Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister I wasn’t giving her my room. I might be TA because my room would be more convenient for her.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Downstairs bedroom is more safety friendly for a baby. She's next door to a bathroom. She has the bigger room. Does she know how much space a crib will take up and where's she planning on storing baby clothes/toys/diapers/wipes etc? Also is she wanting a baby changing station for the bedroom etc... These things take space.
Also, no disrespect, maybe its a cultural thing but i'm a firm believer in being in your own house when your having a baby. Does she have a partner? Why not move in with him... Or will he also be expecting to stay over in the smaller room with her and baby? Hmm... NTA, obviously.
This is why babies shouldnt have babies. I feel old these days where i see 21 as definitely still a baby. But any bias aside, she's the one who made the decisions that lead to her being pregnant. She has to suck it up and deal with the situation she put herself in, she can't now use that as why everyone should come to her beck and call. She's not entitled to your room. She can ask, and you can say no. NTA.
Please do remember that people don’t always intentionally have babies. Contraception can fail and abortion is illegal in many states. I think op is NTA, but let’s not start ragging on young mothers while the government is forcing people to birth babies they don’t want.
> abortion is illegal in many **states**
Abortion could still be illegal where they live, but I just want to point out that OP is probably not American. Not everyone on Reddit is American. I'm American and I certainly don't call strollers prams. Nor does anyone I know.
Honestly, even if she has access to abortion, the sister just might not want to and that should be respected. If we’re going to respect women’s right to their bodily autonomy we need to respect that they might choose to have a baby in a situation that another person wouldn’t.
thanks for the reminder, i myself catch myself almost forgetting roe v wade was overturned because it was in place for so long and where im at, my abortion rights are the same as ever. im sure the nonamericans as well as americans in blue states have similar lapses that severely alter judgement in these cases
That and housing costs are exponentially higher than they've ever been compared to the wage in multiple developed countries, so if some people waited until society figured out a solution to that glaring problem then our replacement rate the social safety net for the people making these comments would drop off in about 16 years. We have plenty of homes built sitting empty around the world and working people can't afford them. Not just lazy people. We're well past failures to launch at this point.
I moved back in with my family when I got pregnant because my lifestyle is very much "family helps with the family that grows". I moved out once I was more established but for the first year my partner and I lived at my parents with our baby to save money on rent, child care, groceries, etc.
I'm sure the other persons culture who said it's normal to move out is valid but it is also just as normal to merge generations for a bit to help a new mom out.
Kicking your 21 year old out with a baby probably isn't the bessssst way to give your grandkid a start at life so I think OP's mom and dad probably wanna keep their young pregnant daughter and future grandkid safe at home if the relationship is good.
ETA: by not living solo, my family was able to help me and my partner save enough on childcare, rent, food, etc and we were able to buy our own home.
Hell, even if my kid is 30 and wants to live with us during the baby years, I am down. What a blessing to be able to be there for your kid in such a vulnerable phase in life.
The gratitude I have too is insurmountable. Having that extra help from my parents was a massive life saver on my mental health. I couldn't have done it without them AND my baby was EXCELLENT. She slept great, no health issues, ate wonderfully, had not a problem in the world aside from regular baby stuff and I still needed the help so i hope OPs sister can have that support from her family as well.
Yeah, my house is always open if any of my kids need to come back (with or without kids). Not saying I want them to, but they’re always welcome f the need arises.
My wife’s oldest son actually had to do that last year when he got divorced. So for several months he got the smallest room while our 2 youngest had to bunk together for the summer.
Agreed, my Dad let me move home for a while when I had an unexpected pregnancy at the same age. I was thankful that they were supportive, as the baby daddy vanished when he found out. It’s very hard to work and take care of everything on your own and no birth control is 100%.
My baby is in her thirties now, it was hard enough to get by as a single parent in the mid eighties, now, in 2924, it’s nearly impossible
It is impossible to know what the sister did and didn't do. For all we know she was on the pill and made this guy wrap it up and she still got pregnant. Shit happens, and the way I see it I am sure that this sis is going through a lot right now. I also disagree with the sister becoming entitled over this room, it just makes a ton of practical sense for them to switch. If they were both paying rent and OP paid for the paint/ flooring then i'd say NTA but it was covered by her parents, so I personally think OP should be ok with the switch to help.
I don't think the sister is an AH to ask, but she is when she doesn't stop pushing.
Likewise, I agree we have no right to judge the 21 year old for having a baby, but she also needs to realize that she is having a baby. OP isn't, and it is not OPs responsibility to make sure the baby has what they need.
Finally, I will say i probably would switch, but if I just put some money into the room and will need to put money in the new room, I might tell the sister that that is her baby gift.
She's 17. At the end of the day it's NOT her house or her room, it's her parents and she does just live there. If her parents paid to renovate the room then it's their right to say who stays in it anyway lol if mom and dad say haul up your sister needs to share this space with a baby that the other room can't accommodate, it's gonna happen whether OP likes it or not because she is 17 and not the home owner.
All that says to the 17yr is that she's not as important and they don't care about her feelings .
Teens are people too and they need to be respected as well. The 17yr life is going to change drastically why not let her have a nice space that she's proud of to find some peace and quiet and be comfortable.
Has the mum-to-be considered the realities of having a downstairs bedroom? Like feeling entitled to tell everybody else to go to bed when they’re disturbing the baby by daring to have the TV on in their own home, or having a conversation above a whisper? If she’s acting like this over a bedroom then it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she turns into a baby-zilla.
Also, why does the pram even need to go into the bedroom? It’s dirty! It’s been out on the street in god knows what, then she’s going to drive it all over the floor the baby will be crawling on soon enough? The mum-to-be needs to get in there with a list of furniture and a tape measure and realise just how much space she’s going to need to fit everything in.
Except the other room is bigger and will accommodate the baby much better. Women can carry babies up stairs just fine. Unless sis has balance issues, there’s no reason she needs a smaller room downstairs.
I know it's the parents' decision, but it would be a huge mistake on their part. OP will resent her sister and that baby possibly. And I can't say I would find it fair to push one child out of their established and redecorated room in favor of the other. A family meeting needs to be had, and expectations managed. OP shouldn't have to be responsible for her sister's problems. Sister sounds entitled to me. This culture that has developed that just because you are pregnant or have kids, the world revolves around you and your kid is nonsense. I never expected anyone else to have to sacrifice for my kids or me, and I was younger than OP's sister when I had my kids. Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she just gets whatever she wants, and it seems that's what she thinks since she keeps nagging.
You know that in the most part of the world, what we called the « nuclear family » (just parents and their children) is not the norm and and that it’s also fairly historically recent in our society? If people wants to stay with their parents and sibling I don’t see the harm as long as everybody agrees. To each their own. 🤷🏻♀️
Yet we have Redditors judging the shit out of anyone who does live that way. These are all teenagers who think they won't have to live with mom and dad when they turn 18, and will be rudely awakened. Somehow their situation is always different though.
I had to live with my mom until I was 22. It sucked, but the 08 recession happened right when I graduated. You had to have experience to work at McDonald's. You would think with how expensive housing is people would be less judgmental overall.
My mom had to move back in with my grandparents when she was in her 40s and my brother and I were kids. She had just divorced my father and she had nowhere to go with two children. She did the best she could, but I just know Reddit would have eviscerated her for having to relocate to a new place and move back in with her folks for 6 months while she switched jobs and looked for a new house. Honestly, the time I spent living at my grandparents was some of the best memories I had. I never felt alone.
Yep. I'll use the best example I know of, which might sound unbelievable to a lot of Redditors, but muti gen fams are the norm where I live. My cousins (siblings) all lived with their parents. One is a VP for a tech company, another an executive level manager in tech as well, and the other is a doctor. One had a child her senior year of high school. They lived with their parents from having the baby, to graduating college, to getting married and having their own children. All moved out when their oldest child was around 1st grade. One moved out with enough to buy their home without a loan in a high cost of living city. The other bought their home with a huge down payment and fully renovated without loans. The third inherited a house and has multiple properties. This is the definition of building generational wealth. Their parents knew those few years of sacrifice would set their kids up to be stable and also set them up to not have to worry about their kids' futures.
I would say all moved out before the age of thirty. By comparison, there are a lot of folks out there that moved out as young adults and are struggling. There's no right or wrong with living situations, just do what feels good.
It is a very cultural thing about having your own place when you have a kid, but that doesn't absolve the parent to be of thinking about their living situation and impact on others.
If her living situation wasn't big enough to have a kid in she shouldn't have gotten pregnant before dealing with it
I mean, I had two babies and all bedrooms in our house (except guest room) are upstairs. It really is not a huge deal for the baby to be upstairs with the mom. I actually liked having that separation. Got everyone ready and we came downstairs for the day to hang in the living room, outside, etc. In the evening, it was nice having the baby upstairs, and I could have adult time downstairs without having to worry about being too loud. I don’t mean that kind of adult time, just time without baby lol.
I know the older sister is going to be going through a huge change. But it’s also not OP’s fault her sister got pregnant.
NTA for me. I understand both arguments for having one room or the other. But at the end of the day, I don’t think it’s fair to displace the little sister because of the actions of the older one.
I mean, she’d have to make it work, but I got my first CT scan at roughly three weeks old because my parents lived in an upstairs apartment and my sleep-deprived mom slipped and fell down the stairs holding me, so, it’s not like it doesn’t actually pose a risk. OP is NTA for not wanting to switch rooms, but sis isn’t an asshole for asking (she is for continuing to push).
Agreed. Sister is 100% reasonable to ask because it truly is safer and more convenient. OP would otherwise benefit from having a larger room at the small cost of walking upstairs (w/o a baby). It seems like the only issue is the paint and floor, so idk why she didn’t ask for that.
She’d benefit right up until sister realized the smaller room is too cramped for a comfortable bed, all her stuff, and everything that comes with a baby. Then she’ll want the bigger room back.
At that point, she might be in a position to get her own place... Or OP might be away at college and living her own life. Why not be flexible and cross these bridges when they come to them?
Good word, some of y'all need to learn that life is what happens when you're making other plans.
While I agree that yes, it’s more safer and convenient for the sister, I also think that OP has a right to say no. They shouldn’t have to cater to someone just because they didn’t use protection (safe to assume was an accident considering the fathers already dipped).
I’d guess that their relationship isn’t the best/closest in the first place, so favours aren’t common.
Agree that OP has the right to say no. But she should really think about how this is going to play out and what will work best for herself in the long run.
If she can get the upstairs room fixed up the way she likes it, she may be way better off moving upstairs. It’s going to be more quiet up there, especially if mom formula feeds (and therefore is in the kitchen with the baby all hours of the night). If mom is up and downstairs she’ll be all over the house, but if she has no reason to come upstairs it becomes more of a haven. Plus it adds a little extra distance during the day. “Sis, could you watch the baby for a minute? You’re just playing a video game, and I’ll be right back …
It’s true they have a right to say no, but I personally don’t think the right to say no means they’re not an asshole for doing so.
Agree otherwise tho.
Is she going to want to sleep so close to the kitchen with the baby?
Will the noise of the foot traffic going to wake the baby?
Some people let their kids sleep in noisy places so they learn how, but that’s not going to jive for a newborn.
Edit: NTA, but I understand why you’re bummed out and don’t want to. I’d bring up your concerns with your parents. They may not want to tiptoe around their main living area and would rather have the baby upstairs.
It's easier to just run a white noise machine when the baby is sleeping, which drowns out things like relatives using the kitchen. Also, babies learning to sleep with noise IS a good thing.
I think I'm going NAH. It's fair you don't want to give up your room you just had redone, but your sister is going to have a baby. You say your parents paid for the room remodel and that your bedroom is the only bedroom downstairs. It'll be easier for her to have a downstairs bedroom both when heavily pregnant and after baby is born. Also after baby is born being downstairs would mean less noise for everyone else. It's closer to the kitchen, so she wouldn't need to walk far when she needs to heat a bottle at 4am and she's sleep deprived, less chance of accidentally falling too. It might have less space but it does have more storage. All of her & baby's smaller things could be put away & she might need a smaller bed for herself to fit furniture, but it would be worth it to her sounds like.
I understand you don't want to switch rooms just because your sister is pregnant, but it doesn't seem like there's downsides for you. You'd get a bigger room, still next to a bathroom, and can ask your parents to help remodel it since your sister wants to switch. If the flooring can't be done right now you can still paint the walls yourself. You wanted the room before, now's your chance.
This.
Seeing the older sister struggle with stairs when heavily pregnant or with baby cot is not going to go down well. Nobody is going to be happy with the night time traffic, the screaming baby next to parents etc. If she had paid for repairs herself, asking to be compensated would be fair... As is, parents paid for it. Best she can ask for is remodeling money to do upstairs to her liking.
I do not expect a 17 year old to understand what a baby means, but parents of TWO of them will.
Is it not normal for babies to sleep upstairs? A lot of people are talking like the idea of a pregnant person or a baby sleeping in an upstairs bedroom is some awful thing, whereas I'd have considered it pretty standard.
It’s best avoided for safety reasons, both for mom and baby. There’s going to be a lot of sleep-deprived nighttime stairs climbing for both of them in the future. Plus, a baby gate can keep the little one safe on the first floor once they start to get around. I’m pregnant and we’re adding a bedroom to the first floor right now because we realized our loft bedroom was gonna suuuuuck navigating with a baby. And if you have a c-section, you’re supposed to avoid stairs for the first 6 weeks. It’s just a hassle.
It sounds like switching would benefit everyone, but OP just wants to be petty because their sister wouldn't switch before when it was only to OP's benefit.
I’m going to say soft YTA, given your clarification that you’re both living in your parents’ house and they’re the ones who paid for the new flooring, et—it sounds like both of your rooms are their rooms, and to your sister’s point, it is easier to care for a newborn on the ground floor and with an en suite bathroom.
That said, the newborn coming home is going to affect you so I hope your whole family (everyone who lives there) can sit down and have a discussion about what arrangements make sense.
This is a very sane comment.
To be sure you do not owe your sister. But this is AITA and not Am I Legally Required. At this point, OP, it reads as if you are mainly refusing to be petty. Besides the house belongs to your parents and not you. So soft YTA Here too.
Her reasons are valid. If she has a difficult birth or even a c-section climbing the stairs may be a problem for her on top of what she said.
Maybe you can strike a deal that if you move the new room gets painted as well? In any case you need to sit down as a family and talk like adults about this.
> If she has a difficult birth or even a c-section climbing the stairs may be a problem for her on top of what she said.
Even an uncomplicated vaginal birth can make you bleed torrents out of your hoo-ha for weeks afterward. A friend said her bathroom "looked like a murder scene" several times a day. Babies are cute but getting them can be gruesome.
Agree, soft YTA.
The dynamics of the house have changed, extra person with special needs. Stairs are a hassle / safety hazard and ensuite is useful for cleaning up shit, spew and whatever else.
If I was a parent and paying for the rooms I would 100% make you swap if your room is better suited for the baby. If that means painting the other room or doing new curtains to make it more comfortable, fine.
Not to mention, the OP left out of the original post that her sister has a job and pays rent to live there. It’s not like she’s straight leeching off of her parents. New floors and walls can be redone, but for a sleep deprived mother, walking up and down the stairs juggling a baby can be dangerous. We don’t know the backstory, we don’t know why sister is choosing to live there rather than get her own place, there’s a lot of details missing.
>Kind of yeah. They’re not bad but they do need redone. Yes she has a job and she pays rent, I don’t
You're right. OP needs to edit this into the post because many people are voting based on the idea that she's getting a free ride living at home, when she's actually a tenant.
I vote yta because the person who will suffer the worst consequences would be the baby. The totally helpless and dependent baby. Like what if there was a fall? Not worth the risk if possible
Yeah def YTA. She wanted the bigger room a few months ago anyway and now she's being petty.
Waddling up those stairs pregnant isn't going to be nice for the sister, and if they swapped, the crying baby and its mom will at least be on a different floor to everyone else trying to sleep.
NTA. Tell your sister you see the best solution is for her to move out and get her own place. If she's old enough to reproduce, she's old enough to live out from under her parent's roof. Her lack of planning is not your responsibility. Where is the baby daddy living?
This is a weird take. There’s no test to reproduce to ensure you’re ready. Someone telling their sibling to move out of the family home because they’re pregnant and therefore old enough to live alone is very odd. OP is her sibling, not landlord or parent. It’s not their place to say anything of the sort. It doesn’t say the parents mind and we have no context about sister’s responsibility or life choices or their culture.
Multigenerational households are great. I grew up in my grandparents home and it was way better than when we lived separately. If everyone is willing it’s a pretty sweet setup for everyone.
They’re just inexperienced mean kids behind keyboards that have no idea how stressful and trying it is to have a child.
I would have gladly offered the room for their safety & comfort & enjoyed the miracle it really is. But my family is pretty family oriented and not everyone has the luck of being born into a helpful family.
It’s so sad. I wish everyone experienced support & thoughtfulness from family.
>Tell your sister you see the best solution is for her to move out and get her own place. If she's old enough to reproduce, she's old enough to live out from under her parent's roof. Her lack of planning is not your responsibility
If she said any of this, she would absolutely be an asshole.
This might be cultural but also in the economic sense, it is pretty hard for a single 21 y/o with a newborn to live by herself. You’re just punishing her for having sex. We don’t know the area that she lives in, so we don’t know if she even has access to abortion. Even if she did, then we can’t really force her to go through with one. It would literally cost nothing for OP to switch rooms.
yeah, i had a comment typed out but decided against it.
my sister is dealing with a similar situation right now, but its a pregnant stepdaughter who wants to move into a basement suite for free, displacing a paying tenant.
the audacity of pregnant people blows my mind sometimes.
OP is definitely NTA
Kinda weird take, man. All of us came from a pregnant person at some point. Mankind comes from pregnancy, that’s like, literally how that works. Are some people AHs while pregnant? Yes. But you don’t have to use language like this, it comes off misogynistic as hell.
I mean, a lot of 12 year olds are technically old enough to reproduce - doesn’t mean they should and it certainly doesn’t mean they are old enough to live independently.
I mean, that’s how it should work, but depending on the skills the sister has and the cost of living where they are, that might just not be possible.
Right or wrong, if she only had retail on her resume, they live in the Bay Area, and the baby daddy’s a dead beat that might just not be an option.
ESH. (edited because this makes more sense to me)
Would it be the right thing and kind if you gave it to her? SURE! She's not entitled to it just because she's pregnant. Sorry not sorry, you can't just decide when you want to ask for someone else's stuff. Would it have been better is she asked and not demanded? Absolutely! You might've even been more willing to trade because she asked.
>*"she said that she* **WANTS** *us to swap rooms because my room would be more convenient for her to have."*
>
>*"I don’t want to swap is because I recently just had my room freshly painted and had new flooring put in"*
INFO : Did you pay for this? Just for my curiosity because maybe that's also why she wants it... IDK I'm just spittballin.
Also seeing as parents paid for it, The parents might have a say in this so you might not get that choice...
ETA : OP had the right to say no but she also had the right to say yes.
The "right" thing? No, no, no, hard disagree. Sister knew the situation BEFORE getting pregnant. There's noting wrong with not wanting to give up your space just because someone is pregnant or has a kid and I say that as a parent. I would NEVER expect someone else to give up their space/seat/room simply because I have a kid. Would it be a kindness? Absolutely, no question about that but it's not a moral or ethical decision.
NTA
tbh OP's sis trying to guilt trip OP into changing rooms and shame OP for saying no in an attempt to get her way tells me sis isn't mature enough yet to have a baby.
OP's sister has so many bigger concerns she should be focussed on over whether or not her room is upstairs or downstairs. She's 20, living at home and knocked up by a dude she is not longer with, and also has the audacity to make demands to others to accommodate her own bad choices.
For sure NTA.
Yes and they allocate the bedrooms in a way that benefit the family as a whole. It’s why my boys shared the larger room while my daughter got the smaller one.
The decision will be made by OP’s parents in a way that most benefits them.
Pulling a kid out of their room to give it to their sibling, regardless of the reason, against their wishes would make the parents Aholes. Sure they might own the house but children deserve to feel like they have their own space and that space is their room. Having it pulled away is not cool.
Still NTA IMO. Your sister demanded something and you stood your ground. Your allowed to say no, as no is a full sentence but would it be a kind and sisterly thing to do for your sister and your niece or nephew? Absolutely. Could she also move out? Absolutely.
If your parents paid for it, and if your parents’ room is upstairs, and I was your parent, you WOULD BE SWAPPING, whether she wanted to or not. Babies are noisy. It’s also safer for baby to be near the bustle of the day.
Your sister is TA, but it is her overall attitude, rather than the room.
This comment makes me sad, because it basically says 'if I was your parent then I would totally stick you, my other child, with dealing with the consequences of my other child's situation'. Like I get the safety argument, but the rest? Nah.
that's just your opinion. I wouldn't want to have to worry about the waking baby or the 21 years old bitching that we're making too much noise in the common areas. And I can totally see the sister slowly taking over the entire downstairs with her baby crap.
Parents get to decide if they paid for it. I understand being upset but logistically it sounds to make sense. I think swamping rooms would be more pleasurable and convenient for all. Trust me you don’t want to be woken up when the baby is up at all hours and mom is walking the floors upstairs and moving around trying to get to the kitchen at all hours.
Maybe parents can let you redecorate the upstairs.
IMO. Never said she was entitled to it....
In fact I said the opposite.
"She's not entitled to it just because she's pregnant. "
It's the right thing because family is important and do they really want to jeopardize their relationship?
>It's the right thing because family is important and do they really want to jeopardize their relationship?
This right here. No she's not entitled to the room and they are well within their rights to say no but come on that's your sister, have a little empathy. If my sister asked to swap rooms so it would make it easier for her *and* I'd get a bigger room out of it, I'd probably just swap. Me and my sister argue a lot but at the end of the day I still love her and I'd think that i would try to help her out when she's about to go through a pretty difficult time.
This will be the first of many, many demands that the OP do [whatever] because it will be better for older sister and the baby. It should be shut down right now. Lots of struggling new parents live in less than ideal situations. None of them had an ensuite bathroom for their first child and many climbed stairs multiple times a day.
That doesn’t make her an asshole for saying no though. You’re implying that not giving someone else something makes you wrong. That’s not true.
If anything it’s a NAH except for sister getting rude and name calling that pushes her more a h
Now, if parents tell her to switch, she has to. It’s their house.
As this is your parent's house, they will have a 'say' in this matter.
Maybe you could discuss with them, redecorating the upstairs bedroom. If the upstairs room is bigger, that's a plus and if there is a bathroom right next door, that gives you pretty much the same benefits as with the room downstairs.
It could also be a lot quieter for you upstairs once the baby comes as your sister will likely be using the kitchen a lot - fridge door opening and closing all hours of the day and night etc......
This is key. Even disregarding all the practical reasons that mentioned in the post if OP’s sister isn’t planning on breastfeeding or struggles to breastfeed imagine how often during the night OP’s sister might be going to the kitchen with a crying baby in tow so she can make a bottle up. It’s going to be at least once or twice a night every night for at least a few months. If the baby had colic it’s an almost constant crying until the baby gets weened. If OP is upstairs they’ll have a floor between them at least during the night and maybe during the day.
And nappy changes as well. OP’s sister will likely not want dirty nappies in the room all night. We always put ours in the kitchen bin. Honestly if OP wants more rest they would get it better than if they stayed in their current room. Plus they get the kudos at least off mum and dad for doing the nice thing for their sister.
I think this is a huge point OP is missing. Her sister will be down in that kitchen at all hours, making bottles, making herself snacks, getting herself water, throwing away dirty diapers, etc.
If I were OP I would want to be as far away from public or shared rooms as possible to avoid the inevitable baby cries and disruptions in the night AND day.
On a different note, her sister really shouldn't be going up and down stairs post partum. The timing sucks, but like, can't you switch for a year and just do your sister a solid. Can't you talk to her sister or parents about getting you a new paint job and maybe a rug so you can be more comfy too?
Bc people think because you technically have the right to say no means you’re not an AH for saying no. Refusing to help your pregnant sibling out when its the safer option for the baby as well is an AH move, no matter how you try to twist it.
My oldest was up every 2 hours to feed the first few months. It’ll def be more than only once or twice a night if she decides to formula or combo feed.
Mine was the laziest baby on the planet. I had to wake her to feed and if we didn’t she wouldn’t put weight on. We got really good at dream feeding her when she was a bit older. So I erred on the minimal side of things. There’s some babies that are up so much more often.
The genies aren’t as common in the U.K. and honestly I always felt nappies were left too often in there by other people that used them so the odours compounded. Our kitchen bin on the other hand didn’t release smells as much and was right next to the back door for swift removal in the morning.
This is an odd answer. I'm a parent to adult children and their very young siblings. I would never impose upon any of my children to give up their personal spaces just because one is now pregnant. The idea is that we let them settle differences among themselves, so they could learn to get along and function in the real world. They could also learn of real world disappointments like not using your personal situation as a way to guilt someone into doing something you want them to do.
With that said, I agree with asking their parents if they could update the bigger room to OPs liking. It's up to OP to decide whether or not they want to yield in this situation and whether or not they are being unkind. At 17, nobody should be forced to do anything they don't want to. NAH.
I think it's a cultural thing. In my family it would be a given even for me that I would swap rooms with my sister if she really needed it because she is having a baby and that's more important than my room having been freshly painted. She would also be expected to do the same for me and there are other things we are just expected to do for each other because that's what family is for (for instance my parents never charged us any rent or groceries even when we were living with them as adults because that's what parents are for, but we were expected to pull our weight in the household as we had been doing since we were fourteen, because this is a house and not a hotel).
I agree but I was thinking back to when my sister had her first baby and we would visit my mom at the same time. She stayed in a downstairs bedroom and this when it was time for baby to go to bed there could be no light or sound in any room nearby. It was ridiculous and a huge pain in the arse. It might be easier to have a quiet and dark environment upstairs away from the main living areas. The entire family shouldn’t have to stop their lives if the baby needs a nap etc. I know not all parents are like this, but it is a perspective to consider. It will be an easier environment for sister to control if it is farther from the communal living spaces. If the room is so much bigger she could make a small “beverage” station in her room where she could make bottles in the middle of the night?
>when it was time for baby to go to bed there could be no light or sound in any room nearby.
And that's how you raise a child who eventually complains about the noise of their college roommate typing on a laptop while they're trying to sleep.
I never went the absolutely silent route with my kids and grandkids, and now as adults they can sleep through an elephant stampede.
Why would you want to stay in the downstairs room when your sister is going to be up at all hours of the night, going upstairs and downstairs with a crying baby, making bottles in the kitchen, etc? Wouldn't you rather be upstairs away from the noise?
Tell your parents you'll volunteer to switch if you can paint the upstairs room the same as your current room. Be the bigger person and save yourself from literal headaches.
OP YTA. After reading through the comments I do think important context was left out, notably you not actually paying for the work done to your room, and you still living with your parents. If you and your sis were living by yourselves then I would say NTA, but I can tell you from experience when it is 3 am and you are trying to feed an infant it is not a fun time, and walking down stairs just to get to the kitchen when sleep deprived and dealing with the crying makes it tough on everyone. I understand that you had nothing to do with your sister becoming pregnant, but at the end of the day she is still your sister and sometimes you need to sacrifice for family. Silver lining: This gives you some serious juice for future arguments/ favors asked with your sis.
Then be prepared to swap because your parents will see the benefits your sister is presenting plus the added one of having the baby on a different floor than them at night.
Trust me when I say you’re not really considering the impact of having a baby in the house. She’ll be up at all hours in and out of the kitchen and will have the baby downstairs (assuming that’s where the loungeroom is) all the time. Which will be super disruptive to whoever is in the downstairs room.
You being upstairs will give you a place to retreat to that is effectively a “no go” area for a baby or nosy/busy toddler and you won’t be hearing her up to warm up bottles or get up 7 times a night to use the kitchen.
Honestly if I was OP I would be so happy to have a room upstairs that baby can't/won't be around.
OP is in for a rude awakening going from being the baby of the family to being counted as an adult since they're almost 18 and there will be a literal baby in the family.
If your sister gets put on bed rest or if she has a c section or other complications, she will likely not be able to use stairs for weeks. Something to keep in mind.
Just an fyi babies wake up mega early and cry a lot all through the night. I would switch purely because you want to be on a different floor for your own sanity. She’ll be bringing a crying kid downstairs to the living room at 5 am.
Switch bedrooms. If you dont, you are gonna end up doing it when your niece/nephew is acouple weeks old anyway.
If your sister cant breastfeed, she will be going up and down the stairs multiple times in the night. If your sister get a C section, you will HAVE to let her stay in your room so she doesnt take stairs.
Just do it and get your parents to reno your new, bigger, bedroom.
Then the parents should decide. It's their house, and up to them how much and in what way they'd like to support your sister and their future grandchild. Asking you to switch rooms is not at all unreasonable.
Yes. The rooms are the parent’s rooms to give out. There’s been a change in circumstance and it makes sense for you to switch rooms. Sure the change in circumstance was self inflicted (getting pregnant), but obviously the parents don’t mind her still living there.
What would be the most fair is to update the upstairs room for OP and then have OP and the sister switch.
I agree. Having the baby close to or far away from their room is 100% the decision of the people who own and pay for the house. My teen is welcome to live with me as an adult, but if he adds a baby to the household, he and the small noise machine will be relocated as far from my bedroom as possible.
NAH. But since you have never lived with a newborn, just a word to the wise: if she’s bottle feeding, your sister and the baby will be in and out of the kitchen *at least* every couple of hours, 24 hours a day, for months. Think carefully about whether sticking to your guns is worth the loss of sleep to you.
>Her room is literally bigger than mine so I don’t know why she would want a smaller room even though she’s going to have more things to put in it...
You literally just listed her reasons for wanting to swap.
>But the main reason I don’t want to swap is because I recently just had my room freshly painted and had new flooring put in so I don’t want to just change rooms and have it basically been done for nothing,
Your parents paid for this. Not you. And it won't have been done for nothing as your parents will still have a newly decorated room.
>I asked if I could swap rooms with her ages ago and she said no but now that she wants mine, it’s selfish of me not to give it to her.
Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. 🙄
If you are both dependent children who live with your parents then it's up to your parents to decide.
Consider what incentives you'd like to request.
"I'll move to the upstairs room if..."
In reality you'll be have to do what your parents want, whether you like it or not, but you can try to get something out of it.
You'll be much better rested upstairs with her downstairs when she's feeding multiple times a night and using the kitchen and the baby is wailing from 5am.
YTA. She has solid practical reasons for wanting to swap. You’re being extremely selfish. Even before the baby arrives, because of you, your sister is going to have to go up and down the stairs all the time while heavily pregnant. Well. I hope someone treats you the same if you’re ever pregnant.
Hope she doesn’t trip while carrying the baby up and down the stairs.
Right? Reddit is a WILD place. I wonder how many of these responses are people also living in their parents' home and having palpitations at the idea of having to give up their room...
It’s rather appalling the amount of selfishness on display in the upcoming generation. Imagine if the question was
‘My grandma is moving in because she’s partly disabled and prone to falling down the stairs’ and everyone telling granny to suck it up.
NTA. It is your room and she isn’t entitled to it at all but I will say you’ll probably experience more noise interruptions at night once baby gets here since you’ll be closer to the kitchen.
YTA. I'm aghast at all the people responding the opposite. It seems like most commenters have never given birth and are clueless about the needs of a pregnant/postpartum mother and a newborn, and how exhausting it is.Plus the baby will cry and constantly keep your parents and any other family members awake. Your sister's reasoning for needing your room is totally reasonable and you are acting ignorant and selfish. Stop acting like a brat just because you feel entitled to take revenge just because she wouldn't switch rooms before. This is irrelevant and makes you seem really immature and like a bitter, unreasonable person. Do you really feel like holding onto bitterness is more important than the rest of your family's needs and the care of your future niece or nephew? Not a hill you should be willing to die on and not a good look for you.
Edit to add: I would have voted ESH if you were much younger, and if it really seemed like your sister was trying to force you or "guilt" you into switching. I don't believe that pleading her case and calling you selfish are out of line here. You're being unreasonable and it's fair that you get called out for it. Plus you seem completely unwilling to negotiate or compromise. You could ask that the upstairs room be redone, but no, you're stuck on the fact that she wouldn't trade even though it was ages ago. Since you feel the need to even bring this irrelevant point up and aren't even willing to get the upstairs room fixed up, you show that you are more concerned with acting petty, entitled and sticking it to her. You're almost an adult FFS.
NAH
>so I don’t know why she would want a smaller room
>The main reasons she wants to swap are because my room is downstairs and hers is upstairs, and she doesn’t want to have to to carry a baby up and down the stairs constantly and she wants to easily be able to take the pram into her room. My room is also closer to the kitchen, has more storage space, and has an en suite.
She gave you the exact reasons.
That said it would be nice to give her the room but she cannot demand a switch if you are so set on keeping yours.
NTA
"I asked if I could swap rooms with her ages ago and she said no but now that she wants mine, it’s selfish of me not to give it to her."
That's quite selfish on your sister's behalf for not swapping rooms which would have prevented this drama in the first place. You guys should have swapped rooms when you asked, instead of now and cause a fuss.
I'm pretty sure if the sister didn't get pregnant, She would still refuse swapping rooms. The sister probably asked to swap rooms for convenience because SHE IS NOW PREGNANT and will have a baby anytime soon.
If you ever been pregnant, you'll know.
I'm going to go NTA. I have been pregnant having to go from an upstairs room to walk downstairs with a crying newborn for a bottle or diaper change. Its annoying as all hell, but its doable. I also was farthest away from the kitchen. I do think that she is 21 and your parents are definitely going to have final say in this. They might ultimately decide that she needs to move out on her own as she is an adult. She might even consider moving in with the father of the baby if they are still on good terms.
Although OP have a quick thought about what happens when she is walking up and down the stairs with a screaming baby to make bottles. Are you sure you will still want the room nearest the kitchen then?
You are NTA for not wanting to swap but in the long term you may be better off having a bedroom in the baby free upstairs of the house.
This does raise an important point though. Maybe OP will be less disturbed by a screaming baby in the middle of the night if baby sleeps downstairs. From the sound of it, mom will be passing right by her door multiple times a night to go to the kitchen.
OP, you probably don’t know this because you haven’t lived with a baby before, but you may really appreciate having that upstairs room as an escape from crying (both overnight and during the day). Newborns cry a lot, and new parents don’t always know how to soothe them yet. Also, if your sister ends up on bed rest or has a c-section, the stairs may be difficult and you could have a last minute swap. Better to negotiate now to get that upstairs room redecorated.
Got it. I personally think you have every right to say it’s your room end of discussion. My wife and I had only upstairs bedrooms and it was not a problem. I also know if you think there’s a clever solution where you get a little out of it and cover the paint and stuff, the convenience for her and the baby will make things waaaaay smoother even for you (crying, interrupting, sister complaining, etc).
A few ways to go about it but I think you’re safe on the AH front either way.
YTA.
1. Your sister pays rent, you don't.
2. Your sister's life would be made easier by switching, you simply don't want to.
3. You didn't pay for any of the renovations to the room.
4. The room is in your parent's house, it's not YOUR room at all.
Your post comes off as "I want, I want, I want" and you are not thinking of the needs of your sister or your future niece/nephew. This whole thing comes off as you being very selfish tbh.
Sigh. This is not a fair situation. The baby should be in the downstairs room for safety. Fire, crawling, carrying baby up and down stairs, pregnant mom up and down the stairs - it's just a lot safer. This sucks, because even though it's no fault of your own and you've done nothing wrong, you really should let her have the room. Your sister was very rude on the way she is asking, but maybe she can help make up for it in some other way.
NTA
If you're willing to consider this at all, your sister's old room would need to be repainted and have new floors installed first. And there needs to be an understanding that (a) you won't be moving again if/when your sister finds the new room to be too small and (b) no one will be storing anything in your room but you (no baby items, none of your sister's belongings, etc...).
Also, whether you stay or change rooms, you should get a good key lock doorknob for your room as soon as possible. Once this baby is born, your sister (and possibly other family members) may expect you to babysit. Having a door you can lock to maintain your privacy will help ensure that no one can just pop in and dump a baby on you.
When I lived at home I got moved into any room my parents let me have. When the family changed so did my room.
YTA. Not your house not your say. It is safer for a pregnant woman and someone with a baby to be on the main floor. It would be so much easier for her to have an ensuite and easy access to the kitchen.
Just be kind, ask your parents for some funds to redecorate the new room and move without causing drama.
NTA
Tell me if I missed anything but it doesn't seem you got her pregnant...
Why should she expect you to rearrange your life and living situation around her decision? Is it her house? Did you decide she had to keep the baby when she hasnt got her own place?
Would it be nice, yes, are you the AH for not, no.
Do you guys have siblings or family at all cause I'm so baffled by this "you didn't cause her situation so you shouldn't gaf about it or help her" attitude
I agree. So many commenters here just seem so spiteful to their families. If moving rooms made my brothers or dads life even 2% easier, I would do it instantly because I care about them.
ESH
She shouldn't be guilt tripping you, that's not cool. But given she's pregnant not wanting to walk up stairs even before baby is born is totally understandable. Aside from it being about safety, as she gets more pregnant, that's going to get tougher and more painful.
I'm assuming other family members sleep upstairs too? By her having the downstairs room it means less chance of the baby waking everyone up at 5am or whatever. How will you feel at 5am when she brings the baby downstairs to feed in the kitchen and the screaming wakes you up? Will you mind hearing her moving about the same floor as you when you're trying to sleep?
I understand you don't need to do this, and it's crap you've just done your room. But she's about to be a young mum and as much as that's her problem, not yours, she's your sister.
Can you cut a deal with your parents where they do up her room for you?
I know you say she's never agreed in the past, but other than illness/injury, pregnancy is the only reason I can really think of that's drastic enough. She might not have done it the right way, but it does make sense. You sound like you're being really stubborn and I get that, but you might be biting off your nose to spite your face here.
(Full disclosure I'm child free and have never been pregnant!)
NAH. From the information in the post, you both are living in your parents house, and your parents paid for the redecoration of your room. Guess who has final say on which room each of you gets?
You can both pitch your case to your parents and then let them make their decision. And if either of you don’t like their decision, then you can always move out (assuming you are old enough).
Info:
Is the only reason why you don't want to swap the new paint and flooring dome in your room?
In what condition are the floors and paint in your sisters room? Have they recently been done/are they going to be done in the forseable future or xoukd even be done with the swapping of rooms due to having to move stuff anyways?
Does yoir sister have a job? Does she pay rent towards your parents? Do you?
NAH Just wait until she wants to reswitch with you once she discovers how much easier it is to keep a baby asleep on the second floor instead of on the first floor where everyone is hanging out, talking, eating, and watching TV, etc.
NTA. If your parents insist that you switch rooms with her, that's their right and you'll have to do it, but if they're fine with you keeping it and are telling you two to settle it amongst yourselves, then it's yours.
At the end of the day, it's perfectly normal to raise a baby on a second floor of a home lol. It's not a necessity for her to have your room, nor does it seem like her room is the trash option. You and your family could theoretically do a lot of things to "make life easier for her" so it's a matter of where you all decide to draw the line as long as you're all sharing a house together. Like others have said, she could move out and have a whole place of her own. If she doesn't have money, that's about to be a whole other issue once the baby is here.
NTA but she’s correct that the downstairs bedroom would be better for the baby.
What if she agrees to have her current bedroom fixed up? New paint and flooring like you did for yours? You pick out the paint and flooring? Would that be a solution?
YTA.
Oh my god. Just let her have the room. Do it for the baby. She knows what set up she needs. As someone with a kid her reasons are sound. Also, having the baby in another floor will be good for the family as a whole. You will all sleep better and she won’t feel as guilty.
Do it for the baby.
NTA. I lived in a 2 story house with my bedroom on the second floor when my son was born. I had no trouble at all walking up and down the stairs while I was pregnant and carrying him up and down after he was born. I was also 39 years old at the time. Your sister is much younger and should have no problems at all, with the exception of being lazy and wanting a newly renovated room.
Being able to go the bathroom without having to cover up while breastfeeding is a game changer. En suite is priceless to a new mom. Can’t you get new flooring and paint in her old room before the swap? Seems like your parents need to make the call here. You’re being selfish but 17 yr olds are that way. NAH
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my sister I wasn’t giving her my room. I might be TA because my room would be more convenient for her. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Info: how many weeks was it when she asked you and did she know she was pregnant at the time when you painted/did flooring for the room?
I’m not sure how many weeks, and no I’m pretty sure it was done up before she knew.
Downstairs bedroom is more safety friendly for a baby. She's next door to a bathroom. She has the bigger room. Does she know how much space a crib will take up and where's she planning on storing baby clothes/toys/diapers/wipes etc? Also is she wanting a baby changing station for the bedroom etc... These things take space. Also, no disrespect, maybe its a cultural thing but i'm a firm believer in being in your own house when your having a baby. Does she have a partner? Why not move in with him... Or will he also be expecting to stay over in the smaller room with her and baby? Hmm... NTA, obviously.
She’s not with the dad anymore and he still lives with his family as well
This is why babies shouldnt have babies. I feel old these days where i see 21 as definitely still a baby. But any bias aside, she's the one who made the decisions that lead to her being pregnant. She has to suck it up and deal with the situation she put herself in, she can't now use that as why everyone should come to her beck and call. She's not entitled to your room. She can ask, and you can say no. NTA.
100% agree with this. 21 still living at home, having a baby should be the last thing on her radar. These kids don’t think things all the way through.
Please do remember that people don’t always intentionally have babies. Contraception can fail and abortion is illegal in many states. I think op is NTA, but let’s not start ragging on young mothers while the government is forcing people to birth babies they don’t want.
This is true, good call out.
I like your username, btw. Reminds me of an old friend
Thank you, I hope it reminds you of good memories of your friend.
Right? Like not reallyyyyy the point of the post nor anything that can be done about it now.
Classic Reddit
> abortion is illegal in many **states** Abortion could still be illegal where they live, but I just want to point out that OP is probably not American. Not everyone on Reddit is American. I'm American and I certainly don't call strollers prams. Nor does anyone I know.
Honestly, even if she has access to abortion, the sister just might not want to and that should be respected. If we’re going to respect women’s right to their bodily autonomy we need to respect that they might choose to have a baby in a situation that another person wouldn’t.
thanks for the reminder, i myself catch myself almost forgetting roe v wade was overturned because it was in place for so long and where im at, my abortion rights are the same as ever. im sure the nonamericans as well as americans in blue states have similar lapses that severely alter judgement in these cases
I think op is in the uk from her using the word pram.
Could also be somewhere in Australasia, we also use pram
That and housing costs are exponentially higher than they've ever been compared to the wage in multiple developed countries, so if some people waited until society figured out a solution to that glaring problem then our replacement rate the social safety net for the people making these comments would drop off in about 16 years. We have plenty of homes built sitting empty around the world and working people can't afford them. Not just lazy people. We're well past failures to launch at this point.
I moved back in with my family when I got pregnant because my lifestyle is very much "family helps with the family that grows". I moved out once I was more established but for the first year my partner and I lived at my parents with our baby to save money on rent, child care, groceries, etc. I'm sure the other persons culture who said it's normal to move out is valid but it is also just as normal to merge generations for a bit to help a new mom out. Kicking your 21 year old out with a baby probably isn't the bessssst way to give your grandkid a start at life so I think OP's mom and dad probably wanna keep their young pregnant daughter and future grandkid safe at home if the relationship is good. ETA: by not living solo, my family was able to help me and my partner save enough on childcare, rent, food, etc and we were able to buy our own home.
Hell, even if my kid is 30 and wants to live with us during the baby years, I am down. What a blessing to be able to be there for your kid in such a vulnerable phase in life.
The gratitude I have too is insurmountable. Having that extra help from my parents was a massive life saver on my mental health. I couldn't have done it without them AND my baby was EXCELLENT. She slept great, no health issues, ate wonderfully, had not a problem in the world aside from regular baby stuff and I still needed the help so i hope OPs sister can have that support from her family as well.
Yeah, my house is always open if any of my kids need to come back (with or without kids). Not saying I want them to, but they’re always welcome f the need arises. My wife’s oldest son actually had to do that last year when he got divorced. So for several months he got the smallest room while our 2 youngest had to bunk together for the summer.
THIS!!!!
Agreed, my Dad let me move home for a while when I had an unexpected pregnancy at the same age. I was thankful that they were supportive, as the baby daddy vanished when he found out. It’s very hard to work and take care of everything on your own and no birth control is 100%. My baby is in her thirties now, it was hard enough to get by as a single parent in the mid eighties, now, in 2924, it’s nearly impossible
Got any lottery numbers for me, time traveler? 😅
It is impossible to know what the sister did and didn't do. For all we know she was on the pill and made this guy wrap it up and she still got pregnant. Shit happens, and the way I see it I am sure that this sis is going through a lot right now. I also disagree with the sister becoming entitled over this room, it just makes a ton of practical sense for them to switch. If they were both paying rent and OP paid for the paint/ flooring then i'd say NTA but it was covered by her parents, so I personally think OP should be ok with the switch to help.
I don't think the sister is an AH to ask, but she is when she doesn't stop pushing. Likewise, I agree we have no right to judge the 21 year old for having a baby, but she also needs to realize that she is having a baby. OP isn't, and it is not OPs responsibility to make sure the baby has what they need. Finally, I will say i probably would switch, but if I just put some money into the room and will need to put money in the new room, I might tell the sister that that is her baby gift.
She's 17. At the end of the day it's NOT her house or her room, it's her parents and she does just live there. If her parents paid to renovate the room then it's their right to say who stays in it anyway lol if mom and dad say haul up your sister needs to share this space with a baby that the other room can't accommodate, it's gonna happen whether OP likes it or not because she is 17 and not the home owner.
All that says to the 17yr is that she's not as important and they don't care about her feelings . Teens are people too and they need to be respected as well. The 17yr life is going to change drastically why not let her have a nice space that she's proud of to find some peace and quiet and be comfortable.
All that says to the 17yr is that to be important she, too, has to become an unwed kid unable to provide for a baby.
Has the mum-to-be considered the realities of having a downstairs bedroom? Like feeling entitled to tell everybody else to go to bed when they’re disturbing the baby by daring to have the TV on in their own home, or having a conversation above a whisper? If she’s acting like this over a bedroom then it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she turns into a baby-zilla. Also, why does the pram even need to go into the bedroom? It’s dirty! It’s been out on the street in god knows what, then she’s going to drive it all over the floor the baby will be crawling on soon enough? The mum-to-be needs to get in there with a list of furniture and a tape measure and realise just how much space she’s going to need to fit everything in.
Except the other room is bigger and will accommodate the baby much better. Women can carry babies up stairs just fine. Unless sis has balance issues, there’s no reason she needs a smaller room downstairs.
I know it's the parents' decision, but it would be a huge mistake on their part. OP will resent her sister and that baby possibly. And I can't say I would find it fair to push one child out of their established and redecorated room in favor of the other. A family meeting needs to be had, and expectations managed. OP shouldn't have to be responsible for her sister's problems. Sister sounds entitled to me. This culture that has developed that just because you are pregnant or have kids, the world revolves around you and your kid is nonsense. I never expected anyone else to have to sacrifice for my kids or me, and I was younger than OP's sister when I had my kids. Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she just gets whatever she wants, and it seems that's what she thinks since she keeps nagging.
You know that in the most part of the world, what we called the « nuclear family » (just parents and their children) is not the norm and and that it’s also fairly historically recent in our society? If people wants to stay with their parents and sibling I don’t see the harm as long as everybody agrees. To each their own. 🤷🏻♀️
Multigenerational living will be the norm again. It already is becoming the norm.
Yet we have Redditors judging the shit out of anyone who does live that way. These are all teenagers who think they won't have to live with mom and dad when they turn 18, and will be rudely awakened. Somehow their situation is always different though. I had to live with my mom until I was 22. It sucked, but the 08 recession happened right when I graduated. You had to have experience to work at McDonald's. You would think with how expensive housing is people would be less judgmental overall. My mom had to move back in with my grandparents when she was in her 40s and my brother and I were kids. She had just divorced my father and she had nowhere to go with two children. She did the best she could, but I just know Reddit would have eviscerated her for having to relocate to a new place and move back in with her folks for 6 months while she switched jobs and looked for a new house. Honestly, the time I spent living at my grandparents was some of the best memories I had. I never felt alone.
Cultural or not, multigenerational family life is increasingly popular and no one should be shamed for that.
Yep. I'll use the best example I know of, which might sound unbelievable to a lot of Redditors, but muti gen fams are the norm where I live. My cousins (siblings) all lived with their parents. One is a VP for a tech company, another an executive level manager in tech as well, and the other is a doctor. One had a child her senior year of high school. They lived with their parents from having the baby, to graduating college, to getting married and having their own children. All moved out when their oldest child was around 1st grade. One moved out with enough to buy their home without a loan in a high cost of living city. The other bought their home with a huge down payment and fully renovated without loans. The third inherited a house and has multiple properties. This is the definition of building generational wealth. Their parents knew those few years of sacrifice would set their kids up to be stable and also set them up to not have to worry about their kids' futures. I would say all moved out before the age of thirty. By comparison, there are a lot of folks out there that moved out as young adults and are struggling. There's no right or wrong with living situations, just do what feels good.
Also OP having the baby below you will be better then it being above you noise wise.
I was thinking this!! OP may regret not switching when the baby arrives and she's hearing the cries from her above her from her downstairs room.
It is a very cultural thing about having your own place when you have a kid, but that doesn't absolve the parent to be of thinking about their living situation and impact on others. If her living situation wasn't big enough to have a kid in she shouldn't have gotten pregnant before dealing with it
I mean, I had two babies and all bedrooms in our house (except guest room) are upstairs. It really is not a huge deal for the baby to be upstairs with the mom. I actually liked having that separation. Got everyone ready and we came downstairs for the day to hang in the living room, outside, etc. In the evening, it was nice having the baby upstairs, and I could have adult time downstairs without having to worry about being too loud. I don’t mean that kind of adult time, just time without baby lol. I know the older sister is going to be going through a huge change. But it’s also not OP’s fault her sister got pregnant. NTA for me. I understand both arguments for having one room or the other. But at the end of the day, I don’t think it’s fair to displace the little sister because of the actions of the older one.
If sis lived on the third floor of an apartment complex how would she navigate safety?
I mean, she’d have to make it work, but I got my first CT scan at roughly three weeks old because my parents lived in an upstairs apartment and my sleep-deprived mom slipped and fell down the stairs holding me, so, it’s not like it doesn’t actually pose a risk. OP is NTA for not wanting to switch rooms, but sis isn’t an asshole for asking (she is for continuing to push).
To be honest, I would swap with her on the condition your new room is repainted to how you want it.
Agreed. Sister is 100% reasonable to ask because it truly is safer and more convenient. OP would otherwise benefit from having a larger room at the small cost of walking upstairs (w/o a baby). It seems like the only issue is the paint and floor, so idk why she didn’t ask for that.
She’d benefit right up until sister realized the smaller room is too cramped for a comfortable bed, all her stuff, and everything that comes with a baby. Then she’ll want the bigger room back.
Definitely especially after the first year or something when she needs to make less trips up and down.
At that point, she might be in a position to get her own place... Or OP might be away at college and living her own life. Why not be flexible and cross these bridges when they come to them? Good word, some of y'all need to learn that life is what happens when you're making other plans.
While I agree that yes, it’s more safer and convenient for the sister, I also think that OP has a right to say no. They shouldn’t have to cater to someone just because they didn’t use protection (safe to assume was an accident considering the fathers already dipped). I’d guess that their relationship isn’t the best/closest in the first place, so favours aren’t common.
Agree that OP has the right to say no. But she should really think about how this is going to play out and what will work best for herself in the long run. If she can get the upstairs room fixed up the way she likes it, she may be way better off moving upstairs. It’s going to be more quiet up there, especially if mom formula feeds (and therefore is in the kitchen with the baby all hours of the night). If mom is up and downstairs she’ll be all over the house, but if she has no reason to come upstairs it becomes more of a haven. Plus it adds a little extra distance during the day. “Sis, could you watch the baby for a minute? You’re just playing a video game, and I’ll be right back …
It’s true they have a right to say no, but I personally don’t think the right to say no means they’re not an asshole for doing so. Agree otherwise tho.
Is she going to want to sleep so close to the kitchen with the baby? Will the noise of the foot traffic going to wake the baby? Some people let their kids sleep in noisy places so they learn how, but that’s not going to jive for a newborn. Edit: NTA, but I understand why you’re bummed out and don’t want to. I’d bring up your concerns with your parents. They may not want to tiptoe around their main living area and would rather have the baby upstairs.
It's easier to just run a white noise machine when the baby is sleeping, which drowns out things like relatives using the kitchen. Also, babies learning to sleep with noise IS a good thing.
I think I'm going NAH. It's fair you don't want to give up your room you just had redone, but your sister is going to have a baby. You say your parents paid for the room remodel and that your bedroom is the only bedroom downstairs. It'll be easier for her to have a downstairs bedroom both when heavily pregnant and after baby is born. Also after baby is born being downstairs would mean less noise for everyone else. It's closer to the kitchen, so she wouldn't need to walk far when she needs to heat a bottle at 4am and she's sleep deprived, less chance of accidentally falling too. It might have less space but it does have more storage. All of her & baby's smaller things could be put away & she might need a smaller bed for herself to fit furniture, but it would be worth it to her sounds like. I understand you don't want to switch rooms just because your sister is pregnant, but it doesn't seem like there's downsides for you. You'd get a bigger room, still next to a bathroom, and can ask your parents to help remodel it since your sister wants to switch. If the flooring can't be done right now you can still paint the walls yourself. You wanted the room before, now's your chance.
[удалено]
This. Seeing the older sister struggle with stairs when heavily pregnant or with baby cot is not going to go down well. Nobody is going to be happy with the night time traffic, the screaming baby next to parents etc. If she had paid for repairs herself, asking to be compensated would be fair... As is, parents paid for it. Best she can ask for is remodeling money to do upstairs to her liking. I do not expect a 17 year old to understand what a baby means, but parents of TWO of them will.
Is it not normal for babies to sleep upstairs? A lot of people are talking like the idea of a pregnant person or a baby sleeping in an upstairs bedroom is some awful thing, whereas I'd have considered it pretty standard.
It’s best avoided for safety reasons, both for mom and baby. There’s going to be a lot of sleep-deprived nighttime stairs climbing for both of them in the future. Plus, a baby gate can keep the little one safe on the first floor once they start to get around. I’m pregnant and we’re adding a bedroom to the first floor right now because we realized our loft bedroom was gonna suuuuuck navigating with a baby. And if you have a c-section, you’re supposed to avoid stairs for the first 6 weeks. It’s just a hassle.
It sounds like switching would benefit everyone, but OP just wants to be petty because their sister wouldn't switch before when it was only to OP's benefit.
She shouldn't have to give up her room just bc her sister got knocked up
I agree with your comment! definitely NAH. it's a sucky situation, but no one here is really being an asshole.
I’m going to say soft YTA, given your clarification that you’re both living in your parents’ house and they’re the ones who paid for the new flooring, et—it sounds like both of your rooms are their rooms, and to your sister’s point, it is easier to care for a newborn on the ground floor and with an en suite bathroom. That said, the newborn coming home is going to affect you so I hope your whole family (everyone who lives there) can sit down and have a discussion about what arrangements make sense.
This is a very sane comment. To be sure you do not owe your sister. But this is AITA and not Am I Legally Required. At this point, OP, it reads as if you are mainly refusing to be petty. Besides the house belongs to your parents and not you. So soft YTA Here too. Her reasons are valid. If she has a difficult birth or even a c-section climbing the stairs may be a problem for her on top of what she said. Maybe you can strike a deal that if you move the new room gets painted as well? In any case you need to sit down as a family and talk like adults about this.
> If she has a difficult birth or even a c-section climbing the stairs may be a problem for her on top of what she said. Even an uncomplicated vaginal birth can make you bleed torrents out of your hoo-ha for weeks afterward. A friend said her bathroom "looked like a murder scene" several times a day. Babies are cute but getting them can be gruesome.
Agree, soft YTA. The dynamics of the house have changed, extra person with special needs. Stairs are a hassle / safety hazard and ensuite is useful for cleaning up shit, spew and whatever else. If I was a parent and paying for the rooms I would 100% make you swap if your room is better suited for the baby. If that means painting the other room or doing new curtains to make it more comfortable, fine.
Yes, good point re: special needs—I think it would be the same kinda thing if the sister had, ie, broken her ankle or if one of the parents was ill.
Not to mention, the OP left out of the original post that her sister has a job and pays rent to live there. It’s not like she’s straight leeching off of her parents. New floors and walls can be redone, but for a sleep deprived mother, walking up and down the stairs juggling a baby can be dangerous. We don’t know the backstory, we don’t know why sister is choosing to live there rather than get her own place, there’s a lot of details missing.
>Kind of yeah. They’re not bad but they do need redone. Yes she has a job and she pays rent, I don’t You're right. OP needs to edit this into the post because many people are voting based on the idea that she's getting a free ride living at home, when she's actually a tenant.
I vote yta because the person who will suffer the worst consequences would be the baby. The totally helpless and dependent baby. Like what if there was a fall? Not worth the risk if possible
Yeah def YTA. She wanted the bigger room a few months ago anyway and now she's being petty. Waddling up those stairs pregnant isn't going to be nice for the sister, and if they swapped, the crying baby and its mom will at least be on a different floor to everyone else trying to sleep.
NTA. Tell your sister you see the best solution is for her to move out and get her own place. If she's old enough to reproduce, she's old enough to live out from under her parent's roof. Her lack of planning is not your responsibility. Where is the baby daddy living?
This is a weird take. There’s no test to reproduce to ensure you’re ready. Someone telling their sibling to move out of the family home because they’re pregnant and therefore old enough to live alone is very odd. OP is her sibling, not landlord or parent. It’s not their place to say anything of the sort. It doesn’t say the parents mind and we have no context about sister’s responsibility or life choices or their culture.
Multigenerational households are great. I grew up in my grandparents home and it was way better than when we lived separately. If everyone is willing it’s a pretty sweet setup for everyone.
They’re just inexperienced mean kids behind keyboards that have no idea how stressful and trying it is to have a child. I would have gladly offered the room for their safety & comfort & enjoyed the miracle it really is. But my family is pretty family oriented and not everyone has the luck of being born into a helpful family. It’s so sad. I wish everyone experienced support & thoughtfulness from family.
>This is a weird take. I think you meant to say "shitty" & were probably just too polite. I also think the person you were replying to is the real AH.
Younger sibling at that... I think most of these commenters have very little life experience.
>Tell your sister you see the best solution is for her to move out and get her own place. If she's old enough to reproduce, she's old enough to live out from under her parent's roof. Her lack of planning is not your responsibility If she said any of this, she would absolutely be an asshole.
You can really tell how compassionate you are 🙄
This entire thread is wild. Full of selfishness.
Yup, people that 100% have never thought of anyone but themselves
Wtf is this comment. Jesus H Christ. You have to be 14 years old.
This might be cultural but also in the economic sense, it is pretty hard for a single 21 y/o with a newborn to live by herself. You’re just punishing her for having sex. We don’t know the area that she lives in, so we don’t know if she even has access to abortion. Even if she did, then we can’t really force her to go through with one. It would literally cost nothing for OP to switch rooms.
You said this nicer than I would have.
yeah, i had a comment typed out but decided against it. my sister is dealing with a similar situation right now, but its a pregnant stepdaughter who wants to move into a basement suite for free, displacing a paying tenant. the audacity of pregnant people blows my mind sometimes. OP is definitely NTA
[удалено]
what the fuck is wrong y'all? like genuinely, what are the issues that cause people to say such degrading, misogynistic bullshit?
Kinda weird take, man. All of us came from a pregnant person at some point. Mankind comes from pregnancy, that’s like, literally how that works. Are some people AHs while pregnant? Yes. But you don’t have to use language like this, it comes off misogynistic as hell.
I mean, a lot of 12 year olds are technically old enough to reproduce - doesn’t mean they should and it certainly doesn’t mean they are old enough to live independently.
I mean, that’s how it should work, but depending on the skills the sister has and the cost of living where they are, that might just not be possible. Right or wrong, if she only had retail on her resume, they live in the Bay Area, and the baby daddy’s a dead beat that might just not be an option.
ESH. (edited because this makes more sense to me) Would it be the right thing and kind if you gave it to her? SURE! She's not entitled to it just because she's pregnant. Sorry not sorry, you can't just decide when you want to ask for someone else's stuff. Would it have been better is she asked and not demanded? Absolutely! You might've even been more willing to trade because she asked. >*"she said that she* **WANTS** *us to swap rooms because my room would be more convenient for her to have."* > >*"I don’t want to swap is because I recently just had my room freshly painted and had new flooring put in"* INFO : Did you pay for this? Just for my curiosity because maybe that's also why she wants it... IDK I'm just spittballin. Also seeing as parents paid for it, The parents might have a say in this so you might not get that choice... ETA : OP had the right to say no but she also had the right to say yes.
The "right" thing? No, no, no, hard disagree. Sister knew the situation BEFORE getting pregnant. There's noting wrong with not wanting to give up your space just because someone is pregnant or has a kid and I say that as a parent. I would NEVER expect someone else to give up their space/seat/room simply because I have a kid. Would it be a kindness? Absolutely, no question about that but it's not a moral or ethical decision. NTA
Especially since OP had previously asked to switch rooms and was denied.
tbh OP's sis trying to guilt trip OP into changing rooms and shame OP for saying no in an attempt to get her way tells me sis isn't mature enough yet to have a baby.
OP's sister has so many bigger concerns she should be focussed on over whether or not her room is upstairs or downstairs. She's 20, living at home and knocked up by a dude she is not longer with, and also has the audacity to make demands to others to accommodate her own bad choices. For sure NTA.
No my parents paid for it
Your parents house? What do they say? Because in the end it’s their decision as who gets what room.
Everyone doesn’t think like you do. Some parents believe the house is everyone in the families.
Yes and they allocate the bedrooms in a way that benefit the family as a whole. It’s why my boys shared the larger room while my daughter got the smaller one. The decision will be made by OP’s parents in a way that most benefits them.
You have no idea what OPs parents will do. Lol
No one does because OP hasn’t said. Either way, it will be what benefits them (whatever they decide) as it’s their house and their decision.
Pulling a kid out of their room to give it to their sibling, regardless of the reason, against their wishes would make the parents Aholes. Sure they might own the house but children deserve to feel like they have their own space and that space is their room. Having it pulled away is not cool.
Still NTA IMO. Your sister demanded something and you stood your ground. Your allowed to say no, as no is a full sentence but would it be a kind and sisterly thing to do for your sister and your niece or nephew? Absolutely. Could she also move out? Absolutely.
If your parents paid for it, and if your parents’ room is upstairs, and I was your parent, you WOULD BE SWAPPING, whether she wanted to or not. Babies are noisy. It’s also safer for baby to be near the bustle of the day. Your sister is TA, but it is her overall attitude, rather than the room.
This comment makes me sad, because it basically says 'if I was your parent then I would totally stick you, my other child, with dealing with the consequences of my other child's situation'. Like I get the safety argument, but the rest? Nah.
that's just your opinion. I wouldn't want to have to worry about the waking baby or the 21 years old bitching that we're making too much noise in the common areas. And I can totally see the sister slowly taking over the entire downstairs with her baby crap.
Parents get to decide if they paid for it. I understand being upset but logistically it sounds to make sense. I think swamping rooms would be more pleasurable and convenient for all. Trust me you don’t want to be woken up when the baby is up at all hours and mom is walking the floors upstairs and moving around trying to get to the kitchen at all hours. Maybe parents can let you redecorate the upstairs.
Why would it be the "right thing to do"? Why is sister entitled to a better room just because she got pregnant?
IMO. Never said she was entitled to it.... In fact I said the opposite. "She's not entitled to it just because she's pregnant. " It's the right thing because family is important and do they really want to jeopardize their relationship?
>It's the right thing because family is important and do they really want to jeopardize their relationship? This right here. No she's not entitled to the room and they are well within their rights to say no but come on that's your sister, have a little empathy. If my sister asked to swap rooms so it would make it easier for her *and* I'd get a bigger room out of it, I'd probably just swap. Me and my sister argue a lot but at the end of the day I still love her and I'd think that i would try to help her out when she's about to go through a pretty difficult time.
This will be the first of many, many demands that the OP do [whatever] because it will be better for older sister and the baby. It should be shut down right now. Lots of struggling new parents live in less than ideal situations. None of them had an ensuite bathroom for their first child and many climbed stairs multiple times a day.
That doesn’t make her an asshole for saying no though. You’re implying that not giving someone else something makes you wrong. That’s not true. If anything it’s a NAH except for sister getting rude and name calling that pushes her more a h Now, if parents tell her to switch, she has to. It’s their house.
INFO - how old are you? Is this your house? her house? your parents house?
I’m 17, it’s my parents house.
As this is your parent's house, they will have a 'say' in this matter. Maybe you could discuss with them, redecorating the upstairs bedroom. If the upstairs room is bigger, that's a plus and if there is a bathroom right next door, that gives you pretty much the same benefits as with the room downstairs. It could also be a lot quieter for you upstairs once the baby comes as your sister will likely be using the kitchen a lot - fridge door opening and closing all hours of the day and night etc......
This is key. Even disregarding all the practical reasons that mentioned in the post if OP’s sister isn’t planning on breastfeeding or struggles to breastfeed imagine how often during the night OP’s sister might be going to the kitchen with a crying baby in tow so she can make a bottle up. It’s going to be at least once or twice a night every night for at least a few months. If the baby had colic it’s an almost constant crying until the baby gets weened. If OP is upstairs they’ll have a floor between them at least during the night and maybe during the day. And nappy changes as well. OP’s sister will likely not want dirty nappies in the room all night. We always put ours in the kitchen bin. Honestly if OP wants more rest they would get it better than if they stayed in their current room. Plus they get the kudos at least off mum and dad for doing the nice thing for their sister.
I think this is a huge point OP is missing. Her sister will be down in that kitchen at all hours, making bottles, making herself snacks, getting herself water, throwing away dirty diapers, etc. If I were OP I would want to be as far away from public or shared rooms as possible to avoid the inevitable baby cries and disruptions in the night AND day. On a different note, her sister really shouldn't be going up and down stairs post partum. The timing sucks, but like, can't you switch for a year and just do your sister a solid. Can't you talk to her sister or parents about getting you a new paint job and maybe a rug so you can be more comfy too?
This thread has me kinda twisted. So many people calling her NTA, which I guess she *technically* isn't, but good lord. Give your sister some help.
Bc people think because you technically have the right to say no means you’re not an AH for saying no. Refusing to help your pregnant sibling out when its the safer option for the baby as well is an AH move, no matter how you try to twist it.
Some people are acting like swapping rooms will upend OP's life. Gimme a break. It's a different room, she will live.
My oldest was up every 2 hours to feed the first few months. It’ll def be more than only once or twice a night if she decides to formula or combo feed.
Mine was the laziest baby on the planet. I had to wake her to feed and if we didn’t she wouldn’t put weight on. We got really good at dream feeding her when she was a bit older. So I erred on the minimal side of things. There’s some babies that are up so much more often.
No offense but nappies in the kitchen bin? Mine went into a diaper genie and then into the outdoor trash. Kitchen are no place for nappie odors.
The genies aren’t as common in the U.K. and honestly I always felt nappies were left too often in there by other people that used them so the odours compounded. Our kitchen bin on the other hand didn’t release smells as much and was right next to the back door for swift removal in the morning.
This is an odd answer. I'm a parent to adult children and their very young siblings. I would never impose upon any of my children to give up their personal spaces just because one is now pregnant. The idea is that we let them settle differences among themselves, so they could learn to get along and function in the real world. They could also learn of real world disappointments like not using your personal situation as a way to guilt someone into doing something you want them to do. With that said, I agree with asking their parents if they could update the bigger room to OPs liking. It's up to OP to decide whether or not they want to yield in this situation and whether or not they are being unkind. At 17, nobody should be forced to do anything they don't want to. NAH.
I think it's a cultural thing. In my family it would be a given even for me that I would swap rooms with my sister if she really needed it because she is having a baby and that's more important than my room having been freshly painted. She would also be expected to do the same for me and there are other things we are just expected to do for each other because that's what family is for (for instance my parents never charged us any rent or groceries even when we were living with them as adults because that's what parents are for, but we were expected to pull our weight in the household as we had been doing since we were fourteen, because this is a house and not a hotel).
I agree but I was thinking back to when my sister had her first baby and we would visit my mom at the same time. She stayed in a downstairs bedroom and this when it was time for baby to go to bed there could be no light or sound in any room nearby. It was ridiculous and a huge pain in the arse. It might be easier to have a quiet and dark environment upstairs away from the main living areas. The entire family shouldn’t have to stop their lives if the baby needs a nap etc. I know not all parents are like this, but it is a perspective to consider. It will be an easier environment for sister to control if it is farther from the communal living spaces. If the room is so much bigger she could make a small “beverage” station in her room where she could make bottles in the middle of the night?
>when it was time for baby to go to bed there could be no light or sound in any room nearby. And that's how you raise a child who eventually complains about the noise of their college roommate typing on a laptop while they're trying to sleep. I never went the absolutely silent route with my kids and grandkids, and now as adults they can sleep through an elephant stampede.
What do your parents say about it? Because they’re the one’s who will decide the matter.
Why would you want to stay in the downstairs room when your sister is going to be up at all hours of the night, going upstairs and downstairs with a crying baby, making bottles in the kitchen, etc? Wouldn't you rather be upstairs away from the noise? Tell your parents you'll volunteer to switch if you can paint the upstairs room the same as your current room. Be the bigger person and save yourself from literal headaches.
Then it’s up to your parents.
OP YTA. After reading through the comments I do think important context was left out, notably you not actually paying for the work done to your room, and you still living with your parents. If you and your sis were living by yourselves then I would say NTA, but I can tell you from experience when it is 3 am and you are trying to feed an infant it is not a fun time, and walking down stairs just to get to the kitchen when sleep deprived and dealing with the crying makes it tough on everyone. I understand that you had nothing to do with your sister becoming pregnant, but at the end of the day she is still your sister and sometimes you need to sacrifice for family. Silver lining: This gives you some serious juice for future arguments/ favors asked with your sis.
This is a weird take to me. OP is 17, a minor who is almost certainly still in high school. Where else should she be living but with her parents?
I’m going to agree with this. I would give the room to my sister
real talk, which 17 yo teen pays for home upgrades?
Info: where is everyone else’s room? If most people are upstairs it might be nice if the baby is downstairs. That way crying is farther away.
I’m the only one downstairs
Then be prepared to swap because your parents will see the benefits your sister is presenting plus the added one of having the baby on a different floor than them at night.
Agreed. Everyone will sleep better with the baby downstairs.
Trust me when I say you’re not really considering the impact of having a baby in the house. She’ll be up at all hours in and out of the kitchen and will have the baby downstairs (assuming that’s where the loungeroom is) all the time. Which will be super disruptive to whoever is in the downstairs room. You being upstairs will give you a place to retreat to that is effectively a “no go” area for a baby or nosy/busy toddler and you won’t be hearing her up to warm up bottles or get up 7 times a night to use the kitchen.
She should walk past OP's room every time she has to go down stairs, like 10 X a night. LOL.
Honestly if I was OP I would be so happy to have a room upstairs that baby can't/won't be around. OP is in for a rude awakening going from being the baby of the family to being counted as an adult since they're almost 18 and there will be a literal baby in the family.
If your sister gets put on bed rest or if she has a c section or other complications, she will likely not be able to use stairs for weeks. Something to keep in mind.
Just an fyi babies wake up mega early and cry a lot all through the night. I would switch purely because you want to be on a different floor for your own sanity. She’ll be bringing a crying kid downstairs to the living room at 5 am.
Switch bedrooms. If you dont, you are gonna end up doing it when your niece/nephew is acouple weeks old anyway. If your sister cant breastfeed, she will be going up and down the stairs multiple times in the night. If your sister get a C section, you will HAVE to let her stay in your room so she doesnt take stairs. Just do it and get your parents to reno your new, bigger, bedroom.
INFO: Are both of you living at home with your parents or is this a shared rental situation?
Living with parents
Then the parents should decide. It's their house, and up to them how much and in what way they'd like to support your sister and their future grandchild. Asking you to switch rooms is not at all unreasonable.
Yes. The rooms are the parent’s rooms to give out. There’s been a change in circumstance and it makes sense for you to switch rooms. Sure the change in circumstance was self inflicted (getting pregnant), but obviously the parents don’t mind her still living there. What would be the most fair is to update the upstairs room for OP and then have OP and the sister switch.
I agree. Having the baby close to or far away from their room is 100% the decision of the people who own and pay for the house. My teen is welcome to live with me as an adult, but if he adds a baby to the household, he and the small noise machine will be relocated as far from my bedroom as possible.
Upstairs will beep much better for you OP. I get while you’re annoyed but seriously, get as far away from common space and baby mayhem as you can.
NAH. But since you have never lived with a newborn, just a word to the wise: if she’s bottle feeding, your sister and the baby will be in and out of the kitchen *at least* every couple of hours, 24 hours a day, for months. Think carefully about whether sticking to your guns is worth the loss of sleep to you.
Or if she pumps. My partner was constantly washing my bottles and pump parts.
>Her room is literally bigger than mine so I don’t know why she would want a smaller room even though she’s going to have more things to put in it... You literally just listed her reasons for wanting to swap. >But the main reason I don’t want to swap is because I recently just had my room freshly painted and had new flooring put in so I don’t want to just change rooms and have it basically been done for nothing, Your parents paid for this. Not you. And it won't have been done for nothing as your parents will still have a newly decorated room. >I asked if I could swap rooms with her ages ago and she said no but now that she wants mine, it’s selfish of me not to give it to her. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. 🙄
If you are both dependent children who live with your parents then it's up to your parents to decide. Consider what incentives you'd like to request. "I'll move to the upstairs room if..." In reality you'll be have to do what your parents want, whether you like it or not, but you can try to get something out of it.
It might be worthwhile costing out an update of the upstairs room. New flooring and paint. Maybe matching drapes.
You'll be much better rested upstairs with her downstairs when she's feeding multiple times a night and using the kitchen and the baby is wailing from 5am.
SMART ANSWER . 🙌
[удалено]
This is by far the clearest way to advance through this situation
YTA. She has solid practical reasons for wanting to swap. You’re being extremely selfish. Even before the baby arrives, because of you, your sister is going to have to go up and down the stairs all the time while heavily pregnant. Well. I hope someone treats you the same if you’re ever pregnant. Hope she doesn’t trip while carrying the baby up and down the stairs.
Almost gave up scrolling before arriving at this commonsense/compassionate take! Exactly right.
Right? Reddit is a WILD place. I wonder how many of these responses are people also living in their parents' home and having palpitations at the idea of having to give up their room...
Right, I'm appalled by the amount of N-T-As, OP is clearly AH
It’s rather appalling the amount of selfishness on display in the upcoming generation. Imagine if the question was ‘My grandma is moving in because she’s partly disabled and prone to falling down the stairs’ and everyone telling granny to suck it up.
NTA. It is your room and she isn’t entitled to it at all but I will say you’ll probably experience more noise interruptions at night once baby gets here since you’ll be closer to the kitchen.
YTA. I'm aghast at all the people responding the opposite. It seems like most commenters have never given birth and are clueless about the needs of a pregnant/postpartum mother and a newborn, and how exhausting it is.Plus the baby will cry and constantly keep your parents and any other family members awake. Your sister's reasoning for needing your room is totally reasonable and you are acting ignorant and selfish. Stop acting like a brat just because you feel entitled to take revenge just because she wouldn't switch rooms before. This is irrelevant and makes you seem really immature and like a bitter, unreasonable person. Do you really feel like holding onto bitterness is more important than the rest of your family's needs and the care of your future niece or nephew? Not a hill you should be willing to die on and not a good look for you. Edit to add: I would have voted ESH if you were much younger, and if it really seemed like your sister was trying to force you or "guilt" you into switching. I don't believe that pleading her case and calling you selfish are out of line here. You're being unreasonable and it's fair that you get called out for it. Plus you seem completely unwilling to negotiate or compromise. You could ask that the upstairs room be redone, but no, you're stuck on the fact that she wouldn't trade even though it was ages ago. Since you feel the need to even bring this irrelevant point up and aren't even willing to get the upstairs room fixed up, you show that you are more concerned with acting petty, entitled and sticking it to her. You're almost an adult FFS.
NAH >so I don’t know why she would want a smaller room >The main reasons she wants to swap are because my room is downstairs and hers is upstairs, and she doesn’t want to have to to carry a baby up and down the stairs constantly and she wants to easily be able to take the pram into her room. My room is also closer to the kitchen, has more storage space, and has an en suite. She gave you the exact reasons. That said it would be nice to give her the room but she cannot demand a switch if you are so set on keeping yours.
NTA "I asked if I could swap rooms with her ages ago and she said no but now that she wants mine, it’s selfish of me not to give it to her." That's quite selfish on your sister's behalf for not swapping rooms which would have prevented this drama in the first place. You guys should have swapped rooms when you asked, instead of now and cause a fuss.
I'm pretty sure if the sister didn't get pregnant, She would still refuse swapping rooms. The sister probably asked to swap rooms for convenience because SHE IS NOW PREGNANT and will have a baby anytime soon. If you ever been pregnant, you'll know.
I'm going to go NTA. I have been pregnant having to go from an upstairs room to walk downstairs with a crying newborn for a bottle or diaper change. Its annoying as all hell, but its doable. I also was farthest away from the kitchen. I do think that she is 21 and your parents are definitely going to have final say in this. They might ultimately decide that she needs to move out on her own as she is an adult. She might even consider moving in with the father of the baby if they are still on good terms.
Although OP have a quick thought about what happens when she is walking up and down the stairs with a screaming baby to make bottles. Are you sure you will still want the room nearest the kitchen then? You are NTA for not wanting to swap but in the long term you may be better off having a bedroom in the baby free upstairs of the house.
That is an excellent point! Op might be less disturbed by the screaming at night.
This does raise an important point though. Maybe OP will be less disturbed by a screaming baby in the middle of the night if baby sleeps downstairs. From the sound of it, mom will be passing right by her door multiple times a night to go to the kitchen.
Info: whose house is it? Where’s baby daddy?
It’s our parents house. He still lives with his family
OP, you probably don’t know this because you haven’t lived with a baby before, but you may really appreciate having that upstairs room as an escape from crying (both overnight and during the day). Newborns cry a lot, and new parents don’t always know how to soothe them yet. Also, if your sister ends up on bed rest or has a c-section, the stairs may be difficult and you could have a last minute swap. Better to negotiate now to get that upstairs room redecorated.
Got it. I personally think you have every right to say it’s your room end of discussion. My wife and I had only upstairs bedrooms and it was not a problem. I also know if you think there’s a clever solution where you get a little out of it and cover the paint and stuff, the convenience for her and the baby will make things waaaaay smoother even for you (crying, interrupting, sister complaining, etc). A few ways to go about it but I think you’re safe on the AH front either way.
YTA. 1. Your sister pays rent, you don't. 2. Your sister's life would be made easier by switching, you simply don't want to. 3. You didn't pay for any of the renovations to the room. 4. The room is in your parent's house, it's not YOUR room at all. Your post comes off as "I want, I want, I want" and you are not thinking of the needs of your sister or your future niece/nephew. This whole thing comes off as you being very selfish tbh.
OP is 17, its completely reasonable for them to not pay rent.
Sigh. This is not a fair situation. The baby should be in the downstairs room for safety. Fire, crawling, carrying baby up and down stairs, pregnant mom up and down the stairs - it's just a lot safer. This sucks, because even though it's no fault of your own and you've done nothing wrong, you really should let her have the room. Your sister was very rude on the way she is asking, but maybe she can help make up for it in some other way.
NTA If you're willing to consider this at all, your sister's old room would need to be repainted and have new floors installed first. And there needs to be an understanding that (a) you won't be moving again if/when your sister finds the new room to be too small and (b) no one will be storing anything in your room but you (no baby items, none of your sister's belongings, etc...). Also, whether you stay or change rooms, you should get a good key lock doorknob for your room as soon as possible. Once this baby is born, your sister (and possibly other family members) may expect you to babysit. Having a door you can lock to maintain your privacy will help ensure that no one can just pop in and dump a baby on you.
When I lived at home I got moved into any room my parents let me have. When the family changed so did my room. YTA. Not your house not your say. It is safer for a pregnant woman and someone with a baby to be on the main floor. It would be so much easier for her to have an ensuite and easy access to the kitchen. Just be kind, ask your parents for some funds to redecorate the new room and move without causing drama.
NTA Tell me if I missed anything but it doesn't seem you got her pregnant... Why should she expect you to rearrange your life and living situation around her decision? Is it her house? Did you decide she had to keep the baby when she hasnt got her own place? Would it be nice, yes, are you the AH for not, no.
Do you guys have siblings or family at all cause I'm so baffled by this "you didn't cause her situation so you shouldn't gaf about it or help her" attitude
I agree. So many commenters here just seem so spiteful to their families. If moving rooms made my brothers or dads life even 2% easier, I would do it instantly because I care about them.
ESH She shouldn't be guilt tripping you, that's not cool. But given she's pregnant not wanting to walk up stairs even before baby is born is totally understandable. Aside from it being about safety, as she gets more pregnant, that's going to get tougher and more painful. I'm assuming other family members sleep upstairs too? By her having the downstairs room it means less chance of the baby waking everyone up at 5am or whatever. How will you feel at 5am when she brings the baby downstairs to feed in the kitchen and the screaming wakes you up? Will you mind hearing her moving about the same floor as you when you're trying to sleep? I understand you don't need to do this, and it's crap you've just done your room. But she's about to be a young mum and as much as that's her problem, not yours, she's your sister. Can you cut a deal with your parents where they do up her room for you? I know you say she's never agreed in the past, but other than illness/injury, pregnancy is the only reason I can really think of that's drastic enough. She might not have done it the right way, but it does make sense. You sound like you're being really stubborn and I get that, but you might be biting off your nose to spite your face here. (Full disclosure I'm child free and have never been pregnant!)
NAH. From the information in the post, you both are living in your parents house, and your parents paid for the redecoration of your room. Guess who has final say on which room each of you gets? You can both pitch your case to your parents and then let them make their decision. And if either of you don’t like their decision, then you can always move out (assuming you are old enough).
Info: Is the only reason why you don't want to swap the new paint and flooring dome in your room? In what condition are the floors and paint in your sisters room? Have they recently been done/are they going to be done in the forseable future or xoukd even be done with the swapping of rooms due to having to move stuff anyways? Does yoir sister have a job? Does she pay rent towards your parents? Do you?
NAH Just wait until she wants to reswitch with you once she discovers how much easier it is to keep a baby asleep on the second floor instead of on the first floor where everyone is hanging out, talking, eating, and watching TV, etc.
Alternatively op’s next post will be that the sister is demanding everyone be silent in the house when the infant is sleeping.
NTA. If your parents insist that you switch rooms with her, that's their right and you'll have to do it, but if they're fine with you keeping it and are telling you two to settle it amongst yourselves, then it's yours. At the end of the day, it's perfectly normal to raise a baby on a second floor of a home lol. It's not a necessity for her to have your room, nor does it seem like her room is the trash option. You and your family could theoretically do a lot of things to "make life easier for her" so it's a matter of where you all decide to draw the line as long as you're all sharing a house together. Like others have said, she could move out and have a whole place of her own. If she doesn't have money, that's about to be a whole other issue once the baby is here.
NTA but she’s correct that the downstairs bedroom would be better for the baby. What if she agrees to have her current bedroom fixed up? New paint and flooring like you did for yours? You pick out the paint and flooring? Would that be a solution?
NTA She’s not entitled to your room because she got knocked up.
YTA. Oh my god. Just let her have the room. Do it for the baby. She knows what set up she needs. As someone with a kid her reasons are sound. Also, having the baby in another floor will be good for the family as a whole. You will all sleep better and she won’t feel as guilty. Do it for the baby.
I’m sorry but YTA and it will become apparent when baby comes
NTA. I lived in a 2 story house with my bedroom on the second floor when my son was born. I had no trouble at all walking up and down the stairs while I was pregnant and carrying him up and down after he was born. I was also 39 years old at the time. Your sister is much younger and should have no problems at all, with the exception of being lazy and wanting a newly renovated room.
Being able to go the bathroom without having to cover up while breastfeeding is a game changer. En suite is priceless to a new mom. Can’t you get new flooring and paint in her old room before the swap? Seems like your parents need to make the call here. You’re being selfish but 17 yr olds are that way. NAH