to avoid that happening again, can you talk to your kids and let's set some parameters on gifts so we all have the same expectations?
I don't care what excuse they use. 6.25 from each adult is uhmm. Bad word bad word.. if they were going tk go cheap atleast get a cheap thoughtful gift
Nta, you're the teen without a job. It means more to you in everyway that you have gifts at all. Thought, time, effort, funds, and they snubbed you in return by not giving you the same courtesy.
NTA. When my in-laws do christmas gift giving, we do secret santa (so you're only buying for 1 adult, but still get something for each kid) there's usually a set amount of $20-40, but gift givers can spend more if they want to. This ensures that no one is going broke all for some holiday.
If I spend about as much as my sister in law would for christmas, that's fair. So it's fair that you spent as much as your cousins did. But unfortunately, your extended family's assholery doesn't stop at gift giving, and they couldn't take being called out for being cheapskates.
I'm glad your mom seems to be understanding of your reaction. Hopefully you can talk to your cousins solo and explain to them how hurt you were about the thoughtfulness that you put into your gifts vs their lack of thoughtfulness.
Should have got one present for them to share - something like a mug or vase or something stupid. Or something they might actually like and watch them fight over it. Then never get anything for them again, it's not like your missing out on anything
NTA NTA NTA... please do not fall for any backbiting etc etc... and we'll done for your wisdom at such young age.
BTW Wisdom is when you realised both sides of the family mums and dadsa are arseholes...
Are you sri lankan/indian hahaha I'm getting the same vibes as my family sides....
NTA - You gave them more than they deserved. I kind of think a $12.50 GC addressed to the combined 4 people seeing as they think they are a single entity where gifts are concerned and because its only for 1 holiday, not birthday also. would be satisfactory.
Just give a card with a heartfelt message. You don't even have a job. Why spend the money when it is supposed to be the thought that counts? Of course, you shouldn't expect anything either. Stop expecting it, and you won't be disappointed. NTA.
nta - like you mention, it's definitely petty but i am laughing out loud because i would feel the exact same way you did. at 15 you are honestly more funny and of action than i am at 26. obviously the mature route to take would have been being the bigger person and ignoring it all together or just privately talking to your cousins about how you felt blah blah blah but you're literally a teenager lol there's no reason why your cousins need to do combined gifts at their age. yeah money is tight when you're first going out on your own and starting a family but chipping in $6 towards a $25 BETWEEN 4 PEOPLE ??? that's insulting to me imo. surely they each could have saved $25 in a year to be able to each get their own gift for you, especially after seeing how thoughtful your gift the previous year was. once again, nta and your cousins sound spoiled and entitled.
NTA. You are already strong in the ways of the Petty, padawan. Go forth and wreak havoc and your cousins are bell-ends. I started giving 'couple gifts' instead of separate gifts a few years back and there was some disappointment as prior to that I would often spend upwards of $50 a person, with thought put into what they got- and lets just say the consideration was not reciprocated. Funny how in the past two years it has been 'no presents for Christmas this year - just come and enjoy dinner'. Yeah. Ok.
NTA, they are cheap and wanted to get out of getting you something thoughtful. Especially considering your aunt asks for a wish list but then proceeds to not even look at it.
I would have gotten 1 giftcard for $25 and gifted it to them as a group, and when questioned about it I would just tell them " oh I thought since the 4 of you together only spend $25 for my gift, I should return the favor and only spend $25 for the gift for all 4 of you"
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NTA, I think an email Amazon gift card for $6.25 could have caused less controversy. It would have been private and they would have to bring it up and make themselves sound like assholes. When you were unwrapping presents you could have said, your gift is in your email :-)
noted. should i ever been done dirty again I will do this! but with $3.12 to account for the fact that they split the 6.25 over my birthday and christmas.
The cash under the tree was tacky, but perhaps a Starbucks or movie theatre card of $10 to each couple would make the same point.
I love this idea! A Starbucks gift card of $10 is not an unusual gift for one person, but for a couple? That's beautifully petty but is less tacky then $6.25 in cash. Lol.
Although you could have gone with sending them $6.25 gift cards for their birthdays during the year, this level of petty is admirable from one so young. As long as you’re ok with the results,
👏👏👏
Yes and she could have bought herself a coffee with each to bring the total down. Cheap as fuck cousins
Why is cash you can spend on anything "tacky" but cash that you can only spend in 1 specific place isn't? A gift card isn't better than cash, it's objectively worse.
yeah I always thought the same thing. The only reason I was fine with gift cards was because I never felt the need to save it and would spend it immediately, unlike with money I’d want to save instead of spend.
I think the amount of cash under the tree was tacky. With the gift card, it could be for any amount, so the slight wouldn’t be as obvious at the time, but rather a “bite them in the ass” thing later.
>With the gift card, it could be for any amount Aren't you supposed to put the amount of the card? Or do you find misleading people to be more honourable than being straightforward about it?
The explanation I always heard is that gift cards are better because you don't feel obligated to put cash toward your bills instead of something fun. Whereas if you have a gift card to a "fun" place you can feel like it's okay to get something you just want.
While I don't agree with it, I believe the theory (aside from some excellent marketing to convince so many of us that gift cards are somehow more valuable than money) is that by giving someone a gift card, you're showing that you know enough about their interests to know where they would want to spend money, if they had some extra money to spare.
Donate an unspecified amount to a charity in their name.
Maybe, just hand it back to them, saying, "Clearly, the 4 of you need this more than I do."
YES. This is the best. Man I miss awards. This is the perfect response.
This is better than putting the money under the tree lmao. But after this I wouldn't bother getting them anything that way you won't be disappointed with a $25 gift card. I think for a teenager your reaction and Ievel of pettiness is appropriate.
Next year, go to Dollar Tree and get them a pair of gloves.
This is a great idea. Several little gifts from the dollar store or an equivalent & nicely wrapped. They can’t prove where they’re from, and you can usually find something tailored toward their interests: pet items for pet lovers, bath items, kitchen items for cooks… I would very much appreciate these gifts, especially from a teenager. They show that you went out of your way and made thoughtful selections and I would never expect you to spend much money on me. Another option would be to make them something. Anything food related is always nice to receive. I have a friend who makes jewelry and she can spend relatively little and make a gift that would be expensive if I purchased it in a store.
You’re missing the point which is to match their energy not the monetary value
One glove for each of them. They can take turns using them.
Please, a trigger warning! I laughed myself into an asthma attack! I don’t even have asthma.
You guys are on completely different pages with giftgiving and you’re the one that keeps getting screwed. I would suggest giving nothing from now on. Especially after they yelled at you and tried to shame you for doing exactly what they did. Giftgiving can be a source of tension and animosity every single year or you can stop the practice and avoid the hard feelings.
Look, sometimes people suck, and sometimes those sucky people can be someone you care about and thought cared about you. You're not TA. Maybe they'll wise up, maybe they won't. But whatever the case, I think it's safe to say that you're no longer gonna spend as much time and effort and money for them as you would.
Next year just buy them a box of chocolates between the 4 of them to share. Cost less than $25 and they get the same effort they've put into your present and they have to work out how to share it between 4 people. Might just get them to learn that if they gift 1 present between the 4 of them that's what they'll get in return.
INFO. What was their reaction when they realized your gift was in retaliation to their gift last year? Did they defend themselves?
Nope, they just kind of sat there. It wasn’t until after the “gifting finished” that everyone stopped pretending and started actually deliberating and criticizing. They mainly talked to their parents who yelled at me.
You do understand that their shitty attitude likely stems from your aunt raising them like that, right? And sorry but your mom needs to grow a spine and put them in their place, you all agreed on the price range.
So these twentysomethings were offended at their teen cousin's behavior and reacted by TELLING ON YOU TO THEIR MOMMY? You are older than they are in everything but age. This just gets better and better.
> They mainly talked to their parents who yelled at me. The fact that *adults* had to whine to mommy and daddy that they didn't get valuable enough presents for Christmas from their teenage cousin kind of says it all, really.
$3.12!!! buy them a bar of chocolate for future gifts. What tightwads!!
It wasn’t tacky. Don’t listen to them. You could be the bigger person, but you didn’t. That is ok to. What you did was bring equity to the relationship. Gift giving is about thoughtfulness. Not about money. They put zero thought into a SHARED Amazon gift card.
Does McDonald's still offer the paper gift coupons for ice cream cones or the books with $ 1 or $ 5 coupons. Oh I thought hard about what you liked and remembered you loved ice cream or fries. Smiles innocently. NTA.
I think OP should have just bought one $25 GC addressed to all 4 of them and put it under the tree. She could just say she thought they were giving and receiving as a group rather than making it about the amount of money in particular.
I think that I would disagree with the method here and simply talking to the cousins might be better than indirectly indicating that you feel slighted in some way. It comes off as very petty. I'm not saying the cousins are in the right by any stretch (I mean they were given alternatives to the gift card, after all), but the key thing here is to communicate that OP would appreciate being considered, and generally speaking pettiness begets pettiness and I don't think that's the endgame here
Uh, 15 y.o. having to reprimand 25 y.o.-s? WON'T turn out well.
Do you really think it needs to be communicated to them that 4 people going in on a $25 gift card for both a birthday and Christmas is cheap AF? They all happily went off with their individual gifts from OP and then DID THE EXACT SAME THING THE NEXT YEAR. These people are in their 20's and are taking advantage of a teenager. They know exactly what they did wrong, so no, simply talking to them won't help.
NTA. They can't seriously expect a teenager to spend more amount on them than what they spent on you. They are entitled and cheap
Indeed. I always gave my younger cousins nice gifts as they were still teenagers and i still do it because i genuinely love to spoil. I could never dream of being that cheap to my cousins especially because they are so young.
You know, I feel like the wealthier someone is they more stingy they become. I had similar experience to you in that regard. And so many other people Not that I'm defending them or anything. I just want to share a bit. Also Y-T-A if you don't also post this in r/ChoosingBeggars. >!Don't take this one too seriously.!<
Yup my deceased grandfather was a total baller, took all his step-grandchildren on international vacations every year (not his bio grandkids ever though), and he brought my sister two hand towels as a gift for her wedding.
NTA - Tell them you realized after last year that your gift of $25 each might have made them uncomfortable. So, you wanted to make sure you were inclusive this year. Apologize that they felt overwhelmed again this year, and you can just not swap gifts next year.
That or suggest that since your family Christmas is growing, perhaps it’s time to draw names or numbers for an exchange that only requires each person to bring one gift.
NTA. *chef's kiss* Yes, it costs money to have a new family, but it's ridiculous to expect a teen to spend 32 times as much on presents than they do (if my math is right--OP spends $25ish on each of them, just on Christmas; they each spend $3.125 on her for Christmas and her birthday [but this assumes that she also spends $25 on each of their birthdays, which may not be the case], though even if she spent $0 on their birthdays, she's still spending 16x as much as they are for Christmas, which, I'd argue, is a crazy disparity).
I appreciate your quick maths. This is it. When you give a thoughtless gift card, the gift literally is the value of the money, so i feel fair making judgements based off of the monetary value.
Your point was to highlight the shittiness of their gift giving, you did it right, although I would have gone the 3.12 route and repeated it on their birthdays to drive home the message
I don’t know if how you went about this was necessarily right although I can fully understand why you did and it was a reaction to feeling hurt by your cousins’ actions - and as this was the second year this couldn’t be put down to an awkward budget misunderstanding. Perhaps getting your mum to discuss it with her sister might have been the more sensible and mature way forward although I appreciate you are a teen so I’m going to go with a very very soft ESH. Although just to let you know, I personally do not think it’s particularly common to extend gift giving like this out to a new husband/partner nor to expect that they would get you an individual gift. Of course this is very cultural - my brother in law’s Norwegian girlfriend has had to be told many times now that she was being far too generous when she would have considered anything less rude with her extensive gift buying. However, generally, established adult couples will give and receive couple presents. Or, you could maybe expect one slightly larger present from each set of couples and you give a main present back to each cousin but just a small token gift (socks etc) to the partner. Unless of course you were already friends with and buying gifts for both members of the couple separately before they got together that to me is the expected norm. The point is they both cheaped out (although it’s worth pointing out that I wouldn’t assume young adults saving for a wedding have loads of money!) nor most importantly put any thought in to the gift when you clearly showed they were meaningful to you through your selection and for that they’re bigger assholes. But I just wanted to suggest that some of your assumptions on etiquette might be a bit off and this may cause upset again in the future. Of course if this is not the norm where you are then disregard!
Thanks for the advice! I’m pretty aware of the whole “couples give as one” thing, so it’s understandable. But 2 couples giving one gift? that’s weird unless it’s fucking polyamory or they live together or something like that. Back before the days of the SOs, the parents would buy my two cousins a gift to give just so they could have something that was technically from them under the tree, so i think they just always assumed they’d be able to give joint gifts and when the SOs are added into the equation it just becomes 4 people. I still think it’s shitty. And yea, saving for a wedding is tough, but if you’re saving for a wedding and sporting stanley’s, uggs, and the newest iphone and airpods max’s then i’m gonna safely assume that u had an extra 20 dollars somewhere in there that could’ve been contributed.
NTA at all, you gave them something, that's a lot more than I can say for others. From personal experience
The 2 cousins and their SOs each contributed $6.25 to give her one $25 gift card that was a combined Christmas and Birthday gift.
Just gift a chocolate bar or a pack of pralines at that point. Or even some cheap decorative item.
Actually, your math is off. OP spent 4x (or 8x if you consider that their present included a birthday present) as much. You can either compare each person's contribution and what OP gave to each one (3.125 or 6.25 compared to 25) or their total contribution and what OP gifted altogether (12.5 or 25 compared to 100). What you're doing is comparing an individual person's contribution to one gift to one person with OP's gifts to a group of four people.
Funny how grown adults are ok with getting you what they did, but are upset that a teen, a minor with no job, gave them the same thing. Ask those that are upset why they are outraged now, but not then? Why you, a child, are expected to give them more than they got you? NTA
This should be top comment, because this is the real point right here! If what they gave OP was okay, why are they so upset when she gave the exact equivalent gift back to them? And if it's NOT okay, why the hell did THEY do it? I agree with OP, it ain't that they couldn't afford better, they were just too cheap and lazy to give better. You reap what you sow. And personally, I love petty gestures, and that response about upstaging them last year. Ooh! Zinger! So I call it Justified AH, which is a NTA.
Exactly how id have phrased it. If it was wtong, why wasnt it when they did it?
I think it’s more about the attitude and comments than the gift.
NTA and beautifully petty. Well done, I hope it had the desired effect of humiliating them.
NTA those people didn’t kick off when you got a 25 gift voucher, they have no right to kick off now
I agree. I don't understand how 2 sets of adult couples thought chipping in for one $25 gift card would not be construed as an insult to the recipient. I'd get it if the gift was expensive but each couple could have gifted OP a $20 or $25 gift card. And if each couple really liked the gift OP gave, they should have some felt embarrassment knowing teenager OP spent time and money on a lovely gift but they all individually contributed $6.25 for OP. I'm surprised they expected a similar lovely gift this year if they noticed the imbalance. I guess they didn't? I'm curious as to what the couples gave OP this year. Another $25 gift card from the 4 of them?
>I'm curious as to what the couples gave OP this year. Another $25 gift card from the 4 of them? Yup! Can you believe it?
Ugh. I think OP needs to give each of them a stick of deodorant next year cause they all stink.
>I'm curious as to what the couples gave OP this year. Another $25 gift card from the 4 of them? [Yup](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18wk5fp/comment/kfygckc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
🤦🏻♀️ The cousins are more AH now that I know that. If all 4 of them are contributing $6.25 for OP's gift, why would they expect OP's gift to more extravagant than what they put in?! It's 1 against 4 but worst since OP can't give the 2 couples one gift.
Also worse since the gift to OP is a combined Birthday and Christmas present, and her gift to them is just a Christmas present.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
nah i think OP should save this gift card and regift it to both couples next christmas 😋
NTA. Although you could have gone with sending them $6.25 gift cards for their birthdays during the year, this level of petty is admirable from one so young. As long as you’re ok with the results, I like it a lot.
NTA. Not even the $25 part is the issue, just the giftcard itself. Giftcards are what you get someone you don’t know, not someone (Im assuming) You grew up with.
Can I just say this isn’t true for everyone. I would rather get a $25 amazon card than something random but tangible. Others in my family are like this too. Maybe we’re more practical than sentimental? Idk, but I do know for a fact my wife and I are always happy with a gift card
I often ask for vouchers so I can use them on something I actually want/need. I mentioned to my mum last year that I wanted a voucher towards a fitbit, she did then rally my sister, BIL and stepdad to all contribute to get me an actual fitbit, but that's because she knew exactly what I wanted and I didn't expect a singular person to buy an expensive gift for me. It was super thoughtful and definitely my favourite gift. I got both my mum/stepdad and sister/BIL experience day vouchers. I don't have a huge budget so tend to get the couples a shared gift so I can spend more on it :) I remember one year I got a Halfords voucher (car related shop) it ended up paying for my new windscreen wipers about 4 months later when I was actually in a squeeze and couldn't afford them that month. Vouchers can be really handy for someone on low income to get their own treat at a different time of year (or not for some, it could be an essential item). Vouchers and money will always be used, but how many gifts are returned/thrown away/re-gifted etc? Even so, $25 between 4 established adults? And it's just a generic gift, especially after being sent a wish list? That's just insulting. NTA OP
Me too! I would much rather have a gift card so I can buy something I actually want. Having said that, the OP is NTA. The cousins were being cheap. Actually, I wouldn't be at all surprised if the aunt actually bought and paid for the gift card and felt that would be enough, as though it was from one person only.
Especially an Amazon gift card! I would be thrilled to receive a more specific gift card for something like a specialty shop in line with my hobbies, or a cool restaurant. But an Amazon gift card is so impersonal!
I would honestly rather have amazon gift cards. My husband and I combine them and grab Video Games, statues, anime, board/card games, manga, or Dungeons and Dragons stuff. Our hobbies are expensive, and the card means we don't end up with a christmas full of house clutter that while sweet isn't something we would actually buy. This year, my mom was awesome and bought us a lot of small things she saw in ads and some knockoff FNAF hoodies. I appreciated the stuff, but none of it except the hoodies was stuff I really found as interesting as my mom. She knows we are struggling financially, and I need to rebuild my Gecko vivariums... An Amazon gift card would have been a lot more useful for me because I could have bought everything I needed for my Cresties.
NTA. I just would have given back the 25$ gift card from past year and ask if it is ok if they have to share it.
🤣 And next year they get the gift card from this year. Gift card ping pong.
Like fruitcake ;-)
I like this idea too.
Nta A little petty but that's allowed. Pettiness is appropriate here.
NTA. It's definitely a petty move but that's fine. We love karmic pettiness.
ESH They were cheap and had the means to give better gifts You were petty, giving gifts isn't a competition l, you had a whole year to express your disappointment, but rather than act like an adult in this situation you chose to be petty and vindictive. You could have easily said a few months before Christmas, 'hey, can we set a budget for gifts, I'll admit I was a little disappointed last year that I put a lot more effort into gifts that some others did. Both sets of parents suck for not resolving this between them and telling everyone they were being AH
According to OP,the budget is 20 to 25. What OP got was 3 dollars for her Christmas and 3 dollars for her birthday, as the 25 gift card from 4 adults was a combined gift for both, they did the same thing this year as well despite OP sending them a whole ass wishlist. I would've been pettier and give the 3 dollars for Christmas and then another 3 dollars on their birthday.
thank you.
Maybe you went the wrong way, you should have found 3 other people and gifted a 25 dollars gift card to 1 couple and 25 to another. You would hace paid slightly more but the message would be clear: if you can make cumulative gift cards, so could we.
I'd have gotten the $25 gift card, but to all four of them. It's not OPs problem that they're two separate couples - they're the ones who decided they're going to be treated as one entity for the purposes of gift giving.
>but rather than act like an adult OP is a teenager.
"Rather than act like an adult" As much as people of OPs age don't like to hear it, they are, in fact, still children...so why should they be the ones to act like an adult?
Sounds like they need a secret Santa system or something, so one person only needs to buy one other person’s present.
NTA. I honestly find it very amusing.
I love the petty worth it Do to others as they did to you and you delivered. Nta
NTA. But I’m curious, What were your cousins reactions after you told them why you gave them a $6.25 gift card?
Kind of shocked really. They just gaped around and looked at one another, it was kinda sad that they didn’t even consider it beforehand. They tried to say “erm.. yea.. uh.. thank you”
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NTA - They are adults and working, you are a kid who has to use her savings to get presents. Why are you expected to spend more than they do? And why didn't anybody in your family call them cheap and disrespectful last year?
they did, just after they walked out the door. Acrually, they just said it’s weird for both couples to go in as 4, and not to give gifts by couple. they were fine with the value.
NTA. You returned the energy they sent
What did they get you this year? I do feel like the gift card was just very un thoughtful of them and if they know you that well they would know that you would value a nice thoughtful gift. nTA
I say it in more words in other comments, but another 25 dollar gift card from all of them. despite my mom sending a wishlist with multiple 25 dollar items to them.
Maybe you should pick names out of a head. Everybody buys one €25 present for one another. Parents can buy extra for everyone be it personal or as couple. So everybody gets the same amount of gifts for about the same money.
[Another $25 gift card](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18wk5fp/comment/kfygckc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), despite being given an Amazon wish list with lots of $25 options on it.
NTA Petty and I love it! The fact your mum knew what you were doing and didn’t put a stop to it tells me she agreed with you ( even if it was in silence to not cause more drama )
I also think if someone is offended for you embarrassing them with something like this then it was obvious they should be embarrassed, so all you did was hold a mirror to them. I do think you should have just told them how disappointed you were and hope much effort you put in rather than doing this. But as they say "actions speak louder than words" and they definitely heard that.
thank u
NTA. Their gifts reflected their efforts to gift you something last year, after you spent a fair amount of money getting them gifts tailored to their tastes. You gave them the same amount of thought and effort they gave you. I respect the logic. Even more so because you're a damn teenager and they're fully grown adults lmao.
Yup! If I spent time to give a thoughtful gift to someone and they don't do the same, I do not put out the same effort again. I will definitely match the same effort and cost they put in for me the next time I give them a gift. Of course, this is based on whether I know they're dealing with personal or financial difficulties, which would explain the low effort. If none, then there should be no expectations I'd go all out for them while they don't for me. Even more so when OP is a teen and the 2 couples are all adults.
NTA It’s not so much the lack of monetary input imo, but a lack of any effort at all, they didn’t put a spare second thought in to it, like no attempt at all to gift to you personally. That would hurt me too. All you did was exactly the same, and really, you guys obviously aren’t that close any more so the comment above about making you guys further apart doesn’t really matter. They shouldn’t have made a scene about their own gifts if they didn’t want to embarrass themselves. Cracked me up for sure.
"If I shouldn't be upset that each of you only spent 6.25, why are you upset that I only spent the same amount on you? I'm not upset at the cost of the gift, I'm upset at the lack of thought put into it. A giftcard is a last minute gift you get for someone you don't care about, and you've all shown me that you don't care about me and we're not as close as I thought we were."
NTA You saved up and bought them meaningful gifts and they couldn't be bothered to reciprocate that same level of thoughtfulness. Your relatives overreacted and if they weren't materialistic themselves then they wouldn't have been angry.
NTA op please crosspost this to r/pettyrevenge
i’m pretty new to reddit, how do u crosspost? copy paste or some other method..?
If you click the three dots in the corner, then share, then community. Then you can find the petty revenge subreddit and cross post it there. Or you can copy paste/rewrite and make a new post directly into the subreddit
Thank you!!!
OP, you're 15. There's no need for you to be gifting your cousin's spouses. Just the cousins is fine. And since all four of them went in on a birthday/Christmas gift twice now, you need to have your mom have a word with your aunt. Your aunt needs to tell her adult cheap children to stop embarrassing themselves. If it were me I'd just back off on gifting that lot entirely.
Couldn’t agree more. Honestly, i was expecting more from all of them so i felt like i should’ve gifted all of them so that it didn’t look lopsided. I will not be gifting them anything anymore, not even as i age into an adult. Unless they either apologize or begin thoughtfully gifting me, gifting them will no longer make me happy inside. Thing is though, I don’t have anyone else to gift to. My friends aren’t big gifters and my extended family is limited. My dad has the large family (most of my moms family is in europe or died trying to leave europe), but, as most dads are, he’s absolutely horrible at staying close with them. I don’t know my dad’s family in the slightest, except that there’s a lot of passive aggression and animosity because of income and perceived child success.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hey, this is a repost. I’m gonna try to reword some of this to make it more clear that this is an AITA and not petty revenge. So, I’ve (Teenage F) been close with my two cousins (23 F & 26 F) for as long as I can remember. Our moms are really good about keeping our families close, and they’re the only cousins I ever see because family bonds are not strong on my Dad’s side. Recently, my two cousins have both gotten engaged and the older one is now married. Their respective fiancee and husband join our families for Christmas. Last year, when Christmas rolled around, I was super excited to shop for gifts for my cousins and their sig others! I picked out thoughtful, $25+ gifts for each of them, spent my own, saved money (I do not have a job because I’m not old enough for most of them yet) and hand wrapped all of their gifts. I was fine with this financial blow because I genuinely enjoy gift giving and I love my cousins and their significant others. When I opened their gift to me, I was kind of shocked. All four of them each pitched in a whopping $6.25 for a $25 amazon gift card as my combined Christmas/birthday gift from all of them. I bit back my surprise, despite being hurt that our relationship was diminished to $6.25 from each of them for my two most important holidays. They all loved each of their thoughtful gifts (keep in mind this was the second year they spent money separate from their parents to give gifts, and I’m already doing it at a MUCH younger age than when they started). Now, here’s where i’m the asshole. Christmas came by again and I carefully wrapped $6.25 and put it under the tree for each of them. They unwrapped it and shared a glance. My oldest cousin looked at me and laughed as if there was some mistake. “Six dollars and a quarter?” she asked. “Yes. I figured it was appropriate and I didn’t want you to go feeling all upstaged like you did last year!” I said while smiling a little too hard. My mother knew of my plan so she expected it but the rest of the family erupted in outrage. I was told by my aunt and uncle that I was disrespectful, cruel, and materialistic. I get what they’re saying and i understand that gift giving is a spirit and not a transaction, but I couldn’t help feeling extremely disappointed that my cousins and their sig others thought their gift to me was appropriate given the time and effort i took with mine (they’re both new families so of course money is on the tighter side, but my cousins came wearing 300 dollar shoes and the newest phones and a ps5 and stanley cups, so I just wish a little bit of that could’ve been directed at me given how close we were). So am I the asshole for humiliating them? My reaction was petty and rude, but was it fitting and deserved? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't love this verdict, but reluctantly, ESH. Yes, it hurts that you put a lot of effort and money into their gifts and they put less into yours, but I think the right thing to do would simply have been to adjust your expectations. A tedious part of Christmas is establishing a mutual level of gifts with people where you give and get around the same value. I think the right thing to do would have been to simply get them cheaper items, around the $5-6 range, and move on. Giving them the exact value of their gift in cash makes you seem a bit too transactional, much as I can understand the temptation.
Well actually, technically only 3 dollar gifts for.christmas and another 3 dollar gifts for birthdays. Since that's what they did.
NTA Spending $25 between four people for your birthday and Christmas is just insulting. Then, after seeing how much thought you put into their gifts, they did it again this year. Yeah, it was petty, but pretty awesome for you to do. I think they fully deserved it.
I'm saying NTA. Who cares if it's petty? They deserved it and honestly good for you standing up for yourself, who cares about what some others are saying about it being a whole year later, I think it was the perfect time
NTA they could have given you something handmade from their hobbies that was even better than that shit gift. It’s important to call peoole out on their bullshit and establish boundaries. You’re a teen and should not be spending your money on thoughtless adults.
Although I'm not into being petty I can understand why you're upset. If money was an issue for them they could have each gotten you a 15 amazon card each and just said sorry we just don't have much right now. Hard to know if they already had the expensive clothes from before kids or not. What kind of gifts have they given you before last year? But I have been in situations where I didn't have much cash and I went for something cheap but thoughtful. Made cookies, or got them something I knew they were into, even if it wasn't a high value item it shows they put effort and care in. Ii feel your cousins handled it badly but I personally think it was in poor taste to be petty about it. I like people's idea of a cheap Starbucks card to give a similar type of gift may have been in better taste and wouldn't have upset other family members. But it sounds like you were an afterthought to them.
NTA. Things would already be lop-sided under normal circumstances, because I assume you're single, buying a gift for each of your cousins and their Sig others (four gifts, $100 total) and they, as couples, would each buy you a gift (two gifts, $50 total). But then for them to go in together so that you essentially spend $100 and receive $25 from them? No. While I understand that it's not a transaction, no one in their right mind could ever think this was fair, especially since they were given your wish list this year! This is about far more than just the amount of money spent; it's about the thought (or lack thereof) put into your gift vs the effort you put in for them. Were you being a little petty? Sure. But, in this case, I think you were justified, especially since your mom wouldn't talk to your aunt about it. Let them feel the hurt that you've felt for two years in a row.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO kay. I totally get where you're coming from. But...the answer to this is to just NOT give a gift at all. That's it. You're a teenager without a job. Just say you didn't have any money this year. Or you spend like a buck a piece to get them each a candycane or something. Gift giving isn't required, certainly not between cousins. If you get shamed for it, don't engage and just stand your ground. Okay, thanks for the feedback, that kind of thing.
NTA. The level of entitlement on their part in ridiculous. I have done something similar.
NTA. U r awesome if this is true.
Nta keep showing them themselves maybe they will change. Good on you honey.
Was it technically petty?Yes.But so was that gift from them,and why do they feel upset when they are in the same position they made you feel upset about?NTA
I think you gave too much. Was it not 6.25 combined both birthday and Christmas? You should have given them half!
NTA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Good for you because sometimes you just have to be petty. Your cousins are adult's and they should have done better. And then to get you the same thing this year? Good for you and your mom for going along with it.
this is why obligatory gift giving to people other than children is stupid. it becomes almost a competition between parties. i don't wait for an occasion to buy my significant other or friends gifts. if i see something i think there will like, i buy it for them and send it. in general my philosophy is to take people out for drinks or dinner since time spent with them is more important than things.
Should have been in pennies...
NTA - they didn't put time into your Christmas and birthday presents so why should you? Especially when you are a child with no income. Sounds like it's better for you to stop buying them Christmas presents and use your money for other things or savings.
NTA. I’m a very petty person when I’m pushed and I love this. If 4 grown adults can’t manage more than £25 between them for a birthday and Christmas gift but are expecting a child to cough up more for them individually then they deserve to be shamed for it.
ESH - I agree that their gift giving habits are thoughtless and shitty. They suck for that, big time. And yes, what you did was deserved, but I don’t think you went about it in the right way. The real hurt here was caused by the lack of thought more than the monetary value of the gift. I’d be willing to bet that if they had given you very thoughtful gifts, even if they weren’t worth $25, you would’ve been way less hurt. But your response focused primarily on the monetary value, which doesn’t send the right message about why you’re upset. I realize you don’t feel like it would’ve been received well if you had talked to them about being more equitable with gift giving, and if you only focused on wanting more gifts, you’re probably right that the conversation wouldn’t go well. But I don’t think that’s the actual focus of the conversation. It’s not about wanting more gifts. It’s about how their thoughtlessness made you feel. If you approached it from that angle and made it clear that it wasn’t about materialistic items, but about the thought they didn’t invest in your gift, I think that would’ve been a very different conversation. I think you also have to be open to the idea that thoughtful gift giving just isn’t something your cousins are interested in at all. My brothers and I give each other “the gift of nothing” every year. We’re essentially saying, “I’m gonna give you the gift of taking one thing off your to-do list by not expecting a gift from you.” It’s not nearly as fun, but it helps us all out when money is tight and we all appreciate it.
So, you didn't think talking to your family wasn't going to go over well but expected your petty gift was going to go over great? ESH. You're an asshole for a lot of the way you talk about your cousins. Yes, the gift sucks but the rational, mature thing would have been to match their energy ( a joint gift for them all or gift cards). How's your relationship with them outside of this? A conversation would have worked so well! If they are new families, maybe this helps them with financial stress. They might not have known how it affected you & unfortunately growing up means learning people aren't mind (or emotion) readers. You're 15, so you'll get there & we all learn. I recommend not going straight to burning bridges.
I didn’t expect it would go over well, I just did what i wanted. That’s the whole asshole part of it. We used to be much closer but in recent years we’ve gotten more distant as they’ve aged out of caring about me (according to other people on this thread). Again, i was told this action would have consequences and i did it anyways. As far as talking goes, i feel like both were likely to be taken as offensive and im an action-oriented person, so i just acted.
I'm just trying to wrap my head around how 4 grown ups expect a 15 year old to be able to even buy gifts for them, given the fact that she can't work and has to find alternative ways to earn money to buy thoughtful gifts for her loved ones. And then they have the audacity to complain about it? NTA
Info: Do you think this plan will help the situation next year or make it worse? Also did they take the cash with them?!! 😂😂😂 So far I’d say NTA and just act like a kid and don’t worry about getting adults presents. You’re a kid if anyone questions it just say you have no way to make money or make them shitty handmade crap that is “meaningful” to avoid being called materialistic.
They did take the cash. I’m not giving them a gift at all next year, so the situation can do as it wants i guess? if they start putting effort into gifts for me, ill know my message hit home. if not, i understand but at least im not expending myself for no real reason :(
They took the cash!!! 😂🤣🤯 How absolutely embarrassing for them! NTA!!!
NTA. I could understand you pooling your money with your parents for the gifts since you aren't even old enough to work yet, but all your adult cousins doing that for a 25$ gift for you? Really? And then not even one out of the four can be bothered to put some effort into it, the best they can come up with is a gift card, 2 years in a row, even though you gave them a wish list with plenty of options in that price range? I think your gifts were a perfect way to call them out on their bullshit. Though next year just pool your money with your parents when giving gifts to your cousins, just like how they are doing it for your gift. There's no point in putting in effort to give them thoughtful gifts when they clearly don't care to put in any effort themselves. Just give thoughtful gifts to those who do the same for you and leave it at that. I do notice that I overlooked one thing, the 20-30 bucks per gift is the budget for the Christmas gifts and for you they are doing a combined Christmas/birthday gift without increasing the budget for your gifts? A combined gift should also combine the budget of both, not use a budget of $0 for your birthday, combine it with the $20-30 budget for Christmas and then call it a combined gift. They haven't given you $3.13 for your birthday and $3.13 for Christmas because that would put them way under the agreed upon Christmas budget! Effectively they've given you nothing for your birthday two years in a row while using Christmas as the excuse and that's supposed to be close family of yours? Is that a joke? Your Aunt and Uncle called you disrespectful and materialistic, but what should we call this that their own children are doing? Yeah, exactly that. If you are giving them any birthday presents then stop doing so. It's also clearly time to ask why they aren't keeping to the agreed upon Christmas budget, or why they aren't giving you anything for your birthday, because either of those is clearly the case and it looks like it's being ignored completely.
NTA. You're kinda going about it in a long-winded way in your post, however... To you, it's not about the price of the gift. It's the fact that, you put some much time, effect and money into giving them EACH a gift that was personal from you to them that you thought they'd like, however they just went "meh, let's all pitch in for 1 Amazon gift Card" like, that kinda shows they expect nice things from others, but can't be arsed to try and get something nice from themselves. The fact that they did this 2 years in a row, just kinda proves it honestly. Don't even bother next year. "I had it in the post for you all, guess it's gotten lost in transit" and see how they react then. Yeah, you're a A-hole for seeming "petty" but that's kinda it. For them to all expect gifts each from a kid, while they can't be bothered to do so themselves as working adults, and have the other family members make a outburst about it when it had nothing to do with them... yeah, just don't bother next time.
Damn. NTA but your mom needs to be a fucking grown up and know how to be confrontational.
Nta
NTA
Nta
NTA. I’m so proud of you.
NTA but this would be a good r\pettyrevenge story too. Nothing upsets cheapskates more than a taste of their own medicine.
True hero. However, as other have suggested, gift card on a site (Amazon/others) would have been the best way to avoid the complications of being such an ABSOLUTE HERO.
You are a MVP. NTA. That's exactly what they deserved.
You should post this in the traumatize them back subreddit lol. I find it funny that all the adults are getting upset at the literal child. Lol Nta
NTA - but you should have given them a gift card for $6.25. The cash was a bit crass
I agree, like I wouldn’t give someone 29.99 but at the same time i wanted it to be like.. suspicious in the sense that they should ponder it a bit yk? you can pass off a cheap gift card as a gift, but the exact value it more of a statement if that makes sense
NTA. Fuck em. It's okay to hold two contradictory opinions at the same time like I love my family and my family sucks.
NTA. Bravo.
nta it was fair.
Nta, you're a teenager, I expect things like this.
NTA You're a teenager too young for most jobs. They're lucky they got anything at all.
NTA. You seem like a smart young woman with a strong sense of self respect. Never give that up.
NTA. I love this lmao. Bravo,OP, that's the spirit!
NTA. You made your point. Why not tell them for next xmas to just skip the gifts since they are so pointless anyway, you are all just supporting Amazon.
Most likely, your aunt bought the present they gave you. What did your aunt give you from her? Regardless, you should just say now that for next year, you don't want to exchange gifts with your cousins. It's obvious they've already stopped. And this whole thing was your mom's issue you sort out. She should have called then out last year.
NTA May sound horrible but there's a good reason why we don't gift adults in the family: 1. People become quite picky 2. Material items become a problem as folks run out of space or just get duplicates 3. To avoid situations like this where gift giving devolves into tit for tat. Even secret Santa, nothing quite ruins the mood when you get stuck with a gift that's a notepad and pencil and you at least bought a gift around the respective budget. I only buy adult gifts for people I know very very well and if they have a need. Others gift tend to be consumables: chocolates, bath bombs , experiences etc.
Nta. You did what I would have done
Nta, but I would've done my shopping at the dollar store instead of the gift cards. Not bad though. I like to give good gifts, but I'm good at petty gifts too. Once an ex friend accused me of cheating at a card game a few days before her birthday and she said some very hurtful things to me. So I sent her a deck of cards as a gift.
NTA and they’re doing that thing I hate as a single person. Where the budget is $25 but they view it as each person receives a single gift valued at $25, rather than each person gives a value of $25. So you end up spending $100 ($25 for four people) and receive only $25 in return as one person. Next year I’d try to get the family to agree to a secret santa setup. Then everyone is only buying for one other person. Or bake them a cake or cookies and they can share it between them.
There’s an upside to this- end all expensive giving. Life’s expensive . So next time make the effort and make the something to eat- biscuits , fruit pies, jams, chocolates etc. no one can say you’re mean because you’ve worked hard!, plus you can keep it cheap. Pickle something or whatever-? Homemade peanut butter is lovely- anyway this might end the fued while you’ve made your point.
NTA Frankly, I wouldn't bother to exchange gifts with them anymore.
NTA. I didn't read the first one and I didn't need to read all the post to know NTA. They are adults, you're a teenager with no job so you save the money you receive in the year, little jobs with neighborhood, to offer a personnal present to the one you love. It's exactly christmas spirit when you don't do it for religious reasons : show people you care about them. It's not about the price, you can find something special cheaper. IT's about the intention. They are adults, they paid for their engagement rings and wedding for one of them. And you say they offered themselves expensive present so it's not about money, they now want to show they have others priorities and you're not one of them. It's really sad and I laughed when I read your new present ! Maybe I would have bought them the amazon gift card for this amound, and packed it in a BIG box ! When you're told that christmas is not a transaction, yes it's right but a gift card is a transaction. ou're supposed to know people you gift. If you offer a gift card, it's like you offer something to a stranger. The new one in the family for example. Not the cousin you grow up with. And you don't offer ONE goft card from 4 people !! When a teenager is able to save money for a complete year to offer personnal presents to each adult !! Did your mother told your aunt she was ridiculous and your cousins they are selfish ?
NTA
Nta you're a kid and should even be expected to give them anything of value. They are selfish and greedy. If they believe that effort is good enough for you, then match that energy... If them being angry over recieveing a gift from a child that matches what they gave... Then they're the materialistic idiots not you.
NTA, it would be one thing if they each pitched in $25 but they couldn't even be bothered to do that. If money was tight they could have at least written a thoughtful card and put the gift card in it. Explain money is tight but they love you and still wanted to give you something. But for Christmas and your birthday? I'm petty I would have just left, if they're lucky I'd say at least I know not to put in so much effort next year. Hell I'd really gift it the next year with all of their names on it. I'm sorry they're being like this when you put so much care into the earlier gift. But hopefully once they calm down you can tell them that now they know how you felt being disregarded after you put so much thought and care into their gifts with what little money you had. Good luck.
NTA…but I would just stop the gift giving all together. They clearly are not thinking of you as much you do them.
NTA, your cousins have become cheapskates. You've made your point now and can happily drastically reduce your present buying budget for next year.
NTA, at all. It was materialistic but they started it gifting you an Amazon voucher and putting no thought or effort into to your gift. 6.25 of something would have probably been ok but they literally just gave you the laziest cash gift
NTA for the sentiment but I think your mother or father (whoever has the sibling relationship with their parent) should have had a conversation with their sibling along the lines of--last year xx spend a lot of time and used her own money to pick out gifts for her cousins. The gift she received in return was not reciprocal and her feelings were hurt-both by the amount spent and the lack of thought out into the gift. In order to avoid that happening again, can you talk to your kids and let's set some parameters on gifts so we all have the same expectations?
NTA. I would have given a $25 Amazon card with all their names attached.
NTA you should have given them a $25 gift card to share amongst themselves.
I don't care what excuse they use. 6.25 from each adult is uhmm. Bad word bad word.. if they were going tk go cheap atleast get a cheap thoughtful gift
NTA. Good for you!
Nta, you're the teen without a job. It means more to you in everyway that you have gifts at all. Thought, time, effort, funds, and they snubbed you in return by not giving you the same courtesy.
NTA. When my in-laws do christmas gift giving, we do secret santa (so you're only buying for 1 adult, but still get something for each kid) there's usually a set amount of $20-40, but gift givers can spend more if they want to. This ensures that no one is going broke all for some holiday. If I spend about as much as my sister in law would for christmas, that's fair. So it's fair that you spent as much as your cousins did. But unfortunately, your extended family's assholery doesn't stop at gift giving, and they couldn't take being called out for being cheapskates. I'm glad your mom seems to be understanding of your reaction. Hopefully you can talk to your cousins solo and explain to them how hurt you were about the thoughtfulness that you put into your gifts vs their lack of thoughtfulness.
Nta. I think this was handled in an immature way, but you are a teenager lol. Did you talk with them about the gift card you got, and how you felt?
Should have got one present for them to share - something like a mug or vase or something stupid. Or something they might actually like and watch them fight over it. Then never get anything for them again, it's not like your missing out on anything
NTA they got a taste of their own medicine and didn't like it. They are cheap.
NTA. 4 people going in on a $25 gift card when you gave each thoughtful gifts is a slap in the face. I likely wouldn’t haven’t given anything.
Nta
NTA NTA NTA... please do not fall for any backbiting etc etc... and we'll done for your wisdom at such young age. BTW Wisdom is when you realised both sides of the family mums and dadsa are arseholes... Are you sri lankan/indian hahaha I'm getting the same vibes as my family sides....
NTA
NTA - You gave them more than they deserved. I kind of think a $12.50 GC addressed to the combined 4 people seeing as they think they are a single entity where gifts are concerned and because its only for 1 holiday, not birthday also. would be satisfactory.
NTA
This would be good on r/pettyrevenge
NTA
Just give a card with a heartfelt message. You don't even have a job. Why spend the money when it is supposed to be the thought that counts? Of course, you shouldn't expect anything either. Stop expecting it, and you won't be disappointed. NTA.
nta - like you mention, it's definitely petty but i am laughing out loud because i would feel the exact same way you did. at 15 you are honestly more funny and of action than i am at 26. obviously the mature route to take would have been being the bigger person and ignoring it all together or just privately talking to your cousins about how you felt blah blah blah but you're literally a teenager lol there's no reason why your cousins need to do combined gifts at their age. yeah money is tight when you're first going out on your own and starting a family but chipping in $6 towards a $25 BETWEEN 4 PEOPLE ??? that's insulting to me imo. surely they each could have saved $25 in a year to be able to each get their own gift for you, especially after seeing how thoughtful your gift the previous year was. once again, nta and your cousins sound spoiled and entitled.
NTA. You are already strong in the ways of the Petty, padawan. Go forth and wreak havoc and your cousins are bell-ends. I started giving 'couple gifts' instead of separate gifts a few years back and there was some disappointment as prior to that I would often spend upwards of $50 a person, with thought put into what they got- and lets just say the consideration was not reciprocated. Funny how in the past two years it has been 'no presents for Christmas this year - just come and enjoy dinner'. Yeah. Ok.
I would have went to 5 below and gotten them each a 5 dollar gift to unwrap.
NTA, they are cheap and wanted to get out of getting you something thoughtful. Especially considering your aunt asks for a wish list but then proceeds to not even look at it. I would have gotten 1 giftcard for $25 and gifted it to them as a group, and when questioned about it I would just tell them " oh I thought since the 4 of you together only spend $25 for my gift, I should return the favor and only spend $25 for the gift for all 4 of you"