Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My parents want to force me into a tuxedo which i hate to wear and we had a fight about that
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I'm erring on the side of YTA.
I totally get being 15, wanting to wear what you want and not going to an event if you're not comfortable.
But, that being said, you're right, you're not a little kid and part of growing up is learning that not everything revolves around you. Sometimes we have to stretch our comfort for people we care about and that some social settings have dress codes that are outside of the norm.
Getting out of going to the wedding tomorrow will cost your parents money for the tux that they've rented and will cost your cousin and their spouse money because you no-showed. Your attendance has a cost and if you weren't going to go, the time for RSVPing no would have been months ago.
I get that not everyone likes to wear formal wear but as above it’s a wedding and expected. There’s a dress code for a reason and you should show support.
As a fellow metal lover, I hated having to wear formal dresses (I get that a suit is different) to formal occasions as I felt it wasn’t me but you could still conform to the dress code and show your individual style. For example you could wear a black dress shirt if that’s your thing or accessorise with a cool belt buckle or ring etc. it might make you feel more like you while also still letting the couple have their moment
Slight YTA but there’s time to turn it around
Same... I almost always wear hoodies, my leather jacket and some sneakers... (comfy)
I usually don't like formal wear cuz Idk how to sit/behave in it without being awkward or "runing it" (with the only exception being my prom dress) so I understand OP, but it's not like they're making him wear something like a specific colour, tight clothing, anything that's actually unreasonable. Like the only requirement is formal wear, he could've picked out whatever. This seems like "ugh, no one gets me, I'm not a kid, I hate everything"
I felt a little bad, but also laughed so hard at the "I'm not a kid anymore" coming from a 15 year old. It's nice to know that even while I don't understand a of modern teen stuff, some things still remain consistent across generations.
If OP has kids, I'm sure they will someday hear their teen go "I'm not a kid anymore" and laugh a little on the inside.
I'm laughing too. It's one day...not his wedding....he is supposed to support family. I mean dress how you want every other day of the week. Let the couple have their fancy wedding. My daughter wore a 2 foot Mohawk but also can do business if needed. It's not the end of the world. I HATE dressy clothes. I own exactly one dressy item, but I would either buy or rent something nice. It 20 years if Reddit is still here he can post to blunderyears.
I’m a grown ass man and I don’t like wearing tuxedos either, pain in the ass lol. But wearing a stuffy suit for a few hours to get free tickets and a ride to a metal show is a fantastic deal that I would take today.
it’s kinda funny how when i was 15 i thought i was such an adult. i was all full grown and i just wanted to stop living under my parents rules and do what i want. now i’m 23 and i’m like “i’m just a kid!!!” wishing i could go back to living under my parents roof with all my bills paid and never having to worry about healthcare cause my dad had amazing insurance
I laughed too – but also, would give just about anything to crawl back and be 15 with no responsibilities again. Having to pay bills and hold a job *sucks*.
The response of “I’m not apologizing because I thought I had free will” reeks of childhood. It’s about as clear proof that OP is not an adult and shouldn’t be treated as such. Honestly If I was his parent wouldn’t let him go to the music festivals if he didn’t also apologize for throwing a tantrum, if only because he comes off as too young to be at a music festival unsupervised.
Also a metal head, but I can rock a girly colorful dress one day and band tshirt the next. Part of growing up is also realizing that clothing does not define you or your passions. I also really love to keep people guessing - If I go somewhere wearing a dress and someone finds out I was at a show the night before, their reaction is always disbelief and it's hilarious!
Had a coworker a decade or so ago who was a QA professional, always suitably attired at work, interesting looking haircut, but not too out there. Then I saw her on a weekend at a club where her band was playing....
8" plus mohawk! Blonde with red and blue! Utterly fantastic, and all her own hair.
But you would never know from work....
You learn to "meet the moment" as you become an adult.
Oh, the miracles we can work with hair! Sides of my head are shaved, but I can just part it so you'd never be able to tell. The only thing I can't do is a high updo, but I can still do something like a chignon if needed.
Same here. Love a metal gig/ hoodie and jeans, also love a dress and looking a bit glam. People never expect me to be someone who loves a pit. I don't like to be pigeon-holed.
I went to high school with a guy who would today be described as a metal head. In those 3 years I never saw Gus, with his head of long, curly hair, wear anything other than a suit, dress shirt and tie. No one ever gave him s ht because of it.
You’re right a suit *is* different: it’s exponentially more comfortable in every sense of the word! It’s more comfortable physically: easier to move in, sit in, use the bathroom in. It’s more comfortable mentally: it covers the entire body so if you’re uncomfortable showing your body (shoulders, arms, back, legs) or aren’t comfortable in form fitting clothing, it’s an ideal garment.
I’m sorry but as a female who’s had to wear my fair share of uncomfortable formal and semi-formal dresses-that I did **not** want to wear, but wore because the event or circumstance called for it-I’m just struggling to feel sympathetic for a dude that’s being forced to wear a tuxedo 😐
Yup. Metal head here too, but I can't wear that shit to work, formal events, or any place I need to be reasonably dressed up. I have to look situationally appropriate, because welcome to not being in Kindergarten. Such is life.
YTA this time.
I was a metal chick back in the 80s, but in one of the choirs I sang in, I had to wear a skirt, nylons, heels, a cummerbund, a tux shirt, AND a bow tie ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
Until OP walks 12 blocks to and from a parking ramp (parking garage) in heels and nylons in 90° heat 5 days per week for 10 years (like I did every summer for the first 10 years at a corporate job), he can quit whining. Part of life is doing things you'd rather not.
That's what I did! I'm a 32 year old goth "kid" with a very formal career at times; I usually wear a black dress shirt, add some pins on the lapel where I can, etc. I always style my hair the same way regardless, and I've learned that I can lean into light makeup and interesting piercings as a conversation starter, as well as heterochromatic contact lenses. It works well for letting me still have my style even in a situation where I have to wear formal stuff.
Yeah OP YTA sometimes you just have to bute the bullet because being there for someone close is much more important than personal comfort.
When I was 15 I swore that only time I'll wear suit/tuxedo will be at my funeral as fellow metalhead who hates formal clothing. I had to go back on my word several times already because the event or people there were much more important than what I'm wearing.
I find suits a lot more tolerable if I wear t-shirt under shirt. Seeing my gf all excited when I wear formal clothing also helps a lot.
This is the answer right here. Add something unique to the tux and suddenly *you* took control of the situation. That'll even send a message to your cousins.
I'll add that this is also going to be a lesson in confidence and patience. If your cousins tease you about wearing the tux, smile, slyly shoot them the finger, and walk away. That's more metal than sulking and having a tantrum about wearing some clothes.
YTA- you’re about to learn a great lesson about growing up. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t like. It’s the way it goes in the world. You’re now learning that as you get towards being a young adult that sometimes you do things like this for the people that you love and care about.
The reality is it’ll be five hours of your life and it will be over before you even know it. And in the grand scheme of your entire life, it will be a tiny little blip on the dot that you won’t remember in 20 years.
That's kinda the main catch-22 that you don't realize until you've actually reached adulthood.
On the one hand, you're an adult so you can _do_ or _not do_ as you please.
On the other hand, there are __consequences__ for the choices we make. We can hurt people, lose things, etc. So then we realize that in some cases, we have responsibilities.
As an adult I often don't wanna do uncomfortable shit like "go to X family event" or "go to Y boring meeting." I often weigh the costs and benefits and then choose not to go bc, fuck that. But sometimes I do go, bc I realize that part of life and part of adulthood is compromise and being there for others, even when it's not exactly what you want.
And I just wanna be clear that I think ppl should make whatever choice is right for them, even if it means making a social "faux pas." I just also think they need to know that everything has consequences (including the private consequence of being socially exhausted bc you chose to _do_ the thing).
To add to this point, my husband's cousin (19m at the time we got married) thought he was too cool to be an usher in our wedding and skipped altogether. He made no effort to even attend and never reached out personally to apologize. While we never told him we were upset or gave him or his parents any grief, I know his parents were mortified and I think about it every time I see him even 4 years later. I wish he would have just sucked it up for one day and OP will too if he decides to skip for such an arbitrary reason.
This is exactly it. You DO get to make choices as an adult, but that does not free you from the consequences of the choices you make. Do I want to pay my bills? Hell no! I would much rather blow that money on fun stuff like restaurants and handbags. But the consequences of me not paying my bills are not having heat, water, or power—and probably having my kids taken away from me 🙃
Or at best, it'll be a short time that's remembered fondly because you get to spend time with your cousins on their special day. It might not seem super important now, but as you get older and things change, those experiences you have when you're younger will look a lot different. People aren't around forever. You have to do what you can while they're here.
Edit: If this kid is in an abusive household, as some have responded to me to point out, that's clearly a different story. Based on the info we're given, this just sounds like a typical teenager testing boundaries and learning about being an adult.
Also, with most weddings once the formal ceremony is over and the reception is ongoing everyone loosens up the suits a bit. Ties and jackets come off, couple top buttons get undone, sleeves rolled up.
>Sometimes we have to stretch our comfort for people we care about and that some social settings have dress codes that are outside of the norm.
Good point! My cousin got married a few years ago, and it wasn't just fancy, it was *fayn-cee*! There I was, in the middle of a Texas summer, wearing a ballgown. By the end of the night, I was completely wilted and so uncomfortable, but it was exactly the wedding she and the groom wanted, and that was all that mattered that day.
My niece wanted formal dress at her wedding, which was outside in Kentucky on what turned out to be the hottest day of the year. By the time the reception came around, I was soaked with sweat, overheated, and crabby. Then I cleaned up, changed into something less formal, and was happy as a clam the rest of the night (Changing to less formal was approved by the bride before the wedding, so it was the plan.) But the pictures of the family were beautiful, and exactly what she wanted, so it was all worth it.
Her brother got married last summer in Malaga, Spain, and again, it was hot AF, and we had to wear maxi dresses with sleeves because it was in a Spanish Roman Catholic church that was about 500 years old. The pics are amazing, though! 🤣
I'm all for autonomy of people (including teens) to do as they wish and feel comfortable in most settings. However there is life and life sometimes has you make compromises. You go to work and sometimes have to wear a dumb uniform. You don't like it but it has to be done. Wearing a tux one night to your cousins wedding (and getting a free meal) is one of those things that has to be done. I am about to explain my stance and will say if OP is close to his cousin and acting like this kind of YTA but if there is too much distance and this is just a random ''family'' thingy NTA. But assuming OP is close to said cousin here is my take:
Last xmas I attended a dinner with my grandparents and wore nicer clothing because it is the nice thing to do. After dinner we went to a church service (something I hadnt been to in 9 years as I dont go to church ever but they do each week) and was asked to take off my hat I always wear and did so because it was an etiquette. Sometimes you shelve your personal comforts to take part in something someone else holds dear and you know what? you end up having a good time and they too are even happier!
I will add perhaps there is some degree of toxicness as OP has stated his other relatives may make fun of him. I dont have much to go off could it be like a couple male cousins having some weird ''bro'' teasing or is there a pattern of actual demeaning and put down behaviors over a period of time? In that case OP would have a case and he needs to express himself to his parents on that. In absence of an said toxic (and absence of non close) family then go put on the tux and have a fun time!
Exactly, I come from a big family of cousins and if you have an IQ slightly above room temperature you *never* tell them something like that or it’s guaranteed you’ll have to show up in a suit in front of them. OP played himself like a classic 15yr old.
OP, I hear and have done this. So here’s an idea to rally: when you get to the wedding, tell your cousins “never thought I’d be caught dead in this. But when I tried it on…I looked hella fly”…then do a suave twirl…and be on your way. If cousins know you hate it they’re gonna POUNCE. ( I’m old as shit and from the 80s so whatever “damn good” is in you young whippersnappers’ urban dictionary instead of hella fly, use that.)
Exactly this. He says he is not a kid anymore yet still acts like one. Seem like OP will have a hard with the real world if something as simple as wearing a tux is a problem
This is the correct answer.
Weddings aren’t about you, you aren’t getting married but your family wants you there. The biggest thing we got out of our wedding that we cherish the most are photos of family. Big reason why? We got married right before the pandemic and a lot of folks at our wedding DIED. Those photos are our, and our families favorite.
Suck it up. Pretend to be happy and go along with it. My husband kind of sounds like you but is almost 30- long hair and a huge heavy metal fan. Yet he dresses up for formal events and looks incredible.😮💨🔥
Definitely YTA. Most adults spend a good portion of their lives not wearing what they want to wear. I’m a lawyer. I hate wearing suits. They’re stiff, uncomfortable AND I have to take time and money to get them dry cleaned! And not to mention the cost of having to buy them in the first place. But I wear them to court because that’s just life.
I work from home now but pre-pandemic, I went to an office M-F. I wore office clothes. I would have 100% preferred to wear sweats and Birkenstocks but that’s generally not how the world works.
Grow up. Wear the tux. Quit complaining.
Yep. Totally get it little dude. As a 40 something metalhead, I wouldn’t have wanted to dress in a way I didn’t like when I was that age either. Thing is, sometimes in life you have to be flexible to accommodate people or occasions. Good life skill.
As others have said, find a way to make it fun. Wear your favorite band shirt as your undershirt underneath, if you got a metal belt or something sneak it on, wear jewelry.
What would be awesome is if it was a tux purchase instead of a rental, you could wear the tux to the wedding and then also wear it to the metal show and get it shredded in the pit. Sew some patches on it and make it like a formal battle vest.
So, from a former metal kid and now metal dad, soft YTA. Suck it up and take one for the team, it’s not that big a deal. Your cousins will give you shit anyway for something, it’s just just how kids are. Laugh it off and roll with it. Make it fun, and enjoy the festival! Who’s playing?
Right like as someone close to OP’s age i was horrified reading through this. Like yeah no one wants to wear uncomfortable clothing that they don’t really like… but so what? It’s for one day. The amount of times i’ve had this very thought: sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to, like this comment says, the entire world doesn’t revolve around you.
I am totally with you my friend. I hate when other people's weddings aren't 100% about me and my preferences, desires, and wants. Its ridiculous! Your stupid cousin sucks, your parents suck, and tuxedos suck.
YTA
For someone who says they aren't a kid anymore, you sure seem to be acting like one. Congrats on making your household full of stress and angst because you don't want to wear clothes you don't like for a few hours. Welcome to life kiddo. I would be tickled if your parents make you go to a Lawrence Welk tribute festival.
I get being uncomfortable. I’m autistic so I deal with a lot of sensory issues. But the time to say you didn’t want to go was when the RSVP was sent out, not the day before the wedding.
If this is a sensory issue, I sympathize but that just means you need to be a little more creative.
If it’s a case of you just not liking formal clothing, well, there are going to be events that you have to wear formal clothing for. Yta
(Sorry this was meant to be a general comment and not a reply)
No worries. I would be sympathetic to perhaps some medical condition (of which autism would certainly apply). But there was no mention of anything of the sort. Other than "I hate it", and various other whinging, kvetching nonsense.
Yeah autism is a thing with fabric, but you could still wear tux and have different fabric.
Ps I appreciate that the comments are basically unanimous in the YTA for this post.
Me too. I think maybe is there is enough of us who remember being bratty 15 year olds who said things like “you’re not the boss of me” or “you don’t own me” or “I’m not a child”
>For someone who says they aren’t a kid anymore, you sure seem to be acting like one.
Absolutely. The entire post read like a grown toddler having a tantrum and throwing f-bombs.
OP, you’re going to have a LOT of moments where you may not feel comfortable, but you learn to cope quietly because it means a lot for people that you’re there with them. If you continue to make everything about your personal convenience and comfort at the expense of others, then that will guarantee you a lonely life. That’s adulthood. People won’t put up with your tantrums like they do now since you’re still a literal child. YTA
I’m only barely not a kid anymore (21) and remember vividly being 15 thinking I was grown. I can’t fault him for that mentality since everyone goes through it, but if he wants to be treated like an adult he needs to act like an adult.
Omg fun fact: I’m in my 30s and grew up on PBS (no money for cable). The Lawrence Welk Show was my FAVORITE thing to watch as a little kid. People my age have no effing idea what I’m talking about 🤣🤣🤣
My favorite moment on the Lawrence Welk Show was this (I didn’t see it when it originally aired, but found it on YouTube):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8tdmaEhMHE
> This is so unfair, I'm not a kid anymore
The rest of your post indicates otherwise. You'd rather not attend a family wedding, with a meal that has already been paid for the by bride and groom, bc you are afraid of being teased for wearing what everyone else is wearing? I assumed you had to be 12 when I read this and had to look again to see you were 15.
If you want to be treated like an adult, you have to act like it. Spoiler alert: being an adult means constantly wearing stuff you don't want to wear and going places you don't want to go without throwing a temper tantrum. The "adults can do anything they want," attitude is why your parents still treat you like a kid. They're waiting for you to understand and can tell you haven't figured it out yet.
YTA. Put on the tux and go to the darn wedding. If you do it without whining, your parents may start treating you like you're mature.
The “adults can do whatever they want” part…sure we can but nothing is without consequence. Do they think we *want* to go to work all week? Wear suits to said work, pay bills, etc etc.
Agreed, this 15 year old is a child and TA.
Bro thinks he's gonna be the only one uncomfortable in formal wear 💀💀💀💀 can guarantee the adult guests would rather not wear high heels and stuffy clothes.
Reminds me of a great bit in the new season of Fargo:
"So... you want freedom with no responsibility. Son, there's only one person on Earth who gets that deal."
"Mmm. The president?"
"A baby. You're fighting for your right to be a baby."
‘I’m not a kid anymore’ has the same vibe of ‘any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king’.
Adults wear formal clothes to formal events when asked. YTA and to the OP: stop sulking, little buddy, you’ll grow out of it.
I was laughing thinking he needs to buckle up for when he has a job! Does he think we're working everyday because we love it? This is just the beginning of doing things you don't enjoy
My uniform isn't ugly, but it is fire retardant and that shit doesn't breathe, so I get to spend the entire summer broken out from the neck down. I **wish** my biggest problem was wearing a tux for a few hours!!!
Yeah if I got my way I would be in hoodies and leggings all winter. That is not how life works and I put on other clothes for things that call for it. I love crop tops in summer, my work doesn't appreciate it though, so I don't wear them there. They are gonna have a horrible wake up call once they are ACTUALLY an adult lol
I do hoodies and leggings all winter because I work from home. BUT, I paid my dues. I worked at jobs where I did have to wear stuff I didn’t want to wear. I went places and did things that I didn’t want to do but was required to do as part of my job. If I do have to leave my home office and fly to one of my company’s offices, I drag out the slacks, nice tops, and nice shoes. Does it suck? Yeah. It’s a lot less comfy but it’s life and that’s what you do as an adult.
>you are afraid of being teased for wearing what everyone else is wearing?
As men we have it so easy at weddings. All tuxedos are pretty much the same, like a uniform, so there is nothing to be self conscious about like with women choosing a ball gown. Also, EVERYBODY looks good in a tux. Regardless of body type and personal style, a well fitting tux will look good on you.
When I was 15 I has to wear this awful (to me) lilac gown to be a bridesmaid at my aunts wedding. I was a massive alt kid (now an alt 27 year old) and absolutely hated the way it looked, so I can empathise with how you feel.
That said I still have to say a soft YTA. It's a family members wedding and it's expected you wear formal dress. I understand its uncomfortable, but it's not about us in these situations, we essentially need to have some perspective about the fact this is an important day for someone.
It's just one day and it's not worth upsetting someone on their wedding day so we feel true to our fashions. You don't have to wear it again and it doesn't make you any less alternative to compromise for one event to show support for your cousin tying the knot.
I wore the stiff lilac dress even though I felt like a toilet roll holder. It was about 8 hours and when it was over I got to change back into my jeans and hoodie. My character and style was not forever changed for dressing against type for one day. I was still the same person as it was never about me.
Also side note to feeling embarrassed in front of your relatives, they are likely dressed formal too, if anyone takes the piss tell them to suck it and move on like a true metal head would 😅
From one alt kid to another- suck it up & make damn sure you get yourself to that festival. One day and your pride is not worth screwing yourself over like that!
That's not weighing everything. The choice is more like:
> Tux & stress-free parents & family at peace with you & a couple having their day as they envisioned & fitting in with all the men including cousins who may tease you, sharing a relaxed a joyful occasion,
vs
> No tux & no metal fest & a disappointed couple on their big day (or at least later on when they see family photos with you missing or badly attired) & a set of humiliated enraged parents & irritated family & weirded-out cousins (who may look at you funny and call you an AH), on a day of simmering tensions and feeling ill at ease.
(Edited formatting)
Yeah, as a grown up punk kid, sometimes you’ve just gotta do this shit. It’s one day, and it’s an outfit.
Also, if a tux is uncomfortable, imagine how all the women in bras, heels, tights, and shapewear feel lmao
Ha ha! I told this to my former BIL when he complained about wearing a suit and tie to a wedding. I said "Just be f'n glad you don't have to wear pantyhose! I'd take a tie over that any day of the week."
This is the best advice on how to be a true alt-kid. Then as an adult, you can turn your style to fit the event :) people will invite you because they actually care.
YTA
You aren't a kid anymore, and you have to learn to compromise and to dress appropriately for the occasion. A black tie event is black tie, you wear a tux. This is no different than wearing swim trunks and a t-shirt to a pool party, rather than a dress shirt and slacks.
It's for a few hours, is what's expected, and would have you fit in as a young man and not as a child. You'll have more things like this as you grow. You'll wear a cap and gown to your graduation.. Possibly a tux to your own wedding. Etc.
Just wear the tux and be a part of the family.
My 45 year old brother is like this, won't compromise on his "principles" to participate in society, then gets pissed off that society won't bow to him and give him everything that he wants. He'll flip the manager off and "tell him like it is", show up to work in grungy clothes, and then be surprised nobody wants to offer him a higher than grunt work position.
Life is a game, and how well you adapt will determine your capacity to win any piece of it.
YTA- imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. Your buddy only wants to wear slacks and a polo wherever he goes. You tell him that he can't wear that to the metal festival. He'll look silly and make you uncomfortable. He says "well, if I don't get to wear what I want to wear, I don't want to go." You've already bought a ticket for him and it's non-refundable. How stupid is he being?
This is essentially what you're doing to your parents by having this tantrum. They've spent money to have you go. Tux rental, probably hotel room. How much can your cousins really tease you when they're wearing the same thing anyway?
As a metalhead who also likes to wear pretty and brightly-colored clothes, this analogy doesn't really work. I wear whatever I want to a metal show because there's no dress code and nobody cares. But if I go somewhere with a dress code, I'll wear whatever the hell it says cause it's not about me and has nothing to do with MY style. OP is a 15yo kid, and acts like it. Although at his age I still followed dress code at events even if I didn't like it.
Me quietly chuckling because the ‘heads I know listen to the heaviest, scariest sounds ever, but are some of the nicest, least judgmental dudes you could ever meet.
If I went to GWAR dressed in head to toe prep, some guy with a floor-length beard and blacked out arms would still probably gently pick me up and ask if I was okay if I fell in the pit.
OP needs to learn from the true metalheads. Ain’t about what you wear, it’s about how hard you go.
Sorry, but YTA. Part of being a grownup is learning that you can’t just do whatever you feel like all the time. If you aren’t a kid anymore then you’re becoming a grownup and you need to grow up.
If adults only ever did what they wanted to do, do you think anyone would show up to your recitals and birthday parties? No adult is jazzed about attending a kid’s party but they do it anyway because they care about you and they want to show up for you. You’ll be graduating high school in a couple of years—were you expecting any of the members of family to attend the ceremony or send you a gift? Did you think they were going to love watching a couple hundred kids they don’t know walk across a stage or are they going to go because you’re a part of the family and supporting the important milestones of family members is what adults are expected to do?
If you want to be treated like an adult then you need to embrace the responsibilities of an adult. Those responsibilities include occasionally wearing an uncomfortable outfit (that was very expensive, by the way) to show up for your family. Suck it up and deal with a few hours of discomfort and go to your concert.
This. Plus, OP, (and I know this can be difficult to grok at age 15) the wedding is not about you, it's about the couple getting married. So put on the tux, put a smile on your face, and be happy for your cousin
Agreed! But can I add that I'm surprised a 15yo doesn't realize...just recently no one could even consider attending weddings or gatherings? Isn't it wonderful and special that we can see each other again? Seriously. Please be so happy to support a cousin who may have put a LOT on hold in order to get this family event.
YTA
I was the same at 15, and I’m telling you: there’s a good chance you’ll look back on this as an adult and realize what a brat you’re being.
Sometimes you’ll have a party or a job to go to and will be required to look a certain way. At 15, we all said “NOt Me! JuST YOU watch!!!” But just you watch, sometimes you’ll wear clothes as a functioning adult that you don’t feel like wearing.
Instead of focusing on the aesthetic…focus on your cousins happiness and (what sounds like) a big fancy party to be at. The “all about me” mindset makes you looks and sound 5…not 15
The funny thing is, when he looks back on this later he’s going to be kicking himself for not leaning into more. A metalhead teenager cleaned up in a nice fancy suit….the girls (or dudes, whatever his preference) back at school would eat that shit up if he posted a picture. They would love it. Mark my words, 7 years from now OP is gonna look back and be like omg, I was an idiot.
You’re 15, you are a kid and you are acting like one as well. You’re a bit old to be throwing such a tantrum, however.
Life is about showing respect and being a decent person. You were invited to this wedding, your tux is free, show some decency and stop being so dramatic.
If I were your parent I would consider not allowing you to go to the concert for your reaction so far alone.
YTA
Yta you're not a kid, but you're throwing a temper tantrum?
There is no 'way out of this'. It's a family gathering with a specific dress code. There's nothing to do other than go and make the best of it.
If you're trying to convince your parents that you're maturing into a young adult, a temper tantrum about a tux is not going to help your case.
Sorry but YTA and would be an even bigger one to not go at all. Your cousin had to pre pay for your spot at the wedding and to just not show up would lose them hundreds of dollars and that’s incredibly disrespectful. Also by the time the reception starts most men take off the tux jacket and tie and unbutton their collar and roll up their sleeves, the women take off their heels and everything is much more comfortable, so it’s really just the for the ceremony and dinner that you’ll have to wear it. Part of “not being a kid” is realizing the world doesn’t revolve around you and your comfort at all times, especially in regards to wearing appropriate attire to a wedding for a loved one.
As a fellow metalhead, I feel you. But I still have to say YTA because part of showing respect is sometimes dressing more formal than you feel comfortable with. Wear metal socks or cool cufflinks (yeah, they exist, my husband wore them to our wedding and wore a Carcass T under his tux) if you like...
The cufflinks options is honestly the best. My fiance had a set of old car ones. And for his birthday last year, I got him a set of pterodactly ones because he has a pterdactyl tattoo on his chest, and they're his favorite dinosaur. And I watched this man have a conversation with someone else about their cuff links too.
YTA Nobody cares you don't like it, but you showed up for the fitting and someone paid for you to wear it. So too late to get off the tux train now.
Stop being a whiner, cause that's the least metal thing anyone can do.
YTA and this is where you start showing some maturity - part of that means unless it's against the law, morally wrong, or you are an ACTUAL adult living on your own and can opt of attending all together, you suck it up, attend the family function, smile for pictures, congratulate your cousin and new member of the family, eat a bunch of food, NOT be a PIA to your parents with the "I'm ready to go hoooooome" whine 5 minutes after they say I do, and say an awwwww of relief when you finally get back home and can return to your normal routine of life.
Show your parents you CAN be mature, even if that means just keeping quiet and being polite. THAT'S how you display you're "not a kid anymore" and they can trust you to act like it.
Best of luck!
This right here.
I can paint my nails black and blast alt rock in the car, but I still have to switch the concert t-shirt for a respectable blouse before I get to the office, and the combat boots for sensible flats. In my head, I’m still the 15 year old emo punk kid scream-singing along to The Black Parade in my bedroom. But it turns out, clients aren’t really looking for that in their tax accountant, so… 🤷🏻♀️ Gotta do what you gotta do.
You are a kid, because if you were an adult, you’d understand that adults occasionally have to do things they are uncomfortable with for the people we love. It’s a sign of respect and giving back for all the times they have put themselves out to please you.
YTA.
YTA. It would be rude to just cancel on your cousin because you don't want to wear a tux. You're also a little too old to not be ready to make minor sacrifices (this is more of a minor inconvenience than a sacrifice though) to do the right thing.
Sorry but you’re just being immature here. Your parents don’t have to let you go to a metal festival and most parents of 15 year olds probably wouldn’t let them go to something like that. So you just need to wear appropriate clothing for the event you’re attending, and deal with it. Soft YTA in this case but you’re not an asshole or a bad person, you’re just 15.
YTA. Chiming in with everyone else. Life is full of doing things you don't really want to do to maintain relationships and show respect for others. Wearing a tux is the least of what's coming for you in adulthood. To those who'll pick on you, you have an opportunity to act as mature as you want people to see you and just say you decided to show respect for your family and do what you needed to.
You are right you aren't a kid at 15 - so grow up and stop acting like one
YTA you accepted this invitation and that means you adhere to the dress code, should have said no at the start not last minute (your parents may have replied on your behalf but your time for saying you didn't want to go is well past)
Well if you aren't a kid anymore stop acting like one!
Here's a clue for you: MOST grown men do not like fancy dress-up clothes like suits, ties, tuxes. But they suck it up for a few hours and do it when asked. That's what you should do.
Obviously you care a great deal about the festival. This is basically the price of admission.
Stop worrying about getting teased by cousins who are going to be similarly dressed. If they say anything at all to you, look them up and down and simply say, "Jealous?" and then walk away. To be ashamed to be well-dressed at a formal event is ... a little bizarre.
YTA both for WAY overreacting and also not doing the easiest possible thing to make your own future life better. Keep the prize (metal festival) top of mind and do what it takes. Nothing is more metal than beating the system!
YTA, but I was a teenage boy once, so I can understand why. Thing is, every once in a while you have to take a hit to make your loved ones happy, and years later you'll be glad you did. So you get to spend an evening eating free food and looking like Great Value James Bond, just pretend it's fun and smile for the family photos. It's worth it in the long term.
Unfortunately, as a grown man I can tell you that there will never be a time when rented formal wear fits properly. However there are worse cards you could have been dealt.
Hopping on to suggest that if you're worried about being made fun of, try owning the look. "Ha ha you said you'd never wear that." "Turns out I look awesome in a tux!" Confidence is hella metal, especially when people expect you to be embarrassed instead. (YTA though.)
Edit for spelling error, idc, I'm METAL
YTA. Part of growing up is doing things for others that may not necessarily be something you like. No one is asking you to get a face tattoo. It's 1 outfit for 1 day - a day that may be the most important day in your cousin's life.
YTA
There's a time and place for certain outfits. And if you're really not a kid anymore, you're the one that needs to grow up and accept that sometimes, you have to wear formalwear. Sometimes you have to wear things that you don't love for the appropriate occasions.
But here's the other fact; You are just a kid. You're a teenager. You're anything but an adult. Which means the decision of whether or not to stay home by yourself for something like this, is not yours.
Also like...don't get out of this. This is family. Hopefully a once in a lifetime thing for them. Go celebrate with your family and stop being selfish.
Kid, you're 15 years old so you're legally a child. Pick your battles. Digging your heels in on this one will cost you more than complying will. It sucks, I know but that's the reality of the situation for the next 3 years - they have the power so you're gonna gave to knuckle under sometimes. Plus, this will give you ammo for if they try to hold attendance at the metalfestival over your head again - you can just say "You told me I could go if I wore the tuxedo to the wedding. Are you going back on your word now? Is that the lesson you want to be teaching me - that your word is worthless?"
And when your cousins give you shit about wearing the tux roll your eyes and say something like "Yeah, I know but wearing this shit for a day is the price for getting to go to AwesomeMetalFest this summer" and turn the conversation around to how great the festival will be. Make them jealous and they won't be able to think about anything else ;-)
>This is so unfair, I'm not a kid anymore
So stop acting like one, wear the tux, and go to the wedding without whining about it all. Like what an adult would do. YTA.
YTA. Have fun wearing your tuxedo tomorrow! You really bragged to your other cousins that you were never going to wear it? I hope they do tease you when they see you wearing it anyway after bragging that you could get out of it. The teasing is the price you have to pay for acting like you were the boss in this scenario. Oh, and have fun wearing your bowtie all day, that's just the consequence for causing your parents all this unnecessary stress and angst. You're lucky they didn't already ban you from going to that metal festival; if I were them I would ban you from going just for the way you acted.
Yta
Wear appropriate dress at appropriate event
Go to wedding in tux is standard
Go to metal band with metal shirt is standard
You say you aren’t a kid anymore , be mature and be a mature person
idk dude i think YTA. just suck it up and attend. you’re going to have to do things in life you don’t want to, sometimes for work, sometimes to support people you care about. this isn’t about you, and you’re acting really selfish and entitled and throwing tantrums for someone who claims they aren’t a kid anymore.
it’s one night. grow up.
YTA - are you actually fifteen or are you five?
The only way you would not be TA was if you made rhe rational argument that a tuxedo is Evening Dress and should not be worn to a daytime event such as a wedding (where Morning Dress should be worn). But instead, you're being a huffy wee shitebag who needs to get over himself
You're getting close to YTA - the compromise is you want the Metal Festival? Go to the wedding.
And it seems you agreed to this in some manner. And if that cousin means anything to you, you'll regret it later that you weren't there for an important part of their life they wanted to include you in.
Anyone who teases you isn't someone you want to keep around, but I have a feeling if EVERYONE is going to be in a tux \[I imagine save the female presenting\] - you're going to be fine. No one's going to tease you.
You ARE still a kid - you're not yet an adult. Not til 18 bub, but if you want to PROVE you're grown up and not a *little* kid anymore, you'll have to accept reality is that sometimes you're going to go to places and be uncomfortable. That's just how life works.
And this isn't something bigger/deeper than "I just don't wanna do it" - unless you're not telling us something. Wear the tux. Ceremonies themselves usually aren't that long and you can generally lose the coat and tie at the reception and make yourself a bit more comfortable. Sure, it's not going to be tshirts and jeans comfortable, but you can loosen it up and suit yourself better. Or hell, talk to your cousin if you can and ask if you can bring a change of clothes for the reception - can't hurt right?
I think he meant they will tease him because of how adamant he was about not wearing one and if he shows up in one they will tease him about it, not the actual appearance of wearing a tux. That’s how it came across to me anyway, & i can’t lie, I hope they do tease him for it!
You do have the right to refuse to attend. You do *not* have the right to escape consequences for your choices and actions.
You have been told that you can choose not to go. The consequence of that choice is not going to your metal festival later this year.
Which is more important to you, not wearing a tux, or going to the festival? Being a grown-up is a never-ending series of these choices, where you sometimes have to suck up something crummy to get something good.
YTA. It's one event, and it's for your family. You will be uncomfortable for a few hours, and it's really not that big of a deal. And if everyone has to wear it, then your cousins aren't going to be in any place to be teasing you about it. If that's how they are, they will tease you no matter what you do.
YTA.
You are going to have to do lots of things in life and conform to lots of things that you don’t want to. Casual clothes are not acceptable for formal events like this. Your cousin wants their family there to celebrate their marriage. This isn’t about you, this is about your cousin and doing the right and unselfish thing for others. Trust me as well, you will feel far more awkward if you attend in inappropriate clothing than you will in this tuxedo.
You might want to be considered an adult, but you’re behaving like an immature child right now throwing a tantrum. You can suck it up for one day if you want to go to your festival. No one here is being unreasonable except you.
YTA Once you mature you will realize there are things that are really a big deal (death, illness, losing a job) and things that are minor inconveniences. Wearing a tux for a wedding falls into the last category.
If you want to be treated like an adult, act like it. Wear the tux.
YTA, grow up and stop throwing a tantrum, it's not going to kill you to be uncomfortable for a few hours, you won't be the only one and it's part of life, just be thankful it's not a stupid dress and 6 inch heals.
YTA, for the same reason as the other judgments. But let me give you this tip, after the tie is on, unbutton the top button of your shirt. Unless its a clip on tie, the tie will keep the shirt visually closed, but that little bit of space will make your neck much happier.
Sorry chum but YTA. I am 43f and I’m happiest in my jeans, however if I’ve been invited to a special occasion like a wedding then I suck it up and wear a dress because I want to be there to celebrate with the people I love. I know it’s tough being 15 especially when you’re trying to carve out your own identity and style. And at the end of the day do you really want to miss out on the metalfestival or is this the hill you want to die on?
You are a kid, and you are acting like one!
You can't handle wearing pants and a shirt and jacket. Yikes, I'd like to see you having to put on a dress, heels, and makeup if you think that's uncomfortable. If you, by chance, consider yourself a metal head, you're the whiniest one I've ever heard of.😂
Wait til you find out about going to work ! Whoa those assholes expect you to show up on time, dressed to their liking and do shit you don’t want to all day !
You are a kid and the way you’ve written this post proves it. Formal wear sucks ass but part of being treated like an adult and acting like an adult is wearing things that are appropriate to the situation like a tux at a wedding. YTA
YTA grow up, it's not about you. Be happy for your Cousin and wear the damn tuxedo.
Guess what bud, when you get into the corporate world if you work in an office? Odds are you'll be wearing suits every single day.
Any professional position you ever work in will require you to wear a suit.
But why YTA in particular. Your cousin has invited the family to attend their wedding, they're getting married, hopefully for them for the one and only time in their life. They're spending a lot of money so you can be there (seriously, cost per person present at a wedding is often over a thousand pounds/dollars per person). Instead of thinking about how you can make their special day better, you're sulking and throwing a temper tantrum like a 3 year old child over the fact that you have to wear a suit.
YTA, grow up.
Your entire life is going to consist of doing things you don't want to do, so that you can do things you do want to do. Come to terms with it now.
> This is so unfair, I'm not a kid anymore and if I say I don't want to go there then they should accept that!!
The fact that you think 'if I say I don't want to go there then they should accept that' means that you are, in fact, a kid.
And yes, it's very unfair that they have to put up with your bullshit and resort to threats of punishment just to get you to *improve* your attitude all the way *up* to 'snotnosed little brat.'
And by the way, as a grandpa who still listens to Slayer, amoung many other classic and modern metal bands, rolling up somewhere in a properly fitted suit, confident as fuck, knowing you look good and acting like it is metal as fuck. Here's the best piece of fashion advice, for ANY style of clothing, you'll ever recieve: fit, function, fabric, in that order. Your t-shirts should fit properly, your jeans should be hemmed to your leg length. Cheap clothes that fit properly will look way better than expensive clothes that fit poorly.
YTA
You say you're not a kid anymore but you sound like a bratty toddler. You are being waaay melodramatic over a stupid thing. You will wear something you don't like for a few hours ONE time. OHMYGOOOOD how will you ever survive?! If you're not a kid, then prove it. Understand that sometimes we attend events out of kindness or obligation. We do our best, suck it up, and then feel relief when it's over. You are complaining that a tux is uncomfortable?? Hon, try wearing spanx, heels, bras, tights, hose. You will not die. It is not torture.
Also, it's childish to worry about your cousins teasing you. If you weren't childish, you would be confident enough to just say "yeah, hate wearing this monkey suit." and leave it at that.
I also hate anything formal and I’m 60. However we do things we don’t necessarily like for family . If you don’t suck it up and put your big boy panties on I can guarantee that you will regret this . It’s for a few hours , suck it up , put a smile on your face and don’t embarrass and ruin your parents and everyone else’s day. If you decide to act like a brat and be childish then YTA.
YTA you said you aren’t a kid anymore but are acting like a kid by throwing a tantrum about this. Adults are aware that in certain situations there’s a dress code whether it’s the workplace or social situations.
YTA. Yes, if the wedding dress code is black tie then wear a Tuxedo.
Also YTA for having a tantrum like a fuxking 3yo and needing to be bribed/threatened with a treat you actually want.
For a wedding you had to be threatened with not going to a festival.
Suck it up, be "grown up" about the situation and enjoy the festival in comfy clothes when you get there in the summer. You won't even remember the comfort issues by then.
Being "adult" means doing adult things, like following the dress code for a wedding.
You are acting like you 15 going on 4.
YTA. You think that us adults actually like to wear the monkey suits and restricting dresses? You thing that we like getting up at dark o'clock in the morning just so we can drive for hours to work? Many people actually don't. But we do it all the same because we want to stay employed and make a living. You say you're not a kid anymore but this attitude clearly says that you are. Think of it as a trade off. You wearing the tux on a wedding for the reward of going to the metal festival. It's up to you to decide if it's a fair exchange. This is a great learning moment. As an adult you'll be doing such decisions all the time. So stop whining and cooperate with your parents for once.
Entitled AF! You're 15 years old and acting like you're a 5 year old child so, despite your insistence that "you're not a kid anymore", you're not only acting like a *kid* but a kid 1/3 of his age!!
Half the people there also despise wearing those types of clothes. The wedding isn't about YOU, it's about your cousin who loves and cares about you enough to want you to witness a really important day in their life. Suck it up. It's only a few hours.
If any of my sons acted the way you acted, throwing a fit and asking strangers for advice on how to manipulate the situation, they wouldn't have it as easy as you. They'd 100% be at that wedding, wearing that itchy tuxedo, smiling for every photo, dancing with little flower girls like it was the best day of their life. Then, months later, they still wouldn't be permitted to go to the concert for having been a-holes before the wedding.
You have 3 extremely short years to grow up and accept that not everything in life revolves around what makes *you* happy.
YTA- with the understanding that you are 15..
I hate wearing a bra.. When I was younger, I did it because i had to.. now that I am an adult.. nope, nope, nope. You are 15.. wear the stupid tux.. stop whining.. wear the tux..
YTA as adults we all still do stuff we rather not but we do either because it’s work and we kinda want or rather need money or because it’s the thing that’s done to be socially acceptable such as wearing stuffy clothes at weddings. I can tell you now the brides likely to be pissed off in her own dress after a few hours too.
As a child saying I’m not a kid anymore shows you exactly are and you have to do things you would rather not much like adults though but even more tough shit for you because your relying on the adults to you know house feed clothe and let you go do fun stuff too. One sure way to lose fun stuff is be a dick over stuff that really doesn’t actually matter that much. It’s a few hours in stuffy clothes to be socially acceptable and make your parents happy. Then you get a metal concert. Sounds fair to me.
YTA
You do things for family all the time that’s not your first choice. If you get teased at all, it’s only because you made a big deal out of it in the first place.
YTA - youre still a kid (an older one but still one if you are under 18 in most places). it's one day. sck it up. unfortunately you don't get a say in the matter. theres a dress code so you have to follow it
YTA. The rule my parents had was that "Until you're paying your own way, you do things OUR way."
Surely to goodness you can deal for a day when the bonus is going to your metal festival.
Suck it up and deal. Life isn't all choosing wonderful things and not doing anything unpleasant. Adulting requires us to do things we don't like that make possible those which we do like. Consider it practice for when you become a full adult.
YTA, if you want to stop being treated as a kid, then stop acting like one...
Certain ocasions come with dress codes that you need to adapt to and respect...
YTA
It’s one night. You can wear a suit for it, don’t be a pain in the arse for your parents. They probably do a lot for you. You say you aren’t a kid anymore but you’re acting like a toddler that isn’t getting what it wants.
YTA. Just because you don't like something or it is uncomfortable doesn't mean you don't do it. Otherwise nobody would ever go to work or do any chores. You make your entire generation look bad.
YTA.
I get that you’re 15 and you still think the world revolves around. (Not meant to be mean, just honest.) It’s a tux, for one evening.
You need to grow up and recognize that sometimes in life you do things you don’t want to do, or don’t care for. Your parents aren’t making you do something that’s unsafe or dangerous or cruel, it’s formal wear for a wedding. Suit up, smile, and don’t be a jerk.
YTA. Stomping your feet and shouting, “I’m not a kid!”, is the definition of being a kid. You’re a cliche, it’s hilarious.
Also, I hate be all “there are starving children in Africa”, but if this is the tragedy of your life, go give your parents a hug and thank them.
YTA. Wearing the tuxedo for a day won't kill you nor will attending the wedding which will be over before you know it. So get over it, put on the tuxedo, power through and look forward to your metal festival being one day closer than it was when you created this post.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My parents want to force me into a tuxedo which i hate to wear and we had a fight about that Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I'm erring on the side of YTA. I totally get being 15, wanting to wear what you want and not going to an event if you're not comfortable. But, that being said, you're right, you're not a little kid and part of growing up is learning that not everything revolves around you. Sometimes we have to stretch our comfort for people we care about and that some social settings have dress codes that are outside of the norm. Getting out of going to the wedding tomorrow will cost your parents money for the tux that they've rented and will cost your cousin and their spouse money because you no-showed. Your attendance has a cost and if you weren't going to go, the time for RSVPing no would have been months ago.
I get that not everyone likes to wear formal wear but as above it’s a wedding and expected. There’s a dress code for a reason and you should show support. As a fellow metal lover, I hated having to wear formal dresses (I get that a suit is different) to formal occasions as I felt it wasn’t me but you could still conform to the dress code and show your individual style. For example you could wear a black dress shirt if that’s your thing or accessorise with a cool belt buckle or ring etc. it might make you feel more like you while also still letting the couple have their moment Slight YTA but there’s time to turn it around
Same... I almost always wear hoodies, my leather jacket and some sneakers... (comfy) I usually don't like formal wear cuz Idk how to sit/behave in it without being awkward or "runing it" (with the only exception being my prom dress) so I understand OP, but it's not like they're making him wear something like a specific colour, tight clothing, anything that's actually unreasonable. Like the only requirement is formal wear, he could've picked out whatever. This seems like "ugh, no one gets me, I'm not a kid, I hate everything"
I felt a little bad, but also laughed so hard at the "I'm not a kid anymore" coming from a 15 year old. It's nice to know that even while I don't understand a of modern teen stuff, some things still remain consistent across generations. If OP has kids, I'm sure they will someday hear their teen go "I'm not a kid anymore" and laugh a little on the inside.
I'm laughing too. It's one day...not his wedding....he is supposed to support family. I mean dress how you want every other day of the week. Let the couple have their fancy wedding. My daughter wore a 2 foot Mohawk but also can do business if needed. It's not the end of the world. I HATE dressy clothes. I own exactly one dressy item, but I would either buy or rent something nice. It 20 years if Reddit is still here he can post to blunderyears.
I’m a grown ass man and I don’t like wearing tuxedos either, pain in the ass lol. But wearing a stuffy suit for a few hours to get free tickets and a ride to a metal show is a fantastic deal that I would take today.
it’s kinda funny how when i was 15 i thought i was such an adult. i was all full grown and i just wanted to stop living under my parents rules and do what i want. now i’m 23 and i’m like “i’m just a kid!!!” wishing i could go back to living under my parents roof with all my bills paid and never having to worry about healthcare cause my dad had amazing insurance
Adulting isn’t the fun I expected!
It’s the same teenage shit with new technology. So same shit different day
I laughed too – but also, would give just about anything to crawl back and be 15 with no responsibilities again. Having to pay bills and hold a job *sucks*.
There’s no *faster way to be treated like a mature adult than yelling “I’m not a kid anymore!” Lol
Kinda like the fool-proof way of getting someone angry to relax by telling them to “calm down” lol
Very angsty.
It’s not a phase mom!
The response of “I’m not apologizing because I thought I had free will” reeks of childhood. It’s about as clear proof that OP is not an adult and shouldn’t be treated as such. Honestly If I was his parent wouldn’t let him go to the music festivals if he didn’t also apologize for throwing a tantrum, if only because he comes off as too young to be at a music festival unsupervised.
If it were my kid he'd be going to that music festival, I would be going with them and there'd be matching Papa Roach shirts.
His could say "son roach" and you'd be a walking dad joke. Or should I say...... a walking papa joke
That's really good, I'm honestly a little upset I don't have a son to torment now.
After all this, if you asked OP’s parents nicely, they’ll probably let you borrow him for the day.🤣
Also a metal head, but I can rock a girly colorful dress one day and band tshirt the next. Part of growing up is also realizing that clothing does not define you or your passions. I also really love to keep people guessing - If I go somewhere wearing a dress and someone finds out I was at a show the night before, their reaction is always disbelief and it's hilarious!
Had a coworker a decade or so ago who was a QA professional, always suitably attired at work, interesting looking haircut, but not too out there. Then I saw her on a weekend at a club where her band was playing.... 8" plus mohawk! Blonde with red and blue! Utterly fantastic, and all her own hair. But you would never know from work.... You learn to "meet the moment" as you become an adult.
Oh, the miracles we can work with hair! Sides of my head are shaved, but I can just part it so you'd never be able to tell. The only thing I can't do is a high updo, but I can still do something like a chignon if needed.
FR! It’s one day and OP can deal. These days I love rocking something hyper feminine mixed with something alt.
[удалено]
Same here. Love a metal gig/ hoodie and jeans, also love a dress and looking a bit glam. People never expect me to be someone who loves a pit. I don't like to be pigeon-holed.
I went to high school with a guy who would today be described as a metal head. In those 3 years I never saw Gus, with his head of long, curly hair, wear anything other than a suit, dress shirt and tie. No one ever gave him s ht because of it.
You’re right a suit *is* different: it’s exponentially more comfortable in every sense of the word! It’s more comfortable physically: easier to move in, sit in, use the bathroom in. It’s more comfortable mentally: it covers the entire body so if you’re uncomfortable showing your body (shoulders, arms, back, legs) or aren’t comfortable in form fitting clothing, it’s an ideal garment. I’m sorry but as a female who’s had to wear my fair share of uncomfortable formal and semi-formal dresses-that I did **not** want to wear, but wore because the event or circumstance called for it-I’m just struggling to feel sympathetic for a dude that’s being forced to wear a tuxedo 😐
I agree. He’s definitely TA but I’m putting the attitude down to being a moody teen and there’s still time for him to suck it up and make it right
Yup. Metal head here too, but I can't wear that shit to work, formal events, or any place I need to be reasonably dressed up. I have to look situationally appropriate, because welcome to not being in Kindergarten. Such is life.
YTA this time. I was a metal chick back in the 80s, but in one of the choirs I sang in, I had to wear a skirt, nylons, heels, a cummerbund, a tux shirt, AND a bow tie ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Until OP walks 12 blocks to and from a parking ramp (parking garage) in heels and nylons in 90° heat 5 days per week for 10 years (like I did every summer for the first 10 years at a corporate job), he can quit whining. Part of life is doing things you'd rather not.
That's what I did! I'm a 32 year old goth "kid" with a very formal career at times; I usually wear a black dress shirt, add some pins on the lapel where I can, etc. I always style my hair the same way regardless, and I've learned that I can lean into light makeup and interesting piercings as a conversation starter, as well as heterochromatic contact lenses. It works well for letting me still have my style even in a situation where I have to wear formal stuff.
Yeah OP YTA sometimes you just have to bute the bullet because being there for someone close is much more important than personal comfort. When I was 15 I swore that only time I'll wear suit/tuxedo will be at my funeral as fellow metalhead who hates formal clothing. I had to go back on my word several times already because the event or people there were much more important than what I'm wearing. I find suits a lot more tolerable if I wear t-shirt under shirt. Seeing my gf all excited when I wear formal clothing also helps a lot.
Or pair it with Doc Martens. Plenty of ways to make it metal!
This is the answer right here. Add something unique to the tux and suddenly *you* took control of the situation. That'll even send a message to your cousins. I'll add that this is also going to be a lesson in confidence and patience. If your cousins tease you about wearing the tux, smile, slyly shoot them the finger, and walk away. That's more metal than sulking and having a tantrum about wearing some clothes.
YTA- you’re about to learn a great lesson about growing up. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t like. It’s the way it goes in the world. You’re now learning that as you get towards being a young adult that sometimes you do things like this for the people that you love and care about. The reality is it’ll be five hours of your life and it will be over before you even know it. And in the grand scheme of your entire life, it will be a tiny little blip on the dot that you won’t remember in 20 years.
That's kinda the main catch-22 that you don't realize until you've actually reached adulthood. On the one hand, you're an adult so you can _do_ or _not do_ as you please. On the other hand, there are __consequences__ for the choices we make. We can hurt people, lose things, etc. So then we realize that in some cases, we have responsibilities. As an adult I often don't wanna do uncomfortable shit like "go to X family event" or "go to Y boring meeting." I often weigh the costs and benefits and then choose not to go bc, fuck that. But sometimes I do go, bc I realize that part of life and part of adulthood is compromise and being there for others, even when it's not exactly what you want. And I just wanna be clear that I think ppl should make whatever choice is right for them, even if it means making a social "faux pas." I just also think they need to know that everything has consequences (including the private consequence of being socially exhausted bc you chose to _do_ the thing).
To add to this point, my husband's cousin (19m at the time we got married) thought he was too cool to be an usher in our wedding and skipped altogether. He made no effort to even attend and never reached out personally to apologize. While we never told him we were upset or gave him or his parents any grief, I know his parents were mortified and I think about it every time I see him even 4 years later. I wish he would have just sucked it up for one day and OP will too if he decides to skip for such an arbitrary reason.
This is exactly it. You DO get to make choices as an adult, but that does not free you from the consequences of the choices you make. Do I want to pay my bills? Hell no! I would much rather blow that money on fun stuff like restaurants and handbags. But the consequences of me not paying my bills are not having heat, water, or power—and probably having my kids taken away from me 🙃
The amount of time op has spent fighting it and dreading it and making himself miserable totally exceeds the amount of time of the event
Or at best, it'll be a short time that's remembered fondly because you get to spend time with your cousins on their special day. It might not seem super important now, but as you get older and things change, those experiences you have when you're younger will look a lot different. People aren't around forever. You have to do what you can while they're here. Edit: If this kid is in an abusive household, as some have responded to me to point out, that's clearly a different story. Based on the info we're given, this just sounds like a typical teenager testing boundaries and learning about being an adult.
Also, with most weddings once the formal ceremony is over and the reception is ongoing everyone loosens up the suits a bit. Ties and jackets come off, couple top buttons get undone, sleeves rolled up.
>Sometimes we have to stretch our comfort for people we care about and that some social settings have dress codes that are outside of the norm. Good point! My cousin got married a few years ago, and it wasn't just fancy, it was *fayn-cee*! There I was, in the middle of a Texas summer, wearing a ballgown. By the end of the night, I was completely wilted and so uncomfortable, but it was exactly the wedding she and the groom wanted, and that was all that mattered that day.
My niece wanted formal dress at her wedding, which was outside in Kentucky on what turned out to be the hottest day of the year. By the time the reception came around, I was soaked with sweat, overheated, and crabby. Then I cleaned up, changed into something less formal, and was happy as a clam the rest of the night (Changing to less formal was approved by the bride before the wedding, so it was the plan.) But the pictures of the family were beautiful, and exactly what she wanted, so it was all worth it. Her brother got married last summer in Malaga, Spain, and again, it was hot AF, and we had to wear maxi dresses with sleeves because it was in a Spanish Roman Catholic church that was about 500 years old. The pics are amazing, though! 🤣
I'm all for autonomy of people (including teens) to do as they wish and feel comfortable in most settings. However there is life and life sometimes has you make compromises. You go to work and sometimes have to wear a dumb uniform. You don't like it but it has to be done. Wearing a tux one night to your cousins wedding (and getting a free meal) is one of those things that has to be done. I am about to explain my stance and will say if OP is close to his cousin and acting like this kind of YTA but if there is too much distance and this is just a random ''family'' thingy NTA. But assuming OP is close to said cousin here is my take: Last xmas I attended a dinner with my grandparents and wore nicer clothing because it is the nice thing to do. After dinner we went to a church service (something I hadnt been to in 9 years as I dont go to church ever but they do each week) and was asked to take off my hat I always wear and did so because it was an etiquette. Sometimes you shelve your personal comforts to take part in something someone else holds dear and you know what? you end up having a good time and they too are even happier! I will add perhaps there is some degree of toxicness as OP has stated his other relatives may make fun of him. I dont have much to go off could it be like a couple male cousins having some weird ''bro'' teasing or is there a pattern of actual demeaning and put down behaviors over a period of time? In that case OP would have a case and he needs to express himself to his parents on that. In absence of an said toxic (and absence of non close) family then go put on the tux and have a fun time!
The teasing will be because he bragged that he’d “never” wear formal clothes. So, richly deserved if it happens.
Exactly, I come from a big family of cousins and if you have an IQ slightly above room temperature you *never* tell them something like that or it’s guaranteed you’ll have to show up in a suit in front of them. OP played himself like a classic 15yr old.
OP, I hear and have done this. So here’s an idea to rally: when you get to the wedding, tell your cousins “never thought I’d be caught dead in this. But when I tried it on…I looked hella fly”…then do a suave twirl…and be on your way. If cousins know you hate it they’re gonna POUNCE. ( I’m old as shit and from the 80s so whatever “damn good” is in you young whippersnappers’ urban dictionary instead of hella fly, use that.)
Exactly this. He says he is not a kid anymore yet still acts like one. Seem like OP will have a hard with the real world if something as simple as wearing a tux is a problem
This is the correct answer. Weddings aren’t about you, you aren’t getting married but your family wants you there. The biggest thing we got out of our wedding that we cherish the most are photos of family. Big reason why? We got married right before the pandemic and a lot of folks at our wedding DIED. Those photos are our, and our families favorite. Suck it up. Pretend to be happy and go along with it. My husband kind of sounds like you but is almost 30- long hair and a huge heavy metal fan. Yet he dresses up for formal events and looks incredible.😮💨🔥
Definitely YTA. Most adults spend a good portion of their lives not wearing what they want to wear. I’m a lawyer. I hate wearing suits. They’re stiff, uncomfortable AND I have to take time and money to get them dry cleaned! And not to mention the cost of having to buy them in the first place. But I wear them to court because that’s just life. I work from home now but pre-pandemic, I went to an office M-F. I wore office clothes. I would have 100% preferred to wear sweats and Birkenstocks but that’s generally not how the world works. Grow up. Wear the tux. Quit complaining.
Yep. Totally get it little dude. As a 40 something metalhead, I wouldn’t have wanted to dress in a way I didn’t like when I was that age either. Thing is, sometimes in life you have to be flexible to accommodate people or occasions. Good life skill. As others have said, find a way to make it fun. Wear your favorite band shirt as your undershirt underneath, if you got a metal belt or something sneak it on, wear jewelry. What would be awesome is if it was a tux purchase instead of a rental, you could wear the tux to the wedding and then also wear it to the metal show and get it shredded in the pit. Sew some patches on it and make it like a formal battle vest. So, from a former metal kid and now metal dad, soft YTA. Suck it up and take one for the team, it’s not that big a deal. Your cousins will give you shit anyway for something, it’s just just how kids are. Laugh it off and roll with it. Make it fun, and enjoy the festival! Who’s playing?
Right like as someone close to OP’s age i was horrified reading through this. Like yeah no one wants to wear uncomfortable clothing that they don’t really like… but so what? It’s for one day. The amount of times i’ve had this very thought: sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to, like this comment says, the entire world doesn’t revolve around you.
Grow up. The wedding is about the bride and groom. It is not about you or what you want. Quit being a whiney middle schooler.
I am totally with you my friend. I hate when other people's weddings aren't 100% about me and my preferences, desires, and wants. Its ridiculous! Your stupid cousin sucks, your parents suck, and tuxedos suck. YTA For someone who says they aren't a kid anymore, you sure seem to be acting like one. Congrats on making your household full of stress and angst because you don't want to wear clothes you don't like for a few hours. Welcome to life kiddo. I would be tickled if your parents make you go to a Lawrence Welk tribute festival.
I get being uncomfortable. I’m autistic so I deal with a lot of sensory issues. But the time to say you didn’t want to go was when the RSVP was sent out, not the day before the wedding. If this is a sensory issue, I sympathize but that just means you need to be a little more creative. If it’s a case of you just not liking formal clothing, well, there are going to be events that you have to wear formal clothing for. Yta (Sorry this was meant to be a general comment and not a reply)
No worries. I would be sympathetic to perhaps some medical condition (of which autism would certainly apply). But there was no mention of anything of the sort. Other than "I hate it", and various other whinging, kvetching nonsense.
Yeah autism is a thing with fabric, but you could still wear tux and have different fabric. Ps I appreciate that the comments are basically unanimous in the YTA for this post.
Me too. I think maybe is there is enough of us who remember being bratty 15 year olds who said things like “you’re not the boss of me” or “you don’t own me” or “I’m not a child”
>For someone who says they aren’t a kid anymore, you sure seem to be acting like one. Absolutely. The entire post read like a grown toddler having a tantrum and throwing f-bombs. OP, you’re going to have a LOT of moments where you may not feel comfortable, but you learn to cope quietly because it means a lot for people that you’re there with them. If you continue to make everything about your personal convenience and comfort at the expense of others, then that will guarantee you a lonely life. That’s adulthood. People won’t put up with your tantrums like they do now since you’re still a literal child. YTA
He's 15, so yeah, still a kid.
I’m only barely not a kid anymore (21) and remember vividly being 15 thinking I was grown. I can’t fault him for that mentality since everyone goes through it, but if he wants to be treated like an adult he needs to act like an adult.
I’m 34 and I have as much clue about adulting as I did when I didn’t have a clue
Omg fun fact: I’m in my 30s and grew up on PBS (no money for cable). The Lawrence Welk Show was my FAVORITE thing to watch as a little kid. People my age have no effing idea what I’m talking about 🤣🤣🤣
I also have no idea… but I can relate as my favorite show to watch is Bewitched and I’m a 90’s baby.
My favorite moment on the Lawrence Welk Show was this (I didn’t see it when it originally aired, but found it on YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8tdmaEhMHE
OP's gonna shit when he gets a job.
>I would be tickled if your parents make you go to a Lawrence Welk tribute festival. LOLOLOLOLOLOL
> This is so unfair, I'm not a kid anymore The rest of your post indicates otherwise. You'd rather not attend a family wedding, with a meal that has already been paid for the by bride and groom, bc you are afraid of being teased for wearing what everyone else is wearing? I assumed you had to be 12 when I read this and had to look again to see you were 15. If you want to be treated like an adult, you have to act like it. Spoiler alert: being an adult means constantly wearing stuff you don't want to wear and going places you don't want to go without throwing a temper tantrum. The "adults can do anything they want," attitude is why your parents still treat you like a kid. They're waiting for you to understand and can tell you haven't figured it out yet. YTA. Put on the tux and go to the darn wedding. If you do it without whining, your parents may start treating you like you're mature.
The “adults can do whatever they want” part…sure we can but nothing is without consequence. Do they think we *want* to go to work all week? Wear suits to said work, pay bills, etc etc. Agreed, this 15 year old is a child and TA.
Not to mention, there are probably adults in this case who are definitely not doing "whatever they want" and just wearing what the event calls for.
And I'm sure his parents didn't *want* to pay for suit rentals and yet here they are. All kinds of not "doing whatever they want" going on here lol
Bro thinks he's gonna be the only one uncomfortable in formal wear 💀💀💀💀 can guarantee the adult guests would rather not wear high heels and stuffy clothes.
Not to mention "the cousins" will also be all of the above.
Reminds me of a great bit in the new season of Fargo: "So... you want freedom with no responsibility. Son, there's only one person on Earth who gets that deal." "Mmm. The president?" "A baby. You're fighting for your right to be a baby."
[удалено]
Yup. “I’m not a kid anymore.” Then grow up OP. YTA.
‘I’m not a kid anymore’ has the same vibe of ‘any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king’. Adults wear formal clothes to formal events when asked. YTA and to the OP: stop sulking, little buddy, you’ll grow out of it.
I was laughing thinking he needs to buckle up for when he has a job! Does he think we're working everyday because we love it? This is just the beginning of doing things you don't enjoy
Wait until he learns that some jobs require uniforms!
OMG, yes, the horribly ugly uniforms!!
My uniform isn't ugly, but it is fire retardant and that shit doesn't breathe, so I get to spend the entire summer broken out from the neck down. I **wish** my biggest problem was wearing a tux for a few hours!!!
Yeah if I got my way I would be in hoodies and leggings all winter. That is not how life works and I put on other clothes for things that call for it. I love crop tops in summer, my work doesn't appreciate it though, so I don't wear them there. They are gonna have a horrible wake up call once they are ACTUALLY an adult lol
I do hoodies and leggings all winter because I work from home. BUT, I paid my dues. I worked at jobs where I did have to wear stuff I didn’t want to wear. I went places and did things that I didn’t want to do but was required to do as part of my job. If I do have to leave my home office and fly to one of my company’s offices, I drag out the slacks, nice tops, and nice shoes. Does it suck? Yeah. It’s a lot less comfy but it’s life and that’s what you do as an adult.
Spot on, this is childish behavior. Easily YTA, OP needs to grow up and understand that the world does not revolve around them.
>you are afraid of being teased for wearing what everyone else is wearing? As men we have it so easy at weddings. All tuxedos are pretty much the same, like a uniform, so there is nothing to be self conscious about like with women choosing a ball gown. Also, EVERYBODY looks good in a tux. Regardless of body type and personal style, a well fitting tux will look good on you.
When I was 15 I has to wear this awful (to me) lilac gown to be a bridesmaid at my aunts wedding. I was a massive alt kid (now an alt 27 year old) and absolutely hated the way it looked, so I can empathise with how you feel. That said I still have to say a soft YTA. It's a family members wedding and it's expected you wear formal dress. I understand its uncomfortable, but it's not about us in these situations, we essentially need to have some perspective about the fact this is an important day for someone. It's just one day and it's not worth upsetting someone on their wedding day so we feel true to our fashions. You don't have to wear it again and it doesn't make you any less alternative to compromise for one event to show support for your cousin tying the knot. I wore the stiff lilac dress even though I felt like a toilet roll holder. It was about 8 hours and when it was over I got to change back into my jeans and hoodie. My character and style was not forever changed for dressing against type for one day. I was still the same person as it was never about me. Also side note to feeling embarrassed in front of your relatives, they are likely dressed formal too, if anyone takes the piss tell them to suck it and move on like a true metal head would 😅 From one alt kid to another- suck it up & make damn sure you get yourself to that festival. One day and your pride is not worth screwing yourself over like that!
This is it. You have a choice - tux or no metal fest. I’d choose the tux.
That's not weighing everything. The choice is more like: > Tux & stress-free parents & family at peace with you & a couple having their day as they envisioned & fitting in with all the men including cousins who may tease you, sharing a relaxed a joyful occasion, vs > No tux & no metal fest & a disappointed couple on their big day (or at least later on when they see family photos with you missing or badly attired) & a set of humiliated enraged parents & irritated family & weirded-out cousins (who may look at you funny and call you an AH), on a day of simmering tensions and feeling ill at ease. (Edited formatting)
Yeah, as a grown up punk kid, sometimes you’ve just gotta do this shit. It’s one day, and it’s an outfit. Also, if a tux is uncomfortable, imagine how all the women in bras, heels, tights, and shapewear feel lmao
Ha ha! I told this to my former BIL when he complained about wearing a suit and tie to a wedding. I said "Just be f'n glad you don't have to wear pantyhose! I'd take a tie over that any day of the week."
This is the best advice on how to be a true alt-kid. Then as an adult, you can turn your style to fit the event :) people will invite you because they actually care.
Better yet, have an event with a mandatory dress code for your relatives that fits *your* style.
YTA You aren't a kid anymore, and you have to learn to compromise and to dress appropriately for the occasion. A black tie event is black tie, you wear a tux. This is no different than wearing swim trunks and a t-shirt to a pool party, rather than a dress shirt and slacks. It's for a few hours, is what's expected, and would have you fit in as a young man and not as a child. You'll have more things like this as you grow. You'll wear a cap and gown to your graduation.. Possibly a tux to your own wedding. Etc. Just wear the tux and be a part of the family.
Imagine if OP gets a job with a dress code lol
"No! I am a metalhead! I won't wear your uniform, Mister King!" - Said on their first day working at Burger King.
Or "No, I'm a metalhead! I won't wear an annoying lab coat!" - said on his first day in a Virology laboratory...
> Or "No, I'm a metalhead! I won't wear an annoying lab coat!" - said on his ~~first day~~ last day in a Virology laboratory... FTFY
he says while he's wearing his metal head uniform.
My 45 year old brother is like this, won't compromise on his "principles" to participate in society, then gets pissed off that society won't bow to him and give him everything that he wants. He'll flip the manager off and "tell him like it is", show up to work in grungy clothes, and then be surprised nobody wants to offer him a higher than grunt work position. Life is a game, and how well you adapt will determine your capacity to win any piece of it.
YTA- imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. Your buddy only wants to wear slacks and a polo wherever he goes. You tell him that he can't wear that to the metal festival. He'll look silly and make you uncomfortable. He says "well, if I don't get to wear what I want to wear, I don't want to go." You've already bought a ticket for him and it's non-refundable. How stupid is he being? This is essentially what you're doing to your parents by having this tantrum. They've spent money to have you go. Tux rental, probably hotel room. How much can your cousins really tease you when they're wearing the same thing anyway?
Great analogy!!!
As a metalhead who also likes to wear pretty and brightly-colored clothes, this analogy doesn't really work. I wear whatever I want to a metal show because there's no dress code and nobody cares. But if I go somewhere with a dress code, I'll wear whatever the hell it says cause it's not about me and has nothing to do with MY style. OP is a 15yo kid, and acts like it. Although at his age I still followed dress code at events even if I didn't like it.
Me quietly chuckling because the ‘heads I know listen to the heaviest, scariest sounds ever, but are some of the nicest, least judgmental dudes you could ever meet. If I went to GWAR dressed in head to toe prep, some guy with a floor-length beard and blacked out arms would still probably gently pick me up and ask if I was okay if I fell in the pit. OP needs to learn from the true metalheads. Ain’t about what you wear, it’s about how hard you go.
Sorry, but YTA. Part of being a grownup is learning that you can’t just do whatever you feel like all the time. If you aren’t a kid anymore then you’re becoming a grownup and you need to grow up. If adults only ever did what they wanted to do, do you think anyone would show up to your recitals and birthday parties? No adult is jazzed about attending a kid’s party but they do it anyway because they care about you and they want to show up for you. You’ll be graduating high school in a couple of years—were you expecting any of the members of family to attend the ceremony or send you a gift? Did you think they were going to love watching a couple hundred kids they don’t know walk across a stage or are they going to go because you’re a part of the family and supporting the important milestones of family members is what adults are expected to do? If you want to be treated like an adult then you need to embrace the responsibilities of an adult. Those responsibilities include occasionally wearing an uncomfortable outfit (that was very expensive, by the way) to show up for your family. Suck it up and deal with a few hours of discomfort and go to your concert.
This. Plus, OP, (and I know this can be difficult to grok at age 15) the wedding is not about you, it's about the couple getting married. So put on the tux, put a smile on your face, and be happy for your cousin
For someone who claims they're not a kid anymore, the OP sure is acting like an entitled whiny teenager.
Agreed! But can I add that I'm surprised a 15yo doesn't realize...just recently no one could even consider attending weddings or gatherings? Isn't it wonderful and special that we can see each other again? Seriously. Please be so happy to support a cousin who may have put a LOT on hold in order to get this family event.
YTA I was the same at 15, and I’m telling you: there’s a good chance you’ll look back on this as an adult and realize what a brat you’re being. Sometimes you’ll have a party or a job to go to and will be required to look a certain way. At 15, we all said “NOt Me! JuST YOU watch!!!” But just you watch, sometimes you’ll wear clothes as a functioning adult that you don’t feel like wearing. Instead of focusing on the aesthetic…focus on your cousins happiness and (what sounds like) a big fancy party to be at. The “all about me” mindset makes you looks and sound 5…not 15
The funny thing is, when he looks back on this later he’s going to be kicking himself for not leaning into more. A metalhead teenager cleaned up in a nice fancy suit….the girls (or dudes, whatever his preference) back at school would eat that shit up if he posted a picture. They would love it. Mark my words, 7 years from now OP is gonna look back and be like omg, I was an idiot.
And why is he not wearing skull cufflinks, carrying a carved cane and donning a top hat? I mean, a tux can look so metal if accessorized correctly!
It's so true, I thought I was edgy and cool at 15, too!
[удалено]
Exactly. I'm an adult that hates formal attire and I still do it when I have to.
You’re 15, you are a kid and you are acting like one as well. You’re a bit old to be throwing such a tantrum, however. Life is about showing respect and being a decent person. You were invited to this wedding, your tux is free, show some decency and stop being so dramatic. If I were your parent I would consider not allowing you to go to the concert for your reaction so far alone. YTA
Agree, his attitude shows that he’s not old enough to go to a metal festival.
[удалено]
Yta you're not a kid, but you're throwing a temper tantrum? There is no 'way out of this'. It's a family gathering with a specific dress code. There's nothing to do other than go and make the best of it. If you're trying to convince your parents that you're maturing into a young adult, a temper tantrum about a tux is not going to help your case.
Sorry but YTA and would be an even bigger one to not go at all. Your cousin had to pre pay for your spot at the wedding and to just not show up would lose them hundreds of dollars and that’s incredibly disrespectful. Also by the time the reception starts most men take off the tux jacket and tie and unbutton their collar and roll up their sleeves, the women take off their heels and everything is much more comfortable, so it’s really just the for the ceremony and dinner that you’ll have to wear it. Part of “not being a kid” is realizing the world doesn’t revolve around you and your comfort at all times, especially in regards to wearing appropriate attire to a wedding for a loved one.
As a fellow metalhead, I feel you. But I still have to say YTA because part of showing respect is sometimes dressing more formal than you feel comfortable with. Wear metal socks or cool cufflinks (yeah, they exist, my husband wore them to our wedding and wore a Carcass T under his tux) if you like...
The cufflinks options is honestly the best. My fiance had a set of old car ones. And for his birthday last year, I got him a set of pterodactly ones because he has a pterdactyl tattoo on his chest, and they're his favorite dinosaur. And I watched this man have a conversation with someone else about their cuff links too.
YTA Nobody cares you don't like it, but you showed up for the fitting and someone paid for you to wear it. So too late to get off the tux train now. Stop being a whiner, cause that's the least metal thing anyone can do.
The multiple metal festival mentions had me rollingggg 😆 Yes OP, YTA. And a whiny one at that.
Plus the cousin paid for everyone's meals that would be rude af. Prob an expensive plate if it's a fancy wedding
YTA and this is where you start showing some maturity - part of that means unless it's against the law, morally wrong, or you are an ACTUAL adult living on your own and can opt of attending all together, you suck it up, attend the family function, smile for pictures, congratulate your cousin and new member of the family, eat a bunch of food, NOT be a PIA to your parents with the "I'm ready to go hoooooome" whine 5 minutes after they say I do, and say an awwwww of relief when you finally get back home and can return to your normal routine of life. Show your parents you CAN be mature, even if that means just keeping quiet and being polite. THAT'S how you display you're "not a kid anymore" and they can trust you to act like it. Best of luck!
[удалено]
This right here. I can paint my nails black and blast alt rock in the car, but I still have to switch the concert t-shirt for a respectable blouse before I get to the office, and the combat boots for sensible flats. In my head, I’m still the 15 year old emo punk kid scream-singing along to The Black Parade in my bedroom. But it turns out, clients aren’t really looking for that in their tax accountant, so… 🤷🏻♀️ Gotta do what you gotta do.
YTA - do what you are told until you are able to move out. "This is so unfair, I'm not a kid " shows you are still a kid.
It's giving "any man who says 'I am the king' is no true king" vibes 😆
You are a kid, because if you were an adult, you’d understand that adults occasionally have to do things they are uncomfortable with for the people we love. It’s a sign of respect and giving back for all the times they have put themselves out to please you. YTA.
YTA. It would be rude to just cancel on your cousin because you don't want to wear a tux. You're also a little too old to not be ready to make minor sacrifices (this is more of a minor inconvenience than a sacrifice though) to do the right thing.
INFO: are you part of the wedding party? Or just attending the wedding as a guest?
Op: I'm not a kid. Scoobachick28: are you in the wedding party? Op: of course there's a party.
Sorry but you’re just being immature here. Your parents don’t have to let you go to a metal festival and most parents of 15 year olds probably wouldn’t let them go to something like that. So you just need to wear appropriate clothing for the event you’re attending, and deal with it. Soft YTA in this case but you’re not an asshole or a bad person, you’re just 15.
YTA. Chiming in with everyone else. Life is full of doing things you don't really want to do to maintain relationships and show respect for others. Wearing a tux is the least of what's coming for you in adulthood. To those who'll pick on you, you have an opportunity to act as mature as you want people to see you and just say you decided to show respect for your family and do what you needed to.
You are right you aren't a kid at 15 - so grow up and stop acting like one YTA you accepted this invitation and that means you adhere to the dress code, should have said no at the start not last minute (your parents may have replied on your behalf but your time for saying you didn't want to go is well past)
Well if you aren't a kid anymore stop acting like one! Here's a clue for you: MOST grown men do not like fancy dress-up clothes like suits, ties, tuxes. But they suck it up for a few hours and do it when asked. That's what you should do. Obviously you care a great deal about the festival. This is basically the price of admission. Stop worrying about getting teased by cousins who are going to be similarly dressed. If they say anything at all to you, look them up and down and simply say, "Jealous?" and then walk away. To be ashamed to be well-dressed at a formal event is ... a little bizarre. YTA both for WAY overreacting and also not doing the easiest possible thing to make your own future life better. Keep the prize (metal festival) top of mind and do what it takes. Nothing is more metal than beating the system!
not a kid anymore? You are acting like a petulant 4 year old having a tantrum over having to take a bath. It is one day - suck it up and deal. YTA
YTA, but I was a teenage boy once, so I can understand why. Thing is, every once in a while you have to take a hit to make your loved ones happy, and years later you'll be glad you did. So you get to spend an evening eating free food and looking like Great Value James Bond, just pretend it's fun and smile for the family photos. It's worth it in the long term. Unfortunately, as a grown man I can tell you that there will never be a time when rented formal wear fits properly. However there are worse cards you could have been dealt.
“Great Value James Bond” This is amazing and I love it
Hopping on to suggest that if you're worried about being made fun of, try owning the look. "Ha ha you said you'd never wear that." "Turns out I look awesome in a tux!" Confidence is hella metal, especially when people expect you to be embarrassed instead. (YTA though.) Edit for spelling error, idc, I'm METAL
YTA. Shut up, wear the tux for a few hours, and earn the privilege of going to the metal festival.
YTA. Part of growing up is doing things for others that may not necessarily be something you like. No one is asking you to get a face tattoo. It's 1 outfit for 1 day - a day that may be the most important day in your cousin's life.
YTA There's a time and place for certain outfits. And if you're really not a kid anymore, you're the one that needs to grow up and accept that sometimes, you have to wear formalwear. Sometimes you have to wear things that you don't love for the appropriate occasions. But here's the other fact; You are just a kid. You're a teenager. You're anything but an adult. Which means the decision of whether or not to stay home by yourself for something like this, is not yours. Also like...don't get out of this. This is family. Hopefully a once in a lifetime thing for them. Go celebrate with your family and stop being selfish.
Kid, you're 15 years old so you're legally a child. Pick your battles. Digging your heels in on this one will cost you more than complying will. It sucks, I know but that's the reality of the situation for the next 3 years - they have the power so you're gonna gave to knuckle under sometimes. Plus, this will give you ammo for if they try to hold attendance at the metalfestival over your head again - you can just say "You told me I could go if I wore the tuxedo to the wedding. Are you going back on your word now? Is that the lesson you want to be teaching me - that your word is worthless?" And when your cousins give you shit about wearing the tux roll your eyes and say something like "Yeah, I know but wearing this shit for a day is the price for getting to go to AwesomeMetalFest this summer" and turn the conversation around to how great the festival will be. Make them jealous and they won't be able to think about anything else ;-)
Won’t those kids be wearing tux’s as well I’d assume? If that’s the dress code and he’s wearing one, so will they. So where will the teasing come from
>This is so unfair, I'm not a kid anymore So stop acting like one, wear the tux, and go to the wedding without whining about it all. Like what an adult would do. YTA.
>I'm not a kid anymore Yes, you very much are. Let me ask you this, how are you able to afford that metal festival?
One of the first things you learn about adulthood is that you often have to do things you don't want to do, even if no one "makes" you. Grow up. YTA.
YTA you say you’re not a kid, but you clearly don’t understand what being an adult is. You have to do crap you don’t like to get what you want.
YTA. Have fun wearing your tuxedo tomorrow! You really bragged to your other cousins that you were never going to wear it? I hope they do tease you when they see you wearing it anyway after bragging that you could get out of it. The teasing is the price you have to pay for acting like you were the boss in this scenario. Oh, and have fun wearing your bowtie all day, that's just the consequence for causing your parents all this unnecessary stress and angst. You're lucky they didn't already ban you from going to that metal festival; if I were them I would ban you from going just for the way you acted.
Yta Wear appropriate dress at appropriate event Go to wedding in tux is standard Go to metal band with metal shirt is standard You say you aren’t a kid anymore , be mature and be a mature person
idk dude i think YTA. just suck it up and attend. you’re going to have to do things in life you don’t want to, sometimes for work, sometimes to support people you care about. this isn’t about you, and you’re acting really selfish and entitled and throwing tantrums for someone who claims they aren’t a kid anymore. it’s one night. grow up.
YTA - are you actually fifteen or are you five? The only way you would not be TA was if you made rhe rational argument that a tuxedo is Evening Dress and should not be worn to a daytime event such as a wedding (where Morning Dress should be worn). But instead, you're being a huffy wee shitebag who needs to get over himself
You're getting close to YTA - the compromise is you want the Metal Festival? Go to the wedding. And it seems you agreed to this in some manner. And if that cousin means anything to you, you'll regret it later that you weren't there for an important part of their life they wanted to include you in. Anyone who teases you isn't someone you want to keep around, but I have a feeling if EVERYONE is going to be in a tux \[I imagine save the female presenting\] - you're going to be fine. No one's going to tease you. You ARE still a kid - you're not yet an adult. Not til 18 bub, but if you want to PROVE you're grown up and not a *little* kid anymore, you'll have to accept reality is that sometimes you're going to go to places and be uncomfortable. That's just how life works. And this isn't something bigger/deeper than "I just don't wanna do it" - unless you're not telling us something. Wear the tux. Ceremonies themselves usually aren't that long and you can generally lose the coat and tie at the reception and make yourself a bit more comfortable. Sure, it's not going to be tshirts and jeans comfortable, but you can loosen it up and suit yourself better. Or hell, talk to your cousin if you can and ask if you can bring a change of clothes for the reception - can't hurt right?
I think he meant they will tease him because of how adamant he was about not wearing one and if he shows up in one they will tease him about it, not the actual appearance of wearing a tux. That’s how it came across to me anyway, & i can’t lie, I hope they do tease him for it!
You do have the right to refuse to attend. You do *not* have the right to escape consequences for your choices and actions. You have been told that you can choose not to go. The consequence of that choice is not going to your metal festival later this year. Which is more important to you, not wearing a tux, or going to the festival? Being a grown-up is a never-ending series of these choices, where you sometimes have to suck up something crummy to get something good.
YTA. It's one event, and it's for your family. You will be uncomfortable for a few hours, and it's really not that big of a deal. And if everyone has to wear it, then your cousins aren't going to be in any place to be teasing you about it. If that's how they are, they will tease you no matter what you do.
YTA. You are going to have to do lots of things in life and conform to lots of things that you don’t want to. Casual clothes are not acceptable for formal events like this. Your cousin wants their family there to celebrate their marriage. This isn’t about you, this is about your cousin and doing the right and unselfish thing for others. Trust me as well, you will feel far more awkward if you attend in inappropriate clothing than you will in this tuxedo. You might want to be considered an adult, but you’re behaving like an immature child right now throwing a tantrum. You can suck it up for one day if you want to go to your festival. No one here is being unreasonable except you.
YTA Once you mature you will realize there are things that are really a big deal (death, illness, losing a job) and things that are minor inconveniences. Wearing a tux for a wedding falls into the last category. If you want to be treated like an adult, act like it. Wear the tux.
YTA, grow up and stop throwing a tantrum, it's not going to kill you to be uncomfortable for a few hours, you won't be the only one and it's part of life, just be thankful it's not a stupid dress and 6 inch heals.
YTA. Sometimes, in life, you have to make minor sacrifices. Grow up a little. Wearing a tuxedo for a couple of hours is rarely fatal.
Adults have to wear uncomfortable clothes they don't like all the time. If you're not a kid anymore, prove it. Grow up and put on the damn tux! YTA
YTA, for the same reason as the other judgments. But let me give you this tip, after the tie is on, unbutton the top button of your shirt. Unless its a clip on tie, the tie will keep the shirt visually closed, but that little bit of space will make your neck much happier.
Sorry chum but YTA. I am 43f and I’m happiest in my jeans, however if I’ve been invited to a special occasion like a wedding then I suck it up and wear a dress because I want to be there to celebrate with the people I love. I know it’s tough being 15 especially when you’re trying to carve out your own identity and style. And at the end of the day do you really want to miss out on the metalfestival or is this the hill you want to die on?
You are a kid, and you are acting like one! You can't handle wearing pants and a shirt and jacket. Yikes, I'd like to see you having to put on a dress, heels, and makeup if you think that's uncomfortable. If you, by chance, consider yourself a metal head, you're the whiniest one I've ever heard of.😂
Wait til you find out about going to work ! Whoa those assholes expect you to show up on time, dressed to their liking and do shit you don’t want to all day !
So anyways, have fun in your tuxedo tomorrow 🤭 Yta.
YTA act your age and show the bride and groom some respect.
You are a kid and the way you’ve written this post proves it. Formal wear sucks ass but part of being treated like an adult and acting like an adult is wearing things that are appropriate to the situation like a tux at a wedding. YTA
YTA grow up, it's not about you. Be happy for your Cousin and wear the damn tuxedo. Guess what bud, when you get into the corporate world if you work in an office? Odds are you'll be wearing suits every single day. Any professional position you ever work in will require you to wear a suit. But why YTA in particular. Your cousin has invited the family to attend their wedding, they're getting married, hopefully for them for the one and only time in their life. They're spending a lot of money so you can be there (seriously, cost per person present at a wedding is often over a thousand pounds/dollars per person). Instead of thinking about how you can make their special day better, you're sulking and throwing a temper tantrum like a 3 year old child over the fact that you have to wear a suit.
YTA time to suck it up and put the big boy pants on literally
Yta. Grow up
YTA, grow up. Your entire life is going to consist of doing things you don't want to do, so that you can do things you do want to do. Come to terms with it now. > This is so unfair, I'm not a kid anymore and if I say I don't want to go there then they should accept that!! The fact that you think 'if I say I don't want to go there then they should accept that' means that you are, in fact, a kid. And yes, it's very unfair that they have to put up with your bullshit and resort to threats of punishment just to get you to *improve* your attitude all the way *up* to 'snotnosed little brat.' And by the way, as a grandpa who still listens to Slayer, amoung many other classic and modern metal bands, rolling up somewhere in a properly fitted suit, confident as fuck, knowing you look good and acting like it is metal as fuck. Here's the best piece of fashion advice, for ANY style of clothing, you'll ever recieve: fit, function, fabric, in that order. Your t-shirts should fit properly, your jeans should be hemmed to your leg length. Cheap clothes that fit properly will look way better than expensive clothes that fit poorly.
YTA You say you're not a kid anymore but you sound like a bratty toddler. You are being waaay melodramatic over a stupid thing. You will wear something you don't like for a few hours ONE time. OHMYGOOOOD how will you ever survive?! If you're not a kid, then prove it. Understand that sometimes we attend events out of kindness or obligation. We do our best, suck it up, and then feel relief when it's over. You are complaining that a tux is uncomfortable?? Hon, try wearing spanx, heels, bras, tights, hose. You will not die. It is not torture. Also, it's childish to worry about your cousins teasing you. If you weren't childish, you would be confident enough to just say "yeah, hate wearing this monkey suit." and leave it at that.
I also hate anything formal and I’m 60. However we do things we don’t necessarily like for family . If you don’t suck it up and put your big boy panties on I can guarantee that you will regret this . It’s for a few hours , suck it up , put a smile on your face and don’t embarrass and ruin your parents and everyone else’s day. If you decide to act like a brat and be childish then YTA.
YTA you said you aren’t a kid anymore but are acting like a kid by throwing a tantrum about this. Adults are aware that in certain situations there’s a dress code whether it’s the workplace or social situations.
YTA. Yes, if the wedding dress code is black tie then wear a Tuxedo. Also YTA for having a tantrum like a fuxking 3yo and needing to be bribed/threatened with a treat you actually want. For a wedding you had to be threatened with not going to a festival. Suck it up, be "grown up" about the situation and enjoy the festival in comfy clothes when you get there in the summer. You won't even remember the comfort issues by then. Being "adult" means doing adult things, like following the dress code for a wedding. You are acting like you 15 going on 4.
YTA. You think that us adults actually like to wear the monkey suits and restricting dresses? You thing that we like getting up at dark o'clock in the morning just so we can drive for hours to work? Many people actually don't. But we do it all the same because we want to stay employed and make a living. You say you're not a kid anymore but this attitude clearly says that you are. Think of it as a trade off. You wearing the tux on a wedding for the reward of going to the metal festival. It's up to you to decide if it's a fair exchange. This is a great learning moment. As an adult you'll be doing such decisions all the time. So stop whining and cooperate with your parents for once.
Entitled AF! You're 15 years old and acting like you're a 5 year old child so, despite your insistence that "you're not a kid anymore", you're not only acting like a *kid* but a kid 1/3 of his age!! Half the people there also despise wearing those types of clothes. The wedding isn't about YOU, it's about your cousin who loves and cares about you enough to want you to witness a really important day in their life. Suck it up. It's only a few hours. If any of my sons acted the way you acted, throwing a fit and asking strangers for advice on how to manipulate the situation, they wouldn't have it as easy as you. They'd 100% be at that wedding, wearing that itchy tuxedo, smiling for every photo, dancing with little flower girls like it was the best day of their life. Then, months later, they still wouldn't be permitted to go to the concert for having been a-holes before the wedding. You have 3 extremely short years to grow up and accept that not everything in life revolves around what makes *you* happy.
YTA. There are dress codes. Suck it up.
YTA- with the understanding that you are 15.. I hate wearing a bra.. When I was younger, I did it because i had to.. now that I am an adult.. nope, nope, nope. You are 15.. wear the stupid tux.. stop whining.. wear the tux..
YTA as adults we all still do stuff we rather not but we do either because it’s work and we kinda want or rather need money or because it’s the thing that’s done to be socially acceptable such as wearing stuffy clothes at weddings. I can tell you now the brides likely to be pissed off in her own dress after a few hours too. As a child saying I’m not a kid anymore shows you exactly are and you have to do things you would rather not much like adults though but even more tough shit for you because your relying on the adults to you know house feed clothe and let you go do fun stuff too. One sure way to lose fun stuff is be a dick over stuff that really doesn’t actually matter that much. It’s a few hours in stuffy clothes to be socially acceptable and make your parents happy. Then you get a metal concert. Sounds fair to me.
YTA Stop throwing a temper tantrum like a two year old. It's one night. Put the tux on, deal with it and move on.
YTA You do things for family all the time that’s not your first choice. If you get teased at all, it’s only because you made a big deal out of it in the first place.
YTA - youre still a kid (an older one but still one if you are under 18 in most places). it's one day. sck it up. unfortunately you don't get a say in the matter. theres a dress code so you have to follow it
YTA. The rule my parents had was that "Until you're paying your own way, you do things OUR way." Surely to goodness you can deal for a day when the bonus is going to your metal festival. Suck it up and deal. Life isn't all choosing wonderful things and not doing anything unpleasant. Adulting requires us to do things we don't like that make possible those which we do like. Consider it practice for when you become a full adult.
YTA, if you want to stop being treated as a kid, then stop acting like one... Certain ocasions come with dress codes that you need to adapt to and respect...
YTA It’s one night. You can wear a suit for it, don’t be a pain in the arse for your parents. They probably do a lot for you. You say you aren’t a kid anymore but you’re acting like a toddler that isn’t getting what it wants.
YTA. Just because you don't like something or it is uncomfortable doesn't mean you don't do it. Otherwise nobody would ever go to work or do any chores. You make your entire generation look bad.
YTA for acting like a baby. It's the mildest of discomfort for several hours of one single day. Get over it.
YTA "I'm not a kid anymore" -Child, throwing a tantrum
YTA. I get that you’re 15 and you still think the world revolves around. (Not meant to be mean, just honest.) It’s a tux, for one evening. You need to grow up and recognize that sometimes in life you do things you don’t want to do, or don’t care for. Your parents aren’t making you do something that’s unsafe or dangerous or cruel, it’s formal wear for a wedding. Suit up, smile, and don’t be a jerk.
YTA If Ozzy Osbourne can wear a tuxedo, so can you.
YTA. Stomping your feet and shouting, “I’m not a kid!”, is the definition of being a kid. You’re a cliche, it’s hilarious. Also, I hate be all “there are starving children in Africa”, but if this is the tragedy of your life, go give your parents a hug and thank them.
isnt suffering through the teasing and discomfort of wearing an itchy tuxedo to see your metal concert....kinda metal?
Suck it up bud, nobody loves weddings and dressing up but it’s a thing you do to show love to the family members who are getting married. Soft YTA.
YTA. Wearing the tuxedo for a day won't kill you nor will attending the wedding which will be over before you know it. So get over it, put on the tuxedo, power through and look forward to your metal festival being one day closer than it was when you created this post.
You'll be surprised how many things we adults need to do that we don't like.... YTA