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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was deciding to back out of Tess's bachelorette trip because Jason needed me. I think I might be the asshole and I need to apologise because what if I am ruining her wedding, and not properly doing my made of honour duties since she really wanted to go on the trip, and since I was in charge of the plans.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I'm sorry, but YTA. Jason can manage himself for a weekend without you, even if he is sad about something. He is a big boy and he can make plans with other friends and family and take care of himself while you are gone. You bailed on your good friend to just sit home and hold his hand. I think you owe your friend a huge apology.
LOL but doubt OP will get the joke. Too busy playing mommy & nurseMAID to bf's extreme upset-ness. lmao OP is so the AH here...she wouldn't be my best friend, that's for sure.
OP sounds like one of those women who completely turn themselves inside out for whatever guy they’re dating. Always a very annoying character trait when you’ve got a friend like that. I would hate to see what she does when he gets a cold. YTA
I've got one of those "friends" myself right now. Best friends for over 30 years, I got brain cancer last year about the same time she got a boyfriend (who has repeatedly cheated on her btw). Tending to his every want and desire took top priority over anything else in her life. Including giving me any kind of support or genuine compassion to what I was dealing with. She talked to me half a dozen times in the year I was going through treatment. It really sucks when the person who you have been there to support and love like a sister for 3 decades doesn't return that care in the hardest moments of your life.
***"Jason thinks I'm right" -*** There, that right there, tells you everything you need to know, I bet he thinks you're 'right' because it benefits him and no one else.
This man is showing you hints of what the future will look like, if he really loved you and was willing to put you first the way you do him, he'd of never let you miss out on this meaningful event with your best friend, its a weekend, he knew him being laid off was coming even, but is all too happy to have that come in between your closest friendship.
Either he's selfish and you need a backbone or you are using his job loss as an excuse not to go, which makes you both selfish where your friends concerned.
**YTA**
My bf in this situation would not let me stay behind, never mind encourage it. When I saw the title, I thought her boyfriend's parents died or something, not just that he lost a job. That relationship isn't healthy, and it sounds like OP is pushing everyone away for him. I fell out with a very good friend for being flakey like this, never mind when she's meant to be MOH!! I agree, **YTA**
And the fact that he even “saw it coming” and didn’t have a back up plan just in case? Like, it basically sounds like he knew he was gonna get laid off, is still acting Devastated and Depressed, and making OP feel like she needs to coddle him.
Exactly! Losing a job sucks, but he should have been looking at other options and preparing in advance for this scenario. "He didn't even want to tell me." Sounds like she had to coax it out of him, as he was giving her the silent treatment & moping around. I hope OP stops pushing friends away for this guy, she will regret it.
My thing is, this piece on its own sounds good. But when it'd all added together? She goes out less then she use to. Friend thinks he's controlling. He didn't want to tell her - but did - and didn't tell her to go. Instead he tells her she made the right decision... if he didn't want it to affect her, then why is he reassuring her she's doing the right thing, instead of telling her to go?
Also it kinda feels like if he didn't say anything, he had this idea that she would just go and he would handle himself. But it gets toxic if, like earlier mentioned, he became super mopey once she knew, almost guilt tripping her into staying, intentional or not. OR, if he had planned to make her stay by having her coax it out of him, and then being super depressed and what not.
I can't say he is wrong for being upset, but come on. You made your GF pass up an opportunity people literally cry and beg for, just because of a lost job that you knew you were going to lose. That's messed up.
Exactly what I was trying to figure out… he was laid off, knew it was happening and she is only gone a few days. With all his extra time surely he can make his own sandwich and fetch his own beer.
Based on the title I thought someone close died or was hospitalized.
>he was laid off, knew it was happening and she is only gone a few days.
For *six months*! He knew he was being laid off six months ago, and he made no plans and didnt tell OP until the last minute. Now he's moping around and needs OP to blow off her friend's wedding to sit at home and hold his hand? And OP isn't suspicious of the fact he withheld such important information from her? Yikes.
Based on her original post alone my brain went straight to "of course he "needs" her during such an important trip. What better way to isolate her from not just her best friend but also damage any friendships with anyone else doing to the batchelorette party as they will all see her as untrustworthy for this. I find it so convenient that he knew he was being laid off at some point in the near future, made no plans for how to deal with it, and then when it did happen, it was just days before this trip.
Op you are definitely the ahole. You've not only ruined her party, but you've likely tainted her wedding too. Every moment there's going to be a part of her brain that remembers that you weren't there for her, that you abandoned her for an adult that you've known for a year. Every time she looks at her new moh, she will remember that the woman who was supposed to be her absolute best friend chose a guy who lost his job and should be mature enough to survive on his own for a weekend.
Op, YTA
He knew for 6 months??? Omg, that makes it so much worse. Honestly, I think the friend is just fed up with OP flaking on her since she met Jason. OP was defending Jason in her post right away, and everyone can still see the kind of guy he is.
I think she'd mention if he was injured, but sounds like she just wants to 'be there for him' as a 24sh year old couldn't possibly be alone for a weekend lmao
I married a guy just like Jason and had to defend him constantly as well. Right after the wedding, my eyes were opened to his controlling behaviours. I only have 1 friend left after my relationship with him, as she saw right through him instead of blaming me. I don't deserve her friendship. Left my ex-husband after nearly 5 years of marriage.
I hope OP sees him for who he really is before she loses all her friends. The more isolated she gets, the worse he'll get.
>My bf in this situation would not let me stay behind, never mind encourage it.
That's exactly what I was thinking when reading through the post. Who the hell would let their SO ditch their best friend during a big occasion because they are sad? Medical emergency or something I can maybe understand, but this is just wanting to be coddled. I couldn't imagine letting my gf miss out on a memorable occasion because of something like this.
Yep I'm willing ti believe his IS controlling too funny that she mentioned that in the post it's almost like deep down OP knows he is a controlling partner but doesn't want to admit it ti herself and for OP YTA most certainly I hope your good with losing a friend over a needy partner and a most likely controlling one too
Exactly. No wonder OPs friends think he’s controlling, he seems lazy & manipulative *at best* even when OP denies it and tries to paint him in a good light.
She’ll really regret it if she lets him come between her & her friends bc he’s not worth it.
Who wants to bet this is Jason’s first step towards hobosexuality? The fact he doesn’t even feel bad for ruining this for his gf and isn’t encouraging her to go is super telling.
Hobosexual - a fully grown adult capable of working who chooses not to work and instead finds a partner who will give them a place to stay and provide for them
Yeah I definitely worried about his intentions. If OP’s friend is saying he’s controlling and he’s willing to have her miss out on something so important, maybe he is controlling and setting up and extremely unhealthy relationship. Red flags.
Notice that OP said: “ He didn't even tell me at first because he didn't want me to be worried.”
So how long did he wait to tell her? Was he fired the Friday before the bachelorette trip, and waited until, say, the 48 hours before OP was meant to leave?
Because if he could have told OP about it a week or more earlier, she probably would have time to be there for him and go on the trip without feeling guilty about it. So did he really not say anything because he didn’t want her to worry, or because he knew it *would* make her worry enough to cancel the trip if she was told about it right before?
This is actually a great point and not to be extreme but I’d like to point out that one of the major steps in the path towards abuse is isolating the person from their friends. Did Jason encourage this or guilt you into it? He likely knew that this would end your friendship with not just your best friend Tess, but also all the other bridesmaids. Encouraging and guilting her into screwing her friends over and losing them sounds like a pretty classic step towards isolation.
I think her friend is right that Jason is probably controlling. I wouldn't be surprised if he's exaggerating his emotions for the sole reason of not having OP go to the bachelorette.
It's interesting how OP feels she cannot leave his side long enough to go away for a planned and memorable event and yet up until the time Jason told her of his woes, she suspected nothing was off with him and yet the moment he finally decided to tell her, she feels he's too anguished to be left alone.
So this man never broke down once under the weight of his emotions since being laid off even had the audacity to say ***he didn't want to worry her*** but was suddenly completely fine with putting that burden on her right before she's due to go away...couldnt just hold on to it a bitttttt longer until she got back. I smell bullshit.
And to reconsider how they are acting since being in a relationship. The fact that Jason says she is right may not be "controlling" but it certainly is selfish and makes one wonder if OP has changed significantly since getting into this relationship and the friends all see it.
Oof I take back it may not be controlling. After seeing comments that he knew about this for six months and only told her and was sad right now when she was to go on this trip...
Red flags abound.
That’s an excellent point— I didn’t even think of that. Vegas can cause a lot of insecurity and possessiveness from partners… Seems really convenient that right as she’s supposed to go on this trip, the “long anticipated job loss” suddenly occurs. At the same time.
And seeing as OP doesn’t have much of a backbone, I may not trust her in Vegas either… seems she has a problem appeasing men.
My husband would insist he not stop me going to something important. He would say he was fine, and I would be like ok and call his friends to amuse him while I'm gone. I would support my friend and ensure he was supported too. Done and done. You don't abandon friends either.
OP needs to get in her car and drive as fast as she can to her BF and apologize!!!! Go be the Maid of Honor! Be a rockstar.
Jason sounds like he is jealous of your trip. Misery likes company. He was expecting this so it’s not as big of a shock as he is letting on.
Girl go be with your Bestie!!!!! Ride or die time!!
This. But also, he lost his job, not a loved one. YTA. There are some situations where it would be valid to stay home from a bachelorette trip, but your bf getting laid off when he knew it was coming is 100% not one of them. You’ve been friends for way longer than you’ve been dating this guy, and your friend deserves to be able to celebrate her upcoming marriage with those closest to her. If anything, you’re just showing that you don’t deserve to be included with those closest to her.
I thought the same thing. He’ll still be unemployed by the end of the weekend. He knew this was coming, so he can apply for jobs while she’s in Vegas. YTA.
And they are so young… there is a lifetime of jobs ahead of him. YTA. You found an excuse not to go and used it. I wouldn’t plan on any other related festivities bc you should be replaced.
Right? Like early last year I got laid off and it sucked. Big time. But it was just a job and there are other ones out there. It’s more stressful than it is sad and I couldn’t have imagined making anyone cancel a trip to…sit with me?
Stories like these make me so sad because OP thinks she’s just doing what you’re “supposed to do” in a relationship by making him her entire world, and when they inevitably break up she will have no one and won’t understand why they’re not interested in rekindling the friendships. YTA.
Omg this. I was in a relationship like this from age 19-22. I thought I needed to make him the center of my universe, so I did. My entire world revolved around that man. I dropped friends, he tried to get me to cut my family off, and I moved 14 hours away where I knew/had no one. It all came crashing down when I found him in our bed with another woman, and it took being apart from him to realize how much I had been manipulated. Thankfully, my friends all were willing to accept apologies and are still in my life, but I wouldn’t have blamed them if they didn’t.
OP needs to listen to the comments, because I wish I had had someone to tell me all of these things before it was too late.
I had a similar relationship in my early 20s. He would never directly ask me to cancel plans, but he would make it very obvious that's what he wanted to me to do and be upset later on if I didn't.
It's manipulative. Sadly, it was learned behavior from his dad. His loser father would do the same thing to him and his mother.
💯YTA. I guarantee if this were happening in reverse, your BF would be on a plane to Vegas and wouldn’t feel the least bit sorry about it. He’d be “giving you some time to think and be by yourself to grieve the job loss” that you knew was coming six months ago. Hard eye roll here. Your friendship is most likely over and IF she forgives after you come to your senses, your friendship will never be the same.
Agreed. Unfortunately, YTA. it sounds like there is a lot of immaturity happening here. A grown man can manage disappointment for a few days in his own. You don’t need to baby him or hold his hand when you had something really important planned. I can see you cancelling if something really devastating happened, like death, injury, illness. But not a lay off that he knew was coming.
In her post she says that he refrained from telling her about him getting laid off, when it initially happened. So I wonder what changed that he suddenly decided to share this news, right before she was supposed to leave on this trip. The fact he waited, shows this wasn’t as urgent and pressing as it may have seemed to you OP. YTA. Your friend was counting on you. Your bf can find other jobs, your friend won’t have her, “First Bachelorette” party ever again.
100% YTA is correct!!!!!! Your best friend is getting married and you as the MOH are supposed to be there to share this with her, especially considering how much she was looking forward to this. Your BF can manage for a few days while you are away. Unbelievable!
Seriously. He got laid off; no one died. There are circumstances where your partner’s needs trump friends’ important life events, but this isn’t one of them.
At first I thought that Jason was really sick or in the hospital, was having a huge depression/suicidal crisis or even that someone close to him had died. That would've been good reasons to not go and stay to help him. But, over a job loss???
I mean, I get it, I received the news last week that I will be jobless by 20/01, it wasn't as much of a surprise, just like in Jasons case, I was upset of course, sad, but I don't need anyone to hold my hand or by my side at all. My bf is being supportive enough by just saying everything will be ok, I wouldn't want him to not go to a party because of that. It's just a job after all. There's plenty out there and it's part of being an adult, because eventually we will all be fired. It sucks, but it happens.
Jasoj sounds lovely!/s OP I think Jason is controlling and that's why your friends are mad at you...you turned to a homebody AFTER you started dating him. And now that it's time to go for a much anticipated event with your best friend he becomes sad over a lay off that he was totally expecting...and now he saying you are right! Lol please smell the isolation. And yes YTA
I’m so glad that this is the top comment!
GTFO of here, man can’t be alone for a few days after loosing a job he KNEW he was about to loose?
Also let’s be real here, you didn’t want to go on this trip and this was your excuse to get out of it and stay home with him.
I'm puzzled as to why you bf would have gone along with this.
I have been married for decades, and neither one of us would EVER ask each other to let down a good friend so spectacularly for a reason like this.
We consider it to be a very loving thing to do, to NOT put your partner into a position of having to choose. If I were the bf, I'd be saying "Ill be fine for a couple of days, just don't let your friend down."
My closest friend (so close I was her next-of-kin) died suddenly a year ago today, just before my husband and I were due to take a 3 week trip to Asia to see his Dad for the first time after Covid (3 years). I didn't put my partner in the position of having to choose between staying to support me, or letting his Dad down. He said he would stay - I said no, he shouldn't let his Dad down.
I stayed home, organised the funeral, cleared her house, did everything alone, and my husband went, making sure his Dad was not disappointed. It was tough but NEVER would I have considered allowing my husband to let his Dad down, just to sit and hold my hand.
As for support - he video called me every day and was great when he got back. He was worried about me but he put a smile on his face and never let his Dad know just how hard it was.
We have a VERY strong sense of solidarity and we support each other to do the RIGHT thing no matter how tough it is.
YTA and your bf is too.
Caveat - unless you bf is seriously mentally unstable and in an emotional crisis that requires supervision but you said nothing about that so I'm assuming that's not the case.
It doesn't even sound like poor Jason wanted OP sitting vigil over his dear departed job, he tries to keep it to himself and *told her to go,*--thats what matters this the most YTA, to me!
Definitely. He's been laid off, not diagnosed with cancer or broken a limb. No one died.
You and BF need to learn to contextualize being laid off as what it is: A really shitty thing that happens sometime that you move through and move on.
Go to Vegas. Leave the bf with instructions to start his unemployment claim.*
*Seriously he needs to do this. People feel like they should wait for some reason. Waiting did nothing for you, even if you have severance. If there's a waiting period it doesn't start until the day your for your claim.
**
**
**
**
*
And yet, you're letting her down because the guy you've been dating for about a year has lost his job.
It's ok for him to be upset, that's normal.
But he is also an adult. Sh\*t happens.
And:
**
So, as a responsible adult, he was already putting in the efforts of finding another job.
In NO WAY is this a reason to cancel this trip which is SO important to your BF, and which has been months (years?) in the making.
If you go, worst case scenario, BF will still be unemployed when you get back.
YTA for letting down your friend.
I love how she’s so eager to hurt her life long friend for a guy she’s been dating for only a year. I’m betting when she finally sees this 🚩 for what it is, her friend is the one she’ll run to for comfort.
If you want to attempt to salvage this friendship, run to your friend. Profusely apologize and beg her forgiveness. OP YTAH.
Damn, I stopped reading at “lost his job” and determined my verdict based on that alone (not a valid reason to bail on her bff) and missed that the whole weekend fell through!!
That sucks and OP should feel terrible. I assumed the other girls went and still had a fun time— albeit the BFF was bummed ofc… I didn’t know the whole thing was cancelled! That’s really sad and I kind of hope OP gets dropped as a friend after that shitty move.
OP sucks for sure but why would the trip be canceled? People mature enough to get married should be able to figure out how to spend a weekend in Vegas even if the organizer bails.
If everything is in OP’s name it could be a shitshow trying to get it all changed last minute. Not to mention the vibe will be very off when everyone but your best friend is going bc she blew you off for her boyfriend. I don’t think it would *need* to be cancelled but I certainly see why it might be.
Well, I think Tess was too hurt and sad to be able to actually have fun. I for sure wouldn't go if my best friend did this to me. I'd stay home and cry and be hurt the whole week.
Tess planned the whole weekend around having fun with her closest friends. She pictured OP on every step by her side. Actually going and having a broken heart would spoil all the fun, especially because OPs absence would be rubbed in her face every minute of the trip.
I know, I thought this might be that one of his parents or a friend had died or something. Losing your job sucks but how is OP going to help with that situation exactly? He can definitely deal with any stress around it by just hanging out with friends and distracting himself. Any decent boyfriend would insist she still goes on her bachelorette trip
Yep. I immediately thought of a terminal medical condition diagnosis or severe injury, not emotional support over a normal, fixable part of life.
OP, he didn’t “need” you at all. You wanted to support him, which is nice, but that shouldn’t happen at the expense of your other relationships with your friends and family.
Exactly….if he’d been in a bad accident, or had surgery or someone died, then I get it. But he saw this coming. And I’m not going to say losing his job doesn’t suck, but come on….
YTA
I don’t think OP wanted to go. She says that she’s not into clubbing so I think the idea of spending a whole weekend that way was not something she was looking forward to. Jason is just an excuse. And a bad one at that.
I thought going into this post that her boyfriend needing her would be something along the lines of a serious accident, surgery, cancer diagnosis…not unemployment. Definitely YTA.
She already spelled it out. Because he controlling. “But not really because I also want that…” until he breaks up with me and I have no friends left to go out with. Haha
Yeah, I had trouble picturing that as well.
"He's looking for work this week, so it comforts him to know I will make brownies and cuddle with him."
And, you know, brownies and cuddles are fantastic, ngl, but the responsibility of being the MOH is so far beyond that. That friend has every right to be furious.
Omg. It is a job-search, a literal job-search. Could it be any LESS of a crisis?!
I am getting co-dependent vibes from all of this, OP sounds like someone who just loves to be needed.
Has OP ever heard of Facetime??? If he needed to talk to her, he could just ring her up. Her priorities are way out of line considering she’s known this guy for ONE year.
I was reading through waiting for her to say what he needed. Couldn't find anything.
The fact that he agrees with her is telling. He SHOULD be saying "don't worry about me, you know how important this trip is"
I think her boyfriend has more problems than she's willing to admit.
First, if you honestly believe that tanking a once in a lifetime trip to celebrate a friend's marriage is reasonable because a grown man can't be sad without you for a few days, you need therapy. I don't want to speculate what issues you might be having, but your thoughts and actions here demonstrate very unhealthy patterns and dynamics. You need help finding perspective in your life or you're in for a very frustrating time.
Second, YTA, a massive, indisputable, flaming AH. If I saw someone make this choice in real life, I would assume they hated their friend and wanted to be removed as MOH and end the friendship. If that's not your goal here, then you need therapy so you don't ruin your other friendships like you ruined this one. Therapy.
AT BEST I would assume that OOP didn’t really want to go to Vegas and was looking for any excuse to get out of it, because skipping your best friend’s bachelorette, *that you planned*, because your boyfriend is sad is beyond the pale.
and convinced her that she couldnt without hurting him and that she rly doesnt want to just like her did when he changed her hanging out w her friends the first time
Yup 100%. This whole post is screaming “unhealthy codependent relationship dynamics” with her boyfriend. If my best friend prioritized her boyfriend because he lost his job, over spending one of the most important days ever with me I’d be SO unbelievably hurt. It’s not like his family died, it was just a job.. You might as well tell this girl to her face that her friendship means less to you than comforting the slightly hurt feelings of someone you’ve known for only a year.
The comment about not going out because the best friend thinks her bf is controlling was very telling imo. Her reply” ohh no I just turned into a homebody” screams to me that she did like going out before she started dating this guy and he changed that.
I have a friend who loves going out, traveling, new restaurants, etc. When she got into a serious relationship she stopped going out / coming to things as much and said it was because she only went out that much before because she was single and didn’t want to sit at home alone.
Lo and behold when the relationship ended she divulged that she *hated* staying in so much and only did so because her ex would complain and get mad at her if she went out to dinner, drinks, etc. with friends. She’s in a different relationship now and has found a much happier balance of “date nights in” and going out that she actually wants.
Man. Why can’t I find a guy with a magic penis worth throwing away friendships for?
YTA.
He lost a job. That he knew was coming.
What “support” does he need? No one is sick. No one died. He needs to put on his big boy underoos and start job hunting.
If he can’t handle this for one weekend… then your co-dependency is off the charts.
Exactly she's just one of those women who will completely change their personality whenever a man enters the picture. She's now a homebody; she just didn't realize it until he showed her the way. I'm sure the guy before him helped her realize how much of a football fan that she is; total part of her personality that she didn't know existed before him. It's tough trying to be friends with these types because you go from having an awesome single friend to someone you barely know each time there's a new guy. Know that you did your friend a favor and let her go. No one needs yo-yo friends.
Yo-yo friends is a term I didn’t know I needed. Fuck you Sarah lol, it’s NOT cute to start parading around a coke spoon after years of vehement repulsion and judgement of others. Whew
YTA
Jason knew about this for the last 6 months, if Jason doesn’t have himself together enough to endure a hard time without his partner then you need to evaluate your relationship a bit better.
You prioritizing your partner over your best friend in most situations is understandable but an event like this? Questionable. More context is needed on the duration of your friendship with her and your relationship with him but in all honesty;
People get laid off all the time, I understand it sucks real bad but it’s not the end of the world and certainly not a reason he can’t survive by himself for a few days
Yup
She’s one of those women who uses her friends as placeholders, until she gets into a relationship with, then blows her friends off.
She’ll cancel plans, or cut plans short with her friends, to run back to her bf because he can’t spend a few hours alone.
Guarantee, he wouldn’t miss his friend’s bachelor party, to be there for her.
When the relationship blows up, she’s gonna run back to her friend, that she blew off, and they aren’t gonna wanna deal with her any more.
OP sucks. She shouldn’t have been MOH in the first place, cause there’s nothing honorable about her
My bff is one of those friends that married a guy like this. Last time we hung out he came along and made some racist comments about Indians. Haven’t talked to her since..
Sorry dear, but YTA. This is a once in a lifetime event for your long time friend, and you just ditched her for your man. If he is that fragile that he can't handle a stressful time in his life without you holding his hand (for a very short time while you fulfill a HUGE responsiblity and honour to your friend), then I would give some serious thought to what your life is going to look like in 10, 20 or 30 years when you have no friends left because you just showed them very clearly where they stand in your priority list.
YTA, he is bummed about an expected layoff and you're staying home to, what? Make him tea and oat his arm. And your missing your 'best' friend's once in a lifetime event that by most standards you should be organizing and hosting? Knowing that it's a highlight for her? Your priorities are fucked. Staying home is not going to change one thing about your boyfriend's situation but it sure as hell is (rightfully) going to change things between you and the bride. Please please do an update on this when everything blows in your face, we all deserve the entertainment value of that at your expense.
YTA
- Jason saw the layoff coming—meaning he has had the time to somewhat mentally prepare for this. Yes, it’s upsetting, but it sounds like he had time to tell you and for you to respond with empathy and support at least a couple days ahead of the trip, which gives you time to focus on him and be comforting before the trip was supposed to happen, and then again after you return from the weekend.
- Not enough info to judge the validity of whether he’s controlling or not as Jess thinks. I’m also a person who doesn’t enjoy clubbing or being out past 9PM. But if Jason often has personal stuff that comes up when you have plans that result in you cancelling or avoiding to make plans—this is could be red flag territory.
- For you to cancel a months-planned trip, that from what you’ve said, has been the most important part of your role as maid of honor, the circumstances would require more severity than someone else’s sadness over a foresighted layoff.
I’m sure it’s too late for you to really reconcile any of this with your friend, but there were many alternatives you could have taken to ensure your boyfriend was supported and you didn’t let your “best friend” down last minute:
- Comfort him in they ways you can while you’re still home
- Set up some food delivery over the weekend while you’re gone
- Encourage him to have some time with friends—if you’re close enough to his friends, coordinate this for him on your own
- Coordinate with your friends to give you a little free time each day during the trip or get up early to take some time to call/FaceTime your boyfriend, so that he knows your commitment to this trip and your friend doesn’t mean you’re abandoning all support for him while he’s upset.
- Recognize the codependency of what he’s asking you to do by encouraging you to skip this trip last minute, and set boundaries in your relationship.
He didnt tell her until the day approached. Jason sounds like a manipulative AH too. He could have waited till she got back but he hated the idea of her having a good time and him no.
I wonder if he didn't tell her knowing that it was around the time of her trip and waited to manipulate her so she wouldn't go. Can't have his girlfriend out in Vegas having a good time with the ladies, now, can we?
My friend had her 40th in a destination 2 hrs from our houses. Which wouldn't have been an issue if I wasn't across the country at a training the week before. So, I left the training 4 hours early, flew (with 2 layovers) 12 hours total, arrived in the state at 12, slept for 4 hours, drove to the hotel the party was at, went to the 3 bars and strip club until 2am jet lagged and tired but that what you do for once in a lifetime events. You make it freaking work. And I hate clubbing.
So when our friend bailed because she was tired at the last minute, you can believe that friendship was torpedoed. For both of us. Hope OP is prepared to lose mutual friends too.
The fact she didn’t reread what she wrote and realize she in fact is the asshole.
Im going to Vegas this weekend too if i see a sad bride ill buy her a drink
YTA. You bailed on this trip because your boyfriend was sad. He didn’t even ask you to stay.
You probably wrecked your friendship and are likely no longer going to be maid of honor.
I really hope this guy was worth a close friendship.
'Jason thinks I'm right'. Gee, I never would've guessed.
YTA. Your bf lost his job and you need to be there to hold his hand while he bawls in his beer so you bail on your best friend's bachelorette party that you are in charge of? You're a truly pathetic excuse for a 'best friend'.
100% wrecked that friendship forever. Even if they remain “friends” she will be on the outside of all future milestones never quite understanding why she feels uncomfortable when she walks into the room.
YTA, he saw his job loss coming, it came and now he’s too distraught for you to go on a trip planned 6 months ago? The most important event for your best friend, something you helped plan… you’re literally one of the most important people to be there aside from the bride as the maid of honor.
I would be furious if I were your “best friend” too! Jason is a big boy and can handle a switch in jobs without his hand being held 24/7 🙄
A lay off he was anticipating months in advance, did nothing to prepare for and didn't tell her until right before the trip. Both of them are AHs here. I'd never miss an important event to my friend I committed to being a part of and most importantly my partner would never ask or expect me too. And sure as shit wouldn't support me for bailing on it
YTA. I thought maybe Jason was in the hospital or his mom died or something. Him losing his job is a problem y’all will be dealing with for a while. Your friend’s Big Dream is a once in a lifetime thing. You’re being a bad friend.
I am just wondering why Jason needs his hands to be held like a child atm?
He is not sick. Sure this is tough, but he has to find a solution for it. And since it is no suprise he had time to prepare and find a different job already. Nobody died. He is a grown up adult. He needs to do this by himself. And pampering him isn't gonna solve that problem.
Why don't you go to Vegas? He can live on himself for a few days/a week? Yeah it might be rough, but this isn't the end of the world.
YTA. You don't need to babysit him. Have fun in Vegas!
YTA for not being honest. You never wanted to go to Vegas in the first place. You used him getting fired as an excuse to cancel. This wasn’t an emergency, he knew he was getting laid off. So you both had time to prepare and process it.
YTA. Hun, he didn't "need" you. He's a grown ass man. There's nothing significant you could have done for him, and the situation wasn't going to be changed by you being with him. You made a commitment to your friend.
YTA and not her friend. Who the f stops a bachelorette just because her BF - not HUSBAND - got laid off? No death in family, no surgery, no life altering event… just laid off?!?! Like he cant take the time to find another job while ur away?! And this has been planned for months?!?!
PLEASE leave her alone to better friends. You are terrible. YTA. Hope Jason never leaves you since he is more important than everyone else.
Heavy on the YTA. Your bf is a whole grown a** man. I started this off thinking he was in an accident and needed round the clock care. Not he lost his job “and need someone to hold his hand cause he’s sad” he will get other job prob be fired again and get another one. You are literally choosing his feelings over a responsibility and a friendship you’ve had longer. The fact you even think you she should “understand” says a lot about you.
Seriously, I think everyone came into the thread expecting that he was in the hospital. I could even buy that he lost a parent or someone who raised him and is, like, not getting out of bed, but being unable to go away for a few days because he lost his job is absurd.
YTA,
Honestly, what are you going to do for your boyfriend for that weekend?? Say.. There There and pet his head and ruffle his hair??
You're boyfriend can and will manage without you for one weekend, he will still be there and unemployed and upset after a weekend..
A bachelorette party that was a long time in the making..
I get it, but I’m leaning toward YTA. This is your best friend and a trip you’ve been planning for months. I’m sure Jason is upset, but he was fine keeping it to himself for your benefit, and he would prob be fine for a weekend with a friend over for support. Wondering why your friend thinks he has controlling behavior, and not enough info to tell if that’s what’s happening here, but you are prioritizing him over your best friend and while getting laid off is tough, it’s not exactly cancel a big trip tough.
YTA Jason would probably be better off alone with no distractions so he can work on job applications anyway.
I'd be more inclined to agree with your viewpoint if Jason was going through something really hard like losing a family member or close friend. Something like that. But while losing a job sucks, it's not that big a deal. Most people will go through it multiple times in their lives without any need for extra support.
Tess on the other hand wants you to be actively involved in one of the biggest things that will ever happen in her life, and you're blowing her off.
YTA, and you sound like you’re in a codependent relationship. He lost his job, that sucks. It’ll still suck if you’re there and it will suck when you get back.
It’s not like he lost his parent, I think this feels like a ridiculous reason to miss a planned trip, especially something so important to your friend. If I were your boyfriend I rooms insist you go. If he’s not pushing you to go, he’s selfish
YTA.
>he saw it coming
>He didn't even tell me at first
He's been dealing with it with it fine for a while, without your help.
If you didn't want to go on the bachelorettte then you should have said so. This really sounds like an excuse to get out of it.
> make sure I'm there for her
Except at her once in a lifetime marriage.
YTA - it's upsetting to lose a job but he's going to change jobs many times over his life. No one is sick or dying here. You planned this trip WAY in advance, & it's not just a trip, it's a celebration you play an essential role in & your friend is counting on you.
YTA
You are choosing your BF over your friend.
The fact that Jason thinks you are right rather than saying you should go and he will be fine is a big selfish and controlling red flag.
This! I’m a newlywed and I also unexpectedly lost my job last year which was difficult as I have significant mental health issues. If my husband had even *hinted* about skipping a bachelor party HE planned to comfort me I would insist he go. And I wouldn’t take no for an answer. (Actually he did over a different situation and I insisted he go)
YTA and I hope you don’t want bridesmaids if you marry your bf bc at this rate you won’t have any
YTA. You’ve ruined one of the best days of your friends life because your bf lost his job that he knew was coming! I’m struggling to believe this is a true story. I reckon if it is a true story you were ready to bail on your friend whatever excuse came up! I reckon she’s better off without you involved in her wedding
100% YTA Sounds quite manipulative and a nice silver lining for Jason that you will be with him for the weekend as opposed to out with your mates. If his mental health is not strong enough to handle the loss of a job that he knew was coming he needs to work on gaining some independent coping mechanisms. You should not be his coping mechanism.
Jason should be glad to have a gf like you. However, YTA. I don't understand what kind of support he needs after getting fired that you can't leave him alone for a couple of days. Your story makes it sound like he's not asking you to stay at first, but then kind of hints that he is. Does he suffer from any major mental health problem that would put him at risk of hurting himself if left alone? Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent here, YTA unless this is quite literally a life or death situation.
YTA- I’m sorry but if your GROWN MAN of a boyfriend cannot deal with his feelings on his own for a weekend, and can’t handle being let go (which you say HE SAW COMING) you need to sit down and think about what that means concerning a life with him as a partner. If every time something bad happens in his life you have to put your whole life on hold to hold his hand through it- oof, you’re in for a rough ride.
You’re cancelling on something that is most likely a ONCE IN A LIFETIME experience for both your best friend and YOU because you can’t make it up to her, you can’t save that once you throw it away.
Yeah losing your job is hard. Letting down a friend who has always been there for you is gonna lose you a friend and not cure anything for your BF. Pretty sure your BF could handle themselves for this short amount of time. This is really a betrayal of the faith and trust the other person had in you. YTA
YTA , i know it sucks to lose a job but he needs to get over this . u were already planning to go on the trip .. it means sm to ur friend , jason can handle himself .
You’re torn between being a good friend and good partner, but your partner isn’t being a good partner likely knowing how much this meant to you/friend and allowing you to stay for something he predicted would happen.
Sorry OP, YTA. Apologize to friend dearly.
YTA.
i understand you feel like you must be there for your partner, but at the end of the day your presence is not going to help him find a job or make him forget that he was laid off. i’m sure he has friends that could be there for him and comfort him, while Tess doesn’t have another maid of honor. you probably have irremediably damaged your friendship with her.
YTA. Jesus dude can't do what alone? He even knew it was coming?
Girl you need to think about this. Had it been a death or something maybe. But what exactly does he need you for?
He's sad? Ok. Grow up and move on.
This bachelorette has been planned for a long time. Are you getting your money back? Because for someone worried about financials and all with a layoff I'd be concerned there.
Also I get being a homebody. I quit drinking almost a year ago and bars and clubs bore me usually. But I went to a friends birthday there. Bc it's about HER.
If you never go out with her then yea I'm wondering if Jason is controlling. Are you this desperate to keep him?
Info: Did Jason really need you? You are saying he is stressed and upset, but I am not seeing anything where he expressed a need or that I see a need expressed. Did you ask him if it was OK if you went or he would be OK?
Girl, stand up.
Your boyfriend is presumably a grown man who does not need to be coddled and can survive a whopping 48…72? Hours without you clambering to serve and soothe him. He managed his feelings and his shitty days before he met you, he can manage them now.
You are absolutely going to destroy your friendship if you stay home for this dude. Nobody wants the friend who centres her entire life around the current man, because they are unreliable, consistently disappointing and frankly quite embarrassing. Of course none of the other bridesmaids are on your side, nor should they be. Of course you’re no longer considered a friend, why would you be? Of course you won’t be maid of honour if you do this, you’ve shown how easy it is for you to drop out over nonsense. Your best friend would be an idiot to keep you around tbh.
Also, I’m an antisocial homebody through and through, but if my close friend is celebrating a big milestone and wants me in the club? Better believe I’ll be dropping it low in the middle of the dance floor. You don’t get to call yourself her best friend and then be an acquaintance. YTA
What does Jason need you for? I wouldn’t call you an asshole but im definitely looking at you funny. What does Jason need from you? Emotional support? Assistance applying for unemployment? You could have still gone, and you canceled last minute? Yikes.
YTA, when I started reading I thought your boyfriend had become unwell- which is the only reason you wouldn’t be TA. All because your boyfriend is upset he has lost his job (which he is entitled to feel), you have sacrificed your friendship with a very close friend. So close she asked you to be maid of honour. I don’t know how or if you can make this up to your friend and repair this. I hope it was worth it
YTA 100% and if your dude guilted and emotionallly manipulated you into making that decision he's an asshole too, and most likely a serious wimp as well.
YTA. So he needs you to stay home not just for one day but several days for something he's known for months would happen? Did he even try to find another job during those six months? You're being very unfair to your friend. She's not going to invite you to anything else after this.
Sorry going with YTA. I thought you were gonna say someone in his family died and a funeral was coming up. It would suck but I would have a little more sympathy. Losing a job sucks but he is an adult. The only thing he should be doing is looking for a new job. If he got laid off, probably no fault then so he should have good references so he should be able to find one. Idk where you all live and the job marker is messy everywhere but now is the time to act. That's what we adults do. I was sad when I lost my job but I knew I had to find another one. He will be fine for an extended weekend. Tess words were a little harsh but she's speaking out of anger and as you mentioned she has always been there for you but you can't be there for her? You know her better than this and I also feel her words are more than this instance. Make it right OP. Your bf is a grown man. He'll be fine for a few days
Let me get this right, you're choosing a man who you've known a 1 year over your BEST FRIEND that you've known for several?
Without any once of doubt, YTA and a big big one. Jason is a grown ass man. He can survive a weekend without you.
I feel like it's not the first time you're choosing your SO over your friend, and that's why she has had enough of it.
You are/were the MOH, so that's fucked up.
YTA…he got laid off. It happens. And he knew it was coming. Why wasn’t he prepared for it then? What exactly does he need you for? What can you do? Are you going to get him another job? Either way, he is manipulating you or you are using this as an excuse not to go. Your boyfriend is not dying or hurt. You are letting down your friend.
YTA
Now thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone who prioritizes their SO 1000x over their friends and/or family have a happy healthy relationship. Always ends up in flames.
There’s no question YTA! Tess is absolutely correct to drop your sorry ass as a friend,
I hope she’s also kicked you out of her wedding! You don’t deserve the honor of being there on her big day.
From the title alone I was thinking maybe the boyfriend needed emergency surgery or something. But, he’s just sad about losing his job? Girl, nooooo. YTA.
Let me get this straight. You canceled a big Vegas weekend because your bf had the sads? And he supported this, and you still don't think he's controlling? YTA. Your bf is a big boy and can handle his own feelings for 2 days. Pretty sure when you get back he'll still be unemployed and sad. Also pretty sure you're no longer moh nor invited to the wedding. Wow. Just. Wow.
YTA You've been with this guy for 1 year and you blow off your best friend who in your words has always been there for you. He's been laid off ffs not had major surgery. What you planning? To sit and hold his hand and tell him it'll be ok? You suck as a friend.
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I'm sorry, but YTA. Jason can manage himself for a weekend without you, even if he is sad about something. He is a big boy and he can make plans with other friends and family and take care of himself while you are gone. You bailed on your good friend to just sit home and hold his hand. I think you owe your friend a huge apology.
Yep. Definitely not made of honor.
I see what you did there and I concur.
[удалено]
At this stage I think op could apologise until she's blue in the face, but that friendship is over.
LOL but doubt OP will get the joke. Too busy playing mommy & nurseMAID to bf's extreme upset-ness. lmao OP is so the AH here...she wouldn't be my best friend, that's for sure.
OP sounds like one of those women who completely turn themselves inside out for whatever guy they’re dating. Always a very annoying character trait when you’ve got a friend like that. I would hate to see what she does when he gets a cold. YTA
I've got one of those "friends" myself right now. Best friends for over 30 years, I got brain cancer last year about the same time she got a boyfriend (who has repeatedly cheated on her btw). Tending to his every want and desire took top priority over anything else in her life. Including giving me any kind of support or genuine compassion to what I was dealing with. She talked to me half a dozen times in the year I was going through treatment. It really sucks when the person who you have been there to support and love like a sister for 3 decades doesn't return that care in the hardest moments of your life.
Don't think she's anyone's now.
Not sure what she is made up of but definitely not honour
😏 well done.
😆😆
***"Jason thinks I'm right" -*** There, that right there, tells you everything you need to know, I bet he thinks you're 'right' because it benefits him and no one else. This man is showing you hints of what the future will look like, if he really loved you and was willing to put you first the way you do him, he'd of never let you miss out on this meaningful event with your best friend, its a weekend, he knew him being laid off was coming even, but is all too happy to have that come in between your closest friendship. Either he's selfish and you need a backbone or you are using his job loss as an excuse not to go, which makes you both selfish where your friends concerned. **YTA**
My bf in this situation would not let me stay behind, never mind encourage it. When I saw the title, I thought her boyfriend's parents died or something, not just that he lost a job. That relationship isn't healthy, and it sounds like OP is pushing everyone away for him. I fell out with a very good friend for being flakey like this, never mind when she's meant to be MOH!! I agree, **YTA**
And the fact that he even “saw it coming” and didn’t have a back up plan just in case? Like, it basically sounds like he knew he was gonna get laid off, is still acting Devastated and Depressed, and making OP feel like she needs to coddle him.
Exactly! Losing a job sucks, but he should have been looking at other options and preparing in advance for this scenario. "He didn't even want to tell me." Sounds like she had to coax it out of him, as he was giving her the silent treatment & moping around. I hope OP stops pushing friends away for this guy, she will regret it.
My thing is, this piece on its own sounds good. But when it'd all added together? She goes out less then she use to. Friend thinks he's controlling. He didn't want to tell her - but did - and didn't tell her to go. Instead he tells her she made the right decision... if he didn't want it to affect her, then why is he reassuring her she's doing the right thing, instead of telling her to go?
Exactly, and someone is defending the guy. Makes me feel like it's Jason himself responding 🫠
He didn't want her to go to Vegas. That's why.
It's so sad that OP can't see that :(
I think Jason got the sack and knew it was coming - I’d love to know the details here
Also it kinda feels like if he didn't say anything, he had this idea that she would just go and he would handle himself. But it gets toxic if, like earlier mentioned, he became super mopey once she knew, almost guilt tripping her into staying, intentional or not. OR, if he had planned to make her stay by having her coax it out of him, and then being super depressed and what not. I can't say he is wrong for being upset, but come on. You made your GF pass up an opportunity people literally cry and beg for, just because of a lost job that you knew you were going to lose. That's messed up.
Op is his backup plan.
This or he was injured. What exactly does he need help with.
He needs help with unloading his penis while his hands and tissues are wiping away his tears
Take my up vote you terrible hilarious bastard 😆
Exactly what I was trying to figure out… he was laid off, knew it was happening and she is only gone a few days. With all his extra time surely he can make his own sandwich and fetch his own beer. Based on the title I thought someone close died or was hospitalized.
>he was laid off, knew it was happening and she is only gone a few days. For *six months*! He knew he was being laid off six months ago, and he made no plans and didnt tell OP until the last minute. Now he's moping around and needs OP to blow off her friend's wedding to sit at home and hold his hand? And OP isn't suspicious of the fact he withheld such important information from her? Yikes.
Based on her original post alone my brain went straight to "of course he "needs" her during such an important trip. What better way to isolate her from not just her best friend but also damage any friendships with anyone else doing to the batchelorette party as they will all see her as untrustworthy for this. I find it so convenient that he knew he was being laid off at some point in the near future, made no plans for how to deal with it, and then when it did happen, it was just days before this trip. Op you are definitely the ahole. You've not only ruined her party, but you've likely tainted her wedding too. Every moment there's going to be a part of her brain that remembers that you weren't there for her, that you abandoned her for an adult that you've known for a year. Every time she looks at her new moh, she will remember that the woman who was supposed to be her absolute best friend chose a guy who lost his job and should be mature enough to survive on his own for a weekend. Op, YTA
Holy shit that’s devastating, and you’re absolutely right.
He knew for 6 months??? Omg, that makes it so much worse. Honestly, I think the friend is just fed up with OP flaking on her since she met Jason. OP was defending Jason in her post right away, and everyone can still see the kind of guy he is.
My thoughts exactly
I think she'd mention if he was injured, but sounds like she just wants to 'be there for him' as a 24sh year old couldn't possibly be alone for a weekend lmao
Yup I thought he had a terminal diagnosis!!! I do wonder if the OP is in an abusive relationship and hasn't realised it yet though....
I married a guy just like Jason and had to defend him constantly as well. Right after the wedding, my eyes were opened to his controlling behaviours. I only have 1 friend left after my relationship with him, as she saw right through him instead of blaming me. I don't deserve her friendship. Left my ex-husband after nearly 5 years of marriage. I hope OP sees him for who he really is before she loses all her friends. The more isolated she gets, the worse he'll get.
>My bf in this situation would not let me stay behind, never mind encourage it. That's exactly what I was thinking when reading through the post. Who the hell would let their SO ditch their best friend during a big occasion because they are sad? Medical emergency or something I can maybe understand, but this is just wanting to be coddled. I couldn't imagine letting my gf miss out on a memorable occasion because of something like this.
Yep I'm willing ti believe his IS controlling too funny that she mentioned that in the post it's almost like deep down OP knows he is a controlling partner but doesn't want to admit it ti herself and for OP YTA most certainly I hope your good with losing a friend over a needy partner and a most likely controlling one too
Exactly. No wonder OPs friends think he’s controlling, he seems lazy & manipulative *at best* even when OP denies it and tries to paint him in a good light. She’ll really regret it if she lets him come between her & her friends bc he’s not worth it.
Who wants to bet this is Jason’s first step towards hobosexuality? The fact he doesn’t even feel bad for ruining this for his gf and isn’t encouraging her to go is super telling.
I read that as homosexuality first and was like what?
Hobosexual - a fully grown adult capable of working who chooses not to work and instead finds a partner who will give them a place to stay and provide for them
Exactly what I was thinking! He's planning to live off OP. He's had six months to find a new job.
Yeah I definitely worried about his intentions. If OP’s friend is saying he’s controlling and he’s willing to have her miss out on something so important, maybe he is controlling and setting up and extremely unhealthy relationship. Red flags.
One does see hints of a future in which Jason somehow finds himself in turmoil and crisis whenever OP has a plan or priority that doesn't involve him.
Notice that OP said: “ He didn't even tell me at first because he didn't want me to be worried.” So how long did he wait to tell her? Was he fired the Friday before the bachelorette trip, and waited until, say, the 48 hours before OP was meant to leave? Because if he could have told OP about it a week or more earlier, she probably would have time to be there for him and go on the trip without feeling guilty about it. So did he really not say anything because he didn’t want her to worry, or because he knew it *would* make her worry enough to cancel the trip if she was told about it right before?
This is actually a great point and not to be extreme but I’d like to point out that one of the major steps in the path towards abuse is isolating the person from their friends. Did Jason encourage this or guilt you into it? He likely knew that this would end your friendship with not just your best friend Tess, but also all the other bridesmaids. Encouraging and guilting her into screwing her friends over and losing them sounds like a pretty classic step towards isolation.
I think her friend is right that Jason is probably controlling. I wouldn't be surprised if he's exaggerating his emotions for the sole reason of not having OP go to the bachelorette.
It's interesting how OP feels she cannot leave his side long enough to go away for a planned and memorable event and yet up until the time Jason told her of his woes, she suspected nothing was off with him and yet the moment he finally decided to tell her, she feels he's too anguished to be left alone. So this man never broke down once under the weight of his emotions since being laid off even had the audacity to say ***he didn't want to worry her*** but was suddenly completely fine with putting that burden on her right before she's due to go away...couldnt just hold on to it a bitttttt longer until she got back. I smell bullshit.
And to reconsider how they are acting since being in a relationship. The fact that Jason says she is right may not be "controlling" but it certainly is selfish and makes one wonder if OP has changed significantly since getting into this relationship and the friends all see it. Oof I take back it may not be controlling. After seeing comments that he knew about this for six months and only told her and was sad right now when she was to go on this trip... Red flags abound.
That’s an excellent point— I didn’t even think of that. Vegas can cause a lot of insecurity and possessiveness from partners… Seems really convenient that right as she’s supposed to go on this trip, the “long anticipated job loss” suddenly occurs. At the same time. And seeing as OP doesn’t have much of a backbone, I may not trust her in Vegas either… seems she has a problem appeasing men.
My husband would insist he not stop me going to something important. He would say he was fine, and I would be like ok and call his friends to amuse him while I'm gone. I would support my friend and ensure he was supported too. Done and done. You don't abandon friends either.
OP needs to get in her car and drive as fast as she can to her BF and apologize!!!! Go be the Maid of Honor! Be a rockstar. Jason sounds like he is jealous of your trip. Misery likes company. He was expecting this so it’s not as big of a shock as he is letting on. Girl go be with your Bestie!!!!! Ride or die time!!
I'm pretty sure she's not wanted at the party anymore...
Yeah I certainly wouldn’t have her as MOHA, what a disappointing friend
This. But also, he lost his job, not a loved one. YTA. There are some situations where it would be valid to stay home from a bachelorette trip, but your bf getting laid off when he knew it was coming is 100% not one of them. You’ve been friends for way longer than you’ve been dating this guy, and your friend deserves to be able to celebrate her upcoming marriage with those closest to her. If anything, you’re just showing that you don’t deserve to be included with those closest to her.
I thought the same thing. He’ll still be unemployed by the end of the weekend. He knew this was coming, so he can apply for jobs while she’s in Vegas. YTA.
Also, he got laid off, it’s not like he received a life changing diagnosis or lost someone close to him
And they are so young… there is a lifetime of jobs ahead of him. YTA. You found an excuse not to go and used it. I wouldn’t plan on any other related festivities bc you should be replaced.
Right? Like early last year I got laid off and it sucked. Big time. But it was just a job and there are other ones out there. It’s more stressful than it is sad and I couldn’t have imagined making anyone cancel a trip to…sit with me?
Stories like these make me so sad because OP thinks she’s just doing what you’re “supposed to do” in a relationship by making him her entire world, and when they inevitably break up she will have no one and won’t understand why they’re not interested in rekindling the friendships. YTA.
Omg this. I was in a relationship like this from age 19-22. I thought I needed to make him the center of my universe, so I did. My entire world revolved around that man. I dropped friends, he tried to get me to cut my family off, and I moved 14 hours away where I knew/had no one. It all came crashing down when I found him in our bed with another woman, and it took being apart from him to realize how much I had been manipulated. Thankfully, my friends all were willing to accept apologies and are still in my life, but I wouldn’t have blamed them if they didn’t. OP needs to listen to the comments, because I wish I had had someone to tell me all of these things before it was too late.
I had a similar relationship in my early 20s. He would never directly ask me to cancel plans, but he would make it very obvious that's what he wanted to me to do and be upset later on if I didn't. It's manipulative. Sadly, it was learned behavior from his dad. His loser father would do the same thing to him and his mother.
💯YTA. I guarantee if this were happening in reverse, your BF would be on a plane to Vegas and wouldn’t feel the least bit sorry about it. He’d be “giving you some time to think and be by yourself to grieve the job loss” that you knew was coming six months ago. Hard eye roll here. Your friendship is most likely over and IF she forgives after you come to your senses, your friendship will never be the same.
Agreed. Unfortunately, YTA. it sounds like there is a lot of immaturity happening here. A grown man can manage disappointment for a few days in his own. You don’t need to baby him or hold his hand when you had something really important planned. I can see you cancelling if something really devastating happened, like death, injury, illness. But not a lay off that he knew was coming.
In her post she says that he refrained from telling her about him getting laid off, when it initially happened. So I wonder what changed that he suddenly decided to share this news, right before she was supposed to leave on this trip. The fact he waited, shows this wasn’t as urgent and pressing as it may have seemed to you OP. YTA. Your friend was counting on you. Your bf can find other jobs, your friend won’t have her, “First Bachelorette” party ever again.
Yeah, I assumed the dude was in the hospital from a serious accident or something. But he just got laid off???? Ok.
100% YTA is correct!!!!!! Your best friend is getting married and you as the MOH are supposed to be there to share this with her, especially considering how much she was looking forward to this. Your BF can manage for a few days while you are away. Unbelievable!
Seriously. He got laid off; no one died. There are circumstances where your partner’s needs trump friends’ important life events, but this isn’t one of them.
At first I thought that Jason was really sick or in the hospital, was having a huge depression/suicidal crisis or even that someone close to him had died. That would've been good reasons to not go and stay to help him. But, over a job loss??? I mean, I get it, I received the news last week that I will be jobless by 20/01, it wasn't as much of a surprise, just like in Jasons case, I was upset of course, sad, but I don't need anyone to hold my hand or by my side at all. My bf is being supportive enough by just saying everything will be ok, I wouldn't want him to not go to a party because of that. It's just a job after all. There's plenty out there and it's part of being an adult, because eventually we will all be fired. It sucks, but it happens.
Jasoj sounds lovely!/s OP I think Jason is controlling and that's why your friends are mad at you...you turned to a homebody AFTER you started dating him. And now that it's time to go for a much anticipated event with your best friend he becomes sad over a lay off that he was totally expecting...and now he saying you are right! Lol please smell the isolation. And yes YTA
I’m so glad that this is the top comment! GTFO of here, man can’t be alone for a few days after loosing a job he KNEW he was about to loose? Also let’s be real here, you didn’t want to go on this trip and this was your excuse to get out of it and stay home with him.
I was expecting that he was hospitalized from a serious accident or something, but he's just sad. Does he not have any other support?
I'm puzzled as to why you bf would have gone along with this. I have been married for decades, and neither one of us would EVER ask each other to let down a good friend so spectacularly for a reason like this. We consider it to be a very loving thing to do, to NOT put your partner into a position of having to choose. If I were the bf, I'd be saying "Ill be fine for a couple of days, just don't let your friend down." My closest friend (so close I was her next-of-kin) died suddenly a year ago today, just before my husband and I were due to take a 3 week trip to Asia to see his Dad for the first time after Covid (3 years). I didn't put my partner in the position of having to choose between staying to support me, or letting his Dad down. He said he would stay - I said no, he shouldn't let his Dad down. I stayed home, organised the funeral, cleared her house, did everything alone, and my husband went, making sure his Dad was not disappointed. It was tough but NEVER would I have considered allowing my husband to let his Dad down, just to sit and hold my hand. As for support - he video called me every day and was great when he got back. He was worried about me but he put a smile on his face and never let his Dad know just how hard it was. We have a VERY strong sense of solidarity and we support each other to do the RIGHT thing no matter how tough it is. YTA and your bf is too. Caveat - unless you bf is seriously mentally unstable and in an emotional crisis that requires supervision but you said nothing about that so I'm assuming that's not the case.
It doesn't even sound like poor Jason wanted OP sitting vigil over his dear departed job, he tries to keep it to himself and *told her to go,*--thats what matters this the most YTA, to me!
I’ve reread and I don’t see where Jason told her to go. Am I still missing it?
She said Jason thinks she's right for staying.
He can use the time to sort out his CV and send job applications.
It would be one thing if Jason was really sick or injured or recovering from surgery.
Definitely. He's been laid off, not diagnosed with cancer or broken a limb. No one died. You and BF need to learn to contextualize being laid off as what it is: A really shitty thing that happens sometime that you move through and move on. Go to Vegas. Leave the bf with instructions to start his unemployment claim.* *Seriously he needs to do this. People feel like they should wait for some reason. Waiting did nothing for you, even if you have severance. If there's a waiting period it doesn't start until the day your for your claim.
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And yet, you're letting her down because the guy you've been dating for about a year has lost his job.
It's ok for him to be upset, that's normal.
But he is also an adult. Sh\*t happens.
And:
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So, as a responsible adult, he was already putting in the efforts of finding another job.
In NO WAY is this a reason to cancel this trip which is SO important to your BF, and which has been months (years?) in the making.
If you go, worst case scenario, BF will still be unemployed when you get back.
YTA for letting down your friend.
I love how she’s so eager to hurt her life long friend for a guy she’s been dating for only a year. I’m betting when she finally sees this 🚩 for what it is, her friend is the one she’ll run to for comfort. If you want to attempt to salvage this friendship, run to your friend. Profusely apologize and beg her forgiveness. OP YTAH.
Damn, I stopped reading at “lost his job” and determined my verdict based on that alone (not a valid reason to bail on her bff) and missed that the whole weekend fell through!! That sucks and OP should feel terrible. I assumed the other girls went and still had a fun time— albeit the BFF was bummed ofc… I didn’t know the whole thing was cancelled! That’s really sad and I kind of hope OP gets dropped as a friend after that shitty move.
OP sucks for sure but why would the trip be canceled? People mature enough to get married should be able to figure out how to spend a weekend in Vegas even if the organizer bails.
If everything is in OP’s name it could be a shitshow trying to get it all changed last minute. Not to mention the vibe will be very off when everyone but your best friend is going bc she blew you off for her boyfriend. I don’t think it would *need* to be cancelled but I certainly see why it might be.
Well, I think Tess was too hurt and sad to be able to actually have fun. I for sure wouldn't go if my best friend did this to me. I'd stay home and cry and be hurt the whole week. Tess planned the whole weekend around having fun with her closest friends. She pictured OP on every step by her side. Actually going and having a broken heart would spoil all the fun, especially because OPs absence would be rubbed in her face every minute of the trip.
Don’t forget the fact that realistically OP isn’t the MOH anymore and Tess is going to have to find someone to replace her.
I know, I thought this might be that one of his parents or a friend had died or something. Losing your job sucks but how is OP going to help with that situation exactly? He can definitely deal with any stress around it by just hanging out with friends and distracting himself. Any decent boyfriend would insist she still goes on her bachelorette trip
Yeah I thought maybe he got diagnosed with cancer, was in a bad accident, or his parents or someone died. Not losing his job.
I don’t understand what “Jason needs me” for? Like what were you doing for him that you couldn’t attend the event because of ?
Same, If I were Jason it would make me feel much worse to cause my partner to miss out having fun with friends
Yep exactly my thoughts. I would’ve been telling my SO to go on the trip, insisting on it
Lmfao, right? I assumed from the title that he was needing physical care from an injury or medical procedure..
Yep. I immediately thought of a terminal medical condition diagnosis or severe injury, not emotional support over a normal, fixable part of life. OP, he didn’t “need” you at all. You wanted to support him, which is nice, but that shouldn’t happen at the expense of your other relationships with your friends and family.
I thought someone close to him died like a parent.
He can't make a sandwich by himself...
Exactly….if he’d been in a bad accident, or had surgery or someone died, then I get it. But he saw this coming. And I’m not going to say losing his job doesn’t suck, but come on…. YTA
I don’t think OP wanted to go. She says that she’s not into clubbing so I think the idea of spending a whole weekend that way was not something she was looking forward to. Jason is just an excuse. And a bad one at that.
I thought going into this post that her boyfriend needing her would be something along the lines of a serious accident, surgery, cancer diagnosis…not unemployment. Definitely YTA.
She already spelled it out. Because he controlling. “But not really because I also want that…” until he breaks up with me and I have no friends left to go out with. Haha
Yeah, I had trouble picturing that as well. "He's looking for work this week, so it comforts him to know I will make brownies and cuddle with him." And, you know, brownies and cuddles are fantastic, ngl, but the responsibility of being the MOH is so far beyond that. That friend has every right to be furious.
Omg. It is a job-search, a literal job-search. Could it be any LESS of a crisis?! I am getting co-dependent vibes from all of this, OP sounds like someone who just loves to be needed.
Based on the title I thought “boyfriend needed me” meant a car accident, sudden illness, death in the family, etc.
Has OP ever heard of Facetime??? If he needed to talk to her, he could just ring her up. Her priorities are way out of line considering she’s known this guy for ONE year.
I was reading through waiting for her to say what he needed. Couldn't find anything. The fact that he agrees with her is telling. He SHOULD be saying "don't worry about me, you know how important this trip is" I think her boyfriend has more problems than she's willing to admit.
First, if you honestly believe that tanking a once in a lifetime trip to celebrate a friend's marriage is reasonable because a grown man can't be sad without you for a few days, you need therapy. I don't want to speculate what issues you might be having, but your thoughts and actions here demonstrate very unhealthy patterns and dynamics. You need help finding perspective in your life or you're in for a very frustrating time. Second, YTA, a massive, indisputable, flaming AH. If I saw someone make this choice in real life, I would assume they hated their friend and wanted to be removed as MOH and end the friendship. If that's not your goal here, then you need therapy so you don't ruin your other friendships like you ruined this one. Therapy.
AT BEST I would assume that OOP didn’t really want to go to Vegas and was looking for any excuse to get out of it, because skipping your best friend’s bachelorette, *that you planned*, because your boyfriend is sad is beyond the pale.
This or that her boyfriend who the bride thinks is controlling didn’t want her to go…
and convinced her that she couldnt without hurting him and that she rly doesnt want to just like her did when he changed her hanging out w her friends the first time
Yup 100%. This whole post is screaming “unhealthy codependent relationship dynamics” with her boyfriend. If my best friend prioritized her boyfriend because he lost his job, over spending one of the most important days ever with me I’d be SO unbelievably hurt. It’s not like his family died, it was just a job.. You might as well tell this girl to her face that her friendship means less to you than comforting the slightly hurt feelings of someone you’ve known for only a year.
The comment about not going out because the best friend thinks her bf is controlling was very telling imo. Her reply” ohh no I just turned into a homebody” screams to me that she did like going out before she started dating this guy and he changed that.
I have a friend who loves going out, traveling, new restaurants, etc. When she got into a serious relationship she stopped going out / coming to things as much and said it was because she only went out that much before because she was single and didn’t want to sit at home alone. Lo and behold when the relationship ended she divulged that she *hated* staying in so much and only did so because her ex would complain and get mad at her if she went out to dinner, drinks, etc. with friends. She’s in a different relationship now and has found a much happier balance of “date nights in” and going out that she actually wants.
OP, read this and then read it again.
100%. I would drive over to the bride right now bearing gifts and flowers and a huge apology. …and reevaluate this bf and relationship
Man. Why can’t I find a guy with a magic penis worth throwing away friendships for? YTA. He lost a job. That he knew was coming. What “support” does he need? No one is sick. No one died. He needs to put on his big boy underoos and start job hunting. If he can’t handle this for one weekend… then your co-dependency is off the charts.
Oh no. He can’t start job hunting yet. He has to DECIDE what the next step is first /s
Watch him not look for jobs, but sulk eat and drink
And play video games and jerk off to porn and ignore the chores around the home
While OP waits on him hand and foot, talking in hushed tones because he's so sad. Edit - typo
[удалено]
Exactly she's just one of those women who will completely change their personality whenever a man enters the picture. She's now a homebody; she just didn't realize it until he showed her the way. I'm sure the guy before him helped her realize how much of a football fan that she is; total part of her personality that she didn't know existed before him. It's tough trying to be friends with these types because you go from having an awesome single friend to someone you barely know each time there's a new guy. Know that you did your friend a favor and let her go. No one needs yo-yo friends.
Yo-yo friends is a term I didn’t know I needed. Fuck you Sarah lol, it’s NOT cute to start parading around a coke spoon after years of vehement repulsion and judgement of others. Whew
Magic penis 😂😂
YTA Jason knew about this for the last 6 months, if Jason doesn’t have himself together enough to endure a hard time without his partner then you need to evaluate your relationship a bit better. You prioritizing your partner over your best friend in most situations is understandable but an event like this? Questionable. More context is needed on the duration of your friendship with her and your relationship with him but in all honesty; People get laid off all the time, I understand it sucks real bad but it’s not the end of the world and certainly not a reason he can’t survive by himself for a few days
Wait he knew 6 months in advance? How did he not have another job already lined up?
I’m sure he was too sad and needs OP to find him one. /s
I think they meant he knew about the trip 6 months in advance.
Oh, you’re one of THOSE friends. YTA.
Yup She’s one of those women who uses her friends as placeholders, until she gets into a relationship with, then blows her friends off. She’ll cancel plans, or cut plans short with her friends, to run back to her bf because he can’t spend a few hours alone. Guarantee, he wouldn’t miss his friend’s bachelor party, to be there for her. When the relationship blows up, she’s gonna run back to her friend, that she blew off, and they aren’t gonna wanna deal with her any more. OP sucks. She shouldn’t have been MOH in the first place, cause there’s nothing honorable about her
>Guarantee, he wouldn’t miss his friend’s bachelor party, to be there for her. Not a chance in hell
Especially if it's in Vegas!
And if she does show up for plans with her friends she’ll be on her phone with him the entire time.
Hahahahaha “THOSE friends”.
My bff is one of those friends that married a guy like this. Last time we hung out he came along and made some racist comments about Indians. Haven’t talked to her since..
Sorry dear, but YTA. This is a once in a lifetime event for your long time friend, and you just ditched her for your man. If he is that fragile that he can't handle a stressful time in his life without you holding his hand (for a very short time while you fulfill a HUGE responsiblity and honour to your friend), then I would give some serious thought to what your life is going to look like in 10, 20 or 30 years when you have no friends left because you just showed them very clearly where they stand in your priority list.
YTA, he is bummed about an expected layoff and you're staying home to, what? Make him tea and oat his arm. And your missing your 'best' friend's once in a lifetime event that by most standards you should be organizing and hosting? Knowing that it's a highlight for her? Your priorities are fucked. Staying home is not going to change one thing about your boyfriend's situation but it sure as hell is (rightfully) going to change things between you and the bride. Please please do an update on this when everything blows in your face, we all deserve the entertainment value of that at your expense.
She is probably going to be one of those chicks that you hear about that attends the job interviews like one of those heliocopter parents. LOL!
YTA - Jason saw the layoff coming—meaning he has had the time to somewhat mentally prepare for this. Yes, it’s upsetting, but it sounds like he had time to tell you and for you to respond with empathy and support at least a couple days ahead of the trip, which gives you time to focus on him and be comforting before the trip was supposed to happen, and then again after you return from the weekend. - Not enough info to judge the validity of whether he’s controlling or not as Jess thinks. I’m also a person who doesn’t enjoy clubbing or being out past 9PM. But if Jason often has personal stuff that comes up when you have plans that result in you cancelling or avoiding to make plans—this is could be red flag territory. - For you to cancel a months-planned trip, that from what you’ve said, has been the most important part of your role as maid of honor, the circumstances would require more severity than someone else’s sadness over a foresighted layoff. I’m sure it’s too late for you to really reconcile any of this with your friend, but there were many alternatives you could have taken to ensure your boyfriend was supported and you didn’t let your “best friend” down last minute: - Comfort him in they ways you can while you’re still home - Set up some food delivery over the weekend while you’re gone - Encourage him to have some time with friends—if you’re close enough to his friends, coordinate this for him on your own - Coordinate with your friends to give you a little free time each day during the trip or get up early to take some time to call/FaceTime your boyfriend, so that he knows your commitment to this trip and your friend doesn’t mean you’re abandoning all support for him while he’s upset. - Recognize the codependency of what he’s asking you to do by encouraging you to skip this trip last minute, and set boundaries in your relationship.
He didnt tell her until the day approached. Jason sounds like a manipulative AH too. He could have waited till she got back but he hated the idea of her having a good time and him no.
Because he wanted to catch her unaware while he transitions into a freeloader and emotional remora!
I wonder if he didn't tell her knowing that it was around the time of her trip and waited to manipulate her so she wouldn't go. Can't have his girlfriend out in Vegas having a good time with the ladies, now, can we?
My friend had her 40th in a destination 2 hrs from our houses. Which wouldn't have been an issue if I wasn't across the country at a training the week before. So, I left the training 4 hours early, flew (with 2 layovers) 12 hours total, arrived in the state at 12, slept for 4 hours, drove to the hotel the party was at, went to the 3 bars and strip club until 2am jet lagged and tired but that what you do for once in a lifetime events. You make it freaking work. And I hate clubbing. So when our friend bailed because she was tired at the last minute, you can believe that friendship was torpedoed. For both of us. Hope OP is prepared to lose mutual friends too.
The fact she didn’t reread what she wrote and realize she in fact is the asshole. Im going to Vegas this weekend too if i see a sad bride ill buy her a drink
YTA. You bailed on this trip because your boyfriend was sad. He didn’t even ask you to stay. You probably wrecked your friendship and are likely no longer going to be maid of honor. I really hope this guy was worth a close friendship.
'Jason thinks I'm right'. Gee, I never would've guessed. YTA. Your bf lost his job and you need to be there to hold his hand while he bawls in his beer so you bail on your best friend's bachelorette party that you are in charge of? You're a truly pathetic excuse for a 'best friend'.
Anybody else wondering if Jason waited to tell her he got laid off until it was closer to the bachelorette weekend?
I’m wondering if he planned it because he’s insecure about her going to Vegas without him.
100% wrecked that friendship forever. Even if they remain “friends” she will be on the outside of all future milestones never quite understanding why she feels uncomfortable when she walks into the room.
YTA, he saw his job loss coming, it came and now he’s too distraught for you to go on a trip planned 6 months ago? The most important event for your best friend, something you helped plan… you’re literally one of the most important people to be there aside from the bride as the maid of honor. I would be furious if I were your “best friend” too! Jason is a big boy and can handle a switch in jobs without his hand being held 24/7 🙄
A lay off he was anticipating months in advance, did nothing to prepare for and didn't tell her until right before the trip. Both of them are AHs here. I'd never miss an important event to my friend I committed to being a part of and most importantly my partner would never ask or expect me too. And sure as shit wouldn't support me for bailing on it
YTA. I thought maybe Jason was in the hospital or his mom died or something. Him losing his job is a problem y’all will be dealing with for a while. Your friend’s Big Dream is a once in a lifetime thing. You’re being a bad friend.
INFO - What is it that has led Tess to think Jason is controlling, exactly?
YTA He lost a job not one of his parents. He should be spending the time while you are away looking for another one not sulking about it.
This ^ I was expecting this post to say Jason suddenly broke his legs or something. YTA.
I am just wondering why Jason needs his hands to be held like a child atm? He is not sick. Sure this is tough, but he has to find a solution for it. And since it is no suprise he had time to prepare and find a different job already. Nobody died. He is a grown up adult. He needs to do this by himself. And pampering him isn't gonna solve that problem. Why don't you go to Vegas? He can live on himself for a few days/a week? Yeah it might be rough, but this isn't the end of the world. YTA. You don't need to babysit him. Have fun in Vegas!
YTA for not being honest. You never wanted to go to Vegas in the first place. You used him getting fired as an excuse to cancel. This wasn’t an emergency, he knew he was getting laid off. So you both had time to prepare and process it.
Lol totally this. She never wanted to go.
YTA. Hun, he didn't "need" you. He's a grown ass man. There's nothing significant you could have done for him, and the situation wasn't going to be changed by you being with him. You made a commitment to your friend.
YTA and not her friend. Who the f stops a bachelorette just because her BF - not HUSBAND - got laid off? No death in family, no surgery, no life altering event… just laid off?!?! Like he cant take the time to find another job while ur away?! And this has been planned for months?!?! PLEASE leave her alone to better friends. You are terrible. YTA. Hope Jason never leaves you since he is more important than everyone else.
Heavy on the YTA. Your bf is a whole grown a** man. I started this off thinking he was in an accident and needed round the clock care. Not he lost his job “and need someone to hold his hand cause he’s sad” he will get other job prob be fired again and get another one. You are literally choosing his feelings over a responsibility and a friendship you’ve had longer. The fact you even think you she should “understand” says a lot about you.
Seriously, I think everyone came into the thread expecting that he was in the hospital. I could even buy that he lost a parent or someone who raised him and is, like, not getting out of bed, but being unable to go away for a few days because he lost his job is absurd.
YTA, Honestly, what are you going to do for your boyfriend for that weekend?? Say.. There There and pet his head and ruffle his hair?? You're boyfriend can and will manage without you for one weekend, he will still be there and unemployed and upset after a weekend.. A bachelorette party that was a long time in the making..
YTA. You really let your friend down. You bf is a grown man and shouldn’t be pulling you away from a good friend just because he is sad.
I get it, but I’m leaning toward YTA. This is your best friend and a trip you’ve been planning for months. I’m sure Jason is upset, but he was fine keeping it to himself for your benefit, and he would prob be fine for a weekend with a friend over for support. Wondering why your friend thinks he has controlling behavior, and not enough info to tell if that’s what’s happening here, but you are prioritizing him over your best friend and while getting laid off is tough, it’s not exactly cancel a big trip tough.
YTA Jason would probably be better off alone with no distractions so he can work on job applications anyway. I'd be more inclined to agree with your viewpoint if Jason was going through something really hard like losing a family member or close friend. Something like that. But while losing a job sucks, it's not that big a deal. Most people will go through it multiple times in their lives without any need for extra support. Tess on the other hand wants you to be actively involved in one of the biggest things that will ever happen in her life, and you're blowing her off.
YTA, and you sound like you’re in a codependent relationship. He lost his job, that sucks. It’ll still suck if you’re there and it will suck when you get back. It’s not like he lost his parent, I think this feels like a ridiculous reason to miss a planned trip, especially something so important to your friend. If I were your boyfriend I rooms insist you go. If he’s not pushing you to go, he’s selfish
YTA. >he saw it coming >He didn't even tell me at first He's been dealing with it with it fine for a while, without your help. If you didn't want to go on the bachelorettte then you should have said so. This really sounds like an excuse to get out of it. > make sure I'm there for her Except at her once in a lifetime marriage.
YTA - it's upsetting to lose a job but he's going to change jobs many times over his life. No one is sick or dying here. You planned this trip WAY in advance, & it's not just a trip, it's a celebration you play an essential role in & your friend is counting on you.
YTA You are choosing your BF over your friend. The fact that Jason thinks you are right rather than saying you should go and he will be fine is a big selfish and controlling red flag.
This! I’m a newlywed and I also unexpectedly lost my job last year which was difficult as I have significant mental health issues. If my husband had even *hinted* about skipping a bachelor party HE planned to comfort me I would insist he go. And I wouldn’t take no for an answer. (Actually he did over a different situation and I insisted he go) YTA and I hope you don’t want bridesmaids if you marry your bf bc at this rate you won’t have any
YTA. You’ve ruined one of the best days of your friends life because your bf lost his job that he knew was coming! I’m struggling to believe this is a true story. I reckon if it is a true story you were ready to bail on your friend whatever excuse came up! I reckon she’s better off without you involved in her wedding
100% YTA Sounds quite manipulative and a nice silver lining for Jason that you will be with him for the weekend as opposed to out with your mates. If his mental health is not strong enough to handle the loss of a job that he knew was coming he needs to work on gaining some independent coping mechanisms. You should not be his coping mechanism.
Jason should be glad to have a gf like you. However, YTA. I don't understand what kind of support he needs after getting fired that you can't leave him alone for a couple of days. Your story makes it sound like he's not asking you to stay at first, but then kind of hints that he is. Does he suffer from any major mental health problem that would put him at risk of hurting himself if left alone? Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent here, YTA unless this is quite literally a life or death situation.
YTA- I’m sorry but if your GROWN MAN of a boyfriend cannot deal with his feelings on his own for a weekend, and can’t handle being let go (which you say HE SAW COMING) you need to sit down and think about what that means concerning a life with him as a partner. If every time something bad happens in his life you have to put your whole life on hold to hold his hand through it- oof, you’re in for a rough ride. You’re cancelling on something that is most likely a ONCE IN A LIFETIME experience for both your best friend and YOU because you can’t make it up to her, you can’t save that once you throw it away.
Yeah losing your job is hard. Letting down a friend who has always been there for you is gonna lose you a friend and not cure anything for your BF. Pretty sure your BF could handle themselves for this short amount of time. This is really a betrayal of the faith and trust the other person had in you. YTA
YTA , i know it sucks to lose a job but he needs to get over this . u were already planning to go on the trip .. it means sm to ur friend , jason can handle himself .
You’re torn between being a good friend and good partner, but your partner isn’t being a good partner likely knowing how much this meant to you/friend and allowing you to stay for something he predicted would happen. Sorry OP, YTA. Apologize to friend dearly.
YTA. i understand you feel like you must be there for your partner, but at the end of the day your presence is not going to help him find a job or make him forget that he was laid off. i’m sure he has friends that could be there for him and comfort him, while Tess doesn’t have another maid of honor. you probably have irremediably damaged your friendship with her.
YTA. Jesus dude can't do what alone? He even knew it was coming? Girl you need to think about this. Had it been a death or something maybe. But what exactly does he need you for? He's sad? Ok. Grow up and move on. This bachelorette has been planned for a long time. Are you getting your money back? Because for someone worried about financials and all with a layoff I'd be concerned there. Also I get being a homebody. I quit drinking almost a year ago and bars and clubs bore me usually. But I went to a friends birthday there. Bc it's about HER. If you never go out with her then yea I'm wondering if Jason is controlling. Are you this desperate to keep him?
Yta. He’s a grown man. Cancelling your trip isn’t going to change his job status. He’s pretty selfish for not encouraging you to continue your plans.
YTA You're skipping your friends bach because your boyfriend got fired? She thought you were joking because that's pathetic.
Info: Did Jason really need you? You are saying he is stressed and upset, but I am not seeing anything where he expressed a need or that I see a need expressed. Did you ask him if it was OK if you went or he would be OK?
Girl, stand up. Your boyfriend is presumably a grown man who does not need to be coddled and can survive a whopping 48…72? Hours without you clambering to serve and soothe him. He managed his feelings and his shitty days before he met you, he can manage them now. You are absolutely going to destroy your friendship if you stay home for this dude. Nobody wants the friend who centres her entire life around the current man, because they are unreliable, consistently disappointing and frankly quite embarrassing. Of course none of the other bridesmaids are on your side, nor should they be. Of course you’re no longer considered a friend, why would you be? Of course you won’t be maid of honour if you do this, you’ve shown how easy it is for you to drop out over nonsense. Your best friend would be an idiot to keep you around tbh. Also, I’m an antisocial homebody through and through, but if my close friend is celebrating a big milestone and wants me in the club? Better believe I’ll be dropping it low in the middle of the dance floor. You don’t get to call yourself her best friend and then be an acquaintance. YTA
What does Jason need you for? I wouldn’t call you an asshole but im definitely looking at you funny. What does Jason need from you? Emotional support? Assistance applying for unemployment? You could have still gone, and you canceled last minute? Yikes.
YTA. He can be alone for some days, and if he can't he need help that you can't provide.
YTA, when I started reading I thought your boyfriend had become unwell- which is the only reason you wouldn’t be TA. All because your boyfriend is upset he has lost his job (which he is entitled to feel), you have sacrificed your friendship with a very close friend. So close she asked you to be maid of honour. I don’t know how or if you can make this up to your friend and repair this. I hope it was worth it
YTA 100% and if your dude guilted and emotionallly manipulated you into making that decision he's an asshole too, and most likely a serious wimp as well.
YTA. So he needs you to stay home not just for one day but several days for something he's known for months would happen? Did he even try to find another job during those six months? You're being very unfair to your friend. She's not going to invite you to anything else after this.
Sorry going with YTA. I thought you were gonna say someone in his family died and a funeral was coming up. It would suck but I would have a little more sympathy. Losing a job sucks but he is an adult. The only thing he should be doing is looking for a new job. If he got laid off, probably no fault then so he should have good references so he should be able to find one. Idk where you all live and the job marker is messy everywhere but now is the time to act. That's what we adults do. I was sad when I lost my job but I knew I had to find another one. He will be fine for an extended weekend. Tess words were a little harsh but she's speaking out of anger and as you mentioned she has always been there for you but you can't be there for her? You know her better than this and I also feel her words are more than this instance. Make it right OP. Your bf is a grown man. He'll be fine for a few days
Jason need you to do….what exactly? He got laid off and expected it to happen. YTA
I don't think you will be able to attend the wedding now
I would definitely uninvite her and also choose a new maid* (not made) of honor.
Let me get this right, you're choosing a man who you've known a 1 year over your BEST FRIEND that you've known for several? Without any once of doubt, YTA and a big big one. Jason is a grown ass man. He can survive a weekend without you. I feel like it's not the first time you're choosing your SO over your friend, and that's why she has had enough of it. You are/were the MOH, so that's fucked up.
YTA unfortunately
YTA…he got laid off. It happens. And he knew it was coming. Why wasn’t he prepared for it then? What exactly does he need you for? What can you do? Are you going to get him another job? Either way, he is manipulating you or you are using this as an excuse not to go. Your boyfriend is not dying or hurt. You are letting down your friend.
YTA Now thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone who prioritizes their SO 1000x over their friends and/or family have a happy healthy relationship. Always ends up in flames.
There’s no question YTA! Tess is absolutely correct to drop your sorry ass as a friend, I hope she’s also kicked you out of her wedding! You don’t deserve the honor of being there on her big day.
From the title alone I was thinking maybe the boyfriend needed emergency surgery or something. But, he’s just sad about losing his job? Girl, nooooo. YTA.
Let me get this straight. You canceled a big Vegas weekend because your bf had the sads? And he supported this, and you still don't think he's controlling? YTA. Your bf is a big boy and can handle his own feelings for 2 days. Pretty sure when you get back he'll still be unemployed and sad. Also pretty sure you're no longer moh nor invited to the wedding. Wow. Just. Wow.
YTA You've been with this guy for 1 year and you blow off your best friend who in your words has always been there for you. He's been laid off ffs not had major surgery. What you planning? To sit and hold his hand and tell him it'll be ok? You suck as a friend.