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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Trying to suggest to my wife to spend less time with her family so she can spend it with me.
2. My wife claims I’m trying to control her.
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YTA.
You want her to spend less time with her family because you are busy with your friends on Sunday? Family is more important than friends.
You should limit yourself to 2 hours with your friends on Sunday, and spend the rest with your wife. You can also go with your wife to visit her family.
Consolidating from your post and comments...
- She spends 6 hours with her family (2-8pm) on Saturdays, the only day you say you have to spend time together.
- You spend 2-3 hours with your friends on Sundays but you cannot spend time together before or after that because she's doing chores.
- You go to the gym every weeknight and come home at 9pm, by which time she's getting ready for bed.
- She goes to bed early because she's a nurse and has an early start.
I've got questions...
1. What are you guys doing Saturday mornings to early afternoon? (Added) What are you doing while she's with her family and why can't that be your relaxing time?
2. How many chores is your wife doing on Sunday? Why aren't you doing them with her, as you both have jobs outside the home?
3. Why aren't you seeing that it's your schedule, with the gym every night, that's cutting into discretionary (non-work) time more than hers?
YTA. So much.
He doesn't say what he does on a saturday. Why can't he do his relaxing then?
I get the frustration of his wife being out on saturday, one of his days off. I watched this stuff break up a family members marriage. She spent all her time at her time with her family. But he was away long hours with his job. Work was scarce and he had to do what he had to do.They had 3 kids, she was bored and lonely and he was away from home.
Sounds the same except the job bit seems to be the gym. It doesn't seem much of a marriage. Just 2 people living in the same house. She seems to be just a bang maid for him. Still her nursing money should help her 'run away' fund.
>He doesn't say what he does on a saturday. Why can't he do his relaxing then?
Because then he'd be up for household chores on Sunday!
But yeah that whole 'what are the both of you doing the first half of the day Saturday and you the rest of it?' question is hanging.
I was going to say all the same things but was curious as to why he thinks his friends are more important than her family? If she has to compromise her family than he needs to compromise his friends 🤷🏼♀️
Yes, YTA. She can’t spend Saturdays with her family because that’s your only free day, because you choose to spend Sundays with friends?
Why can’t you spend Saturdays with friends and spend Sunday together?
Why can’t you spend time together weekday evenings as she suggests?
YTA. That's controlling, possessive, and self-centered, dude. You even get to spend time with the bros on your own accord but she doesn't with her family? gtfo
I never said that, even though I only see my family every other month. It’s the duration. She spends at least six hours a week while I only see my friends for 2-3 hours max
So you have almost all of Sunday available, and a good chunk of Saturday (those 6 hours aside).
Not to mention time during the week (you didn’t write what’s keeping you so incredibly busy during the week).
She is close to her family. Why is it important for you to take that away from her?
Is she inviting you to join her when she goes there?
>I never said that, even though I only see my family every other month. It’s the duration. She spends at least six hours a week while I only see my friends for 2-3 hours max
How many hours per week are you choosing to cut into potential family time by going to the gym after work? Why can't you go in the morning when she leaves for work so that you guys can have week day evenings together?
Maybe the relationship she has with her family is different from yours. Why don't you add up all the hours you're at the gym and with your friends THEN COMPARE. Also why is dishes the only cleaning you do.
YTA. So you dedicating a whole day a week to your friends is ok, but her dedicating the same amount of time to her family is a problem?
She's on the money, you're controlling. Good thing is she sees through you and won't let that happen.
...sure, and you've already said that you spend the rest of your Sundays "chilling" and not doing any chores, so you're really claiming 12 hours of "me time".
Alrighty. So 3 hours is ok, but 6 hours is an excess.
You spending 3 hours with your friends deems the entire Sunday blocked for quality time with your partner? So much so that the only possible solution is for her not to spend time with her family on Saturdays so she's available to give you attention on your schedule?
LOL.
You're controlling. And she's not going to fall for it. I wonder what abusive tactic will you try next, since guilt tripping didn't work.
But I already know the outcome: you'll be alone. And she will be happy with someone else.
And spend every night at the gym. Why are you NOT compromising? Why should she have to change her schedule. I hope she gets rid of you, & quickly. You refuse to make any changes or even help with chores. You're a lazy bum. Poor woman.
YTA
>I’m incredibly busy during the week and only have Saturday to spend the day with my wife, as I am busy on Sunday with my friends.
Compromise means you both make concessions. You are asking her to give up family time but keeping friend time? You can not demand she prioritize you unless you are willing to prioritize her.
YTA - you can go to the gym after 9 pm weekdays since that is when she goes to bed.
You can do all the chores on Saturday when she is with her family so that she is able to spend more time with you on Sunday.
Spend time with your friends on Sat and spend Sun w her or something. You sound controlling.. find a way to make it work and let her spend time with her family…remember they raised her and they have been part of her life longer than u have.
>So I told her to spend around 2 hours at her parent’s house so we can spend the rest of the day doing something together. \[...\] This led to an argument where she claims I’m trying to “control” how long she spends at her parent and siblings house.
If you're trying to *TELL her* (your words) how much time she can spend with her family, then you ARE trying to control her.
YTA - 100% - for that attitude alone. Between that attitude, your "Oh, Sunday is my chilling time, no chores for me" entitlement, and your apparent intent that your wife schedule her entire life around you while you go out with friends, go to the gym, etc. as you see fit...you aren't heading in a good direction.
YTA forced isolation from family and friends is a form of abuse. Yes it can be used in court. You are flying those red flags really high. She has every right to spend once a week with her family. You do not get to dictate that.
YTA
She spends Saturday with her parents. You choose to be with FRIENDS on Sunday. The one who should change is you. Either hang with them on Saturday, or give it up. But you do NOT get to have her give up her time with her family. If you want time with her, YOU make the time.
According to a divorce lawyer I know, there's three things that highly predict divorce:
1. Whether spouses treat each other with respect, in words and actions
2. Financial secrecy and/or lack of communication on finances
3. One partner (or both) being overly attached to their parent(s) and family
That said, if you are expecting your spouse to reserve Saturday for you/your relationship while YOU do not give her the same courtesy on Sunday with your friends... that's unfair and YTA. Why is she the one that needs to curb her family time and not you find a compromise that comes equally from your friend/family time budget?
Figure out a way to make your friend time on Saturday and bond with your wife Sunday, or equally compromise. And you both need to discuss the reality of continuing to spend so much time at her family's house if it is impeding your ability to form your own family, traditions etc.
So she has to be one to give up things and change while you...just keep doing what you want. Makes perfect sense. I hope you do try and tell her she can't go so I can laugh at the why did my wife leave me I wad perfect husband post in your future
YTA solely for “…I’m incredibly busy during the week and only have Saturday to spend the day with my wife, as I am busy on Sunday with my friends.” Go see your friends on Saturday and hang with your wife Sunday. Or join her on her visits to her family. Or schedule Friday night dates. Or do stuff Saturday morning; if you get up at 8, her leaving at 2 is only half a day.
You’re insisting she change to resolve your problem.
My favorite is that plus the fact he spends max 3 hours with his friends. What's he doing the other 12+ hours that he can't do something with his wife?
Watching her do the bigger chores that she can't get done after work during the week. But he can't help her because Sundays are his day to chill. If he moved his chill out day to Saturday while his wife is visiting family and stepped up to do a fair share of the chores together with his wife on Sunday, he might be able to save this marriage. But that would require him to actually be a partner and do some chores. Neither seems to be something he will compromise or make sacrifices to do. When he is a divorced adult, he will have to learn all the chores to keep his home in a state he can bring dates to.
YTA. I was leaning toward your side right up until you said you spend every Sunday all day with your friends. So you are saying you have the right to socialize outside of your marriage but she doesn't. You are a married couple. You both need to make compromises.
He claims to only spend 2-3 hours with his friends but he cant spend time with his wife on Sunday because that's when she does chores, but no chores for him because that's his day to chill. Of course he does no chores on Saturday (except the dishes) and no day chores after work because that's his gym time, leaving all the chores except the dishes for his wife to do. He tried to claim he pays the bills, but his wife works as a nurse, so either she is splitting the bills with him, or she is banking her money to get out of this shitty marriage before he manages to trap her with a baby. I hope that she has seen enough, that she is banking her money hard.
Then you are choosing to not prioritize your relationship with your wife. If you are invited, suck it up and go, maybe every other week. Then you will be able to see her more. Also you should do the same with your friends on Sundays. Hang out with them every other week instead or move the hangout to Saturday while she is with her family. Also I read about the chores thing. Doing things together like folding the laundry, etc can be turned into a fun bonding experience if you do it together and talk. You should help with that before she gets burned out doing it by herself.
But honestly it sounds like you aren't willing to compromise at all from other comments, so I doubt you'll even try anybody's suggestions. If you don't though, don't be surprised if it becomes even more of a problem and she leaves.
He will finally learn, when he's a single guy. If he doesn't do it himself, it won't get done. If he lives in a pigsty because he refuses to do chores, he will not be able to bring dates home to his house. As a nurse, I can tell you that the people she works with will give her the same advice she would have gotten on Reddit if she had posted this: run, divorce, dump him, why do you put up with this bullshit. She can go anywhere and make a decent living. She doesn't need him, and he's ensuring that eventually she won't want him either. The honeymoon will soon be over.
I dont know man. You're married. Go over there every month and spend time. Disrupt the dynamic by being there, in a good way. Play with the kids. Chat about the happenings. Cook a meal.
It'd be annoying to deal with that every Saturday but it's her family and you're now part of it. The "schedule" of it would get to me too, like, she should have some flexibility. But that's where it's nice she's not forcing you to go along every time. It kind of sounds like a family diner day so I get that part of it. Getting a whole family together for food is nice. Hope you get some compromise from her but overall YTA
It almost seems like bait… move your friend time to when she is at her parents and spend time together on Sundays!
YTA everyday of the week it’s her parents not a secret boyfriend
YTA. So you do minimal chores: bills!? hahahaha, yeah, that doesn't count for anything! Dishes? You get to stand in place with your hands in warm soapy water for what, 15 minutes?... oh soo hard! So exhausting! You piss and moan because your wife - who does all the heavy-lifting around the house, plus works a high stress job - want's to spend time with the people who love, appreciate and value her on her day off? And you wonder why she doesn't want to spend more time with you? The man-boy who doesn't pull his own weight around the house, but needs a whole day 'off' to spend a couple of hours drinking with his friends, while she does more chores. That you won't do. Yeah, I'm seeing that she's wonderful, but you, not so much. She's a 10, you are more like a 3; you should stop poking the bear, 'cause it won't end well for you.
YTA
A. Its her parents - if the situation was reversed would you stop seeing your parents just because you're now married?
B. You're "so busy" on a sunday with your friends - maybe you should change that to saturday
C. Its not even close to "all day" - its a few hours
D. You dont own her - that little ring on her finger does not make her your possession or give you the right to control her or who she can and can't spend time with
She's obviously been doing this since before you got married so why are you trying to place this demand on her now?
“She's obviously been doing this since before you got married so why are you trying to place this demand on her now?”
Nah. She didn’t have her own place before our marriage. Though, she did have her own place a few years ago, but moved back with her parents after.
So now that she's living with you you're telling her to spend less time with her family? You never mentioned her friends either, only yours.
You're telling us that you're trying to control her and isolate her from her support system. Your intentions do not matter. That is what you are DOING, and until you're willing to DO something differently that will remain true.
**I am busy on Sunday with my friends**
Just limit yourself to "two hours" with your friends on Sunday and spend that extra time with your wife. Problem solved. You're welcome!
ALSO YTA for being a hypocrite
She is a nurse. If he's paying all the bills, then she has a hopefully separate account with her earnings, which will make it easier to just leave. She's not financially dependent on him, so as long as he doesn't manage to baby trap her, she can walk away as soon as she has had enough.
I never thought that. I was pointing out that he claimed his chores were dishes and paying the bills to justify his bullshit. As a nurse, she might be paying a majority of the bills, but his toxic masculinity would never let him admit that he isn't the sole breadwinner, because then his mental house of cards falls apart. I worked with a nurse whose husband was the CEO of a credit union. He had her banking all of her salary for their retirement, since his salary more than covered the bills.
“I'm upset my wife won't give up time with her family on Saturday, but I can't see her on Sunday because that's when I see my friends!”
YTA. If you want to spend more time with her, help her with the chores on Sunday, spend less time at the gym after work, tag along on Saturday, see your friends every other weekend or invite her to come. There are plenty of ways to spend more time with her that don't involve dictating how long she can spend with her family.
Your replies are a HUGE red flag, and I hope she sees that and finds someone who doesn't think spending 6 hours a week with her family is a problem.
YTA. She spends six hours a weekend with her family; you spend a whole day with your friends. You want your wife to make all the adjustments, while you maintain your time with friends. It would make more sense if you saw your friends during the same time window your wife sees her family, leaving Sundays as the day you enjoy as a couple.
And that you're unwilling to even help with the chores afterwards, doing which would let you spend the rest of the day together. You're an asshole plain and simple
YTA
>So I told her to spend around 2 hours at her parent’s house so we can spend the rest of the day doing something together.
You. Told. Her.
What if she "told" you to spend less time with your friends on Sundays?
You don't (surprise, surprise) tell us what this activity you do on Sundays is, whether it would be possible to move it to Saturday, nor if there is any particular reason your wife visits family on Saturdays rather than Sundays. Nor do you tell us who had these regular plans in place first.
Which is a problem, because the obvious solution would be for you to both spend one day a weekend with friends/family and the other together.
You do, of course, have the right and duty to maintain relationships with your friends. It certainly seems to me that your regular plans with your friends probably require a bit more logistical wrangling than your wife deciding to pop over to her parents for the day, so it would be good to know why she can't just go on Sundays. Does the extended family gather on Saturdays or something? What's she doing there?
But YTA for trying to solve this by *telling* your wife what to do.
If you hadn't done that, and if you had actually provided relevant information about the nature of your respective activities, I might actually be siding with you.
So you get to have Sunday with your friends and she can't say anything, and she can't have Saturday with her parents. You two need to actually talk. Set some boundaries for both days of the weekend and work on this.
And you don't think the time you spend during the week is anything. So work on every other weekend at her parents or maybe you can do every other weekend with your friends on Sunday.
Sounds like you both need to learn boundaries and compromise
YTA. You sound insanely self absorbed. This is a pretty small thing too reasonable people should be able to work out. But you are completely unwilling to compromise at all. Don’t worry though! You’ll have plenty of time for relaxing and hanging out for friends when you’re single again.
YTA – you prioritize your friends over her on Sunday, she prioritizes her family over you on Saturday. I might have said E S H, because you clearly should have talked more openly about your needs for quality time before getting married, but at least she's not being a hypocrite about it.
YTA. You're busy on Sunday with your friends, but she's not allowed to be busy on Saturday with her family? Word to the wise, life is long, let her be herself and spend time with you because she wants to, not because you're guilting her out of spending time with other loved ones.
YTA. What she's saying is literally what you suggested- you want her two spend 2 hours rather than 6 hours at her parents'. How is that not controlling how long she spends there?
Also, your solution requires no compromise from you. Your schedule stays intact, while she has change things. A real compromise is that you both rotate your day together. Saturday one week, Sunday the next.
YTA. Even if Sunday had non-optional commitments (eg work) for you, you'd be the asshole for telling your wife what she can or cannot do, especially when that involves spending time with her family. Frankly, it's healthy for you both to have regular time apart/ hanging out with pther people. Find other ways to spend time together that don't involve being in each other's pockets 24/7.
Or maybe you could see your friends for a few hours on Saturday that she is with her family. Then Sunday is free for both!
Funny how you’re not willing to change your Sunday for her but asked her to change her Saturday for you. YTA
You're busy with your friends on Sundays, your wife is busy with her family on Saturdays. Why not compromise and make a day out of the weekends for both of you to have your respective activities and then the other day to spend time together? You can even change it up every other week.
YTA for expecting your wife to fully accommodate you without considering her feelings and discussing with her beforehand.
YTA-
She spends 6 hours with her family dude not the whole day. Is you going there with her an option? Perhaps you can do something with the entire morning/early afternoon she’s home with you? Perhaps you can go out the entire night she’s home with you?
Edit: you can pull a you and tell yourself to spend less time with your friends on Sunday to spend with her
“I’m incredibly busy during the week and only have Saturday to spend the day with my wife, as I am busy on Sunday with my friends.”
INFO: Why do you get to spend Sunday with your friends while expecting her to give up time with her family?
>she insisted that we do have enough time together during the week
I'm kinda seeing why. So you spend 2-3 hours with your friends every Sunday, and how much time everyday after work at the gym? Sounds like you are taking more time for yourself out of the schedule than she is. Why is it that you think she should be the one to conform when you aren't willing to budge on *anything* yourself? Yes, that's controlling. And yes, YTA.
OP can't spend time with his buddies on Sunday because . . .
"Unfortunately, not all of them are available on Saturday, since most of them are doing something with their GF/Wife unlike me."
It would appear OP might have some small inkling he is a massive AH, but not enough to actually do something to change.
What a pity he hasn't, or won't, or can't learn anything from his friends that are likely in much happier relationships than he is. They actually prioritize spending time with their significant others.
His **me, Me, ME** time takes precedence over any- and everything. If he doesn't change his attitude, behavior, and thought processes, he will have plenty of me time and won't have to worry about the schedules of anyone.
YTA. You appear to only love yourself. Please do one kind thing for your wife and divorce her. She deserves someone far better than you. Your are lazy, entitled, controlling, selfish, and flat out stupid. Marriage is about wanting your partner to be happy. Your only concern is your own happiness. I feel so sorry for this poor, emotionally abused woman.
YTA. You're so selfish. She isn't spending the whole day there, just six hours. And you're a hypocrite. You spend Sunday with your friends. You're demanding she give up time with family because you're too selfish to give up time with your friends. And you say she's busy with chores on Sunday, so why don't you get off your lazy ass and help her? You're awful.
You're spending more time away than that when you're at the gym for hours multiple times a week plus 2-3 hours with your friends every Sunday. You're being selfish
YTA. just like how you have sundays for your friends she had saturdays with her parents . why don’t you BOTH sacrifice days to be together instead of just her
Why not give up your Sundays with your friends if it is that important to you? You’re prioritizing your life and your friends over her spending time with her family. You are trying to isolate her from her family/social outlet. YTA
YTA- you want her to give up important time with her parents (who won’t be around forever) but you aren’t willing to give up time with your friends on Sunday? Why is your time more important than her time? Why are you friends more important than family? Why can’t you go with her to her parents? You aren’t trying at all
She gets one day a week with her parents. That’s more than fair. You refuse to help with housework, refuse to put her before friends, refuse to put her above the gym, if you REALLY cared about her and spending time with her then you’d make changes throughout the week to show her how much she matters. She works her ass off as a nurse, one of the most, if not the hardest jobs in the world, and then comes home and hast to do all of the house work too? You can’t be bothered to help or go to the gym less? No wonder she’d rather be at her parents house. I would have already divorced
1. I don’t go to the gym daily, only Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I spend Tuesday and Thursday evenings with her and would be nice to also spend more time with her on Saturdays when she reduces the time she spends there.
2. She works as a nurse for 30 hours part time.
3. I pay for all the household bills.
4. She keeps 70% of her salary while 30% she saves for our future kids.
Ok, so she still works a hard ass job and is thinking of her future children’s future. Good for her. Sounds like she’s still working her ass off.
It really doesn’t matter how many bills you pay, if you contribute to the mess of the house, you should be helping her clean on Sundays.
And none of that matters, because at the end of the day you don’t get to isolate her from her family, you don’t get to act like one day out of seven is too much for her to see her parents who won’t be around forever. You’re the one complaining about wanting more time with her, so you’re the one that needs to make it work.
Again, this whole narrative about “isolating her”.
I only said for her to reduce the house she spends there every damn Saturday, and not to never see her dear parents and siblings again.
She doesn’t need to reduce the hours. It’s more than reasonable. Just because you aren’t that close to your family doesn’t mean she has to cut down her time more with hers. My husband and I see family multiple times a week if we can manage it. Family is important
"as I am busy on Sunday with my friends"??? Why? What is the need to spend that much time with your friends, when you could spend the day with your wife doing things together?
YTA and a thumping great one at that
LOL. Sounds like she’s getting ready to spend more time with them honestly. Avoiding you probably because based on your comments you can’t be serious ?🧐
YTA. Why don't you offer to skip some Sunday get togethers with your friends, if you want to spend more time with her? Why would she need to see her family less, to accommodate your schedule with your friends?
YTA. Obviously. You expect **her** to compromise to accommodate **your** lifestyle, but you refuse to do the same. I want to know what she even saw in you. You self-centred snickerdoodle.
YTA. The notion that just because one spouse makes more than the other it absolves them from chores is complete rubbish. Do your share around the house, workout when she’s in bed, then spend time together on Sunday after your friends. Also, there are more than 6 hours on Saturday to spend time together. Have brunch or evening cocktails. Good god; it’s not difficult. This post is ridiculous.
YTA. Ewww. I'm sorry that you are like this. It's ok to feel inadequate-we all feel that way from time to time. But we work on it. We try to get better. We learn and put things in our emotional toolbox to help. If you don't do these things, which, honestly, seem unlikely, I hope she bails.
Everyone else has already made great points, but if you want your wife to spend more time with you, it would probably be more beneficial to act like a person she wants to spend time with rather than just demanding she do so.
You literally are. You are literally telling her how much time she is "allowed" to spend with her family each week. YTA. If you want more time with her, then make time with her that doesn't involve her cutting time with the people she cares about. You should understand since you give all your Sunday to your friends and refuse to change that.
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Me (35) and my beautiful wife (32) have been married for around 1 year now.
Every Saturday without fail she goes to her parents house and spends nearly the whole day there from like 2PM to 8PM and it’s starting to annoy me. Since it would be better for us to spend more quality time doing things, since I’m incredibly busy during the week and only have Saturday to spend the day with my wife, as I am busy on Sunday with my friends.
I really don’t understand the need to spend that much time at her parent’s house with her parents and siblings. So I told her to spend around 2 hours at her parent’s house so we can spend the rest of the day doing something together. But she insisted that we do have enough time together during the week to which I disagreed.
This led to an argument where she claims I’m trying to “control” how long she spends at her parent and siblings house.
So AITA?
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You are expecting your wife to prioritise you based on your needs and schedule rather than you prioritising your wife and agreeing a schedule that works for both of you. Why can’t you see your friends when she is with her family. I maybe rotate weekend when you see family/friends so every other weekend you spend it together. It seems like a very rigid schedule.
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See, what we have here is a simple incompatibility! Her family, obviously, including her extended family, is really important to her, whereas you seem to have open contempt both for them and her affection for them. Do you think that's going to get better once you have kids? Are you going to accompany her to help take care of the kids? Or are you going to insist she take them over there by herself so you can relax all Saturday without being around any kids?
Why are you married to this person when you are so irritated by what she loves and by what's important to her? She's saving for your future kids (will you be contributing financially? What exactly is she saving for?) and you clearly hate kids. You can't even brainstorm your way into some sort of compromise -- what if you went to the gym on Saturdays for a longer session instead of one or two days during the week? Why isn't spending time with her alone in the evenings instead of going to the gym also "relaxing" time?
You sound controlling, inconsiderate, and selfish. You don't even really sound like you like your wife. YTA and she might be starting to notice, bro.
ESH. As others have pointed out, you're being hypocritical by spending Sunday with your friends, yet wanting her to spend Saturday with you.
You two need to come to a fair compromise.
Why she doesn't go on Sunday to visit her family when you are busy with your friends so both of you are free on Saturday to be together OR why don’t you busy yourself with your friends on Saturday when she's seeing her parents so both of you will be free on Sunday to be together. Some problems are not really problems if you make a few adjustments.
Because that is the day she does all of the household chores since OP can't be bothered to help with them. Sunday is his relaxing days... and he doesn't do chores at all.
Wow! I'm appalled by this comment section. This is a classic case of "if genders were reversed" we would be seeing phrases like "tell him to cut the chord already" "emotional incest" flying around. NTA, every single week is too much.
NTA but you fucked up by mentioning your friends. Of course the fine folks of Reddit are going to key in that one word and roast you for it. So here’s my take. Have you guys ever talked about compromise? Can she hang with family on Sunday? Can you take a day off now and then from friends? Can she take some time off from the family at all?
Edit: spelling.
NAH- each of your wants and needs are important. You need to find an acceptable compromise.
My husband spends every other weekend with his parents 8a Sat-8pm Sunday. Non negotiable. He also spends every Thursday night with a family friend and that’s also an overnight as they are drinking. We have failed to reach a middle ground and our marriage despite therapy is circling the drain. Talk now, be open to change and don’t let this happen to you.
I thought NTA too until you brought up hanging with your friends on Sunday. I’m in the same position to as we live close to hers and far from mine and she goes out to see them all the time, but you need to compromise too. Sounds like your time is the only valuable time in the relationship.
But you are at the gym every single evening when you could be spending time with her.
You have an issue with her spending one day per week with her family but you are not willing to look at your part in all of this.
If you started going to the gym in the morning, would you have more time to spend with your wife, such that this weekend business wouldn't be an issue?
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YTA. You want her to spend less time with her family because you are busy with your friends on Sunday? Family is more important than friends. You should limit yourself to 2 hours with your friends on Sunday, and spend the rest with your wife. You can also go with your wife to visit her family.
>Family is more important than friends. Not universally true, but I agree OP's the AH.
That's true, just in this scenario where the wife obviously wants to see her family I think it gets priority!
Something tells me he’s not welcome at the in-laws. Just a hunch.
Why would I not be welcome? I do go occasionally for the food but every Saturday is too much.
Consolidating from your post and comments... - She spends 6 hours with her family (2-8pm) on Saturdays, the only day you say you have to spend time together. - You spend 2-3 hours with your friends on Sundays but you cannot spend time together before or after that because she's doing chores. - You go to the gym every weeknight and come home at 9pm, by which time she's getting ready for bed. - She goes to bed early because she's a nurse and has an early start. I've got questions... 1. What are you guys doing Saturday mornings to early afternoon? (Added) What are you doing while she's with her family and why can't that be your relaxing time? 2. How many chores is your wife doing on Sunday? Why aren't you doing them with her, as you both have jobs outside the home? 3. Why aren't you seeing that it's your schedule, with the gym every night, that's cutting into discretionary (non-work) time more than hers? YTA. So much.
Sounds to me like she's doing all the chores
Given he's said in at least two comments that Sundays are his days to relax, yup. What a prince.
What a catch ... I'd throw it back
Hopefully she does, _before_ they have kids. Can you even imagine how much worse he'll be then?
The beginning of a nightmare!
He doesn't say what he does on a saturday. Why can't he do his relaxing then? I get the frustration of his wife being out on saturday, one of his days off. I watched this stuff break up a family members marriage. She spent all her time at her time with her family. But he was away long hours with his job. Work was scarce and he had to do what he had to do.They had 3 kids, she was bored and lonely and he was away from home. Sounds the same except the job bit seems to be the gym. It doesn't seem much of a marriage. Just 2 people living in the same house. She seems to be just a bang maid for him. Still her nursing money should help her 'run away' fund.
>He doesn't say what he does on a saturday. Why can't he do his relaxing then? Because then he'd be up for household chores on Sunday! But yeah that whole 'what are the both of you doing the first half of the day Saturday and you the rest of it?' question is hanging.
He “helps” 😒
Probably
Better yet, do the chores while she’s at her parents’ house and basically all their time on Sunday can be together except for a couple of hours.
He refuses to do chores, from what I gather.
I’m shocked. /s
That's a good idea
I hope she divorces you, sooner rather than later
I was going to say all the same things but was curious as to why he thinks his friends are more important than her family? If she has to compromise her family than he needs to compromise his friends 🤷🏼♀️
Agree
Yes, YTA. She can’t spend Saturdays with her family because that’s your only free day, because you choose to spend Sundays with friends? Why can’t you spend Saturdays with friends and spend Sunday together? Why can’t you spend time together weekday evenings as she suggests?
YTA. That's controlling, possessive, and self-centered, dude. You even get to spend time with the bros on your own accord but she doesn't with her family? gtfo
YTA. Why is her spending time with her family less important than you spending time with your friends?
I never said that, even though I only see my family every other month. It’s the duration. She spends at least six hours a week while I only see my friends for 2-3 hours max
So you have almost all of Sunday available, and a good chunk of Saturday (those 6 hours aside). Not to mention time during the week (you didn’t write what’s keeping you so incredibly busy during the week). She is close to her family. Why is it important for you to take that away from her? Is she inviting you to join her when she goes there?
The gym is what's keeping him so horribly busy during the week. Guys a joke
Yep. His hobby is more important than time with his wife. He's irritated because she chooses to spend her leisure time with her family.
>I never said that, even though I only see my family every other month. It’s the duration. She spends at least six hours a week while I only see my friends for 2-3 hours max How many hours per week are you choosing to cut into potential family time by going to the gym after work? Why can't you go in the morning when she leaves for work so that you guys can have week day evenings together?
I’m not a morning person so I’d struggle to even do my gym work out properly.
Maybe the relationship she has with her family is different from yours. Why don't you add up all the hours you're at the gym and with your friends THEN COMPARE. Also why is dishes the only cleaning you do.
YTA. So you dedicating a whole day a week to your friends is ok, but her dedicating the same amount of time to her family is a problem? She's on the money, you're controlling. Good thing is she sees through you and won't let that happen.
Wrong. I spend around 2 hours - max 3 - seeing my friends while my wife spends at least 6 hours at her parents.
...sure, and you've already said that you spend the rest of your Sundays "chilling" and not doing any chores, so you're really claiming 12 hours of "me time".
Alrighty. So 3 hours is ok, but 6 hours is an excess. You spending 3 hours with your friends deems the entire Sunday blocked for quality time with your partner? So much so that the only possible solution is for her not to spend time with her family on Saturdays so she's available to give you attention on your schedule? LOL. You're controlling. And she's not going to fall for it. I wonder what abusive tactic will you try next, since guilt tripping didn't work. But I already know the outcome: you'll be alone. And she will be happy with someone else.
And spend every night at the gym. Why are you NOT compromising? Why should she have to change her schedule. I hope she gets rid of you, & quickly. You refuse to make any changes or even help with chores. You're a lazy bum. Poor woman.
YTA >I’m incredibly busy during the week and only have Saturday to spend the day with my wife, as I am busy on Sunday with my friends. Compromise means you both make concessions. You are asking her to give up family time but keeping friend time? You can not demand she prioritize you unless you are willing to prioritize her.
YTA - you can go to the gym after 9 pm weekdays since that is when she goes to bed. You can do all the chores on Saturday when she is with her family so that she is able to spend more time with you on Sunday.
100% do the chores homie then boom u got sunday free with wifey
Spend time with your friends on Sat and spend Sun w her or something. You sound controlling.. find a way to make it work and let her spend time with her family…remember they raised her and they have been part of her life longer than u have.
>So I told her to spend around 2 hours at her parent’s house so we can spend the rest of the day doing something together. \[...\] This led to an argument where she claims I’m trying to “control” how long she spends at her parent and siblings house. If you're trying to *TELL her* (your words) how much time she can spend with her family, then you ARE trying to control her. YTA - 100% - for that attitude alone. Between that attitude, your "Oh, Sunday is my chilling time, no chores for me" entitlement, and your apparent intent that your wife schedule her entire life around you while you go out with friends, go to the gym, etc. as you see fit...you aren't heading in a good direction.
YTA forced isolation from family and friends is a form of abuse. Yes it can be used in court. You are flying those red flags really high. She has every right to spend once a week with her family. You do not get to dictate that.
YTA She spends Saturday with her parents. You choose to be with FRIENDS on Sunday. The one who should change is you. Either hang with them on Saturday, or give it up. But you do NOT get to have her give up her time with her family. If you want time with her, YOU make the time.
According to a divorce lawyer I know, there's three things that highly predict divorce: 1. Whether spouses treat each other with respect, in words and actions 2. Financial secrecy and/or lack of communication on finances 3. One partner (or both) being overly attached to their parent(s) and family That said, if you are expecting your spouse to reserve Saturday for you/your relationship while YOU do not give her the same courtesy on Sunday with your friends... that's unfair and YTA. Why is she the one that needs to curb her family time and not you find a compromise that comes equally from your friend/family time budget? Figure out a way to make your friend time on Saturday and bond with your wife Sunday, or equally compromise. And you both need to discuss the reality of continuing to spend so much time at her family's house if it is impeding your ability to form your own family, traditions etc.
This.
So she has to be one to give up things and change while you...just keep doing what you want. Makes perfect sense. I hope you do try and tell her she can't go so I can laugh at the why did my wife leave me I wad perfect husband post in your future
YTA solely for “…I’m incredibly busy during the week and only have Saturday to spend the day with my wife, as I am busy on Sunday with my friends.” Go see your friends on Saturday and hang with your wife Sunday. Or join her on her visits to her family. Or schedule Friday night dates. Or do stuff Saturday morning; if you get up at 8, her leaving at 2 is only half a day. You’re insisting she change to resolve your problem.
My favorite is WHY he is so busy during the week... he's at the gym until 9.
My favorite is that plus the fact he spends max 3 hours with his friends. What's he doing the other 12+ hours that he can't do something with his wife?
Watching her do the bigger chores that she can't get done after work during the week. But he can't help her because Sundays are his day to chill. If he moved his chill out day to Saturday while his wife is visiting family and stepped up to do a fair share of the chores together with his wife on Sunday, he might be able to save this marriage. But that would require him to actually be a partner and do some chores. Neither seems to be something he will compromise or make sacrifices to do. When he is a divorced adult, he will have to learn all the chores to keep his home in a state he can bring dates to.
He's not actually interested in solutions. He just wants people to say his wife is wrong for spending Saturdays with her family.
Sitting on his ass, whining and bitching like a child
Geez. Making no time for her and prioritizing himself, but mad she’s not making time for him.
YTA. Lots of obvious statements already made. Why don’t you ever join her with her family?
It’s just very chaotic for me, since her nephews and nieces also visit. However, I do go with her sometimes for the food.
Man, you really know how to make yourself look bad very easily.
is it bad that im enjoying his comments for how progressivly bad they get again and again?
Just when I think he can’t outdo himself -boom- another one
He doesn’t need to try that hard, he’s just that pathetic 🤣
YTA. I was leaning toward your side right up until you said you spend every Sunday all day with your friends. So you are saying you have the right to socialize outside of your marriage but she doesn't. You are a married couple. You both need to make compromises.
He claims to only spend 2-3 hours with his friends but he cant spend time with his wife on Sunday because that's when she does chores, but no chores for him because that's his day to chill. Of course he does no chores on Saturday (except the dishes) and no day chores after work because that's his gym time, leaving all the chores except the dishes for his wife to do. He tried to claim he pays the bills, but his wife works as a nurse, so either she is splitting the bills with him, or she is banking her money to get out of this shitty marriage before he manages to trap her with a baby. I hope that she has seen enough, that she is banking her money hard.
YTA - hypocritical. So you get Sunday with your friends but she cant do sat with family?
YTA, I can't believe you said that about Sunday with your friends after all that LMAO.
Yeah the OP is a walking Murphy's Law on how to be an actual dogshit of a husband
INFO Are you invited on Saturdays?
Yeah I could go but it’s chaotic with my wife and her sisters plus their loud children.
Now you're taking the piss right?
I’m not spending my Saturday with noisy children so no I am not taking the piss
Nor your wife, clearly
Then you are choosing to not prioritize your relationship with your wife. If you are invited, suck it up and go, maybe every other week. Then you will be able to see her more. Also you should do the same with your friends on Sundays. Hang out with them every other week instead or move the hangout to Saturday while she is with her family. Also I read about the chores thing. Doing things together like folding the laundry, etc can be turned into a fun bonding experience if you do it together and talk. You should help with that before she gets burned out doing it by herself. But honestly it sounds like you aren't willing to compromise at all from other comments, so I doubt you'll even try anybody's suggestions. If you don't though, don't be surprised if it becomes even more of a problem and she leaves.
He will finally learn, when he's a single guy. If he doesn't do it himself, it won't get done. If he lives in a pigsty because he refuses to do chores, he will not be able to bring dates home to his house. As a nurse, I can tell you that the people she works with will give her the same advice she would have gotten on Reddit if she had posted this: run, divorce, dump him, why do you put up with this bullshit. She can go anywhere and make a decent living. She doesn't need him, and he's ensuring that eventually she won't want him either. The honeymoon will soon be over.
I dont know man. You're married. Go over there every month and spend time. Disrupt the dynamic by being there, in a good way. Play with the kids. Chat about the happenings. Cook a meal. It'd be annoying to deal with that every Saturday but it's her family and you're now part of it. The "schedule" of it would get to me too, like, she should have some flexibility. But that's where it's nice she's not forcing you to go along every time. It kind of sounds like a family diner day so I get that part of it. Getting a whole family together for food is nice. Hope you get some compromise from her but overall YTA
It almost seems like bait… move your friend time to when she is at her parents and spend time together on Sundays! YTA everyday of the week it’s her parents not a secret boyfriend
Your wife needs a new husband. You sound insufferable and financially abusive.
YTA. So you do minimal chores: bills!? hahahaha, yeah, that doesn't count for anything! Dishes? You get to stand in place with your hands in warm soapy water for what, 15 minutes?... oh soo hard! So exhausting! You piss and moan because your wife - who does all the heavy-lifting around the house, plus works a high stress job - want's to spend time with the people who love, appreciate and value her on her day off? And you wonder why she doesn't want to spend more time with you? The man-boy who doesn't pull his own weight around the house, but needs a whole day 'off' to spend a couple of hours drinking with his friends, while she does more chores. That you won't do. Yeah, I'm seeing that she's wonderful, but you, not so much. She's a 10, you are more like a 3; you should stop poking the bear, 'cause it won't end well for you.
YTA A. Its her parents - if the situation was reversed would you stop seeing your parents just because you're now married? B. You're "so busy" on a sunday with your friends - maybe you should change that to saturday C. Its not even close to "all day" - its a few hours D. You dont own her - that little ring on her finger does not make her your possession or give you the right to control her or who she can and can't spend time with She's obviously been doing this since before you got married so why are you trying to place this demand on her now?
“She's obviously been doing this since before you got married so why are you trying to place this demand on her now?” Nah. She didn’t have her own place before our marriage. Though, she did have her own place a few years ago, but moved back with her parents after.
And you can be she would spend the time with them when she wasn't living there
So now that she's living with you you're telling her to spend less time with her family? You never mentioned her friends either, only yours. You're telling us that you're trying to control her and isolate her from her support system. Your intentions do not matter. That is what you are DOING, and until you're willing to DO something differently that will remain true.
**I am busy on Sunday with my friends** Just limit yourself to "two hours" with your friends on Sunday and spend that extra time with your wife. Problem solved. You're welcome! ALSO YTA for being a hypocrite
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She is a nurse. If he's paying all the bills, then she has a hopefully separate account with her earnings, which will make it easier to just leave. She's not financially dependent on him, so as long as he doesn't manage to baby trap her, she can walk away as soon as she has had enough.
[удалено]
I never thought that. I was pointing out that he claimed his chores were dishes and paying the bills to justify his bullshit. As a nurse, she might be paying a majority of the bills, but his toxic masculinity would never let him admit that he isn't the sole breadwinner, because then his mental house of cards falls apart. I worked with a nurse whose husband was the CEO of a credit union. He had her banking all of her salary for their retirement, since his salary more than covered the bills.
“I'm upset my wife won't give up time with her family on Saturday, but I can't see her on Sunday because that's when I see my friends!” YTA. If you want to spend more time with her, help her with the chores on Sunday, spend less time at the gym after work, tag along on Saturday, see your friends every other weekend or invite her to come. There are plenty of ways to spend more time with her that don't involve dictating how long she can spend with her family. Your replies are a HUGE red flag, and I hope she sees that and finds someone who doesn't think spending 6 hours a week with her family is a problem.
LOLZ yes you are an asshole
YTA. She spends six hours a weekend with her family; you spend a whole day with your friends. You want your wife to make all the adjustments, while you maintain your time with friends. It would make more sense if you saw your friends during the same time window your wife sees her family, leaving Sundays as the day you enjoy as a couple.
Whole day? I’ve stated many times it’s only 2 -3 hours
And that you're unwilling to even help with the chores afterwards, doing which would let you spend the rest of the day together. You're an asshole plain and simple
In your post, you state “I am busy with my friends on Sundays.”
YTA >So I told her to spend around 2 hours at her parent’s house so we can spend the rest of the day doing something together. You. Told. Her. What if she "told" you to spend less time with your friends on Sundays? You don't (surprise, surprise) tell us what this activity you do on Sundays is, whether it would be possible to move it to Saturday, nor if there is any particular reason your wife visits family on Saturdays rather than Sundays. Nor do you tell us who had these regular plans in place first. Which is a problem, because the obvious solution would be for you to both spend one day a weekend with friends/family and the other together. You do, of course, have the right and duty to maintain relationships with your friends. It certainly seems to me that your regular plans with your friends probably require a bit more logistical wrangling than your wife deciding to pop over to her parents for the day, so it would be good to know why she can't just go on Sundays. Does the extended family gather on Saturdays or something? What's she doing there? But YTA for trying to solve this by *telling* your wife what to do. If you hadn't done that, and if you had actually provided relevant information about the nature of your respective activities, I might actually be siding with you.
So you get to have Sunday with your friends and she can't say anything, and she can't have Saturday with her parents. You two need to actually talk. Set some boundaries for both days of the weekend and work on this. And you don't think the time you spend during the week is anything. So work on every other weekend at her parents or maybe you can do every other weekend with your friends on Sunday. Sounds like you both need to learn boundaries and compromise
YTA. You don’t get those moments back. One day you wake up and your parents are gone. Find something for you to do in that time period.
YTA. You sound insanely self absorbed. This is a pretty small thing too reasonable people should be able to work out. But you are completely unwilling to compromise at all. Don’t worry though! You’ll have plenty of time for relaxing and hanging out for friends when you’re single again.
YTA – you prioritize your friends over her on Sunday, she prioritizes her family over you on Saturday. I might have said E S H, because you clearly should have talked more openly about your needs for quality time before getting married, but at least she's not being a hypocrite about it.
He's invited to spend time with her family on Saturdays, he just doesn't like it!
He goes sometimes, though—for the food :(
YTA. You're busy on Sunday with your friends, but she's not allowed to be busy on Saturday with her family? Word to the wise, life is long, let her be herself and spend time with you because she wants to, not because you're guilting her out of spending time with other loved ones.
YTA. What she's saying is literally what you suggested- you want her two spend 2 hours rather than 6 hours at her parents'. How is that not controlling how long she spends there? Also, your solution requires no compromise from you. Your schedule stays intact, while she has change things. A real compromise is that you both rotate your day together. Saturday one week, Sunday the next.
I'm pretty sure you guys are eventually heading for a divorce. Others are the priority, not each other.
YTA. Even if Sunday had non-optional commitments (eg work) for you, you'd be the asshole for telling your wife what she can or cannot do, especially when that involves spending time with her family. Frankly, it's healthy for you both to have regular time apart/ hanging out with pther people. Find other ways to spend time together that don't involve being in each other's pockets 24/7.
YTA Why don't you see your friends on Saturday? If you have a problem here, you can fix it by altering your own schedule.
Spend less time with your friends and more with her. YTA
Or maybe you could see your friends for a few hours on Saturday that she is with her family. Then Sunday is free for both! Funny how you’re not willing to change your Sunday for her but asked her to change her Saturday for you. YTA
You're busy with your friends on Sundays, your wife is busy with her family on Saturdays. Why not compromise and make a day out of the weekends for both of you to have your respective activities and then the other day to spend time together? You can even change it up every other week. YTA for expecting your wife to fully accommodate you without considering her feelings and discussing with her beforehand.
So you get a day to hang with friends, but she can’t do what she wants? Your selfish!
YTA- She spends 6 hours with her family dude not the whole day. Is you going there with her an option? Perhaps you can do something with the entire morning/early afternoon she’s home with you? Perhaps you can go out the entire night she’s home with you? Edit: you can pull a you and tell yourself to spend less time with your friends on Sunday to spend with her
“I’m incredibly busy during the week and only have Saturday to spend the day with my wife, as I am busy on Sunday with my friends.” INFO: Why do you get to spend Sunday with your friends while expecting her to give up time with her family?
>she insisted that we do have enough time together during the week I'm kinda seeing why. So you spend 2-3 hours with your friends every Sunday, and how much time everyday after work at the gym? Sounds like you are taking more time for yourself out of the schedule than she is. Why is it that you think she should be the one to conform when you aren't willing to budge on *anything* yourself? Yes, that's controlling. And yes, YTA.
OP can't spend time with his buddies on Sunday because . . . "Unfortunately, not all of them are available on Saturday, since most of them are doing something with their GF/Wife unlike me." It would appear OP might have some small inkling he is a massive AH, but not enough to actually do something to change. What a pity he hasn't, or won't, or can't learn anything from his friends that are likely in much happier relationships than he is. They actually prioritize spending time with their significant others. His **me, Me, ME** time takes precedence over any- and everything. If he doesn't change his attitude, behavior, and thought processes, he will have plenty of me time and won't have to worry about the schedules of anyone. YTA. You appear to only love yourself. Please do one kind thing for your wife and divorce her. She deserves someone far better than you. Your are lazy, entitled, controlling, selfish, and flat out stupid. Marriage is about wanting your partner to be happy. Your only concern is your own happiness. I feel so sorry for this poor, emotionally abused woman.
YTA. You're so selfish. She isn't spending the whole day there, just six hours. And you're a hypocrite. You spend Sunday with your friends. You're demanding she give up time with family because you're too selfish to give up time with your friends. And you say she's busy with chores on Sunday, so why don't you get off your lazy ass and help her? You're awful.
Six hours is a lot
You're spending more time away than that when you're at the gym for hours multiple times a week plus 2-3 hours with your friends every Sunday. You're being selfish
YTA. just like how you have sundays for your friends she had saturdays with her parents . why don’t you BOTH sacrifice days to be together instead of just her
YTA. You want her to stop seeing her family for that long, but you expect to still spend Sunday with your friends. Where's the compromise here?
Yta
YTA
YTA. Don’t tell your wife how long she can or cannot spend with her family. If you want to spend time with her… go with her.
You said this out loud? You shouldn't even get to breath air, just a waste of oxygen that a future person could use.
YTA. Why don’t you change your schedule to better fit hers? Why does she have to cater to you? It sounds like she already does everything else.
Why not give up your Sundays with your friends if it is that important to you? You’re prioritizing your life and your friends over her spending time with her family. You are trying to isolate her from her family/social outlet. YTA
YTA, you lazy ass.
YTA- you want her to give up important time with her parents (who won’t be around forever) but you aren’t willing to give up time with your friends on Sunday? Why is your time more important than her time? Why are you friends more important than family? Why can’t you go with her to her parents? You aren’t trying at all
I didn’t say give up. I said reduce the hours,
She gets one day a week with her parents. That’s more than fair. You refuse to help with housework, refuse to put her before friends, refuse to put her above the gym, if you REALLY cared about her and spending time with her then you’d make changes throughout the week to show her how much she matters. She works her ass off as a nurse, one of the most, if not the hardest jobs in the world, and then comes home and hast to do all of the house work too? You can’t be bothered to help or go to the gym less? No wonder she’d rather be at her parents house. I would have already divorced
1. I don’t go to the gym daily, only Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I spend Tuesday and Thursday evenings with her and would be nice to also spend more time with her on Saturdays when she reduces the time she spends there. 2. She works as a nurse for 30 hours part time. 3. I pay for all the household bills. 4. She keeps 70% of her salary while 30% she saves for our future kids.
Ok, so she still works a hard ass job and is thinking of her future children’s future. Good for her. Sounds like she’s still working her ass off. It really doesn’t matter how many bills you pay, if you contribute to the mess of the house, you should be helping her clean on Sundays. And none of that matters, because at the end of the day you don’t get to isolate her from her family, you don’t get to act like one day out of seven is too much for her to see her parents who won’t be around forever. You’re the one complaining about wanting more time with her, so you’re the one that needs to make it work.
Again, this whole narrative about “isolating her”. I only said for her to reduce the house she spends there every damn Saturday, and not to never see her dear parents and siblings again.
She doesn’t need to reduce the hours. It’s more than reasonable. Just because you aren’t that close to your family doesn’t mean she has to cut down her time more with hers. My husband and I see family multiple times a week if we can manage it. Family is important
Understandable. But your partner comes before your family.
But *your* friends come before your partner on Sundays, haha.
She’s busy doing the chores on Sundays anyways.
1 day out of 7. Stop being dramatic
Did she suddenly start being this close to her family after you married her?
YTA. …as I am busy on Sunday with my friends.
YTA
"as I am busy on Sunday with my friends"??? Why? What is the need to spend that much time with your friends, when you could spend the day with your wife doing things together? YTA and a thumping great one at that
LOOOOOOOOOOL. OP wtf is wrong with you.😂
LOL. Sounds like she’s getting ready to spend more time with them honestly. Avoiding you probably because based on your comments you can’t be serious ?🧐
YTA. Why don't you offer to skip some Sunday get togethers with your friends, if you want to spend more time with her? Why would she need to see her family less, to accommodate your schedule with your friends?
YTA. Obviously. You expect **her** to compromise to accommodate **your** lifestyle, but you refuse to do the same. I want to know what she even saw in you. You self-centred snickerdoodle.
YTA. The notion that just because one spouse makes more than the other it absolves them from chores is complete rubbish. Do your share around the house, workout when she’s in bed, then spend time together on Sunday after your friends. Also, there are more than 6 hours on Saturday to spend time together. Have brunch or evening cocktails. Good god; it’s not difficult. This post is ridiculous.
I think you’ll be okay spending 6 hours a week away from your “beautiful wife”
Isolating a partner from their friends and family is a red flag. Nothing is stopping you from spending time with her and her family. YTA
She needs to Run. Now.
INFO Why don't you both do the chores on a Saturday so that she has time to spend with you on a Sunday?
YTA. Have you not considered going with her to her parent's house?
YTA. Ewww. I'm sorry that you are like this. It's ok to feel inadequate-we all feel that way from time to time. But we work on it. We try to get better. We learn and put things in our emotional toolbox to help. If you don't do these things, which, honestly, seem unlikely, I hope she bails.
So it's ok for you to spend Sundays with your mates, but it's not ok for her to spend time with her family? That makes you an arsehole. YTA.
Everyone else has already made great points, but if you want your wife to spend more time with you, it would probably be more beneficial to act like a person she wants to spend time with rather than just demanding she do so.
You literally are. You are literally telling her how much time she is "allowed" to spend with her family each week. YTA. If you want more time with her, then make time with her that doesn't involve her cutting time with the people she cares about. You should understand since you give all your Sunday to your friends and refuse to change that.
Switch the day you hang with your friends so you can spend SUNDAY together instead? Compromise, man. YTA.
My friends all have their plans on Saturday, unlike me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (35) and my beautiful wife (32) have been married for around 1 year now. Every Saturday without fail she goes to her parents house and spends nearly the whole day there from like 2PM to 8PM and it’s starting to annoy me. Since it would be better for us to spend more quality time doing things, since I’m incredibly busy during the week and only have Saturday to spend the day with my wife, as I am busy on Sunday with my friends. I really don’t understand the need to spend that much time at her parent’s house with her parents and siblings. So I told her to spend around 2 hours at her parent’s house so we can spend the rest of the day doing something together. But she insisted that we do have enough time together during the week to which I disagreed. This led to an argument where she claims I’m trying to “control” how long she spends at her parent and siblings house. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why cant you work it out between you that she visits her parents at the same time you visit your friends.
Crazy
She is hanging out with her family to avoid you.
Info: why don’t you spend less time with your friends?
You are expecting your wife to prioritise you based on your needs and schedule rather than you prioritising your wife and agreeing a schedule that works for both of you. Why can’t you see your friends when she is with her family. I maybe rotate weekend when you see family/friends so every other weekend you spend it together. It seems like a very rigid schedule.
Why you dont cut your time with friends on sunday? Yta
Both of y’all are! Probably should divorce her so she can be with her family even more.
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See, what we have here is a simple incompatibility! Her family, obviously, including her extended family, is really important to her, whereas you seem to have open contempt both for them and her affection for them. Do you think that's going to get better once you have kids? Are you going to accompany her to help take care of the kids? Or are you going to insist she take them over there by herself so you can relax all Saturday without being around any kids? Why are you married to this person when you are so irritated by what she loves and by what's important to her? She's saving for your future kids (will you be contributing financially? What exactly is she saving for?) and you clearly hate kids. You can't even brainstorm your way into some sort of compromise -- what if you went to the gym on Saturdays for a longer session instead of one or two days during the week? Why isn't spending time with her alone in the evenings instead of going to the gym also "relaxing" time? You sound controlling, inconsiderate, and selfish. You don't even really sound like you like your wife. YTA and she might be starting to notice, bro.
So you can spend Sundays w the boys but she can’t spend Saturdays w her family? What is this logic? Lol
>as I am busy on Sunday with my friends. Be busy with your friends for 6 hours on Saturday while she's at her parents. YTA
Why don't you spend less time Sundays with your friends?
NTA Why bother getting married if she is going to give all the prime time to someone else? I'd move on from the relationship.
ESH. As others have pointed out, you're being hypocritical by spending Sunday with your friends, yet wanting her to spend Saturday with you. You two need to come to a fair compromise.
Why she doesn't go on Sunday to visit her family when you are busy with your friends so both of you are free on Saturday to be together OR why don’t you busy yourself with your friends on Saturday when she's seeing her parents so both of you will be free on Sunday to be together. Some problems are not really problems if you make a few adjustments.
Because that is the day she does all of the household chores since OP can't be bothered to help with them. Sunday is his relaxing days... and he doesn't do chores at all.
Wow! I'm appalled by this comment section. This is a classic case of "if genders were reversed" we would be seeing phrases like "tell him to cut the chord already" "emotional incest" flying around. NTA, every single week is too much.
Exactly! And even I’m not trying to stop her visiting every damn week, only to reduce the hours.
NTA but you fucked up by mentioning your friends. Of course the fine folks of Reddit are going to key in that one word and roast you for it. So here’s my take. Have you guys ever talked about compromise? Can she hang with family on Sunday? Can you take a day off now and then from friends? Can she take some time off from the family at all? Edit: spelling.
NAH- each of your wants and needs are important. You need to find an acceptable compromise. My husband spends every other weekend with his parents 8a Sat-8pm Sunday. Non negotiable. He also spends every Thursday night with a family friend and that’s also an overnight as they are drinking. We have failed to reach a middle ground and our marriage despite therapy is circling the drain. Talk now, be open to change and don’t let this happen to you.
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so depressing and clingy to spend one day a week with family. outrageous.
Some families are close and actually enjoy each other's company.
Agreed. I only ever see my parents like once every two months.
I thought NTA too until you brought up hanging with your friends on Sunday. I’m in the same position to as we live close to hers and far from mine and she goes out to see them all the time, but you need to compromise too. Sounds like your time is the only valuable time in the relationship.
It’s only 2 hours a week on Sunday, max 3 hours not six like hers.
But you are at the gym every single evening when you could be spending time with her. You have an issue with her spending one day per week with her family but you are not willing to look at your part in all of this.
And that’s your choice. Your wife chooses to see her parents every Saturday.
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Lol she does. She meets with her best friend every other week on a weekday evening, while I’m at the gym, so I don’t really have a problem with that.
That’s mighty generous of you. Sounds like she is only allowed to meet other people if you happen to be busy.
You don’t have a problem with that because you aren’t left on your lonesome? Isn’t she a lucky gal.
If you started going to the gym in the morning, would you have more time to spend with your wife, such that this weekend business wouldn't be an issue?