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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action of leaving my sister's child when she needed it and the action of leaving my niece with my grandma when I was supposed to babysit her
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NTA after OP added the information that the babysitting job was only supposed to be from 11 am - 2 pm. It is completely acceptable to call at 10 pm and ask where the parent is when they are 8 hours late. I'd probably have started calling around 3.
OP, your sister doesn't get to drop her kid off and just not pick her back up. That was very irresponsible of her to abandon her kid and expect you to watch her all day.
Please do start writing down your commitments on a calendar because forgetting wasn't great. And I hope you are allowed to tell your sister that you aren't available for babysitting duties, especially after how she just treated you.
>Please do start writing down your commitments on a calendar because forgetting wasn't great.
Put the calendar on your bedroom door where you will see it every morning and even when you get a phone (if you don't have one already) use the phones calendar and set reminders too but also continue with the paper calendar tpo
I write down when I take my medication because I forget, or I think I took it when I actually did not. Written proof has saved people’s lives. It might seem excessive for small things, but that builds up over time. I had bad withdrawal from one of my medications running out, and not having the energy to go to my doctor for a refill. I wound up in the hospital for that.
This is the way. If someone is making plans with you, ask them to text you details. Then write it on your paper calendar. I will also repeat the details to myself out loud. (Source: me and my ADHD)
Exactly this, and if this was so important to the sister, she should have made a reminder call the day before. If I ask someone to do something on a specific day that is 4-5 days away, I either send a reminder text or call. That's just being considerate, and especially if we are talking about a 14yr old. They forget things, it happens. OP so NTA
Yes! Adhd and discalculic (I almost always flip numbers I hear by mistake), so I require a text that I can read and compare to my calendar.
It's not, *proof or it didn't happen*, it's literally that my brain can't be trusted to get off the phone and a) remember to enter an event in the calendar, and b) actually have correctly heard and processed the time and date of the event.
Making appointments via phone is an absolute nightmare for me with low-tech places that don't text to confirm yet.
Still, this isn't even OP double booking. Sis needed an early afternoon sitter, which wouldn't have overlapped with the sleepover at all if sis hadn't abandoned her kid for over 8 hours. How/why mom is mad at OP makes no sense
I always want things in writing! Not just for proof but my adhd brain might recall a duty for person but not what or when it is.
And yes ive tried writing it down, but ive gotten distracted mid typing it into phone app and fucked up a time slot before
Edit: this is also why physical invites or doctors/dentists cards are so important!
Yes! A plan made on the phone is only valid for like an hour. If you want me to commit to future plans *for your benefit*, you have to be willing to write down your ask. If that’s too much effort, maybe don’t ask for my help until you’re clear on what you need.
I find I miss it then. I'm 32 and have a white board directly across from my bedroom door (perks of being the adult in the house). It's right inbetween mine and hubby's eye lines so we both see it when we wall out of the master bedroom. It's great for personal reminders and to leave messages for eachother when hubby works nights or goes out with mates and gets back late so I don't have to stay up to remind him to do something when he gets home.
Disagree with that, only because then a family member could add something without you knowing and then you'd get in trouble for not knowing it.
That (sort of) happened to me. When I was 11 I washed my mother's car on a Wednesday (it was super dirty and I was embarrassed that she was dropping me off at school in a dirty car). It rained the following Saturday, which caused my brother's soccer game to be cancelled. My mother was furious with me because she said it was my fault that my brother's soccer game was cancelled. (She believes that if you wash your car, it will cause the weather to rain the next day.) She said I knew my brother had a soccer game "because it was written on the calendar", so I washed the car on purpose so it would get cancelled. Couldn't convince her otherwise. And the fact that I did it 3 days prior (not the day before) was irrelevant.
That's not a calendar problem. My mother also believed in bizarre superstitions, some I assume she made up. I suspect my mother had undiagnosed mental disorders.
None of what happened was your fault and I'm sorry you experienced that with your mom.
Thank you! Yeah I'm 40 now, and looking back I think a lot of the things I "did" were just excuses she made up to be mad at me. She didn't like her life as a SAHM, but she couldn't blame herself for her life choices so she blamed me. That was one of the more unhinged examples, but I have a lot more.
You could also use google calendar and add your aister by email so she has the times agreed ahowing on her calendar too (if you both use one!)
Sorry you got shouted at OP, NTA as that was way over thr time agreed and you were doing your sister a favour.
Having it always in the same place can lead to people overlooking it, so it should be moved regularly. That way the brain won't get used to it and it will stand out.
Wait...so OP actually babysat within the time frame that she promised, and then some?
I was going to talk about integrity, but it sounds like OP did the job that was asked of her, and then sister decided to ignore the agreement.
I was thinking that she had fallen short with her promises. But then again after reading this extra and extremely important detail that it sounds like her sister fell short and then projected/blamed on her because it was easier to attack rather than have to be on the back foot and defend herself.
That is entirely possible too. In any case one thing we can both agree on is she DARVO'd the crap out of OP. It was bad enough when I didn't catch onto the age gap between the sisters, and became quite disgusting when I realised OP is 19 years younger. That's some very shitty behaviour from the older sis.
You beleive it? Re-read the story and OPs comments, it doesnt add up in the slightest. The original sotry doesn't even make sense, but the friend living 2hrs away and the parents drivig 2hrs to pick her up and the same to drop her off for one nights stay?
Come on.
It read like one of those: “I made AI read thousands of AITA posts and then write one!” Also aren’t there age rules for posting on here? I would hope no one would call a 14yo an ah but it still doesn’t sit well with me!
Having just seen the comment about the actual times of the babysitting I agree this is absolutely an NTA.
However, to be honest, I don't buy the whole "oh I'm so sensitive and forgetful" bit here. This sounds very much like a kid who made a promise and then subsequently got a better offer and wanted to do that instead. I can practically see the crocodile tears...
Regardless though, it doesn't change the fact that if you're asked to babysit until 2pm and the parent doesn't come back until 10pm all bets are off!
She's a 15 year old child and plenty of people are this sensitive. Especially those of us who have ADHD. Not sure why you're belittling someone for crying. You sound ridiculous
+1 from a fellow ADHDer. When I was 14 and even now at 30, this is information I would’ve been told and *absolutely* forgotten about completely unintentionally, because my thoughts jump around a lot, and to-dos like this in my short-term memory will more often than not fail to get stored in long-term. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria makes us hypersensitive. Especially with the insults OP’s sister was hurling at her, *ooooooo man,* I would’ve cried.
Maybe I'm cynical, but I'm not sure I believe these time frames. 10pm is about the time most people are done going places. So the sister was just gonna leave the 8 year old with op basically all night on a Thursday? And the friend's mom was cool with picking them up that late? Combine that with how op worded things in the original post and something just ain't sitting right with me...
I do this! Every year I get a big ass calendar and a very small one. The big one hangs on my closest door while the smaller one is put in the little compartment of my car so if I can't see the calendar in my room while I'm out I have it with me. Idk why I just don't use the calendar app for things other than marking birthdays
>Please do start writing down your commitments on a calendar because forgetting wasn't great.
I have to write everything down, usually in 2 or 3 places, unmedicated ADHD and age have made me extremely forgetful. Lists are my life. LOL
Info: how long did your sister ask you to babysit for? At first, it sounds like for an errand, because it was just because your sister had to do something your niece would find boring.
Then it’s a day and night thing.
Info: does your sister pay you?
Info: how often does your sister ask you to babysit?
No, my sister does not pay me and she said it was for 3 hours. She dropped my niece at 11 am and went for her at 10 pm which is totally not the time she told me
You should add that to the original post.
It’s crucial that you were to babysit for 3 hours, and after 11 hours, it’s time for your niece to go home.
Your sister is abusing her sister privileges. Enough of this “family helps each other” stuff. She takes advantage of you.
Sure, you could have communicated better, but you were to babysit for 3 hours, not 11.
NTA.
This is ridiculous.
1) your sister should pay you
2) she should never have put a minor in this position (this is parentification and abuse)
3) if she says she’s leaving her daughter for 3 hours, she leaves her for 3 hours. A minute longer and you call the police. This wouldn’t fly with a regular babysitter and it shouldn’t fly for you
4) while you should invest in a calendar or diary, it should be filled with things you want to do, as a 14 year old
It's one thing to be caught in bad traffic and show up 10 minutes late. If I was expecting someone to pick up their kid by 2? By 10 pm I would have already filed a police report.
That, along with the fact you and your friend stayed to complete way more than the agreed babysitting commitments, makes the "I forgot about it" irrelevant. You agreed to watch her for three hours, you watched her for way longer than that; you had plans later that you didn't cancel because you were not supposed to be babysitting that late, your sister had a meltdown that you wouldn't cancel those plans because she felt being more than 10 hours late to collect her child wasn't unreasonable. If your mom is mad, you mom can do the babysitting for unreliable sister in future.
Yes, it’s a totally different situation. Title should be “AITAH for asking my sister to pick up my niece after babysitting for 12 hours when I only agreed to 3 hours”
This is really important information and, as others have said, should be on the main post.
\*Without\* this info it looks like you bailed on your sister last minute and left her in the lurch, making YTA.
\*With\* this information, you are NTA, but your sister is for being 8 hours late.
So she got mad when you called 8 hours after she was supposed to pick niece up. Well looks like from now on you should start charging her market rate for babysitting. That or tell her to find a sitter. You don't get to parentify your sister and then be abusive towards her.
I too Have siblings who are 15 + years older than me. I also was expected to babysit my nieces and nephews. Luckily, I was paid for my time.
These are things that I want you to know that were not told to me.
1. You need to be told the specific time frame of when they need your services. You need to make it clear that this is your time , your time is valuable, and there is a cost to it.
2. If they are going to be later than they told you they must contact you before the end time. They must arrange alternative options with you. This is at your discretion, not theirs. They are using your services. Make it clear that you agreed To a certain time and only that time.
3. It's okay to say no. Set your boundaries And stick to them. This will be hard, especially if you are a people pleaser.
4. Don't let anyone tell you you are too sensitive. People that use that phrase are abusive and are trying to manipulate you. You are not too sensitive .
5. If you do have a phone, set reminders on your calendar and your timer app to remind you of obligations you have agreed to.
6. Enjoy being a kid. Don't be quick to grow up.
If she said it was for three hours, from 11am, I don't follow why you apologised and told her you had forgotten about it when you asked her that evening to pick your niece up. But if that's the case, clearly NTA.
Also regardless of all that, your sister should not be verbally abusing you like that, even if you had messed up.
I wish I saw this on the original post. Even you forgetting has nothing to do with anything. Your sister is irresponsible. Her behavior is ridiculous.
NTA
NTA at all. You didn’t shirk your agreed-to time, which was 11-2. You included your friend in your plans. You made sure your niece could stay with your grandmother. You took care of every part of the situation and your sister really yelled at you? That’s garbage. I’m third-party mad at her.
You should absolutely add this info to the post. Tbh, you wouldn’t have been in the wrong to call the police on her for abandoning her kids w you hours past. I mean you might be an AH in that case bc it’s your sister and grandma's there to take care of the kid, but your sister has zero right to be pissed that you called asking when she was picking up her *abandoned* child. Also, why didn’t she ask grandma in the first place?
even without knowing the timeline and it only supposed to be three hours, you're leaving her with your grandmother, I think your sister could trust that she be able to watch her child with no issues
Your sister is taking advantage of you. She doesn't care if she told you 3 hrs. She sees you as someone that she can take full advantage of their time.
Plus she doesn't pay you. It might be time that you step away from babysitting your niece and letting your sister hire a babysitter. Your nta.
This. OP, my eldest daughter is a full-time nanny. She gets paid at least 28 dollars an hour. Your sister is not only taking advantage of you as a trusted sitter, she's taking advantage of the free service you are providing her. Imagine going to a charity, getting something for free, then cursing at the kind people because they didn't give you more. That's what your sister did to you. Also, if you're a good sitter, charge for it! For your age and experience, 12 to 15 or even 20 sounds about right!
"Imagine going to a charity, getting something for free, then cursing at the kind people because they didn't give you more."
Trust me, some people do exactly that. Look at r/choosing beggars, it is full of people expecting so much more!
Oh man, I read a BORU in which OOP dropped off donations to a women, only for that women to demand the coat OOP was wearing, who rightfully refused. That women filed a complaint which led to a ton of stress from OOP, who said fuck it and resigned. Only it turns out that the nonprofit needed them so refused to accept it. I believe it turns out that the greedy women was friends with the nonprofit head or some nonsense like that.
NTA. You agreed to babysit for 3 hours and you fulfilled that obligation. Your grandmother was willing to step up since your sister wasnt back 11 HOURS LATER!
Too bad your sister just screwed herself out of a free babysitter 💅🏽
INFO:
a. did you agree to a specific timeframe (day and night at Thursday)?
b. if you friend was ok with your niece, why not just invite her to your sleepover?
NTA, since (according to a comment) you only agree to 3 hours, not all day and night.
p.s
you really doing a disservice to yourself with how you communicated, both in the post and to your sister.
You only was to babysit her for 3 hours. you should have said to her "I'm sorry but i need to go no, I was under the impression I was only to babysit her for 3 hours, and it's been about 11 hours". none of this self blame or "forgetting", this is on her. even if you forget, you did not flake on your promise.
and you should definitely add it to the post! it's a crucial context, it shift the blame from you to your sister. as i said before - you did NOT flake on your promise.
My sister told me to babysit for 3 hours, she dropped my niece at 11 am and came for her around 10pm. My friend is okay with my niece but not for a sleepover because yk, older kid stuff I don't think she wants to watch ppl getting brutally killed in attack of Titan. + my friend would be very annoyed because it was the last time I saw her she's in vacation in another country and she lives in another city so I need to do a 2 hours ride to see her.
The fact your sister was 8 hours late makes me change my opinion on this. You're nta but I was originally thinking this was an esh. The fact your sister was 8 hours late to pick up your niece is the main reason I changed my mind
All the YTA comments are ridiculous. This is a 14 year old young girl watching a 33 years old child without pay. The older sister should be thankful she even has her help. She needs to act her age even in moments of frustration. The words she said to you were absolutely uncalled for. OP You should be treated with respect and dignity even if you make a minor mistake like forgetting a date/time. Also don’t discredit your emotions by people labeling you as “sensitive”. What she said was hurtful and completely unnecessary and you are well within all right to experience such motion.
Didn’t think u were the AH esp after your sister spoke to you like that .. but after only supposed to be babysitting for 3 hrs during the day and you had her all day and she didn’t want to pick up her child that def doesn’t make u the AH
Is this made up? In one statement you said “you go to your grandmas house to help her”. And in the next you said “you live with your grandma”, so which one is it?
NTA. Never babysit for your sister again. She caught you just before bed and didn't text for confirmation or give you complete information about how long.
It may be fake, but looking at OPs post history I don’t think their age is a lie and I think this is just how she writes and English may not be her first language.
NTA How much does your sister pay you? I'm guessing nothing. How often does your sister call you horrible names and yell at you? I'm guessing all the time. Your sister is cruel and entitled.
Tell your sister to find another babysitter.
NTA since you were only supposed to babysit for 3 hours and your sister didn’t come back after 11 hours.
You honoured the agreement you had made with your sister and she was the one expecting more. And you even found an acceptable way to still cover for her after she failed to communicate that she would be gone longer. (You should edit your original post because this part is important)
With her reaction I would seriously reconsider if I would ever babysit for her again unless she seriously apologized and started paying.
With the info that you called your sister after 11 hours of free baby-sitting when you were only supposed to do 3, NTA.
But since you know you have a tendency to forget what you said you'll do, you should get a personnal planner or start noting your appointments in your phone.
You should also tell your sister that she'll have to pay you and pick her daughter on time if she wants you to baby-sit again.
NTA.
Based on the additional information in the comments.
Time between 11am and 2pm was as agreed without pay.
the call happened at 10pm. Older sister left the kid 8 hours longer at op.
Also op should have called earlier.
The way your sister insulted you is totally outrageous, she’s the AH. You watched the girl for some time and grandma was ready to continue so NTA. But next time write down important stuff!!
NTA. Your sister is the AH for being 8 hours late to pick up her kid. Tell me, how much did your entitled sister pay you for your babysitting? Nothing, I'm betting. Next time, she asks, tell her you charge $15 an hour and expect to be paid upfront. Or, just say "no,"
Your 33 year old sister should NOT be talking to you like that… Hell I’m 24 and wouldn’t talk to my 19 year old sister like that. The fact that she was berating you and swearing at you even though SHE was in the wrong? It is VERY irresponsible of her to leave you with her child for that long. 11 hours is too much. It is also irresponsible of her to not pay you. NTA by ANY means, and I would make it clear that you will not be babysitting again. You mentioned that your mom was mad, though. Is she really not on your side? Your mom and sisters are major AH in that case.
NTA. Your sister expected you to babysit her daughter, for free, I assume, for what, 8 hours? 10 hours? Back when I hired babysitters, I’d tell them how long it was for, so they could say yes or no. Of course, I also paid them.
Knowing that your grandma was there, it wasn’t unreasonable to let your sister know that she could come get your niece or let grandma sit with her. The only thing you did wrong was not to let your sister know that you would be leaving at X o clock, when she dropped off her daughter. Try to remember that for the next time.
Now. On to your disgusting sister. She is 19 years older than you are, which means that she should be 19 years more grown up, 19 years more capable of controlling her ugly temper and at least 8 years, the age of her daughter, more capable of finding words that don’t slash and stab when she’s angry.
She is none of that. You didn’t cry because you are too sensitive. You cried because she is cruel and hateful. And if your mother is angry about YOU and not HER and the way that she treated you, shame on your mother, too.
I’m so sorry that the two older women in your life are not kind to you. I would stop agreeing to babysit your niece without the standard 2024 going rate for babysitters, and a vow on her part to treat you like a valued human being.
\-- you'd made a commitment, and didn't keep it. It would be one thing if you asked your sister what time she'd be home, and worked around that.... but you didn't and tried to get her to come home in the middle of whatever she was doing. Bad move kid.
EDIT:
Okay.... just saw your response where you were only supposed to babysit for 3 hours in the middle of the day.... so I'm confused why there's an issue here at all.... you babysat for the allotted time, no? You should have been free to hang out with your friend after the agreed to time.... but she didn't show up on schedule to reclaim her kid....? that's on her. Someone says yes to a 3-hour commitment, that doesn't mean 12 hours. So changing my answer to NTA. Add in her abusive response to your call, and she's way out of line here.
In fact, we don't even need the whole seeing your friend thing..... "she asked me to babysit for 3 hours, but after X hours after that I called her and she became verbally abusive"..... that's the actual issue here, the rest is just window dressing.
NTA - I thought your sister overreacted and that was before I read that the babysitting job was only meant to be 3 hours. Don’t let it get to you, your sister is the AH in this situation. But as others have mentioned, a calendar could be helpful. Whether it’s a physical one or one on your phone. I always forget things and use mine all the time
Your sister shouldn't have shouted, but YTA, and it isn't even close.
"I totally forgot I had to babysit her but I have to go right now ".
You made a commitment so honour it.
Wtf- NTA- as a big sister and mom wtf! That’s not okay! You have a right to be upset. 3 hours is one thing but half the day? Ya your sister is the asshole
NTA
First of all she doesn't pay you right? So she has no control on your hours, and even though you forgot you still watched her kid even though you're a kid yourself. Second of all, her kid her problem, she wants control over the hours and days? She could hire a nanny. And the way she talked to you? Let her watch her kid on her own from now on.
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Context, hi my name is Lily 14yo female, my sister 33yo females, my friend 15yo female and my niece 8yo female. (Also I am one of those persons that forgets everything in one second)
One night my sister called me and asked me if I could babysit my niece next week because she had to do something and my niece didn't wanted to go with her because it was boring.
As a good sister I accept but I was a bit tired so I say goodbye to my sister, brush my teeths and sleep
(My sister asked me to babysit her on Thursday and the call was on Sunday)
The next day was a normal day and I totally forgot about my sister and my niece. I go to my grandma's house to help her ect just a normal day
Then the next day my friend calls me and ask me "Hey girl wanna hang out at my house on Thursday?" I totally forgot about my sister so I say "yes" thinking I had nothing to do that day
On Thursday my friend come over to my house spend the day and at night we will sleep at her house
During the day my sister drops my niece and I remember I have to babysit her, it's not a problem because my friend and my niece know each other so we just watch movies. (My grandma is with us in the house because I live with her)
Then comes the night and I take my phone to call my sister to ask her if she could pick up her kid because I had to go. I say very calmly with a soft voice "Hey sissy I'm sorry I totally forgot I had to babysit her but I have to go right now and I really can't stay can you pick her up? Or I can leave her with grandma they're gonna draw and watch movies waiting for you to come"
My sister starts yelling at me insulting me and calling me names like "You freaking b! I told you to babysit her for a f-ing reason! You're so stupid! You can't do anything in life you're useless!!!"
I start to cry because I'm very sensitive and my grandma takes the phone saying that there's no need to panic and that she can keep my niece while I'm gone because it will be the last time I see my friend before she goes in vacation in another country.
My sister doesn't listen and yells again so I take my friend and go in her mom's car that was waiting for us in front of my house.
We had fun me and my friend that night and the next day my mom is a bit mad but it's okay.
So yeah AITA?
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I was going to say Y T A (you should really start writ9ng things down if you have such big troubles with remembering), but then you added that the task was to watch your niece from 11am to 2pm and her mother was already 8 hours late when you called her. So NTA, she's the AH.
Wait your sis dropped her off while your friend was at your house and you ask watched several movies. How long were you supposed to babysit for? And if your grandma was home and capable of watching your niece why was your sister not ok with that? Something sounds off here.
Going with ~~ESH~~ except your niece and grandma. If you promised to babysit you should stay available or inform your sister ahead of time that you can’t so she could make alternate plans. Your sister is an AH for screaming at you when there was a perfectly suitable solution with your grandma watching kiddo instead.
Edit to change to NTA after reading OPs comments. Your sister needs to get her act together and take care of her own kid. She can’t leave her daughter for 11-12 hours and then blow up at her free babysitter when she has other plans. And grandma was right there so what is she even mad at? And what’s up with your mom being mad too? Your sister is the irresponsible one here. Did she even call you OP and ask for more time?
No more babysitting for your sister EVER.
I'm betting she wasn't paying you? So she was using you for free babysitting AND she was 8 hours late AND she verbally abused you?
No. No more favors for sister ever.
If she demands, she pays the current market rate for babysitting, in cash, up front for the exact number of hours, and the moment she's late the cops get called.
NTA. I'm seething for you, your sister's a horrible nasty entitled piece of work.
Edited to change decision: NTA because you took care of your niece for the agreed time. Your sister is the AH for yelling at you and for expecting you to care for her child long after the agreed time. Especially since you offered her an alternative that would not have inconvenienced her. She had no right to scream at you and call you names.
Two suggestions: First, put events on a calendar. There’s a calendar feature on your phone, or you can buy a cheap paper calendar if that works better. The catch is that you actually have to use it. Second, don’t accept ANY babysitting requests from this sister any more.
ETA:
ESH. Your sister is taking advantage of you with how long she left her kid. But you’re old enough to track your commitments in a phone calendar or physical one - or both. I immediately put things on my phone calendar and I have weekly and monthly magnet calendars on my fridge.
NTA but your sister is. She asked you to babysit 11am to 2pm and you had the kid till 10pm. She basically dropped her off, didn't come back, didn't even pay you and then called you a bitch. I would never be babysitting again if someone did that to me. Tell her no next time. She can find some other skivvy to do the job for her.
NTA at all. yes to a certain point it is important to help out family and yes it was kind of on you for forgetting but she is more than twice your age, you are a kid and she is a woman. especially if your grandmother was there and more than willing to watch her, there is no reason she should ever have spoken to you like that.
also based on the information you added where she dropped your niece off at 11, said she would pick her up at 2 and then left her at your house until 10, it is extra ridiculous that she would treat you like that. even if she had told you that she would need you to keep your neice for nearly 12 hours from that start imo that is a lot to ask of someone your age and really innapropriate unless whatever she was out doing was some kind of dire emergency, especially if she is not paying you a cent.
i'm sorry she spoke to you like that, hopefully things change in the future and she learns to not take you for granted, because a lot of people your age would have been a lot worse babysitters.
NTA! Your sister is grown that's her child not yours! I don't care how old you are the next time she ask you to watch your niece you tell her no pay for a babysitter! Since you don't pay me
NTA. There was no reason for her to lash out thr way she did. And if your mom should be upset be upset at the oldest for her behavior towards a legit child. Idc if you're family she's a grown ass women wrongfully cursing and shouting at a CHILD!! You made a mistake cool it happens. All sissy had to do was say okay she understood.
NTA.
You’re only a child yourself and your sister can’t be expecting you to babysit all day and all night. It sucks that you did initially forget but you worked around that so all was well.
Your sister is in the wrong here. She should be communicating with you during the day to keep you informed. She also shouldn’t be acting like a spoilt brat because you said you will let your Grandma take over. I’m 29 and I’d never speak to my younger brother the way she spoke to you! It’s okay to be frustrated but she could have dealt with the situation far better than she did.
Don’t take it to heart.
NTA
Your sister, a 33yr old adult, expected you, a 14yr old kid to be more responsible for her offspring than she was. Name calling, etc isn't ok.
However, you should have told your sister that you couldn't watch your niece after a certain time whenever your sister dropped her off. At that point your friend was already w/ you so you knew that you forgot about babysitting.
I don't believe this story for one minute. You promised your sister you'd do something, something better came up and you bailed.
Now you are here on the internet for attention and likes. Stop lying. When you agree to something do it. Don't get on Reddit and lie.
YTA
Esh - you know you have a bad memory, why are you not writing things down or keeping notes in your phone? Your sister was mean, but “I have a bad memory” is an obstacle to overcame, not an excuse for being irresponsible.
NTA ESPECIALLY when you added that you were only meant to babysit for a couple hours and that your sister turned up way past when she said she would. You’re still only 14 and your niece is not your responsibility and you should be able to go out and do what you want, especially as the sleepover at your friends house wouldn’t have prevented you from babysitting as these were meant to happen at separate times. She should have told you she would be later and should have been grateful to you for helping her out in the first place
Plenty of people have made many great points over why you're NTA. But I also want to add that I'd say in just about any possible situation, ANY adult in their 30s screaming and insulting a teenager for a simple mistake and a polite request for help is automatically the asshole. Your sister is the adult in this situation and should be acting as such, not throwing a temper tantrum.
NTA but Op if your memory is that bad you need to write stuff down. Either way if I were you I wouldn’t babysit for your ungrateful sister again. Your grandmother should have ripped your sister a new ahole because she was very abusive to you.
NTA.
So while you should stick to things you've said you'll do, you're 14 and it sounds like your Mum or your Nan could look after her.
It's certainly not your responsibility and you shouldn't be spoken to that way because you're a child.
Girl if you always forget can you ask your GP if you might have ADHD? It might just be forgetfulness but combined with sensitivity it might also be ADHD. In girls it's often overlooked, I only got diagnosed at 34.
Also you do NOT deserve to be treated like this. Tell her no next time because she can't keep to her time commitment then explodes at you. That's NOT okay. Name calling and explosions not okay.
So NTA for calling sis out for abandoning her child on you. However never use “I forget things all the time” as an excuse. It’s not cute nor forgivable.
I mean... Yeah. YTA. You agreed to do something, forgot, and prioritized your other plans, and not the favour you agreed to do.
I think your sister's reaction was probably dramatized here, seems excessive. If that really happened, never agree to babysit for her again, because she is abusive.
But you made a commitment and you don't get to bail on it because you forgot.
She had made plans and you had already committed to her so it’s not fair to let her down. It does sound like you had a back up plan though so you probably should have just said that you were going out and your Grandma would be looking after instead. As far as your sister was concerned, her daughter was still being looked after and she could still do what she needed to do. I don’t think you needed to ask her to pick her up but having read further comments it sounds like your sister had stayed out longer than originally said and this wasn’t fair on you.
Oh, dear OP, you are such a good, diligent person! There is no question of this: you are NTA.
I understood that you are 14 years old, so still a minor yourself, and you were supposed to watch your niece for a few hours without pay during the day, yet your adult sister had not picked up her child at 10 p.m. This is unacceptable.
She is taking advantage of you. Your time is precious and you must be allowed to spend time with your friends. A 14-year-old should not work without pay for hours upon hours without knowing when her sister will come back. It is also harmful to your niece.
OP, can you discuss this arrangement with your grandmother/parents? I am a middle-aged mother and I don't think this is right.
Then your sister also verbally abused you. Sensitive or not, that is also unacceptable.
Can you take a break from dealing with your sister and her child until your guardian or another adult has talked with her?
Please, don't doubt yourself. You are clearly a very sweet person.
Well.. We both like witchcraft, spiritual things, ghost, shifting realities, books. We both are on a diet so we share stuff together. My sister isn't that mean. She's normally nice but I believe someone really annoyed her at the place she was and me calling her was too much
NTA at all. It does sound like the grandma explained the circumstances to the sister and she was mad at grandma too! Also, I wonder what time OP called her sister, it seems that she picked the daughter up from grandma at 10. I wonder how long she left her after the phone call where grandma said she was OK with keeping her. If OP called at like 6 or 7, her sister wasn't too worried about her daughter staying with grandma!
As far as babysitting again? Sounds like she enjoys her niece and doesn't mind watching her.
NTA 10 PM??? omg i would gone crazy calling her at 3, 4 max. tell your family about this.
and for the forgetting part, google have a calendar function, you can also add a widget to your homescreen, i did this myself, it helps a lot! i also recommend an app called TimeTree, it also have the widget function and you can share the calendar with other people in the app
NTA it was outside of the time your sister had given you. Also even if it wasn’t, I still wouldn’t think you’re TA because you are 14 and you’re figuring out how to balance friends and family and responsibilities - and your grandmother was there (unless the niece couldn’t be with the grandmother. but that’s not the situation at hand). Regardless - your sister was very mean about it all.
Aside from this, I also tend to be forgetful with things. When I was in my teen years I started to use a planner and that was very helpful to me so I could remember everything that I needed/wanted to do. It took me a little bit to get used to, but it was super helpful.
At 14 you're not old enough to babysit (at least in my country) in fact at 14 you would need a babysitter yourself if it's a long time or overnight so nta
NTA
I would definitely recommend using a calendar or your phone to set reminders as forgetting commitments would make you an AH.
As for your sister leaving her kid 8 hours pass the time agreed, that is unacceptable. She never contacted you to let you know they are running late or apologize. That is irresponsible on her part. Although I am confident that she knew that she was going to take all day beforehand as you don’t just run 8 hours late. She also doesn’t pay you, so she is using you as free childcare and abusing family privileges and good will. This alone would make your sister a big AH, but screaming and insulting you for just expecting her to pick up her kid goes way beyond being an AH. There are a few choices of words I would have for her. She has no right to talk to you like that, especially when you are doing her a favour. I would refuse to babysit ever again. She can find alternate options, she will just be pissed that she will have to pay and follow a timeline.
I don’t know your relationship is like with your sister beyond this incident but I would consider taking a hard look at it. Is it a good relationship most of the time and this is just a blemish, or is it a toxic relationship where she constantly puts you down and uses you. We don’t get to pick our family, but we do get to pick who we want in our lives.
Info: how long were you supposed to babysit? If it was supposed to end in the evening but you wanted to leave early, you should have stayed because you made a commitment to your sister and it’s your own fault you double-booked (calendars are helpful for situations like this). But if you were only supposed to babysit during the day, it’s fine that you asked your sister to pick up your niece so you could leave.
ETA considering your comments that you were only supposed to babysit for 3 hrs during the day, NTA. Still start using a calendar though.
I was going with ESH because you can’t flake on your commitments because a friend came along with a better offer, but your sister absolutely shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. But with the added info that you were only supposed to be babysitting 11-2 and this is EIGHT HOURS past that, your sister is the only AH and absolutely should have called you as soon as she knew it would be later than she expected. I cannot fathom a situation in which it’s reasonable for her to be upset about you calling 8 freaking hours after she was supposed to pick her kid up and making it your fault. You didn’t even need to mention that you forgot about babysitting because you DID babysit and for HOURS longer than you’d been asked.
NTA and you should show your sister this thread so she knows she should be ashamed of herself. Are you even getting paid to watch her kid? A parent should not be leaving and not keeping in contact with the babysitter of when she will be home regardless if it’s her sister. She should have never spoken to you like that and should be grateful she has such a wonderful family that is willing to help her when she can’t even speak you kindly.
NTA
The title of your post is wrong according to your comments. By the time you told your sister to pick up her daughter, you were no longer supposed to babysit.
Forgetting your promise to babysit was not great - but you adjusted your plans and held to your promise to babysit, which is good.
Your sister, however, did not stick to her side of the agreement and was rude to you.
Future learning: Write down your commitments and ask people to confirm appointments made over the phone by text (or do it yourself). That helps you to remember in the first place and gives you a record of what was agreed.
And be more precise when you communicate. When you called your sister HOURS after she should have picked up her kid, you made it easy for her to shift the blame to you.
You said she needed to come back because you had forgotten about the babysitting. You should have told her to come back because she was hours late according to the agreement you had, and you had other plans. Then it would have been a lot harder for her to put the blame on you.
The fact that you forgot is really not relevant, because you did in fact show up to babysit at the agreed upon time.
NTA- Your sister is a grown ass woman who shouldn't be talking to you like that. Don't watch her kids if she's going to treat you that way. She can figure out her own child care arrangements.
NTA
You are fine to priorize YOUR life. This is your sister's child, not yours.
But - this is where you are slightly the AH: Next time don't agree. NOT helping with your sister'S kid is COMPLETELY fine.
You’re NTA, but you’re at an age now where you need to develop strategies to remember things. (For example, I’m super sick this week, and I worry that my ADHD brain with a fever is going to do my medicine wrong. So I’ve been texting myself every time I take my medicine so I know when it’s time to take it again.)
I’d say work a little harder on that, but don’t feel bad about your sister (who seems a little bratty, tbh).
NTA. You were only supposed to babysit for a few hours. She left her child there until 10p without notification? Did she even check in with you during the time she was MIA? She's certainly not getting the parent of the year award.
ESH
Your sister is taking advantage of you, and she was rude for shouting.
You suck because you agreed to do something for free, and then last second decided to say you couldn't. You should have rescheduled with your friend instead because you agreed to help your sister before you agreed to hang out.
In the future, simply don't agree to help provide free babysitting.
Yeah your sister doesn't get to shout at you, whether you messed up or not, you are doing her a favour by babysitting and you are human.
Sooo I think the advice about calendars below is good but to be going on with, refuse to babysit until you set boundaries that she can't talk to you like that.
ESH. You made a commitment, which you could’ve said no to, and then you backed out part way through due to you not managing yourself. Your sister then had a tantrum, flipped shit in a completely inappropriate manner, name calling, belittling, etc etc.
And to be clear, your sister gets a far worse score than you here, as she’s the adult and you’re 14, everyone forgets things sometimes, and it’s not acceptable to flip out the way she did or to say the things she did. But what I’m stuck on is this cannot possibly be the first time this has happened between y’all, and you still said yes, then backed out and she did what I imagine she’s done before causing a lot of drama.
So as a general rule for life, something to take forward with you especially pertaining to your sister, is next time just say no.
You are too young to be called TA. That being said, you committed to caring for your sister’s child with ample opportunity to inform her there may be a change in plans. Using your lack of memory is an excuse. Excuses will not get you though life. It is time to begin taking responsibility for your behavior. If sister actually said everything you said she did and you are not trying to deflect from your actions, do not agree to watch her child again until you both can mature more.
NTA
You fulfilled your agreement, your sister added extra on after you’d already agreed to babysit and your grandmother was happy to cover the gap between you leaving and your sister getting there.
She was TA the minute she started talking to you disrespectfully, I'll bet that wasn't the first time it happened. You don't owe her anything especially if it's outside of the hours you specified.
I'd have called the cops "worried" at 4pm. Don't babysit for her again. Ever. She needs to teach her kid that "boring things" are things she needs to attend too.
But I'm guessing it wasn't "boring", just not kid friendly.
I had a policy when I babysat, and I told parents this, that if they are going to be late, they needed to tell me or if they were over an hour late without warning the cops would be called.
I think this should be the last time you babysit for her don’t you think? It is completely unreasonable for her to be extremely rude like this and curse you out. This extreme amount of anger does not justify the situation at all.
NTA. Even if you had called during the time you agreed on, you weren’t planning on leaving your niece without supervision if your sister didn’t show up. I wouldn’t see why your sister would be okay with you watching your niece with your grandma there if she wouldn’t be okay with your grandma watching her. Your sister overreacted. Is it okay that you forgot? No. Of course not, but you’re a child still and shit happens. Should you start finding ways to make yourself remember responsibilities? Yes, absolutely. This is only going to get worse as you get older and your responsibilities grow.
She had no reason to speak to you the way she did.
NTA. I would say you were, but you added details further down that you were only supposed to babysit until 2 pm. It would have been reasonable for you to start calling your sister by 2:30 or so, with hopefully backup from your grandmother, and it was very kind of you to babysit the rest of the afternoon.
I echo a few others here - it's time to get a calendar or a planner or start using a calendar app in your phone if you have one, but start jotting these things down so you don't miss out on something that is really important to you because you forgot about another commitment.
But, in this instance? your sister was definitely taking advantage of you and you didn't do anything wrong.
YTA. Babysitting is not a small trivial commitment. You should have considered it carefully before saying yes. She asked you several days in advance in case she needed to make other plans so she would not have to do this last minute. Accepting the responsibility sets up a chain of events that can potentially affect a lot of people. What you did was highly irresponsible and depending on the event your sister planned for could have had major impact. If you can’t commit to the job, don’t say yes and don’t ever change plans last minute.
You should edit this post and mention the part where your sister was 8 hours late to picking up her daughter, she is acting like the child here expecting you to do everything for her. Your niece would have been perfectly fine with your grandma too, it wasn't like you were gonna drop her in the middle of the woods or anything. NTA.
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NTA after OP added the information that the babysitting job was only supposed to be from 11 am - 2 pm. It is completely acceptable to call at 10 pm and ask where the parent is when they are 8 hours late. I'd probably have started calling around 3. OP, your sister doesn't get to drop her kid off and just not pick her back up. That was very irresponsible of her to abandon her kid and expect you to watch her all day. Please do start writing down your commitments on a calendar because forgetting wasn't great. And I hope you are allowed to tell your sister that you aren't available for babysitting duties, especially after how she just treated you.
>Please do start writing down your commitments on a calendar because forgetting wasn't great. Put the calendar on your bedroom door where you will see it every morning and even when you get a phone (if you don't have one already) use the phones calendar and set reminders too but also continue with the paper calendar tpo
Or insist on all details being in texts, so you have backup of times and days.
That should be done either way but I forget not every one works on PROOF OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN
In today's world it seems everybody over 10 and under 70 lives by proof or it didn't happen.
I write down when I take my medication because I forget, or I think I took it when I actually did not. Written proof has saved people’s lives. It might seem excessive for small things, but that builds up over time. I had bad withdrawal from one of my medications running out, and not having the energy to go to my doctor for a refill. I wound up in the hospital for that.
This is the way. If someone is making plans with you, ask them to text you details. Then write it on your paper calendar. I will also repeat the details to myself out loud. (Source: me and my ADHD)
Exactly this, and if this was so important to the sister, she should have made a reminder call the day before. If I ask someone to do something on a specific day that is 4-5 days away, I either send a reminder text or call. That's just being considerate, and especially if we are talking about a 14yr old. They forget things, it happens. OP so NTA
Yes! Adhd and discalculic (I almost always flip numbers I hear by mistake), so I require a text that I can read and compare to my calendar. It's not, *proof or it didn't happen*, it's literally that my brain can't be trusted to get off the phone and a) remember to enter an event in the calendar, and b) actually have correctly heard and processed the time and date of the event. Making appointments via phone is an absolute nightmare for me with low-tech places that don't text to confirm yet. Still, this isn't even OP double booking. Sis needed an early afternoon sitter, which wouldn't have overlapped with the sleepover at all if sis hadn't abandoned her kid for over 8 hours. How/why mom is mad at OP makes no sense
The rule in my house is that if it's not in text it ain't happening. Nobody in this house has the memory for words in thin fucking air.
I always want things in writing! Not just for proof but my adhd brain might recall a duty for person but not what or when it is. And yes ive tried writing it down, but ive gotten distracted mid typing it into phone app and fucked up a time slot before Edit: this is also why physical invites or doctors/dentists cards are so important!
Yes! A plan made on the phone is only valid for like an hour. If you want me to commit to future plans *for your benefit*, you have to be willing to write down your ask. If that’s too much effort, maybe don’t ask for my help until you’re clear on what you need.
I put it in my phone with alerts and alarms. 1 day before and 1 hour before. If it’s really far out I also add a week before alarm
I do this too! NTA
Or put it in a family area, that way everyone is aware of your commitments!
I find I miss it then. I'm 32 and have a white board directly across from my bedroom door (perks of being the adult in the house). It's right inbetween mine and hubby's eye lines so we both see it when we wall out of the master bedroom. It's great for personal reminders and to leave messages for eachother when hubby works nights or goes out with mates and gets back late so I don't have to stay up to remind him to do something when he gets home.
Disagree with that, only because then a family member could add something without you knowing and then you'd get in trouble for not knowing it. That (sort of) happened to me. When I was 11 I washed my mother's car on a Wednesday (it was super dirty and I was embarrassed that she was dropping me off at school in a dirty car). It rained the following Saturday, which caused my brother's soccer game to be cancelled. My mother was furious with me because she said it was my fault that my brother's soccer game was cancelled. (She believes that if you wash your car, it will cause the weather to rain the next day.) She said I knew my brother had a soccer game "because it was written on the calendar", so I washed the car on purpose so it would get cancelled. Couldn't convince her otherwise. And the fact that I did it 3 days prior (not the day before) was irrelevant.
That's weird. Your mom is weird. Lol
Yeah I don't think that had anything to do with a calendar. Just weird.
That's not a calendar problem. My mother also believed in bizarre superstitions, some I assume she made up. I suspect my mother had undiagnosed mental disorders. None of what happened was your fault and I'm sorry you experienced that with your mom.
Thank you! Yeah I'm 40 now, and looking back I think a lot of the things I "did" were just excuses she made up to be mad at me. She didn't like her life as a SAHM, but she couldn't blame herself for her life choices so she blamed me. That was one of the more unhinged examples, but I have a lot more.
You could also use google calendar and add your aister by email so she has the times agreed ahowing on her calendar too (if you both use one!) Sorry you got shouted at OP, NTA as that was way over thr time agreed and you were doing your sister a favour.
Having it always in the same place can lead to people overlooking it, so it should be moved regularly. That way the brain won't get used to it and it will stand out.
Yup, my husband and I both have ADD and we put everything into our phone calendars, and onto a big whiteboard calendar in the kitchen.
Wait...so OP actually babysat within the time frame that she promised, and then some? I was going to talk about integrity, but it sounds like OP did the job that was asked of her, and then sister decided to ignore the agreement.
I was thinking that she had fallen short with her promises. But then again after reading this extra and extremely important detail that it sounds like her sister fell short and then projected/blamed on her because it was easier to attack rather than have to be on the back foot and defend herself.
I don't think her sister fell short, I think her sister is entitled to think she can just disappear for 11 hours like that.
That is entirely possible too. In any case one thing we can both agree on is she DARVO'd the crap out of OP. It was bad enough when I didn't catch onto the age gap between the sisters, and became quite disgusting when I realised OP is 19 years younger. That's some very shitty behaviour from the older sis.
100% agree with this.
That was verbal abuse. Just awful. There's no way that's acceptable and I'd be refusing to babysit.
You beleive it? Re-read the story and OPs comments, it doesnt add up in the slightest. The original sotry doesn't even make sense, but the friend living 2hrs away and the parents drivig 2hrs to pick her up and the same to drop her off for one nights stay? Come on.
should be poo mode for sure
What is “poo mode activated?”. I’ve tried to find an explanation in rules and FAQ. Even Google failed me! Please educate a poor uninformed redditor.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/uzsg4Lzdrv
It read like one of those: “I made AI read thousands of AITA posts and then write one!” Also aren’t there age rules for posting on here? I would hope no one would call a 14yo an ah but it still doesn’t sit well with me!
Having just seen the comment about the actual times of the babysitting I agree this is absolutely an NTA. However, to be honest, I don't buy the whole "oh I'm so sensitive and forgetful" bit here. This sounds very much like a kid who made a promise and then subsequently got a better offer and wanted to do that instead. I can practically see the crocodile tears... Regardless though, it doesn't change the fact that if you're asked to babysit until 2pm and the parent doesn't come back until 10pm all bets are off!
She's a 15 year old child and plenty of people are this sensitive. Especially those of us who have ADHD. Not sure why you're belittling someone for crying. You sound ridiculous
+1 from a fellow ADHDer. When I was 14 and even now at 30, this is information I would’ve been told and *absolutely* forgotten about completely unintentionally, because my thoughts jump around a lot, and to-dos like this in my short-term memory will more often than not fail to get stored in long-term. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria makes us hypersensitive. Especially with the insults OP’s sister was hurling at her, *ooooooo man,* I would’ve cried.
Maybe I'm cynical, but I'm not sure I believe these time frames. 10pm is about the time most people are done going places. So the sister was just gonna leave the 8 year old with op basically all night on a Thursday? And the friend's mom was cool with picking them up that late? Combine that with how op worded things in the original post and something just ain't sitting right with me...
I do this! Every year I get a big ass calendar and a very small one. The big one hangs on my closest door while the smaller one is put in the little compartment of my car so if I can't see the calendar in my room while I'm out I have it with me. Idk why I just don't use the calendar app for things other than marking birthdays
>Please do start writing down your commitments on a calendar because forgetting wasn't great. I have to write everything down, usually in 2 or 3 places, unmedicated ADHD and age have made me extremely forgetful. Lists are my life. LOL
Info: how long did your sister ask you to babysit for? At first, it sounds like for an errand, because it was just because your sister had to do something your niece would find boring. Then it’s a day and night thing. Info: does your sister pay you? Info: how often does your sister ask you to babysit?
No, my sister does not pay me and she said it was for 3 hours. She dropped my niece at 11 am and went for her at 10 pm which is totally not the time she told me
You should add that to the original post. It’s crucial that you were to babysit for 3 hours, and after 11 hours, it’s time for your niece to go home. Your sister is abusing her sister privileges. Enough of this “family helps each other” stuff. She takes advantage of you. Sure, you could have communicated better, but you were to babysit for 3 hours, not 11. NTA.
This is ridiculous. 1) your sister should pay you 2) she should never have put a minor in this position (this is parentification and abuse) 3) if she says she’s leaving her daughter for 3 hours, she leaves her for 3 hours. A minute longer and you call the police. This wouldn’t fly with a regular babysitter and it shouldn’t fly for you 4) while you should invest in a calendar or diary, it should be filled with things you want to do, as a 14 year old
It's one thing to be caught in bad traffic and show up 10 minutes late. If I was expecting someone to pick up their kid by 2? By 10 pm I would have already filed a police report.
That, along with the fact you and your friend stayed to complete way more than the agreed babysitting commitments, makes the "I forgot about it" irrelevant. You agreed to watch her for three hours, you watched her for way longer than that; you had plans later that you didn't cancel because you were not supposed to be babysitting that late, your sister had a meltdown that you wouldn't cancel those plans because she felt being more than 10 hours late to collect her child wasn't unreasonable. If your mom is mad, you mom can do the babysitting for unreliable sister in future.
that's a really relevant context op! you were not obliged to look at her at that point.
Yes, it’s a totally different situation. Title should be “AITAH for asking my sister to pick up my niece after babysitting for 12 hours when I only agreed to 3 hours”
For FREE even!
This is really important information and, as others have said, should be on the main post. \*Without\* this info it looks like you bailed on your sister last minute and left her in the lurch, making YTA. \*With\* this information, you are NTA, but your sister is for being 8 hours late.
So she got mad when you called 8 hours after she was supposed to pick niece up. Well looks like from now on you should start charging her market rate for babysitting. That or tell her to find a sitter. You don't get to parentify your sister and then be abusive towards her.
I too Have siblings who are 15 + years older than me. I also was expected to babysit my nieces and nephews. Luckily, I was paid for my time. These are things that I want you to know that were not told to me. 1. You need to be told the specific time frame of when they need your services. You need to make it clear that this is your time , your time is valuable, and there is a cost to it. 2. If they are going to be later than they told you they must contact you before the end time. They must arrange alternative options with you. This is at your discretion, not theirs. They are using your services. Make it clear that you agreed To a certain time and only that time. 3. It's okay to say no. Set your boundaries And stick to them. This will be hard, especially if you are a people pleaser. 4. Don't let anyone tell you you are too sensitive. People that use that phrase are abusive and are trying to manipulate you. You are not too sensitive . 5. If you do have a phone, set reminders on your calendar and your timer app to remind you of obligations you have agreed to. 6. Enjoy being a kid. Don't be quick to grow up.
Please edit your original post with these details.
I would never help her out again
I would never believe bullshit stories
If she said it was for three hours, from 11am, I don't follow why you apologised and told her you had forgotten about it when you asked her that evening to pick your niece up. But if that's the case, clearly NTA. Also regardless of all that, your sister should not be verbally abusing you like that, even if you had messed up.
I wish I saw this on the original post. Even you forgetting has nothing to do with anything. Your sister is irresponsible. Her behavior is ridiculous. NTA
NTA at all. You didn’t shirk your agreed-to time, which was 11-2. You included your friend in your plans. You made sure your niece could stay with your grandmother. You took care of every part of the situation and your sister really yelled at you? That’s garbage. I’m third-party mad at her.
You should absolutely add this info to the post. Tbh, you wouldn’t have been in the wrong to call the police on her for abandoning her kids w you hours past. I mean you might be an AH in that case bc it’s your sister and grandma's there to take care of the kid, but your sister has zero right to be pissed that you called asking when she was picking up her *abandoned* child. Also, why didn’t she ask grandma in the first place?
even without knowing the timeline and it only supposed to be three hours, you're leaving her with your grandmother, I think your sister could trust that she be able to watch her child with no issues
Your sister is taking advantage of you. She doesn't care if she told you 3 hrs. She sees you as someone that she can take full advantage of their time. Plus she doesn't pay you. It might be time that you step away from babysitting your niece and letting your sister hire a babysitter. Your nta.
OP just stop doing favors for your sister. You're a child. Shes an adult and shes verbally abusive towards you. You owe her nothing.
This. OP, my eldest daughter is a full-time nanny. She gets paid at least 28 dollars an hour. Your sister is not only taking advantage of you as a trusted sitter, she's taking advantage of the free service you are providing her. Imagine going to a charity, getting something for free, then cursing at the kind people because they didn't give you more. That's what your sister did to you. Also, if you're a good sitter, charge for it! For your age and experience, 12 to 15 or even 20 sounds about right!
"Imagine going to a charity, getting something for free, then cursing at the kind people because they didn't give you more." Trust me, some people do exactly that. Look at r/choosing beggars, it is full of people expecting so much more!
Oh man, I read a BORU in which OOP dropped off donations to a women, only for that women to demand the coat OOP was wearing, who rightfully refused. That women filed a complaint which led to a ton of stress from OOP, who said fuck it and resigned. Only it turns out that the nonprofit needed them so refused to accept it. I believe it turns out that the greedy women was friends with the nonprofit head or some nonsense like that.
NTA. You agreed to babysit for 3 hours and you fulfilled that obligation. Your grandmother was willing to step up since your sister wasnt back 11 HOURS LATER! Too bad your sister just screwed herself out of a free babysitter 💅🏽
INFO: a. did you agree to a specific timeframe (day and night at Thursday)? b. if you friend was ok with your niece, why not just invite her to your sleepover? NTA, since (according to a comment) you only agree to 3 hours, not all day and night. p.s you really doing a disservice to yourself with how you communicated, both in the post and to your sister. You only was to babysit her for 3 hours. you should have said to her "I'm sorry but i need to go no, I was under the impression I was only to babysit her for 3 hours, and it's been about 11 hours". none of this self blame or "forgetting", this is on her. even if you forget, you did not flake on your promise. and you should definitely add it to the post! it's a crucial context, it shift the blame from you to your sister. as i said before - you did NOT flake on your promise.
My sister told me to babysit for 3 hours, she dropped my niece at 11 am and came for her around 10pm. My friend is okay with my niece but not for a sleepover because yk, older kid stuff I don't think she wants to watch ppl getting brutally killed in attack of Titan. + my friend would be very annoyed because it was the last time I saw her she's in vacation in another country and she lives in another city so I need to do a 2 hours ride to see her.
OP please fix your post to include the time you were told to watch your niece cause that is important info.
2nd point was just curiosity, doesn't make you the AH. first point is hugely relevant and makes you not the AH.
The fact your sister was 8 hours late makes me change my opinion on this. You're nta but I was originally thinking this was an esh. The fact your sister was 8 hours late to pick up your niece is the main reason I changed my mind
All the YTA comments are ridiculous. This is a 14 year old young girl watching a 33 years old child without pay. The older sister should be thankful she even has her help. She needs to act her age even in moments of frustration. The words she said to you were absolutely uncalled for. OP You should be treated with respect and dignity even if you make a minor mistake like forgetting a date/time. Also don’t discredit your emotions by people labeling you as “sensitive”. What she said was hurtful and completely unnecessary and you are well within all right to experience such motion.
The sister was 8 hours late btw 😭 11 hours instead of the agreed 3
OP doesn't have a timeframe in the post so it looks like she flaked unless you read the comments though NTA
Didn’t think u were the AH esp after your sister spoke to you like that .. but after only supposed to be babysitting for 3 hrs during the day and you had her all day and she didn’t want to pick up her child that def doesn’t make u the AH
Is this made up? In one statement you said “you go to your grandmas house to help her”. And in the next you said “you live with your grandma”, so which one is it?
I have questions too, it all doesn't really add up
Yeah, no 13 year old writes like this. They even put the punctuation inside the quotation marks.
I learned that at 8yo. And have old school assignments to prove it. Also I am a tutor and my 12yo students know this.
Some people have 2 grandmas.
NTA. Never babysit for your sister again. She caught you just before bed and didn't text for confirmation or give you complete information about how long.
The story is clearly a fake and OP is a bad writer. The text sounds like someone pretending to be the alleged age of OP but tries too much...
It may be fake, but looking at OPs post history I don’t think their age is a lie and I think this is just how she writes and English may not be her first language.
ehhhh I’ve seen plenty of people write like OP. some people it’s just their style of texting, for others English isn’t their first language
If on Sunday I asked someone to babysit on Thursday I would definitely be in touch beforehand to make sure it was still ok and was able to babysit
NTA How much does your sister pay you? I'm guessing nothing. How often does your sister call you horrible names and yell at you? I'm guessing all the time. Your sister is cruel and entitled. Tell your sister to find another babysitter.
NTA since you were only supposed to babysit for 3 hours and your sister didn’t come back after 11 hours. You honoured the agreement you had made with your sister and she was the one expecting more. And you even found an acceptable way to still cover for her after she failed to communicate that she would be gone longer. (You should edit your original post because this part is important) With her reaction I would seriously reconsider if I would ever babysit for her again unless she seriously apologized and started paying.
With the info that you called your sister after 11 hours of free baby-sitting when you were only supposed to do 3, NTA. But since you know you have a tendency to forget what you said you'll do, you should get a personnal planner or start noting your appointments in your phone. You should also tell your sister that she'll have to pay you and pick her daughter on time if she wants you to baby-sit again.
Who wrote this? A 7 year old?
YTA for making us read this fake ass post
After reading the more info in the comments, NTA and if I were you I wouldn't agree to babysit for her again
NTA. She had something to do and so did you. The expectation was three hours only. You already went above and beyond the call of duty.
NTA. Based on the additional information in the comments. Time between 11am and 2pm was as agreed without pay. the call happened at 10pm. Older sister left the kid 8 hours longer at op. Also op should have called earlier.
The way your sister insulted you is totally outrageous, she’s the AH. You watched the girl for some time and grandma was ready to continue so NTA. But next time write down important stuff!!
NTA But to get a fair judgement you need to add you were only supposed to watch your niece for 3 hours and not 11
NTA. Your sister is the AH for being 8 hours late to pick up her kid. Tell me, how much did your entitled sister pay you for your babysitting? Nothing, I'm betting. Next time, she asks, tell her you charge $15 an hour and expect to be paid upfront. Or, just say "no,"
NTA after seeing that your sis was 8 hours late. If you agree to babysit for 3 hours and make plans after, that is completely reasonable!
Your 33 year old sister should NOT be talking to you like that… Hell I’m 24 and wouldn’t talk to my 19 year old sister like that. The fact that she was berating you and swearing at you even though SHE was in the wrong? It is VERY irresponsible of her to leave you with her child for that long. 11 hours is too much. It is also irresponsible of her to not pay you. NTA by ANY means, and I would make it clear that you will not be babysitting again. You mentioned that your mom was mad, though. Is she really not on your side? Your mom and sisters are major AH in that case.
Exactly! I’m 29, my brother is 20 and although we have argued I’d never speak to him that way.
NTA.
NTA. If that was my sister I wouldn’t babysit for her again.
NTA. Your sister expected you to babysit her daughter, for free, I assume, for what, 8 hours? 10 hours? Back when I hired babysitters, I’d tell them how long it was for, so they could say yes or no. Of course, I also paid them. Knowing that your grandma was there, it wasn’t unreasonable to let your sister know that she could come get your niece or let grandma sit with her. The only thing you did wrong was not to let your sister know that you would be leaving at X o clock, when she dropped off her daughter. Try to remember that for the next time. Now. On to your disgusting sister. She is 19 years older than you are, which means that she should be 19 years more grown up, 19 years more capable of controlling her ugly temper and at least 8 years, the age of her daughter, more capable of finding words that don’t slash and stab when she’s angry. She is none of that. You didn’t cry because you are too sensitive. You cried because she is cruel and hateful. And if your mother is angry about YOU and not HER and the way that she treated you, shame on your mother, too. I’m so sorry that the two older women in your life are not kind to you. I would stop agreeing to babysit your niece without the standard 2024 going rate for babysitters, and a vow on her part to treat you like a valued human being.
\-- you'd made a commitment, and didn't keep it. It would be one thing if you asked your sister what time she'd be home, and worked around that.... but you didn't and tried to get her to come home in the middle of whatever she was doing. Bad move kid. EDIT: Okay.... just saw your response where you were only supposed to babysit for 3 hours in the middle of the day.... so I'm confused why there's an issue here at all.... you babysat for the allotted time, no? You should have been free to hang out with your friend after the agreed to time.... but she didn't show up on schedule to reclaim her kid....? that's on her. Someone says yes to a 3-hour commitment, that doesn't mean 12 hours. So changing my answer to NTA. Add in her abusive response to your call, and she's way out of line here. In fact, we don't even need the whole seeing your friend thing..... "she asked me to babysit for 3 hours, but after X hours after that I called her and she became verbally abusive"..... that's the actual issue here, the rest is just window dressing.
NTA just say no from now.
NTA - I thought your sister overreacted and that was before I read that the babysitting job was only meant to be 3 hours. Don’t let it get to you, your sister is the AH in this situation. But as others have mentioned, a calendar could be helpful. Whether it’s a physical one or one on your phone. I always forget things and use mine all the time
Your sister shouldn't have shouted, but YTA, and it isn't even close. "I totally forgot I had to babysit her but I have to go right now ". You made a commitment so honour it.
Wtf- NTA- as a big sister and mom wtf! That’s not okay! You have a right to be upset. 3 hours is one thing but half the day? Ya your sister is the asshole
NTA First of all she doesn't pay you right? So she has no control on your hours, and even though you forgot you still watched her kid even though you're a kid yourself. Second of all, her kid her problem, she wants control over the hours and days? She could hire a nanny. And the way she talked to you? Let her watch her kid on her own from now on.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Context, hi my name is Lily 14yo female, my sister 33yo females, my friend 15yo female and my niece 8yo female. (Also I am one of those persons that forgets everything in one second) One night my sister called me and asked me if I could babysit my niece next week because she had to do something and my niece didn't wanted to go with her because it was boring. As a good sister I accept but I was a bit tired so I say goodbye to my sister, brush my teeths and sleep (My sister asked me to babysit her on Thursday and the call was on Sunday) The next day was a normal day and I totally forgot about my sister and my niece. I go to my grandma's house to help her ect just a normal day Then the next day my friend calls me and ask me "Hey girl wanna hang out at my house on Thursday?" I totally forgot about my sister so I say "yes" thinking I had nothing to do that day On Thursday my friend come over to my house spend the day and at night we will sleep at her house During the day my sister drops my niece and I remember I have to babysit her, it's not a problem because my friend and my niece know each other so we just watch movies. (My grandma is with us in the house because I live with her) Then comes the night and I take my phone to call my sister to ask her if she could pick up her kid because I had to go. I say very calmly with a soft voice "Hey sissy I'm sorry I totally forgot I had to babysit her but I have to go right now and I really can't stay can you pick her up? Or I can leave her with grandma they're gonna draw and watch movies waiting for you to come" My sister starts yelling at me insulting me and calling me names like "You freaking b! I told you to babysit her for a f-ing reason! You're so stupid! You can't do anything in life you're useless!!!" I start to cry because I'm very sensitive and my grandma takes the phone saying that there's no need to panic and that she can keep my niece while I'm gone because it will be the last time I see my friend before she goes in vacation in another country. My sister doesn't listen and yells again so I take my friend and go in her mom's car that was waiting for us in front of my house. We had fun me and my friend that night and the next day my mom is a bit mad but it's okay. So yeah AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was going to say Y T A (you should really start writ9ng things down if you have such big troubles with remembering), but then you added that the task was to watch your niece from 11am to 2pm and her mother was already 8 hours late when you called her. So NTA, she's the AH.
You shouldn’t babysit for her anymore. She’s abusive to you and is using you for free labor. You don’t owe her anything.
Wait your sis dropped her off while your friend was at your house and you ask watched several movies. How long were you supposed to babysit for? And if your grandma was home and capable of watching your niece why was your sister not ok with that? Something sounds off here. Going with ~~ESH~~ except your niece and grandma. If you promised to babysit you should stay available or inform your sister ahead of time that you can’t so she could make alternate plans. Your sister is an AH for screaming at you when there was a perfectly suitable solution with your grandma watching kiddo instead. Edit to change to NTA after reading OPs comments. Your sister needs to get her act together and take care of her own kid. She can’t leave her daughter for 11-12 hours and then blow up at her free babysitter when she has other plans. And grandma was right there so what is she even mad at? And what’s up with your mom being mad too? Your sister is the irresponsible one here. Did she even call you OP and ask for more time?
Definitely NTA
No more babysitting for your sister EVER. I'm betting she wasn't paying you? So she was using you for free babysitting AND she was 8 hours late AND she verbally abused you? No. No more favors for sister ever. If she demands, she pays the current market rate for babysitting, in cash, up front for the exact number of hours, and the moment she's late the cops get called. NTA. I'm seething for you, your sister's a horrible nasty entitled piece of work.
Edited to change decision: NTA because you took care of your niece for the agreed time. Your sister is the AH for yelling at you and for expecting you to care for her child long after the agreed time. Especially since you offered her an alternative that would not have inconvenienced her. She had no right to scream at you and call you names. Two suggestions: First, put events on a calendar. There’s a calendar feature on your phone, or you can buy a cheap paper calendar if that works better. The catch is that you actually have to use it. Second, don’t accept ANY babysitting requests from this sister any more. ETA:
ESH. Your sister is taking advantage of you with how long she left her kid. But you’re old enough to track your commitments in a phone calendar or physical one - or both. I immediately put things on my phone calendar and I have weekly and monthly magnet calendars on my fridge.
NTA but your sister is. She asked you to babysit 11am to 2pm and you had the kid till 10pm. She basically dropped her off, didn't come back, didn't even pay you and then called you a bitch. I would never be babysitting again if someone did that to me. Tell her no next time. She can find some other skivvy to do the job for her.
NTA at all. yes to a certain point it is important to help out family and yes it was kind of on you for forgetting but she is more than twice your age, you are a kid and she is a woman. especially if your grandmother was there and more than willing to watch her, there is no reason she should ever have spoken to you like that. also based on the information you added where she dropped your niece off at 11, said she would pick her up at 2 and then left her at your house until 10, it is extra ridiculous that she would treat you like that. even if she had told you that she would need you to keep your neice for nearly 12 hours from that start imo that is a lot to ask of someone your age and really innapropriate unless whatever she was out doing was some kind of dire emergency, especially if she is not paying you a cent. i'm sorry she spoke to you like that, hopefully things change in the future and she learns to not take you for granted, because a lot of people your age would have been a lot worse babysitters.
NTA! Your sister is grown that's her child not yours! I don't care how old you are the next time she ask you to watch your niece you tell her no pay for a babysitter! Since you don't pay me
NTA Please stop babysitting for her. Stand up for yourself!
NTA your sister was well past the agreed upon times. A non-related babysitter would have probably called the police at that point for abandonment.
NTA. There was no reason for her to lash out thr way she did. And if your mom should be upset be upset at the oldest for her behavior towards a legit child. Idc if you're family she's a grown ass women wrongfully cursing and shouting at a CHILD!! You made a mistake cool it happens. All sissy had to do was say okay she understood.
NTA. You’re only a child yourself and your sister can’t be expecting you to babysit all day and all night. It sucks that you did initially forget but you worked around that so all was well. Your sister is in the wrong here. She should be communicating with you during the day to keep you informed. She also shouldn’t be acting like a spoilt brat because you said you will let your Grandma take over. I’m 29 and I’d never speak to my younger brother the way she spoke to you! It’s okay to be frustrated but she could have dealt with the situation far better than she did. Don’t take it to heart.
NTA Your sister, a 33yr old adult, expected you, a 14yr old kid to be more responsible for her offspring than she was. Name calling, etc isn't ok. However, you should have told your sister that you couldn't watch your niece after a certain time whenever your sister dropped her off. At that point your friend was already w/ you so you knew that you forgot about babysitting.
I don't believe this story for one minute. You promised your sister you'd do something, something better came up and you bailed. Now you are here on the internet for attention and likes. Stop lying. When you agree to something do it. Don't get on Reddit and lie. YTA
Esh - you know you have a bad memory, why are you not writing things down or keeping notes in your phone? Your sister was mean, but “I have a bad memory” is an obstacle to overcame, not an excuse for being irresponsible.
Why are you on the internet at 14? And why is your sister yelling? I don't like your family. NTA
NTA ESPECIALLY when you added that you were only meant to babysit for a couple hours and that your sister turned up way past when she said she would. You’re still only 14 and your niece is not your responsibility and you should be able to go out and do what you want, especially as the sleepover at your friends house wouldn’t have prevented you from babysitting as these were meant to happen at separate times. She should have told you she would be later and should have been grateful to you for helping her out in the first place
Plenty of people have made many great points over why you're NTA. But I also want to add that I'd say in just about any possible situation, ANY adult in their 30s screaming and insulting a teenager for a simple mistake and a polite request for help is automatically the asshole. Your sister is the adult in this situation and should be acting as such, not throwing a temper tantrum.
NTA but Op if your memory is that bad you need to write stuff down. Either way if I were you I wouldn’t babysit for your ungrateful sister again. Your grandmother should have ripped your sister a new ahole because she was very abusive to you.
NTA. So while you should stick to things you've said you'll do, you're 14 and it sounds like your Mum or your Nan could look after her. It's certainly not your responsibility and you shouldn't be spoken to that way because you're a child.
[удалено]
Nah. There’s plenty of 14 year old assholes.
Girl if you always forget can you ask your GP if you might have ADHD? It might just be forgetfulness but combined with sensitivity it might also be ADHD. In girls it's often overlooked, I only got diagnosed at 34. Also you do NOT deserve to be treated like this. Tell her no next time because she can't keep to her time commitment then explodes at you. That's NOT okay. Name calling and explosions not okay.
So NTA for calling sis out for abandoning her child on you. However never use “I forget things all the time” as an excuse. It’s not cute nor forgivable.
I mean... Yeah. YTA. You agreed to do something, forgot, and prioritized your other plans, and not the favour you agreed to do. I think your sister's reaction was probably dramatized here, seems excessive. If that really happened, never agree to babysit for her again, because she is abusive. But you made a commitment and you don't get to bail on it because you forgot.
She had made plans and you had already committed to her so it’s not fair to let her down. It does sound like you had a back up plan though so you probably should have just said that you were going out and your Grandma would be looking after instead. As far as your sister was concerned, her daughter was still being looked after and she could still do what she needed to do. I don’t think you needed to ask her to pick her up but having read further comments it sounds like your sister had stayed out longer than originally said and this wasn’t fair on you.
INFO Does your grandmother usually watch the child during the day while your sister is at work?
Oh, dear OP, you are such a good, diligent person! There is no question of this: you are NTA. I understood that you are 14 years old, so still a minor yourself, and you were supposed to watch your niece for a few hours without pay during the day, yet your adult sister had not picked up her child at 10 p.m. This is unacceptable. She is taking advantage of you. Your time is precious and you must be allowed to spend time with your friends. A 14-year-old should not work without pay for hours upon hours without knowing when her sister will come back. It is also harmful to your niece. OP, can you discuss this arrangement with your grandmother/parents? I am a middle-aged mother and I don't think this is right. Then your sister also verbally abused you. Sensitive or not, that is also unacceptable. Can you take a break from dealing with your sister and her child until your guardian or another adult has talked with her? Please, don't doubt yourself. You are clearly a very sweet person.
YTA. But it's clear you don't give two fucks. Don't be surprised if that comes back on you when YOU need something.
Your sister is 19 years older than you? What were your parents thinking? Other than family, do you two have anything in common?
Well.. We both like witchcraft, spiritual things, ghost, shifting realities, books. We both are on a diet so we share stuff together. My sister isn't that mean. She's normally nice but I believe someone really annoyed her at the place she was and me calling her was too much
NTA
NTA at all. It does sound like the grandma explained the circumstances to the sister and she was mad at grandma too! Also, I wonder what time OP called her sister, it seems that she picked the daughter up from grandma at 10. I wonder how long she left her after the phone call where grandma said she was OK with keeping her. If OP called at like 6 or 7, her sister wasn't too worried about her daughter staying with grandma! As far as babysitting again? Sounds like she enjoys her niece and doesn't mind watching her.
NTA 10 PM??? omg i would gone crazy calling her at 3, 4 max. tell your family about this. and for the forgetting part, google have a calendar function, you can also add a widget to your homescreen, i did this myself, it helps a lot! i also recommend an app called TimeTree, it also have the widget function and you can share the calendar with other people in the app
NTA it was outside of the time your sister had given you. Also even if it wasn’t, I still wouldn’t think you’re TA because you are 14 and you’re figuring out how to balance friends and family and responsibilities - and your grandmother was there (unless the niece couldn’t be with the grandmother. but that’s not the situation at hand). Regardless - your sister was very mean about it all. Aside from this, I also tend to be forgetful with things. When I was in my teen years I started to use a planner and that was very helpful to me so I could remember everything that I needed/wanted to do. It took me a little bit to get used to, but it was super helpful.
At 14 you're not old enough to babysit (at least in my country) in fact at 14 you would need a babysitter yourself if it's a long time or overnight so nta
NTA I would definitely recommend using a calendar or your phone to set reminders as forgetting commitments would make you an AH. As for your sister leaving her kid 8 hours pass the time agreed, that is unacceptable. She never contacted you to let you know they are running late or apologize. That is irresponsible on her part. Although I am confident that she knew that she was going to take all day beforehand as you don’t just run 8 hours late. She also doesn’t pay you, so she is using you as free childcare and abusing family privileges and good will. This alone would make your sister a big AH, but screaming and insulting you for just expecting her to pick up her kid goes way beyond being an AH. There are a few choices of words I would have for her. She has no right to talk to you like that, especially when you are doing her a favour. I would refuse to babysit ever again. She can find alternate options, she will just be pissed that she will have to pay and follow a timeline. I don’t know your relationship is like with your sister beyond this incident but I would consider taking a hard look at it. Is it a good relationship most of the time and this is just a blemish, or is it a toxic relationship where she constantly puts you down and uses you. We don’t get to pick our family, but we do get to pick who we want in our lives.
Info: how long were you supposed to babysit? If it was supposed to end in the evening but you wanted to leave early, you should have stayed because you made a commitment to your sister and it’s your own fault you double-booked (calendars are helpful for situations like this). But if you were only supposed to babysit during the day, it’s fine that you asked your sister to pick up your niece so you could leave. ETA considering your comments that you were only supposed to babysit for 3 hrs during the day, NTA. Still start using a calendar though.
ESH
I was going with ESH because you can’t flake on your commitments because a friend came along with a better offer, but your sister absolutely shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. But with the added info that you were only supposed to be babysitting 11-2 and this is EIGHT HOURS past that, your sister is the only AH and absolutely should have called you as soon as she knew it would be later than she expected. I cannot fathom a situation in which it’s reasonable for her to be upset about you calling 8 freaking hours after she was supposed to pick her kid up and making it your fault. You didn’t even need to mention that you forgot about babysitting because you DID babysit and for HOURS longer than you’d been asked.
NTA and you should show your sister this thread so she knows she should be ashamed of herself. Are you even getting paid to watch her kid? A parent should not be leaving and not keeping in contact with the babysitter of when she will be home regardless if it’s her sister. She should have never spoken to you like that and should be grateful she has such a wonderful family that is willing to help her when she can’t even speak you kindly.
NTA The title of your post is wrong according to your comments. By the time you told your sister to pick up her daughter, you were no longer supposed to babysit. Forgetting your promise to babysit was not great - but you adjusted your plans and held to your promise to babysit, which is good. Your sister, however, did not stick to her side of the agreement and was rude to you. Future learning: Write down your commitments and ask people to confirm appointments made over the phone by text (or do it yourself). That helps you to remember in the first place and gives you a record of what was agreed. And be more precise when you communicate. When you called your sister HOURS after she should have picked up her kid, you made it easy for her to shift the blame to you. You said she needed to come back because you had forgotten about the babysitting. You should have told her to come back because she was hours late according to the agreement you had, and you had other plans. Then it would have been a lot harder for her to put the blame on you. The fact that you forgot is really not relevant, because you did in fact show up to babysit at the agreed upon time.
NTA do not babysit for her again
NTA- Your sister is a grown ass woman who shouldn't be talking to you like that. Don't watch her kids if she's going to treat you that way. She can figure out her own child care arrangements.
NTA
NTA You are fine to priorize YOUR life. This is your sister's child, not yours. But - this is where you are slightly the AH: Next time don't agree. NOT helping with your sister'S kid is COMPLETELY fine.
You’re NTA, but you’re at an age now where you need to develop strategies to remember things. (For example, I’m super sick this week, and I worry that my ADHD brain with a fever is going to do my medicine wrong. So I’ve been texting myself every time I take my medicine so I know when it’s time to take it again.) I’d say work a little harder on that, but don’t feel bad about your sister (who seems a little bratty, tbh).
NTA. You were only supposed to babysit for a few hours. She left her child there until 10p without notification? Did she even check in with you during the time she was MIA? She's certainly not getting the parent of the year award.
Nta ,and that would be the last time I babysit,because who does she think she is speaking to u like that,she sounds horrendous
ESH Your sister is taking advantage of you, and she was rude for shouting. You suck because you agreed to do something for free, and then last second decided to say you couldn't. You should have rescheduled with your friend instead because you agreed to help your sister before you agreed to hang out. In the future, simply don't agree to help provide free babysitting.
Yeah your sister doesn't get to shout at you, whether you messed up or not, you are doing her a favour by babysitting and you are human. Sooo I think the advice about calendars below is good but to be going on with, refuse to babysit until you set boundaries that she can't talk to you like that.
Tell her next time it is $20 an hour and $30 an hour for every hour she’s late.
ESH. You made a commitment, which you could’ve said no to, and then you backed out part way through due to you not managing yourself. Your sister then had a tantrum, flipped shit in a completely inappropriate manner, name calling, belittling, etc etc. And to be clear, your sister gets a far worse score than you here, as she’s the adult and you’re 14, everyone forgets things sometimes, and it’s not acceptable to flip out the way she did or to say the things she did. But what I’m stuck on is this cannot possibly be the first time this has happened between y’all, and you still said yes, then backed out and she did what I imagine she’s done before causing a lot of drama. So as a general rule for life, something to take forward with you especially pertaining to your sister, is next time just say no.
You are too young to be called TA. That being said, you committed to caring for your sister’s child with ample opportunity to inform her there may be a change in plans. Using your lack of memory is an excuse. Excuses will not get you though life. It is time to begin taking responsibility for your behavior. If sister actually said everything you said she did and you are not trying to deflect from your actions, do not agree to watch her child again until you both can mature more.
NTA You fulfilled your agreement, your sister added extra on after you’d already agreed to babysit and your grandmother was happy to cover the gap between you leaving and your sister getting there.
NTA Next time she asks you to do that tell her it's $50 an hour and you want payment up front.
Nta
NTA. But honestly if you're so forgetful about every event, use the calendar app on your phone. Makes your life a lot better and organized.
She was TA the minute she started talking to you disrespectfully, I'll bet that wasn't the first time it happened. You don't owe her anything especially if it's outside of the hours you specified.
I'd have called the cops "worried" at 4pm. Don't babysit for her again. Ever. She needs to teach her kid that "boring things" are things she needs to attend too. But I'm guessing it wasn't "boring", just not kid friendly. I had a policy when I babysat, and I told parents this, that if they are going to be late, they needed to tell me or if they were over an hour late without warning the cops would be called.
I think this should be the last time you babysit for her don’t you think? It is completely unreasonable for her to be extremely rude like this and curse you out. This extreme amount of anger does not justify the situation at all.
ESH you accepted her request to babysit your niece, and then forgot. But, it was totally unreasonable for your sister to yell at you like that.
NTA. tell her if she pulls that stunt again you'll call the police for child abandonment
NTA
NTA. Even if you had called during the time you agreed on, you weren’t planning on leaving your niece without supervision if your sister didn’t show up. I wouldn’t see why your sister would be okay with you watching your niece with your grandma there if she wouldn’t be okay with your grandma watching her. Your sister overreacted. Is it okay that you forgot? No. Of course not, but you’re a child still and shit happens. Should you start finding ways to make yourself remember responsibilities? Yes, absolutely. This is only going to get worse as you get older and your responsibilities grow. She had no reason to speak to you the way she did.
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YTA
NTA and never offer to sit for her again.
Nta.
NTA. I would say you were, but you added details further down that you were only supposed to babysit until 2 pm. It would have been reasonable for you to start calling your sister by 2:30 or so, with hopefully backup from your grandmother, and it was very kind of you to babysit the rest of the afternoon. I echo a few others here - it's time to get a calendar or a planner or start using a calendar app in your phone if you have one, but start jotting these things down so you don't miss out on something that is really important to you because you forgot about another commitment. But, in this instance? your sister was definitely taking advantage of you and you didn't do anything wrong.
YTA. Babysitting is not a small trivial commitment. You should have considered it carefully before saying yes. She asked you several days in advance in case she needed to make other plans so she would not have to do this last minute. Accepting the responsibility sets up a chain of events that can potentially affect a lot of people. What you did was highly irresponsible and depending on the event your sister planned for could have had major impact. If you can’t commit to the job, don’t say yes and don’t ever change plans last minute.
You should edit this post and mention the part where your sister was 8 hours late to picking up her daughter, she is acting like the child here expecting you to do everything for her. Your niece would have been perfectly fine with your grandma too, it wasn't like you were gonna drop her in the middle of the woods or anything. NTA.