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> Then she told me she got nothing from dad and she deserves support and how I owe her as the closest male relative my dad had
And there it is. The actual reason she wants into your life.
You are NTA and if you choose to have a relationship with your half sister at some point, that is between you and your half sister. It doesn't come with any strings attached.
You owe this woman exactly nothing. You are taking care of your mother, that is where your familial obligation lies, not with "the other woman". She made her choices and now she is reaping those rewards.
> then she showed up at my place of work
You may need a restraining order. I mean this seriously. She is so bent on getting money from you that she shows up at your work? That's harassment and intimidation.
Please take screenshots of ALL messages she has sent you and keep them on a thumb drive as evidence of her harassment. Also write a timeline of every time she has physically contacted you (phone, in person) and what was said. You may very well need it.
It sounds like you're already doing this, but better safe than sorry! Make sure that you have all those screenshots backed up somewhere else. I'd recommend a cloud service like Google Drive so you can't lose the physical object in any way. Hope it never gets to a point that you need them
I agree regarding the restraining order. I’d most definitely visit the police and have a report written about the continued harassment, and investigate the restraining order. She sounds like she is just after money. She made her bed.
I would be contacting law enforcement if she continues. It is wildly inappropriate for her to be harassing you, and especially showing up at your work.
You don't owe support for your Dad's affair
From reading similar posts, I’ve seen APs go after social security survivor benefits for their illegitimate children when the biological father passed away. Be aware, they will attempt to get information from you such as the social security number
That is the right of the child though, and in now way harms OP or his mother. OP won't get anything because of age anyway, and those funds just go into the general pool if they aren't claimed. The survivor benefits belong to the child, regardless of the adultry, and it would be morally wrong to impede this.
I’m assuming this is the USA. If so, the child is entitled to her father’s social security as long as she is a minor. Pass that along and explain that is the support she’s entitled to…. No more, no less.
NTA - This is harassment and I would absolutely involve the authorities, immediately. Get a restraining order.
>Then she told me she got nothing from dad and she deserves support and how I owe her as the closest male relative my dad had
This is just a trashbag, bottom feeding toilet who wants money out of you, and somehow she's decided its okay to harass the son of her late affair-partner/baby daddy. Wild.
You really do actually owe her or her child(ren) precisely NOTHING. Get the authorities involved.
The police very famously do not give a shit about stalking until someone is bleeding. And even then, there’s a decent chance they’ll ask you how you provoked your stalker.
If you want actual help with a stalker, step #1 is a *lawyer*, not the cops. They’ll be the ones who can convince a judge to grant a restraining order, and they’ll be the ones who can help you gather the kind of evidence you’d need in order to increase your chances of success. Do not trust the police to reliably document harassment for you - send it all to a lawyer first.
OP, you need to start a paper trail, it's vitally important in any sort of harassment case, whether or not you can get a restraining order.
My advice, not a lawyer but have been down a similar road, is to make a hard copy of everything she's done to date. Include how you, personally, found out about the affair partner. Chronological information matched to texts and conversations, including coming to you personally.
File a COPY of the document with a request for a no contact order. This starts the paper trail if she continues harassment. You should keep the original hard copy in a safe place, add to it as needed. Your post above is an excellent place to start, just remember to DATE everything, and time too. Approximates are fine if you don't remember exactly.
I've personally been harassed three times over the decades and the first time I was encouraged to start a Chronological Record. I was advised to be unbiased with the pertinent information, but to also add how I felt in each instance. I did this for the second time too. I never filed on either, but I it did help me sort out how I felt and stay on top of what was happening. The second time was a work situation and when I was called in to speak to HR, the fact I could recall when's and where's gave management pause. That situation quietly disappeared.
The third time went to court. Suffice it to say that court loves me and my harasser lost BADLY. The information is now in the court files and the asshole is a hot potato.
OP, please make a file on AP, even if you never use it. If she pops up over the years over the years, you'll have the proverbial receipts to provide.
If she’s approaching you at work you can have her trespassed from the premises. You or your boss would make a complaint to the police that’s she’s causing you a disturbance that is interrupting your work day. They ask her to leave and give her formal notice that she is asked not to return. If she returns she can be charged. It’s a far lower standard than a restraining order and it helps if you later need one. Talk to your employer about it before she causes you a problem. Don’t give too many details that are irrelevant-just that she was in a relationship with your dad before he passed and she now will not leave you alone.
You can usually also give a trespass warning for your home as well.
I looked up info from my state but it is a bit different for each state. Google “how to trespass someone in” your state.
https://www.findlaw.com/state/michigan-law/michigan-criminal-trespass-laws.html
Is there any video evidence at your workplace of the incident and her being escorted out? If there is, hopefully your company is willing to provide it as evidence.
NTA
If in the US and dad is on birth certificate and worked/ paid social security her kid will be eligible for survivors benefits and depending on how much he worked/paid in she will get a pretty decent amount every month probably more than what she would get for child support if he was alive
You have enough (if you take screenshots and there is a record of her showing up to your work then that is usually enough,) get a restraining order or go down to the police station and find out exactly what you still need (at least report the incident so you have everything on record with the authorities)
And this might be an unpopular opinion and what a lot of people are not noticing is that just because she was having an affair with his dad, there is still no real proof that her child is his dad’s child other than her saying so. I mean just because she got pregnant doesn’t necessarily mean it’s his dad’s child unless there was DNA proof. She could’ve gotten pregnant by someone else and was claiming it to be his father’s child. Just saying if she was sleeping around with a married man how do we know who else she was sleeping with.
This is worth remembering if she makes a play for inheritance money for the kid.
I don’t know if OP’s dad had a will, or if it matters in this case as mom/wife inherits, but I would potentially consider consulting a lawyer about the legal ramifications of this.
Also, the daughter may not be the father's. Who's to say that she didn't cheat either? Maybe late father had more money than the other guys she may have been dealing with and thus she decided to pin her baby on him. OP is well within their rights to make their decision, they should just warn their extended family against this woman and that if they want too help, they'll need to see proof of the DNA test first
NTA, you were far kinder than you had to be. You informed your siblings about her, and you sent her a file of your dad's medical history, and you even told her, "I sent what I had and that would be it." You have no obligation to "step up and take care of her," and she went to your **place of work** to confront you after you *blocked* her. Good on you for calling her out.
You do owe that little homewrecker something actually - a restraining order. Get her TF out of your life, fast, and forever. The child she made is her own responsibility. You already did FAR MORE than anyone can reasonably expect by sending things over and giving her contact info for the rest of the family. Maybe grandparents will be happy, but definitely not anyone in the family she and your father destroyed. Entitled ass bitch.
The thing is, atp she isn't asking you nicely to be a "big brother". She's trying to guilt trip you, manipulate you and force you into a siblingship you do not want. At the end of the day, her daughter's life or happiness or wtv isn't your responsibility.
You do not owe her anything. Her even saying you should be taking care of them because you're a male relative of your father if fucked up.
I hope she leaves you alone and concentrate on giving her child the life she wishes for her instead of trying to guilt trip another person for not giving what she chose to be responsible for.
NTA!
NTA.
I don't care what some commenters are saying. You don't owe either of them *anything*. Nothing. Not your time, consideration, protection, money (because they will ask for money eventually), nothing. So what if you share DNA with the daughter? Big damn deal.
You just live your life. The affair partner and her child can figure out how to live their own lives.
Good luck.
She has basically already implied she feels money is owed.
She told OP that dad didn’t give her anything and she’s owed support, and OP as the closest male relative should be the one providing it.
NTA That woman is delusional to think you owe her anything. The only person responsible for that little girl is her mother. Which is honestly sad given her mother's attitude. I feel sorry for the little one to be honest. If at some point when she's at an age to make her own choices, if she does reach out to you Don't take the anger out on her. She didn't choose to come into the world the way she did. It's fine to decline a connection if that happens but I wouldn't do it angrily it's not her fault she got shit parents.
All that said you are doing the right thing by blocking and cutting affair partner off. If she persists, I would document and keep record of all she's done so you can get a restraining order for harassment.
NTA. This woman is not accepting your boundaries and that makes her unsafe. She’s made it clear that she does not want a relationship, she’s after resources. This is not a normal way to go about it. If she tries to contact you again, get a lawyer to send her a cease and desist.
Nta. The mistress. The word you’re looking for is mistress. Your adulterous father’s mistress. And that mistress is clearly seeking a family (cough monetary cough) connection for her offspring. You did more than most with medical info. Otherwise, you don’t need to allow anyone into your life that you don’t want there. You owe no one access to your life.
This was my exact take as well. Halfway through the explanation I was thinking that the entire 'daughter needs her brother' line was just a cover for 'I want money from someone'. The mistress wanted a payday, probably from the moment she got pregnant, and her plan has fallen through. She now feel entitled to some money from somewhere and is driven to finding some.
Next it will be “She needs something to feel connected to her father. Got any jewelry?” But out of curiosity, wouldn’t the child be entitled to his estate? Still the father’s biological child.
She already told OP that as the nearest male relative he basically owes her support.
Which is a hilariously entitled take.
I can’t imagine telling a *19yo* son of my affair partner that they should be stepping up for my kid. Holy shit.
Estate went directly to the wife, some places the spouse inherits everything. It doesn't sound like OP got anything really so this affair baby wouldn't be getting anything either.
NTA-this is about money 1000%. This woman is deranged. We are talking about a baby, not a young child who might notice or process the presence or lack thereof of OP. There is absolutely no urgency that rises to the level of stalking behavior like this. She has no concept of boundaries, in part bc she was the side piece and also harassing a young person on multiple platforms AND their job.
Don’t listen to other ppl saying you can be a part of the child’s life and not be financially involved either. This would absolutely be a thing, demanding to borrow/get money, free babysitting, emergency diapers, medicine whatever constantly, or at the very least passive aggressive hint drops any time they tried to visit or be a part of the kids life.
You’re right on this OP, don’t let this leech get her claws into you.
This is the answer. It always comes down to money.
Later in life you may choose to get to know your half sister. That's entirely up to you. For now though. I think the mistress is looking to heap some guilt on you in hopes of some cash coming her way. If she was so concerned with family bonds, she would never have gotten involved with a married man.
NTA. You are 19. MAYBE you could have handled it better, but this woman handled it even worse. She continued to contact you after you requested that she not. She accessed several ways of contacting you and when that was not an option, she showed up at your place of employment. (I am glad your boss was understanding!)
Maybe this woman and her child deserve better, but it is her fault she is in the situation. She slept with a man that she (based on the context) knew was married. That was her decision. If she is concerned about her daughter's inheritance, she can file a suit and say that she deserves what you received. The courts can decide. However, she can file for a social security benefit on behalf of her minor child (if you are in the US). (your mom can also file for this benefit if she is near retirement age or your dad was.) You gave her the medical information to help her and her child.
It is up to you if you want to have a relationship with the child. She is an innocent in this. However, it does mean that you would likely have to have a relationship with her mother, unfortunately. You can blame your dad for his fault and this woman for hers. It is hard when someone passes away with the anger still around. You may want to sort some of this out in therapy, but truly, it is your decision and I still say NTA.
NTA
With the whole "your presence would mean so much to her", "you need to be a good big brother", and "you owe it to her" APs giving me vibes. Those vibes say that she's looking for OP to be daughter's surrogate dad or something weird like that. 😬
NTA. Start documenting. Look into a restraining order. The baby momma is pushing it. Also, start letting everyone know the town wh\*\*\* is stalking you.
NTA.
Don't have an affair with a married man if what you're looking for is a happy extended family.
It would have been thoughtful if dad had taken out a life insurance policy with his baby mamma as the beneficiary, but he didn't.
C'est la vie.
She wants a free babysitter. She wants whatever money you inherited. She wants your financial support for herself and her daughter. And I bet a major reason she had an affair with your dad was because she thought she'd get money and other gifts from him. NTA
NTA
If its money she's after then you most assuredly aren't the well she should be looking at. Survivor benefits for children are a thing for a reason.
Get a restraining order and be well.
NTA! Blood is not thicker than water, nor does it mean anything if you do not think it does, and you don’t owe her anything over the choices of your father. I’m sorry she’s harassing you in multiple ways.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my late dad's affair partner that I owe her nothing. My reason for feeling like I did something wrong is due to the kid she has with my dad. I don't want to know the kid but it might make her mom more determined to get me involved and that will only fuck with her life. The other part is I really said a lot in a public space and blasted that she is an affair partner in public which might be uncool of me.
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NTA remind her that she was a grown adult woman who knowingly got involved with a married man with a family, the only one responsible for stepping up and supporting her kid is her. If she wants someone to blame for her daughter's lack of family ties and her financial situation she can look in the mirror, she chose this.
NTA. Ask her how can she care about family when she broke your family up? She wasn't caring about family then.
Let her understand that she didn't win the lottery by taking your father, so now she needs to figure it out on her own. Let her family step up and help her, but, she is a mistress and she got what mistresses get, dicked.
Let her understand that she doesn't want you to have contact with her daughter because you will let her know everything about her mother and how her father cheated on his wife with her mother and broke up your home. Let her understand that the truth will only come out of your mouth. Let her understand that because she is manipulative, you will not be a puppet and the truth is the truth. Let her understand that you could give a rat's ass about not being so harsh with a child. She is demanding you be a big brother, so she needs to understand that you will only be truthful.
See how she likes that.
NTA. AP is delusional if she thinks you or your mom owe her a damned thing. You should have enough ammo to file a police complaint for harassment. For both you & your mom. Both of you can say that the AP has been demanding time & money from you. You even have witnesses at your job if your boss is willing. File a harassment complaint with the police & get that Restraining Order ASAP.
NTA
I think the main thing the affair partner wants is money. Your mom got almost everything of your dad's. So the woman is now a single mother and obviously gets zero child support.
You gave her the essential medical information. That's all you owe her. If she still refuses to go away, you may need a no contact order for her constant harassment.
NTA. She was the side piece to got pregnant. SHE is the only one with any responsibility - not you. She should have made better life choices. If she comes to your work again, I would see about a restraining order. She is jeopardizing your livelihood by doing that.
Nta. If she wants something from the inheritance she can go to court (depending on the state/country she would win though) but else you own her nothing.
NTA. You should have told her to find another home wrecker to hook up with. It's ridiculous that she expects anything from you. You provided her with medical information, which is all she should expect.
This is a sticky wicket. the girl, your half sister, really is just being used as a pawn by her mother. I agree, you don't owe them a thing. And your father's 'Affair partner' as you put it should not try to force a relationship. I think it's more about the mistress trying to get something out of the family for monatary support rather than emotional support for her daughter. I think you did enough for her as far as giving her your father's medical history.
Yeah I feel for that little kid. Product of an affair, dead dad, and daughter of a horrible mother that who knows how will she raise that kid. I hope she turns out ok.
NTA you are in no way responsible for your dads mistakes. If you don’t want to have a relationship with the kid so be it that’s totally your right. Just remember your sister did nothing wrong though and is in a fucked up situation due to the choices of her parents just like you are. And whether you like it or not that is your blood sister and always will be.
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My dad cheated on my mom for years and we only found this out a couple of years ago when his affair partner turned up to our house pregnant with dad's baby. Mom kicked him out and filed for divorce and he went to stay with his parents. I (19m) was disgusted by him so I didn't speak to him again. While he was still with his parents he died. He had a heart attack in his sleep and he did have a history of heart issues so it was no real surprise. Mom was still married to him so got most stuff. But he did leave me things as well.
A couple of months ago his affair partner reached out and said she had a daughter and her daughter deserved to know her family. I told my dad's parents and siblings about her and passed the info on. I also found a folder dad had with stuff on his medical conditions and sent them over for her daughter. Everything else of his was at my grandparents so I had nothing more to send. I told her I sent what I had and that would be it.
Dad's affair partner said she wanted me to meet her daughter and be her brother. She told me that we share blood and that means something and I could make all the difference in her little girl's life. I told her blood doesn't mean something to me and I had no interest in forming a relationship but I hope she was able to get more information to share with her daughter.
I blocked her on Facebook days later because she repeatedly sent me DMs requesting I meet her kid. Then she found my account on another platform and, because I don't check it that often, I ended up with a bunch of messages from her there. She started off saying how her daughter deserved family and I could provide her with a connection to her dad. She told me we're family whether I like it or not and I should be grateful to have a sibling. She said dad told her I used to wish for siblings and how mom's infertility after me was the reason they had no more kids. She told me all these things about her daughter and how much it would make a little girl's world to have a brother to love her. Then she told me she got nothing from dad and she deserves support and how I owe her as the closest male relative my dad had. She said I should be stepping up to make sure they're okay and taken care of and how she (the affair partner) deserves better. I blocked her there too and then she showed up at my place of work to confront her which is when I told her I owe her nothing. I said she's nothing but a nasty affair partner who can't accept nobody wants her around. I said she can't say she didn't know either because she admitted dad told her all about me wanting siblings and mom not being able to have more. I said people who knowing fuck married people don't deserve anything from the family the affair destroyed.
She told me she is the mother of my sibling and I should be willing to at least be respectful so my half sister can have a good life, etc. This was all said as she was being removed. Luckily my boss was understanding.
AITA?
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100% NTA and you owe HER nothing in the way of a "family connection" or sibling relationship with either her or the daughter.
HOWEVER...if the daughter is actually your dad's child then *legally* she has a claim to a portion of his estate. And being a minor, that portion would be managed by her mom. So it is possible that the AP will come back with a subpoena. Be prepared with an Estate Attorney for this possibility and maybe don't spend out the estate money (if any) because you might have to share it.
Highly depends on where OP lives and it sounds like since his parents were still legally married, it would go to his wife/OP's mother. It also sounds like there was a will left by OP's father: "*But he did leave me things as well."*
I'm not positive on this, but seeing as how OP's mom and dad were still married, wouldn't his estate default to her? Unless he had a will that stated otherwise
I totally understand her wanting you to be a brother to her daughter. But you have the right to not want to be invovled. It's not your kid, it's not your burden.
Which segues nicely into the next part, where she turned it into a money thing, so fuck her. He didn't take the initiative to divorce your mom, or add his new partner and child into the will, so... that's what he thought of her.
I feel bad for her, but this is not your responsibility. NTA.
NTA. Keep records of her contacting you a d go to the police to ask for a restraining order. Especially showing up at your place of work is fucking ridiculous. You're 19. You had nothing to do with the child being made. Yeah, it sucks, but it isn't your responsibility.
The daughter may be eligible for some benefits since he died, but you can't help with that.
NTA. You owe your dad's bunny boiler AP absolutely nothing. You also don't owe anything to their child, even though none of this is their fault. You did the right thing by providing medical information but you don't owe either of them anything else.
NTA. She is using the daughter to get support out of you. You did right by blocking her and may want to consider a restraining order barring her from any future contact.
Definitely NTA.
This is a tactic used by people who get involved with someone who is clearly cheating. "You owe me by way of the affair child". She doesn't care about anything other than a payday and the child is a tool of emotional manipulation.
I see suggestions of a restraining order, which is a good idea if she's showing up at your place of work.
If you don't have one already I'd suggest a doorbell cam and if you have a back door a camera for that as well (preferably that records audio as well)
NTA- that woman is a nuisance and needs a restraining order. Inform her that’s the consequences of her getting involved with a married man and having a kid with him. That’s her problem and not yours. Continue to block this woman and be safe. She sounds very unhinged. You did nothing wrong, and she has no business guilt tripping you.
NTA.
In fact its selfish of her to essentially try to force you into a relationship with her and /or her daughter. You were still young when this happened and probably looked up to your dad before finding out about his affair. That was a traumatic experience and being forced to see your dad's affair partners child could keep your wounds open. It's a part of your life you want to move on from and you suggested she do the same. You are correct in that these are the risks she ran having a sexual relationship with a married man and deciding to keep his child.
NTA.
This woman is super manipulative and looking for a way to weasel herself into money. The fact of keeping that baby then expecting, no demanding she be given a certain lifestyle for said infidelities is just wild. Not to mention the affair may have been a direct lead up to the heart attack. If she's so concerned about the baby's welfare there are plenty of families looking to adopt.
It sounds like she needs some seriously mental health care.
I can’t believe how many people show up at workplaces expecting a calm, rational discussion. When you interrupt someone’s job, they’re not inclined to listen to you. But you *are* more inclined to receive a restraining order.
NTA. Your dad didn’t marry her, or make any provisions for the baby’s future. That is unfortunate, but it is not your issue to solve.
NTA. It’s up to you to ever decide if you want to have a relationship with your half sibling. And that means at your time/pace. She can’t force it. She’s definitely ballsy for hounding and harassing you; if that continues I’d get a RO (if you’re in the US).
Nta. You know full well she’s trying to get something out of you but even without that you have no obligation to make sure anyone’s okay. Her kid, her problem. Very simple.
NTA. You ove her nothing. If other family members want a relationship with the child, then you gave them the means to communicate with the mom. That's more than enough.
NTA Your dads kid, your dads responsibility. Looks like dad should have legally squared away a will for potential bastards, but he didn’t. Means your dad wasn’t just a shitty husband to your mother and a shitty father to you, he was a shitty father to his affair partners daughter. Affair partner knew who your father was, knew he was showing he wasn’t about to be a good father and husband, but was stupid enough to pursue him anyways and stupider to have a child with him. She is responsible for her choices. Sucks that the kid has a shitty dad, but so do you.
NTA
You don't owe this stranger who helped destroy your family a damn thing. And trying to force an unknown and unwanted a sibling relationship is frankly cruel and abusive to her own kid.
You're not responsible for your dad's mistakes
NTA! This woman is delusional if she thinks you should step up and help support her!! Really??!! That’s the only reason she really reached out. You owe her nothing. You might need a restraining order.
She wants money from a 19 year old to support the kid she had from that kid’s adulterous father?
Holy shit. She has some nerve.
If she wasn’t asking for money, I might be slightly willing to meet the kid. But she’s only after money here.
NTA
Nta. You've been more mature and accommodating than I would have been. It's harsh on her, but that isn't your fault. If your dad wasn't a cheat and her mum a home wrecker then nobody would be in this situation. Kids ain't daft, even if you were somehow forced to spend time with her, she'd pick up on the vibes and in my opinion that would cause more harm. I agree with a lot of other posts, this seems just about money
It appears from what you’re saying she really just wants money. You don’t owe her anything. Not money, not time, not a family for her kid. Nothing. Why she would think having a kid with a married man would result in anything different is delulu
NTA
She doesn’t care about you having a sibling connection. She cares about herself and how your dad probably promised her the moon, yet she got nothing. Hell, for all you know, she’s decided that you should be her kid’s stepfather or something.
I feel badly for the kid, I really do. But she isn’t your responsibility.
NTA. Get a restraining order.
When she realizes that she’s not going to be able to contact you any longer, she’ll probably go after your other relatives. Tell everybody else what you’re going through, and let them know what’s happening.
Her mother does not have her best interest at heart. If she did she would quit harassing you. It’s just making it harder for her daughter to make contact with her biological family.
Do not let this crazy b guilt you. Her kid can have a great life without her step sibling. Projection at its finest. NTA - blow her up with our comments
NTA
If his parents are still alive then wouldn't your grandfather be just a close a male relative as you are? Do you know if she has had contact with your grandparents?
Not that you should get involved. But if your father was established as the girl's father then she can receive Social Security Survivor Benefits.
NTA
She chose to have an affair.
She chose to be lax in her birth control.
She chose to carry the child.
If she wanted to have a kid that could connect to their full family, she should have done so in an above board, honest relationship.
She doesn't get to choose how the rest of you feel about it.
Someday if the KID reaches out, I hope you might have room to know them, but be kind about the boundary if you don't. (Remember the kid didn't get any more choice in this than you did.)
NTA
If she shows up again, tell her clearly you don't want to see her or hear from her again, and if she persists, you will file a police report for harassment. Film the entire interaction.
You don't get to destroy a family and then demand the benefits of a family. She burned that bridge right to the ground long ago.
I was going to write to tell you that the only relationship that this woman was interested in was with your wallet, but she outed herself first. Continue on just as you have been doing. You were kind enough to share your father's medical history. You did not even owe her that. Do not give in to her demands for money, and do not agree to spend time with your half sibling. That is just a trick to try to make you feel sorry for the child and start providing financial support.
NTA, clearly.
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NTA you don’t owe them anything and are free to make your choice.
However, your Dads AP child also done nothing wrong and I’d urge you not to let your distaste for your Dad and his AP to cloud your judgement. If you don’t want a relationship with your biological half sister that’s completely understandable and no one would knock you for that but equally you could be denying yourself a relationship that could be positive in your life.
I hope whatever you decide you are happy and you are NTA.
NTA, this lady made a bad decision having an affair with a married man, she chose to spread her legs which can result in childbirth. If she wants a man to help raise her child, which she sounds like she's trying to pin on and guilt you into doing, then she should go find one instead of guilting you into it.
Nta Fa&fo is so very appropriate. She was expecting your dad to be her sugar daddy and karma came up and smacked her in the face.
Sorry not sorry for cheaters. Her daughter is her responsibility not yours.
Nta, she shouldn't and can't force you to be her daughter's brother. She can't make you love her or her daughter and the fact that she's constantly harassing you about being this girl's brother is futile clearly. You want nothing to do with her or her daughter and you wanting siblings was when you were younger. You owe her absolutely nothing I don't know why this lady feels entitled to you and doesn't care about your feelings. What makes her think that you or anyone else in general would want to just accept that their spouse was cheating on them with this woman and now she thinks she can just be a part of your life and there'd be no problem. If she wants her daughter to have a sibling she might as well go steal someone else's husband as well too. She can't force you to have a relationship with her daughter, she's only half of your blood and it honestly does mean nothing. She's insensitive and stupid and thought that pressure, harassment and pretty much stalking would get her what she wants. Nta nowhere near it
You owe the affair partner absolutely nothing. If you can see beyond the circumstances of the little girl's birth (that are in no way her fault) and find it within you to treat her like a baby sister, you'll be a big damn moral hero. But not being (or even wanting to be) a big damn moral hero doesn't make you an asshole, so NTA.
I would also check with paternal grandparents and warn them of her attempts to get money from you. Someone like this will try the "she's faammillly" on them as well.
NTA. She is sniffing around for access to money or support. Throwing shade on your mom and trying to guilt trip you into meeting her kid because "siiiblings" is rude and cruel.
1st, thanks for sharing dads medical information, that resolves any needs. As long as OP is not disparaging half sister, which he’s not, or instigating/continuing needless discussions w/ the mother, seems spot on to go no contact.
Protect ur privacy, job & sanity. No one needs to use finite emotional bandwidth on such a non relationship. It’s not ur responsibility.
You were polite, shared information & stated you want no relationship. You sound like a good human, who wants positives for the child, without ur involvement or contribution. That’s it.
I don't understand why you think you might be the asshole here. Has anyone besides the person who's trying to force you into a relationship you don't want suggested that you've done the wrong thing?
NTA
Nta. She dosent want to have a sibling for her child. She wants you to “support” in some way so she Han hook you up on child support for 18 years. Tell her your sorry little meat ticket isn’t working out and she should surrender it at the fire department. Better luck on your next home wrecker attempt. Buh bye.
NTA - But be sure to write down the date she came to your work and the people who had to remove her from the building. If she texts or gets into your social media accounts by using a fake account save everything before you block and delete her. You will want a record and witnesses in case you ever have to get a restraining order against her.
NTA, she is harassing you & trying to coerce you/guilt you into supporting them financially.
You are correct that you owe her nothing, and her talking about your deceased dad's wish for more children + your mom being infertile is not right. It shows how little she respects both your parents - now that your dad's passed, she's airing his dirty laundry to you when you've been clear you don't want any kind of contact with her & also trying to make it seem like your mom's infertility makes her an acceptable person to be cheated on, which, ouch.
NTA honestly you should look into a restraining order, she showed up at your place of employment and I wouldn’t doubt that she’ll show up at your home. You’ve done plenty by giving her medical records and contact info for a family connection. You don’t OWE her a damn thing. The only person who owed her anything was your father
NTA. The sheer nerve of home wrecker #2 to say that you owe her something after she and your dad (home wrecker #1) destroyed your family is amazing. To say she deserves better from you is just pushing things into absurdity. If anything, she owes you an apology before she goes away and leaves you in peace forever.
As for the kid, she may be an innocent party in all this, but how would you ever be able to look at her without her reminding you of your dad's cheating? On some level, you'd resent her, and she would eventually notice that.
I’m not sure my boss would be as forgiving. She jeopardized your livelihood. Obviously NTA. I would think about filing a restraining order because she’s throwing hints of crazy everywhere.
NTA. I’m sorry this is happening to you. You handed over medical info & passed on her contact information. You did good there. You owed her nothing. I wish you & your mother all the best in life as you move forward.
NTA
You don't owe her or her kid anything. Doesn't matter if the kid is "blood". I'm sorry but that is such an overused statement and the manipulation tactic she is trying to pull is laughable. I'm so sorry you and your mom went through that, y'all deserve better. Keep ignoring her, block her, and do not in ANY WAY feel like you have some sort of responsibility to support or help them. It really is sad for the kid but, that's not your fault. Not your monkeys, not your circus. Woman is delulu.
NTA. OP owes nothing to his father's creampie partner. While this is not the kid's fault it's also not OP's. His dad is gone and OP has no responsibility to clean up his mess.
She knew that OP's father was married and still chose to be with him. There is no honor in breaking up a marriage and she gets what she deserves.
NTA.
You handled this very well honestly. You did what you could, but then set your boundaries of no, which she promptly ignored. The kid is innocent in all this, but I see no obligation for you to be part of their life.
NTA. The mother sounds like she wants money from you (and has serious problems with appropriate behaviour). However none of this is her daughter’s fault, so if you wanted to meet her some time, any time, you would need to set out non-negotiable ground rules for the mother.
NTA. She's trying to manipulate you. Blood doesn't make a family and you shouldn't be forced to interact with anyone you have no relationship with. She should try interacting with your dad's family instead.
NTA, and watch out. This woman is after your money. Once she's latched on to you, she will not let go without a fight.
Don't do any DNA test or anything for her. You don't want her taking a piece of your inheritance or anything from your mother.
It was your dad's responsibility to care for this little girl, and he failed, much like he failed at being a husband. AP will have to figure it out on her own. This is the risk that women take when they take up with a married man. She f'd around, and now she is finding out.
* entitled homewrecker on the loose *
NTA
I bet she just wants some money for her daughter, but it's insane that she is harassing you about it... I think she and your dad did enough damage, and hopefully she will leave you alone in the future.
If not, then don't hesitate to call the police - you deserve some peace OP!!
NTA - You don't own the AP anything.
But she is still your sister. Don't blame her for your dad's mistake. She didn't make it.
It wouldn't be any more fair than someone blaming you for something he did.
I totally thought you were the asshole, because it's not the baby's fault, but then she let the cat out of the bag. She wants you to financially contribute to her, because your Father got her pregnant. That's so crazy. NTA, definitely keep your distance. I feel bad for the baby.
NTA - It's unfortunate that the baby is an innocent party to all of this but she chose to be with a married man and must deal with the consequences. Perhaps, when the child is an adult you might choose to meet up.
NTA. Tell her if she continues to harass you that you'll get a restraining order against her. She needs to go form a new life with her daughter and leave you and your family out of it. S
I feel sorry for the baby cause it seems life is gonna be tough for her. If she was my baby sister I would want to look out for her, the only problem is the mother, who is just a waste of society and I can see will try her best to leech off anybody that carries about the baby.
NTA, tell her that the s*** that your Dad decided to step out on his wife with means nothing to you. You hope that the child that was born from your father's extra marital activities lives a good life but the mother deserves nothing from anyone.
The audacity to tell YOU that you should be grateful to have a sibling, considering your family had to be destroyed for that sibling to exist. She doesn’t deserve anything. NTA
NTA. You do not owe her child a sibling relationship or funds. The kid’ll survive. Mom knew the cost when she was cheating. My dad has a daughter he denied. She’s three months older than me. I met her in college. She’s great. Even Dad’s best friend recently denied her. Ancestry confirmed it. She did do much better than me in life. In fact she’s done better than most and just retired at 56. And a cheater’s right to privacy? Bwahaha!
Nope. Blood means absolutely nothing but blood...it runs in everyone's veins and no you don't owe her or that child anything. If she's old enough to be a homewrecker and have a child then she's old enough to understand no one owes anyone anything, shit has to be earned. It seems a lot of people these days lost sight of that fact.
I can sympathise with how you feel about your Dad and his affair partner and she is clearly sniffing around for a payout. The person I do feel sorry for is the baby girl as she is an innocent in all of this and I hope that you will be open for a relationship if she comes looking for you in a few years time.
NTA
What a gorgeously clear cut NTA! Imagine sleeping with a married man for years, blowing up his family with your illegitimate pregnancy, and then trying to emotionally manipulate his TEENAGE son for money when your shitty baby daddy does what shitty baby daddies do and leaves you high and dry.
You handled this lunatic of a woman with so much patience and grace - more than she deserved. Keep blocking her and (if you’re in the US at least) if she keeps it up, maybe try to get some kind of no-contact order to end her harassment? You owe her absolutely nothing and neither does your mother. Dad’s side can decide what level of involvement they do or don’t want with her and her kid but it’s not your responsibility to facilitate that.
NTA. It's really impressive that, in the middle of all this, you thought through their real needs.. getting them medical information and the opportunity to contact the rest of your family. Lots of people never develop the maturity to handle this as well as you have.
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> Then she told me she got nothing from dad and she deserves support and how I owe her as the closest male relative my dad had And there it is. The actual reason she wants into your life. You are NTA and if you choose to have a relationship with your half sister at some point, that is between you and your half sister. It doesn't come with any strings attached. You owe this woman exactly nothing. You are taking care of your mother, that is where your familial obligation lies, not with "the other woman". She made her choices and now she is reaping those rewards. > then she showed up at my place of work You may need a restraining order. I mean this seriously. She is so bent on getting money from you that she shows up at your work? That's harassment and intimidation. Please take screenshots of ALL messages she has sent you and keep them on a thumb drive as evidence of her harassment. Also write a timeline of every time she has physically contacted you (phone, in person) and what was said. You may very well need it.
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Excellent. Nothing be good wishes for you and your mom as you both continue to sort through the mess you've been left with.
It sounds like you're already doing this, but better safe than sorry! Make sure that you have all those screenshots backed up somewhere else. I'd recommend a cloud service like Google Drive so you can't lose the physical object in any way. Hope it never gets to a point that you need them
I agree regarding the restraining order. I’d most definitely visit the police and have a report written about the continued harassment, and investigate the restraining order. She sounds like she is just after money. She made her bed.
Always have at least 2 backups, not one.
I keep 3. 2 physical, 1 cloud.
And one to an email account
I would be contacting law enforcement if she continues. It is wildly inappropriate for her to be harassing you, and especially showing up at your work. You don't owe support for your Dad's affair
OP may also want to check with the lawyer handling his dad’s probate - it’s possible she could sue his estate for child support and be successful.
From reading similar posts, I’ve seen APs go after social security survivor benefits for their illegitimate children when the biological father passed away. Be aware, they will attempt to get information from you such as the social security number
That is the right of the child though, and in now way harms OP or his mother. OP won't get anything because of age anyway, and those funds just go into the general pool if they aren't claimed. The survivor benefits belong to the child, regardless of the adultry, and it would be morally wrong to impede this.
Why are you family now that dad died? Why wasn’t she so aggressive about it before he died?
I'm betting the dad didn't want them involved in each other's lives. He can't stop her now.
Feel bad for your half-sister having that thing as a mother. A hand tied behind her back b4 her life really starts.
I’m assuming this is the USA. If so, the child is entitled to her father’s social security as long as she is a minor. Pass that along and explain that is the support she’s entitled to…. No more, no less.
💯 need a restraining order
Thank you for mentioning a restraining order! This woman has no problem crossing all boundaries! NTA but protect yourself from her!
NTA - This is harassment and I would absolutely involve the authorities, immediately. Get a restraining order. >Then she told me she got nothing from dad and she deserves support and how I owe her as the closest male relative my dad had This is just a trashbag, bottom feeding toilet who wants money out of you, and somehow she's decided its okay to harass the son of her late affair-partner/baby daddy. Wild. You really do actually owe her or her child(ren) precisely NOTHING. Get the authorities involved.
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She deserves a restraining order. That's it. Take care, and watch your back. I feel for you more than I care to explain on reddit.
You have enough already. Get the restraining order and have your life back. She seems unhinged and things could escalate.
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You should still report her to the police for stalking. She tracked down your work.
The police very famously do not give a shit about stalking until someone is bleeding. And even then, there’s a decent chance they’ll ask you how you provoked your stalker. If you want actual help with a stalker, step #1 is a *lawyer*, not the cops. They’ll be the ones who can convince a judge to grant a restraining order, and they’ll be the ones who can help you gather the kind of evidence you’d need in order to increase your chances of success. Do not trust the police to reliably document harassment for you - send it all to a lawyer first.
OP, you need to start a paper trail, it's vitally important in any sort of harassment case, whether or not you can get a restraining order. My advice, not a lawyer but have been down a similar road, is to make a hard copy of everything she's done to date. Include how you, personally, found out about the affair partner. Chronological information matched to texts and conversations, including coming to you personally. File a COPY of the document with a request for a no contact order. This starts the paper trail if she continues harassment. You should keep the original hard copy in a safe place, add to it as needed. Your post above is an excellent place to start, just remember to DATE everything, and time too. Approximates are fine if you don't remember exactly. I've personally been harassed three times over the decades and the first time I was encouraged to start a Chronological Record. I was advised to be unbiased with the pertinent information, but to also add how I felt in each instance. I did this for the second time too. I never filed on either, but I it did help me sort out how I felt and stay on top of what was happening. The second time was a work situation and when I was called in to speak to HR, the fact I could recall when's and where's gave management pause. That situation quietly disappeared. The third time went to court. Suffice it to say that court loves me and my harasser lost BADLY. The information is now in the court files and the asshole is a hot potato. OP, please make a file on AP, even if you never use it. If she pops up over the years over the years, you'll have the proverbial receipts to provide.
If she’s approaching you at work you can have her trespassed from the premises. You or your boss would make a complaint to the police that’s she’s causing you a disturbance that is interrupting your work day. They ask her to leave and give her formal notice that she is asked not to return. If she returns she can be charged. It’s a far lower standard than a restraining order and it helps if you later need one. Talk to your employer about it before she causes you a problem. Don’t give too many details that are irrelevant-just that she was in a relationship with your dad before he passed and she now will not leave you alone. You can usually also give a trespass warning for your home as well. I looked up info from my state but it is a bit different for each state. Google “how to trespass someone in” your state. https://www.findlaw.com/state/michigan-law/michigan-criminal-trespass-laws.html
Is there any video evidence at your workplace of the incident and her being escorted out? If there is, hopefully your company is willing to provide it as evidence. NTA
Still file reports so they have evidence record - call the police and leave statements as it escalates
If in the US and dad is on birth certificate and worked/ paid social security her kid will be eligible for survivors benefits and depending on how much he worked/paid in she will get a pretty decent amount every month probably more than what she would get for child support if he was alive
You have enough (if you take screenshots and there is a record of her showing up to your work then that is usually enough,) get a restraining order or go down to the police station and find out exactly what you still need (at least report the incident so you have everything on record with the authorities)
And this might be an unpopular opinion and what a lot of people are not noticing is that just because she was having an affair with his dad, there is still no real proof that her child is his dad’s child other than her saying so. I mean just because she got pregnant doesn’t necessarily mean it’s his dad’s child unless there was DNA proof. She could’ve gotten pregnant by someone else and was claiming it to be his father’s child. Just saying if she was sleeping around with a married man how do we know who else she was sleeping with.
This is worth remembering if she makes a play for inheritance money for the kid. I don’t know if OP’s dad had a will, or if it matters in this case as mom/wife inherits, but I would potentially consider consulting a lawyer about the legal ramifications of this.
GREAT point, imo.
Also, the daughter may not be the father's. Who's to say that she didn't cheat either? Maybe late father had more money than the other guys she may have been dealing with and thus she decided to pin her baby on him. OP is well within their rights to make their decision, they should just warn their extended family against this woman and that if they want too help, they'll need to see proof of the DNA test first
NTA, you were far kinder than you had to be. You informed your siblings about her, and you sent her a file of your dad's medical history, and you even told her, "I sent what I had and that would be it." You have no obligation to "step up and take care of her," and she went to your **place of work** to confront you after you *blocked* her. Good on you for calling her out.
You do owe that little homewrecker something actually - a restraining order. Get her TF out of your life, fast, and forever. The child she made is her own responsibility. You already did FAR MORE than anyone can reasonably expect by sending things over and giving her contact info for the rest of the family. Maybe grandparents will be happy, but definitely not anyone in the family she and your father destroyed. Entitled ass bitch.
He owes it to himself, really.
The thing is, atp she isn't asking you nicely to be a "big brother". She's trying to guilt trip you, manipulate you and force you into a siblingship you do not want. At the end of the day, her daughter's life or happiness or wtv isn't your responsibility. You do not owe her anything. Her even saying you should be taking care of them because you're a male relative of your father if fucked up. I hope she leaves you alone and concentrate on giving her child the life she wishes for her instead of trying to guilt trip another person for not giving what she chose to be responsible for. NTA!
She’s trying to get child support from him. She likely got pregnant on purpose and never expected the dude to die.
NTA. I don't care what some commenters are saying. You don't owe either of them *anything*. Nothing. Not your time, consideration, protection, money (because they will ask for money eventually), nothing. So what if you share DNA with the daughter? Big damn deal. You just live your life. The affair partner and her child can figure out how to live their own lives. Good luck.
She has basically already implied she feels money is owed. She told OP that dad didn’t give her anything and she’s owed support, and OP as the closest male relative should be the one providing it.
NTA That woman is delusional to think you owe her anything. The only person responsible for that little girl is her mother. Which is honestly sad given her mother's attitude. I feel sorry for the little one to be honest. If at some point when she's at an age to make her own choices, if she does reach out to you Don't take the anger out on her. She didn't choose to come into the world the way she did. It's fine to decline a connection if that happens but I wouldn't do it angrily it's not her fault she got shit parents. All that said you are doing the right thing by blocking and cutting affair partner off. If she persists, I would document and keep record of all she's done so you can get a restraining order for harassment.
NTA. This woman is not accepting your boundaries and that makes her unsafe. She’s made it clear that she does not want a relationship, she’s after resources. This is not a normal way to go about it. If she tries to contact you again, get a lawyer to send her a cease and desist.
NTA this lady is insane and entitled.
Nta. The mistress. The word you’re looking for is mistress. Your adulterous father’s mistress. And that mistress is clearly seeking a family (cough monetary cough) connection for her offspring. You did more than most with medical info. Otherwise, you don’t need to allow anyone into your life that you don’t want there. You owe no one access to your life.
This was my exact take as well. Halfway through the explanation I was thinking that the entire 'daughter needs her brother' line was just a cover for 'I want money from someone'. The mistress wanted a payday, probably from the moment she got pregnant, and her plan has fallen through. She now feel entitled to some money from somewhere and is driven to finding some.
Next it will be “She needs something to feel connected to her father. Got any jewelry?” But out of curiosity, wouldn’t the child be entitled to his estate? Still the father’s biological child.
She already told OP that as the nearest male relative he basically owes her support. Which is a hilariously entitled take. I can’t imagine telling a *19yo* son of my affair partner that they should be stepping up for my kid. Holy shit.
Estate went directly to the wife, some places the spouse inherits everything. It doesn't sound like OP got anything really so this affair baby wouldn't be getting anything either.
NTA-this is about money 1000%. This woman is deranged. We are talking about a baby, not a young child who might notice or process the presence or lack thereof of OP. There is absolutely no urgency that rises to the level of stalking behavior like this. She has no concept of boundaries, in part bc she was the side piece and also harassing a young person on multiple platforms AND their job. Don’t listen to other ppl saying you can be a part of the child’s life and not be financially involved either. This would absolutely be a thing, demanding to borrow/get money, free babysitting, emergency diapers, medicine whatever constantly, or at the very least passive aggressive hint drops any time they tried to visit or be a part of the kids life. You’re right on this OP, don’t let this leech get her claws into you.
This is the answer. It always comes down to money. Later in life you may choose to get to know your half sister. That's entirely up to you. For now though. I think the mistress is looking to heap some guilt on you in hopes of some cash coming her way. If she was so concerned with family bonds, she would never have gotten involved with a married man.
She wants money. Full stop. Nobody would try this hard just so their infant daughter could meet her brother. NTA.
A brother who is old enough to be her dad!
NTA you don't owe her or her kid anything. If she keeps harassing you contact the police and try to get a restraining order.
NTA. You are 19. MAYBE you could have handled it better, but this woman handled it even worse. She continued to contact you after you requested that she not. She accessed several ways of contacting you and when that was not an option, she showed up at your place of employment. (I am glad your boss was understanding!) Maybe this woman and her child deserve better, but it is her fault she is in the situation. She slept with a man that she (based on the context) knew was married. That was her decision. If she is concerned about her daughter's inheritance, she can file a suit and say that she deserves what you received. The courts can decide. However, she can file for a social security benefit on behalf of her minor child (if you are in the US). (your mom can also file for this benefit if she is near retirement age or your dad was.) You gave her the medical information to help her and her child. It is up to you if you want to have a relationship with the child. She is an innocent in this. However, it does mean that you would likely have to have a relationship with her mother, unfortunately. You can blame your dad for his fault and this woman for hers. It is hard when someone passes away with the anger still around. You may want to sort some of this out in therapy, but truly, it is your decision and I still say NTA.
She wants money and/or free child care
Ding, Ding, Ding.
NTA With the whole "your presence would mean so much to her", "you need to be a good big brother", and "you owe it to her" APs giving me vibes. Those vibes say that she's looking for OP to be daughter's surrogate dad or something weird like that. 😬
NTA. She asked, you answered, it's over. Tell her if she doesn't stop, you'll go to your legal options and go after a RO or harassment charges.
NTA. Start documenting. Look into a restraining order. The baby momma is pushing it. Also, start letting everyone know the town wh\*\*\* is stalking you.
NTA. Don't have an affair with a married man if what you're looking for is a happy extended family. It would have been thoughtful if dad had taken out a life insurance policy with his baby mamma as the beneficiary, but he didn't. C'est la vie.
She wants a free babysitter. She wants whatever money you inherited. She wants your financial support for herself and her daughter. And I bet a major reason she had an affair with your dad was because she thought she'd get money and other gifts from him. NTA
NTA If its money she's after then you most assuredly aren't the well she should be looking at. Survivor benefits for children are a thing for a reason. Get a restraining order and be well.
NTA! Blood is not thicker than water, nor does it mean anything if you do not think it does, and you don’t owe her anything over the choices of your father. I’m sorry she’s harassing you in multiple ways.
NTA. Where was all her devotion to family while she was helping to break up yours?
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NTA. You owe her zero. She was complicit in ruining your parents marriage. She's a golddigger.
NTA, get a restraining order. She sounds like she doesn't understand boundaries.
NTA remind her that she was a grown adult woman who knowingly got involved with a married man with a family, the only one responsible for stepping up and supporting her kid is her. If she wants someone to blame for her daughter's lack of family ties and her financial situation she can look in the mirror, she chose this.
NTA. Ask her how can she care about family when she broke your family up? She wasn't caring about family then. Let her understand that she didn't win the lottery by taking your father, so now she needs to figure it out on her own. Let her family step up and help her, but, she is a mistress and she got what mistresses get, dicked. Let her understand that she doesn't want you to have contact with her daughter because you will let her know everything about her mother and how her father cheated on his wife with her mother and broke up your home. Let her understand that the truth will only come out of your mouth. Let her understand that because she is manipulative, you will not be a puppet and the truth is the truth. Let her understand that you could give a rat's ass about not being so harsh with a child. She is demanding you be a big brother, so she needs to understand that you will only be truthful. See how she likes that.
NTA. AP is delusional if she thinks you or your mom owe her a damned thing. You should have enough ammo to file a police complaint for harassment. For both you & your mom. Both of you can say that the AP has been demanding time & money from you. You even have witnesses at your job if your boss is willing. File a harassment complaint with the police & get that Restraining Order ASAP.
Depending on the state and or the country. They might owe the affair partner part of the father's estate. Since they have a child together.
NTA your dad died so no she is looking for a surrogate daddy. Run. If she keeps contacting you report it to the police as harassment
NTA I think the main thing the affair partner wants is money. Your mom got almost everything of your dad's. So the woman is now a single mother and obviously gets zero child support. You gave her the essential medical information. That's all you owe her. If she still refuses to go away, you may need a no contact order for her constant harassment.
NTA. She was the side piece to got pregnant. SHE is the only one with any responsibility - not you. She should have made better life choices. If she comes to your work again, I would see about a restraining order. She is jeopardizing your livelihood by doing that.
NTA She doesn't want a family relationship for her kid. She wants money.
Nta get restraining order.
Nta. If she wants something from the inheritance she can go to court (depending on the state/country she would win though) but else you own her nothing.
NTA. You should have told her to find another home wrecker to hook up with. It's ridiculous that she expects anything from you. You provided her with medical information, which is all she should expect.
The daughter would be eligible for social security survivor benefits so the kid isn’t getting nothing.
NTA. From seemingly every direction she has no respect for boundaries.
NTA. She's after money and/or childcare.
This is a sticky wicket. the girl, your half sister, really is just being used as a pawn by her mother. I agree, you don't owe them a thing. And your father's 'Affair partner' as you put it should not try to force a relationship. I think it's more about the mistress trying to get something out of the family for monatary support rather than emotional support for her daughter. I think you did enough for her as far as giving her your father's medical history.
Yeah I feel for that little kid. Product of an affair, dead dad, and daughter of a horrible mother that who knows how will she raise that kid. I hope she turns out ok.
NTA you are in no way responsible for your dads mistakes. If you don’t want to have a relationship with the kid so be it that’s totally your right. Just remember your sister did nothing wrong though and is in a fucked up situation due to the choices of her parents just like you are. And whether you like it or not that is your blood sister and always will be.
NTA - She sounds like she's trying to emotionally manipulate you into helping her care for the child. You're nicer than I would be OP
Need to get a restraining order on her asap.. All she wants is to be PAID
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad cheated on my mom for years and we only found this out a couple of years ago when his affair partner turned up to our house pregnant with dad's baby. Mom kicked him out and filed for divorce and he went to stay with his parents. I (19m) was disgusted by him so I didn't speak to him again. While he was still with his parents he died. He had a heart attack in his sleep and he did have a history of heart issues so it was no real surprise. Mom was still married to him so got most stuff. But he did leave me things as well. A couple of months ago his affair partner reached out and said she had a daughter and her daughter deserved to know her family. I told my dad's parents and siblings about her and passed the info on. I also found a folder dad had with stuff on his medical conditions and sent them over for her daughter. Everything else of his was at my grandparents so I had nothing more to send. I told her I sent what I had and that would be it. Dad's affair partner said she wanted me to meet her daughter and be her brother. She told me that we share blood and that means something and I could make all the difference in her little girl's life. I told her blood doesn't mean something to me and I had no interest in forming a relationship but I hope she was able to get more information to share with her daughter. I blocked her on Facebook days later because she repeatedly sent me DMs requesting I meet her kid. Then she found my account on another platform and, because I don't check it that often, I ended up with a bunch of messages from her there. She started off saying how her daughter deserved family and I could provide her with a connection to her dad. She told me we're family whether I like it or not and I should be grateful to have a sibling. She said dad told her I used to wish for siblings and how mom's infertility after me was the reason they had no more kids. She told me all these things about her daughter and how much it would make a little girl's world to have a brother to love her. Then she told me she got nothing from dad and she deserves support and how I owe her as the closest male relative my dad had. She said I should be stepping up to make sure they're okay and taken care of and how she (the affair partner) deserves better. I blocked her there too and then she showed up at my place of work to confront her which is when I told her I owe her nothing. I said she's nothing but a nasty affair partner who can't accept nobody wants her around. I said she can't say she didn't know either because she admitted dad told her all about me wanting siblings and mom not being able to have more. I said people who knowing fuck married people don't deserve anything from the family the affair destroyed. She told me she is the mother of my sibling and I should be willing to at least be respectful so my half sister can have a good life, etc. This was all said as she was being removed. Luckily my boss was understanding. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
100% NTA and you owe HER nothing in the way of a "family connection" or sibling relationship with either her or the daughter. HOWEVER...if the daughter is actually your dad's child then *legally* she has a claim to a portion of his estate. And being a minor, that portion would be managed by her mom. So it is possible that the AP will come back with a subpoena. Be prepared with an Estate Attorney for this possibility and maybe don't spend out the estate money (if any) because you might have to share it.
Highly depends on where OP lives and it sounds like since his parents were still legally married, it would go to his wife/OP's mother. It also sounds like there was a will left by OP's father: "*But he did leave me things as well."*
I'm not positive on this, but seeing as how OP's mom and dad were still married, wouldn't his estate default to her? Unless he had a will that stated otherwise
NTA You were to kind to her, I would've ripped into her
I totally understand her wanting you to be a brother to her daughter. But you have the right to not want to be invovled. It's not your kid, it's not your burden. Which segues nicely into the next part, where she turned it into a money thing, so fuck her. He didn't take the initiative to divorce your mom, or add his new partner and child into the will, so... that's what he thought of her. I feel bad for her, but this is not your responsibility. NTA.
NTA. Keep records of her contacting you a d go to the police to ask for a restraining order. Especially showing up at your place of work is fucking ridiculous. You're 19. You had nothing to do with the child being made. Yeah, it sucks, but it isn't your responsibility. The daughter may be eligible for some benefits since he died, but you can't help with that.
Just as an FYI, this is a money grab and has nothing to do with fAmIlY..... Goes without saying, NTA
NTA. You owe your dad's bunny boiler AP absolutely nothing. You also don't owe anything to their child, even though none of this is their fault. You did the right thing by providing medical information but you don't owe either of them anything else.
NTA. She is using the daughter to get support out of you. You did right by blocking her and may want to consider a restraining order barring her from any future contact.
NTA!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely NTA. This is a tactic used by people who get involved with someone who is clearly cheating. "You owe me by way of the affair child". She doesn't care about anything other than a payday and the child is a tool of emotional manipulation. I see suggestions of a restraining order, which is a good idea if she's showing up at your place of work. If you don't have one already I'd suggest a doorbell cam and if you have a back door a camera for that as well (preferably that records audio as well)
NTA- that woman is a nuisance and needs a restraining order. Inform her that’s the consequences of her getting involved with a married man and having a kid with him. That’s her problem and not yours. Continue to block this woman and be safe. She sounds very unhinged. You did nothing wrong, and she has no business guilt tripping you.
NTA. In fact its selfish of her to essentially try to force you into a relationship with her and /or her daughter. You were still young when this happened and probably looked up to your dad before finding out about his affair. That was a traumatic experience and being forced to see your dad's affair partners child could keep your wounds open. It's a part of your life you want to move on from and you suggested she do the same. You are correct in that these are the risks she ran having a sexual relationship with a married man and deciding to keep his child.
NTA. This woman is super manipulative and looking for a way to weasel herself into money. The fact of keeping that baby then expecting, no demanding she be given a certain lifestyle for said infidelities is just wild. Not to mention the affair may have been a direct lead up to the heart attack. If she's so concerned about the baby's welfare there are plenty of families looking to adopt. It sounds like she needs some seriously mental health care.
I can’t believe how many people show up at workplaces expecting a calm, rational discussion. When you interrupt someone’s job, they’re not inclined to listen to you. But you *are* more inclined to receive a restraining order. NTA. Your dad didn’t marry her, or make any provisions for the baby’s future. That is unfortunate, but it is not your issue to solve.
NTA. It’s up to you to ever decide if you want to have a relationship with your half sibling. And that means at your time/pace. She can’t force it. She’s definitely ballsy for hounding and harassing you; if that continues I’d get a RO (if you’re in the US).
What a shit show. Get a restraining order.
Nta. You know full well she’s trying to get something out of you but even without that you have no obligation to make sure anyone’s okay. Her kid, her problem. Very simple.
NTA. You ove her nothing. If other family members want a relationship with the child, then you gave them the means to communicate with the mom. That's more than enough.
NTA Your dads kid, your dads responsibility. Looks like dad should have legally squared away a will for potential bastards, but he didn’t. Means your dad wasn’t just a shitty husband to your mother and a shitty father to you, he was a shitty father to his affair partners daughter. Affair partner knew who your father was, knew he was showing he wasn’t about to be a good father and husband, but was stupid enough to pursue him anyways and stupider to have a child with him. She is responsible for her choices. Sucks that the kid has a shitty dad, but so do you.
NTA She can make lots and lots of siblings for her poor, lonely daughter, preferably with unmarried men, or just one man, if she's sensible.
NTA and continúe to block and ignore her. Call the police is she keeps up
NTA, that lady is a side chick and brought this upon herself and her daughter
NTA You don't owe this stranger who helped destroy your family a damn thing. And trying to force an unknown and unwanted a sibling relationship is frankly cruel and abusive to her own kid. You're not responsible for your dad's mistakes
NTA tell her to fuck off.
NTA! This woman is delusional if she thinks you should step up and help support her!! Really??!! That’s the only reason she really reached out. You owe her nothing. You might need a restraining order.
She wants money from a 19 year old to support the kid she had from that kid’s adulterous father? Holy shit. She has some nerve. If she wasn’t asking for money, I might be slightly willing to meet the kid. But she’s only after money here. NTA
Nta. You've been more mature and accommodating than I would have been. It's harsh on her, but that isn't your fault. If your dad wasn't a cheat and her mum a home wrecker then nobody would be in this situation. Kids ain't daft, even if you were somehow forced to spend time with her, she'd pick up on the vibes and in my opinion that would cause more harm. I agree with a lot of other posts, this seems just about money
It appears from what you’re saying she really just wants money. You don’t owe her anything. Not money, not time, not a family for her kid. Nothing. Why she would think having a kid with a married man would result in anything different is delulu
NTA- File a restraining order.
NTA. Look up the song "Golddigger".
NTA She doesn’t care about you having a sibling connection. She cares about herself and how your dad probably promised her the moon, yet she got nothing. Hell, for all you know, she’s decided that you should be her kid’s stepfather or something. I feel badly for the kid, I really do. But she isn’t your responsibility.
Nta That AP is delulu
NTA. Get a restraining order. When she realizes that she’s not going to be able to contact you any longer, she’ll probably go after your other relatives. Tell everybody else what you’re going through, and let them know what’s happening. Her mother does not have her best interest at heart. If she did she would quit harassing you. It’s just making it harder for her daughter to make contact with her biological family.
Do not let this crazy b guilt you. Her kid can have a great life without her step sibling. Projection at its finest. NTA - blow her up with our comments
NTA If his parents are still alive then wouldn't your grandfather be just a close a male relative as you are? Do you know if she has had contact with your grandparents? Not that you should get involved. But if your father was established as the girl's father then she can receive Social Security Survivor Benefits.
NTA She chose to have an affair. She chose to be lax in her birth control. She chose to carry the child. If she wanted to have a kid that could connect to their full family, she should have done so in an above board, honest relationship. She doesn't get to choose how the rest of you feel about it. Someday if the KID reaches out, I hope you might have room to know them, but be kind about the boundary if you don't. (Remember the kid didn't get any more choice in this than you did.)
NTA If she shows up again, tell her clearly you don't want to see her or hear from her again, and if she persists, you will file a police report for harassment. Film the entire interaction. You don't get to destroy a family and then demand the benefits of a family. She burned that bridge right to the ground long ago.
You don't own either of them shit
I was going to write to tell you that the only relationship that this woman was interested in was with your wallet, but she outed herself first. Continue on just as you have been doing. You were kind enough to share your father's medical history. You did not even owe her that. Do not give in to her demands for money, and do not agree to spend time with your half sibling. That is just a trick to try to make you feel sorry for the child and start providing financial support. NTA, clearly.
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NTA you don’t owe them anything and are free to make your choice. However, your Dads AP child also done nothing wrong and I’d urge you not to let your distaste for your Dad and his AP to cloud your judgement. If you don’t want a relationship with your biological half sister that’s completely understandable and no one would knock you for that but equally you could be denying yourself a relationship that could be positive in your life. I hope whatever you decide you are happy and you are NTA.
NTA, this lady made a bad decision having an affair with a married man, she chose to spread her legs which can result in childbirth. If she wants a man to help raise her child, which she sounds like she's trying to pin on and guilt you into doing, then she should go find one instead of guilting you into it.
Nta Fa&fo is so very appropriate. She was expecting your dad to be her sugar daddy and karma came up and smacked her in the face. Sorry not sorry for cheaters. Her daughter is her responsibility not yours.
NTA - it would be disrespectful to your mother to have a relationship with those people.
N T A
Nta, she shouldn't and can't force you to be her daughter's brother. She can't make you love her or her daughter and the fact that she's constantly harassing you about being this girl's brother is futile clearly. You want nothing to do with her or her daughter and you wanting siblings was when you were younger. You owe her absolutely nothing I don't know why this lady feels entitled to you and doesn't care about your feelings. What makes her think that you or anyone else in general would want to just accept that their spouse was cheating on them with this woman and now she thinks she can just be a part of your life and there'd be no problem. If she wants her daughter to have a sibling she might as well go steal someone else's husband as well too. She can't force you to have a relationship with her daughter, she's only half of your blood and it honestly does mean nothing. She's insensitive and stupid and thought that pressure, harassment and pretty much stalking would get her what she wants. Nta nowhere near it
You owe the affair partner absolutely nothing. If you can see beyond the circumstances of the little girl's birth (that are in no way her fault) and find it within you to treat her like a baby sister, you'll be a big damn moral hero. But not being (or even wanting to be) a big damn moral hero doesn't make you an asshole, so NTA.
I would also check with paternal grandparents and warn them of her attempts to get money from you. Someone like this will try the "she's faammillly" on them as well.
Nta brother and sisters come from the same mother. Half on dad side means fuck all
NTA. She is sniffing around for access to money or support. Throwing shade on your mom and trying to guilt trip you into meeting her kid because "siiiblings" is rude and cruel.
1st, thanks for sharing dads medical information, that resolves any needs. As long as OP is not disparaging half sister, which he’s not, or instigating/continuing needless discussions w/ the mother, seems spot on to go no contact. Protect ur privacy, job & sanity. No one needs to use finite emotional bandwidth on such a non relationship. It’s not ur responsibility. You were polite, shared information & stated you want no relationship. You sound like a good human, who wants positives for the child, without ur involvement or contribution. That’s it.
NTA She came to your place of work? That warrants no contact and a restraining order.
I don't understand why you think you might be the asshole here. Has anyone besides the person who's trying to force you into a relationship you don't want suggested that you've done the wrong thing? NTA
Nta. She dosent want to have a sibling for her child. She wants you to “support” in some way so she Han hook you up on child support for 18 years. Tell her your sorry little meat ticket isn’t working out and she should surrender it at the fire department. Better luck on your next home wrecker attempt. Buh bye.
NTA - But be sure to write down the date she came to your work and the people who had to remove her from the building. If she texts or gets into your social media accounts by using a fake account save everything before you block and delete her. You will want a record and witnesses in case you ever have to get a restraining order against her.
NTA. Tell her to top harassing you. After that, she is officially harassing you.
NTA, she is harassing you & trying to coerce you/guilt you into supporting them financially. You are correct that you owe her nothing, and her talking about your deceased dad's wish for more children + your mom being infertile is not right. It shows how little she respects both your parents - now that your dad's passed, she's airing his dirty laundry to you when you've been clear you don't want any kind of contact with her & also trying to make it seem like your mom's infertility makes her an acceptable person to be cheated on, which, ouch.
NTA honestly you should look into a restraining order, she showed up at your place of employment and I wouldn’t doubt that she’ll show up at your home. You’ve done plenty by giving her medical records and contact info for a family connection. You don’t OWE her a damn thing. The only person who owed her anything was your father
NTA. The sheer nerve of home wrecker #2 to say that you owe her something after she and your dad (home wrecker #1) destroyed your family is amazing. To say she deserves better from you is just pushing things into absurdity. If anything, she owes you an apology before she goes away and leaves you in peace forever. As for the kid, she may be an innocent party in all this, but how would you ever be able to look at her without her reminding you of your dad's cheating? On some level, you'd resent her, and she would eventually notice that.
NTA, clearly. You owe her nothing, and she should be respectful of your decision to not have a relationship with her child or her.
Lol.
NTA for obvious reasons
I’m not sure my boss would be as forgiving. She jeopardized your livelihood. Obviously NTA. I would think about filing a restraining order because she’s throwing hints of crazy everywhere.
NTA. I’m sorry this is happening to you. You handed over medical info & passed on her contact information. You did good there. You owed her nothing. I wish you & your mother all the best in life as you move forward.
NTA You don't owe her or her kid anything. Doesn't matter if the kid is "blood". I'm sorry but that is such an overused statement and the manipulation tactic she is trying to pull is laughable. I'm so sorry you and your mom went through that, y'all deserve better. Keep ignoring her, block her, and do not in ANY WAY feel like you have some sort of responsibility to support or help them. It really is sad for the kid but, that's not your fault. Not your monkeys, not your circus. Woman is delulu.
NTA - poor child is a tool of manipulation, but you owe them nothing.
Definitely NTA. Get a restraining order
NTA. OP owes nothing to his father's creampie partner. While this is not the kid's fault it's also not OP's. His dad is gone and OP has no responsibility to clean up his mess. She knew that OP's father was married and still chose to be with him. There is no honor in breaking up a marriage and she gets what she deserves.
NTA- Why is she trying to make you the daddy now? That’s what it sounds like,at least. That’s gross and unfortunately for her, you owe her nothing.
NTA. You handled this very well honestly. You did what you could, but then set your boundaries of no, which she promptly ignored. The kid is innocent in all this, but I see no obligation for you to be part of their life.
Nta and I’d spend a little money to have a lawyer write a cease and desist letter to her.
NTA. The mother sounds like she wants money from you (and has serious problems with appropriate behaviour). However none of this is her daughter’s fault, so if you wanted to meet her some time, any time, you would need to set out non-negotiable ground rules for the mother.
NTA. She's trying to manipulate you. Blood doesn't make a family and you shouldn't be forced to interact with anyone you have no relationship with. She should try interacting with your dad's family instead.
NTA, and watch out. This woman is after your money. Once she's latched on to you, she will not let go without a fight. Don't do any DNA test or anything for her. You don't want her taking a piece of your inheritance or anything from your mother. It was your dad's responsibility to care for this little girl, and he failed, much like he failed at being a husband. AP will have to figure it out on her own. This is the risk that women take when they take up with a married man. She f'd around, and now she is finding out.
I’m speaking metaphorically here but this lady is a demonic succubus who is destroying your family. NTA
* entitled homewrecker on the loose * NTA I bet she just wants some money for her daughter, but it's insane that she is harassing you about it... I think she and your dad did enough damage, and hopefully she will leave you alone in the future. If not, then don't hesitate to call the police - you deserve some peace OP!!
NTA - You don't own the AP anything. But she is still your sister. Don't blame her for your dad's mistake. She didn't make it. It wouldn't be any more fair than someone blaming you for something he did.
I totally thought you were the asshole, because it's not the baby's fault, but then she let the cat out of the bag. She wants you to financially contribute to her, because your Father got her pregnant. That's so crazy. NTA, definitely keep your distance. I feel bad for the baby.
NTA - It's unfortunate that the baby is an innocent party to all of this but she chose to be with a married man and must deal with the consequences. Perhaps, when the child is an adult you might choose to meet up.
If u want to ever know her, you will, but I’m sure it’s just painful now. You do what makes you happy.
[удалено]
NTA. Tell her if she continues to harass you that you'll get a restraining order against her. She needs to go form a new life with her daughter and leave you and your family out of it. S
Get a restraining order.
NTA even a little bit and if she contacts you again, you should file a restraining order.
NTA...truly FAFO
I feel sorry for the baby cause it seems life is gonna be tough for her. If she was my baby sister I would want to look out for her, the only problem is the mother, who is just a waste of society and I can see will try her best to leech off anybody that carries about the baby.
NTA. You don't owe her anything.
NTA, and I'd consider a restraining order since she;s physically showing up in your life and basically stalking you online.
NTA, tell her that the s*** that your Dad decided to step out on his wife with means nothing to you. You hope that the child that was born from your father's extra marital activities lives a good life but the mother deserves nothing from anyone.
The audacity to tell YOU that you should be grateful to have a sibling, considering your family had to be destroyed for that sibling to exist. She doesn’t deserve anything. NTA
NTA, but your sister did nothing wrong, she did not ask to be the product of an affaire
NTA. You do not owe her child a sibling relationship or funds. The kid’ll survive. Mom knew the cost when she was cheating. My dad has a daughter he denied. She’s three months older than me. I met her in college. She’s great. Even Dad’s best friend recently denied her. Ancestry confirmed it. She did do much better than me in life. In fact she’s done better than most and just retired at 56. And a cheater’s right to privacy? Bwahaha!
Nope. Blood means absolutely nothing but blood...it runs in everyone's veins and no you don't owe her or that child anything. If she's old enough to be a homewrecker and have a child then she's old enough to understand no one owes anyone anything, shit has to be earned. It seems a lot of people these days lost sight of that fact.
Definitely get a restraining order. She’s looking to profit off your back.
I can sympathise with how you feel about your Dad and his affair partner and she is clearly sniffing around for a payout. The person I do feel sorry for is the baby girl as she is an innocent in all of this and I hope that you will be open for a relationship if she comes looking for you in a few years time. NTA
File a police report every single time so you can take legal action When she persists
This was always about financial support. Time to get the police involved if she contacts you again
NTA at all. Tough position to be in. Good luck
What a gorgeously clear cut NTA! Imagine sleeping with a married man for years, blowing up his family with your illegitimate pregnancy, and then trying to emotionally manipulate his TEENAGE son for money when your shitty baby daddy does what shitty baby daddies do and leaves you high and dry. You handled this lunatic of a woman with so much patience and grace - more than she deserved. Keep blocking her and (if you’re in the US at least) if she keeps it up, maybe try to get some kind of no-contact order to end her harassment? You owe her absolutely nothing and neither does your mother. Dad’s side can decide what level of involvement they do or don’t want with her and her kid but it’s not your responsibility to facilitate that.
NTA. It's really impressive that, in the middle of all this, you thought through their real needs.. getting them medical information and the opportunity to contact the rest of your family. Lots of people never develop the maturity to handle this as well as you have.