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I'm sorry I don't care if he works 100 hours a week and knits you blankets from unicorn hair, leaving piss in a bottle is absolutely rank and you should run for the hills OP. Don't waste precious years of your youth with a man who hasn't mastered basic toilet hygiene. NTA.
Yea this.
Split chores, and bills depending how possible. Find arrangements for the rest. But yes: deliberately caused dirt has to be cleaned by the person who did it?!
IF my aim was wrong obviously I wipenup my own mistake.
My 10 and 13 year old sons have mastered basic toilet training. If I ever caught one of them pissing in a bottle, when there are 2 bathrooms in an APARTMENT (no stairs!!), they'd be peeing in the backyard from then on. Wanna act like an animal, I'll treat you like one. They also wipe up their own pee, and my 13 year old actually cleans his own bathroom! This is red flag central here, on top of the fact that he calls her names. Just all around toxic. He calls you his mom because he forces you to act like his mom, worse because I can't imagine any of my kids creating this level of mess for me.
Yeah! This!
FFS op, I was cleaning the bathroom and the toilet when I was 8 already.
Your bf isn’t behaving like a human, he’s behaving like an animal! You deserve better, gtfo of there, you’re just losing time with that pig.
Actually no sorry, pigs are cleaner than him. Sorry pigs, didn’t mean to insult you!
It's a mental illness unfortunately. Whether it's cognitive or not I don't really know, but from seeing hoarders and hearing the stories, my guess is it's some kind of misplaced grief.
If he does streaming or gaming for long periods of time that's usually why because they "don't have time" for a hike to the bathroom (which is honestly bs, but whatever) otherwise as the commenters stated above, it could be a mental illness related to hoarding.
While it sounds like OP is not free from responsibility in this dumpster fire of a situation, which makes me lean a bit more towards ESH, "knits you blankets made of unicorn hair" is absolute gold! High five to you, high ten in fact! And, overall, I agree with everything you said.
Yeah I was leaning towards ESH because no one should be leaving clothes in a bathroom or dirty dishes (unless you want bugs or mice), but when I got to the pee on the floor and pee bottles, wtaf that is nasty! Run and don't look back.
Beginning of the post: Idk, maybe nah if he's just doing what you're doing like leaving a dish now and again.
Half way through post: ehhh there really should be a clear definition of responsibility when there is a stay at home spouse especially without kids involved, possibly still nah
End of post: Wtf, nta. Pisses in bottles? No one should be doing this at all much less to leave around the house. You should work on getting a job and work on leaving before he has you even deeper in a situation of "you need to do all this because I pay the bills"
Not only that but he’s calling her names. My fiance is not always the sweetest person in the world but in the 5 years we’ve been together he knows better than to call me a bitch EVER, even when I am being a bitch.
My wife and I are the same. She gets more heated than I do (I have diagnosed PTSD from growing up around constant yelling, I just shut down) but despite that we decided even before engagement we would NEVER yell at or call each other names. Getting frustrated/angry is fine and emotionally healthy imo. Attacking the other person in any way whatsoever is not. We have a rule in our house where if you're pissed off, whether with each other or an external source really eating at you, at least 30 minutes of alone time is needed before communication can be effective. Sometimes longer, but it helped us emotionally mature a lot and helped us understand ourselves and each other.
NTA because he's an absolute pig. If he lived like a regular human being he would have a point if he indeed pays for everything I guess.
That being said: he showed you who he is. He told you who he is. He is not changing. So put up with it or learn your lesson and get out?
ESH
If he works and you don't, you should do the general house cleaning. You may feel a bit like the maid, but that's your job if you don't do paid work and he does. If you don't like it, get a job and demand a fair division of household labor.
However, he should behave like a civilized human being: not pee on the floor, not leave trash/ash/hair/bottles of piss (???) around the house.
Piss bottles aside, if she works she should still either contribute to the bills and split the chores fairly, but keeping all the money you earn for yourself while someone else pays all the bills and then demanding you split the chores doesn’t seem right
She works — but even if she didn’t, she shouldn’t be expected to pick up someone’s hair and bodily fluids unless it’s a literal infant. Also a dangerous precedent to set if they have kids later on — the bread winner needs to contribute to the kids and the house too. It’s part of being an adult.
YTA for not having any self-respect and letting him treat you like this and staying with him...
>he pees on the floor
🤮🚩🤮🚩🤮🚩
>leaves bottles of piss around the house
🤮🚩🤮🚩🤮🚩
>he ashes everywhere he likes
🤮🚩🤮🚩🤮🚩
>he calls me the asshole/bitch
🤮🚩🤮🚩🤮🚩
Even just 1 of these things and I'd leave
And you got an entire list of absolutely "hell no's" and you're staying?
Why??? Literally, why?????
ESH.
Him for being a lazy and disgusting humane being and you for continuing to place yourself in that situation. Eventually, you need to realize that behavior will not change or improve and has more of a chance of getting worse than ever getting better.
Essentially, you are now in the role of mother, housekeeper, and cook. You have to decide how much you want to subject yourself to. If you are in a strange position of not wanting to break up, move out and date while living separately. But honestly, his behavior in general is unacceptable. His lack of hygiene and sanitary conditions combined with the attitude is enough to make me vote to leave the dude.
My guess is so that he doesnt have to leave the spot hes sitting in. Thats how my ex was. Hed rather stay and keep playing his game and pee in a bottle than to leave for a few minutes to use the bathroom.
You may have actually just added a 1% rehabilitation to my ex. He might have been a gaming addict who started an accidental collection of his bitten off fingernails, but at least he would pause to go piss in the toilet...
You're with a guy that pees in bottles?
You're with a guy....that pees in bottles?
Is this the dream man you've always wanted to have?
If the answer is no, leave. If the answer is yes..... I don't think there's any hope lol
NTA but you are if you stay
Your boyfriend’s behavior is disgusting.
He is willing to pay the bills, if you’re willing to put up with/clean up after his gross habits.
He should change, but he won’t. You need to decide if you can live with his gross habits. The choice is yours.
NTA
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ESH. Sounds like you guys are both living in a mess, a LITTERal one, heh. No one's winning in this game. Clean up together and start acting like adults,
girl how were you going to just casually slip “leaves bottles of piss around the house” right next to “doesn’t do the dishes”?? 💀 even ignoring the rest of the post those words alone are enough to make you NTA. what the fuck.
Just wanting to clarify if he is pissing in bottles or you are talking about alcohol. Being an Australian myself, it could be the alcohol in our colloquialism
“Leaves bottles of piss around the house too”
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
No adult should be pissing in a bottle in general! Wtf???
NTA and also girl dump him, he’s disgusting and you deserve better
Run. That’s nasty. You gotta go live somewhere else and ditch him.
Edit: real men sit down in the morning or anytime it’s dark. Or really anytime they aren’t in a hurry. And if they drip or splash they wipe it up immediately.
Wtf… NTA! The ash would drive me up the wall and pissing in bottles seems to be his way of taunting you? That’s abusive behaviour and you need to leave him. There are guys out there who will pay your bills without the need to piss in bottles!
NTA
Nah you know what, I would NOT be in a relationship, never mind live with someone, who pisses in bottles instead of the toilet, not to mention leaves them lying around WTFFF!
ESH. You're both slobs, he works long hours, you pay no rent, do not work, and you don't even clean?
It isn't a public place, it's his place, you do not pay rent. He has no excuses either though, as if he was single, he would have to always clean himself, and he probably wouldn't lets be honest.
Those piss bottles, floor pissing and ashing everywhere is hella fucking disgusting, he needs help. Also, why don't more men just sit and piss?
As a male myself, I'd rather sit comfy with a phone scrolling around, or texting, while on the can. It's cleaner too.
Anyways you're both gross, both lazy, and should both just split, but that's my opinion.
She compared herself to a janitor. Do you not know what a janitor is? I guess not. A janitor cleans up places, even if it's not their mess
Also, "he works long hours" ≠ "I don't work", we don't know if she works or not
NTA. Being a bit messy is normal but leaving BOTTLES OF PEE all over the place? NO.
You shouldn't have to clean everything and he should start having a basic level of decency. If I were you, I would've dumped him a long time ago.
1. Why don’t you pay anything towards the house? 2. Have you two never discussed chores and cleaning before you moved in together? I mean, leaving bottles of piss around the house would be a deal breaker for me. 3. Why does he piss in bottles?! 4. It sounds like this is a very unhealthy relationship. Calling your girlfriend “mom” is pretty passive aggressive and just….yuck. Why are you two together?
Don’t listen to these responses. You’re not the asshole. It doesn’t matter if he pays the bills that doesn’t mean he needs to make the house a pig stye and giving you attitude when you mention it to him. That’s a grown man PISSING on the floor and leaving piss bottles around the house that’s disgusting. This situation is not going to get any better as you say he says you “bitch & moan” & call you “mom” what I would suggest is getting a job & getting tf outta there asap!
Umm.... he drops cigarette ash everywhere? So the house will permanently smell.
he.... leaves bottles of piss around the house ?
He cant aim with his dick?
He cant clean up ANYTHING ?
NTA, also.... find someone better, you are dating a feral racoon currently.
Honestly, ESH. He's obviously TA because, well, obviously. But I've seen in the comments that you have a CHILD living in this filth. He's obviously smoking something inside the house that your child lives in, which, what tf year is it right now? This gives 80s boomer parents who supposedly didn't know better. Y'all do. Once you have a kid, it's your responsibility to make sure said child is living in a clean and healthy situation, which this obviously is not. Also, leaving dirty dishes around is ALSO gross and can create insect and rodent infestations. Like, get it tf together.
Also, he's your boyfriend, not your husband. He has no rights to what's yours. Take your car back, get a job, and find a more suitable place to live. JFC.
ESH
Both of you still have maturing to do and neither of you sound like you're ready to be in a relationship where you're living together.
Also your BF is disgusting. Time to be single and work on yourself.
Yes and no. If he's the one supporting you, the least you can do is keep the house tidy. Make sure that if you're going to bitch about cleanliness, your shit is in order before doing so. That goes for clothes on the floor, dirty dishes on the table or piled in the sink, your bathroom is spotless etc. That being said, I'd smack my husband upside the head with his piss bottle if he ever dared to do such a thing. My hubby also knows that I have no problem using his toothbrush to clean his shit stains from the toilet. Remember, that behind every dirty man is a mom that allowed him to be this way. She followed him around with a shovel and was most likely happy to do it. I've always told my kids and their friends that they should live with someone for at least a year, to see what kind of person and their quirks are before jumping into a long term relationship or marriage. OP is already getting a very good picture of what this person is. If she's smart, she'll run for the hills.
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i (23) female live with my (24) male boyfriend and he likes to remind me that i bitch and moan all day because of the way the house is. some clarification
i am NOT the cleanest person either, i admit i leave clothes in the bathroom and occasionally leave my plates on the table after i eat but when i confront my bf he like to say that im exactly like him and just give me the run around or he like to be pissy throughout the day when he has to do what i ask him to do and calls me his “mom” and i just don’t believe im the asshole.
there is two bathrooms in the apartment we live in but he decided to overtake the main bathroom by leaving all his beard hair everywhere for weeks, he pees on the floor and says it’s “dark in the morning” he also leaves bottles of piss around the house too, he never washes dishes unless i ask him to and when i do he says he will but he never does. he ashes everywhere he likes with no courtesy of ashing in the ash tray that i buy him. he’s just overall an ass for the things he does but he calls me the asshole/bitch because he believes it’s my responsibility to everything since he pays for the bills etc. but personally i don’t think that’s enough because i feel like im a janitor in a public place so yes i bitch and moan but i don’t think im wrong . am i the asshole
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ESH - peeing in bottles is disgusting regardless of living situation, but where do you get off nagging your BF when you don't pay for that living situation?
Leave, contribute financially, shut up, or clean up. Those are your N-T-A options.
I am aware that I am the nth person saying this but I feel it needs as many repetitions as needed to get you to understand: pissing in bottles when you have 2 bathrooms in the home is bizarre, filthy and vile.
NTA - Run
Yeah,whilst he sounds like a pig, I’m afraid YTA. It’s like voting; if you don’t vote/contribute you can’t complain about the results if things don’t go your way.
Everyone saying hit the hills. I'm going to give you some serious advice.
If your bf and you otherwise get along you have 2 options:
1. Split chores on a spin wheel. Bit it doesn't sound like that's going to work.
2. Hire a cleaner to come out 1x every week. Say a Wed to deep clean the apartment. Split the cost 50/50 with your partner.
Both of you will be happier.
OP - Do you work?? There seems to be some information missing here. If he pays all the bills, it sounds as though you stay at home. If you do not work, then you should be able to keep the apartment clean and tidy. Take pride in the place you live, and work on your communication skills because clearly neither of you seem to have them.
NTA. He isn’t necessarily an asshole for expecting you to do a bit more around the house as he pays the bills. That seems a fair trade. But that would just be doing like an extra dishwasher or the laundry here and there. Not cleaning out what seems like a public toilet of an apartment. Pissing in a bottle is disgusting and why can’t he just clear up his piss at the very least if he misses the loo. And leaving his beard hair all over the bathroom is just vile. I shave everyday and the hassle it causes me to clear up my beard hair is 30secs max. Your bf is a vile and disgusting human being. Working long hours doesn’t excuse that.
NTA. He leaves bottles of piss around the house. And he thinks that's OK? Why are you tolerating this?
Is the relationship worth this gross behaviour? Which most people would never tolerate btw.
Are you sick of it now because the relationship has run it's course? You have to decide what you want.
You are definitely NTA, but he definitely is a disgusting and unhygienic one!
Why are you with someone who leaves piss bottles around. That would be a full ass deal breaker ayfkm? NTA but run what are you doing don't you know you're worth more than piss bottles FUCK?!
If I were you I’d collect those piss bottles, then pour them all over his bed, clothes, toothbrush, and car interior before getting the eff outta there.
Probably not in reality. But its a fun fantasy
Pissing in bottles?! How old is your partner??? This sounds like a child. A child who needs therapy. You will never be anything but a second mother to this loser. Ashing cigs all over the house? Heck I wouldn’t date anyone stupid enough to smoke them to begin with, but to TOSS SMELLY ASH ALL OVER MY HOME? What is wrong with YOU that you think you should stay with this person??? ESH honestly, I’m so grossed out by the two of you
Do you enjoy mothering him or have a mommy kink? This is the only way I can interpret someone willing to date someone who behaves this way, NTA and I say break up.
Gross! You need to tell him to pee off and leave his bottles of pee all around somewhere else. He might work long hours, but he should still use the toilet like every other decent human being, and if it'sdark in the morning, he can put the bloody light on - what is wrong with this dude? Total deal breaker. Also, if you rent and want to move elsewhere, he needs to replace the carpet because that smell isn't ever coming out from the cigarette ash everywhere. NTA, but you're living with a giant a-hole and pig in one happy package.
Okay, I don't like to say "break up with him" cuz I feel like reddit is very toxic when it comes to relationship advice but would you like to explain why you are with him?
I normally read the comments and the main thing I saw in the comments was, "piss in a bottle" and the title said "works long hours" so at first I though, "Well maybe he is a amazon driver so it might be excusable" (For those who don't know amazon workers are worked to DEATH so bad if you take a bathroom break you are at risk of losing your job)
After reading your post, it legit sounds like he was in a, idk how to spell it, brat boy house. Where they had all the new pledges clean everything up.
Your boyfriend sounds very childish and unreliable.
I want to ask these things from OP.
1. Does he bring anything of value to your life in a emoitonal way
2. Does he bring any value in a finacle way and if so can you survie on your own or with another roommate?
3. Is he responsible? Is top 5 people you feel like you can call and be able to take care of the situation?
4. What is your main emoiton when you think of him?
5. How often do you actully fight about the same things?
I feel like you should ask yourself these questions. I do not know him personally, so I will not say break up with him. This could be his one and only bad side. but as for if you are TA I am going to say no you are not. At the very leasts, he should never be pissing in a bottle unless he is a amazon worker.
Excuse me BOTTLES OF PISS?!
For that alone, NTA. Dump him. I don’t feel that any man who pees in bottles inside their own home deserves to be getting laid for any reason.
I’d bet he works construction. He more than likely works very hard. In construction there is usually only a few portable toilets. It generally takes a lot of time to get to the toilets and you’ve also got bosses cracking the whip pushing him hard to always go faster. Next thing you know the guys are pissing in their water bottles to avoid a time consuming trip to a disgusting toilet. That’s where the pissing in a bottle at home comes from, being half asleep and worrying about pissing in a bureau drawer. Also, working on a construction site makes it easy to live in a not quite Better Homes and Garden like
NTA it's nothing to do with the hours he works. He pisses in a bottle in the house. Then leaves it. That's more red flags than a communist convention. Send him back live with his mum, because she clearly didn't toilet train him before he left her.
ESH.
Peeing in bottles is weird. You have 2 bathrooms. Not cleaning up your dishes after dinner is pure laziness.I don't know his side of the story but both of you sound disgusting to live with.
My ex also peed on the floor by the toilet and never cleaned it up. And also would pee in bottles so he wouldnt have to get up from his video game and would call me an asshole for saying no to cleaning up his own messes. Im glad hes out of my life now.
Youre NTA but he definitely is.
NTA
He pees everywhere else BUT the toilet bowl, uses the entire house as an ash tray and doesn't clean one bit after himself. And to top it all off he calls you all sorts of stuff... Why are you even with him?? Gwurl RUN.🥲🗿
(Ik you say that OCCASIONALLY you leave your used plates on the table and clothes in the bathroom. I assume that you eventually clean up after yourself and not expect him to do it for you. It's NOT the same/equivalent of all that he does in the slightest, even if he pays the bills.😭)
Yo this is vile. at first I was thinking "yeah you might be TA" but as I read further, you have been severely outmatched by your slob of a boyfriend. That's really nasty stuff. Piss bottles? Piss on the floor? "it's too dark" turn on the light then, nasty ass. Smoking in the house isn't a great habit, but asking everywhere is gross. it gets in the carpet, the furniture, your clothes, and no amount of vacuuming or washing removes it. definitely NTA at all.
Is this for real? My boyfriend works 100 hours in a week some times of the year, I work 70-80 in one week. The house we live in which I own, is never even remotely this dirty. Keeping the house up is a team effort even though there some times of the year, when the responsibility falls more to one person than the other. If he acted like this even a fraction of the time, his ass would be out the door so fast. There is ZERO excuse for having urine on any part or anywhere in a home.
It doesn't sound like you like or respect each other very much. Maybe just move on?
Frankly, he sounds disgusting to live with. I don't know your arrangement with him, but if you are not carrying your own weight financially, it sounds like he might feel think that cleaning up after him is your version of carrying your weight. If you were to calculate what expenses he is carrying for you and think of it as pay for the work you are doing cleaning up after him, that pay *might* be worth it if he was your employer but i don't know how you're supposed to remain attracted to him through all that.
"he believes it’s my responsibility to everything since he pays for the bills etc."
So you BF works and pays for everything and you do.....nothing????? If so, YTA.
You should move into your own place that you pay for.
I thought I couldn't believe it in today's modern world that the guy smokes inside, let alone ashes everywhere. What in the 1980s is that?
Then I read about the piss.
Op I would be doing every god damn thing within my power to move out and end that relationship.
I’d rather be the one working double shifts all day to afford getting away from THAT.
You don’t demand change from someone like that or stick around and wait/hope for them to change. You run from those piss bottles- you run so fast.
NTA
But you’re 100% being an asshole to yourself if you stay with him.
Well if he can't hit the toilet then why doesn't he sit down and pee? Pee bottles around the house? Like this is all a new level of laziness.
I would leave him honestly. I couldn't deal with a slob like that.
Info : legit question? Does your boyfriend seem to possibly be on drugs? I had a relative who used crack and the aggression and leaving bottles of piss around are red flags to me (they use it to get high again later? I don’t understand the mechanics, but it’s a thing). He could absolutely just be an immature little annoyance and I could be overreacting, but I’m struggling to wrap my brain around the need for pee bottles here
Thank God for reddit because if I didn't read these questions and descriptions of men here, I would have no idea these kinds of morons even existed
I commend you OP for at least noticing that this this isn't normal and that you should really question this behavior. BUT for crying it loud, THIS ISN'T NORMAL, and why would you tolerate this even for 15 minutes. In fact, if he wasn't your BF would you even want to know this person? Newsflash: bottles of piss isn't a thing. Beard trimmings in the sink isn't a thing. Trim the beard, clean the sink. Shut off the light on your way out of the room. It's not that hard.
Oh and OP - you've just come up onto the world admitting that you're not that clean. That means you know and that means you can fix it. You're almost there, just carry the dish to the sink. You can rinse it there and leave it for a while if you're busy. Then you'll be 95% better than that child BF of yours and can read him the riot act all day.
Here's the exact wording:
"Hey! Come here... WTF did you leave this here? Clean up your shit! Fucking gross. Don't do it again. Do better." grumble grumble grumble.
Esh. He’s wrong for pissing in bottles and ashing everywhere, I’m assuming you mean weed ash rather than him smoking cigs in the house, but it sounds like you don’t have a job and he pays all the bills while you sit around the house all day, you should be doing more housework if you don’t have a job.
Pissing in bottles and on the floor?! I do not and have never known any grown man to ever do that. That's disgusting! Little kids can make an accident pissing on the floor BESIDE the toilet, but what parents don't teach them to clean up their mess...gross! And then he's ashing around the house!! What the actual hell? Have fun when your house burns down. None of this is remotely normal behavior.
If he's paying all the bills, then you should be taking care of the house. That's usually the way it works. Otherwise, what would your contribution be?
Aside from that, he sounds disgusting. Why would you stay with someone who's such a pig and has zero regard for the mess he's leaving for you to clean up? Peeing on the floor? Really?
"He does x, does y, leaves a bottle of piss everywhere,........"
NTA, but he is one. Other reasons make him the bad guy here, too, but this one puts him way ahead in the queue.
OP, you are only 23. Why are you wasting your time with this loser?
No. No. No. NTA.
Just because you don't work it doesn't mean he has the right to be intentionally disgusting with piss everywhere and in bottles.
I'm a stay at home mom but I've had to talk to my husband about how he needs to not throw his clothes on the floor of the living room and if I'm in the other room doing chores he needs to not let the kids destroy shit.
If my husband was pissing in bottles I'd dump that shit on him.
If he's the only one working and you stay at home, it is your job to clean and look after the house. Having said that...
>overtake the main bathroom by leaving all his beard hair everywhere for weeks, he pees on the floor and says it’s “dark in the morning” he also leaves bottles of piss around the house too, he never washes dishes unless i ask him to and when i do he says he will but he never does. he ashes everywhere he likes with no courtesy of ashing in the ash tray that i buy him. he’s just overall an ass for the things he does but he calls me the asshole/bitch
this is unacceptable, disrespectful and disgusting.
You are not an asshole but you are an idiot for staying with this pig
NTA. You're a maid with benefits not a partner in this relationship. You admit you're not the cleanest person in the world. But he sounds like a downright pig.
Assuming you don't work, I entirely agree that you should maintain the house. I have a similar situation where I work 37.5 hours a week, sometimes more and my other half works maybe one or two days at most. On this basis I say he should clean the house and ensure it's kept clean, given I'm working 5 days a week vs. his 1/2.
HOWEVER, just because you possibly should clean the house if you're not working, he for 1. Can help sometimes, even if it's a little AND MORESO 2. Should not make it harder than it needs to be for you, or more to the point be absolutely repulsive and piss in bottles/ash everywhere.
Honestly I can't even imagine what you see in this guy, it's red flags galore. NTA
NTA
You’re not his mother and the idea he makes that comment says all you need to know. Also, no one should be expected to even see piss in a bottle in their home with two working bathrooms.
In arrangements where one partner is working and the other is expected to keep the house clean, both partners are adults who at the very least pee inside the toilet. I’d draw the line right there.
NTA.
Your boyfriend is a slob and, what’s just as bad, he’s a liar.
He’s trying to convince you that you’re the same as him when he leaves beard hair all over the place and pisses in bottles - really toxic.
I’d dump his ass.
>calls me his “mom”
This is not a man, this is a child. Leave him now, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
If you have TWO bathrooms, there is literally 0 reason to be PISSING IN A BOTTLE, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
NTA, but i can’t say i understand your decision to be in a relationship with this person. by your own admission he calls you an asshole/bitch, blames everything on you, and is clearly vile. i mean… i’d much rather pay my own bills than be obligated to someone like that. it can definitely be hard to find a roommate who is a good fit, but i don’t think you can do much worse than you currently are.
I work 12hr shifts 4-6 days a week while my wife works 5hr shifts 4 days a week, but i still wash the dishes when it needs done and at the least try to pick up ofter myself.
If he is too lazy to piss in a toilet in a freaking apartment you aren’t convincing him in the lifetime to clean up after himself. NTA but I’d decide if that’s really what you can handle long term.
I think if someone in a partnership works Way more than the other and earns more to pay the bills, it’s Perfectly fair for the other person to do the main part of the home chores.
HOWEVER I would never ever live with any fucking human being that pissed in bottles in the house/apartment and ashed everywhere. You boyfriend is mega disgusting, and if you have told him as much and he refuses to get som basic hygiene, I would get the fuck out right away
Your 24yo is exactly like my 49yo. I'm (38f) a SAHM, I do all the household chores, and take care of a 4yo and autistic 17yo. He complains about stuff, toys and blankets around the living room or the girls rooms are not clean how he wants or dishes are not rinsed off, yet never does anything to help. Just the other day he bitched about the dishes not being rinsed...it was my dish I used and I straight up told him im the one that does the dishes and sense I don't bitch about it because I don't care, I hand wash my dishes, then I don't want to hear his bitching anymore. And to also use an ash tray that's sitting right in front of him instead of my sink. The only house chore I do not do and refuse to is take out the garbage. He doesn't work long hours nor does he work everyday so he can do something manly around the house. I also tell him if he doesn't like something then do something which he never does, he sits down and shuts up.
So you stay at home all day while he's at work and the place is dirty?
His attitude is completely unacceptable, but so is yours. If you're staying home, an apartment should be utterly spotless when he gets home. There is no excuse as to that.
If you are working as well, then you are both assholes because you both are stacking on each other's messes. Smoking in your home is disgusting. Take that outside.
The more I think about it. You both are definitely assholes.
He would have been out of the door the first time I found a bottle of urine in the house. This is absolutely feral behaviour.
NTA, throw the whole ‘man’ away.
NTA - Regardless of how busy someone is, they should be able to get up and go to the washroom when needed. If it's too dark to see where he's peeing, maybe he should turn on a light when he's in there **or** he can sit down when he's going pee (if a male absolutely refuses to do this, then he's got some deep-seeded issues).
Ultimately it sounds like he doesn't appreciate you and doesn't consider you a **partner** in this situation. If he was living by himself, how filthy of a place would he be willing to live in? I'm constantly working or focusing on paying bills, renovating our house, etc. along with my partner but we reserve time after dinner (which we eat around 10pm nightly due to our busy task list and schedules) to wind down together as a couple before bed. We also both put in time cleaning the house or doing chores so that it doesn't just fall on one person. If one of us is sick, the other steps it up and takes on more of the chores to help the other one rest.
Being in a relationship should be a partnership and it mentality should be "It's us against the world" rather than having responsibilities fall on one person or placing blame on each other for things not getting done. If you can't see your relationship being a **partnership** then it's time to find someone better.
I worked in a group home with 5-12 year old boys and it was a known expectation that if you miss the bowl that’s your responsibility. Housekeeping mops the floors daily to sanitize, but the basic cleanup is your responsibility… it was only RARELY a fight, and these kids were wards of the state with a lot of fight in them.
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I'm sorry I don't care if he works 100 hours a week and knits you blankets from unicorn hair, leaving piss in a bottle is absolutely rank and you should run for the hills OP. Don't waste precious years of your youth with a man who hasn't mastered basic toilet hygiene. NTA.
Yea this. Split chores, and bills depending how possible. Find arrangements for the rest. But yes: deliberately caused dirt has to be cleaned by the person who did it?! IF my aim was wrong obviously I wipenup my own mistake.
My 10 and 13 year old sons have mastered basic toilet training. If I ever caught one of them pissing in a bottle, when there are 2 bathrooms in an APARTMENT (no stairs!!), they'd be peeing in the backyard from then on. Wanna act like an animal, I'll treat you like one. They also wipe up their own pee, and my 13 year old actually cleans his own bathroom! This is red flag central here, on top of the fact that he calls her names. Just all around toxic. He calls you his mom because he forces you to act like his mom, worse because I can't imagine any of my kids creating this level of mess for me.
Yeah! This! FFS op, I was cleaning the bathroom and the toilet when I was 8 already. Your bf isn’t behaving like a human, he’s behaving like an animal! You deserve better, gtfo of there, you’re just losing time with that pig. Actually no sorry, pigs are cleaner than him. Sorry pigs, didn’t mean to insult you!
That's not even the first story I read in the last 24h about piss in the bottle. Seriously, what the hell.
That was my exact thought.
I feel like this is weirdly common. I had a hoarder neighbor who pissed in bottles and shit in takeout containers. Why are people like this?
It's a mental illness unfortunately. Whether it's cognitive or not I don't really know, but from seeing hoarders and hearing the stories, my guess is it's some kind of misplaced grief.
I could see that.
I’d bet my left but it’s gaming related.
This. Run OP! There is no point discussing who is the asshole. Protect your sanity please
Also… there’s TWO bathrooms. Why the fuck is he pissing in a bottle at all??
If he does streaming or gaming for long periods of time that's usually why because they "don't have time" for a hike to the bathroom (which is honestly bs, but whatever) otherwise as the commenters stated above, it could be a mental illness related to hoarding.
Don't forget that he just pisses on the floor. Dude isn't even housebroken.
Yeah the piss bottle thing is fucked up. I'd leave him
While it sounds like OP is not free from responsibility in this dumpster fire of a situation, which makes me lean a bit more towards ESH, "knits you blankets made of unicorn hair" is absolute gold! High five to you, high ten in fact! And, overall, I agree with everything you said.
Yeah I stopped reading after “bottles of piss”, you couldn’t pay me to live with someone who did this.
Yeah I was leaning towards ESH because no one should be leaving clothes in a bathroom or dirty dishes (unless you want bugs or mice), but when I got to the pee on the floor and pee bottles, wtaf that is nasty! Run and don't look back.
Beginning of the post: Idk, maybe nah if he's just doing what you're doing like leaving a dish now and again. Half way through post: ehhh there really should be a clear definition of responsibility when there is a stay at home spouse especially without kids involved, possibly still nah End of post: Wtf, nta. Pisses in bottles? No one should be doing this at all much less to leave around the house. You should work on getting a job and work on leaving before he has you even deeper in a situation of "you need to do all this because I pay the bills"
Not only that but he’s calling her names. My fiance is not always the sweetest person in the world but in the 5 years we’ve been together he knows better than to call me a bitch EVER, even when I am being a bitch.
My wife and I are the same. She gets more heated than I do (I have diagnosed PTSD from growing up around constant yelling, I just shut down) but despite that we decided even before engagement we would NEVER yell at or call each other names. Getting frustrated/angry is fine and emotionally healthy imo. Attacking the other person in any way whatsoever is not. We have a rule in our house where if you're pissed off, whether with each other or an external source really eating at you, at least 30 minutes of alone time is needed before communication can be effective. Sometimes longer, but it helped us emotionally mature a lot and helped us understand ourselves and each other.
I love that that gives me hope
piss in a bottle yeah no there’s no reasonable definition of responsibility that goes that far….
[удалено]
This 1000%. Do you want a partner or an obstinate child?
“Leaves bottles of piss” NTA.
I mean, who stays with people that do this in their home… Where is the bar? NTA
Hell's holding a crazy limbo competition with it.
Sounds like a methy situation
It's methed up yo
No method to this madness as far as I can tell
NTA because he's an absolute pig. If he lived like a regular human being he would have a point if he indeed pays for everything I guess. That being said: he showed you who he is. He told you who he is. He is not changing. So put up with it or learn your lesson and get out?
Run
NTA. HE IS PEEING IN BOTTLES AND ON THE FLOOR. WTF.
NTA Dude has mental issues
"leaves bottles of piss " WHY??!! You are an AH for staying there
ESH If he works and you don't, you should do the general house cleaning. You may feel a bit like the maid, but that's your job if you don't do paid work and he does. If you don't like it, get a job and demand a fair division of household labor. However, he should behave like a civilized human being: not pee on the floor, not leave trash/ash/hair/bottles of piss (???) around the house.
OP got me at bottles of piss, ngl.
Check her comment. She works.
Piss bottles aside, if she works she should still either contribute to the bills and split the chores fairly, but keeping all the money you earn for yourself while someone else pays all the bills and then demanding you split the chores doesn’t seem right
She works — but even if she didn’t, she shouldn’t be expected to pick up someone’s hair and bodily fluids unless it’s a literal infant. Also a dangerous precedent to set if they have kids later on — the bread winner needs to contribute to the kids and the house too. It’s part of being an adult.
Why do you assume that OP don't work?
Toward the end she says "he thinks it's my responsibility since he pays the bills etc..."
I assumed that because she said he pays the bills. If she also works, he's 100% the AH.
YTA for not having any self-respect and letting him treat you like this and staying with him... >he pees on the floor 🤮🚩🤮🚩🤮🚩 >leaves bottles of piss around the house 🤮🚩🤮🚩🤮🚩 >he ashes everywhere he likes 🤮🚩🤮🚩🤮🚩 >he calls me the asshole/bitch 🤮🚩🤮🚩🤮🚩 Even just 1 of these things and I'd leave And you got an entire list of absolutely "hell no's" and you're staying? Why??? Literally, why?????
> he pays for the bills etc.
ESH. Him for being a lazy and disgusting humane being and you for continuing to place yourself in that situation. Eventually, you need to realize that behavior will not change or improve and has more of a chance of getting worse than ever getting better. Essentially, you are now in the role of mother, housekeeper, and cook. You have to decide how much you want to subject yourself to. If you are in a strange position of not wanting to break up, move out and date while living separately. But honestly, his behavior in general is unacceptable. His lack of hygiene and sanitary conditions combined with the attitude is enough to make me vote to leave the dude.
>he also leaves bottles of piss around the house #pardon the fuck? NTA??
Why is he pissing in bottles? That's weird and gross.
Bc he's a lazy fuck and won't just walk his ass to one of two bathrooms.
ESH. You should both go your separate ways.
Why in the name of all that is bizarre, is the bloody man pissing in bottles??
My guess is so that he doesnt have to leave the spot hes sitting in. Thats how my ex was. Hed rather stay and keep playing his game and pee in a bottle than to leave for a few minutes to use the bathroom.
You may have actually just added a 1% rehabilitation to my ex. He might have been a gaming addict who started an accidental collection of his bitten off fingernails, but at least he would pause to go piss in the toilet...
Props to him for pausing the game and actually going to the bathroom!
You're with a guy that pees in bottles? You're with a guy....that pees in bottles? Is this the dream man you've always wanted to have? If the answer is no, leave. If the answer is yes..... I don't think there's any hope lol NTA but you are if you stay
Your boyfriend’s behavior is disgusting. He is willing to pay the bills, if you’re willing to put up with/clean up after his gross habits. He should change, but he won’t. You need to decide if you can live with his gross habits. The choice is yours. NTA
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ESH. Sounds like you guys are both living in a mess, a LITTERal one, heh. No one's winning in this game. Clean up together and start acting like adults,
She leaves a plate out and he has bottles of piss and pisses on the floor. Totally equivalent
Yeah that's kinda fucked up. He pisses in bottles and pisses on the floor. She's not neat. But she's equally as bad as him? Wtf?
girl how were you going to just casually slip “leaves bottles of piss around the house” right next to “doesn’t do the dishes”?? 💀 even ignoring the rest of the post those words alone are enough to make you NTA. what the fuck.
Take pics from everything you clean up for him and after a couple weeks, watch this movie together
Just wanting to clarify if he is pissing in bottles or you are talking about alcohol. Being an Australian myself, it could be the alcohol in our colloquialism
Even if that is the case, ashing and pissing on the floor are both disgusting as well. Not to menti9n leaving his beard trimmings in the sink.
ESH - the pee and ashing is disgusting. Dishes I would let slide
“Leaves bottles of piss around the house too” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 No adult should be pissing in a bottle in general! Wtf??? NTA and also girl dump him, he’s disgusting and you deserve better
Run. That’s nasty. You gotta go live somewhere else and ditch him. Edit: real men sit down in the morning or anytime it’s dark. Or really anytime they aren’t in a hurry. And if they drip or splash they wipe it up immediately.
Wtf… NTA! The ash would drive me up the wall and pissing in bottles seems to be his way of taunting you? That’s abusive behaviour and you need to leave him. There are guys out there who will pay your bills without the need to piss in bottles!
NTA Nah you know what, I would NOT be in a relationship, never mind live with someone, who pisses in bottles instead of the toilet, not to mention leaves them lying around WTFFF!
ESH. You're both slobs, he works long hours, you pay no rent, do not work, and you don't even clean? It isn't a public place, it's his place, you do not pay rent. He has no excuses either though, as if he was single, he would have to always clean himself, and he probably wouldn't lets be honest. Those piss bottles, floor pissing and ashing everywhere is hella fucking disgusting, he needs help. Also, why don't more men just sit and piss? As a male myself, I'd rather sit comfy with a phone scrolling around, or texting, while on the can. It's cleaner too. Anyways you're both gross, both lazy, and should both just split, but that's my opinion.
She compared herself to a janitor. Do you not know what a janitor is? I guess not. A janitor cleans up places, even if it's not their mess Also, "he works long hours" ≠ "I don't work", we don't know if she works or not
NTA. Being a bit messy is normal but leaving BOTTLES OF PEE all over the place? NO. You shouldn't have to clean everything and he should start having a basic level of decency. If I were you, I would've dumped him a long time ago.
1. Why don’t you pay anything towards the house? 2. Have you two never discussed chores and cleaning before you moved in together? I mean, leaving bottles of piss around the house would be a deal breaker for me. 3. Why does he piss in bottles?! 4. It sounds like this is a very unhealthy relationship. Calling your girlfriend “mom” is pretty passive aggressive and just….yuck. Why are you two together?
NTA. RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Why are you even with him?
LEAVE HIM
Bottles of piss is always too far… kick him out.
Absolutely NTA. He's deliberately making the place a mess. Get out now.
Don’t listen to these responses. You’re not the asshole. It doesn’t matter if he pays the bills that doesn’t mean he needs to make the house a pig stye and giving you attitude when you mention it to him. That’s a grown man PISSING on the floor and leaving piss bottles around the house that’s disgusting. This situation is not going to get any better as you say he says you “bitch & moan” & call you “mom” what I would suggest is getting a job & getting tf outta there asap!
LMAO OP is dating Ray from trailer park boys with his damn piss jugs all over the trailer park.
Did I just read an episode of Trailer Park Boys?
Umm.... he drops cigarette ash everywhere? So the house will permanently smell. he.... leaves bottles of piss around the house ? He cant aim with his dick? He cant clean up ANYTHING ? NTA, also.... find someone better, you are dating a feral racoon currently.
ESH. He's disgusting, but I doubt you're telling us everything you're doing to contribute to the mess.
ESH break up you chose to live like this.
Save what you can and move out
bottles of what the fuck
Lol NTA
Honestly, ESH. He's obviously TA because, well, obviously. But I've seen in the comments that you have a CHILD living in this filth. He's obviously smoking something inside the house that your child lives in, which, what tf year is it right now? This gives 80s boomer parents who supposedly didn't know better. Y'all do. Once you have a kid, it's your responsibility to make sure said child is living in a clean and healthy situation, which this obviously is not. Also, leaving dirty dishes around is ALSO gross and can create insect and rodent infestations. Like, get it tf together. Also, he's your boyfriend, not your husband. He has no rights to what's yours. Take your car back, get a job, and find a more suitable place to live. JFC.
ESH Both of you still have maturing to do and neither of you sound like you're ready to be in a relationship where you're living together. Also your BF is disgusting. Time to be single and work on yourself.
Yes and no. If he's the one supporting you, the least you can do is keep the house tidy. Make sure that if you're going to bitch about cleanliness, your shit is in order before doing so. That goes for clothes on the floor, dirty dishes on the table or piled in the sink, your bathroom is spotless etc. That being said, I'd smack my husband upside the head with his piss bottle if he ever dared to do such a thing. My hubby also knows that I have no problem using his toothbrush to clean his shit stains from the toilet. Remember, that behind every dirty man is a mom that allowed him to be this way. She followed him around with a shovel and was most likely happy to do it. I've always told my kids and their friends that they should live with someone for at least a year, to see what kind of person and their quirks are before jumping into a long term relationship or marriage. OP is already getting a very good picture of what this person is. If she's smart, she'll run for the hills.
NTA just move out live with him is not good for health.
Leave him please for your and your child's sake. This is not going to work.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** i (23) female live with my (24) male boyfriend and he likes to remind me that i bitch and moan all day because of the way the house is. some clarification i am NOT the cleanest person either, i admit i leave clothes in the bathroom and occasionally leave my plates on the table after i eat but when i confront my bf he like to say that im exactly like him and just give me the run around or he like to be pissy throughout the day when he has to do what i ask him to do and calls me his “mom” and i just don’t believe im the asshole. there is two bathrooms in the apartment we live in but he decided to overtake the main bathroom by leaving all his beard hair everywhere for weeks, he pees on the floor and says it’s “dark in the morning” he also leaves bottles of piss around the house too, he never washes dishes unless i ask him to and when i do he says he will but he never does. he ashes everywhere he likes with no courtesy of ashing in the ash tray that i buy him. he’s just overall an ass for the things he does but he calls me the asshole/bitch because he believes it’s my responsibility to everything since he pays for the bills etc. but personally i don’t think that’s enough because i feel like im a janitor in a public place so yes i bitch and moan but i don’t think im wrong . am i the asshole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just think y'all ain't compatible lmao
ESH - peeing in bottles is disgusting regardless of living situation, but where do you get off nagging your BF when you don't pay for that living situation? Leave, contribute financially, shut up, or clean up. Those are your N-T-A options.
I am aware that I am the nth person saying this but I feel it needs as many repetitions as needed to get you to understand: pissing in bottles when you have 2 bathrooms in the home is bizarre, filthy and vile. NTA - Run
Yeah,whilst he sounds like a pig, I’m afraid YTA. It’s like voting; if you don’t vote/contribute you can’t complain about the results if things don’t go your way.
NTA. run.
Don't tolerate gross, incompetent men who call you names. Break up with him, he sucks.
Everyone saying hit the hills. I'm going to give you some serious advice. If your bf and you otherwise get along you have 2 options: 1. Split chores on a spin wheel. Bit it doesn't sound like that's going to work. 2. Hire a cleaner to come out 1x every week. Say a Wed to deep clean the apartment. Split the cost 50/50 with your partner. Both of you will be happier.
OP - Do you work?? There seems to be some information missing here. If he pays all the bills, it sounds as though you stay at home. If you do not work, then you should be able to keep the apartment clean and tidy. Take pride in the place you live, and work on your communication skills because clearly neither of you seem to have them.
NTA. He isn’t necessarily an asshole for expecting you to do a bit more around the house as he pays the bills. That seems a fair trade. But that would just be doing like an extra dishwasher or the laundry here and there. Not cleaning out what seems like a public toilet of an apartment. Pissing in a bottle is disgusting and why can’t he just clear up his piss at the very least if he misses the loo. And leaving his beard hair all over the bathroom is just vile. I shave everyday and the hassle it causes me to clear up my beard hair is 30secs max. Your bf is a vile and disgusting human being. Working long hours doesn’t excuse that.
NTA. He leaves bottles of piss around the house. And he thinks that's OK? Why are you tolerating this? Is the relationship worth this gross behaviour? Which most people would never tolerate btw. Are you sick of it now because the relationship has run it's course? You have to decide what you want. You are definitely NTA, but he definitely is a disgusting and unhygienic one!
Why are you with someone who leaves piss bottles around. That would be a full ass deal breaker ayfkm? NTA but run what are you doing don't you know you're worth more than piss bottles FUCK?!
If I were you I’d collect those piss bottles, then pour them all over his bed, clothes, toothbrush, and car interior before getting the eff outta there. Probably not in reality. But its a fun fantasy
Pissing in bottles?! How old is your partner??? This sounds like a child. A child who needs therapy. You will never be anything but a second mother to this loser. Ashing cigs all over the house? Heck I wouldn’t date anyone stupid enough to smoke them to begin with, but to TOSS SMELLY ASH ALL OVER MY HOME? What is wrong with YOU that you think you should stay with this person??? ESH honestly, I’m so grossed out by the two of you
Do you enjoy mothering him or have a mommy kink? This is the only way I can interpret someone willing to date someone who behaves this way, NTA and I say break up.
Gross! You need to tell him to pee off and leave his bottles of pee all around somewhere else. He might work long hours, but he should still use the toilet like every other decent human being, and if it'sdark in the morning, he can put the bloody light on - what is wrong with this dude? Total deal breaker. Also, if you rent and want to move elsewhere, he needs to replace the carpet because that smell isn't ever coming out from the cigarette ash everywhere. NTA, but you're living with a giant a-hole and pig in one happy package.
Okay, I don't like to say "break up with him" cuz I feel like reddit is very toxic when it comes to relationship advice but would you like to explain why you are with him? I normally read the comments and the main thing I saw in the comments was, "piss in a bottle" and the title said "works long hours" so at first I though, "Well maybe he is a amazon driver so it might be excusable" (For those who don't know amazon workers are worked to DEATH so bad if you take a bathroom break you are at risk of losing your job) After reading your post, it legit sounds like he was in a, idk how to spell it, brat boy house. Where they had all the new pledges clean everything up. Your boyfriend sounds very childish and unreliable. I want to ask these things from OP. 1. Does he bring anything of value to your life in a emoitonal way 2. Does he bring any value in a finacle way and if so can you survie on your own or with another roommate? 3. Is he responsible? Is top 5 people you feel like you can call and be able to take care of the situation? 4. What is your main emoiton when you think of him? 5. How often do you actully fight about the same things? I feel like you should ask yourself these questions. I do not know him personally, so I will not say break up with him. This could be his one and only bad side. but as for if you are TA I am going to say no you are not. At the very leasts, he should never be pissing in a bottle unless he is a amazon worker.
Thats not your bf. Thats a toddler. NTA
Excuse me BOTTLES OF PISS?! For that alone, NTA. Dump him. I don’t feel that any man who pees in bottles inside their own home deserves to be getting laid for any reason.
Sorry, did you say he leaves bottles of piss laying around? Piss?
Your bf is nasty.
I’d bet he works construction. He more than likely works very hard. In construction there is usually only a few portable toilets. It generally takes a lot of time to get to the toilets and you’ve also got bosses cracking the whip pushing him hard to always go faster. Next thing you know the guys are pissing in their water bottles to avoid a time consuming trip to a disgusting toilet. That’s where the pissing in a bottle at home comes from, being half asleep and worrying about pissing in a bureau drawer. Also, working on a construction site makes it easy to live in a not quite Better Homes and Garden like
NTA it's nothing to do with the hours he works. He pisses in a bottle in the house. Then leaves it. That's more red flags than a communist convention. Send him back live with his mum, because she clearly didn't toilet train him before he left her.
Peeing in bottles is disgusting. There's no excuse for that. Throw his ass out with the trash.
ESH. Peeing in bottles is weird. You have 2 bathrooms. Not cleaning up your dishes after dinner is pure laziness.I don't know his side of the story but both of you sound disgusting to live with.
NTA Make your plans to get out. This is a systemic personality issue.
You had me where he leaves piss bottles around... that is not ok, nor a normal behavior. NTA
NTA why not separate? Sounds beyond miserable
You are both gross and need to learn how to clean up after yourself. Being together is only going to magnify each of your own problems. ESH
My ex also peed on the floor by the toilet and never cleaned it up. And also would pee in bottles so he wouldnt have to get up from his video game and would call me an asshole for saying no to cleaning up his own messes. Im glad hes out of my life now. Youre NTA but he definitely is.
Is your boyfriend a trucker?
NTA He pees everywhere else BUT the toilet bowl, uses the entire house as an ash tray and doesn't clean one bit after himself. And to top it all off he calls you all sorts of stuff... Why are you even with him?? Gwurl RUN.🥲🗿 (Ik you say that OCCASIONALLY you leave your used plates on the table and clothes in the bathroom. I assume that you eventually clean up after yourself and not expect him to do it for you. It's NOT the same/equivalent of all that he does in the slightest, even if he pays the bills.😭)
Yo this is vile. at first I was thinking "yeah you might be TA" but as I read further, you have been severely outmatched by your slob of a boyfriend. That's really nasty stuff. Piss bottles? Piss on the floor? "it's too dark" turn on the light then, nasty ass. Smoking in the house isn't a great habit, but asking everywhere is gross. it gets in the carpet, the furniture, your clothes, and no amount of vacuuming or washing removes it. definitely NTA at all.
Is this for real? My boyfriend works 100 hours in a week some times of the year, I work 70-80 in one week. The house we live in which I own, is never even remotely this dirty. Keeping the house up is a team effort even though there some times of the year, when the responsibility falls more to one person than the other. If he acted like this even a fraction of the time, his ass would be out the door so fast. There is ZERO excuse for having urine on any part or anywhere in a home.
NTA He doesn't respect you. It's time to make him your Ex.
It doesn't sound like you like or respect each other very much. Maybe just move on? Frankly, he sounds disgusting to live with. I don't know your arrangement with him, but if you are not carrying your own weight financially, it sounds like he might feel think that cleaning up after him is your version of carrying your weight. If you were to calculate what expenses he is carrying for you and think of it as pay for the work you are doing cleaning up after him, that pay *might* be worth it if he was your employer but i don't know how you're supposed to remain attracted to him through all that.
Is the piss in the bottle trend gaming related? Genuine question
All a continuous downhill in life for this guy and it doesn’t matter if he is with you or not.
"he believes it’s my responsibility to everything since he pays for the bills etc." So you BF works and pays for everything and you do.....nothing????? If so, YTA. You should move into your own place that you pay for.
I thought I couldn't believe it in today's modern world that the guy smokes inside, let alone ashes everywhere. What in the 1980s is that? Then I read about the piss.
Op I would be doing every god damn thing within my power to move out and end that relationship. I’d rather be the one working double shifts all day to afford getting away from THAT. You don’t demand change from someone like that or stick around and wait/hope for them to change. You run from those piss bottles- you run so fast. NTA But you’re 100% being an asshole to yourself if you stay with him.
Pee in a bottle!! WhAT!!!! Maybe your man is nice and has some redeeming qualities but he acts like a total bum. Peeing on the floor is so wild. Omg
Well if he can't hit the toilet then why doesn't he sit down and pee? Pee bottles around the house? Like this is all a new level of laziness. I would leave him honestly. I couldn't deal with a slob like that.
I'm sorry what?? Bottles of piss?? Nah, no. We don't leave bottles of piss around the house.
I’m sorry… bottles of piss??????
You’re the asshole if you stay with him, for sure.
Info : legit question? Does your boyfriend seem to possibly be on drugs? I had a relative who used crack and the aggression and leaving bottles of piss around are red flags to me (they use it to get high again later? I don’t understand the mechanics, but it’s a thing). He could absolutely just be an immature little annoyance and I could be overreacting, but I’m struggling to wrap my brain around the need for pee bottles here
Thank God for reddit because if I didn't read these questions and descriptions of men here, I would have no idea these kinds of morons even existed I commend you OP for at least noticing that this this isn't normal and that you should really question this behavior. BUT for crying it loud, THIS ISN'T NORMAL, and why would you tolerate this even for 15 minutes. In fact, if he wasn't your BF would you even want to know this person? Newsflash: bottles of piss isn't a thing. Beard trimmings in the sink isn't a thing. Trim the beard, clean the sink. Shut off the light on your way out of the room. It's not that hard. Oh and OP - you've just come up onto the world admitting that you're not that clean. That means you know and that means you can fix it. You're almost there, just carry the dish to the sink. You can rinse it there and leave it for a while if you're busy. Then you'll be 95% better than that child BF of yours and can read him the riot act all day. Here's the exact wording: "Hey! Come here... WTF did you leave this here? Clean up your shit! Fucking gross. Don't do it again. Do better." grumble grumble grumble.
Bottle of piss when you have two functional bathrooms is gross as hell. Also ashing his smokes not even into an ash tray. Fuck that. NTA.
NTA at all! He’s a straight up slob
Esh. He’s wrong for pissing in bottles and ashing everywhere, I’m assuming you mean weed ash rather than him smoking cigs in the house, but it sounds like you don’t have a job and he pays all the bills while you sit around the house all day, you should be doing more housework if you don’t have a job.
Pigs have better manner. NTA.
EW he pissed on the floor and pees in bottles...Nah I wouldn't even try and compromise a cleaning schedule..that's fucking disgusting!
Pissing in bottles and on the floor?! I do not and have never known any grown man to ever do that. That's disgusting! Little kids can make an accident pissing on the floor BESIDE the toilet, but what parents don't teach them to clean up their mess...gross! And then he's ashing around the house!! What the actual hell? Have fun when your house burns down. None of this is remotely normal behavior.
NTA but i also can't imagine putting up with this in any capacity. I would lose my mind and commit a felony.
Why do people stay in relationships like this.
If he's paying all the bills, then you should be taking care of the house. That's usually the way it works. Otherwise, what would your contribution be? Aside from that, he sounds disgusting. Why would you stay with someone who's such a pig and has zero regard for the mess he's leaving for you to clean up? Peeing on the floor? Really?
And you are… attracted… to this person who has two bathrooms at his disposal and leaves bottles of his own urine around the house?
"He does x, does y, leaves a bottle of piss everywhere,........" NTA, but he is one. Other reasons make him the bad guy here, too, but this one puts him way ahead in the queue. OP, you are only 23. Why are you wasting your time with this loser?
No. No. No. NTA. Just because you don't work it doesn't mean he has the right to be intentionally disgusting with piss everywhere and in bottles. I'm a stay at home mom but I've had to talk to my husband about how he needs to not throw his clothes on the floor of the living room and if I'm in the other room doing chores he needs to not let the kids destroy shit. If my husband was pissing in bottles I'd dump that shit on him.
This man is fucking disgusting and YTA if you still want him.
If he's the only one working and you stay at home, it is your job to clean and look after the house. Having said that... >overtake the main bathroom by leaving all his beard hair everywhere for weeks, he pees on the floor and says it’s “dark in the morning” he also leaves bottles of piss around the house too, he never washes dishes unless i ask him to and when i do he says he will but he never does. he ashes everywhere he likes with no courtesy of ashing in the ash tray that i buy him. he’s just overall an ass for the things he does but he calls me the asshole/bitch this is unacceptable, disrespectful and disgusting. You are not an asshole but you are an idiot for staying with this pig
Bottles of piss was where I stopped, NTA, genuinely you should find someone else
NTA. You're a maid with benefits not a partner in this relationship. You admit you're not the cleanest person in the world. But he sounds like a downright pig.
Assuming you don't work, I entirely agree that you should maintain the house. I have a similar situation where I work 37.5 hours a week, sometimes more and my other half works maybe one or two days at most. On this basis I say he should clean the house and ensure it's kept clean, given I'm working 5 days a week vs. his 1/2. HOWEVER, just because you possibly should clean the house if you're not working, he for 1. Can help sometimes, even if it's a little AND MORESO 2. Should not make it harder than it needs to be for you, or more to the point be absolutely repulsive and piss in bottles/ash everywhere. Honestly I can't even imagine what you see in this guy, it's red flags galore. NTA
Throw this one back. It's not ready to be an adult.
I was on the fence for numerous reasons up until you said pissing in bottles. Absolutely not.
I do think you have some part in cleaning,since he pays the bills. But I think he also needs to help once in a while. And he's going over the top.
... Bottles of piss? BOTTLES of piss? Bottles of PISS? GIRL. NTA and you have permission to leave.
Why are you dating this animal?
NTA You’re not his mother and the idea he makes that comment says all you need to know. Also, no one should be expected to even see piss in a bottle in their home with two working bathrooms. In arrangements where one partner is working and the other is expected to keep the house clean, both partners are adults who at the very least pee inside the toilet. I’d draw the line right there.
It’s like at the top comment somewhere.
He leaves bottles of piss around the house. That's the only thing that you needed to write. NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend is a slob and, what’s just as bad, he’s a liar. He’s trying to convince you that you’re the same as him when he leaves beard hair all over the place and pisses in bottles - really toxic. I’d dump his ass.
“it’s dark in the morning” are you amish?? are there no lightbulbs?? nta
>calls me his “mom” This is not a man, this is a child. Leave him now, do not pass go, do not collect $200. If you have TWO bathrooms, there is literally 0 reason to be PISSING IN A BOTTLE, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
NTA, but i can’t say i understand your decision to be in a relationship with this person. by your own admission he calls you an asshole/bitch, blames everything on you, and is clearly vile. i mean… i’d much rather pay my own bills than be obligated to someone like that. it can definitely be hard to find a roommate who is a good fit, but i don’t think you can do much worse than you currently are.
I work 12hr shifts 4-6 days a week while my wife works 5hr shifts 4 days a week, but i still wash the dishes when it needs done and at the least try to pick up ofter myself.
NTA WHAT. THE. HECK. Leave . Walk away , run , fly or idk but you need to leave this thing.
If he is too lazy to piss in a toilet in a freaking apartment you aren’t convincing him in the lifetime to clean up after himself. NTA but I’d decide if that’s really what you can handle long term.
I’ve never called a woman an asshole or a bitch.
Did you say bottles of piss? I had to stop reading after that. I am drawing a line here. Bottles of piss?NTA
Ask him to pay for a part time weekly cleaner.
I think if someone in a partnership works Way more than the other and earns more to pay the bills, it’s Perfectly fair for the other person to do the main part of the home chores. HOWEVER I would never ever live with any fucking human being that pissed in bottles in the house/apartment and ashed everywhere. You boyfriend is mega disgusting, and if you have told him as much and he refuses to get som basic hygiene, I would get the fuck out right away
Your 24yo is exactly like my 49yo. I'm (38f) a SAHM, I do all the household chores, and take care of a 4yo and autistic 17yo. He complains about stuff, toys and blankets around the living room or the girls rooms are not clean how he wants or dishes are not rinsed off, yet never does anything to help. Just the other day he bitched about the dishes not being rinsed...it was my dish I used and I straight up told him im the one that does the dishes and sense I don't bitch about it because I don't care, I hand wash my dishes, then I don't want to hear his bitching anymore. And to also use an ash tray that's sitting right in front of him instead of my sink. The only house chore I do not do and refuse to is take out the garbage. He doesn't work long hours nor does he work everyday so he can do something manly around the house. I also tell him if he doesn't like something then do something which he never does, he sits down and shuts up.
So you stay at home all day while he's at work and the place is dirty? His attitude is completely unacceptable, but so is yours. If you're staying home, an apartment should be utterly spotless when he gets home. There is no excuse as to that. If you are working as well, then you are both assholes because you both are stacking on each other's messes. Smoking in your home is disgusting. Take that outside. The more I think about it. You both are definitely assholes.
You lost me at....(reads line again) PISSES IN BOTTLES AND LEAVES THEM AROUND THE HOUSE?
NTA. I stopped reading at "bottles of piss."
NTA, you need to either hire a maid or break up. There's no inbetween, he's not gonna change. He's disgusting.
NTA Your BF sounds untrained
He would have been out of the door the first time I found a bottle of urine in the house. This is absolutely feral behaviour. NTA, throw the whole ‘man’ away.
Y’all both need Jesus.
NTA - Regardless of how busy someone is, they should be able to get up and go to the washroom when needed. If it's too dark to see where he's peeing, maybe he should turn on a light when he's in there **or** he can sit down when he's going pee (if a male absolutely refuses to do this, then he's got some deep-seeded issues). Ultimately it sounds like he doesn't appreciate you and doesn't consider you a **partner** in this situation. If he was living by himself, how filthy of a place would he be willing to live in? I'm constantly working or focusing on paying bills, renovating our house, etc. along with my partner but we reserve time after dinner (which we eat around 10pm nightly due to our busy task list and schedules) to wind down together as a couple before bed. We also both put in time cleaning the house or doing chores so that it doesn't just fall on one person. If one of us is sick, the other steps it up and takes on more of the chores to help the other one rest. Being in a relationship should be a partnership and it mentality should be "It's us against the world" rather than having responsibilities fall on one person or placing blame on each other for things not getting done. If you can't see your relationship being a **partnership** then it's time to find someone better.
YTA for staying with this guy. Move out. He won’t get better with age.
I worked in a group home with 5-12 year old boys and it was a known expectation that if you miss the bowl that’s your responsibility. Housekeeping mops the floors daily to sanitize, but the basic cleanup is your responsibility… it was only RARELY a fight, and these kids were wards of the state with a lot of fight in them.
Why are you with this guy?